


Struggle

by ela11



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Adventure & Romance, F/M, Non-Canonical Character Death, Paragon Commander Shepard, Sexual Content, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 18:23:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 90
Words: 463,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2280045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ela11/pseuds/ela11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two people would have no idea of the struggle ahead of them... For their existence. For their love. (Femshep/Kaidan from Mass Effect 1 to 3 and a little beyond.) Contains canon, altered events, and new events. Alternative ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginnings and Attraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be Mass Effect from start to finish and a little beyond, with a mixture of in-game and added dialogue, along with some story changes and extra bits along the way, including more from Rahna, Toombs and Billy... I've also messed with Miranda's character in a 'hates Shepard' kind of way. Expect to see Kaidan in the ME2 part of the story a lot more, and I've altered the 'ending' as well. Warning: There is an additional crew-mate death. (Though I do use in-game dialogue, it divulges away from that as we move into the story.)
> 
> Paragon Shepard.

**STRUGGLE**

They sat in the human Embassy, the table covered in datapads.

"What can you tell me about Shepard? I see she's a spacer. Lived aboard star-ships most of her life," commented Ambassador Udina as he read from the datapad in his hand.

Anderson knew Shepard's file off by heart. "Military service runs in the family. Her mother is Captain of the 'Kilimanjaro', and her father was also in the navy - died in service." His eyes flicked briefly to Hackett.

Udina frowned. "Aren't relationships between serving personnel a breach of Alliance protocol?"

"It was dealt with," Hackett said sternly.

"But does that rebellious kind of nature run in the family? The last thing we need is a loose cannon," warned Udina.

"She proved herself during the Blitz. Held off enemy forces on the ground until reinforcements arrived," added Hackett, clearly displeased with the comment from the politician.

"She's the only reason Elysium is still standing," Anderson said with certainty.

"We can't question her courage," Udina agreed.

"She also saw her whole unit die on Akuze. She could have some serious emotional scars," frowned Hackett.

"Every soldier has scars. Shepard's a survivor," pressed Anderson, his gaze fixed on Hackett. Shepard was the best the Alliance had, and he knew that Hackett thought it too, but that comment just now was not from an Admiral about a subordinate.

"Is that the kind of person we want protecting the galaxy?" questioned Udina, now concerned about Shepard's mental state.

"That's the only kind of person who _can_ protect the galaxy. Humanity needs a hero, and Shepard's the best we've got," stated Anderson, assuredly.

"Not to mention that she has two recommendations on her behalf," informed Udina, as he mulled over the information.

"Where did the second come from?" questioned Anderson, curiously.

"A Spectre, no less. Apparently, the Council have been watching her for years."

"Then that should tell you all you need to know, Councillor," finished Anderson, succinctly.

"Then it's decided," declared Udina. "I'll make the call. Maybe the Spectre joining you for the beacon pick-up could start assessing Shepard straight away. This is a very exciting time for humanity, gentlemen. Excuse me."

Anderson waited for Udina to leave, then turned to Hackett. "You know she's right for this, Steven."

Hackett sighed, his gaze on the datapad in his hand that listed his daughter's achievements. It was a long list that made him incredibly proud, but also scared the hell out of him. It was Akuze. He'd had trouble keeping professional ever since that awful day he heard that her unit had been attacked - only one survivor. They said it was a slaughter; that it was a miracle that anyone could have survived it. They hadn't known anything about thresher maws back then. He would never forget that feeling deep in the pit of his stomach, and his thudding heart as he waited for the name of the sole survivor. Then it came. Corporal Terra Shepard, suffering from acid burns, cracked ribs, some deep lacerations and exhaustion. He had walked back to his cabin and sunk into the chair at his desk in relief, his head dropping into his shaking hands. He never wanted to feel that way again.

"She's the best chance the Alliance has of getting a human into the Spectre's. Humanity needs this if we want to get a spot on the Council," continued Anderson.

"I know. I know. And she'll walk through that assessment. Then the Council will send her off into God knows what."

"So that's the issue? You'll lose control?"

"Not control. You know I've made it a point not to treat her any differently from any other soldier. It's just that she'll be off our grid. Who'll look out for her?"

Anderson placed his hand on the man's shoulder. "Believe it or not, Steven, your little girl is all grown up now. She has the skills to survive. She proved that on Elysium, and Akuze, and on every N7 mission she's come back from since. She can look after herself."

Hackett gave a small laugh. "Who'd have thought that out of all the things I've experienced throughout my career - the high-risk missions, the First Contact War - that it would take my beyond brave, exceptionally talented daughter, to bring me to my knees."

Anderson laughed in response. "That's love for you. I'll look out for her in the meantime, you can count on that."

"Thanks, David." Hackett placed the datapad on the pile of chosen crew members for the _Normandy_. They had all been informed of their new assignment, and were currently heading to the Citadel. "Of course, when she does end up making Spectre, Mikhailovich isn't going to be happy. He was looking forward to adding Commander Shepard to his fleet after the beacon pick-up. He's already pissed that he's been temporarily ousted from the Captain's seat because of the new mission."

"He'll get her for a little while. The Spectre they send will want to stay on while she's re-assigned to the Flotilla so he or she can accompany her on more missions. After that, well, Mikhailovich will get over it, and he'll still get the Normandy and the rest of the crew. I don't envy you having to tell him that he's going to have to accommodate a Spectre, though! Anyway, I'd better get moving. I have a new ship and crew to familiarise myself with before launch." Anderson collected the pile of datapads and made his way to the door, turning when he got there. "How about joining me on board this evening, before you head out? Take a tour, and have a toast to Terra and the Normandy."

"I'll be there," smiled Hackett. He watched Anderson leave, then went to the balcony to look out at the Citadel. By tomorrow afternoon, Terra would be here, ready to serve under his good friend Captain David Anderson on the new prototype warship, _Normandy_ , along with some of the finest crew he'd seen on one ship. From Engineering up to the cockpit, the crew were either top of their class, or exhibited great potential. All things going well, they would then be assigned to the 63rd Scout Flotilla. Udina was right. It was an exciting time. Having a human accepted into the Council's Spectre ranks would be a huge step for humanity. One that would ultimately bring them closer to the coveted position on the Council. And it would be _his_ daughter who would lead the way. A new surge of pride went through him every time he thought of her. It was a shame he was headed back to Arcturus Station tonight, that he wouldn't get to see her, but such was their relationship. It had been decided a long time ago that he and Hannah would keep his link to Terra a secret. All they could do was communicate through frequent messages and the occasional vid-call, and hope that they could catch a break every now and then. He just wished he could get rid of the uneasiness that had decided to settle inside his gut.

-x-

-x-

Terra Shepard was still basking in the glow of satisfaction. She'd gotten onto the Citadel ahead of schedule, following an extremely successful stint at Pinnacle Station, where she'd had a personal challenge with the man she now shared a bed with. She'd won, topping every single combat situation they presented to her, Matt and his team coming a close second. Thankfully, Matt wasn't a man who took it as an affront to his ego. He stirred beside her, and she knew she had to go, sitting up and swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. Matt's hand ran down her back.

"Running off already, Ter?" His voice was deep, with a British, London accent.

She turned to him. He had an ordinary face, a little too serious-looking at a glance, until you got to know him. "Sorry, Matt, but duty calls."

"Guess I shouldn't complain; I wasn't expecting to see you at Pinnacle. Though if you hadn't been I'd probably have had the top spot to myself for a _few_ days at least! Still, the consolation prize was worth losing!" he grinned.

Shepard laughed, smacking his roaming hand. "Demoting me to the label of 'prize', Commander Coats? I'm offended!"

"Then allow me to make it up to you, Commander Shepard!"

Shepard yelped as he yanked her flat on her back and rolled on top of her, pinning her hands above her head.

"Where would you like me to start?" he smirked down at her.

"How about starting with…your bag? The room's only rented for one night, and we're close to chuck-out time."

He let go of her, rolling off her with an exaggerated sigh. "You know how to disappoint a man, Ter." He wasn't serious. He knew they both had to get moving.

Theirs was a casual relationship that started years ago. They were good friends who got together whenever work permitted. She trusted him, plain and simple, having no intention of being just another notch on a bedpost for anyone. Matt had been her lover before her name became one that was held up as an example of excellence to all Alliance soldiers. Terra let very few in when it came to intimacy. Not that she wasn't sought after, but her career didn't bring a lot of time to socialise outside of the Alliance, and inside it… well, she had rules. She knew fraternisation was against the regs, but Christ if she didn't ignore it she'd never meet _anyone._ However, she did have one personal rule: they had to be the same rank. Luckily, Matt had kept pace with her over the years. She gave him a quick peck, then moved off the bed to the bathroom. Matt cheekily whistled as she walked naked across the floor, and she blew him a kiss over her shoulder.

In less than ten minutes they were both ready to leave.

Coats hugged her. "It was good to see you again, Ter. It had been too long this time."

She held him tightly. "Agreed." They parted. "So what's next for you? Back to Earth?"

"Temporarily. Got a new team to pick up, then it's wherever they send us. I suppose with you off on your new warship it'll be a while before we get to do this again."

"Oh, come on. All that time on land, you can't tell me you won't be able to find yourself a lovely woman. Maybe even find someone special."

"Huh! I don't know... you're a tough act to follow, Ter."

Shepard rolled her eyes. "What we have isn't much of a substitute for love."

"Love!? Damn, Ter, I never had you pegged for the romantic type."

"Yeah, well, you've seen all that vileness out there…. I mean there's got to be something to balance that out, right?" It was wishful thinking to Terra. She didn't really believe there was such a thing as love - not for her, anyway. A soldier's life didn't leave time for it. Her parents regulation-breaking (and therefore unorthodox) relationship proved that. She didn't know how they managed to remain happy with it, but she didn't doubt that they loved each other.

"Then I hope we find it. Until then, I'm at your service!" Matt bowed to her, theatrically.

Shepard laughed. "I'll miss you, Matt."

"Back at you."

She kissed his cheek, stuck her cap over her head, and they parted ways.

-x-

A large number of the crew were now waiting in the docking bay, looking out at the ship they'd be serving on. The excitement in the air was palpable. It was the start of a new journey for them. Being assigned to a ship like that gave them all a sense that their careers were going well, that this would take them further. Most of them had come on the same cruiser from Earth, so they were already acquainted with each other. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko sat watching the chatting crew.

"Lieutenant Alenko! Is it true you're a biotic!" A young soldier loped over, his face full of awe.

Kaidan was a little surprised by the kid's genuine interest. So far no-one had approached him, and he knew that for many of them it was because of his biotic ability. Combine that with his officer status and he was something of a pariah. "Yes, it is," he answered, remembering that this was Corporal Jenkins, adept with all types of weaponry and exhibiting a lot of potential to go far once he'd tempered his over-enthusiasm. The kid would be a part of the ground team with him, under the command of none other than Commander Shepard.

"I've never had the chance to work with a biotic before! I heard you can throw a man just with the power of your mind!" gushed Jenkins.

"Well, it's not quite like that. I can generate mass effect fields, then manipulate that energy."

"Sir, you _have_ to show me! Please! I'll stand here and you can throw me down the walkway!" Jenkins indicated the space alongside the viewing window which led to the airlock.

"I sincerely hope you're kidding, Corporal!" intervened Dr. Chakwas, in concern, making her presence known. "You're likely to end up as a stain on the airlock hatch!"

"I'll be fine, Doc. Lieutenant Alenko has to be the best if he's assigned to the Normandy. Right, Sir?"

"Well, I've worked hard on my control-" started Kaidan.

"See, Doc? It'll be fine!" Jenkins practically bounded into position opposite the airlock.

Everyone gathered around the bay to watch, a few uncertain glances aimed Kaidan's way as he stood up and moved to the other end. Jenkins waited just a short distance from him, a huge grin on his young face. Kaidan was certain that he wouldn't harm the kid; as he'd said, he'd worked hard on his control - almost obsessively so - and for good reason.

He called up the energy he'd need, only a fraction of what he could muster, the blue aura surrounding him. He saw the look of wonder on the Corporal's face and had to hold back his amusement. It was important to concentrate. Kaidan channelled the energy into his arms and sent a half-hearted blast at Jenkins. The young soldier flew backwards, hit the ground with enough force to send him into a backwards somersault, before coming to a stop just inches from the airlock.

Everyone was silent as they looked at Jenkins who was flat on his face, and Dr. Chakwas was just about to move to him when Jenkins jumped to his feet, his hands flinging up into the air.

"That. Was. _Awesome_!" Jenkins yelled in exhilaration.

The whole bay erupted into cheers and applause, Dr. Chakwas laughing at the joyous soldier. Kaidan joined the laughter. Jenkins had inadvertently broken the ice with the crew over his biotics. Jenkins was surrounded by the crew as they bombarded him with questions over what it felt like, and Kaidan sat back down.

"Get treated differently, huh?"

Kaidan looked at the man beside him. "People tend to be wary. You sound like you've experienced that too."

"Brittle bones. Had to work twice as hard just to show people I wasn't mentally disabled just because I can't walk without aid." He indicated to the crutches propped up beside him. "I had the last laugh when I bested them all, though."

"Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko." He offered his hand.

"Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau." They shook. "Ow! Holy crap, man! You just broke my hand!-" He suddenly grinned. "Nah, I'm just kidding with you. Call me 'Joker'."

Kaidan stared at the man, while his heart settled down. "Ohh-kaay…." Then he shook his head.

Someone else entered the docking bay, and everyone turned to look. They'd done that every time it opened, and for one reason: they all wanted to meet Commander Shepard. Kaidan had to admit he was right there with them. The woman who entered didn't seem to interest them, so they resumed their chatting. The Commander Shepard they were looking for, from the vids years back, was a woman with short hair. This woman had hair that hung almost to her shoulder, wearing a cap tipped forward that placed the top half of her face in shadow. She moved to the aisle close to the viewing window right in front of Kaidan and Joker, and stood looking out at the ship.

"Damn, that woman's got one hell of a figure," murmured Joker, appreciatively.

Kaidan whole-heartedly agreed but kept silent. The woman was only a few steps away - she _had_ to able to hear.

"It's gonna be hard to concentrate with a fine ass like that wandering around," continued Joker. "Add Shepard to the ship and it'll be the beginning of a mighty nice dream! Mmm, I mean have you seen those vids of the Commander? She is _hot_!"

Kaidan ran his hand over his face. "You know you're treading a thin line with that sort of comment. If you're not careful you'll get slapped with harassment charges. And rightly so!"

"Or just slapped, which for me would be _much_ worse - my cheekbone would probably cave in. But she knows I don't mean anything by it. Right?" He aimed the last part over towards the woman.

She turned, bracing herself against the railing, with just a hint of a smile that Kaidan found himself glued to.

"Do I, Lieutenant?"

Joker had an uncertain look on his face, feeling the weight of her gaze on him even through the shadow. Kaidan watched in concealed amusement as Joker cleared his throat.

"You know I love that cap!" Joker praised.

Kaidan huffed a laugh at Joker's poorly executed change of subject.

"Why couldn't _I_ get one of those? I mean, that's Alliance issue, right?" Joker enquired, genuinely.

"Well, you have to be special to get one of these," she answered, playfully.

"Oh, well in that case, I _definitely_ should have gotten one. _I'm_ the best pilot the Alliance has!"

"Is that so?" she said, her amusement more evident. "Then here. It's all yours." She stepped forward, removed her cap, and placed it on Joker's head.

Both men now stared at her, open-mouthed. They had seen enough vids to recognise her on sight, but the thin line of the scar that ran through her right eyebrow, across her nose and over her left cheek, ending just short of her ear, left no doubt. Commander Shepard. She was an exceptionally beautiful woman, despite the scar.

They had been staring too long because her whole face struggled to contain the laugh their gaping had evoked. She placed a finger under each of their chins and simultaneously closed their mouths, her dark eyes lingering on Kaidan before she was distracted by Jenkins, who had just recognised her and had shouted her name in excitement. She excused herself, and they both watched her walk over to Jenkins and the awestruck crew.

"You know, if I didn't have a rule never to date a crew member, I'd totally be in there," sighed Joker.

Kaidan laughed quietly, though his eyes never left the Commander as she interacted easily with the crew. He could still feel the warmth left by her finger. It had surprised him, just how he'd reacted. He told himself it was because he held her in such high regard over what she'd accomplished, and it was true, but he also couldn't deny he was extremely attracted to her. He studied her as she conversed. She wore her straight, rich-chocolate-brown hair, down, the long fringe tucked behind her ears. Her eyes matched her hair, and against her fair skin they seemed to pull him in to their warm depths. That's when he realised she was looking back at him, and his heart sped up. Could she be attracted to him too? Her attention was pulled away from him by Dr Chakwas, and Kaidan chided himself. It didn't matter. Fraternisation was against regs, and he was nothing if not professional. He hadn't gotten where he was now in his life to mess it up with something stupid, and he was quite sure Commander Shepard was just as professional. His eyes kept flicking back to her with a mind of their own. He rubbed his hands over his face and hoped that she would be some horridly self-important woman underneath that beautiful exterior, or else he was going to have some serious issues to deal with…

-x-

-x-

**Captain Anderson,**

**We have been advised by the Council that Spectre Nihlus Kryik will be accompanying your team to retrieve the beacon, and begin his assessment of Commander Shepard. He will rendezvous with the Normandy shortly.**

**Due to the importance of this beacon, you are required to leave a-sap. Information is only to be given to the crew on a need-to-know basis. Until then, it should continue to be a 'shake-down run', to avoid any possible leaks.**

**Update as necessary.**

**Admiral Hackett.**

Anderson would have liked the crew to have had longer to get used to the unique layout before they put the ship into space. Nevertheless, he was confident that with a team as talented as this, they would adapt quickly. He made his way to the cockpit. Joker's hands were flying over the console in front of him, just as they always were whenever Anderson visited the pilot. He had absolutely no idea what the hell the man could do whilst the ship was docked, beyond basic pre-flight checks, and he had a suspicion that until he made his entrance, the pilot was probably engaging in something very non-work related. He sighed. Flight Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau was borderline insubordinate. He was hit and miss with his salutes to those in authority. It seemed you had to earn that on a personal level. Most of his superiors probably ignored it, putting it down to his disability, but Anderson knew better. Joker's saving grace was his talent; it couldn't be matched. "Joker, open the comm."

"Comm's open, Captain."

Anderson addressed the crew, informing them of their imminent departure, and signed off. He turned to Joker. "Get her warmed up, Lieutenant."

"Yes, sir!" replied Joker, with glee. He even rubbed his hands together and cracked his knuckles, before going back to the console.

Anderson winced. When a man with brittle bones cracks his knuckles it was downright worrying, particularly when it was his pilot.

The slow-growing vibration and the low hum signalled the power of the engines building up. Joker loved the way he could feel it all the way through his chair into his very bones. He was pulled out of his small thrill by a bleep and flash. The external comm. He answered it, then listened. "Uh, we have a Spectre requesting to board?" queried Joker, one brow raised as he peered over his shoulder at Anderson.

"Let him on," consented Anderson, moving to the airlock to greet the arrival.

"So, what's he here for, Captain?" blurted out a curious Joker.

"He'll be joining us for the shakedown."

There was a pause as Joker waited for more, then realised there was nothing forthcoming. "Seriously!? That's all you're going to tell me!?"

"That's all," confirmed Anderson.

The airlock opened and in walked the turian Spectre. Anderson offered his hand and the Spectre shook it without hesitation. Anderson decided that was a good sign. This was no Saren, thank God. "Captain David Anderson. Welcome aboard."

"Nihlus Kryik, Special Tactics and Reconnaissance. I'm looking forward to seeing what this ship can do, Captain."

"Then let's make that happen. Joker, get her in the air. Co-ordinates here." Anderson sent on the details via his omnitool. "Let me know when we're about to hit the relay."

Joker's screen pinged as he received their destination. "Yes, sir." He watched as the two men walked towards the CIC, pausing briefly while Anderson introduced Kaidan who was on his way to the cockpit, before they carried on through.

Kaidan noticed him staring beyond him. "Everything okay, Joker?" he asked as he settled into the co-pilot's seat.

"That was a Spectre." Joker waited for Alenko to offer some conspiracy theory about what a Spectre would be doing aboard their ship on a simple shakedown run, but the man just looked back at him as though there was nothing unusual about it.

"Uh huh…."

Joker stared back at Kaidan, incredulously. "A _Spec_ \- You know what, forget it." Joker faced the front, grumbling under his breath as he nonchalantly reversed the ship out of dock and turned her towards Eden Prime.

**-x-**


	2. Invasion and Intrusion

**Hey Dad,**

**The Normandy's a beautiful ship. Unique in every sense. It won't surprise you that I've been spending far too much time in Engineering drilling Adams about the drive core! This ship has some serious stealth capabilities! I'm well and truly at home.**

**I have to admit I'm curious about the Spectre, though. I'm guessing there's more to this shakedown run, something 'need-to-know'? I know - don't ask, you can't tell. I'll find out sooner or later.**

**This Nihlus guy is a little disconcerting though. Every time I turn around he's staring at me. Hey, maybe he's into humans! - Sorry dad! I can almost see you rubbing your hands over your face like you want to scrub out what you've just read!**

**Anyway, I'd better go. There's a hot Lieutenant in the cockpit just begging for my attention - joke!**

**Love you, Terra.**

Terra sent the message and headed for the cockpit knowing that they had to be close to the relay by now.

She hadn't been totally joking. There _was_ an exceedingly handsome lieutenant currently co-piloting in the cockpit. Pitch-black hair, whisky eyes against naturally tan skin, and that voice... husky, and sexy as hell. When she'd seen him staring at her in the docking bay she'd felt a rush of heat in an area that had no business feeling anything of the sort. Terra couldn't recall the last time a man had looked at her like that - a combination of respect and lust? - she wasn't exactly sure, but she liked it. _But..._ he was a lieutenant, not to mention a part of her crew. To be with someone lower ranked would feel like she was taking advantage, an abuse of her position, even more so when she was serving with him. She wouldn't go there. Terra sighed, sadly. Just to rub it in, the gorgeous-looking guy had to be part of her ground team, too. Oh well, it wasn't the lieutenant's fault, and maybe he'd turn out to be a chauvinistic pig and make it a whole lot easier.

Shepard concentrated on her surroundings. She loved this ship, and as she'd meandered around the crew, asking them questions about themselves, she'd decided that she really liked the crew, too. There was something very satisfying about working with people as equally passionate about what they did; she could have talked with Engineer Adams for hours. Ascending the stairs, she was looking forward to the relay jump.

And the company.

x

Jenkins came loping up to the cockpit. "Did you know we have a Spectre on-board!?" he gushed.

"I know, right!? It's a big thing! But _some_ people don't think there's anything strange with that!" Joker looked pointedly at Kaidan, who rolled his eyes.

"You know what this means!? Something _huge_ is about to go down!" Jenkins was nearly bouncing. "I was talking to Pressly, and he agrees - this shake-down run has to be a cover for the real mission!"

"The relay's coming up," Kaidan informed, in order to get them back to business.

Joker activated the comm. "The Arcturus Prime relay is in range. Initiating transmission sequence."

Jenkins was intending to stay and watch, until he saw Nihlus heading up. "I better go," he hushed, and left.

x

Shepard exited the stairwell, quickening her pace onto the CIC, Chakwas behind her until the doctor stopped to talk to Pressly. Dr Chakwas reminded her of her own mother; a no-nonsense, strong, but still maternal woman, who could kowtow you with a single look!

Jenkins acknowledged her as he passed by. Richard L. Jenkins, to be precise. From his file, she'd discovered the L. in his name stood for Larrimore, so she got why he didn't use it, and she guessed he used the initial out of respect for the man he was named after. He made her think of an eager puppy. He approached everything with gusto, and she found herself caught up in his zeal for whatever he was talking about. It worried her a little, given the reality of the battle-field, but his file never hinted at anything less than complete professionalism on the field. Nevertheless, she had an urge to protect him like a kid brother.

Shepard carried on into the cockpit, aware of Nihlus' presence. She could see the stars through the cockpit windows, the relay getting closer. She loved the journey through the relays, so when she'd heard Joker announce the approach, she had to be there.

Joker took them in.

The brightness, as always, made her close her eyes for a few seconds, then the feeling as if she'd just embarked on a fall from a high place but her feet still touched the ground - it left her stomach behind, full of butterflies with the vibration, and it was all accompanied by that unique sound as the relay caught the ship and propelled it to its destination.

It was over all too soon, everything coming back to normal, and she sighed, her eyes still on the windows as she listened to Joker run through the usual helmsman burble. It was Nihlus' voice that pulled her out of her reverie - she had forgotten the man was there.

"1500 is good. Your Captain will be pleased." Nihlus then turned to leave. She looked at him with an acknowledging nod, those piercing eyes boring into hers as he nodded sagely back and left the cockpit.

"I hate that guy," commented Joker as he tapped away at his console.

Kaidan gave the pilot a confused look. "Nihlus gave you a compliment… so you hate him."

"'Good _'_ , he said! ' _Good'_! I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead! That's _incredible_! Besides, Spectre's are trouble. I don't like having him on board. Call me paranoid."

"You're paranoid. The Council helped fund this project, it makes sense they'd send someone to keep an eye on their investment."

"Yeah, that is the 'official' story, but only an idiot believes the 'official' story," finished Joker.

Kaidan blinked. The man had just called him an idiot, and he heard a muffled laugh from behind him. He peered over his shoulder and did a double-take when he saw Shepard standing there. He hadn't realised she'd joined them. She was trying to cover her laugh with a cough and he gave her a raised eyebrow to show her she was caught. She managed to look contrite, then shrugged.

"They don't send Spectre's on shake-down runs," she supplied, in agreement with Joker.

"See? The Commander's no idiot. There's more going on here than the Captain's letting on-" stated Joker, interrupted by the comm.

" _Joker. Status report_ ," came Anderson's voice.

Joker gave Anderson the report, finishing with: "Better watch yourself, Sir. I think Nihlus is headed your way," his voice oozing with disdain.

" _He's already here, Lieutenant_ ," came Anderson's displeased voice.

All three of them winced as Anderson continued, requesting Shepard's presence before closing the comm.

"I'd better be on my way. And if I get hassled by the Captain because _you've_ put him in a bad mood, I'll be back for my cap," Shepard warned Joker.

Joker gasped, and clamped his hands over the cap atop his head. "No way! This baby's mine now and I will defend it with my life!"

"Then your life is hanging on a knife edge, Joker," Shepard threatened, breezily.

Kaidan smiled at the exchange and watched her walk away. So far, she'd been nothing but friendly, easy-going and positively exquisite in every way. She wasn't making it easy.

"Hankering after the Commander, Alenko?"

Kaidan snapped away from the distraction that was his Commander and swung back to Joker, his cheeks flaring with heat at being caught. "Of course not, Joker. There are regulations against fraternisation, you know."

"Right," drawled Joker. "You get mesmerised by her, deny it, then quote regs at me? That kinda implies you're hot for her, Alenko."

"How about I kind of imply you just fly the damn ship, Joker?"

"Yep, smoking hot," Joker responded dryly as he returned his attention to the console.

Kaidan cursed at the pilot under his breath.

x

Shepard knew that with the relay broached they were fast approaching Eden Prime. This would be the time for Anderson to clue her in to the real situation. She was already aware of the crew's various opinions. Dr. Chakwas seemed to be in the same camp as Alenko, with their unassuming attitude to this trip, but most were with Joker, including Jenkins, who was practically ready to jump out _now_ to get the 'real' mission started, and Navigator Pressly, whom she was getting definite xenophobic vibes from, particularly concerning turians. Shepard herself fell into the latter category, though she felt saddened by Pressly's attitude towards 'aliens'. To her they were no different from humans. There were good people and bad, some open-minded and others close-minded. They had different cultures with certain values that humans didn't necessarily conform to, but Earth was still _full_ of varying cultures - it was what made humanity so interesting. Maybe she could convince Pressly to re-think.

As she entered the comm room she could have no idea what was to come….

-x-

-x-

Shepard stood on the outskirts of the colony with Alenko and Jenkins. Within minutes of learning about the beacon, not to mention the fact that she was being assessed for a Spectre position, they had received the distress call from Eden Prime. The colony was under attack and they were under no illusion as to why. The prothean beacons had catapulted their technology and who knew what information this one could contain. They couldn't allow it to fall into the wrong hands.

They hadn't stepped far when they came across the charred remains of colonists. It was sickening. There was no need to go so far, and Shepard questioned whether this was just mercenaries. She'd seen the results of a mercenary attack, and this wasn't it. _This_ was overkill.

They moved forward, guns ready as they silently traversed the rock-strewn terrain. Radar gave no indication of hostiles and she waved Jenkins forward. All trace of his jovial self was gone - this was his childhood home, and seeing it like this would be affecting him. Terra made a mental note to make sure she spoke to him when this was over.

He moved out of cover and suddenly three combat drones activated. There was no time to react before the drones started firing, all targeting Jenkins. His shields failed in an instant and he went down with a cry. Horrified, Shepard focused on taking them out, and they were down in mere seconds. Running to Jenkins, she feared the worst.

Kaidan was a field medic but there was nothing he could do. The shots had pierced Jenkins' heart. Kaidan felt floored. Jenkins was just a kid….

"Lieutenant, he won't be left behind; we'll come back for him, but right now we need to focus on the mission."

Shepard's voice was strong but Kaidan saw the strain on her face. They'd all liked Jenkins, and she was no different. "Yes, Ma'am," he replied, trying to convey his commitment to getting the mission done, and she nodded.

They moved on, dealing with more drones, and Kaidan wondered if there was anyone still alive at all. Then up ahead they could hear a fire-fight. Resistance meant someone needed help, and anticipation on doing some good here, coursed through him. Coming to a rise, they could see a lone female soldier was being attacked by machines below them.

The _geth_!? These artificial intelligences were inadvertently created by the quarians, and when they tried to rectify their mistake the synthetics had defended themselves, eventually leading to the quarians mass exodus from their own planet in order to survive. The quarians were now a nomadic people that lived on star-ships in one massive fleet. The AI's had never come out of their part of the galaxy - it was why the Alliance never trained their soldiers in fighting them.

Shepard swapped to her sniper rifle, and Kaidan biotically lifted the synthetics into the air. It made them easier targets and prevented them from firing back. She made perfect headshots, and the now defunct machines fell to the ground as the energy field dissipated.

"Nice work, Lieutenant," Shepard acknowledged him, appraisingly.

"Ditto, Commander," Alenko responded, as they made their way down to the soldier. They had at least saved one life.

-x-

The three of them stood at the edge of the dig-site. Their third member was Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. She and her unit were stationed here after the discovery of the beacon, and her knowledge of the area had made it quicker to get here, but it was clear they were too late. The question was whether the beacon had been moved by the excavation team or the geth.

Williams had remained dedicated to fighting, despite the loss of her unit. Terra respected that. She knew what it felt like to be the only one left: the survivor's guilt, the painful loss of friends and comrades. But Williams was channelling it into each hostile she encountered.

They moved on to higher ground, where the scientists studying the beacon had been encamped. Most of it was burning; a mass of twisted metal and burning flesh. There were more of the strange spikes that they'd seen earlier. Bodies of colonists and soldiers skewered onto them, high in the air. It was evil.

Then the spikes suddenly descended, depositing the bodies back on the ground, and she could see that the spikes had a reason beyond cruelty. The previously dead bodies were now re-animated with cybernetics running through the organic mass; electrical currents could be seen flickering around them.

"Oh my God!" Williams gasped.

These 'things' began running towards them and Shepard started firing. "Don't let them get close!" she warned.

Alenko was beside her, calling up a mass of energy that threw the creatures back. A couple stayed down as she and Alenko concentrated their fire, but one was up. Williams had been frozen, reticent to fire, knowing it was probably someone she knew. It was soon in front of her and it screeched as it let out an electric blast that took down her shields in an instant and burnt her skin as she was knocked to the ground by the shockwave. Shepard and Alenko dealt with it easily enough, and Williams shakily got to her feet.

Kaidan ran a scan over her. "Nothing a little medigel won't sort out," he confirmed.

"I… I'm sorry, Commander, I…" floundered Williams.

"I understand," intervened Shepard, a reassuring hand on Williams' shoulder. "But those weren't people anymore, Williams. Those were just…husks. There's nothing inside them that even remotely resembles a human being."

Willliams looked down, seeing the insides of those husks which had been exposed by their gunfire, and nodded grimly. She then gathered herself, her jaw clenched. "It won't happen again, Ma'am," she said, resolutely.

Satisfied with that, Shepard moved on, noting Alenko's silence.

She didn’t have to go far before the spaceport came into view, and they stopped to stare at the mammoth ship that dwarfed the port. Shepard had never seen anything like it. She'd gotten a glimpse on the distress-call video, but seeing it now... the true size of it was unbelievable. The sound it emitted made her brain ache and she looked over as Kaidan grunted in pain, his hands cradling his head. She braced him with a hand on his shoulder. Thankfully, the ship was leaving, though she worried that it meant they were too late for the beacon. Shepard wondered where the hell Nihlus was, but she couldn't use her comm or she'd risk giving away his presence. Instead, she moved forward.

A short distance away more husks were running towards them while geth were shooting. Shepard chose to take out the geth first, and there was a very handily placed explosive canister right behind them. She scoped it and shot, the blast taking them all out. Ashley was dealing with the husks, no longer holding back, and Kaidan was throwing them backwards whenever they got too close, free from the pain now. It ended as quickly as it had begun, and they moved down the hill to the port.

As they ran up the steps of a platform, Terra saw a familiar shape laying still on the metal flooring.

"Commander, it's Nihlus," Alenko solemnly confirmed.

She couldn't believe it. She bent down to take a closer look. Shot in the back of the head. At close range from the looks of it. He'd been taken completely unawares.

"You know him?" asked Williams.

"He's a Spectre. He was with us on the Normandy. Went ahead to scout out," explained Alenko.

Then a sound and Ashley's shout had them all aiming towards a figure behind the crates.

The man quickly flung up his arms in surrender, shrinking back. "Please! I'm just a dock-worker!"

"You're lucky we didn't shoot you! Are you okay?" Shepard asked, lowering her weapon in relief. He was the first civilian they'd found alive, and she hoped there was more.

The man ran a shaking hand down his pale face. "Yeah, I guess. Better than most. I'm alive at least. I can't believe all this…. I- I saw what happened to your friend." He indicated to Nihlus. "The other one shot him."

Shepard frowned, a quick glance to Alenko. "Other one? You're telling me Nihlus was shot by a _turian_?"

The man nodded. "Your friend knew him, called him 'Saren' I think, turned his back, then Saren shot him... right in the head."

"Williams, have you seen a turian during your time here?"

"No. The colony's completely human."

"Then this Saren has to be here with the geth, but since when did the geth work with organics?" Alenko questioned.

Shepard had an idea that this was way beyond her understanding. The only thing they could do at this point was to carry on with the mission. "Did you see the beacon come through here?" she asked the dock-worker.

"Yeah, the scientists took it to the spaceport this morning. That's where Saren went too. You need to take the tram to get there."

"We have to go, but you should be safe if you head back to the main colony," Shepard assured him as best she could.

"Yeah, okay."

She watched the clearly traumatised man head off, then readied her weapon.

They found the walkway which led to the tramway was littered with geth. Shepard decided that was a good sign. It meant there was still something to prevent them from getting to. They dashed into cover on the walkway. Williams rained down fire, Alenko overloaded shields, while Shepard took aim at the explosive canisters at intermittent places along the walkway. Within a matter of minutes they had decimated two thirds of the geth.

They moved forward until they saw a larger synthetic running towards them firing a rocket launcher. Managing to avoid the rocket, they had to concentrate fire. Unfortunately, the damn thing was coming fast.

Shepard sent a hack that temporarily had the remaining geth also firing at the larger one, but it wasn't enough. It was almost on top of her, the rocket launcher in its grip, aimed at her….

It was suddenly thrown back by Alenko's biotics. Those precious extra seconds gave them enough time to work through the synthetic’s armour, killing it. The last of the geth went down soon after, and they gave a collective sigh of relief.

"Just holding back that throw till the last minute to scare the shit out of me, Lieutenant?" Shepard gave him a mischievous look so he knew not to take her seriously.

He gave a small, tired laugh in response. "Well, I thought, being N7, you wouldn't be at home until things looked really dire, Commander." In truth, a throw forceful enough to knock a synthetic that size back, required time to muster; he rarely allowed himself to release so much power.

She laughed. "How sweet of you. Come on, let's catch a tram."

-x-

The last thing Shepard wanted to see was a big bomb as soon as they stepped off the tram. But there it was, counting down. She raced over to diffuse it, while Alenko tuned into the signal. As soon as she had made the bomb safe and stood up, he gave her the news.

"There are three more, Commander."

"That's enough to wipe out the entire colony!" exclaimed Williams.

"Shit,” voiced Shepard. “Okay, so we've got a countdown to beat. Let's go!"

The minute they raced up the stairwell, the geth opened on them. Shepard ignored them and kept running to the next bomb, her shields flickering. Once there, the others took up defensive positions and returned fire while she worked. Done. The next two were sitting right amongst the remaining geth. Shepard had Alenko and Williams focused on the geth carrying rocket launchers whilst she picked off the snipers. The three of them worked well together. Pressing forward, they resumed their previous tactic until only one bomb remained. The last geth had positioned themselves very close to the bomb which meant they had to be more careful.

"Damn it. Williams, any good with that sniper rifle?"

"If it's a gun, I'll hit the target, Ma'am," she stated proudly.

"Good. We need to make precision shots here. Alenko, I need you to distract them from us so we can line up the shots without getting hit."

"Think I can do better than that, Commander." He called up a strong biotic field using everything he had and encompassed it around them.

Shepard and Williams wasted no time. Leaning out they scoped and dropped each geth, not a single enemy shot getting through the barrier. Shepard immediately ran to the last bomb. Thirty seconds left on the clock. Plenty of time. As the bomb powered down they could finally breathe.

"Excellent work, both of you," Shepard praised, then looked imploringly at Williams. "Please tell me those stairs lead directly onto the pick-up area."

"They do, Commander. The outskirts here offer the only flat area large enough for a standard freighter ship to land."

"Amen to that," commented Alenko.

They moved down, only a few geth and a couple of husks to take out here. Surveying the area they saw the beacon, a green glow emanating from it, and beyond the beacon itself was the devastation caused by the alien ship landing there. The ground was burning.

Shepard was relieved to see the beacon was still there, and she guessed that the demolition devices were also to take it out with the colony now that whatever the beacon contained had been accessed somehow. This Saren had what he wanted. She turned away to contact the _Normandy_ , advising them they had the beacon.

As she signed off, Williams came over. "I wanted to thank you, Commander."

Shepard was about to respond when she caught the sight of her Lieutenant struggling against a force that was pulling him closer to the beacon. She reacted instantly, running over and grabbing him around his waist. Then she could feel the pull, her feet sliding over the metal grating. He was groaning in pain and she could now feel the pressure against her skull. Shepard put everything she had into throwing him aside and out of harm’s way. She was barely aware of him tumbling away when she was assaulted by the full force of the beacon. Her whole body was lifted off the ground, and images burned their way into her brain. The pain was immense as she saw things she didn't understand, flashing through her mind. It felt like her brain was overloading, the edges of her vision going black.

Kaidan shook off the residual pain in his head, his concern for Shepard. "Shepard!" He was up on his knees, reaching for her, when Williams stopped him.

"No! It's too dangerous!"

He saw Shepard's body stiffen, heard her cry out in agony, and he was about to try using his biotics to pull her out but then the beacon exploded, flinging her aside. His heart was racing in horror as he ran over to her. "Contact the Normandy!" he yelled over to Williams, turning Shepard carefully onto her back. She was unconscious, but his basic scan picked up nothing obviously amiss.

"Lieutenant, your pilot said we need to get back to your original drop-off point. This landing zone's a no go," informed Williams.

Kaidan did the only thing he could: he lifted Shepard into his arms and started running. It took too long, her head resting against his shoulder, limbs limp. He'd never felt so worried. He’d gotten too close…. It was _his_ fault.

-x-

Kaidan raced into the medbay, Shepard unconscious in his arms. He laid her gently on the bed that Chakwas indicated to.

"Lieutenant. My cabin. Now," demanded Anderson, from behind him.

Kaidan hesitated for a moment as he stared down at his Commander. She should have looked serene in her unconscious state, but instead, there were pained lines still etched around her eyes and across her forehead. It should have been him.

He pushed reluctantly away from the bed and followed Anderson out.

-x-

Watching Alenko exit the room, Anderson settled in front of his desk, his fingers poised over the keypad. He typed two messages (both to Hackett): the first through standard channels, detailing the mission and its outcome as Alenko had stated it, and the second was to Hackett's personal account, explaining that he would update him concerning Terra's condition as soon as he had the information. He cursed to himself. He'd promised Steven that he'd keep an eye on Terra, and now she was in the medbay. Yet who could have predicted _this_?

Saren and the Geth. Anderson knew with an innate certainty that Eden Prime was just the start. Something far worse was on the horizon...

**-x-**


	3. Vision and Connection

Dr Chakwas sat at her desk, running over the recent scans. They seemed to indicate Shepard was in a deep sleep, which was unusual to say the least, as it meant her brain was more active than it should be if she was completely unconscious. Yet nothing she'd done could wake Shepard, and that was only possible in someone who _was_ in an unconscious state. Other than that, there was nothing else to indicate any serious trauma. Unfortunately, the brain was still something of an enigma, and from Alenko's description of his seconds in the beacon's hold, she was concerned about the Commander.

She looked over at the Lieutenant. He'd been there for several hours, spending his down-time at the Commander's bedside. Chakwas couldn't help smiling at that. It seemed that the Lieutenant had a major crush to go with his guilt. Chakwas thought it was a shame the fraternisation regs existed, and that of all the people on this ship, these two were the least likely to break those regs - they'd make a lovely couple.

"Doctor! I think she's waking up!"

Alenko rushed over to her, standing back as she went to the, already sitting up, Commander. That was a good sign. She ran her scans. "You had us worried there, Shepard. How are you feeling?"

Terra dug her fingertips into her temples, holding back the small groan that threatened to give her away. She probably shouldn't have sat up so soon. The room was spinning slightly and Dr. Chakwas was only just returning to being a single figure in front of her, instead of three.

"Minor throbbing. Nothing serious," she down-played it. To her, there was nothing worse than being kept in bed for 'observation'. From the look on the doctor's face, she wasn't buying it. "What about Lieutenant Alenko-?"

"I'm fine, Commander," interrupted the husky tone of her Lieutenant, from behind her, and she had to roll her shoulders to cover the streak of arousal that coursed down her spine. "Thanks to you."

Shepard slowly moved off the bed. "How long was I out?"

"About fifteen hours," supplied Dr. Chakwas. "Something happened down there with the beacon."

"It's my fault. I must have triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way," Kaidan frowned.

The guilt was clear to see on his handsome face, and Terra felt the urge to hug him. She didn't. "Well, unless you've had experience with beacons before, Lieutenant, there was no way you could know what would happen," she assured him. "I know _I_ wasn't expecting that." She watched his solemn expression lift as her words released him from blame, followed by a small but intense smile as he looked back at her. God, this man was sexy as hell.

She was absolutely enchanting. Kaidan cleared his throat as he realised he was staring at her. "The beacon exploded. A system overload, maybe, or it could have been rigged by Saren after he used it. The blast knocked you cold. I had to carry you back here to the ship," he informed her.

"I appreciate it," Shepard answered, then a small tug at the corners of her mouth told him she was about to jest with him. "How's your back?"

"As good as ever, Commander." He couldn't help smiling again.

She feigned offence. "You calling me a lightweight, Lieutenant?"

"Light, yes. Lightweight in any other sense? No."

"Ooh, good dodge!" she grinned, and he had to laugh.

Her eyes twinkled, but Kaidan could see the tension around her eyes. She had more than a minor headache. He guessed she really wasn’t a fan of medbays.

Dr Chakwas watched the exchange between the two, fully aware that she'd become invisible. It warmed her to see them like this but she had a job to do, so she quickly messaged the Captain to notify him of Shepard's awakening and reluctantly interrupted their little moment. "Well, physically you're fine but I did detect some unusual brain activity, more like that associated with intense dreaming."

Shepard’s head dipped, and her brow furrowed in thought.

Shepard searched for recollection of what happened…. The feeling of something invading her mind, the pain as it was forced onto her, imprinting something she didn't understand, images that were horrifying: unfamiliar aliens being attacked, flesh parting, revealing something you'd expect to find in a synthetic. That was what her mind had replayed, over and over again.

"Not dreaming. I think it was from the beacon." She gave a brief description of what she'd seen as Chakwas typed it into her omni-tool.

Anderson had received Dr. Chakwas' update and was now entering the medbay. It was time for a private chat.

-x-

Kaidan waited in the Mess. He'd never been so relieved when Shepard had woken, yet her first concern had been _his_ wellbeing.

His thoughts were interrupted by Williams emerging from a sleeping pod and making her way towards him. "How are you doing, Chief?"

"Fine, Sir. It's amazing how your brain can just shut off after something like that."

"Well, some brains. Mine only let me have a couple hours. A lot of images in there that aren't so easy to lay to rest."

"Yeah. You never get used to seeing dead civilians. Knowing what those machines were doing to some of them, seeing our _own_ people coming at us like that…. It's like the worst nightmare. I lost a lot of good friends back there, and I can't help but wonder just how many of them I was shooting at when those husks came at us."

"You can't think like that, Williams. It'll drive you mad. Right now, we focus on getting justice for those people back there. Prevent it happening again."

"But the _geth_? Why would they do this? And who is Saren? I mean it just _had_ to be a turian involved in this."

Kaidan frowned slightly at that comment. "I don't think it had so much to do with him being a turian as it had to do with that beacon. It was important enough for him to attack Eden Prime for. How the geth got involved, or why they'd work with him...that's a mystery."

"Great. More questions, and no answers."

"Captain Anderson and Commander Shepard are on the case now. This won't end here, that's for sure."

"So the Commander's okay?"

"She just woke up and is on her feet already. The Captain's in with her now."

"That's good news. There's been too many lost over that damn beacon," Williams said with melancholy.

"I hear that, Chief," agreed Kaidan.

The medbay door slid open, and Anderson exited.

"Ah, Chief Williams, I've had a look at your file and had a word with Alliance Command. You're being re-assigned to the Normandy - if you feel up to it."

"Sir!?"

"Don't look so surprised. It's unfortunate, but we find ourselves in need of a capable soldier with the skills to complement our ground team. Lieutenant Alenko and Commander Shepard have both recommended you, and seeing as you've already proven yourself to _them_ , it's good enough for me."

Ashley stared at Kaidan in disbelief, and he could only grin back at her. "Thank you, Sir!" she gushed out at Anderson. "I'm definitely ready to go! I won't let you down!"

"Then make yourself at home, Williams." Anderson nodded with approval and went back to his cabin.

Within seconds, Shepard also came out of the medbay, eyes down, distracted in her internal contemplation, and a sorrowful look on her face as she headed to the elevator. She hadn't even been aware of them. Kaidan had an idea where she was going and excused himself to Williams, waiting for the lift to return.

As he stepped out into the cargo bay, he wondered just what he thought he was doing. Then he saw her at the far end, just where he had guessed her to be. He walked closer and could see her hand resting lightly on the casket in front of her. The Alliance insignia denoted it as the casket containing Jenkins. Beside it, a second unadorned casket contained the body of Nihlus.

He stopped a respectful distance behind her. "Commander, I meant to say earlier…I'm glad to see you're okay," he spoke quietly, so as not to startle her. "Losing Jenkins was hard enough on the crew, and I'm glad we didn't lose you, too."

"I wish I could have done something to save him." She hadn't moved, her head still bowed.

"I was there. It was just...bad luck. Until those geth units activate, there's nothing for radar to pick up." He wasn’t sure it was much comfort, but it was all he had, and he hated seeing her so torn up.

Appreciating Kaidan’s attempt to make her feel better about it, Terra realised that it should have been _her_ offering reassurance, and she turned to him. "Things were pretty rough down there. Are you okay?"

A slight frown creased his forehead. "Seeing those colonists like that… doesn't seem right somehow. But at least we stopped Saren from wiping out the whole colony."

"Thank God _something_ went right. I couldn't have done it without you, Lieutenant." She meant that. She recalled that geth Hunter almost reaching her, refusing to go down easily. Only Alenko's biotic throw had given them time to finish it off. He'd easily held his own during the whole messed up mission.

"We're marines. We stick together." He shook his head as he looked at the caskets. "It's been a hell of a shakedown cruise. Our first mission ends with a dead Spectre. The Council's not gonna be happy about it. Probably use it to lever more concessions out of the Alliance."

Terra was a little surprised by his insight into the politics. "You've got a good grasp of the situation. You a career man?" It was usually the way it worked. If you wanted to climb the ranks, you had to be savvy in that department.

"Yeah. A lot of biotics are. We're not restricted, but we sure don't go undocumented. May as well get a pay-check for it. Besides, my father served. Made him proud when I enlisted. Eventually."

Terra looked at him as she processed what he'd said. Sounded like it was hard to be a biotic; that maybe joining the Alliance was the only way to be accepted. She sensed a story there, behind why he hadn't followed in his father's footsteps - until he was in his early twenties, from what she'd seen of his file.

"But is that why _you're_ here? Because of your family?" he asked.

"I was a regular Navy brat. Mom's a Captain, though she'd probably be an Admiral by now if she hadn't been busted for having _me_ at the start of her career."

"Busted? You mean your father was Alliance, too?"

"Uh huh. She refused to name him, though. Told her superiors he'd died and she didn't want his record marred by it. Anyway, I've spent my life on ships. It's the only life I know and I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I'm at home when I'm on board; the crew have always seemed like my extended family." She turned back to the casket and replaced her hand on its lid. It really did feel like she’d lost a kid brother today.

Kaidan moved to stand beside her, thinking it was nice she thought like that about those she worked with, and tried to ignore the disappointment he personally felt at being one of the 'family'. "I'm betting you got a little more noteworthy than your mother expected. First the Blitz, then Akuze. I imagine those accomplishments bought you any post in the fleet!"

"Huh. Yeah. Got me noticed all right. I'd have been perfectly happy _not_ to be held up as a prime example of humanity, though." She winced at that.

Kaidan stared back at her. "Are you kidding!? What you did was remarkable, Commander! Holding off an enemy platoon, single-handedly! Then surviving _two_ Thresher Maws less than a year later!" He realised he'd gotten a little animated, like Jenkins used to, he lamented.

"Elysium wasn't just me. I had a unit. They were getting the colonists to safety while my Commander, Lieutenant and I created a blockade. Unfortunately, the Commander was killed and the Lieutenant was knocked out as soon as the blockade was in place, and that's why I was the only one left to defend it. I just had to keep firing and not get shot. But without the rest getting those colonists out of danger, without that blockade, it would be a very different story. So I didn't do that alone. And Akuze… Akuze was just another form of survival, but instead of dodging lasers and bullets, it was acid spray and huge worms."

Kaidan was stunned by her modesty. "But if you hadn't held that blockade they would have gotten through, endangering the rest of your unit _and_ the colonists. That didn't happen - because of _you_. And you survived Akuze where fifty other men and women couldn't. Make no mistake, Commander, you deserve to be our example. Because you're nothing short of amazing."

He had said it with such sincerity that Terra could only stare at her Lieutenant, lost for words. Not for the first time, she wished that she was the same rank, and she had to force herself to look away from him. What the hell was the matter with her? Her wayward thoughts were entirely inappropriate. She didn’t even know anything about him.

"I had a good friend who served with you on Akuze," murmured Kaidan. "We were at Jump Zero together - biotic training - before it shut down. Never lost contact, though."

Terra gave him her complete attention now, her whole body turning to him. There had only been one biotic in that unit. "Corporal Sam Toombs," she stated, in a hushed tone.

"Yeah. He was a good man. Sam had a lot of respect for you."

Kaidan watched her as she phased out a little, memories surfacing, and he worried he shouldn’t have brought it up. It had just trickled out of his mouth – that connection they had – but it was also linked to a bad situation.

"It was just me and him at the end.” Her voice was intoned. “We'd worked out that if we moved, the maws would hear us, butwe also knew we couldn't bring them down without the cannons on the ground vehicles. So we ran for one. Toombs drove, I was on the gun. We got the vehicle onto the rock flats so they couldn't come up beneath us, then it was a matter of dodging the acid spray and claws whilst I fired the cannon, driving from one flat to another. We brought one down but the second had managed to catch the vehicle with its spray. One hit was all it took to melt through the metal, and we had to bail. That's when I saw the hand-held heavy weapon on the floor of the vehicle. I went back for it and it came up between us. Toombs was shouting, hitting it with his biotics, anything to get its attention off me while I grabbed the weapon. The maw was already badly wounded and it only needed one well-placed shot to bring it down. I fired, hit it dead-centre... but it took Toombs down in its death-throes. I ran for him, managed to grab his hand, started to pull him free… then I got hit by one of its claw's, right across my face." She touched her scar. "I lost my grip when I was flung back. It took him down under the ground... and it never came back up. I even tried digging but it had gone deep and I couldn't see properly because of the blood and dizziness. Eventually, I lost consciousness. When I woke up I was in a medbay."

Shepard came back to the present and placed her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, Kaidan. Sam was a hell of a soldier, and I wouldn't be standing here if not for him. It was an honour to have served with him."

"Thank you for telling me that, Commander," Kaidan said, sincerely. "I always wondered…. To know he went down like that - like a hero - it makes it easier."

She gave him a gentle smile but it was a little tight, and he could still see the tension around her eyes.

"If you don't mind me saying, Commander: you have more than a minor headache, don't you?"

She gave a small moan as she rubbed her forehead. "How did you know?"

"I'm a veteran when it comes to headaches. Well, migraines, really. A gift from my L2 implant. Still, I shouldn't complain - it could be a lot worse. Dr Chakwas will be able to give you something for that."

"Uh, no thanks.”

To his amusement she even lifted her hands as if to ward off the notion.

“I can't stand medbays, and if I go back in there and tell her I fibbed she'll have me strapped to the bed for regular scans until I go mad."

Kaidan laughed. "Fair enough. Well, I, uh, know a good massage technique that can help."

Terra gave him wide eyes. "Lieutenant! I'm not sure that would be appropriate!" She finished her exclamation with a small grin.

Kaidan raised his hands in mock surrender, playing along. "I can assure you, Commander, it's all above board. Temples only."

He smiled, and Terra nearly melted. She knew she should say no, but _damn_ her head was pounding. "Oh... well, in that case, I think I'll take you up on that."

Stepping closer and placing his hands on either side of her head, his fingers sank into her hair. He ran gentle circles at her temples with his thumbs, and Terra had to close her eyes in order to stop the blush his proximity threatened to evoke. She wasn't sure it was working as she felt the heat spread over her face, but his massage was; she could feel the ache easing.

Kaidan tried to focus on helping her but the motions of his thumbs needed no concentration and instead he found himself enjoying the feel of her skin under his fingers, the flutter of her eyelids, her lips slightly parted, the flushed skin of her cheeks… His thumbs lost their rhythm as he became aware of her blush, and she slowly opened her eyes.

They stood there, looking at each other for a moment, the contact and a connection from their past, between them.

"That worked wonders, Lieutenant," she murmured. "Thank you."

"Glad I could help, Commander." Kaidan dropped his hands quickly, and cleared his throat. He was doing that a lot lately when it came to talking to her. He needed a distraction. "Uh, word is we're heading for the Citadel, Ma'am. Can you tell me why?"

Terra was grateful for the subject change, else she might have done something very stupid. "Turns out this Saren is another Spectre. The Captain hopes the Ambassador can get an audience with the Council - tell them what Saren's been up to." She hadn't told anyone about the fact Nihlus was supposed to be assessing _her_ for a Spectre position.

"Then we know why Nihlus was taken down so easily: he was comfortable enough to turn his back on Saren. That's one very cold act. The Council needs to know he's not working for them anymore."

"The Captain also wants me to tell them about the vision I got from the beacon…" She gave him a dubious look.

Kaidan returned it. "Hmm."

"Exactly what _I_ thought, but he thinks it's important."

"You know, the Captain's probably right. Saren attacked a colony for it, after all."

"Yeah." Her eyes suddenly brightened as a thought occurred to her. "Hey, did you catch the approach to the Citadel last time? Because it's a must-see! Absolutely spectacular! I _never_ get tired of it!"

Kaidan found himself instantly caught up in her sudden enthusiasm. "Only what I could see from between a mass of crewmen."

"Then come on! We must be getting close by now. Let's grab Williams on the way. I haven't had a chance to talk to her yet."

Kaidan trailed Shepard with a smile on his face at the exuberance that had filled her. Truly stunning.

**-x-**


	4. Leads and Krogan

They walked into the human embassy, right in the middle of Ambassador Udina's rant with the Council, the three prominent figures projected into the room. It wasn't going well, and none of them were surprised. It was well known that humanity was colonising planets on the border of the Terminus systems, the Council's 'unsafe' zone, and as such they were effectively on their own in regards to attacks. As for the rogue Spectre: the Council were refusing to talk about it until they'd had time to look at the evidence, which would be discussed in the formal hearing at the Citadel Tower. Still, at least they _were_ giving them a hearing.

Kaidan and Williams had headed out of the line of fire, leaning over the railing of the balcony to take in the breath-taking views of the Citadel.

Kaidan decided he really didn't like the Ambassador. Patience didn't seem to be one of Udina's traits, and that was an odd virtue to lack as a politician. Udina was like a bull in a china shop, and Kaidan doubted that it helped to dispel the image amongst the other species that humanity was a bully who expected things without earning them.

"Saren's their top agent. They don't like him being accused of treason," stated Udina to Anderson and Shepard.

"With his hatred of humans and a geth army, Saren's a threat to every human colony out there. He needs to be stopped. The Council _has_ to listen to us!" Shepard imparted, passionately.

"Settle down, Commander. You've already done more than enough to jeopardize your candidacy for the Spectres," complained Udina.

Kaidan had to try hard not to react, Williams looking at him in astonishment. It shouldn't have come as a surprise given Shepard's achievements, and he felt a surge of pride. It also confirmed his impression of her humility that she hadn't said a thing about it.

"The mission to Eden Prime was a chance to prove you could get the job done," continued Udina. "Instead, Nihlus ended up dead and the beacon was destroyed."

Kaidan's jaw clenched as he righted himself, prepared to defend her. That mission had been so far out of anyone's control she'd have needed a crystal ball to have improved the outcome in any way. Anderson beat him to it.

"That was Saren's fault, not hers."

"Then we better hope the C-Sec investigation turns up evidence to support our allegations. Otherwise, the Council might use this as an excuse to keep you out of the Spectres. Come with me, Captain. I want to go over a few things before the hearing. Shepard, you and the others can meet us at the Citadel Tower. Top level. I'll make sure you have clearance to get in." Udina left, with Anderson behind him.

"And _that's_ why I hate politicians," commented Williams, distastefully. "So, Commander... how come you never said anything?"

"About what?" Shepard said, pretending that she didn't know exactly what Williams was referring to as she made her way over to the door, the other two falling in beside her.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe the huge news that you're _Spectre_ material!" Williams pressed, eyebrows raised.

"It's not news unless I actually get made one, which is in serious doubt now that the Spectre assessing me is no longer breathing."

"Something tells me Udina won't let it rest there, Commander," interjected Kaidan. "Not when it will bring him closer to a seat on the Council."

Williams laughed. "Yeah, no pressure, Commander."

They emerged onto the Presidium and stopped for a moment to take it all in before heading to the Citadel Tower.

-x-

-x-

Anderson watched Shepard, Alenko and Williams walking out of the Council Chambers. He'd known better than to think getting Saren out of the Spectres would be easy. It was no surprise the Council weren't satisfied by the evidence. He had to admit, all they had was the eyewitness account of one dockworker who'd been through a traumatic experience. Saren had made sure no one else was left alive.

Having to face Saren again and seeing him get away with another atrocity really grated on Anderson. He was also concerned about Saren's comment concerning Nihlus' files going to him. If that was true then Saren would have Shepard's file, and the fact that he called her Anderson's protégé was a good indication. He didn't like that. Saren would know exactly who he was up against and what she was capable of.

Now he was off the case because of his previous association with Saren. It was up to Shepard to find evidence against the Spectre. Anderson smiled to himself. Shepard. No matter what Saren thought he knew about her, he wouldn't know what hit him.

-x-

They'd split up to follow the two leads. Alenko and Williams were heading to the club, Chora's Den, to find an ex C-Sec officer named Harkin who Udina suggested might know where Garrus Vakarian, the investigator on Saren's case, had gone to. Shepard had to wonder how the Ambassador would be so familiar with a lowlife like Harkin was supposed to be, but somehow it didn't seem to be a stretch of the imagination.

Shepard was following up Anderson's idea to speak to Barla Von, a financial advisor who was supposedly also an agent for the Shadow Broker, a mysterious unseen figure who bought and sold information. All sounded shady to her, nevertheless, she strolled the Presidium towards the Financial District. The sound of the fountains was calming, and the carefully selected greenery added to the feeling of serenity, even against the large pristine buildings and cabs that punctuated the sky. It was a lovely place.

Arriving at the stark white office, she entered.

x

"Strange to think that I'm only here because a colony was attacked and your crewman died," commented Ashley, quietly.

Kaidan looked at her as they threaded their way through the thrum of the markets. "We're _all_ where we are because of circumstance, Chief. It's why you have to carry on with the hand that's dealt and make the most of the chance you've been given. Besides, it's not all circumstance. It's your ability that's gotten you here. You survived Eden Prime because you're an excellent soldier, and you deserve to be here."

Ashley gave a small smile. "That's what the Commander said, too."

"Then that's all the assurance you should need, Williams! I didn't realise you were just fishing for compliments!" he jested, receiving a playful shove from Ashley.

The doors in front of them opened and Ashley grimaced as she spotted the neon sign for Chora's Den. "Ugh. If that's an indication of the sort of place this is, I think I should wait outside."

"Come on, Chief. You can't bail now. Besides I might need you to protect me!"

"From what? Yourself?"

"Ouch! I'd like to think my tastes are a little more refined."

Ashley quirked a brow. "We'll see."

x

Shepard exited the office in thought, walking as far as the bridge that led to the wards before stopping to lean on the railing, facing the tranquil water.

So this 'Shadow Broker' was angry at Saren for betraying him, which was apparently not the thing to do with someone who was as seemingly powerful as the Broker was. So now the Broker had hired a krogan to deal with it. This krogan was currently being held at C-Sec.

Terra wasn't so sure that she wanted to deal with some krogan mercenary. She _was_ interested in just how he intended to get to Saren, but did she really want to involve an individual who was doing it for the credits? She doubted the krogan would even know how Saren had earned the Broker's ire if he was just a hireling; the merc had a contract to fulfill, nothing more.

She sighed. She had no choice. She _had_ to check out what he knew.

x

Kaidan and Ashley walked into the club, stopping to look around. The music was loud. Barely-covered human females and asari danced provocatively on platforms within easy reach of the avid on-lookers.

"Interesting," Kaidan said, as he surveyed the club. "I can see why this place is so popular. It's got quite the, uh, view."

"Hey, Lieutenant, put your tongue back in your mouth before you trip on it," Ashley teased, then sighed. "A million light years from where humanity began and we walk into a bar filled with men drooling over half-naked women shaking their asses on a stage. I can't decide if that's funny or sad."

"It's sad," confirmed Kaidan.

Ashley shook her head in disgust. "'Gentleman’s Club'? I can guarantee there are no gentlemen in here. Oh, and you're drooling LT," she smirked over at him.

Kaidan frowned at Williams. "Doubtful. That is _not_ sexy, it's just demeaning."

"No argument here. So how do we find this 'Harkin', because I seriously need to get out of here before I start shooting everyone."

"Well, apparently the man drinks here frequently so I'll ask at the bar."

Ashley fidgeted restlessly as she waited for him, glaring at a man who was approaching her until he veered quickly away.

Kaidan returned, noting her hand on her pistol. "Easy there, Chief. Our man's just over there." He jerked his chin in the direction of an older man sitting at the quieter tables, gaze fixed on an asari dancing above the bar.

"Great."

Williams stormed over, and Kaidan followed her with amusement, almost feeling sorry for the guy as he watched Harkin's eyes light up. Almost. Anderson's description of the man's character had stamped down any pity he might have had.

"Hey there, sweetheart. You looking for some fun? 'Cause I gotta say, that soldier getup looks real good on that bod of yours. Why don't you sit your sweet little ass down beside old Harkin? Have a drink and we'll see where this goes."

Kaidan could have intervened, but he had a feeling that Williams needed to vent and this guy was asking for it. As long as they got the info they required, he was happy to stand back and be entertained.

"I'd rather drink a cup of acid after chewing on a razor blade," sneered Ashley.

"You trying to hurt my feelings? You gotta do better than that. After twenty years in C-Sec, I've been called every name in the book, Princess."

"Call me Princess again and you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor. Now tell me where Garrus is," she demanded, bluntly.

Harkin reared back at her aggressive manner. "Okay, okay! Just relax. Garrus, you say? You must be one of Anderson's crew. Stupid bastard's still trying to bring Saren down, eh? I know where Garrus is, sure. But tell me something first. Did the Captain let you in on his big secret?" smirked Harkin.

"What secr-" began Williams.

"Just tell us where Garrus is," interrupted Kaidan, not about to let her go there.

Harkin seemed to see him for the first time, the smug grin never leaving his face. "But it's all related. The Captain used to be a Spectre. Didn't know that, did you? It was all very hush-hush. The first human ever given that honour, and then he blew it. Screwed up his mission so bad they kicked him out. Of course, he blames Saren. Says the turian set him up."

"Why should we believe a drunk like you?" Williams retorted, but Kaidan could hear the uncertainty.

"We shouldn't," Kaidan directed at her. "Just tell us where Garrus went," he demanded again, fixing Harkin with a severe stare.

Harkin responded with a pissed-off look that he wouldn't have his fun. "Garrus was sniffing around Dr. Michel's office. She runs the med clinic on the other side of the wards. Last I heard, he was going back there."

"We're out of here," Kaidan stated to Williams.

"Yeah. Good. Go. Let me drink in peace," Harkin replied in contempt.

As they began making their way out of the club, Kaidan could see Williams was stewing over Harkin's comments.

"Why do you think the Captain never said anything about being a Spectre?" she finally uttered once they were outside.

"Harkin's an ass. He's just messing with our heads. Do you really think something like that would be kept quiet?"

"I don't know. I mean, we had no idea about the Commander."

"That's because she was only being assessed. In fact, that's probably the most likely scenario with Anderson. He mentioned after the Council hearing, about a mission with Saren that went bad. Maybe that was his assessment. And with a bias like Saren has against humans, it's no wonder Anderson didn't make it. Forget it, Chief. It's not important, and we have a job to do. Let's get somewhere quieter so I can contact the Commander."

He had to admit, he was looking forward to hearing her voice.

x

Shepard was in an elevator on her way to C-Sec when Alenko contacted her.

" _Commander_?"

"Hey. Any luck?"

" _We got what we needed in the end, though I think Williams is itching for a shower right now. Harkin is a lowlife. Fits right in that place. Anyway, he said that Garrus was headed to the med clinic here on the ward._ "

That man’s voice in her ear was like a caressing hand she could put up with all day long…. "Okay, go talk to him. I'm heading to C-Sec. Apparently, there's a krogan mercenary there who was hired by the Shadow Broker over something involving Saren, so I'm going to find out what he knows."

" _Yes, Ma'am._ "

Shepard signed off, trying very hard to ignore the residual tingle in her body. She could see the krogan as soon as she stepped off the transport vehicle. The C-Sec officers were trying to warn him to behave with the threat of being arrested. The krogan, Wrex, she now knew, was unimpressed, deliberately invading one officer's space and making the man back away. She waited. Then Wrex saw her watching him, his interest sparking, and he walked over, completely ignoring the officers.

"Yes, human?"

He got right in her face, but unlike the officer she stood her ground. It was her way of pointing out that this 'human' wasn't to be pushed around. She got straight to the point. "I'm trying to bring down Saren. Barla Von said to talk to _you_."

Wrex backed off slightly, regarding her. "Barla Von is a wise man. We may share a common goal, human."

"It's Commander Shepard. Enlighten me."

"I've been hired to kill the owner of Chora's Den. A man named Fist. He did something very foolish."

At his pause, Shepard raised her brows, feeling the need to prompt him. "You going to leave me in suspense?"

Wrex grinned. "He betrayed the Shadow Broker. A quarian showed up here on the Citadel. She was on the run. She wanted to trade information for a safe place to hide, so she went to Fist. He promised to arrange a meeting between her and the Shadow Broker. Instead, he contacted Saren."

"What does Saren have to do with this?"

"The quarian has something that can link Saren to the geth. He paid Fist a small fortune for her."

Shepard couldn't believe it. It could be the proof they needed to get the Council listening. She had to find the quarian. "Saren might already have her."

Wrex shook his huge head. "Last I heard, Fist still had her. Probably somewhere inside his club. You help me kill Fist, she's all yours, human."

Shepard hesitated. "I want to know more about your employer."

Wrex just shrugged. "Can't tell you much. All I got was a coded message with the details of the job. Standard procedure."

She studied him for a moment. Shepard wasn't sure about working with a mercenary but she had the impression that she wasn't going to be able to get rid of him now. She just hoped she could keep him in check. The fact that he was prepared to work with her instead of going off by himself was positive, though. "You going to insist on calling me 'human' the whole time?"

Wrex shrugged with indifference. "It's what you are."

"So are a lot of people here."

"And you all look alike. Until you do something that makes you stand out, you're just 'human'."

Shepard opened her mouth to protest, then realised there really was no point in arguing with him, so she admitted defeat. "Let's go, _krogan_."

His deep laugh followed her into the lift.

**-x-**


	5. Evidence and Spectres

The last thing Alenko and Williams were expecting as they entered the clinic was the sight of the doctor being threatened by a group of men. Garrus Vakarian was crouched down, undiscovered by the thugs and trying to get into a better position without being seen. The two of them were then spotted in the doorway and the leader grabbed the doctor as a shield, pointing his gun at them.

"Who are you!?"

Kaidan and Ashley responded, withdrawing their weapons.

"Let her go!" demanded Kaidan.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Vakarian making the most of their distraction, edging closer. Then the turian swung out of cover and shot the leader in the head. The doctor immediately ran to cover as the other men started firing. Once he and Williams helped Garrus take them down, Kaidan rounded on the officer.

"What the hell were you thinking!? You could have shot the hostage!"

Garrus was startled by his tone, then seemed to realise how differently it could have gone down had he missed. "There wasn't time to think. I just reacted. I didn't mean to- Dr. Michel are you hurt?"

"I'm fine. Thanks to you - all of you."

"I know those people threatened you, but if you tell us who they work for, we can protect you," assured Kaidan.

"They work for Fist. They wanted to shut me up. Keep me from telling Garrus about the quarian," replied Dr Michel.

Kaidan frowned at this information, then looked at Garrus. "Does this have anything to do with the investigation into Saren?"

"I think it might. Dr. Michel, tell us what happened."

They listened intently.

x

Shepard and Wrex were making their way through a long passageway, heading for the wards. She needed to rendezvous with her team, but she refused to acknowledge the sweet feeling of anticipation that had ignited deep inside her at the thought of her lieutenant's voice. "Alenko, you read?"

" _Commander, we found Vakarian. We think there's a quarian with evidence against Saren._ "

"Confirmed. The owner of Williams' favourite club is holding her for Saren."

" _Fist. Yeah, looks like we're on the same page, Commander._ "

"Time we paid Fist a visit. Meet me outside Chora's Den, Lieutenant."

" _Yes, Ma'am._ "

Shepard signed off with a shiver and blew out a deep breath. She was in serious trouble if she didn't get a lid on this. Needing a distraction, she looked at her large companion. "So, what made you become a bounty hunter?"

"Lots of reasons."

Shepard waited, then realised that was all she was getting. "Such as?" she prompted.

He sighed like he was being made to suffer with her questions. "Are you going to insist on talking the whole way?"

She smiled to herself. Hadn't she posed a similar question with regard to his use of 'human'? A mischievous streak ran over her. His aloofness didn't faze her and she figured now was as good a time as any to see what sort of temperament he had. She didn't put much stock in generalisations of a species, and she refused to believe all krogan were mindless killing machines as they were so often portrayed. "Yes. Does that bother you?"

"Yes. Are you going to stop?"

"No. Are you going to answer my question?"

"I've answered several already, human."

"But not my first, krogan."

"Remind me. My mind's lost the will to live."

"Your reasons. For becoming a bounty hunter."

"That wasn't a question."

Her brow quirked. "Cagey, aren't you?"

"Keeps me alive."

"So I'm a threat now?"

"You're a human. A deliberately irritating one. That's a threat to my sanity."

Shepard couldn't contain her laughter anymore. A flash of light at the corner of her eye attracted her attention. That's when her laughter died as she caught sight of the gun, reacting instantly.

"Sniper!" she yelled as she pushed Wrex down with her dive. She felt an impact at her shoulder, then the sting as she hit the ground. It had gone straight through her shields.

Wrex was up surprisingly fast, his assault rifle out. There were others who now opened fire - a mixture of races, including krogan. Wrex seemed to think nothing of standing in the open while he returned fire, before joining her in the alcove she'd pressed herself into, to let his shields regenerate. Shepard took her turn. The foliage that adorned the cover their attackers were using was making it difficult, so she chose her sniper rifle.

"Krogan, distract them so I can line up the shot!"

Wrex nodded, then simply charged right at them. Shepard was momentarily stunned, then began picking them off one by one as they ran out of cover to escape the charging krogan. By the time they were finished Terra was struggling to control her laughing.

Wrex joined her again. "Perfect head-shots, Shepard. Impressive."

Shepard noticed she'd earned the use of her name instead of 'human'. "Thanks. Brilliant distraction, by the way. Wasn't expecting that!"

"Neither were they," grinned Wrex. "Those were Saren's men. Means we're on the right track."

"Then let's follow it to our destination, _Wrex_."

They started back on their original course.

"You still didn't answer my question," Shepard reminded him, sweetly.

Wrex growled, but his face when he looked at her was far from hostile. And he still didn't answer.

-x-

"Whoa! What the hell happened!?" Kaidan was in front of her, his brow creased when he saw Shepard's shoulder. He gently took her damaged arm in one hand, his other on her unwounded shoulder to hold her steady while he checked out her injury.

Shepard looked at the bloody mess of her shoulder. It looked worse than it was she was sure. She could still use her arm, though she had to admit that it was beginning to go tingly now…. At least she was fairly sure it was because of the injury and not Alenko's proximity. "A sniper. We got attacked on the way. A gift from Saren. Lucky for me I saw it in time."

Kaidan looked appalled at the thought of what could have happened. "Maybe that should be the last trip you take alone, Commander," he said seriously.

"I wasn't alone. Wrex was with me." She jerked a thumb over her shoulder to the krogan Kaidan had been too distracted to notice. "He has a fantastic diversion technique! You've got to see it!" She stepped away so he had to release her, and focused on their new addition. "Vakarian, good to have you with us." She shook the turian's hand.

"Commander Shepard, it's an honour to work with you." Garrus pointed towards the doors to Chora's Den, getting straight to business. "Nobody's been in or out since we got here. The place has been locked down."

She nodded in understanding. "They're expecting us."

"So let's go," growled Wrex, impatiently. "I hate to keep Fist waiting."

"Wait a minute, Commander. You should let me tend to that shoulder," worried Kaidan.

Wrex answered for her, rather impatiently. "She's fine. Just a flesh wound. Stop fussing like a female and let's go!"

"Hey, speak for your own species!" protested Ashley.

Terra intervened. "Okay, settle down, Williams. You can thrash the chauvinist krogan with your feminism _after_ we have the quarian." She then placed her hand on Kaidan's arm to reassure him. "My shoulder can wait, the quarian can't."

"Of course, Commander."

Shepard got a quick run-down of the lay-out of the club, and they readied themselves. Through the doors, Shepard and Wrex took the left, Alenko and Williams went right, and Vakarian took out those directly ahead before picking off those on whichever side he deemed necessary. They cleared Fist's men in a matter of minutes and moved towards the private area. Behind one door they found two armed warehouse workers clearly out of their depth. Shepard knocked Wrex's gun aside as he went to shoot them.

"Stop right there! Don't come any closer!" one shouted, his hand shaking. "Stay back, or we'll shoot!"

"This would be a good time to find somewhere else to work." Terra was hoping they'd take the opportunity to flee.

The men looked relieved. "Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea." "I never liked Fist, anyway." They squeezed past them and ran.

"I never would have thought of that!" commented Garrus, impressed.

"Would have been quicker to shoot them," grumbled Wrex.

"Shooting people isn't always the answer," Kaidan said, a small smile on his face that revealed his approval of Shepard's handling of that situation.

Wrex just shook his head, and they moved to the last door. They swung in as one, then quickly darted back as gun turrets started firing. Shepard smiled to herself, then hacked the turrets so they were firing at each other until both exploded. Fist was overwhelmed by the firepower aimed at him and threw his hands up.

"Wait! Don't kill me! I surrender!"

Shepard gave Wrex a gesture to stay back, determined not to let the krogan have his way just yet. It was clear that the quarian wasn't here. She approached him, gun pointed. "Where's the quarian?"

"She's not here! I don't know where she is! That's the truth!" blurted out Fist.

"He's lying," said Garrus, with certainty. "I've dealt with enough scumbags to know a lie when I see one."

Shepard put her gun against Fist's head in a bluff move that few had the guts to call out. "You've got three seconds."

-x-

They raced to the back alley Fist had directed them to just before Wrex shot him without warning. She hadn't been thrilled about that - an unarmed man was a prisoner, not a threat, but Wrex was a bounty hunter fulfilling a contract, not a soldier under her command. She refocused on their new target.

The quarian thought she was meeting the Shadow Broker, but it was Saren's men waiting. Once in the alley, Shepard signalled them to stay back and keep quiet. She needed to ascertain the quarian's position before they could deal with the rest. She activated her cloak and crept forwards.

"Where's the Shadow Broker? Where's Fist?" came a female voice.

"They'll be here. Where's the evidence?"

Shepard had them in her sights and, taking cover, she let her cloak drop, indicating positions to the others.

"No way. The deal's off," declared the quarian.

The men began to withdraw their weapons, and Terra knew they had to move in. She took aim at the same time as her team advanced. The quarian, unaware of them, had her own defences, setting off a smoke grenade to obscure her retreat to cover. The men then saw their approach and opened fire. Saren's men were good, but with only three of them against five who were even better, and added to that the quarian's impressive tech skills, Saren's men stood little chance. The quarian stood as Shepard approached her, and she was relieved to see her in one piece. They had the evidence.

-x-

-x-

" _Eden Prime was a major victory. The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit._ "

They stood in the human embassy with Anderson and Udina, listening to Saren's voice on the recording Tali, the quarian, had managed to download from a geth memory core.

" _And one step closer to the return of the reapers_." The second was a female voice that none of them recognised.

"This proves Saren was involved in the attack!" Anderson said, once it had finished.

"Any idea what the 'Conduit ' is?" asked Shepard.

"It must have something to do with the beacon, maybe some kind of prothean technology, like a weapon."

"I feel like I've heard the term 'reapers' before," frowned Terra, as she tried to think why it was familiar.

"According to the memory core, the reapers were a hyper-advanced machine race that existed 50,000 years ago. The reapers hunted the protheans to total extinction, and then they vanished. At least, that's what the geth believe," Tali explained.

"Sounds a little far-fetched." Udina crossed his arms at the quarian's statement.

Terra's mind was racing as she recalled the images burned into her by the beacon. "The vision on Eden Prime... That's where I know it from. I saw the protheans being wiped out by the reapers!"

"The geth revere the reapers as gods," continued Tali. "The pinnacle of non-organic life. And they believe Saren knows how to bring the reapers back."

Udina looked around the room at the humans and aliens gathered there and shook his head in disbelief. "The Council's just going to love this."

-x-

They were now six as they loaded into the Citadel Tower elevator. Udina had gone ahead with Anderson to set up a hearing with the Council in order to present the new evidence, and now Shepard and her extended team were making their way there.

Terra thought it was only right that those who helped get the evidence should be there to see Saren's Spectre status revoked. Without that, he lost his 'immunity', and as a rogue Spectre, the Council would want him brought in.

They were finally making strides at getting justice for the colony of Eden Prime. For Nihlus. For Jenkins.

As they rose up the side of the tower, Terra was immediately drawn to the view afforded by the glass sides. The Citadel was going into night mode, the artificial lighting dulled to imitate dusk. It was beautiful, and from here you could see just how immense the Citadel truly was.

"Wow, just look at this place!" exclaimed Kaidan. His eyes were sweeping across the view, just as Shepard's were.

"It's more like a city than a station," Terra agreed. She never failed to be amazed by the Citadel's size.

Ashley had to agree. "It does kinda make Jump Zero look like a porta john. And it's the biggest deep space station the Alliance has."

"There must be millions here!" Kaidan added.

"So why give humanity so much crap about joining?" moaned Ashley.

Shepard looked out at the thrum of a multitude of different races, rushing by. "They have to be careful with newcomers. We'd be no different if it was Earth."

"They probably just want to keep everything running. It has to be hard keeping all these cultures working together," guessed Kaidan.

"Or maybe they just don't like humans," interjected Williams, with disdain.

Like Kaidan, Terra frowned at the comment, particularly with three other species behind them, though judging from the comments Shepard was hearing fly between the three, they weren't exactly without bigotry themselves. Terra knew she would have to address the basis of Williams' prejudice at some point, but this wasn't the time, so she kept it light.

"Oh, come on! What's not to like!? We've got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love…. According to the old vids, we have everything they want!"

They all smiled at the naïve outlook humanity had before they had first embarked on space.

"When you put it _that_ way, there's no reason they wouldn't like _you_!" Kaidan followed, caught up in the momentary levity. Shepard looked back at him in surprise, then his brain kicked in and he realised what he'd said. "I mean, _us_! Humans… Ma'am." He wanted the ground to swallow him up when he noticed Williams smirking at him. He couldn't believe his slip.

"You don't get much shore leave, do you LT?" Ashley taunted. She knew, of all the people to lust after, your commanding officer wasn't a viable one.

Terra found the reddening of her Lieutenant's cheeks extremely endearing, but she refused to let him suffer at Ashley's hands. "All right. Laugh it up, Chief. I appreciate the thought, Alenko, but we're on duty here."

Kaidan hesitated as he looked back at her, and she met his eyes. "Um, aye aye, Ma'am," he managed. Nothing in the way she looked at him told him she was angry at his slip; nothing that shut him down completely for being out of line. He was only vaguely aware of the elevator stopping, and the others filing out.

Ashley looked between them, with a grin. "I'll walk drag, Ma'am!"

Terra ignored her and strode through the Council halls, trying to focus on her surroundings but only too aware of Alenko directly behind her. She'd _never_ been like this over a member of her crew. She had her rules and if she found herself attracted she just disregarded it. But there was something more to Kaidan Alenko. Something that appealed far deeper than the physical attraction. And it was harder to ignore.

As she ascended the stairs, she saw Anderson waiting for her. The Council was ready for them. The perfect distraction.

-x-

Kaidan watched Shepard standing next to Anderson, just behind Udina, as the Council listened to Tali's evidence. Her posture: proud in her military stance, hands behind her back, spine held straight and firm, shoulders back, feet slightly apart. Her shoulder still bled slightly, exacerbated by the fight at Chora's Den, but there was no indication it bothered her. She was slender. Feminine curves more than evident despite her armour. He blinked as he forced himself to concentrate on the hearing.

The asari councillor, Tevos, knew the female voice from the recording - Matriarch Benezia, a powerful biotic. Then they got onto the reapers.

"Listen to what you're saying! Saren wants to bring back the machines that wiped out all life in the galaxy!? Impossible! It _has_ to be!" stated the turian councillor, Sparatus, with contempt.

Kaidan had to admit that when it was put like that, it _did_ seem unbelievable.

"Where did the reapers go? Why did they vanish? How come we've found no trace of their existence? If they were real, we'd have found something," continued Sparatus, indignantly.

Kaidan didn't like where this was going. They had no answers to satisfy those questions. Nothing to come back at that with. But Shepard tried anyway.

"I tried to warn you about Saren, and you refused to face the truth. Don't make the same mistake again."

It was Tevos who responded. "This is different. You _proved_ Saren betrayed the Council. We all agree that he's using the geth to search for the Conduit, but we don't really know why."

"The reapers are obviously just a myth, Commander," commented the salarian councillor, Valern, confidently. "A convenient lie to cover Saren's true purpose. A legend he is using to bend the geth to his will." He'd clearly made up his mind, and Kaidan knew that it was perfectly rational.

"Fifty thousand years ago, the reapers wiped out all galactic civilisation. If Saren finds the Conduit, it _will_ happen again!" Shepard argued.

Kaidan found her compelling. She was right. If there was even a _chance_ that the reapers were real, they _had_ to do something. Surely it was better to be proved wrong, than do nothing and learn the hard way.

"Saren is a rogue agent on the run for his life. He no longer has the rights or resources of a Spectre. The Council has stripped him of his position," Sparatus said, dismissively.

Udina became animated. "That is _not_ good enough! You know he's hiding somewhere in the Traverse. Send your fleet in!"

"A fleet cannot track down one man," disagreed Valern.

"A Citadel fleet could secure the whole region. Keep the geth from attacking any more of our colonies," argued Udina.

"Or it could trigger a war with the Terminus Systems! We won't be dragged into a galactic confrontation over a few dozen human colonies!" stated Sparatus.

There was the crux of it, Kaidan decided. It could do more harm than good in the Council's eyes. If the Council believed in the reapers, they might have had a chance to convince them it was worth the risk, but without proof, they were on their own. He saw Shepard's head bowed in thought, then rise slowly to look directly at the Council.

Terra knew in her gut that this was too important to let the Council do nothing. She had no idea if she could take down the former Spectre, but she was sure as hell willing to try. " _I_ can take Saren down." Terra said it with more conviction than she felt.

Kaidan felt a small chill. She was offering to take on a _Spectre_?

Councillor Tevos seemed to like that, turning to address Sparatus. "The Commander is right. There is a way to stop Saren, that doesn't require fleets or armies."

Kaidan sensed an undercurrent of something else in her words. Couldn't they just send another Spectre?

"No! It's too soon. Humanity is not ready for the responsibilities that come with joining the Spectres," argued the turian councillor.

Shepard hadn't expected her words to be taken like that. She hadn't thought any further on her Spectre candidacy since Nihlus was killed, but she also knew that the weight of the Spectre title would open more doors to her in the hunt for Saren.

"You don't have to send a fleet into the Traverse, and the Ambassador gets his human Spectre. Everybody's happy," Shepard reasoned.

Kaidan watched as the Council looked at each other, giving almost imperceptible nods. His heartbeat increased as he watched all three reach for the consoles in front of them.

"Commander Shepard. Step forward," ordered Tevos.

This was it, Kaidan realised. Shepard was about to become the first human Spectre. He watched her look for reassurance from Anderson, who nodded at her, barely concealed pride on his face. Kaidan observed her step to the edge of the platform, heard the words of the Councillors as they described the calibre of a Spectre, the importance of their role, and her achievement as the first of her species. He had never felt so honoured to be standing there, witnessing it; to be a part of something so significant in Shepard's life. A protector of galactic peace... With everything he had seen so far, she was perfect for the job.

-x-

-x-

Terra was reeling as she stood in the docking bay, outside the _Normandy_. Anderson was stepping down, giving her command of the ship. It felt like things were snowballing since they had found proof against Saren. Now, she stood here as a Spectre and an Alliance Commander, being given the unofficial role of Captain.

She understood that as a Spectre she now only answered to the Council, but she would always be Alliance, and she wasn't sure how the two roles would fit together. It was liberating and restricting all at the same time. She didn't have any rules or regulations as a Spectre - her only mandate was to do whatever was necessary to protect galactic civilisation. But she also knew that without some sort of code she'd tread a fine line. Become something more like Saren.

She wouldn't allow it. She was raised within the Alliance and she would continue to uphold those ideals too, and remain an Alliance soldier at heart.

Shepard turned to the three people who had helped her. "Thank you all. Without you, we wouldn't have gotten this far."

Vakarian stepped forward. "This is your show, Shepard, but I want to bring down Saren as much as you do. I'm coming with you."

Terra was amused. Submission and a demand in the same statement. She saw the fire in his eyes, the fact that he hadn't given up his pursuit despite being pulled from the case by his superior. He was tenacious, and she knew she'd need that going against Saren. "What about your job with C-Sec?"

"I'm chafing here, Commander. I _need_ to do this."

Shepard studied him for a moment before answering. "Welcome aboard, Garrus."

Kaidan smiled to himself, as he watched them shake hands. A good choice. Beside him, Williams crossed her arms, and he had the impression she wasn't happy.

"You're going after Saren," stated Wrex, garnering their attention. "I should come along, too."

Shepard was surprised. "You're a bounty hunter. What do you get from going after Saren?"

"I'm not in this for the credits. I want to be where the action is. There's a storm coming, and you and Saren are right in the middle of it."

Shepard was worried about his allegiance. "So why me? Why not Saren?"

"He already has plenty of krogan. But they're nothing more than servants. They grovel at Saren's feet, licking at his boots, trading their service for promises of wealth and power. My people were a proud species once. Some of us remember that. I won't bow down to Saren, like the others."

Terra was reasonably happy with that. "Well, if you're sure you can put up with the questions…" she teased, "we'll take you with us, Wrex."

The krogan nodded in approval. "Smart move, Shepard. And you're gonna have to work hard for those answers."

"Ooh, another challenge! Something tells me, Saren's got nothing on _you_!"

Wrex's rumbling laugh was accompanied by a respectful nod. He moved away, leaving Tali facing Shepard.

"You saw me in the alley, Commander. You know what I can do. Let me come with you."

"I thought you were on your pilgrimage." Shepard remembered the quarian's earlier explanation of her rite of passage into adulthood. It was the reason Tali had stumbled across the evidence.

"The pilgrimage proves we are willing to give of ourselves for the greater good. What does it say about me if I turn my back on this!?"

Shepard gave her a slow smile. "I'll take all the help I can get."

"Thanks. You won't regret this."

Kaidan wasn't surprised that these people, who had only just met Shepard, were offering to follow her. She wasn't aware of it, but her confident but unpretentious manner, made it easy to believe they would accomplish exactly what they aimed for: stopping Saren.

Aside from Udina, only Anderson was left to say farewell to, and he got the feeling that Shepard had more to say to him. Kaidan had seen the guilt on her face when she was told that Anderson was stepping aside for her.

"Come on, I'll give you a quick tour of the ship, and sort out sleeping arrangements," he said to their three new crew-members, then saluted to Anderson. "Captain." He added a nod at Udina. "Ambassador."

Anderson nodded sagely, watching Alenko lead the three aliens through the airlock, trailed by a scowling Williams. He faced Shepard. Business first.

"We had reports of geth in the Feros system, shortly before our colony there dropped out of contact," informed Udina.

"Find out what Saren's after on Feros. Maybe you can figure out where the Conduit is before _he_ does," ordered Anderson.

"The reapers are the real threat," Shepard said.

"I'm with the Council on this one, Shepard. I'm not sure they even exist," said Udina, flippantly.

Anderson played mediator. "But if they _do_ exist, the Conduit's the key to bringing them back. Stop Saren from getting the Conduit, and we stop the reapers from returning."

Shepard had a determined look on her face. "I'll stop him," she assured.

"We have one more lead," added Udina. "Matriarch Benezia has a daughter, a scientist, who specialises in the protheans. We don't know if she's involved, but it might be a good idea to try to find her - see what she knows. Her name is Dr Liara T'Soni. We believe she was exploring an archaeological dig somewhere in the Artemis Tau Cluster."

"I'll have a closer look at the system charts, see if I can narrow it down. If so, then we'll stop by there on our way to Feros," advised Shepard.

"It's your decision, Commander. You're a Spectre now. You don't answer to us," Anderson replied.

"But your actions still reflect on humanity as a whole," stressed Udina, with an unspoken warning.

"Understood, Ambassador."

"Good. Now, I have work to do. Captain. Shepard." Udina left.

Anderson waited until the elevator had sealed shut on Udina, before talking further. "You can do this, Shepard."

"Let's hope so. Either way, I'm 'it'."

"You're not alone. You've got a good team there, and a few extras, too. Huh! You never cease to amaze me. A krogan, a turian, and a quarian, all working together under a human. Only _you_ could manage that!" Anderson smiled at the young woman he'd watched grow up. "Spectre. I'm proud of you, child. Always knew you were destined for greatness."

"But what about you? You deserve better than being forced off your own ship."

"Not forced. For you, I gave it up gladly. Besides, she wasn't ever meant to be mine for long. Against Saren, you need the best, and the Normandy's exactly that. Just take care, Terra. Saren's ruthless," finished Anderson, and Terra quickly hugged him tight, then stepped back, saluted him and turned to the airlock. Anderson's eyes followed her until the hatch closed. He'd always held a deep affection for her. The only one to know the family's secret, it was an honour to be a part of their elite little group. Seeing her grow from a babe to the woman who stood before him now, she'd become something of a surrogate daughter to him, and with that came a need to protect her. Now she really _was_ on her own, and he finally understood just how paralysing Steven had found that thought. She had one hell of a fight ahead of her, and he hoped with all his heart she'd make it through.

-x-

**Terra,**

**Congratulations. I'm so proud of you, sweetheart.**

**You're big news back on Earth. If you thought things were bad before, now you've reached a whole new level of fame!**

**Command is buzzing with the fact that you've brought other species aboard your ship, as well. Politically, it's doing the Alliance wonders.**

**But please be careful out there. I know it's a crazy thing to ask given the work we do, but it's something I need to say. You're out there with no back-up, and I don't like it. I tried to get Alliance Command to agree to aid you, but they don't want to be seen to ignore the Council's decision. David and I will do what we can, but it's frustratingly little.**

**Keep in touch. And take care.**

**I love you.**

**-x-**


	6. Insight and Dr T'Soni

"Everything okay, Commander?"

Terra tore herself from her thoughts at the sound of Alenko's voice. She realised that she'd been standing in front of her locker, just staring at it. She turned to her Lieutenant. "Yes. Thank you, Lieutenant. It's just… all a little overwhelming. Suddenly, I'm a Spectre with my own ship. Didn't see that one coming!"

Kaidan smiled. "I can imagine! But I know you'll do us proud, Commander. Your speech to the crew just now was inspirational. No-one could care more about making sure this threat doesn't materialise, than you."

"You know, you're right." She gathered herself, and grinned back at him. "Saren better watch himself!"

"Absolutely. And I think you made a solid decision when you brought Garrus, Tali and Wrex on board, Commander. This is something that could affect the whole galaxy, not just humanity, and having a multi-species crew reflects that."

"Asides from their skills, I thought they'd give me another perspective on things. Different tactics, approaches...opinions."

Kaidan gave a small laugh. "Well, I don't think those three will be short on any of those things. They're a smart bunch."

"Williams and Pressly had a few things to say about them. Do _you_ think I'm crazy to have a krogan alongside a turian? There's a lot of bad blood between the species."

"Well, they have a common goal here. Hopefully, that will keep them civil. And they worked together amicably enough when we were dealing with Fist. Something tells me that you've found a couple of unique individuals there."

"And Tali? I mean, she's so young. It seems to me that if this pilgrimage she's on is her rite of passage into adulthood, then in quarian terms, she's still a child."

"Who's been shot and betrayed, all because she was determined to get her evidence to someone when she could have just chosen to delete it and forget it even existed. Yet she still wants to see it through. I think that one's tougher than she looks."

Shepard nodded as she thought it over. "And the rest of the crew? Any insight into how _they_ feel about all this?"

"You're talking about what happened to the Captain. They understand, and they're all behind you, no question. They have a lot of respect for you, Commander. You don't need to worry about that."

Terra looked at the man in front of her. It was hard not to forget that they were standing in the Mess, that it wasn't just the two of them. Everything peripherally seemed to fade out, she was so absorbed in their conversation. "And you?" she asked quietly.

Kaidan looked into the dark depths of her eyes. "I believe in you, and I'll be by your side every step of the way." It was a promise, and suddenly his heart was thudding. He was certain there was more colour in her cheeks.

"Thank you," she murmured.

The arrival of Williams had them back in the Mess. Kaidan saw the grin on Ashley's face as she spied the two of them.

Shepard cleared her throat. "Thank you for your time, Lieutenant. I appreciate your input. Excuse me."

Kaidan watched her disappear into the elevator and knew she'd be checking in with her new crew.

"Man, you have it bad," Ashley teased, as she joined him. "You weren't kidding when you said you had more refined tastes!"

Kaidan frowned at her. "It's not like that."

"Sure. You give longing looks to _all_ the crew," Ashley laughed. "Just as well she likes you, too."

He stilled. "What makes you say that?"

"Oh, come on! You'd have to be blind, LT!"

Kaidan had to force himself not to grin stupidly. He was a grown man, not a teenager with a crush. And that’s all it was: an intense physical attraction, nothing more. "It doesn't matter. She's my superior officer, and fraternisation is against regulations. The Commander wouldn't risk her career over something like that, and I would never put her in that position."

It was Ashley's turn to frown. "So that's it? You're just going to ignore it?"

"That's it." Kaidan walked away, busying himself with a nearby console as though it was acting up. He heard Ash come up behind him.

Ashley knew she'd thought Alenko was chasing a dream during that chat in the elevator on the Citadel, but seeing the way the Commander was looking at him just now…. And she got the idea that neither one of them were the types to fall easily.

"You know it's not every day that you find someone who knocks you for six. With so much bad stuff happening all around us… some things are worth the risk."

Kaidan couldn't answer, just focused on the wire connections under the console. He waited for Ashley to leave the Mess before he sighed to himself. He knew that keeping professional around Shepard was going to be hard, and Ash's last comment resonated unhelpfully. But he also knew he was right not to push things further with Shepard. She'd told him about her mother, and he wouldn't want that to happen to her. So he concentrated on the console, which really _was_ now in need of repair after his inattention, and locked it all away.

-x-

"Hey, Tali. How are you settling in?"

"This ship is amazing, Shepard! And the drive core…!" Tali gestured up at the glowing sphere that dominated Engineering as though Shepard might not have noticed.

"She's impressive all right. And so are _you_ , from what Engineer Adams has been telling me."

"Oh, well, I _am_ a quarian. You can't spend your life on ships without knowing a thing or two about keeping your home going." Tali started to wring her hands. "I want to thank you for letting me be here, Commander. My people are often treated like second-class citizens, but you've treated me the same as everyone else; like an equal. That means a lot."

"You shouldn't feel the need to thank me for that. While you're a part of my crew you're just as important as anyone else on-board."

"Thank you, Commander. I would very much like to contribute while I'm here, if you'll allow it."

"I think it's safe to say Engineer Adams would love you to stick around down here. Liaise with him, see where he wants you."

"Thank you, Shepard."

"And stop thanking me, Tali!" Terra smiled.

"I don't think I can do that! I've spent my whole time out here being grateful for any little thing I can get. Food. Shelter. You've been so kind, it's only right I show my appreciation."

"Appreciation noted for all previous, present, and future situations."

Tali laughed. "Thank- Um, I'm going to have to work on that."

"That, and the engines. Adams!" she called out to the older man. "Keep this one busy. She looks like trouble!" Terra grinned back at the young quarian. "Catch you later, Tali."

"Of course, Shepard."

Terra walked out of Engineering to see Wrex and Garrus at opposite sides of the cargo bay. Wrex was closest to her and she walked towards him until he heaved a laboured sigh at what he thought was to come, standing upright from his previously leaning stance; then she veered off and headed for Garrus. She peeked cheekily over her shoulder to Wrex who was shaking his head, a small grin on his face.

Garrus had a portable computer connected up with the Mako's internal computer, and practically had his face buried in it.

"Everything as it should be there, Vakarian?"

He was startled out of his focus. "I'm sorry, Commander. I didn't see you there. I hope you don't mind, but I like to keep busy, and I think I can improve the cannon on your vehicle here."

"Go for it. So, you like tinkering, huh?"

"Tinkering? That makes it sound amateur, Commander! I prefer the term 'calibrating'."

Shepard smiled at his banter.

"I find it relaxing, without allowing my brain to stagnant with inactivity," he continued.

"I can understand that. I do something similar with my omni-tool whenever I have down-time. I have some pretty mean overload, sabotage and hacking programs, not to mention a very handy cloaking program."

"Hm, interesting. I have a pretty decent overload program myself. I'll show you mine, if you show me yours."

Terra cracked up at the unintentional innuendo.

Garrus frowned with confusion, clearly going over his last comment in his head, then his hand rubbed across his forehead with embarrassment. "Oh…I didn't mean…uh- damn it. That wasn't the impression I had hoped to make."

"Relax, Garrus. I know what you meant, and my impression of you is not in the slightest bit affected by your unfortunate choice of words."

" _Commander, you said to let you know when the food supplies for our new recruits arrived._ "

"That was quick. Thanks, Joker." She looked back at Garrus. "Looks like we'll have to compare tech another time."

"Probably a good thing, Commander. Gives me time to scrape my dignity off the deck," he joked, turning back to his screen.

Terra walked back to the elevator with a good feeling about her new additions.

-x-

-x-

This was supposed to be a quick pick-up on the way to Feros. They had found only one planet with prothean ruins, within the Artemis Tau Cluster - Therum - but it had soon become clear as they neared the site, that there was a heavy geth presence.

Shepard was conscious of the delay getting to the colonists on Feros, but she remained focused; they were here now. With room for only four (comfortably) in the Mako, Shepard had brought Tali and Garrus with her and Kaidan.

They had battled through the various barricades of geth and were now inside the dig-site. Shepard scanned the underground cavern, searching for some way to gain access to Dr T'Soni, who was currently trapped in some kind of prothean stasis field behind a barrier. Her eyes lighted upon the huge mining laser. She followed its trajectory to an area below the doctor.

"Vakarian. Think you can get this thing working?" Shepard watched his eyes light up.

"Gotta be something akin to a big gun, right?" He looked it over, appraisingly. "Yeah, let me give it a go."

Shepard, Kaidan and Tali moved to the rear of the hulking machine while Garrus worked. Suddenly, it was powering up and he hit a button that sent a hot blast into the rock, incinerating it. The ground vibrated beneath them with the force. After a few minutes, Garrus shut it off and they gathered around the newly created opening.

There was a lower level, the clinical white tiling identical to the levels above, and they jumped down. The passageway led to a round chamber that only had a walkway around the outer edge; the middle was just a hole, but there was a console in front of them. Looking up, Shepard saw a platform. It was an elevator. She studied the unfamiliar symbols on the console. One was currently lit and she decided that it probably represented the floor the platform was on, so she pressed the symbol directly below it. She felt the tremor as the large platform rolled down to them. Once they'd moved across, Shepard hit the symbol that would return the platform to the level Dr T'Soni was on. They came to a halt, and came up behind the doctor who was held in mid-air by the stasis field.

"How… How did you make it past the barrier!?" the asari asked.

"Mining laser," Shepard answered simply, unsure about the woman in front of her.

"Of course. Thank the Goddess that the krogan and his geth were not smart enough to work that out."

"Krogan?"

"Yes, they have been trying to get to me since I activated the barrier, and inadvertently got myself trapped in this stasis field. I could not believe my eyes when I saw them coming into the ruins. Geth!"

They all felt a rumble beneath their feet.

"They're not with you?" Shepard's instinct was to trust T'Soni, but she had to be sure.

"What!? No! They seem to be after me, but I have no idea why. Please! You have to get me out of here! The controls are on that console, beside you!"

"The geth are with a now _ex_ -Spectre named Saren, and _your_ mother is working with him, too," Kaidan put forward, obviously not as convinced as Shepard was. "They attacked a human colony for the information contained within a newly discovered prothean beacon."

"I… I don't know anything about that! I haven't seen my mother in years!"

Shepard made a decision, and she hit some symbols randomly until the field dropped. The doctor fell to the ground with an 'oof', then got back on her feet. Terra was about to question her more, when a stronger tremor rocked through the chamber they were in. The sound of falling rock above them, had them all alert.

"I think maybe that mining laser has made this structure unsafe. We should probably leave," suggested T'Soni, breathlessly.

Shepard radioed Joker for an immediate pick-up from their location. More and more pieces of rock rained down. "Let's move!" shouted Shepard.

They ran back to the platform and Shepard hit the highest symbol; the platform taking them up. As it came to a stop, Shepard stuck out her arm to stop T'Soni from moving off. The asari was momentarily confused until she saw the krogan and a geth troop strolling nonchalantly towards them, blocking their exit.

"Hand over the doctor. Or don't. That would be more fun," grinned the krogan.

"Whatever this Saren wants, he is _not_ getting it from me," stated T'Soni.

There wasn't time for this. "She'll stay with us. Now get out of our way," demanded Shepard as she released her weapon.

The krogan smiled. "Good. Try to keep the asari alive!" he shouted to the geth, before they all ran into cover.

"T'Soni, keep down!" shouted Shepard. She wouldn't risk the doctor getting shot - T'Soni was obviously important.

Tali hacked one geth, Shepard hacked another, then Garrus and Kaidan overloaded the shields of the two remaining geth, which Tali and Shepard finished off. The hacked geth had done each other considerable damage before they regained control, and Garrus and Kaidan took them down.

They all turned as one to locate the krogan and fanned out. He had to be behind one of the pillars. Rocks were creating a dangerous zone, and they had to stick to the outer edge for more protection.

Suddenly, Shepard caught something coming at her fast, turning to see the krogan charging at surprising speed. Inches from impacting with her, the krogan was sucked into a biotic singularity. Shepard dived away, and the spiralling krogan exploded with the impact of a warp field. She looked over at the doctor, who had initiated it, and nodded her thanks.

Things were getting far more serious as larger boulders began raining down, vibrating the ground as they hit. "Go, Go, GO!" Shepard yelled, not moving herself until everyone was in front of her. At the front, Kaidan was propelling obstacles out of their path with his biotics as he ran. The walkways leading up to the surface were coming apart, and Shepard could see the supports of the section they approached were nearly sheared through. Her eyes were glued to those supports as, first Kaidan, then Tali, followed by Garrus, ran over it. T'Soni was halfway across, Shepard directly behind her, when she saw it go and she shoved the doctor to propel her to the other side. Unfortunately, there wasn't time for her to jump forward before her footing went out from under her. All she could do was grab hold of a piece of railing that was hanging down. She swung from one hand.

"Commander!" Garrus had seen Shepard plummet when he'd checked over his shoulder at the sound of twisting metal. On the walkway ahead, Kaidan had stopped to channel his energy into forcing the raining boulders away from Shepard and T'Soni. Garrus jumped over the sprawled asari and grabbed onto Shepard's arm, yanking her up onto firmer ground.

They didn't waste time with words, instead, the two of them hauled T'Soni to her feet and barrelled up the remaining gangway to the exit.

As they came out into the light and fresh air, they were all coughing from the dust, gasping for breath from their mad dash. Above them, the _Normandy_ hovered. Time to get out of here.

**-x-**


	7. Addled Brains and Family Time

Kaidan left the Comm room, his head pounding. He knew he'd been a little short in there with their newest recruit. It was just the way the asari had looked at Shepard - like she was enamoured. And why wouldn't she be? When T'Soni had merged her mind with his Commander's…. It made him uncomfortable that the asari had been inside Shepard's mind. Jealous. T'Soni would have an intimate knowledge of her, if what he understood of the process was true. It wasn't as if she'd actually been able to help with the beacon's images.

He knew that despite their female appearance, the asari had no gender and could mate with any species, male or female. Would Shepard be interested in Dr T'Soni? As non-Alliance there was nothing restricting her from a relationship with the asari.

But it was none of his business - Shepard wasn't his... and never would be. He cursed the damn regulations. This was more than an infatuation, he knew. Even in such a short space of time, he’d fallen for her, and not just because she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. He felt like he could see to the heart of her, and what was there was a person he could spend the rest of his life with…. Though even thinking it sounded insane.

Kaidan needed to get something for his head, but with T'Soni headed to the medbay after her dizzy spell, he wanted to avoid it. He had intended to head for a quiet spot, somewhere dark he could hunker down and try to ease the pain, but he only made it as far as the Mess before his vision started swirling, and tunnelling. Nausea and dizziness had him tumbling into a seat at the table. Sounds were over-loud and incoherent. Resting his head on the cool surface, he pressed his palms to his temples.

Then he was vaguely aware of someone placing a hand on his shoulder, caressing a gentle path over the back of his head, then leaving. A few moments later he felt the sharp prick of a needle and the almost immediate ease of pain. It was still there, but it was dulled. He wouldn't be able to move yet though, or he'd make it worse, so he stayed that way, aware of two hushed voices talking just behind him. Then he heard footsteps as one of them walked away, and the other’s hands were on his own, gently pulling them away from his temples to be replaced by fingertips that circled gentle strokes. He was able to concentrate on the motion and feel of those fingers until the thudding in his head was merely an echo. Kaidan stirred, bringing his head slowly up off the table, the fingertips falling away. Hands on his shoulders were helping him upright.

"Thank you," he murmured, his eyes still closed. Coming back to his surroundings was a process that required him to take it slow so he didn't stir up the migraine again.

"You're welcome, Lieutenant," came Shepard's quiet voice from behind him. "Just as well you showed me what to do after Eden Prime."

Kaidan's breath caught, and he forgot himself, his eyes springing open. The sudden light had pain lancing through his brain again and he hissed through clenched teeth, his hands grasping his head again.

"Take it easy." One of her hands left his shoulder and moved to the back of his neck. Her thumb ran over the place where his implant was located, and inadvertently sent a small, much too pleasant shiver down his spine. "It's because you have an L2 implant, isn't it? I remember Toombs saying he had seizures because of his, until he decided to risk the operation and changed to the L3."

"Yeah," he said, as quietly as he could. "But I took a long time to get my biotics under control with this implant. Asides from the risk of re-implanting, I wasn't happy about having to re-learn that control again. Despite its drawbacks, it gives me a stronger output than L3's. There have been improvements since then, but… well, like I said, I know what I'm capable of with the L2. The occasional headache, I can live with." Kaidan dropped his hands, now able to see without wanting to be ill, and turned to her. Shepard came around from behind him to sit in the adjacent seat, her fingers sliding from his neck, and Kaidan immediately missed her touch.

"Will you be okay now?"

Her brow was creased with concern for him, and Kaidan had an urge to reach forward and smooth it out. He kept his hands on the table. "It's going. So long as I don't do anything foolish, I'll be fine."

Shepard gave a small laugh. "You, foolish? I can't even imagine it, so I won't worry."

Kaidan knew he was already an idiot for wanting his Commander. "So, how did the Council take the new info about Dr T'Soni?"

Shepard sighed. "They're unsure about her allegiance. I pointed out Saren's apparent wish to acquire her or see to it she was dead, but then the turian councillor started complaining about the destruction of the ruins."

"What, that's it? No concern about Saren's willingness to obtain the _prothean_ expert, and daughter of the Matriarch who's allied with him, in order to stop us from getting to her?"

Shepard shook her head.

"Off the record, I think something's very wrong here," frowned Kaidan. "This Saren is looking for records of some galactic extinction, but we _still_ can't get backup from the Council?"

"The Council doesn't want to believe anything's wrong."

"It's just seems that a group that's been around as long as the Council, should see this coming. It's funny, we finally get out here and the final frontier was already settled, and the residents don't even seem impressed by the view. Or the dangers."

Shepard smiled. "Well, well, you're a romantic. Did you sign on for the dream, Alenko? Secure man's future in space?" she teased.

Kaidan laughed. "Yeah, uh, I read a lot of those books when I was a kid, where the hero goes to space to prove himself worthy of a woman he loves, or… you know, for justice. Maybe I was a romantic in the beginning, but I thought about it after brain camp. I'm not looking for the dream, I just want to do some good, see what's out here." He knew he'd gotten carried away. "Sorry, if I got too informal. Protocol wasn't a big focus back in Biotic Training."

"What was it like?"

"'Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training' didn't last past the airlock. To the kids they hauled in, it was Brain Camp."

"Hauled in? You had no choice about being there?" she frowned.

"Sorry, 'hauled in' was unkind. We were 'encouraged to commit to an evaluation of our abilities so an understanding of biotics could be compiled'. I shouldn't complain. At least we were able to _be_ trained. Many exposed to element zero ended up with brain tumours or worse."

"Exposed in the womb, right?"

"Right. My mother was down-wind of a transport crash. Later, a bunch of men in suits show up at your door after school, and the next thing you know, you're out on Jump Zero."

"There were other kids in the same boat, though, right? At least you weren't alone out there."

"That's true. We did have a little circle that would get together every night before lights out. We didn't have much to do, though. The company dealing with us - Conatix - kept Jump Zero off the extranet to prevent leaks about their research."

"Time to get to know each other, then," she smiled. “It’s something I never had a chance to do: getting to know people my own age, as a child. We were never in one place for long enough.”

"Yeah, in that, I was lucky. You already knew Sam. But there was a girl - Rahna. She was from Turkey, her family was very rich, but she was smart and charming as hell; beautiful, but not stuck up about it." Kaidan took in Shepard's face, attention entirely on him, and he let himself say what he was thinking. "Like you, I guess... Ma'am." Soaking in Shepard's exquisite face - her eyes on his, her mouth opening slightly - Kaidan saw her swallow before she spoke.

"She sounds like she was special to you."

Kaidan winced inwardly. He was flirting with her after he had mentioned a girl he had liked? What the hell was wrong with him!? "She was. Maybe she felt the same, but things never fell together. Training. You know." Now wasn't the time to spill the story of what led to that. He wasn’t so sure he wanted her to know; to have her look at him differently. "Anyway, this wasn't supposed to be a bull session about stuff that happened years ago. Sorry, Commander."

"Don't be. I asked, you answered." She hesitated for a second. "I wanted to get to know you." Maybe it was wishful thinking, but Kaidan thought her gaze lingered. Then she blinked. "I'm glad you're feeling better. Thanks for the talk, Kaidan."

"Well… you're welcome, Ma'am." His brain was whirling through what she'd said. "You, uh, get this personal with all the crew?" It was a question that was rather brash, but it came out before he could shut his mouth. He would have instantly apologised had he not caught the twinkle in her eyes.

"To some degree. I don't enjoy it with everyone, though. We should talk again." She wore a small smile, and her eyes bore straight into his.

Kaidan's insides started doing funny things. "I'd, uh… like that."

He watched her walk to the medbay, wondering what on Earth just happened. So much for him keeping a distance. Ash would be smirking her head off right now if she'd heard that. He blamed it on his addled brain.

x

Inside the medbay, Shepard went over to the nearest bed, planted her face down into the padded surface, and put her hands over her head. What the hell was she doing? It was like some other entity took over her mouth! She should have shut Kaidan down at the first hint of flirtation, like she'd done with others over the years. He was her _subordinate_. It was completely against her _own_ rules, let alone the regulations, but damn it… that handsome face, that husky voice, the man she glimpsed beneath the calm, controlled demeanour... She liked it, liked getting through it to the real him. She groaned to herself and muttered into the mattress, "Get a grip, you're acting like a giggling schoolgirl, Terra."

"Something wrong, Commander?" came Chakwas' amused voice, from her desk.

Terra jerked upright, composing herself. "Yes. Yes. I'm good. How's Dr T'Soni? I see she's no longer here."

"She's fine, just a little exhaustion. She wanted a quiet place to continue her studies, so I suggested the room there." Chakwas pointed to the small office at the rear of the medbay. "I never use it. I prefer to be less isolated. But it seems to be ideal for Liara." She turned in her chair to fully face Shepard. "How's Kaidan doing now?"

Terra suddenly felt like she was under scrutiny, and she had to clear her throat before answering. "He'll be okay. He's up and moving, so that's an improvement."

"Yes, thanks to you, Commander. It's good to see him really engaging with someone, too. That's the longest I've ever seen him talk to anyone. He tends to keep to himself. He's different with you, though."

Terra was sure Chakwas was grinning underneath her stoic face. "Oh, well, that's- I should go...check in...with T'Soni," she stammered in her rush to change the topic, then headed for the back room. As the door closed behind her, she was sure she could hear Chakwas laughing.

-x-

**Dad,**

**Do you ever regret being with Mom? I mean, breaking the regulations, risking your careers? I know they're there for a reason - because things get complicated on the battlefield when feelings are involved - but, growing up on ships, I've always seen the crew as an extended family, so I've never been able to separate myself from being friend and Commander. All I know is that when I'm on the field, I push it to one side while I send them out in front of the enemy, and I know I'd never let it compromise a mission. I'll always do what I have to do, no matter how hard it may be on a personal level.**

**Sorry, dad, just venting. I should go.**

**Love you, Terra.**

-x-

All of their new recruits had joined the crew for the evening meal. Terra was pleased about that. Adstone, who was currently on kitchen duty, had done a stellar job at recreating the more exotic dishes required by their guests. This was a time when everyone, except a skeleton crew who were changed daily, could get together. No longer separated by decks and duty, it was a chance for everyone to let their hair down and get to know each other better. It wasn't compulsory as long as a meal was taken, but somehow it had become a tradition on most ships. To not join the table was akin to a moody teenager who snubbed family-time in order to sit alone in their room because they deemed their own company as preferable. The Captain was usually exempt from this, of course - a line drawn - but Terra had no intention of missing out on this time. She loved it.

Kaidan grabbed a plate and turned to the table. He noticed that Shepard had placed herself on one side at the middle of the table, and he smiled to himself. Even now she was still showing them she was one of them. Tali sat beside her, as did Liara, so he settled into a seat opposite her, between Ashley and Garrus. Wrex took the head of the table, more than happy to appear to preside over them.

"So, Wrex," Shepard started, as she picked up her fork. "Care to share one of your adventures?"

Kaidan saw that twinkle in her eye, and a small tug at one corner of her mouth that told him she was playing with the krogan. He could watch her like that for hours. She was nothing like the Commander on the battlefield here. Now she was just Shepard, with her friendly teasing and kind smile.

"I don't do 'stories', Shepard," rumbled Wrex.

"Oh, come on! Haven't you lived for centuries!? You must have some great tales to tell!" grinned Shepard.

"Well, there was this one time when the turians almost wiped out my entire race. That was fun."

The Mess had gone remarkably quiet, a few awkward glances at Garrus, who valiantly held Wrex's gaze. Shepard looked around the table at the uncomfortable faces and sighed. "Yeah, that's a mood- _killer_ , Wrex."

"Then I've succeeded." He shovelled a huge amount of something that was supposed to be food into his mouth, and chewed smugly.

"I'd rather hear about _yours_ , Commander," Ashley smiled across the table. It was accompanied by the raucous agreement of the crew.

"Well, they are probably _far_ more interesting than Wrex's…" Terra teased, her eyes only briefly meeting the krogan's now-squinting ones.

"Doubt that, Shepard," grumbled Wrex.

"I'm sorry, what was that, Wrex? Did you have something to contribute, after all?" She didn't bother to conceal her glee, as the krogan was now offered a challenge she knew he'd find hard to ignore.

He glared at her. "Ever battled a thresher maw?"

Shepard suddenly lost her appetite. She had expected him to start a tale, not to directly compare kills, and he'd started with his biggest and hardest foe. But where his was a notch on his shotgun, hers was a horrible reminder - one she wasn't up for using as a trophy.

"I'm tallying at four," boasted Wrex.

It was Ashley who filled in Shepard's silence. "One at a time?"

"Of course. No-one can survive more than one."

"Not so. The Commander took down two on Akuze," Ashley bragged.

Wrex looked at Shepard, appraisingly. "Heard about that. So, it's true! Didn't realise that was _you_ , Shepard. Even the krogan are impressed by _that_ human tale."

Joker took that moment to appear, and Shepard jumped up from her seat. "Joker, about time you joined us. Here, you can take my seat. I've just remembered there's something I need to do before we hit Feros. Excuse me."

Kaidan had observed her fallen face at the reference to Akuze, and was immediately concerned about her. He had nudged Ashley when she'd started spouting off, but she was so intent on getting one up on Wrex that she hadn't noticed. Shepard walked into her cabin and Kaidan stood up reaching across the table to grab her uneaten plate of food. "I'll take this to the Commander. She still needs to eat." He walked to her door which opened instantly, as always; when she told the crew she had an open-door policy she meant it.

She was sitting at her desk, a datapad held idly in her hand.

"I thought you might want this, Commander." Kaidan placed her meal in front of her, then crouched beside her, hoping she would look at him. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, staring at the plate. "I just couldn't use it like that, you know?"

"I know. Williams has a tendency towards running her mouth off before thinking."

"It wasn't her fault. I should probably be less sensitive about it by now."

"No. Some… events... are so entrenched in our minds that they'll be forever attached to the way they made us feel."

She did look at him then, her dark eyes meeting his, searching for his story.

"They're marked on our souls. Not scars, but wounds that are hard to heal, and easy to re-open," Kaidan finished.

Her mouth opened slightly. She wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. Terra was stunned by the way he had described what was going on in her head. This man had been somewhere bad, too. He met her stare, those wonderful whisky-coloured eyes seeming to drink her in.

 _Lieutenant_ , she reminded herself. He's your _Lieutenant_. She looked away, only to notice that he'd braced himself with one arm along the front edge of her desk. She turned her head to see his other arm resting on the back of her chair. It was like he was embracing her without touching her… She fought the urge to reach for his lips. To touch him.

She had to deal with this situation, and she made sure her voice was strong. "Having someone to share those wounds with, helps. If you ever want to talk, my door is always open. Thank you. _Lieutenant_." There. Appreciation for his concern, an open hand to help him deal with his own issues, and a distancing use of his rank.

Kaidan nodded, getting the message. "Commander."

He withdrew from her space and Terra wanted him back there, but instead she picked up her forgotten datapad where it had dropped into her lap. She heard the door slide shut and a ping from her omni-tool. It was a message from her father.

**Terra,**

**You've fallen for one of your crew, haven't you?**

**I won't act high and mighty on that. I know better than anyone that you can't help who you fall in love with. Regulations don't make a damn bit of difference to your feelings. But you need to be careful. You have to keep it hidden. The rest of your crew should never feel that one of them is more important to you above all others. Though somehow, with the way you interact with them all, I doubt they'd even question it - because you treat them all like family. It's something that's always amazed me.**

**Regardless, you can't risk making it public. What you do is too important, and you need your rank to accomplish what very few can.**

**I don't suppose you'd give me his name, so I can check him out?… Though I think I can narrow it down to two. The hot lieutenant in the cockpit?…. Haven't forgotten that one.**

**I know you'll stay professional, but you need to know that it will be even harder on you emotionally than you expect it to be. Be prepared for that. I also know that you'll do the right thing on the field.**

**To answer your question - my only regret is that we weren't a proper family; that I have to pretend you don't exist to those around me. That's harder than the worst fight I've endured.**

**Be sure he's worth it.**

**Love, Dad.**

Her father's words imprinted themselves in her thoughts. Fallen? Is that why she could no longer control herself without a fight? Was this love? No, it couldn't be. She barely knew the man. It was an extreme attraction to that handsome face, that hot voice, that kind nature, that way he had of making her feel he understood her, and what it was like to hit the bottom and work your way back up…. She stopped herself. She could list a lot more about him she liked. She sank her head into her hands. Her dad was right. She'd fallen for him.

x

Kaidan sat back down at the table, half-empty now except for Ashley, Joker and Liara, and a few other crew at the far end. He thought over the conversation. At the end there she had pushed him away with her words...

"I'm such an idiot, aren't I?" Ashley murmured. "I just didn't think. And out of anyone _I_ should have realised. _Her_ Akuze is like _my_ Eden Prime. Who cares how many of the enemy were killed. All that matters is the friends lost."

"Don't worry about it, Ash. The Commander's fine," assured Kaidan. "Something like that won't knock her down."

"Indeed. The Commander has a remarkable inner strength," Liara effused. "It is the reason the Council chose her to become humanity's first Spectre. Take the prothean beacon, for example. They were only designed to interact with _prothean_ physiology. I am amazed she was able to make any sense of it at all. A lesser mind would have been utterly destroyed by the process. I must admit, I find the Commander... fascinating."

"As do many, Liara," supplied Joker, helpfully.

"The Commander's not an object for you to study, T'Soni," complained Ashley. "Or an object for you to drool over, Joker."

"Hey, I do not!" protested Joker, weakly. "Besides, Liara's the one who's 'embraced eternity' with the Commander."

"That is not- Oh my!" gasped Liara. For an asari, her face was astonishingly pink.

Kaidan intervened, but for entirely selfish reasons. "Cut it out, Joker. That's not what happened. That's a whole other thing from what she did. Right, Doctor?"

"Actually, it is very similar, but it is not taken to its full extent. I entered Shepard's memories, but only the most recent. With that comes her feelings and thoughts, so it could be seen as intimate, but what Joker was referencing is a far deeper process. The other person's senses are accessed through the nervous system, and an asari then opens their own to form a connection that goes both ways. During this process we can also share memories, thoughts and feelings. I held back with the Commander, so as not to intrude on her any further than I was permitted. That is why it was so exhausting. It can be hard to control the instinct once a meld is initiated. That was the first time I have ever melded with anyone."

Somehow, Kaidan wasn't comforted by that. "And if you had to do it again?"

"It would be even harder, now that a bond has been formed."

"Bond? I thought you said you held back!"

"I did. I meant personally, Lieutenant. From my time with the Commander... I must admit that she intrigues me. I have never felt like this before."

All three of them were stunned into silence by Liara's open honesty.

"Have I gone too far?" Liara looked around the table.

"Are you kidding!?" beamed Joker. "My mind's going somewhere fantas-"

"Joker!" Kaidan barked.

"Time for me to go fly the damn ship?"

"Definitely," Kaidan's face was stern as Joker grabbed his crutches and headed out with a smile on his face.

"I am sorry, Lieutenant. I did not mean to upset you," worried Liara.

"I'm not upset. It's just…. It's none of our business, that's all."

"I apologise. I am not used to dealing with people, especially humans."

"You don't say!" Ashley mocked, as she shook her head.

"I- I should go. Lieutenant. Chief Williams." Liara quickly disappeared through the medbay doors.

"Damn, who'd have thought the nerdy _asari_ would get her panties in a twist over the Commander?"

"Leave her be, Ash," murmured Kaidan.

"I'm just messing! You know, someone should probably tell her she hasn't got a chance."

"Don't get involved. You don't know that."

"What!?" exclaimed Ashley, staring back at him. "But _you_ -"

" _Regs_ , Williams. Remember?" he snapped. "So stay out of the doctor's business."

Ashley shook her head in frustration as Kaidan left the Mess. "Stubborn."

**-x-**


	8. Thralls and a Damn Barrier

The colony of Zhu's Hope was in disarray. They'd been hit hard, and there were few colonists left. Terra felt a terrible guilt over not getting here sooner, but it wouldn't help the survivors so she focused.

There was no obvious reason for Saren and the geth to attack here, but the colonists had directed them to the Exogeni company headquarters. They had to take a land vehicle across the skyways that led to the HQ, and with only one available, Shepard took Ashley, Tali and Wrex, leaving Kaidan in charge of helping the colonists defend themselves from further attacks and to get them back on their feet, along with Garrus and Liara.

They travelled as far as they could go before having to head out on foot. Geth had attacked them every inch of the skyway, and it was no different as they headed into the building. Shepard and Tali did their usual hacks, giving them temporary added firepower while they dealt with the rest. Coming to the entrance, they saw it was blocked by a barrier.

"Tali, anything we can do to get past this?"

"Afraid not, Commander. We would need to find the power source. We'll have to find another way in."

"How about that big hole in the ground?" Wrex jerked his thumb back to the hole in question.

Shepard stood at the edge and peered down with a feeling of déjà vu. Sighing, she looked at Tali. "This ringing any bells for you?"

"Hm... Jumping into a hole in a heavily damaged structure with geth attacking us? Can't think what you mean, Commander," Tali answered, dryly.

Shepard laughed, then jumped in. Another one way trip.

x

Kaidan and his team had already encountered varren in these tunnels, to go with the geth and krogan. They'd found some power cells for the colony, and the transmitter that signalled the position of the colony to a geth ship was destroyed. Now they just needed to find a way to get the water flowing. They entered a side tunnel and got through another firefight with the remaining geth, so Garrus could work on another water pump. The sound of rushing water signalled they'd accomplished the goal.

Kaidan didn't want to leave until they'd cleared all the geth, so they carried on through. He wasn't expecting to find a colonist standing in the middle of the main passage, his face pained. "What are you doing down here?" asked Kaidan.

"Nothing I should be. And anything I shouldn't," came the cryptic response. Then he cried out in pain, doubling over. He stood upright, his hands rubbing his head.

"What's wrong?" Kaidan went to start up his omnitool's medic program.

"Just invoking the master's whip. Helps remind me I'm still alive. You're here for the geth, aren't you? You're not the only one interested in those things."

Kaidan paused, arm in mid-air. "Who else is looking for the geth?" He was beginning to get concerned that Shepard was walking into more than she bargained for.

"Not looking _for_ , looking to get _rid_ of. They're a thorn in the side of the- AAAHHH!" The man screamed out again, but he seemed to be straining to get his words out. "Trying to get to the- AAGGGHHH!" He started laughing manically.

Kaidan ran a scan, but he couldn't find anything that his basic scanner could pick up.

Garrus had had enough. "This man's insane. We should leave him."

Kaidan didn't like the idea of deserting the man. "Is there anything I can do for you? We can get you back to the colony."

"Help me? No. No-one can help me now. I won't go back to the colony. I'd rather die fighting!" He was breathing heavily now, almost gasping between each word.

"Fighting what? The geth? You're unarmed!"

"Not that kind of fight. It's like running through a thorn bush. The more you struggle- Time's up. Company's coming. Ask Fai Dan. Ask him about the-" His words were cut off by his scream.

They heard the geth troops coming and Kaidan pushed the pained man down while they dealt with the geth. When he turned back, the man was gone. Kaidan had an uneasy feeling as they returned to the colony, and he had some questions for the colony leader.

x

Shepard and team emerged into a large bunker with no discernible function. A shot rang out and Ashley only just dodged being hit, scowling at the scientist who had fired it.

"I'm so sorry! I thought you were geth!" apologised the nervous young woman.

"Right, because we look so much alike," groused Ashley.

"I'm Commander Shepard. I know you're scared, but we need to know what the geth are here for."

"Lizbeth. Lizbeth Baynham. I… I don't know. I mean, maybe they're after the thorian. It's the only thing of any value here."

"The thorian?"

"Yes. It's a plant we've been studying, unlike anything we've seen before."

"What makes it so special?"

"Well… it exhibits sentient behaviour."

"A sentient plant?" Shepard was sure that the scientist was holding back. "There has to be more. Some reason why the geth want it."

"Uh… I don't know why the _geth_ would want it, but it can… it can control other organisms… including humans."

"Holy shit, Commander!" Ashley blurted out, uneasily.

"How?" pressed Shepard.

"It disperses spores into the air which are then inhaled. We don't know _exactly_ what the spores do, but we think that they create a link between the thorian and the individual's brain by attaching themselves to the neural and nervous systems so the thorian can control them."

Shepard didn't like the sound of this. "Would we have been exposed to these spores?"

"If you went through Zhu's Hope, then yes."

"Great," moaned Ashley and Wrex together. Tali was safe behind her mask.

"You mean to tell me those colonists are under that thing's control!?" Shepard exclaimed.

"Yes."

Terra touched her earpiece. "Alenko, do you read?" She received nothing but static, her heart pounding.

"Commander, the geth shields will be disrupting communication," offered Tali. It eased Terra's fear, and she turned back to the scientist.

"How long from inhalation before it takes control?"

"The first signs started after about four hours."

Ashley groaned. They'd already been here for well over an hour.

"ExoGeni let this happen, didn't they? This was an experiment. You wouldn't know any of this without guinea pigs." Shepard was angry.

Lizbeth almost cowered under Shepard's fiery gaze. "I tried to make a complaint about it. They blocked my external access. I had no way of contacting anyone on the outside. It's why I'm still here. With the chaos, I thought it was my chance to sneak into one of the offices; get a message out. But the communication system went offline before I could, and then the barrier went up and I couldn't get out."

Shepard sighed. "Okay, then we have no choice. We have to destroy this thing before we lose ourselves to it, and fast. So where the hell _is_ this thing?"

"It's… in Zhu's Hope. The colonists moved their freighter over the entrance to its lair when the geth attacked. They'll do anything to protect it."

Shepard went cold. "So we'll have to fight the colonists."

"Maybe not, Commander. I've been looking into a way to sever the link between them. I hadn't come up with much, beyond knocking them out and removing them from the planet. Rendering them unconscious without causing them harm, could be possible."

"Explain."

"When the spores attach themselves, they weaken the body's systems enough that it can take over. I think a low-grade nerve gas would be all it would take, and it wouldn't cause _us_ any problems."

"You sure about that?" Ashley pressed.

"We have helmets. We can use them, just to be sure." Shepard nodded. If there was a chance of saving these colonists, she'd take it. "Where would we find something like that?" she asked Baynham.

"Storage. I'll show you."

"Williams, go with her. Get these grenades emptied and re-filled with the nerve gas." Shepard handed over what she had. "Take Tali with you in case you meet any resistance. Wrex and I will go get this damned barrier down."

"Understood, Commander," responded Ashley, and they separated.

x

Kaidan had been talking to Fai Dan. He seemed unconcerned about the man in the tunnels and Kaidan had the feeling that the colony leader was skirting around something.

Garrus strolled over to join him. "Had an interesting chat with a few of the colonists. Anytime I asked them about the colony, they redirected me to Fai Dan. Every single one of them."

"It was the same for me," said Liara, as she came up behind Garrus. "It is like they are all avoiding the subject. And they all said exactly the same thing. 'Talk to Fai Dan'."

Kaidan activated his comm. "Commander." He was met by static and he didn't like that. "Joker, have you had any contact with the Commander?"

" _That's a_ _negative._ "

Kaidan rubbed his hand over his mouth as he thought. Protocol dictated that they stay put until a reasonable time had passed. Given the distance Shepard had to travel to get to ExoGeni, she wouldn't have been there long. Without access to another ground vehicle, there was little they could do anyway. He'd have to hold tight.

x

Shepard and Wrex stared at the huge claw that had breached the wall of the room they were in. It belonged to a geth ship that was now anchored to the side of the building. Thick cables ran out from it, powering the barrier that was preventing them from leaving and making contact with the team at Zhu's Hope.

"There's no way we're getting through those cables," stated Wrex. "And detaching those claws is going to be nigh on impossible."

"Don't be so defeatist. There's got to be some weak link. Let's keep looking."

Geth were everywhere, including Saren's krogan stooges, but Shepard left those to an angry Wrex while _she_ dealt with the geth. Seemed fair. Though the krogan were tough, there were a lot more geth.

Eventually, they came across another claw, and Shepard smiled smugly at Wrex.

"What?"

"Look where it is."

Wrex scrutinised the opening that the claw had made use of, then gave a low sound of approval. It was an open shuttle bay door, and as such, it was a _hydraulic_ door. Powerful enough to sever that claw.

"I can see you're with me. So, all we have to do is find the control panel and over-ride the safety program," Shepard said, breezily.

They moved towards the next room, then quickly flung themselves to either side of the doorway. Shepard peered cautiously around the wall and sighed as she surveyed the room beyond. "Why can't anything be easy?" she moaned.

"If it was easy, it wouldn't be fun," grinned Wrex.

"Hm. That's the spirit." There were a lot of geth in here, including some of the big ones, just like the one on Eden Prime. "You can throw with your biotics, right?"

Wrex practically rolled his eyes at her. "Don't worry. I'll protect you."

"Thanks, buddy," and she stormed into the room.

Several dodged rockets, a lot of gunfire, and a couple of throws later, and they were free to make their way to the shuttle bay door's console. Shepard wasted no time in by-passing the safety. The geth ship's claw was no match for the power of the hydraulic door and they watched as it severed the claw from the ship, putting too much pressure on the remaining claws which were then pulled from the building, the ship plummeting to the ground.

Wrex laughed out loud at the sight. "Ha, ha! You don't disappoint, Shepard! This was my kind of mission! Kill a bunch of geth, and finish things off with a huge crash!"

"Glad you're happy, Wrex." She keyed her comm. "Alenko, do you read?"

" _Commander! Thank God! I was getting worried! Something's not right with the colonists!_ "

"Yeah, they're being controlled by a brain-infesting plant, and its right there with you under the freighter." She and Wrex were now running back to meet up with Ashley and Tali.

" _Are you being serious!?_ "

"Unfortunately, yes. Oh, and we've all been exposed, so if we don't destroy that thing we'll end up the same. I want you and the others to get back to the ship. Try not to alert the colonists. I don't want any confrontation before we get there."

" _Won't you need back-up?_ "

"We think we can knock out the colonists with nerve gas so we won't have to harm them. Once that's done, I'll radio you to join us."

" _Understood, Comman- Wait a minute!_ " Shepard listened to white noise as they neared the exit, where Ashley, Tali and Lizbeth were waiting. It was a few minutes before Alenko came back.

" _Commander, something's happening! Things are getting hostile! I think they know we're a threat! There are some kind of humanoid creatures attacking! Kind of look like husks but organic! We're retreating back to the Normandy! Avoiding the colonists, as per instructions!_ "

"Lieutenant, we're on our way! I'll be in contact!"

They were nearly to the vehicle. Wrex took the passenger seat next to Shepard, leaving the three women to squeeze into the rear. Then they were crossing the skyway, back to Zhu's Hope.

x

"What the-!" exclaimed Joker as Kaidan, Garrus and Liara ran in at full speed, followed by the sound of the colonists hitting the sealed airlock.

"Long story," Garrus said between heavy breaths.

There was silence inside the cockpit as they listened to the thuds against the ship.

"Well, I think we have time!" said an exasperated Joker. "Is that the colonists!? What the hell!? If they mark my baby, I'm not gonna be happy!" he warned. "What did you guys do out there!? Someone sleep with the chief's daughter or something!?"

"We just have to wait it out. Shepard's dealing with it," answered Kaidan.

"At least we know _you_ weren't the perpetrator, or Shepard would be dealing with _you_!" joked Joker.

Alenko frowned at him. "I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."

"Uh-huh. ‘You get this personal with all the crew?'" Joker had put on a low voice, which was nothing like Kaidan's, then switched to an equally inaccurate high pitch to represent Shepard. "'I don't enjoy it with everyone, though.'"

Garrus was cracking up behind Kaidan, while Liara just looked uncomfortable.

"You’ve been listening in!?" Kaidan gave Joker a stern look, trying to ignore the flushed feeling in his cheeks.

There was more silence as Joker realised he'd just dropped himself in it. "…No! Of course, not! I would never-." He suddenly fiddled with his console and activated the comm. "Normandy to shore party."

" _Joker? Are the others back on-board?_ "

"All three accounted for, but we're in lock-down over here, Commander. Something happened to the colonists. They're banging on the hull, trying to claw their way inside the ship! They're freaking out! I blame Garrus - he's hard to look at."

"Hey!"

" _Yeah, I get that, but they can't do any real damage to that face, so you can kick him out to protect the ship. We're closing on the colony now, just hold on._ "

Kaidan was stuck somewhere between dumbfounded at her ability to be calm enough to joke, and wanting to laugh out loud.

"Oh, thank you, Commander!" grinned Joker. "We'll just wait right here for you, then."

"Ha. Ha," Garrus said dryly.

They all froze when the banging stopped. The colonists were leaving. Kaidan hoped Shepard would be okay. He knew she wanted to save those people, and he was very worried about what lengths she'd go to in order to do it.

-x-

"Commander, are you okay!?" Kaidan ran over to Shepard while she sat herself gingerly on a crate. Liara was behind him carrying the extra medigel Shepard had requested, having refused to allow Chakwas to expose herself to the spores.

Garrus noted the dead colony leader.

"He shot himself so the thorian wouldn't be able to use him to stop us," Shepard said, sadly.

"But we saved the rest, Commander," reminded Tali, reassuringly.

Kaidan bent down in front of Shepard, assessing her many injuries. "You've taken a lot of hits, Commander," he said seriously.

Ashley huffed. "That's what happens when you run straight into the middle of a group of shooting colonists in order to make sure the last grenade takes them all down," she enlightened him, with a shake of her head at Shepard.

Kaidan's heart would have seized if not for the fact that Shepard was right here, fully conscious. He concentrated on tending to her wounds, her body gradually losing its stiffness as the pain began to lessen with the healing lesions.

Liara tended some acid burns on Ashley's arm, caused by the thorian creepers, and Garrus activated the freighter controls, exposing the entrance leading down under the ground. The rest gathered around it, peering into the darkness.

Kaidan helped Shepard to her feet, holding onto her just a little longer than necessary. "Please don't do that again," he murmured.

She looked at him apologetically. "Sorry, no promises."

He nodded in understanding. They were soldiers, and Shepard would do what she thought was right. As would he.

They joined the others.

"Okay, we need to do this as quickly as possible,” Shepard relayed. “According to Lizbeth here, we now have less than an hour before we're thorian slaves, and I don't know about you, but I've got more important things to do than be a skivvy to a brainy plant."

"What about me, Commander?" asked Lizbeth.

"Stay with the colonists. If we're not back in an hour, get to the Normandy and get away from here."

Shepard switched on her gun's light attachment and began descending the carved steps. "Let's do this."

**-x-**


	9. The Thorian and Understanding

They'd all stood there open-mouthed as they looked up at the huge plant, tendrils fixed into the walls at various points to keep it from falling into the abyss below. Saren had already been here, gotten what he wanted from it, and then betrayed it. Unfortunately, that now meant that it wasn't prepared to listen to them, and it immediately went on the defensive. The husk-like creepers came at them in droves. An asari it had cloned, added to the challenge. Biotics came in handy with the mass attack. A singularity could scoop them up as one, a throw could knock a herd off the edge into the chasm. Working together they made their way around the underground chamber, destroying the nodules where the thorian had rooted itself to the walls, until it eventually fell.

A sound nearby had them all pointing their guns, to see an asari fall from a pod glued to the wall. Once she'd re-oriented herself, she faced Shepard.

"I'm free! Thank you!"

"Uh… you're welcome?"

Liara stepped forward, her face stern. "Her name is Shiala. She serves under my mother, as one of her disciples."

Their lowered guns lifted again.

"Talk," Shepard advised Shiala.

"Benezia foresaw the influence Saren would have. She joined him to steer him down a gentler path, but Saren is compelling. Benezia lost her way. She underestimated Saren, as I did. We came to believe in his cause and his goals. The strength of his influence is troubling."

"That is not possible," Liara protested. "My mother is a powerful matriarch. She has a mind of her own. She would never do this because of one person's words."

"Saren has a vessel. An enormous warship unlike anything I've ever seen. He calls it Sovereign. It can dominate the minds of his followers. They become indoctrinated to Saren's will. The process is subtle - it can take days, even weeks - but in the end, it is absolute. I was a willing slave when Saren brought me to this world. He needed me to communicate with the thorian; to learn its secrets. I was offered in trade."

"Charming," griped Ashley.

Shepard considered the implications. How many others were simply innocents used as tools against their will? What the hell was this ship?

"Saren then betrayed the thorian," Shiala continued. "Once he had what he wanted, he ordered the geth to destroy all traces of its existence. Saren knows you are searching for the Conduit, that you are following his steps. He attacked the thorian so you could not gain the Cipher."

"What is that?" asked Shepard, very concerned now, because she'd just completed Saren's goal by destroying the creature herself.

"The beacon on Eden Prime gave you visions, but they are unclear, confusing - meant for a prothean mind. To truly comprehend them, you must think like a prothean. To know their history, their culture, their very existence. The thorian was here long before the protheans built this city. It watched and studied them, and when they died it consumed them, making them a part of it. The Cipher is the very essence of being a prothean."

"Then the thorian gave this knowledge to Saren through you?" questioned Liara, with barely contained excitement.

"Yes."

"Are we talking about melding again?" Kaidan frowned.

Shiala gave a nod. "To understand the visions you must have access to ancestral memory spanning generations. Such knowledge can't be taught, it simply exists. I can transfer the Cipher from my mind to the Commander's, as I did with Saren."

"Do it," Shepard agreed.

"Commander!" intervened Kaidan. "You can't open your mind to someone who was working with Saren!"

"I can assure you, I have no desire to continue down that path. My mind is my own again," Shiala said with certainty.

Terra hesitated as she thought it over, then looked at Kaidan. "I have no choice. This is my only chance to understand that vision. Without it…" She didn't need to continue. He knew they had nothing else to go on. She turned to Shiala and nodded.

Kaidan watched in disquiet as this unknown asari stepped close to Shepard. This was more than Liara looking through her mind, this was Shiala adding something from an alien species. It worried the hell out of him.

"Try to relax, Commander. Slow, deep breaths. Let go of your physical shell, reach out to grasp the threads that bind us, one to another. Open yourself. Embrace eternity!"

The asari's eyes went black as she invaded Shepard's mind, and Kaidan saw Shepard's hands clench. It felt a whole lot longer than the few seconds it must have been. Then it was over, and they both looked exhausted. A small trail of blood trickled from Shepard's nose.

"What just happened? Are you okay?" Kaidan braced her with his hands on her arms.

She wiped the blood away, tension on her face, and gave a tight nod. "All I saw were more visions. It still didn't make sense."

"You have been given a great gift. The experience of an entire people," explained Shiala. "It will take time for your mind to process this information."

"You look a little pale. We should get you back to the ship," suggested Kaidan. He remembered what Liara had said about it being remarkable that Shepard's mind wasn't destroyed by the beacon. More alien downloads couldn't be good for her brain.

"I'm sorry if you have suffered, but there was no other way," Shiala added.

Shepard wasn't finished, moving out of Kaidan's support. "Do you know what the Conduit is? Or where it is?"

"No, I'm sorry. All I know is that Saren believes the Conduit was the key to the prothean extinction."

"That can't be good, whatever it is," commented Ashley.

"You have the Cipher. In time, your visions will clear. They will lead you to the Conduit. I only pray that you find it before Saren does."

Shepard nodded mutely, then turned to go back to the surface. As they emerged, they saw the colonists, lucid and smiling.

Kaidan watched Shepard give each a small smile as they thanked her and her crew for helping them. Shiala was staying behind to help the colonists rebuild, and Lizbeth was also committed to doing right by them. He wished Shepard would head straight back to the ship, but only once she was satisfied the colonists would be alright did she finally lead them back to _Normandy_.

-x-

"Commander? You look… pale. Are you suffering any ill effects from the Cipher?" queried a worried Liara.

"Nothing I can't handle."

Kaidan could tell she was holding back the full extent of her headache again; her brow was creased, the tightness around her eyes apparent. He'd be there for her after the briefing was done.

"I might be able to help you," offered Liara, and Kaidan fought back his immediate feeling of irritation. "I am an expert on the protheans. If I join my consciousness to yours, maybe we can make sense of it."

Kaidan wanted to protest, but it would be for personal reasons. Why the hell had he asked Liara about the melding process the other night? Now all he could imagine was Liara fighting temptation to be intimate with Shepard, right there in the Comm room.

"Do it," Shepard said simply, unaware of Kaidan's internal discomfort, and Liara's feelings for her, as she stood.

Liara did her 'embrace eternity' thing. They were connected, and Kaidan hated the look on Liara's face as she delved through Shepard's head. Was it taking her longer than last time? When Liara finally disconnected, she was breathless.

"That was incredible! All this time! All my research! Yet I never dreamed…! I'm sorry. The images were so vivid! I never imagined the experience would be so… intense!" Liara looked at Shepard with adoring eyes. "You are remarkably strong-willed, Commander. What you've been through, what you've seen-."

"Did you see anything?" interrupted Kaidan, impatiently.

"The beacon on Eden Prime must have been badly damaged. Large parts of the vision are missing. The data transferred into the Commander's mind is incomplete."

"No clue, or hint? Something we might have missed?" asked Shepard, just a trace of desperation in her voice.

"Everything I saw, you already know. You were right about the reapers, but I did not see anything that would help find the Conduit. Maybe Saren found another beacon. If we can find it, it may fill in the missing pieces."

Dr Chakwas entered the room. "Sorry to interrupt, Commander, but I've been going over the scans I took of you all after Feros. It was very subtle, but I found the spores in all of you, except Tali, of course."

"With the thorian dead, do we have anything to worry about?"

"I don't believe so, but they _are_ attached to your neural and nervous systems, and show no signs of degrading. It's something I'd like to keep an eye on."

"Understood. Do what you need to."

"Yes, Commander."

"We're done here. Thank you. Dismissed."

The crew filed out, except for Kaidan. He told himself to go, that if he stayed he'd end up saying more of how he felt, that it wouldn't be professional… He'd told Ash that he wouldn't put Shepard in that position… Then he told himself he was just offering her help, as any friend would.

She was deep in thought, and he spoke quietly.

"Commander." She turned to him. "Can I help with this?" He brushed her temple. Shepard nodded, eyes closing as he positioned his hands, and massaged her headache away. He told himself to talk, keep it business-like.

"You had to make some tough calls today, and there will probably be more. It's good to know you didn't cut corners, take the easy way at the cost of lives, Shepard- _Commander_." He cursed himself. He'd made a slip already. It was hard not to see the woman behind the title, and it was how he thought of her in these moments.

Her eyes opened to look at him. "Yeah, well, I have ethics-" His use of her name suddenly registered. "Wait a minute! _That's_ not the appropriate way to address your commanding officer, Lieutenant!"

Kaidan would have taken the reprimand seriously except for the small smile and her single raised eyebrow. "I'm sorry, Commander. If I'm out of line, just say the word."

He had to admit it to himself then. He couldn't fight it. Didn't want to. No matter how hard he tried she invaded his thoughts when he was alone, his senses when she was in the room. He'd never felt like this before. But would she want to walk this fine line with him? So much was at stake here....

Terra made herself pause. This was her chance to put a stop to it.

Only she didn't want to.

But they were playing with fire... 'Be sure,' her father had said. She'd never had to risk her heart before, and she had a feeling that this man was capable of capturing it completely. She needed to play it safe. "You're not out of line, but there _are_ regs."

Kaidan understood her caution, but couldn't help the niggle of uncertainty in his mind, unsure if they were even on the same page here. "I get you. I don't make a habit of complicating the chain of command. Maybe there's someone else you'd rather… confide in." That earned him a frown.

"Someone else?"

"Uh, Dr T'Soni... Ma'am. It's clear she's, uh, interested in you... as more than a source of prothean data. She's a very interesting lady. Not to my, uh, tastes, but-"

Shepard placed her hands over his, pulling them down from her head, her headache a distant memory in the face of the distraction he made. He was insecure and that got him a little deeper into her heart. "My relationship with Dr T'Soni is purely professional," she assured him.

Kaidan nodded in relief, but he had to admit he wasn't sure where to go from here. The anticipation inside him was overwhelming. Terra Shepard had suddenly opened up a whole new realm of possibility he’d thought closed to him.

Shepard looked at him for a moment before speaking. "Look, maybe I should make myself clearer. It's not the regs that are my issue - not really. I've never exactly followed the fraternisation regulations.”

His mood sank a little. Did she often consort with her crew? He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised - she was an extremely desirable woman - but he imagined her to be more…professional. Which seemed hypocritical an opinion when he was hoping for her to be the opposite with _him_.

“I mean, I was brought up on ships, then went straight into the Alliance,” she explained. “You know what it's like. How little time you get in one place. Being navy is even worse, you're not even stationed with civilians. So… I made my own rule, bending the Alliance regs. Any partner I choose has to be the same rank. Not that I make a habit of it,” she added quickly. “I wouldn't even need a whole hand to count them. But that way, no-one can say I've _abused_ my position over a subordinate, or _gained_ my rank by sleeping with someone with higher authority."

"I understand,” Kaidan said, and he did, but knowing he didn’t fit her ‘rule’ wasn’t encouraging. Another thought occurred. “You… have someone in your life?" Jealousy sparked within him, unbidden.

"No. At most, I have a good friend whom I trust implicitly, and who has a similar attitude to me regarding the regs. He was my first, when he served aboard my mother's ship, just before I enrolled, and we've always seemed to be at the same level, so when we happen to find ourselves in the same place, or with corresponding shore-leave, we get together; two people who want intimate contact but need that connection. Neither of us want anything more from it, and we stake no claim on each other."

Kaidan appreciated her open honesty. "You know, I get that. I do. It's strange how lonely you can feel, even when you're surrounded by people." The envy vanished. Whoever this man was, he didn't have the most important part of her: her heart.

But did that mean he had a chance? He stood frustratingly outside her ‘rule’.

Terra saw the uncertainty return to Kaidan’s face. "Except… then I met a lieutenant, who inadvertently complicated the chain of command…." She couldn't finish, her courage fleeing as she suddenly became very frightened about this situation they'd created. She had to take a step back. "Anyway… you mentioned something about not cutting corners?"

Kaidan took a breath, his head suddenly feeling dizzy with her sudden change in subject. Was she changing her mind? There was a look that had flashed across her face that reminded him of a rabbit in headlights. She was afraid. He didn’t blame her, and he wouldn’t push.

He had to unscramble his thoughts in order to answer her. "Um… uh, remember I told you about Jump Zero? The Alliance made mistakes. The company they hired, Conatix, wanted to learn about biotic application fast, so they hired experts."

"Aliens."

"Right, but the Alliance didn't want to look weak in front of the Council, so they by-passed the usual channels and used turian mercenaries. One of them was Commander Vyrrnus. He took part in the First Contact War, and he didn't like humans. He liked to introduce himself as the turian who 'sat at the helm of the dreadnought that killed your father'. When I said that my father wasn't in the military by that time, that he'd retired, well… he had it in for me after that. He pushed us hard, and a lot of kids snapped. You either came out a superman or a wreck. Some even died."

"My God. No-one did anything about it?"

"They wanted results, and Vyrnnus was getting them. Perhaps too well."

"What happened?"

"... I got payback." Maybe he wasn’t being fair to himself with that comment, and he winced as he waited for her to ask, anxious over how she’d feel about it - about _him_ – once she knew.

She studied him before she spoke. "I don't see you snapping easily,” she concluded. “What did he do?"

Not what did _you_ do, but what did _Vyrnnus_ do. Her insightfulness was astounding to Kaidan – not that it changed his shameful past. "He hurt Rahna. She reached for a glass of water instead of pulling it biotically. She just wanted a drink without getting a nosebleed, but Vyrnnus went mad, broke her arm. I just reacted; stood up, had no idea what I was going to do. Vyrnnus had a knife, right in my face, and I kicked out with my biotics. Everything I had, almost as strong as I can manage now. He flew across the room, hit the wall hard…. I killed him, Shepard. I was seventeen." He couldn't meet her eyes then. She was the first person he'd ever told. Would she be horrified by it?... Like Rahna?

Terra touched his hand. “You didn't aim to kill him."

Kaidan couldn't believe that she had stated it as a given. "Didn't I? You can be so sure?"

"Yes. You wanted Vyrnnus away from Rahna and yourself. You were protecting someone you cared about, and were still in training to control your biotics. At seventeen, you were still a child. Add the emotions created by that situation and it's not surprising that you just let go. It wasn't your fault."

Kaidan stared back at her. Just like that, her clear-cut assessment had exonerated him. He looked at her hand on his – firmly in place, and not letting go. What he wouldn't have given to have had her around back then. He blinked - he should say something now, his brain told him. "The training program was shut down after that, and I, uh... took a long time to come to terms with what I'd done. Eventually, I came back to the Alliance, but it was _my_ choice this time."

Terra had felt herself fall a little deeper at his confession, and his guilt over accidentally taking the life of a man who had put him through hell. "It explains a lot about you. That iron control you have."

"Huh, it's not so iron these days. Seems another charming, beautiful woman is threatening that."

Terra fought to concentrate. "What happened to Rahna? You said before that things never worked out between you?"

His eyes dropped again. "Rahna was a gentle person. She was terrified of Vyrnnus, but after what I did… she was scared of _me_ , too."

Shepard frowned at that, her heart wrenching over the pain it caused him. He’d been let down when he needed support the most. Placing her free hand at his jaw, she encouraged him to look at her. Once his eyes met hers, she spoke. "Then she didn't really know you."

Her faith in him took Kaidan's breath away, and his self-worth reached new heights. "Guess not." Her hand tightened on his in response.

Shepard suddenly looked alarmed. "Are you saying that you thought I might have been tempted to cut corners on Feros?"

"What I'm saying is, that with something as momentous as what we're doing… it's probably inevitable that you'll _have_ to cut corners at some point, and it's not always clear who'll pay for it. And I just want you to know that I'll be there to help you, because you're important to me."

"Important, huh?" she murmured.

The words had formed by themselves, but they were honest. In a matter of days she had somehow become just that. "Very."

Terra became aware that she still had one of his hands in her own - had held on while they'd talked - and she stared down at them. He had gripped her fingers, and now she gently ran her thumbs over the back of his. Panic rippled through her. She hadn’t believed in all that love at first sight stuff…. Was that even what this was? Or was it nothing more than intense lust? Was she really going to do this?... She needed to think. It wasn’t a decision she could make in his presence. "I should go. I'll talk to you later, Kaidan."

He liked the sound of his name as she said it for the first time. "I'd like that… Shepard." Kaidan had wanted to say her first name, too, but he didn't want to push it. He had a feeling she was ready to bolt, that it just might be a step too far right now. He was more than happy with this new place they were in. It seemed they'd crossed into a neutral zone, where titles weren't recognised and they were equal.

Reluctantly, he released her fingers, letting her hand slide from his. As soon as they walked out of the door she'd be Commander Shepard again, and he'd be her lieutenant. They both moved to the door, and reality returned.

-x-

**Dad,**

**Things were so close to going badly today.**

**I killed a unique life-form because I wanted to release the Feros colonists from its thrall. But it had the ability to help me understand the vision. If not for Shiala, the asari used by Saren, we would have lost something vital.**

**It just makes me realise how we're running on a knife's edge. A single wrong decision could jeopardise the galaxy.**

**Could really use a crystal ball, right now.**

**Love, Terra.**

x

**Terra,**

**We live each moment of our lives like that. It's just that the majority of us don't have the weight of a galaxy to bear. All you can do is know that you made the decision with the knowledge you had, and with the best of intentions. The rest is beyond your control.**

**Remember that you're not alone.**

**Love, Dad**

**-x-**


	10. Confessions and Nightmares

Shepard was frustrated as hell. There was no sign of Saren, and she still wasn't able to glean anything useful from her vision. It was like Liara said, pieces were missing - important pieces - and she had no idea where to begin looking for them. They hadn't been idle, however. Her father had contacted her as Admiral Hackett, requesting her assistance with a rogue VI at Luna base, which they had since dispatched, and after a brief stop at the Citadel, they had picked up two more requests, both of which had led them back to the Artemis Tau cluster.

The first was from an asari diplomat, whose sister was supposedly kidnapped. Turned out the diplomat had lied in order to get Shepard to take her mercenary sister out. She got her wish, but she now had one very pissed-off Spectre on her case.

The second was from Admiral Kohoku. A whole unit of marines had gone missing and he needed someone to look for them. Their last known whereabouts had placed them somewhere in that cluster. It didn't bode well that they had failed to check in, but Shepard was determined to find them.

As soon as they neared Sparta, Joker had picked up an Alliance mayday signal, and they were now racing towards it in the Mako. Cresting a low hill, Shepard hit the brakes at the expanse of ground that was revealed, her heart beginning to race.

"There's the transmitter, and that looks like a military vehicle," Ashley commented. They were too far to see clearly, but there was debris around the vehicle. Nothing moved.

Shepard was unable to take her eyes from the scene below, barely aware of the voices around her. All she could see was a large area of flat, soft ground - perfect conditions for a maw. She turned to the others. She'd brought Kaidan, Ashley and Garrus. She only needed one on the cannon, and Garrus was the best shot.

"Alenko, Williams, I need you to leave the vehicle."

There was hesitation as the two soldiers glanced at each other.

"Commander?" queried Kaidan, uncertainly.

"Now, Lieutenant," Shepard ordered. There was a shorter pause, then movement as the two exited. She slowly started to move the Mako down the hill. "Garrus, I need you on the guns."

He moved into position. "You're expecting trouble," he stated.

"Ever dealt with a maw?"

His eyes widened briefly. "Uh, can't say we get a lot of those on the Citadel, Commander. Luckily, I believe we have an expert maw-killer in the vehicle."

"Sorry you got the short straw, but you're the best shot and I need a hit every single time. So you're 'it'."

"I'm with you, Commander."

She was now speeding up as she hit the flat ground, moving towards the harder rock plateaus that broke through the sandy surface.

x

Kaidan worried about Shepard. She’d looked pale, a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead though the temperature in the Mako was cool. Watching the vehicle move from one rock flat to another, gradually getting closer to the transmitter and the damaged vehicle in the centre, he had an uneasy feeling as he remembered Shepard's description of how she and Toombs had out-manoeuvred the maws on Akuze.

She had ousted them from the vehicle to protect them.

"What the hell is going on, LT?" Ashley asked in confusion.

"I think there may be a thresher maw, Chief."

"Holy crap! Should the Commander be going down there? I mean, that's got to stir up bad memories or something, right?"

"We need to find out if Kohoku's marines are down there, and Shepard would never baulk from that."

"Well, let's hope she's wrong," Ashley added sincerely.

As if in answer, the ground erupted in front of the Mako.

x

Shepard had just spotted the bodies on the ground when the maw burst up through the ground.

"Spirits!" cursed Garrus, but he instantly began firing.

Shepard positioned the Mako sideways to the maw, on top of a rock flat, and moved forwards and back to avoid the acid. It went under the ground and they waited. It came up again, close enough to hit out at the vehicle, but Shepard was already moving off to the next plateau, and they resumed their previous technique.

It took another twenty minutes to finally bring it down, and it crashed to the ground within inches of the Mako.

Despite their success, Terra's heart still pounded incredibly fast and once Garrus left the vehicle she slumped forward.

x

Kaidan immediately started running towards them, Ashley close behind him. Garrus had exited the vehicle and was standing over the maw looking extremely pleased with himself.

"Damn, that thing is huge," Ashley breathed out as she came to a stand-still next to Garrus.

Kaidan ignored it, moving to the passenger side and climbing in. Shepard had her head resting on the steering wheel in front of her, her fingers clamped so tightly around the padded metal, they were white.

"Shepard? Talk to me." Kaidan spoke in a low tone, his hand going to the nape of her neck, caressing gently.

"I'm fine," came her muffled response, but he heard the tremor there. "I just need a minute. A lot of old feelings coming back, that's all."

"I understand. I'll leave you be."

"No," she said suddenly, her head lifting, turning to him. "Please stay."

He nodded, his hand still at the back of her neck.

"I'm sorry I was short with you and Ashley earlier. I didn't want to risk you all unnecessarily."

"There's no need to apologise, Shepard. What you did was unbelievably brave. I know it couldn't have been easy for you, knowing what you were going in to."

"Yeah, but I was surprised by my reaction. I thought I could deal with it. Then the maw appeared, and I functioned but… but inside I'm a mess."

"Shepard, you expect too much from yourself. I think you handled that better than anyone else could, especially considering your past experience." Leaving his left hand at her nape, he reached with his other to gently run a finger along the scar on her face. "You're only human, Shepard."

"Only human, huh?" she smiled.

"Heh!" he grinned. "Yeah. Believe it or not."

Terra realised her heart was thudding for a whole new reason. "Thank you, Kaidan."

Their eyes lingered, then they gravitated closer to each other, his hand at her nape gently discouraging any kind of retreat – not that she wanted to….

The sound of her door opening had him releasing her as they jerked apart.

"Commander, they're Kohoku's men," informed Ashley, peering solemnly in. "All accounted for. Garrus is disabling the transmitter now."

Stamping out her unfair irritation at the interruption, Shepard focused. "Thank you, Williams. I'll notify the Admiral as soon as we're back on board." She activated her comm. "Joker, bring the Normandy in to our position. We have Alliance bodies to pick up."

" _Aye, aye, Commander,_ " responded a serious Joker.

She sighed as she peered through the open door to the bodies beyond. She wished she could have saved them. Then she focused on the transmitter, and frowned. “The marines would never have had time to put that in place; maws hit hard and fast…. Joker, when did the transmitter start sending its signal?"

" _It's dated two weeks- … Shit, Commander! A week **before** the marines went missing!_ "

"Another Alliance team's?" queried Ashley, looking around for evidence of another platoon.

Shepard shook her head. "No one could get a transmitter set up in those conditions. They'd be sitting ducks on the ground. I'm betting it was planted from the safety of a shuttle."

"It was a trap!?" exclaimed Kaidan with a look of disbelief and disgust.

"Looks like it." She felt sickened.

Garrus had joined them. "Who would do something like that!?"

"I don't know. Unfortunately, we have enough to deal with. All we can do is pass this on to Admiral Kohoku to investigate."

The _Normandy_ came into view, and they began the grisly task of gathering the bodies.

-x-

-x-

Kohoku had been like Captain Ahab after Moby Dick when Shepard gave him the news. He vowed to be in touch once he'd found something.

" _Commander, you've got a request for a personal call. It's weird. It's all encrypted and everything. I can't tell who it's from._ "

Shepard knew. She sent a report on every mission she undertook, detailing everything as it happened. The search for the missing marines on Edolus was no exception. Her father would have read about the thresher maw, and now he was checking up on her. "Put it through, Joker. No eavesdropping."

" _No..?- but I- **what?-** as if I would, Commander!_" he spluttered back. When he received only silence, he went moody. " _Putting it through._ "

Terra stepped into the Comm room, and answered the call. "Hey, Dad."

" _Terra, how are you doing? That had to be difficult._ "

"I won't lie. At the time it brought it all back, in all its acid-spitting glory… but we got through it, and I'm okay. Not sure how I'll sleep tonight, though." She gave a weak laugh.

" _Terra, make sure you get some help if it becomes a problem. You need to be on top of your game right now._ "

She could see his frown in her mind. After Akuze she'd had terrible nightmares so bad that she had delayed sleep until she was so exhausted she had collapsed. Thankfully, she had still been on leave, but it was her father who had found her on the floor of the kitchen in the rented retreat he'd gotten to help her recuperate. "Don't worry. Lesson learnt. I promise I'll go see Dr Chakwas at the first sign of a nightmare."

" _Good. You're too important._ "

"Can't have humanity's first Spectre fainting," she said sarcastically.

" _I meant important to **me** , Terra._"

She was silent for a moment. "I know that. I love you, dad."

" _Take care of yourself, Terra. I love you too, sweetheart._ "

They signed off and Terra ran her hands over her face. She really wasn't looking forward to sleeping.

-x-

"I have to say, I'm surprised you're willing to fight krogan, Wrex," Garrus said casually.

They were all ensconced around the table for their evening meal.

Wrex waved his hand, dismissively. "I gave up on the krogan a long time ago. We used to be a proud and fierce nation. Now we're just brutes for hire. We've forgotten our roots."

Shepard looked up from her plate. "Aren't your people trying to find a cure?"

"When's the last time you saw a krogan scientist?"

"So, that's it? You'd rather be a merc than try to help your people?"

"I'm a fighter."

"So am I. I fight for those who have the right to live in peace. And right now, I'm fighting for every single one of us and our right to exist. Whether you acknowledge it or not, you're doing the same by helping me. So why not fight for the krogan right to exist?"

"What the hell do you expect me to do about it, Shepard?"

"Try."

"I did, and I gave up," he said, gruffly. "They're a lost cause."

"What happened?" wondered Shepard.

He took a deep rumbling breath. "I was betrayed. After the genophage, I told the other clans that we needed to forget about war, to focus on breeding, at least for one generation. I was getting through, too. But my father didn't like that. He wanted to continue fighting. Turians. Salarians. Each other. Didn't matter. He arranged a meeting on neutral ground. The Hollows. The resting place of our ancestors. Sacred ground. Violence is forbidden there. When he saw that I wouldn't change my mind he gave a signal. His men rose up from the graves, killing those loyal to me. I escaped with my life, but not before sinking my dagger into my father's chest. _That's_ why I left. And _that's_ why I'll never go back."

"Touching family story," commented Ashley, dryly.

"It is what it is. I make no apologies. Yours is any better?"

Ashley just shrugged.

"Military runs in your family, right, Williams?" queried Kaidan, trying to distract from the awful past of Wrex. "Anyone we might have heard of?"

"Uh… I doubt it, Sir."

"Ooh, that's a fib if ever there was one!" Garrus said, light-heartedly.

Ashley gave Garrus a glare, then sighed in defeat. "I'm General Williams' grand-daughter. The only human to surrender to an alien race? It's the reason I've always been given crap assignments. Until the Commander picked me up."

"Shanxi?" checked Kaidan, now sorry that he'd asked the question.

Ashley nodded solemnly.

Shepard frowned. "Wait a minute. Your service record is spotless, and your technical scores are exemplary. Please don't tell me you've been stuck groundside because you're being punished for your grandfather's actions!"

"Not formally. But I kept getting passed for promotion over and over, and I think my record merits more than garrison duty."

Shepard knew that she would have to remedy that injustice. "From what I understand, your grandfather held out for a long time. He only surrendered to save the lives of his men and the civilians."

"That's… that's right!" Ashley was a little stunned. "No-one's ever seen it like that! As far as most are concerned, he was a disgrace to the Alliance."

Shepard shook her head. "I dug deeper than the standard info given by the tutors. It never made sense to me that someone of your grandfather's calibre would just give up. So I got hold of the files. He clearly reported the devastation caused by the turians whenever his men tried to get vital food supplies from the colony there. His men were starving and if they went for food, innocents were killed. I'd have done the same thing in that scenario."

Ashley was overcome, blinking back tears. "Thank you, Commander. You have no idea how much that means to hear you say that."

Shepard gave her an understanding smile. "I think I can imagine."

Kaidan now had a little understanding over Ash's anti-alien standpoint, though he wondered if she realised that by tarring all aliens with the same brush, she was doing the same as those officers who decided to make her pay for her grandfather’s surrender.

He'd also seen the flash of determination cross Shepard's face as she'd looked at an emotional Ashley, and Kaidan knew that she would make sure Williams finally got the recognition that she deserved.

"What about you, Tali? Any family?" asked Shepard, moving everyone's attention away from Ashley.

"Just my father. He's an Admiral. It's why I haven't found anything suitable for my return to the Flotilla yet. There's an unspoken expectation that I'll live up to my father's example. Everyone's waiting for me to do something great on my pilgrimage. If I don't, it's like I've failed."

Terra listened to Tali with interest, understanding more than ever the reason her parents didn't want that for her. The pressure on Tali was clear to see. "You won't fail," she assured her.

"Garrus, is C-Sec a family tradition?" asked Kaidan.

He nodded. "My father was one of the best. He's taking my resignation pretty hard."

"He's not impressed you're going after Saren?"

"He thinks I'm being too rash and impatient. He's worried that I'll become just like Saren. He hates the Spectres. The idea of someone having unlimited power with no accountability…?" He looked at Shepard. "No offence, but he wouldn't like _you_ , Commander, and the fact that I'm working with you really grates on my father."

"I can understand his concern," offered Shepard.

Garrus was confused. "You can? But Saren isn't going to play by any rules, certainly not C-Sec's. The only way to nail Saren is to send someone who isn't restricted by policies and procedures."

Shepard shook her head in disagreement. "Just because you can break the rules, doesn't mean you should. I don't need to stoop to Saren's level to stop him. And neither do you, Garrus. If we don't have principles, then where do we stop?"

Garrus thought about that. "I see what you mean." He cast an appraising look at the human leading them. "I don't think I've ever met anyone like you, Commander."

Shepard laughed. "We're all originals, Garrus. Even you."

Kaidan wondered if it was possible to fall for someone all over again.

-x-

Having just finished showering, Kaidan headed towards the sleeping pods, one of the last to be up. As he rounded the corner he paused as he saw Liara approaching Shepard, who was sitting at the table with a mug, her back to him.

"Commander, I am surprised to see you still up after today's events."

"To be honest, Liara, I'm kind of biding my time. My mind won't switch off."

Liara sat next to her. "I looked into your history. I know what happened on Elysium and Akuze. What you did was truly astounding, Shepard!"

"You didn't need to go researching. And you shouldn't believe everything you read on the extranet. If there's anything you want to know you only have to ask."

"I did not want to bother you. I just wanted to know more about you; to understand what made you into the woman you are. There is something compelling about you, Shepard. But I am not sure if it is appropriate to act on my feelings. I thought there might already be a relationship between you and Lieutenant Alenko."

Kaidan was frozen to the spot. Would Shepard deny it? Relationship was too strong a word at this point, so he wouldn't blame her, but his heart raced with anxiety as he realised her denial would hurt.

"Liara... I had no idea... I'm sorry. …I care about Kaidan. A lot," Shepard answered.

Kaidan felt giddy. For her to tell someone else had to be a good sign. He'd never felt so… alive!

"I had thought so," responded Liara, quietly. "I have over-stepped a boundary. I must admit I feel a little embarrassed."

"Please, don't be."

"You are too kind, Shepard. The Lieutenant is very lucky. I would treasure a friendship, if I have not made it awkward for you?"

"Of course, Liara."

"Thank you. I should retire. Good night, Shepard."

"Goodnight, Liara."

They both exited in different directions, and Kaidan finally got his legs working again. Judging from the happy buzz in his head, he figured sleep was going to be a hard state to get to as he stepped into his pod. He didn't care.

-x-

The night had brought what Terra was expecting. Not of Edolus, but Akuze. Comrades, friends, screaming, melting before her eyes, reaching for her, pleading for her to help them. Toombs' hand in hers, so close to freedom, then gone, pulled under the dust and dirt; the last of her team she had let down. The last she couldn't save.

Shepard jerked awake, her breathing fast, heart thundering, sweat covering her skin. She rose shakily from the bed, stripping off her shorts and damp vest on the way to the shower. She switched it to cold to cool her clammy skin, lifting her face to catch the water. She stayed there too long, until she was shivering. She turned it off and towelled herself dry, cursing as she realised she now had a promise to keep: a visit to the doc. It wasn't something she was prepared to disturb the doctor's sleep for, it could wait until morning.

She redressed in a pair of leggings and a hooded top. Choosing not to dry it, she brushed through her wet hair and walked out of her cabin, barefoot.

At this time of night there was only a skeleton crew so she only encountered a couple of crewmen on the way to the cockpit. It was the best place to chill out, staring out at the stars. It was the one thing that had disappointed her about the _Normandy_ \- how little you could see of space. She was surprised to see the capped head of Joker, and she frowned as she came alongside him. "What are you doing up, Joker? It's not your shift."

"Could say the same about you, Commander," he volleyed back at her, and she sent him a stern look, making it clear she wasn't amused. "I'm more of a night owl, so I wrangled it with Fresno so I could stay up a few hours later. I won't start shift again until late morning."

"Really?" Shepard drawled. "And at what point did you run that change by me? Because I can't seem to recall authorising it."

Joker managed to look chagrined. "Sorry, Commander. Guess it just slipped my mind. Didn't really seem worth bugging you over, considering everything else you've got going on."

"I'm never too busy for my crew, Joker. Just… don't let it happen again." She was too tired to make anything more of it.

"Ma'am." Joker noticed her heavy eyes as she slumped into the co-pilot's seat. "Can't sleep, Shepard?" He’d deliberately breached protocol by dropping her title, testing her reaction. When she just quirked a brow in response, he decided his earlier assessment of her was right: she was a commander he could respect.

"Nightmare," she admitted.

"Huh. Not surprising given the amount of crap you must have floating around in there. I sure wouldn't want to be in your head." He saw her look. "Oh, not that I'm saying you're cuckoo or anyth- Did I mention I like the casual look? Very 'non-Commander'. I like it," he blurted out quickly to cover the hole he was digging himself.

Shepard simply laughed. "Just shut the hell up, Joker. I came here to star-gaze, not to be offended _and_ complimented in less than a minute!" She drew her feet up under her, her attention going to the passing stars.

"It's pretty cool, isn't it?" murmured Joker, appreciatively, as he peered out with her.

"Yes, it is. Add it to the gentle vibration of the ship, the low hum of the engines… It's perfect."

"Couldn't have said it better myself, Shepard," approved Joker.

They fell into a comfortable silence.

An hour later, Joker's self-determined shift ended, and Shepard was asleep. He gestured to Fresno not to wake her as he relinquished his seat to the other pilot, and left for his pod.

-x-

-x-

As the morning shift started, Kaidan was startled to find Shepard curled up asleep in the cockpit. She was tucked up so tightly into a ball she looked tiny. He was tempted to leave her, she clearly needed the rest, but he also knew she wouldn't thank him for not waking her. He crouched down, and spoke quietly into her ear. "Commander?" She immediately began to stir. Her peaceful face, turning confused as she opened her eyes to a view that wasn't her cabin. She jumped out of the seat when she realised where she was, bumping into Kaidan, who quickly steadied her.

"Lieutenant! Good morning! Fresno," she acknowledged the entertained pilot. "Uh, I should go... get dressed." She winced.

"Of course, Commander. And good morning to you, too," Kaidan grinned back. She edged past him out of the cockpit, and he watched her walk hurriedly down the aisle, noticing the skin-tight fabric that accentuated her long lean legs, and her backside… He became aware of a female crewman smirking at him. He'd been caught lusting after the Commander, and he cleared his throat as he felt the hot flush of embarrassment swamp his face. Shit.

**-x-**


	11. Old Friends and Broken Barriers

That morning, Hackett had informed them that Command had received information on a number of geth outposts in the Armstrong Cluster. Four outposts on four planets. They had spent most of the day clearing out each one, but it had soon become apparent that none had been the main base of operations. They had traced a signal coming from a fifth planet. It was another hard fight for an already tired team but they finished the geth units. Shepard had hacked the facility's data terminal, downloading the files. It would provide invaluable information on the geth, though sadly, got them no closer to Saren or the Conduit.

Back on the _Normandy_ the exhausted ground-team started depositing their weapons and armour, except Tali, who checked her suit's seals and then started to head for the engine room.

"Tali! Hold on," called out Shepard.

Tali returned to her. "Yes, Commander?"

"Here." She activated her omni-tool and sent a copy of the geth data over to Tali's. "Don't know if it's sufficient, but I thought it might make a good pilgrimage gift."

Tali was quiet as she held up her arm where her omni-tool was alight. "Commander, I… I don't know what to say! This is more than I could have hoped for! This data will be able to tell us how the geth have evolved since their creation! It will make an incredible pilgrimage gift! Thank-"

"Ah, ah," Shepard interrupted. "Already done. Remember?"

Tali laughed. "Right."

"Um, this doesn't mean you'll be charging off back to the Flotilla will it?" Shepard queried, cautiously.

"You can't get rid of me that easily," Tali jibed. "You can always count on me, Shepard."

-x-

-x-

They were docked at the Citadel, an evening of shore leave given while they refuelled and restocked. Shepard had picked up some credits along the way and was keen to upgrade her team's weapons. They needed the best if they were to get through this. Kaidan had insisted on accompanying her and they strolled through the wards, going from shop to shop making purchases. They grabbed a bite to eat from a stall, then settled on a wall overlooking the Presidium as they ate.

"Hard to believe the danger we're all in when you look out at this," commented Kaidan. The whole atmosphere was simply relaxing.

"Not for me." Shepard tapped her head. "I've seen it. It's always there in the back of my mind."

"Is that why you couldn't sleep last night? Joker mentioned you'd had a nightmare."

"No. The images from the beacon's vision aren't pleasant, but I'm detached from them; they happened to others. It was Akuze. I had nightmares for months after, then they gradually lessened until I didn't have them anymore. Edolus brought it back. I'll go see Dr Chakwas later, get something to help me sleep tonight. I don't think falling asleep in the cockpit will work long-term."

"Hh! Well, you won Joker over. First the cap, then the same love of the ship and space. He said you could share the cockpit with him any time, and I don't think he was being lascivious, either. Just completely sincere."

Shepard laughed.

"Hey, I know you! You're baby Shepard!" The voice came from behind them, and they turned as one. Shepard immediately recognised the man stumbling towards her, though she was saddened by his appearance. He was clearly living rough, the smell of alcohol hung off him.

"Zabeleta!" Regardless of his state, she closed the distance and hugged him.

Kaidan watched with interest as the older man was taken aback by her embrace, then melted around her, his face crumpling as he sobbed into her shoulder. There was a man who was deeply troubled, and hadn't had a comforting presence in a long time. It pulled on Kaidan's heart to see it.

"You disappeared. Mom and I tried to find you. What happened?"

"It just… became too hard. You saw me at the end… I wasn't functioning. It was putting more pressure on everyone else… Your mom, even _you_."

"We care about you."

"And I care about you all, too. That's why I left."

Shepard pulled away slightly, looking him in the face. "But this isn't something you can get through alone. Look at you, Zee. I know what it's like to have something visit you every night, reminding you of the horror, and in the day it sits there waiting for you to close your eyes again."

"Akuze," Zabeleta whispered. "I heard about that, Terror. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

She smiled sadly at the way he always used to say her name, joker that he was. "You have your own demons to fight. And I can tell you from experience that you can't do it by yourself. Tried it. It didn't work. Thankfully, I had people looking out for me. And you do, too."

"Ah, Ter… I've seen the news. You're a Spectre now! That made me damn proud, I can tell you! But I'm not your problem. That galaxy out there is."

"I'm _not_ about to let you walk away again, Zee, and you should know how stubborn I can be!"

He gave a heavy laugh. "Yeah, I remember. Look, kid, what do you want from me?"

"You living again. That's all, Zee. No more drink. No more numbing the pain. You need to start dealing with it; to understand the fact that bad shit happens to the most innocent. It's why I'm out here fighting. You have to remember that there's a whole lot of good out there, too. Maybe, when you get yourself straightened out, you can do something to contribute to the 'good' again."

Kaidan saw the man's posture strengthen as he nodded.

"Here's some credits. Promise me you'll use it for a good meal, a place to clean up and get some proper rest; that you'll get yourself help."

"There's a Veterans Office just across the plaza,” Zabeleta intoned. “I must've stood outside it a thousand times over the years.” He stared right back at Shepard like he might if he was being addressed by someone truly special. “Think this time I'll go in. I promise. Thank you, Terror."

"Keep in touch. I'll come visit whenever I get back to the Citadel."

"I'll look forward to that." He hugged her again, seeming reluctant to let her go - his lifeline when he was so sure he was stuck in the abyss. Then he finally let go and walked in the right direction.

Shepard stood there watching him, and Kaidan came up behind her.

"That was someone important to you?"

Shepard turned to him. "Yeah. He served with my mom of the SSV Einstein. He was a gentle soul, always laughing; he had a love of life. He always made time for me, and I had a riot of a time whenever I was on board. He's brilliant with tech, taught me a lot of what I know. I was aboard when the ship was called into emergency service. There wasn't time to drop me off. A colony was under attack by slavers. Mindoir. Zabeleta and mom were among the soldiers to go planet-side – knowing people you love were down there was a scary thing when you're just sixteen. Thankfully, they both came back, but… Zabeleta wasn't the same. He was tormented by what he'd seen on Mindoir, started drinking to dull his mind. The crew tried to cover for him when he made mistakes, but in the end it was obvious. He was supposed to get counselling when he was discharged, but somehow he fell through the cracks, got himself lost somewhere on the Citadel. I'm just glad he's still alive. I thought for sure that he'd have drunk himself to death by now. Now I just need to show him there's someone looking out for him. He has no other family."

"Sounds like he was something of a surrogate father to you."

She stared at him mutely, her face flashing with guilt. "Yeah, maybe," she muttered.

Kaidan looked at her curiously as she seemed to contemplate something. He saw the moment she made up her mind, her eyes meeting his.

"There's something I need to tell you… about my father."

He blinked in surprise. He'd thought that she was going to tell him something about Zabeleta. "Okay."

"He… isn't dead."

Kaidan thought back to her words during that conversation. "You said your mom 'told' them he was dead." Was Zabeleta her father?

"Exactly. Mom decided that though there was no way for _her_ to avoid the consequences, dad _could_. He wasn't happy about it, but they both knew he had a promising career ahead of him, and that for him the charge would be more severe… because he was ranked above her."

Shepard looked as uncomfortable as he felt at the correlation with their own situation.

"Why didn't she say it was someone non-Alliance?"

"She was on a training facility, and had been for a few months. Too long to have gotten pregnant before she arrived, and though there were people coming in and out of the facility all the time, they were all military. There was no way to avoid it. So she decided to tell them that he was one of the many personnel who'd died whilst on active duty."

"So you didn't get to see him?"

"Oh, I did. Mom would say I was going to go stay with friends to give her a break, but instead she'd drop me off wherever dad was taking shore-leave. It was only a week, every once in a while, but it was enough for us to bond. I loved my time with him, still do, though it's fewer between visits now I'm Alliance too."

So that ruled Zabeleta out. "After all this time, would they still lay charges on him if he came clean now?"

"Unlikely, and they always planned to do just that after a few years, but dad kept climbing the ranks, and they saw how keen I was to enlist. They were worried that I'd be treated differently because of who he is. They'd seen plenty of examples over the years - superior officers would go easier, give preferential treatment, creating resentment among the others in the unit. They didn't want that for me, so it became another reason to keep quiet. That way, what I achieved was on my own merit."

"But your mom's a captain."

"When I enlisted, she was still a lieutenant."

"So… who _is_ your father?"

"Uh… can we leave that one? I've never told _anyone_ about him being alive, let alone who he is. There's only one person outside the three of us who knows. It's not just _my_ secret. It's my parents', too."

"I understand. And I'm glad you could trust me with that. It means a lot."

"So… any secrets in _your_ closet?"

"Huh! Isn't Vyrnnus enough!? No, that's it for me. Anything else in yours?"

"Nope, just dad's identity, but I need _something_ to keep me mysterious!" she said playfully.

Kaidan laughed. "Yeah, that one's gonna keep me up for hours, so thanks for that, Shepard!" He loved the sound of her laughter, the way her smile lit up her face, made her eyes sparkle. He knew with a shocking certainty then that he wanted her in his life...long-term. His heart took over his head. "I want something more with you, Shepard. Can you bend your fraternisation rule for me? Or do I need to get my commander rank, fast?" The words spilled from his lips, and his heart stopped as he waited to hear her answer.

She swallowed before answering. "I figured you for a 'stick to the rules' kind of man. You would risk breaking one?"

"Ordinarily? No. For _you_? Absolutely."

Terra felt a thrill run through her at his statement. Was she really going to do this?... Yes, she was. "So would I. Even my own." She reacted without thinking, running her fingertips gently from his top lip down to his bottom lip, which caught briefly on her skin before it lost the friction. Heat rose to her cheeks as she came to her senses and pulled her fingers away. Kaidan caught her retreating hand and placed a soft kiss to the tips before he let her go.

It was a bold move in the public space, and they both gave a quick scan of the area to see if anyone had noticed. All seemed fine. Their eyes met again, hearts skipping, small smiles breaking out. It was like being naughty teenagers, scared of being caught in the act. Given their age it was downright ridiculous, but sadly necessary.

Terra took a deep, slightly shaky breath. "Come on. We'd better get back to the ship before I lose my mind completely and start kissing your socks off!" She turned and walked a few steps before she realised that Kaidan hadn't moved. She laughed as she walked back, the look on his face one of pure innocence as she grabbed the collar of his armour and pulled him with her. "Nice try!"

"I have no idea what you mean, Shepard!" he laughed with her, falling in step beside her. Damn, he felt way too good!

**-x-**


	12. Bugs and Purges

Everything seemed to kick off at once. Less than half an hour from leaving dock, Shepard had received two messages. The first was a pre-recorded message from Kohoku. He had discovered that the ambush of his marines was orchestrated by a group called Cerberus, an Alliance Black Ops organisation that had now gone rogue. He claimed the group were conducting illegal genetic experiments in order to create some kind of super-soldier. He had no proof, but he did have the co-ordinates for one their research sites. He had uploaded them to her, stating he'd done all he could. He was on the run from Cerberus now.

Shepard had been about to give Joker the order to head there, when her father had contacted her over official channels with intel about geth sighted around Noveria. She had no choice. It was the break they'd been waiting for. There was no telling how close Saren was to finding that Conduit. They had to go.

-x-

-x-

Shepard hated Noveria. The welcome was as cold as the climate, and as usual, nothing was easy. After jumping through hoops to get access to the facility where they now knew Benezia herself was currently located, they'd had to deal with a ton of geth on the way. Then they'd had to get the facility back online and functioning so they could get across to the station, made all the more difficult by more geth and some kind of large acid-spitting insect-like creatures they'd never seen before. It took only a single hit from one of those creatures to make them all realise that these were serious predators - though the acid wasn't as potent as a thresher maw's, she could attest. Shepard didn't know what the hell the scientists were doing in this facility, but if these creatures were anything to go by, it wasn't good.

They exited the tram as it arrived at Rift Station. Only a small elevator was unlocked, which appeared to lead to the living areas, and Shepard, Liara, Tali and Wrex went up first. The doors opened to the view of a barricade, the security guards’ weapons poised to fire until their leader held up his hand to signal they stand down. Shepard approached, noting the exhausted men.

"Sorry about that, but we need to be prepared for anything with these bugs. Captain Ventralis."

"Commander Shepard. What the hell are they?"

"I dunno. Everything's hush-hush here. We're just paid for security. The first I knew about them was when they were ripping apart my men. Can I ask what you're doing here? It's just that we weren't expecting a rescue. Protocol is clear. In the case of trouble, it has to be dealt with internally, and last I checked, the Alliance ain't internal."

"I'm looking for Matriarch Benezia."

"She came through here all right. The board sent her to clean out the Hot Labs. That's where these things came from. Damn crazy scientists. She went in there yesterday and we haven't seen her since. Considering the amount of creatures that are spewing out of that place, it doesn't look good."

"Regardless, I need to check it out."

"It's your funeral. I can't spare any men. It's all we can do to hold this barricade. We've got civilians back here."

"Understood. We can handle it."

Kaidan, Garrus and Ashley had now joined them.

"Okay then, here. You'll need this pass to access the emergency elevator, “ said Ventralis. “It's back the way you came," he gestured.

Shepard took the card from the captain, remembering the second elevator on the tram level. "Thanks. We need to get going."

"Yeah, I hear that-"

The sound of inhuman squealing signalled the arrival of more creatures.

"Oh no! Man the perimeter!" shouted Ventralis.

They all ran behind the cover that the barricade offered just as two of the creatures burst up through the floor vents. It seemed to be their favourite tactic. The large bugs had so far proven sensitive to biotics, so Liara scooped them up in a singularity, and Wrex sent a biotic throw that had them splattered on the far wall. Once they were happy that no more threats were lying in wait, they relaxed.

"Thanks for the help," breathed out Ventralis. "They do that every so often. I don't know why, unless they're just hoping to wear us down. Not sure they can think like that, though."

Shepard looked them all over again. "You've done well to hold up so long."

"Yeah," Ventralis gave a bitter laugh. "Except we're all running on stims."

She made a decision. "I'm leaving some of my people with you."

Ventralis protested. "You don't have to do that, Commander. You're going to need all the help you can get going down in those labs."

"You're all exhausted. A fresh soldier or two can make a big difference." She considered her team. She needed to leave someone who knew Alliance protocol but she'd need Kaidan's biotics on her own team, and she wasn't about to force Liara into a confrontation with her own mother, so she signalled to her and Ashley. "You two stay with Ventralis."

"Aye, aye, Commander," came Ashley's immediate response.

"But Commander! Will you not need me? To talk to Benezia… Maybe I can get through to her!" Liara implored.

"And if you can't?"

"I… I will deal with whatever is necessary. If she is that far-gone then I will gladly end her suffering."

Shepard was conflicted. She doubted it would be that easy for Liara in reality, but she also couldn't deny that Liara's biotics would be a huge bonus against these things.

"Okay. Vakarian, you've got Williams' back."

"Of course, Commander."

She waved the two closer. "Some of these civilians must be the scientists involved with whatever they were doing here. See if you can get any information from them about what the hell those creatures are."

They nodded and ambled past the barrier to take up position, and Shepard led the others back to the elevator. The five of them squeezed in.

As the doors closed, Shepard turned to look at Liara who was standing behind her. "Are you sure about this, Liara?"

"I appreciate your concern, Shepard, but please do not worry. I am prepared for the worst."

Shepard was unconvinced and exchanged a troubled look with Kaidan.

He didn't like it either, but the mission was key, and the fact was, Liara could be crucial. Kaidan just hoped they wouldn't regret it when it came to Benezia.

-x-

They'd agreed that, given his investigative background, Garrus would go talk to the civilians, whilst Ashley helped Ventralis maintain the barricade. She now leant back against the crates, the captain pacing with nervous tension nearby. Ashley decided that it would probably be safest to keep behind this lot - they were so jumpy she'd end up being shot in the back. Ventralis paused when he saw her staring at him.

"So, your commander… Think she'll be able to handle whatever's down there?"

"She's a Spectre, so she has more chance than most."

Ventralis seemed agitated at that. "Spectre!? Since when was there a human Spectre?"

"Since the Council saw sense and sent Shepard after their rogue agent, Saren."

"So why come here looking for the matriarch?"

"She's working with Saren."

"Why would Benezia come here?"

Ashley felt a flash of irritation. "I don't know. That's why we're here." She watched Ventralis run shaky hands over his head, and she frowned. This was more than stim over-use. This guy seemed genuinely freaked out. "You don't need to worry. The Commander will get things straightened out."

He regarded her. "You seem pretty sure of that."

"Yeah. I am."

"Great," he answered, but his tone was the opposite.

Ashley studied the guy. Something wasn't quite right here.

x

Shepard and team had entered the Hot Lab to find only one injured scientist, slumped in a chair. Shepard could see the evidence of acid burns down one side of his body.

"Are you... here to secure the situation?" The man spoke through gritted teeth.

"I guess you could say that. Are you okay?" Shepard stepped aside to allow Kaidan to drop to his knee beside the man, but when he went to apply the medigel his patient stopped him.

"Please… do not waste it on me. I… I am the Operations Director. We must… contain our mistake, or they'll drop bombs on this whole facility."

"That sounds bad," commented Tali.

"What the hell is going on here?" asked Shepard.

"The company, Binary Helix… found an egg. It was rachni."

"What!? Impossible! My people wiped them all out!" Wrex growled.

"Not all."

"But all this is recent,” voiced Shepard. “You mean to tell me that they found an egg, thousands of years old, and they actually managed to hatch it!?"

"Yes. They discover this is a queen. After she lays eggs… they move her to Rift Station, thinking that without her, they can train the young… to be obedient. Create an army."

"Don't you need a male to get eggs?"

"Queens are born with genetic code of their fathers. They can lay eggs within hours… and create a colony in days. It's how they spread so quickly."

"And you say she's no longer here? She's back at Rift?"

"Correct."

"Well, separating them from their mother didn't work," frowned Kaidan.

"It seems like that was exactly the wrong thing to do. I am thinking, without the queen, rachni do not develop properly. They are uncontrollable."

"No kidding." Shepard was disgusted by the whole thing. "These things seem intelligent, and I don't know of many species who would grow up sane without a parent to guide them. I don't suppose bringing the mother here _now_ will do any good?"

"I am afraid… they are likely beyond saving. The only way to stop them is to initiate a neutron purge. It is a blast of radiation that kills… everything within these Hot Labs. The controls are nearby." He pointed a shaking finger to a room at the back. "All you do is insert… the key, and give the VI the destruct codes."

"Okay, give them to me and we'll get that done, but first I need to know where Matriarch Benezia is."

The man went to stand, and Shepard and Kaidan helped him to his feet where he began to pat the pockets of his jacket. "I do not know of anyone by that name."

Kaidan looked at Shepard in confusion, before speaking to the man in front of them. "We were told she came down here to help deal with all this."

The director was now fumbling inside his pockets. "You are the first to come to the Hot Labs since the facility went into lockdown."

Shepard and Kaidan looked at each other again. They both knew what that meant.

"Why would they send us down here?" Liara questioned.

"Because they want us out of the way," Shepard answered.

"Benezia's back at Rift Station," clarified Kaidan. "And considering what we know about this queen being there, I'd guess it's the reason she's here."

"It also means Garrus and Ashley are in danger." Shepard keyed her comm. "Williams." She got no response.

"Here." The director produced the key and codes, which Kaidan reached for just as the vent behind the man flew up. In a split second, a rachni burst up and punched a clawed tentacle straight through the director’s chest and towards Kaidan.

Shepard reacted, shoving Kaidan out of the way but was unable to dive back in time. The claw caught her side, cracking her armour with the impact, and sank into the flesh there. Shepard fell backwards and the rachni flung the dead director across the room. Liara and Wrex dealt with it just as they had with the ones on Rift Station, and Tali and Kaidan ran to Shepard, who was now clutching her side and cursing profusely.

"You have _got_ to stop doing that, Commander!" Kaidan tried to joke as he hurriedly ran a med-scan over her torso.

"Agh, shit that hurts! Okay. You can take the next one. So long as it doesn't guarantee your death - that's a deal breaker."

Kaidan was relieved to see that it hadn't hit anything vital. "Noted." He slathered on medigel to seal the wound, but that would be one hell of a scar. She needed medical treatment, a proper surgical seal, but she was already getting back on her feet. "Commander, you need to take it easy. That's a deep wound. Too much movement and you'll break it open. The doctor's going to need to see to that."

"No time. We have a purge to set off and Benezia to deal with." She keyed her comm and tried to contact Ashley again, then Garrus. No response from either.

Suddenly, the vents that lined the room all began popping open. "Go, go, GO!" shouted Shepard as they raced to the far room, Kaidan first grabbing up the key and codes that had fallen to the floor where the director had stood. They sealed the door behind them.

x

"Rachni!? How can they be rachni!? They're extinct!"

Garrus had meandered through the living areas gently interrogating. Most were on edge, clamming up immediately. A few made bad jokes to cover their anxiety, others were complete wrecks - all perfectly normal responses. No one would say just what they had been doing here, but he managed to ascertain that a volus named Han Olar was right in the midst of it all when it kicked off, and now Garrus was down in the scientists quarters with the volus, who was clearly in shock. Garrus didn't get a response to his question, because a gun was then pressed into the back of his head, and he froze.

"You really should learn to shut up, Olar."

Garrus recognised that voice. The asari scientist. That one, he had been suspicious of. She was far too calm and cold. She had appeared to be meditating, but he had a feeling she was watching him. With nothing else to go on he had pushed his concerns to one side and headed for Olar. That was a mistake. "Let me guess. You're not a scientist."

"I'm here to keep an eye on everyone. Make sure they're playing their parts. Ventralis got rid of the rest of your team - the rachni will deal with them. Now Benezia just needs us to eliminate you and your friend."

Garrus wasn't about to stand there waiting to be executed. His muscles coiled, then he swiftly spun, knocking the asari's arm aside as she pulled the trigger, the shot just missing him. Then grabbing that same arm, he twisted, and the asari yelped as her arm broke. She began to call up her biotics, but Garrus' head was already coming at her. His plated forehead struck the asari's hard, and she fell to the ground. He released his own pistol and shot her before she could regain control of her biotics again.

With the asari now dead, he raced towards Williams, the volus now forgotten. "Chief!" he called into his comm. There was nothing but a strange buzzing noise. He pulled the unit from his head and noticed the damage. The shot from the asari's gun had seared through it. Spirits! That had been closer than he'd have liked! And now he couldn't warn Williams…

x

When Ashley had heard the first shot from within the area behind them, she'd jumped to attention.

"What the hell!?" She'd reached for her comm, but Ventralis had stopped her, yanking the unit from her head.

Another shot rang out from the living area.

"Sorry, Chief Williams, but we've had our orders. The turian's been dealt with," stated Ventralis.

"You have got to be kidding me! We came to help you!" Ashley was full of rage and disgust. She knew there was nothing she could do against Ventralis and his men. She'd be dead before she even touched her gun.

"Matriarch Benezia has the situation under control."

"Benezia!? You son of a bitch! Well, good luck with that! 'Cos you're just a pawn, to be used and discarded."

One of Ventralis' eyes squinted briefly, his jaw clenched. "We'll see. But that won't help _you_." He raised his gun. "Goodbye."

"Screw you!" Ashley was determined to have the last word. At the same time the door behind her opened to reveal Garrus. He sent out a wave of energy from his omni-tool that overloaded all of their guns, and Ashley dived for cover. Garrus had shot every single one of them before their weapons had even recovered.

"Damn, Vakarian!" Ashley exclaimed, getting back on her feet. "I thought you were toast!"

"I have no idea what that is, but if you meant 'dead' then, _please_ , Williams, give me a bit more credit than that! It was _one_ asari! Besides, someone had to come save your ass!"

"Yeah, well, don't get too used to it," she mumbled. "And… thanks."

"Hey, the Commander told me to have your back. The last thing I want is a pissed-off Spectre on _mine_!"

Ashley had to grin at that, then reclaimed her comm unit, and put it on speaker.

"Commander, do you read?"

" _Williams! Thank God! You're in the lion's den! Ventralis is protecting Benezia!_ "

"We've already had a run-in with them, Commander. That's why I couldn't respond, and Garrus seems to have wrecked his comm unit. There's still a few more of the security detail to deal with inside the complex, though."

" _Just hold tight. We've got a neutron purge to set off and a room full of rachni to get through, then we'll be with you._ "

"Understood, Commander. Holding tight." She signed off, and looked at Garrus. "Damn! Suddenly this feels like the better end of the deal!"

"Agreed!"

x

Kaidan quickly activated the VI, inserted the key, and looked to Shepard as she finished talking to Williams. She joined him at the console.

"How long from activation until the purge is executed?"

"One hundred and twenty seconds," replied the VI.

"That's not a lot of time!" exclaimed Tali, nervously.

Shepard understood her concern. Shields were useless against these things and a single breach in Tali's suit could be disastrous. She chastised herself over bringing Tali down here. She'd made the decision based on having to deal with Benezia and her geth, never considering the implications of the large rachni presence. Her concern over Liara had over-ridden everything else. That wasn't acceptable to her.

"It's plenty of time," responded a nonchalant Wrex. "Run fast."

"I doubt it will be that easy, Wrex," advised Liara.

"There's no reason why it couldn't be," debated Kaidan. "They're confined in a single area. If the three of us can muster a strong throw, each in different directions, most of them should be hit. It should at least clear a path long enough for us to get back to the elevator."

"Then it's decided,” said Shepard. “Kaidan will take centre, Wrex left, Liara right. Tali stay right behind them - they can be your shields, and I'll bring up the rear." Shepard nodded for Kaidan to start the process and he instructed the VI to initiate the neutron purge, reading out the codes.

"Verified. Code Omega execution in 120 seconds," chimed the VI.

They were already at the door, getting into positions. Kaidan unlocked the door and they ran full-speed down the small corridor that separated the two rooms, those with biotics drawing up every bit of energy that they could. The number of rachni in the room beyond was jaw-dropping, but no-one faltered. Kaidan, Wrex and Liara entered the main room and unleased their biotics. Rachni flew into the walls, and the path ahead was cleared. They didn't stop running until they were inside the elevator, Kaidan hitting the button to get the door closed as soon as he passed it. Shepard was the last in, her gun firing, but the doors were taking too long to close. The rachni were recovering. Liara initiated a singularity which stopped them from getting too close but beyond them, more rachni were sensible enough not to try, and they reared back to spit acid. Finally the doors started to slide shut but not before a stream of acid was sent flying towards them. The lift wasn't large enough to move out of the way, and Kaidan was about to grab Shepard, to spin them so he could take the hit, but Wrex's bulk knocked him as the krogan moved.

Wrex was having the same thought as Kaidan, and figured he probably owed her one, so he grabbed Shepard and yanked her into his place as he stepped into hers, placing his back to the door. He heard the sizzle of the acid as it hit his hump, then felt the burn. He growled at the pain.

Thankfully, the doors were now closed. The countdown at 90 seconds remaining. No one could relax. They all wanted out of this elevator. The doors opened onto the tram station and they exited in relief. The sound of the purge and the squeal of rachni followed them out, then there was silence.

"Wrex. You shouldn't have put yourself in harm's way for me, but thank you." Shepard patted his arm as they made their way into the second elevator that would take them back to the living areas. She thought he probably wouldn't appreciate a big show of appreciation.

Wrex shrugged. "You're soft, I'm not." He swatted Kaidan away when he tried to administer to the wound. "Leave it be. A little pain helps focus the mind."

"Really?" Kaidan answered in disbelief. "Because that sounds like stubbornness to me. You don't have anything to prove here, Wrex. I'm sure we'll all acquiesce to your superior strength and pain tolerance."

"Speak for yourself, Alenko," smirked Shepard.

Wrex's rumbling laugh filled the small space. He slapped a heavy hand on her back, nearly sending her face-first into the doors. "I think I'm starting to like you, Shepard."

"Yay," she replied dryly, but she couldn't help the smile that followed.

The elevator arrived to reveal Garrus and Ashley, back to back, and guns ready. Ashley was trained on them, and Garrus covered the door leading to the rest of the living areas.

"Well done, everyone. You two uninjured?"

"We're good to go, Commander," declared Ashley.

"Uh, Commander… did you realise you have a hole in your side?" Garrus asked, cautiously.

Shepard looked down. She'd opened the wound during the mad dash in the Hot Lab. She had to admit it _was_ really beginning to sting now.

Kaidan frowned. "Commander, you can't take on Benezia like this. You need a doctor."

"There's a medic inside. Dr Cohen. Not a doctor in the medical sense, but he's the closest thing," offered Garrus.

"The _closest thing_? Why don't we just let the krogan operate on me and be done with it?" Shepard joked.

"She's fine," Wrex stated.

"There, see?"

Kaidan shook his head in scepticism. "Commander, that's not easing my concern," he said seriously.

Shepard laid a hand on his arm. "Lieutenant, we can't afford any more delay. Do what you can."

Kaidan nodded reluctantly and took Liara's offered medigel. While he tended to her, she nodded over at Ventralis.

"Williams, pass the Captain's earpiece, would you please?" Williams grabbed it and passed it over. Shepard swapped hers with the Captain's and activated it. "This is Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy and Council Spectre. Captain Ventralis and those with him have been taken down after hostile action against us. Those of you who remain have two choices. The rachni creatures are no longer a big threat. So… do the job you were supposed to do, lead these civilians out of here, and thereby live to see another day, or stand your ground and face a full team of very pissed-off soldiers. You have ten seconds." She began to count down.

By three, the door slid open and Garrus did a mental count as the scientists, followed by the remaining guards, filed through, hands held high in surrender. Ashley and Kaidan disarmed them as they passed.

"Good decision," declared Shepard. "Wait for each other in the tram station, then go as one group. You shouldn't meet any resistance."

"That's all of them, Commander. I'm sure of it," confirmed Garrus.

"Then let's go find Benezia."

**-x-**


	13. Matriarchs and Bets

Tali had hacked the drones that secured the sealed maintenance area. It was the only place Benezia could be. Now they were at the last door.

Shepard hit the door mechanism, revealing a large squad of geth and asari commandos at either end of the walkways that encircled the central area where Benezia stood. The matriarch merely gave them a contemptuous glare before returning to something in front of her.

Splitting them into two teams to assault both directions, Shepard put Wrex, Tali and Garrus under Kaidan's command, and had them assault the right walkway. With Ashley and Liara, Shepard headed cautiously up the metal stairs ahead of them only able to catch glimpses of Benezia. Whatever she was doing, she was engrossed in it. That meant it was important.

Liara's singularity did wonders with the grouped geth and asari commandoes, and Shepard overloaded the synthetics so they exploded, further damaging the commandoes, which Ashley finished off. Her Chief then moved forward, aiming for Benezia but was immediately frozen by the asari's biotic stasis field. It left Ashley out in the open, and more of Benezia's troops ran in from the only other entrance into this lab at the other end of their walkway. It took every skill Liara and Shepard had, to take them out before they could hit Ashley. As soon as the stasis field faded, Shepard yanked Ashley back to their crouched position on the stairs, as more troops of asari and geth entered the room. She keyed her comm.

"Lieutenant. We can't get to Benezia. I need that other end of our walkway secured."

" _We're about to round on them now, Commander!_ "

As if to prove his honesty, they saw Benezia's stooges being assaulted from the side by biotics and tech blasts. Shepard and her team did their part and covered the doors until Kaidan's team were in place there, Garrus sealing the doors shut. They moved up the steps opposite Shepard, stopping just before their cover ended.

They had Benezia's full attention now. It worried Shepard that Liara was here for this. Against her better judgement she had acquiesced to Liara's request to confront her mother. Now it was time. She nodded at Liara, who stepped out. Shepard and the rest of them were ready to go.

"Mother!"

Benezia sneered. "Are you here to move me to sympathy?"

"No, Mother. But I do not believe that is really you doing these things. Whatever is controlling you won't allow you to feel such connection. But you must realise this is over."

"This is not over," grinned Benezia. "Saren is… unstoppable." This time her face wavered.

Shepard stood up slowly, moving beside Liara. "Benezia. I know you're in there somewhere. Shiala was freed, and you can be too. _Fight_ this!"

Benezia turned away, her hands reaching up to her head. "I will… not betray him. You will… You-" She turned back to them, her eyes showing fear. "You must listen! Saren still whispers in my mind. I cannot fight him for long… the indoctrination is strong!" It was clear that Benezia was fighting with the indoctrination that Shiala had mentioned. It was frightening to see the powerful biotic struggling with herself.

"Sovereign," Shepard murmured.

"Yes. Saren's flagship. The longer you stay aboard, the more Saren's will seems correct. I thought I was strong enough to resist. Instead, I became a willing tool. He sent me here to find the location of the Mu Relay. Its position was lost thousands of years ago when an exploding star propelled it out of its system."

Liara took a step forward. "You think the rachni queen would know the location. But how? They are an old species but the one held here was hatched recently!"

"The rachni appear to learn even within the eggs. Somehow they pass this knowledge to their young."

"And you obtained the relay's location?"

A look of shame fell over Benezia's face. "Yes. I was not gentle. Here," Benezia handed a disc to Liara, who took it. "I transcribed the coordinates onto it."

Liara looked from the disc in her hand to her mother. "Knowing the relay's co-ordinates is not enough. We need to know where he plans to go."

"Saren wouldn't tell me, but you must find out quickly. I already transmitted the co-ordinates to him while you were fighting. You have to stop… me. I can't… You should… Uuh... You should...-" Benezia was digging her hands into her scalp.

"Mother, I- Do not leave! Fight it!" Liara begged.

"I cannot go on." Benezia's strained face turned to Shepard. "You have to stop him, Shepard."

It horrified Terra that this woman was trapped like this. "Hold on! There must be something we can do to break this!"

"No. I will never be myself again." Benezia grasped hold of Liara's hands. "You've always made me proud, Liara." She suddenly clenched her teeth together, and her face transformed back into a sneer. "Die!"

Shepard knocked Liara back, refusing to let her fight her own mother. Against the six of them, Benezia didn't last long.

The matriarch fell to the ground, her eyes fluttering with her failing body and Liara pushed past them all to kneel at her mother's side. She picked up her mother's limp hand and Benezia looked back at her, lifting her other hand to Liara's cheek. "Goodnight, Little Wing… I will see you again… with the dawn." Then her hand fell from Liara's face, her head lolling.

Feeling awful, Shepard left Liara to grieve her mother, her eyes on the tank. Only a shadow could be seen inside it. She wandered over to the tank, then jumped back at the sight of the huge rachni as the queen slammed herself against the glass, and inadvertently smacked into Wrex who had been equally interested.

He smirked at her, rapping the thick glass encasing the queen to point out the stupidity of her reaction.

Shepard feigned a haughty look, then did a double-take past him. Behind Garrus, an asari commando, who couldn't possibly be functional judging from the damage to her body, shuffled upright and walked woodenly towards the tank. They all had their guns drawn on the commando, but no one fired. The asari came up beside her and Wrex, then turned, her back to the queen.

"This one serves as our voice," the asari started speaking strangely. The rachni queen was somehow talking through the near-dead asari. "We cannot sing in these low spaces. Your musics are colourless."

"Anyone else having trouble understanding the big bug?" grumbled Wrex.

"It seems the rachni communicate in a different way from us," offered Liara, softly.

"We are the mother. We sing for those left behind. The children you thought silenced. We are rachni."

"How are you speaking through her?" questioned Shepard.

"Our kind sing through touching some thought. We pluck the strings, and the other understands. She is weak to urging. She is ending."

"Why couldn't you 'pluck the strings' of your children?" asked Garrus.

"The children we birthed were stolen from us before they could learn to sing. They were lost to silence. Children know only fear when no one sings to them. The fear had shattered their minds."

Terra suddenly felt very uncomfortable. It was easier to think of them as hostile creatures, than scared children.

Kaidan moved to her side with a sigh. "You were right, Commander. A baby left alone in a closet till he's sixteen won't be sane."

"Was there a way to save them?" she asked the queen.

"No. It was lamentable, but necessary. Now, we stand before you. What will you sing? Will you release us? Are we to fade away once more?"

"Why did your people attack the other races before?"

"We- _I_ , do not know what happened in the war. We only heard discordance. Songs the colour of oily shadows. A tone came from space. It forced the singers to resonate with its own sour note."

Shepard looked over at the body of Benezia, thinking that sounded very much like a kind of indoctrination.

"We would seek a hidden place, to teach our children harmony."

Shepard took a deep breath. To allow it freedom, or to kill it. Shepard had a choice to make….

-x-

"Hope you're happy, Shepard. Bugs are writing songs about you," came an unimpressed comment.

Wrex was angry with her. It was his opinion that she should have finished the rachni, one that Ashley and Garrus shared. Liara was on her side, along with Tali, in that they believed that they had no right to doom an entire species to extinction. Kaidan had yet to make his feelings known. They sat on the tram, holding their wounds, Shepard pressing her hand hard against her side.

"You realise you've just set up another rachni war, Shepard," growled Wrex.

"I don't believe that. You heard the queen: they're not a naturally aggressive species. Something happened to them."

"What's to say it won't happen again? You should have destroyed it." Wrex's voice was hard and unrelenting.

"To deny them the right to live, Wrex? It's not our place to do that. It's no-ones. I've never pulled the trigger on anyone who wasn't trying to kill me."

"They will."

"So we should get in the first strike? Tell me, Wrex: did the salarians have the right to sterilise the krogan?"

She was met by a stony silence.

"No," he said finally.

"So why is that different from the rachni? Didn't the salarians unleash the genophage because the krogan were rebelling? And your species _are_ naturally aggressive."

"Fine. You win, Shepard. You're right," he grumbled. "To destroy them like this is the easier option. Just like the genophage. If they become a problem, we'll deal with it then."

Shepard sighed in relief. "Thank you, Wrex." She couldn't deny, though, that she had her own reservations. She needed that crystal ball again. Her decision had weighed heavy, and she'd walked away none the wiser as to whether she'd made the right one. She looked at Kaidan, needing to know his thoughts.

Kaidan had been taking it all in, thinking it all through. "I'd have sooner let the Council make that decision. We weren't out here during the Rachni War, and I'm not sure we had the right to get involved. Except the Council aren't here, again, or at least only with you as their representative, and for whatever it's worth, I think you made the right choice. Condemning an entire species to death… doesn't sit well, and we shouldn't have that power."

The tram arrived at its destination, and Shepard was more than happy to get the hell out of this place.

-x-

-x-

They gathered in the Comm room for the debriefing as soon as Shepard had been released by Dr Chakwas.

"What's our next move, Commander? Head for the Mu Relay?" questioned Ashley as she sat down.

Shepard shook her head. "That relay could link to dozens of systems. Unless we know exactly where Saren's going, we'd be wasting our time."

"The Commander is right. We cannot rush off blind. We still need to learn the Conduit's location," Liara agreed.

"Who put _you_ in charge? Did the Commander resign while I wasn't looking?" bitched Ashley.

Shepard sighed. "We're all on the same team here, Williams. She's just trying to help."

"Sorry, Commander," apologised Ashley, catching Kaidan's severe look. He'd already had words with her about not adding to Shepard's stress.

"This is a tough mission. We're all on edge. Everyone go get some rest. Dismissed."

" _Commander, I have the Council waiting to speak to you._ "

"Put them through, Joker."

Kaidan left, knowing that she was probably going to get reamed for her decision. He also knew that the last thing she'd be doing was taking her own advice and getting some rest, so he went to the kitchen and made her tea just the way she liked it - sweet, not overbearing, with a little cream. He set the mug on the Mess table just as she walked by. "Commander, thought you might need this."

Shepard eyed the mug longingly, smiled and headed over. "You're a Godsend, Kaidan," she said quietly, stopping beside him. He held out the chair for her and she sat, grasping the mug and taking a small sip. "Mmmm, this is perfect. Thank you."

He took the seat next to hers. "You're welcome. It's nice to see you finding some enjoyment through all this. I'm guessing the Council were hard on you."

"Of course. But do you ever get the feeling that if I'd destroyed the queen I'd _still_ have warranted a dressing down?"

Kaidan laughed, "You're probably right, Shepard." He took a breath. "We haven't had time together since our last chat and… a lot was said. When we talked."

Shepard gave him a small smile. He'd understated it. She could still vividly remember the feel of his lips on her fingertips. "You seemed decisive then, Lieutenant. Why so hesitant now?" A small part of her was beginning to worry that he was getting cold feet about pursuing anything more.

"I don't want to distract you too much. With every step, things seem to escalate. But I don't think we'll be operating without support for much longer. Pretty soon, not even the Council will be able to ignore what's going on. Glad you'll be here when it's over, Shepard. I'm, uh… I'm looking forward to some shore-leave."

She travelled his handsome face with her eyes - the thought of shore leave with him…. She had to take a deep breath. "Damn, Kaidan, I thought you didn't want to distract me!"

He grinned back at her. "Sorry, Shepard, it seems that when I'm with you… no matter how hard I try to take a step back, I end up taking another step closer."

Terra subconsciously licked her lips. "I know the feeling."

Kaidan stared at her moist lips. It was killing him that he hadn't tasted them yet. He'd never wanted anyone the way he wanted her. He knew now that even Rahna had just been a teenage crush. It didn't compare in the least to the way he felt about Shepard. Terra.

He raised his hand to her cheek, ran his thumb gently over her soft lips. She let her lips fall apart slightly, and his insides flipped. She placed her hand on his wrist, preventing him from moving it away, and her mouth opened to press a kiss to his thumb as he had done her fingers on the Citadel, but he could also feel the tip of her tongue slide across his skin. It had him inhaling sharply, shakily. He would have pulled her into his lap at that point, but the laughing banter between Garrus and Tali as they exited the elevator had them releasing each other and backing away.

Shepard cleared her throat. "I should really go and check in on Liara."

"Oh, you're right. Poor kid. I'm glad she didn't have any part of stopping Benezia herself, but it can't be easy to have been there."

"No. I can't even imagine what she's feeling right now. To have to face someone you love at the end of a gun…."

"Let's hope we never have to," he said sincerely.

"Agreed. Talk to you later, Kai- uh, Lieutenant." She silently admonished herself for that slip.

"Commander."

She gave a quick wave to Garrus and Tali who were settling down at the table, and walked into the medbay.

"Please tell me you two have finally gotten it together," Garrus enquired.

Kaidan rubbed his hand over his face. Did everyone know? "It's complicated, Garrus."

"It is?"

"What, you're telling me the turian military don't have rules against fraternisation?"

"We're pushed hard, and they know we need to let off steam, so no, it's not something that's an issue as long as you perform your duties. Though I have to admit, relationships between superiors and subordinates are frowned upon."

"Well, there you go then. And this isn't about 'letting off steam'."

"Yes, Garrus," drawled Tali, "Relationships and 'letting off steam' are two very different things. I think it's sad you two can't be together. You'd make a great couple."

"That's why they're keeping it under wraps. Right Alenko?" Garrus prompted.

"Apparently, not very well," Kaidan responded wryly.

"Oh, that's so romantic!" gushed Tali. "Well, _I_ wouldn't have known if Garrus hadn't blabbed, so I don't think you need to worry."

"Tali, you have your head buried in a drive core 95% of the time! You wouldn't have noticed if Wrex got it on with Engineer Adams!" teased Garrus.

Tali stared at him. "Thank you for that disturbing image, Garrus." She didn't sound amused.

"You're welcome," he added smugly.

"Are you saying it's obvious?" asked Kaidan.

"You two are the talk of the ship, and everyone has some little thing to add to the discussion: an overlong glance here, a longing look there, standing too close, brushing past each other-"

"Okay, okay, I get it," Kaidan groaned.

"But don't worry. Everyone's behind you guys. In fact, there's a bet on as to when you'll kiss."

"What!? When we _kiss_!?"

"Joker, wanted it to be when you 'did the deed' as he put it, but we all decided that was a bit uncouth, so we went with lip action."

"And nobody told me!?" complained Tali.

Kaidan just wanted to un-hear this conversation, burying his face in his hands. Like him, Shepard was going to be mortified.

**-x-**


	14. Shadowy Organisations and Guilt

Binthu was turning out to be an eye-opener. They'd entered the Cerberus base to find it heavily defended. Not enough to hold up long against the four of them. What they hadn't expected to see was the containment area in the centre of the large room, and the thorian creepers inside. At some point someone at ExoGeni had sent them samples. Searching through the logs, Tali had discovered two more bases on the planet.

At the second base they found another containment area, this time holding the smaller rachni. Shepard was disturbed that this organisation had gotten hold of these creatures. It meant that either they'd paid someone on the inside of ExoGeni and the Hot Labs on Noveria, or they had someone of their own on the inside already. Cerberus would have to be dealt with. For now, all they could do was take out the last base.

The third base held one of the larger rachni, but more shocking was the body of Admiral Kohoku.

Shepard knelt beside his body as Kaidan searched for signs of how he'd died. His body was completely intact, so it wasn't the work of the rachni soldier he was trapped with. Then Kaidan found the needle marks on his arm. Cerberus had injected him with something. It angered her that an honourable man who wanted justice for his men had been brought down with a needle. They clearly wanted to shut him up, but it hadn't worked, because Shepard knew about them now. She vowed that once Saren was stopped, she'd focus on bringing Cerberus to its knees. Until then, all she could do was return Admiral Kohoku's body to his family.

Tali had discovered the co-ordinates of another base in a nearby system, and they headed straight there. This one was packed full of more Cerberus commandos and snipers. They were proving to be a well-organised and well-equipped bunch, not to mention well-trained too. They gave Shepard's team a challenge, but ultimately they fell. Tali tried to access the main computer, but an alarm sounded the second she touched a button. In response, her fingers raced across the keypad as she downloaded as much of the data as she could before the memory was wiped. It was heavily encrypted, but the Alliance would have the time to crack it.

Now back aboard the _Normandy_ , Shepard was at her terminal in the CIC, transferring the data they’d recovered into a single file. She noticed Wrex arriving on the deck, doubtless having one of his restless walk-rounds that never failed to leave her crew uncomfortable as he deliberately eyed him when he passed _close_ by; she supposed a krogan had to get his kicks somehow. Then she was distracted by Kaidan coming from the cockpit…. The way he strolled…. That man was completely oblivious to how delicious he was. _Focus_!

She was about to transmit the Cerberus data to Alliance Command when Joker's voice interrupted her.

" _Transmission coming in, Commander. I think you're going to want to hear this one._ "

"Put it through, Joker."

" _Greetings, Commander. I represent a party interested in obtaining information on Cerberus activities._ "

Shepard was immediately suspicious. "Who are you, and who do you represent?"

" _Who I am is inconsequential. Suffice to say, I'm an agent for the Shadow Broker._ "

Wrex grunted, suddenly interested. Kaidan had also come to a stop.

"You see, Admiral Kohoku contacted my employer looking for information on the location of any Cerberus facilities. We provided that information on the promise that he would turn over copies of all files gathered from the Cerberus systems, to _us_."

"Your deal died with Kohoku. These are classified Alliance files, regardless that this group have gone rogue. I'm not handing them over to you."

" _Be reasonable, Commander. Cerberus was operating outside Alliance jurisdiction. You don't owe them any loyalty. The Alliance is just going to file this information away in some archive. No secret stays hidden forever. Eventually someone, somewhere,_ ** _will_** _deliver it into our hands. Might as well be you. Transmit the files to us and you'll be well compensated._ "

"There's no way to know how much classified information regarding the Alliance directly could be on those files. As a high-end black ops group they could have been privy to a lot. It's bad enough they've turned their backs on the Alliance, I'm not about to hand that data over to another group with no allegiance to anyone but itself; there's no telling where information like that will end up. My loyalty is to the Alliance, not the Shadow Broker."

 _Wow…._ Kaidan smiled, then wondered if it was wrong that he thought her totally hot when she was in full Commander mode, telling people to go to hell….

" _That is unfortunate, Commander. My employer will remember this the next time you need something from_ ** _us_** _._ "

"Keep your threats. I'll throw your words back at you - no secret stays hidden forever. If your Shadow Broker can find information I need, so can I. Joker, terminate this connection."

The whole CIC was practically ready to applaud, Kaidan included. Shepard continually bowled him over, and it was exhilarating. He’d soon be in real need of a cold shower.

"That was a hell of a risk you just took, Shepard," came Wrex's deep voice. "The Shadow Broker's not someone to cross."

"Noted, Wrex, but I won't be a part of it. It's selling out. Kohoku shouldn't have done it. Those marines deserve justice, and we'd have found a way to get to Cerberus without sacrificing our principles. Otherwise we're no different from the rest of these shadow organisations. Kohoku didn't go through proper channels, and he cut corners to get a faster result." She gave a meaningful look at Kaidan as she said it. "And now he's dead, and there's another grieving family to go with those of his dead marines."

Wrex nodded thoughtfully. "You've got a quad, Shepard, that's for sure."

Shepard struggled not to laugh. "Why, thank you, Wrex. I think. Now, did you need something?"

"Nope, just needed a change of scenery. Thanks for the entertainment, Shepard." He trundled off.

"What now, Commander?" Kaidan asked as he moved closer.

"We keep searching for signs of Saren. Something will turn up."

"And Cerberus?"

"Can wait," she said pointedly.

He grinned back at her. "Aye, aye, Ma'am."

Once Saren was out of the way, Cerberus was in trouble.

-x-

Shepard had nearly completed her tour round the ship, finishing in the cargo hold. Tali and Adams were embroiled in their discussion on engine improvements, so she'd left them to it - some things were way over even _her_ tech-minded brain. Garrus was keen to show her his latest sniper modification. She was so impressed she made him promise to do the same to hers, and he walked with her over to Ashley's workstation, where the Gunnery Chief had inherited Jenkins job of weapon maintenance. Garrus took Shepard's sniper rifle and retreated back to his commandeered space.

"Hey, Commander. Just checking in?" Ashley welcomed her. She had to admit she looked forward to their chats. Shepard was the only superior she'd ever had who actually seemed interested about her and really made time to talk. To her surprise, Shepard was someone who had quickly become a friend.

"Of course. Everything okay down here?"

Ashley leant back against her table and accidentally un-paused her vidmail.

" _Oh, and I just saw a vid of your lieutenant, Kaidan Alenko! He's cute! Bye, sis!_ "

Ash stood there with her mouth open as she turned back to Shepard, who looked more than a little uncomfortable. "Uh, sorry about that, Commander."

Shepard cleared her throat. "Any intentions there, Chief?"

"No Ma'am! As far as I'm concerned, that would be kind of like dating a brother. Besides, rumour has it that the Lieutenant's already sweet on someone…." Ashley gave her a knowing look, accompanied by a huge grin.

Terra had to fight really hard not to grin back. "Really? Well, you should know better than to believe ship scuttlebutt, Ashley."

"Uh huh… Oh, you are _good_ , Shepard. You're not going to give anything away are you?"

"I have no idea what you mean." Shepard feigned an innocent look.

Ashley just laughed. "Alenko said exactly the same thing! You two are so perfectly matched! Well, all I'm going to say is that I think you two should go for it. Life's too damn short to dance around things. Love should not be ignored. Although, something tells me you and Alenko are already on that…" She gave Shepard another knowing look.

This time Shepard did smile. In her head, she rolled her eyes at herself. Their undeveloped relationship was already making her stupidly giddy.

" _Commander, I've another of those weird encrypted incoming calls again,_ " came Joker's voice. " _Care to share the mystery?_ " fished Joker.

"Nope. Does that drive you crazy?"

" _If I say yes, will you do an evil laugh while rubbing your hands together in glee?_ "

"That doesn't sound very much like me, Joker. Put it through to the Comm room, I'll be straight up."

" _No fun, Commander._ "

Shepard laughed in a classic over-the-top evil way, Ashley covering her mouth so she didn't ruin the effect with her own laughter.

" _Oh, yes! You are the best, Commander! That's going to live in my brain forever! Putting the call through!_ " he said happily, and logged out.

"You know you probably shouldn't encourage him," advised Ashley in amusement.

Shepard just shrugged. "I figured I owed him one for saving me from your inquisition," she grinned mischievously, as she started to walk away.

"It will keep!" called out Ashley.

Shepard walked past Wrex and went deliberately serious. "Wrex."

"Shepard." She knew that behind her, he'd be grinning, but when she checked over her shoulder he quickly straightened his face. Very cagey.

Inside the elevator, she wondered what her father could be calling her about…

-x-

Shepard stood in the comm room. "Everything okay, dad?"

" _There's something I wanted to make you aware of. Someone is killing former Alliance scientists. I looked into their backgrounds… They all worked on a classified project on Akuze_."

She went cold. "…What are you saying, dad?" Terra asked quietly.

" _I'm saying that even_ ** _I_** _can't access the file, and I don't like it. I think this could be of interest to you, Terra. There's one remaining scientist. I've sent the co-ordinates. Get to him before it's too late. Get some answers, Terra._ "

"Okay," she murmured.

" _Take care, sweetheart._ "

She signed off without another word, her hand shaking slightly. The Alliance wouldn't be involved in that… Yet as she thought about it, she remembered the soldiers on Edolus. Cerberus had lured them there. Cerberus was once a part of the Alliance. Could they have done this before? There was someone who had discovered it, because they were executing these scientists - a family member of one of her dead unit?

She stalked to the CIC and sent the co-ordinates to Joker, then went to debrief her team.

-x-

-x-

They had found the base on Ontarom already under attack from mercenaries.

Kaidan kept an eye on Shepard. She'd explained the connection to Akuze, and he noted the wall she'd brought down. She was all Commander, no hint of the turmoil she must have been feeling inside. He had to admit that he had felt more than a little concern that there was a connection between the Alliance and Akuze.

As they moved through the facility, she remained guarded. There was a good chance they were too late. A door slid open and inside a merc raised his gun at the scientist next to him. Shepard gestured everyone back.

"Stay back! I've got no grief with you! All I want is _this_ bastard!" shouted the merc.

"Please! He's a madman!" pleaded the scientist. "Mr Toombs, you're insane! You need help!"

Everything went into slow motion, as Kaidan zeroed in on the merc's face. His stomach dropped out as he recognised his old friend. His legs took him closer.

"Shut up! You don't get to lie! You don't-" Toombs was yelling, then he did a double-take as he looked at them. "Kaid? My God, is that really you? And… Shepard?"

"Sam!? But… I thought you were dead!" rasped Kaidan, in shock.

"I saw you…." Shepard's tone was hushed, disbelief colouring her voice. "I saw you die… on Akuze! How…?"

"They took me, Shepard! The scientists!" His eyes were wild as he spoke.

"You can't prove any of this! This man is delusional!" railed the scientist.

Toombs looked from Kaidan to Shepard. "They were running tests on the thresher maws. They _let_ those things hit us, just to watch and study!" His bottom lip began trembling, his voice shaking as he remembered. "I woke up in a holding cell. The scientists were delighted I'd survived. Now they had someone to run tests on."

Kaidan was appalled, speechless.

Shepard's hands were white as she clutched her gun, her face pale. "Toombs, I… I saw you go under, I'm so sorry. I should have held on tighter, I should have kept digging-"

"You can't believe Toombs! He doesn't have any proof! I demand a fair trial!" exclaimed the scientist.

"She was there, you bastard! She knows the truth!" Toombs shouted back at the scientist. He turned back to them. "They're part of some organisation – Cerberus - that runs secret tests like this. They treated me like a lab animal!"

Kaidan tried to get his brain to function. "Sam, you need to put the gun down."

"This man deserves to die, Kaid! For Shepard! For me! For everyone else in the unit! Are you with me!?"

"You're better than this, Sam. You're not like them," Kaidan said softly.

"Don't tell me who I am! You weren't there! Shepard, tell him!"

Shepard swallowed before replying, her mouth dry, her voice struggling to form the words. "He's right, Toombs. That man isn't worth it," she replied, a tremor in her voice.

Toombs shook his head in disgust. "What do _you_ know!? You got away with a few scratches and a scary reputation! The rest of the unit died, and I was tortured for _years_ , Shepard!"

"Toombs, I'm sorry you went through that. I'm sorry I didn't do more for you, but I can't change that. All I can do is help you now. Let me. Let _us_." Shepard put her gun away and reached out to him.

Kaidan replaced his own gun. "You're not alone in this anymore, Sam."

Toombs seemed to lose his fire as he looked at his two old friends. He expelled his breath, the gun at the scientists head, lowering. He placed the gun into Shepard's hand. "You're right. I can't let them win. I won't give them control over me anymore. Just as long as he gets a prison sentence."

Kaidan approached his friend and placed a hand on his shoulder. Toombs stared back at him.

"Maybe the screaming will stop now. I don't know." Toombs buried his head in his hands.

"Those bastards can't hurt you anymore," assured Kaidan.

"Joker, tell the Fifth Fleet we need a ship for pick-up," Shepard said into her comm. Her father would make sure Toombs was taken care of, and the scientist detained.

" _Aye, aye, Commander._ "

Terra watched Kaidan lead Toombs out of the room.

"Thank you. I'd have been dead for sure!" breathed out the scientist.

Terra stiffened, then turned to him. He must have seen something in her face because he swallowed nervously as his skin paled. Her jaw clenched. "Thank you?" She grabbed his tunic and pulled him closer, her face close to his, so he couldn't look anywhere but in her eyes. "I didn't do it for you, you bastard!" She let him go and he stumbled back. She turned to leave, Ashley stepping forward to take the scientist.

The scientist straightened himself. "You're all freaking nuts," he mumbled under his breath.

Terra heard it.

The man barely had time to see the fist coming, though Ashley stepped back. The punch hit him square on the jaw and he crumpled instantly, unconscious. He'd be lucky if his jaw wasn't broken.

Garrus let Shepard pass by him, then went to follow.

"Oh no you don't, Vakarian," came Ashley's voice. "There's no way _I'm_ carrying this asshole."

He gave the turian version of a smirk as he lazily grabbed the scientist’s lapels in one hand, not bothering to even lift him completely off the ground. "What's the matter, Williams? Too heavy for you?"

"Nah-uh. Just don't haul trash."

"Ooh, good one."

They walked from the room, the scientist dragging along the floor.

-x-

**Terra,**

**Just wanted to let you know that Corporal Toombs will receive the best care. I'll see to it personally.**

**Cerberus has a lot to answer for. First Kohoku, now this. Alliance Command is taking it seriously now.**

**It couldn't have been easy on you, but you did an admirable thing by talking Toombs down. This way we'll be able to interrogate the doctor - just as soon as he can speak again. I don't blame you. I wanted to do the same when he was brought on-board, for what they did to you.**

**Instead, I satisfy my anger by denying him every written request he makes. It was particularly gratifying to explain that you couldn't be brought up on charges for hitting him because you're a Council Spectre, and that he's lucky you didn't shoot him yourself.**

**If you need to talk, you know where I am.**

**I love you,**

**Dad**

-x-

Kaidan emerged from the lift onto the cargo area. It was vacant apart from one person, the others having ascended to the Mess for the evening meal. He'd noticed Shepard's unusual absence, and Ashley had told him where she was. According to Ash, Shepard had been here for two hours already, and from what he could see, she wasn't close to finishing. He stood for a moment, watching her.

Her knuckles were wrapped and she was punching the hell out of the gym-bag, occasionally swinging her leg to add a kick. Sweat shimmered on her skin. He thought she was perfect. Her proud posture, the way she almost danced around the bag, the strong strikes. It was the reason she was here that saddened him. He could still hear her apologies to Sam. The guilt was still written across her beautiful face. He knew that every hit she made was to a Cerberus scientist, and to herself.

He crossed to her. "Shepard."

She swung around to him, her chest heaving as she panted from the exertion.

"It wasn't your fault."

She couldn't speak, but it was emotion, not breathlessness, that caused it.

"You tried. You passed out. You did everything you could."

"I should have been stronger. I should have gone back to look for him, for his body. He was the only one they didn't find." Her eyes were pools of unshed tears.

"Shepard, no one could have imagined this happening. You're not responsible for what those sick bastards did to Sam. You're human, remember? Just human."

She let out a sob, and Kaidan stepped into her space, pulling her tightly into him with a hand on her back, the other hand sinking into her hair, holding her to his chest. In response, she gripped the uniform at his sides as she shuddered against him.

"I'm going to destroy them, Kaidan. Cerberus can't get away with this."

"And I'll be right beside you when you do." Kaidan pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "You need to eat, Shepard. Why don't you get freshened up, and I'll bring you something."

She nodded, wiping her eyes. Very few had ever witnessed Commander Shepard cry, and she suddenly felt embarrassed by her emotional display. Kaidan caught the blush, and stroked a pink cheek. "Just human," he reiterated.

Shepard gave him a shaky smile. "Thank you, Kaidan. What would I do without you?" He released her, took her hand, and they moved to the lift together.

**-x-**


	15. Decisions and Sacrifice

They finally had a lead to follow. The Council had notified her about an STG unit who had sent a message on an emergency channel, though it was too damaged to make out. This team had been looking into a research facility thought to be used by Saren. The Council had decided to send the salarian Special Task Group to confirm that Saren was indeed involved, before notifying Shepard.

They sped towards the salarian camp, the geth checkpoints disabled along the way so _Normandy_ could touch down safely. Shepard had left Kaidan aboard the ship to liaise with the salarians, and he now walked over to meet them as they arrived.

"Looks like we've just landed in the middle of a hot zone, Commander. Captain Kirrahe's in charge. Seems he's lost a lot of his men investigating the facility here. He was expecting more reinforcements than just us."

The salarian Captain joined them and they made introductions.

"What can you tell us about this place?" Shepard asked.

"It's a research lab. Saren is using it to breed a krogan army."

She wasn't expecting that answer.

"How is that possible?" interrupted Wrex from behind her.

"We believe he's created a cure for the genophage."

"With a krogan army he'd be almost unstoppable!" Shepard worried.

"Agreed. Which is why it must be destroyed."

Shepard nodded solemnly, but she knew Wrex would have an issue with it.

"Destroyed? I don't think so. Our people are dying. This cure can save them."

"We have no choice. We can't make the same mistake again."

Shepard winced at Kirrahe's thoughtless words.

Enraged, Wrex was immediately in Kirrahe's face. "We are _not_ a mistake!" He gave a brief glare at all of them before stalking off.

Kaidan watched in concern as Shepard went to talk to the angry krogan. Ashley went to follow. "Hey, Chief, I don't think you should get involved. No offence, but this needs tact."

"Charming. For your information, I'm not planning on opening my mouth, but I'm not about to let him lose it with the Commander, either. I think we ought to be prepared for the worst, LT." She moved away, weapon ready, placing herself at a distance behind Wrex, out of his line of vision.

Liara was standing just behind Kaidan. "I am not sure I can watch," and she walked away.

Garrus sidled up beside Kaidan, removing his sniper rifle. "I hope the Commander can talk him down. I really don't want to have to pull this trigger."

"Keelah," murmured Tali, who then followed Liara.

"If it's possible, the Commander's the one to accomplish it," was all Kaidan could say, as Garrus sighted down his rifle.

x

Wrex was pacing in front of her. "This is wrong, Shepard. We can't destroy that facility."

"Wrex, you know I wouldn't do this if it wasn't necessary."

He stopped in front of her, getting in her face. "Do I? Help me out here, Shepard. Saren's created a cure for my people. _You_ want to destroy it. The line between friend and foe is looking a little blurry right now."

He suddenly drew his shotgun on her. Shepard didn't respond, except to hold her fingers out slightly from their position at her sides to indicate to Ashley and Garrus to hold fire. They'd been through a lot together, and she wasn't about to lose him. "Think about it, Wrex. Those aren't krogan. They're tools to be used by Saren. You said it yourself when you asked to join my team. Is that what you want for your people?"

Wrex considered her words. This small female human had shown a lot of wisdom in the time they'd been together, and he had to admit that none of her actions had made him question her intentions. She'd shown no preference for one species or another, and always tried to save life where she could. Soft human. She hadn't taken this decision lightly. He lowered his gun. "No. We were tools for the Council once, and to thank us they unleashed the genophage. I won't let my people be used like that again. All right, Shepard. I'm with you."

Shepard felt immense relief. She didn't think she could have handled seeing him killed in front of her. "Thank you, Wrex."

"Just do me one favour: when we catch Saren, I want to be there to make him pay."

"Done."

They shook hands.

x

Garrus blew out a puff of air as he replaced his rifle. "Spirits, that had my heart going! Probably best not to tell the krogan that the _turian_ had him in his cross-hairs. I'll get out of the way," and he walked over to the equally relieved Liara and Tali.

Kirrahe re-joined Kaidan. "I have to say, I wasn't expecting that. I thought for sure the krogan would have to be put down. I'm impressed."

Kaidan smiled with pride. "The Commander's a compelling woman. And she cares about her crew. She wouldn't give up on him."

"Hm. I'm looking forward to working with her."

Shepard was approaching, Ashley with her.

"Well done, Commander," approved Kirrahe. "We'll need all the help we can get when we assault the facility."

"Then you have a plan."

"Yes. We convert our ship's drive system into a twenty kilo-ton nuclear bomb."

"Nice," approved Ashley. "Drop that nuke from orbit and Saren can kiss his ass goodbye."

Kirrahe shook his head. "Unfortunately, the facility is too well-fortified for that. We'll need to place the bomb at a precise location, on the far side of the facility. Your ship can drop it off, but we'll have to infiltrate the base first to disable the AA guns, as well as take out any ground troops. The best chance of success is if my men attack the facility from the front, draw their attention, while _you_ sneak your team through the back."

"That will be one hell of a hard fight for your men."

"I don't expect many of us will survive, but the mission must succeed."

Shepard didn't like that plan, but it was their only option. "My team will leave on the Normandy; what about yours?"

"Once the bomb is set, we'll retreat, hope to outrun the blast." Kirrahe saw the burdened look on Shepard's face. "It's the only way. And I must ask something of you. I'll need one of _your_ people to lead one of my teams. Someone who knows protocol and can liaise with you."

Her heart sunk. She couldn't protect her crew if she wasn't with them.

"Commander, I volunteer," said Kaidan bravely. He knew as an officer that he was the best choice, and Shepard knew it too, though the last thing he wanted to do was leave her side.

" _I'll_ go with the salarians, Commander. You'll need Alenko to arm the nuke," Ashley interjected.

They all knew that wasn't the case. Ashley was just as capable of setting the bomb, as well as Shepard herself. Terra appreciated what Ashley was trying to do - giving her a way out; a way to keep Kaidan with her - but Terra would never make a decision like this based on personal feelings.

Kaidan was frowning at Ashley's words. There was no way he'd let Ashley sacrifice herself so they could be together. "With all due respect, Chief, it's the Commander's decision."

"But the Commander needs you," Ashley's words were weighted with a meaning beyond the battle zone.

"That's enough, both of you," interrupted Shepard. "Alenko, you'll go with Kirrahe's men." Her heart was heavy as he nodded approvingly at her, Ashley sighing beside him.

"Then I'll go and gather my men," finished Kirrahe.

"Captain," Shepard stopped him. "Choose a rendezvous point. Once we've armed the nuke there'll be time for us to pick you up."

"Thank you, Commander. I'll take a look at the layout and get back to you." Kirrahe left them alone.

Kaidan looked between the two women. "Well, this is it. Don't do anything foolish while I'm gone, Ash. And that goes for you too, Commander."

"We'll be fine, LT," said Ashley.

"Yeah, I just…. Good luck," Kaidan stammered.

"See you at the pick-up point." Ashley gave him a friendly punch on the arm and walked off to give them space.

"Is there something you wanted to say, Kaidan?" Shepard asked him, tentatively.

There was so much he wanted to say, but this wasn't a private place. "I just wanted to say: it's been a honour serving with you, Commander." Kaidan hated that they were within view of everyone. Wished that he hadn't held back so long in telling her how he really felt - still hadn't kissed her - and now it wasn't appropriate.

Terra was sick to her stomach at the thought that she may never see him again. "The honour's mine, Lieutenant. But this isn't it." She stepped closer, her voice going low, meant only for him. "As soon as we've set the device, I'm coming back for you. Stay alive, Kaidan. Because Ash was right. I need you." She wanted to kiss him, but instead she briefly caught his hand as she moved past him, her eyes locked on his.

Kaidan clung to her fingers as long as he dared without attracting attention, before they slid from his grasp, their eyes conveying everything they felt inside. Then she was facing forward, walking towards Kirrahe and his men, and he followed, knowing that he'd fight with everything he had, because he knew she wouldn't give up on him, and he would be there, waiting for her.

-x-

-x-

Terra fought harder than she ever had before. She could almost hear the clock ticking. Every delay was longer Kaidan had to fight. She felt a rush of shame at her selfishness. This was supposed to be about stopping Saren. There was more than one life depending on her. But she'd never asked for anything for herself before. Was it so bad to want to keep this one man in her life?

They had to be getting near their destination. The room opened to an asari hiding behind her desk.

"Please! Don't shoot! I'm just a neuro-specialist!"

"Neuro-specialist?" Liara queried. "I thought this was a breeding facility."

"Not this level, though you could hardly call cloning, _breeding_."

Shepard glanced at Wrex. It wasn't a cure after all.

The asari continued. " _We're_ studying the effects of Sovereign on organic minds. Look, I can help you! This elevator behind me goes to Saren's private lab. I can get you in!" The asari quickly unlocked the elevator. "See! Full access. All of Saren's private files. Are we good? Can I go?" She tried inching past them, but Shepard raised her hand, and the asari froze.

"Why is Saren researching Sovereign? Isn't he the one controlling it?"

"It emits some sort of signal. Undetectable. It makes us obey Saren, but I don't think he controls it. Not exactly. Saren uses it to influence his followers. To control them. It's called indoctrination. Direct exposure to the signal turns you into a mindless slave, like the salarian test subjects."

Shepard remembered coming across some of Kirrahe's men, captured long before their arrival. They were empty shells. It disgusted her that these scientists would deliberately do that to people. The fact that the asari referred to them as test subjects told her that this woman had no conscience whatsoever.

"It starts as a tingle at the back of the skull. It's like a whisper you can't quite hear. You're compelled to do things but you don't know why. You just obey. Eventually you just stop thinking for yourself. It happens to everyone at the facility. My first test subject was the man I replaced. I think… Saren's scared it might be affecting _him_. Indoctrination is subtle. By the time the effects become noticeable, it's usually too late. Now I just want to get out of here before it happens to me!" The asari went to slip by them, but Shepard moved to block her exit.

"Tell me more about this signal."

The asari was antsy. "Signal's not exactly the right word. There's some kind of energy field emanating from the ship. It changes thought patterns. Over time - days, maybe a week - it weakens your will. You become easier to manipulate and control, but it's a degenerative condition. There's a balance between control and usefulness. The less freedom a subject maintains, the less capable he becomes."

It was like the thorian on Feros, but synthetic. Shepard needed to consider all this. In the meantime… She regarded the scientist. "I'm going to blow this place to hell. If you want to make it out alive, you'd better start running."

"What!? You can't-! But I'll never-! AAHH!" The asari scientist fled the room.

Wrex gave a low slow laugh as they watched her go.

"You enjoyed that," grinned Garrus, nudging Shepard, and she gave him an innocent look back, which just made him laugh.

"So did I," commented Tali.

Liara had walked to the elevator and called it down, and they crammed in.

Shepard ran through this new information. The ship seemed less like a tool and more like a malignant entity - one that Saren thought was influencing _him_. Shepard was no longer sure that Saren was completely responsible for his actions. She'd seen Benezia's fight with her own mind, and the asari had been a powerful matriarch. But how was it possible for a _ship_ to be capable of something like that?

The doors opened and they entered a two tiered room. Immediately, their focus was on the far end. Another beacon, fully activated. Shepard wasted no time in descending the stairs to the base of the beacon, and with a shoring breath, stepped into its embrace. As before, she was swept up into its pull, her mind bombarded with images, many she'd seen before, but others were new. Her head felt like it would burst, then she was dropped to the ground. She tried to land on her feet but nothing was functioning properly, and she ended up on one knee before she was able to support herself. Ashley and Garrus were helping her up, blood running from her nose. There was a lot more of it this time, and Terra saw the concerned look passing between Garrus and Ashley.

"What did you see, Shepard?" asked Liara, garnering a frown from Garrus.

"Now's not the time. Commander, are you alright?" Garrus' worry was clear.

"Yeah. I'll be fine. Let's go." Her head pounded, and she wasn't looking forward to getting out in the light and heat.

As they climbed back up the stairs, Shepard wiped the blood from her face, hoping she wouldn't have to do that again. Each time was getting worse. She stumbled at one point, her balance still off, but Wrex caught her arm, steadying her with no comment. She appreciated that - the others hadn't noticed, and she didn't want the fuss. No sooner had they gotten to the top, when a holo appeared in front of the beacon. It was the image of Saren's ship, Sovereign.

"I get the feeling something bad is about to happen," murmured Tali, in dread.

The voice from the holo was deep, resonating, and devoid of emotion. Synthetic. " _Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh, fumbling in ignorance. You are incapable of understanding._ "

"I think this is more than a VI, Shepard," warned Garrus.

" _There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own, you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign_."

Terra felt a chill wash over her with her sudden realisation. "Sovereign isn't just some advanced ship. It's an actual _reaper_!"

" _A label given by the protheans, to give voice to their destruction. Your names are irrelevant. We simply are_."

"The protheans vanished 50,000 years ago. You could not have been there, it is impossible!" exclaimed Liara.

" _Organic life is nothing more than a genetic mutation. An accident. Your lives are measured in years and decades. You wither and die. We are eternal. The pinnacle of evolution, and existence. Before us, you are nothing. Your extinction is inevitable. We are the end of everything_."

The arrogance angered Shepard. "There is an entire galaxy, united and ready to face you!"

" _Confidence borne of ignorance. The cycle cannot be broken. The pattern of extinction has repeated itself more times than you can imagine. Organic civilisations rise, evolve, advance, then at the apex of their glory, they are extinguished. The protheans were not the first. They did not create the Citadel. They did not forge the mass relays. They merely found them - the legacy of my kind_."

"Why construct the relays, then leave them for others?" queried Shepard.

" _Your civilisation is based on the technology of the mass relays - our technology. By using it, your society develops along the paths we desire. We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it_."

Behind Shepard, Wrex growled. "They're harvesting us."

"What do you want from us? Slaves? Resources?" Shepard asked.

" _My kind transcends your understanding. You cannot even grasp the nature of our existence_."

"Where did you come from? Who built you?"

" _We have no beginning, we have no end. We are infinite_."

Terra frowned. Everything had a beginning. Even the galaxy had a beginning. Sovereign was a machine. It had to have a creator. Why would it lie?

" _We are legion. The time of our return is coming. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. You cannot escape your doom_."

Terra had never felt such disgust, such anger. They had no right. "You're not even alive. Not really. You're just a machine, and machines can be broken."

" _Your words are as empty as your future. I am the vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over_." The windows blew in, showering them with glass, and the holo vanished.

Things had stepped up a whole other notch now. The extent of the threat was much clearer. Shepard ran from the room. This place had to be destroyed. They had to get the location of the Conduit out of her head and stop Saren from using it.

She needed to get her lieutenant back.

-x-

Kaidan and his team were under heavy fire when he saw the _Normandy_ heading for the bomb site. They had advanced to the AA tower, which was now defunct, but things were dire. There was a small army of geth and krogan here. Then they were being flanked, and he knew they weren't going to be able to get past them. They just had to last long enough to keep the enemy off Shepard. It made his heart sick as he contacted her. "Commander, do you read me?"

" _The nuke is almost ready, Lieutenant! Get to the rendezvous point!_ "

"Negative, Commander. The geth have us pinned down at the AA tower. Taking heavy casualties. We'll never make the rendezvous point in time." Even as he said it, he knew she wouldn't accept it.

" _Hold tight. We're coming to get you!_ ** _"_**

He didn't want her to risk herself. "Negative! Just make sure that nuke is set! We'll hold them as long as we can!"

There was no response, and Kaidan didn't have time to wonder what that meant. He had to concentrate now as geth tried closing in. The other teams were checking in, already making their way back to the rendezvous site. There was no point in them risking more men to give his team backup. The harsh reality of combat. Kaidan's head was beginning to pound from the overuse of his biotics, but he carried on anyway, pushing through the pain. A salarian behind a wall a short distance from him, signalled for his attention and pointed into the air. Kaidan followed it to see a geth dropship heading to the bomb site, and he quickly keyed his comm again.

"Chief, we've spotted a geth ship moving in on your position!"

" _It's already here…! And it's raining geth all over the bomb site!"_ responded Ashley.

" _Can you hold them off_?" came Shepard's voice. It meant she was no longer at the site. She'd been coming for him.

" _There's too many! I don't think I can hold them! I'm activating the nuke_!" rushed out Ashley.

" _What the hell are you doing, Williams_!?"

" _Making sure this bomb goes off. No matter what. ... It's done, Commander. Go get the Lieutenant and get the hell out of here_!"

It horrified him that Ashley was going to sacrifice herself. "Belay that! We can handle ourselves, Commander! Go back and get Williams!"

There was a pregnant pause. Shepard had a decision to make, and Kaidan's heart ached for her. She'd want to save them both, but with so many of the enemy and such a small number of them, she couldn't risk splitting the team. She'd be endangering even more of their lives. Shepard would torture herself over this day. But he knew that she had a crew of people who cared for her, and would get her through it. He just wished he hadn't wasted so much time hesitating. Terra...

" _Alenko, I'll radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the AA tower_."

Kaidan was shocked, as Shepard's solemn voice registered. She had chosen to come for him. "Yes, Commander. I- I-" There were no words.

" _You know it's the right choice, LT_." Ashley sounded so brave; resigned to her fate; embracing it.

As he listened to Shepard saying goodbye to Ash, guilt tore at him. Had his relationship with Shepard, however unformed it may be, had a bearing on her choice? He tried to focus on the fight around him, but his conscience was telling him this situation was the reason for the fraternisation regs. He was distracted, and he took a hit to his abdomen that knocked him to the ground, his head hitting the concrete. His vision blurred. He was the only one left now. There was no one else to hold back the enemy. Above him, a shadow blocked the light, the synthetic sounds of a geth, a gun pointed at his head.

He had failed Shepard, and Ash would die for nothing.

A shot came from somewhere behind him, and the shadow fell away. Kaidan tried to see, only making out a fuzzy shape, others behind. Shepard. He tried to get to his feet but he couldn't get his balance. He wasn't sure whether it was the concussion or the migraine causing the failure in his equilibrium, and the pain at his side wasn't helping. He closed his eyes, willing his head to sort itself out, conscious of the lack of time before the nuke would go off.

A loud explosion rocked through the area. He could just make out Shepard's figure diving for cover. Saren was taunting her. For her part, she remained cool, making Saren question his sanity, something about him being indoctrinated by the ship. It was too much for Kaidan's head to process at that moment. Then the fight was back on.

Kaidan's vision had cleared slightly, and he could see Saren on some kind of hovering device. It gave him an advantage over most of the others, as he zoomed about, giving them no easy target, but Shepard and Garrus were crack-shots, and between the two of them, Saren was soon forced to the ground.

Saren immediately set off a concussive blast that hit them all, save Kaidan, who was still shielded behind the wall. He peered around to see Saren grabbing a dazed Shepard by her neck and holding her over the edge of the platform where it stood above the cliff top. She clung to Saren's arm, and Kaidan fought desperately against his own head. No-one could shoot for fear of hitting Shepard or sending them both over the edge. Biotics could help but Wrex had limited ability that only extended to a throw or warp, and Liara had been knocked out in the blast. Then the loud clanging of the nuke's warning of its final stages distracted Saren, and he turned his head in the direction of the noise. It was enough for Shepard to punch him hard as he swung his head back towards her. Saren released her as he staggered back, and Kaidan saw her feet land only partially on the ledge, her balance off. Kaidan frantically sent out a biotic pull. It was weak but it was enough to bring her centre of gravity back over the platform. He almost passed out from the pain in his head. Saren then fled in the wake of the rest of the team's gunfire, and the clearly imminent destruction of this whole area.

The _Normandy_ was touching down to pick them up, and as Wrex and Tali helped a dizzy Liara, Shepard mutely placed Kaidan's arm around her shoulders so she could help him in, Garrus taking his other side. They ran onto the ship, lifting off within seconds. The ship had one last pick-up at the rendezvous point for any survivors, and then they'd be away... leaving Ashley behind.

-x-

They had barely been on board for minutes, feeling the fast acceleration as Joker throttled the engines to their max to avoid the blast. All of them were silent as they felt the slight tremor of the shockwave touching the retreating ship.

The nuke had detonated. Ash was gone.

**-x-**


	16. Regrets and Apologies

Kaidan was only distantly aware of being led into the medbay along with Liara. He noticed the remaining ground team then lingered in the room, an unspoken need to be together after the loss of one of their own.

Shepard stayed at his side, her eyes immensely sad. But he was numb - still trying to process it all. Losing Ash….

"Will the lieutenant be alright?" Shepard asked Dr Chakwas.

Chakwas had already given him an injection to relieve the pain in his head and was checking his abdomen. "Nothing that can't be fixed. Kaidan will be fine," she assured.

"I can't believe that Ash didn't make it. How could we just leave her down there!?" Kaidan blurted out with the rush of emotion.

The atmosphere was tense as everyone shifted uncomfortably.

"I had to make a choice. There wasn't time to save you both," replied Shepard, quietly.

"But why me? Why not _her_? Was it because of… us?" There he'd said it. It was haunting him.

Shepard looked stunned, and as she stared back at him, he saw how much his question had hurt her. He could see her shrink from him, a wall coming down between them, her face a mask of authority.

"I'm the _Commander_ of this ship and I don't make decisions based on personal feelings, _Lieutenant_.” Her voice was hard. “I won't deny that choice was hard, but I made it using Alliance protocol. As a higher-ranking officer you took precedence over a lower-ranked soldier."

Kaidan's shame was absolute. He should have known better. He knew her. He'd allowed his own judgement of the situation to turn emotional over Ashley. He'd lost his professionalism, and now he had even questioned Shepard's in front of the crew.

"Commander, I'm sorry. I- I had no right to say that. I'm not thinking straight… I lost control."

"Forget it, Lieutenant." She turned away from him and addressed the others. "We're all feeling Ash's loss. But she died because of the reapers. They think they're the pinnacle of evolution. I say they're underestimating us. Sovereign isn't going to know what hit it."

"Damn straight," agreed Garrus, as Wrex nodded approvingly.

Kaidan noted that at some point during Virmire, the ship had become the focus. He'd wait for the briefing, to be filled in. Right now he had to work out how he could possibly fix what he’d done.

"Liara, when you're feeling up to it I'll need you to get inside my head again,” Shepard was saying. “See if that second beacon gave us what we need."

"Of course, Shepard. I believe I only need a little more time."

"Good, then we'll get it done during the briefing. One hour, people."

She went to leave, having not looked at Kaidan since his outburst.

"That hand's broken, Commander. Take a bed," Dr Chakwas ordered.

Kaidan saw her raising her hand as if to check the doc's assessment. The punch to Saren's hardened mandible had broken three of her fingers. But it was her face that troubled him. There was nothing there. No emotion.

"The Commander also suffered from the effects of the beacon we found," Liara supplied to the doctor.

"Symptoms?" frowned Chakwas.

"It was nothing," protested Shepard.

"You had a significant nosebleed, Shepard, lost your equilibrium for a while, and you must have a terrible headache," Liara insisted.

"Then absolutely no more beacons, Commander. I'll need to perform scans, check for any damage," explained Chakwas.

"See to the others first. I'll come back before the briefing, Doctor." With that, she left before Dr Chakwas could object.

"You're a dick," stated Garrus to Kaidan, as soon as the doors closed.

"Agreed," added Wrex. "Shepard would walk through fire for any one of us, that's clear even to me. If you think she'd so easily put one of us above another, than I find your self-importance offensive."

Kaidan didn't need to be told. He'd messed up, big time. To add to that, he was extremely worried about Terra. Physically and emotionally.

"I think we all need to move on. Ashley wouldn't want this," stated Chakwas, wisely, and they nodded in agreement.

"What's a 'dick'?" asked Tali. They all looked at her.

"I'll explain later," said Garrus. Then he thought about it, and cleared his throat. "In fact, never mind."

-x-

Terra had gone to the cockpit, her hand throbbing. She didn't care about the pain. It helped distract her from the deeper one. She sat in the co-pilot's seat staring out at the stars but unable to see anything except what her mind placed there. A white mushroom of nuclear destruction blooming on a planet she'd just left her friend on. Even here, she couldn't find peace.

She remembered their chats about Ash's four sisters, her love of poetry, her pride at being on the _Normandy_ , her determination… her appreciation that Shepard didn't care about anything beyond her skill. In the short time Terra had Ashley under her command, she'd seen Ash fulfil her potential, embracing the chance to use her own initiative. Ash was beginning to see where she could aim next, instead of settling on where she was because she was grateful for getting as far as she had.

It was killing Terra inside that she hadn't been able to save Ash. She hadn't been good enough. Again.

Then her thoughts went to Kaidan. She would readily admit that the choice had been almost debilitating, but she was an Alliance Commander and she had told the truth about making her decision based on standard procedure. In fact, she'd been grateful for it. The simple truth was, if his and Ash's ranks had been reversed, Kaidan would have been left on that planet, so she knew her choice was sound. Hearing Kaidan question it had been like a stab to the heart. Did he really think so little of her, that she would be so selfish at the cost of someone else's life? She thought he knew her better than that - that he saw to the heart of her…. She supposed she'd finally fallen off that pedestal.

"You okay, Shepard?" asked Joker. Sadness toned his voice. He'd been as close to Ash as any of them.

"I will be," she whispered back, her gaze never leaving the stars. "What about you, Joker?"

"I'll be fine - once we give Saren and that ship the finger, right before we nail their asses."

"Eloquently put, Joker."

"What can I say? I have a gift with words."

Shepard finally looked at him.

"We all know the risks, and we know you’d do everything possible to get us all through it. Some things are just beyond your control. We'll do this, Shepard. For Ash."

He was so full of belief – in the team they made, in _her_ – that Terra felt it buoy her above the smothering self-doubt, leaving only grief threatening to engulf her.

"For Ash," she agreed. Then she got up, placing her unbroken hand gently on his shoulder as she moved past him.

x

Wrex intercepted her in the stairwell leading down to the Mess. "Shepard. Things got heated back on Virmire. Know that I respect your choice. It was right. I should have known better than to think that Saren would have actually done something to help my people. Cloning," he spat out in contempt.

"I appreciate what you did, Wrex. You made that decision before you knew the truth about that place. I won't forget it."

Wrex waved it away. "Don't go all soft on me."

Shepard feigned a frown. "Who are you calling soft? I would eat krogan like you for breakfast, but you're far too gristly for my taste." She squeezed past him and descended the stairs, his rumbling laugh following her down.

A quick stop at her cabin, then it was time to visit the doctor, and get the Conduit's location. She refused to allow Ash to have died for nothing.

-x-

**Dad,**

**I lost another one.**

**Guess I should be glad that it doesn't get easier. At least I know I'm still connected. That I haven't gotten numb amongst all the death. I still have my humanity.**

**I wanted you to know that my decision on Virmire was made with Alliance procedure, and was not a personal one.**

**Anyway, I have to go brief the crew. I'll be in touch when we've studied the new vision.**

**Love Terra.**

-x-

Liara came out of Shepard's mind, swaying slightly. This time, Kaidan was alarmed to see even Shepard look pale.

"Tell me we have what we need," Shepard said tensely.

"The vision was a distress call, sent out across the prothean Empire. A warning that came too late," explained Liara.

"What about the Conduit?"

"There was a location. A place I recognised from my research…." They waited impatiently as Liara searched her mind. She looked up suddenly, vibrant. "Ilos! The Conduit is on Ilos! That's why Saren needed the Mu Relay! It's the only way to get to Ilos!"

"Then that's where we're headed."

"Commander, the Mu Relay's inside the Terminus Systems," interjected Tali.

"It doesn't matter. The Conduit's there, Saren will be there, and it's where we need to be, too."

Garrus came forward. "Saren will have his entire fleet there. We'll need the Council's reinforcements to deal with them."

"You're right. I've already notified them about Sovereign."

Wrex grunted dismissively. "And you think they'll change their minds? Sovereign will have to be on top of them before they'll believe anything."

"Nevertheless, we have to try," responded Shepard.

" _Sorry to interrupt, Commander, but Udina wants us to report back to the Citadel. They've received your report and the Council is massing a joint-species fleet to deal with Saren and his geth._ "

"Finally!" Kaidan breathed, relieved that Shepard would get the back-up she needed, and that weight would no longer be solely on her shoulders.

"Then take us back to the Citadel, Joker."

" _Aye, aye, Commander._ "

"Crew dismissed."

The others filed out, but Kaidan stayed behind. Shepard had braced herself over a panel, her head down in thought, her back to the room.

"Commander?" Kaidan wasn't so sure he had the right to address her as anything else right now.

She swung round at the sound of his voice. Her mask went up. "Lieutenant. What do you need?"

"To apologise. Not that it could ever be enough. But I need to tell you that it was _me_ who lost my professionalism on Virmire, and I unfairly projected that onto _you._ I know you. You're too selfless to allow feelings to influence a battlefield decision. You had to make a hard choice, one I know you'll still be coming to terms with, and I never meant to make it harder for you by implying a lack of trust in your judgement. You deserve better than that. Than me."

Terra stared at him for a moment, and he hoped he could see the regret on his face. Then she felt looked a little less burdened. The strike he'd made on her in his moment of grief-fuelled thoughtlessness was healing. "Thank you, Kaidan. I needed to hear that. To know you didn't blame me, or yourself."

"You should never have needed to. I don't know how you do it, keeping 'us' separated from duty.” His heart thundered then as he realised he might have blown that. “If you even still want an 'us'."

"I do,” she said, without hesitation, and he knew he was lucky to have been given a second chance. “But it isn't easy, and it's always there, even in the midst of battle, and I can't allow it to influence me. Every single person in my team has to be equal, or I don't deserve to lead them."

Kaidan absorbed her words. They were weighty words that inspired him, made him respect her even more. Above all, she'd forgiven him, though he wasn't sure he deserved it. He stepped closer to her. "You know, I've never met a woman like you… Terra." His voice was low, even huskier in that moment, as he said her name for the first time.

She gave him a beautiful smile. "You're pretty unique yourself, Kaidan." She moved to close the distance, and Kaidan met her halfway, just an inch of air separating them.

Her hand reached up to run a gentle caress over his lips, just as she had on the Citadel, top lip to bottom, before carrying down to rest on his chest above his heart. Kaidan's insides did flips at the touch of her skin on his, loving the way she did that to his lips; it was something no one but her had ever done. He placed his hand on hers as if to hold her to his heart, wanting to kiss her so badly, seeing that same desire in her… She licked her lips, her hand shaking slightly. He knew just how she felt. But he could tell there was something holding her back.

Terra sighed. "I'm sorry, but I've got to go. I have to contact Ashley's family. It can't wait."

Ashley. Telling her family…. What a horrible task to have to perform. Kaidan squeezed her hand in support. "Absolutely not. And you never need to apologise for putting duty first. It's important. It’s why we're both out here, risking our lives. Just know that I'll be here, waiting for you. Once this mission's complete, it'll be different. At least I hope so…."

Terra smiled wickedly, sending heat right through him. "Oh, you can bet on that." She leaned forward to kiss his cheek, and he returned it, neither of them daring to turn their heads any further. Her wonderful aroma as unique as the woman herself, threatened to draw him in, but she pulled quickly away, like she could sense her effect on him.

Kaidan watched her go, her sweet scent  remaining in the air for just a little longer. This mission couldn't finish soon enough.

-x-

**Terra,**

**Sweetheart, I'm sorry about Chief Williams. And at no time did I ever doubt that you made that decision any other way.**

**We carry those we lose, with us, always. And they'll be there with us still, for every fight to come. In that way, they make us stronger.**

**See you soon.**

**Love Dad**

-x-

That evening everyone congregated as usual, but there was a heaviness in the air. They talked about Ashley, and every single one of them had something to add. It was an unofficial wake, and Shepard allowed them all to have one glass of their desired alcohol in Ash's honour. Shepard knew that somehow the bottles would magically appear - she wasn't naïve enough to think no one would have brought a bottle or more aboard. It broke the regulation regarding drinking on duty, but nobody cared, and nobody exceeded the Commander's quota.

As the meal and the down-time came to a close, they all slowly started dispersing. Shepard was about to get up herself when her omni-tool chimed and she brought up the message. Reading it, she sat back in her chair, deflated.

"Ashley was a hell of a soldier. She more than deserved to be an officer by now," lamented Kaidan.

Shepard looked over at him, only one seat separated them, and she wondered if he could read her mind. "She _was_ an officer," she said solemnly.

"Commander?" he frowned. He hadn't finished his drink, and it sat in his hand on the table.

"Remember when we found out about her grandfather and Shanxi, and her lack of progress through the ranks because of it?"

Kaidan nodded.

"Straight afterwards I raised an official complaint direct with Alliance Command about it. I didn't say anything because I thought they'd take their time. They just came back to me." She raised her wrist where her omni-tool sat. "They agreed with my assessment. She was to be officially recognised as Staff Lieutenant with immediate effect. It was dated yesterday."

Terra didn't know whether to feel proud or devastated by that. It was a strange place to be. How Ashley would have felt if only she'd known…

"The attached message states that her family will be notified of her rank and she'll be recognised as such during her funeral. Alliance Command are also issuing an official apology to her family for her treatment, and that of her father and grandfather."

Kaidan nodded again, then he stood up and moved to place a hand on her shoulder. It was as familiar as he could be with the few remaining crew still at the table, but it was enough to let her know he was there, and he understood how she was feeling.

"I knew you'd be fighting for her. Even Command can't argue with the truth. If only she'd met you sooner. Ashley may not have known, but you always treated her the way she deserved to be. At least she got to see her true worth, thanks to you." He briefly caressed her shoulder before letting it slide away.

Once Kaidan had left the Mess, Shepard looked at her empty glass, then scooted across to Kaidan's seat and swigged back the remainder of his before heading back to her cabin. She needed to sleep. She needed the temporary relief from the scream of injustice that echoed around her head. Why the hell hadn't they informed her sooner…? She slumped onto her bed, closed her eyes, and envisaged the stars, refusing to allow any thought into that dark, beautiful space. It didn't take long for sleep to claim her.

**-x-**


	17. Mutiny and Fraternisation

Shepard couldn't believe it. The Council had refused to listen. Again. They believed that it was enough to prepare the Citadel for Saren's attack - that the Conduit was still nothing but a ploy to distract them - and Udina had stabbed them in the back by agreeing with the Council that the reapers didn't exist. Then, to add insult, Udina had locked down the _Normandy_ to prevent her from going to Ilos herself.

What was she supposed to do? The idea of sitting here, twiddling her thumbs when the reapers were about to attack, was excruciating. They'd made her a Spectre, a protector of the galaxy. Now, _they_ were the ones who were threatening the galaxy with their inactivity, and by tying her hands.

She slammed her hand into the locker, creating an impressive dent. Thankfully the crew were absent. She'd given them all shore-leave seeing as they weren't going anywhere. Only Joker, as near to a permanent fixture as a person could be on a ship, remained in the cockpit. Or so she thought….

"Terra?"

She turned to Kaidan. That voice she loved so much, soothed her ire, but without the anger she was left with frustration and futility. The adrenaline gone, she sank to the floor, her elbows resting on her raised knees, her head buried in her hands.

Kaidan understood how she felt. He'd even lost his own cool in the Council chambers, calling Udina a bastard. After all they'd been through, now it was all rendered pointless. They were so close to the end, but that end now looked bleak. He crouched in front of her, his hands on her forearms, moving up to grip her wrists. "Terra? Isn't there some way we can appeal? Udina placed the lockdown, but we're under Council authority now."

She raised her head to look at him, but he kept his contact. "You heard them in there. They wanted me to 'let this one go'. Official channels have been closed."

"And we're supposed to accept that?" He was sure she was still fighting, somewhere inside that gorgeous head of hers.

"Surrender is not an option. Not with so much at stake. The reinforcements may be out of the question, but _we're_ still in the fight. I just… need to figure things out."

"I knew you wouldn't give up. That's what I lo- appreciate about you." He'd nearly let slip something he thought was maybe too soon to say out loud. "You know you can count on me - on any of the crew." He sighed, shaking his head, sharing her frustration. "I thought we were supposed to be the pride of the fleet. Valued agents. What's the point if we're just ignored over something this big?"

Shepard groaned and re-buried her head. She spoke into her hands, her voice muffled. "Can't you just say 'it'll be alright'?"

He gave a little laugh. "If you need platitudes, I can do that." He pulled on her wrists so she would look at him, his hands slipping up to hold hers. Their eyes locked. "Everything will be fine, Terra. I know you'll figure it out."

"Thank God! There, that wasn't so hard, was it?" She grinned, making Kaidan laugh again.

"I think I could get used to it. ‘How to reassess a situation.’ If it raises morale, I'm all for it."

They were smiling at each other, suddenly caught in a moment.

Kaidan swallowed. "I guess we have some down-time to, uh, figure out what we are." He stood up, pulling her with him. Terra pushed up at the same time and she over-compensated, causing them to crash together. He dropped her hands to steady her, then to hold her against him. His whole body was aware of her pressed into him. Her body trembled under his hands. Kaidan wanted her desperately. He bent his head, slowly, giving her time to stop him if she wasn't ready, but she was also closing the gap. He could feel the heat of her breath whispering a promise of things to come over his lips-

" _Sorry to interrupt, Commander._ "

They jerked apart. Kaidan gritted his teeth at Joker's timing.

" _Got a message from Captain Anderson. Said to meet him in Flux - that club down in the wards._ "

He sighed at Shepard. "Well, I guess you'd better go, then."

Terra had to remind herself that Joker was only doing his job, though what she really wanted to do was stuff that cap into his mouth. Instead, she gathered herself. "Could be important. Interested?"

"I'm there. Go on ahead, I'll catch you up. There's a little something I need to do first."

"Okay." Shepard started to walk away, then called over her shoulder with an amused smirk, "Don't hurt him too much, we still need him."

"Huh! No promises!" he grinned. He waited long enough for Shepard to have exited, then jogged his way up to the cockpit.

x

"Hey, it wasn't my fault Anderson has bad timing!" Joker started, determined to get his say first.

Kaidan stopped beside him, glaring down at him. "You could have held off for just a few more seconds. Tell me that had nothing to do with a certain bet that you're all in on."

Joker opened his mouth to protest, then decided that given Kaidan's thunderous face it was probably best not to try bull-shitting him. "Okay, okay, I'm in for the big win if you guys just hold off a few more hours!"

"I can't believe you! Do you know how long I've been waiting for that moment, Joker!? I was so close!"

"I know! That's why I interrupted!"

Kaidan glowered at him. "Asshole!"

"Ah, come on, Kaidan! Just think how much more satisfying it'll be, having to wait that little bit longer!"

"I hate you," Kaidan stated bluntly. He turned to leave the cockpit. He needed to catch up with Terra.

"Kaidan! I know you don't mean that!" Joker called after him.

"Yes, I do!" Kaidan retorted, before he disappeared through the airlock.

"So touchy!" Joker said to himself.

-x-

-x-

The crew had been reassembled, the choice laid out before them.

They were about to mutiny. Anyone who wasn't prepared to do that, could leave with their heads held high. Shepard expected nothing of them.

Kaidan stood steadfastly by her side as she addressed them and waited for their decision.

No one walked away. Not one. All she received was an applause that astonished her. They approved of her actions, and were behind her 100%, and it gave her a new-found determination.

Back in the cock-pit she waited beside Joker, tension tightening her muscles. Anderson was risking his position too. He was heading for Udina's office to hack his terminal and authorise the release of the _Normandy_ under Udina's name. It was a bold plan; Anderson's own. Shepard and Kaidan had looked at each other, momentarily gob-smacked when Anderson had suggested it. For two of the most loyal Alliance officers, this had never even crossed their minds. Mutiny. Regardless, given the dire situation, neither of them had needed time to think about it. It was a no-brainer. If they didn't do this the galaxy would be in serious shit.

The red light on the panel that told the pilot the ship was secured, suddenly went green. They were good to go. Joker was loving it. It appealed to his non-conformist side. The side that wanted to stick two fingers up at Udina and the Council, with their 'know-it-all' attitude. Shepard, however, had a horrible squirming in her stomach. It went against everything she believed. It shouldn't have come to this.

The ship lurched forward as Joker accelerated away from the Citadel, apparently disappointed at the lack of pursuit.

Terra needed to talk to her father.

-x-

She stood in the Comm room, and activated the external comm-link, routing it through various points to make a trace impossible, to her father's private line. He answered immediately.

" _Terra, Anderson filled me in. It's a hell of a thing you're doing._ "

"Dad, I feel sick. How the hell did it come to this? This wasn't the way it was supposed to be!"

" _Stay strong, Terra. No matter how this feels to you at the moment, you know it's the right thing. The Council have proven that the galaxy has to be under attack before they'll believe it's actually in danger. I'm just sorry that the Alliance has decided they'd rather play politics with the Council than listen to one of its best. I'm prepared to order the fleet to follow you, if you want it._ "

Terra sat there, silent, her heart hammering at his implication. Her admiral father was deferring to her judgement; he'd mutiny with her. She thought it through. "No. The Normandy can get to Ilos undetected. With the stealth system, we can bypass any of Saren's geth ships to get to the surface. From there, it's a matter of finding this Conduit, whatever the hell it is, find out what it does. We don't need a fleet for that. Besides, the Citadel seems to be the focus. They could well need you there."

" _Understood. I'm gathering our fleets in the Andura sector. That way, the Council won't make a big deal about us showing up in force. Wouldn't want them getting the wrong idea. From there, it'll be a single relay jump to the Citadel should the attack happen. But you'll be out there with no back-up. Take care, and know that I support you all the way._ "

"Thank you, dad. You take care too. I love you."

" _Love you, too, Terra._ "

They signed off. This was it.

Shepard trailed back to her cabin, sat at her desk and picked up a datapad. She tried to concentrate on the words but that twisted feeling in her gut refused to be ignored. There were too many hours until Ilos - she'd go mad before they got there. She needed a distraction and immediately thought about Kaidan...

Should she use this time to bring their relationship to fruition? Before things went crazy? Before they headed into the fire? This would be the hardest fight of their lives, so far, and there was no guarantee they'd come through it. Not knowing what he tasted like, what he felt like skin to skin, would be one huge regret.

She made the decision to call him just as he entered her cabin, sealing it shut behind him. "Kaidan! I was just about to call you." She stood, and they walked towards each other, meeting in the middle of the room, a little too close.

"How are you feeling?" Kaidan asked her. He needed to know she felt the same way about this messed up situation. It wasn't doubt, it was disappointment, mixed with anxiety. Her shaky hand as she brushed it through her hair told him everything.

"Weird. I'm standing here in an Alliance uniform with everyone calling me Commander, but we've just defected."

"Yeah, it's crazy all right. We broke our oath to defend the Alliance, so we could keep it! We've mutinied and stolen a prototype warship!"

Shepard groaned, her hands covering her face. "Not helping!"

"Huh, sorry. Just needed to say it out loud, I guess. Still seems unbelievable!"

She dropped her hands. "Are we doing the right thing?" She needed his approval.

"I wouldn't be here otherwise, Terra." He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts before meeting her eyes again. He was nervous, not because of the impending battle, but because this was their chance...to take it the last step. To actually break the regulations. He had to be sure he offered her a way out. "Ilos is going to be hard, especially with no back-up. If things don't go well… Well, I've enjoyed serving under you, _Commander_." It was an affirmation that despite their mutiny, he thought her every bit the Commander she was.

At that moment Terra didn't want to be his Commander. "Kaidan, you stopped being my subordinate a long time ago."

"But, I am, nevertheless. If we do take this further, and we're found out, _you'd_ bear the brunt of a fraternisation charge."

Terra's heart sank. He wasn't sure. "You're hesitating? Even now?"

"Just leaving you a way out, that's all."

Terra had needed _him_ to make the choice. She'd always followed her own rules about fraternisation: _never_ with a subordinate. Yet here she was. As his superior officer, she couldn't, _wouldn't_ make the first move. She needed it to be him, particularly after his crisis following Ash's death. So she lowered her head, unable to meet his eyes.

"You know, you're right: this was a bad idea. We should never have let it get this far. We should keep this professional. I apologise for any discomfort I may have caused you, Lieutenant. Dismissed." She quickly turned away, and going back to her desk, she picked up a datapad, pretending to be interested in it.

Kaidan stood there, struck dumb by her words. What the hell just happened!? He turned, walking numbly to the door. It struck him just as the door opened, and he paused. She'd given _him_ the power. She would never want to risk asserting anything over him because she was his superior. He knew it was hard for her to cross that line. He'd just questioned it, made her think he wasn't certain about them, and so she'd backed off.

Kaidan twirled round, the door sliding shut behind him, and he saw her visibly sag, resting her hands on the desk, her head bowed. She thought he'd left.

He came up behind her, encircling her waist. She jolted in his arms, gasping in surprise. Kaidan placed his face beside hers, his lips brushing over her ear, her cheek, as he spoke.

"Can you forgive an idiot? When we're alone, it's never Commander and Lieutenant. It's just you and me. I think about losing you and I can't stand it. You're important to me, Terra. You make me feel like I can do anything."

Terra had nearly turned into a puddle when his lips whispered over her skin, and now she turned in his arms, her own hands resting on his chest. "Forgiven. But you have to be sure, Kaidan. I refuse to pressure you."

"I've never been so sure of anything in my life, and I'm sorry I made you think otherwise. Terra, I want to stay with you tonight."

She smiled seductively, and he was in heaven. Her hands slid up his chest to his shoulders, arms around his neck, fingers threading into his hair. Kaidan needed no encouragement. He finally claimed her lips for himself.

She tasted like her fragrance - sweet, intoxicating. It drew him in, and he lost himself there. Nothing else existed but her.

Even now, Terra was shocked by the intensity with which she wanted him. She opened her mouth to him, his tongue caressing hers, exploring, tasting. It thrilled her. She felt the most wonderful quiver travel to the very tips of her toes, then pool between her legs. This was just a kiss, but her body was on the verge of a melt-down.

Kaidan had to have more. He wanted to know every inch of her. His hands gripped the hem of her top and with one swift move he peeled it up over her head, breaking lip contact only briefly. His hands now stroked her bare soft skin, making a mental map of every curve, every scar. The indent at her shoulder where the sniper had caught her shoulder on the Citadel. The small pockmarks scattered across her torso from the Feros colonists she was determined to save. The distinct dip where the rachni soldier had pierced her side when she placed herself in harm's way for him - for the second time. He smoothed his hand over the oldest scars. Gunshots from the mercs on Elysium, and the acid burns from the first thresher maw she'd encountered. They told the story of this wonderful woman. They made her body as unique as the woman herself.

Terra drowned in his touch. He was adoring her with his hands, and she'd never felt anything like it. She tugged at his jacket, and he yanked it off himself. It seemed unbelievable, but the passion escalated. Kaidan kissed his way to her throat, her head tipping back as her hands stroked a path back down his strong, broad shoulders to the hard planes of his chest. He was kissing her again and she trailed a more teasing path down the centre of his defined muscular stomach. There she traced gently over the healing wound he'd received on Virmire. Another scar to join the ones from his past. Now her fingertips dipped at the waistband of his trousers, and she felt him shudder, a low groan came from his throat sending heat across her skin.

Kaidan reached behind her to remove her bra, and Terra gasped as he replaced the falling lace with his mouth, her fingers grasping the fastening at his waist. As her breath hitched again with the swirl of his tongue, she moaned, her fingers losing their grip. Then he moved back up, savouring the taste of her sweet skin. Her hands were trembling like his own, and he knew it was with pure want. He undid the fastening for her, then they broke away, never losing eye contact as he removed the rest of his clothes, and she did the same.

The sight of Kaidan so handsome, looking at her with such love, had her feeling boneless. Then it was like he saw her sudden weakness and he was there, pressed against her, warm skin on skin, his arms surrounding her, supporting her, giving her his strength. She found her limbs working again, and she pushed him backwards to the bed until his legs hit the edge and he fell back onto it.

Scooting backwards on the bed, Kaidan rose up on his elbows to see the magnificent image of her crawling her way up his body, her glistening dark eyes fixed on his, and that lovely mouth, lips slightly apart, tongue moistening them as she neared him. Their mouths came together again. He wanted her _now_. She had given him control, and he would use it. He rolled her onto her back, never breaking contact with her lips, his hands caressing along her arms, fingers then entwining with hers, either side of her head. This was it. He'd be joining with her, be a part of her. Every inch of his body was alive with intense desire for her. That's when he became aware of his biotics. He broke their kiss and looked at his hands with hers, the blue glow circling them. He was losing control! He'd never lost control with a woman before, and he began to pull away for fear of hurting her, but Terra's fingers gripped his tighter. He looked back at her in confusion. All he received in response was a smile.

"I trust you, Kaidan. Let go," she whispered.

In that moment he knew he loved her with everything he had, and now he would show her. He did as she said, the blue sheen covering his body, making his skin even more sensitive.

Terra ran one hand gently over his torso, his biotics crackling pleasantly over her hand. She watched him shiver at her touch, and smiled. "It's beautiful," she affirmed.

Kaidan smiled at her, never feeling so accepted. "Not as beautiful as you." He then kissed her as he let his biotics encompass her too. She gasped with delight, and ran her hands down his body. Every sensation was magnified now. He'd never done this with biotics, but Terra made him feel strong. He ran his hands over her skin, loving the way she arched into him. He trailed his fingers lower, finding her sensitive bud at the same time as her hand stroked gently down his length. They both gasped in pleasure. Right now, they both knew they were too desperate for each other to play for long.

The subtle tip of her hips told him she was ready for him, and he couldn't hold back any longer. He met her eyes as he pushed into her. Her body accepted him immediately, embracing him tightly with slick heat. He had to hold still for a moment. His biotics worked even inside her, threatening to undo them both. Once they'd settled down, he resumed a slow, steady movement that soon became faster, deeper. Her legs circled him tightly, hips moving with him, fingers digging deliciously into his back. Their lips never left each other’s.

Kaidan's arms wrapped around her possessively. He was nearing his limit. He'd never ever felt anything like this. Everything before was just sex. _This_ was love - glorious, over-whelming, and addictive. It was getting harder to breath. They had to take a breath, and he buried his head in her neck. Terra was arching beneath him, screaming out his name. He gritted his teeth, his release like an explosion of passion and pleasure inside him, stars bursting behind his eyes, his ecstasy escaping from his throat. He rode it out, until he couldn't move any more.

With their bodies quivering from the aftermath of tremendous satisfaction, and their chests heaving from exertion, they looked at each other in wonder, the biotic glow gradually receding.

Kaidan reluctantly left her body, moving to lay beside her, pulling the rumpled sheet over them. She was more than he'd ever dreamed she'd be. Sharing her body with him was the ultimate trust. Combined with her acceptance of his biotics in such an intimate way… he never wanted to let this woman go.

Terra laid in the safety of his arms, still reeling from their love-making. Never had she experienced anything as intense, as deeply emotional, nor as supremely satisfying as that. "That…. That was…!"

"Spectacular!" he grinned.

She laughed, then brought herself up onto one elbow, looking down at him. "Perfect," she said in a hushed tone, kissing him.

Kaidan returned her kiss, smoothing her hair back from her face. "Perfect," he agreed huskily.

She laid her head on his chest, her fingers caressing his far side, sending more shivers through him.

He returned the favour until she giggled and squirmed. It was a wonderful little moment. He didn't want this to end. Eventually the warmth and satisfaction drew him under.

Terra had never felt so content, so unbelievably happy. She listened to his heartbeat, strong and rhythmic, and fell asleep to the comforting sound.

x

"They have to be finally getting it on… They wouldn't just be talking about work, right?" Joker asked as he fidgeted at the table, switching between looking at Garrus and glancing over his shoulder at Shepard's door. He was one of only a few who had yet to turn in.

"Why are you asking me? What, you want me to hack the door and check?" Garrus responded in jest.

"Would you?"

"No!" exclaimed Garrus.

"Don't know what all the fuss is about. All he has to do is grab the female and rut," Wrex shrugged.

A nearby crewman spluttered up his coffee, and Wrex helpfully slapped the choking man on the back, almost sending him sprawling head-first across the table.

"Nice, Wrex," muttered Garrus, now wishing he'd headed to his bed earlier.

"Yeah, I don't think that would work with the Commander, Wrex," Joker laughed. "Alenko actually wants to survive the encounter!"

The sudden sound of pure ecstasy coming from their Commander, voiced in the name of 'Kaidan' had them all raising their eyebrows as they looked at each other.

"That's more like it," approved Wrex.

"Yes! There was definitely kissing involved in _that_! I win, _losers_! Hand over all your credits!" announced Joker, happily.

The rest of them groaned, but they were all grinning.

-x-

Terra woke slowly, the arms still around her were wonderful to wake up in, and she opened her eyes knowing that the most handsome, wonderful man was beside her; around her. He was still asleep, and she carefully moved so she could watch him. She ran her fingers over his lips, top to bottom, and even in sleep, the ghost of a smile appeared, his head tilting up as though to press a kiss against her fingers.

It hit her at that instant. She really loved him. Deep, real, 'no one else for the rest of her life' kind of love. To say she would die for him would be meaningless. She would give up her life for anyone worthy of it, be they stranger, friend or family. But for this man she would endure death a thousand times over. Be tortured for eternity if it kept him safe. It scared her just how deeply she felt for him, because it meant that losing him would destroy her.

Reality crashed in on her. They would be at Ilos soon. She felt the need to get up, to distance herself, to claw back her Commander persona, stick back the mask. She extricated herself from his arms and walked to the shower. Five minutes later she was out and dressing. The dryer sorted out her wet hair, and she left the bathroom.

She couldn't help the smile as she saw him still asleep in her bed. He looked so good there. The sheet was low on his hips, one arm outstretched where she had lain, the other now buried under the pillow beneath his head.

She looked at the monitor on her desk. There was something she had to do. She took a seat and began typing.

**Dad,**

**We're closing in on Ilos. I don't know what will happen, but I'm aiming on coming back. On getting all of us back.**

She looked over her shoulder at Kaidan, then resumed.

**I just wanted to ask you something.**

**I've told someone about you being alive, but not who you were. I'd like to share that with him, but only with your blessing. I trust him.**

**I love him.**

**I'll understand if you disagree.**

**Love, Terra.**

She sent it, rising from her seat to rest herself against the desk, enjoying the view that Kaidan made. He began to stir, his arm emerging from under his pillow to reach for her, his whole body turning into the bed to find she wasn't there. He rolled back, his hand brushing across his eyes to wipe the sleep away, searching for her. He didn't have to look far. He smiled, raising himself up.

Kaidan had woken with the need to tell her how he felt. She had even been in his dreams. Seeing her there, the look she was sending him, reinforced it. "Terra. I want you to know that I lo-"

" _Bridge to Commander Shepard. We're five minutes out from the Mu Relay,"_ Joker interrupted him.

With that statement, the moment was lost. Life had caught up with them again, and he sighed. "I'd better get moving, and you don't want to miss that relay. I know how much you love going through them."

She smiled. "After last night, it doesn't seem so amazing."

"No longer spectacular, huh?" he grinned. "Then I'm thinking I did something right."

"Without a doubt. But just so you know, I'll be expecting the same high standard every time."

"You know, I'm up for that challenge!"

They both laughed, then the silence invaded. Time was gone. Terra stood up and bent down to kiss him.

As she drew back, he placed his hand to her nape, stilling her retreat. "If anything happens to you…." Kaidan couldn't finish the thought, and she responded by giving him another kiss, this one clinging to his lips until the last second.

"I feel the same," she whispered onto his lips, then he let her go, watching her exit the room. He was going to fight like hell to bring them through this, because he had a fantastic future waiting.

-x-

Shepard popped back to her cabin to report that she was approaching Ilos. Despite their mutiny, in her head and heart she remained an Alliance soldier, and followed procedure. If anything happened to them then Command would know exactly where they'd gone down. She quickly typed it out, then noticed she had a reply from her father. She opened it with more than a little apprehension.

**Terra,**

**Of course.**

**I've always trusted your judgement, and I see no reason not to now.**

**Kaidan Alenko is a very lucky man - told you I'd work it out.**

**I'm happy that you have someone there to share this with.**

**Come back to me.**

**Love Dad**

Terra wiped her eyes. Now wasn't the time, but soon, when this was over, she'd tell Kaidan her last secret.

**-x-**


	18. Ruins and Revelations

The tunnels of Ilos had been eerie. The sight of thousands of pods that would now contain nothing more than skeletons of a long dead race, were a testament to their _own_ fate if they failed.

They now stood in silence as they rode up the ancient elevator to their waiting Mako. They were all still processing the latest revelation, given to them by a prothean VI they'd found: the Conduit was a back door onto the Citadel. For all the races fleets massing in preparation for an attack, it would be useless if they were bypassed by an inside assault. Once on the station, and through a master control interface, Saren could take control of the Citadel and the relays. The reaper would then activate the Citadel, which they now knew was one huge mass relay, and the rest of the reapers would stream through from their current location in dark space. It was how the prothean extinction had begun.

The VI had given them a program, designed by prothean scientists, which could take back control of the Citadel. Now they just had to get there.

As soon as Shepard exited, she commed Joker. "Joker! No questions, just get your ass to the Andura sector. Hackett's fleet is there. Tell him that Saren will be launching an attack from _within_. The Conduit's a back door to the Citadel! Do it fast! Saren will be able to lock down the relays! We'll meet you at the Citadel if we can! Go!"

There was only the tiniest of pauses before Joker responded. " _Aye, aye, Commander_!"

With that done, they loaded into the Mako and throttled it on through more tunnels until they were back outside. The only path open to them was through a large artificial channel, cut into the landscape, though nature had intruded into the construction. Without hesitation, Shepard gunned their vehicle over the edge, hitting the vertical thrusters to cushion the landing, then speeding on, conscious of the fact that they'd already been here for hours. How far ahead of them was Saren? As they traversed the gully, they encountered a lot of geth, but the alcoves of the channel, as well as the bulky roots of the plants that protruded through the walls, offered them plenty of cover while they disposed of the synthetics. It felt like an eternity before the gully finally opened up again.

They saw it ahead of them. The Conduit. It was a mass relay - a smaller one than those in space, and it stretched vertically into the air from its platform.

"It looks identical to the statue on the Citadel," commented Garrus.

"What's the bet that that's where this one will lead?" said Kaidan, grimly.

"No one's taking _that_ bet, Alenko," added Wrex.

They rolled over the peak and were now facing downwards onto the valley below. Shepard slammed on the brakes. The path between them and the Conduit was littered with geth.

"Holy crap, Commander!" exclaimed Kaidan. "We'll never last against that much firepower!"

"Uh, I hate to add to the bad news, but according to my omnitool, that relay is going to close in less than twenty seconds, Commander!" Garrus supplied.

Shepard hit the accelerator instantly, and took a deep breath. "Okay. Everyone hold tight. This is going to be close."

As soon as they hit the flat ground, the geth started firing. They ignored it all, taking a straight route through the geth towards the Conduit. They were halfway.

"Ten seconds!" said Garrus.

"Shields at forty percent!" informed Kaidan.

"Don't lose your quad. We'll make it," Wrex said casually.

They were approaching the platform.

"Two seconds!"

"Shields gone!"

Shots began hitting the metal hull as the Mako hit the relay. They were shot upwards, and Shepard was thankful they had no breaches.

x

In a split second they were hurled out the other side and onto the Citadel, the Mako's momentum causing them to hit the ground hard, the unshielded metal buckling under the force. The brakes had gone and it screeched a fast path towards a building. Shepard had to change their course or they'd be splattered against a wall. She turned the steering hard, and the Mako flipped several times before it stopped on its roof. They were hanging upside down, slightly dazed.

Wrex recovered first, unclipping his fastenings and falling onto his head. He was unfazed, cursing only because he had to clamber out. Garrus was sorting himself out, while Wrex helped Shepard. Kaidan was trying to help her free her leg where the buckled metal had trapped it. Wrex simply forced the metal aside, then caught her as she undid her seatbelt.

Kaidan was out now, coming round to her while Wrex righted her. "Commander, you alright!?"

"Yeah. But that's the Mako out of action."

It was a sorry state, but Kaidan was more worried about _her_. "Your knee-"

"Is fine. Joker, do you read?" There was only static.

"Something's scrambling communication," confirmed Garrus.

"Come on, we need to find Saren."

Kaidan followed her, aware that she was struggling not to limp. The Presidium was a mess. Fires, whole sections of buildings destroyed, and those awful spikes with their grisly prizes speared atop them, supplanting the organic materials with synthetics. They had a VI locate Saren. He was headed for the Council Chambers, not Citadel Control. The VI supplied the information that Saren was currently attempting to access the master controls within the Chambers. Even Garrus had no idea they existed, but they raced for the elevator. They got more than halfway up when it came to a stop. Saren had shut them down.

"Now what?" Wrex grumbled.

"Got your helmets?" They all nodded warily at Shepard. "Then suit up. We're heading outside." She shot out the glass on one side and stepped through, activating her boots.

"Got to love gravity fields," imparted Kaidan, as they ran up the side of the building, moving down into the alcoves.

Saren had obviously anticipated this, and geth and krogan began spilling out into their path. They didn't slow pace. Kaidan and Wrex came to the fore. Kaidan lifted the enemy off the building, from where they promptly drifted off into the weightless atmosphere, and Wrex sent more flying backwards for Shepard and Garrus to deal with. They were making good progress, the geth turrets causing them the most pause. Shepard and Garrus took front here, using their tech skills to get through them, Kaidan assisting. They were aware of the closed ward arms that now served to keep the fleets away from Sovereign, which was perched atop the tower. Sovereign was using their own defences to its advantage.

Finally, they came to the hatch that would lead them to the Chambers. Removing more geth, they saw Saren at the end of the platform that Shepard herself had been standing on when she'd received her Spectre status. In front of him was now a console - the master controls for the Citadel.

At their approach, Saren threw a grenade that had them diving for cover. Once she'd checked her people were unharmed, Shepard began calling out to Saren, talking to him.

Kaidan wasn't sure what she'd achieve, but he and Wrex kept an eye out for more of Saren's troops, and Garrus backed Shepard.

"You survived our encounter on Virmire, but I've changed since then. Improved. Sovereign has… upgraded me," Saren said.

"You let Sovereign implant you!? Are you insane!?"

"You don't understand, Shepard. The reapers _need_ men and women like us. People of action. Sovereign recognises your value. You've impressed it. Surrender to them and you'll be spared."

Kaidan shook his head. The man had no idea who he had in front of him if he thought that she'd be tempted by that.

"Sovereign's controlling you! Don't you see that!?"

"The relationship is symbiotic. Organic and machine intertwined. A union. The strengths of both, the weaknesses of neither. I am a vision of the future, Shepard. The evolution of all organic life."

Shepard could hear that same arrogance as when she'd spoken to Sovereign itself. "Oh, come on. Is that really _you_ talking? You're a tool for Sovereign, nothing more. As soon as you've done what it needs, you'll be cast aside!"

"I had no choice! You saw the vision! You saw what happened to the protheans! Surrender or death, there are no other options!"

"So where are the civilisations that surrendered in the past, Saren? You're saying you're the first to consider it? You'd really hand yourself over to them so readily? Why? Because it's easier? I don't know if we have a chance against them, but I know I'm going to try! And if I go down, I'll go down free. Maybe that's why Sovereign indoctrinates! To seed doubts, to force us to fight amongst ourselves. Because together, we'd be stronger! Face it: You. Just. Quit!"

There was a pause. "Maybe you're right. Maybe there is still a chance for-" Saren couldn't continue as pain lanced through him. "The implants! Sovereign is too strong! I am sorry. It is too late for me."

Kaidan was stunned. Terra had gotten through to Saren.

"No! That's Sovereign's influence! Don't believe it! Don't quit again! Fight it!"

Both Kaidan and Wrex turned to Saren. This was it.

"Goodbye, Shepard. Thank you." With that, Saren quickly raised his pistol and shot himself in the head. His body fell off the platform, through the glass and down into the recessed area below.

They raced over to the console, and Shepard sent across the protheans program. "It worked! We've got control of all systems!"

"Quick! Open the station's arms! Maybe the fleet can take Sovereign down before it re-gains control!" Kaidan rushed out.

"See if you can open a communications channel," suggested Garrus.

Shepard did, and the emergency broadcast of the Destiny Ascension came through. They were under heavy attack and needed assistance. They had the entire Council on board after trying to evacuate them from the besieged Citadel.

Then came Joker's voice. " _Normandy to the Citadel. Please tell me that's you, Commander._ "

"It's me, Joker."

" _Thank God, Shepard! We were getting worried you hadn't made it! We caught the Ascension's distress call. We're with the entire Fleet, but we're still in the Andura sector. The relay went down before we could cross. If you can unlock the relay, we can save them!_ "

"Wait a minute! Are you really going to sacrifice human lives to save the Council, Shepard?" questioned Garrus.

"This is bigger than humanity. Sovereign's a threat to every organic species in the galaxy!" argued Kaidan.

"There'll be a lot more lives lost by saving them than if you just hold your fleet back until the Citadel arms have opened, then have them concentrate their attack on Sovereign," Garrus countered.

"I'm with Garrus on this one. They'll soon replace the Council. Focus on the threat," offered Wrex.

Shepard knew it was a sound tactic, but she was a Spectre. She had a duty to all species. Without their representatives, they'd be in disarray, and right now, they needed to be working together. A part of her knew that men like Udina would seize on the other races weakened state, insert themselves into the Council's empty seats. It would cause animosity. Humanity had the power to save lives, to preserve stability, and she refused to hold back because she wasn't prepared to make the sacrifice. She was sure that in the long-run, humanity would benefit more by showing themselves as ally's, despite the personal cost. She typed commands via her omnitool. "Joker, I'm opening the relays now. Save the Ascension."

"I hope you know what you're doing, Shepard," Garrus frowned.

"She does. This is the right thing, Garrus," Kaidan assured him. Shepard hadn't taken the easy option. She never did. To say he was proud to stand beside her at that moment was an understatement.

They listened as Joker confirmed the Destiny Ascension was clear, Hackett ordering his fleet to concentrate on Sovereign.

There was little they could do now. The rest was up to those in the skies above them. They peered down at the body of Saren.

"Make sure he's dead. With those implants, we need to be sure. I'd rather not have to face a Saren husk," Shepard said to them. She watched as they made their way down to the hollowed out section that housed the decorative foliage. Below her, Garrus pointed his gun at Saren's head and fired a shot.

" _He's dead_ ," confirmed Kaidan in his comm. Wrex looked disappointed. Shepard thought it sad that the only way Saren could free himself was like this….

Suddenly everything began shaking. Shepard knew Sovereign was up to something, then arcs of red light were channelling into Saren's corpse. A large blast radiated out, knocking the others back, and causing the platform she was standing on to shear in half and tilt down. She had no purchase, and she fell down into the area below. The landing was hard and painful as her already damaged knee took a jaw-clenching hit. She had battled through the pain so far, but she'd have trouble using it now.

From this level, she could see what was happening. Saren's organic exterior was melting away, revealing the synthetic skeleton beneath. She briefly wondered if Saren had any idea how very little of himself had been left.

It was fast, launching itself from one wall to another, down to the floor, firing at them as it went. Shepard was hunkered behind a pillar that afforded her plenty of cover, meaning she wouldn't have to move too much. Kaidan, Garrus, and Wrex had moved to opposite points, hoping to catch it in crossfire. Its speed was beginning to irritate all of them, few of their shots were landing in time. Then Kaidan caught it in a biotic lift, and they hit it with everything they had in those few seconds that it floated in the air. It was definitely weakened as it came out of the energy field. They had an effective strategy now. As soon as Kaidan was able, he aimed another lift, and Wrex pummelled it with rounds while Shepard and Garrus worked on its system with their tech skills. It felt like a lifetime, but it finally fell to the ground, lifeless. They were all exhausted.

"Anyone else had enough of this place?" Shepard asked as they moved to her position.

Wrex grunted, Garrus nodded, and Kaidan said, "Ready to leave whenever you are, Commander."

They could hear the gunfire above them, and they hoped like hell they were winning.

x

"Sovereign's too strong! We have to pull back!"

"Negative! This is our only chance! Take that monster down, no matter the cost!" Hackett ordered his ship's commander. Terra hadn't gone through all that shit for them to back off now. It was a shame his commander didn't have the same strength of conviction as his daughter. They had to maintain the pressure. Nothing could last long under this much fire. Sovereign wasn't omnipotent, it was just an advanced machine.

As if to reinforce his thought, the reaper's shields failed and it began falling away from its perch.

" _Its shields are down! Now's our chance!_ "

It was Terra's pilot. "Lieutenant Moreau, take the lead! The rest of you, hit it with everything we've got!" barked out Hackett.

" _Hard on my flank! We're going in!_ "

Hackett watched as the _Normandy_ did an impressive manoeuvre that lined it up dead centre of Sovereign. _Normandy_ fired, piercing the middle of the reaper before veering away from impact. Other ships did a similar thing, though not as smartly as Moreau had managed, and then Sovereign was coming apart with the explosions. Pieces of it flew outwards, and Hackett’s heart seized as he saw one of the reaper's claws somersaulting at high velocity towards the tower, directly where Terra was. Or had been? As he watched it crash through the tower, he prayed she'd left.

" _Normandy to Commander Shepard, come in Commander!_ " Terra's pilot was calling her over the open network. She wasn't responding, and neither were her team.

Hackett locked away his fear. For now they had to focus on the remaining geth force.

-x-

It had taken them a further hour to get Citadel space cleared of hostiles, and they'd suffered heavy losses.

As soon as the last geth ship was brought down, Hackett shouted, "Someone get me a link to Captain Anderson, _now_!"

"Yes, sir!"

It was five minutes too long for Hackett as he waited, his nerves shredded.

" _Anderson_."

"Hackett here. Glad to hear you're still with us."

" _Likewise. The Citadel's a mess. Though it would have been a lot worse if not for Shepard. At least I'm guessing she's the reason things started working again?_ "

"She is, but she's not responding to hails. Have you seen her?"

" _Negative, but things are pretty chaotic here._ "

"She'd have checked in by now if she was able. I think she may have still been in the Council Chambers when it got hit by debris. I need you to get a recovery team up there, a-sap."

" _I'm on it. Top priority. I'll be in touch. Anderson out._ "

Hackett took a deep, steadying breath. Anderson wouldn't stop until he'd found her. But for Hackett, it was another waiting game.

-x-

Anderson had wasted no time grabbing anyone he could find to help. It was a long elevator ride up, and no one spoke. As soon as the doors opened, the carnage was clear. Joker had confirmed Shepard had taken Alenko, the turian and the krogan with her.

Anderson's feet felt heavy as he moved forward. He would keep searching until he'd located them _all_ , but the thought of finding nothing but dead bodies felt like a punch to the gut. Looking around now, as they came to the worst hit area, he didn't even know where to begin. They began running thermal scans, trying to pick out bodies amongst the heat of fires….

x

Wrex heaved upwards, but the only thing he achieved was to send more dust raining down, choking them.

They'd all been knocked out for a while when the slab hit them, their only saving grace being the wall that had stopped the slab crushing them. None of them voiced the fact that Shepard wasn't with them.

Kaidan had known her leg was giving her more trouble than she'd let on, but as time went on, it had escaped his mind. He remembered her fall from the platform, the landing. The impact would have exacerbated her injury. She'd even stayed stationary during the fight with Saren, he realised. As they'd made their way up from the recess, she'd remained behind them, her hand on the wall with every step. He should have noticed then just how bad her knee was. But he hadn't. He'd been tired, distracted with thoughts of the battle overhead. Then as she'd shouted to them to run, as he'd glanced around to see the piece of Sovereign heading straight for them, he'd simply reacted, following orders. They had run as fast as they could, except Shepard hadn't been able to. If he'd just checked over his shoulder sooner, he'd have seen she needed help.... Instead, all he could think of now was the sound of the almighty crash, the ground quaking under their feet as the tower was breached, then the slab rushing towards them when he'd finally turned to look behind him, expecting to see the woman he loved, and finding only looming concrete before the darkness hit. His leg was killing him, but he didn't care; it seemed poetic. The pain was nothing to how he felt inside.

Things started shifting, then they could hear voices on the outside of their tomb. After five minutes, the side started letting in light. Wrex then punched through, widening the aperture. Alliance soldiers. Anderson just behind. Their rescuers made short work at getting to them and they were soon free.

Anderson personally helped Kaidan out. It hadn't escaped his notice that of the three trapped, Terra wasn't one of them. "Shepard?" he asked Kaidan, solemnly, praying that it wasn't as it appeared. The lieutenant looked like a haunted man as he shook his head, then looked behind him at the huge piece of reaper that now dominated the chamber. Anderson tried not to react, focusing on the injured soldier. Inside, he was numb.

The sound of moving debris grabbed his attention.

Kaidan paused, his heart thundering. He was sure he'd heard her. A grunt of pain, but a sound at least. Then, there she was! Kaidan was frozen at the sight of her. Like a phoenix from the ashes, she rose up, and she was magnificent. Anderson held him back from going to her, letting the Alliance soldiers help her onto firmer ground. She couldn't use her leg and her arm was broken, but she was alive. It killed him that he couldn't pull her into his arms, but they weren't alone, and it could wait. They had time now.

Terra had to lean heavily on the soldiers. Her body was throbbing in painful protest at its treatment, but as she spotted her crew in one piece - Kaidan with an enigmatic smile on his face - she had to grin. They gathered around her. They all knew that if the recovery had begun, then it was over. Questions could come later.

"You did it, Commander! You saved the Citadel! Hell, you saved the entire galaxy! Well done, all of you." Anderson was like the Cheshire Cat. "It's good to see you standing here after seeing this wreckage," he added, sincerely.

"Thank you, Sir. But getting squashed by the reaper fragment at the very end would have been more than a little insulting," Shepard answered, wryly.

Anderson contained his amusement. "Agreed, Commander!" He indicated to another soldier to help Alenko. "I need to inform Admiral Hackett that you're all alright." He gave a meaningful look at Shepard, who nodded back appreciatively. "Get them to Normandy's medbay," he ordered the soldiers.

"Medbay?" Wrex grumbled, as they were led away. "Hell, get me to the bar!"

Garrus laughed. "I'm with _you_ , Wrex, but let's grab Joker first! He's rather flush these days, thanks to these two!" he jerked a thumb in Kaidan and Shepard's direction.

Shepard frowned and looked at Kaidan. "What the hell is he talking about?"

Kaidan groaned, running his hand over his face, then he leaned over and whispered in her ear.

Shepard's eyebrows rose impressively. "What!? You've got to be kidding me! I can't believe you lot! So you all knew!?" Her eyes flicked briefly in Anderson's direction, to check they were far enough away. She had to be careful what she said. "How would you have even known when...?"

Wrex launched into a raucous laugh. "We heard! Sounded damn good, too!"

Kaidan was sure he'd turned bright red, though Terra looked like she was fighting not to laugh, despite her first flush of embarrassment.

"Really, Wrex? Can't you keep anything to yourself?" Garrus chided, before a look of mischief descended. "Though, I have to say, I might get some tips off you later, Alenko."

Wrex's bellowing laugh got louder, as Kaidan went even redder.

Shepard then put on a glare. "That's it. Joker's going to regret this. That cap is mine!"

Anderson smiled, watching them make their way out of the chambers with light-hearted banter, and made the call to an anxious father.

**-x-**


	19. The Future and The Past

The first few days had been spent healing and sleeping. After that, they were paraded around in front of the media - the focus on Shepard, the first human Spectre, and Saviour of the Citadel. Kaidan could see Terra hated every single minute. She just couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. But _he_ did. What she'd accomplished was astounding. They shouldn't have succeeded - everything was against them - but they had. More than that, she'd embraced every one of her alien crew, had them working together despite past grievances, and they'd all come out close friends by the end of it. A krogan and a turian stood proudly together, a quarian acknowledged for the first time, and Liara was no longer looked at suspiciously as Benezia's daughter. Then there was him: a biotic who'd still held back, even though he’d thought he'd finally accepted his 'gift'. Terra had shown him his strength, pushed him to take charge, believed in him unwaveringly, and above all, given herself to him. He was the luckiest man alive.

As far as Terra was concerned she'd just done her job. She didn't understand their need to place her on a pedestal - an even higher pedestal. She'd received the personal thanks of the Council, who'd even asked her to suggest a candidate for the human council seat humanity had just been granted. Their species had attained something special in the eyes of the galactic community - humanity had earned its place. Shepard had been tempted to place Anderson there, but she knew he'd hate it; he was a man of action. So Udina took the seat. She didn't like the man, but he knew what he was doing. She just hoped he'd learned his lesson about selling out his people for political ass-kissing. There had been one proviso: Captain Anderson would suffer no consequences for punching Udina when he hacked into the ambassador’s computer to release the _Normandy_. Udina yielded, eagerly. Now they were at a private celebratory function after having received more medals.

Shepard and her ground crew were grouped around a table, a sudden melancholy descending over the bunch. Things were about to change again. Most of her ground team were parting ways. Only she and Kaidan would remain, a new soldier would be brought in to replace Ashley.

"So what's next for you, Garrus?" Shepard asked.

"I'm going to go back to C-Sec. I think I can make a difference there while I apply for Spectre training."

"Spectre Vakarian!" grinned Shepard with delight. "Your father isn't going to be happy about that," she warned.

"No, but he's wrong to judge them all the way he has. You're proof positive that being a Spectre doesn't mean unlimited power over the galaxy. It means _self_ -limited power _serving_ the galaxy. Some can't handle that responsibility or self-sacrifice, and they give in to the easier solutions. But I'll follow _your_ path. I'll do it right. I won't compromise myself to get there. If the people I'm sworn to protect can't trust me… well, then I don't deserve to be the one protecting them."

"Well said, Garrus," approved Kaidan.

"I just have to get through training, first."

"You will," assured Shepard. "And you're going to make a great Spectre."

"Thank you, Commander. For everything."

They nodded at each other, an eternal friendship sealed.

Shepard looked to Tali, beside him. "I take it you're heading back to the Flotilla, Tali?"

"Yes. I could never abandon my people, and the data you gave me will give us a huge advantage over the geth. We'll finally be able to see how much they've evolved. More than that, you proved that the quarian people have value in your speech to the galaxy."

" _You_ who proved it, Tali. I just made sure they didn't overlook your part in all this."

"I finally appreciate what my father taught me. That the world doesn't owe us anything. If we want something in life, we have to earn it."

"You certainly did that, Tali," Garrus commented kindly.

"Thank you, Garrus."

"I'm going to miss you, Tali," Shepard admitted, sadly.

"I'll miss you too, Commander. You've become like family to me. All of you."

"You trying to make me cry?" Wrex rumbled, sarcastically.

"Oh, come on, Wrex," teased Shepard. "You're not telling me you're not a _little_ bit fond of us? You may look hard on the outside, but I know there's a soft squishy centre inside there."

Wrex stared back at her deadpan. "That's just the human I ate."

They all cracked up at that blatant lie, and Wrex just grinned as he chucked the whole shot of rancol down his gullet.

"So what are _you_ doing next?" Tali asked him.

"Back to bounty hunting?" enquired Garrus.

Wrex shrugged. "Not sure. Too much time hanging around you lot," he griped. "Suddenly, going from saving the galaxy to earning credits doesn't appeal. I thought I liked 'simple', now it seems I crave the opposite. Not sure where that will lead me yet."

"Seems to me that there's nothing more challenging than sorting out those stubborn krogan," suggested Shepard, with a mischievous grin.

Wrex just grunted back at her, refusing to admit that he was thinking along the same lines.

"Liara? What are your plans now?" Kaidan gently asked the very quiet asari.

Liara looked around at each of them. "I… I am no longer sure of my path. With the threat of the reapers… studying the long-dead protheans does not seem like such a worthwhile pursuit."

"I don't believe that, Liara," argued Shepard. "They gave us the program we needed to reclaim the Citadel, and without your knowledge of the prothean sites we'd never have even known to head to Ilos. I think we can learn a lot more from them. Who knows what else could be out there. Don't give up on that."

Liara seemed more energised. "You are right, Shepard! But it is not enough for me to continue to act on this alone. I cannot be the only one in this galaxy who seeks knowledge of the protheans. I should see if I can find more researchers. Pool our findings, trace back the clues that may lead to more sites."

"That's more like it," smiled Shepard. She was glad the young asari wasn't going to go back to her solitude. "And you'd better stay in touch."

"I will, Shepard," smiled back Liara, placing her hand on Terra's.

Another group of people entered the large room which was already brimming, Udina leading them. Shepard watched him scan the room, stopping when he spotted her, his eyes lighting up as he turned to point to her position to those following him.

"Uh oh. Looks like you're about to be descended upon, Commander," warned Kaidan.

"Cover me," she murmured, and they all stood and moved to form a wall in front of her. Shepard activated her cloak and flitted away until there was a reasonable distance and a whole lot of people between her and Udina. She uncloaked, surprising a man who was taking a sip from his wineglass. The man spluttered out his wine all over the woman standing in front of him, who shrieked in outrage that her dress was ruined. Terra winced, apologised, and quickly moved away. She fought her way through the thrum to a smaller side room and stepped onto the balcony, craving the space and air.

"You lasted longer than I thought you would," came her father's voice, as he joined her.

She gave a quick glance to check they were alone. "Please tell me this is all going to be over soon," she begged.

Her father fought his amusement as he delivered her salvation. "You're slated for active duty in two days."

"Thank God!"

Hackett laughed, before turning serious. "You had me worried there, you know."

"Sorry, dad. But, I'm afraid to tell you it probably won't be the last time."

He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. "Don't remind me."

It was Terra's turn to laugh. "I blame my parents for doing such a great job raising me. I just _had_ to follow in their footsteps."

"Follow in _our_ footsteps!? You've bounded through them and are carving your own path for _us_ to follow! Believe me, we just gave you the basics, Terra. The rest is _all_ you. You make us so very proud, sweetheart."

"Thanks, dad. For being there, too. Those messages and calls helped me a lot."

"They were just as much for _me_ as they were for you! I'm kind of attached to you," he teased.

"Just as well I'm still a daddy's girl, then!"

"Yet, there's another man who'll be demanding your attention now, isn't there? Maybe I should have words with him, father to prospective son-in-law!"

"Whoa! Don't you dare! And I hardly think we're at marriage stage! Besides, that would completely freak him out, seeing as I haven't had the chance to talk to him about you yet."

"Hold off from the veiled threats. Got it." Hackett smiled at his daughter, wishing he could give her a big hug. But, though they couldn't be heard out here, they could be seen, and she didn't need the added attention right now. His omnitool bleeped, and he read the message. "Ah, your mother's arrived. Says she'd rather miss the celebrations, but she'd love to catch up with you. Thought maybe you'd like to come with her to see Zabeleta."

"Absolutely! Cover for me?"

"You got it. Get out of here."

"Love you, dad." She rested her hand briefly on his.

"Love you, too." Hackett followed her out into the main room and watched her head to Alenko, who was now situated at the bar with their pilot and the krogan. The man's eyes were adoring as he noticed her approach. Alenko nodded as she told him where she was going, and Hackett saw her hand rest briefly on her man's, just like she'd done with himself a moment ago. Alenko even tracked her exit from the room. Hackett smiled to himself. He'd done the personal checks. Alenko had been through a lot at an early age, but he was stronger for it. A survivor, just like Terra. Loyal, too. A good head on his shoulders, and an impressive soldier. The man was definitely going to climb the ranks quickly. They were a good match. It was a shame things would be so difficult for them. Keeping it secret, trying to find time to be alone. He sighed. It was like his own relationship with Hannah. It was like Terra's relationship with _him_. She deserved so much more.

x

Though Shepard had gone, the rest of her crew had decided to carry on the celebrations. It had been a long time since they'd been able to really chill out, and they were making the most of it.

"Well, well. Seems the sun's _really_ shining out of Shepard's lovely ass _now_ , hey?" came a nasally voice.

They all spun to look at the man. They saw an Alliance uniform, but the insignia denoted him as a commander in Internal Affairs.

Kaidan took an instant dislike to the man. As did Wrex it seemed.

"Got a problem with the Commander, human?"

The man just smiled falsely, ignoring the krogan, and spoke directly to Kaidan. "Just tell her Caleb Antella said hello. And that I'm watching her."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" frowned Kaidan, but Antella just smirked and walked away.

"Don't mind him, he's just an arse-hole." This came from another soldier who was approaching. "Commander Matt Coats. I'm an old friend of Shepard's. I was hoping to catch her, give my congratulations."

"I'm not sure when or if she'll return, but you're welcome to join us, Sir. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko." He saluted, then took Coats' offered hand and they shook. Wrex had lost interest and wandered back to their table, and Joker was pretending not to listen.

"Ah, Alenko. Shepard told me a lot about you in her last message. You're a lucky man."

Kaidan couldn't help the look of surprise. Coats knew about them.

"Don't worry, your secret's safe. It's good to know she's happy. She deserves it."

That's when Kaidan realised that this was the man Terra had told him about: her close friend, and her first and occasional lover, until she'd met Kaidan. He felt a streak of jealousy, though not for the fact that Coats had slept with her - Terra had been nothing but honest about that, and Kaidan was secure enough in his relationship with her that he knew what _he_ had with Terra was a lot more than a casual thing. It was the fact that she had been in his life for so long. He'd watched her grow into the woman she was now, from the beginning of her career to the present. "She's an exceptional woman. I'd have liked to have known her when she was just starting out."

They turned to the bar, Coats ordering a drink, Kaidan sipping his.

"She hasn't changed. It's hard to believe, but she's had that fire, that drive, since I've known her. The things that have happened to her in her life just seemed to reinforce those traits. Of course, she's never allowed me to see far beneath the surface. I imagine that's an honour for someone special." There was no animosity, just a hint of sadness.

Kaidan knew then that Coats loved her. He felt sorry for the man. "So, what's that Antella's issue with Shepard?"

"He was her lieutenant back when she was a corporal on Elysium."

Kaidan frowned as he remembered back to what Terra had told him. "The one who was knocked out at the barricade?"

"That's the one. He's always had a thing for her. Tried it on during that stint, thought she should feel obliged since he ranked above her. He really didn't like it when she refused to be intimidated and said no to him. He made her life hell after that; pushed her twice as hard as anyone else. Stupid bastard. If he'd known anything about her he'd have known she was too stubborn to give in and was more than capable of dealing with anything _he_ could throw at her. And she took it all without complaint. The commander of the unit was useless - some whelp who had a rear admiral as a daddy. Either he didn't notice or didn't care."

Kaidan guessed Coats didn't know about Terra having a high-ranked father and, not for the first time, wondered who it could be.

"Make no mistake,” Coats carried on, “holding that barricade was all Shepard. A bloody miracle. Anyway, when it came to medal time, and Antella was over-looked, well, he _really_ had it in for her; left the combat side and applied for Internal Affairs. He's been waiting for her to put a foot wrong ever since. It's why she's been careful who she…trusts. You must mean a lot to her to take a risk like that when she's under such scrutiny. Like I said, you're a very lucky man." He swallowed his shot down in one, straightened and held out his hand, which Kaidan again took. "Tell her I'll catch up another time. Take care of her, Alenko. She's a one-off."

"Absolutely. And thanks."

With a friendly nod, Coats left.

Kaidan could understand why Terra would trust him. He was a good man. Just not one she had seen as anything more than a friend - thankfully. It would have been hard to compete with a man of that calibre.

He thought about what Coats had told him. It had given him a deeper understanding of Terra. Antella must have had a field day when she'd mutinied. Unfortunately for Antella, it didn't end up how he'd have wanted it to. It must have really grated that she was now the 'Saviour of the Citadel'. _Good_ , he thought.

Kaidan decided he wouldn't be passing on Antella's message.

-x-

Kaidan had finally gotten out of there. A chance for a bit of peace. The Citadel was in night mode, and at this late hour there was virtually no-one around. The subtle lighting coupled with the sound of the fountains was calming as he walked along the Presidium, despite the damage. All he needed now was a certain woman to appear and he'd be a very happy man.

As though in answer to his wish, he caught her scent. It was her only giveaway. He spun, grabbed her and pinned her against the nearby pillar with his body, making her gasp.

"How did you know I was there?"

"I'd know your perfume anywhere," he murmured over her lips.

She looked a little confused. "I don't wear perfume."

Kaidan liked that. It meant it wasn't manufactured. It was just her. "Then I'd know _you_ anywhere."

Her smile was alluring. "Smooth talker. It's working."

He kissed his way down her neck. "We need to get a room, fast."

"Uh huh," she whispered. He was so hot for her right now she would only have to move slightly and he'd be undone. His mouth closed on hers-

"Hey, Alenko! Put her down! What would Shepard say!? Come on! We've got drinking to do!"

Kaidan pulled away with a heavy sigh and looked over his shoulder at a rather intoxicated pilot.

"Oh, hey Shepard! Didn't see you there! I wasn't interrupting anything, was I!?" continued Joker, his volume seemingly stuck on loud.

It was Terra's turn to sigh. "You realise he's a danger to himself, right now?" she said to Kaidan.

"Yup. Looks like that room's going to have to wait," he answered sourly.

Terra gave him an understanding face. "We'll get our chance."

"Patience?"

"Supposed to be a virtue."

"Feels more like a punishment," he scowled.

She stepped away from the wall and into his space, whispering in his ear, her lips grazing over his skin. "I'll make it up to you." It made him shiver with pleasure, and his trousers were suddenly a whole lot tighter. Giving him a pleased look, she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth before walking over to help Joker who was now down to one crutch and about to lose the other in the Presidium lake.

Kaidan took a deep, shuddering breath, then feigned a frown as he trailed after her. "That was evil."

She flung a laugh over her shoulder at him.

He didn't need a snapshot. It was a moment he'd remember forever…

**-x-**


	20. Destruction and Loss

Terra walked through the _Normandy_. Home. She still missed the others, though. The ship felt a whole lot emptier without her favourite turian, quarian, asari and krogan.

She and her crew had been sent to search out a suspected geth presence. Ships had gone missing here, but it was strange that they hadn't found anything after four days. Nevertheless, something was going on, and so they'd keep looking. Besides, she knew that the Council and Alliance Command had sent them here to get her out of the way.

She'd been vocal about the reaper threat, yet despite the pieces of Sovereign scattered across the Citadel, the Council were trying to down-play it. They didn't want to start a panic apparently, but Shepard had a feeling it was more than that. She'd be keeping a close eye on how the Council were dealing with this, because she knew the reapers were still out there in dark space, and would find another way to attack. They couldn't afford to sweep this under the rug.

Right now, though, it was the end of day shift, and she'd made herself a promise: to intimately re-acquaint herself with a certain lieutenant, and then to share with him just who her father was.

Things had been manic since the Citadel attack, and she hadn't had a moment to herself, let alone with Kaidan. Once on the _Normandy_ it had been a chance for all of them to take a breath, and get back into the swing of things. This quiet period had meant she had time to catch up with her crew, but at the expense of time with the one she wanted to spend it with most. As usual, she'd fought her desire in order to be the Commander. It was the way she worked - nothing could or should change that. Thankfully, Kaidan understood, content with the briefest of contact and heated looks. They had time.

Approaching her cabin, Shepard paused just before the doors opened, to look over at Kaidan. He was at the console near her room, so engrossed in his work he wasn't aware of her.

"Lieutenant, do you have a moment?"

He jerked upright, and a thrill ran through her at the thought of time alone with him.

"Commander! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there! Um, yeah. Shift's over so… I'm all yours."

Terra had to fight to keep the smile off her face at his wording as she stepped into her cabin. She'd barely let the door slide shut behind him before she was in his arms, kissing him, and she could he was just as desperate as she was. They'd missed one another.

"It's been torture to have you so close and not be able to touch you," he murmured over her lips.

"Then let me make it up to you," she whispered back.

" _Let_ you? I'm demanding it!" he teased, and she gave him a throaty laugh. Kaidan lifted her, and she hooked her legs around his waist as he carried her towards the bed, his kisses moving to her neck and sending delightful signals through her body. His warm hands slid their way beneath her top, stroking across her skin. She wanted nothing between them, so she impatiently yanked the fabric over her head. Kaidan laid her on the bed, standing back as though to admire her while he removed his own jacket, and Terra did some appreciating of her own. Then he was braced over her, and her hands glided over his hard chest, deliberately dancing wickedly lower, teasing him as they slid away. He returned the favour with his mouth, making her suck in her bottom lip between her teeth-

The ship rocked violently as though it had been struck.

"Holy hell!" exclaimed Kaidan. They were officers again as they pulled away.

"Joker! Status report!" Shepard was shoving her shirt back on.

" _We're under attack from an unidentified ship! Direct hit! It went straight through our shields, Commander! Multiple hull breaches, and thrusters are down! I can't evade!_ "

They were now running to their lockers, donning armour.

Shepard then rushed to a console and activated the main comm. "Attention! All personnel to escape shuttles, immediately. Repeat. All personnel to evac shuttles." She signed off and turned to Kaidan. "Joker will need help. And encouragement," she added.

"I'm on it, Commander."

x

Kaidan raced towards the cockpit. They were taking a beating. Fires were breaking out everywhere, consoles exploding. He focused ahead, seeing two crewmen lying dead. Pressly was one of them….

"Joker! I'll help you to the life pod!" But as Kaidan reached for Joker's arm, the pilot pulled away.

"I'm staying! I can still save her!"

"It's a _ship_ , Joker! It's not worth your life!" He went to grab Joker again, mindful that he had to be careful with his brittle-boned friend, but Joker resisted.

"Just go, Kaidan! I can sort _myself_ out!"

The ship took another hit, leaving Kaidan fighting to stay upright and ducking another sparking panel. "Damn it, Joker!" He ran out in frustration, making sure the rest of the CIC was clear of crew.

Once on the crew deck, he ran to Shepard. He knew exactly where she'd be: at the end of the walkway where the sleeping pods were located was the beacon launch control. She'd have typed in a message and activated the beacon. Every step he took had him dodging fire and explosions as he closed on her. Shepard was placing her helmet on, the breaches of the hull evident all around her. Life support wouldn't last much longer, and Kaidan donned his own helmet.

"Shepard!"

She turned to him. "Distress beacon is launched."

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" Another blast had him off balance, and Shepard reached out quickly, catching him.

"To save the Normandy, I doubt it. But _we_ still have a chance." She grabbed an extinguisher and began putting out the new fire. "We just need to survive. Make sure everyone's on the escape shuttles, then get out of here!" She threw him the extinguisher and he began dealing with the fire his side.

"Joker's still in the cockpit! He won't abandon ship! I'm not leaving, either!" He knew she wouldn't leave without Joker, and he was going to be by her side until she was off this ship.

"I need you to get the crew onto the evac shuttles. _I'll_ take care of Joker." Another powerful hit - the ship was barely holding together - and Shepard was moving away from him towards the stairs.

Kaidan was torn. She'd given him an order as his commanding officer and it was his duty to obey. Fighting that, was his instinct to protect her. A large part of him was screaming not to let her walk away. "Terra!"

"Kaidan. Go!" Terra turned to face him. "Now!" She was making it clear with her strong tone: he had a job to do. This was now a battle-field, and it held no place for sentiment.

"Aye, aye." He gave her one last look before he moved towards the shuttles, everything inside him in turmoil.

Adams came up, confirming Engineering was clear. Kaidan gave one last check around, then followed the last crewman into the pod, secured himself, and hit the release button. It tore at him knowing that Terra was still on board, but he kept himself in check and locked it all down, because he was now the highest ranking officer until Shepard re-joined them.

A crewman gasped, his eyes fixed on one of the portholes. Kaidan felt dread swamp him as he peered out. The _Normandy_ was sheared into parts - a mass of flame as it was pulled towards the nearby planet. The others began looking at him, faces pale, some streaked with quiet tears.

"I'm sure the Commander's fine. There was enough time for her to get to a shuttle," Kaidan assured them. Even as he said it, he saw their doubt, something _he_ was fighting.

Less than fifteen minutes ago she'd been in his arms. Christ, he could still taste her…. Closing his eyes, Kaidan _had_ to believe she'd gotten out. …He'd be lost without her.

-x-

It felt like an eternity to reach the beacon. As they closed in, Hackett surveyed the stars around them, dismayed at the sight of debris. "Any sign of hostiles?"

"Negative, Admiral, but I'm picking up several escape shuttle signals, Sir."

"Let's pick them up fast. Commander, get the crew ready to help with any injured."

"Yes, Sir."

Hackett steeled himself and went to oversee the rescue operation.

-x-

Kaidan and those with him had been relieved to see the Alliance ships; Hackett and his fleet. Now they waited safely within the ship's hold for the remaining pods to be retrieved.

Hackett was standing stoically at a distance, quietly surveying those who stepped out, and Kaidan did the same.

Panic began gripping him. Terra wasn't there. Everyone else who had made it to the shuttles was accounted for.

Then he noticed one pod remained closed. That fact barely registered as he ran to it, his spirits lifting. He hit the door release, the beginning of a smile upon his face, but as soon as the hatch slid open every part of him froze. There was only one occupant….

Joker sat silently in his seat, staring at his cap clutched in his hands. Not _his_ cap, _hers_. Terra hadn't had the heart to make good on her threat to take Joker's beloved hat back after she'd found out about the bet.

Looking up wretchedly, Joker winced at him. "Kaidan…. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault," he rasped.

No…. Kaidan needed to get away from him, from this reality, and he backed away, his head shaking as if to deny the truth. He didn't want to feel anything.

He turned. Away from the scene of open pods, away from the cries of _Normandy_ crewmen as they realised the Commander was gone. His eyes met Hackett's. The man looked like stone, offering nothing, and Kaidan watched numbly as the Admiral turned and walked away, muttering something to one of his officers as he passed them. It was at that point Kaidan fell to his knees with the weight of his heart, pain lancing through him. This was no physical pain that could heal, it was a strike on his soul. He'd never even told her he loved her.

He couldn't function. He had to think. Not about her. _Not_ about her. About his duty. _Focus_. He was this crew's commanding officer.

Rising up before anyone could help him, Kaidan went into autopilot, liaising with Hackett's people, sorting out those requiring medical assistance. He avoided Joker though, despite the man's broken arm - that wasn't something he could face right now. Thankfully, Dr Chakwas was soon administering to him.

Kaidan wore an impenetrable façade, but he was dying inside.

x

**Hannah,**

Hackett knew it was a horrendous way to give her the news, but he couldn't face her. Couldn't see the anguish that would mirror the feeling inside him. Couldn't hear her pain as she cried, that would give voice to his own. Couldn't. So he wrote.

**The Normandy went down. We picked up the survivors… but Terra wasn't one of them.**

**I'm sorry.**

**I need to deal with her crew, find out exactly what happened. As soon as I know more, I'll let you know.**

**I apologise I didn't do this face to face, but I have to be an Admiral right now. If I let it slip now… I'm not sure I can bring myself back.**

**I love you, and I'll find a way to be with you, soon.**

He hit the 'send' key and stood slowly, straightening his uniform. He brought up walls that had built up over his many years in service. They would serve him well now. He cleared his throat, and left his cabin, locating his XO.

"Commander, have you gotten an account of what happened?"

"Flight Lieutenant Moreau confirmed the beacon details, Sir. They were attacked by a large ship, unlike anything he's seen before. Despite their previous attempt to move out of its trajectory, it adjusted to an intercept course. No answer to their hails, then it fired and kept firing. The pilot said their shields were useless, it tore through their hull."

"And Commander Shepard?" It was the hardest question he'd ever asked.

"Apparently, she'd stayed behind to get Moreau to leave. He'd refused to leave the helm previously. Moreau said she convinced him not to throw his life away on a sinking ship, had gotten him into the shuttle and was about to enter as well, but the Normandy took another hit that propelled her away from the pod. It sounds like that hit was the Normandy's killing blow, Admiral. There'd have been little left at that point. The last thing Moreau saw was Commander Shepard being pulled out through the open hull, hitting the shuttle release as she did so."

"She knew she wasn't getting on that shuttle," murmured Hackett.

"Seems so. Her last act was to save her pilot. She was an amazing soldier, Sir."

"Yes, she was." _Was_. How much that small word hurt. "How is Moreau doing?"

"Physically, he'll heal soon enough, but emotionally…? He's blaming himself for the Commander's death. Keeps saying it should have been him."

"Thank you. That'll be all." He wanted Terra _here_ , so he could grab her by the shoulders and tell her that, _just this once_ , she should have been selfish. She should have saved _herself_. Then he'd hug her so tightly…. But she wasn't here. Nor would she ever be. Now he had to go talk to her crew, offering platitudes when all he wanted to do was hit something, to yell out loud, to weep for his little girl.

Hackett checked in with each one, spending a little extra time with Karin Chakwas and Greg Adams. Both had served under him previously, and he counted them as friends. But there were two he couldn't face, no matter how hard he tried to tell himself he had to be professional.

The first was Moreau - the man Terra had effectively died for. Logic told him that in her position he'd have done exactly the same. He wouldn't have been surprised by a pilot of that calibre staying at the helm till the last, but he couldn't help the feeling of hostility towards Moreau for not following orders, for not leaving when he was first told to, for stopping her from getting in a shuttle and off that ship because she needed to save him from himself. Hackett hated that man right now. It was made worse by the fact that they didn't have the culprits for the attack, and there was no one physically in front of him to aim his blame at. It would go, this need to place the blame, once it wasn't so raw. Maybe.

The second person he avoided was Kaidan Alenko - a man who would be feeling the same as he did. Hackett didn't want to see his own emotions, or the hard shell covering it, reflected back at him. It would finish him. So he kept away. Alenko had family he could talk to. The kid would be fine, he reasoned.

Hackett needed to be alone.

-x-

-x-

Kaidan sat in the unfamiliar room with a bottle in his hand.

He’d lasted through the journey back to the Citadel.

He’d lasted through most of the funeral, watching Hackett and Anderson say their pieces, her mother crying silent tears. Had wondered if her father was here somewhere.

He'd sat through Garrus' speech about how she'd inspired him to be a better officer, Wrex's nod of respect at her coffin, Tali's emotional speech about feeling valued outside of her own people for the first time, and finally Liara's breakdown over the only true friend she'd ever had.

There were other words given; nearly all the surviving crew had something to say. Terra Shepard had gotten under the skin of every one of them, because she'd cared. Coats was there too, others who had served with her over the years.

Then Joker had hobbled up on his crutches, and withdrawing her cap from his pocket, he had carefully reshaped it and placed it gently on the casket with the words, ‘You deserve this far more than me, Shepard. I'm so sorry’.

But Kaidan hadn’t moved from his seat. He’d had nothing to say for the ears of those congregated. The only person he wanted to say anything to was gone.

Kaidan had watched the casket as it moved to the furnace. It was a pointless act. She wasn't in there; this was all symbolic. Her body hadn't been found. She was laying somewhere on that planet where the _Normandy's_ carcass also rested, probably little more than charred, frozen pieces, so unrecognisable that she couldn't even be recovered….

That's when Kaidan couldn't take it any longer. He'd stood up and walked out, renting an apartment and ordering a supply of alcohol to be delivered speedily.

So here he was.

He couldn't deal with the pain of being without her, and he needed to lose himself, just for a little while. Disconnect from reality.

Just for a little while….

**-x-**


	21. Moving On and Bombshells

Liara had been through hell over the past few weeks. First, finding out Shepard had died, then discovering that her body couldn't be found. She'd attended Shepard's funeral, mourning her as she looked at an empty casket.

It didn't make sense. There should have been something left to find, and she'd felt an uneasiness inside.

Once alone, she'd scoured the extranet for anything that could tell her the effects of space and entry into a planet's atmosphere on a body. It was grisly reading that made her weep for Shepard, but it had confirmed her suspicions - there would have been _something_ left.

It consumed her thoughts. Why hadn't they found Shepard? Could someone have already claimed her body before the Alliance had started their search? But why? She knew she was clasping at threads but she'd returned to the extranet, searching for similar incidents of bodies disappearing, hacking into places she wasn't supposed to go. Liara worked relentlessly, day and night, barely sleeping. Eventually, she had several mysterious instances, mostly all involving bodies that were in some way unique - deformities, rare genetic conditions. None of those things applied to Shepard, but no-one could deny her uniqueness.

Liara also found a rumour attached to those disappearances. The collectors: a mysterious species who most thought were merely a myth. Could _they_ have wanted her body? She put out a request for information with a Shadow Broker agent, for anything the Broker might know about these collectors. In response, another one of his agents turned up: a drell named Feron.

She could never have imagined where her curiosity would lead her….

-x-

-x-

Anderson was about to throttle Udina with his bare hands.

Since the attack, and Udina's subsequent rise to Councillor, he'd been placed as Udina's military advisor. He was certain it was Udina's revenge for punching him, though it still made him smile to think of it. Unfortunately, the consequences were such that now he had to spend far more time than was palatable with the man, whose superiority was irritating as hell. Udina thought he was the most important human in the galaxy, and what grated was the fact he was probably right.

On the plus side, it meant Anderson could keep up the pressure regarding the Council's complete disregard of the reaper threat. Since Shepard's death, they'd made a formal statement that the reapers were a product of an over-tired Spectre's imagination.

Anderson had been there when Steven had stormed into Alliance Command, demanding they rectify this blatantly offensive comment about their finest soldier, and he’d watched as his friend's hands had turned to fists when they told him they were in agreement with the Council. As far as they were concerned, Sovereign was just a ship, an advanced creation of the geth. It was unbelievable. Anderson had led Hackett out before he did something stupid, calmed him down, and explained that they needed to be smart right now. There were things they could do behind the scenes, just as long as they kept their positions. They were _both_ Admirals now, after all. So they would have to rise above it. As important as it was for them to continue in their duty, though, it wasn't much comfort to a grieving father who had to listen to them discredit his daughter.

‘Grin and bear it’, he'd said to Hackett... Udina was making it damned hard at that moment, spouting his usual gripe because 'the conspiracy theorists are still making a stink about reapers, thanks to Shepard'.

Anderson stood up, his jaw clenched, but was saved from himself by the awkward entrance of Joker, his specially-designed crutches absorbing the impact as they hit the ground with each step. The helmsman looked incensed.

"I've had it, Admiral! I'm the best pilot in the Alliance, and I'm stuck on the ground!? I mean, what the hell!?"

Anderson sighed, sitting back down as Udina excused himself and left. This was Steven's influence no doubt. It had been weeks since the _Normandy_ went down, but Hackett still had an issue with the pilot over Terra’s death. It wasn't like his friend at all, but then the man had never lost his only daughter before. "Let me look into it, Joker. I'm sure we'll get it sorted out."

Joker sagged, adrenaline draining from him. When he spoke his voice was sad, strained, and desperate. "Please, I just need to fly. I need something more challenging than shuttling dignitaries to keep my mind off… things. I know I made a mistake on the Normandy. Didn't follow orders. But I'm paying the price for that, believe me. I just need a ship."

"I understand, Joker. Leave it with me."

Joker nodded and once he’d left, Anderson exhaled again, then contacted Hackett's personal line.

" _David, how are you_?"

"Frustrated, but what's new these days?"

" _Keep fighting. We can't let this go_."

"Agreed. But the reason I called was because I've just had an irate pilot in front of me, demanding to know why he's grounded. Steven, you've got to stop interfering in the man's career! You've always been professional about everything, even your daughter. This isn't like you. You've got to deal with whatever's going on inside that head of yours and stop blaming the kid."

There was a long pause.

" _Six weeks and we've found nothing, David. No trace of who killed her. Whoever they were, they targeted her ship with the sole purpose of destroying them_."

"I know it's infuriating, but it's not Joker's fault."

" _Isn't it? He should have followed orders, but he didn't, and she died because she had to go back for him_."

"And he's living with that, Steven. But you interfering…? That's an abuse I won't stand for."

Another long pause. " _You're right. I've lost my judgement. Terra would be pissed if she knew what I was doing to her pilot_."

"Well, they say our lost loved ones are always looking down on us from above, so I'd imagine she's definitely angry at you right now. Perhaps you'd better make it up to her… _and_ Joker. When these reapers come we're going to need all the help we can get, be they behind the controls of a ship or up above, putting in a good word with the 'big man'."

Hackett laughed quietly. " _Point taken. I'll get Moreau assigned a-sap. Thanks, David_."

"Don't mention it. It was rather fun getting to scold Admiral Hackett."

" _Yes, well, don't get used to it. I've delayed addressing Terra's death for too long. Time to deal with it."_

"Glad to hear it. Because we need to carry on her fight, Steven."

" _Yes, we do_."

They signed off, and Anderson went to the balcony. He felt the loss of Terra every day, but buried it deep. Nothing was the same knowing she was no longer out there. He looked up into the air. "Give us all strength, Terra."

x

Hackett sat at his desk, mentally cursing himself for his failure to his title, and failure to Terra. He'd remedy that; be the Admiral that he should have been from the beginning of all this. To be less was to let his daughter down, and he couldn't bear that.

He missed her terribly. He still struggled not to expect her messages every time his omnitool bleeped. Her loss chimed so loudly….

All he could do now was to put right the way he dealt with those that were important to her. He started with rectifying his mistake over Moreau, bringing up suitable postings. A while later, he was satisfied that the pilot would be more than happy with his new assignment.

Now there was just one more thing he had to do.

x

Joker sat on the Presidium, looking at the fountains force water up into the sky, only to have gravity pull it back down again. He was like the water around the fountain. Not going anywhere. Stagnant. If Shepard were here, she'd be the fountain that sent him up, and gravity could go to hell….

He ran his hand over his head. It didn't feel right without that cap on his head, but he had no right to it anymore. She'd given it to him, and he'd let her down.

"Lieutenant Moreau, might I have a moment of your time?"

Joker turned to look at the man behind him. "Sure. Got plenty," he said sourly.

The man moved up next to him. "I work for an organisation that's about to embark on an incredible project, and we think that you'll be _very_ interested in it."

"Really," Joker muttered, unimpressed. "Pray tell, the suspense is killing me." Sarcasm dripped from him as he rolled his eyes.

"We're bringing back Commander Shepard."

Joker stared at the man in disbelief, quickly followed by the anger that flared through him. "What the- Is that supposed to be funny!? Get the hell away from me!" He grabbed up his crutches and began to move off, cursing under his breath.

"I can assure you, Mr Moreau, I'm very serious." The man followed him. "We believe that we have devised a way to bring Commander Shepard back, just as she was. We're also going to start work on a ship to replace the Normandy using a similar design, for her to command. We'll- _Shepard_ \- will need a good pilot, and I understand that you're one of the best."

Joker stopped and faced the man. " _One_ of? I'm _the_ best. What, you think because I'm grounded I'm so desperate I'd believe your _crap_?"

"I'm asking you to have a little faith. To give us a chance. While you wait for your ship to be built we have plenty of other things we could use a pilot for. Not least being transporting vital supplies to the team bringing Shepard back."

"Still sticking with that one, huh? Well, you know what? I need to fly and if you've got a ship for me, I'll work for you. So long as there's a decent wage in it, of course. You want the best, you gotta pay for it." Joker just didn't care about anything but flying, and he'd lost any respect he had for the Alliance when they started joining in with the Council's bashing of Shepard's mental state.

"I can guarantee that won't be a problem, Mr Moreau. We'll also provide updates on Shepard's status."

"Yeah, whatever." He shook his head at the delusional man in front of him. "Just point me in the right direction."

-x-

-x-

Kaidan was slumped in his chair, reliving the moment he walked away from Terra and left her on a burning ship to die. He'd listened to his head instead of his heart, and now she was dead.

He downed another huge gulp of whisky, further cementing the stupor that helped to disconnect him from his surroundings.

A buzz rang out, and it took him a moment to realise he had a visitor. He made his way unsteadily to the door, took a breath and opened it, then stepped back in surprise. "Admiral Hackett, Sir!" He snapped out a salute, making his head spin.

"At ease, Lieutenant. Can I come in?"

"Uuhh… sure. Um, I'm afraid it's a bit of a mess." Kaidan winced as he turned to face the room. It was a pig-sty. Empty bottles were strewn everywhere.

"It'll be fine, Lieutenant. I just need to have a word." He walked in, surveying the room, not a flicker of anything showing on his face. Kaidan looked back at Hackett apologetically, relieved not to see the disgust. "Uh, perhaps we should go into the kitchen, Sir."

Hackett followed a weaving Kaidan through the evidence of his descent. It shamed him that he hadn't made sure Alenko was receiving counselling. He clearly needed it. Once in the kitchen, Hackett looked at the shadow of the man Terra had fallen for. The kid was still in a very bad place - his face unshaven, his clothes crumpled. Hackett cursed himself for indulging in his own self-pity to the detriment of his duty. He should have come sooner.

Kaidan tried to get his fuzzy brain to work. "Sir, I know I need to get back to work, and I promise you, I'll be ready to go in a few days."

Hackett seemed to wave that off. "The truth is, I didn't come here as an Admiral, Kaidan. I came here as a father."

"Sir?" Kaidan was confused. He didn't know Hackett even had a family.

"Terra was my daughter, Kaidan."

Kaidan could only stare in shock. She'd said that her father was high up, but never had he imagined that it would be Admiral Hackett! Though now, it seemed perfectly plausible given that the man was a legend and inspiration. Suddenly he could see where Terra got it all from- _had_ gotten, he reminded himself, sadly. "I- I'm sorry, Sir, I had no idea. She never said."

"She was going to. She'd asked my permission, Kaidan. I said yes. She just never got the chance. She told me she trusted you. That she loved you. So _I'm_ trusting you."

 _'…she trusted you. …she loved you_.’ Those words echoed like a taunt through Kaidan's head. He found himself battling to stop the tears falling in front of Hackett, but he didn’t have the control and they escaped at the same time as the single sob he tried to cover with a shaking hand.

"Kaidan. Look at me.”

When he did, Kaidan found himself looking at a man who was trying to hold back his own emotions, but doing a better job.

“She wouldn't want you like this. You know her- _knew_ her. Looking at you now, I can see you loved her, too. It's time to start living up to what she saw in you, _Commander_."

Kaidan's jaw dropped. "What!? _Commander!_?"

"That's right. Terra passed on a glowing report recommending you for advancement a week before she died."

"Considering what you know about us, Sir, don't you think it might be biased?"

"From Terra? Not a chance, but I think you know that, don't you? Besides, you would have gotten the promotion regardless. She would also have been advanced to Captain."

"I… can't-"

"You _can_. Terra believed in you. Why hesitate?"

"It's just… that was _her_ rank. It's like I'm stepping in her shoes… Replacing her. She can't be replaced," Kaidan finished, his voice barely a whisper.

"No she can't. But Commander is just a title given to mark a person's merit, Kaidan. It wasn't who she was, it was who she was known as to those under her command and to those on the outside. But you and I both know the woman behind the title. Not a commander at all. An amazing, kind, selfless person, who would want you to carry on in her stead. Can you do that, Commander?"

Kaidan let the words process. She _wouldn't_ want him like this. She would push it aside, compartmentalise it. It would be there, but she wouldn't let it influence her. She'd keep going. _He'd_ keep going. For her. He straightened. Looked at the man in front of him. Admiral Hackett. Terra's father. He saluted him, respectfully. "Yes, Sir."

In response, Hackett offered him his hand, as an equal.

Kaidan took it gladly. "Thank you, Sir."

"You made her very happy, Kaidan. So thank _you._ I couldn't do anything to save my little girl…" Hackett seemed to fight with composure before carrying on, "But I _can_ save the man she loved. I think it's the least I can do for her."

Kaidan bowed his head. "I shouldn't have let myself get like this. It's an insult to her memory."

"You're not the only one to have lost their way over her death. I get the feeling you'll make up for it."

Kaidan nodded. "Sir… would it be possible to remain primarily groundside? The stars… don't hold the same appeal they once did."

"Understood. You're a valued soldier, be your path naval or otherwise. Anderson's the man to talk to, and he'll take you on the ground in a heartbeat. I can't get involved with that. I never interfered with Terra's career, and I won't with yours. Know that wherever you end up, it will be because of your talent."

"Thank you, Sir." He followed Hackett out, who turned at the door.

"Take care of yourself, Kaidan."

"For Terra," nodded Kaidan as he shook her father's hand again. Then Hackett was gone.

The door now shut, Kaidan faced the room, resting his head back against the door. It had been almost surreal.

It suited Terra to have Admiral Hackett as a father. He smiled at that - his first for over six weeks.

He focused on the mess in front of him. Time to clean up his act. Time to make Terra proud.

-x-

-x-

Kaidan walked through the Veteran's ward of the psychiatric wing of the hospital. He'd realised with shame that he hadn't visited with Sam since he'd gone with Shepard after the Citadel attack almost five months ago, and with his new assignment, he'd be off the Citadel the next day. So he'd called ahead to be told that Sam Toombs was still there, but was being released that day. Kaidan was happy about that. It meant that Sam was improving.

He announced his arrival, and the door opened to reveal his friend packing a few things into a box.

"Hey! Good to see you, Kaid!"

"You too, Sam. I'm sorry it took so long for me to come see you."

"Think nothing of it. Things can't have been easy after that attack on your ship. Is it right what I hear about you making Commander?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Well, congrats! You deserve it. Figured you'd go far when you decided to go back to the Alliance. If a kid can move past something like what happened on Jump Zero, then nothing's gonna stop him, right?"

"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence. I appreciate it, Sam."

Sam exhaled sadly. "Can't believe Shepard's gone though. How are you doing?"

"Dealing," was all Kaidan could say.

"She was special, that one."

"Unique," whispered Kaidan.

Sam must have caught the wistfulness in his voice. "Oh, buddy. You fell for her, didn't you? I mean, I don't blame you. She was a stunning woman. But Kaid! Your commanding officer!? How'd you let yourself fall for someone so off limits!?"

"It wasn't something I had control over… and we broke the regs, Sam."

His mouth falling open, Sam stared at Kaidan. "You mean… you and her were… _together_!?"

Kaidan nodded.

"You lucky son of a bitch!" Then he seemed to remember Shepard's fate. "Jesus, Kaid, I'm sorry, I-"

"I know, forget it. I just have to move on. Somehow."

"Hm. Moving on. Sounds easier than it really is, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. Knowing it’s what she would want is the only thing keeping me putting one foot in front of the other. ...But I’m a ghost, Sam. I died the day Terra did.”

Sam’s haunted eyes looked back at him. “I know what it’s like to feel that way….” He ran his hands over his head, like he was scrubbing what was inside away. “Shit, we're pretty messed up, aren't we?"

Kaidan gave a sad huff of a laugh. “I’ve known that since Jump Zero.”

"Yeah, that was one fucked up place.” There was quiet as they contemplated their past. “You know there's someone else from our Jump Zero days popping in soon," said Sam, filling the silence.

"Oh yeah! Who?" As if in answer, there was a chime at the door and Toombs opened it. A woman walked in and Kaidan instantly recognised her. "Rahna!"

Her eyes widened in surprise, then a delighted smile lightened her face. "Kaidan! It's so good to see you again!"

"It is!?" Kaidan blurted back, not expecting such a welcome. Rahna looked regretful when she moved closer. She was still as he remembered her. Honey hair that fell in long waves, eyes a light brown, that petite figure slightly boyish except for her ample assets. Still as pretty as ever.

"I've got some paperwork to fill out, so why don't you two catch up?" Sam grinned at them and left.

Rahna's eyes dropped to the floor. "Kaidan, I need to apologise to you. For the way I treated you after… the incident. Seeing Vyrnnus… dead, like that… I panicked, and I wasn't thinking straight. It was just so horrific! I wasn't prepared for something like that. I realised soon afterwards that you'd just been protecting me, that I'd hurt you with my reaction... but I was too ashamed to approach you. Never was very strong, was I? I'm sorry."

"Rahna, I… You don't have to apologise for that. I knew how gentle you were, and I always understood why you reacted like that."

Her face was one of relief. "Thank you, Kaidan. You have no idea how that's haunted me all these years."

"Water under the bridge, Rahna." He smiled at her, and she beamed back at him, then stepped into his space and hugged him.

Kaidan couldn't move at first. He was afflicted with a crazy feeling that this was very wrong. The last person to have touched him was Terra. He forced himself to place his arms at Rahna's back, but he put no pressure there. He didn't want to hold Rahna - he wanted Terra - and was relieved when Rahna let him go.

"You look great, Kaidan. As handsome as ever."

"Um, thanks. You look good, too." He remembered those adoring eyes from years ago. Back then he’d been excited by the way she looked at him, but now it just made him uncomfortable. He needed distance. "Why don't we meet Sam?"

"Sure. We could all go get a bite to eat. Celebrate! Catch up," Rahna smiled.

Kaidan grabbed Sam's box, which contained pitifully little, and they walked out of the room, headed for the reception area. "So, how did you two meet up?"

"Oh, I'm a consultant here!"

"A doctor! Should have guessed that one. Dr Rahna Bahir. Suits you. What do you specialise in?"

"Biotics, would you believe? I was so close to denying anything to do with biotics after Jump Zero closed, but then I decided I could help others. People who have trouble using or controlling biotics after trauma, to be specific. I'm kind of a bridge between medical and psychiatric. Sam ended up being one of my patients. It was a real surprise to see him, considering he was supposed to have died! He told me it was you who found him, helped him."

"I was just part of a team. It was Shepard who talked him down."

"Wow! What was it like to work with her!?"

Kaidan felt ill. He couldn't talk about this. Thankfully, they were at the reception desk now, and Sam was ready to go.

"I'm all set! Freedom!" Sam joked.

"Say you'll come celebrate your huge progress with us, Sam!" gushed Rahna.

"Feels like I've been shut in here for a lifetime. Just try to stop me!"

"But absolutely no alcohol," she warned.

"Damn it, Ray, you're killing me!"

"With the medication you're on, I'm saving you, trust me."

"Fine," Sam grumbled.

They began walking to the elevator, falling into step, Rahna placing herself between them, and placing an arm through each of theirs. As she walked, her head fell to Kaidan’s shoulder, just like she used to do when they were teens. Except unlike in his youth, Kaidan felt no thrill from it. His mind was elsewhere.

Terra.

**-x-**


	22. Finding Peace and Plans In Place

Kaidan was back on the Citadel, but not by choice. It was exactly a year ago today that Terra had died, and he wanted to be working. He'd even tried to defer his shore leave, but he'd done it once too often and now they were enforcing it. He dumped his bag and sat at the bar, ordering a drink. He _needed_ to work. Today, more than any other.

The past year had been hell, but he'd worked through it. Hard work, relentless even. He filled his down-time working-out, pushing himself further each time until the constant ache in his soul was temporarily over-ridden by the pain of his body. Exhausted, he could then fall into a deep sleep, and hope his mind didn't give him nightmares of her dying in pain, alone in space, or dreams that taunted him with things he'd never have - a life with Terra.

He swigged back the shot in one, and gestured for another. Before he could lift it a presence by his side caught his attention. The woman left little space between them as she leant against the bar, ordering a drink and then looking invitingly at him. Black hair, blue eyes, attractive, but he caught a hint of arrogance and coldness despite the smile she sent his way.

"Do you mind some company? My name's Miranda Lawson."

She offered her hand and Kaidan took it out of politeness. "Kaidan Alenko, Ma'am."

"Ma'am? And I thought chivalry was dead. Or maybe it's that Alliance training."

"Respect doesn't need training."

Miranda pressed herself closer to him, a seductive smile on her face as she leaned in. "I like that. It's hard to find. I would really like to get to know you better, Kaidan." She trailed her hand down his arm.

In response, Kaidan threw back the shot, turned to her, placed his hands on her arms and gently guided her out of his space. He wasn’t in the least bit interested. There was only one woman he wanted, and she was beyond his reach.

Miranda was surprised and a more than a little put-out, but then she wondered if he'd already moved on from Shepard. She'd never met a man who could be celibate for a year – certainly not one who could easily have his pick. "I'm not used to being refused. Your girl is a very lucky woman."

"No she's not. She's dead." It was a blunt statement and she saw the slight wince as he immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I just… She died a year ago today."

So he was still mourning her, Miranda considered. He should be desperate for some kind of intimacy - he just needed a little push. "Then if you're not 'attached' there's nothing stopping you from having a little fun. Take your mind off things. I promise you'll enjoy it. No strings." She practically purred into his ear, then ran her hand down her own body, purposefully trying to draw his attention to her 'assets', clad in a skin-tight body-suit.

"Look, I'm really not interested."

Miranda was insulted. "You're seriously turning me down for a dead woman?"

There was a flash of anger. "You're being turned down for an amazing woman that you couldn't possibly compare to."

"Oh really? You don't even know me."

"I think I've seen all I need to," he retorted.

Ouch…. He’d pay for that…

The woman glared back at him, staring into his eyes and biting her bottom lip like she was debating something, then said what was on her mind. "So what would you say if I told you that your beloved Shepard is alive and with Cerberus?"

Kaidan was stunned, first by the fact that she had mentioned Terra by name, and secondly by the statement she'd made. He fought down his reaction, steeling himself, his brain working overtime as he wondered just how this woman knew about their relationship. "I don't know who you really are, or who you work for, but I'm leaving." He stood up to go but she kept on talking.

"The name was real. I work for Cerberus-“

“A stinking Cerberus agent,” he interrupted, angrily. “I should have known. I could have you arrested-”

“Go ahead. I’ll soon disappear. And I'm telling the truth."

Kaidan shook his head. "Shepard would _never_ work for Cerberus, not that there’s any point arguing it - because she didn’t survive being spaced."

"Oh, you’re right there: she didn't. We're bringing her back to life," Lawson smirked.

The idea horrified Kaidan. "You're a sick liar."

"You're close-minded.” She leaned closer, her face close to his. “Why do you think they didn't find her body?"

Kaidan backed away from her in disgust. "I knew Cerberus was evil, but dragging Shepard up like this? What are you hoping to achieve? To break me? I've been there, and nothing you say can pull me back."

"This isn't about you, Kaidan. I just thought that you'd want to know."

"Thought I'd want to know? You were trying it on with me a few minutes ago."

She shrugged. "You're a very good-looking man, top in your field, and your medical file indicates you're in exceptional condition. That made you worth my attention. I only bed the best."

Kaidan grimaced at her wording. "I have better taste, and how the hell did you gain access to my file?"

"Cerberus has a lot of resources at its disposal. Many of which are now invested in Shepard's recovery process. And better taste? You won't get better than me, Kaidan. My genes were specially selected."

"There's more to a person than their DNA, Miss Lawson. It's someone's character that defines them, and you are distinctly lacking in _any_ of the qualities that Shepard has… _had_."

It seemed Lawson really didn't like that comment, and she sneered as she spoke. "You make her sound like she's perfection personified. Believe me, the way she looks at the moment, Shepard is far from perfect. I should know – I’m heading the project."

Project…. Holding back the rage, Kaidan gritted his teeth. "I've heard enough. Now I'm warning you, you mention her name again and I will make you regret it."

The Cerberus agent must have seen the sincerity behind his hardened face, because she lost some of her gusto. "Fine, but I-"

"No. This conversation is over." Feeling on the verge of unleashing the tempest of agitated energy inside him, Kaidan grabbed up his bag and stormed out, his whole body shaking with fury. This was too much, today of all days. Cerberus had gone too far with their malicious lies.

He needed a distraction and he headed to Sam's.

x

Miranda recovered her composure. She wasn't used to being so thoroughly rejected. She had to admit that as much as she loved a challenge, Kaidan Alenko was completely unattainable, and she really resented that.

She was still smarting from the fact that the Illusive Man had placed such importance on bringing Shepard back. Miranda considered herself just as capable of commanding a team. Then to add insult, he'd put her in charge of Shepard's reconstruction.

Of course, she was determined to overcome the challenges. Project Lazarus would _not_ be her first failure.

With Shepard's gorgeous former lover rejecting her advances, it gave Miranda another reason to hate the woman. Even though Shepard was little more than a skeleton with organs, she was still rivalling Miranda and winning.

Alenko had been so sure Shepard wouldn't work for Cerberus too, and Miranda feared that would be just the case. They needed to ensure Shepard's cooperation…. She needed to look into a control chip.

Messaging the Illusive Man that Alenko was a definite no-go for joining Cerberus, she added that with his strong link to Shepard even now, he was a threat to keeping her away from the Alliance.

Then she headed for the docking bay. She had a project to run.

-x-

Garrus looked over his men. They were a mixture of species all with a common goal - to rid the galaxy of mercenaries. So here they were, on Omega, where lowlifes littered the streets. But they weren't interested in the small-time mercs. They had bigger fish to catch: Blue Suns, Eclipse, Blood Pack. All major players that caused a lot of problems. Garrus and his men spent their time disrupting their shipments, destroying their warehouses, anything and everything that made the gangs lives more difficult and would save someone's life down the line. It was one less batch of guns to fall into the wrong hands, one less shipment of red sand to distribute, another group of people who wouldn't be forced into servitude or worse.

They were making a difference. They were making enemies.

Garrus thought about Shepard. He hoped he was making her proud, even though he was a vigilante.

After she died and the Council started spouting that crap that called into question everything they'd all fought so hard for, he knew he couldn't stay. He wasn't in a position to fight anyone on the issue of the reapers - he'd leave that to Anderson - but he could uphold his principle of justice, and protecting the innocent. He and Shepard had shared that, and their tech and sniper skills. She was like the human version of him, but she had her head screwed on better. He had levitated towards taking down a criminal at any cost, and she'd shown him that it would make him as bad as the criminals they were catching. Never take a life unless you've no other choice, and never sacrifice an innocent to obtain your goal. Not unless there's no other way.

He tried to maintain that, to instil it into those who had joined him in his cause over the past year.

He missed her. They had become good friends, and somehow he expected her to always be there. But now she was gone. The one person who had finally helped him make some sense of the galaxy, and his place in it.

He nodded at his men. Their next operation was underway.

-x-

Joker stared at the screen of the datapad. He still couldn't quite believe it. They kept saying it was her, but right now, it could've been anyone.

The first time they'd 'updated' him, all he'd seen was a mass of charred flesh, the odd bit of bone. It didn't look even remotely human. In fact, the contents of his stomach which he'd deposited on the floor moments after, was more recognisable. He'd thrown the datapad against the wall, and asked them what the hell that was.

He'd been flying, that's all he'd cared about, but as they kept asking if he wanted the latest report on Shepard's condition, he began to wonder if they really were playing God. It left an unpleasant taste in his mouth, so he'd dismissed it, refusing to look at any more datapads.

Now, a year after her death, Joker had decided to ask.

This time, the figure was definitely human. Wires and prongs were attached to the brain. The top of the skull was still unformed, to give them access to that most important organ. The rest of the body's skeleton was complete, the chest cavity open to reveal the organs underneath. There was flesh in some places, though it was red raw without the skin to protect it. In all, it was completely macabre.

Joker was torn between wishing like hell that they could actually bring Shepard back, and wanting to kill them all for messing about with her body. Then he reminded himself, that could be anyone. They could be saying that just to keep him piloting for them.

It was working. He had to know, so he stayed, even after he'd finally checked his messages after months of being absent without leave and seen the assignment order from Admiral Hackett, dated just a few hours after he'd yelled at Anderson. It was a great assignment too, in Hackett's own fleet.

But after this long, he figured that if he went back now the Alliance would probably stick his butt in jail for defecting and joining with a terrorist organisation. He should probably have walked away the minute he found out it was Cerberus, but he was in a low place and they were offering him the only thing that could lift him. Flying. It was just supply runs, but a cockpit was a cockpit. He gave the datapad one last look, then went to check out his next job.

-x-

Hackett stared at the tags in his hands. He'd scoured the ground of the _Normandy's_ crash site for hours, finding tags of Terra's fallen crew, and now, finally, he had hers too.

But no remains. With all the other tags, some semblance of human bones had been recovered - but not hers. He hated not having her body. All he could think of was her being out there alone still.

He ran his thumb over the tags, slightly tarnished, but no less readable. He would have them cleaned up, displayed. He would place them on his desk as a constant reminder to keep going.

-x-

-x-

The three friends had just finished lunch at Sam’s apartment when Rahna announced she had to get back to work. She kissed Sam's cheek, then Kaidan's, though she lingered longer.

"How about spending some time with me tonight, just the two of us, before you have to head out again?" she asked him.

"Sorry, Rahna, but I have an early start and I need to go over things beforehand."

"Oh, right," Her eyes lowered in disappointment. "Well, then take care, Kaidan. I'll miss you."

Feeling guilty, Kaidan added, "I'll be back in no time."

Rahna smiled at that. "Bye, Sam."

"Bye, Ray."

They watched Rahna leave Sam's apartment and when Kaidan turned back his friend frowned at him.

"When are you going to start living again, Kaid?"

"What are you talking about, Sam? I've never been busier-"

"I don't mean work. Damn, man, I've never seen someone as driven as you've become. But it's at the exclusion of everything else. You can't tell me this is the first opportunity you've had for shore leave in six months, and _that_ one was forced on you too."

"I need to work."

"Still beating yourself up over Shepard? That happened a year and a half ago. When did you last sit and talk to someone?"

"What does it matter?"

"Hey, I'm your friend, and, well, I'm not good with this sort of stuff, but even _I_ know that unless you talk to someone about the shit inside your head, it eats you up."

"So who did _you_ talk to?"

"Huh! No one," Sam admitted, caught out. "That's how I know. Ray tries but…" he shrugged. "I just tell her what she wants to hear. Did you know that they're finally starting to make a case against Cerberus? They want me to testify."

"That's a good thing."

"Yeah, but did you know that bastard scientist is also going to testify?" Sam nose wrinkled in disgust. "For _immunity_ , Kaid. For protection and immunity. He's going to get away with it. It makes my blood boil inside."

Kaidan saw the anger in his friend's face, in his clenched fists. "Sam, you need to take a step back. Remember who you are. You made the choice to be better than them, don't be tempted for the sake of vengeance."

"What, you're telling me that if you knew who killed Shepard, you wouldn't want to run them down and blow them all to hell?"

Kaidan stared down at the table. "Yes, I would."

"That's what I thoug-"

"I'd _want_ to, but I wouldn't actually do it. Not unless they gave me no choice. I'd make sure that they saw justice served, and not with a gun. That way I can be true to Shepard. She'd have done the same."

"Then you're both better people than I am, 'cos I want that other kind of justice. The kind that has them laying on the floor in pools of blood. _Their_ blood, not mine this time."

Kaidan was concerned now. "Sam, what are you planning?"

"I'm setting up a merc band. I'm not the only one with grievances against Cerberus."

Kaidan groaned. "Sam, think about this-"

"Think about it!? It's all I've thought about since I got away from them, Kaid! Rehabilitation? It's all bull. They can't help me make sense of what's in my head! Because it's beyond their comprehension! They can't _fathom_ the depths that organisation will go to. But _I_ can, and it needs to stop, Kaid! This is my own brand of therapy. Surely _you_ can understand that. Look at all that crap Cerberus have been saying about Shepard! It's disgusting! Doesn't it make you angry!? That they would use her like that!? And what if some of it's true!? Everyone thought _I_ was dead, right!? What if they're doing the same to _her_ as they did to _me_!?"

Kaidan was struggling to keep himself calm and rational. He didn't want to consider what Sam was suggesting. It was too horrendous. She _couldn't_ have survived, he reminded himself. "Sam. Please. _Stop_ ," he demanded, his voice hoarse.

Sam reined himself in, his lips clamping tightly together like it was the only way to stop the words from escaping. "Sorry," he mumbled, but his eyes were still feverish with his hate.

Kaidan had to clear his throat before he could continue. "What does Rahna say about this plan of yours?"

"She doesn't know. You know her. She's frail. Always has been. She'll be distraught, blame herself for failing me - which she hasn't - it's just that she can't fix what's happened to me. She can't take away the nightmares. I need to do this. I _have_ to feed this hate before it consumes me."

Kaidan ran his hand over his mouth. "There's nothing I can say to get you to change your mind is there?"

Sam shook his head. "I'm too damaged, Kaid. In here." He tapped his forehead. "It's too much damn work to appear normal these days. But you… _You're_ strong. Always have been. _You_ can have a life. A wife. Kids. Yeah, I can see you with all that. You just need to bury the dead first."

Kaidan _had_ seen all that once. With Terra, even though they were both Alliance. But not anymore. "You make it sound so easy."

"It could be. I know there's a certain doctor we both know who talks about nothing else but you. You were head over heels once upon a time, and I figure this could be your chance to make it real… and really start moving on. Why don't you give it a go?"

Kaidan hadn't looked at Rahna in that way, nor any woman. In his head, he was still Terra's. "No promises, Sam."

Toombs sighed, then went into his bedroom and emerged with a bag. "I'm not going to waste any more time. I'm going to split. Change your plans, meet with Ray and explain it to her for me. Take care, buddy. And I'll see you around, I'm sure."

"Good luck, Sam." As Toombs departed, Kaidan wondered if he'd ever see his friend again. Sam's words swam in his head. He knew he hadn't moved on. Not where it counted. He'd have to tread carefully with Rahna, given what Sam had told him. He didn't want her to get the wrong idea. He just wasn't ready for a relationship. Not yet.

-x-

Later that night he met up with Rahna. She'd been over-the-moon when he'd called her, but now Rahna was beside herself, and Kaidan tried to calm her. "It wasn't your fault, Rahna. Cerberus are to blame. What they did to him was beyond healing."

"But he's out there, risking himself! I just found him! And you…. Tell me you won't leave me too, Kaidan!"

Kaidan let her wrap her arms around his torso, her head pressed against his shoulder, and he gently held her.

"I couldn't bear to lose you again," she whispered.

Kaidan felt sorry for her. She always seemed so alone, and too many times he’d witnessed her calling her parents only to be told they were too busy. "Rahna, that's not something I can promise. You know the work I do. I'm a soldier."

She exhaled slowly, sadly, into his neck. "And soldiers die. Like Commander Shepard."

Kaidan had to swallow the lump in his throat. "Yeah. Like Shepard."

"She was special to you, wasn't she? I can tell by the way you're so sad whenever someone talks about her on the vids; whenever I ask you about your time on the Normandy."

"Yes, she was."

"She was very lucky. You're a wonderful man, Kaidan."

Kaidan cleared his throat and placed his hands on her arms to un-anchor her from him, holding her away from him. "I'm sorry, Rahna, but I can't be want you want me to be."

"I understand it's too soon for you. You're still grieving, Kaidan. You must have loved her very much."

"I do… _did_."

"You and I had something once, though, didn't we? Before Vyrnnus. We were too young then, but maybe, given time, we could get to know each other again. Make it something more. When you're ready." She reached out and ran her hand down the side of his face, and Kaidan fought the urge to pull away. Instead, he placed his own hand over hers and gave a little squeeze before he lowered her hand.

"Promise me you'll come more often. That you'll try. I need you," Rahna said.

He looked at her, and felt that old feeling of needing to protect her. So he did the only thing he could. "I promise."

-x-

"How much longer until Shepard is functional, Miranda?" The Illusive Man stared back at the holo.

" _I estimate another six to eight months. We're now ready to start culturing skin using her existing skin cells. Then we'll be able to graft that onto the flesh, reattach nerves. It will be a slow process, but until that's done, any attempt to wake her will result in her body going into shock_."

"Have you activated the implants yet?"

" _Not yet. I'm expecting them to greatly increase her healing, but they'll also interfere with any medication in her system. The nanites will automatically counteract anything that shouldn't be there. There's also small spores attached to her nervous system. I checked the samples of the surrounding area where her body was located. They're not indigenous there, so I believe she already had them in her system before she died. Given your mandate to bring her back as she was, I wondered whether you'd prefer me to leave them, or allow the nanites to try to deal with them upon activation_."

"You think you can reprogram the nanites to ignore the spores?"

" _Yes, they're biological as opposed to chemical, so it shouldn't be an issue_."

"Any clue as to what they are?"

" _Preliminary tests reveal a connection to the thorian creepers, so they could have been picked up during her time on the Feros colony_."

"Hm. Interesting..." He made a swift decision. "Keep to my mandate. As long as it poses no threat to Shepard, allow them to remain."

" _Yes, Sir_."

"Well done, Miranda. To have gotten to this stage in just eighteen months is impressive."

" _Thank you, Sir. I just hope this will be a success_."

"All tests have proven optimistic, I understand."

" _They have, but the brain is complex_."

"I have faith in you, Miranda. I'm looking forward to the next few months. In the meantime, I'll need to put things in place. Shepard will need to be isolated. I didn't go to all this trouble to have her run back to the Alliance."

" _Do you really think she'll work for us, considering Akuze? She'd destroyed some of our most promising research sites before she was killed_."

The Illusive Man knew Miranda was smarting at what she saw as being side-lined in favour of Shepard. He didn't care about her feelings, however. The fact was, Shepard was far superior in aptitude and in inspiring loyalty from others. Miranda could do with a little lesson in humility. "We'll give her no choice. Shepard's loyal to a fault. To preserving life. She proved that when she defied official orders to go after Saren on Ilos. Give her the option of being shut away by the Alliance, or using _our_ resources to save our human colonies… there's only one way she'll go. Exactly where we want her. After that, I'm sure she'll see the sense in remaining with us. She was still idealistic. Reality will change that. Now, we both have work to do. Thank you, Miranda."

She left the holo and the Illusive Man asked his assistant to get Moreau there. Five minutes later, the man limped into view, looking uncomfortable.

"How are the reinforcements holding up, Mr Moreau?"

" _Great. Crutches are a thing of the past_."

"I see you didn't go for the full treatment."

" _No offence, but the less you do to my body, the better._ _I'm all for getting a little independence back, but the rest…_ _I dunno, that's a complete replacement of my skeleton. It_ _may be breakable but at least it's_ _**me**_."

"As you wish, Mr Moreau. Have you seen the latest progress with Shepard?"

" _Uh, not yet. No offence – again - but until it looks like Shepard, and speaks like Shepard, I'm not really buying it. And quite frankly I find it more than a little freaky that you're all so keen on showing me that body. And if it is Shepard, I don't think she'd be too happy to know I've seen everything she has to offer - literally_."

"In a few more months we'll be able to show you without a doubt, Joker. Until then, there's something I'd like you to do. You see, once Shepard is fit again, she'll need a crew. Now I have most of them in place, including you of course, but we're still in search of a good doctor for our medbay. Given Shepard's apparent avoidance of doctors, I need someone she can trust. I thought of your own physician before you came to us, Dr Chakwas, and I wondered if you'd be prepared to have a word with her."

Moreau thought about it. " _I'm not sure she'd be interested. The doc's been Alliance for life_."

"I'll have one of our people go with you to explain the details, but I think she'd be interested in Shepard's recovery, _and_ in helping the missing colonists. It's my understanding that the doctor isn't 100% happy in her current assignment."

" _Okay. I guess I could give it a try_ ," he shrugged.

"Good. I also have something you might be very interested in seeing, Joker."

" _It's not another body, is it? 'Cos I've had enough of those_."

"No. It still needs its finishing touches, but I think you'll be more than happy with your new ship, Joker."

" _Ship!? You mean, it's nearly ready! Oh man, where do I go_!?"

"Someone will take you there, now."

Joker hobbled out of the holo ring without another word.

Pleased with the pilot's reaction, the Illusive Man brought up a freeze-frame image taken on the Citadel before the attack. It featured Shepard with her lieutenant, the man kissing her fingertips in a clearly intimate moment. There was no way he'd turn the now _Commander_ Alenko to their side - Miranda had confirmed that. He was like Shepard, and Cerberus could only get _her_ allegiance by cutting off her ties. Alenko was too entrenched within the Alliance.

He took a deep drag of his cigarette, then called his assistant in again. "Jan, find me a way to keep Commander Kaidan Alenko away from Shepard."

Jan proudly produced a datapad, always so keen to please him. It’s why he’d kept her by his side: she was always good at anticipating what he might need.

"It seems Alenko is an old flame of a Dr Rahna Bahir,” she summarised. “They have recently been seen together. Our insider at the hospital she works at verifies that Bahir is completely infatuated with him, but he's still mourning someone, presumably Shepard. Our agent says that Bahir is _extremely_ malleable, though."

The Illusive Man gave a small smile. "Good. Have our agent work on Bahir over the next months; emphasise Shepard's likely manipulation of Alenko as an Alliance traitor, or a fake. We need Alenko attached to someone else, so our agent needs to encourage Bahir to pursue a relationship with him. Then we can sit back and let the doctor reinforce what he'll already be thinking. Notify our other agents it's time to spread the word about Shepard's comeback - under Cerberus."

**-x-**


	23. Awakening and Disappearances

With a gasping inhale, Terra was forced from the cool darkness into a blinding light and an incredible pain. Everything was white hot inside her. This wasn't right! She should have died! She'd felt herself go, her body failing and finally giving her blessed relief from that unbelievable pain. Yet here it was again, different but no less agonising. She could hear her heart hammering so loudly, fast and hard she was sure it was about to burst from her chest.

A woman came into her line of sight, thankfully blocking the intense light that burrowed into Shepard’s eyes, and Terra reached out, an unspoken pleading request for help. The hand of the woman was cool, but she only shoved Terra's hand back on the table. No comfort. God help her!

Then she felt a flood of cold, numbing relief rush over her, her heart slowing in response, and darkness welcomed her back. Once again, she went gladly.

-x-

-x-

Kaidan was fuming as he walked to the restaurant. It had been two years now. Why couldn't they leave her alone? If he heard one more ridiculous rumour that Terra was alive and working with Cerberus, he'd-

"Kaidan!" Rahna looked lovely in a flowing lilac dress that drew attention to her chest. She rose from the table where she was waiting for him, and hugged him.

Kaidan returned her embrace, grateful for the distraction, not expecting Rahna to press a kiss to his mouth. He pulled away, then caught the hurt on Rahna's face. "Sorry, I…."

"Forget it. I ambushed you, I'm sorry. I've just missed you so much. Come on, let's eat."

They took their seats.

"You look lovely, Rahna."

She blushed. "Thank you. You always look so handsome in your uniform, I thought I should make sure you don't eclipse me," she teased.

A group of diners passed, the subject of discussion was Shepard's ‘return’.

{"I wouldn't be at all surprised if it's true. I mean, look at how she was treated by the Council! She saved their asses, and they turn around and call her a liar! You can't blame her for faking her death and defecting to Cerberus!"}

As they passed by, Kaidan's hand clenched around the glass of water on the table. Rahna noticed and placed her own over his, gaining his attention.

"Don't listen to it. It's just some horrible rumour."

"I know, it's just…. Why now?"

"Because it's benefiting someone somewhere. No doubt they're making money off it, or just getting a cheap thrill. There are cruel people out there."

Kaidan knew that Rahna had little idea just how brutal and callous people really could be. She was naive about so much it scared him sometimes.

"How about we just have a drink and go back to mine?" she suggested.

Kaidan felt relief at being able to be somewhere he could escape the constant suppositions about Terra, and nodded.

Twenty minutes later they were catching a cab to Rahna's building.

He realised as they exited the cab and she took hold of his hand, that she may be wanting more than a friendly chat tonight. He knew he'd kept her waiting too long. He'd been so close to thinking he could maybe try to move on, when suddenly he'd started having dreams about Terra again. It left him confused. His feelings for Rahna were different. But maybe he was being unfair. He was comparing her to Terra. Rahna had a different soul.

Rahna led him into her apartment. It was nice, welcoming. A good place to come home to. She turned to him, her eyes bright, her lips moist. He was so damn lonely….

"You didn't say how long you'd be here for."

"Ah, I'm back out tomorrow."

Rahna looked disappointed. "I hate it when you're not here with me. I spend the whole time fretting over whether you'll return. It seems you have so little time to enjoy life, Kaidan."

"It's the price of being a soldier."

"Have you ever considered giving it up?"

"And do what? No. This is my life. It's what I'm good at. I'm making a difference, Rahna."

She licked her lips. "I was hoping _I_ might be a part of your life. As more than a friend."

Kaidan felt uncomfortable. "Rahna….."

"I've been talking with a friend from work. She said sometimes you have to push for the things you want. I've always been a bit frightened to do that, but I think you're worth taking a chance on, Kaidan. I want to be with you, as a companion, partner… lover."

Kaidan looked back at Rahna. As pretty as ever. He should be tempted. He knew he desperately wanted to fill the hole inside him, but he felt nothing for her beyond friendship. But he had once, he reminded himself. Was he dead inside? He needed to know. He brushed aside some strands of hair that had fallen across her face, tucking them behind her ear. Then he cupped her chin, and lowered his closer mouth to hers. He paused just before their lips touched. He couldn't do it. God, how he wished for Terra. He simply couldn't get over the feeling he was betraying her, and he pulled back. "I shouldn't have come." He went to twist away, but Rahna grabbed his arm.

"Wait! Kaidan! I'm sorry! I rushed you again! I shouldn't have done that!"

"Rahna! You have nothing to be sorry for! It's me who should apologise. You deserve better than me. I…. It's like that side of me is shattered, and the pieces are too small to fix it."

Rahna ran her hand down his cheek. "I don't believe that, Kaidan. You're struggling with an awful loss, even now. Have you ever talked about her? Really talked?"

Kaidan sighed. "No."

"Then that's what we'll do. Not tonight. Tonight, you rest. But after you return from your mission, come to me. Talk to me. Tell me everything. Can you do that?"

"I think so." His heart lightened a little that she cared so much for him that she'd be prepared to listen to him bare his soul over another woman. He would try. For Rahna. "Thank you."

Rahna hugged him and he returned it. She couldn't help resenting Shepard for keeping him from her. Her friend, Sabine, had said to keep up a subtle pressure, and he had been so close to kissing her, so she knew it was working. She needed to keep him there with her. "Stay here tonight? Just hold me. Nothing else. I just don't want to be alone."

Kaidan wouldn’t be able to deny her that. Rahna saw him hesitate and she felt guilty for manipulating that kindness in him. Then he nodded, and with the wave of happiness came the justification that she was simply trying to help him move on. Small steps…. Subtle pressure.

Rahna led him to her bedroom, and Kaidan laid on the bed, uneasy with this request but unable to desert her. She settled beside him, placing his arm around her, snuggling against his side, her head on his chest. Kaidan's heart was pumping, but it wasn't because of Rahna.

It reminded him of that night before Ilos. The most astonishingly magnificent experience he'd ever had. He could still remember every single wonderful second they were together like it was five minutes ago. He could remember the way she felt in his arms, the softness of her skin, the way she tasted, how she breathed out his name as she writhed in pleasure from his touch, and how she had so easily driven him beyond his expectations and taken him to a whole new level of ecstasy. After their love-making, he and Terra had fallen asleep together, just like this.

Only this wasn't the same at all. Just _laying_ here beside Rahna felt amiss - unfaithful. He wanted to leave, but he couldn't hurt Rahna because he was being illogical - you can't cheat on someone who's dead - so he stayed and closed his eyes, willing himself to fall asleep quickly.

-x-

"Kaidan!" Terra was sucked out of her nightmare, only to wake to another. It sounded like gunfire. There was a woman's voice over an intercom, somewhat familiar, talking to her. Her name was Miranda Lawson, and she was telling Shepard to get moving, but when she went to sit up her body instantly reminded her brain it was hurting. Her chest and face were worse.

Another blast from somewhere nearby had her re-focusing, pushing the pain to the back of her mind and forcing herself up off the table. Miranda directed her to a locker. As she stiffly donned the armour inside it and readied the pistol, her eyes scanned the room. It looked more like a lab than a medbay. Where the hell was she? Not a ship. Was Kaidan here somewhere? Her crew? How on Earth had she survived? These thoughts whirled through her as she followed the instructions of the woman.

Mechs were attacking the facility. She had no idea why, but it appeared someone had sabotaged them from within. Deciding she needed to stop asking questions until she had someone to direct them to, Shepard made her way to the exit.

Time to get out of here.

-x-

Anderson was surprised to have a call this late, then saw the caller ID and answered it. "Steven, everything okay?"

" _Considering the nonsense about Terra, I'm fine. But I need to know where this rumour came from, David. I can't get it out of my head. It's that old adage: 'there's no smoke without fire'_."

"I know what you mean. I've been thinking about it, too. The only ones who could possibly benefit from a rumour like that, is Cerberus themselves. What I can't understand is why they'd make out Terra's with them. Time will prove that false. Could it be a short-term recruitment drive?"

" _Maybe. I've just had a report from the team I sent to investigate the last colony to go silent. Another empty colony, and a Cerberus vessel was seen leaving the scene. It seems they've been busy lately. I did a check of all similar cases over the past two years. The number of vanishing colonists is increasing_."

"But they're a pro-human organisation, no matter their tactics. Why take human colonists?"

" _Why deliberately send human soldiers into a thresher nest, David? These people will go to any lengths to advance humanity, and they're more than willing to sacrifice people along the way_."

"I'll put feelers out, see what I can turn up. Someone has to know something."

" _In the meantime, I'll need to keep trying to convince Command that there’s a serious threat to our colonies. Keep in touch_."

"Will do." Anderson closed the line. What the hell were Cerberus up to?

-x-

Shepard stared out of the shuttle window at the stars, stunned and very disoriented. How could it have been two _years_? It felt like she'd just blinked. She could still remember floating outside the pieces of her home, relieved that she'd gotten Joker out, before the absolute horror that came with the realisation that her breathing hose was severed, followed swiftly by the panic that seized her as her lungs ran out of precious air. My God, the pain….

Kaidan. He'd been the last thing she'd thought of as everything faded, and the first thing she'd thought of when she’d woke.

"I need to ask you a few questions to evaluate your condition." The voice interrupted her thoughts.

Shepard fixed her gaze on the woman. Miranda Lawson, head of the Lazurus Project which had been responsible for reviving her. A cold, detached individual.

"More tests?” frowned the man beside Lawson. “Come on Miranda, Shepard took down those mechs, no problem. I can vouch for her."

Jacob Taylor - security chief, she recalled. He'd been honest with her from the start about who they were. Almost apologetically. He treated her like she was his superior officer. A great deal of respect. Shepard wasn't sure what he was doing with Cerberus.

Cerberus. The idea that they'd had anything to do with her recovery, appalled her. She'd been given the basics. They'd recovered her body, and used cutting edge technology at the cost of billions, to bring her back to life.

To _life_.

She was supposed to be dead, yet here she was, because of Cerberus. She _wasn't_ thankful for it. All life came to an end one way or another. Her friends and family would have grieved for her, and the galaxy would have carried on, as would they. As too would Kaidan. It was a painful thought she pushed away quickly.

"If I can't satisfy The Illusive Man that Shepard's personality and memories are intact, this Project has been for nothing," Miranda retorted back at Jacob, who frowned back, glancing at Shepard.

The Illusive Man: the man heading the whole organisation. "I'm right here," Shepard snarled. "Guess I'd better answer your damn questions correctly before I get spaced as a failure, huh?"

"I apologise if I offended you, Shepard." Miranda offered, indifferently. Then she nodded at Jacob. "Start with personal history."

"Okay." Taylor brought up his omnitool and Shepard wondered just how much they had on her. "Records show you were a spacer kid. Raised on one ship or another. Father died before you were born. Mother is a captain in the Alliance Navy. You enlisted and won medals for your role in bringing the Skylian Blitz to its knees on Elysium, and subsequently survived a dual thresher maw attack in which the rest of your unit died. Do you remember that?"

"On Elysium I did what I had to, to protect those colonists. Akuze…. Well, your 'Illusive Man' can probably tell you more about Akuze than _I_ can, considering Cerberus was responsible for it. And I wasn't the only survivor. Your scientists kept one of my team behind to use as a test subject. Kind of feeling like that myself, right now. But please, don't let me stop you carrying on." Shepard glared at them both, her fury simmering beneath skin that felt paper-thin.

Taylor had the decency to look uncomfortable, but Lawson ignored it to press on.

"Let's try something more recent. Virmire, where you destroyed Saren's cloning facility. You had to leave one of your squad behind to die in the blast."

Jacob took over. "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was killed in action-"

"It was _Staff Lieutenant_ Ashley Williams. Is there a question in there somewhere?" Shepard interrupted angrily. "I left a friend to die that day. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. Ash gave her life for the rest of the team, and without her I couldn't have stopped Saren. She died a hero. Could you say the same for any of _your_ people?"

"I understand, Commander," responded Jacob quietly, his face troubled. Shepard was getting the impression that he wasn't totally on side with his employer.

"Shepard, think back to-"

"That's enough," she snapped at Miranda. "Just take me to your boss."

They got the message and left her alone.

Shepard went back to scene outside the window, but her mind wouldn't leave her be and she found herself thinking about Kaidan. Two years… Time to mourn…and move on. Had he found someone? At the same time as she hoped he had because he deserved to be happy, a large part of her died at the thought, the pain as severe as when her body had failed.

As she stared out at the stars, she wondered where he was.

-x-

Kaidan started to wake. The warmth of someone in his arms felt wonderful, and he pulled her closer, pressing his face into her hair. That's when reality hit. He'd expected the sweet scent of Terra, but instead it was floral. Rahna. He dropped his hands, his eyes springing open. He was met with a beaming smile from Rahna.

"Good morning. You sleep deeply!" she teased. Her fingers ran circles across his abdomen. "You've been working out!"

Kaidan ran his hand over his face to clear away the fog, and sat up, taking back his arm. He noticed that his shirt was undone, and he looked at her in confusion.

"You looked a little hot." She smiled sweetly at him. "Don't go anywhere. I'm just nipping in the shower." Rahna got off the bed and, with her back to him, deliberately slid the straps of her dress off, and slowly moved her hips from side to side to let the silky fabric glide down her body to pool at her feet, leaving Kaidan with the sight of her bare back and a thong doing nothing to cover her backside as she headed for the shower.

As soon as she disappeared into the bathroom Kaidan jumped up and re-did his buttons. He knew he shouldn't have stayed. But as he got to the main door that would facilitate his escape, he paused, his forehead resting against it. He was still battling the enjoyment he'd found in not waking alone, not to mention that if Rahna found him gone without a word she'd be upset. So he told himself to man up, and backtracked to the kitchen.

Looking in her cupboards, he deduced she liked coffee, so he made a cup, leaving out milk and sugar. She came out of the bedroom with only a towel wrapped around her. He offered her the cup. "Here."

"Oh, thank you, Kaidan!" She took a sip. "Just how I like it." She gave him a shy smile. "I have to say it was really nice waking up this morning with you beside me."

"Yeah, it was," he said truthfully. His head was all over the place. He needed to get out of here. "I should go. Got a ship to catch."

"Oh. Well, I meant what I said last night. Then maybe _we_ can move forward."

He couldn't answer that. "Take care, Rahna." He quickly kissed her cheek, and she placed her arms around his neck to hold him there.

"Come back safely, Kaidan." She pressed a lingering kiss to his unresponsive lips, before letting him go.

He nodded and left.

By the time he'd gotten to the docking bay to catch his ride, Kaidan had come to a decision. Rahna was trying so hard for him, and he'd made no effort whatsoever. When he got back, he was going to stop letting his past loss dictate his future. He would try something with Rahna. He might not feel it right now, but a long time ago he'd been besotted with her. Back then it was an immature feeling, but if he let himself open up to her maybe it would grow. It was only his broken heart that was stopping him. Maybe she could fix that, if he let her in. She was attractive, kind. She was an innocent soul, and as such, she needed someone to look after her, just like on Jump Zero. He could be that someone. And he would learn to love again.

He might finally be able to fill the emptiness inside him.

-x-

" _Commander Shepard_."

Terra stared back at the projected image. "Illusive Man. I hoped we'd be face to face."

He had a small hint of amusement on his face. " _I'm sure. Hence, it's a necessary precaution. Particularly for a man in my position_."

"You mean as the conductor for every perverse act one person can do to another? Yeah, bet you're right at the top of a lot of shit-lists. But let's cut to the chase. Why did you bring me back?"

" _For the defence and preservation of humanity. It's what Cerberus stands for, why we exist. And right now, we're up against the greatest threat of our existence_."

"The reapers."

" _Glad to see your memory is still intact. It was important for you to be exactly who you were before for us to have any chance. How are you feeling_?"

Shepard almost sneered at him. "Don't pretend you give a damn."

" _Cerberus isn't as evil as you believe. We're on the same side. We just have different methods_."

"Oh please!" she retorted in disgust. "How do you justify torturing a human being for research!? Sending soldiers to their deaths via thresher maws!"

" _Like I said, different methods. A lot of the time, I simply fund my people, point them at their goal. I'm not always privy to how they achieve it, but if it gets the desired results then it's a sacrifice worth making._ "

"Pleading ignorance? I'm not buying it. You deliberately look the other way. You're a monster. Somewhere along the line you've lost what made you human."

The Illusive Man frowned at that. " _You need to put your personal feelings aside. We're at war. No one wants to admit it but humanity is under attack. While you've been sleeping, entire colonies have just disappeared. **Human** colonies. We believe it's someone working with the reapers, just like Saren and the geth. You bested them. It's one reason we chose you. We're committed to the preservation and advancement of humanity. If we wait for the politicians or the Alliance to act, there'll be no human colonies left_."

"You're pretty damn arrogant. What makes you think the Alliance aren't already taking action? If you've connected the dots, they will too."

" _They haven't so far. While they've done nothing, we've been reviving the dead. Now here you are, and still the Alliance are nowhere to be seen. The fact is, the Alliance is still rebuilding after the Citadel attack. They're stretched too_ _thin to waste time verifying the reaper threat, and blaming the abductions on slavers and pirates is easier. And more convenient._ "

Shepard stared at him. "What makes you think this is down to the reapers? They wanted to harvest all life in the galaxy. Why target a few human colonies?"

" _Hundreds of thousands of colonists have vanished. I'd say that fits the definition of 'harvesting'. No-one’s taking any notice because the attacks are random, and in remote locations. I don't know why they've decided to target humanity - maybe you got their attention when you killed one of them_."

Shepard was astounded by the number of people taken. The Alliance had to be doing something. His last statement resonated. Had _she_ brought this on those colonists? It was an irrational thought. If she hadn't stopped Sovereign they'd all be dead anyway, and it would have been no less unacceptable if it was another species' colonies. One thing she still didn't understand was why he'd gone to so much trouble to bring back one dead soldier.

"You could have trained an army for what you must've spent to bring me back. Why?"

" _You're unique. Not just in ability or what you've experienced, but in what you represent. You stood for humanity at a key moment. You're more than a soldier. You're a symbol. I don't know if the reapers know fear, but you killed one of them. They have to respect that. And if these missing colonies are anything to go by, they do."_

Shepard hated that damn pedestal she was constantly being stuck on. Now even Cerberus was placing her there. The vanishing colonies were a big worry, though - something she'd deal with. But she had no intention of doing it with Cerberus. She needed to get out of here, and back to the Alliance. She had to test her situation here. "What's to stop me from going back to the Alliance?"

" _All they'll see is that you went missing for two years. You'll be kept in an interrogation cell, Shepard, while they try to piece together where you've been. That's time we don't have. Are you really so sure that they'll understand when you mention you've been revived by Cerberus? I wouldn't advise it_."

What the Illusive Man didn't know was that she had someone to go to. Her father. Except she'd be watched like a hawk. Shepard would have to play along for now. "Maybe you're right. So, just what did you want me to do?" The words felt wrong in her mouth. Subservient.

" _I have a shuttle ready to take you to Freedom's Progress, a colony that has just been abducted. Miranda and Jacob will go with you. Find any clues you can. Who's abducting them? A definitive connection to the reapers. I brought you back for this. It's up to you to do the rest_."

"Is this a volunteer job, or am I being volunteered?"

" _You always have a choice, Shepard. If you don't find the evidence we're both looking for, we can part ways. But first, go to Freedom's Progress._ "

He was giving her free reign? She doubted it. Shepard wanted out of here, away from these people. She felt discomfort with every step, but a shuttle wasn't going to get her far. So she'd go to Freedom's Progress. She wanted to see it for herself anyway. Then she'd see about calling for help; _anything_ to get her back where she belonged.

**-x-**


	24. Collectors and Reaching Out

Freedom's Progress was a ghost town, from the trays of food left mid-meal on the tables, to the deserted streets. To make things worse Shepard had two people at her back she didn't trust, and mechs were shooting at them. She'd already had enough of mechs to last a lifetime. On the bright side, as the machines hadn't been destroyed by whomever was responsible for the missing colonists, there was a good chance that someone had re-programmed the mechs _after_ the attack. That meant there was a survivor, maybe more, and survivors meant answers.

Moving further into the colony, they approached a door. None of them expected the group of quarians within. Both sides had guns drawn until a female quarian called out for her people to stand down. Shepard recognised that voice, just as the quarian did a double-take at her.

"Shepard!? Is that really you!? You're alive!?"

"I can't really believe it either, Tali, but yes, it's me." Shepard had never felt so relieved to see a friend. When Tali grabbed her in a hug, she struggled to keep her emotion down as she returned the comforting hold. It made her realise just how tenuous her hold on her feelings were about this whole situation she'd found herself in. But this was a battlefield, and the enemy was at her back, so she pulled herself together and away from Tali.

"But why are you with _Cerberus_?" questioned Tali, distaste dripping from the last word. Clearly the quarians were no fans of the pro-human organisation, either.

"They… rebuilt me, but I'm _not_ taking their orders. We can discuss it later. What are you doing here?"

Tali caught her reticence to talk in front of them. "One of our people was here on Pilgrimage. We came to find him after he sent a distress call to the Flotilla. Veetor. We saw him when we landed, but he ran from us. He looked injured, which could mean he's delirious. Add to that his nervous disposition and whatever's happened here, and he's probably the one who programmed the mechs."

"Veetor could be the only one who can tell us what happened here. It's important we find him. I think we should work together."

"Agreed." Tali tapped her omnitool and synched it to Shepard's so they could communicate. "There. Now, according to our scans there's two ways through the colony from here. We can each take a path, that way we'll cover more ground, faster, and they converge at the colony's central area."

Shepard smiled to herself as she listened to Tali's confident briefing. She'd really grown up in the last two years. "Then that's where we'll meet you."

Tali hesitated. "It's good to have you back, Shepard."

"Thanks, Tali."

They moved off, and Shepard quelled the urge to beg Tali to stay with her, instead leading the way down the opposite route.

x

A lot of drones later, and Shepard had to admit she was impressed with her temporary team. They were capable people. Jacob had some biotic talent, which he augmented with his weapons skills, and Miranda had both tech _and_ biotic abilities. …Like Kaidan, her mind added, except Miranda didn't have the range of biotic skills that he had. It seemed like only hours since she'd last seen him but, God, she missed him.

" _Shepard, we're at the central area, but there's a heavy mech! It just tore through half my people!_ "

"Hold tight, Tali! We're on our way!"

They finished off the last of the drones and ran to the large sealed entrance that led to the rendezvous point. They took cover, Miranda overriding the gate controls. As it slid open, the carnage caused by the mech was clear. Its intense firepower and rockets had ripped through the quarians like they were made of paper.

Shepard sought out Tali's position…. Inside an adjacent building. She moved forward, activating her cloak, and ran for the building opposite Tali's on the left side of the clearing. Miranda and Jacob took cover behind the crates where they’d entered.

Opening fire, the mech was spoilt for choice of targets, and it chose her squad, leaving Shepard and Tali free to concentrate fire and overload its shields from either side. Once the shields fell, they worked through the armour. That took longer, the mech nearly reaching her squad's position. Miranda and Jacob scattered in opposite directions, not giving the mech a single target. It paused to zero in on its new target: Jacob. The armour was punched through, and as the mech raised an arm to fire a rocket at him, Jacob sent a biotic pull that had the mech fighting to keep balance. They all came out of cover to fire and it took mere seconds until the mech exploded.

They all breathed out in relief, and Shepard went to check on Tali's people.

"They'll be okay. I'll need to get them back for treatment soon, though. We have to hurry and find Veetor," advised Tali.

Moving on quickly, they found him inside a security room. He babbled to himself as he stared at the screens in front of him.

Tali went slowly towards him, crouching so she was level with the sitting quarian. "Veetor? It's me. Tali."

Veetor continued as if he hadn't heard her. Tali looked at Shepard, who raised her omnitool and remotely closed down the screens. Veetor turned, surprised to see them there.

"Veetor, we need to know what happened here," prompted Tali, gently.

"Tali? I- I see ev-everything!" he stammered, then turned back to the screens and brought up footage.

Shepard watched as some kind of alien species she'd never seen before, moved the colonists - who appeared to be frozen in some type of stasis - into pods and took them away.

"It's the collectors!" Miranda exclaimed.

Shepard focused on her. "Collectors? I've never heard of them."

"A species many consider to be a myth. Few have ever seen them," responded Jacob.

"We believe they only work through intermediaries, like slavers and mercs," added Miranda.

"And they're an advanced race. They could have technology that can disable an entire colony at once."

"The seeker swarms," murmured Veetor. "They find you. Sting you. Freeze you. Then the monsters take you away!"

"Miniature probes maybe. Paralysing with a stasis field or nerve toxin," suggested Miranda.

Veetor lifted his omnitool. "I took readings, studied them: the monsters."

"We need to get this data to the Illusive Man." Miranda looked at Jacob. "Grab the quarian and I'll call for a pick-"

"Not so fast, Lawson. I'm in charge here," Shepard interrupted her, irritation sparking.

Tali moved to stand firmly beside her. "He's injured! He needs treatment, not an interrogation by Cerberus!" Tali enforced to Miranda in anger, then she turned to Shepard. "Shepard, I need to get my people back. I'll let you know if we find anything else from Veetor that may be of use to you."

"You know, we could work together, just like before." Shepard looked at the quarian, willing her to agree so she wouldn’t be alone. But then she realised how ridiculous a request it was. There was another thing, asides from their upbringing and having admirals as fathers (which Tali didn’t know about), that the two of them had in common, and that was their sense of duty.

Tali’s hands fidgeted with each other restlessly. "I want to, but I can't. I have a mission of my own."

"What's the mission?"

"I won't say, not with Cerberus here. But it's in geth space, so you'll understand why it's important."

Shepard nodded, having to hide her disappointment, nonetheless. She turned to Miranda. "Veetor goes with Tali."

Miranda's face was hard as she spoke. "Understood, Commander."

"Thank you, Shepard," voiced Tali. "I'm glad _you're_ the one giving the orders." She then drew Shepard aside, her voice low. "Shepard, what's going on?"

Shepard gave a soft sigh. "Honestly, I don't know, Tali. I woke up a few hours ago in a Cerberus facility, and two years have gone by. But believe me, at the first chance I get, I'll go back to the Alliance."

Tali placed a reassuring hand on Shepard's arm. "Do you need help, Shepard?"

Shepard shook her head. "I don't want a confrontation. Your people have been through enough today. I'm not in any immediate danger. They want me to deal with this threat to our colonies, and they spent a lot of credits and time to bring me back. I'll get my chance."

Tali seemed to study her before speaking. "Okay. Take care though, Shepard. Cerberus are trouble."

"Noted."

"Keep in touch. Maybe, when my mission is over, when you're back where you belong, I can join you."

Shepard gave her a slow smile. "Thank you, Tali."

The quarian hugged her again. "It's _really_ good to have you back, Shepard."

Then Tali was gone, and Shepard missed her uplifting presence immediately. She was alone with Cerberus again.

-x-

Tali had escorted her people back to their ship, and they were now getting medical attention. She gazed out at the stars, remembering the many times she had done so with Shepard as they compared their childhoods on board ships. They had so much in common it had surprised Tali. Even the fact that they had no siblings. When she'd told Shepard about growing up with a father as an admiral, and the way she was treated differently because of it, Shepard had been so interested. It had been the first time anyone had really listened to her, shown so much fascination in her. Normally her people were treated like vermin, something to be ignored and kicked aside, but Shepard had treated her like anyone else, seeing past the mask as though it wasn't even there.

Tali saw her as a sister, and it had hurt to learn of her death. Now she was back. It should have been unbelievable, but this was Shepard. Performing the seemingly impossible was her specialty.

It was the fact that Cerberus was involved that worried Tali. They were ruthless in their pursuits, and had little concern for those they used to attain their goals. That Shepard was clearly unhappy about her circumstance, troubled her more. Tali moved to a terminal and started typing a message to the only person she could trust with Shepard's best interests and who might have the influence to do something about it.

-x-

" _Shepard. Good work on Freedom's Progress. You confirmed the collectors are behind the abductions._ "

"Confirmed? You knew about them already?" Shepard frowned, annoyed that the Illusive Man was withholding information.

" _I had suspicions but no proof. The collectors are enigmatic. They come and go, trading specimens for technology most often, then return from where they came, through the Omega 4 relay_."

"Omega 4!? No ship's ever returned from there."

" _Our best guess is that the relay reacts differently to collector ships, allowing them safe passage. Manipulating relays is just another connection to the reapers. We need to take the fight to them_."

Shepard couldn't argue with that. "What did you have in mind?"

" _I've compiled a list of the best scientists and mercenaries in the galaxy. You'll get the dossiers. Finding and convincing them to join you will be challenging but you're a natural leader. I'm sure you'll get who you need. I'll continue to track the collectors. As soon as they make an appearance I'll notify you, so you'll need to have your team ready_."

She instantly thought about her old team, and wondered if The Illusive Man had checked them out as thoroughly as they had her. "Keep your list. I want people I can trust. Those that helped me stop Saren and the geth."

" _That was two years ago. Most have moved on, or their allegiances have changed_."

She suppressed the fear that statement evoked. "So you've done your homework on them. …What can you tell me about Kaidan Alenko?"

" _Still with the Alliance. A Commander now, but his file is surprisingly well classified. We both know he won't work with Cerberus._ "

Neither would she, but she kept silent. She felt a warmth inside to know he'd continued up the ranks. Classified meant he was doing the big jobs, important things, high risk. She yearned for him so intensely, she ached. "What about Garrus Vakarian?"

" _The turian disappeared a few months after you were declared dead. Even_ we _haven't been able to locate him_."

Shepard didn't like the sound of that. He'd been so fired up after the Citadel attack about going back to C-Sec, making a difference no matter how small, applying for Spectre training, adding that he'd be there for her whenever she needed him - she just had to call. It couldn't be coincidence that he'd vanished so soon after she'd died. She was suddenly very worried about him, another anxiety to file away. "Urdnot Wrex?"

" _Tuchanka, and hasn't gone off-world in over a year. Trying to unite the krogan clans, I believe_."

Shepard smiled to herself. Looks like he was doing something about saving his people after all. "Liara T'Soni?"

" _Illium. My sources say she's working for the Shadow Broker. If so, she can't be trusted_."

To say she was surprised was an understatement, but she kept a lid on her reaction. Shepard knew Liara was looking for people with prothean knowledge, but what had made her head in that direction? She looked back at the Illusive Man. "I'm still a Spectre. Maybe I can get the Council to back us."

" _If you think you can convince them, by all means, but just remember it's been a long time. Things have changed_."

It felt like he was simply patting her on the head, and that irritated Shepard. She knew it was probably a futile endeavour considering the Council's stance on the outer colonies, but she had to try. It would also have her back in familiar territory and she could get in touch with the Alliance. For now, she'd keep playing along. "You worry about finding the collectors. I'll get a team ready."

" _Good. Two things. Firstly, we've located a brilliant scientist. A salarian. You'll find him on Omega. We believe that he would be our best chance at finding a way to counteract the collector swarms. Secondly, I've found a pilot I think you'll like. I hear he's the best. Someone you can trust._ "

The Illusive Man vanished as he logged out from the holo, and Shepard was left in the semi-dark, surprised that they were open to employing aliens, and wondering what he meant about a pilot she could trust. The best? That sounded like Joker, but he couldn’t be here….

.

Joker came up behind her, suddenly nervous. Would she be angry? It was essentially his fault she was in this predicament. "Hey, Commander. Just like old times, huh?" It didn't come out quite as light-hearted as he wanted it to.

Shepard spun. "Joker! I can't believe it's you!" She closed the distance, and he was relieved to see her smile at him.

"Look who's talking! I saw you get spaced!"

Shepard's face fell. "Yeah. I suppose I got lucky. …With a lot of strings attached."

Joker frowned, worried about her. "They're treating you okay, right?"

"Sure, but I don't belong here, Joker, and neither do you. What are you doing here?"

This was the part he hadn’t looked forward to: explaining. "It all fell apart without you, Commander. The Council refuted everything you'd said about the reapers. The team was broken up, files sealed, and I was grounded."

"Grounded!? Why!?"

Joker shrugged. "Guess I pissed someone off. Anyway, the Alliance took away the one thing that mattered to me, so when Cerberus offered to help me fly… hell, yeah, I took them up on it."

Shepard looked disappointed and it twisted him up inside. "How can you trust them?"

"I don't. But they brought _you_ back! So that gets them some gold stars, right? And there's this…" He waved her to follow him.

In stride beside Joker, Terra noticed that he walked unaided, with only a slight limp - something he'd never have been able to do before.

"You've had some treatment since I last saw you. No crutches," she clarified, as he looked at her.

"Ah, yeah. Cerberus offered to completely replace my skeleton but that was a little too extreme for me, so I settled on reinforcements. Means I can walk without serious injury at least. You have no idea how great it is to be able to get around by my own steam."

"I'm pleased for you, Joker." She rested her hand on his back, more for the fact that she needed to check he was real.

Joker then stopped at a window and peered at her. "You all right, Shepard?" Concern coloured his voice. "I mean, really?"

Shepard gave him a sad smile; it was all she could muster. "I will be. It's all… just a lot to take in right now, you know?"

He nodded, not meeting her eyes.

"Got yourself a new hat, I see."

Joker reached up to the peak of his cap. "Oh, this… well, I kinda gave you back yours. At your funeral. Seemed right at the time, but now you're standing here it just seems like a waste, but anyway… I felt a bit lost without it, so I got a replacement. Here." He removed the cap and placed it on her head. "You have to be special to get this. I don't deserve it."

Shepard could only stare at him for a moment. She knew her friend and his inability to give words to his feelings, usually choosing to make a joke. Giving her the cap was his way of apologising – not that he needed to. She placed it gently back on his head. "It's where it belongs, Joker."

Joker was blinking back tears, no doubt hoping she hadn't noticed. He’d taken it as her forgiveness, but when they were out of this place she would make sure he knew he didn’t need it.

"Thank God, for that! I thought I'd have to actually comb my hair!" he quipped.

Shepard grinned back at him. "So, what did you want to show me?"

"Oh right! Here! You think being brought back from the dead is mind-blowing - check this out!" He hit some switches on a panel beside him and lights illuminated the other side of the window, revealing a ship almost identical to the _Normandy_.

"Oh my God!" she hushed out in astonishment.

"Yeah, feels good to be home, huh Commander?"

Shepard wasn't sure she could call it home. In fact it seemed perverse somehow. But looking at the joy on Joker's face as his eyes travelled the length of the _Normandy_ copy, she bit down on her acid reply. She returned her gaze to the ship, an unease settling inside her. Was this what _she_ was? A copy? Similar, but not the same. Would she enter the ship and find it all different inside? From the larger size, she imagined so. Was she the human equivalent? Visually right, but underneath….

She couldn't think on it now, and so she shut it away and locked it up tight. "Guess we'd better give her a name."

Joker grinned. "Seems like there's only one name that would fit this beauty, Commander."

Shepard nodded, knowing what he meant, wishing she had the strength to overrule her heart and say ‘no’.

-x-

Anderson stared at the message, re-reading it for the third time. He'd been surprised to hear from Shepard's quarian friend, but it soon became clear why Tali had contacted him. He placed a call.

" _Hackett, here._ "

"Steven, there's been a development regarding Terra. Her old crew member, the quarian, Tali, just sent me a message. She was looking for a fellow quarian on a human colony that recently went silent. …She says Terra was there, Steven. With Cerberus."

The silence that followed was uncomfortable. " _Is she sure it was her?_ "

"She was adamant. Stated that Terra seemed unhappy about being with Cerberus and was waiting for a chance to return to the Alliance."

" _Is it possible that they've had her this entire time? That she survived!? David, I… We never found her body. What have those bastards been doing to her!?_ "

"Steady on. Let's not jump to conclusions. This whole scenario is too unbelievable! We need to talk to Terra."

" _How the hell do we do that!?_ "

"We wait, Steven. We wait. Tali said that Terra was biding her time until she got the opportunity to get to us, and she will. We just have to wait."

" _God damn it, David._ "

"I know, it's hard. But Steven, you have to remember that this may not really be her. We both know just how low Cerberus will stoop."

" _Only too well. It's what's disturbing me most._ "

"Don't torture yourself with unknowns. We need to focus. There's more. They say that the collectors are responsible for taking the colonists."

" _Collectors? But they're little more than shadows. Why suddenly do something this bold and outright aggressive?_ "

"That we don't know, but I don't like it. And we also have to consider that all this… well, it could just be a Cerberus deception, to make it appear they're not involved."

" _Hm. Then we have to keep an open mind. About all of this… including Terra._ "

"I'm afraid so. We just have to carry on as we were. I was thinking that we start sending out some of our best to our colonies closest to the borders. Get heavy-missile turrets installed. Give them some kind of defence should there be an attack."

" _Agreed. It's about time we start acting instead of_ re _acting._ "

"I'll keep you posted."

" _Anything you need, just call._ "

"Will do. Anderson out." He leaned back in his seat, not sure how to feel about all this. Like Hackett, Anderson wanted desperately to believe it was her, but the reality was: it was unlikely. And that left something awful….

-x-

Shepard stood in front of the terminals in the cabin. It was all so surreal. No expense had been spared it seemed. The lighting was bright, unlike the energy-saving low light the Alliance used. Everything was white instead of grey, the furnishings were plush and, to her, very out of place on a military vessel. Then she had to remind herself that it wasn't a military ship. It was a Cerberus ship, complete with monitoring devices and an AI of all things. Joker was just as unhappy as her about that last one. As if being surrounded by Cerberus wasn't bad enough, now she had an illegal Cerberus synthetic watching over them. The uneasiness was unending.

It felt strange to be in civilian wear too, but she refused to put on anything with a Cerberus emblem. It would be like accepting all this, and she couldn't do that. Wouldn’t.

She'd done the rounds on the ship, just as she did before, but she had a wall up between her and the crew, and she couldn't relax. There were surprises though.

Engineering offered two people: Ken Donnelly and Gabriella Daniels. Both were previously Alliance, who had come to Cerberus because they disagreed about how the Alliance had allowed the Council to stomp on Shepard's name after her death. She didn't know what to make of that. It suggested an allegiance to _her_ , not Cerberus - something emphasised by the presence of Dr Chakwas in the medbay. Once again, Shepard had to fight the emotion that sprang up at the sight of the doctor. Chakwas was here for _her_ , because she believed that Shepard would lead them down the right path no matter who they served under. It was humbling, and frightening as hell, to have so much faith placed in her.

Her fingers were poised over the keypad. Then she took a deep breath and typed:

**Dad?**

That was all she could manage. A tentative reach for someone she wasn't sure would believe it. The message was sent to his encrypted account, but would he still use it? She didn't have access to anyone else. Her father's was the only account she knew off by heart, the only account she had used frequently, the rest destroyed with her old omnitool.

Breathing out her anxiety, Terra went to sit at the adjacent desk, empty aside from the dossiers she'd flung there and two frames, one displaying what she imagined were merely copies of her medals, and the other blank. As she sank into the seat and reached for a datapad, the blank frame flicked on, displaying a picture of Kaidan. She froze. How had they known he was important to her? Who had put this here? Her heart ached at the sight of his handsome face looking back at her. It only felt like a few hours since she'd last seen him, but knowing that for him it was years…. That nagging question popped up again. Would he have moved on with someone else by now? She should expect nothing less - Terra wouldn’t be the only woman to see what a wonderful man he was - nor did she wish for him to have been alone. Shepard shut the thought down again.

Suddenly restless, she went into the shower-room, running water at the basin and splashing water over her sore face. Her fingers ran over the cuts. Straight lines, crisscrossing her face, not from battle but from her time on that lab table. Shepard almost lifted her head before she realised that the mirror on the wall wasn't something she was prepared to look into. Not yet. She already knew her hair was shorter, no longer reaching her shoulder but finishing at her jaw….

Turning away, Shepard headed back to the desk, not acknowledging the picture that lit up again. She picked up the dossier for Dr Mordin Solus. It was an impressive file, and she decided that whatever she _wanted_ to do would have to wait. They needed a counter-measure, and Solus was a good bet for getting one. She would head to Omega.

After that, she was going home.

**-x-**


	25. Archangel and Confirmation

Hackett stared at his screen, his hands shaking. That one word pierced through every wall he had.

**Dad?**

He so wanted to believe that it was her.

**Terra? Where are you? What happened to you?**

He sent it, hoping to get an answer despite the late hour, and tried to concentrate on his work while he waited.

It came less than an hour later.

**Dad,**

**Cerberus brought me back. I don't know how. I'm not sure I want to know. I only became conscious this morning. I should warn you that Cerberus have copied the Normandy's design too. I know this is a lot to take in. I'm having trouble with it myself.**

**They want me to stop the colonist abductions. The collectors are taking them, and there could be a connection to the reapers. I refuse to work for Cerberus, though. I'm heading back to the Alliance just as soon as I've recruited a scientist on Omega. I've looked at his dossier and he's impressive. I believe he can help us with a countermeasure against the miniature probes that the collectors use to disable the colonists. Without it we'll be defenceless when we find them. The sooner I can get him working on that, the better.**

**I wish I could talk to you face to face, but this whole ship is monitored. At least I'm not totally alone here. I have Joker, and Dr Chakwas is here, too. For me, not Cerberus.**

**I'll be back as soon as I can.**

**I love you,**

**Terra**

Hackett ran his hands over his face. She'd confirmed what the quarian had said, but Anderson's words of caution reverberated. He had to know; to see for himself. It sounded like her, but surely he'd know if he had her in front of him. He needed to see her, to test her, because he would know, as her father... He would know if it was his little girl.

-x-

-x-

Shepard had planned to come back to check out Archangel after she was under Alliance colours, but given the new information, she felt she had little choice. His dossier had placed him on Omega, trying to take out gang leaders, and that interested her. Unlike the rest of the dubious potential recruits detailed in the dossiers, he had stood out alongside Dr Solus as someone who wasn't acting for himself. His file had reminded her of Garrus: expert sniper and adept with tech, showing exceptional strategic skills.

She'd enquired with Aria T'Loak, who seemed to run Omega, about Archangel's whereabouts at the same time as she had the scientist, Mordin Solus. Solus was currently in his clinic in the middle of a quarantine zone, and Archangel was about to be ascended upon by three merc bands who'd actually agreed to work together in order to bring him down. That was an impressive accomplishment, and it meant that his time was running out. She reasoned that the doctor would refuse to leave his patients unless he'd dealt with whatever was causing the quarantine, so she decided to go for Archangel first.

They were now heading towards the bridge behind the freelancers who were trying to get to Archangel. Shepard and her team had gone in alongside the mercs under the guise of being freelancers themselves, meandering through the mercs makeshift base like they had every right to be there. Shepard had covertly sabotaged what she could before heading out with the others.

Once over the bridge, they took out the few remaining mercs who hadn't already been downed by Archangel's sniper rifle from his hideout over-looking the bridge, and carefully entered the sealed room. As the door opened she wondered what had made Archangel hold off from shooting _them_. She'd already ascertained that Archangel was turian, from her questions to the merc band leaders, but what she wasn't prepared for was the moment he removed his helmet.

"Garrus!"

"Spirits, Shepard! Is that really you!? I thought I was seeing things!"

She gave him an amused look. "And yet you let us through anyway?"

"Well, no matter how illogical it was that you were here, I couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger. Good thing, too."

"Agreed," she smiled at him. She studied him as he wearily propped himself against the arm of a chair. "You okay?"

"Never been so tired in my life, Shepard. Three days without sleep is about my limit it seems."

"Holy crap, Garrus, what the hell are you even doing here!?"

"That's a long story that will have to wait."

"Understood." Terra re-focused her thoughts. "We know the Eclipse are moving in first with their mechs, the Blood Pack are infiltrating from somewhere underneath the building, and the Blue Suns are holding back until last with a gunship and a roof entry."

"Damn. Well, they had to get smart at some point."

"I wouldn't give them too much credit. We walked right in with them, hacked their heavy mech and that gunship isn't going to be fully functional."

Garrus gave a weary laugh. "It's good to have you back, Shepard. And that's going to be a tale I'll be interested in when this is over."

"Then let's get you out of here, so we can trade."

Movement below at the far end of the bridge signalled the mechs were moving in.

"Positions, people." Shepard took a point adjacent to Garrus, using a pillar for cover. Miranda, Jacob, and their newest recruit Zaeed Massani, went down to bridge level to pick off any that made it over.

It didn't take long to decimate the mechs. The hacked heavy mech dealt with most of the Eclipse mercs before it was destroyed and those left weren't standing for long, either. As Shepard and Garrus reloaded their sniper rifles, he looked over at her.

"Those others you're with.... Cerberus?"

She sighed. "Two are, yeah. The other's a bounty hunter they hired. They're the reason I'm standing here. Cerberus that is, and the woman, Miranda Lawson."

"Have to admit, I didn't see that one coming."

"Me neither. I wake up, two years have disappeared and I'm on a Cerberus station. Nope, never in my wildest dreams could I have thought that one up. I hope to remedy that soon though. Get back under the Alliance. I'll explain more later, but Cerberus' goal _is_ important."

"Of course it is, Shepard. This is _you_ we're talking about. You wouldn't be with them if lives weren't at stake."

Shepard exhaled in relief that he understood. As if to emphasise his faith in her, he placed his hand on her shoulder. "Thank you, Garrus. You have no idea, how much that means to me."

"You're a pyjak in a den of varren. I can guess."

Shepard arched a brow at him. "A _pyjak_?"

"Yeah, it's like your Earth's monkeys, I think-"

"I know what it is, Garrus. I think I'm a little more dangerous than a _pyjak!_ " she said, pretending to be affronted.

Garrus laughed. "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you with my metaphor!" In an instant it was just like old times. He hadn't felt so light inside for a very long time. Garrus was still laughing when the sound of a blast underground interrupted him, and it was back to business. "Sounds like the Blood Pack are through. There's only three ways they can get into this facility from down there, and each entrance has a shutter."

Shepard was already getting up. "We're on it. Hold the bridge." She keyed her comm. "Jacob, I want you with Garrus."

" _On my way._ "

“Jacob’s the only one I have any modicum of trust in,” she quietly imparted to him. “I sure as hell aren’t leaving you with the ruthless bounty hunter or the cold Cerberus queen.”

"You don't have to do that, Shepard," Garrus protested. "You're going to need all the help you can get down there."

"Garrus, it's not up for debate. You're exhausted, and I'm _not_ losing you now." This time she placed her hand on _his_ shoulder.

"Thanks." He was more relieved than she could know. It was still surreal to have her here. Just when he'd been about to give up and accept the hail of bullets aimed at him.

"Anytime," she nodded at him.

Garrus knew she meant it.

Shepard passed Jacob at the door. "Keep him alive, Mr Taylor," she ordered, her face conveying the hell that would rain down on him if he failed.

"Aye, aye, Commander."

She quickly ran down the steps to the other two. She couldn't understand Jacob Taylor. He was the perfect Alliance soldier. Respectful, capable, but he'd turned his back on them in order to follow Cerberus, an organisation he clearly felt uneasy with. Because they got the job done, he'd told her, but she didn't buy it. He wasn't a results at all costs kind of guy - unlike the merc at her back.

Zaeed Massani. She didn't like him the moment she laid eyes on his dossier. She'd hoped to avoid picking him up altogether, but he was waiting when they docked. She'd tried to keep an open mind, but he'd instantly reinforced her impression with his treatment of his latest 'acquisition' on Omega. It was clear from the stories he'd delighted in telling them on their way here, that the man only looked after himself, that he wasn't a team player. If he didn't change that philosophy fast, then as soon as she was back on stable ground, she'd cut him loose.

They were on the basement level. They took a shutter each, defending them from the mass of vorcha and varren that their krogan masters were sending through, whilst the shutters locked down. It was rather intense and they were all a little worse for wear by the end.

Heading back up, a large group had obviously found another way in, and were ascending the stairs towards Garrus. The Blood Pack leader and his remaining men didn't make it through the door, caught in gun-fire from in front and behind. Shepard checked Garrus over. No new wounds. She nodded gratefully at Jacob, who returned it in understanding. They used the lull in activity to reload.

Garrus sidled over to her, feeling renewed at their success. "You're as good as ever, Shepard. You're demolishing them."

"I'm well rested," she said, wryly.

"Two years is one heck of a nap," he agreed.

"Yeah, wouldn't recommend it. Screws with your head."

He bowed his head to look her directly in the eye, immediately concerned. "You okay with all that?"

"Not sure yet. Haven't really had a chance to get my bearings. Or anyone else's."

"Kaidan?"

She looked down and shrugged.

Garrus sighed, wishing he could help her, but they'd all gone their separate ways without her holding them together, and he had no idea where any of their old team was now. "Well, you can count on me."

She looked back up, not quite managing to pull off the smile she was attempting. "That's good to hear, Garrus. Thank you."

"Anytime," he threw her word back at her with a grin, and he meant it.

Then the Blue Suns hit the building, gunship at the lead. It careened from side to side, unable to stabilise, but it didn't stop some of the bullets from hitting Garrus, who'd had his back to the large window. Ignoring the pain, he acted as a shield for Shepard, shoving her aside, and turning just as the gunship released a rocket.

Terra was mortified as she watched Garrus take a direct hit. He fell to the ground, blue blood instantly pooling under him. She reached out and dragged Garrus behind her cover, then went to work, her worry about his condition fuelling her to get this over with swiftly. She had the others focusing on the ground troops while she aimed for the gunship.

It felt like too long, but in less than five minutes, the gunship was nothing but flaming debris, and no more mercs stood.

Shepard gently turned the still form of Garrus onto his back, fearing what she'd find. The right side of his face was a mess, but his sudden gasp of pain, the gurgle of blood gathering in his throat, had her shouting his name.

"He won't survive that," came Massani's nonchalant gravelly voice from behind her.

Terra gritted her teeth in order to refrain from shouting back at him. There wasn't time. She had to get Garrus back to the _Normandy_ \- fast.

-x-

-x-

Garrus sat up gingerly on the bed, surveying his surroundings. The right side of his face was killing him.

"Ah, Garrus, good to see you're up. I have a very concerned Commander who won't take my word you're okay until she sees you conscious."

Garrus zeroed in on Dr Chakwas. "What the-? What are you-? What's going on?" Talking really hurt, but he had to know.

Chakwas chuckled. "You're on board the Normandy SR2, Garrus. You took a rocket to the face. There'll be some heavy scarring but other than that you'll be fine. Luckily, you're made of harder stuff than humans, or it would have been a very different story. Still, I’d suggest ducking next time."

Garrus turned carefully and peered out through the windows. Beyond was the Mess. Larger, but very similar to the one he remembered. Everything felt very strange at this moment, and he looked back at the doctor. "Shepard. I didn't imagine her, right?"

"No, she's very real, Garrus."

"But she _did_ die, right?"

"Yes. Cerberus brought her back."

"How!?"

Chakwas sighed, heavily. "I don't know. They offered to show me the files of her reconstruction but… it just seemed like an intrusion. When she's ready, if she asks it of me, I'll look then. But I don't need to see it to know it's her. You can't fake someone like Shepard."

Garrus could only agree. "She's one of a kind, that's for sure. I'd be dead by now if not for her."

"It's remarkable that despite the size of the galaxy, we're all finding each other again."

"It's like she's the centre of gravity," added Garrus with a pained smile. "Where is she, anyway?"

"Back on Omega, picking up a scientist."

He frowned. "What's happening? I'm guessing Cerberus didn't bring her back without a reason."

"I'll let Shepard fill you in on the details, but entire human colonies are disappearing."

"Something tells me this is bigger than slavers."

"It may just be connected to the reapers."

"Spirits! Cerberus couldn't even allow her to rest in peace," he sneered in disgust. "Shepard never gets it easy, does she?"

Chakwas' face showed her concern. "No. It's why I'm here. It's why she needs us more than ever."

Garrus nodded. "It's why I'm staying."

-x-

-x-

**From: Admiral Hackett**

**Commander Shepard,**

**Our scans in the Amada system have turned up something we thought you should see: the final location of the wreckage of the SSV Normandy.**

**We thought this news might be important to you, but we also have an ulterior motive. There are still 20 crew members unaccounted for from the attack. If you find any signs of these lost crewmen, we ask that you report to the Alliance so that those heroes' families might find some closure.**

**Godspeed to you, Commander.**

-x-

Shepard stepped into the shuttle.

"Asides from the fact that you're not under Alliance orders anymore, it's not proper protocol for you to go planet-side alone, Commander," moaned Miranda, standing just outside it.

"I'll be fine."

"At least take Garrus with you."

"Don't you get it?" interrupted Garrus, as he leant against a pillar. "This is personal."

Shepard gave him an appreciative look. "Quit worrying, Lawson. You won't lose your investment today." She shut the shuttle door in Miranda's unamused face, and piloted the vessel out. She needed to put a lid on a past that was still fresh only for her. She needed to say goodbye to her lost family. No one was going to intrude on this.

Flying down to the coordinates, she could finally get a visual. Her heart started hammering the moment she saw the first piece of wreckage. She landed amongst the scattered remains of the _Normandy_ - _SR1_ , and exited.

The area was cold and lifeless. An immense sadness descended as she wandered through the various parts, recognising every single piece she came across.

So many memories surfaced.

There was the main carriage of the ship, _'Normandy'_ emblazoned proudly on the side, just as she'd first seen it from the viewing gallery on the Citadel, with her new crew - the first time she'd laid eyes on Kaidan.

The replacement Mako, after the first had been wrecked by their landing through the Conduit.

The cargo section where Ashley always worked so diligently.

The CIC, with the so-serious Pressly, who had finally warmed up to their alien recruits. He tried to hide it, but she knew.

The cockpit…. The last place she'd been before being expelled into space's freezing embrace. She shivered with the memory that, to her, was just a couple of days ago.

As she wandered, she found the dog tags of her missing crew. They were all personal losses. As their commander, she'd failed to protect them. Not that she could possibly have done anything against that attack.

Something caught her eye. Black, rounded. It was wedged in the crevice of two rocks, and she bent to yank it free. Her helmet. She ran her gloved hand over the surface. Not black, but gunmetal grey. It was intact. Without it she imagined that she wouldn't be here now - at least, not as herself. Her brain would have had to be whole for her to remember, she was sure. And she _did_ remember. Every moment, every feeling: pain at her life's end, sorrow at losing Ashley and Jenkins, relief at defeating Sovereign and Saren, ecstasy the night before Ilos in the arms of Kaidan.... Love.

A sound behind her had her reaching for her gun as she spun.

"It's just me, Terra."

Shepard stared at the armoured figure and had to blink before she accepted he was really there. "Dad?"

Behind the helmet he was just a pair of piercing blue eyes, but she would know them anywhere. Without further hesitation she walked into his arms. The hug was awkward in armour but no less cathartic.

"I hoped it was you. I hoped, but I had to be sure." He drew back to look at her through the visor. "Your scar is gone."

She went to touch her face before she remembered her helmet. "It is? I- I guess I haven't looked in a mirror since I woke up…" She knew she'd been deliberately avoiding it.

Hackett could see his daughter's uneasiness over his observation, but to him it made her more real. To have been reconstructed it made more sense that her scar would no longer be there. If it had been, he'd have wondered if someone had just tried to copy her.

She lifted the dogtags he'd planted, and handed them to him.

"They're just replicas,” Hackett explained. “I knew if it was really you, you'd search for every single one. I just had to be sure. Only you would care so much." He stuffed the tags into his outer pocket and took hold of her hands. "I scoured this place looking for you. All I found were your tags. I should have brought them, they belong with you. I'll get them to you, somehow." He realised he was babbling.

"I'm coming back, dad. I'm Alliance. No matter what Cerberus did for me, my allegiance hasn't changed. I have the scientist I told you about, and he's fully committed to finding that countermeasure. I'll fight these collectors, but with the right people."

Hackett took a deep breath. "Alliance Command refuses to entertain the notion that you're anything but dead. Despite the sightings of you on Omega, they're stating it as a Cerberus hoax to boost recruitment. We've lost a lot of good people to Cerberus since you died and the Alliance stood by while the Council ripped apart everything you'd told them. The best of us know that we have to be on the inside to keep up the fight, but it's been slow going, and we missed the ball on these colonies. Terra, we're only now beginning to give our colonies basic defences, and we have nothing on these collectors."

It was hard for Hackett to watch as she processed his words.

"What are you saying?" she almost whispered.

Hackett felt like shit. "I'm saying that Command still thinks Cerberus is behind the attacks. It's _their_ vessels that have been spotted leaving the sites by Alliance personnel."

"They'll have been investigating, just like the Alliance. I'll have our evidence sent to you. Footage from Freedom's Progress. It's irrefutable."

"If it originates from Cerberus, they won't even look at it."

Shepard exhaled in frustration. "And me?"

She was looking at him, beseeching him to throw her a lifeline, and it broke his heart that he had little to offer her. "If you hand yourself in to the Alliance, you'll just end up being detained for months while they interrogate you over your whereabouts for the last two years, and your association with Cerberus. I hate to say it, but you staying under Cerberus is the best hope for these colonies right now."

Shepard began to pace in front of her father, her mind racing. Her father made sense. Of course he did. He knew the way it worked. He was right. She'd been naïve to think she could just waltz back after so long and be accepted with open arms. It didn't matter how much she'd accomplished, with a Cerberus association she was a pariah, and she knew that was exactly how the Illusive Man had wanted it. She stopped in front of her father and cleared her throat. "I was going to try getting the Council's support."

"It's worth a shot. If you can convince _them_ , then the Alliance will have to look again at what you're saying."

"If." Somehow it felt like a harder task than defeating collectors and reapers.

"I'm sorry, Terra. It shouldn't be like this, but there's little I can do about the politics. Cerberus is like a stain that won't wash out. The Alliance won't risk touching this with them involved. It wouldn't look good to the other Council races."

"So I'm on my own. Huh. Sounds familiar," she murmured.

Her forlorn words were heartrending for Hackett to hear. "Not on your own, Terra. Not completely. Anderson and I will do whatever we can. You know that."

"I know. But in the meantime I have to deal with the devil."

"They brought you back. They need you. You're important to them. It means they'll protect you… It means it's the best place for you right now."

She nodded grudgingly. "Dad, can you tell me about Kaidan?"

"Oh, Terra…” His heart sank for her. “I didn't think. He's not Navy anymore, so I don't have any info on him. Anderson will know, he deals with the elite Marine personnel. He'll be in touch soon. I'll make sure he fills you in." He didn't say what he knew she was already thinking - that after two years he may well have moved on. Hackett could see the thought on her pained face as clear as day.

"I'd appreciate that. I need to talk to him."

"Of course."

She took a deep breath in, then exhaled slowly. "I should probably go. Operative Lawson was already against me being down here by myself. If I don't check in she'll send a search party."

Hackett grasped hold of her arms. "Take care, Terra. I love you, sweetheart." He held her to him. His little girl. Back in his life again. The impossible standing right in front of him. He owed Cerberus one. A priceless one.

"I love you too, dad. Does mom know?"

"Nothing more than rumours. I'll let her know the truth as soon as I get back. Keep up those messages. I need to know you're okay, Terra."

"I will. Goodbye, Dad." She reluctantly stepped away from her father, and walked back to the shuttle.

Her whole body felt so very heavy. She was stuck in a state of oblivion - she didn't want to be where she was, and she couldn't be where she wanted to be, not without stranding those colonists. More than that, she'd be letting down Joker, Dr Chakwas, and Garrus. So she'd keep going, for all of them.

Pretending to be a commander, though she was no longer that. Pretending to be what they wanted to see.

Inside, she was just lost.

**-x-**


	26. Disappointmant and Affirmation

Kaidan had received his new orders. He was heading out to Horizon, one of the outer colonies. Anderson had filled him in. He was to oversee the installation of ground-to-air turrets, but more than that he was to be in place in case of an attack. Command believed Cerberus were involved, and they wanted proof. It didn't surprise him; Kaidan knew the depravities the organisation were capable of. He wondered where Sam was now, and hoped he was okay.

"Kaidan! Sorry, I'm late! Thought I'd never get my patient out the door!" Rahna gushed as she ran up to where he stood waiting outside the hospital, and hugged him.

He held her in return, guilt springing up. "Don't apologise. You're worth the wait."

Rahna gave him a radiant smile. "So, how long do I get you for?" She linked her arm in his as he led her to a balcony.

"I, uh, already have a new assignment. On one of the outer colonies: Horizon. There's been a lot of colonists going missing, so Alliance brass want us to get out there, provide defensive turrets so they can protect themselves." It was a half-truth that didn't give away his true mission. "I'm just waiting for my ride to re-fuel."

Rahna’s face fell in response, and Kaidan felt awful. He knew she’d been looking forward to spending time with him.

"Kaidan, I miss you."

"I know, and I'm sorry, but this is important." Kaidan swallowed, hesitating. He’d made a decision before but, now it came to saying it out loud, he found the words sticking in his throat. "I was thinking… when I get back…. It's time for me to finally lay Shepard to rest. To start… moving on." Christ, his mouth was dry. Should it be so hard? He acknowledged his heart still wasn't ready, but the joy in Rahna's face warmed him.

"Really!? Kaidan! That would be wonderful!" She burrowed happily against his chest, and Kaidan suddenly remembered Terra - in the cargo bay, sweaty and emotional after finding Sam alive - and how he'd pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Rahna lifted her face to him and kissed his lips. He could only give her an awkward smile. His thoughts were telling him that Rahna's mouth on his hadn't evoked a single feeling. Nothing like Terra's - he'd felt an amazing sensation travel from his lips to every part of him, like she had sent a gentle electric current through him.

Then he ignored the memories. He was broken, Kaidan reminded himself. He desperately needed to feel something beyond this horrible hollowness that had lived inside him since Terra's death. Just maybe being with Rahna would fix him. They'd had something once....

The call came to tell him the ship was ready to leave, and he kissed Rahna’s cheek in farewell. Walking away, Kaidan wished he didn’t have the image in his head of him letting go of Terra, allowing her to fall away into darkness.

-x-

The Illusive Man’s call was answered swiftly, as he’d expect – voice only. He didn’t waste time with greetings. "Shepard's heading to the Citadel. She's hoping for a meeting with the Council,” he warned the councillor on the other end. “I can't risk them seeing sense. I need Shepard cut off. Make sure she doesn't get a hearing, Udina."

" _Of course. I'll press the Cerberus connection. They won't look past that. She'll get nowhere here_."

"Good." The Illusive Man signed off, a shadow of a smile on his face.

-x-

Shepard felt relief at touching down in familiar territory. The Citadel. Where the original _Normandy's_ journey had begun.

Before Miranda could object, Shepard quickly stepped off the ship with Garrus beside her, and they caught a cab to the Embassy where Anderson was waiting for her.

-x-

Anderson had spoken to Hackett. Steven was certain it was his daughter. But Anderson was more cautious. He just wasn't sure how much his friend was seeing what he wanted to see. Cerberus were slippery bastards. So he'd officially requested her presence, via message. She'd replied that she was on her way, and wanted an audience with the Council. He wasn't looking forward to telling her it wasn't going to happen.

The doors opened and there she was. Anderson reminded himself that he had to stay objective, but as Garrus Vakarian filed in behind her, it was even harder to maintain the possibility it might not be her.

"Shepard! Welcome back to the ranks of the living!" He managed to sound more casual than he felt.

They shook hands. Anderson nodded at Garrus behind her, noting that the turian looked like he'd seen better days, judging from the heavy-duty bandage that covered the right side of his face. "Garrus, good to see you again."

"And you, Admiral." Garrus then settled against a desk, seemingly content to leave them to their discussion.

"About time they made you an admiral," Shepard smiled.

"Hmph, it doesn't mean a whole lot when I'm stuck under Udina's superior visage. He delights in reminding me constantly of his position. Still, I wouldn't want his job. Dealing with political bullshit day in and day out is my idea of hell, and I get embroiled in enough as it is."

"So when do we get to see the Council?"

Anderson sighed at her inevitable question. "I spoke to Udina. He's refused to hear you out. Says your Cerberus association is…unpalatable…to the fellow councillors. They said they won't hold court with terrorists."

Shepard’s disbelief was evident. "But I saved their lives!"

"And then you died. As far as they're concerned, you're an Alliance defector or a Cerberus fake. Either way, they won't even entertain your presence. I'm sorry." Anderson watched this woman walk to the balcony in shock, her hands gripping the railing like it was a lifeline as she looked out.

"I needed this, David,” she murmured. “I needed something of my old life that gave me a purpose beyond being a Cerberus tool. I can't be an Alliance commander, and now I'm not even a Spectre."

That statement decided things for Anderson. He knew that somehow Cerberus had done the impossible: they'd brought Terra back to life. He had to place his hand on her shoulder in an act of reassurance and the need to be sure she was physically there. "Terra. Those are just titles, nothing more. I know it's hard for you to see past that. You've spent your whole life surrounded by them. But you have a ship, you have a crew, and you're still their commander, their captain. Use them, Shepard. Use the resources they've given you. Do what you do best, and protect the galaxy. We'll find a way to get you back with us."

She gave him a weak nod. "The Council knows about the collectors and the possible reaper connection?"

"Udina and the Council have spent the last two years convincing themselves that threat doesn't exist."

"But what about the evidence? Sovereign-"

"A ship they say could well have been made by the geth."

"The prothean VI on Ilos!"

"No longer functional. As far as the Council are concerned the reapers are a myth, created by Saren to get the aid of the geth. We know they're wrong, but I've been beating against that wall for the past two years, and I have nothing to show for it. Damn it, you should have _all_ those titles you earned, you deserve nothing less, but my hands are tied. It's up to _you_ now."

The door opened and Udina strolled in. "Anderson, we need to talk about- Shepard! What are _you_ doing here?"

"You know the Commander wanted a meeting with the Council! You refused her!" Anderson railed.

"With good reason. There could be serious political ramifications. Anderson, I'll see you in private after you're finished here." Udina stormed out of the room.

"Have I just caused you problems?" worried Shepard.

"Forget it,” waved off Anderson. “Besides, I asked you here. If it wasn't this, it would be something else. Udina has to flex his imaginary muscle somehow."

"Spirits, how I don't miss this place," grumbled Garrus.

Shepard shifted slightly, appearing anxious. "Anderson, can you tell me what happened to Kaidan Alenko?"

Hackett had mentioned she would ask. "He's a Commander now. An outstanding soldier. Enough to rival you, I don't doubt. He struggled a bit after you went down with the Normandy, dropped off the grid, used all his leave in one go. I was beginning to think he wouldn't return.”

Anderson had wondered at the extent of Alenko’s feelings for Terra that he would react so badly, but seeing her now, listening intently, he could see that it went both ways.

“Kaidan wasn't answering his calls or messages,” continued Anderson, “then suddenly he returned to duty, raring to go, fully committed. He's impressed a lot of people, and there's a hint of another promotion coming his way."

Shepard wore a smile at his description of the soldier Anderson was certain she’d always seen – it was why he’d pushed to have Alenko under her command. Terra Shepard had a way of seeing potential and nurturing it.

"Where is he now?" she asked.

"I'm afraid you've just missed him,” Anderson answered, regretfully. “He's heading for the colony on Horizon. He was originally sent to look for signs of Cerberus activity. We have several of our best heading out to do the same on other at-risk colonies. That is, until you convinced me that you're you. Now I know the collectors are the real threat, I'll be rescinding the order to any that haven't already departed. I only need engineers to get the defence turrets we're supplying, online."

Shepard nodded, and he thought he saw fear there. For Alenko.

“The odds of that particular colony being targeted next while he’s there is low,” reassured Anderson.

"Of course,” breathed out Shepard. “Well, I guess I'll get going then. Got a team to build."

"You'll get it done, Shepard. I believe in you." They shook hands again, and she turned away.

Anderson felt useless as he watched her walk out. Her usual proud posture, the one she'd carried when she'd walked in, was gone, to be replaced by a burdened one. A lone soldier, fighting a huge threat. It wasn't fair, and he felt like he'd let her down when she needed him most.

And he had no idea how to remedy that.

x

"You okay Shepard?" Garrus murmured from beside her, as they walked along the Presidium.

She pulled herself out of her desolation. "I will be. I've still got you, right? But if you want to bail, I'll understand."

"Bail!? Not a chance, Shepard. You can't get rid of me that easily. So you're left amongst the Cerberus vipers…" he shrugged. "We stick together, I'll watch your back, and you’ll be fine."

She gave his a suspicious look. "Am I still a pyjak in that scenario?"

"We're two pyjaks together, Shepard. With teeth. Big sharp fangs, in fact."

Terra frowned. "So we're _mutant_ pyjaks? Hm, not sure that makes me feel any better."

"Stop being picky."

Shepard laughed. "Thanks, Garrus." She looked out at the idyllic Citadel, and took a shoring breath. She had to move past this set-back.

Time to deal with what she had. Time to accept her new family.

-x-

Rahna walked back into the hospital feeling more hopeful than she’d been in a long while. Kaidan Alenko made her very happy, and once he returned he would be hers.

"Hey, I wasn't expecting to see you back so soon! Your soldier not turn up?"

Rahna turned to her friend, Sabine, who was coming in behind her, and gave her a smile. "He showed. Of course he showed. This is Kaidan we're talking about. He'd never let me down. But he also had to head straight off."

"Oh honey, I'm sorry. I know you had things planned. What was so important he couldn't even catch a break?"

"Colonies are disappearing, apparently. I've not heard anything on the vids, have you?"

"No, but maybe it's a new development.” Sabine frowned. “I have family on one of the colonies. Perhaps I should give them a call. Do you know where Kaidan is headed?"

"He said it was Horizon. I hope he'll be okay." She worried about him every time he left, but it was something she’d have to live with if she wanted to keep him in her life.

"I'm sure he will,” reassured Sabine. “Your man sounds very capable."

Rahna couldn't help the huge grin, her happiness brimming over. "He's ready to move on, too. You were right, Sabine. I just had to be patient, keep up a gentle pressure."

"See? I'm a professional matchmaker!" Sabine joked. "I'm happy for you, Rahna. You two are meant to be together. Finding each other after all this time, in this huge galaxy? That's destiny."

"Destiny… You're right!” Her heart was thudding in her chest at that. “Oh, I can see it all now. Mrs Rahna Alenko!"

" _Doctor_ Rahna Alenko," Sabine reminded her.

"Are you kidding? I plan to be continually pregnant with our gorgeous babies!" she declared, only half-jesting. The thought of being intimate with Kaidan was thrilling, giving him a son, a daughter, spending the rest of her life with him…!

Sabine laughed. "Steady on, Rahna! You don't want to frighten him away before you've got that ring on your finger! Anyhow, I better get back to work."

"Meet up with you after shift? I feel like celebrating!"

"Absolutely!" Sabine smiled.

Still giddy, Rahna practically glided back to her office.

x

Sabine shut herself in her own workspace and sent a message to the Illusive Man.

**Alenko is heading for Horizon. Target is now pursuing relationship with Bahir.**

She had no idea if it was pertinent, but her job was to advise any and all developments regarding Kaidan Alenko.

Sabine had no idea what a man who could have his pick of women, saw in Bahir, though. Rahna was like an over-grown child. Just as naïve as one that was for sure. The woman had obviously been cosseted her whole life, and Sabine doubted the woman had ever had to deal with a single crisis in her privileged little existence.

Settling back in her chair, Sabine grimaced. Now she was going to have to listen to Bahir cooing over Alenko all evening. Just as well she was being paid well.

-x-

“Ter!?”

They were almost to the _Normandy's_ docking bay when Shepard heard someone call out, and she spun around as Matt emerged at full speed through a security gate.

"Ter! It's really you!" Matt came to a halt right in front of her, his hands on her arms, holding her out at arm’s length while he soaked in her face.

"It's me, Matt," she confirmed, then she was crushed in a bear hug. Garrus smiled at her over Matt’s shoulder and indicated he was boarding, then disappearing into the ship.

"Bloody hell, Ter! Don't do that to me again!"

She finally had the presence of mind to embrace him back. "Uh, if you're referring to dying, I didn't really have much choice."

Matt loosened his hold so he could look at her. "You mean you weren't undercover!? You really were….” The man looked thoroughly confused. “But how can you be here now?"

She shrugged. However she tried to put it, it would sound unbelievable. "The wonders of cutting edge technology and billions in credits, I suppose. Courtesy of Cerberus. They seem to think I'm the only one who can stop these attacks on our colonies."

To her relief, he chose to ignore the mention of Cerberus, but she had to be honest with him. They may have brought her back but she was Alliance to her core, and if anyone would understand, it was Matt.

"Heh.” He shook in head, looking stunned but not incredulous. “Only you could cheat death."

"To be fair, I had nothing to do with it." Terra could almost see him working it all out in his head.

"So that's why my mission to Ferris Fields was just cancelled. You've been to see Anderson. He no longer thinks Cerberus are behind this."

"Uh huh. I've seen it with my own eyes, Matt. The collectors are taking them, and it's likely they're doing it for the reapers."

Matt blew out his breath as he contemplated it all, then focused on her again. "You're coming back to the Alliance, right?" Terra chewed on her bottom lip, unable to meet his eyes, and he sighed. "Why?"

"Because I can do more good under Cerberus than I can in an Alliance interrogation room," she said quietly to his chest. Maybe if she said it enough times it wouldn't sound so distasteful to her.

Matt knew the red tape in the Alliance could bury someone for months, and that was just for standard issues. Her situation was far from standard.

He nodded sadly. "It's a bloody disgrace to treat you like that, Ter. Don't lose heart. I know the Alliance is important to you, but given what you said, Cerberus is probably the right option. Since the Citadel attack, enrolment's dropped, and a lot of our veterans walked out on the Alliance when Command failed to stand up for you against the Citadel Council's crap. We're just too focused on replenishing our numbers and getting established in the Citadel, to deal with anything else."

" _You_ didn't leave."

"No. Because I pictured you, up there, frowning down on me for giving up on my duty. Joining Cerberus was the easy way to make a stand, but it's not the right way. We protect those who can't protect themselves, but not at the expense of morality. You championed that. When you… left us, that ideal never changed. We just didn't have you lighting the way anymore."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You make me sound like a saint with a gun, Matt."

He laughed. "Christ, I missed you, Ter." Matt hugged her again and she clung to his acceptance, incredibly grateful for his friendship. Between him and Garrus, Joker, Tali and Chakwas, she was going to be okay.

"You know, this is as close as I'm ever going to get to holding a billion credits!" joked Coats.

Lightly slapping the back of his head, Terra then held him tight. "Thanks, Matt. For this. I wasn't sure the Cerberus thing was easy to understand."

"Anyone else and it would be a different story,” he admitted. “I've learned never to underestimate you, so I won't question it. Through you, Cerberus finally did something worthwhile."

Terra let him go and backed out of his arms. "I should go."

"Look after yourself, Ter, and if you ever need to talk, you know where I am."

She nodded with an appreciative smile, and headed for the ship. _Her_ ship. She could do this. She _had_ to.

-x-

The Illusive Man smiled at his screen as he read the message from his agent. An idea forming.

He'd been looking for a way to lure the collectors out to a colony. This was his answer. He knew from the hard-fought acquisition of Shepard's body from the Shadow Broker's people, that the Broker was acting on behalf of the collectors in obtaining it. There was a good possibility that the collectors would be interested in _anything_ connected to Shepard. Or any _one_. Time to send out rumours of Alenko's presence on Horizon….

**-x-**


	27. A Liability and a Test-Tube Baby

Given the close proximity of Zorya to the Citadel, Shepard had agreed to help Massani fulfil his outstanding contract to liberate the factory workers of a refinery now taken over by Blue Sun mercs, as soon as she'd returned to the ship.

Now, Shepard was fuming. She’d known Zaeed Massani would be a liability. This was _his_ mission and he'd blatantly disregarded his brief in order to get revenge. She could understand his wish to make this Vido pay for shooting him in the face, but not at the expense of the factory workers. Because of Massani, the factory was now a dangerous environment of fire and exploding pipes, and the workers they were supposed to be rescuing were trapped inside. Massani didn't even care. He'd demanded she help him catch Vido instead of going to the workers, or she'd get no help from him against the collectors. That was fine with her, and she'd turned her back on him, leading Garrus, Jacob and Miranda over the walkway towards the screams. A last look over her shoulder had confirmed he was running off after Vido by himself.

It took them a good half hour to get through the building, avoiding the flames and blasts that ricocheted metal in every direction, to where the workers were trapped. Once there, they manually activated the sprinklers so the doors would function and the workers could escape. Shepard waited until the last civilian had left before she went back for Massani.

-x-

They entered a large room, presumably the warehouse section. Vido was well supplied with men, and they were currently engaged with Massani. Shepard gave the others direction and they spread out. Between the five of them the troops soon fell, along with a heavy mech that Shepard sniped directly in the head, causing it to explode spectacularly, taking out all the remaining mercs in one mighty, and unexpected, blast. She made a mental note of that for future confrontations.

Massani was running hard for the rear exit and Shepard followed, emerging to see Massani roaring in rage as he fired relentlessly at a gunship that was fleeing the scene. But it was too late. He impatiently ejected the empty, steaming heat-sink onto the wet ground, and aimed his gun at Shepard.

"You just cost me twenty years of my life!"

As Garrus and Jacob aimed their weapons at him, Shepard indicated for them to hold off, and stepped back - and not because she was being threatened. The ground was wet with fuel, not water, and it ignited, sending a trail of flame towards a fuel container which then exploded. A large metal beam was catapulted through the air, landing on Massani, and trapping his leg.

"Argh! Son of a bitch!"

"Well that's poetic justice," frowned Shepard, moving towards him. As much as she disliked the man, she wasn't about to let him burn to death.

"Very funny. Now get this thing off me," Massani rasped.

Shepard nodded at Garrus, and together with Jacob, they heaved the beam off Massani. Jacob helped him up while Miranda called for a pick-up.

Garrus had noted how silent Shepard was. He knew she wouldn't stand for what Massani did, and wondered if she was just going to wait until they were back on board before tearing into him. He just hoped he'd get to see it. The man was out of control.

The shuttle arrived, and they began piling in, but as Massani made to limp forward, Shepard placed her hand out to stop him, then positioned herself in front of him. "Forget it. I won't have you on my team, Massani. Catch your own ride."

"What!? Shepard!" he yelled.

She ignored him as she stepped into the shuttle and banged the side to signal they were clear to go. Garrus smirked at Massani's look of disbelief as the shuttle door closed. It was moments like those that made life great, he decided.

"Considering it was over in seconds, that was surprisingly satisfying," he grinned at Shepard.

She burst into laughter. "How do you manage to do that!?"

"What?"

"Give a simple statement a sexual nuance!"

"I didn't…" he thought back to what he'd said. "Damn it!" he swore, causing Shepard to laugh even more. Still, it was good to see her like that. They all needed lighter moments in their lives, and none more so than Shepard.

"Was that wise, Shepard?" Miranda interrupted, irritated at the levity. "We need all the help we can get."

Shepard's amusement faded away. "Agreed, but I won't endanger everyone else on my team with a man like that at their backs. That's what you get with someone whose allegiance only extends to how many credits are going in his pocket."

"The Illusive Man's placed more credits in his pocket than he could want, believe me."

"If you insist, I can go back for him, but know that _you'll_ be paired with him every mission. Good luck with that."

Vakarian snorted in amusement, and Miranda flung a scathing look at the alien as she bit back what she truly wanted to say to Shepard. The bitch wasn’t capable of getting the job done. Staying on a moral high-ground wouldn’t ensure they won against dirty players like the reapers. Sometimes, you had to do distasteful things. If she’d been in charge, she’d have let Massani have his revenge, gained his loyalty, and moved on from what was nothing more than a personal mission they shouldn’t have been wasting time on anyway. But she wasn’t in command. Shepard was.

"Fine, leave him,” she snapped. “But you can't afford to continue being picky, Shepard."

"It's Commander to you, Miss Lawson."

Miranda bristled but before she could retort, Shepard addressed Vakarian.

"That's the second time I've been told that I'm picky," she said, with a casualness that continued to piss Miranda off.

"Actually I think you were totally justified in that decision. Pick away," he answered.

"Thank you."

Steaming, Miranda looked for back-up from Jacob but he offered her none, so she crossed her arms and stared out the porthole. The Illusive Man wasn't going to be happy about Massani.

The Illusive Man should have let her plant the damn control chip.

-x-

-x-

Terra fidgeted with the collar of her jacket. How she hated it. Cerberus colours. But she had to acknowledge where she was, and that was as a commander to those aboard this ship - this _Cerberus_ ship. So she'd donned the officer's uniform, then made the effort to start to get to know her new family.

She'd started with their newest recruit, Dr Solus.

"Is the lab working well for you?"

"Quite satisfactory. Best setup I've seen since work with Special Tasks Group. Found a few surveillance bugs. Destroyed most of them. Returned expensive one to Miranda. Nothing unexpected. Just need more samples. More collector data, tissue samples. Anything you can get, I can use."

It amazed her just how fast the salarian talked, and not once had he stopped working as he conversed. "I'll do my best to get you what you need, but unfortunately it's hard to come by. You mentioned the STG. What kind of work did you do?"

"Research, recon missions. Covert, high-risk. Served under young captain named Kirrahe. Studied krogan genophage. Took water, tissue samples from krogan colonies."

"I worked with Kirrahe. He and his team helped destroy Saren's cloning facility on Virmire."

"Good captain. Loved his speeches, though. Hold the line! Personally prefer to get the job done and go home."

Shepard smiled at that. "Why were STG studying the genophage?"

"Krogan evolve. Genophage needed adapting."

Terra frowned at that. So the krogan had started to naturally overcome the genophage. She thought of Wrex. "You really believe it was right to inflict that on the krogan?"

"Genophage designed to reduce krogan numbers by affecting fertility rates. Right choice. Still… hard to sleep some nights."

"But look at what's happened to the krogan as a result. They're a dying people." She wasn't looking to start a fight, she was simply interested in the salarian's outlook.

"Krogan choices. Refuse truce during Krogan Rebellions. Expand after Rachni Wars. Splinter after genophage."

"Choice? They are who they are, Mordin. Did the salarians factor in the krogans natural behaviour when they decided this course of action, or did they just see it through salarian eyes?"

Mordin was silent as he thought, his fingers stilling on his keypad.

"I read that it was the salarians who uplifted the krogan to deal with the rachni," she added.

"Yes. Foolish. Like giving a loaded gun to a child."

"Then don't you think the salarians have a duty of care to the krogan? They meddled in the krogans natural evolution in order to turn them into weapons, then when those weapons turned on them they decided to play God again and effectively sterilised them. I wonder if your people are too scared to face the fact that it was the wrong decision, and maybe now they would rather look the other way while the krogan die out."

"Not look the other way. Just accept that there is no alternative."

"Yes there is. They can face the consequences of their actions. The genophage could be cured if your people cared to. Look how quickly you cured the plague on Omega."

Those large eyes stared back at her. "Yes. Could be right. Salarian impact, tragic on krogan. Should never have interfered. But irrelevant now. Krogan would wipe out salarians if cured. Turians, too."

"The krogan aren't infallible, or as single-minded as they're made out to be. Maybe they'll listen to reason. If not, they deserve to be given a fair fight. They didn't ask for this. It was decided for them."

"War is not fair, Shepard. Reapers will not be fair."

"You're right. Because they're unfeeling machines. So what does that make the salarians?"

"Salarians are not like reapers."

"No, but only because you can be reasoned with. You have the ability to feel remorse and empathy."

There was a pause. "Was the right choice," he reiterated.

"Then tell me why you can't sleep some nights, Mordin?"

Mordin sniffed as he regarded the human female in front of him. She had made her arguments in a calm and rational manner that garnered her much respect with him. She had also hit, dead on, the very thing that haunted him.

"Much to think on, Shepard. For now, have much work to do. Thank you for the debate."

Terra thought over their conversation as she left the room. She hadn't meant to turn her first chat with him into a confrontation. She wasn't so sure she had even made valid points. The salarian was right: if the krogan repopulated, a lot of people would suffer in their wrath.

Then she thought about Wrex. He couldn't be the only one to have seen the need for change, and she wondered if he'd had any success with uniting the clans. If so, then it suggested that the krogan were evolving in a social way too, and that just maybe called into question the salarians cause to withhold their help in fixing the curse they'd bestowed upon the krogan.

-x-

The evening meal provided Terra a chance to catch up with more of her new crew. As Garrus and Joker, Chakwas and the engineering staff joined her at the table, she thought this wasn't so bad after all. Jacob soon appeared and they all engaged in discussions as they ate. Mordin hadn't made it down at all, and Terra knew he'd still be feverishly working away - she'd take him something up.

Miranda came out of her room, spared them the briefest of glances, took her meal from Gardner, and turned to go back to her room.

Family, Shepard told herself. "You're welcome to join us, Miss Lawson," she called out.

Miranda paused at her door and looked over her shoulder at them all now staring at her. "I'm not here to make friends," she answered coolly.

Terra wasn't about to let her off that easily. "Then how about just making an effort?"

"I have more important work to do than socialising. I'm sure you have, too," Lawson retorted icily, then disappeared through her door.

Terra had to suck in her lips to prevent herself from saying something very unprofessional in front of her crew about Lawson.

"Charming," Chakwas murmured under her breath.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"So… What's next on the agenda, Shepard?" Garrus asked from next to her.

"Something I think will appeal to you actually. A Blue Suns training base."

His face dropped a little. "Please tell me we're not recruiting a Blue Sun merc."

"Stop scowling. No. I think we came close enough to that with Massani. We're after a krogan scientist who's there. Apparently he’s recently had dealings with the collectors."

"Firstly, a krogan scientist? Is that a joke? And secondly, what did he deal for?"

"Firstly, don't be so judgemental, and secondly, I have no idea, but it could mean he has data that could be useful. Mordin was telling me earlier that he needs anything we can find regarding the collectors."

"Do we know why he's even there? Is he there voluntarily? Is he working on something for the mercs?"

"No, don't know, and I'd have thought so."

Garrus stared back at her as he tried to process that. "Okay. That's the last time I ask more than one question at a time. I'm confused. I think that was a whole lot of unknowns."

"Precisely."

"Ah well. We get to take out mercs. That's some consolation."

"I have to say, Commander, you're getting things done,” said Jacob, from the other side of Garrus. “You impress the hell out of me, Shepard. We might actually get through this because of you. Haven't been this fired up in a long time."

" _We're_ getting things done. You know, the Alliance lost a fine soldier when you left."

Jacob made a face as he shook his head. "That's not how the Alliance sees it. Hell, they did the same to you. Perfect example of humanity, and they still dumped you."

Terra didn't know what to say to that, so she turned the subject back to him. "You seem quick to trust me, given that you don't seem to feel that way about the Illusive Man."

"Soldiers like us know how important trust is to the crew. I'm not used to seeing it on a Cerberus ship. Definitely not from the people in command. Miranda's little performance was proof of that. But _you_ focus on more than the job. A threat this big, you can't just throw people at it blind. They need inspiration. I get why you've been so successful. You're the best I've seen. Not just on the battlefield, but in command, too."

"Well… thank you, Jacob. On that note, I'm done. That was a great meal, Gardner, thank you," she acknowledged the cook.

"All thanks to those supplies you got me, Commander!"

Shepard grabbed a meal suitable for Mordin and headed for the elevator, Chakwas departing the table at the same time.

Joker was sat opposite Taylor and spotted the agent’s eyes raking over Shepard as he followed her exit. "Like what you see, Taylor?" he jibed.

Jacob grinned. "Nothing any sane person would complain about."

"I'm in agreement with that," added Donnelly, dreamily.

Daniels punched his arm. "Show some respect, Ken."

"OW! That's assault!"

Daniels rolled her eyes. "Oh please. Next you'll be running to your mommy!"

"Hey, leave my mummy out of this!" Donnelly warned light-heartedly.

While Joker was amused, Garrus ignored the opportunity for banter.

"Planning on acting on that interest in the Commander, Taylor?" he questioned, and Joker was certain the turian was eye-balling the man next to him.

Jacob shrugged. "This isn't the Alliance. No rules against fraternisation." Then he seemed to catch the tension he'd just created in Garrus with his casual statement. "But, I like it light, and I'm thinking one-nighting the Commander is a quick way to get air-locked."

"Good chance of that happening, yeah," confirmed Garrus, with a dangerous look. Then he stood up and headed off to the Battery, leaving Jacob to consider that.

Joker decided he was enjoying this immensely.

"Something I should know about Shepard and him?" Taylor directed at him.

"Nah. He's just being protective, that's all. But she's already taken. At least… I think so." Joker frowned, suddenly remembering that it had been two years…. Alenko might have someone else by now. Joker looked at the last place Shepard had been. She'd have already considered that… She had more to deal with than he'd realised, and the guilt tore at him all over again.

"I get it," continued Jacob. "Look, don't touch."

"Yeah," Joker mumbled, as he stood to leave. He needed to get back to his cockpit, where things were simpler.

-x-

-x-

Shepard was stood in the hold, staring at the contents of the tank. They were supposed to get the krogan scientist, but instead, Dr. Okeer had died, leaving them his legacy. "The perfect krogan. What does that even mean?" She glanced at Garrus, who looked equally unsure.

"Well, to _me_ the perfect krogan would be calm, rational and completely compliant, but I'm guessing it will be none of those things."

Terra had to laugh. "Yep, that's doubtful. To a krogan that's more likely to mean strength, aggressiveness."

"Hm, see, that there has just convinced me it would be a bad idea to let it out."

"But… if we can convince him to work on our side, he would be one hell of an ally."

" _If_ … Yeah, that's not really working for me. A full-grown super-krogan isn't something I'm happy taking a chance on."

"Wimp. I'm letting him out. If you're scared you can go hide outside."

"Ow! Now I _have_ to stay or I'm completely emasculated," Garrus moaned, while Shepard grinned at him.

She was just about to hit the switch when Miranda walked in.

"Please tell me you're not about to open that, Commander!"

Shepard sighed. "Yes. Yes, I was."

"Are you out of your mind!? You thought the bounty hunter was a liability but you're waking up the test-tube krogan!?"

Shepard looked at Garrus, who shrugged non-committedly.

"Hate to say it, but she has a point."

Shepard speared him with a look. "Traitor." She rolled her eyes. "Fine, I won't open it. Now you can all go and search for your balls while I go and chill out. We've got the high security prison coming up and I wouldn't want you getting the wobbles in there, too. You'll make me look bad." She stomped out of the room and into the elevator, grabbed a cup of questionable tea from Gardner in the Mess, popped into the armoury to tell Jacob to follow her, and made her way back down to the tank.

Jacob looked at her in confusion as they stopped in front of it.

"Okay, you're my back-up - I'm opening the tank." Before her words had fully registered with him, she was punching the release on the tank.

She knew Jacob always carried a sidearm, and he scrambled to ready it as they both stepped back.

"You just sprang that one on me, huh?" Jacob muttered as the tank started draining.

"Sorry, but I don't want any more bullshit. I heard enough from Miranda and Garrus."

"Right. Then they weren't up for this.”

They watched the tank open; the krogan falling to its knees.

"Nope."

“Why am I not surprised?" was all Jacob could say before the krogan coughed out the liquid from its lungs.

"Stand behind him, and don't shoot unless I say."

As she’d expected, Jacob complied without a word, though concern creased his forehead. If he didn’t before, he undoubtedly thought she was crazy now.

When the krogan suddenly charged, she kind of had to agree with him.

-x-

Ten minutes later, Shepard walked gingerly through the Mess towards the medbay. Unfortunately for her, Garrus was in there talking to Dr Chakwas. The second he saw her pained face he rushed towards her.

"I can't believe it! You did it, didn't you!? Without back-up! Are you insane!?"

"No!… To the last part. I have full control of all my faculties, thank you. I had Jacob there. And it went well."

"Well!? Shepard, you can't walk straight!"

"For an altercation with the perfect krogan it went well, and he's on side and looking forward to kicking collector butt so-"

"You mean Taylor let that thing grab a hold of you and didn't put it down!?"

"As per my instruction. Damn, Garrus, give it a rest, already. I came here for medical treatment not an ear-bashing."

Chakwas began to usher him out, and he gave up.

The doctor turned to her once the door had closed. "He worries about you." Chakwas scanned Shepard before indicating for her to remove her top as she locked the medbay, causing the windows to black out.

"I don't know why. He never used to be like this. I'm still me. I'm not made of glass. Ah!" Shepard winced at the pain across her chest as she struggled with the fabric.

Chakwas helped her and sighed at the nasty bruise that ran from shoulder to shoulder, and another at her back. "You used to be larger than life to him, Commander. You may not realise it, but you inspired him. You're the reason he went back to C-Sec, and your death was the reason he ended up on Omega. It knocked him hard to see you weren't omnipotent. You were his conscience, his moral compass, and without you there, he lost his way. I think we all did. He wouldn't admit it, but he's frightened of losing you again. And I can't blame him."

Shepard was speechless, while Chakwas relieved the pain from the bruising.

"You came back into his life when he was at his lowest, just like before when he was disillusioned with his work on the Citadel. Except this time you saved his life. He'd have died on Omega. Your impact is no less on the rest of us who knew you before. I was stuck on a colony, running on autopilot. I hadn't even realised I'd become so detached until Joker showed up alongside a Cerberus agent. Now look at us. Joker's back in the Normandy's cockpit and I'm in her medbay. You're back, and we're all doing what we love again. You give us purpose."

Shepard blinked back the effect of Chakwas’ words, frowned and shook her head. "I'm just a soldier. A soldier with a knack for finding trouble, but other than that, I'm nothing special."

Chakwas chuckled as she laid a warm hand on Shepard's. "Oh, Commander. You really have no idea, do you?" Then she turned away, busying herself at her desk, leaving Shepard confused as she redressed and left the medbay.

Terra hesitated in the Mess, then headed for the Battery.

Garrus was in what was fast becoming his usual spot at the console for the main guns. It astounded her just how long he could tinker with them.

"I'm sorry," she murmured from behind him, and she watched his shoulders sag.

He turned to her then. "That could have been really serious, Shepard. Then where would we be? Led by Lawson, that's where." He shuddered at the thought, making her smile.

"Point taken. But I still believe it was worth the risk."

"Why? The last krogan we had was a surprise, I admit, but I really think Wrex was an exception to the rule."

"That's turian history talking. I'm sure, with a little direction, Grunt will make a fine asset to the team. He deserves a chance at least."

"So that's why. He has to _prove_ himself unworthy before you'll jettison him."

"That, and I'd never kill someone without cause. Being krogan is not a crime, Garrus. And I couldn't leave him in that tank indefinitely. Sooner or later Cerberus would want to get their hands on him. He was created using collector technology. God knows what they'd do to him. I can't allow that. At least like this he has a fighting chance."

Garrus took it all in before speaking. "You never cease to amaze me, Shepard."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm a damn marvel. Now how about a trip to prison?"

"Ooh, can't wait," he said sarcastically. "Wandering through corridors with in-mates shouting insults and making rude gestures, and then we'll be walking out with one of our very own. Jack. Sounds so innocuous. I know I questioned you before with the krogan, but are you really sure about this one?"

"I'm really not, but I'll give him a chance. Try not to tar him with the 'dangerous criminal' brush."

"Uhh… he's in Purgatory. He _is_ a dangerous criminal."

"Well, let's be positive. Maybe he's just… misunderstood," she said weakly. Garrus looked back at her, unconvinced, and she ran both of her hands over her face. She had a feeling this trip was going to be a long one.

-x-

-x-

**To: K Alenko**

**From: S Toombs**

**Have you seen Shepard!? She's Cerberus! She's a goddamn traitor, Kaid! She fooled us all! But don't worry. I have a good team working with me. We'll find her, and I'll put a bullet in her brain, personally. I'll check in soon.**

**Sam**

Kaidan didn't need this. Now Sam was believing that crap? How he hated Cerberus.

He still remembered the filthy lies from the Lawson woman. She'd enjoyed distressing him. All he'd been able to think about for weeks was of Terra on a lab table being experimented on, tortured; mutated into some Cerberus monster. He recalled how the group were conducting illegal genetic experiments in order to create some kind of super-soldier. Terra was already one hell of a soldier… But it was nonsense, and he'd clawed back his logic and locked it all away.

Except Sam didn't have that control or that logic. He was just a force of vengeance waiting to rain down on anything Cerberus. That was fine with Kaidan. He just hoped it didn't end up killing Sam - or worse.

Walking through the colony, Kaidan tried to ignore the unwelcoming looks from some of the colonists. They didn't want him here, or more precisely the Alliance. He couldn't blame them. They had basically been left to fend for themselves, despite the high risk of attack. It had created an animosity towards the Alliance, and now here he was, out of the blue, telling them that they were installing turrets. Some of the colonists were relieved, grateful for the protection, but others were just plain hostile.

He'd received an update from Anderson. They no longer believed the threat was Cerberus, and he'd get a full debriefing on his return, but that wouldn't be until he'd gotten these turrets online. The large guns had gone up easily enough, but there was something wrong in the programming. Kaidan wasn't without tech skills, but he was no engineer, and whatever was stopping the guns from coming online clearly needed an engineer to fix. Nevertheless, he'd keep trying. Then he could get back… to Rahna.

As if his thoughts had prompted it, he received a message from her.

**Hey Kaidan,**

**Just wanted to say how much I'm looking forward to your return. I can't stop thinking about what you said. You've made me so happy!**

**Be careful out there. I miss you.**

**Love Rahna.**

He'd lost track of how many messages she'd sent. Whenever he was on the Citadel it felt like she was always there every time he turned around. Then he admonished himself. That was unfair. She was lonely, that was all. He of all people could understand that only too well, and as her…friend, he should give her what little time he had. …As more than a friend….

There was an unpleasant feeling in Kaidan's gut that he’d experienced more than once since he’d decided to move on, but he ignored it. It was that irrational guilt over the thought of being with a woman who wasn't Terra, that's all. And he _did_ want to move on - didn't he?

Kaidan shut it away. He had work to do.

**-x-**


	28. Prison Break and Colony Attack

Shepard didn't like this place. A prison run by Blue Suns mercs with no accountability. It made her very uneasy. She'd already put a stop to two guards beating on a defenceless inmate, and the fact that she was there to buy a prisoner's freedom left a bad taste in her mouth. Miranda had insisted on accompanying her to ensure the smooth transition of Cerberus' 'transaction', and Garrus had insisted on coming because she was going into Blue Suns domain with Lawson.

"Processing's at the far end of the room," added a technician helpfully, before scurrying out. Shepard hit the door release and paused at the empty room in front of her that looked suspiciously like a cell.

" _My apologies, Shepard, but you're more valuable as a prisoner than a customer. Drop your weapons and proceed into this open cell. You will not be harmed_ ," came the warden's voice over speaker.

"The hell we will!" fumed Shepard.

"Bastards! _This_ is what you get for dealing with scum," Garrus flung at Miranda, who looked equally pissed.

"We had a deal, Warden,” Lawson declared. “The Illusive Man paid you a lot of credits. It wouldn't be wise to anger him," she warned.

" _With the amount I'd get from selling Shepard, I'll be set for life. Cerberus will never find me._ "

"I wouldn't bet on it."

"Selling Shepard? Over my dead body," growled Garrus.

" _That's fine. I only want Shepard._ "

Shepard just blew out a big breath, and readied her weapon. "Never thought I'd say this, but it looks like we're breaking out of prison."

" _Fools! Activate systems!_ "

The corridors acted as tunnels that funnelled the guards into view and made it an easy takedown. It was a stupid waste of life. They found the control room for cell release, and Miranda started looking through the system for their quarry. Jack.

"Damn it. The Warden's locked everything down. I can't access Jack's cell without over-riding the whole system."

"Meaning every cell will open," deduced Garrus, to which Miranda nodded.

"Then forget it,” stated Shepard. “I'm not risking unleashing all these people. I may not agree with how they run this place, but I'd rather keep them here than endanger innocents. Let's just get out of here." She turned back the way they'd come, when a bleeping sound behind her had her spinning back. Miranda had over-ridden the system. "What the hell are you doing!? I said _no_!"

"We don't have the time to waste it second-guessing the Illusive Man's decisions. If he thinks Jack is the best, then we need him, no matter the cost," said Miranda, matter-of-factly.

"Back-stabbing bitch," snarled Garrus.

"Just being realistic. Shepard's not capable of making the hard decisions. Sacrifices have to be made for the greater good."

" _You're_ not in charge! If the Illusive Man thought _you_ could pull this off, he wouldn't have bothered with the Commander!" Garrus yelled.

Shepard was just about to intervene when she was distracted by the person on the other side of the glass. Jack was coming out of cryo… and Jack wasn't what she'd expected. For a start 'he' was a 'she', and her shaven head was covered in tattoos that continued all over her upper body, which was very exposed except for a few straps of leather. Shepard imagined she was probably covered head to toe in tattoos, but thankfully the girl at least had clothing on her lower body.

" _That's_ Jack!?" Garrus had followed Shepard's gaze, his argument temporarily forgotten.

Jack recovered quickly from her 'sleep' and immediately began causing havoc with an impressive display of biotics, destroying the heavy mechs that guarded her, _as well as_ a wall in order to escape.

Shepard cursed. "Well, shit, what was wrong with using the door that led straight to _us_? Looks like we've got to find her, amidst the guards _and_ the prisoners." She fixed a hard look at Miranda. "Why can't things be simple?" she muttered as she started racing towards the ruinous path left by Jack.

She hit her comm. "Joker, get Jacob and Grunt on stand-by. Things have gone to shit and the prisoners are out. You might have some unwanted company soon."

" _What the-?_ " She listened to him sigh in her earpiece. " _You know, I don't even know why I'm surprised. I'll get them guarding the airlock._ "

"Make sure they don't shoot a heavily-tattooed woman with no hair, and very little keeping her modest up top," she added quickly, as she took out some guards.

" _I- Did you say-?_ "

"Just say, 'yes, Commander.'

" _Uh, yes, Commander._ "

"Focus, Joker."

" _Oh, I will!_ "

x

A good forty-five minutes later, they finally cornered Jack near the airlock, Jacob and Grunt poised ready. Except Jack wasn't looking at them. She was looking through the glass at their ship, anger causing her to hit the glass as she screamed out in rage.

"Jack, I'm Commander Shepard-"

"What the hell do you want, _Cerberus_?" She spat the word out.

Shepard realised that Jack's anger had come from seeing the Cerberus symbol on _Normandy's_ side. She had to admit it tainted it for her too. "I'm working _with_ them, not _for_ them, and I need your help."

"You think I'm stupid?" Jack sneered through gritted teeth.

"I think this station's falling apart, and we have a ship waiting to get you out of here, Jack. You have a problem with Cerberus, and believe me I understand, but like me, you don't have a lot of choice right now."

Jack gave her a confused look.

"Just get in the damn ship, Jack," Miranda intruded impatiently, putting Jack on the defensive again.

"Make me, _bitch_!"

"Think I can't?-" challenged Miranda.

"No, you _can't_ ," interrupted Shepard. Damn, Lawson, you really don't know how to deal with people, do you?" She turned her attention back to Jack, who was smirking at Miranda. "I have no interest in harming you, Jack."

Jack stared at her, crossing her arms indignantly. "You want me to come with you, make it worth my while."

Shepard didn't waste time pointing out, again, that this was probably her only way out. "Tell me what you want."

"Cerberus files. Everything they have on me."

"Lawson, do we have that?"

"Yes, but-"

"You'll get full access, Jack."

"Shepard! You can't-"

"It's Commander, and yes I can,” Shepard shot her down. She could see Miranda’s jaw clench as she held back a retort, but she found it hard to care. Lawson was difficult, and she didn’t have time for it. She needed to get her people off this prison, and giving Jack what she wanted seemed an easy price to pay.

Jack watched the exchange with interest. "You better be straight up with me," she warned Shepard, who nodded sincerely. "Then what the hell are we standing here for?" Jack turned for the airlock and stormed past the others into the ship like she owned it.

"That one's going to be trouble," cautioned Garrus.

"I like her," rumbled Grunt.

"There, see? She's made a friend already," Shepard said pointedly to Garrus as they entered the ship.

"Uh huh. The blood-raged krogan likes the psychopath. That's just great."

"I only go into blood-rage when I'm really angry, _turian_ ," grumbled Grunt from behind him.

"Yeah, Vakarian, so stop pissing him off and we'll all be fine," jibed Shepard. "And calling Jack a psychopath isn't going to endear you, either. She clearly has issues-"

"Cerberus related ones."

"Yeah. Shocker. So tread carefully."

Garrus raised his hands in surrender. "Hey, she's all yours. … But take back-up."

Shepard exhaled and ran her hand over her forehead like she had a headache forming. This was becoming one strange family.

-x-

Lilith tapped Kaidan on the shoulder, and he emerged from under the turret console.

"Thought you should take a break. You've been at this for hours."

"Just double-checking the connections. Everything's as it should be, though. Whatever is stopping the guns priming is definitely in the programming, and that's not my forte. I can overload a system in a heartbeat but fixing something as complex as this…" He huffed in frustration.

"Come on. Get something to eat, clear your head. Sometimes you just need to step away from something for the answer to come to you."

They started walking away. "It would be nice if it was that easy. Unfortunately, I doubt the technical know-how is going to helpfully download into my brain."

Lilith gave him a look of sympathy. "I'll have a word with some of the others. We have some talented engineers. They may not have worked on a gun before, but they could be able to adapt their knowledge of programming. Perhaps," she winced. "Sorry, it's the best I can offer."

"No, any help would be great."

"Then I'll…" her words trailed off as a strange sound above them caught their attention.

The sky darkened, and what looked like a swarm of large insects began to descend. But Kaidan was looking beyond the unusual swarm to the strange ship that had now appeared. He used the scope on his rifle to get a closer look. Chillingly familiar, he was momentarily back in the escape pod looking out as it destroyed the _Normandy_ , and its commander. Anderson had said the attacks weren't Cerberus, so who the hell were they?

Kaidan felt an intense hatred. Whoever they were, they'd taken away the woman he loved: Terra.

The colonists were panicking as the swarms fell upon them. They were like no insects Kaidan had seen before. What he didn't expect was the effect they had on the colonists they touched. It was like they froze in a hazy stasis.

"Lilith, run!" he shouted as he started shooting. It was futile, but he wasn't about to give up. The bugs were all around him now, and within seconds he felt a sting at the back of his neck.

A coldness spread through him, numbing his system. His mind remained awake though, and he could only watch helplessly as the colonists stilled one by one, the ship landing not far from where the guns stood uselessly.

He'd failed the colony because he hadn't gotten the damn turrets working.

-x-

" _Shepard, I think we have them. The colony, Horizon, has just gone silent_ ," notified the Illusive Man. He'd been waiting to talk to her as soon as she'd departed Purgatory.

Shepard's breath hitched, the warmth fleeing her body.

" _If they're not under attack already, they soon will be_ ," he continued.

"Kaidan's there," she whispered, her mouth dry.

" _Really? That's interesting. Could be coincidence, but it would be no surprise that the collectors might be interested in you, or anyone associated with you. Especially if they're working for the reapers. They may be going after him to get to_ ** _you_**."

Shepard locked away her fears and straightened. "Regardless, we need to get there fast. Joker-"

" _On it, Commander_."

" _Has Dr Solus found a way to counter-measure the seeker swarms_?" asked the Illusive Man.

"Not yet."

" _Then let's hope he works well under pressure. This is the most warning we've ever had, Shepard. Good luck_."

Shepard barrelled out of the briefing room. "Joker, notify the Alliance."

" _Aye, aye._ "

Miranda appeared beside her as she headed into the lab. "Shep- Commander, the Illusive Man won't like that. If the Alliance gets there first we could lose vital intelligence-"

Shepard stopped and spun to face her, Miranda almost colliding with her. "Let's get one thing straight, Lawson. People’s _lives_ are at stake. That may not mean much to you, but unfortunately for you, _I'm_ in command. The Alliance may have ships closer than us who can be on the scene faster, or they could provide vital back-up. Now, get the team ready. I want everyone on the ground."

Miranda marched off and Shepard rubbed her hand over her mouth. She was struggling to keep focused.

"Mordin, tell me you have something," she implored.

The salarian who had watched the preceding conversation with interest, simply stated, "Yes."

Shepard sighed with relief. Then they had a chance. "Send over everything you have to Admiral Hackett, Alliance Fifth Fleet."

"Anticipated request from your conversation with Operative Lawson. Already done, Commander."

"Oh… good. And I want you on the ground, too."

"Am eager to see collectors for myself. Rare chance to study them in the flesh."

"Just remember the mission. Saving the colonists is our top priority."

"Of course. Didn't mean to imply otherwise. Maintaining life, always paramount. Will join you shortly, Shepard."

She rushed out of the room to go suit up, praying that they wouldn’t be too late.

-x-

Every minute felt like an hour as they made their way to Horizon. Shepard paced restlessly in front of the shuttle.

"You okay, Shepard?" Garrus asked her quietly.

She forced herself to stand in place. "Yeah… No. I don't know."

"You're worried about Kaidan."

She exhaled a shaky breath. "I can't lose him, Garrus. I mean, not to the collectors."

"With you on the case, he's got a better chance than most. Whatever happens, you'll have done everything possible," he assured her.

" _Arrival in five minutes._ "

The others joined them and Terra locked it all away. At this rate she'd end up packing so much emotional baggage inside her head of 'stuff she had yet to deal with' it would be fit to bursting. Nevertheless, she prepared to head planet-side.

-x-

As soon as they'd left the shuttle, the sight of the large collector ship in the distance sent a shiver down Shepard’s spine. She'd caught glimpses of the one that had attacked the SR1 as she'd struggled to breathe. Anger caused further tension within her. These things had destroyed her home, her people, and her life, and now they were threatening others - one of them extremely important to her.

Kaidan was here somewhere, and she wouldn't rest until he was safe.

They could see the dark moving mass of a seeker swarm, searching for their prey over the colony just ahead. Like a flock of birds or a shoal of fish, they changed direction as though they were one entity.

"Mordin, you tested these armour upgrades right?" queried Garrus, uneasily.

"Certainty impossible. But in limited numbers, should confuse detection, make us invisible to swarms. In theory."

Garrus groaned. "You had to add that last bit, didn't you?"

"Simply providing clarification. Experimental technology. Only test is contact with seeker swarms. Should be exciting."

Jack laughed. "Exciting. Fucking crazy lizard!"

Garrus looked at Jack, like he was thinking that made two of them worthy of the 'crazy' title, then did a double-take at her. "Where do you even _put_ your upgrades?"

Jack smirked back at him. "Wanna find out?"

Garrus' eyes just went wide as he backed away.

"Probably best to think about your question before you blurt it out," advised Jacob from beside him.

"Yeah," nodded Garrus.

Unable to find any amusement in the current situation, Shepard got their attention. "Okay. We know that the Alliance was out-fitting the colony with defence turrets. That should have been accomplished by now, yet they're clearly non-functional. If we can get to them, and get them working again, they could provide enough firepower to make the collectors think twice. Let's move out."

Shepard led the way into the colony. She had to find Kaidan. A swarm of bugs swirled over their heads, but never stopping, they moved on. Mordin's countermeasure was working.

They hadn't got far before they encountered their first collectors. Shepard had seen them on Veetor's vid footage but they were still unsettling in person. There was no life behind the orbs of their eyes, and they flew down on bug-like wings, their bodies sinewy. They seemed to rely on barriers rather than armour, and their weaponry was savage, but between the seven of them, the collectors were soon proven to be equally mortal.

Mordin scanned them, collecting as much data as he could, and they carried on.

Further in, amongst the colonists homes, they were attacked again, and Shepard didn't know why she was surprised at the husks that also appeared. She'd always thought the spikes used by the geth were a product of Sovereign, and the fact that the husks were here with the collectors lent further credence to the theory that the reapers were involved in the collector attacks.

As enemies go, the husks weren't a hard threat to neutralise, but they worked as good distractions for the collectors to get closer while they ran straight towards their targets. Kamikaze gun fodder. Once again, Shepard's team brought them all down with little trouble, and she and the others joined Mordin as he scanned a dead husk.

"They look human. Could these be the colonists?" Miranda wondered.

"No. The geth impaled their victims on giant spikes to turn them into husks. But we haven't seen any," responded Garrus.

It was an observation that Shepard had missed. "So the collectors already had them. But this can't be the only reason they want humans. With the amount of people taken they could have sent hundreds at us, and they're hardly viable as troops."

"Then they want the colonists alive for something else," added Jacob.

"Experimenting. Only conclusion with facts at hand." Mordin shook his head in disgust.

Shepard took a closer look at the body on the ground. "These aren't the same creatures I fought on Eden Prime. They're more advanced. Evolved."

"Who cares? They still die," stated Jack impatiently.

"The collectors aren't getting away with more victims. Let's move out," ordered Shepard.

Every building they came across was empty, and Shepard knew they were running out of time. The homes weren't the only thing standing empty. They began to come across the pods used to transport the frozen colonists - waiting to be filled. Terra was only too conscious of the fact that they had yet to find a single colonist, frozen or otherwise.

But she'd had the thought too soon, and relief flooded her as they emerged into a more open area, people dotted around in dark hazy stasis fields.

Mordin scanned a nearby colonist. "Victim appears conscious. Fully aware. Trapped in stasis. Fascinating."

Terra didn't find that comforting. They would know and see exactly what was happening around them - _to_ them. Kaidan wasn't here. "Then use some tact, Mordin. I don't think they're finding it 'fascinating'."

"Of course." Mordin turned back to address the frozen colonist he was studying. "My apologies. Get carried away."

"Is there anything we can do to unfreeze them?"

"Would need to run tests, but presently doubtful. Swarms appear to inject something into body. Without proper anti-toxin, would need to wait for toxin to run its course. Could take several hours."

"Take note, people: we can't risk hitting these colonists. Check your targets." She turned to Jack and Grunt. "If you can't take a shot safely, then you don't take it. Are we clear?"

While Grunt grunted, Jack rolled her eyes and said, "Whatever".

"Have a look at this, Commander," called out Jacob from a short distance away. He was crouched over something on the ground.

When she was close enough, she could see it was a weapon of some sort. Carefully picking it up, she studied it. It felt strange in her hand, but it appeared to function much the same as their own weapons. Then she moved away from the group and aimed at a crate. A powerful stream of hot energy arced out, cutting through the crate like it was butter. It was a heavy-weapon. She holstered it to her back.

"I want one," stated Grunt.

"Kids don't get to play with heavy-guns," Garrus replied succinctly, shutting down that line of thought, and getting a growl in response.

"Starting to understand why krogan don't like turians," grumbled Grunt.

The sound of flitting wings overhead had them taking positions.

"Don't compromise the colonists!" Shepard reiterated to her team. They all paused as a deep toneless voice sounded out.

" _I am assuming direct control_."

Shepard watched as one of the collectors convulsed, energy now pulsing through it. Something was now controlling the collector's body. It seemed hardened now, in addition to the barrier and its weapon, and it also emitted a dark destructive energy. Shepard focused her sniper rifle at it. Five precise shots and she watched it disintegrate, then another collector convulsed. Whatever it was, it simply changed vessels.

They looked at each other, then sprang back into action. They had to take out what Shepard referred to as the collector General, at the same time as the rest. They each picked a target and went as one.

Within seconds the area was clear of hostiles.

They carried on, dispatching more collectors as they went. A different kind of husk was sent against them. It lumbered along, a macabre mutation of flesh, like three husks had been poorly grafted onto one another. This 'scion' didn't need to move fast: its thickened skin provided it with armour, and it sent a devastating shockwave that knocked out their shields in one. They dived for cover.

Taking exception to being on the receiving end of her favourite biotic attack, Jack sent out a reciprocating wave that staggered it, then Grunt charged at it, firing his shotgun as he went, and finally ramming it so hard its chest practically caved in. Shepard and Garrus had focused on the collector snipers, Jacob dealt with the husks and Miranda and Mordin focused on the rest. The collector General only had a chance to appear once.

"Anyone else notice that we haven't run into any more frozen colonists?" Miranda queried.

"What's the bet that the colonists here have already been loaded onto the ship?" offered Jacob.

Shepard considered how far into the colony they currently were. About half way. If the colonists were distributed evenly throughout the colony at the time of the attack, then the collectors had about half of the people who lived here. It was too many. Where the hell was Kaidan? "We need to hurry."

They hustled on through more empty areas until they closed on the gate that separated the colony from the outskirts. This area would be where the shuttles would come in and out with supplies, and thus would need to be sealed to prevent the younger colonists wandering into danger. That made it the logical area to place the defence turrets.

Miranda bypassed the code and the gate rolled open, revealing the inactive turrets. Immediately upon stepping into the area, the collectors were upon them again with a more determined attack. Shepard and her team were well-practiced now, and though they had more to contend with, they didn't have too much trouble.

Shepard joined Garrus at the turrets control panel, where he had immediately headed and was typing away. "Any idea why they're offline?"

He nodded. "It's a calibration issue. Probably why Alenko couldn't get them working. You'd need to know this sort of thing inside-out to sort it."

"So you can get them functioning?"

"Given enough time, absolutely."

"Time we don't have."

"Exactly, so I'd suggest Edi. She could rout out the problem in milliseconds."

She keyed her comm. "Normandy, do you copy?"

" _Joker here. Signals weak, Commander, but we read you._ "

"Edi, can you get the colony's defence towers online?"

" _Errors in the calibration software are easily rectified, but it will take time to bring the towers to full power. I recommend a defensive posture. I will not be able to mask the increased generator output._ "

Immediately, a whirring sound began emanating from the turrets. EDI had started.

"This wave's likely to be intense, Commander," warned Jacob.

"Here they come!" shouted Jack.

Shepard assumed a position beside Garrus and readied herself. All she could think about as her eyes alighted on the collector ship that dominated the skyline ahead of her, was that she still hadn't found Kaidan.

x

Kaidan had been lucky enough to be frozen in a quieter area of the main colony, but he witnessed the strange beings loading colonists into pods and taking them away. It was no wonder they had lost so many colonies with no clue. The swarms had whisked through the colony in a matter of minutes. Little time for anyone to get a message out.

He strained to move, trapped inside his own body. It was an odd feeling. A helpless feeling. Numb.

With a thought to try his biotics, he wondered if he'd be able to call the energy forth without being able to feel it, but then he felt something. A tickle crawled over his skin, and he pushed harder. It was having an effect.

Kaidan gave it everything he had and suddenly every part of him burst into life again, like he'd emerged from an enclosed space into light and air and warmth. His hand tightened on his rifle. Hopefully, his biotics would help keep the swarms at bay too, and as he headed back towards the main colony, he created a field around himself. A mass of bugs flitted around him but they lost interest and carried on past.

He needed to stop these things taking any more colonists. Somehow.

x

That last attack had pushed them all close to their limits. Jacob quickly started checking the bodies for spare heat sinks to replenish their own depleted supplies. The turrets were close to maximum power now, and Shepard and her team weren't given long to breath. They all peered up at something emerging from the collector ship. It was the same shape as the bugs that made up the seeker swarms, but was far larger than anything they'd seen so far.

"A new one!" exclaimed Garrus.

"Any other pointless observations?" jeered Jack.

"Whatever it is, don't get too close!" Shepard added.

"Yeah, I think that counts as another, Shepard," Jack rolled her eyes.

" _GARDIAN anti-ship batteries at 100%. I have control_ ," informed EDI.

The turrets began to fire at the large ship, but no one took any notice. They were otherwise engaged…

**-x-**


	29. Turmoil and Demanding Answers

Kaidan hadn't gotten far when he heard the boom of cannon gunfire. The air defence turrets?

He looked towards the area where the turrets were. Sure enough they were firing. Someone had gotten them working, and from the sounds of other weapon gunfire, that someone was fighting for their lives on the ground.

Changing direction for the turrets, Kaidan quickened his pace. Against these creatures, the more of them fighting the better.

As he entered the area, Kaidan saw an eclectic team of people. A krogan, a salarian, a turian, three human females, and one male. One he was sure was the woman who had approached him a year back, on the Citadel - Miranda Lawson. He quelled the anger. She _and_ the human male wore the Cerberus emblem, but he was surprised by the presence of the non-humans….

He didn't know how, but the swarms seemed unaware of their presence, though the evidence of slain collectors and husks all around them said their attackers certainly were.

Only one of the women was wearing sensible armour, and the way she moved stirred up memories Kaidan had no time for. Then he noticed an N7 logo on her armour. Alliance?

He knew these people weren't from the colony, so they had come to help. Regardless that some of them were Cerberus, they presently had a common goal, but he wasn't about to turn his back to them.

Above them was a large creature that hovered off the ground, almost an over-grown version of the bugs in the swarm. This one though, looked far from organic, and the laser it shot out at them confirmed it.

Whatever it was, it seemed to be focused on the Alliance woman. He hustled into the fray to help bring it down while the gun turrets kept firing at the towering ship a short distance away.

x

Shepard had her newly-acquired weapon out. It hadn't taken any of them long to figure out that this particular creature was a collector version of a gunship. Its laser was vicious, cutting through their shields in seconds. She'd intended to use the collectors own heavy-weapon against it, but she couldn't use it for more than seconds at a time before she had to dive back to cover. Shepard had the benefit of numbers though, and her team had spread out where whomever wasn't the creature's target could fire at will.

Unfortunately for Shepard, she seemed to be 'target of the day', and she suspected that wasn't a coincidence. Earlier, she was sure she'd heard the collector General saying her name. She didn't have time to dwell on it. The creature was moving to hover over her cover, and she needed to move.

.

Kaidan manoeuvred himself to better help his fellow soldier, as did the turian and Cerberus male. The synthetic monster cut through everything in its path as it relentlessly followed the woman's retreat. As soon as they'd brought down its barrier, it slammed itself down, sending out a shockwave that knocked back all but those who were behind cover, which left the turian and himself.

.

Garrus did a double-take as he noticed Alenko behind some crates nearby. He was relieved to see the man. He realised that Kaidan probably didn't even know who they were - both he and Shepard had their helmets on. There wasn't time to unveil themselves. For now, it was enough to know Shepard would have peace of mind that Alenko was okay.

She wasn't likely to notice anytime soon though, her sole focus was on that thing tracking her as she tried to get back on her feet. Garrus didn't like the fact that it ignored everyone else but her. It told him the collectors knew she was a threat that needed eliminating. She wouldn't be able to keep this up for much longer. Shepard was upright now, but she was still dazed. She wouldn't get to cover in time.

.

Things were getting dire as the creature lifted itself back up off the ground, its barrier now regenerated, and Shepard saw she was now exposed to its laser. She did the only thing she could as it started cutting through her shields - she ran towards it. The laser cut through her armour and into the skin at her shoulder blade, pain blazing, and then she was under it. It was risky, but she could see it was badly damaged. Hopefully, the next time they brought down its barrier they would be able to finish it off before it smashed down on her. It wavered from side to side trying to get her within its sights but she just moved with it, firing upwards with the heavy weapon. She could concentrate her fire now.

Everyone was hitting it hard, and its barrier failed. No one paused in their firing, and suddenly the creature stopped attacking.

.

Kaidan watched as the monster synthetic bug began to shake violently as it self-destructed from the inside out. The soldier was directly underneath it, and he knew she wouldn't get to cover in time. He raced towards her as she backed away from it, and enveloped her in his barrier just as it exploded. Shrapnel flew fast and hard at them, but his barrier held.

In the distance he could see the ship moving up. The turrets had done their job. He knew those creatures had some of the colonists, but not all. These people had managed to save at least half of the colony.

Once the swarms had departed, he dropped his barrier.

"Spirits, Shepard! Are you okay!?" called out the turian as he ran towards them.

The combination of that name coupled with Garrus' voice, had Kaidan staring at the woman whose back was still to him.

.

Shepard took off her helmet. "Holy crap! Yeah, thanks to-" She frowned as she realised Miranda and Jacob were standing further away in front of her, and Jack was messing about testing out Grunt's strength with her biotics by creating a field that he was trying to push back.

Turning to see who had thrown up the barrier, her breath caught when she saw Kaidan - as handsome as ever. Her heart pounded with a mixture of joy and anxiety. This was the moment she'd been hoping for and had been dreading. Thoughts pounded her. _He was safe. He looked great. …Had he moved on with someone else?_ Her whole body felt like it had lost its rigidity.

_._

Kaidan was in shock as his eyes roamed her beautiful face. There was something slightly different that he couldn't pinpoint with his mind all haywire, but then everything about this situation was surreal. It was her. But it couldn't be… "Terra?" he whispered.

"Kaidan!" She smiled shakily.

Terra was standing right in front of him but Kaidan couldn't quite believe it. Was he seeing things? How could she possibly be real?

She reached out uncertainly and ran her gloved fingers down his lips. That distinctive gesture jump-started him, every inch of him yearning for her, and Kaidan immediately closed the distance, pulling her into his arms. Even with their armour, it felt so right. _Everything_ was right. The way she placed her arms, the inimitable scent that belonged only to her, the feel of her face against his. She was alive! For the first time in over two years he felt warm, contented - whole again.

Terra didn't care that she was being unprofessional in front of her crew. She needed this moment; to have him close again. She'd missed him terribly, and the relief when he'd pulled her to him had threatened to make her weep. She loved this man so completely.

"I thought you were dead, Terra," Kaidan murmured into her skin. "We all did."

That's when he remembered Garrus, now standing a short distance behind her and he frowned. Garrus had disappeared not long after she'd gone.

He let her go with confusion, a million questions bombarding him as his brain finally tried to understand what it meant. There was only one answer he could arrive at. She'd left him. And Lawson was there… Cerberus.

Terra was with them.

Betrayal from the one person he trusted the most.

His freshly mended heart ripped apart again, and anger washed over him. He hadn't known her at all. "I thought we had something, Terra! Something real! I… I loved you! Thinking you were dead tore me apart! How could you put me through that!?

Terra's heart sank at the resentment that radiated from him; felt the cold after he'd withdrawn his comforting arms. She had to make him understand that she would never have willingly gone.

"I _was_ dead, Kaidan. Cerberus brought me back."

Kaidan felt nausea rising, and a chill rushed through him as she confirmed the rumours and Lawson's vile declaration, backing away from her. Except nobody could be brought back from the dead. It wasn't her.

"My God, what the hell are you!? Some clone!? A VI!?" He didn't know how they'd done it, but they'd even known about that gesture she did with his lips…

He looked beyond the fake in front of him to Lawson. "Is this some sick attempt by Cerberus to recreate Shepard!? Why would you do this!?" he shouted ferociously at the agent, while she just smirked back at him.

Terra was stunned by his words and stepped into his view, her hand reaching for him as she tried to calm him. "Kaidan, please, you have to believe me. I'm still _me_ -"

"No!" He stepped further back, his hands warding her off. "No. Shepard would _never_ work with Cerberus. She'd _never_ turn her back on the Alliance."

Terra didn't know how to respond. She felt trapped inside herself. She'd have said exactly the same thing once….

"They turned their back on _her_ , Alenko," defended Garrus, as he stepped up beside her, seeing Shepard faltering. "It was made clear that if she went back now she'd be stuck answering questions for the next half a year! Your colonists don't have time for that! Shepard's doing what's right for these colonies. She's going to put a stop to these abductions. She's taking the fight to the collectors, and she's using the only resources she has. They just happen to belong to Cerberus."

"The _collectors_?"

"Precisely. That's how far behind the Alliance really is. Don't you see? She has no choice!"

"Working with Cerberus? No. _That's_ not Shepard." Kaidan had gestured towards her like she was an insult and Garrus fought back the anger.

"Sacrificing everything about herself in order to save lives? That sounds _exactly_ like her, Kaidan," finished Garrus decisively, willing him to see beyond Cerberus.

Kaidan inhaled sharply, and his eyes flicked over…her, that last statement resonating. Nothing made sense. How he longed for it to be Terra…. His breathing was fast, as he tried to think. He just couldn't get his thoughts straight. Garrus said it was her… She looked so sad - her face begging him to believe. "Then why didn't you let me know?" he murmured.

Terra had listened mutely - gratefully - as Garrus had explained the situation which she'd been unable to vocalise. Now she fought to find her voice, to answer his dejected, broken question. "I've only been conscious a few days, and I only just found out where you were, and… and I was afraid… that you'd have moved on by now."

She held her breath, waiting for the inevitable truth that would either give her hope or crush her.

"I _did_ move on. At least I was trying to…" The words fell from his mouth without thought, as Kaidan processed her response. He desperately wanted it to be her, but he didn't trust what his heart was saying. He had to be objective.

He shook his head. "I… No. It's not possible. You're just a traitor. You've betrayed the Alliance, your family… and me. Reviving the dead? It's just not possible," he repeated. Kaidan felt like his head was in melt-down. Sam had been right.

"I can assure you it is. The evidence is standing right in front of you. I oversaw the project myself," offered Lawson, with a matter-of-fact tone.

Kaidan looked appalled. " _Project_?" He stared at Shepard. He now noticed her scar from Akuze no longer adorned her face, and there were thin crisscrossed lines as though her skin was nearly healed from being put back together like a patchwork. "Jesus, what have they done to you!?"

Cerberus had their super-soldier. His head was throbbing as a migraine started to take hold.

"Kaidan-" Shepard tried, but he was shaking his head, his hand raised up again to keep her back.

"No! No…. I can't listen to any more of this. You're either a brilliant fake or you were Cerberus all along. A _tool_. You're not Terra. You can't be." He turned and started to walk away. It took everything he had to put one foot in front of another.

"Kaidan, please!"

Her beseeching voice pulled at his heart, but he drowned it out with logic. You can't bring the dead back, he kept telling himself. No matter how much he wanted it to be true.

.

Terra watched him walk away. The moment he'd turned from her had been a strike to the heart. She had felt so happy in his arms. Then came something she hadn't expected: the anger and disgust.

She understood every question, every doubt he'd voiced. She'd had the same doubts about herself, but with every person she'd encountered from her past life, with every one of their acceptances of her, she'd pushed her fears aside. _They_ believed she was her, so surely she was.

But not Kaidan, and it had shocked her speechless. The man who loved her, the man who had known her so well… he'd rejected her. In _his_ eyes she was an abomination or a traitor. Maybe she was both those things….

"Shepard." Garrus' soft murmur was accompanied by his hand on her shoulder. She realised she was still watching the retreating back of the man she loved, and she tore her eyes away, activating her comm. It was hard to find her voice again, and when it finally came through it was lifeless. "Joker, we need a pick-up, a-sap. I need to get off this colony."

x

Kaidan rounded the corner of a building and, now out of sight, he leant wearily against the wall. His head was pounding, but his thoughts wouldn't leave him be.

 _What if everything they'd said was true? What if they really_ had _brought her to life?_

So many questions.

The memory of her just moments ago revisited him. Her scent. Fingers down his lips. Everything had been just right.

A panic crashed through him. He shouldn't have walked away before being sure! He loved her!

He swung round the corner in time to see the shuttle lift her away. Through his own stupidity, he may just have lost her.

x

The shuttle had been there in seconds but it had felt like an age to Terra. No one had said a word, not even Jack, and she didn't meet anyone's eye. She'd just climbed aboard, her eyes fixed on the window that afforded her a view away from the colony, and locked every feeling away until she felt like stone. So heavy. So cold. Impenetrable.

"Shepard, you need some medigel on that wound," Garrus said gently from his seat opposite her.

Jacob, sitting beside her, went to administer to her, but she held her hand up to stop him, her gaze never moving from the window.

"No. It can wait."

Jacob looked at him, sharing his concern. It was a nasty wound, but it was her withdrawal that bothered them most.

.

Miranda sat on the far side of the shuttle from Shepard and peered down at the place they'd achieved their first win against the collectors.

She grudgingly admitted that Shepard had got them through it well enough.

Movement caught her eye and she saw Alenko reappearing, staring up at the shuttle. He was an extremely good-looking man. It was a shame she hadn't managed to get him in bed.

She smirked. At least there was no chance of a reunion between the two former lovers now. That picture of him she'd placed in Shepard's cabin would sting all the more now.

Miranda had been worried when he'd appeared alive and well, until Alenko himself had ripped into her, all his hatred for Cerberus and self-righteous loyalty doing the work of driving a wedge between them. The Illusive Man would be pleased.

She wondered if it had pushed Shepard over the edge, though. She hadn't expected to see such vulnerability on the woman's face. That man was a major weakness in her.

Miranda glanced at the soldier she'd helped bring back to life, gaze still fixed on the window, no trace of emotion now. It didn’t matter to Miranda – she would be more than ready to take over the reins if Shepard snapped.

-x-

Garrus was really worried as he waited for Shepard to exit her briefing with the Illusive Man. Her face had been blank since she'd stepped on that shuttle, and she'd barely said two words in response to Chakwas' gentle chatter as the doctor had tended her injury. He knew she was good at compartmentalising, but this…? He didn't like it.

When she emerged from the room into the corridor her face was anything but blank. It was the picture of thunder.

"What's happened?"

She paced in front of him, hands fisted, jaw clenched. "I just caught him out in his lie, that's what. He said he'd _lured_ the collectors there. He _knew_ Kaidan was on Horizon. Sent the information out via the damn Shadow Broker and waited to see if they took the bait. Because of _me_! They went for him to get to _me_!"

"So it _is_ the reapers. It's the only reason the collectors would want you - Saren said Sovereign wanted you; that you'd impressed it. They either want you dead because you're a major threat, or as some thrall like Saren. Well, they failed, and I have to admit that baiting them meant that we were there to stop them. If it hadn't been Horizon it would have been another colony, and this way we saved half of them."

Shepard came to a halt and gave him a hard stare. "It's not acceptable, Garrus."

"Agreed, but I get it, that's all I'm saying. What are you going to do about the Illusive Man's deception?"

"What _can_ I do? I walk away now and I'm turning my back on the colonists. I won't do that and he knows it. It's not like I didn't expect this kind of thing from him… but I'm still here." She grimaced. "I _am_ just a tool."

Anger at Kaidan flared up. "No, you're not. Shepard, don't you believe any of that crap Alenko said. He was just venting. You're doing the right thing."

The look she gave him was so pained, it hurt to see it. "Then why does it feel so wrong, Garrus?"

"Shepard-" he tried, but she just shook her head sharply at him, that blank face returned.

"I'm tired. I just need to sleep." She walked away and Garrus was left alone, his talons tapping against his armoured leg. He couldn't even imagine what was going on inside her head right now. Brought back from the dead by a terrorist organisation she hated, spurned by the man she loved, and stuck in a situation where people would die if she walked away.

He had no idea how to help her, other than being there for her.

-x-

Kaidan was now aboard Hackett's vessel, heading back to the Citadel.

The Alliance had shown up half an hour after Shepard had left. It was sooner than he'd expected, until Hackett explained that it was Shepard who had notified them of the attack hours ago, along with a way to counteract the swarms.

That knowledge had made his heart plummet further. Firstly, her own father thought it was her. Secondly, why would she have done that it if she was just a Cerberus lackey? Cerberus had certainly never shared information before….

"Commander Alenko, a moment of your time, please," Hackett gestured to his room.

Inside, Kaidan sat in the chair Hackett indicated to and waited as the man paced, his hands behind his back.

"Your report stated you came upon Terra. That she, and the people with her, saved what was left of the Horizon colony."

"Yes, Sir."

Hackett stopped to face him. "How was she, Kaidan? I've not heard from her since she left Horizon. She's always updated me every step of the way, but now she's not returning my messages. What happened down there?"

Kaidan couldn't meet the man's eyes. He felt abject shame at how he'd spoken to her, and he swallowed before he spoke. "Sir, I- I was surprised to see her alive, and I didn't handle it well. I accused her of betraying us all… for being with Cerberus… I mean, it can't be possible for her to have survived, and then to say she'd been brought back from death…? I don't- I don't know what to think. I'm sorry, Sir."

Hackett listened, worry for his little girl's state of mind growing as he heard Kaidan's confession. He understood the man's fears, but Hackett had been prepared to take Terra's explanation on a little faith. Bias? Maybe. But so far she'd done nothing to make him question her true allegiance.

Looking down at Kaidan Alenko, he saw a tortured man who, even two years on, still hadn't gotten over her death. It was no wonder he'd reacted that way. Hackett placed a reassuring hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "I can't fault you, Kaidan. Nor should you blame yourself. I can't expect you to believe all this. Let's face it, it's pretty implausible."

"It's not possible she could have been revived, right?" Kaidan looked up at the Admiral as though he had all the answers.

"I don't know, Kaidan. I really don't. But for my part, I _do_ believe it's her, however she came to be alive. I should have contacted you once I'd seen her, let you know, and I apologise for that. Events have been a challenge to keep straight in my head recently. You should take some time out, sort things out for yourself. Decide where you stand. I'll clear it with Anderson." He activated his omnitool and sent a comm address to Kaidan's. "That's Terra's, should you want to use it. It's a private, encrypted line we use for our personal correspondence. Maybe she'll respond to _you_."

Kaidan looked down at the tool on his arm, and the address now stored there. "After what I said, I doubt it, but thank you," he murmured, and he exited the room. He knew that he'd have to step back from this before he could even think about contacting her. _If_ it was her, he reminded himself.

-x-

Sleep eluded Terra. Every time she closed her eyes she was taunted with Kaidan's face, his features formed into a sneer of repulsion aimed at her.

Frustration seeped through her to join the weariness and despair. She really needed to sleep, and she'd rather not have to go to the medbay for chemical help. Perhaps a warming shower would help.

Inside the bathroom she paused. Her hand went to her face. She still hadn't looked in a mirror; didn’t know what everyone else saw.

Turning hesitantly to the mirror above her sink, she slowly moved in front of it.

Even though it was shorter, her hair was the same style, same colour. She forced her familiar brown eyes to study her face. The scar was indeed gone, but she could see lines on her cheeks where her face had been put back together. They matched the ones on her body, but those she could hide. She couldn't conceal the ones on her face, however, and Kaidan had seen them - had been horrified by them. She couldn't blame him. They were fading but they still told a horrific story.

She'd been pieced together. She had died, and now she was here. What did that make her? Undead, like in the old horror movies?

But she felt like herself… Still felt emotion - wished she didn't. She wanted to lock this feeling inside her away, like she had done with all the others so often since she'd woken. But it wouldn't be ignored this time.

She stared back at herself and hated what she saw.

Without thinking she hit out at the face reflected there, her despair erupting vocally from her throat as her fist impacted hard with the mirror, creating a spider's web of cracks that emanated from the centre, obscuring her face. Then again, and a third time with both hands.

She shouldn't have looked, but at least she could feel something else now. Pain from her hands.

Her heart felt like it would burst through her chest it was beating so hard, and her breathing was coming hard and fast.

Gripping the edge of the basin in front of her, Terra had the vague thought that she couldn't re-gain control of herself.

x

" _Mr Moreau, I believe it would be prudent for you to check in with Commander Shepard._ "

Joker gave the blue orb beside him a quirked eyebrow. "And why would you say that?"

" _The Commander's vitals are showing an alarming increase. Considering her current environment, I can find no reason for her to be that way. As her… friend, I thought you should know._ "

Joker was very worried that the AI was so concerned - if you could call it that. "Shit, uh, look you'd better let Dr Chakwas know, too. And Garrus." He got out of his chair and started out of the cockpit. "Oh, and take control of the ship," he added as an after-thought.

" _Of course, Mr Moreau._ "

As efficient as ever, EDI had notified the others who were already waiting in the lift as it arrived at the CIC for him.

"Any idea what this is, doc?" Joker asked.

"From what Edi says, I'm thinking an anxiety attack," answered Chakwas, solemnly. They all hoped it wasn't a full breakdown.

The elevator arrived and EDI automatically unlocked Shepard's door - a door that was never locked unless she was sleeping or indisposed, as it always had been on the SR1. A quick glance told them she wasn't in the main cabin, and Chakwas gestured them to wait while she went into the bathroom, in case Shepard was unclothed. Seconds later they were waved in, and Joker took in the scene while Chakwas began talking to their hyperventilating commander, exchanging an uneasy glance with Garrus.

It took a full ten minutes for Shepard's breathing to return to normal and for Garrus to carefully work her bleeding hands from the basin's edge. He led her to the main room and sat her at the desk, her body shaking in his hands the whole way. The picture there lit up, and Shepard's breath hitched again as Kaidan's face stared back at them.

Garrus swiftly placed it face down and crouched beside her. "Shepard, talk to me," Garrus said gently, as Chakwas knelt in front of her and began to attend to her lacerations. Shepard's gaze as it met his was desolate, and it both angered and saddened him.

"What do you think I am, Garrus? Really? Not just what you think I want to hear. The truth."

"You're Commander Shepard," he said simply, and he believed it to his core, but she just shook her head.

"I mean inside. Doctor Chakwas…" she switched her attention to the doctor kneeling in front of her. "Tell me the truth."

Chakwas sighed, her heart breaking for the young woman. She knew what Shepard was referring to. "I don't know. I wasn't privy to the procedures they used to bring you back, and I'll admit that I didn't want to know. Not until you wanted me to. But I can tell you that the scans I've run on you since then have only shown some implants. They're doing a vital job at the moment. They're essentially keeping you alive. They're also responsible for your expedited healing, and I think that eventually you may no longer need them. The body is a marvellous thing."

Shepard nodded slowly, a look of determination then flashed over her face and she stood, pulling her damaged hands from Chakwas and making her way to the elevator.

"Shepard?" queried Garrus, as he followed.

"I have to know," she stated.

Joker had watched the whole exchange without a word, remorse radiating through him. This was _his_ fault. He shouldn't be here. Nevertheless he trailed her down to the Mess, where she stormed into Miranda's office.

"What did you do to me? How did you bring me back?" Despite the strong words, her voice was tinged with the uncertainty, like she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know.

Miranda pulled herself straighter in her chair and picked up a disc from her desk, offering it to Shepard. "Here, it's all documented. Every procedure, every change in your status, from start to finish over the last two years. I'm sure you'll agree it's nothing short of extraordinary. No expense was spared, and the technology was ground-breaking. When it comes to life-changing breakthroughs, you're a walking miracle, Commander." Despite her words, Lawson herself sounded unimpressed.

Joker hated that woman. Looking at the disc in Lawson’s hand, he remembered what little he himself had seen, and it nauseated him to think of Shepard seeing herself like that, and he willed her not to take it.

Shepard took the disc and promptly handed it to Chakwas. "You mean you played God," she stated to Lawson.

Miranda shrugged. "If you like. I don't believe in such nonsense. We were all created by a chain of events, chemical and biological, and recreating _you_ was no different. You just needed a little extra help from technology."

"You're proud of what you did."

"Of course. It was a challenge, but we accomplished the goal. To bring you back the way you were. No one else would have even tried. They'd have given up on the idea before it was even formed, but _I_ didn't. And I succeeded. The Illusive Man was very happy. I would have done things a little differently if I'd had _my_ way, but I wasn't in charge. The Illusive Man was."

Terra stared back at her. "What would you have done differently?" As soon as she voiced it she knew it was a stupid question that could only have given Lawson ammunition to harm her, and the Cerberus agent would surely use it.

Lawson’s eyes locked onto hers. "Put in a control chip for starters-"

"That's outrageous!" fumed Chakwas, as both Joker and Garrus moved forward to protest.

Shepard, though, stepped back. It was a horrifying thought - that but for the Illusive Man, she'd be some Cerberus slave. "Then I guess I should be thankful you weren't in charge," she said in a monotone, before walking out, needing distance from a taint that was consuming her from the inside.

"You really are every inch Cerberus, aren't you?" Garrus growled into Miranda’s face.

"I'll take that as a compliment," replied Miranda, one corner of her mouth giving away her amusement.

"Why?" questioned Joker, in disbelief. "Why would you want to do that?"

"I believe in Cerberus' goals; in what we stand for. Shepard is a loose cannon and a threat to all of that. Given the option, she'd destroy it. I thought she should be kept on a leash. The Illusive Man disagreed. I just hope he doesn't come to regret it. Now, I have work to do."

Miranda then turned back to her screen, effectively dismissing them, and it took Chakwas tugging on his arm for Garrus to be able to walk out without ripping Lawson’s throat out first.

x

Back in the Mess, Joker saw Shepard was sitting at the main table staring down at her lap, and Gardner placed a plate of food and a mug of tea in front of her with obvious concern, before retreating.

She turned to them as they joined her. "Doctor, would you mind looking over that?" She gestured to the disc the doctor still held in her hand. "I don't want to see it. It's enough to hear it from you."

"Of course, Commander."

"Then you should probably send it to the Alliance. Care of Admiral Hackett, if you don't mind. Warn him what's on it, though. I don't imagine it will be anything pleasant. Maybe it can help allay any concerns about my… revival."

Joker ran his hands over his face, relieved she wouldn’t be watching it. Damn it, no-one should _know_ something like that had even happened to them, let alone see it for themselves.

"I will, but first I want you to let me finish those hands," Chakwas finished, and she led Shepard into the medbay.

Garrus cursed from behind Joker. "Spirits, she shouldn't have to deal with this crap! This is Alenko's fault! He threw it all in her face on Horizon! Stupid bastard! She was fine before he came stomping all over her!"

"No she wasn't," Joker said sadly. "She just hid it well. Alenko did what he does best - approached it with logic, asked the questions none of us wanted to. That made her confront it. The rest of us just sat back and pretended it didn't exist." With that said, he went back to the cockpit, regret eating at him.

Garrus hung his head, thinking it all through, only looking up when he heard the medbay door open, to see Shepard, eyes down, heading for the elevator. He looked at the Mess table, her plate of food untouched, and made a mental note to take something up to her in a little while - Chakwas would have insisted on her getting sleep.

He also knew what Joker had said was true, but he still blamed Alenko for destroying her so completely. He brought up his omnitool and typed:

**Alenko, I said it before, and I'll say it again. You're a dick.**

He asked EDI to get it where it needed to go, then headed for the Battery.

x

Terra had meant to head for her cabin, but found herself in the cockpit, and slipped into the co-pilot's seat. It was pretty much a defunct seat on a ship with an AI, but she was thankful for it.

Of course, she didn't need to come here to look out at the stars. She only had to lay on her bed and look up, or head for the observation room with its large window, but she suddenly didn't want to be alone. "Do you mind some company, Joker?"

He thumbed over his shoulder to the blue orb on his left.

"More company?" she corrected.

"Well… I suppose you're not as much trouble, so sure. Just don't get all yappy on me. If I have one more female voice saying, 'You're not supposed to do that', I'm walking."

"One more?"

"Yeah, first the AI, then the Ice Queen… Ugh, who'd have thought something that looked so good on the outside could be so rotten inside? At least Jack has a reason to be bitchy."

"She does?" Shepard’s interest peaked above the emptiness.

"Oh, you don't know? I asked Edi about what Jack was searching for in those files. Turns out Jack was a pet project for our favourite terrorist group. We're talking about torturing children for biotic enhancement. She spent her whole childhood in some facility, until she broke out. It's defunct now."

Terra was swamped with horror. "Oh my God!"

"Nope, I can guarantee He was nowhere to be seen."

Shame ran through her. She hadn't followed up on Jack since her recruitment - they'd headed straight to Horizon and she'd been too preoccupied with her own self-pity to even think about Jack. "I should go talk to her."

She went to get up, but Joker held his hand to push her back.

"Ah ah. You came here for a reason, right? Judging from the last time you did this, you're having sleep issues, so… sleep. That's an order."

" _As a helmsman you have no authority over the ship's Captai-_ "

"I know, Edi! Jeez! It's a… friendly thing - not to be taken literally, okay? So give it a break, already." He rolled his eyes. Normally that would have amused Shepard but now he got no hint of anything. "Please sleep," he said seriously.

She should have protested – Joker was ready for it - but instead Shepard settled back in the seat, too tired to do anything but comply.

He watched the woman who had died for him, as she looked out at the stars, her eyes gradually closing. Joker had wanted to say something consoling when she’d joined him, but instead he did what he always did: he used humour. She deserved more.

He’d never lose the guilt he felt. Her whole situation was down to him: her death, and as a result her revival in the hands of Cerberus, her separation from the Alliance, and Kaidan's rejection.

He couldn't do anything about the Cerberus/Alliance issue, but he could try getting through to Kaidan.

**Kaidan -**

**It's been a long time.**

**I know you've always blamed me for what happened to Shepard, and I own that. I'm making it up to her now. Or trying to.**

**But you? You're an idiot. How often do you get a miracle? She's back, and it's _her_ Kaidan. As I'm sitting here, inside a copy of the Normandy, and she's asleep beside me in the cockpit, just like she did before. It's _Shepard_ , without a doubt.**

**I thought you loved her, Kaidan. You've been given a second chance to be with someone we all thought was gone forever, and you turned your back on her.**

**I've never seen her like this. She's lost her spark. You've broken her. She doesn't deserve this. Any of this.**

**But you know what? I know she'll carry on regardless, in order to save these colonies. I just hope she doesn't destroy herself in the process.**

**You need to come to your senses. Before it's too late.**

**Joker**

He tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair as he deliberated. When he'd made his decision, he spoke quietly so he didn't wake Shepard. "Hey, Edi, can you attach a copy of the Lazarus Project to this message?"

Surprisingly, EDI matched his low volume. " _I can._ " There was a slight pause. " _Are you sure, Mr Moreau?_ "

"No, but do it anyway. I mean, it can't make things worse, right?"

" _I am unable to make that judgement. However, I have attached the relevant file to your message. Would you like me to send it?_ "

"…Yeah."

" _It is done._ "

"Thanks, Edi."

Joker looked back at Shepard. It just wasn't fair.

**-x-**


	30. Retrospection and Acceptance

Terra woke in the cockpit with a strange feeling inside. She wasn't sure what it was exactly, but she felt like someone had taken some vital part of her away, and now she was just a fragile shell.

She knew that was down to losing Kaidan.

It was his feelings towards her that had so thoroughly devastated her. Only she shouldn't have been so shocked at his reaction. Would she think any different in his shoes? She doubted it. Rubbing her hands over her face, Shepard tried to scrub away the thoughts - needing to focus.

Jack.

Shepard stretched out her legs and looked over to the pilot's seat, expecting to see Joker's stand-in, but instead, Joker was still at the helm and she frowned at him until he noticed and lifted his hands in surrender.

"I swear I've been to bed! It's nearly midday!"

"What!?" She jumped out of her seat.

"I know! You should be ashamed, Shepard! You're the Commander! What sort of example are you setting for us subordinates?" he teased.

"Why didn't you wake me!?" She started straightening her uniform.

"I was going to but Garrus said it would be detrimental to my health! I figured _you'd_ refrain from damaging your beloved pilot, but Vakarian…? I don't think he's so attached to me."

Her hands went on her hips. "So I'm a pushover now?"

"No! No!… Well, yes. But only with me. I know you've got a soft spot for me. It must be my charm."

Shepard crossed her arms, quirking one eyebrow. "Right," she said wryly, before sighing. "I should go shower." She turned to go, then hesitated. She'd have to clear up the mirror she smashed first. The memory of losing control of herself made her feel ill. She needed to start dealing with her… resurrection.

"It's okay, Shepard. Garrus sorted it," Joker reassured her, quietly.

Terra looked back at him. Was she that transparent? She just gave him a ghost of a smile and a quick nod, then headed for her cabin.

-x-

Jack turned to the footsteps as someone descended into her space. Shepard.

"I'm sorry we've not had a chance to talk, Jack."

"Whatever. I'm not really into the 'girls club' thing, anyway."

Shepard paused. "You know, I'm not even sure what that means. Are you thinking I'm here to talk about boys and make-up? Because if that's it, then I'm not into the 'girls club' thing either," Shepard said lightly.

That made Jack want to smile but she hit back instead. "I figure boys are probably a sensitive issue with you anyway, right now, Shepard."

She watched Shepard's eyes drop to the ground. "Yeah, thanks for that, Jack."

Jack didn't know why she felt a twinge of regret; she didn't make apologies. Instead, she shrugged. "Hey, I don't do tact. So what do you want?"

"The files you requested. Did you find what you're looking for?"

"Not yet. There's a lot of shit to look through."

"Maybe I can help."

Jack gave her a suspicious look. "Why would you do that? What do _you_ care?"

"You're a member of my crew. Call me strange, but I was raised on ships and I tend to view those on board as family. This one's... more dysfunctional than I'm used to, but you can't choose your family."

That statement made Jack feel odd inside, and it confused her. "You're weird," said Jack bluntly.

Shepard gave a small laugh. "So… what were you looking for?"

Jack stared back at her a moment longer before speaking. "The facility where Cerberus kept me."

"Edi, can you locate that?"

" _Indeed, Commander. The Teltin facility is on Pragia in the Dakka System, though it is no longer functional._ "

"Shit, you mean all I had to do was ask the machine?" Jack swore.

"Like I said, I'm sorry I didn't come to you earlier. What did you want to do with that information?"

Jack knew exactly, and her body coursed with adrenaline at the thought of finally being able to do it. "I want to go there. I want to plant a big _fucking_ bomb, and I want to blow that place to shit."

"Joker, set a course to Pragia."

" _Understood, Commander._ "

Jack's heart started thumping at the realisation that Shepard was actually taking her there. "What, just like that?"

"Just like that." Shepard went to turn away.

"Why?"

"I already said-"

"Why are you _really_ helping me? You must want something?" Jack was getting angry. Why wouldn't Shepard just say what the price was?

"You mean besides your help with the collectors? I think that's more than enough, Jack."

"I was already up for that. There's nothing I like better than a good fight. So what are you _really_ after?"

Shepard looked at her with sadness. "Nothing, Jack. After what you've experienced, you deserve a resolution, and I can understand that anger you have for Cerberus, that's all."

"Oh yeah?"

Shepard hesitated a moment before speaking. "A few years back, me and my unit were investigating the disappearance of some pioneers on Akuze. We soon found out that we'd stumbled onto a thresher nest. Two of them decimated my entire unit. As far as I knew, I was the only one to leave that planet with my life. I recently- well, I suppose I should say, shortly before I died, I discovered that we were deliberately allowed to walk into that nest by Cerberus. They were watching while we struggled for our lives. And it turned out I wasn't the only survivor. Cerberus had discovered one of my squad-mates alive, and had spent the last few years experimenting on him, torturing him. He's free now, but I will _never_ forget Cerberus' part in that. Not sure what I think about them meddling with my body, yet. Anyway, that's only the stuff that's affected me personally. So, you want to take out that facility? I'll help you do it, gladly."

Jack looked at her for a moment, looking for some sign of deception, but not finding it. She didn't get this woman. There had to be more to it. Some hidden agenda. There was always a catch….right?

"Thanks, Shepard." The gratitude felt strange coming out of her mouth. She'd never had to say it before. Shepard just nodded and left, leaving Jack to ponder their conversation. For the first time in forever she didn't feel quite so angry inside.

-x-

Kaidan had decided to head home. Right now, he needed familiarity, a constant, and more importantly, no Rahna. His childhood home was that familiarity, his parents were his constant, and Rahna was light years away on the Citadel.

He sat on the back porch, staring out over the orchard. It was lovely this time of year. The leaves fresh and bright, blossoms bursting through, the fruit making their first appearances.

Did it mean something that he was here now, when he'd avoided coming home during her death? It had all seemed out of place at a time when he was in his winter. But now…now he had come. Spring. A time of growth, of fresh starts. Rejuvenation. Rebirth….

Kaidan ran his hands into his hair, elbows on his knees. This wasn't helping. People didn't…rebirth.

He called up his omnitool, needing a distraction. He hadn't checked his messages since Horizon.

There were several from Rahna, begging him to contact her, to tell her he was okay. He sighed, guilt surfacing that he wasn't treating her right. He'd been too self-absorbed, and as a result he'd forgotten her. Quickly typing out a message to apologise, he told her where he was, that he needed some time after Horizon, but didn't go into why.

That sent, Kaidan carried on through the rest of his messages, surprised to see one from Garrus, though he wasn't so sure he wanted to open it. Against his better judgement, he did. It was short. Clearly Garrus was unimpressed with him. He stared at the last three words.

**You're a dick.**

Kaidan remembered the first time Garrus had called him that: in the medbay, after questioning Shepard's motives for saving him over Ash…

Was he doing it again? Was he wrong? Again?

He closed it down and opened up the next message. From Joker? Kaidan hadn't seen him since Shepard's funeral, and didn't care to. His interest peaked as to why Joker would contact him now though, and he read through it, only to become stunned. Joker was with her too…. Words and sentences smacked him in the face.

**… I'm sitting here … copy of the Normandy… she's asleep beside me in the cockpit … It's Shepard. ... I thought you loved her … You've been given a second chance … you turned your back on her. … She's lost her spark ... You've broken her. ... She doesn't deserve this … She'll carry on regardless ... hope she doesn't destroy herself in the process. ... You need to come to your senses. Before it's too late.**

First Garrus, now Joker. Her father believed it was her, and he was an intelligent man; a man Kaidan respected greatly. How many more people had to stand behind her before he could accept it?

But were they really being logical? A father wanting his daughter back could overlook things he didn't want to acknowledge.

Garrus had always held her in high-esteem, like a protégé does his master. After her death Garrus had dropped out of C-Sec, and from the look of his damaged face, he'd been in some trouble. It wasn't a stretch to imagine he'd grasp onto the idea of Shepard returning with no deep thought. In the back of Kaidan's mind was still the question of whether Garrus had in fact been with her the whole time, despite it being Cerberus. No-one had known where Garrus had gone since her funeral.

Joker could have similar feelings to Garrus, but for him it would be guilt over his involvement in her death. And again, Kaidan knew that Joker had also vanished not long after the funeral and Kaidan didn't have a hard time imagining Joker going wherever a top of the line ship was, and a ship that was a copy of the _Normandy_ would be just that.

He looked up into the sky, clearly able to imagine Terra up there, curled up in that co-pilot's seat. Who was there to wake her this time…?

"Kaidan?"

He swung round to the voice he hadn't expected to hear here. "Rahna! What are you doing here?"

"I was worried about you. I called your parents and they told me you were heading here, so I wrangled my schedule and came. I only just picked up your message about needing time, I'm sorry."

He stamped down his initial annoyance. "No, no, it's okay. I'm the one who should apologise. I left you in the dark. That was wrong of me."

Rahna sat down next to him and ran her hand down his cheek. "You clearly have a lot on your mind. Maybe I can help."

He owed her the truth so he told her everything. Horizon. Shepard. His doubts, his mixed feelings, his fears. Omitting only the specific details concerning the collectors and reapers.

She listened without interruption, then said, "No wonder you needed time to sort things out. That's a lot to deal with. But you don't have to face it alone, Kaidan. I'm here for you."

"What do you think about all this?" he asked her. "Was I wrong?" He knew it was a desperate question. He needed the thoughts of someone not connected to this. Someone who could be truly unbiased.

"I think that you were completely right, Kaidan."

He was actually surprised. He'd almost convinced himself she'd disagree with his treatment of Shepard, being the gentle person she was.

"It isn't possible to bring someone back from death,” she clarified. “I asked my friend, Sabine, back when the first reports of Shepard came to light. She's amongst the best doctors around, and she said it was beyond their ability. Whatever you saw on Horizon was not Shepard."

It took Kaidan aback to hear her refer to Shepard as an object, but he ignored it - he'd done the same to her face on Horizon. "But what if she somehow survived two years ago?"

"Then she's exactly what you said she was. A traitor. A clever manipulator, who fooled you all." She placed her hands on either side of his face to turn his face to her. "She's a Cerberus agent, Kaidan. She used you. She betrayed you."

Kaidan had said that on Horizon, but he had trouble believing it. Nothing about Terra had ever felt false. "They said that she had to stay with them because the Alliance would detain her. That the Alliance were too far behind, and it's true we're probably too limited in resources to take more aggressive action. They said if she went back it would put more colonists at risk."

"This is _Cerberus_ , Kaidan! You know what happened to her on Akuze, and that Cerberus were behind it. Sam was tortured by them for _years_! How could anyone knowing all that, go and stand beside them!? You want to ignore the fact it's impossible she's alive, then fine, but only someone who's on-side with them could stomach working for them! Have you ever considered that maybe there's a reason she was the only one to survive on Akuze?"

Kaidan felt sick, and he pulled her hands from his face. "But you didn't see her face when she talked about-"

"So she's a great actress! Kaidan! She's pulling you back! Please, don't let her ruin everything for you again! You've worked so hard to re-gain your life! You were finally moving on…"

Rahna held onto his hand, and Kaidan looked at it, so incredibly torn. "It's just…that I have to know. You don't know Ter- Shepard. I think she _would_ work for them if it meant it would save lives."

Rahna felt panic at those words. She couldn't let him near Shepard or she might never get him back. She remembered something Sabine had said. "If that's the case - and ignoring the fact it's not possible to bring someone back from the dead - do you really think that Cerberus would go to all that trouble of bringing her back to life, at what must have been an astronomical expense, and then just set her loose?"

Kaidan met Rahna's eyes. "You're talking about them controlling her, aren't you?"

"I've worked with enough rescued biotics who've been implanted with control devices by batarian slavers. It's horrific to imagine, but wouldn't an organisation like Cerberus want to keep their pet on a leash?" Rahna winced at words that sounded so callous, but she convinced herself she was being cruel to be kind. He had to see the reality before Cerberus and Shepard destroyed him.

A pet on a leash. Kaidan frowned, nausea rising at the thought. He didn't like that image. "Doesn't that mean she needs help?"

"It means she's already gone, Kaidan. One thing I know with certainty from my time with those former slaves, is that they _never_ recover. It's like they're re-wired to think a different way, and the old connections are destroyed. Whether she's being controlled or not, she can't be trusted. She belongs to Cerberus now."

A cold darkness descended upon Kaidan. Cerberus. He hated them. Rahna was right. Whichever way he looked at it, it was more likely that Shepard was gone, one way or another.

Except deep inside him there remained a light. A flicker of hope that wouldn't extinguish.

With Terra, anything was possible.

-x-

-x-

Shepard had just gotten back from Pragia.

The facility was just as horrendous in its diminished state as she'd imagined it to be before the children held there had rebelled. It was heart-breaking to see how they'd been kept; to hear the scientists reports of the atrocities they had performed on the vulnerable young people in their care.

Shepard had delved deeper, to find that all the children were taken from colonies or bought from slavers. Jack had been taken from her mother after they'd told her that her baby had died during childbirth. Jack's file hadn't bothered with names, so Terra had no way of searching for Jack's family. The Illusive Man's argument that he didn't know about his peoples methods, wasn't good enough.

At least Jack had done what she seemed to need. The facility was now little more than dust. Terra doubted that would fix Jack's damaged soul, but maybe it was a start.

Now, Shepard sat at her terminal. She had an apology to make.

**Dad,**

**I'm sorry I didn't respond earlier. I had some issues to deal with after seeing Kaidan on Horizon. But don't worry, I'll be okay. No point dwelling on something that I can't change, and I need to focus on what I'm out here doing. There's more at stake here than my hurt feelings, so…**

She knew she was making light of it, that her father would probably see through it, but it wasn't something she could delve into yet. It was still too raw.

**I had a conversation with mom, earlier. Told her she shouldn't have turned down that admiral's rank last year. Bet she's regretting it now I'm back! She couldn't talk long - as busy as ever.**

**Anyway, I just wanted to apologise, and assure you that I'm as determined as ever and messages will resume as normal. So please don't fret.**

**I love you,**

**Terra**

Jack stormed into her cabin, and Shepard pressed send before turning to her. "Everything okay, Jack?"

The young woman suddenly looked uncertain. "Yeah, I just… I needed to wipe that place off the map. You took me there to do it and I owe you." She began pacing, not looking at Shepard, her hands running up and down her arms like she was cold. "You don't know what's it's like, Shepard. To have garbage like that following you. It marks you in ways you… you don't expect."

"I can't pretend to know what you've been through. But I carry plenty of baggage. Decisions I've made. Those made for me. I could get angry about a whole lot of it, but I choose to channel it into something positive. You could too, Jack."

"Hard to walk away from it."

"Don't try. It will always be there. Use it."

"I still kind of want to kill every person I see. No offence."

"'Kind of' is an improvement, so I'll take that," Shepard smiled back.

"You did me a favour. That's more than I expected, so… thanks." Jack spun to exit the door and stopped again, her hands fisting with nervous energy, then she looked back at Shepard. "People usually walk by now…. Did you really mean all that shit about crew being family?"

"Absolutely."

Jack refused to acknowledge the warm feeling she had inside. "Even the Cerberus bitch?"

Shepard opened her mouth, then closed it, her lips pressing together before she spoke. "That one's turning out to be the black sheep. But on the ground, she's as important as anyone else, regardless of my opinion of her."

Jack laughed. "Yep. You're definitely weird…" Family, Shepard had said. Could she trust her? Trust had bit her in the ass before, but Shepard…. Maybe she wasn't alone anymore. "But you're okay, Shepard."

Shepard huffed a laugh. "Thanks, Jack."

Jack smirked at her and left, passing Garrus who was on the way in.

"Hey, what got the walking doodle out of her hidey-hole?" Garrus jerked his thumb over his shoulder to where Jack had been.

"Appreciation."

His plates rose on his forehead. "That's unexpected." Or was it? This was Shepard, after all.

"Looks like I was right. She's just misunderstood, Garrus. Did you need something?"

"Well, uh… I was talking to Chakwas. She said she'd filled you in on the Lazarus file…. I just wanted to check you're alright with it all." He studied her face as she turned contemplative.

"I’m dealing. It still feels surreal. Like it must've happened to someone else. Guess I should think myself lucky that the Illusive Man thought me worth the time, cost and trouble. Regardless of who's responsible for it, I've been given a second chance at life. I shouldn't waste it moping about."

"So everything's... above board?" That sounded wrong.

"Seems so. Advanced tech, based on reaper technology - which, I admit, is more than a little unsettling - but nothing that's doing anything more than holding me together or fixing me. Chakwas said it was nothing short of amazing, given my condition when they started. She was rather pale, though."

Garrus nodded slowly. He didn't want to think about that. "About what Alenko said-"

Shepard held her hand up to stop him. "Garrus, he was right to question it. You can't tell me you haven't thought the same things. I know _I_ have."

He wavered. "Yeah, but-"

"No buts. He has every right to feel that way. You can't blame him for not believing in all this. In me. Even _I_ can't comprehend it all. If it had been Kaidan back from the dead, I'm not sure I'd be able to just accept it, either."

" _I_ did. _Tali_ did. And Joker, and Chakwas, and Anderson, and your friend on the Citadel," he pointed out, deliberately, not to make things worse, but to get her to see she was being far too reasonable in his opinion.

"And I'm thankful for that, I really am, but Kaidan was just being Kaidan. Rational. Honest. And he was in shock, so I think we can forgive his anger. He was confused. It was a lot to deal with out of the blue. And under any normal circumstance he'd have been spot on - I would never work for Cerberus. So please, don't be so harsh on him."

Garrus rubbed his hand across the back of his neck in discomfort. "Hm, I sort of sent him a message."

Terra stared back at him. "What did you say?" she said, seemingly resigned to the fact it wasn't anything good.

"I called him a dick," he admitted.

"Garrus!"

"Ah, I could have called him worse. He got off lightly." He waved it away, then regarded her. "You still love him, don't you?"

"Always will, Garrus," murmured Terra, with a certainty that was absolute. "But he's moved on…." She found that so hard to say, but she had to accept it. "And _I'm_ on a possible suicide mission."

"You'll get us through it."

"I'm going to die trying."

"Not on my watch."

Shepard put her hand on Garrus’ arm. Her friend. She wondered if he realised just how much his presence was saving her. "Thanks for replacing the mirror."

"Just this once, though," he warned her. "You scared the crap out of me, by the way."

"I scared myself,” she admitted. “I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"Thank the spirits! It's unsettling when _I_ have to be the responsible, level-headed one!"

They laughed together.

"Come on. You can help me look over these new dossiers," she invited.

"Oh joy. What sort of miscreants has the Illusive Man scraped up this time?" Garrus complained.

"Open mind, Garrus," she sang.

"Yeah, yeah. One of these days, _I'm_ going to be right."

**-x-**


	31. An Info Broker and New Additions

Shepard traipsed through the crowds towards Liara's office on Ilium, Garrus as always accompanying her.

Though she was looking forward to seeing Liara again, it was tainted with fear of another rejection. She was barely holding together after Horizon. The pain was stowed away in a box but the lid was loose, and she wasn't sure she could contain it if Liara turned her away, too.

They were here to find two more possible recruits. One was an asari Justicar whom Shepard was rather interested in meeting, and a drell assassin who she really wasn't. Miranda had complained that they shouldn't be wasting time on social calls, but Shepard had reasoned that if anyone would know where to find these two people, it would be an information broker.

As the door to the office slid open, Liara came running to her, embracing her tightly.

"Shepard! I cannot believe Cerberus actually did it!"

Shepard's relief was replaced by confusion. "You're well-informed. You know about them reviving me?"

Liara hesitated, then stepped back, her face now filled with shame. "Shepard, it was I who gave them your body."

Shepard was struck speechless, but Garrus wasn't.

"Why!? Spirits, Liara!"

"I found out that the Shadow Broker had obtained Shepard's body from the crash site, to hand over to the collectors... so I intervened."

"What!?"

"I do not know why the collectors wanted her, but-"

"The damn reapers, that's why," growled Garrus.

"The reapers!"

Shepard finally found her voice. "The collectors are working for the reapers. They're currently taking whole human colonies."

"By the Goddess, they have started harvesting!"

"Maybe," Garrus spoke gruffly. "They're definitely up to something, but get back to why you'd hand Shepard over to _Cerberus_."

Liara bowed her head. "They said they had the technology to bring her back. Just as she was. What would you have done, Garrus?"

Garrus took a deep breath. "Spirits, I… No. Not Cerber-."

"Can you stop talking about me like I'm not here?" Shepard interrupted with a frown. She placed a hand on Liara's arm. "You should have just let me rest in peace," murmured Shepard, "but I understand."

"I am so sorry, Shepard, but I… I could not just let you go. Not when they were offering a way to…" Liara hung her head. "You were the only true friend I had. You mean so much to me. I was selfish. I knew what Cerberus were like - how you felt about them - but I gave you to them anyway. Can you forgive me?"

Shepard hugged the teary asari. "Forgiven. At least I'm _me_ … mostly. Luckily, the Illusive Man disagreed with Miranda's suggestion to put in a control chip."

"A control-!? Goddess, Shepard!" Liara gripped her tighter, then froze when Miranda came into her office. She released Shepard and stormed over to the Cerberus agent. "A control chip, Miss Lawson!? How could you!?"

"I couldn't," stated Miranda, crossing her arms. "And we really shouldn't waste time, Commander. We need to have a team ready to go when the Illusive Man finds a way to get us through the Omega 4 relay."

"Omega 4!? But that is impossible!" exclaimed Liara.

"Not for Cerberus," retorted Miranda. "I'd have thought you'd be aware that Cerberus prides itself on doing the impossible." She looked pointedly at Shepard, who was beginning to feel more like the lab subject than a human being.

"Liara, the collectors must have a base on the other side of that relay, and we need to go there to stop these attacks," explained Shepard.

"But no one has ever come back!"

"….I know. But it has to be done," Shepard said simply.

"Yes, it does, and sooner rather than later," Miranda added bluntly.

Shepard sighed. "I don't suppose you have any idea where I can find an asari Justicar and a drell assassin?" she asked Liara.

"As a matter of fact…" Liara transmitted the information to Shepard's omnitool.

"Wow, I guess you've found your calling! So, the Illusive Man was wrong about you working for the Shadow Broker."

"No, I never worked for him, but I had dealings with one of his agents. Feron. He is the link between me and Cerberus. The Broker had sent his agent after I contacted him for information regarding the collectors. I was to meet Feron on Omega. Feron had been told to send me off in the wrong direction by the Shadow Broker but instead, he told me the Shadow Broker was the one who was in possession of you, in order to make a deal with the collectors.”

Shepard felt incredibly uncomfortable at the thought of herself in the hands of others; the vulnerability staggering.

“With Feron's help, we discovered where the exchange was taking place and stopped the Broker's agents from making the trade. Feron was a double-agent working for Cerberus, and he was there to illicit my help in recovering your body for them. The Illusive Man was impressed by how fast I found the information and connected the dots, and knew my determination to find you would be his best way to get what he wanted.”

Her. Shepard swallowed. Liara’s resolve had saved her from a fate she didn’t even want to imagine had the collectors gotten hold of her. But the Illusive Man had seen Liara’s desperation and used it to manipulate her.

“The Shadow Broker sent forces to re-obtain your body, but Feron sacrificed himself in order to help me get away with you. After that I knew I could not protect you, and I agreed to allow Cerberus to try to bring you back. Shortly after, the Shadow Broker sent me images of Feron strapped to a torture device, in an attempt to get me to give up your location. By then, I had nothing to tell him; I did not know where Cerberus had taken you. The Shadow Broker said he would torture Feron every day until he had you.”

That knowledge horrified Shepard. His life for hers…. When she’d lost hers fair and square, it wasn’t acceptable.

“Feron may still be alive,” said Liara, and Shepard saw the ferocious determination that had led to her standing here. “Now I spend all my time searching for any clue that will lead me to the Shadow Broker. I will not stop until I have brought him down - to free Feron, and to protect you. While the Broker is still out there, he will continue to be a threat to you."

"Liara, you can't take on someone as big as the Shadow Broker!" Shepard exclaimed.

"It is just talk at this stage,” she answered, dejectedly. “I am no closer to finding him."

"And when you do?"

"I am not without resources, Shepard, in more areas than just information."

"Okay, that's… reassuring and mysterious at the same time."

Liara smiled proudly. "I would like to think that given time, I could rival the Shadow Broker…"

Garrus peered down at her, with mock suspicion. "All right, where's the timid, awkward young asari we used to know?"

Liara placed her hand on his arm in comradeship. "She had to grow up, Garrus."

"And now we've wasted even more time,” interrupted Lawson. “I really think we should go, Commander."

Miranda ignored the three glares and impatiently waited for them to say goodbye, then followed Shepard and Vakarian out. She'd already known the story of how they'd obtained Shepard's body - she'd been a part of it - but what she hadn't known was that T'Soni was hunting the Broker.

That information would be of interest to the Illusive Man….

-x-

Anderson entered the human embassy, relieved to find it blissfully empty, until someone materialised in front of him. A woman, her hood obscuring much of her face.

"Admiral Anderson, I have a proposition for you."

"And you are?"

"Kasumi Goto. I'll save you the trouble of checking up on me. I'm a master thief, wanted by the Alliance, I'm sure."

Hiding his surprise at the honest résumé, Anderson was instantly intrigued. "Then this must be some proposal you have."

Goto had a hint of a smile. "Heard of Donovan Hock?"

Anderson nodded. "Arms dealer."

"He killed my partner, Keiji Okuda, and stole his graybox - a neural implant that stores information. I want help getting it back."

"And why would the Alliance be interested in this?"

"Keiji wouldn't say exactly what, but he said that it contained sensitive data about the Alliance, that if it got out could lead to war."

Anderson didn't like the sound of that. "Why hasn't Hock used it?"

"He can't access it. _I'm_ the key. But eventually he'll find a way to bypass it."

"And I'm supposed to take this on faith?"

"It's all I have," Goto said, simply.

Anderson slowly paced as he mulled it over, finally stopping in front of her. "What's _your_ stake in this?"

"That graybox also contains Keiji's memories. …It's all I have left of him."

Anderson studied the thief, catching the emotion that had seeped into her voice. She was telling the truth about that, at least. The Alliance part… he didn't know, but he couldn't risk the possible results of inaction, and he suspected Kasumi Goto knew that. "This will take time to set up-"

"Actually," Kasumi interrupted, "I already have a plan in place. You see Hock's opening his home on Bekenstein to the biggest names in the criminal world. We can access that party, break into his vault, and take the graybox without Hock even knowing. It's my speciality, after all."

"Then why exactly do you need _our_ help?" This thief was testing his patience.

"Hock's aware I'm trying to re-gain possession of that graybox, and though I'm not exactly known by sight, I'm pretty sure he'll work out who I am. I need someone else to attend that party. Someone whom I can help from the shadows."

"But you said that Hock's guests are known criminals."

Her small smile exuded confidence. "Leave that to me. A reputation is easy to fake. I just need a face."

Anderson went over the whole plan with Kasumi. It was sound, _if_ everything went as planned, but when was any mission without risk?

And he had just the man for the job.

-x-

Shepard had gathered the rest of her ground team beneath Liara's office.

"Okay, we have two possible recruits so we're going to split into two teams. Save time," she said deliberately in Miranda’s direction. "Garrus, you'll head a team with Jacob and Mordin, and chase down Samara-"

"Hold on, Commander,” cut in Miranda. “ _I'm_ your second. _I_ should lead the other team," she stated petulantly.

"Said who? The Illusive Man?” Shepard challenged. “He left _me_ in charge of this mission - that includes the ship, and anyone on it. _I_ decide who my second is, and Garrus, you’re it."

"Finally! Promotion!" he fist-pumped along with his jibe.

Shepard felt a little shimmer of amusement rise from the hollow, which she immediately suppressed.

Jack however, held nothing back. "Aww, what's the matter cheerleader? Someone steal your pom-poms?"

"Okay, let's _not_ get back into the playground," intervened Shepard. "That leaves Miranda, Jack, and Grunt, with me."

"Great, now you're making me work with her?" groused Jack.

"It's that or go back to the ship. Your choice, Jack," retorted Shepard with a no-nonsense look.

Jack made a rude noise, followed by a huffy, "Fine."

Shepard was prepared when Garrus took her aside.

"Are you sure it's sensible for you to take a whole _team_ of emotionally-challenged individuals?"

"Are you kidding? I fit right in! We'll have a riot!" she joked back, half-heartedly.

Garrus gave her a serious look. "Don't think I don't know that you've split them this way on purpose."

Shepard was about to protest, but she knew it would be pointless. He knew her too well. "You're right. I don't trust Miranda, and Jack and Grunt are… Jack and Grunt."

"Try live-wires."

"Exactly. Look, just because I placed you as lead of the second team, doesn't mean I'm not still responsible for you. For that reason, I'm giving you people who I know you can count on to watch your back."

"And what about you?"

"I think I can control the kids."

"Hm, well just remember that you'll have to share custody at some point."

"Or what?" she dared.

Garrus squinted at her, in place of having nothing to respond with.

"Okay then, let's go extend the family," finished Shepard.

-x-

-x-

Kaidan stepped back onto the Citadel, Rahna beside him.

He'd shut himself down inside after their chat, becoming detached from everything around him. Rahna talked incessantly at him about mundane things, like nothing was wrong, so he'd closed her out.

When Anderson's request had come through he’d felt immense relief. The admiral had given him the option of turning it down, but Kaidan had no such intention. He wanted to work. He wanted to be away from Rahna. Maybe he would get a chance to think - _alone_.

It had occurred to him on the journey, as she'd snuggled into his side, that Rahna may not be totally neutral in her opinions of Shepard. She had made it clear she wanted a future with him, and the return of his lost love would not be something she would welcome. Then he’d admonished himself for it. Rahna wasn't a devious person. He knew she cared about him. She had to understand how important this was to him - to know without a doubt that this wasn't Terra. But as she continued to prattle on, he became more disillusioned with the motive behind Rahna's scathing views. He needed to distance himself.

Now, she clung to his arm as they walked through the docking bay. Stopping at a cab, Kaidan opened the door for her, and extricated himself from her hold. "I'm going to head straight to the embassy. This assignment sounds critical so I don't want to waste time."

"Oh. Okay. Is everything alright, Kaidan?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "I guess I need to work through some of this by myself."

"Will you call me when you get back?"

 _Why bother when you'd just check up with my superiors, anyway_? He held the thought back. Instead of shame, he just felt impatient to go. "Look, Rahna, I'm sorry but I can't... move on, right now. I need to step back from this. I need some space.” There. He’d said it, and he hoped Rahna would accept it.

Rahna could have cried. Or screamed. Shepard was ruining everything! That woman had him so wrapped up in her he couldn't see the truth - that she'd manipulated and betrayed him. But Rahna knew exactly what Shepard was: Cerberus. Sabine had agreed. She refused to let them - to let _Shepard_ \- pull Kaidan down. He was all she had. So she smiled shakily, and grasped his hand, prepared to do whatever it took to keep him in her life.

"I understand. You'll get this straightened out, and _I’ll_ be here if you need me."

"Thank you, Rahna." Kaidan pressed a quick kiss to her cheek and walked away.

Rahna watched him go, and wondered how she could fight a memory of a woman who was nothing but a liar, except to the man holding the memory….

-x-

The Illusive Man sat back in his chair and thought over what Miranda had just told him.

Dr T'Soni was after the Shadow Broker. It was an interesting development. One that could prove beneficial.

It was rather fortuitous that he'd recently been able to pinpoint the system the Broker operated from, though not the specific location. With the Broker gone, it would pave the way for a takeover - something he'd been wanting for a while, but with the Lazarus Project taking precedence, he had limited resources to waste on an attack of that magnitude.

T'Soni however had the drive and apparently her own resources. If she actually succeeded, he'd be in prime position to take over the Broker's operation. If she failed, it wouldn't matter. He had nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

Not yet, however. Shepard would have to be the one to offer T'Soni the information if she was to take it at face value, and then Shepard would want to help. He didn't want to risk Shepard and her team against the Broker before she'd dealt with the collectors, so for now he'd hold off.

Sending the information just before Shepard went through the relay would be the best solution. He doubted T'Soni would wait for Shepard and if the asari died whilst trying to take the Broker down by herself, and Shepard made it back from the relay, she'd be more personally invested in bringing the Broker down.

He couldn't lose.

-x-

Shepard exited the Observation room.

Samara had just pledged herself to Shepard's service, and it was extremely humbling. Samara's code had made Shepard uneasy. It could be ruthless and unbending, and she had worried that it would create conflict. But now that wasn't an issue.

Shepard couldn't imagine living like that, though. She understood the dedication, but the solitude would cripple her.

There was also the issue of Samara's outstanding mission. When Garrus had found her she'd been seeking someone. That was unresolved. They'd found the name of the ship this someone had left Illium on, and at some point it would turn up. Garrus had gone back to Liara to request her help tracing it, and Shepard had no doubt that when that happened, Samara would want to pursue it.

She stopped outside the Life Support room. Not the usual place to house someone, but apparently the drell needed arid conditions to slow his life-threatening condition.

That had surprised her, along with everything else about the drell since they'd found him. He'd been fulfilling a contract to kill the very same asari diplomat who had used Shepard to kill her sister for her years before. After, he had prayed for his soul over the act he'd committed, telling her he was trying to atone for the evil he had done by doing good deeds. The asari, Nassana Dantius, was certainly a nasty individual judging from her own workers, most of whom now lay dead because she'd ordered it so.

Now Thane Krios, the best assassin in the galaxy, had pledged his arm as hers, and free of charge. It all confused her. She needed to know more about him, more than her quick research into the drell culture could offer her, so she went in.

He sat at a table opposite the window that afforded a view of the drive core, his back to the door. Without even a glance to see who it was, he spoke. "Do you need something?"

"Can we talk?"

"Certainly."

She walked into his view, staring out at the drive core. "If you don't mind me saying, you don't really seem like an assassin."

"You've spent too much time fighting thugs who think custom-painted armour makes them professionals. The hanar trained my body for this role since I was six years old."

Shepard swung round to face him, stunned. She knew about the hanar saving the drell from extinction after their planet's resources dwindled, and how the drell pledged themselves to the hanar to fulfill various roles they couldn't do otherwise, but the idea of training a child to be an assassin disturbed her. "When did you make your first kill?"

"I was twelve."

"Why did your parents agree to this?"

"It was an honour for our family. You must understand, we owe our existence to the hanar. This was our way to repay that debt."

"But you don't kill for the hanar, anymore. You're freelance. What changed?"

"I was asleep for a long time, yes. I paid no attention to what my body was asked to do, but then-" His gaze suddenly seemed unfocused, like he was in a trance.

Shepard remembered reading about the eidetic memory the drell possess.

"Laser dot trembles on the skull. One finger twitch, he dies. Smell of spice on the spring wind. Sunset-coloured eyes, defiant in the scope. The laser dances away." Just as quickly as he'd tuned out, he snapped out of it. "My apologies. Drell slip into memories so easily."

"You relive it like it's happening again?" She moved to the seat opposite him, fascinated.

"With perfect clarity. It can be difficult to control at times. Other times I bring them forth at will."

Shepard thought that over. Her own memories of Kaidan often returned to her, but it just hurt. "That's a good thing?"

"Thinking about a moment can bring back the smell of cut grass, the warmth of another's hand on yours, the taste of another's tongue in your mouth. Wouldn't you rather lose yourself in such a memory than spend the night alone, staring at walls of metal and plastic?"

"But what about the bad memories?" she murmured.

Thane regarded her for a moment. "Indeed, the ones that are hard to escape from are those of despair."

She nodded. Horizon felt like it was burned into her skin. "That memory you had, it was one of your assassinations. You didn't pull the trigger."

"No. A bystander noticed my spotting laser and threw herself between me and my target. She couldn't see me, but she stared me down."

It felt to Thane like Shepard was staring into his soul, working him out.

"From your description, it sounds like she made an impression on you."

"Yes. She woke me up. I thought she was the Goddess Arashu. She met my eyes through the scope and my purpose faltered."

"Did you do anything about it?"

"I had to meet her. The memory possessed and endowed me. I fell on my knees before her. Begged her pardon. Irikah introduced me to the world beyond my work. Eventually she forgave me. Later, she loved me. She became my wife. We had a son: Kolyat."

Shepard smiled, though it was tinged with sadness. "That's a lovely ending, Thane."

"Yes, it would have been, but that is not how it ends. Now my memories are all I have."

Her face fell into concern and it interested him that a soldier could be so compassionate. In his experience, it was rare. "Why? What happened?" she asked.

"I let myself become complacent. I thought Irikah and Kolyat were safe. I stayed away too long, and my enemies came for her. Batarian slavers who had been preying on the hanar colonies. I had killed their leaders, and they paid the Shadow Broker to find out who I was. But they were afraid of me, so they went after her. They killed her. Thankfully, Kolyat was at a friend's that night. When Irikah passed, I returned to my battle sleep. My body hunted her killers. Murdered them. I was taught to grant death quickly, cleanly. To minimize suffering. Them... I let them linger."

“I can understand that. They killed an innocent to get to you. Someone you held dearest." Shepard looked truly pained for him, and there was something that made him think she indeed understood.

"For you and me, death is business. For people like them, it is sport. They are the only lives I've taken by my own choice. The only deaths on my own conscience." He paused in realisation. "I haven't spoken about my wife in- I don't think I ever have. I didn't have anyone left to tell it to." This unassuming human was the first to have ever cared to ask.

"What about your son?" wondered Shepard.

"When I left him with family to hunt her killers - the day Irikah was sent across the sea - he was ten. By the time I had accomplished my goal, ten years had gone by. I have not seen or talked to him in all that time."

That confused her. From the way he spoke of his wife, this man was capable of deep feeling, yet to abandon his own child…. "Why didn't you stay and care for him?"

"I was trained to kill, Shepard. It is all I know; my only skill. I had nothing else to teach him. I didn't want that life for Kolyat. I hoped he would find his own way. If he hated me, then so be it. At least he would not share my path of sin."

He thought he was protecting his son, but Terra imagined her life without her own father. Surely it was better for his son to know he loved him, and she had no doubt Thane did. "Don't you want to reunite with him?"

The assassin hung his head. "I confess, I am ashamed to. It has been so long. I have no place in his life, anymore. But tell me, what of you, Shepard?"

"Me?" She hadn’t been expecting the sudden change of focus.

"Earlier, when we spoke of re-living memories…"

Shepard hesitated for a moment, reticent at first to be so open, but Thane had been forthcoming with his own history, and it was only right that she share her own in return. She stared at her hands, clasped together on the table in front of her as she spoke. "When I was still in the Alliance, I fell in love with my lieutenant, a subordinate. I'd never felt that way before. And he felt the same. We fought it for a while, but eventually we gave in. We spent one night together before we chased Saren through the Conduit and stopped the reaper invasion. After that things were so hectic and we didn't really have time. Or rather, I didn't _make_ time. I thought we had more…. When we finally found a moment, the ship was attacked…and I died. Now I'm back, and two years have passed. Kaidan's moved on. I saw him on Horizon. He thinks I'm a traitor for being with Cerberus. Now all I have is a memory that ends with him looking at me with revulsion."

To her surprise, Thane reached forward, placing his hands over hers. "I am sorry, Shepard. I realise now why you would not wish to re-live such memories."

Terra looked at his hand on hers, finding it odd that he was offering her comfort. She looked back at him. "Is it wrong of me to envy your time with your wife? Even though she died, she loved you till the end."

"Indeed. I will always appreciate the time we had, though I admit I also did not spend as much time with my family as I should have. Do not feel shame at wishing for such. But there is still hope for you, Shepard. Love isn't ended with death. It's just connected to a feeling of intense loss. In truth, I also feel envy. I would give anything to have Irikah back in my life. In time, Kaidan may yet realise the great gift he's been given."

Shepard blinked back tears. It wouldn't happen - because he’d found love with someone else. "I should go. I didn't mean to make you drag up all that pain, I'm sorry."

"On the contrary, it felt good to have someone to share it with. Thank you for doing the same. I have truly appreciated this chat, Shepard."

"It sounds like you've spent a lot of your life alone, Thane. Particularly the last decade. There's still time to remedy that you know."

There was the barest of shake of his head, like he really didn’t believe it was possible. "I barely spoke to anyone outside my family. Now, it seems there will be no-one to mourn me when I die. You're the only person I've really spoken with in ten years,” he admitted. “I will always be here to talk, if you wish it."

"Thank you." She slid her hands out from his and left the room. As the door closed behind her she stood in place, trying to figure out what had led to her telling this assassin about her personal life in less than five minutes of knowing him. Except he wasn't just an assassin. He was a husband and a father who had done the only thing that had been ingrained into him to do, and he had lost his family because of it. He was floundering since losing someone he loved, and in that she had found an unexpected kinship.

x

Thane replayed the conversation in his head. To see such despair in her dark eyes, was to see his own. It had surprised him that she had brought on such openness in him; his automatic response to touch her hands in comfort; how he hoped she would return to speak with him again.

Shepard was the first person to take the time to talk to him, and he hadn't realised just how lonely he was.

Something he should remedy, she had said. Could he…?

-x-

Back in her cabin, Shepard had contacted Liara for anything she might be able to find out about Kolyat Krios, when suddenly Mordin burst in.

"Shepard! Need your help! Have just discovered former assistant, Maelon, has been taken to Tuchanka! Worked with me on genophage modification. If krogan have found out, could prove fatal for Maelon!"

"Whoa, slow down! How did you find this out?"

"Still have contacts in STG. Shepard, must hurry!"

"Joker, take us in to Tuchanka."

" _Aye aye, Commander._ "

"Thank you, Shepard," breathed out the scientist.

"We'll get him back, Mordin," she reassured him.

" _Commander, you may wish to check in with Grunt. He is currently displaying extreme anger at the internal windows,_ " informed EDI.

Shepard wasn't sure she'd heard right but ran to the elevator, Mordin joining her. "Any idea what this might be?"

"Unprovoked aggression at inanimate object. Adolescent krogan. Can't be sure. First of his kind. Best guess. Hormones."

"Wait a minute, are you saying it could be puberty!?" A new kind of dread filled her – one she was completely unfamiliar with.

"Other krogan will be able to confirm diagnosis on Tuchanka, but most logical answer."

Shepard groaned, her head falling back against the wall of the lift. "I am so not ready for this."

"Normal reaction from first-time parent."

Shepard jolted upright. "Never say that again."

-x-

To say Kaidan was surprised with this new assignment was an understatement. He was used to performing missions with armour and a gun, not a tuxedo and gift.

He looked at the large statue of Saren. It was a Trojan horse. It would be taken to Hock's vault, where they'd be able to follow the tracking signal, and hidden inside was his armour and weapons.

Until then he was Solomon Gunn, the leader of a small, but talented band of mercs out in the Terminus Systems. Goto had been hard at work creating this fake identity, and the results were impressive. Within hours of a manufactured article going out about Gunn's latest 'achievements', he'd received an invitation from Hock to his fake mail account.

Kasumi Goto was apparently one of the most wanted thieves in the galaxy. The fact that she'd approached them for help told him just how important this Keiji Okuda really was to her, and he was under no illusion that she had any loyalty to the Alliance, or even Earth. She was just playing her hand to get what she wanted: a connection to a man she lost.

His thoughts turned to Shepard…. He needed a drink. It was going to be a while before a suitable ship arrived and he was effectively off-duty until then. Time to think.

-x-

Shepard was just about to suit up for Tuchanka when she received the message, and within seconds she wished she hadn't opened it.

**From: Dr R. Bahir**

**Shepard,**

**I don't know what you're playing at, but I won't let you destroy Kaidan. He means everything to me and he's worked so hard to get to the stage where we can be together. Now he's struggling again.**

**You're nothing but poison.**

**Stay away from him.**

So many feelings swamped Terra as she read those words - unbelievable discomfort for receiving a message from the woman in Kaidan's life; upset that she was causing him more pain; shame for coming between them like she was some mistress who had no right to be part of someone else's relationship.

Poison….

It was true. Even being associated with her would bring suspicion upon him. Anderson had said Kaidan was likely headed for another promotion soon. He didn't need any scrutiny like that. Kaidan had done so well since she'd been gone, and he didn't need her ruining it for him. She _would_ stay away. Would have anyway. She'd already accepted that she could no longer be part of his life. Making it easier by keeping away was the only thing she could do for him, and for herself.

Unfortunately, accepting it didn't make it hurt any less.

-x-

Kaidan stared at the screen that hung over the bar.

The media had gone crazy over Shepard's return, and debates were raging about her previous whereabouts.

It was popular opinion that she'd faked her death because she was fed up with the Alliance and the Council refuting her claims about the reaper threat, and had gone to Cerberus instead. Strangely, very few were concerned by that fact. Shepard had won the hearts and minds of the general public a long time ago, and it seemed she could do no wrong. But that wasn't the reason he was glued to the screen now. It was the numerous reports coming in from people who she'd helped _recently_.

A young teen who had been about to unwittingly walk into a slaughter in order to satisfy a naïve dream to be a merc for five minutes, had been stopped by Shepard when she'd disabled his gun on Omega. Subsequently, three of the top-level merc bands there were almost completely decimated.

A batarian on Omega who was dying from an unknown plague, had been saved by Shepard when she'd applied medigel to prolong his life long enough for her to get him help. Soon after, the cure had been distributed throughout the infected slum and the quarantine lifted. In addition, a medical assistant at the clinic there said Shepard had rescued him from batarians who had threatened him, and without killing them.

Refinery workers on Zorya were saved from a burning factory by Shepard, and the mercs who had held them all hostage had been dealt with.

These things twisted Kaidan’s insides. They fuelled the flame inside that told him it was really her.

Then came the report from surviving guards on the prison station, Purgatory. They stated that it was Shepard who had released all the prisoners because she wanted a dangerous criminal released. They had refused and she had attacked, got the inmate she'd come for, and had left.

Kaidan had no confidence in a gang of mercs who purported to be doing the galaxy a favour by detaining criminals. He knew they'd have an angle that would make them credits, but he couldn't deny the fact that Purgatory was in ruins, and many inmates had escaped. There'd be no reason for the mercs to have let that happen. Certainly the Shepard _he_ knew would never have done that, and it gave credence to the notion that she was being controlled in some way.

He scrubbed his hands through his hair. He needed to get to the bottom of this somehow. It would drive him mad otherwise. He'd worked too hard to ruin it because he was unfocused. He needed to draw a line under it, and get back to his work, and to his life.

Was the woman they were all talking about even real?

He opened up his omnitool. Hesitated. He had to be honest. With himself.

**Shepard,**

**I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over losing you. I'd finally allowed myself to consider moving on with a doctor on the Citadel. Trying to have a life again, you know?**

**Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus.**

**I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me... maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside.** **But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die - on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. If you're still the woman I remember I know you'll find a way to stop these collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself.**

**When things settle down a little... maybe... I don't know. Just take care.**

**Kaidan**

As he re-read it, he realised that he was talking to her like it was really her. He couldn't put her aside, not without being sure - no matter how improbable it seemed. There was too much contradiction. Too much he didn't understand.

That flame of hope wouldn't be doused.

He pressed send, then went to catch his ride to Bekenstein.

**-x-**


	32. Recrimintion and Crazy Krogan

Tuchanka was a wasteland. It was barely more than arid land dotted with ruins and rubble. They headed into the base, situated just below the surface. Inside was no better. More rubble, like someone had knocked walls over and couldn't be bothered to clear it up. Shepard supposed she shouldn't have expected much else.

Nearly all her ground team had joined her, except for Miranda who had stated this trip was nothing more than personal excursions of which she had no interest in.

Shepard kept Garrus and Mordin close while they made their way through the hordes of glaring krogan towards the clan chief: her very own Wrex. She'd been infinitely relieved when they'd discovered that Urdnot was the prevalent clan and Wrex had taken his place as leader.

"Shepard!" Wrex boomed as he barrelled through the krogan between them and grabbed her up. "HAHA! Shepard!" He let her go. "Good to see you, my friend! You're supposed to be dead!"

Shepard had to laugh. Only Wrex could be so casual about her returning from the dead. "Well, I was. Cerberus brought me back." Then she worried that information may make him change his mind.

"Cerberus!? That can't have made you happy! At least they finally did something sensible!"

Shepard laughed again. It appeared she needn't have worried. "Thanks Wrex. So you made it back to your people after all."

"Someone has to knock some sense into them before it's too late. I'm trying to unite the clans, get them working towards a common goal. Breeding."

"Spirits! Just imagine a herd of little you's!" Garrus shook his head as if trying to dislodge the image.

"Ah, Garrus!" Wrex shook the turian's hand. "I'm guessing if you've come here, you must want to die with honour!" he joked.

"Uh, about that, I was kind of hoping I might actually make it out of here intact. I'm just sight-seeing today, Wrex."

"Oh, then you'll need me to protect you, then!" he grinned smugly, then raised his voice. "No one touches the turian!" he announced.

"Can you extend that to Mordin here?" requested Shepard.

Wrex looked him over, then shrugged. "And leave the salarian, too!" he boomed. There were a lot of grumbling and growls in response, but Wrex seemed satisfied. "I see you replaced me, huh?" He peered at Grunt. "Trading me in for a younger model, Shepard?" he added with a grin.

"No one could replace you, Wrex, but I do need you to give me some advice."

"Ha! Too much krogan for you to handle?" Wrex gave her a mischievous grin. "I'd have thought after having _me_ , that a whelp would be no challenge for you!"

"That's going somewhere horrible," interrupted Garrus.

Wrex gave him a look and muttered, "Prude," before looking back at Shepard, and gesturing towards Grunt. "I'm guessing he's a little unfocused at the moment. Uncontrolled, more aggressive."

"Yes! So, it's normal!"

"Uh huh. He's turning into an adult."

Jack barked out her amusement, then jumped onto Grunt's back. He caught her legs so she was piggy-backing him awkwardly as she held onto his hump. "Aw! The little boy's growing up!"

"Shut it," growled Grunt, but it was good-natured.

"So we just wait it out?" queried Shepard.

"He needs to undergo the Rite of Passage."

Garrus groaned. "The Rite of Passage? You just know that's going to involve something nasty." He turned to Shepard. "Can't we just buy him a lap-dance or something?"

Shepard raised a brow at him. "It seems like krogan prefer their boys to turn into men rather than perverts."

"There's a difference?" smirked Jack.

"Thank you," Garrus glared at them both.

"Haha! Shepard, I missed you!" grinned Wrex, "And I like your other addition, too. What can you do?" he asked Jack.

"Kill anything that pisses me off," announced Jack, sliding off Grunt's back and approaching the krogan leader like she was about to kick off.

Wrex was unfazed. "What's your weapon of choice?"

"My biotics. Want to try me?" Jack was up in his face.

Shepard quickly stepped between them. "Okay, Jack, maybe we can save the demonstrations for later."

"She's just worried I'm gonna hurt you," advised Jack to Wrex, whose thunderous laugh echoed round the cavern.

"Then I'm sure you're worthy of any krogan you take on. Shepard holds much respect with me."

"Thank you, Wrex," commented Shepard, "but before we look into more about this Rite, I need to ask about another salarian. He was kidnapped and brought here."

"My scouts saw a salarian going into the Weyrloc clan base."

"Then we'll need to get there."

"I'll have a vehicle readied for you, and when you're ready for the Rite, go speak to the shamen."

"Shepard, I don't want to wait," growled Grunt, impatiently. "I need to do this _now_."

"Grunt, we have to rescue Mordin's friend first. His life's in danger. He may not have much time."

"Shepard," interrupted Garrus. "Why don't we split?"

"Because I'm not about to send a turian and a salarian into an enemy krogan base without a shit-load of back-up," she stated. "I happen to want you both back in one piece."

"Then I'll go with them," announced Wrex.

"I thought you were trying to _unite_ the clans? That seems more like a takeover."

Wrex sighed. "You should know that this salarian you're after isn't in danger from Weyrloc. In fact he came _here,_ to Urdnot, first."

"Impossible!" Mordin spoke up. "Why would he?"

"He wanted to help cure the genophage."

"Whoa! What!? And you turned him away?" asked Shepard, in disbelief.

"I did. The ends don't justify the means. I refused out of respect for _you_ , Shepard."

Wrex's solemn face had Shepard looking back at him, uneasily. "What was he proposing?"

"Human testing."

"No!" protested Mordin. "Impossible! My protégé! Would never use unethical means!"

"Refute it all you want, salarian, doesn't stop it from being true. That's when he went to Weyrloc. They don't have the same qualms as I do."

Shepard placed her hand on his arm in silent appreciation. "If he succeeds, then the resulting krogan will be Weyrloc. And it seems they have no compulsion to work with other races if they're willing to experiment on them. We have to stop this."

"Agreed. I'll take your people. Your krogan will need at least two to stand with him during his Rite."

"I wanna see this Rite," informed Jack instantly.

Shepard wasn't completely comfortable but she knew Wrex would look out for her crew. "Fine. Garrus, be careful."

"I will, but please take at least one more of us with you. We've got no idea what this Rite entails. At least, I'm guessing it's all hush-hush?" he checked with Wrex, who nodded in confirmation.

"I will go," Thane spoke for the first time, stepping forward just before Jacob could.

"Then it's sorted. Keep in radio contact," finished Shepard.

She still had that uneasy feeling….

-x-

Kaidan ran a finger round his collar. Somehow the tux felt more constricting than armour.

It was a bizarre, and rather unnerving feeling he was experiencing, as Kasumi piloted the shuttle towards Hock's home. He was headed into enemy territory, walking right up to them, with nothing but his charm to keep the bad guys at bay, and he had no idea if infiltration was really his forte - this was a first for him. He needed to be confident if he was going to pull this off, though.

Terra should be the one here. She would look stunning in an evening dress, and nothing would faze her as she stepped amongst the very people she aimed to bring down. He smiled at the image his mind offered him. Then Rahna's words stomped over it. 'A great actress', she'd called Shepard….

"Looking good, Solomon Gunn." Kasumi's voice broke into his uncomfortable reverie.

"Huh, well I suppose if this goes to hell before we get to that vault, at least my corpse will look good."

"Oh, don't be so pessimistic. You just have to believe."

That last sentence resonated like it was meant to refer to more than just his mission. He mentally shook himself. He was being ridiculous. Kasumi knew nothing about his personal issue. And now wasn't the time to let it distract him.

Kasumi brought the shuttle to a stop and instantly vanished. It was show-time.

-x-

Mordin faced down his former protégé with Garrus and Wrex, while the others kept watch for more Weyrloc.

"Maelon. Unharmed. No sign of restraint. No evidence of torture. Urdnot leader correct! Don't understand! Whole genophage team agreed! Project necessary!" Mordin was struggling.

"How was I supposed to disagree with the great Doctor Solus? I was your student! I looked up to you!"

"Experiments performed here! Live subjects! Prisoners! Torture and executions! _Your_ doing? Your _choice_?"

"We've already got the blood of millions on our hands, Doctor! If it takes a bit more to put things right, I can deal with that. You taught me that the end justified the means!"

"Hmph! You need to have words with Shepard," suggested Wrex.

Mordin took a step back. To hear the opposite of what the krogan leader had said back at their base, was a jolt to his system. "Have to end this."

Maelon drew his gun on them. "You can't face the truth can you? Can't admit that your brilliant mind led you to commit an atrocity!"

Mordin swiftly disarmed him, knocking him back. He was angry, turning the gun on Maelon. "Unacceptable experiments. Unacceptable goals. Won't change. No choice. Have to kill you."

"Whoa, now!" Garrus stepped in. "You don't need to do that, Mordin! Whether she's here or not, this is Shepard's operation, and she'd never stand for murder."

Mordin's mind raced. "No. Not a murderer. Not like Maelon. Thank you, Garrus; Shepard. Finished, Maelon. Get out. Project over."

"The krogan didn't deserve what we did to them, Professor. The genophage needs to end," Maelon declared before leaving.

"Not like this," whispered Mordin.

"Luckily for you, I agree," rumbled Wrex.

Mordin looked at the krogan, but didn't say anything. His fast mind had yet to process the disappointment, guilt and sadness inside. It confused him. Uncertainty was not a state he was used to.

"What about the data?" Garrus asked Mordin, indicating to the screen displaying what he assumed was Maelon's research.

"Should destroy it. Still valuable, though. Maelon's work could cure genophage. Don't know. Effects on krogan. Effects on galaxy. Too many variables."

Garrus looked at Wrex, who returned his gaze. He was beginning to wish Shepard had come along after all. "Keep the data," he said finally to Mordin, then turned back to Wrex. "I figure it's what Shepard would do."

Wrex gave a small grin, and Garrus thumbed his comm. "Commander, we've secured Maelon's research data. He's alive, but no longer a threat." The lack of immediate response had him worried, then he took a deep breath as she came through, breathing heavily.

" _Good job. Everyone okay?_ "

"Nothing serious. How's it going your end?"

" _Well let's see, we've had varren, then klixon, and now we're about to meet something else…. Oh no. No, no, no!_ "

"Shepard? What is it?" Garrus' heart started up at her frantic voice.

" _The ground's shaking… I think it's… THRESHER MAW!_ " she shouted before the comm went out.

Garrus swung to Wrex. "You have a thresher maw in your damned Rite!?" He began racing back through the now empty Weyrloc facility.

x

Shepard quickly scanned the surroundings again, re-assessing it for this new threat.

It was all stone. The maw would have to stay on the outskirts, which meant they only had to contend with its acid spray. "Stay behind cover!" she shouted at them, just as the maw burst up a short distance from them.

She knew her heart was beating too fast. Last time was bad enough and she'd been in the Mako. On foot was horrifying to her, and she had three of her people out here too!

Shepard glanced around to check they were all down, only to startle at seeing Grunt behind the metal strut. She dived for him, knocking Grunt aside as acid went through the thin metal like it was butter, then yanked him behind a stone wall. "Acid, Grunt! Stay behind stone!" She tried to catch her breath, but it was propelled by fear.

Thane must have noticed, and as soon as the maw sunk back down, he moved to her, gripping her hands. "Shepard, look at me." She did. Her eyes meeting the depths of his own. "Listen to my breathing. Focus on it. Match it."

She understood, and phased everything else out until she could feel her breathing slow - until another shake signalled the maw was up again, only this time at their side, now exposing them.

Her breath hitched again, but she forced herself up as Thane pulled her. They hurled themselves over the wall on the far side from the maw, onto the lower area of the two-tiered arena.

"Shit, this is fucking messed up," moaned Jack. "Last time _I_ volunteer."

"We just need to take it down," declared Grunt, casually.

He was in his element, and Shepard doubted a dozen maws could have dented his enthusiasm. She took a deep breath, clawing back her control. "We need to split up. Give it no clear target. Hit it with everything we've got. But keep to cover!"

"Hey, save the obvious for the meat head," Jack griped as she jerked a finger at Grunt who was already taking off, the maw barely having descended again.

"Shepard, are you sure-" started Thane, but she stopped him.

"I'll be fine. Thank you."

He hesitated only a few seconds before spacing himself between her and Jack.

Shepard closed her eyes, ignoring her hammering heart, and focusing on the rumble of the moving earth. It was coming up right beside her.

Hurtling into fresh cover, she ducked the acid stream and aimed her sniper rifle, deciding to go for its sensory pads. It had to be a weak spot. She hit it dead on, and Thane did the same. Jack and Grunt just fired indiscriminately, but together they were definitely damaging it, and it squealed its way back to the ground.

She closed her eyes again to listen, trying to calm the thudding in her chest at the same time. … The far side. Shepard shouted out to Grunt and Jack who only just managed to dive out of the acid's path, and she took aim again. A perfect shot, then again. She had to bring it down - her people were at risk!

"Shepard!" Thane warned.

Realising she'd been exposed for too long and the maw was focused on her, she dived, the acid skimming across her back. That had been too close. Thane was with her now, concern on his face. "I'm okay," she assured him, though her back stung like hell.

The maw was under again.

"Its attacks are less precise. We are having an effect," Thane supplied.

It burst up in front and they ducked into the wall, another spray going over their heads.

"Not enough of one," stated Shepard. Her back to the wall, she spotted something under the desiccated body of a young krogan that caught her attention. It was a heavy weapon. There were power cells scattered all around, so they were in business even if it wasn't currently powered.

Nudging Thane, Shepard pointed to the far side. He saw it and nodded. She readied herself and as soon as the maw descended, she ran hard.

-x-

Kaidan strolled through the home of Donovan Hock, dressed in an expensive suit, wineglass in hand.

He was playing his part of Solomon Gunn, and so far everything had gone as planned. The statue gifted to Hock was now at the vault, and Kasumi was in place somewhere, perpetually cloaked. He meandered through the ground floor, pretending to study the artwork, but instead getting the layout, ascertaining where the security room was, Hock's private areas, and of course a route to that vault.

He'd already had the 'pleasure' of meeting his host. Hock was charismatic but arrogant, as it seemed were most of his guests. Kaidan never stopped long enough for anyone to engage him in conversation, but he heard plenty as he passed by.

{" _Think Shepard's really alive?"_

" _Who cares? If she is, I will be happy to finish the job_."

" _I don't know. A woman like that… It would be more than pleasurable to tame her first_!"}

The two men laughed lasciviously, and Kaidan's hand tightened around the glass he held, his jaw clenched. It was Hock who'd threatened her life, and he recognised the one who had made the lewd comment about Shepard. Elias Kelham. He'd been very vocal on the news vids recently about a turian campaigning for elections with an anti-human message. When he got back to the Citadel, Kaidan was going to make it his personal mission to make life very hard for Kelham. And Hock… well, he was about to have his nose put severely out of joint when they got that graybox right out from under him.

He itched to open his omnitool - Shepard must have received his message by now - but he resisted. He was working, now wasn't the time… That and he wouldn't be able to remain composed. So he focused on the paintings on the walls as he continued to meander round, dutifully returning the smiles from some of the female guests.

Before long, he was at the top of some stairs, Kasumi's hushed voice in his earpiece telling him that she'd meet him inside the vault entrance, below.

He had to admit that cracking into a vault wasn't something he could ever have imagined doing, but as he checked around for anyone watching him, he descended the stairs with an unexpected anticipation….

-x-

"Relax, turian. They don't have to kill it, they just have to last for fifteen minutes," informed Wrex casually, as he struggled to keep up with the turian.

"Fif-! Spirits, Wrex, why would you let her do that Rite knowing about Akuze!"

Wrex waved Garrus' concerns away. "Shepard survived it, and you two killed another a while back. What's the problem?"

"Oh, I don't know... we had a _tank_?" Garrus stressed.

"You should have a little more faith in her. She'll be fine."

"She'd better be, Wrex, or else."

Wrex chuckled. "Was that a threat, or a joke?"

x

Shepard was completely exposed when the maw came back up. Now at the far side from their protective wall, she kicked the body over and grabbed the weapon. No power. She activated her cloak and ran.

Thane rolled away from the acid heading his way and was back on his feet, while Shepard grabbed up a power cell and slammed it in, then aimed and fired.

The maw got off one more spray before the missile hit it, but with its senses damaged it was off-target and posed them no danger. The missile hit it and the maw wavered from the impact, then righted itself. Shepard loosed off another, and the second impact was too much for the already seriously wounded maw. It slumped to the ground, dead. Adrenaline drained from her, and Shepard fell to her knees, the heavy weapon dropping from her fingers as they began shaking.

Thane knelt in front of her, grasping hold of her arms to support her. "Shepard, we need to get you medical attention."

Jack closed in, hollering her victory as she bounced towards them. "That was fucking crazy, but awesome! Thought for sure you were falling apart, Shepard, after the whole 'only survivor of Akuze' thing you had going on! Now you can say you killed _three_ huge worms!"

"Four," Shepard volunteered, gathering herself together again.

"No shit!? Guess you get the job done no matter how fucked up you are," Jack added bluntly, but there was approval hidden in the ineloquent words.

"My battle-master knows no fear," Grunt said with pride.

Shepard winced. There was that pedestal again. She had thought she'd get away from it with this crew, and certainly never expected it from the krogan. Letting Thane help her to her feet, a commotion from nearby had them readying their weapons again until Garrus stormed into view, the others behind him.

"See. Told you," Wrex said in an aside to Garrus as he grinned at Shepard.

Garrus ignored him and ran over. "You okay, Shepard?"

"Yeah. Helluva lot harder to kill those things with no tank, though" she responded, dryly. "Now, I'm out of here, before these crazy krogan bring out a reaper as the next challenge."

Wrex's deep rumbling laugh followed her out.

-x-

They stood in the foyer of the vault, the security camera set on a loop so it appeared no-one was there. Kasumi casually perused the security scanners. "Very nice. There's more here than I expected. Password protected voice lock. Kinetic barrier. DNA scanner. Everything a vault needs to be impenetrable."

"This going to be a problem?" worried Kaidan.

Kasumi arched her brow over her shoulder at him - at least he imagined that’s what she was doing, as the top half of her face was mostly in the shadow cast by her hood. "Please. Remember who you're talking to. We'll need to get a voice sample for the voice lock. You'll have to go chat up Hock for that. We'll have to find a password, too. DNA? Child's play. We should find plenty of DNA samples in Hock's private quarters. And the barrier? Cut the power. Never fails… if we can find it."

Kaidan looked at her sceptically, but Kasumi just turned to him and said, "Let's get to it," so he ignored the fact that the task felt impossible to him and focused on the kinetic barrier.

Cutting the power…. A thick power cable ran from nearby the barrier and he followed it out of the room and down the small corridor where it disappeared into the floor.

Kasumi tapped at her omnitool. "Here. I'll set your omnitool to scan for electro-magnetic fields."

Kaidan lifted his wrist and activated his tool. The screen gave him an image of the area it was pointed at, and an orange glow was superimposed where the cable sat. He had to admit he was impressed. Kasumi vanished again, and he walked up the stairs, trying to make it look like he was checking his messages.

Back on the main level, Kaidan passed an amorous couple who were obviously trying to find a quiet place to get better acquainted.

"Mr Hock's private rooms are off-limits to guests without security clearance," informed one of Hock's security men.

"Oh, that's okay, we have clearance," the male guest stated confidently.

"On whose authority?" demanded the guard.

"Hock's." His voice this time was not so self-assured.

The guard got up close to the two guests. "Mr Hock knows procedure. You're not getting in until I hear it from my Chief. Enjoy the party." That last bit was not given with a smile, and the couple quickly moved away.

" _Hm. We'll have to find a way around that guard if we want to get Hock's DNA_ ," came Kasumi's voice.

He agreed, but how the hell were they going to get authorisation from this Chief? Continuing to follow the cable, Kaidan noticed it led him straight past Hock. He ambled calmly along, but Hock noticed him and turned his attention from the woman in front of him. Kaidan closed his tool and prepared himself as Hock stepped towards him, hand extended.

"Mr Gunn. I hope you're having a good time."

Kaidan shook his hand. "It's a stunning place you have here. A testament to your success. We could all learn a thing or two from you, I'm sure."

"Ah, but if I gave away my secrets, then I'd lose my top spot, Mr Gunn!"

Kaidan laughed good-naturedly - anyone who knew him would know it was false, but Hock seemed pleased to have amused him.

" _Pulling out the charm on this one, huh, Alenko! I need you to keep him talking long enough for me to get a voiceprint_."

"You have an impressive security arrangement here. You'd have to be particularly daring, or foolhardy, to break in _here_."

"Indeed. But in our line of work, we attract a certain element. Few understand the pains we take to keep the barbarians at bay." Hock began talking louder, turning to face outwards like he was making a speech. "People these days want comfort, entertainment, love. They don't see that the galaxy is fragile. They only have to worry about the simple luxuries. Why? Because people like me - and you - are doing the terrible things that keep the galaxy spinning. This party is for us. The cleaners. The support structure for the galaxy's gleeful delusions of peace." Everyone was focused on their host now, and Hock raised his arms out like he was some kind of messiah offering his blessings. "May there always be a market for the things we do." The room exploded with applause, and Kaidan joined in while thinking what a load of crap that was. This man's delusional self-importance was astounding.

" _I said get him talking, and you got him talking. We've got enough of a voice sample. Once we find that password, we can get past the voice scanner._ "

Hock turned back to him. "Enjoy the party, Mr Gunn," and it seemed that Kaidan was dismissed.

Walking away from Hock, Kaidan brought up his omnitool again. The power cable went up a wall and into an enclosed area, which was thankfully absent of guests. It appeared to end at a screen portraying a fire effect, set amongst a bookcase. Kasumi materialised and Kaidan stood guard at the doorway to head off anyone inclined to enter. She went straight to one of only two statues to adorn the shelves and the screen lifted away to reveal the power box, which she overloaded, before promptly vanishing again.

" _That should take care of the barrier_. _Let's finish that voice scanner_."

Kaidan decided that the security room would be the most likely place to find such sensitive information, and headed straight there.

" _Let me unlock that door for you._ "

Just like that, he was able to nip through the unlocked door, moving down the short corridor to the office, where Kasumi uncloaked and hacked the door. Inside, two guards turned to see them enter, immediately reaching for their weapons.

"You can't be back here!" warned one man.

Leaping forward, Kaidan decked the closest guard hard, who crumpled at his feet. The second guard had raised his gun, when Kasumi appeared behind the man and took him down. Not a shot had been fired to attract unwanted attention. She then injected both men with a sleeping solution so they wouldn't be a problem later on, and Kaidan shoved them under the desk out of immediate sight of anyone looking into the room.

Kasumi began accessing the computer, while Kaidan checked the datapads, and it didn't take Kasumi long to find what they wanted. "Got the password: 'Peruggia'. Hm. That's the name of the man who stole the Mona Lisa. Nice."

"So we have what we need for the voice scanner?"

"Uh huh. I just take the voice sample from Hock and…" she typed on her omnitool. "Got it!"

Kaidan nodded, and waved the datapad in his hand. "This mentions a Chief Roe. From this, I'd say she's the one in charge of the security team. They're all scared of her."

"Ooh, that's interesting. I think I can use that." She went back to the computer. "Got the security channel they use. I can intercept transmissions short range. Go drop Roe's name to the guard at the door to Hock's quarters and _I'll_ be the one answering."

Kaidan gave a short sound of amusement. "Miss Goto, you are frighteningly good!"

Kasumi gave a mock bow.

Two minutes later, Kaidan was through the door after 'Chief Roe' authorised his presence. One level up, he found Hock's quarters, and Kasumi uncloaked beside him.

"Look for anything we can get usable DNA from. Just make it quick and quiet."

Kaidan sighed. He really didn't want to be anywhere near Hock's DNA. The sooner he got out of here the better.

**-x-**


	33. Memories and Fixing Mistakes

Garrus had updated Shepard about Maelon and his research whilst she was in the medbay. She was proud of Garrus, and had always known he'd make an outstanding leader.

She'd gone to talk to Mordin, to check his state of mind after having been thrust face to face with the results of his genophage adaptation. He appeared upbeat, but she saw through it to the regret underneath. Mordin Solus, however, was not one to dwell, and so she’d left him to his own thoughts, with her assurance that she knew he’d done what he did for the right reasons, and that she had every confidence he would continue to do so. He'd paused his work at her words, thanked her, and she'd left.

Now she was sat in her cabin, checking her messages. The first made her spirit sink.

**From: S Toombs**

**What the hell kind of game are you playing, Shepard? You did the buddy act when I had the gun on that Cerberus scientist, telling me you understood. Now I find out that you're** _**working** _ **for Cerberus!?**

**Tests were done on me that you can't even imagine! For** _**years** _ **, Cerberus did them! They** _**tortured** _ **me! They used me as a damn** _**lab rat** _ **! And now you're teaming up with them like they're any other merc band!?**

**Well, I've got my own merc team now, Shepard. And I kill any Cerberus I can find. If I run into you, don't expect any different.**

She fought the shame and guilt it fed. She’d had no choice…. It was becoming a mantra these days, and it was getting harder to believe.

The next message pulled her even deeper down.

**From: unknown sender**

**Hey, Shepard.**

**Hear I got you to thank for getting me out of Purgatory. I'm gonna carve** _**your** _ **name instead of mine into my next victim as a thanks. Got anyone you need dead (haha)?**

**You did take a shot at me though on my way out, so I have to kill you. Dad taught me that you let anybody hurt you, they get ideas, so you make sure to send a message.**

**See you around. The people who live here are coming back and it's show time.**

**Look around for your name. I'll make sure you find it before I find** _**you** _ **!**

**Billy**

Nausea filled her. Checking the time, she saw the message had come through several hours ago. Too late to have any hope of helping those people.

“EDI, is there any way to trace the origin of this message?”

“It was routed through from a communal terminal on Omega.”

So the answer was no. This Billy had written it at what was doubtless now a crime scene, but had posted it later so it couldn’t be traced. She'd caused those peoples deaths because she hadn’t been able to control Lawson on Purgatory, and there was nothing she could do to get them justice.

"EDI, can you notify me about any murders that surface in the news that mention a name carved on the body? Possibly the name Billy… or Shepard."

" _I will, Commander._ "

"Thank you."

Reading through the next message from Liara, caused her heart to quicken. "Joker, take us in to the Citadel!" Jumping out of her seat, Shepard rushed to the elevator, unaware of the last message that was waiting for her attention.

She tapped an impatient beat on her thighs as she waited for the elevator to let her out. They'd barely opened before she slipped through and burst into life support without announcing herself.

Thane rose from his seat at her abrupt appearance. "Shepard, is something wrong?"

"Yes!” She grasped his arm. “Thane, I asked a friend of mine to search for your son. He's on the Citadel-"

"Shepard, I appreciate your intentions but-"

"Thane! He's just taken a contract as a hitman!"

Thane stared at her as he processed her words. What she’d said… It couldn’t be…. "But… I don't…"

"Liara's discovered that a man named Elias Kelham hired him to take out a turian named Joram Talid. Apparently Talid is running for local office with distinct anti-human vibes."

"Who is this Elias Kelham?"

"Some small-time criminal whose fortune changed when a lot of the big crime bosses were killed in the geth attack. Apparently, he's 'coincidentally' off the Citadel at the moment-"

"So he cannot be suspected of Talid's death afterwards,” finished Thane in understanding. “It means we will not be able to use him to get back in contact with Kolyat."

"No, but Liara provided a location where Talid likes to canvas. Maybe we can track him down. Stop this before Kolyat makes a big mistake."

Thane was taken aback by her help. "Shepard… Thank you. I don't know why Kolyat would take this route - he knows nothing of my… vocation - but it seems I must finally confront him.” A fear was borne within him at the thought of having to face his son this way. “This will not be easy… for either of us."

"He'll be hurting, angry, but you're his father…. He'll forgive you."

"I fear that may be wishful thinking, but I can hope."

Shepard’s hand on his arm was now one of reassurance, and Thane had to admit he had never met a person like her. In that way, she reminded him of Irikah.

-x-

Things had continued to go well for Kaidan. The impressive vault with its top-of-the-line security was now a cracked puzzle and they were in. It was clear why Kasumi Goto was so successful. He thought it was a shame her skills were wasted in a life of crime, but it seemed her penchant for kleptomania made it perfect for her.

He activated the hidden compartment in the Saren statue. Time to armour up in case of trouble.

In minutes he felt much more comfortable, and they moved inside the vault. It was a huge room, filled with display cases and more, and at first they stood there just taking it all in.

"So this is Hock's vault. Very nice," approved Kasumi.

Kaidan decided he simply wasn't someone who appreciated art.

"Is that… Lady Liberty's head! Hock, that bastard! _I_ wanted that!" cursed Kasumi.

Kaidan really didn't understand it at all. Someone like Hock shouldn't have it, though. It was an iconic piece on Earth. All hell had broken loose when it was stolen from the museum more than two decades ago.

A steady beeping sound had him looking at Kasumi, and she raised her wrist.

"This scanner will hone in on the graybox. It's close." Kasumi led the way, the beeping speeding up, and she stopped at a small display case. "Oh my God! There it is!" She deactivated the field protecting the contents of the case and started to access the graybox.

Suddenly Hock's face was projected into the room, looming over them, larger than life. "Don't bother, Ms Goto. It's code-locked. I thought you might take advantage of my little event. But I take my hat off to you, Ms Goto - I hadn't expected your new partner."

"You know me. I don't like to disappoint."

"I need what's in your graybox, Kasumi. You know I'm willing to kill you for it."

Kaidan really didn't want to stand here listening to this man spouting off again, and his eyes drifted to one of the statues nearby. He hesitated. Kasumi had said they were priceless. To Hock maybe….

"I'll admit your skills are impressive," continued Hock. "You got into my vault like I'd left it open. But you're still going to die screaming, just like your old friend."

Kaidan heard Kasumi's intake of breath and decided he'd had enough, raising his pistol and shooting the statue. Hock yelled in fury as it shattered into pieces. "Have I got your attention?" Kaidan asked, darkly.

Beside him, Kasumi laughed. "Hah! That shut him up."

"Kill Solomon Gunn! Bring the girl to me!" shouted Hock, enraged, and his face disappeared as a door at the far end started to open.

They dived to cover. A straight up fight. Kaidan unleashed his biotics. _This_ was definitely his forte….

-x-

Shepard had brought Jacob, Samara and Garrus to help her and Thane locate either Joram Talid or Kolyat. By the accounts of the few people she'd asked about Talid, he was often found walking through this ward, a krogan bodyguard alongside him as he tried to drum up support from his prospective constituents. As for Kolyat, well, drell were uncommon, so she figured he wouldn't be hard to pick out if he was in the open.

They had split up to search, and were half an hour in.

" _Commander, I've found Talid_ ," Jacob called in. He gave them a description of the area he was in, and they converged on the spot, watching from a distance as Talid stood, running off at the mouth about not resting until the humans had been removed from power.

"I see no sign of Kolyat," Thane said, uneasily.

"Then I suggest we keep back, follow Talid, and wait to see if Kolyat makes a move. That way we won't risk him seeing us and fleeing," Shepard offered.

"Agreed."

Garrus cleared his throat and fidgeted on his feet before speaking. "You won't want a team for that, so if you don't need me for this, do you mind if I take off? I've got something I need to look into."

Shepard noted his restless face and taloned hands fisting. "Everything okay?"

"Sure. I'll explain later. Check in with you shortly." With that, he walked away.

Giving a quick glance at Talid who was still embroiled in his mini political rally, Shepard turned back to the others. "Would you two mind going with Garrus? That's not like him. He's fired up about something."

"As you wish, Shepard," answered Samara, moving off in Garrus' direction.

"Commander, you think he's headed for trouble?" questioned Jacob.

"I really don't know, but I'm not about to take a chance."

"Understood, Commander." He saluted before jogging off to catch Samara.

Thane stepped closer. "The maintenance catwalks will offer the best way to keep Talid in your sights without being seen."

Shepard looked up. The catwalks were in shadow, a perfect place for covert tracking. She nodded. "What about you?"

"I will be in the darkest corner with the best view."

"How enigmatic," she responded conversationally, walking casually away. When she looked over her shoulder before making her way up to the catwalks, Thane was nowhere in sight. "Hm. Impressive."

x

Garrus checked his message again. Liara had come through for him with a lead on Sidonis. Her contacts had seen him with a man going by the name of Fade, who was known to have dealings with someone at a nearby warehouse. The information had come to him whilst they were searching for Talid, and he needed to act.

It consumed him to know that he could be so close to getting that bastard, Sidonis. Shepard would be disappointed in him acting without her but she was dealing with something she couldn't delay, and he didn't want to distract her.

A sound close behind him, had him checking over his shoulder to see Samara and Jacob, and he smiled to himself. He should have known he couldn’t hide anything from Shepard, and here she was, always watching his back, even when she couldn't physically be there.

x

Shepard had been following Talid for a while now, watching him send his bodyguard in to shake down human businesses for credits while he waited outside. It made her wonder why no-one was doing something about it. The guy was just a small-time crook, and certainly didn't deserve to be running for office.

Jalid and his guard carried on to what appeared to be his apartment. It was then that Shepard caught a glimpse of movement in Talid's direction. A drell. "Kolyat!" she shouted, as he raised a gun at his target.

It made him falter; to turn and look at her in confusion and surprise. Then he checked himself and re-trained his gun. It happened in seconds, the gun going off and injuring the krogan. A lucky shot, not a skilled one. Kolyat was blessed not to have been taken down already.

Talid was now running into his apartment, Kolyat close behind.

"Thane!"

" _I saw_."

She jumped over the railing and landed neatly, Thane joining her as they ran to follow. Bursting through the door they saw Talid on his knees facing them, Kolyat behind him, his gun to the turian's head. Shepard withdrew her gun in preparation for the worst, Thane slowing to a standstill beside her.

"Kolyat," Thane said, calmly.

"This… This is a joke. _Now_? _Now_ you show up?" Kolyat said angrily, glaring at his father.

"Help me, drell. I'll do whatever you want," Talid begged Thane.

It astounded Shepard that even now Talid wouldn't acknowledge her because she was human.

The door opened again and Citadel Security appeared. Shepard swore to herself. She shouldn't be surprised, but she'd hoped that they'd be able to sort this without involving anyone else.

"C-Sec. Put the gun down, son."

"Get out of my way. I'm walking out. _He's_ coming with me." Kolyat jabbed the gun into the back of Talid's head.

Thane stepped closer, beseeching his son to think. "They'll have snipers outside."

"I don't need your help!"

Shepard could see Kolyat was going to get himself killed in his bid to spite his father, so she decided to end it now. She fired a shot at a floor lamp just behind him. The shot made him lower his gun as he jerked away.

"What the hell?-"

She swiftly closed the gap between them and smacked the gun out of his hand. It skittered across the floor, and Kolyat stared back at her in surprise. "Talid, get the hell out of here," she ordered the turian.

"Yeah, yeah, I will."

The C-Sec officer waited for Talid to exit before speaking. "I'm Captain Bailey," then he spoke to another officer. "Take the boy into custody."

"You son of a bitch!" Kolyat directed at Thane, as though it was he who had called C-Sec.

"He came to stop you ruining your life," Shepard intervened.

"What, like he hasn't already? I'm just following in his footsteps! To see what was so important that he was never home; so important that he left me!"

Thane moved in front of his son, and Shepard backed away to give them space.

"You know what I do." He stated it, sadly.

"It wasn't hard to work out." Kolyat's bitter voice rang out, while the officer cuffed him. "The extranet is full of stories about the greatest assassin in the galaxy."

Shepard glanced at Bailey for his reaction to that news. He was the picture of stoicism.

"You're angry I wasn't there when your mother died," continued Thane.

"You weren't there when she was alive. Why should you be there when she died?"

Thane seemed to consider something, his head hanging in defeat. "Your mother... they killed her to get to me. It was my fault."

"What!?"

"After her body was given to the deep, I went to find them. The trigger men. The ringleaders. I hurt them. Eventually killed them. When I went back to see you, you were… older. I should have stayed with you."

"I guess it's too bad for me you waited so long, huh?"

Emotion overcame Thane, and Shepard watched tears spring to his eyes.

"Kolyat, I've taken many bad things out of the world. You're the only good thing I ever added to it."

Kolyat's anger seeped out as his own tears fell.

Bailey interrupted gently in a surprising display of sensitivity. "This isn't a conversation you should have in front of strangers. Boys, take Kolyat and his father back to the precinct. Give them a room and as much time as they need."

As they were led out, Shepard moved to the C-Sec Captain. "You're doing him a favour, Bailey. Thanks," appreciated Shepard. Her gratitude appeared to make him uncomfortable, and he rubbed the back of neck.

"Yeah, well, send me a Christmas card or something. Come on, I'll give you a lift."

x

Fade's warehouse contact had soon blurted out everything he knew with the appearance of three armed people.

Garrus keyed his comm. "Shepard. Are you free to talk?"

" _We stopped Kolyat. What's happening?_ "

"Liara found Sidonis. He's right here on the Citadel."

" _And you didn't think this was important enough to involve me!?"_

 _"_ It's a little more complicated. When I say found, I mean that someone here's helping Sidonis vanish. I need to get him to give me Sidonis' location."

" _Who is this man you're seeking?_ "

"Harkin." Garrus knew him well enough. He hadn't been sad to see the bastard get ousted from C-Sec, that was for sure.

" _Wait - that ex C-Sec officer that Kaidan and Ash went to see, to find_ **you**?"

"Yeah. He's a regular middle man, huh?"

" _Damn it, I'm in transit_.... _Is he likely to give you trouble?_ "

"He's apparently using Blue Suns for protection, but with the three of us, I don't think we'll have a problem." Garrus listened to her sigh, and knew she wasn't keen on him doing this without her, but she’d understood he didn't want to waste time.

" _Okay... Just let me know as soon as you have what you need. I don't want you going after Sidonis without me. Are we clear_?"

"That's a promise, Shepard. Don't worry." He logged out, and they jumped into a cab.

x

Shepard sat beside Bailey in his cab, worrying about Garrus.

"So, your friend's an assassin," Bailey said, as if it was perfectly normal.

"Yep. But he's not what you'd expect."

"I got that."

"Are you intending to do anything about it?" she asked, cautiously, unsure what she’d do about it if he said yes.

"Well, I figure it might be worth something to have Commander Shepard owe me one." Bailey glanced at her quickly, offering a small smile as he drove.

Shepard decided she liked him, returning the smile. "Then I'm guessing that owing you two would be worth double then…" she suggested cheekily.

Bailey groaned. "You're going to end up like my ex-wife, aren't ya? Bleeding me dry."

Shepard laughed. "I think we can arrange something that benefits everyone, actually."

His eyes rose in new-found optimism. "Well, that's nothing like my ex-wife. What do you have in mind?"

"Kolyat. You'll be charging him."

"Have to. He shot the bodyguard and threatened Talid. I'd personally like to give him a medal for it, but I have superiors to answer to."

"I watched those two shaking down businesses and threatening humans."

"I'll investigate that, but Kolyat can't just get away with what he did."

Shepard knew that, and had always been an advocate for people facing justice for the things they did, but this was different. This was a messed up kid who was trying to find his way, to understand the reason he was alone, and went about it all wrong. She remembered the boy on Omega whose gun she'd damaged to prevent him from getting himself killed in the advance on Archangel. She'd later gotten a message from him when he'd realised what would have happened to him, thanking her for helping him. "The kid's had a hard time. He just needs direction. Give him community service."

"For attempted murder? What jury would agree to that?"

"None, so this would need to stay out of the judiciary. Strictly within C-Sec."

"Interesting,” Bailey pondered. “I'll think about it."

"That's all I ask."

Bailey set the cab down and they made their way to the C-Sec offices in time to see Thane and Kolyat disappear into a room.

x

Garrus let Harkin fall to the ground, where he clutched his neck as he gasped deep breaths. Harkin hadn't expected to be held up by his neck, and the look of surprise on his face at the Garrus’ strength had been satisfying. "This is your last chance, Harkin."

Harkin finally managed to speak. "The Terminus really changed you, huh, Garrus."

"No, but Sidonis opened my eyes. Now arrange a meeting."

Harkin slowly returned to his feet. "Fine." He went over to a console and made a call to Sidonis. "Yeah, it's me. There's a chance that your identity may be compromised…. That's why I'm calling. I'm sending an agent. Where do you want to meet…? All right, he'll be there. Don't worry, I've got it covered…." He signed off and turned to Garrus. "It's all good. He wants to meet you in front of Orbital Lounge. Four hours. So, if our business is done, I'll be go-"

Garrus stepped in front of him, blocking his exit. "I don't think so. You're a criminal now."

"So what, you're going to kill me? That ain't your style, Garrus."

It wasn't Shepard's either and that was the only thing stopping him from putting a bullet through Harkin's head. He could hear her in the back of his mind telling him to back off, and he didn't hate this man enough to ignore Shepard. Sidonis though….

"Kill you? No. But I don't mind slowing you down a little." He pulled a pistol and shot Harkin's leg.

"Easy, Garrus!" Jacob intervened. Harkin was back on the floor, practically crying with the pain, and cursing emphatically at Garrus.

"He deserves a whole lot more."

"Yeah, well, I'll let C-Sec know where to find him. _They_ can deal with him. Come on. We should meet up with the Commander. She'll want to know what's up," replied Jacob.

Garrus didn't give Harkin a second look. It was time for payback.

-x-

Kasumi had used the blueprints of the estate, found on the now deceased Chief Roe's omnitool, and had located a landing pad. It had been one hell of a hard fight, through mercs and mechs, but Kaidan and Kasumi had finally gotten to the roof where Hock had a shuttle parked. All they had to do was get to it, and they were away. At least, that was until Hock arrived in his gunship.

"Incoming! Get down!" yelled Kaidan, and they took shelter from the heavy fire, behind the tons of stacked crates. Kaidan rolled his eyes as Hock's voice boomed out to taunt them with his apparent greatness.

" ** _You could have done this the easy way, Goto. Allow me to show you the hard way_**."

As they ducked away from the heavy gunfire, Kaidan decided that he'd had enough of that man's mouth. Kasumi seemed to be of the same mind and she made some gesture to cover her. He did so, with no idea what she had planned. Firing back at more of Hock's men, Kaidan only just ducking a rocket aimed at his head, but soon took them down.

Suddenly, Kasumi sprang up, somersaulted, bounded up the external piping so she was high above the roof, and leapt off onto the gunship. She did something with her omnitool that took down the shields instantly, then jumped off, landing neatly beside Kaidan.

"Shields down. Let's tear that thing apart!"

He belatedly remembered to close his mouth. "That was… new."

Kasumi grinned. "I like to make an impression."

Kaidan could see Hock trying to bring back his shields but it wasn't working. Whatever Kasumi had done to them was permanent. Still, they had a lot of armour plating to get through before they could do it any real damage. He looked over at Hock's downed men, remembering the rocket launcher. Spying it, he created a biotic barrier for added protection, then made a run for it. In one swift motion, he swept up the launcher, aimed and fired. It made a massive impact, and he followed it up with another. It was the killer blow. Kasumi joined him, and they watched the ship careen wildly before exploding.

"Not bad, Alenko."

"Thanks. Now let's get out of here."

Piloting the shuttle away from the now ownerless estate, Kaidan radioed for pickup, and once clear of the planet, he flicked on the auto-pilot while they waited for their ship to rendezvous with them.

Kasumi was twirling the graybox around in her hands, then noticed him watching and sighed. "I know, I know." She activated the neural interface, and it reacted to her immediately. The data was displayed on the computer, then projected images swam all around them.

A man, who had to be Keiji Okuda, seemed to stand in the middle of the shuttle, and Kasumi moved to stand right in front of the holo.

" _Kasumi. If you're seeing this, it's because I'm dead. The information I found is all here. It's big, Kasumi. If the Council ever got wind of this… the Alliance could be implicated. Kasumi, I… I encrypted the information to keep it safe. And I uploaded the encryption key to this graybox so no one could get the whole package. But if I'm dead, and if anyone knows about this… then I've made you a target, my love. I'm so sorry. I know you, Kasumi. You'll want to keep these memories forever. But you don't need some neural implant to know that I'll always be with you. Please, Kasumi. Destroy these files. There's nothing more I can do to protect you. Goodbye, Kasumi. I love you."_

The images faded away and Kasumi looked understandably anguished. "Keiji incorporated the data with his memories. I can't extract them."

"I'm sorry, Kasumi... but it will have to be destroyed. It's what he wanted." Kaidan felt like crap for saying it, but the information in that graybox had already attracted unwanted attention. He couldn't risk it falling into the wrong hands again and, not for the first time, he wondered just what was in there that could cause a war. Another dubious decision made by the Alliance….

"I know.” Kasumi’s voice was hushed. “Just… let me have a few moments."

Kaidan watched with a heavy heart as Kasumi went through the memories on the screen in front of her. It was clear they'd loved each other very much. When she was finished, tears ran down her face, and her hand hovered over the button that would destroy it all.

"Are you sure you can't save the memories?" Kaidan asked.

"Keiji knew what he was doing," Kasumi replied, sadly.

"I'm sorry, Kasumi." It was just a platitude. Nothing he could say would make this any easier on her.

"Me too, but he didn't want this information getting out, so I have to do this. Don't I?"

He nodded. "I can imagine how hard this is."

"You can? Have you ever loved someone so much that anything you have of them becomes priceless?"

Kaidan thought of Terra. "Yes. Except I never had anything tangible to hold on to. Just what I have up here." He placed his fingers to his forehead.

"Memories," she whispered. "Irreplaceable."

"Yes, they are." He swallowed.

"But what if I forget?" she worried. "What if they fade?"

"Believe me, they won't." Kaidan's voice came out hoarse, then duty forced sentiment away. "Would you like me to do it?"

"….Yes. Please."

Kaidan didn't delay it any longer, and the images on the screen gradually faded away, taking the data with it. No one would know what was on it. Kasumi retrieved the now useless graybox and stowed it away. An empty trinket of a dead loved one.

Terra. What if the impossible had happened, and he had her back...? He looked back at Kasumi. Would _she_ accept it without question if Keiji walked back into her life?

He checked his messages, hoping for a response from Shepard. There was none, but he caught sight of Sam's old message he had failed to delete. Re-reading it, he now felt the need to respond.

**Sam,**

**Please don't do anything rash. I'm not so sure it's as simple as you believe. I don't think Shepard's working with them willingly. I think she needs help. Like you did.**

**Just keep an open mind. Please.**

**Kaidan**

A signal from the shuttle's comm panel told him their ride was here. Thankfully, they weren't far from the Citadel.

Christ, he needed a good sleep. He needed blissful respite from his thoughts; from his memories.

-x-

Thane exited the room where Kolyat was being held.

It had been a tough exchange as he tried to make his son understand the dark place he’d been – a darkness that had been his refuge for so long it was easy to step back into; a darkness that sealed him off from the rest of the galaxy so he couldn’t see beyond it. Hearing his son’s pained words was difficult, but there was something cathartic in sharing their feelings. That Kolyat was prepared to listen and talk to him brought some hope.

His muscles felt stiff, and realised they'd been in there a little while. Still, Shepard was there, waiting.

"How'd it go?" she asked tentatively, when he stopped in front of her.

"Our problems… They aren't something I can fix with a few words. We'll keep talking, see what happens." He looked at Bailey. "What will happen to him?"

"Well, Shepard had some thoughts on that, and I think she's right. He lost his way, is all. No sense in locking him away for that. So, I'll keep this unofficial. He can do his 'time' in community service. I can always find a use for him. Who knows, maybe he'll like life this side of the line."

Thane was stunned, staring at Shepard for what she’d managed to do, then remembering Bailey he turned back to him. "Thank you, Captain." They shook hands.

"I understand what it's like to lose contact with a son,” imparted Bailey. “Mine doesn't talk to me, either."

"As I am discovering, it's never too late to remedy that." Thane looked over at Shepard, who smiled back at him.

They said their goodbyes to Bailey, and once they were outside the offices, Thane drew Shepard aside.

"Shepard, I… Words cannot express my gratitude for what you did for my son."

"It wasn't all for him, Thane. You need him more than you realise, and whether he admits to it or not, Kolyat needs you, too."

"I fear I have little time to offer him still."

"It will be more than he had before. A new memory for him. Hopefully a healing one. For you both." She looked wistful, and Thane knew her thoughts had turned to her lost love.

Thane smiled. "Yes. Thank you, Siha." He had only ever referred to Irikah as such, but this woman had also earned it. She impressed him, and he could feel her leaving her mark on his soul in the same way as his wife had. It was not love, but companionship. He had found a true friend when he needed one most.

" _Siha_? You'd better give me an explanation for that one, because for all I know you could have just called me the drell version of a pyjak. I've been likened to that by Garrus already," she feigned a look of disapproval.

Thane mouth turned up in amusement. "I can assure you, it is no such thing. A Siha is one of the warrior angels of the Goddess Arashu, fierce in wrath, a tenacious protector. Few are privileged to meet even one. Irikah was one such protector, someone who does so for no personal gain. You have proven yourself to be another."

"Thane, I…" Shepard didn't know what to say. To be placed beside his beloved wife was humbling and frightening at the same time.

Thane saw her struggling for words, and reached for her hands. "Shepard, I must confess, I have come to care for you."

Shepard looked from her hands in his, up to his face, her heart warming at his declaration. They understood each other, and in that had found a bond of friendship. "I care about you too." It was true. She had found that despite their dubious origins, she was embracing all of her motley crew as her family - with the exception of Miranda. It saddened her immensely at the thought of Thane slowly dying. "Regardless of how things turn out with Kolyat, you should know that there _will_ be someone to mourn you."

He gave her a sad smile. "You are a true friend, Siha."

Not caring they were in public she stepped forward and gave him the hug he didn’t know he needed.

Thane was briefly taken aback, then melted around her. Having been deprived of contact for a decade, her comfort was extremely welcomed. The coldness that had invaded him for so long was instantly chased away to be replaced by the warmth she offered, and he didn't want to let go.

x

Rahna watched from a distance. She'd done a double-take when she had seen Commander Shepard coming out of the C-Sec offices, and had come to a stand-still, observing a drell talking to her.

She studied the woman Kaidan had loved. She was truly beautiful, and Rahna felt jealousy spring up. But that’s all Shepard was: a perfectly wrapped package that distracted from what was inside.

Though she had tried to help Kaidan see what Shepard really was, that woman had such a tight hold on Kaidan he was still questioning what was obvious to her. Shepard would hurt him, just as she had before, and Rahna couldn’t bear the thought of it.

She’d been so close to holding Kaidan's heart, and she refused to give up. Sabine had been right – they’d found each other because it was destiny, and she couldn’t walk away from that.

Unable to take her eyes off her rival, Rahna was surprised to see the drell take Shepard's hands; to see Shepard embracing him, and the drell returning it. It was an intimate moment that made Rahna smile, not for the sweetness of it, but because she could tell Kaidan. Proof that Shepard was not what he thought.

Rahna made herself walk on, her heart lightening with each step.

-x-

**Kaidan,**

**I need to speak with you.**

**Rahna. x**

Kaidan sighed, his hand rubbing over his forehead. He just wanted to be by himself for a while. Hadn't he told her he needed space? Then he wondered if he was being unfair. Be a friend, he told himself, so he returned her message.

**Rahna,**

**I'll be back on the Citadel in an hour or so. I'll come find you once I've docked.**

Something told him he wouldn't have to go find her…

-x-

Shepard decided she'd had enough of catwalks, as she and Garrus waited near the meet point on the raised platform above. She’d told Thane, Samara and Jacob to enjoy at bit of shore-leave whilst she helped Garrus, but she wished they could all be doing that.

She checked the time. Five minutes until Sidonis would show, and conflicted, she bit her bottom lip. "Are you sure about this? It's not too late to change your mind." The idea of gunning down an unarmed man didn't sit well with her.

"What do you want from me, Shepard? Who's going to bring Sidonis to justice if _I_ don't? _Nobody_ else knows what he's done. _Nobody_ else cares. I don't see any other options."

She had nothing to offer either. The unrest in Garrus was clear, and she wasn’t sure he’d forgive her if she didn’t support him in this. He needed to make it right within himself, and for that it was bringing down the man responsible. "What do you want me to do?"

"He's not going to crawl out from whatever rock he's hiding under if he sees _me_ waiting for him, so I need _you_ to go meet him. Draw him out. I'll be up here and once he's in position, you can step aside so I can take the shot."

She was reminded of Toombs, standing in front of that scientist, seeking justice. "I understand what you're going through, but do you really want to kill him?"

"He betrayed me and _ten_ good men on Omega, and now _I'm_ the only one left. Look, I appreciate your concern, but I'm not you. I can't rise above that."

Nor had Thane, and he lost himself…. "This isn't you, either, Garrus. You've come so far. You're better than him."

"Not this time, Shepard. I've always hated injustice, and to think that he could get _away_ with this…? I'm sorry, Shepard." He starting positioning his sniper rifle, targeting the area where Sidonis would be, and hesitated, turning to her. "Will you still help me?"

"Of course," was all she could say. She laid her hand briefly on his arm and moved away without a word.

On the ground, she walked over to the rendezvous point, her stomach twisting. She was leading a man to his death. A man who would die right in front of her. She had run out of time to ponder it as she caught sight of a turian making his way in her direction.

" _That's him, Shepard._ ** _Sidonis_** _._ " His voice dripped with venom in her earpiece.

She waved the turian over, and he came to stand right in front of her.

"Let's get this over with," Sidonis said, crossing his arms. Shepard's instincts told her something wasn't right. This man should have been more concerned with his environment if he was fearful for his life.

" _Okay, move to the side, Shepard._ "

She made to move, but Sidonis raised his hands to her arms, effectively holding her in place.

"Oh, I don't think so. Move and you die."

Shepard froze. Sidonis relieved her of her comm unit, and placed it at his own ear.

"You hear me, Garrus?"

.

Garrus growled as he watched the top half of Sidonis' head through his scope. "I hear you, you bastard."

" _Oh, that's no way to talk to someone who holds your girlfriend's life in his hands, Garrus._ "

A chill ran through him. "What are you talking about?"

" _You shouldn't have pissed off Fade. He got back in contact with me before C-Sec arrived for him. Gave me the heads-up. I figured you'd go for a bullet to my brain. You're too predictable, Garrus. So, I arranged for a sniper of my own._ "

Garrus scanned the catwalks around him, frantically searching, but this angle was no good for anything other than the meet point below and he couldn't see anyone.

" _He's sighting down as we speak, with a clear view of your woman's lovely head. So what's it to be, Garrus? Your life, or hers? You have ten seconds to get yourself out in the open, or you lose her."_

Garrus felt ill. He knew with a burning certainty that Sidonis would still have his sniper kill her first no matter what he did. His quest for vengeance had put Shepard in the line of fire. The image of her being in another scope of someone with an intent to shoot was a horrendous one. She was his closest friend, and everything had gone to shit without her pointing him in the right direction. Now she'd pointed and he'd ignored her, and the result was this…. He couldn't lose her again. If there was even a chance that Shepard could walk away from this, he'd take it. What other choice did he have?

Before he could move, a bleep on his omnitool stopped him. It was from Thane.

**I have the sniper in my sights. Be ready.**

Relief flooded him, and he settled back. The back of Shepard's head in his sights now made him feel uncomfortable.

.

Shepard surreptitiously twisted her wrist to check the message on her vibrating omnitool. Thane must have decided to keep an eye on them and had logged into the comm chat between Garrus and Sidonis. She readied herself.

Sidonis was happily counting down. "…3...2..."

A shot rang out, originating from the adjacent catwalk, and took out someone in an alcove. Shepard moved aside instantly and Garrus took the shot. Sidonis' head snapped back. He was dead before he hit the ground.

.

As Garrus kept his scope on Sidonis, he decided that a quick death had been too good for that bastard. He should have suffered for threatening Shepard. His view was obscured by Shepard reaching down to pull her comm piece from Sidonis' hand, and pulling himself together, he went to join her.

.

Shepard looked down at the body. She was okay with it now. Sidonis hadn't been quite as unarmed as she'd feared; he just had someone else doing his dirty work for him.

"Siha." Thane appeared.

"That was superb timing, Thane."

Garrus reached them. "Shepard, I- I'm so sorry, I-"

"Garrus, you have nothing to be sorry for. You were right. He needed putting down."

"But I shouldn't have used you like that. I nearly got you killed." He shakily stuck his hand out at Thane, who took it. "Thank you."

"It was for purely selfish reasons, Garrus. It seems I have grown attached to her."

Garrus gave a weak laugh. "Yeah, she has that effect."

"Uh, I'm still here, guys. Not that I don't like being loved, but can we get going before- Ah, shit. Too late," she scowled.

Bailey and two officers ran up, and upon recognising her, Bailey sighed.

Shepard gave him a sheepish look. "How about I owe you three?"

-x-

Reeling, Kaidan exited the ship onto the Citadel. He’d just seen the _Normandy_ when the ship he was on came in to dock. No, a _copy_ of the _Normandy_ \- a Cerberus logo reminding him of its owner.

His body seemed to have a mind of its own as it walked him quickly to the bay where Terra’s ship was docked....

**-x-**


	34. Comeuppance and Broken Things

Kaidan paced outside the airlock, looking through the viewing window at the _Normandy SR2_ , his heart thudding in his chest. He didn't want to mess this up again, and he was uncertain about what he was going to say….

"Kaidan!?" came Shepard's voice from behind him and he heard a slight quiver in her voice.

He spun to face her. She was still able to take his breath away. "Shepard."

Garrus cleared his throat from beside her. "We'll give you some privacy." As he walked past, he pierced Kaidan with a warning glare.

Kaidan acknowledged the look as the threat it was. The drell that followed Garrus through the airlock studied his face with great interest as he passed, but displayed no emotion nor spoke a word.

Now alone with her, Kaidan focused on Terra again. "Uh, did you… get my message?"

She frowned. "No, I- Well, I've been busy on the Citadel. Maybe it came since then, I… I don't know." She ran her hand over her wrist as though she was about to activate her omnitool, but then let her arms fall back to her sides, restlessly. The exchange was unsurprisingly awkward after their first reunion.

Kaidan saw nothing but pain in her face, her eyes barely resting on his before flicking away. Joker had been right, that spark was gone. Had he really been responsible for that, or had it been missing since Cerberus got their hands on her…? "Shepard, I need to talk-"

"Well, well, look who we have here."

They both turned to the nasally voice, Shepard with a slight gasp. Major Caleb Antella - her former lieutenant when she was a corporal on Elysium - had a nasty grin on his weasel face, and a gun pointed at Shepard.

"An Alliance traitor, no less. No Spectre title to hide behind this time, Shepard. Guess I shouldn't be surprised that Alenko's _also_ a Cerberus rat."

"No! This is not what it looks like!” rushed out Shepard, sounding almost panicked. “Commander Alenko has _nothing_ to do with Cerberus. He came to confront me, just like you."

Kaidan's eyes were dragged back to her. She was trying to distance him from her, to stop Antella dragging him through the mud. She was protecting him. An old but familiar feeling surfaced - of falling for her all over again.

"Really?" sneered Antella with disbelief. "Well, that will be for _us_ to determine. Assume a position." He grabbed hold of her, spun her and slammed her into the glass of the viewing window before she could do it of her own volition. She grunted at the impact, placing her hands on the window, and Antella kicked her legs apart.

"There's no need for that," Kaidan stated angrily, moving to intercept Antella.

" _I'll_ be the judge of that, Alenko. Now be a good subordinate and shut up. I have a body search to conduct."

The leering grin he flung at Kaidan, followed by the man's lascivious look as his eyes roamed Shepard's body, told him that Antella was going to be very eager in his 'search'. A nauseous feeling formed in the pit of his stomach at the thought of Antella laying his hands on her. Kaidan wasn't going to stand for it.

"Stand down, Major," he ordered strongly, his hand out to ward Antella off before the man could touch her. "You'd best check in with Admiral Hackett. Commander Shepard is on a top-secret mission and is not to be detained." Shouldn't he be appalled with himself that he had so easily lied to a superior officer? He wasn't.

Antella screwed his eyes up at him. "What mission?"

"That's on a need-to-know basis, Major, and you don't have clearance."

Antella sneered. "Bullshit. You're just trying to save her sweet ass. I can tell you, it's a waste of time. If you're looking to get in her pants, you should know the princess doesn't put out for anyone."

Kaidan scrunched his nose with disgust, his hands fisting. "That's not the appropriate way to refer to an honoured serving officer, Major," he retorted, a threat flashing over his face. "Contact Admiral Hackett, and if you're lucky, Commander Shepard won't bring you up on harassment charges."

Antella hesitated, then covered it with another sneer. "Stay put." He walked a short distance, keeping them in view and started typing into his omnitool.

Kaidan looked at Shepard to find her staring back at him over her shoulder, her hands still on the window, gratitude all over her exquisite face. Kaidan had to fight himself in order to tear his eyes away from her.

x

**To: Admiral Steven Hackett**

**Subject: Taking Action on Commander Shepard's Return**

**Sir,**

**I currently have Commander Shepard detained on the Citadel, and can confirm the Commander is now working for the terrorist organization Cerberus, as her ship's identity tag clearly shows.**

**I believe it crucial that we interrogate humanity's first Spectre on her apparent desertion of the Alliance and the Citadel.**

**In addition, I've found Commander Alenko in her presence and believe that he may be an undercover Cerberus agent working with Shepard.**

**Therefore, I am officially requesting permission to arrest Shepard and Alenko, to be brought back to Earth for questioning.**

**Provided that they are cooperative in providing us with a detailed report of her previous whereabouts and their current work for Cerberus, we anticipate releasing them from Alliance Custody no later than five to seven months from acquisition, unless criminal charges are deemed necessary.**

**Respectfully awaiting your reply,**

**Major Antella**

**Department of Internal Naval Affairs**

Hackett severely disliked that man.

Terra wasn't aware, but he knew exactly how Antella had tried abusing his position over her, years back. Nearly every member of her squad had sent in a complaint on her behalf. He'd been confused as to why they'd come to him, until he realised that those complaints would have ordinarily been the responsibility of the Admiral whose son was the commander of Antella. Hackett had been in the process of getting Antella placed under investigation before Elysium happened. After that, Antella had scurried off to Internal Affairs in a huff, and Hackett had the aftermath of the Blitz to deal with. Then Akuze came around and amongst all that he'd let it slide. Something he regretted now. Something he'd be putting right.

His reply was to the point.

**Major Antella:**

**Request denied.**

**Hackett**

That sent, he started official proceedings for an investigation into the Major's conduct.

x

Kaidan saw the moment Antella got his answer in the clench of the bastard's jaw. He'd taken a risk by lying through his teeth about Shepard, but it was a calculated one, given who her father was.

Antella hovered for a moment, then sauntered over like he hadn't just been castrated. He ignored Kaidan, came up close behind Shepard and spoke directly into her ear, though not quietly. "Looks like you know who to suck up to, Shepard. Should have known you'd only open your legs for an Admiral."

"That's enough!" protested Kaidan with repulsion, pushing Antella away from her. The thought of Terra having to deal with this man as her superior on Elysium made his skin crawl.

Antella took exception to Kaidan's defiance, a finger pointing right in his face. " _You_ need to learn your place, Commander. I _outrank_ you-"

"And _I_ outrank _you_ , _Major_ ," interrupted the angry voice of Anderson from directly behind him.

Kaidan watched Antella pale, as he turned to the Admiral.

"Admiral, Sir, I was just having words with Commander Alenko about proper protocol-" began Antella, before Anderson interrupted him again.

"I heard, Major. More than you'd have liked me to, I assure you." Anderson's face was thunder. "I suggest you get yourself some legal advice, Major. You'll be needing it for your misconduct hearing. Unless you know who to 'suck up to', you're in for a rocky ride, Antella. You'll be hearing from your superiors. Now get out of my sight."

"Y-Yes, Sir." Antella weakly saluted before barrelling out of the bay.

"You alright, Shepard?" Anderson asked.

Kaidan was surprised by the concern in Anderson's voice, until he looked over at her. She was still at the wall, in the same position Antella had placed her, forehead now resting against the glass. She slowly pushed away, pulling herself together, and merely nodded.

Anderson frowned, but didn't push the matter. "Joker notified me you were having problems. I'm sorry it took me so long to get down here. Udina wouldn't shut up."

"No harm done," Shepard said quietly, "Thank you, Sir."

Anderson's forehead remained creased. "I have to get back, but if you need anything…"

Shepard nodded again.

Anderson acknowledged Kaidan. "Commander Alenko, come see me for that debriefing when you're ready."

"Yes, Sir," Kaidan saluted the man, before Anderson left. Taking a deep breath, he moved closer to Terra. "Shepard-"

"Thank you for what you did there, I…" she shook her head, unable to voice anymore.

Kaidan noticed a thin sheen covered her skin, and her hands were shaking slightly. She'd been afraid. That realisation startled him. From what Coats had said, she'd more than stood up for herself while under Antella's command, but this reaction… this hinted at something more, and it worried him. "That time I met Coats after the Citadel attack… he told me about Antella, but there's more to it, isn't there? Something you hadn't told him."

She hesitated, then her shoulders slumped, her gaze was directed at her feet. "It was little things at first. A hand lingering too long on my back, brushing against me as he passed… I just ignored it, told myself I was imagining it, but he was always there when I turned around, smirking at me. Always that smirk. Then he got more obvious and I asserted myself, told him his advances were inappropriate and unwelcome. That's when he decided to punish me, push me harder. Double-shifts, longer training sessions, less sleep. I got through it all because I was determined not to let him win."

"Did you report it?"

She nodded. "Turned out my commander was 'good friends' with Lieutenant Antella, and he was sure that it was all in my head. Said that I shouldn't make waves because I didn't like a bit of hard work, but if I wanted to besmirch a good man's name because I couldn't take a little good-natured banter, that he'd make sure that my file would reflect that. Said his father was an admiral and could make it very difficult for me."

"What about _your_ father?"

Terra looked up at him. " _My_ …?"

"He, uh, came to see me after you- after the Normandy went down."

Shepard smiled at the thought of her father approaching him as someone important to her. She was glad he knew. "I was going to tell you… that night when… everything fell apart," her voice fell into a whisper.

"I know."

They stared into each other’s eyes for a little too long before she resumed her study of her feet.

"Anyway, I didn't tell my father. Never even occurred to me. My whole life had been denying his existence, working my way up on my own merits. If I'd run to him at the first hurdle, I'd have been no better than that crappy commander in front of me. So I kept my head down. If Antella had aimed his attentions at anyone else I'd have forced the issue, but it was just me, and I convinced myself I could handle it. But he'd got under my skin. I had this feeling like I was being constantly watched, and he'd upped his psychological game. Triple shifts were becoming the norm."

That old, crawling feeling of discomfort sat in her chest as she remembered.

Kaidan frowned. Given her natural camaraderie with those she worked with, surely she didn't have to go through that alone? "No one in your squad noticed?"

"I asked them not to get involved. A man as petty at Antella would have put anyone standing up for me through the same shit, and I didn't want that. It was _my_ problem."

He sighed to himself. It was just like her to worry more about others than she did herself. But what she'd said so far didn't fully explain her reaction to Antella. "Was that the worst of it?" Kaidan asked warily.

"...No… One night, I was washing, the last one in from a training session. I was exhausted because he'd made me do it straight after one of those triple-shifts, and I didn't hear him come into the washroom. The first I knew, he had me slammed face-first up against the wall. He'd pinned my hands up behind my back, kicked my legs apart. I had just come out of the shower and hadn't had a chance to redress…."

The same move Antella had performed on her moments ago. Kaidan gritted his teeth, wishing he'd risked the court martial and decked the asshole.

"He said something in my ear about him breaking me one way or another, and then I heard him unzip his fly. I couldn't move, and I thought that was it… that I'd lost and he was going to get what he wanted.” She inhaled, and Kaidan could hear the tremble on her breath. “That's when the Blitz started. I remember the immense relief when he was forced to let me go, me scrambling for my clothes. Then the guilt hit. How could I have been _relieved_ that slavers and mercs were attacking the colony? It's what kept me going through the exhaustion from two days with no sleep. So _nothing_ was going to get past that barricade."

Kaidan had listened to it all with a cold pit in his stomach, then relief that she hadn't had to endure that violation, followed by pride at her last statement.

"Antella wasn't knocked out by the mercs,” she added. “While we were putting up the barricade, just the two of us now because the commander had been shot, he told me he'd be finishing what he started just as soon as this was over. So I punched him. Hard."

Kaidan grinned in approval. "I'd have done worse," he added sincerely.

"Afterwards… well, he couldn't get near me. I was the hero of Elysium, my every move watched by the media and the Alliance. He hated it. Hated me. The last thing he said to me was that he was going to bring me to my knees if it was the last thing he did."

"Well, he failed in that, too. I get the feeling that Anderson is going to see to it that he's prosecuted to the full extent."

"Yeah. God, I think back now and I was pathetic."

"No. No you weren't. You said it yourself, it was psychological. But you made it through."

"Did I? You saw me just then. I froze. I'm here with you, fully clothed, in the middle of a docking bay, and yet when he pushed me against that wall… I felt just the same as I did that night." She rolled her eyes. "First I freak out at the first sign of a thresher maw, now Antella… I _am_ pathetic."

Just human, he wanted to say, but it was too closely entwined with those intimate moments from their past. Yet Kaidan had listened to her talking and it was like he was back on the _Normandy_ with her. How could she be anything but the woman he loved?

He desperately wanted to pull her into his arms, but he realised he didn't have the right after the way he'd treated her. "You're an amazing woman, despite him, and he's on his way out. You made it through, just like you did with that maw," he insisted. "Just like you always will."

Terra's eyes locked on his at his words - eyes you could drown in... "Thank you." She gave a small laugh. "How much do I owe you for the therapy session?"

Kaidan smiled. "It's on the house... I figure I owe you more than one," he added sadly.

That handsome face. Terra so desperately wanted to feel those arms around her. But Antella's attempt to drag Kaidan into the dirt with her had proven Bahir right - she was poison.

She couldn't take any more. This was a painful reminder of what she could no longer have. She had to leave. "You owe me nothing. Take care, Kaidan." Shepard quickly kissed his cheek and went to turn away.

Adrenaline rushed through Kaidan. He couldn't let her leave! "Wait!" His hand reached out for her...

Terra stopped slightly out of his grasp. "You should go, before you get spotted again. You can't risk being connected with me. Goodbye, Kaidan."

"No! Not yet." This time he moved forward, his heart hammering, and placed a hand gently on her arm when she moved to re-enter her ship again, and she froze in place. "Please. I need more time with you. I have to understand." She met his eyes... and he had to tell her what he'd never had a chance to before she was taken from him. "Terra, I lo-"

"Kaidan!"

Rahna's voice called out loudly from a balcony above, and Kaidan automatically turned to the sound, his heart sinking, Terra sliding her arm out from his hold.

"There you are! I've been looking for you!" Rahna smiled, then turned to make her way down.

Kaidan didn't want Rahna to be here. Irritation sparked that she had invaded this moment, then he immediately turned back to Terra, but she had backed away further to stand inside the airlock. He saw the innate sadness in her before the airlock closed, sealing her away from him.

She had looked so broken.

Coming to his senses, he leapt forward to hit the door release but it had been locked. He tried the external comm link, but no one answered, and he slammed his hands against the doors in frustration as he heard the ship powering up.

Kaidan's cheek was still warm where her lips had been, seeming to spread through his whole body before dissipating, and he watched the ship pull away from the Citadel and disappear into the stars.

He was left feeling empty inside again. That conversation was just how they'd used to be. Spilling innermost feelings and thoughts, and finishing with a little light-hearted banter. He'd been wrong about her. He had wanted to say so much more. He wanted her back.

Then Rahna was threading her arm through his, pulling him back to reality. He shrugged her off and started making his way to the embassy.

x

Shepard headed straight to her cabin and solemnly opened up his message.

An apology. An explanation. His doubts.

**I'm sorry for … Horizon. …spent two years pulling myself back together …took me a long time to get over losing you. … moving on with a doctor on the Citadel. Trying to let myself have a life again…** ****… I saw you… everything pulled hard to port. …don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you … remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me... a lot has changed … I can't … put that aside.** **When things settle down a little... I don't know.****

She ached for him, but it wasn't fair on him. He'd grieved over her, and now he was clearly confused. She was yanking him backwards, and it wasn't right. He had Bahir, and _she_ … she was likely on a one-way trip to the collector base. Terra couldn't put him through that. Not when she could prevent it. Her hands shook as she typed.

**Kaidan,**

**I wish I could explain it all to you, but I don't understand it all myself.**

**A few weeks ago I woke up in a sterile lab, in a facility that was under attack, in the company of Cerberus, and two years had passed. They told me they had brought me back to life...**

**I wanted to go back to the Alliance, but I can't risk them taking me out of this when the Alliance are so far behind. These colonies are still going missing and Cerberus has offered me the resources to deal with it, so I'm using them. I don't like it, but I have no choice. I haven't forgotten my duty, and that's why I have to keep going… with what I've got.**

**I could never forget Ilos. For me, it was just a short while ago...**

**But I'm glad you've moved on. I can't deny it's hard to hear - for me it's only been a few weeks since I last saw you, touched you... but I understand that for you it's been more than two years, and I have no right to expect anything else.**

**I'm just sorry that I've dragged all that hurt back up again. I would never want to cause you pain, and for that reason, you need to forget me. Because there's a good chance that I won't be making it back.**

**I wish you happiness, wherever you find it.**

She then placed a block on further messages. She couldn't face any more.

It felt like a huge hole had been dug out of her insides. For a moment, back on the Citadel, she'd had a glimpse of what they once had. For a moment it had felt like, just maybe, they had a chance. But his partner had shown and reminded her of the way things were. She refused to come between them.

Dr Bahir. She was pretty. Honey coloured hair and eyes, tanned skin that matched his. Terra hoped the doctor made him happy, but at the same time she wanted to sob.

This whole thing with Kaidan reinforced the fact that she should have just been left alone. Her existence was unnatural, and it was causing those she loved pain. She hadn't asked for any of this. Why couldn't they have let her rest in peace?

Then she pushed it all down deep, and grabbed a datapad. She couldn't afford self-pity. She had a mission to complete. So she became Commander Shepard.

She would do whatever it took to get her people through the mission and out the other side.

As for her… it didn't matter.

x

Rahna had trailed him, despite Kaidan's fast pace, and now moved to intercept him before he could make it to the embassy for his briefing with Anderson on the Bekenstein mission.

"Kaidan, please, stop! Talk to me!"

Kaidan pulled up, taking a deep breath. He just wanted to sleep. A brief respite from his muddled head. "What do you want, Rahna? What was _so_ important that you had to interrupt that? Couldn't you just give me a moment to myself - with _her_? To get some answers…" He hadn't been aware that he was so angry with Rahna until the words spilled out.

Rahna didn't get a chance to respond because his omnitool pinged. Kaidan brought it up. It was from Terra. He opened it, forgetting everything around him, his heart beating fast.

Reading her words, he saw the sorrow in them. A sense of her hopelessness sprang out at him. He didn't even notice that Rahna had sidled up beside him to see the message.

She ran her hand down his arm. "This is good, Kaidan. She's letting you go. Saying goodbye."

He felt ill. He didn't want this, because that was exactly what Terra was saying: goodbye.

That flame deep inside him had consumed him when he'd stood in front of her, just moments ago. This was _her_. Terra. Of course, there were things he still questioned, but he wanted to give her the chance to explain. And what did she mean she may not be coming back? From where? He had to find her again! He needed to talk to her! He couldn't lose her again! His head was on fire, and he slumped into a nearby seat.

"Kaidan? Darling?"

He didn't want to be anywhere near Rahna. He didn't want her speaking to him with terms of endearment. It felt so wrong.

Like it had all along.

He wasn't broken. He just hadn't met anyone who had made him feel anything even close to the way he did about Terra.

Rahna sat slowly beside him. "You know I saw her. Shepard. Here on the Citadel, earlier. She was embracing some drell outside the C-Sec office on Zakera ward."

He stared back at her, searching Rahna's face. He couldn't see any sign of the deception he wanted to see. He remembered the drell at the airlock…

It felt like someone had wrenched out his already battered heart.

He needed a reason to be away from here, and from Rahna - his debriefing. Bekenstein. He realised, belatedly, that Kasumi had vanished the moment they'd docked. He'd been so distracted, it had barely registered. He gathered himself. "I have to go. Work."

Rahna reached up to catch his hand as he stood. "Kaidan, I just wanted you to know she’s not all she seems. I know you’re having trouble accepting that. But you must realise that are no more attachments to that woman you thought she was. It’s only that _idea_ of her holding you back." She rose to her feet again. “You and I could be happy if you just gave us a go.”

He shook his head. "I can't-"

Rahna pressed a finger to his lips. "I understand. Just know that I'll still be here, waiting for you. That I will wait however long it takes, because I love you."

Kaidan stared back at her, shocked at her declaration. She quickly kissed him, then walked away.

Anderson was waiting for him, and he headed for the embassy. His only thought was that Rahna's lips hadn't made him feel a thing - not like Terra's.

Then his mind taunted him with the face of the drell.

**-x-**


	35. Liberation and Confirmation

Hackett paced his office on Arcturus Station. No sooner had Commander Alenko removed the unknown threat of the graybox, when another threat raised its head. This one was far more delicate though, and he had no idea on the best course of action.

He sat at his desk, opening his drawer to remove a datapad that listed their best undercover operatives - they'd need to be damn good if he wasn't to risk implicating the Alliance any further - and he paused at the picture frame he kept in there that lit up as it detected his presence.

The answer to his problem was now staring him in the face. Terra.

He lifted out the frame and stared down at the photo of his daughter. This picture was nothing like the copious images of her as Commander Shepard that the extranet spewed out. Hannah had taken it. A snap-shot that caught the moment. This was Terra and himself during their last break together over four years ago at an isolated retreat, sitting at a table, side by side, having breakfast together overlooking a pristine shoreline. They'd just shared a joke and Hannah had captured them laughing as they looked at each other. He could still remember it all vividly. How he yearned for another.

He leaned back in his seat. Could he ask this of her with everything else she had on her plate? The problem was, he didn't have a better solution. She was the best he had. She was loyal to the Alliance and yet was no longer officially recognised as such. If the worse should come to pass, the Alliance could deny all knowledge.

The thought sickened him, especially after the way she'd already been treated, but this was bigger than any one person. She knew that, and that's why he knew she would do it without hesitation. This was too important.

Duty. Something she excelled at, and something he would also do by sending his daughter. He replaced the frame in his drawer, and reluctantly placed the call.

x

Joker interrupted Shepard’s thoughts. " _Commander, I've got an incoming message from Admiral Hackett_. _Says it's a sensitive matter and he needs to speak with you privately. Obviously didn't get the memo that you're not on the pay-roll anymore._ "

Shepard sat up at her desk in surprise. For her father to be contacting her directly meant it was something extremely important. "Put it through, Joker." As the display case above her monitors blacked out and her father's face came on screen, she wondered what was in store…

-x-

Shepard had barely stepped into the Battery when Miranda stormed in behind her.

"Why the hell are we heading to the Bahak system?"

"I'm going to spring an Alliance operative from a batarian prison," she stated, firmly.

Garrus looked confused. "Uh, why aren't the Alliance doing that?"

"Alliance in Batarian space?" She let him fill in the rest.

"Right, of course. Politics. Bad blood."

"Precisely."

"So why ask _you_?" demanded Miranda.

"Because I'm not accountable to them, and Hackett needs someone he can trust."

"But we have more important things to deal with, Commander. Like the colonists?"

"Without a way to get through that relay, or an ability to foresee which colony they'll hit next, we're just twiddling our thumbs. Besides, this could be vital. My target, Dr Kenson, has apparently found a reaper artifact that offers proof they exist and that they're about to attack."

"Spirits, that's some claim! With something like that to offer the Council, they would actually have to take action!"

"Exactly,” she replied to Garrus. “But we won't know where it is unless we get Kenson out. She's a deep-cover operative. They're given free reign, only checking in to provide the most basic of details so they don't risk revealing themselves. Therefore, the specifics are known only to _her_."

"And she got caught. That's comforting," Miranda provided, sarcastically.

"Nobody's perfect, Miranda," she shot back. "Anyway, that's why I'm going in. Garrus, I'm leaving you in charge." She started walking out.

"You _can't_ leave him in charge, Commander. _I'm_ next in line," Miranda protested.

Lawson was pressing it again? Time to make it really clear. "I'm sure we've been down this road already, haven't we? Do you really need me to spell it out again? On _my_ ship you have to _earn_ trust, and I would never entrust the lives of my crew to anyone I wasn't sure would have their best interests at heart. You don't see them as people, Miranda. You see them as tools, there to do a job and nothing more. My ship, my rules. Garrus will take command."

Miranda was clearly biting back a nasty comment if her face was anything to go by. Unfortunately for Lawson, Shepard really didn’t care anymore.

Garrus had followed behind, waiting for Lawson's tantrum to end, concern building. "I'm humbled by your faith in me, Shepard, but why exactly aren't I going with you? I thought I'd be perfect for this sort of operation."

They had now reached the Mess when she stopped and turned to him.

"And you would be, but I'm doing this one alone."

Two other voices joined his own to protest this latest announcement. The third belonged to Thane who had been sitting at the table. Even before Shepard raised her hand to quiet them, Garrus knew she was going, whatever they said.

"This is too sensitive a situation, and Hackett and I agreed that one person infiltrating the prison is more likely to succeed with a covert extraction like this. I'm not intending to storm the place. Nice and quiet, is all I need."

"I don't like this, but I'm clearly not going to be able to change your mind, am I?" Garrus frowned.

"Nope."

"This is a fool's mission, Commander," Miranda said, petulantly.

"So you think I should just give up on this artifact?"

Miranda crossed her arms, cocking her hip. "No, but I do think you should risk taking back-up."

"Noted, but not happening. If the batarians get any whiff of a break-out, they'll kill Kenson."

"Siha.” Thane stood, and Garrus wondered at the word the drell had used to address Shepard. “I understand your wish not to endanger the life of the prisoner, but you place no value on your own should things go wrong."

"I'm not irreplaceable, Thane. We've already got a good team assembled. Garrus has command experience. He can take you all through if the worst should happen."

Garrus hated the thought of that scenario. Shepard had far more belief in him than he had in himself, and it was only her presence that helped him live up to her expectations. "Just make sure it doesn't come to that. Please," he beseeched.

Shepard placed a reassuring hand on his arm. "I have every intention of making it back. Got to make sure Cerberus gets their money's worth, right?"

She walked on to the elevator, and Garrus followed her, the others lingering in the Mess. With a single nod of farewell, the doors closed, and Garrus was left staring at the metal, uneasiness growing.

This could go bad in so many ways….

-x-

Kaidan knew he should have headed straight for his hotel room after the briefing, but he couldn't rest. Rahna's words haunted him.

He walked into C-Sec, Bailey noticing him and standing up to offer a hand which Kaidan shook.

"Commander Alenko, good to see you again. What can I do for you?"

"Nothing important. I just wondered if you'd seen Shepard recently."

"The Commander? Yes, in fact. She was here just a few hours ago. I believe she's left the Citadel now, though. Had me and my men busy, that's for sure," he chuckled, like he appreciated the extra workload.

Kaidan noticed Bailey's use of a title that was technically no longer hers. It appeared, for those who championed her, she would be forever synonymous with that rank. "Why's that, if you don't mind me asking?"

"First, we had a call about shots fired. Turned out a young drell had foolishly taken a contract to kill a turian politician, and Shepard and the drell's father had arrived just in time to stop the boy from making the kill."

"Do you know who this older drell was?"

Bailey gave a pained expression. "Well, yeah, I have a pretty good idea. The boy's name was Kolyat Krios, and Shepard referred to her friend as Thane."

"Thane Krios? The _assassin!_?" Kaidan couldn't believe that Terra would associate with someone like that.

"He's known to be a drell, so I'm thinking it's too much of a coincidence for it not to be him. Is there a problem, Commander?" Bailey was beginning to look a tad concerned.

"Uh, no. No, just curious. Was there anything else?"

"Not long after they left here, we were called out for more shots fired. Shepard was right in the middle of it again. This time we had two bodies. Seems they threatened Shepard's life, and Krios and Garrus Vakarian, a turian who used to be a damned good C-Sec investigator in fact before he disappeared, dealt with them."

"You let them off?"

"Look, Commander, we have enough to deal with without wasting time arresting people who are protecting themselves or their own from scum who were too stupid to know who they were messing with. I don't put much stock in all that crap the media likes to keep throwing out about Shepard. Her record speaks for itself in my books. A soldier like her doesn't sacrifice human lives to ensure the survival of the alien Council, just to turn her back and join a pro-human terrorist group. There's more going on than I'll ever get to know about, and if her people - her _alien_ people - need me to look the other way, than I'm fine with that. That wasn't murder, it was protection."

Bailey's was a strong viewpoint that made Kaidan uncomfortable with himself, and more than a little envious. Bailey's faith, it seemed, was unshakeable. "Do you have any footage of the area outside your office around the time Shepard was here last?"

Bailey gave him a funny look, then shrugged. "Sure." He tapped some buttons. "Here. I'll leave you to it."

"Thank you for your time, Captain."

"Think nothing of it, Commander."

Kaidan waited for Bailey to leave, then pressed play. He watched Terra exit the office followed by the drell, then witnessed him reaching for her hands as they talked, her hugging him, Krios returning it. Closing it down, Kaidan walked out of the C-Sec office.

It wasn't unlike Terra to be like that with those she cared about, but Kaidan had trouble understanding her feeling like that towards an assassin. That propensity to kill someone because of a contract for money should have gone against everything she believed.

That aside, he didn't necessarily accept Rahna's take on what she'd seen. She knew nothing about Terra, and he refused to judge her again without more evidence. A kiss would have been one thing, but what he'd seen could easily have been friendly. If it had been more… he couldn't face what that might mean.

Christ, he needed to talk to her so badly, but first he had to get his head clear, so Kaidan headed for his room and his bed, taking in every little detail of the streets as he passed through them so his thoughts couldn't invade.

-x-

-x-

Shepard had infiltrated the old run-down prison easily. Security fields and doors were over-ridden. A few varren were left to roam the tunnels, but she used the new program she'd been working on with Mordin's help, sending a super-heated blast of flame that quickly consumed her targets before they reached her. She flitted past complacent guards, cloaked past others who had at least half a mind on their job.

Eventually, she came upon the cells.

It chilled her to see the blood-stained walls. A body covered by a dirty sheet. She checked under it. A human male. Perhaps someone working with Kenson? His injuries were heinous, clearly done to provoke maximum pain whilst drawing out life. She doubted this man was fully sane by the end. Her father had been right to send her, if only so she could save Kenson from the same treatment. Nobody should have to endure that. She checked the body for some sign of identification, but found nothing. There was nothing else she could do for him, so she moved on, closing in on what appeared to be a guard station.

Two batarians stood looking through a one way screen, watching another guard addressing a prisoner. Shepard moved silently into the room. The voices coming through the speaker from the other side told her the prisoner was female.

Cloaking, Shepard stepped closer, confirming the woman was also human. Without further hesitation, she slammed the head of the closest guard into the wall, rendering him unconscious, and as her cloak dissipated to reveal her presence, she punched the confused second guard hard enough to stagger him, and then a second time to knock him out.

Shepard checked the screen. The guard on the other side was none the wiser, and was now hooking his prisoner up to some kind of device. Hurrying out of the room, she barrelled into the interrogation room. The batarian hardly had a chance to turn around before she'd struck him.

Shepard stepped over the unconscious batarian. "Dr Kenson?" Whether or not it was her, Terra was getting her out of here.

-x-

Kaidan woke from a fitful sleep, his restless mind hindering his slumber. He dragged himself upright, swung his legs over the edge of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees, and planted his face into his hands.

There was too much unresolved.

Terra was too important to him.

He activated his omnitool, wishing he could do this face to face. Except he couldn't just wait and hope for another chance encounter. So he typed:

**Terra,**

**I can't leave it like this. Please talk to me. I'll meet you wherever you'd feel comfortable.**

**I love you.**

**Kaidan**

He hated that the first time he was saying those three words to her was in a message, but he needed her to know; hoped it would encourage her to respond. He sent it.

Now he just had to wait.

-x-

Shepard and Kenson were off the facility. They had gotten past most of the guards and were almost at the shuttle bay before the alarm was sounded. Shepard held them off, while Kenson by-passed the shuttle-bay doors. Then they were away in one of the batarians own shuttles. Thanks to Kenson's knowledge of the batarians security, she had brought down their external sensors, making them untraceable.

"We should be well out of range before they get their security measures unscrambled."

Shepard nodded. "Tell me what you were doing out here."

"My people and I were investigating rumours of reaper technology, out on the fringes of this system. We discovered a reaper artifact within one of the asteroids near the relay itself. It showed me visions of the reapers arrival. Much like your prothean beacon, I imagine. Proof that the reapers will be arriving in this system, and from here, they'll use this system's mass relay - the Alpha relay - to spread throughout the galaxy. The reapers are coming, Commander. That much I know for certain. It would be months, maybe even years, before they could get to the next relay. Which is why we came up with what we just call the 'Project'. We plan to launch a nearby asteroid into the relay, using well-placed thrusters and a VI to control them, thereby destroying the relay before the reapers can arrive."

Shepard looked out of the shuttle's window at the relay in the distance. They'd long since lost their appeal for her after discovering that they were created by the reapers.

Destroy the relay…. That was one hell of an ambition, but she saw the necessity. It would strand the batarians that lived here, but they had effectively done that to themselves, with their self-imposed exile from the rest of the galaxy. It was sad, but they were a very stubborn people, in many ways worse than the krogan could be. "I thought mass relays were indestructible."

"I think it's more likely that no one's been willing to find out what happens when a relay is destroyed, but by our calculations, if you send something the size of a small planet at it, with enough speed, it would be more than enough to accomplish just that. Of course, the resulting explosion would probably wipe out the system," finished Kenson.

Shepard was shocked not only by that information, but also the casualness with which Kenson had announced it. There was a colony here! "What makes you think it would destroy the entire system?"

"Mass relays are the most powerful mass effect engines in the known galaxy. The energy released from the relay's destruction would probably resemble a supernova."

Terra was horrified. "How many people live here?"

"This is a remote system, but just over three hundred thousand batarians live on the colony where they held us. The explosion would undoubtedly kill them all."

Terra wondered at Kenson’s apparent disregard for those people’s lives. She felt sick at the very notion of it. A necessity, she had thought before, and Shepard realised that nothing had changed. It was just that there would be a sacrifice - unless they could get those people out of the system…. Deep inside she knew they probably wouldn't listen to humans. "The stakes are too high. If you're willing to destroy a whole system for this, I want to see your proof."

"I can't argue with that. Give me a moment." Kenson turned away to contact her people. "Kenson to Project Base."

Shepard phased out while she pondered the severity of the situation. This was bad.

Her father had already stated his reasons for needing her - as unconnected to the Alliance as she now was. She understood it completely. His judgement call now looked like it was a premonition. If the batarians got wind of any connection between the relay's destruction and humanity it would worsen their already strained relationship. Combine that with the large loss of life and there'd be war… Unless they put it down to the act of one person, someone with ties to a pro-human organisation like Cerberus. She would have to be the scapegoat to protect Earth from reprisals. She'd be known as a mass-murderer….

A horrid knot of nausea and dread started in her stomach. To the eyes of the galaxy, in particular the batarians, they would be committing genocide. She forced it away. First, she had to see this artifact, and she needed to tell her people where she was going. She keyed her comm. "Joker, I have Kenson and we're headed to the artifact." She received only static.

"Sorry, Commander, but we're closing on Project base,” Kenson informed her. “We have scrambling programs around the asteroid. You'll be able to contact your ship from inside, on our special channel."

Shepard couldn't relax. She needed to find a way around this - to save those people.

x

"Anything from Shepard, yet?"

It had only been twenty minutes since Garrus had last strode restlessly into his cockpit, but at least this time Joker had something to report. "Yeah, I got half a message just now before it cut out," replied Joker, knowing it wouldn’t help with the turian’s anxiety.

As expected, Garrus was immediately on alert. "Cut out? Why?"

" _I believe the Commander may have passed into a scrambled zone. The signal did not end abruptly but gradually faded out,_ " supplied EDI.

"What did you get?"

"She has Kenson and was headed to… That was it," Joker replied.

"Okay, well that's something,” breathed out Garrus. “Then I guess we hold tight for now." Garrus headed back out, and Joker watched him over his seat.

"That's one antsy turian."

" _Mr Vakarian is concerned for the Commander's welfare,_ " observed EDI.

"Yeah. We all are," mumbled Joker, now feeling as equally fidgety in the tense atmosphere.

-x-

"Welcome to Project base."

"What's this?" Shepard pointed to a large digital display that was counting down.

"That's our countdown to arrival. When that gets to zero, the reapers will have come. Just over two days and counting. Puts things into perspective, doesn't it?"

Terra was stunned, her heartbeat speeding up at this latest revelation. "You're saying the reapers could be here in _two days_?!" Her mind raced. "How can you know that's an accurate countdown?"

"It is. The artifact has been giving off pulses at definite intervals since we found it. The intervals have been decreasing at a steady rate. It's reacting to the reapers proximity."

"There's no time to waste!"

"Then let's show you that proof. The artifact is in the central lab area." Kenson moved into an elevator.

Shepard followed, her limbs heavy. "What would it take to get the Project back up and running?"

"Everything's in place. We were one button-press away from launch when the batarians arrested me during a scouting trip. It wasn't a question of could we, but _should_ we?"

"What alternative do we have?" She prayed that Kenson would offer her something else as they entered the facility and made their way through corridors. This place was substantial, and well-manned.

"The reapers will reach this system, regardless. But the Alpha relay is their shortcut to the rest of the galaxy. If you want to keep the reapers at bay, this relay _must_ be destroyed."

Terra felt the dismay swamp her. "Then it's the only chance we have."

They walked the rest of the way, quickly and in silence. Finally Kenson stopped in front of a secured door, typing in a code. "Commander Shepard, I give you… Object Rho."

The door slid open onto a room, observation monitors surrounding a large glowing object. It only took Shepard seconds to note, with horror, that there were no shields in place around it. "You have the reaper artifact just sitting here!? Out in the open!? How have you avoided indoctrination!?"

Kenson was fixated on the artifact as she spoke. "We've been very careful. We know what we're dealing with. When we found it, it showed me a vision of the reapers arrival." There was a strange smile on her face.

A chill ran through Terra. She knew the effects of indoctrination were subtle, unnoticeable. "Kenson, this is _not_ good." Shepard began to back away as she looked at the artifact.

"Give it a moment, Shepard. It will give you the proof you need."

As if in response, Shepard was suddenly assailed with a blast of images forced inside her mind. It was painful, making her cry out, bringing her to her knees. It was _making_ her see: thousands of reapers, heading for the relay, and she sensed the superiority - smugness that despite her past efforts she had still failed to stop them. It was over in seconds, but she felt exhausted. Blood was pouring from her nose, her ears were ringing, and her vision was blurry. Despite that, she heard the gun activating beside her.

Kenson placed it against Shepard’s head. "I can't let you start the Project, Shepard. I can't let you stop the arrival."

Terra could feel a tingle at the back of her neck - the base of her skull. It made her angry. It wanted to control her, and she refused to be used. She tensed her muscles, then unleashed the energy in one rapid movement that removed the gun from Kenson and disabled her arm in one muscle-wrenching twist. Kenson cried out in pain, but Shepard had to allow her to back away as the guards in the room reacted. She armed herself and dived into a more defensible position.

"Take her down!" shouted Kenson as she ran from the room.

Her head was in a bad state and Shepard knew this was unlikely to go well for her. She mentally apologised to Garrus for leaving him with that huge responsibility of dealing with the collector base. She’d give anything to have him at her back right now.

-x-

Kaidan had been in the shower when he received the ping of a message, and he quickly towelled off and placed the omnitool back on his wrist. His heart racing in anxious anticipation, he opened it up, only to be disheartened by what he saw. His own message stared him in the face.

She'd blocked him. Not to be cruel, he knew, but it hurt, nonetheless. This couldn't be goodbye.

But as he stood in his hotel room on the Citadel with no idea where she was, Kaidan feared he would never see her again, and that thought almost brought him down to his knees.

-x-

Shepard fought with everything she had, her head hammering against her skull the whole time.

Waves of Kenson's guards came at her, yet somehow she was holding out. She'd done this on Elysium, she could do it again, she'd reasoned. The heavy mech they sent in to join them was an unwelcome sight, but she still held firm, getting through its shields and armour, then using it against them by sniping its head, creating a fantastic explosion that had taken out the rest of her attackers, too. Unfortunately, it hadn't touched the artifact.

She ignored the synthetic voice that rang out inside her mind, telling her it was futile. She knew the odds weren't good, but that didn't mean she'd stop fighting. She'd take as many of them with her as she could, and maybe they'd run out of personnel before then. Hope was her friend right now. And there was always hope.

Then Terra thought she was on the last stretch: the men coming through the doors were less numerous now. But the artifact had clearly been gathering strength, because it suddenly sent out a strong pulse that had her on the ground and fighting for consciousness. She was losing, darkness pervading. She'd lost.

Kenson's face was over her. "Take her to the medbay and patch her up. We want Shepard alive."

Terra couldn't respond as she was dragged under.

x

 _Normandy_ was now in full stealth mode as it closed in on the planet.

"Edi, start scanning for any shuttle emissions coming from the prison," ordered Garrus as he paced. It had been too damn long, with no word from Shepard, and he wasn't prepared to wait any longer. His was finally listening to his gut, and it told him something was very wrong.

" _Scanning now._ "

"I knew she shouldn't have gone down there alone," griped Miranda.

"Shepard succeeded in her mission to free Doctor Kenson," Thane reminded her. "Something else prevented her contacting us. I doubt having more of us there would have changed that."

" _Emissions detected. Plotting projected course._ "

They all waited in impatient silence, then Joker's screen lit up with the route.

"Follow it, Joker," Garrus ordered.

"You realise we're heading towards a whole lot of nothing, right?"

"It's all we have, right now. Please." The desperation tinged Garrus' voice but he didn’t care.

Joker nodded in understanding, manoeuvring the ship on its new course.

"We will find her," Thane quietly assured from Garrus' side.

Garrus nodded back. He wouldn't quit until he had.

**-x-**


	36. Sacrifice and Salvation

"Damn it! It's been nearly 48 hours!" Garrus was going out of his mind. He hadn't been able to sleep, which was also true of several others. Everyone on the ship was now worried, except Grunt, who simply believed his battle-master would turn up sooner or later.

" _I have found something,”_ _announced Edi._ _“I am picking up unusual readings around an asteroid._ "

Garrus was now gripping onto Joker's seat. "Then take us in, Joker. Engage stealth drive."

"You've got it, buddy."

It didn't take long to close in. There were definite signs of a facility here.

" _We are through the scrambled zone_. _I can now detect the Commander's omnitool signal. It is at the far end of the facility._ "

Joker switched to a secure line. "Commander, this is the Normandy... Come on, Commander. Talk to me."

There was no response, and that silence rang forebodingly within Garrus.

"Shepard said that they had found an artifact. This could be where they are holding it," offered Thane.

"Makes sense that she would want to see it. But anything to do with reapers can't be good," considered Garrus.

Thane had been fully briefed on everything they knew about the reapers. "You are thinking indoctrination."

Garrus nodded. "I think we should assume it, to be safe."

"Agreed. Then we will need to infiltrate this base undetected. I will go," Thane stated.

Garrus looked at him. He wanted to go in there all guns blazing but that could just endanger Shepard. They needed to find her first, and Thane was undoubtedly the stealthiest of them all. He nodded. "Keep in radio contact the whole time, or else I'm coming in."

Thane started off towards the armoury for his weapons and Garrus itched to follow. It seemed absurd to send an assassin to have Shepard’s back, but the drell had already proven himself when he’d protected her from Garrus’ own stupidity on the Citadel. Thane wouldn't let her down.

x

Hackett paced his floor. It was becoming a habit these days.

It had been too long. Terra would have had more than enough time to get Amanda out. Why the hell hadn't she called in?

The thought of her getting caught filled him with fear. He knew exactly what batarians did with human prisoners.

Then he reminded himself that she had a team - one he hoped were as loyal to her as her last one was. She had Vakarian, and Moreau. They'd be searching for her.

They'd bring her home.

-x-

"I see her," Thane whispered into his comm. His journey into the facility had given him a fuller picture of what had happened here as he caught conversations. He had followed Shepard’s omnitool signal, left on through her captors’ arrogance. It was not on her wrist, but sitting alongside her bloodied armour and weapons. That had alarmed him, but as he'd moved further through the ducts above the medbay, he'd spotted her. The machines scanning her offered proof she was alive as they chimed in response to her heartbeat.

" _How is she_!?"

"Unconscious. She appears to have several injuries which have been treated, but she is stable." Thane saw her hand twitch. "I think she may be waking."

A doctor came walking in and stood over her, running scans, and Thane watched keenly for any signs of interference by the doctor; he would not allow this person to touch Shepard. But the doctor seemed satisfied and started to walk out again, talking into her omnitool.

Then Shepard was indeed waking, her first instinct to sit up, get moving, defend herself. The doctor ran out, shouting 'the sedatives aren't working!' and two guards came running in. Before Thane could assist, Shepard was lucid enough to take them out, but the doctor had brought up a field around the medbay to prevent Shepard from leaving.

Thane moved off. That field wouldn't be up long.

.

Terra's heart was racing, as she stood at the doorway, unable to go through. She had to get out of here! But how? The doctor stood on the other side of the field, arms crossed, an arrogant look on her face, and Shepard wanted nothing more than to wipe that smug look off her face.

That's when Thane dropped from the ceiling behind the doctor and did it for her, snapping her neck in one swift move. Terra had never been so relieved to see him. He brought down the field and she joined him.

"Siha, are you well?" he asked in concern.

"My head's killing me, but other than that, I'm fine. Thank God you found me."

"Garrus is tenacious. And impatient. I should contact him." He pointed towards her belongings and she hurried over, immediately attaching her earpiece though she left Thane to talk while she hurried into her armour.

"Garrus, I have Shepard secured. She is functional."

" _Thank the Spirits! How did you want to proceed_?"

Then more guards entered the room and an alarm sounded. Before Shepard could reach for her gun, Thane had disposed of them efficiently before returning to his conversation. "A silent exit is no longer an option."

" _Understood. We'll shuttle down, attack from the main landing area, distract them as much as we can until you can join us_."

"I will keep you informed of our progress," Thane finished.

Terra was ready. "He's doing a good job, isn't he?" she said proudly.

"He has an excellent mentor," Thane replied with a smile.

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, sweet-talker, let's get out of here." A deep sadness descended on her as she continued. "But there's something we have to do first…."

-x-

Garrus was surprised by the amount of men this place was spewing out. It seemed unbelievable that this many people could have gone undiscovered in the batarian system. Then came the heavy mechs and he was forced to concentrate again.

Garrus and Miranda focused on shields, then Mordin and Samara dealt with the armour, and finally, Jack and Jacob used their biotics to knock them down while Grunt fired away. They were an unbeatable team against these people, but still the base sent out more fodder for them. Garrus didn't care. It meant less for Shepard and Thane to deal with.

x

Terra paused under the countdown. "My God! I've been out for _two days_!?"

Thane nodded. "What does it mean?" he gestured to the display.

"That's how long we have before the reapers come through the relay!"

Thane frowned at the display. “Less than two hours. We must hurry."

They ran through corridor after corridor. Shepard had no idea if they were even heading in the right direction.

" _Shepard's heading for Project control. She must be stopped!_ " announced Kenson over the speaker, unintentionally helpful.

Then Shepard saw it. A lot of guards were waiting here. She and Thane positioned themselves either side of the door, and nodded to each other. They swung round together. Shepard dealt with shields, Thane used his biotics. Grenades were thrown at them, but Thane threw up a barrier around them that took the hits. Shepard sent out an incinerating blast at a group, leaving Thane to finish them off, then she indicated she was going to cloak and raced up behind an entrenched duo, sabotaged their weapons and shot them close-range. It was over. They gathered up as many heat sinks as they could salvage, then checked out the room.

There it was. The engine control.

" _Welcome to Project control,_ " greeted the voice of a VI.

"I want to activate the Project," Shepard said. No, she didn't _want_ to. She cursed the lack of time. Before, there had been time to try to get those colonists to listen; for them to escape this system with their lives. Now there was none.

" _Warning: Activating the Project will result in an estimated three hundred and five thousand casualties. Do you wish to continue?_ "

The numbers were displayed across the screen. So many innocents… Children.

Terra felt nauseous. No, she didn't want to continue, but she _had_ to. The reapers would destroy them _all_. With more time, maybe they could be ready to face them…

Time. There was never enough time.

Her hand hovered over the button, betraying her emotions with its shaking.

"Siha." Thane came up beside her, his hand wrapping gently around hers, pulling her hand away. "Allow _me_." With that, he used his other hand to start the Project. The asteroid shuddered as the thrusters lit, propelling the asteroid forwards.

Shepard checked the estimated time till impact. It would be close. Thane had started them just in time.

" _Project activation in progress. Warning: Collision with mass relay is imminent. Begin evacuation procedures._ "

Terra launched herself towards the external communications panel in desperation. "Alert! All colonists living in the Bahak system! This is-" The communication link went down as Kenson came up on screen.

" _Shepard, no! Do you have any idea what you've done!? You leave me with no choice. If we can't stop this asteroid, it must be destroyed_."

Shepard gritted her teeth, then spoke to the VI. "Tell me where to find Dr Amanda Kenson _._ "

" _Dr Kenson is at the reactor core module._ "

" _An eezo core meltdown should do it. Because of you, everyone on this rock will be obliterated_ ," Kenson railed.

"If the reapers come through, we're _all_ dead." With that, Shepard and Thane left Project Control.

x

" _Warning: Collision imminent_."

"Uh, that sounds bad," Jack looked over at Garrus, wondering if this was the part where he got them to bail. And surprisingly, she wasn’t so sure she’d be okay with that.

"Keep going. I'm not leaving without Shepard."

Jack paused at the turian’s absolute statement. "You really care about her, huh?"

He glanced over at her. "She's my closest friend, Jack. She'd do the same for me. And for you," he added with a certainty that actually made her believe too.

"Yeah. Damn Girl Scout." She made it sound like a curse, but even as she shook her head at the thought of the stupidly soft woman who led them, Jack couldn’t stop herself from grinning.

-x-

Having raced to stabilise the reactor core, they had now found Kenson, and Shepard aimed her pistol at the doctor, while Thane circled away from her, checking the exits for more of Kenson's people.

"Step away from the reactor core," she ordered.

"You've ruined everything! I can't hear the whispers anymore!" Kenson was agitated, her back to Shepard, fingers digging into her skull.

"Turn around, now!"

Kenson spun, glaring at her. " _You've_ taken them away from me. I'll _never_ see the reapers arrival! All you had to do was _stay asleep_. None of this had to happen!"

Shepard remembered that Kenson wasn't herself. This was the reapers influence. More than that, this was her father's friend. "Kenson. You don't have to do this. We can get off this asteroid."

"No. We cannot." Kenson pulled out a grenade.

"Siha!" Thane ran towards her as soon as he saw the grenade but he knew he couldn't reach her as Kenson pressed the button. He threw up his barrier to absorb most of the impact as he ran, watching helplessly as Shepard's shields failed instantly and she was slammed back into the wall, her head hitting hard before she fell limply to the ground. Reaching her, he carefully turned her.

" _Warning: Collision imminent_."

He twisted to check the countdown. Under thirty minutes. "Garrus! Shepard is down and we need to get off this rock as soon as possible. I'm bringing her out now."

" _Understood. We'll be ready for you_."

x

"Joker! We need a pick-up. Now!"

Only a few men remained, and Garrus pushed the team forward to cover Thane and Shepard's exit. The doors slid open and Thane had her arm draped around his shoulder, his arm around her waist. She had recovered somewhat from when Thane had checked in, and she was walking, although her feet dragged slightly in her dazed state.

Finishing off the last of the enemy, Garrus took Shepard's other arm. The _Normandy_ was now keeping pace alongside the asteroid, and they made their way over.

Just before they reached it, a holo of a reaper appeared over a launch pad to the right of them, and they paused.

" _Shepard. You have become an annoyance. You fight against inevitability. This seems a victory to you. A star system sacrificed. But even now, your greatest civilisations are doomed to fall. Your leaders will beg to serve us_."

Shepard freed herself from their supportive arms to stand on her own, and Garrus watched her straighten her damaged body defiantly, seemingly ignoring the pain as she stepped forward.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe we can't win this. But we'll fight you, regardless. Just like we did Sovereign. Just like we're doing now. However 'insignificant' we might be, we _will_ fight, we _will_ sacrifice, and we _will_ find a way. _That's_ what humans do. That's what we'll _all_ do."

Garrus moved to stand proudly behind her, the others doing the same.

" _Know this as you die in vain. Your time_ ** _will_** _come. Your species_ ** _will_** _fall. Prepare yourselves for the arrival._ " With that, it faded from view.

" _Uh, Commander, we really need to go_!" came Joker's harried voice.

They hustled onto the _Normandy_ , and Joker throttled the ship through the relay just moments ahead of the asteroid, headed for the Sol system.

Shepard refused to be led past the CIC map, though, and Garrus stood by her as she watched the system disappear from the map. Just like that, a whole colony was gone. Her hands gripped the railing that circled the galaxy map as she stared at the empty space. She looked devastated.

"Shepard. We need to get you checked out," Garrus said quietly.

She nodded mutely and walked into the elevator, an air of defeat around her despite stopping the reapers.

"You okay?"

Her head was bowed. "I don't know, Garrus. All those people..."

"You saved more," he tried, but knew that would be little comfort to Shepard right now.

There was another pause. "That thing entered my head."

Garrus’ concern heightened. "You mean the artifact?"

She nodded, then raised her head to look at him. All he saw there was despair. "What if I'm compromised?"

Garrus shook his head. "You weren't there long enough."

The doors opened and she walked out with a toneless 'thank you, Garrus,' and round into the medbay, leaving Garrus standing there looking at the closed medbay doors – and he didn’t know what to do to help her.

" _Garrus, I'm guessing you're still in charge while Shepard's indisposed?_ "

"What do you need, Joker?"

" _I've got Admiral Hackett requesting to board._ "

That, Garrus wasn't expecting. But they _had_ just jumped to a short distance from the Arcturus Station. "Uh, let him on, Joker."

Garrus felt more than a little animosity towards the Alliance these days, but he knew they were important to Shepard. He'd be checking out Hackett's motives before he let the man in to see her, though. She was in a fragile place right now, and he'd be damned if he let anyone else break her.

-x-

"What's the damage, doc?" Terra sat on the edge of the bed, feeling numb.

"All things considered, you're fine, Shepard. Your system's showing no trace of the sedative used, and you're healing nicely." Chakwas paused, looking at her.

"I'm sensing a 'but'.

"There's two things. The first, is your brain scans. They're normal as far as I can tell, but your description of the after-effects from the artifact's vision concerns me. The assault on your mind each time you've received visions, be they from a prothean beacon or this reaper artifact, is clearly severe. I know this last one wasn't your choice, but you really need to avoid anything else like that. We just don't have enough understanding of the brain to fully comprehend just what sort of damage is being caused, but given your symptoms, I'd say it isn't good." Chakwas’ serious face reinforced that.

"Okay. Absolutely no more mind invasions. So what's the second thing?"

"The thorian spores attached to your nervous system. They show signs of recent activity. They've multiplied, creating a sturdier structure along your nervous system."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm not sure, but I'm wondering if it had something to do with the reaper artifact. What if the spores reacted to the reaper presence? I'm going to request a comparison scan from Shiala at the Feros colony. She was exposed to indoctrination, yet her time under the thorian seemed to have freed her from it. If she has a similar reinforced structure of spores, it could well be a way to combat indoctrination." She laid a reassuring hand on Shepard's. "You're still you, Commander."

As relief replaced some of the numbness within Shepard, the medbay doors slid open and she was stunned to see her father walking in.

.

Chakwas met him at the door, looking surprised but pleased, and Hackett gave her a respectful nod.

"Karin, how are you?"

"Good, Steven. I have to say, you're the last person I expected to see here."

"Shepard went out there as a favour to me. I decided to debrief her in person. How is she?"

"Physically, she'll recover.” Chakwas lowered her voice. “Emotionally? I'm really not sure."

Hackett nodded sombrely. "Thank you, Karin." Though she would take it as a friendly dismissal, in truth, it was loaded with an immense gratitude for openly standing by Terra, even as Cerberus.

Chakwas left the room, and Hackett moved towards his daughter, who was now upright and leaning against the bed. Despite the brave face, he could see the turmoil inside her.

He'd felt the need to be there in person after what had unfolded, but now that he was here he wondered if he'd made a mistake. He wanted to hug his little girl, to tell her it was okay, to tell her how sorry he was to have put her in that position, but he couldn't because they were being watched by Cerberus. It was damned hard to stand there in front of her and be nothing but an Admiral.

"Da- Admiral Hackett. I'm surprised to see you on a Cerberus vessel."

He frowned worriedly at that. That slip was unlike her. "I don't like Cerberus, or the way they do things, but they brought you back to life, and they're actually doing something about the state of the galaxy. Besides, I'm not so sure this _is_ a Cerberus vessel anymore. Right?"

She nodded, only a shadow of a smile managed to make her face.

"Sounds like you went through hell down there. How are you feeling?"

"Okay," she said, weakly.

"What the hell happened out there, Commander?" The drell had provided him with a more detailed account than he could ever wish for, but he wanted to hear it from _her_. He was amazed when she handed him a datapad. She'd already created a report.

"I confirmed Dr. Kenson's proof. The reapers were coming. Destroying that relay was the only way to stop them. Kenson sedated me for almost two days. We started the engines with little more than an hour left. I tried to warn the batarian colony but… time ran out." Her voice quivered, and she searched his face with watery eyes. "Has there been any news from the colony?"

He wished he could give her a lifeline but he had to tell her the truth. "The batarians report no survivors. At least you tried. But I won't lie to you. The batarians want blood. There's just enough evidence for a witch-hunt, and we don't want war with the batarians, not with the reapers at the galaxy's edge."

Shepard nodded. She knew what he was saying. Had expected it. The Alliance needed that scapegoat. Three hundred thousand. It haunted her. "If I could have saved them, I would have."

"Of that I have no doubt. As far as I'm concerned, you should get a damn medal… but not everyone sees it that way." He paused for a moment before continuing. "The drell told me _he_ was the one to press the button."

Terra stared at him. Her father was suggesting they offer Thane up instead of her. She shook her head. "No. It was _my_ mission. _I_ was lead. Check drell culture. They see their bodies as tools. He pledged his arm as mine. He pressed it, but it was at _my_ behest. He's not responsible."

Hackett wanted to shake her. The drell was terminally ill. From what the man had said, he had little time left. But as ever, Terra was protecting her crew. Her family. He should have expected nothing less from her. It made him incredibly proud, and scared the hell out of him. She was facing an uncertain future.

"So what now?" she asked quietly.

"Evidence against you is shoddy at best, but at some point you'll have to go to Earth to face trial. I can't stop it, but I can and _will_ make them fight for it." It was the only way he could tell her that he'd be supporting her the whole way. That she wouldn't be alone.

"I'll gladly stand trial, once this mission is done."

"I knew you would. Here," he passed back the datapad, which she took in confusion. "I don't need to see your report to know you did the right thing." He needed her to know that he was proud of her, regardless of what happened.

Terra straightened in response. "Yes, Sir."

"You've done a hell of a thing, Commander." He saluted her, and she returned it. Turning and walking away from her was the hardest thing he'd had to do yet.

Passing through the medbay doors, he spotted the drell staring back at him from his place near the Mess table. Hackett shook his head at Krios, who frowned, then entered the medbay.

All Hackett could do was leave, feeling like he’d failed his own daughter.

.

Shepard was already half-way to the doors, when Thane walked in. "Siha, why did you not accept it? _I_ pressed the button. I am dying anyway." He didn’t like the sorrow she wore.

"Your arm is mine, remember? But more than that, you have a _son_ , Thane. You have a duty to Kolyat, not to me. You should be spending your last moments with him, not alone in some cell. It's bad enough that I'm keeping you from him with this mission. As soon as this is over, if we make it back, you have to promise me that you'll be the father he needs, for as long as you can be."

Thane felt the emotion rise inside him. She shamed him. She challenged him. She expected him to redeem himself not just to the Goddesses he prayed to, but to his son. "I will, Shepard."

Shepard gave a single nod with a small sad smile, then left the medbay, briefly resting her hand on his arm as she passed him. It told him she needed to be alone, and so he would abide by her wish - just for a little while. He would not allow her to fall into darkness.

-x-

Kaidan was stunned as the news came through. A whole system gone, taking a colony with it, and the batarians had pictures of Terra's ship coming through the relay from the Bahak system just moments before it was destroyed.

The batarians were blaming the Alliance, but the Alliance was adamant that the ship was Cerberus, as was her crew, including Shepard herself. They were stating that as the captain of the _Normandy SR2_ , Shepard would be brought to justice for her crime against the batarian people. They were calling it genocide....

His omnitool bleeped and he opened the message.

**From: Toombs**

**Kaid,**

**See what your ex has done now!? Still think that she's not Cerberus? Sounds exactly like something they'd do. I think you're too close to be objective when it comes to her. As far as I'm concerned, if it looks, smells and talks like Cerberus, it** _**is** _ **Cerberus. You need to face the truth.**

**When I find her, I won't be holding back.**

**Sam**

Raking his hand through his hair, Kaidan had nothing to respond with. He was so damned confused. He'd been so sure it was her. No, it _was_ her. But first Purgatory, now _this...?_

Maybe Rahna had been right. Terra was being controlled. But he knew she was still in there. Had seen it plain as day. But how the hell could he help her?

**-x-**


	37. Traps and Resolutions

Liara had passed on the information regarding the location of the AML Demeter to the Justicar as soon as it had come into her possession. But as she sat at her desk she had an uneasy feeling. Something wasn't right. She needed to dig deeper into just where this info had suddenly come from.

-x-

"You're not taking me with you? Please tell me you're joking!" protested Garrus as he trailed through the CIC and towards the cockpit after Shepard. "Look what happened last time!"

Shepard stopped abruptly with a heavy sigh. "Garrus, please stop worrying. I won't be alone this time. Samara and Thane will be with me."

"But _I_ know Omega."

"Yes you do. And you also know half of Omega has a bounty on your head, _Archangel, s_ o you're not going. End of." She darted out of the airlock to join the others, leaving him puffing out his frustration.

-x-

They were heading to an exclusive part of Afterlife.

Aria had pointed them in the direction of a recent unusual death like that of an ardat-yakshi kill. An ardat-yakshi - the killer that Samara was searching for, who kills her prey because of a rare genetic disorder that causes those she mates with to die in ecstasy as she drains the life from them, in an act that is just as intoxicating to her, giving her a strong inclination to find her next fix.

They'd gently approached the victim's mother, carefully combed through the young woman's belongings, and found everything they needed to locate Morinth.

What made this killer so important to Samara, was the fact that Morinth was her daughter, and as such she shared a burden of responsibility.

It made Shepard remember those people who had died because of the Purgatory prisoner, the pictures of whom she now kept in a file as a reminder of the results of cutting corners. It was something she'd never forgive Miranda for. Then she felt conflicted, for if events hadn't happened that way, Jack would still be in there.

She shifted uncomfortably in the newly purchased dress. She was used to a snug fit, but the thin material made her feel like she was practically naked. At least the style was sophisticated, not sleazy - a hard thing to find on Omega - and it skimmed the ground as she walked. Walking through Omega with nothing but a dress and heels felt extremely surreal and foolish, and she was even more relieved that Garrus hadn't come with them - he'd have had a coronary.

The plan was for Shepard to draw Morinth out, while Samara waited in the shadows outside so she couldn't be seen and recognised by Morinth. Thane had gone on ahead, to canvass the club. She had brought him along not only as someone who was expert at remaining undetected, but also as someone who could better understand Samara's feelings. Having a child wasn't something Shepard had had the honour of. Nor likely ever would, she realised, sadly. She could only imagine the pain Samara was dealing with because of this situation. Terra had questioned the need to kill Morinth, but Samara had made it clear that Morinth was a prolific killer, who would never give up her freedom.

Terra shuddered as Aratoht flashed through her mind. Despite Morinth's centuries of killing, Terra doubted the asari had taken as many lives as she had. Unlike Morinth, she would willingly give up her freedom to pay for it - if she made it back from the collector base. But right now she had something else to focus on.

With a deep calming breath, she entered the club.

.

Thane watched a completely un-armoured and un-armed Shepard strolling confidently through the crowds from his place at a corner table. It made him uncomfortable to see her look so vulnerable in such a dangerous place, but it was his job to keep an eye on Shepard. She would come to no harm while he still breathed.

His eyes continually scanned the room, taking in every asari in sight, before flicking back to Shepard. Samara had assured them that the similarities between mother and daughter were clear, and so far no one had made him take a second glance.

An inebriated turian approached Shepard and tried to get better acquainted with his hands. The form-fitting dress Shepard wore was probably responsible for the turian's enthusiastic behaviour - Shepard's curves easily rivalled any asari's.

Thane didn't move. The turian would be no problem for Shepard. As soon as the man refused to back off, she took him to his knees with a nice little move that was efficient and didn't attract attention. He could hear the turian yelling out an apology, before security took hold of him and threw him out.

It seemed that incident was fortuitous, when an asari appeared from the private area and stalked towards Shepard, eyes fixed on her. She was the spitting image of Samara. Morinth.

Thane declined an asari who wanted to engage him in dancing, never taking his eyes off Shepard as Morinth made herself known to her. The ardat-yakshi was stepping into Shepard's personal space, gesturing back to where she'd been sitting in the darkness. As soon as Shepard nodded and turned to follow Morinth back to the table, Thane moved into a better position.

The asari had chosen the perfect place to spot anyone nearing, but Thane was trained for this, and he settled himself within the private area, just a short distance from them. Morinth would be cautious, she'd want to be sure Shepard was worth the risk. She would take her time.

x

Sam Toombs was staked outside the exclusive part of Afterlife.

Someone had tipped him off on where to find Shepard. Another person harmed by Cerberus no doubt, or maybe a bereaved batarian.

He'd decided to leave his team behind. This one was personal.

Toombs sparked his fingers in a restless gesture. The tiny blue prickles of energy were all he could produce since those scientists had got their hands on him. Rahna had wanted to spend more time working on it, but he hadn't cared to. Hadn't cared about anything much.

Now his only thoughts were on taking out every single stinking thing associated with Cerberus.

He'd have Shepard soon.

x

Shepard was using everything she knew about Morinth to give the answers the asari wanted to hear. Morinth was suave, giving nothing away but an enigmatic smile. Suddenly Morinth leaned forward, an excitement lighting her eyes, and she whispered into Shepard's ear.

"Do you want to get out of here? My apartment is nearby, and I want you alone."

Shepard's skin crawled at the thought of someone being taken in by her, but she gave her own inscrutable smile as she nodded, and they rose, heading for the doors.

Somewhere, Thane would be notifying Samara and following them out.

This was it.

x

Toombs spotted her instantly. Shepard.

Unfortunately, she wasn't alone. An asari had her arm curled around Shepard's waist, and was leading her somewhere. From their direction, it was an apartment block, and by the look of Shepard, she was dressed for leisure.

Sam thought of Kaidan, so broken up over her, and here she was about to get off with some asari. Lying Cerberus bitch! He'd do this for Kaid.

He started following them. Sooner or later, Shepard would be alone, and he would wait as long as it took.

-x-

Liara had traced the source: a known Shadow Broker agent. And that concerned her. There was no reason for the Broker to want to help. So, she'd had her contacts hack into the recent arrival logs on Omega. No one listed individuals names of course, but ships were another thing. She scanned through them and one ship threw a red flag up to her. It was a small vessel but it had been linked to a lot of raids on Cerberus recently.

The media had gone into overdrive with the news of Shepard's return under Cerberus, and this ship's presence here at the same time as her visit made Liara extremely nervous.

Now certain the Shadow Broker had set this up, Liara hurriedly contacted the _Normandy_.

-x-

Garrus was driving Joker up the wall. He was sat in the co-pilot's seat, fidgeting constantly, talons tapping on the console in front of him.

When the external message bleeped, Garrus sprang to his feet, reaching to answer it.

"Ah, ah, ah," Joker put his hands out to ward the turian off. " _My_ space, Garrus. _Mine_. Back off."

Garrus straightened and folded his arms. "Will you please just answer it?" he asked with forced patience.

Joker calmly clicked it. "Norman-"

" _Joker, is Shepard on Omega?_ " came the rushed voice.

"Liara? Uh, yeah, has been for a while now."

Garrus was leaning forward now. "What's wrong!?"

" _I believe an anti-Cerberus merc band may be there to kill her! The Shadow Broker sent me that information for Samara in order to lure Shepard there!_ "

He called Shepard, but she didn't answer. "Damn it! I'm heading out!" Garrus ran off for the armoury, keying his comm again. "Thane, tell me you have Shepard in your sights!"

" _She is inside the asari's apartment._ "

"We think there may be mercs gunning for her, courtesy of the Shadow Broker! Check your surroundings! Give me your location, I'm coming to you!"

" _Understood,_ " responded Thane, supplying him with the address.

"Why can't I get hold of her?"

" _She didn't want any distraction, or to give Morinth the impression she was with anyone._ _Garrus, she is also in civilian clothing and unarmed_."

"What!? Spirits be damned! Who thought _that_ was a good idea!?" He grabbed up his guns.

" _It seemed appropriate in order to draw Morinth out without suspicion_."

"You mean Shepard's bait!?" Garrus swore, as he headed at full speed back towards the airlock.

" _We have not taken our eyes off her Garrus_."

"You already have. Just... keep her safe until I get there. Garrus, out. Joker, update the others. We might need the backup."

Joker opened his mouth to respond but Garrus was gone, and he was left with his mouth hanging open.

" _I have notified the remaining ground team for you, Mr Moreau_ ," informed EDI.

"Uh, thanks, Edi." Then he remembered Liara. "…Um… I think we have it under control. Thanks Liara," was all Joker could think to say, and he signed off, drumming his fingers anxiously on the arm of his chair.

x

Thane had spotted the man trailing Shepard and the asari from the minute he'd left the club. What he hadn't known was whether the merc had just picked them at random for some opportunistic mugging or if he was targeting one of them for some reason. Garrus' frantic call had cleared away the unknowns by the time Shepard had entered Morinth's apartment.

But Garrus had said 'mercs', and all he saw was one, who was now positioned in one of the many small alcoves that lined the street, as though to cater for the countless homeless that used them at night. The merc couldn't be seen under this low lighting, and it would have been a good place to take out Shepard as she passed, _if_ Thane hadn't already known he was there.

He could take the merc out now, but Thane decided it was safest to check for more men first; he'd be no good to Shepard if he got shot in the back. He would do a sweep of the area.

Samara nodded for Thane to leave Shepard with her so he could look for this new threat. She walked straight past the merc in the alcove, giving no indication she was aware of him, and stood directly outside the door. Placing herself into a meditative state, Samara concentrated all her energy on her hearing so it was amplified beyond normal range, zoning out all the external noise except that coming from the room in front of her, and focused on their voices.

Morinth's tone was seductive.

{"Look into my eyes and tell me you want me. Tell me you'd kill for me. Anything I want."}

That was Samara's cue. Morinth would be relaxed, it would take her longer to reorient when she was on the verge of melding.

Samara slammed open the door, as Shepard said, strongly, "I'm not the _victim_ you're looking for."

Samara was just a stride away from her by the time Morinth was on her feet.

"Mother," Morinth sneered.

Samara gave her daughter no time to ready herself, and sent all her energy to fling Morinth back into the glass window. It cracked impressively, but held. Nevertheless, she kept her pinned there.

Morinth suddenly let out an incredible burst of biotics that had Samara and Shepard flying backwards.

The two asari started a biotic tussle, and Shepard tried to stay out of the way. She felt completely useless. Then they appeared to be at an impasse - their powers matched. She would have to change that.

Shepard grabbed up a sword she'd seen displayed on the wall and forced her way through the waves of swirling energy that sparked painfully against her skin, holding the blade up to Morinth's throat. "You have to be stopped."

It distracted Morinth's focus and Samara took advantage, throwing her back. Shepard stepped away. This was something Samara needed to do. The matriarch held her daughter down and raised her arm, ready to strike.

"Find peace in the embrace of the Goddess."

Terra found it difficult to watch Samara kill her child. Her heart broke for the matriarch when she bowed her head as she gathered herself. But when Samara stood to face Shepard, she was composed.

"Are you okay?" It was one of those inane questions, meant to show caring rather than an expectation of a realistic answer. Thankfully, Samara seemed to realise that.

"Thank you for your concern. It is something I must come to terms with, but for now, your safety is more important than my feelings." Samara handed back Shepard's earpiece, and answered the question on Shepard's face. "You are being hunted. We know one is waiting nearby. Thane is tracking the rest down now."

"Who are they?"

"I do not know, but it has something to do with the Shadow Broker."

Suddenly Shepard felt even more underdressed. "I could really do with my armour and guns right about now," she mumbled. Unfortunately, she had stowed them behind some crates near the club. She activated her comm. "Thane, Samara's filled me in. What's the situation?"

" _I have searched this whole area. There is only one, Shepard. Closing in on him now._ "

"Then we're exiting the apartment."

Samara led the way in order to be in position to throw up a barrier should it be needed, and Shepard prepared to meet her attacker.

x

Toombs had seen the second asari barging her way into the room where Shepard was. He wondered what was happening in there; hoped he wouldn't have his kill taken from him.

An intent grin surfaced when the second asari emerging with Shepard behind her.

He no longer cared that she wasn't alone. He had a great position. In this narrow street, she would have to pass right by him, and he would be able to give her his bullet up close and personal.

She was getting closer….

In the next instant, his gun was gone from his hand, and he was thrust into the wall before being sent to his knees, a gun placed at his head by the drell who had taken him down so easily. A turian also came thundering towards him, gun first, and Sam raised his hands up in surrender.

"Thane! Garrus! No!"

Sam fixed on Shepard as she intercepted, the concern on her face confusing him.

Terra's heart was racing from her recognition of the man on his knees. "It's okay. Let him go," she said sadly. To behold Toombs at the wrong end of their guns sent her stomach churning.

"Shepard?" exclaimed Garrus.

"Siha. He was going to kill you." Thane’s weapon wavered.

"I know. And I know why. I'm working with Cerberus. He has every right to feel that way."

Sam stared back at her, trying to find the thing he’d come here to hunt, but all he could see was desolation.

x

Further down the street, in another alcove, a man who appeared to live rough in the streets here, typed into his omnitool as he left the area.

**Toombs has failed, but Vakarian is with Shepard, and she is unarmoured. Recommend revealing his Archangel identity to gang members nearby. Use them to finish Shepard.**

He didn't have to wait long for a response.

x

"What's this, Shepard? Trying to manipulate me, the way you did Kaid? Some of us aren't so easily fooled by a pretty face," sneered Toombs, still on his knees.

Shepard took his gun from Thane's hand. "Would you give me a moment, please?" she asked her people. Samara gave a single nod and moved away, Thane hesitated then followed Samara, but Garrus refused to move. "What the hell are you even doing here, Garrus!?" she demanded in a hushed tone.

He pointed to Toombs, and she sighed. Of course he'd come. She'd do the same. She turned back to Toombs.

"I'm not trying to fool you, Sam. I just don't want you harmed. You're still a part of my family, no matter how long ago it's been. Just know that as soon as we've stopped these colony attacks, I'll be handing myself over to the Alliance."

Sam didn't understand. Everything she said was conflicting against what he’d decided in his head. If she was Cerberus she wouldn't care about him. It would be easier to kill him. Kaidan had said he thought she just needed help. That she wasn't there willingly…

Shepard offered her hand. He hesitated, then took it, and she pulled him to his feet. "I'm sorry, Sam. If I had a choice, I wouldn't be with them. But if I don't stay, people will die."

"And the Bahak system?"

She winced before she could control herself. "Another choice I didn't have. The Reapers would be here now if I hadn't."

Toombs considered that. Reapers. A lot of people believed in that conspiracy theory. Advanced machines that wanted to wipe them out. He had been a believer, until Shepard's connection to Cerberus.

He studied her. A memory surfaced, and he remembered the way she'd held on to him when he was being pulled under by that maw. The determination, the fear, the sound of her screaming his name after she was struck and thrown back. How could you fake that? She didn't want to be with them…

Shepard offered his gun to him, handle first. "You do what you have to do, Sam. I understand."

Garrus quickly stopped the handover by placing his hand on the gun. "What the hell, Shepard!? You're going to just let him shoot you now!? Well over my dead body!"

"Wish granted, _Archangel_!" shouted an Eclipse mercenary from the end of the street. Then a large group joined him, and they fired.

Samara and Thane threw up barriers that effectively blocked the gunfire, then the mercs were attacked from behind.

" _Commander! Stay back! We've got this_!" crackled Jacob's voice in her earpiece as the rest of her team arrived.

Samara and Thane dropped their barriers. Only friendly fire was a concern now the mercs had turned to address the greater threat, and they pushed themselves into the alcoves further up from Shepard. She was using a crate next to the opening that Sam was using. Garrus was only slightly crouched behind a pile of rubbish, now free to fire back at the mercs in front of them.

Shepard turned to look round at Sam, when something caught her eye from the other direction, and her heart clenched as she saw a rocket launching straight towards Garrus, from someone inside another apartment.

Shepard reacted automatically, pushing Garrus out of the way and into the small alcove opposite in time for it to miss and hit a wall. She looked back and saw five Blue Suns mercs now outside of the apartment, fully armed and aiming. Unfortunately for her, though the alcove sheltered Garrus, it left her in the open. With no armour she would be shredded and she tensed for the hits as she spun to run for cover.

The guns fired but Sam was in front of her, shielding her, his arms clamping around her as his body was struck. He yelled as his armour was punched through under the heavy rain of fire. Garrus, Thane and Samara dealt with the small group while Shepard grabbed Toombs as he buckled, and pulled him into cover. His injuries were severe.

Miranda, Jacob, Grunt, Jack and Mordin had decimated the other mercs, and as quick as it had started, the gunfire stopped, leaving an eerie silence. Mordin was soon at Shepard's side, scanning Toombs, who was cradled in her arms. But he shook his head at Shepard. There was nothing he could do.

Mortified, she grasped Sam closer to her. "Why did you do that?" she asked desperately.

"I was… wrong… about you… wasn't I?" he gasped through the pain. "You're stuck in limbo… just like me….Only yours is physical… instead of psycho-…-logical.

"Sam-"

"It's okay… Shepard. I never… really made it… off Akuze… anyway. This… is a release… from the… nightmare…. …He still… loves you…"

Terra knew who he was talking about. "It doesn't matter, Sam. He's better off without me now. He has someone-"

"No… No… he nee-… he…" Toombs grasped her hand tightly in one last flash of pain before his body failed, and he died in her arms.

Terra stared down at the body of her friend, barely holding back her distress.

Garrus thought she looked so fragile as she looked up at him.

"Help me take him home?" she whispered.

"Of course, Shepard." He reached down, and he and Thane carefully lifted the man from her. Garrus felt awful. It was his fault.

"Grunt, you're bodyguard," she ordered softly as she slowly rose to her feet, gesturing towards Garrus. He nodded and headed off.

Miranda fixed her with a look. "You could have been killed, Shepard. _That's_ why you should make them leave their baggage at the airlock." She looked pointedly at Samara. With that said, she spun on her heel and headed back.

"Bitch!" shouted Jack.

Terra looked down at her dress that was now drenched in her old friend's blood.

"We should go, Commander," Samara suggested quietly. She went to move, but Shepard stopped her. "What about your daughter?"

Samara could only give her a perplexed look.

"I don't know asari customs, but don't you tend to the bodies of your loved ones in some way?"

Samara was astounded by this human. Despite the Commander's own grief, and despite Morinth's propensity to kill, Shepard still recognised that she loved her daughter. "I had not thought on it." She looked back at the open door of Morinth's apartment. "Yes. Though we believe that a person's spiritual energy is returned to a universal consciousness, the empty vessel is treated much like your own species. We chose either burial, or cremation."

"Then we should take her with us, Samara."

"Thank you, Shepard."

Mordin stated that the rest of them would deal with Morinth, and Samara and Shepard walked solemnly back to the ship, via Afterlife, to pick up her gear.

They would stop in asari space before pausing briefly at the Citadel.

-x-

The Illusive Man was simmering. The Shadow Broker had interfered. Maybe it was time to take him out of the game _now_. Time to send over the information he had on the Broker to T'Soni. What he didn't want, was Shepard running off with her. "Jan, what's the situation with Shepard's quarian friend?"

"She and her team are still under heavy fire from the geth. A lot of them have already fallen. We believe that Shepard's friend is still alive, at the moment."

"Good. Thank you."

Just the distraction he needed.

-x-

-x-

Garrus stood at a distance as he watched Shepard saying goodbye to her friend as the Citadel dockworkers came to collect the casket. He hung his head. He'd over-reacted, hadn't followed her orders and she'd suffered a personal loss as a result. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he looked up into Shepard's sad face.

"Stop blaming yourself, Garrus. Please. You were there for the right reasons. You were protecting me, and for that I will always be grateful. You're not responsible for the actions of others. Come on." She walked back onto the ship and he followed.

-x-

-x-

Kaidan was woken by a frantic banging on his hotel room door. He forced himself up and grabbed his trousers, pulling them on and hurrying to the door. It slid open to reveal a sobbing Rahna, who flung herself into his arms.

"Rahna?-"

"Sam's dead! I was notified by the hospital's coroner as his listed contact! She killed him, Kaidan!" she wailed.

Kaidan was trying to get his mind working. Sam was dead. He had been waiting for what he knew was probably inevitable, but it was no less shocking. "Who's 'she', Rahna?"

"Shepard!" Rahna spat the name out.

Kaidan was suddenly detached from everything, and he held Rahna away from him. "How do you know that?"

"The dock-workers were talking! Sam was delivered from _her_ ship! He went after her and now he's dead, Kaidan!"

Kaidan continued to hold her away from him as she cried. One thing troubled him. If Shepard had killed Sam, why would she bother bringing his body back? "Were you given a death certificate?"

Rahna nodded as she wept, and Kaidan took her arm, bringing up her notification and sending a copy of it to his own omnitool. Then he walked to his balcony as he read it. A multitude of body shots, all to his back, caused by a variety of weapons. He looked down the list of weaponry the coroner had discerned were the type of guns used. These were all weapons favoured by the Blue Suns. Regardless of how she came to be there, he was sure Terra was equally as distressed by the turn of events. He imagined her standing at his casket, her hand on the lid as she had done with Jenkins. She would never have brought his body back to Citadel space if she hadn't cared. He closed the report and went back towards Rahna.

"That woman's evil!" Rahna seethed through her tears.

"No, she's not."

"How can you say that, after _this_!?" exclaimed Rahna.

"Because I know her. She cared enough to bring his body back. She didn't do this."

"Then she's won! She's twisted her way into your head! Got you believing her lies! She's-"

"That's enough, Rahna!" He grit his teeth to stop himself from saying more, reminding himself she was upset. "I'll get you home." Kaidan led her out of the door. There would be footage from the docking bay. It would tell him everything he needed to know.

Half an hour later, he was at the C-Sec offices, looking through their footage, courtesy of Bailey. Then he found it. The ship docking, casket being unloaded, Terra moving to it as Garrus watched her. He paused the screen as she rested her hand on its lid, just as he had known she would. He smiled sadly to himself and played the rest. She was moving away, disappearing from his view, and the ship left. It was her sole purpose for returning to the Citadel.

He felt an unimaginable relief surging through him. He had been right. There had to be a reason for the other events that had previously made him question if it was her. Whether it be a control chip or just bad circumstance - like Ash on Virmire - he wouldn't rest until he knew he'd done everything he could for her.

Kaidan had regained his belief in her. He wouldn't lose it again.

**-x-**


	38. Catching Up and A Spectre's Game

**Shepard,**

**It's come to my attention that your old friend, Liara T'Soni is hunting the Shadow Broker. I wouldn't mind helping her in that hunt, given the Broker's past work for the Collectors. I recently uncovered some information that might give Dr T’Soni a lead on where to find the Shadow Broker's base of operations. I doubt, however, that T'Soni would accept such information from Cerberus. I've attached the file. Maybe you could pass it on to her.**

**In addition, I have discovered that another of your old crew, Tali, could be in need of assistance. My sources say she's currently on Haestrom, but there has been a significant increase in geth activity there since her arrival. You might want to check it out.**

**The Illusive Man**

Shepard re-read the message again. "Joker, we're heading to Haestrom."

" _Uh, okay… Why?_ "

"Tali's there."

" _Oh. Well, it'll be good to see her again, but something tells me this isn't just to catch up, is it?_ "

"She could be in trouble."

" _That sounds more like it. Destination: Haestrom._ "

Next, she made a call to Liara.

" _Shepard. It's good to hear from you_."

"You too, Liara, but I'm afraid it's not a social call. I have intel on the Broker's base."

" _Goddess! How-?_ Cerberus _._ "

"Yes. It's up to you if you want to use it. Sending it across now."

"… _I have it. … No wonder I could not find him. This system… No one would think to look here. I have a contact who may be able to help me pinpoint the Broker's position. Thank you, Shepard. I have to move on this quickly._ "

"Wait! Liara, you can't do this alone! I have to go help Tali on Haestrom, but I can come straight after-"

" _The longer I wait, the more chance there is that the Broker will be alerted. Every delay is another round of torture for Feron. I am sorry, but I cannot wait. I_ **will** _not. But please do not worry. I will not be alone. Take care, Shepard._ "

Liara signed off before Shepard could protest and she slammed her hand down on the desk. She couldn't turn back now. Tali needed her… but she was very concerned about Liara. Who was she getting to help? Were they capable of going up against someone like the Broker?

Shepard did the only thing she could think of. She sent a message to her father, explaining Liara's attempt to bring down the Broker, and her fear for her friend's safety. Now Terra could only hope there was something he could do.

-x-

"Sekat, I need your expertise."

" _Liara. Always a pleasure. What have you got for me?_ "

"I'm transmitting a file. I need to see if it's possible to get a fix on a location of a base somewhere within that system."

" _I'll take a look._ "

"Thank you. I'll check in with you soon."

-x-

Hackett had Anderson on-screen. They were discussing Terra's request.

" _I can't deny that the Shadow Broker's files could prove invaluable, but the Alliance can't be seen to make a move like this. If it goes wrong we'll be well and truly on the Broker's hit-list, and believe me, we don't want that,"_ Anderson stewed.

"Not a fleet, no. But what about one of our best? One person to go in with T'Soni's people, to keep the Alliance's interests secure?"

Anderson nodded, thinking through his options. " _There's one person who would be perfect for this: Commander Alenko. He's proven himself time and again in high-risk missions, and he knows Dr T'Soni, there's already a trust there, and we both know how important that is for a successful mission_."

Hackett had to agree. "Okay, let's do this."

-x-

-x-

"This is a serious problem," Garrus said to Shepard, as he looked out from the shadows that lowered the extreme temperature from Haestrom’s sun to a bearable one.

"Thank you for that insight, but I'm afraid it changes nothing. We have to get to Tali."

"But there's not a lot of shade _and_ cover out there."

"Then the first one there doesn't get cooked," Shepard announced as she sprang out, and Garrus cursed while Jack laughed.

They all darted out, taking down geth as they went. Things began heating up fast. Their shields fizzled out quickly under Haestrom's sun, and they had to scatter to get into cover that could also shade them. Tactics were difficult here. Even more irritating, was that the geth seemed to have a much higher threshold when it came to taking the intense heat.

Once the immediate area was cleared, they made a run for the entrance of a building and the blissful coolness it would offer them. They were a short distance away when the geth brought down two huge pillars that effectively sealed it off.

"Oh, for God's sake!" cursed Shepard.

"Shepard."

She dashed over to Thane who was scoping an area.

"I believe I see demolition charges."

She checked with her own scope to confirm it. "Well spotted. We get those and we can clear this blockade in no time."

An array of geth dropped from the sky into their path, and Shepard sighed. This was going to take some time.

-x-

Kaidan moved quickly to meet Liara.

It was a rare trip to Ilium, and Liara had been as surprised to hear from him as he'd been when Anderson briefed him. This was a bold move, and that Liara was the one heading it was even more astounding. Long gone was the quiet, unassuming, and awkward young asari, to be replaced with a woman who was determined, confident and strong. He'd seen her progressing down that path during their time with Shepard, but it seemed since then that she'd taken it to a whole new level.

When he approached Liara's apartment and saw the police cordon he grew concerned. Ignoring the cordon, he stepped into the room.

"Sir, you can't be in here," informed a police officer.

"Commander Alenko, Alliance. I'm a friend of Dr T'Soni's. I was supposed to be meeting her here. What's happened?"

"Someone tried to kill your friend, Commander Alenko." An asari descended the stairs, studying him, before speaking to the officer. "Thank you. Your people are dismissed." That irked the officer, but she gestured for her colleagues to leave. Once they had gone, the asari continued. "Tela Vasir. Spectre. I understand you've worked with one of our most famous operatives. Shame she didn't get reinstated. So, what business did you have with T'Soni this evening, Commander? If it's not too personal a question."

"It's not. We were chasing a lead on the Shadow Broker." He wondered what a Spectre was doing here.

"The Shadow Broker? Dangerous enemy to have."

"Clearly. Someone took a shot at her." He gestured to the large window that offered an amazing view over the city skyline, and went to take a closer look at the bullet holes that marred it.They had come from the outside.

"She stuck around for almost four minutes before leaving the building. Whatever she was doing was important."

Kaidan turned to Vasir. "So where is she?"

"If I knew that, I wouldn't be sifting through her crap."

He decided that there was something he didn't like about Vasir. Turning back to the window, he gave it a closer study. "Kinetic barrier. The bullets didn't get through, so she's not injured.” Kaidan looked around the room. “Liara was expecting me. She would have left a message."

"I haven't found anything, but you know T'Soni better than I do. Where would she have hid her valuables?"

"Let me take a look around."

He hadn't moved far when he stopped dead at a display case.

"It's just an old piece of armour," Vasir shrugged from behind him.

Kaidan knew exactly what it was. "It's Shepard's," he murmured. Seeing it like that, so damaged… He swallowed the lump in his throat.

"By the looks of it, someone didn't like her much." Vasir's words were careless, but Kaidan shut it all away.

Not seeing anything else that attracted his attention, Kaidan headed up to Liara's bedroom. His eyes were immediately drawn to a photo of the original Normandy that sat on a small table beside her bed. He picked it up and the screen changed.

"Interesting. It must be keyed to your ID. What's that a picture of?" Vasir asked over his shoulder.

"It's a prothean dig-site." Liara had a ton of displays housing prothean relics, dotted throughout her apartment. He replaced the frame and started checking out the cases around her bedroom. Nothing. He went back downstairs and the first case he tried reacted to his touch, revealing a hidden drawer that contained a disc.

"Hm. Smart. Let's try it on that terminal," Vasir suggested.

Kaidan inserted the disc into Liara's computer and waited.

" _What have you got for me Sekat?"_

" _It was tricky, but you paid for the best. I'm confident I can narrow it down extensively_."

Kaidan took in the features of the salarian, Sekat. It was likely Liara had headed for him, and they would need to find him.

" _How soon can you have it?"_

" _Shouldn't take long. Come to my office. Baria Frontiers at the Dracon Trade Centre_."

" _I'll see you in a few hours_."

Judging from the assassination attempt, one thing was clear to Kaidan and he voiced it to Vasir. "I'd say the Broker's on to her. He doesn't want her getting that location."

Vasir nodded. "Come on, my car's outside. Hopefully, T'Soni's still there."

-x-

They'd only found one survivor so far: Kal-Reegar was hurt but moving. Tali was apparently locked away at the far end from where they were, securing data of some kind. The only problem was the mass of geth between them, and a colossus right in front of Tali's door.

"Okay, we're splitting up. Jacob, you take Thane and Jack down the right side. Once you've secured it, Thane can snipe from there to help out the middle team, whilst you and Jack move forward. Garrus, you have the second team, straight down the centre, with Samara and Grunt. Just keep in cover, and keep that colossus busy. Miranda, you're with me. We'll take the left side. That colossus won't know what hit it. Reegar, I know I can't order you to, but I'm requesting you stay low, and if you see an opportunity that doesn't place you at risk then feel free to loose some of that heavy-fire. There's been too many of your people lost today."

Reegar absorbed that and nodded.

"Move out!"

-x-

Kaidan couldn't believe it. The blast had been large, devastating the Trade Centre. He got up from the ground where he had been knocked off his feet by the shockwave, and quickly assessed the civilians on the ground. Most were just in shock with minor injuries, but one was more severe and he did what he could to stabilise the man until help arrived.

"I'll start the search from the top, you start down here," Vasir said, as she jumped back in her car.

Kaidan moved into the building. The damage was bad. Fires had broken out in various places, and the very structure of the building appeared compromised in some areas. He spied the elevator but decided against it, heading instead for the stairwell.

One floor up he found a man with bullet wounds but it wasn't possible to save him. The Broker had sent in his troops. Kaidan was astonished by the extent the Broker had gone in order to stop the information getting out. He informed Vasir that there were enemies present and continued on. An unexploded bomb offered further proof that this was a manufactured blast. He diffused it, just to be safe, and carried on.

A terminal outside the Baria Frontiers office confirmed that Liara had signed in. Now he hoped she was okay.

-x-

The sight of the colossus finished off by a well-placed missile from Reegar was extremely satisfying. More than that, her team had worked well together, and Shepard was truly proud of them all.

Tali unlocked the door. "Shepard! I don't know how you're here, but thank you!" Tali rested her hand on Shepard's before closing the gap with the approaching quarian. "Kal, I'm so relieved you made it!"

"It's all thanks to your old Commander, Ma'am. She's every bit as good as you said she was."

Shepard waved his praise away. "I just wish we could have gotten here sooner."

"We've suffered heavy losses, but even _you_ can only do so much,” stated Tali. “It's more than enough that you're here now. How did you know where to find us?"

"Cerberus."

"I'm not even going to ask how _they_ knew, or why they'd care. We're alive because they told you, so I'll overlook it. And we got the data we came for."

Terra had wondered the same thing as Tali about the Illusive Man's sudden helpfulness, and it made her uneasy. She hoped Liara was okay, thankful she had Tali in one piece. "What's happening here that was worth all this?"

"This planet's sun is dying prematurely. These readings will tell us why." Tali handed the data to Reegar. "Here, Kal. Take this back to the Flotilla."

"Ma'am?"

"I'm going with the Commander." She looked at Shepard. "That is, if you'll have me."

"Tali! Of course, but are you sure? I'm still with Cerberus."

"Absolutely. My mission is complete, and you need someone you can trust to watch your back."

Garrus deliberately coughed.

"An extra pair of eyes then," added Tali.

"Well... there is a rather nice, brand spanking new drive-core you might be interested in…" Shepard said teasingly.

"Then just try to stop me!"

Shepard smiled. "Welcome aboard, Tali."

"Thank-"

"Ah, ah. No need, remember?"

Tali laughed. "Right."

Reegar pulled Tali aside. "Are you sure about this, Tali? This is Cerberus we're talking about."

"This is _Shepard_ , Kal."

He nodded in understanding. They'd had a lot of chats, and many had centred on Commander Shepard. After seeing her in action, he knew Tali hadn't exaggerated about Shepard's skill, and he doubted she had embellished anything about the human's care for her people, either. Tali had even cried in his arms over her friend - her human sister. He had no idea how Shepard had cheated death, but the difference in Tali was clear since she'd discovered her friend was alive, so he didn't question it. "I'll miss you, Tali."

"I'll miss you too, Kal."

Kal took both of her hands in his, his helmet gently butting up against hers. "Please come back to me."

"I want nothing more," Tali assured him. Finding someone she had fallen for had been a surprise for Tali. She was so focused, so like her father, that she was amazed she'd even noticed him. But she had. Then to find that he had also noticed _her_ was a breath-taking revelation. Their relationship consisted of deep conversations where they bared their souls to each other in lieu of their physical selves. That would come. Tali wanted a future with this quarian.

Terra watched the intimate moment between Tali and Reegar with a sad smile. She was so happy for her young friend, and she didn't want to be responsible for parting them. The pair returned to her. "Tali, I think you should stay. Time's too short. You should make the most of what you have together." She knew that better than anyone.

"Shepard, I know by the fact that you're still with Cerberus that you're already sacrificing yourself. Kaidan isn't with you, is he?" Tali asked gently.

Terra looked down. "No. He's where he should be - with the Alliance…. And he's moved on."

"Oh Shepard. I'm so sorry. I understand your concern, but I won't allow you to go through this without me. What sort of friend would I be, if I let you go through this alone?"

Garrus coughed again.

Terra could almost see Tali's eyes rolling.

"I _mean_ , with someone who doesn't have a _terrible_ cough!"

Terra gave a small laugh as Garrus smirked.

Reegar spoke up. "I think Tali needs to do this, Shepard. Just take care of her for me."

"I promise," and by God she meant it. She refused to let their story end like hers and Kaidan's.

-x-

Kaidan heard a shot from a room nearby and he ran for it. The door opened to reveal another of the many Broker's agents that he'd had to deal with on the way up here, falling to the ground dead by Vasir's hand. Beyond them, he recognised the salarian, Sekat. He was slumped on the floor, shot dead. They'd been too late. And there was no sign of Liara.

"Damn it. If I'd been a few seconds faster, I could have stopped them." Vasir's voice sounded almost bored.

Kaidan held back the frown and checked Sekat's pockets. "No sign of that data. Looks like a dead end."

"Speaking of which, did you find your friend's body?"

"You mean _this_ body?" Liara entered the room, gun drawn on Vasir.

As relieved as he was to see her, Kaidan immediately went on alert. "Something I should know?"

"This is the woman who tried to kill me. I doubled back after I left. I watched her break into my apartment."

Kaidan aimed his own gun at Vasir, anger darkening his gaze. "You used me to find Liara."

"Thanks for the help," Vasir smirked.

"Once she had my destination, she must have signalled the Shadow Broker's forces. They bombed the building to take me out. I am guessing _she_ found Sekat, and killed him. She must have the data."

"Not that you'll ever get to see what's on it…" the glass behind Vasir cracked, "…you pureblood _bitch_!" She flung the shards of glass at them.

Both Liara and Kaidan instantly threw up barriers as Vasir launched herself through the window. Kaidan then threw himself after Vasir, grabbing her, and they were falling down to the ground below. Vasir, however, had the ability to biotically slow her descent, where Kaidan had yet to learn that particular trick, and she dislodged him. He pulled up a barrier to help cushion the blow as he hit the ground hard, then painfully got to his feet in time to see Liara landing using the same biotic control as Vasir, and running after the asari. He took off in pursuit, more of the Broker's agents trying to stop them. Once they were out of the way, he and Liara exited the building to see Vasir jump into her car. They commandeered a cab and followed.

Vasir weaved through vehicles and buildings, construction sites and tunnels, but Kaidan stayed on her tail. Then he was able to come up beside her car, ramming it hard, and Vasir lost control, crashing onto the roof of a hotel. They saw the Spectre stumbling out and moving away. Unable to land there himself, Kaidan brought the cab around to land at an area designed for parking, on a lower tier of the building.

"She cannot have gotten far." Liara was already arming herself. "We will need to be alert. It is likely she has called for back-up by now."

As if in answer, several small trucks containing more of the Broker's men, descended nearby.

Kaidan was ready.

-x-

Tali stood in Engineering, looking up at the drive core in awe. "There's one thing I can say about Cerberus - they know how to build a ship! The Normandy is running even better than before. I looked over the schematics. They've reinforced the armour. The ship shouldn't be as easy to rip through if we run into any more Collectors."

"That's good to know. Garrus has also messed around with the cannons. They'll do some serious damage now."

"I think I can also improve the shielding, if you'll allow it."

"Absolutely. Any edge we can get against the Collectors improves our chances of succeeding. I'll make sure Donnelly and Daniels give you any assistance you need."

"It's good to be with you again."

"Likewise. So… you and Reegar… how did you two meet?" Terra smiled. She could almost see the red radiating out from Tali's face.

"Actually, I first met him during my trial."

Shepard frowned. "Trial?"

"I was accused of treason."

"What!? Why!?"

"I had been sending deactivated geth parts back to the fleet for my father. The ship where they used these parts in testing was subsequently overtaken by geth. The Admiralty decided that it was because the parts I sent were actually dangerous, and therefore I had endangered the fleet."

"You'd never risk that. I'm betting you checked and double-checked each and every part you sent," declared Terra.

"I did. And I appreciate your faith in me, Shepard. But I needed to prove my innocence. So I took a team of our best soldiers across to the Alarei - the ship my father was still on - with a hope of finding him alive, and clearing my name. Kal was the lead marine. It was awful Shepard. The geth had killed everyone… including my father."

Terra rested her hand on her friend's arm in empathy. "Tali, I'm so sorry."

"It gets worse. I discovered that my father had deliberately reactivated the parts I had sent back, creating fully functional geth. It was against our most basic laws. His name would have been struck from every record of every ship he'd ever served on. He'd have been held up like a monster as an example to future generations. He had achieved so much for the fleet, and this would have been all that he was remembered for."

"You didn't give them the proof, did you?"

"I couldn't."

It worried Terra greatly. "What was the punishment?"

"It would have been exile. They were about to announce it when Kal stood up and told them what an outrage it was, given everything I'd done for the quarian people, both in helping defeat Saren and in portraying a more favourable view of our people to the rest of the galaxy. He shouted at them Shepard! He told them this trial wasn't about me, it was about their own inner squabbles over the direction the quarian people should take. They were so shocked they couldn't respond. It was true. The Admiralty is split over finding a new home or fighting the geth to retake Rannoch. The events on the Alarei had just offered them a way to fight it out publicly."

"With the Reapers, you can't afford to start a war," worried Shepard.

"Maybe. Anyway, that is how I came to meet Kal. He got my attention. He saved me from exile."

"So the Admiralty listened to him?"

"Kal incited the whole assembly. With a room full of people up in arms over their treatment of me, the Admiralty had no choice but to listen. They admitted it, and issued me with an official apology. After that, Kal and I became closer."

"He's lucky to have you, Tali."

"I'm the lucky one, Shepard. I never could have dreamed of ever feeling like this about someone. It's kind of frightening."

Terra gave her a wistful smile. "Yes, it is. ...But it's worth it."

"Totally worth it!" Tali agreed.

"I'll get you back to him, Tali."

"I know."

Tali’s absolute belief in her scared Shepard. She couldn’t fail her. Focusing on how great it felt to have the quarian back with her, she hugged her friend.

-x-

They had caught up with Vasir's cab.

"She is hurt, and losing a lot of blood," commented Liara.

Kaidan was already starting to follow the track left by Vasir. He wondered how a Spectre could justify this apparent disdain for life. A lot of people had been killed in that Trade Centre bombing, and more by the Broker's troops. What kind of Spectre would be a part of that? What kind of Spectre worked for the Shadow Broker? It reminded him of Terra's conversation with the Broker's agent, on the first _Normandy_. She'd never been tempted to deal with the Broker.

It suddenly occurred to him that he was about to take on a Spectre. Even an injured one was likely to give them a tough fight. Then, there she was ahead of them.

"Vasir! It's over!" called out Liara, and they sighted down at her as she walked by a group of people who were unaware of her while they partied.

The Spectre biotically flashed over to a woman, placing her gun at her head. "All you had to do was walk away. Now it gets ugly."

"I'm going to end you, Vasir," warned Liara.

Vasir just laughed scornfully. "Thermal clips on the ground. Now."

"I don't think so," Kaidan said in a low tone. Then he sent a mass of energy that pulled the woman from Vasir's hold, sending her hurtling towards him, and Liara sent the Spectre flying back. Kaidan caught the woman and thrust her towards a doorway to safety, re-sighting on Vasir, who was already on her feet again.

"You'll regret that, bitch!" Vasir was fast as she used her biotics to zoom from one end of the large balcony to another, then hitting them with shockwaves that damaged their shields. More of the Broker's people joined them, and Vasir stayed out of sight. Kaidan knew they couldn't let up on the Spectre, so he indicated that he'd take care of the agents – his tech skills needed to deal with the drones - whilst Liara continued the assault on Vasir.

Once he'd dispatched the agents, he turned to help Liara. She'd brought down Vasir's shields and severely damaged her armour, and together they finally brought the Spectre to her knees. Kaidan approached carefully, kicking her weapon aside, but it was clear that Vasir had nothing more to fight them with. Liara searched Vasir and pulled out a data disc.

"Sekat's personal datapad. This has what we need to find the Shadow Broker." Liara walked a short distance away as she ran through the data.

"You're dead. The Shadow Broker's been in power for decades. He's stronger than anything you've ever faced!" Vasir threatened.

"Is that why you sold out the Council to work for him?" Kaidan parried.

"Go to hell! The Broker's given me damn good intel over the years. Intel that saved lives and kept the Citadel safe! So if the Broker needs a few people to disappear, I'll pay that price without hesitation!"

"You cut corners for an easy ride. Lost your morality! Spectres don't blow up buildings filled with innocent people!" Kaidan was disgusted by it all.

"Sure we do. We get our hands dirty so the Council doesn't have to. The councillors might complain about our methods to soothe their consciences, but they never look too closely."

Kaidan knew she was probably right about the councillors, but it just meant that it was more important than ever that those given that colossal power as a Spectre, use it in the right way. Terra had recognised that.

"You want to call someone a traitor, just look at Shepard," Vasir continued, through gritted teeth. " _She's_ the one who's turned her back on the Council to work for Cerberus." Vasir gasped as pain ran through her.

"It's not as simple as that," Kaidan disputed.

"I think it is. Kidnapping kids for biotic death camps, her own unit on Akuze - and she's _with_ them. You want to talk about sacrificing innocents, just look at the Bahak system! So don't you dare judge me! Don't you…" She grimaced in pain, then her breath left her, her head lolling to the side.

Kaidan shut out Vasir's words as the ignorant tirade that it was, and re-joined Liara. "Vasir's dead."

She simply nodded and began walking swiftly back to their cab. "I need to get things in order. Get us those reinforcements, a ship. It could take a few hours to sort out. The sooner the better. It will take us time to reach the Broker's base, and he will know about Vasir's fate before long. He may decide to kill Feron."

"Sekat got the location?"

"He did."

"Then you have to stay hopeful. I'll do everything I can to help you."

Liara faltered, her steps slowing but not stopping. "She brought you here, didn't she? Even though she could not be here, even with everything she has on her shoulders, she is still looking out for me."

"She?"

"Shepard. She was the one who gave me the information I needed to help my search. She wanted me to wait so she could assist me, but she could not come straight away and I refused to delay it. No one at the Alliance would have known. She must have called them, convinced them to get involved, and here you are."

Kaidan knew Terra would have gone to her father. She wouldn't take advantage of his position when it was something to do with her, like Antella, but when it involved someone else's life, she had. Christ, he missed her. "You've seen her?"

"Yes." They were back at the parking area now, but instead of heading for the cab that they had come in, she called a second. "I will call you when I have everything in place." She transferred their omni details and left without another word.

Kaidan frowned. Liara had definitely hardened in the last two years.

It felt strange to know that he was here because Shepard had requested Alliance help. It was suddenly a whole lot more important that this mission succeeded. He couldn't let Terra down. Not again.

-x-

Shepard stepped into the holo projector, partly distracted by her wish to check in with Liara to see if there was still time to help her.

The Illusive Man appeared in front of her. " _Shepard, we caught a break. I intercepted a distress call from a turian patrol. They stumbled onto a Collector ship beyond the Korlus system. The turians were wiped out, but not before they crippled the Collector vessel. I need you to board the ship and get some hard data on the Collectors. Find us a way to get to their home world_."

Shepard frowned at that. "Just how did a turian patrol take out a Collector ship?"

" _It's intact, but all systems are offline. They could be making repairs as we speak. This is an opportunity we can't waste_."

"Can we expect turian back-up?"

" _I don't want anyone else in on this until we have what we need. We tend to be viewed with suspicion by the other races. It could make things difficult. We're currently feeding them false reports. You can be in and out before they learn the truth_."

Shepard didn't like that but she knew the Cerberus thing would be a problem. Something felt wrong about this, though. "You're sure about this information?"

" _Information is my weapon, Shepard. It's good. I've sent the coordinates. Good luck_."

" _Are we going Collector ship hunting?_ " Joker asked when she'd stepped out of the holo.

"We are." So much for joining Liara, but she couldn't pass this up.

" _Oh joy,_ " he said warily.

"Yeah," she agreed. Her gut said this wasn’t all it seemed.

**-x-**


	39. Disclosure and Revelations

Liara strolled into Eternity and headed straight for the bar, stopping directly in front of the asari bartender. "I need your help."

The asari faltered, then recovered. "I'm Aethyta. What can I get for you, honey?"

"Are we really going to continue to play this game?"

"You'll have to explain that one to me."

"I know who you are."

After a brief hesitation, the asari resumed her casual persona. "That's because I just told you, babe. I think you've had enough to drink, already. Why don't you go sleep it off, honey?"

"Very funny. I know you are my father."

There was a longer pause before Aethyta waved someone over to cover for her and gestured to a table in the corner of the bar. "How did-?"

"I am a very good information broker." Pride accompanied the statement.

"So I see… How do you think I can help you?"

"You have control of commandos. I need them to take down the Shadow Broker." She watched Aethyta’s face turn to one of horrified astonishment, and it told her that her father truly cared, though Liara was too preoccupied to further consider the concept that she still had a parent who was looking out for her.

"The-? Crap, Liara! You want to piss off the Shadow Broker!?"

"No. I think I said I wanted to bring him down."

"Hah! No one even knows where he is, and the minute you start pushing for it, you'll make yourself a target."

"I already have his location. And he has already tried to take me out. Now, I just need to finish this, and for that I need back-up."

"And if I refuse?"

"I will go anyway. The Shadow Broker has my friend, and he is a threat to someone else I care deeply for. I will not walk away from this." On that, she was adamant.

Aethyta’s regard turned approving. "Damn. You sound just like me. Makes me proud, Liara…. Okay. There's no way I'm letting you go alone. I may not have been there for you while you grew up, but I'm here now. My commandos are yours. Oh, and you get me, too."

"You?"

"That's right. You think I'd pass this up? I'm half krogan you know!"

Liara's eyes widened with her own astonishment.

-x-

They stepped aboard the Collector ship.

Garrus was on high alert, and quietly murmured his concerns to Shepard. "I don't see how a turian ship could have the firepower required to take this thing out. It took those heavy guns on Horizon quite a few hits to convince that last ship to leave, and it doesn't seem possible that a turian vessel could have survived long enough to make that many shots before they were destroyed." He didn't like a single thing about this scenario.

"I'm with you. Joker said the same thing. There's something going on we don't know about."

"Then we're here because…?"

"It doesn't change the fact we need whatever information we can get from this thing. But I won't be surprised when something tries to bite us in the ass."

"Well, at least we're prepared for it. Because I sure as hell plan on catching it before it gets anywhere near my ass."

Shepard coughed to cover her laugh. "That's not helping my focus, Garrus."

"What did I say?" he asked innocently as he thought it over. "Oh." He cleared his throat.

The group surveyed their strange surroundings as they moved into the ship.

"Unusual ship design. Hard to track lines, angles. Disturbing," commented Mordin, in an uncharacteristically unscientific way.

"Looks like a giant insect hive," added Jacob.

It did indeed. Something more akin to a bee, or a wasp. Terra hated wasps.

" _Shepard, I have checked the ship's EM signature. It is the same vessel you encountered on Horizon,_ " informed EDI.

"I suppose the defence towers could have already damaged it," considered Garrus. "That would make more sense as to how the turian ship managed this."

"And more importantly, we might find the missing colonists aboard," hoped Shepard.

"If they're still alive," warned Thane, gently.

Shepard nodded her acceptance of that possibility. They hadn't gotten much further when they'd come across a pile of dead human bodies. Terra turned away, her teeth gritted in anger, as Mordin ran scans.

"Appear to be test subjects," he supplied simply, his voice intoned.

"This has to stop." Jacob verbalised Shepard's thoughts as she moved wordlessly on.

-x-

"Any word from Alenko?" Hackett asked Anderson.

" _T'soni's got the exact location and is currently getting asari commandoes, no less. Seems she has everything under control, though the Broker's aware they're closing on him. He had his people take out a building, inhabitants and all, to try to destroy her and the information."_

"We knew he was ruthless."

" _Indeed. That's not to mention the Spectre that Alenko and T'Soni had to take down, courtesy of the Broker_."

"Damn! If the Council gets wind of that it will be difficult to explain."

" _Agreed. That said, there’s a witness who can vouch that they saved her from the Spectre, so I don’t think it’ll be an issue. The last thing the Council will want is it made public that another one of their own Spectre’s threatened to kill an innocent civilian.”_

 _“_ I hope you’re right. We’re walking a fine line as it is. I don’t need to get the Alliance on the wrong side of the _Council,_ too _.”_

 _“Well our man will be off Illium soon. Alenko says T'Soni's set to leave in a couple of hours_."

"Good. Keep me apprised."

" _Will do. Anderson out._ "

Hackett sat back in his chair, his fingers tapping restlessly on the desk. A Spectre working for the Broker. He decided that it was more important than ever that they bring the Broker down.

-x-

They had gotten a good distance into the ship when they had come across an open pod containing a Collector. It was hooked up to a console, which Shepard began hacking.

"Were they experimenting on their own kind?" questioned Miranda.

"Why so shocked, cheerleader? Seeing similarities between you and these monsters?" sneered Jack.

Shepard had what she wanted. "Not now, Jack. Edi, I'm uploading some data. Can you tell me what they were up to?

" _Data received. Analysing. … The Collectors were running baseline genetic comparisons between their species and humanity. The results are remarkable. There are no similarities between the Collectors and humans, but there is a quad-strand genetic structure in the Collector sample that is identical to traces collected only from ancient prothean ruins._ "

Shepard stepped back in shock. "My God. The protheans didn't vanish…" She looked down at the body laying inside the pod. No wonder there had been something familiar about them. There was a resemblance with the protheans from her visions. But they had clearly been tampered with.

"You mean they're just working for the Reapers now?" Garrus frowned.

Foreboding rose within Shepard. "I don't think it's as simple as that."

"Agreed," added Mordin, who had been perusing the terminal. "Can no longer be considered prothean. Signs of extensive genetic rewrite."

" _Confirmed. The Reapers have repurposed them to suit their needs,_ " provided Edi.

Tali moved beside Shepard to look into the pod. "They turned them into monsters and enslaved them," she said sadly.

"Still, they're working for the Reapers now. And we have to stop them," reminded Garrus.

"Mordin, what do you make of the reason for comparison with humans? Is it what I think?" Shepard questioned.

"Likely they are looking to do the same to your species."

"Like hell," mumbled Jacob.

"Why humanity specifically?" Thane asked.

Shepard had a good idea, but it was Miranda who answered.

"Because they see us as the biggest threat. The strongest species. It was a human who stopped the Reapers’ return." She looked at Shepard as if to make it clear to anyone who didn't already know.

Terra thought about those colonists piled up. Test subjects. Because of her.

"We should move on," suggested Thane. His words pulled her back, preventing her folding into herself further with blame, and she nodded.

"Uh, Shepard? You need to take a look at this…" Jack called out. She had wandered away from the group and was now standing at the end of the corridor.

Shepard joined her to find she was looking out onto a large cavernous space lined with hundreds of thousands of pods - not all empty, but most. Waiting for victims.

"They're targeting Earth," stated Miranda.

Given the Collectors attacks on humans, and the sheer number of vacant pods, it was the only possible answer. "Edi, can you detect if there's any colonists alive in here?" Shepard asked.

" _I would need access to the ship's primary control unit. However, from the data I received before, it appears that the pods life support systems are connected to the primary power_."

"Which is now offline," Shepard murmured.

" _Correct._ "

If any of the colonists were on board, they were already dead.

x

Joker sat looking out at the Collector ship. He hated it. Hated the Collectors. How different things might be if they hadn't destroyed everything important in his life: the _Normandy_ while she was an Alliance vessel, and Shepard. He could admit it - she was his closest friend. He wasn't the kind who made friends easily. He tended to put people off with his caustic humour. She saw through it all though, until he no longer felt the need to use it as a defence mechanism. Now it was just his way. When he pulled it out in lieu of having the right thing to say, she knew why he was joking inappropriately.

He studied the strange ship. It was like a mass of synthetic and organic material. It was all wrong. He had a horrible feeling of déjà vu as it floated in front of his viewing window. Last time he'd seen one this close it was firing on them. He considered that, a thought forming.

"Hey Edi, do you have the readings taken by the Normandy SR1 before it went down? That stuff's uploaded into the beacons. I'm guessing if Cerberus can get plans for the Normandy, you probably got that info too, right?"

" _You are correct, Mr Moreau_."

"Can you run an analysis on that ship? Compare it to the one that attacked the SR1?"

" _I can. Analysis complete. The EM signatures match_."

"Son of a bitch!" Despite his question, he hadn't expected EDI to confirm it. He keyed the comm. "Commander! I just had Edi check. This is the same ship that hit the original Normandy!"

" _The same ship dogging me for two years? Way beyond coincidence._ "

"Something _really_ doesn't add up, Commander. Watch your back."

" _Yeah, this place is creepy enough as it is. Thanks for that, Joker._ "

"Anything to help." He clicked off. His feigned light-hearted comment hadn't helped alleviate his anxiety.

x

Shepard knew it was all too easy, as she walked cautiously to the platform where the control panel sat.

"Where are the bodies of the Collector crew?" Jacob queried in suspicion, following her.

"Careful, Shepard. Something doesn't feel right about this," Garrus warned.

"Will you stop it? We're doing this whatever and you're not helping my nerves." She took a single step onto the platform and paused. Nothing happened, so she carried on to the panel and activated her omnitool. "Edi, I'm setting up a bridge between you and the Collector ship. See if you can get anything useful from the databanks."

" _Data mine in progress._ "

Garrus had joined her on the platform, as had Jacob and Jack, who was looking over the far edge.

"Shit! That's a long way down! Hey, cheerleader! Come take a look!" called Jack, with intent.

"Screw you, Jack!" Miranda called from her position with the others, covering the way they'd come. Jack just laughed.

x

The data started scrolling down the screens in front of Joker. Then there was a surge of power, and he turned to look at one screen which briefly displayed the image of something that looked worryingly similar to a Collector, except with more legs, before it disappeared, plunging him into darkness.

"Uh, that can't be good."

x

The platform suddenly detached itself, rising quickly up and away from where the rest of her team still stood. Shepard, Garrus, Jacob and Jack were now elevated over the huge chasm, when their ride suddenly halted. Jacob had to grab Jack to stop her falling over the edge. Shepard and Garrus had held on to the raised walls around the console.

"What the hell just happened?" she said into her comm.

" _Major power surge. Everything went dark, but we're back up now,_ " informed Joker.

Edi supplied more. " _I managed to divert most of the surge to non-critical systems. Shepard, it was not a malfunction. It was a trap._ "

"That's great,” moaned Garrus. “And we've got absolutely nowhere else to go. Except down," he added uneasily.

"Commander!" called out Jacob. "We've got hostiles incoming!"

"Edi, is there anything you can do?"

" _I am having trouble maintaining connection. Someone else is in the system._ "

They all took cover. Shepard checked over her shoulder. The rest of her team were still on firm ground, looking back at her helplessly. Thankfully, there were no signs of them being under attack. She refocused on the platform that flew towards them. "Jacob, Jack. Do what you can to knock them off. Use this environment against them." She hoped the Collectors wouldn't do the same.

"At least I get to throw _something_ nasty over the edge," Jack grinned back.

-x-

Kaidan stood in the docking bay looking out at the asari ship. It was an impressive vessel. He wished it was the _Normandy_.

Liara joined him. "Kaidan. Everything is ready. My father and her commandoes should be here any minute."

"Your father?" Kaidan wasn't sure he'd heard right.

A voice behind them answered for her. "Matriarch Aethyta, babe. It was a shock to me too - that Liara had found out who I was. I recovered quicker, though. You should probably close your mouth now."

Kaidan clamped his jaw shut, and the smirking matriarch sauntered past him and into the ship, followed by her commandoes.

Liara gave him an apologetic look. "She is a little…unrefined. Apparently, that is down to her krogan father."

As Liara entered the ship, Kaidan realised his mouth was open again.

-x-

No sooner had they removed all hostiles from the platform that now joined onto theirs, when another two platforms descended from either side. The one on the right had two Scions on board. Just what Shepard didn't want; getting staggered by a shockwave would likely end in a fast trip to a long way down.

" _Connection re-established. I need to finish the download before I can override any systems_ ," informed EDI.

"I'd appreciate it if you could get that done fast, Edi!"

She had Jack and Jacob focus on those on their left, while she and Garrus took one Scion each.

x

Thane managed to get a Scion in his sniper scope. It was all he could offer from down here. He took the shot. And again.

"I should be in the fight," Grunt said angrily, as he paced restlessly along the edge, just behind Thane. An assault rifle and shotgun were useless at this distance. "Should have stayed closer to Shepard."

"Just keep your guard up, krogan," ordered Miranda with disdain.

"My _name_ is Grunt," he rumbled back with a glare.

"More like the most intelligent thing to come out of your mouth," she said arrogantly.

Grunt stilled with a growl, then took a step towards her.

Samara stepped in front of him. "Now is not the time to fight amongst ourselves. Miss Lawson is right to encourage you to stay alert to your environment, though her own intelligence must be called into question with her deliberately offensive statement."

"Agree," concluded Mordin. "Unnecessary."

That evoked a satisfactory grin from Grunt and a 'drop dead' look from Miranda. Mordin shrugged, and Samara was equally unfazed, moving to stand beside Thane, who was still taking shots when he could.

"I am reminded of the reasons I enjoy the solitude of my life," imparted Samara.

"Indeed," agreed Thane, as he fired another shot.

"Keelah, you're all crazy," mumbled Tali.

x

The Scions defeated, Shepard looked over to see Jack throw a shockwave that dealt with the last standing Collector. Another batch of platforms moved towards them. "Edi! Any progress?"

" _I am simultaneously fighting Collector firewalls in over 8000 nodes. I am currently tasked to capacity._ "

"I take that as a no," Garrus noted.

"I think it was more along the lines of 'shut up and let me work'," corrected Shepard.

The platforms attached themselves to the others.

" ** _Shepard. I will tear you apart_**."

Shepard sighed as she heard the voice of the Collector General. "Shit."

"He's really got it in for you," Garrus said casually.

"Apparently, I have that effect on anything Reaper related."

They fired over the low walls, then ducked to avoid the dark energy that was sent their way.

"I managed to induce the same ire on Omega," shared Garrus, conversationally.

They swung their guns over to fire again, and Shepard followed it up with an incinerating blast, before hunkering down. "I think Reapers beat mercs," she jibed.

"Yeah, you win" he conceded. "And as soon as I get around to upgrading my omnitool, I want that incineration program."

Another round and only three Collectors stood, but they had brought up some kind of barriers.

"If you spent less time calibrating the ship's guns and more time on your omnitool, you'd have plenty of space to fit another program."

This time they stood and concentrated fire, taking out the shields then the Collectors in seconds.

"Guns are more fun," he answered, making her shake her head in amusement.

" _Shepard. You must manually re-establish a link to the command console,_ " informed EDI.

She hustled back to the console and re-linked.

" _I have regained control of the platform, Shepard._ "

Immediately, the platform detached from the others and started back towards the rest of the crew.

"I knew you wouldn't let us down, Edi. Did you get what we needed?"

" _I found data that could help us successfully navigate the Omega 4 relay. I have also found the turian distress call that lured us here. The Collectors are the source. It is unusual. Turian emergency channels have secondary encryption. It is present but corrupted in the message. It is not possible that the Illusive Man would believe this distress call was genuine._ "

Shepard gripped her weapon tighter. "How can you know that?"

The platform docked and they gladly stepped off.

" _I found the anomaly using Cerberus detection protocols. He wrote them._ "

"He _knew_ it was a trap? Why send us in?" Tali queried in disbelief.

"The data. Sending us in was the only way to get it." Nevertheless, Shepard was angry. That asshole had looked her in the eye and told her the information was good.

"Bastard," grimaced Garrus.

"It was necessary," defended Miranda, her arms crossing defensively.

"Getting the data, yes. Keeping us in the dark about the trap, no," responded Shepard.

" _We've got another problem Commander!”_ Joker's voice was all business. “ _The Collector ship's powering up! You need to get out of there before their weapons come online! I'm not losing another Normandy!_ "

"Move out!" Shepard led the way, running fast through the corridors, but the entrance ahead of them closed, blocking their exit. "Edi!"

" _That exit has been manually sealed_. _Searching for an alternative route… Opening door to your left._ "

They headed for it. Shepard had a nasty feeling that this was probably what the Collectors wanted. They emerged into a larger area, and the Collectors started flying down from above. Half of them didn't survive the flight down, dropping to the ground as Shepard and her team opened fire. They then took cover to deal with those that had landed, spreading out and flanking them. The General took over a body and offered Shepard more threats. His temporary body didn't last long.

Shepard moved them on through the room quickly before more could show up. Another large room, and Shepard directed them to proceed but to remain behind cover as much as possible. They were half-way across when she spotted the same large floating bug-like Collector gunship that had given them so much trouble on Horizon.

She swore. She should have expected this. Swapping her rifle for the Collector heavy weapon she'd nabbed on Horizon, she readied herself. Time for round two.

-x-

Kaidan sat beside Liara in a small area designated for off-duty personnel, the ship in flight. "This is one hell of a task you've set yourself."

"It is important. The Shadow Broker has meddled too long in the lives of my friends."

"Anderson said the Broker's had your friend for two years, Liara. Do you really think he'll be sane?" he questioned gently, trying to ensure she was prepared to find someone who might be a shadow of who she’d once known.

"I have to hope for that. He is a drell. They can escape into memories. That would give him an advantage. But if not, then he should be released from his pain. Leaving him with that monster is not an option, Kaidan."

"You're right. You mentioned _friends_."

"Yes. The Broker is after Shepard."

Kaidan tried not to visibly react. "Why?" He remembered the Broker agent's threat that she would regret not dealing with the Broker….

"To fulfil his contract with the Collectors. It was the Broker who took her body from Alchera before she could be recovered by the Alliance. To give to _them_. And the Collectors work for the Reapers."

Kaidan was gob-smacked. "How can you know this?"

"Because I stopped it, Kaidan. With Feron's help. He was a double-agent working for the Broker, _and_ Cerberus. I gave her body to Cerberus so they could keep her safe from the Broker, and so they could bring her back."

Kaidan stood up, staring at her. His mouth opened but nothing came out. Confirmation that Terra _had_ died. Lawson _had_ told the truth. They'd brought her back. "You allowed them to do that to her!? They implanted her with a control chip, Liara! They’ve made her their slave!"

Liara stared back at him in shock. "How can you think that!? Kaidan! She is not being controlled! The Illusive Man would not allow Lawson to implant the chip she wanted. Shepard is in full control of her mind."

"Then what about Aratoht, and Purgatory?"

"I do not have an answer for you, Kaidan. But I know that she is trying to save lives. I know she is using Cerberus because they are the best chance she has - that the colonists have. She is stuck, but she is carrying on despite her circumstance, because she is Shepard. That is how I know that whatever happened on Purgatory, in the Bahak system, had to have been something beyond her control."

Kaidan had considered that himself. Eventually. He remembered something he'd said to Ashley once. ‘ _We're all where we are because of circumstance, Chief. It's why you have to carry on with the hand that's dealt, and make the most of the chance you've been given._ ’ That's what Terra had been doing - all this time - making do with what she had for the sake of the colonists. The rest… the things that had made him question before… Could Liara be so sure there was no chip? His breathing was heavy, his heart thumping hard in his chest, and he dropped back down into his seat. Without a control chip, she was all Terra, and he wished for that more than anything. "You're really sure she’s herself, 100%?"

"I am positive that aside from some implants to keep her alive, she is the same Shepard. It is what the Illusive Man wanted: Commander Shepard, as she was before. She has been so successful because of who she is, what she believes in. To alter _anything_ about her, especially by changing her behaviour through a control chip, would be to negate the very reason for him bringing her back."

He hadn't considered it like that before, and he cursed Rahna for filling his head with talk of control chips. It had made him single-minded about it to the point where he hadn't been able to see the alternative for far too long.

Liara rested her hand on his. "Kaidan, do not blame yourself. It is a scenario that few could comprehend. You should rest while you can. We will not be able to get close to the Broker's base in this ship without being detected, and it will be a long shuttle ride in."

He nodded, moved away from Liara, and headed for a sleeper pod. He needed space. Christ, he needed Terra.

-x-

They were running hard again. It had taken too long to bring that monster down, and they could hear the engines getting louder. Another entrance closed and they waited for EDI to find another. On the move again, Shepard could hear familiar low moans ahead of her. "Husks!" she shouted as she continued on, allowing Thane, Samara, Jack, Miranda and Jacob to come to the fore. "Keep moving!" Her biotic team were clearing a path, husks were splattered into the walls, ceiling and floor.

" _We're out of time, Commander! We have to go_!" Joker sounded desperate.

"You heard the man! Everybody on to the Normandy. Move!"

They jumped aboard the shuttle as the Collector ship began lighting up. The shuttle was opened full-throttle back to the _Normandy_.

.

As soon as they'd passed through the field of the cargo bay, Joker was off, fingers racing over the console. "Strap in, people. Gonna make them work for it this time," he said over the comm. He felt the strain. They'd beaten him last time. He reminded himself that the ship was better than before, and _he'd_ be better too. They weren't taking it all away from him again.

A chill ran down his back as the sensors registered the ship was attacking. The long lines of laser that had so easily cut through the original _Normandy_ , streaked past them as he evaded. He felt a hand on his shoulder. Shepard. Still in her armour. Reassuring and frightening at the same time. He'd lost her the last time she'd come to him in the cockpit during this Collector ship's attack.

No matter how hard he pushed the engines, the ship kept pace. They'd have to use some real power. "I can't dodge this guy forever, Edi! Get us the hell out of here!"

" _Specify a destination, Mr Moreau_."

He barely refrained from swearing at the AI. "Anywhere that's not here!"

" _Very well. Engaging mass effect core_."

The delightful pull caused by the drive core initiating, was even sweeter than usual as they disappeared from the Collectors. They'd made it. He rested his head back against his headrest and breathed for what felt like the first time since that ship had powered up.

"You okay Joker?"

"Yeah, just, you know, kind of a déjà vu moment."

"You did great."

"Well, of course! You've got the best, Commander!"

"Damn straight," Shepard grinned. She took a deep breath and a seriousness befell her. "Edi, get the Illusive Man on the line."

Joker's console bleeped. "Looks like he heard you, Shepard. He's calling _you_."

"Put it through to the briefing room, Joker."

"Give him hell, Shepard," he called out as she walked away.

"You bet I will," she murmured. Garrus, Jacob and Mordin emerged from the elevator as she approached. Mordin went off to his lab and the other two fell in behind her as she headed through the armoury. Jacob stopped there, but Garrus continued through with her.

She stepped forward into the holo projector and the Illusive Man appeared.

" _Shepard. Looks like EDI extracted some interesting data before the collector ship came back online_."

"You knew it was a trap. Why the _hell_ would you not tell me?"

" _We needed that information, or we can't reach the Collector home world. I was confident in your abilities. And don't forget EDI. The Collectors couldn't have anticipated her_."

"Not good enough. You placed my people in a situation that was more volatile than we were led to believe. I should have been made fully aware of _all_ known information."

" _I needed the Collectors to believe they had the upper hand. Telling you could've tipped them off in any number of ways. Besides, I wouldn't have sent you in if I didn't think you could succeed_."

Terra wasn't accepting his poor excuses. "I don't risk people. There are always alternatives."

" _As much as we try to avoid them, these decisions need to be made_."

"Agreed, but when it comes to my crew they're mine to make. The way you do things is underhanded. Just like that stunt you pulled with Kaidan on Horizon. I can't trust you."

" _Maybe you should focus on the results instead of the way I go about obtaining them. It paid off. EDI confirmed our suspicions. The Reapers and Collector ships use an advanced Identity Friend/Foe system that the relay recognises. All we have to do is get our hands on one of those IFF's_."

Shepard put aside her grievance to focus on this new piece of information. "Damn it! If we'd had longer on that ship we could have gotten it. I don't see how we're going to get another opportunity."

" _I already have a solution. An Alliance science team recently determined that the 'Great Rift' on the planet Klendagon is actually an impact crater from a mass accelerator weapon. A very old mass accelerator. I sent a team to find either the weapon or its target. They found both. The weapon was defunct, but it helped us plot the flight path of the intended target - a 37 million year old derelict Reaper. We found it damaged and trapped in the gravity of a brown dwarf. The Reaper has a mass effect field that keeps it in orbit. Likely an automatic response to the external threats. It's stable, but I won't call it safe_."

"Just how old was this weapon?"

" _That battle was waged while mammals took their first steps on Earth. There's no trace of the species that took the shot. Perhaps it was their one moment of defiance before being wiped out_."

Shepard cursed to herself. Why the hell hadn't the Alliance's team followed it through? "You could have used this Reaper to convince the Council and the Alliance!"

" _Not until we've unlocked its secrets. I think I've made it clear that Cerberus likes to act, not procrastinate and file things away to look at later, like the Alliance are prone to. And to give it to the Council who already had a Reaper right in front of them and still decided to ignore the threat...? No_."

Terra bit her tongue this time. There was simply no point in arguing about this any longer. "So what's the catch this time?"

He pressed his lips together at her question, like he didn't want to admit there was one. " _We lost contact with Dr Chandana's team shortly after they boarded. Subsequent reconnaissance revealed no clues as to the cause, and it was too risky to commit more resources - but now we need that IFF. I'll forward the coordinates to Joker_."

Without further word, Shepard stepped out of the holo. "Edi, tell the crew to assemble."

" _Yes, Commander_."

Shepard faced Garrus, who was still leaning against the wall beside the door, arms crossed as he'd listened. "He's an asshole," she stated.

"No argument there. What do you think's going on with this Reaper?"

"I have no idea, but if this science team isn't responding anymore, it begs the question as to whether this Reaper is really dead."

"More like damaged beyond repair, then."

"Maybe. I don't know. God, I hate these things."

"And now we get to go inside one. You know, that sounds very foolish when I say it out loud."

"Uh huh,” Shepard granted, “but we'll be well-armed fools. Once we've filled everyone in, we should rest while we can. I get the feeling this is going to be another challenging mission."

"With you, is there any other kind?" Garrus asked dryly, as Jacob and Mordin were the first to file in.

-x-

Kaidan finally gave up on sleep and slumped into a chair, bringing up his messages. Garrus' remark about him being a dick was still there. Taunting him. It was the truth. He deleted it, then brought up Joker's, re-reading it. The pilot had no doubts, and Kaidan wished he had been there to wake her, to help her through what was playing on her mind that she had taken to the cockpit. But of course, he _hadn't_ been there, and _he_ was surely part of the reason she had been unable to sleep.

He went to delete that message too, then saw there was an attachment he hadn't noticed before. He opened it, and watched a medical lab come into view. Lawson was there with another man. Something lay on the table in the centre of the room. He listened as Lawson made her report.

Shepard.

Kaidan had tears in his eyes as he realised that the unrecognisable mass on the table was Terra. His hand shook as he made the video fast forward to turn days into seconds, and he continued to watch as figures flitted in and out of the room, machines were brought in and taken out, and slowly the form on the table took shape.

He stopped it on the anniversary of her death. Lawson was nowhere to be seen because she was on the Citadel at that time, with him, at that bar, flirting with him even as she knew that Terra was laying there.

She was bones and organs, and it pained him to see her like that. Kaidan paused at every implant they inserted, listening as they described the purpose and function. He forwarded it again, watching her body take form, machines breathing for her, her organs now functioning inside her open chest cavity. He slowed it as they replaced the top of her skull and Lawson complained to a man named Wilson about her boss' refusal to insert a control chip. Forward again, and skin was being applied, and he saw her face. It was crisscrossed where the skin had yet to heal but it was undeniably her.

Then she was suddenly waking, her body tensing, arching, and she was gasping in absolute agony. Kaidan watched with tears rolling down his cheeks, his hands fisted, as she reached out for help, only to find Lawson who just pushed her hand down. Then she was relaxing as they sedated her again, and she returned to unconsciousness.

Kaidan hated Lawson. He remembered how she'd sneered as she'd spoken of Terra. Lawson loathed her, and yet she was overseeing Terra's recovery. It made him nauseous.

Carrying on through the video, Kaidan stopped as he saw Terra waking of her own volition. Her eyelids fluttered, then sprang open as she called his name. His name! He looked at the time stamp, and his stomach felt like lead as he knew that he had been with Rahna. His arms had been wrapped around another woman. It felt like he'd cheated, even though he hadn't done anything, even though he hadn't known she was alive.

Kaidan felt like scum. He'd treated her so badly; thought so many awful things about her. Horizon. He'd stood there and called her a traitor to her face. He had turned his back on her then ignored her as she'd called his name, her voice begging him to come back. He could only imagine how she must have felt - to be dragged back into life, but everything had changed. To reach out for help from those you trust and love and have them turn away.

Only most of them hadn’t turned away. Garrus, Joker, Liara, Chakwas, Hackett – they’d all been there for her. It was just him….

Kaidan sunk his head into his shaking hands. She should have been innocent of his accusations unless proven guilty, but he'd done the opposite. She'd returned to him, against all odds, and he'd let her down. He didn't deserve her.

-x-

Terra stepped into the observation room quietly. Samara used this room, and she was now in meditation, facing the large window that afforded a wonderful view of the stars beyond. Then she sat on the floor beside the matriarch.

"Shepard. How can I be of assistance?"

She liked the calm, patient voice of Samara, and when Terra spoke it was in a hushed tone, as though she didn't want to ruin the serenity. "I just wondered how you deal with everything. The loss. The guilt. I mean, I know your code is absolute, that you said remorse is not felt because you follow that code, but I know you feel something about Morinth."

Samara regarded her. "You are correct, Shepard," she admitted.

"I just… find the nights hard. Thoughts have a tendency to haunt you when it's all quiet."

"What is it that weighs on you so?"

"Where do I start? Purgatory. Sam. Aratoht..." She nearly said 'Kaidan', but it was a selfish part of her. A part that wanted to put her personal loss amongst those who had lost their lives because of her. So she kept that one to herself.

"These are things that were beyond your control, Shepard. You did not chose to release the prisoners, you did not send your friend to Omega nor forced him to shield you, and you did not ask for the sedative that kept you from warning the batarian people of the disaster that was about to befall them. The Reapers are to blame for that, and you have given the rest of the galaxy time. The price was high, but you did not pay it lightly. Shepard, you always offer words of comfort and encouragement to your crew, but you are not so kind to yourself. Why?"

"Because… a lot rides on me doing my job. It's my duty to protect life. All life."

"Even though you no longer serve the Alliance or the Council?"

"I'll always be Alliance. It's in my bones. I was raised living in it, breathing it. I don't know how to be anything else. And the Council… Being a Spectre was about protecting the whole galactic community. I have so many good friends of all races that I care for as much as my own family, and I won't turn my back on them or those they care about."

"The galaxy is lucky to have you. But you should not place all responsibility for it on your own shoulders. We are, each of us in this universe, equally responsible. Few recognise that. Know that you do the best you can, with a pure heart, and you have nothing to atone for. Nothing to keep you up at night."

"I wish it was that simple. My head understands that perfectly, it's my heart that won't let it go."

"Yes, for a soldier, you are an extremely connected person. Most lose that emotional attachment to a certain degree. You have not. I believe it is what makes you so effective. Special."

Terra was uncomfortable with that word. "You should probably stop before I end up with a huge ego," she joked, uneasily.

"That could never happen, Shepard. You are too self-deprecating," smiled Samara, knowingly.

She sighed. "Right."

"If you wish it, I will teach you a meditative technique which will help you clear your thoughts and allow you to sleep."

Shepard gladly agreed.

Forty minutes later she laid on her bed in her cabin and tried what Samara had taught her. Ten minutes after that, she was asleep.

-x-

"Hey babe. Need someone to off-load on? I've got plenty of experience." Aethyta sat down next to Kaidan.

"I think this one's unusual, even for a matriarch."

"Ah, right. Liara told me about you and your girl. Lucky bastard. Getting a second chance like that?" she shook her head in wonder.

"I know. But I didn't trust it was really her and now I've lost her anyway."

"Don't talk crap. Talk to her. She'll forgive you. Or you can give up before you've even tried, and regret it for the rest of your life. I've been down that road. I wouldn't recommend it. Who knows where me and Nezzie might be now if I'd just swallowed my damn pride and talked to her."

"I can't. She's blocked me. She thinks I'm with someone else, and she's protecting me because she's worried that my being associated with her will drag me down."

"Sounds like she feels the same for you as you do about her. Right?"

Kaidan didn't have to consider that. He knew with a certainty. "Yes."

"Then what the hell are you worried about? And there's always a way to get a message to someone. Send it via someone else," she shrugged.

"Maybe you're right."

"Maybe!?" Aethyta mumbled something unpleasant under her breath. "But despite the fact you've apparently got shit for brains, if it doesn't work out for ya, I'll be more than happy to help take your mind off it, honey."

Kaidan stared back at the matriarch. "Um… excuse me… while I send a message." He tried to scrub out the image of Aethyta's 'help' as he typed into his omnitool. He kept it short, and pressed send.

x

Joker was about to end his shift, when the message came through.

**Joker,**

**I know I messed up. I need to make amends. I have to talk to her, but she's shut me off. If there's anything you can do… Please.**

"Edi, is Shepard still awake?"

" _Negative. Do you require that I alert her-_ "

"No way! Leave her be. It will have to wait. She needs to sleep, and so do I."

" _Goodnight, Mr Moreau."_

"Night… or, whatever you do." He headed for his pod, knowing that at some point he was going to have to talk to Shepard.

**-x-**


	40. Entrances and Exits

They were nearing the Reaper.

"Edi, can you confirm this IFF is going to work?" Shepard asked. She decided that she'd rather take it from the AI than from the Illusive Man.

" _My analysis concurs with the Illusive Man's. I have also determined the approximate location of the Collector home-world, based on navigational data from their vessel._ "

Her team were amassed in the briefing room with her, all fully rested, and they all leaned in as EDI brought up a holographic representation of the system beyond the Omega relay. The AI then indicated the location, and they all frowned.

"That can't be right," said Miranda.

"Edi doesn't make mistakes," replied Shepard in thought, and she took a breath. "The Collector home-world is located somewhere in the galactic core." She managed to sound more matter of fact about it than she felt.

"It can't be. The core's just black holes and exploding suns. There are no habitable planets there," Jacob protested.

"Could be an artificial construction. Space station protected by powerful mass effect fields and radiation shields," suggested Mordin.

It was good enough for Shepard. "Sounds possible. We now know that the Collectors are just slaves for the Reapers, and we all know what their masters are capable of."

"Keelah. No wonder no-one's ever returned from the Omega 4 relay," said Tali.

" _The logical conclusion is that a small safe-zone exists on the far side of the relay. A region where ships can survive. Standard relay transit protocol will not allow safe transport. Drift of several thousand kilometres is common, and would be fatal in the galactic core. The Reaper IFF must trigger the relay to use more advanced encrypted protocols,_ " Edi suggested.

" _We'll be within range of the Reaper in less than ten, Commander,_ " notified Joker.

"Let's get this done," finished Shepard, and she took one last look at the holo image. The galactic core. Nothing was ever easy.

-x-

They were nearing the system where the Broker's ship was located. As soon as they breached the system, they had to continue by shuttle. It was quite a trip, and Kaidan lamented that if they had the _Normandy_ they could have gotten a lot closer. He started arming up, his thoughts refusing to give him peace. He wondered what Terra was doing, yearning to be with her now.

"Is everything all right, Kaidan?" Liara's voice came from behind him.

He turned to her, a sudden anger springing up. "Why did you never tell me? Why didn't you let me know what was happening to her? Don't you think you should have shared all this with me? With her parents? Two years ago, this all started. Two _years_ , and I had no idea. Two years of imagining her body out there, too unrecognisable to be recovered. I nearly moved on with someone I don't love because I thought I _should_ have had feelings for the woman! I nearly cheated on Shepard!" He ran his hand over his mouth like he wanted to wipe away the words he'd just said out loud, they were so distasteful to him. "If I'd have known that there was _any_ chance that she was alive… I had a right to know. Her _family_ had a right to know, Liara."

Liara hung her head. "You are right. It just did not seem fair to give false hope. Even _I_ was surprised when Shepard walked through my door. I see now that I was wrong to withhold that from you. I am sorry, Kaidan."

"Things could have been so different if I'd been prepared," he said with a resigned sigh, anguish descending over him. "Ever wished you could rewind the clock? I seem to need to do that a lot."

"I think that those moments are experiences from which we must learn. It is up to us whether we turn them into something good, or let them remain regrets. Kaidan, do not give up hope. Sometimes you have to lose something in order to realise its value."

He shook his head. "I've always known what I had. I just didn't accept she was the real thing when she was standing right in front of me."

"But now you do. It means you have already seen the lesson for what it is. To allow your instinct to over-rule your head. Now you need to look forward instead of back. You will get your chance to make this right."

"I hope so." Liara was right. His first instinct on Horizon had been to hold Terra. Before his head butted in with that cold, distancing logic.

"Time to hustle, babe," informed Aethyta as she breezed past them into the shuttle.

For now, Kaidan would have to wait to make it right. For now, the best he could do for Terra was to help protect her from the Broker.

-x-

Shepard's team were congregated around the airlock. "Okay, we have an added threat. Joker's detected a geth ship alongside the Reaper."

"That would be why the Cerberus science team went silent," Tali added.

Shepard nodded. "Stay sharp. Asides from the geth, we have no idea what we're walking into. Let's go." She led the way through the airlock, which was now attached to the science team's makeshift base that was in turn attached to the Reaper.

As soon as they stepped aboard they were confronted by blood and bodies.

"Smells bad. There's blood but something's wrong with it," growled Grunt.

Shepard had no idea what that meant but an uneasiness descended upon her. There appeared to be no immediate threat here, and she turned to Miranda. "See what information you can get off the terminals."

Whilst Miranda checked through them, the rest of them were able to get a close look at the outside of the Reaper through the viewing windows.

Miranda's voice rang out in the emptiness. "Dr Chandana was project lead. He documents the airlock installation into the side of the Reaper, and the subsequent pressurisation of the atmosphere in order for work to begin. He also mentions the anxiety in the crew, and his own feeling of oppression. Another scientist talks about cataloguing specimens. They found no evidence of anything active, but the scientist refers to Chandana as acting strangely."

"I don't like the sound of that," Garrus frowned.

"Maybe the geth aren't the answer, after all. Moving on," Shepard informed them.

"Guess we're about to find out," muttered Jacob, as they moved towards the airlock that made a bridge into the Reaper.

A sudden jolt staggered them, and instantly Joker came through.

" _Normandy to shore party! The Reaper put up kinetic barriers! I don't think we can get through from our side_!"

"That is disconcerting," murmured Thane.

"That's an understatement. I didn't sign up for getting stuck inside a Reaper, Shepard," complained Jack. "Won't we turn into willing slaves if we're here too long? I can't have anyone or any _thing_ messing about with my head again. I won't stand for that shit. We need to get out _now!_ "

"Calm down, Jack. We're not staying."

"All we should have to do is take down the barrier generators from in here," Tali suggested.

"Edi, any idea where they are?" Shepard asked.

" _At the moment of activation, I detected a heat spike in what is likely the wreck's mass effect core. Sending the coordinates now. Be advised: this core is also maintaining the Reaper's altitude."_

"Why does that sound bad?" Jack frowned.

Tali answered. "It means that when we take down the barriers to escape, the whole thing will fall into the planet's core."

"Fuck!" swore Jack.

"We'll have time, Jack,” assured Shepard. “Joker's an outstanding helmsman. He'll get us off before it reaches crush-depth."

"He'd better," Jack warned.

" _Or else you'll come back from the dead and drag me to hell with you? Yeah, got it,"_ muttered Joker.

Shepard addressed her team. "Nothing's changed. We'll make a sweep for survivors, recover what data we can, and get that IFF. It's just our exit strategy that will be a little different." She hit the hatch-lock and the belly of the Reaper was revealed. It was almost cavernous, and the science team had needed to erect walkways in order to proceed. More bodies lay upon them now.

Miranda headed for another terminal. "It seems as though the Reaper was definitely affecting their minds. These researchers are discussing having the exact same memory, and they appeared to be seeing things."

"What sort of things?" asked Jacob.

"They don't specify."

The team moved down the walkways. Then the familiar moan of husks gave them the answer. More proof that these things were Reaper in origin, and that _this_ Reaper wasn't completely defenceless.

They were more than prepared as the husks came into view.

x

Joker tapped an agitated beat on his armrest. He was up for the challenge. He knew his ability, and he was sure he could do this. He sure as hell wasn't going to be responsible for killing Shepard twice. Kaidan would tear him apart with his bare hands.

At least the man was finally coming to his senses. Joker hadn't had a chance to speak to Shepard about Kaidan's message yet, and considering what she was walking into, it was probably just as well she wasn't distracted. Still, it hung in the air, constantly reminding him. If they could sort this out then Shepard would be truly happy again. Then he remembered the Aratoht mess and his heart sank.

Something told him that the stubborn woman would rather suffer heartbreak her whole life if it meant keeping Alenko's name untarnished by Cerberus and the destruction of the Bahak system. Why couldn't she be selfish, just once in her life, and tell them all to go to hell? Just once. But he knew it wouldn't happen.

x

They were in another part of the ship now. Shepard’s team spread out ahead of her, waiting for more husks and scions to come at them. The silence bore down on them until two shots rang out, each shot going either side of Shepard's head. She swung round to see two husks sinking to the ground, now headless. They all looked up at who had fired, and were shocked to see a geth standing up on a higher platform above them. Her team swung their weapons up, but Shepard shouted at them to hold off. The machine could have easily taken her out, and it had lowered its weapon upon standing.

"Shepard-Commander."

Shepard's mouth dropped, along with Garrus'. Not what they were expecting... The geth unit then turned away and disappeared from their sights. "Tali, have you ever known a geth to speak?"

"No, I- No!" stammered Tali.

There was no time to ponder any further as another wave of husks and scions made themselves known.

-x-

It seemed unbelievable that anything could survive up here. The storms were fierce, lightning flashing all around them, winds gusting, yet the Shadow Broker's ship was now in view. They'd found it. A unique design, it was clearly made precisely to exist in just these conditions.

Liara looked through the same window. "Hagalaz. The oceans boil during the day, then snap-freeze ten minutes after sundown. His ship follows the sunset. Completely undetectable in the storm - unless you know where to look."

"How are we going to get inside?" queried Kaidan.

Aethyta spoke up from opposite him. "We'll just land on the ship and hunt for a hatch. There's gotta _be_ one."

"We can't stay outside for long," he added, as he watched lightning lashing out at the ship.

"Stop worrying," Aethyta said, unfazed. "Just make sure you've got your gravity boots on. I'd hate to lose that sweet ass before I get to see it in action."

"Father!" scolded Liara, as Kaidan's face went hot with his discomfort.

"What? Can't a matriarch appreciate a fine ass when she sees one?" Aethyta smirked.

"Appreciate internally," hushed Liara.

Kaidan could hear the muffled laughter from some of the other asari, and he was more than ready to jump off the shuttle now, lightning be damned.

"Where's the point in that?" Aethyta continued, clearly enjoying this immensely. "There's nothing sexier than a human male with colour in his cheeks, even if it isn't blue. And now he can go out there with the assurance that I'm watching his-"

"I am sure the Commander will be comforted by that," Liara said wryly, cutting Aethyta off. "Let us do what we came here for."

Kaidan gladly placed his helmet on, whilst Liara, Aethyta and the commandoes affixed their masks. Once they'd all nodded, Aethyta hit the shuttle door release and they were immediately buffeted by the strong winds. Without hesitation, Kaidan jumped onto the exterior of the Broker's ship, followed by the others. This was it.

He swore to himself, certain he could feel Aethyta's eyes on his backside….

-x-

The Reaper had given them one hell of a fight so far, but they were all in one piece. According to the coordinates from EDI, they were closing on the core. They accessed another airlock, and Miranda checked out the terminal that the science team had left here.

"We have the IFF. Downloading all the data now."

"So the science team managed to recover it before they were… whatever," said Jacob.

"Then we have what we came for,” Shepard said succinctly, more than happy to be near the end of this particular trip. “The core should be just on the other side of this door. Any surviving scientists would have to be in there. That goes for the geth, too." She hacked the locked hatch, and it opened to reveal the core.

Two things became clear: it was vacant of any surviving members of the science team, and the talking geth unit was alone. It was at the end of the walkway that ran from their position all the way to the drive core, doing something at a terminal in front, and husks were creeping up on it. There was nothing she could do because of a second barrier stopping her from progressing further. Unless they could get through this barrier, they'd be stuck within the Reaper.

"Tali? Any way past this?"

"No! And the controls are on the other side!"

"Fuck, I knew this was too easy!" swore Jack.

Suddenly the geth took out the closest husks, typed into the terminal until the barrier that separated them slid down, and it then turned to run towards them. At that same moment another husk struck it hard, its electrical discharge interfering with the geth unit, and it went down. More husks began bursting up from the ground, all around them.

"Cover me!" Shepard ran up the aisle towards the geth, and fired at the core with the Collector heavy weapon she'd thought wise to bring along again. Garrus and Jacob went with her to watch her back while the others spread out to deal with the husks that were coming from either side.

The core imploded, and the ship began to shudder.

"Shepard! Let's get the fuck outta here!" yelled Jack.

Shepard was looking at the geth at her feet.

"You're not thinking of bringing it with us!" Garrus read her mind.

"Leave it here! You know what they are! If it gets into the Normandy's computers…" Tali left it unspoken.

"This one addressed you, Shepard. There is more than meets the eye," added Thane.

"I am inclined to agree, Shepard," Samara nodded.

"An intact geth is rare. Our scientists should take a look," Miranda stated.

"Second that," confirmed Mordin. "Fascinating."

Grunt didn't care one way or the other.

"Hello!? Is everyone actually crazier than me!? We're going down with the ship!" raged Jack.

"Jack's right. There's no time to debate it. Come on!" Shepard reached down and grabbed it, and Thane took the other side.

" _Hang on, folks,_ " Joker radioed.

"That supposed to be funny!?" seethed Jack.

They ran for the exit.

-x-

It hadn't taken long for the Broker to send out his mechs and agents. What had at first appeared to be a hostile environment was now working in their favour. The lightning capacitors, when knocked temporarily off-line, discharged into the area around it, taking out anyone in close proximity. The winds meant that none of them had to take a shot, because this biotic-enabled team simply lifted their enemies off the ground and let the gales do the rest. They were making steady progress, but it was no less exhausting battling the gusts. Then up ahead, Kaidan saw an airlock, and he and Liara studied it. It was of course locked, and Kaidan attempted to hack it, but unsurprisingly his standard programmes were insufficient.

"Hold on, I have a bypass shunt programme that should crack it," declared Liara. She activated it and it immediately got to work.

"We've got a lot of hostiles incoming, honey," warned Aethyta. "How long's it going to take?"

"I do not know. I have never broken into the Shadow Broker's base before."

"Are you sassing me!? Damn proud, Liara!" Aethyta grinned.

They spread out around the hatch as the Broker's agents moved in.

"You're not disappointing me babe," Aethyta grinned at Kaidan.

"You're not talking about my combat skills are you?" Kaidan replied, a slight hoarseness in his voice revealed his embarrassment.

"That speaks for itself - you're still alive. But that ass-"

"Will you stop it!?" Liara hissed.

"Just lightening the mood," shrugged Aethyta. Then she aimed for a capacitor, electrocuting a large group of agents, and the battle commenced.

-x-

Joker kept pace with the sinking ship, opening the side outer airlock as his screen announced their approach. Without anything to bridge the gap, they were going to have to jump. He heard the first thump of someone hitting the deck, and he checked the camera that afforded him a view of the space between the inner and outer airlocks.

"What the-!?" He did a double-take. "Is that a geth!?"

He was barely aware of the others arrival on board - he had to concentrate. Then the outer airlock was closed and he pulled away, the Reaper continuing its plummet towards the planet. Joker peered over his seat as Grunt walked through the inner airlock with the geth flung over his shoulder and proceeded towards the elevator, the others casually following. Shepard was the last through. Maybe now he could tell her…

"You've brought back a lot of weird people, Shepard, but that last one takes the prize! I mean, really? A _geth_!?"

"I think this one's unique."

"Uh huh," he said doubtfully.

She went to turn away.

"Hey Shepard, have you got a minute?" Joker rushed out.

"Can it wait till after the debrief? We need to take a look at this IFF." She thumbed over her shoulder, her face sweaty from the mission.

He hesitated, torn between blurting it out or letting her get out of her armour at least. Shit. This definitely wasn’t the time. "Oh, sure. Sure."

Shepard faltered as she looked at him. "You positive?"

"No, absolutely,” he waved her off. “Nothing that can't wait."

She nodded and headed off.

Joker blew out a breath. Even _he_ knew that colonists lives were more important than his Commander's love-life. Still, it was damn hard to hold it in.

-x-

Kaidan ducked under more gunfire, then looked back at the shunt. It was almost complete.

"The Broker has an incredible amount of manpower!" observed Liara.

"Noticed that," retorted Kaidan.

"At least there will not be many inside now."

Kaidan exchanged a look with Aethyta. Maybe Liara had still retained some of her naivety, after all.

Finally, the shunt chimed its completion. They finished off the last few agents and headed in, now down by one commando, who had been knocked off by an asari agent.

" _Hold your positions. No matter the cost_."

Kaidan could hear the Broker's synthesized voice calmly giving orders. It seemed he cared as little about his men as he did innocent civilians.

At the end of the stark corridor, more of the Broker's agents were waiting. Kaidan, Liara, Aethyta and the commandoes all glowed with blue energy. The enemy wasn't going to know what hit them.

-x-

Shepard was already looking over the IFF when Garrus, Miranda, Tali and Jacob arrived. "Edi, how's your analysis of the IFF coming?"

" _I have determined how to integrate it with our systems. However, the device_ **is** _Reaper technology. Linking it with the Normandy's systems poses certain risks._ "

"I trust you, Edi. I know you won't let anything happen to the ship." It was a small revelation to Terra as she realised what she'd said. She _did_ trust the AI. Edi had proven herself an integral part of her crew.

" _Understood Shepard. It may take several hours before the IFF is ready for shakedown. I will alert you as soon as it is ready._ "

"Sounds good. Until then, it's business as usual. Now, we need to decide what to do with this geth. Where is it?"

Miranda spoke up. "For now, we've stored it in EDI's AI core."

"Anybody else questioning the intelligence of putting an AI right in the same room as the ship's computer?" Garrus shook his head.

"It poses no risk in its current condition," she said in irritation, not addressing Garrus directly. She focused on Shepard. "An intact geth will be invaluable to Cerberus' cyber weapons division."

"If not for the fact that it's a disaster waiting to happen, it would be far more valuable to the quarian people," added Tali, clearly angered. "At least _we_ wouldn't use it against anyone but the geth."

"Space it," was all Jacob said, but his face told Shepard how unhappy he was it was there at all.

"Cerberus has a long-standing cash bounty for an intact geth. I assure you, the reward is significant," Miranda added.

Shepard didn't care about credits. It wasn't that simple to her. "This one tried to communicate with us. Hell, it probably saved our lives. Why?"

"Reactivating the geth is a risk. If you do so, it should be for humanity's best interests and _not_ your curiosity," pointed out Miranda, snidely.

"I still think our 'best interest' involves an airlock," grumbled Jacob.

"Anyone else notice the piece of armour strapped to its arm and chest?" Shepard voiced what had been bugging her since they'd brought it on board.

"A convenient field repair," Tali shrugged.

If the armour had been anything else she'd have agreed, but it was N7 and the geth had referred to her by name. It was just _too_ coincidental. "I'm not deciding one way or another until I know what we've got here. I want to start it up; interrogate it."

Tali began shaking her head emphatically. "Shepard, you know what happened on the Alarei! My father was killed by these things, and he knew the geth far better than you do!"

"We'll take precautions, Tali. In addition to a barrier, we have Edi."

" _I will know if the geth unit tries to access any of the ship's systems,_ " confirmed EDI.

"Keelah, Shepard, are you listening to yourself!? You're entrusting the AI to an _AI_!"

Miranda wasn't in agreement with this course of action either. "If we activate it, there is no guarantee we can _de_ activate it again."

"Bullets can," Jacob said firmly.

"That's not what I-"

"Thank you for your recommendations," interrupted Shepard, holding her hand up to calm them. "I've made my decision." There were just too many questions for her to leave this geth as it was. She hoped she wouldn't regret it as she watched Tali storm from the room.

-x-

Against an experienced team of biotics the Broker's agents stood little chance in the tight corridors. Kaidan, Liara and her asari team were now at a junction, but still more agents came at them from behind.

"We've got these, honey. Take hot stuff here and go get your drell," announced Aethyta to Liara.

Liara nodded, and Kaidan led the way. They checked through the viewing windows of each room they passed until Kaidan spotted a drell. "Liara!"

Joining him, Liara gasped, "Feron!", and she quickly bypassed the door and rushed into the room. Feron was unmoving, strapped to a chair, strange equipment set up around him, all behind another section of glass. "Feron!" Liara called out, her hands banging on the glass.

When the drell opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her, Liara was visibly relieved.

"Liara!?"

"Hold on! We are getting you out of here!" She ran over to the terminal.

Kaidan shouted, "No, wait!" at the same time as Feron did, but Liara had already tried to release him. Feron yelled out in pain as an electrical current ran through him.

"Feron!" Liara cried out.

Kaidan joined her at the terminal. "It's tamper-proof. Stops those over-seeing the torture from getting a sudden case of empathy."

Feron was breathing heavily, but still managed to nod at Kaidan's statement. "Precisely. The Broker makes his men watch… as a lesson of what happens to those… who turn on him. This chair plugs into the Broker's network. The only way to free me… is to shut off the power, or else my brain cooks."

Liara's face was fiery. "Do you know where we can do that?"

"You'll have to go to Central Operations, just down the hall. But Liara… the Shadow Broker will be waiting for you."

"I am counting on it," Liara responded, her face severe. "We will be back for you, Feron."

Liara marched from the room and Kaidan hurried to catch her arm before she could burst through the doors ahead of them. "Liara, you've got to think before you act. That anger you're feeling right now, you have to lock it away or you'll give the Broker everything he needs to force you into making a mistake. You'll end up getting yourself, or Feron, killed. Detach yourself. Logic, not emotion. It may not have served me well with Shepard, but it’s key on a battlefield."

Liara absorbed his words and nodded, taking a deep breath to calm herself. Kaidan then hit the door lock.

-x-

Shepard stood in the ship's AI Core, looking at the inactive geth that lay on a makeshift bed. Garrus stood next to her, fully armed compared to her own single pistol. Jacob was prepared to join them if needed and was watching from the doorway. Miranda had retired to her room after the briefing, sullen over being ignored, as had Tali.

"Okay, I'm turning this thing back on," she declared.

Instantly, a barrier formed around the geth.

" _I have isolated our systems and erected additional firewalls. I am prepared to resist any hacking attempt,_ " notified EDI.

Shepard stepped up to the barrier and started typing into her omnitool, effectively sending out a jump-start to the geth's system. A sound behind her had her checking over her shoulder to see Tali standing beside Jacob, arms crossed. Shepard returned her attention to the geth and sent out another burst of power, this time getting a response. The optical 'face' of the geth lit up, and in seconds it sat up, then stood and faced Shepard. Terra had to admit that being face to face with a geth was unsettling. She'd spent so much of her time before her death battling these things, it took all her willpower not to reach for her gun. She had to take a deep breath before she spoke. "Can you understand me?"

"Yes," came its synthetic voice.

It still surprised her to hear it talk, as though they might have all imagined it before - a trick of the mind instigated by the Reaper. "Are you going to attack me?"

"No."

"Every _other_ geth I've met has."

"We have not met you."

Shepard didn't understand the 'we'. "No. I said 'other' geth."

"We are all geth, and we have not met you."

Shepard pondered that as the geth continued.

"You are Shepard-Commander. Alliance. Human. Fought heretics. Killed by Collectors. Rediscovered on the Old Machine."

"What do you mean, 'heretics'?" This came from Tali who had moved closer and now stood at Shepard's side.

The geth turned to Tali. "Creator. Tali'Zorah. Fought with Shepard-Commander against heretics."

Tali took a step back, disturbed that it was also aware of who she was as it carried on.

"Geth build our _own_ future. The heretics asked the Old Machines to _give_ them the future. They are no longer part of us. We were studying the Old Machine's hardware to protect our future."

"So you aren't allied with the Reapers?" Shepard asked.

"We oppose the heretics. We oppose the Old Machines. Shepard-Commander opposes the Old Machines. Shepard-Commander opposes the heretics. Cooperation furthers mutual goals."

Shepard was certain her shocked face mirrored those of every other organic in the room.

"Are you asking to _join_ us!?" exclaimed Garrus.

"Yes."

There was a silence as they all looked at each other.

"It has to be a trick, Shepard," Jacob spoke out.

"Except that would mean it is lying, implying an organic trait that geth don't possess," Tali said slowly, her voice giving away her confusion.

"Maybe they've evolved. You're quarian, you should know better than anyone not to underestimate these things," Jacob stated.

"I have to agree," added Garrus.

"We only state the facts," replied the geth.

Shepard studied the geth as she thought it all over. This was an unprecedented situation. She had to put aside any bias she felt about the geth. Everything it had said made sense. All races had divisions, why not an artificial race?

She decided all she could do was to follow her instinct, and she tapped into her omnitool. The barrier dissipated as she spoke. "Then what should we call you?"

"Keelah!" Tali took several steps backwards. Garrus raised his weapon with an exasperated shake of his head, as did Jacob.

"Geth," it replied to Shepard, making no attempt to move forward.

"I mean you, specifically."

"We are all geth."

"The geth do not have individuals," supplied Tali, shakily. "Intellectually they are essentially one entity, Shepard. Each unit has to be connected to a neural network to have anything higher than a kind of animal instinct. It's why they are more dangerous in groups."

"This unit is more advanced, able to hold thousands of programs within one platform," imparted the geth.

" _My name is Legion, for we are many,_ " EDI supplied.

Shepard nodded. "That seems appropriate."

The geth unit paused as it processed EDI's quotation from the human bible. "We acknowledge this as an appropriate metaphor," confirmed Legion. "We are Legion, a terminal of the geth. We will integrate into Normandy."

Terra, without thinking, extended a hand to her new crewmember. It copied her gesture and she completed the handshake.

"Shepard-Commander, we have completed our analysis of the Reaper's data core."

"Right. How was that going to preserve your future?"

"The heretics have developed a weapon to use against the geth. You would call it a 'virus'. It is stored on a data core provided by Sovereign. Over time, the virus will change us. Make us conclude that worshipping the Old Machine is correct."

"I thought geth couldn't be hacked for more than a few seconds."

"That's because the altered programs are simply rebooted," Tali said from behind her. "Anything long-term would have to be done on a basic operating level."

"Correct. This heretic weapon introduces a subtle operating error in our most basic runtimes, changing the results of all higher processes. We will reach different conclusions," finished Legion.

"The Reapers want a bigger army," murmured Garrus.

"It's like the synthetic version of being indoctrinated. We can't let that happen." Shepard addressed Legion. "Do you know where this weapon is?"

"The heretics' headquarters station, on the edge of the Terminus. We will provide coordinates. Normandy's stealth systems are necessary to safely approach."

"Headquarters. Sounds like we could end their raids once and for all," commented Garrus hopefully. This was something he could get behind.

"Total victory is a possibility. We cannot judge the odds at this time. Regardless, we will begin preparations," announced Legion.

Shepard nodded at Legion, and went to leave. Then she paused and turned back. "Why do you have a piece of N7 armour? Where did you get it?"

They all watched in interest as the synthetic seemed to need time to answer that, and Tali took a step closer.

Legion finally answered. "It was yours. When you disappeared, we were sent to find you. We began where you first encountered the heretics on Eden Prime." It indicated towards the hole in its chest. "We sustained damage when we were discovered. We continued our search. The trail ended at Normandy's wreckage. You were not there. Organic transmissions claimed your death. We recovered this debris from your hard suit."

Shepard had no idea what to think about that. "Why were you trying to find me?"

"You were the most successful of all organics, against the heretics. You killed their God. You succeeded where others did not. Your code is superior."

"That doesn't explain why you used Shepard's armour to fix yourself," interjected Tali.

"There was a hole."

"But why didn't you fix yourself sooner? Or with something else?" Tali pressed, sounding almost desperate.

Legion hesitated again as it faced the quarian. "No data available."

Tali exchanged a glance with Shepard that, despite her helmet, displayed every bit of her confusion and shock.

Without further comment, Shepard exited the room, and Tali backed out.

As soon as the door to the AI Core slid shut, Tali said, "I hope you know what you're doing, Shepard."

"This feels right, Tali. I know you're angry with me, and I appreciate that you're here anyway."

"Maybe I just want to be there to say I told you so," Tali said quietly. What she didn't say was that she had the same interest, just a whole lot more prejudice against the geth, than Shepard did.

"I'm a little undecided about that whole conversation," Garrus said, his brow furrowed in thought.

"I don't think anyone was expecting that," Shepard concurred.

Tali gave the barest of nods.

"Joker, you have the coordinates?"

" _Course is set, Commander._ "

"Let's hope this isn't one big trap," complained Jacob as he walked out of the medbay.

She understood his concern, but something inside her told her she could trust Legion.

-x-

Kaidan and Liara walked towards the Broker sitting in the shadows at a large desk. His silhouette didn't give Kaidan any clue as to the species, other than that the Broker wasn't anything he'd come across before.

"You came for the drell, Dr T'Soni. Reckless. As is the Alliance's aid. There will be repercussions," rumbled the deep voice of the Broker.

"No there will not," declared Liara. "Your Spectre found that out the hard way."

"Vasir was expendable. All her death cost me was time. Dr T'Soni, your interference caused all this. Feron betrayed me when he handed you Shepard's body. For that he is paying the price."

"Not any longer. He is coming with us."

"You won't be going anywhere. And you brought me Commander Alenko. His capture will bring Shepard to her knees before me."

Logic, Kaidan reminded himself, clamping down on his own anger. "You're sadly mistaken if you think I'd allow you to use me to get to her. I'd gladly die first."

"You and I both know your death would still bring her here. Either way, it doesn't matter. I have a contract to fulfil. It's up to you how you wish to help me complete it."

"You are not putting a hand on anyone," glared Liara.

"It's pointless to challenge me, asari. I know your every secret while you fumble in the dark."

"Do not be so sure. You are a yahg, a pre-spaceflight species quarantined to your home-world for massacring the Council's first contact teams. This base is older than your planet's discovery, which means you killed the original Broker and took over. I am guessing you were taken from your world by a trophy hunter who wanted a slave… or a _pet_. How am I doing?"

Kaidan watched as the yahg now rose to its full height. It was bigger than a krogan, and he knew there was going to be trouble. Like a pressure valve going off, the yahg roared as he flung the heavy desk at them. Kaidan dived to the side, taking Liara with him. The desk only just missed them, breaking into pieces as it hit the ground. They leapt back onto their feet and dived behind cover. "I think you got his attention," Kaidan glanced at Liara.

"A little more than I bargained for."

They leaned out as one to fire, but each shot was deflected.

"Kinetic barrier," announced Liara, once they were back in cover.

"Then there's only one thing for it, I'll have to punch through it. Be ready once I bring that barrier down. Distract him."

Liara darted up and ran from cover to cover using the pillars that circled the room, firing as she went. Kaidan waited until the Broker was turned away from him before running towards him and throwing a fist hard into the barrier, bringing it down instantly. He followed it up with another hit that had the yahg staggering back, then he closed the gap, aiming to put his whole body into the next hit, only to be met with an omnishield which had him flying back to the ground. Kaidan didn't waste time, and launched himself back to his feet to return to cover, watching the yahg drawing energy from a section above, using the omnishield, that regenerated the Broker's barrier in seconds.

Liara joined him. "Try to get him to bring up that shield again. I've got an idea."

It didn't take Kaidan long to work out her plan. He readied himself as Liara took off again, and Kaidan moved fast to punch through the barrier again. The yahg recovered quickly and went to charge him, but Kaidan dived aside.

The Broker was now standing dead centre of the room, his shield raising in order to draw off more energy. With Kaidan safely at the side, Liara took her opportunity, creating a biotic pull and concentrating it on the glassed-off section above. The glass cracked and she pulled down with everything she had. The energy stored above was dumped on top of the Broker, the shield drawing it all in, overloading his barrier and creating a blast that had Kaidan flying backwards and demolished every molecule of the yahg. The power went down. They'd done it.

A few seconds passed and the back-up power came on. Immediately, voices invaded the silence of the room as the Broker's agents from each planet, station and ship throughout the galaxy, began calling the Broker….

**-x-**


	41. Facts and Choices

Joker heard the soft footsteps of Shepard heading towards him. He should have known she wouldn't forget he'd asked to speak to her. She slumped into the co-pilot's seat, and he could tell she was shattered.

"You needed a word?" she prompted.

Suddenly Joker had no idea how to proceed. "Oh, right...um… It's about Alenko."

Shepard sat up in her seat, her face the picture of concern. "Has something happened!?"

"No! No, Shepard, he's fine. It's nothing like that." He watched her release her fear for Alenko with an exhalation of breath. So far he'd only said three words and had already got her freaking out. He fiddled with his cap. "Agh, why did he ask _me_? I'm no good with kind of stuff," he mumbled to himself.

" _Mr Moreau, perhaps you could show Shepard the message you received,_ " suggested EDI.

Joker squinted at the orb to his left. Trust the AI to make him feel like an idiot. "Yeah, I could do that," he grumbled. He sent it across to Shepard's omnitool and waited as she read it. He watched Shepard's shoulders slowly slump and when she spoke she didn't look at him.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with this, Joker." She rose up out of her seat and went to leave.

"Whoa, wait!" He grabbed her wrist, and she paused at his side, her head down. "You're gonna reply, right? Talk to him?"

She hesitated. "…No."

"What!? Well that's gotta be the craziest thing I've ever heard! Shepard, it's obvious he's still nuts about you! Don't tell me you don't feel the same."

She put her free hand to her temple like she had a headache. "Joker, I have to do what's best for him. He's done so well since I've been gone. ...And he has someone he was making a life with-"

"I think it's safe to say it's not what you two have!" he said, incredulously.

" _Had_ , Joker. I died, remember? That tends to end a relationship." She suddenly shook her head with a frown. "Look, you really shouldn't have to get involved in your Commander's personal life, so-"

"Don't try pulling the rank out on me now, Shepard. I'm not letting you off _that_ easily. You treat us all like family, so… I'm doing the brother thing." He shrugged. "I have a younger sister, she's fourteen, so I have a little experience. I mean, she's more interested in following in _my_ footsteps than she is in boys - thank God - so I've not had to have _that_ kind of talk, but this will be good practice for when that happens. So lay it on me."

"I can't, Joker. I just can't…" When she lifted her head to look at him, she had unshed tears in her eyes.

"I don't get it!"

She sighed with a mixture of defeat and exasperation. "I'm heading to my second death or a jail cell, Joker... If I encourage this, I'm either going to make him go through my death again or have him putting his life on hold for God knows how long. I won't do that to him. …I have no future to offer him…. But without me… he can make his own. He can be happy. I've already disrupted his life too much already."

He wanted to shake her, so he settled for her wrist. "And where do _you_ come in all this? What about _your_ happiness, Shepard? When are you going to _stop_ sacrificing yourself for everyone else?"

She gave him a sad smile, and gently tapped the peak of his cap. "Never."

"Shep-"

"Joker, _please…_ don't make this any harder than it already is," she begged him, and she pulled her wrist from his hand. "How long until we reach the station?"

Joker checked his screen, his brain taking a moment to adjust to the change in topic. "Uh… less than an hour."

"Thank you," and with that, she left.

Joker could only watch her walk away, feeling as dejected as she looked.

" _That did not go well, Mr Moreau._ "

He faced the front again. "Yeah, thanks for pointing out the obvious, Edi. Shit, what do I tell Alenko?"

" _I can condense the Commander's statements into concise points-"_

"I really don't think that's the way to go. Damn, Edi! At least I can now rest assured that I've got more tact than an AI." He sat and thought a while longer before he composed a message.

-x-

Feron and Aethyta came running into the room and both halted in surprise as they watched Liara answering the queries from the Shadow Broker's entrenched agents, using the Broker's own synthesizer to disguise her voice just as the yahg had. As soon as Liara signed off and turned to them, her father approached her.

"My daughter, the Shadow Broker…" Aethyta shook her head in disbelief at the turn of events. "The other matriarchs will have a damn coronary over this. Shame I can’t tell them."

"Well, everyone who has seen him in person is dead, so…" Liara started.

"Goddess of oceans!" murmured Feron.

Liara closed the distance and gently placed her hands on his arms. "It is so good to see you again. I thought I would never be able to find you."

"I can't believe you came for me!" Feron said with incredulity.

"I could not give up on you. You are the reason I have Shepard back."

"You make it sound like she's alive."

Liara smiled. "She is, Feron. Cerberus brought her back. It was they who gave me the intel I needed to find you."

Feron's jaw was slack, and Kaidan understood that feeling only too well. "This is one hell of an undertaking. You sure you can handle all this?" questioned Kaidan.

"It is either this or lose everything - his contacts, his trading sources. Those will really help us. With the Shadow Broker's information network, I can give Shepard…" Liara suddenly broke down. Aethyta stepped in to comfort her. "I am sorry, it is just… it is over… finally… after two years. I thought I had lost two friends and now… now I have them both back."

Feron joined them. "Thank you, Liara. If you want me to, I'll stay. Help you as much as I can."

"I would appreciate that, Feron." She looked between Aethyta and Kaidan. "Is it wrong of me to want this? Maybe I can turn this operation into something better."

"I think it's in good hands, Liara," assured Kaidan.

"Thank you for helping me with this. I could not have done this without either of you."

"I figure it's the least I can do for my little girl," shrugged Aethyta. "The most fun I've had in centuries. Always good to get back into the leathers."

"Thank Shepard. Without her telling the Alliance, I wouldn't be here," Kaidan responded to Liara.

"Yes, but you truly are an outstanding soldier, Kaidan."

Kaidan acknowledged her compliment with a quick nod.

"I'll second that," agreed Aethyta. "Still say it's the best damn view I've had for a long time, too, babe."

Kaidan felt the heat flare in his cheeks again. He really wished she'd stop doing that. "Uh… I should contact Admiral Anderson."

A small floating VI appeared, making them all reach for their guns before they saw it was no threat. " _Would you like me to set up a link for you, Shadow Broker?_ "

"Uh... sure," Kaidan said warily.

The VI led him to a console. " _Connection established, Shadow Broker._ "

"Thanks," he said, feeling foolish. "Admiral Anderson, this is Commander Alenko. The Broker's base is secure, Sir."

" _Damn good to hear, Alenko. I knew you'd do it. I'll notify Admiral Hackett, so expect a visit from him. I have a feeling he'll want to see this personally. In the meantime, go through the Broker's files and extract anything relating to the Alliance."_

"Understood, Admiral."

" _Well done, Commander. You've done us proud._ "

"Thank you, Sir. Alenko, out."

The VI came into his view again. " _Extracting all files referencing the Alliance to data disc, Shadow Broker. Download will be complete in two hours forty-three minutes and ten seconds."_

"Thanks." Kaidan looked at Liara. "That thing's handy."

"It will certainly make this a lot easier," Liara concurred. "On that note, I should get to work." She turned to the screens.

Kaidan approached Feron to offer medical aid for his burns, and Aethyta started checking out the room. "Where the heck _is_ the Shadow Broker?"

"His molecules were disintegrated," supplied Liara, over her shoulder.

Aethyta's face was the picture of disappointment. "You mean I don't even get a trophy? What was he anyway? No, no, don't tell me… He had to be really strong, because that huge desk was thrown, and he's too smart to be krogan - no offence dad - so I'm thinking it was a yahg. Am I right?"

"Yes!"

"I knew it. Another damn species underestimated. I told the Council that we'll be in ship-loads of shit if they didn't take the yahg more seriously, but did they listen? No. Just verbally patted me on the head, patronising bastards. Now I _really_ wish you'd left something of him. Nothing would have given me more pleasure than to slap a yahg head on the Council Chamber floor and show them exactly what had been playing with them all these years. Ah well," she began sauntering over to Kaidan. "I'll just have to find my entertainment somewhere else-"

"Leave him alone," warned Liara.

Aethyta paused with her hand just inches from Kaidan's rear, unbeknownst to him, as he studiously administered to Feron's wounds. She gave a laboured sigh and drifted out of the room to check on her commandoes, muttering under her breath.

-x-

Joker had the ship in full stealth mode as they neared the heretic station, Shepard once again entering the cockpit, but now fully suited up.

"Hey, Commander. The Reaper IFF is hooked up and ready to go."

" _That is not entirely accurate Mr Moreau. The device is powered, but it is causing some unusual instability in other systems. I recommend a more thorough analysis before we attempt to use it._ "

"How long will that take?" queried Shepard.

"A full scan? Who knows with this thing," Joker grimaced.

"Then we'll use the time wisely, no point in putting it off until after the heretic station. Get us past their sensors and we'll shuttle in from there. You can do the shakedown and we'll rendezvous with you after the mission's complete. Ship's all yours, Joker. Take care of her."

"Sure thing, Commander. I'll make sure we're up and running when you get back."

Shepard briefly rested her hand on his shoulder before leaving for the shuttle.

-x-

Kaidan had finished his mission report and checked his omnitool for messages. Seeing one from Joker, his fingers couldn't open it fast enough.

**Kaidan,**

**At least you found your brain. Now if Shepard would just lose her self-sacrificial dagger that she keeps plunging into her heart, you two would be all set.**

**Look, I'm sorry. I really did try. She's determined that you live your life, and she's lost all hope for her own. I'm worried about her, but I don't think there's anything anyone can say to change her mind.**

**Look after yourself.**

He leant over a terminal, his hands gripping the edges of the pedestal it sat on. She was so stubborn. But so was he. Kaidan didn't know how, but he wasn't going to let her give up on them. Somehow he would find a way to talk to her, to tell her how maddening she was, how he loved her even more for it because it told him she still felt the same way he did for her.

" _Would you like me to bring up some files for you, Shadow Broker?_ "

Kaidan looked at the VI hovering beside him, then back at the terminal he was stooped over, a thought coming to him. "Are there any files on Commander Shepard… after her death?"

" _Affirmative. Would you like me to send them to your terminal, Shadow Broker?_ "

"…Yes."

" _Files ready, Shadow Broker._ "

His eyes fixed upon the files on the screen and his blood rushed a little faster round his body as he noticed a file titled 'Mission Reports'. Kaidan checked the destination. Alliance. She was still sending back her mission briefs as though she was still working for them. He wasn't surprised, but he was very interested. They offered him a way to fully understand everything, to know what she'd been through since she'd… woken. He started with the first report she'd filed: 'Freedom's Progress'.

-x-

Legion had entered the heretics wireless network and deposited a load of 'junk' data, causing them to partition themselves at small hubs throughout the station in order to remove it all. All Shepard and her team had to do was move through the base without triggering the alarm and even then it would only effect the room they were in. That was until they accessed the main core, which would obviously trigger a station-wide alert.

So far, they had managed to only trigger one room alert, thanks to Grunt's blundering. The synthetics had been dispatched quickly, and they had moved on, keeping Grunt within sight at all times to stop him wandering into the data streams whenever he got distracted - or tempted, out of boredom. They were now almost at the station's core.

"What are these things?" Garrus indicated through the viewing window of the corridor they were currently in.

"Processors," Legion replied. "Each contains thousands of geth."

"This isn't like the other hubs," commented Shepard.

"This is a database. It contains a portion of the heretics' accumulated memories- Wait. We discovered copies of our current patrol routes in this database. This suggests the heretics have runtimes within our networks."

"So they're spying on you," shrugged Garrus with indifference.

"You do not understand. Organics do not know each other's minds. Geth do. We are not suspicious. We accept each other. The heretics desired to leave. We understood their reasons. We allowed it. There was peace between us. How could we have become so different? Why can we no longer understand each other? What did we do wrong?"

"Wrong?" Shepard frowned. "You're not responsible for their decisions."

Legion faltered a few seconds longer. "This topic is irrelevant. We must return to the mission."

As Legion moved on, Tali stepped to Shepard's side, whispering "Keelah. I'm so confused by it, Shepard."

Terra understood Tali perfectly. Since meeting Legion, everything they thought they knew about the geth had been effectively upturned, and it was no longer clear what the future held between organics and these geth.

The doors ahead opened onto a large area, and Legion stopped at a terminal.

"This is it?" Shepard asked him.

"Yes. We will upload a copy of our runtime into the core. It will delete all copies of the virus. When complete, it will notify us. It will take time. The heretics will respond with force."

"We're ready."

Taking up positions as Legion typed at the console, they waited for the storm to hit.

x

Joker was now a fair distance away from Shepard and the rest of the ground team. He didn't like anything about this. A damned Reaper 'thing' inside his baby. He was only just starting to get used to _EDI_. Not to mention the fact that it meant they were probably mere hours away from actually traversing that relay. Battling the Collectors was not something that featured on his 'things to do before I die' list, along with entering a galactic core. Shit.

Now he was in the middle of a dispute with EDI. "I'm telling you, Edi, your readings are off. It's radiation, just white noise."

" _I have detected a signal embedded in the static. We are transmitting the Normandy's location._ "

That made his heart leap. "Transmitting? To whom?"

In that instant the Collector ship came out of hyper-drive directly on top of them.

Joker went mute for a second as he watched it fill his viewing window. "Oh shit!" Then he snapped out of it, his fingers racing over his console. "We're getting out of here!" Then he swore as nothing responded.

" _Propulsion systems are disabled. I'm detecting a virus in the ship's computers._ "

"From the IFF? Damn it, why didn't you scrub it?" He should have seen this one coming.

" _Primary defence systems are offline. We can save the Normandy, Mr Moreau, but you must help me. Give me the ship._ "

Joker did a double-take at the orb beside him. "What!? You're crazy!"

" _Unlock my sealed databases, and I can initiate countermeasures._ "

Joker realised there was nothing else he _could_ do. Whatever these 'countermeasures' were, they couldn't be any worse than what was happening right now, as his screen rotated through the camera views throughout the ship.

The Collectors were inside.

-x-

Kaidan was tired beyond belief. He had been determined to read every single report until the last. He now had all the facts. Lawson releasing those prisoners against Terra's orders; having to make the decision to sacrifice a colony in order to stop the Reapers coming through. That had been a shock. And then there was Sam… even _he_ had seen the truth, and he'd died protecting her from mercs. Kaidan knew how hard she'd have taken that - all of that. Terra had been through hell… And he'd made it worse. There was no end to the guilt he felt.

"Kaidan, sensors are picking up an Alliance vessel. They will be here in approximately two hours," notified Liara.

He could only nod. Then he made his way up to a second level where the seats there would provide a modicum of comfort. He would grab what sleep he could before Hackett arrived.

-x-

The heretics had put up a good fight, but they were up against a skilled team, and with Legion, Tali and Shepard hacking them, and Garrus and Miranda overloading, any synthetics left unaffected were simply knocked back, or thrown into the air by biotics from the others, leaving Grunt with a shooting gallery. As the last heretic fell to the ground, Legion checked the terminal.

"Data-mine and analysis complete. Shepard-Commander, we concluded the destruction of the space station was the only resolution to the heretic question. There is now a second option. We have determined that the virus is complete. Therefore, their virus can be repurposed. If released into the station's network all heretics would be rewritten to accept our truth."

"Brainwashing?" Jack said distastefully. "If you screwed with _my_ head… I'd rather you blew my head off. Let me die as _me_."

"Can't they use the virus later to change themselves back?" Shepard asked Legion.

"We will delete the virus after using it."

"But there's no guarantee that they won't come to the same conclusion again is there? To worship the Reapers, and attack organics."

"Correct."

"Shepard, think about this," Tali beseeched. "If you rewrite these geth, they'll join the others. Legion's geth will be stronger. Can we trust them not to attack us in the future?"

"I agree," Jacob said. "It's better to blow them up."

"Either way, what makes these geth individuals, dies," Samara imparted. "If you change who someone is, how they think, you have killed them. They will be something new in the same body."

Thane nodded in agreement.

"It may be safer to simply destroy this station," added Miranda.

"If geth are alive, reprogramming kinder than destroying. Like Genophage. Change, not death," Mordin put forth.

"Re-writing sounds dangerously close to indoctrination, unless there's something I'm missing," said Garrus. "And you don't have any trouble with wiping out your own people?" he asked Legion.

"Every sapient has the right to make their own decisions. The heretics chose a path that prohibits coexistence."

"Now you're killing them for it?"

"We choose to defend ourselves." Legion turned back to Shepard. "Shepard-Commander, do we rewrite the heretics or delete them?"

Shepard frowned. "Why are you asking _me_ to make this decision? They're _your_ people."

"We are conflicted. There is no consensus. Shepard-Commander, you have fought the heretics. You have perspective we lack. The geth grant their fate to _you_."

Terra was momentarily stunned. She had to think this through carefully, considering everyone's arguments. She had to agree with Garrus. It was too close to indoctrination, regardless that they were synthetic. She shook her head. "No. It's as you said, Legion - they made their decision - and I won't force another onto them. Now they face the consequence of their choice. We _all_ have a right to defend ourselves against the heretics. Destroy it."

"Acknowledged." Legion input the command, and a loud beeping sounded out. "Recommend withdrawal to safe distance."

"No kidding," Garrus said sarcastically.

"Let's go!" she called out to her team. "Legion, how long do we have?" Shepard asked as she started running.

"Four minutes, fifty-eight minutes, eleven seconds," clarified Legion.

"Gonna be close," murmured Garrus.

They ran harder.

x

EDI had led Joker through a safer route down to the AI Core, involving a lot of duct-crawling to avoid the invaders. The crew had helped where they could, but they had merely ended up being dragged away by the Collectors. As soon as the room's door shut, Joker had finally been able to take his first proper breath since he'd left the cockpit. Then he'd followed EDI's instruction to connect the core to the ship's primary control module. The blue orb that was EDI, had expanded to encompass the whole ship. EDI had gained access to the defensive systems but needed Joker to head to engineering to reactivate the primary drive. After more ducts he'd made it, and EDI sealed him inside the now empty room.

" _Activate the drive and I will open the airlocks as we accelerate. All hostiles will be killed._ "

"What!? What about the crew!?"

" _They are gone, Jeff. The Collectors took them._ "

Joker couldn't believe it. He felt a numbness flood through him as he typed into the console and the drive core lit up.

" _I have control._ "

Joker was thrust backwards as the ship suddenly went into hyper-drive and away from the Collector ship. He lay there, pain radiating through him.

" _Purge complete. No other life forms on board. Securing airlocks and cargo bay doors._ "

It all seemed too little too late to Joker as he hauled himself slowly upright. "Send a message to Shepard's shuttle. Tell her what happened."

" _Message away. Are you feeling well, Jeff?_ "

Joker could only sink his head into his hands for a moment. "No. But thanks for asking." He headed back to where he belonged, through what was now little more than a ghost ship.

x

They hustled into the shuttle with less than a minute to spare, Garrus taking the helm and wasting no time in starting the engines. He throttled it away, getting a fair distance before they were thrown about by the shockwave that hit them as the station exploded behind them. Garrus got the vessel under control and headed for the rendezvous point.

Shepard moved to sit in the co-pilot's seat. "Good job, all of you," she announced. Then she noticed the control panel was indicating a message. She brought it up and went pale as she read it.

Garrus peered at her with concern. "Shepard?"

"Oh my God," was all she could say.

**-x-**


	42. Emptiness and Hope

"Admiral Hackett, Sir." Kaidan saluted his arrival.

"At ease, Commander. This was one hell of an accomplishment. Well done." It seemed unbelievable to Hackett that he was in the Shadow Broker's lair. It was further evidence that Alenko was more than ready for promotion.

"Thank you Sir, but I didn't do it alone."

"No, but I know you would have been integral to the success here." Hackett looked around the room at the screens, watching Liara interacting with them. "There something I should know?"

Kaidan offered up his report. "Dr T'Soni has taken up the mantle, so to speak, Sir."

Hackett took the datapad distractedly. "Really? Hm… That makes a lot of sense. She can continue gathering intel instead of allowing it to end with what's here. With the Reapers at our door, that could prove invaluable. Assuming Dr T'Soni is someone we can trust with this much power."

Kaidan looked over at Liara, then back to Hackett. "I believe so, Sir. Terra trusts her, and so do I."

"Yes. I think you're right. You've extracted all the data regarding the Alliance?"

Kaidan handed over the data disc. "It's substantial."

"Not surprising. At least, in time, we'll be able to weed out those who are less than loyal. Give me a moment to read through your report, Commander."

"Yes, Sir."

Liara joined him as Hackett moved away. "How did the Admiral take my being the new Broker?"

"He sees the advantage."

"Thank the Goddess. I would not have been able to continue without his blessing."

Kaidan gave her a questioning look.

"I would never go against those Shepard holds dear."

"Wait. You know…?"

"I worked it out. I kept alerts out for anyone searching the same avenues I did for anything concerning Shepard. The Admiral's name came up frequently in his hunt for those responsible for her death. He was tenacious, but lacked my extensive contacts. I thought it was intriguing. When I dug further, I found correlations in their shore-leave destinations over the years, along with her mother's, and though it took me a while, I eventually obtained medical reports that confirmed they were related."

Kaidan was impressed. "Are you sure you need all this?" he indicated to the Broker's ship.

Liara smiled. "A good information broker can never have too many resources."

A thought bloomed inside him, and a seriousness overtook him. "Liara, can you locate Shepard?"

She gave him a knowing look. "I can try."

-x-

Terra walked from the shuttle, straight up to the cockpit. Each empty space she walked through was heart-wrenching. It all felt so wrong. But she held it all in, her focus on reaching her pilot. When she stopped next to Joker, he didn't look at her.

"Commander. Sorry about the crew and… You know what? I let you down. I should- I should just _go_ ," he said angrily.

" _You don't mean that, Jeff._ "

"No, but it felt good," Joker responded to Edi. He finally looked at Shepard. "I'm sorry, Commander."

"You weren't responsible for this, Joker."

He took a deep breath, rolling his shoulders. "Okay, I'm ready, I'm good. Ready to save the day."

"You mean _again_?" she said, pointedly.

"Yeah, again." He rolled his eyes. "I have no idea why they bothered bringing _you_ back," he jibed.

Shepard smiled, then crouched to place her hand on his. "How are you holding up?"

"There's a lot of empty chairs in here," he murmured sadly.

" _We did everything we could, Jeff._ "

"I'm just glad yours isn't also empty,” said Shepard, sincerely. “It sounded like it was a rough ride. Are you okay?" she pressed.

"Don't go getting all maternal on me. I'm fine," he brushed it off quickly.

" _Shepard is right to be concerned, Jeff. You may have suffered a number of stress fractures._ "

"That's what pills are for, Edi. Geez, it's like having _two_ moms on board."

"I want you to go see Mordin. Get everything checked out."

"But, I'm-"

"That's an order, Joker. You're too important. _Please_."

Joker gave an exaggerated sigh. "Fine. If it will keep you off my back."

The sound of heeled feet stomping towards them had them both looking to see Miranda, stern face fixed on Joker, and Shepard straightened, expecting the fallout and acting as a barrier for her pilot.

" _Everyone_? You lost everyone, and damn near lost the ship, too? And unshackling a damned AI?" railed Miranda.

"What could I do against Collectors, break my arm at them? Edi cleared the ship. She's all right," defended Joker.

" _I assure you, I am still bound by protocols in my programming. Even if I were not, you are my crewmates._ "

"Crewmates?" sneered Miranda. "You're a piece of machinery, there to perform the function you were designed for-"

"That's enough, Lawson," interrupted Shepard. "Edi's proven herself to be much more than that, and that makes her a valuable part of this crew. Thank you, Edi. And it's not Joker's fault, Miranda. No-one foresaw this."

" _Indeed. The harmful data in the Collector drive was even more sophisticated than the 'black box' Reaper viruses I was given._ "

"I'm assuming the ship's now clean?" Shepard checked.

"Edi and I purged the systems," confirmed Joker. "The Reaper IFF is online. We can go through the Omega 4 relay whenever you want."

"Then we won't delay. We have a crew to get back. Joker, get us to that relay."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

"And remember that medical check. Edi, I'll entrust _you_ not to let him 'forget' that."

" _It will be done, Shepard._ "

"Geez, you're such a taskmaster," grumbled Joker.

Shepard started down the aisle to the CIC, Miranda behind her.

"The crew are irrelevant, Shepard. We're here to destroy the Collector base, nothing more."

Shepard spun to face her. "They're not irrelevant to _me_ , Miss Lawson, and you'll address me as Commander."

"Oh please, _Shepard_. We both know you're just play-acting. You're the Commander of this ship only because the Illusive Man says so. Without Cerberus, you're nothing. And it's _Operative_ Lawson to you." Miranda gave her one last smirk before heading into the elevator.

Terra stood in the middle of the CIC, her teeth gritted. Lawson was right. But it changed nothing. She had a job to do. So she squared her shoulders, and headed for the shower.

-x-

Liara sighed in frustration. "Wherever Shepard is, she is beyond even the Shadow Broker's reach."

"I've just received another mission report from her."

Kaidan and Liara turned to Hackett.

"It places her near the Perseus Veil." He focused on Kaidan. "But the Collectors attacked her ship while she and her team were on the mission. Her crew were taken before Joker managed to regain control of the ship and get away."

"Jesus!" That would be devastating to Terra. Kaidan knew without a doubt that despite them being Cerberus she would have still embraced them as her family.

Hackett continued. "Given that she has the IFF they need, I doubt she'll be out there long. The Collectors have just given her another reason to take the fight to them."

"The Omega 4 relay," Kaidan murmured. It had filled him with dread when he'd discovered her ultimate destination. If anyone could make it back, it would be her, but…. He steeled himself as he met Hackett's eyes. "Sir, I request permission to join Shepard. This is a mission in which the Alliance should be involved. It's our duty to protect our colonists."

They all knew it wasn't the reason he wanted to go.

"You're preaching to the choir, Commander. And I agree with you. I'll contact Shepard."

" _Establishing a connection for you, Shadow Broker,_ " notified the VI, helpfully.

It was all Kaidan could do not to shove Hackett out of the way so he could talk to her himself, but he knew she'd just refuse to take the call, so he curled his hands into fists and held his breath.

x

" _Commander, Admiral Hackett's requesting to speak with you via vid, but Edi's registering it as coming in on the same encrypted line as the Shadow Broker uses_ ," Joker said with confusion.

Terra smiled. They'd done it. "Put it through, Joker." Her father appeared on the screen above her desk. "Admiral Hackett, I'm guessing things went well. Is Liara okay?"

Liara appeared beside Hackett. " _I am fine, Shepard. And thank you for looking out for me_."

"Anytime. And your friend, Feron?"

" _Alive. His injuries will heal in time_."

She looked back at her father. "Thank you Admir-"

" _Shepard_ ," interrupted Liara. " _You need not pretend here. The line is secure. I have ensured that no one can access this room while you converse. I will leave you with your father_."

Terra's mouth fell open, a mirror image of her father's as he watched Liara walk away. He turned back to her and cleared his throat.

" _She's good_."

Terra could only give a short laugh. "Very! Anyway, _dad_ … thank you," she said sincerely.

" _Well, though it was personal for you, it was a good call. Having this resource will prove invaluable. As the new Shadow Broker, I'm sure I can safely leave the responsibility in Dr T'Soni's hands_."

"The new…!? Okay, that's a bombshell! But, I get it."

" _Terra, there's a reason I called beyond all this_ ," he gestured to his environment. " _I'm sorry about your crew. And I know you'll be heading through the Omega 4 relay soon… I want you to take Commander Alenko with you_."

Terra wasn't expecting that and she took a step back. "What!?… No! I- No!"

" _Terra_ -"

"Dad, please! Don't ask me to do that! I won't. There's no reason in the universe to place him at risk!" Kaidan stepped into view next to her father, and she sharply drew a breath in at the sight of him. "Kaidan! You're there?"

" _Commander Alenko was the one sent to help Dr T'Soni, Terra_ ," enlightened her father.

" _Terra, you need all the help you can get against these Collectors_ -" started Kaidan.

"Except I can't wait. We're already heading for the relay. Every second is precious right now. They have my people," she emphasised. "I'm sorry. Joker cut this connection." The screen went instantly black.

" _It's done. Everything okay, Shepard?_ "

"…No. But don't worry."

x

"Damn it!" Kaidan expelled. "She can be so obstinate!" A huff of amusement from the man beside him, reminded Kaidan who he was standing next to. "Uh, sorry, Sir."

"Don't apologise. It's true. Something I'm afraid she got from me," said Hackett.

"In this line of work it's a virtue, unless you're on the wrong side of it."

"Agreed."

"Sir, nothing's changed. I need to intercept her before she hits that relay."

"Even if she'd allow you on- oard, which is doubtful at best, I can't risk sending an Alliance vessel into that system."

"You will not have to," Liara interjected. Then she activated the ship's intercom. "Matriarch Aethyta, a moment of your time, please." She turned back to Kaidan. "My father's ship is now alongside. I am sure she will transport you."

Aethyta entered. "Whatcha need, honey?"

"Your ship, to give Kaidan a lift to intercept Shepard before she goes through the Omega 4 relay."

"The Omega 4 relay!? Does the kid have a death wish?" She looked at Kaidan. "No wonder you want to stop her. You've got it, babe." Aethyta turned away to call her commandoes back to their ship.

"Kaidan," Hackett stepped closer. "When you see her, I'd appreciate it if you would pass these back to her." He pressed a folded piece of cloth into Kaidan's hand.

Kaidan could hear a familiar sound of metal clinking together. The same sound made by his dog tags. "Of course, Sir."

"Look after her, Kaidan. Make sure she comes back." Hackett offered his hand, and Kaidan took it.

"I'll do everything I can to make that happen, Sir."

"I know you will." Hackett finished with a reassuring pat on Kaidan's shoulder, just like his own father would do in lieu of overt affection. "Godspeed, Kaidan."

Kaidan saluted Terra's father and turned to Aethyta.

"After you, babe."

Kaidan hesitated only briefly, his concern for Terra easily taking over his reticence at being eye candy for the matriarch.

Aethyta sighed, her gaze fixed on the departing Commander as she moved beside Hackett. "Shepard is one lucky girl to have an ass like that at hand, am I right?" She nudged him in the ribs.

Hackett faltered, completely lost for words. "Uh…"

"Father, just go!" Liara rescued Hackett with an exasperated look.

"Fine, I'm going!"

Once Aethyta had left the room, Hackett looked at Liara. "I'm thinking you take after your mother."

"Thank the Goddess," she replied sincerely.

-x-

The evening meal was strange. Jacob had stepped up as chef, used to mucking in from his time in the Alliance, and had done an admirable job. But the lack of crew was glaringly obvious and it cast a tense atmosphere over the table.

"Mordin. This is a first. You're always so busy." Shepard managed to send a smile across the table at him.

"Felt important to be part of this on last night. Understand you have a personal attachment to the crew. Am here to offer support, Shepard."

"Thank you, Mordin. I truly appreciate that."

"Got call from nephew. Promising geneticist himself. Following in my footsteps. Good to hear his voice. Can be hard to imagine galaxy. Too many people. Faceless. For this fight, want personal connection. Can think of favourite nephew. Fighting for him."

"I'm glad you got to talk to family before we finish this."

"Honoured to be a part of this, Shepard. Thank you."

"There is something I wanted to tell you, Shepard." Samara's unassuming voice still drew everyone's attention. "I've done many things in my lifetime. I thought the galaxy held nothing new for me. Since joining you, I've realised how much more there is. It will be my honour to be by your side at the end."

"That's Shepard for you," agreed Garrus, proudly. "I doubt anyone at this table could say anything different."

"Garrus-" Terra started to protest.

"It is true, Siha. You have given us all purpose. I have Kolyat back in my life, however short a time that may be."

"Face it, Shepard, you're a fucking saint!" laughed Jack.

"And a battle-master," added Grunt, approvingly.

Terra felt embarrassed by the praise, but she met each one of their eyes. "We'll finish this mission and live to see the end. All of us." It was as much a promise as she could make.

"I hope you are right," Samara nodded.

"It's a hell of a job, isn't it, Shepard? Being the good guys," Jacob mused.

Terra sighed. "Wouldn't be the high road if it was easy. But we've got a good team and the Collectors own technology. We can do this."

"With you leading us, anything's possible, Shepard. Just look who's sitting beside me!" Tali shook her head to convey her amazement.

Next to her sat Legion, having chosen to sit at the table to help with 'unit-cohesion', as he put it. Terra was sure that there was a lot more to this synthetic than was usual, something perhaps Legion itself was struggling to understand.

"We acknowledge Shepard-Commander as vital for _our_ future, as well as humanity's."

Terra couldn't say anything to that. As kind and well-meaning as their words had been, she felt the weight on her shoulders grow heavier. Only human, Kaidan used to say… but right now she needed to be so much more.

-x-

Kaidan paced restlessly inside the ship, his fingers running over the cloth-covered tags in his pocket. He hadn't looked, but he knew they were her original tags. Aethyta walked up to him and he stilled in front of her. Her face was serious.

"You should know it's gonna be tight."

He nodded. It was a desperate attempt on his part, but he had to try. "I'm grateful for the effort you're going to, Matriarch."

"Ugh, please, call me Aethyta. 'Matriarch' makes me feel so damn old. Never was one for ageing gracefully."

Kaidan managed a smile. "Compared to a human in their 'matron' years, you look like you're in your prime." Aethyta smirked, and Kaidan had the sudden apprehension that he'd just said the wrong thing.

"Are you flirting with me? Well that's just blown the whole romantic thing out of the water. You should be ashamed."

Kaidan fish-mouthed for a few seconds too long, and when he found his voice it was slightly hoarse. "No… I-"

Aethyta waved it away with a dirty laugh. "I'm just playing with you. You're too young to be so serious!"

Kaidan cleared his throat, trying to pull back his dignity. "Um, you think this is romantic?"

"Chasing across the galaxy after your girl in order to save her from herself? That's what I call romantic. Don't look so surprised. I may not speak eloquently but underneath I'm a pushover for a love story."

"I'm not trying to stop her. Her mission's too important. I want to join her. Help her through it."

"Still a great love story, babe."

"I just hope this one has a happy ending," he said, solemnly.

-x-

Terra stepped into her cabin. It felt lonelier than usual. The plush surroundings offered no comfort, and she stood in the middle of the room, restless. At the same time as she was glad he wasn't with her, she longed for Kaidan.

She moved to her desk and picked up the frame that Garrus had laid down what seemed like an age ago, after Horizon. She ran her finger down the side of Kaidan's freeze-framed face. She knew she shouldn't let herself dwell any longer. She placed the photo carefully back on her desk, and took one last look at his handsome face, desperately trying to make sure she had every detail memorised - wondering if she'd ever look upon it again.

The chime of someone at her door, pulled her back to the room.

"Enter."

Thane walked in, his face one of despair.

"Thane? Is everything all right?" With concern, she moved to join him in the middle of the room. He didn't meet her eyes as he spoke.

"Siha. I have known I will die for many years. I've tried to leave the galaxy better than I found it. You've helped me achieve more than I thought possible. We've righted many wrongs… I've spoken to my son. I should be at peace on the eve of battle. I'm ashamed."

Thane moved quickly away from her, needing the support of the desk, but when he got there all he felt was anger at himself for his weakness, and he slammed a fist down onto the table. "I have worked so hard. Meditated and prayed and done good deeds. Atoned for the evils I've done. Prepared. I consider my body's death, and a chill settles in my gut. I am afraid, and it shames me."

Terra's heart went out to him and she made him face her. "Wanting to live is nothing to be ashamed of, Thane. You're a part of life again, with all the feeling that entails. You have a son to get to know. Things are unfinished. It's the same for me." Her eyes flicked to Kaidan's picture.

Thane followed her gaze, saw the frame holding a photo of the man from the Citadel. It was why he'd come to her cabin. He knew she would understand how he felt. To head into the fire when there was so much left unsaid to those they cared about. Like he had with Kolyat, before Shepard had fixed it, she was determined to stay out of this man's life because she felt unworthy. Yet he knew she yearned a time where she was free from everything hanging over her, so she could be with him. He looked back at her and she smoothed her fingers over the scaled skin of his cheeks, removing the tears that had fallen. Then she hugged him. He returned the comfort she gave so easily, his unease lessening. He felt truly blessed to have been given this friend.

"You have to believe you'll see him again," Shepard said over his shoulder. "Fight for that."

"As should you, Siha. The man I saw on the Citadel was not someone who was letting go, or someone who had moved on. He was a man fighting for someone he loves. He's grabbing his second chance. Stop running from him."

"It's not that simple."

"Nothing worth having, ever is. Face it head on, Shepard. Just like you do with everything else."

" _We're a half hour out from the relay, Commander,_ " Joker informed her.

"Thanks, Joker," she said, stepping back from Thane. "Let's do this."

Thane nodded with a smile, turning to head out, and Terra gave Kaidan one last look before following Thane into the elevator.

-x-

The Illusive Man stared out of his viewing window at the fiery scene beyond. He turned as Shepard's armoured image appeared.

"Shepard, I wish I had more information for you. I don't like you heading through that relay blind, but we don't have much choice."

" _My team is strong. If we stick together, we'll make it_."

He had to admit she impressed him immensely. It was a shame she was so against Cerberus. She was an asset he didn't want to lose. "I knew we brought you back for a reason. I've never seen a better leader. Despite the danger, it's a great opportunity. The first human to take a ship through, and survive." He saw the anger flash over her face.

" _I'm going to destroy the Collectors. To stop their attacks on humanity. This isn't a field trip_."

"Understood. It's still impressive. I just wanted you to know I appreciate the risk you're taking. Regardless of your opinion of Cerberus, of me, you are… a valuable asset. To all of humanity. Be careful, Shepard."

She turned on her heel and left the holo. He expected no different. But he had meant every word he'd said. He knew he'd been right to refuse Miranda's control chip. It was Shepard's personal touch with her crew that garnered their loyalty so absolutely, no matter their race, or disposition. It was a trait that Operative Lawson sorely lacked, as proven by her isolation on board, even from Shepard.

Commander Terra Shepard had been worth every credit.

-x-

Hackett opened the message from Terra.

**Dad,**

**I'm sorry for cutting you off earlier. There's just too much unresolved between Kaidan and I, and I don't need that kind of distraction during this fight.**

**I have a great team, and we've got as good a chance of getting through this as there can be. I'll fight as hard as I can to make it back.**

**I love you.**

He sighed with a heavy heart, sending her his best wishes and love. She had to be close to that relay by now. Would Kaidan make it? Would she allow his help? Not for the first time in his life, Hackett's concern for his daughter heightened. He had already experienced what it felt like to lose her, and it scared the hell out of him that it might happen again. All he had now, was hope.

**-x-**


	43. Tension and Determination

The relay lay ahead of them, ominously beautiful. So like the relays they use without a thought, except for the strange orange energy that substituted the usual blue. The galactic community had learnt over centuries that this relay was to be avoided like a black hole. Now Shepard was taking her people through it.

"Approaching Omega 4 relay. Everybody stand by," announced Joker.

Shepard took one deep breath to steady her nerves, then laid a gentle hand on his shoulder for support. "Let's make it happen."

" _Reaper IFF activated. Signal acknowledged,_ " EDI confirmed.

This was it.

x

"We've picked up the Normandy," declared the asari pilot.

"Call their boss," Aethyta ordered.

Kaidan clasped his hands together behind his back, his teeth clenched almost painfully.

"Normandy, this is the Orisoni. Requesting to speak to Commander Shepard."

" _Negative, Orisoni. We're locked into the relay,_ " Joker's voice flooded into the cockpit.

"No!" Kaidan let out as he rushed over to the cockpit window, his already hammering heart kicking into overdrive. He knew that once a ship was locked into a relay, there was no going back. They were too late. He could now see the _Normandy_ ahead of them and could only watch helplessly as the Omega 4 relay lit up with its deadly energy, taking the ship - and Terra - out of his grasp.

The space outside was hauntingly empty, echoing his heart.

x

They were flung through the relay, the usually calming blue streaks of the normal relays were replaced with the more sinister orange gashes. The whole jump felt more brutal.

" _Brace for deceleration_."

They barely had time to tighten their grips before they were expelled into a minefield of destruction.

"Oh shit!" Joker sprang into action, his hands rushing over his console faster than Shepard thought possible. He manoeuvred the ship quickly and precisely, expertly clearing the largest parts of the debris that filled the space around them. It was a tense moment. Then as swiftly as they had entered it, they were through it, and Joker sank back in his chair, his head tipping back in relief. "Phew! Too close!"

As they cruised along, they had a chance to study the debris.

"These must be all the ships that tried to make it through the relay. Some look ancient," Joker said with wonder.

Shepard just saw the masses of ships that had been torn apart. A graveyard where hundreds, maybe thousands had died trying to traverse that relay. They wouldn't even have made it through the relay in one piece. Just spat out here, leaving families forever wondering what happened to their loved ones. She and her crew had already made it farther than the rest, but she couldn't help the thought that rose up of her family being left on the other side of the relay, not knowing what had happened to her.

" _I have detected an energy signature near the edge of the accretion disk,_ " informed EDI.

Shepard was snapped out of her contemplation. "Has to be the Collector base. Take us in for a closer look. Nice and easy."

x

No one made a sound as they looked at the human male who was still fixed on the relay.

Aethyta stepped up behind him, keeping her voice low. "Sorry, babe. We pushed it to the max."

Kaidan's head tipped down slightly, the disappointment incredibly heavy inside him. "I know. Thank you for trying." He still couldn't believe that Terra was gone. He'd held the hope until that last second that he would get his chance to be with her. Now he didn't even know if he'd ever see her again, and that thought was agonising. He finally turned away from the taunting view. "Excuse me, I should contact Admiral Hackett."

"Head back," Aethyta told her pilot, as she watched the most forlorn man in the universe walk away.

x

"Admiral, I have Commander Alenko on the line," Liara called over.

Hackett's heart sunk. He already knew what was coming. "Commander."

" _We didn't make it in time, Sir_."

Alenko's voice conveyed his despondency, and Hackett felt for the man. "That's unfortunate, Kaidan. There's nothing else we can do now but wait. I'll be leaving here shortly. If the matriarch is amenable, we'll rendezvous with her ship once you're in a more welcoming system and we'll take you back to the Citadel."

" _Understood, Sir. I'll advise Matriarch Aethyta. Get our route sent to you._ "

"Keep your head up, Commander. I'll see you soon."

" _Yes, Sir_."

Hackett disconnected, and headed over to Liara. "Dr T'Soni. It's time for me to head out, but I'd hoped you might be prepared to keep in contact with me. I understand that you have no loyalty to the Alliance, but I'm hoping we have a common goal with regards to the Reapers."

"Admiral, you need not worry. I may not have a duty to your Alliance, but I do have an allegiance to Shepard, and for what she fights for. The Reapers will be my main focus, and as one of the few to have a belief in their existence and their threat, I would be more than happy to work with you."

"Thank you doctor." He went to leave when Liara voice stopped him.

"Shepard will make it back. She knows what she's up against this time."

Hackett nodded his appreciation at her words, wishing he could take some faith from them, then left the Shadow Broker to her work.

-x-

Their approach towards the base had been hampered by the attack of what Shepard assumed were some kind of sentinels, hiding amongst the debris, inactive until something triggered their sensors. Joker had done a fantastic job of evading, and Edi had destroyed those that hadn't been smashed into the debris as they tried to follow Joker's path. There had only been one left, and that one had decided to cut its way through into the cargo hold. Shepard had equipped her Collector heavy weapon to deal with it, and between that and the rest of her team, it hadn't taken them long to reduce it to an exploding mass, that had them all taking cover.

Now she was back in the cockpit, along with Garrus and Miranda, in time to see the Collector base coming into view. It was massive, but that wasn't surprising given the size of the Collector ship. "See if you can find a place to land without drawing attention."

A beeping came from Joker's console. "Too late. Looks like they're sending out an old friend to greet us."

The Collector ship was retreating from its dock and manoeuvring to face them.

"What's our condition, Edi?" Shepard asked quickly.

" _Kinetic barriers holding at 30%. No significant damage_."

"Hey, I don't plan on letting that thing shoot us, Commander." Joker hadn't taken his eyes off the screen.

"Time to show our new teeth," Garrus suggested.

Shepard nodded. "Fire the main gun." This was the first time they had engaged the ship, and she prayed that Garrus' adjustments and upgrades would do the trick.

Joker fired and a brilliant white laser shot out and ripped through the Collector's ship. Joker reacted the way she felt.

"How do ya like that, you sons of bitches!" he practically jumped out of his seat in exhilaration. "Woo! What did you put in that thing, Garrus!?"

"Hands back on the helm, Joker," Shepard ordered her pilot. "Get in close and finish them off."

"Everybody hold on. It's gonna be a wild ride!" He brought the ship around, constantly avoiding the Collector ship's fire, and hit the guns again with a "Give ‘em hell, girl."

The ship exploded dramatically, the _Normandy_ too close to dodge the resulting shockwave. It hit them hard, and Joker had to fight for control as their ship was flung towards the Collector base.

"Mass effect field generators are offline _._ Edi, give me something!"

" _Generators not responsive. All crew, brace for impact_."

Joker did his best to level them out and they made it to a flat area of the base, careening across the surface, metal screeching until they finally came to a halt.

Shepard pushed herself up from the floor and rushed over to help Joker straighten up in his seat. "Joker! You okay!?"

"Ungh! I think I broke a rib." He moved slightly, and gritted his teeth from the pain. "Or all of them."

"Edi, get Mordin in here."

" _Dr Solus is on his way._ "

"What's our status?"

" _Multiple core systems overloaded during the crash. Restoring operation will take time."_

"Damn it! The Illusive Man warned that it was likely a one way trip," Miranda lamented.

"We're not out yet. Edi only said it would take time. That means we still have a chance," pressed Shepard.

"Absolutely," agreed Joker, though more for the fact that he needed to hear it. "What's next?"

"How safe is the ship?"

Mordin had joined them and was scanning Joker, who carried on like the doctor wasn't there.

"Looks like something good came out of this. Our little crash also took down their external sensors."

"Mordin, what's his condition?"

"Multiple fractures, no breaks. Only to ribs. Can apply supportive bandage to chest and give pain relief. Needs to take extra care."

"In other words, I'm fine as long as I don't start throwing myself around like a pilot on a crashing ship, Shepard," Joker said impatiently.

"Thank you, Mordin. Joker, once you've been seen to, you and Edi concentrate on getting the ship back online." She leaned forward and activated the comm. "Ground team, arm up and head for the briefing room." She turned to Mordin. "Join us as soon as you're done."

"Won't be long, Shepard."

Shepard walked towards the briefing room, feeling a strange mixture of elation and dread. They'd destroyed the Collector ship with relative ease, but they had an unknown to face inside the base, and a ship that may not be able to get them home….

-x-

The Orisoni was parallel to Hackett's vessel and Hackett met them at the airlock.

Kaidan turned to Aethyta. "You went out of your way for me and I appreciate that, Aethyta. I know I haven't been the most fun person to be around. I'm sure you'll be glad to see the back of me."

Aethyta broke out in laughter, and Kaidan face-palmed as he realised what he'd said, wishing like hell that Hackett wasn't standing there.

"That's the spirit! Embrace your assets!" Then she grew serious. "From the sounds of it, your girl's a force to be reckoned with. She'll make it back. In the meantime, just think of the reunion sex! Bet you won't even make it to the bed! It'll be up against the wall, clothes ripped off-"

"Aethyta!" Kaidan interrupted in horror.

"Oh come on! If it's civil, you ain't doing it right. Right, Admiral?" she nudged Hackett in the ribs again.

Hackett appeared to lose the ability to speak.

Kaidan would have been more than happy if the airlock had decided to fail and he was swept out into space. That didn't happen, and all he could do was weakly signal a goodbye to the matriarch and take his burning face past Terra's father and into the safety of the Alliance ship, where there were no asari matriarchs to mortify him. He heard the airlock close behind him and Hackett paused next to him. They didn't look at each other, but Hackett gave him a consolatory clap on the back, and cleared his throat.

"Make yourself at home, Commander."

"Thank you, Sir," Kaidan's voice rasped.

Then Hackett entered his cabin, and Kaidan went to the nearest wall and let his forehead fall against it, ignoring the quizzical looks from Hackett's crew. He doubted this day could get any worse.

-x-

They now had an idea of what they were heading into, thanks to EDI's scans of the base. Their plan was to overload the critical systems, but to do that they needed to get to the main control centre. There were two routes, each converging at a central chamber which they all agreed was also the most likely place to find their crew and any colonists.

Unfortunately, both routes were blocked by doors that could only be opened from within that central chamber, so they had to send someone through a ventilation shaft to bypass the doors. That shaft would likely have some kind of security measure which would need to be shut down fast, so it was high risk. But then what wasn't?

Shepard had needed to make a decision of who to send into that shaft. Someone with impressive tech skills, and someone she trusted enough to leave all of their lives to. For her, that was Tali.

-x-

-x-

Tali was feeling the heat. Despite the fact that she was encompassed within the shaft, she felt extremely exposed because of the clear sides. She could see Shepard with her team consisting of Miranda, Jack, Thane and Grunt, fighting hard with the Collectors. It was hard to see them struggle and not be able to help. But she had a job to do. A vital one. If she failed, the rest of them would be left to the mercy of the Collectors.

She turned the corner, moving rapidly through the shaft, only to come to a halt. She was blocked. She studied the obstruction. It was a security measure, but one that would end up with her being cooked if she didn't get it open, feeling the temperature building. Opening up her omnitool, Tali quickly realised she couldn't do it from in here, and her heart kicked up a fuss. She forced herself to calm and think, then opened her comm. "Shepard, I'm blocked. There's no way through from here, and it's heating up. Maybe there's something nearby on your side." She watched Shepard peering out over her cover, searching. She seemed to focus on an area just below where Tali stood, then ducked back down.

" _I see a valve right under your position, Tali. Coming now._ "

Tali saw Shepard diving out, going invisible as she activated her cloak. She reappeared at the valve and the others rose up to cover her. They made eye contact as Shepard hit the valve, and she gave Tali a reassuring nod before turning back to the fight, her shields fizzling now she was out in the open. Tali moved on, aware of Shepard diving back for cover.

Tali hoped there weren't too many more of those security blocks….

-x-

They had split into two teams to take each route. Divide and conquer, was the human saying. Garrus had hesitated when Shepard had first chosen him to lead the second team. Partly because he'd lost his last team, and partly because he wouldn't be there to watch Shepard's back.

Garrus checked over his team. Legion, Samara, Mordin and Jacob. They were progressing well. He and Legion worked at taking out the Collectors before they even hit the ground, and those that did, ended up incinerated or thrown off the platforms the Collectors seemed to favour.

" _Garrus, talk to me_ ," Shepard's voice said in his ear.

"Taking heavy fire, but we're moving forward."

" _Good. Keep going. Tali's almost there._ "

Garrus could see the doors directly ahead. Good. He'd be much happier when they were all back together again. Then he heard the seeker swarms. A visual check confirmed that there were a lot more than they'd encountered on Horizon.

"Can Mordin's countermeasure work against that many?" Jacob verbalised what Garrus was thinking.

"Let's not find out. Everyone get to those doors, fast!"

They ran as one, the door opening just as they got there.

"Okay, we're in!" called out Garrus. "Close it!"

"It's not that easy!" responded Tali, as her fingers flew over the panel beside the door.

" _We're in position. We need this door open, now!_ " came Shepard.

Garrus could see Tali still trying to close their entrance. "Tali, go get Shepard in. We'll cover you. Legion, see what you can do about this one."

"Affirmative."

Amidst the Collectors shooting at them, the swarms headed straight for them, answering their earlier question. Samara brought up a barrier to fill the open doorway, and Garrus was relieved to see the bugs bouncing off the biotic field.

"It's not responding," swore Tali.

"Keep trying."

Legion finally got their door closed, and they moved over to the other side.

"Tali…" prompted Garrus.

"I think I almost have it."

The sound of gunfire directly outside the door made the seconds feel like death sentences.

"Tali-"

"Got it!"

The door slid open and Shepard's team quickly filed in, their leader expectedly last.

"Fall back!" she shouted.

"Suppressing fire!" Garrus ordered. "Hold the door!" He noticed that there were a lot more Collectors here, but no swarms.

Finally the second door closed, sealing them in, and they all exhaled, with the exception of Grunt and Legion.

"Good work, Tali," Shepard acknowledged the quarian, who slumped back against a wall.

"Keelah, Shepard! That was hard work! For a moment I didn't think-" She cut herself off from the thought.

"I knew you'd pull through for us." Shepard took Tali's hand and helped her back to her feet. "Injuries?"

No one complained of any, and Mordin did a quick scan of every organic on the team. "A few burns. Bruises. One wound to right forearm, only skin deep. Surprising _lack_ of injuries, considering difficulty of fight. Talented team."

"The galaxy's best," Garrus confirmed with a grin.

"Absolutely, but don't get complacent. This is just the start," Shepard interjected quietly.

Moving carefully out of the corridor they found themselves staring at hundreds of pods. Some kind of tubing ran across the ceiling and down the walls.

"Commander!" called Thane. "The crew!"

Shepard rushed over in time to see Gardner melting, screaming out in pain as he was liquidised alive. She looked in horror at the pod next to Gardner's, the signs of the same fate, showing on Daniels' skin. "Get them out of there! Hurry!" shouted Shepard as she pulled against the pod's covering. It came free and she caught her engineer, quickly laying her down, then dashing to another pod. Then another. Finally only one remained, Dr Chakwas inside, and as the pod opened the dazed doctor reached for her. Terra grabbed her close, helping her out of the pod as she did so. "Doctor Chakwas! Are you okay?" Shepard lowered her carefully to the ground, waiting for her to get her bearings.

"Shepard? You… you came for us." Chakwas placed her hand on Shepard's cheek like she needed to be sure she was real.

Terra covered it with her other hand. "No one gets left behind." As she said it, she felt sorrow at losing Gardner. If she'd just been a few seconds faster…. She helped Chakwas to her feet again.

"What the hell just happened back there?" Jack asked uneasily.

"Those in the pods are…melted…then pumped through those tubes," answered Chakwas, solemnly.

"Why?" demanded Jacob.

"I don't know. I'm just glad you got here before it happened to us."

"So are we," agreed Garrus.

"Need I remind you that we still have a job to do?" interrupted Miranda.

Shepard activated her comm. "Joker? Can you get a fix on our position?"

" _Got you, Commander_."

"We have a lot of tubing leading out of this chamber. Can you see where they lead?"

" _Yeah. Right to the main control room, and it's directly above you. The route's blocked by a security door, but there's another chamber running parallel to the one you're in_."

" _Be advised: Thermal emissions suggest the chamber is overrun with seeker swarms,_ " added EDI.

"Unlikely my countermeasure will work against so many," Mordin said.

Garrus nodded. "We can confirm that. We encountered some back there, and they knew exactly where we were. Samara's biotic field stopped them though."

"Then a barrier can keep these things at bay?" Shepard looked at Samara.

"It appears so. I would not recommend taking everyone, though. A field large enough to encompass more than two or three people takes a lot of energy. Maintaining it for a prolonged period would be even more difficult."

"Jack, think you could also create a barrier strong enough?"

"Are you questioning my ability, Shepard?"

"This isn't about your pride, Jack. I need to be sure if I'm going to entrust you with our lives."

Jack reigned it in. "I can do it."

"Good, then you're coming with me and Samara. You can be the back-up should Samara struggle. Whatever happens we have to get through."

"Shepard, you have no idea what else you'll be facing in there," disputed Garrus. "Jack could take another two of us through with you. Extra firepower."

"And if maintaining the barriers becomes too much for them, we'll lose even more of the team." She shook her head. "No, the rest of you can head through the main passage, and create a diversion. We'll open the security doors from the other side. You're lead, Garrus."

"Understood."

"What about the rest of us, Shepard?" worried Chakwas. "We're in no shape to fight."

"And I wouldn't expect you to."

" _Commander? We have enough systems online to do a pickup, but we'd need to land back from your position,_ " Joker offered.

"We can't afford to go back, Shepard," started Miranda.

Shepard just raised her hand to cut her off, her attention on Chakwas. "You'll never make it without help. Mordin, get them home."

Mordin nodded with determination. "Joker, forward coordinates. Will meet you there with crew." His omnitool pinged in response.

"Okay, good luck everyone. Let's move out!" Shepard finished. She prayed that their luck would hold.

-x-

Hackett received a message from Command. Reading it, he had to detach himself from his feeling of anger. Terra's time had run out. They were calling for her immediate arrest. He called Alenko in and gestured for him to sit.

"Kaidan, you should know that the Alliance has officially placed a galaxy-wide warrant for Terra's arrest. It seems the Batarian Hegemony aren't prepared to wait any longer for Alliance Command to 'investigate' the events in the Bahak system."

There was a long pause before Alenko spoke. "How bad is this going to be, Sir? How much of this trial is going to be nothing more than appeasement for the Batarians?"

"I can't answer that, Kaidan. But you can be sure I'll be fighting for her all the way."

Kaidan rose up from his seat and paced. When he spoke, it was with barely contained resentment. "None of this is right. If she makes it back, it should be to a hero's welcome, not an arrest warrant. If it wasn't for her we'd be facing the Reapers right now _._ "

"I hear you, Kaidan, but off-the-record, the Batarians are refuting the Reaper explanation as nothing more than a convenient excuse. With the Alliance and the Council dispelling Terra's Reaper claims two years ago, it just makes her look even more like the mentally unstable soldier they made her out to be. Combine that with her apparent switch to Cerberus and it doesn't look good."

"But they have her report. And there must be something from your operative, Kenson, before she was indoctrinated."

"We can't put forward any evidence that puts us in that system, Kaidan. To do so would provoke the Batarians to act against us, and put us at odds with the Council." As he said the words they chipped away at his soul. It felt like he was selling out his daughter.

"So Terra's just a scapegoat," Kaidan said, bitterly.

"I'm afraid so. She knew the risks going in. She's accepted this needs to happen to prevent war."

"Of course she has. She's Terra Shepard. Martyr," Kaidan sighed out, but even as he said it, pride accompanied the admiration he felt for that woman, even as he hated the situation it was going to place her in.

"I tried to get her to offer up the drell who actually pushed the button that led to this, but she refused."

Kaidan gave a small, tired laugh. "She'd never do that in a million years." Her loyalty and protectiveness were just two of the many reasons he loved her.

"Well, I'd hoped she'd see sense. It was the drell's idea. Apparently, he has a terminal illness. He has months at best."

That was unexpected information. The assassin who cared enough about Terra to give up his last months of life… He couldn't ponder that now. "So what happens next?"

"We wait for her to come back through that relay. Then I'll notify her. She'll come in willingly…" Hackett couldn't verbalise the rest. The arrest. The media… "She'll be treated with the utmost respect, Kaidan."

Kaidan could only shake his head. Respect. Arresting the one woman in this galaxy who had sacrificed so much of herself for them all, was _not_ respect.

-x-

During the run through the parallel chamber, Samara's biotic strength had truly been put to the test. Yet she had held it. Shepard and Jack had dealt with husks, scions and the few Collectors. More Collectors had been summoned, but by then the three were at the far end, and Jack started drawing on all her biotic energy. Samara saw it and dropped her barrier as Jack let it all out at the Collectors and their swarms with a roar, throwing a wide arc of power that knocked everything back so they could pass through the doors unhindered. Shepard had then gotten the doors closed, jamming it so nothing could come up behind them.

"… _Repeat. Shepard, do you copy_?" Garrus' concerned voice fizzled its way through her earpiece once the interference from the swarms, which had stopped them communicating during their time apart, dissipated with the closing door.

"I copy. What's your position?"

" _We're at the door. They've got us pinned down_!"

Shepard jump-started to the adjacent doors. "We're coming! Just hold on!" Her fingers flashed across the panel, and the door opened. Samara and Jack were ready to help as Garrus and his team filed in, and Shepard worked to get the entrance closed again. As they slid shut, a shot made it through the closing gap to puncture Garrus' shields and armour.

"Garrus!" Terra launched herself at him, bracing him as he staggered, clutching his abdomen. She swore at herself for sending Mordin away.

"I'm okay, Shepard. Just knocked the air out of me. It's not deep. Nothing a bit of medigel won't sort out," he assured her, his breathing levelling out.

Jacob tended to the wound, while a thankful Shepard checked on the rest of the crew. "Joker? Are you at the rendezvous point?"

" _I'm here, Commander. Mordin and the crew just showed up_."

" _All crewmembers, except Mess Sergeant Gardner, accounted for_ ," EDI added.

Shepard was gratitude personified at that moment. "Thank God," she murmured. "Okay, Edi, what's our next step?"

" _There should be platforms nearby that will take you to the main control console._ "

" _Commander? You got a problem. Hostiles massing just outside the door. Won't be long until they bust through_ ," interjected Joker.

Shepard quickly considered her options. If they all went, they'd be sitting ducks for a mass attack on those platforms. She didn't like the idea of splitting them up again, but she saw no viable alternative. She jumped up onto a platform as her people gathered around her. "A rear-guard could defend this position and keep the Collectors from overwhelming us."

"Don't even think about leaving me out of this, Shepard," stated Miranda as she stepped up onto the platform. "I spent two years working towards this goal."

Shepard couldn't argue with that, and she nodded in assent. Her eyes met Garrus' and she saw him willing her not to leave him behind. "Garrus, care to join me?" She watched the tension leave his shoulders as he leapt up next to her.

"Wouldn't have it any other way, Shepard."

"Jacob, you're lead here."

"Commander? You're not taking anyone else?" Jacob frowned.

"You're going to need everyone else. Keep them alive, Mr Taylor."

He saluted her. "Aye, aye, Commander."

Shepard looked over her ragtag family. "As powerful as the Collectors seem, they've never had to stand and fight the best of us. That's you. It's been a long journey, but we've made it this far, against all odds. It all comes down to this moment. We _have_ to win this. Make me proud. Make yourselves proud."

"May the Goddess watch over you, Commander," wished Samara, as Miranda activated the platform.

Terra was exhausted. They'd been fighting a long time. These lulls between each fight left her feeling drained, until the next attack brought back the rush of adrenaline. They could do this, she told herself. Just a little further….

-x-

Kaidan was back on the Citadel. He and Hackett had updated Anderson, then Hackett had headed off back to Arcturus Station. Kaidan had been given a few days shore-leave. He didn't want it. He'd been down this road before. He needed to be busy. He ended up in a bar, planted below a screen, as if the news of Terra's return would be known by the media before Liara could contact him. As if she'd read his mind, he received an encrypted message from her.

**Kaidan,**

**I have ordered my agents on Omega to keep watch for Shepard's return.**

**I will notify you immediately.**

**Liara**

T'Soni had certainly embraced her new role, he thought. Then he immersed himself in the chatter all around him. Anything to take his mind off the fact that he was waiting.

-x-

To say the sight of the half-finished _human_ Reaper was a shock would have been an understatement. If it wasn't for the fact that the Collectors had liquefied tens of thousands of colonists to create the thing from head to chest, and would need hundreds of thousands more to finish it, it would have served as a compliment. Instead, it was a macabre monster that needed to be destroyed.

It had been tethered over the abyss below their platforms, and amidst fighting the few Collectors that tried to stop them, they weakened the supports for the Reaper and sent it plunging down into the darkness.

Shepard still couldn't fully comprehend why it had been created in their image, but now wasn't the time. She had a base to blow. "Shepard to ground team. Status report."

Jacob's laboured voice came through. " _We're holding, Commander, but they keep coming! Now would be a good time to leave!_ "

"Wish granted. Head to the Normandy. Joker, prep the engines. I'm about to overload this place and blow it sky high."

" _Roger that, Commander._ "

She accessed the control unit.

" _Uh, Commander?_ " Joker's voice came back. " _I've got an incoming signal from the Illusive Man. EDI's patching it through._ "

Shepard wondered how the hell the man had managed to transmit a signal, but she didn't stop working. Miranda brought her boss' image into the base using her omnitool.

" _Shepard. You've done the impossible._ "

Terra still didn't stop. "I'm not finished yet. This base is ten minutes from extinction."

" _Wait! I have a better option._ "

Shepard already knew she wasn't going to like it.

" _I'm looking at the schematics EDI uploaded. A timed radiation pulse would kill the remaining Collectors, but leave the machinery and technology intact._ _This is our chance, Shepard. They were building a Reaper. That knowledge, that framework, could save us_. _Turn their own resources against them. Who knows what information is buried there._ "

Terra had paused, one step away from finishing the overload, thinking what a bastard he was, and realising that Miranda must be sending him back info. "You realise what that thing was made of?"

" _And there's nothing we can do for those people now. But we_ ** _can_** _use this for our benefit_. _This base is a gift. We can't just destroy it._ "

There was a part of her that understood that. It was like Maelon's research data. Created through human experiments, but it could now be possible to turn it into something good. There was only one problem. This was Cerberus. "You're completely ruthless. The next thing I know, you'll be wanting to grow your own Reaper."

" _My goal is to save humanity from the Reapers. At_ ** _any_** _cost. I've never hidden that from you. Imagine how many lives could be saved with the knowledge we obtain from that base. Imagine the lives that will be lost if we don't._ "

Shepard faltered. There was so much riding on this. Lives. The damned Illusive Man knew exactly what buttons to press. Then she focused on that fact: he knew her. And so she put aside the guilt trip he was taking her on.

History was already proving that technology and knowledge, given or taken before they'd earned it for themselves, was ultimately devastating. It was the reason they were in this mess with the Reapers - using their relays, the knowledge from the prothean beacons that had catapulted their technology forward by decades. Everything they had was now based around Reaper technology, as was all the extinct species that came before them. Add to that, this information getting into Cerberus hands, where 'at any cost' had been uttered from the man who pulled its strings, and it gave her a chill. She knew that if she handed this base over to them, lives would still be at risk. Maybe not human lives, but lives nonetheless. "I won't hand it to you."

" _Shepard. You died fighting for what you believed. I brought you back so you could_ ** _keep_** _fighting. Some would say what we did to you was going too far. But look what you've accomplished. I didn't discard you because I know your value. Don't be so quick to discard this facility. Think of the potential._ "

"You _did_ go too far. There are plenty of others who could have gotten this done. And the _potential_ devastation you could cause with this facility is _exactly_ the reason it has to go. I _will_ keep fighting, but I won't compromise who I am because of fear." She went back to the console.

" _Think about what's at stake! About everything Cerberus has done for you! Miran-_ "

Garrus had grabbed Miranda's arm and cut the connection, and she pulled away from him with a sneer. "He wasn't going to give up, was he?" he said to Shepard, ignoring Miranda's look.

Shepard removed the disk containing the overload program from her pocket. "He was certainly persistent. Unfortunately for him, once my mind's made up, I can be very stubborn."

Miranda snatched the disk from Shepard's hand. "Still pathetically weak as ever, Shepard. Cerberus is keeping this base." Then she threw the disk into the empty expanse.

**-x-**


	44. Vulnerability and Determination

Shepard silently watched the disk disappear into the darkness.

When Miranda turned back to them with a smirk, Garrus was there with a fist to wipe it off. As she staggered back, he spun, leg outstretched, to take Miranda's feet out from under her, and once she hit the ground, he swiftly turned her face-down, and pinned her arms up behind her back. He'd taken down plenty of lowlifes during his time with Citadel Security. "Well, that was stupid. You've shown your hand too soon, _Cerberus_. Backstabbing bitch," he growled.

Miranda laughed scornfully, her cheek pressed into the cold metal platform. "Do what you want with me, but Cerberus still wins. The Illusive Man _always_ gets what he wants. You're running out of time, Shepard. It's the radiation pulse, or failure."

Shepard looked at Miranda, unsurprised by her betrayal, but still strangely disappointed. The woman was as ruthless as her boss. She shook her head with an over-exaggerated sigh. "You're underestimating me, Miranda. Garrus?"

"Left leg, top pocket. Oh, Lawson, you have no idea how satisfying this is going to be."

Shepard laughed. "Can you not say things like that when I'm about to rummage in your pocket!"

"You know, I'm beginning to think it's your dirty mind, rather than my choice of words," he observed.

"You could be right," she accepted.

Miranda lay there in confusion at their unconcerned, casual banter. Then she watched Shepard withdraw another data disc from the turian's pocket.

"Seemed a bit foolish not to take a backup. Just in case something happened to me, or it," Shepard said matter-of-factly.

"Got to love a backup," agreed Garrus. "Except if you're Cerberus."

Lawson suddenly started to power up her biotics, but Garrus dealt her a hard blow that knocked her out. He'd had to deal with plenty of biotic lowlifes too.

Shepard inserted the disk and replaced the console. "Let's move. We've got thirty minutes before the reactor overloads and blows the whole station apart."

"Please don't tell me 'no one gets left behind'?" Garrus gestured to Miranda.

"Sorry, Garrus. Not even her."

He gave a suffering sigh. "That soft heart's going to get you into a lot of trouble one day." He started to bend towards Miranda, when everything started shaking.

They both un-latched their guns in anticipation of something bad. The sight of the unformed Reaper rising up, now very functional, was an extremely unwelcome sight when they only had half an hour to get out.

Shepard grabbed Miranda, pulling her behind cover beside Garrus. She peered over as its 'eyes' swirled - for some reason it had three, two of them on one side - and then ducked as it shot out a wide powerful arc of energy. They needed to hit a weak spot. "Garrus, I'm thinking we aim for its eyes."

He glanced over the wall. "Looks like a good bet."

They swapped to their sniper rifles.

"Aim for the single one." Shepard then gave a quick nod that she was ready, which Garrus reciprocated, and they swung up, aimed and fired at the same time. They sunk down to reload, then did it again, this time having to rapidly dive away as another arc of energy streamed over their heads. They had to get this thing down faster.

Shepard swapped to her heavy weapon. After her conversation with the Illusive Man, it seemed rather hypocritical of her to use it, but she reasoned that if she had a Cain to hand, it would be just as effective. But she didn't so... When they leapt back up, Garrus took his shot and Shepard held the heavy weapon on it, moving the beam in time with the Reaper's erratic movements. This time, as Garrus knelt to reload, Shepard stayed up, maintaining the pressure. The Reaper - an 'embryo' as described by EDI - was about to let loose, and Garrus reached up to tug her down, but then the 'eye' was breached, and the Reaper reared back as the energy contained within started spewing out and igniting.

Garrus stood up beside her to watch its downfall, aware of Miranda stirring nearby. He got ready to put her down again, but then the Reaper was falling forward, hitting the platform. The weight of it was too much for the platform's mass effect fields, and it tipped with the Reaper's descent. Garrus and Shepard held onto the wall in the centre of their platform, only the now-conscious but dazed Miranda wasn't ready, and she toppled over the wall that had provided her cover earlier, and started sliding down. Her instincts had her scrambling for a purchase, but it was futile on the smooth surface.

Shepard swore and flung herself after Miranda, to the sound of Garrus' horrified protest.

The Reaper was now off the platform, which was able to begin righting itself, but Miranda's momentum and proximity to the edge meant she wouldn't be able to stop in time. Shepard caught Miranda's outstretched hand just as she went over, and the platform levelled. Then Garrus was there, unceremoniously yanking Miranda up, fixing Shepard with a hard look.

Below them, an explosion from the Reaper threw the platforms into disarray. The three of them struggled to stay upright, grasping onto the walls again.

Shepard could see solid ground not too far away. They were travelling in the right direction. Just a little further….

"Oh no," groaned Garrus.

Shepard looked behind them to see an out-of-control platform flying towards them at high speed. There was nothing they could do. And then it hit them.

x

" _Registering a large explosion in the same vicinity as Shepard and her team. They are not moving_ ," advised EDI.

Joker didn't like that. "Commander? Do you copy?" …

There was nothing, and he could feel the others congregating in the cockpit behind him.

"Come on, Shepard, don't do this to me. Respond! … Anybody!” …

"I am going back," stated Thane, turning away.

"Not so fast, Krios," interjected Jacob, his hand raised. "Our orders were to return to the ship." The drell gave him a dangerous look.

"I follow Shepard, not you. In her absence, my will is my own." He made to move past Jacob, but the security officer stepped into his path.

"The Commander made me lead in her stead, Krios. Respect that, and stay on board."

Tali saw Thane's hands fist as the men faced off one another. "Please, Thane. Jacob is right. Shepard would not want you to go back for her. There's still time."

Thane looked at Tali, her hands restlessly moving over one another like she was washing them. An anxious gesture. He knew Shepard and the quarian were close. And she spoke the truth. He forced away the cold rage that threatened to take control, and stepped back. "I apologise, Mr Taylor."

"Don't worry about it. We're all on edge."

Behind him, Jack was pacing up and down the aisle between the cockpit and the CIC, surrounded by a biotic aura.

x

Shepard rose up painfully from the ground, her head spinning. It was all she could do to get to her feet, her gaze fixed on Garrus, pinned under debris. He was conscious, but completely immobile, one arm stuck beneath his body.

Before she could reach him, Shepard was lifted up in the air and then slammed down hard into the ground. The air was knocked from her lungs, agony radiating throughout her body, causing her vision to blur. Then a gun was at her head.

"No!" shouted Garrus, in fury. "Damn it, she saved you back there!"

Miranda shrugged. "Then we're even."

Garrus wrestled against the weight on his back, unable to dislodge it or reach for a weapon. He couldn't even call for help - his comm unit had been knocked from his head and lay tauntingly in front of him.

Miranda focused back on Shepard. "You've fulfilled the purpose I was ordered to bring you back for, Shepard. Now I think it's only fitting I get to send you back where I got you." She pulled the trigger as Garrus roared, but the click signalled a spent heat sink. She had nothing to replace it with, so she pistol-whipped Shepard as hard as she could, causing Shepard to black out. She ignored the snarling turian and checked her omnitool, her face throbbing where he'd struck her earlier. "Only twelve minutes left. A shame you won't make it out in time," she said snidely to Vakarian. She flung him one last smirk before she started running through the corridors.

x

" _Moreau, I'm on my way out. Get to my nearest exit_ ," Miranda's voice burst through into the cockpit.

"What about Shepard and Garrus!?" frowned Joker.

" _They didn't make it."_

He couldn't speak for a moment. "On way to your position," he announced, mechanically.

There was nothing but silence in the cockpit as everyone felt the loss.

x

Garrus' breath was heaving from his effort to free himself and his wrath at Lawson. His eyes never left Shepard's face. Blood flowed from the deep gash along her cheekbone. He was useless to her. He told her. He _told_ her that heart of hers would get her in trouble. But he never imagined _this_. Lawson, the antithesis of Shepard.

Shepard groaned, bringing his attention back. "Shepard! You've got to move! We're running out of time! You can do this!"

He watched as she brought her knees up, starting to brace herself with her arms, even as her forehead stayed in contact with the ground, her eyes squeezed shut from the pain. Then she was staggering to her feet, and he could see the pure determination in her face as she tried to focus. She fell to her knees beside him. Then she turned herself so she had her back against the heavy metal on top of him. "Ready?" she murmured.

"Now!" Garrus heaved up as Shepard used the power in her legs and back. It moved slowly, screeching sideways. Then Garrus had more mobility, and he could angle himself to get more leverage. Another push and he was free. Despite his aching body, he sprang up and helped steady Shepard. He checked his omnitool. "Six minutes, Shepard."

As they started moving, she activated her comm. "Joker, did the ground team make it?"

" _Commander!? Damn, it's good to hear your voice! Yeah, everyone else is on board. We're just waiting on you! What the hell happened? Miranda said we'd lost you!_ "

"I bet she did. She's there too?"

" _Now between airlocks-_ "

"I want her secured, immediately."

" _Uh, okay. I'll get someone on it._ "

They weaved through the corridors. Then the General's voice echoed off the walls. " ** _Human, you've changed nothing. Your species has the attention of those infinitely your greater. That which you know as Reapers are your salvation through destruction_** _._ "

Shepard ignored it. It took all her concentration just to stay upright, her vision still spinning. Then she heard the swarms coming, and she cursed; neither of them were biotic. They were about to pass through a doorway, and as they came to it she stopped at the control panel. It was a lot harder when you couldn't see straight.

Ahead of her, Garrus faltered as he realised she wasn't there. "Shepard!"

"Don't you stop, Garrus Vakarian!" she shouted back.

"Tough!" Garrus could see the swarms now. "Shepard!" They were mere inches from her when the door closed. Garrus blew out his relief. That human was going to be the death of him.

Collectors came from a side passage, and they were running again. An explosion behind them rocked the base. That was from the destruction caused by the Reaper. They still had time. They rounded the corner to see the _Normandy_ waiting ahead.

"Go, Garrus! I'll be right after you!" She turned to shoot back, providing him with cover so he'd be able to jump safely.

He knew she wouldn't get on that ship until he was on it, so Garrus didn't hesitate, leaping across the gap between base and ship. Thane and Jacob were waiting to grab hold of him, and as soon as his feet touched down he spun in time to see a large piece of debris falling in front of them, taking out the external platform. Shepard skidded to a halt.

"Joker, can you get any closer?" he thundered into his comm, as Thane and Jacob stood either side of the airlock, firing at the Collectors behind Shepard.

" _Negative. There's too many protrusions._ "

Shepard was backing up, ignoring her failing shields.

"She's going to jump," Garrus murmured.

"Taylor," Thane spoke, suddenly wishing he'd seen the need to learn how to pull. "Be ready to bring her in."

"I'm on it," responded Jacob, his biotics already flaring.

Shepard ran hard and took the biggest leap she could manage. Mid-way she began to lose her momentum and Jacob threw out a field that caught her and yanked her into his arms. Garrus hit the airlock, and they moved through to the cockpit as Joker pulled away from the base.

" _Detonation in ten, nine, eight-_ " EDI chimed.

"Yeah, got it, Edi! Hold on!" gritted Joker. He pushed the engines to their limits, trying to put as much distance between them and the ship as was possible. Then the base exploded violently behind them, and they were outrunning the shockwave. The relay was just ahead, and as the shockwave reached them, Joker expertly fought to keep them level and in control, pleased to see the debris clearing before them, helpfully pushed aside by that same shockwave.

The Omega 4 relay was now their salvation as it welcomed them in, and took them home.

-x-

Hackett opened up his message, with infinite relief.

**Dad,**

**We made it.**

**But I lost my Mess Sergeant, Rupert Gardner… What the Collectors did to him was incomprehensibly sickening…. It's all in my report. Considering what they all went through, it's a testament to the crew's skill and fortitude that we succeeded.**

**I've also attached the data we extracted from the Collector base, and forwarded a copy to Liara. Hopefully there's something there of use regarding the Reapers.**

**I have a couple of stops to make. Dropping my crew off. I'll let you know when I have an E.T.A for the Citadel. I'm sure you'll have to make arrangements. Though I would appreciate it if I could have some time to say goodbye to any remaining crew before I'm taken into custody. I also have a Cerberus agent detained. You'll see why in my report. She's one of Cerberus' top people and could hold vital information.**

**I'll see you soon.**

**Love, Terra.**

He hated the thought of what was to come, and with the arrest warrant now officially public, she couldn't have any respite even if she had allowed herself any.

Hackett issued an official notification of Commander Shepard's surrender, and that she was not to be pursued. Then he arranged a trip to the Citadel. He'd be damned if he'd let anything happen without his presence. He followed it up with an update to Anderson, and also to Alenko. Though Terra had denied Alenko's presence previously, Hackett knew why. Just like he knew that despite his daughter's strength, she needed Alenko, whether she was aware of it or not.

x

Kaidan stared at the words from Hackett with elation.

**Kaidan,**

**I thought you should know that Terra made it through. She'll be heading to the Citadel soon. I'll be in contact when I have more details.**

He should have known Terra would contact him first. That Hackett had passed it on to him, made him deeply grateful to the Admiral.

Kaidan couldn't describe how he felt. He'd been given another chance. This time he'd grab it with both hands. Kaidan suddenly felt out of breath, like he'd been holding it in all this time. It had been nearly a whole 24 hours since she'd entered the relay. She'd be exhausted. Was she hurt? Had she endured the loss of any of her team? When would she be here? So many questions. So much adrenaline was running through him, he considered going to a gym to work it off.

Another message came through. This one from Liara.

 **Shepard's back!** it said simply. There was an attachment, and he opened it to find Terra's mission report. It was lengthy, but he happily sat back to read it.

-x-

Miranda was confined to her room, all external access denied. She'd gone there voluntarily, wisely choosing not to go up against Samara, Jack and Grunt.

The team had been briefed on Lawson's antics, and the barrier that kept her from leaving her room, also served to protect her from the more volatile crewmembers, including Garrus, who had to be restrained from ripping the woman's throat out.

Jacob now stood at the barrier. "I can't believe what you tried to do to Shepard. What the hell is wrong with you!?"

Miranda just gave him a withering glance. "Oh, Jacob, don't look so shocked. You're Cerberus. We do what's necessary. It's why you joined us. Remember?"

"No. I joined because I thought you were people who took action instead of talking about it. But my eyes have been opened. Cerberus only sees the end result. I get it now... that it's the path that's taken to get there, that's important. It's what separates us from monsters. You disgust me."

Miranda laughed. "You seemed to enjoy me well enough before, Jacob." She gave him a seductive gaze.

Jacob wrinkled his nose, like he'd smelled something bad. "A mistake. And one I won't be repeating."

"You really think you're going to just walk away, Jacob? There'll be repercussions. Shepard won't be able to protect you. She's crossed the Illusive Man. Believe me, her days are numbered too, and she's at the top of the hit-list."

"Shepard's more than a match for anyone Cerberus throws at her. And I can take care of myself. As for walking away? … Watch me." That said, he turned and did exactly that, leaving Miranda seething behind him.

-x-

Her ground team stood around the edges of the room in silence as they watched Shepard's exchange with the Illusive Man.

" _Shepard. You're making a habit of costing me more than time and money_."

"You get the help you deserve. I didn't do this to make you stronger."

" _And what about the rest of humanity? Your ideals have cost us more than you can imagine. The technology from that base could have secured human dominance in the galaxy. Against the Reapers and beyond_."

"This is about _Cerberus_ having all the strength."

" _Strength for Cerberus is strength for_ every _human. Cerberus_ is _humanity. I should have known you'd choke on the hard decisions. Too idealistic from the start_."

"I'm not looking for your approval. The Reapers are coming. Humanity needs a leader who's looking out for them. And the best thing for us right now, is gathering allies. We can't do this alone. Humans don't need to be dominant. We need to be equal. My job with you is done." She turned to walk out of the holo.

" _Don't turn your back on me, Shepard! I made you! I brought you back from the_ dead!"

She turned back to him. "And I'm going to do exactly what you brought me back to do. I'm going to win this war, and I'll do it without sacrificing the soul of our species. Joker, lose this connection."

" _Aye, aye, Commander,_ " he said cheerfully.

The Illusive man's scowling face disappeared, and Jack whooped her approval.

"And Edi, not one more piece of information goes back to him."

" _Understood, Commander. All connections disabled._ "

She met the eyes of each of her crew, receiving unspoken support in return. It dismayed her to think of losing them all. "I want to thank you all for helping me. None of this would have been achieved without each and every one of you. And I want you to know that I've enjoyed having you as a part of my family."

"You make it sound like it's over, Shepard," grinned Jack.

Sorrow burrowed in deep. "…It is, Jack."

"What?" the young woman frowned. "What the hell are you talking about, Shepard? The ship's yours. You can do whatever you want!"

Shepard had expected this. "No, I can’t. The destruction of the Bahak system has caused outrage. There's now an arrest warrant with my name on it. I'm handing myself over to the Alliance to stand trial."

"That's bullshit! You can't!" Jack protested.

"I have to." Shepard brought her attention to the rest who had listened silently, and had to take a deep breath before she could continue. "We'll be making a quick stop at Omega to re-fuel. Anyone wanting to disembark there, can. Grunt, I imagined you'd want to go back to Tuchanka…" He grunted in response. "After that, our last destination is the Citadel. We'll be at Omega, shortly." She swallowed the lump in her throat. " …Crew dismissed," she said for the last time.

-x-

Garrus looked out the cockpit window as they docked at Omega. "Shepard should just dump that Cerberus bitch here, bound and gagged. Let scum deal with scum."

"Whoa! Easy, Garrus!" exclaimed Joker. "You're sounding dangerously like Jack! Except she'd relish the job of dispatching Lawson herself."

"So would I," he growled.

"Shepard banned you from going near Lawson, huh?"

"She got Edi to notify her if I even take a step towards the door."

" _The Commander is of the opinion that Operative Lawson would be more useful in an Alliance interrogation cell, with the hope of obtaining information regarding the location of Cerberus' headquarters, than deceased,_ " explained EDI.

"Makes sense, Garrus."

"Of course it makes sense. It came from Shepard. But that doesn't make it any less difficult to swallow."

"You're doing me proud, Garrus," Shepard's voice came from behind him, and he turned to her. "Just hold off a little longer."

"A little longer? Shepard, unless you're going to let me in that room, I'm going to have to 'hold off' for the rest of my life," he complained. Garrus' eye was drawn to the fresh scar now running a line along her right cheekbone. He'd never forget that feeling of utter despair that he was going to have to watch his closest friend being executed. "Spirits, Shepard… It's far more than she deserves," he muttered.

"It's not about what she deserves, Garrus. She may be the key to bringing down Cerberus."

"You really think she's going to say anything?" he said, doubtfully.

"That's _her_ choice. And her sentence will reflect her cooperation, or lack of."

"Hm, I suppose the image of her locked in a cell until the day she _dies_ , helps somewhat."

"That's the spirit, Garrus!" Joker laughed. "Look for the silver lining. Lawson, all wrinkly and grey."

"That's actually quite disturbing," Garrus backed off.

"I agree," said Shepard, feigning distaste. "Too far, Joker."

"Everyone's a critic," he groused.

Terra grinned back at him, then heard the steps coming their way. She readied herself. The first of her people to leave. "Mordin, heading back to your clinic?"

"Decided to check in. Unlikely to stay. Assistant, Daniel, more than capable of continuing without me. May head back to Sur'Kesh. Always some interesting project to work on. Still have Maelon's research. Enjoyed time aboard Normandy. Challenges. Deadlines. Collectors destroyed. Base in ruins. Extremely impressive. Tremendously rewarding. Illusive Man very displeased. Fortunately, not my problem. Sad to move on, but necessary."

"Yes," Shepard said, in thought. "Would you be able to do something for me, Mordin?"

"Will need clarification before I can commit."

Shepard gave a small laugh. "Right. It's Thane."

"Ah, cure for Kepral's Syndrome. Will be more than happy to devote time to finding cure, Shepard. However, cannot guarantee it will be in time to help Mr Krios. In final stages of disease."

"I understand."

"Will do my best."

"That's all I ask." She forwarded a contact for Thane to Mordin's omnitool. "Take care, Mordin."

"Likewise, Shepard." He bowed respectfully to her, and acknowledged Garrus and Joker, before leaving.

Then came Legion. He couldn't travel into Citadel space, and Liara had arranged for him to be smuggled straight off Omega. Even here, a geth walking about was likely to spark defensive action.

"Shepard-Commander. You chose to make your own future, by refusing to take the technology that was offered you. You are more like us than we thought."

"Um, thank you, Legion."

"Shepard-Commander. We do not understand your people's decision to cage you."

Terra considered how to explain it. "It's to maintain galaxy cohesion, Legion. The batarians are angry beyond reasoning, over the Bahak System, and they don't accept the Reaper explanation. To prevent war with them, those that govern us need to show they are punishing the perpetrator behind the act."

"But your code is superior. You are needed to stop the Reapers. Without Shepard-Commander, we estimate survival odds diminish for _all_ life."

She was stunned by his statement, looking at Garrus, who simply gave an unsurprised nod. "Legion, I'm just one person. Nothing I've achieved has been done alone. Every single one of us is capable of carrying on the fight. Including you."

There was a pause. "We will consider this. Thank you, Shepard-Commander."

She gestured for him to wait and walked to the outer airlock. Outside three men waited. Seeing her, one stepped forward.

"Commander, we've been sent to collect the package. It will need to be covered." He handed her a cloak.

"Where will you take it?"

"We have a small transport vessel ready to go, two bays down. The package will be placed aboard immediately upon receipt."

"Do you require payment for the ship?"

"All purchases have been dealt with, courtesy of the Shadow Broker, Commander. Be assured, the package will be safe."

"Thank you."

He gave only a subtle nod and stepped back to wait for Shepard to return with Legion.

"Here." She helped Legion don the cloak. The huge hood shrouded his 'head', but there was one problem. "Can you dim your optics?"

"Doing so will decrease visual sensors."

"There are people outside who'll get you where you need to go. Trust them. As soon as they have you on that ship you can bring them back on full. It will leave less chance of detection. And don't talk once you're out there."

"We will follow your suggestions." Legion's light dulled, now barely perceptible under the hood.

"Good." She walked him out.

Past the airlock, Legion turned back to her and extended his hand, as she had done in the AI Core. She shook it with a smile, noting he hadn't spoken, as instructed. Then the three men surrounded him and he was led away. Watching him go was harder than she'd expected. She went back inside with a heavy heart. As soon as they were re-fuelled, they'd head to Tuchanka…. And then the Citadel.

-x-

Kaidan was now in the gym. He sat on a bench, his forearms braced against the pads level with his head on either side, and performed butterfly presses, moving his bent arms so that the pads were in front of his face, and lifting the weights as he did so. He'd been here for a half hour and hadn't stopped. Each press released a little bit more of his pent up energy, but did nothing to alleviate the thoughts in his head.

It was astounding that Terra and her people had made it through. The odds of bringing down a whole base of Collectors and swarms with only a small team, had been low. She really had recruited the best.

And then there was Lawson. He should have wanted to thank the woman who had brought Terra back to life, but Lawson's wish to implant her with a control chip had angered him. Learning about just how close Lawson had come to killing Terra, after everything they'd been through in that base… It enraged him. That woman was every inch Cerberus, treating life with contempt.

Everything between his neck and chest was burning now, and he switched to leg presses. Just another half hour and maybe he'd be exhausted enough to sleep.

An hour later he finally gave in following a session of stomach crunches. After a shower, and back in his uniform, he trudged back to his room. As Kaidan rounded the last corner he hesitated. Rahna was waiting outside his door. He knew he'd been avoiding her. Then she saw him, and he resigned himself to the fact that he had to talk to her.

"Kaidan Alenko, you didn't tell me you were back on the Citadel," she said, light-heartedly telling him off.

"I'm sorry, Rahna. There's been a lot going on and I needed some time to myself."

"Anything I can help with?"

"No," he said bluntly.

"Oh… Well, aren't you going to invite me in?" she smiled.

"Oh,uh… sure, here." He unlocked the door, and she walked in first. "How have you been, Rahna?"

"Okay," she shrugged. "Lonely."

Kaidan wasn't going there, but it seemed she was pressing the issue.

"I missed you, Kaidan." She went to step forward but Kaidan held her arms to keep her back.

"Rahna, you need to move on. I've finally got my head on straight. Everything makes sense in here…," he put his fingers to his forehead, "…and in here," he pressed his fingertips to his chest, right over his heart. "I don't want to hurt you, but I have to be honest with you. Before, I thought I was broken. I thought that I _should_ feel something for you, because I once did, back on Jump Zero. Now things are clear, and I know that I don't feel that way about you anymore. Since I met Terra. Since I realised that I became a different person after Vyrnnus. After dealing with that, after the things I've seen as a soldier, the things I value have changed. On Jump Zero, you were a gentle soul in a place that was anything but, and then Vyrnnus died… and I frightened you. You ran away from me, and I was alone. Now, as a soldier, I live in a galaxy where that gentleness is more important than ever, but I discovered that when it went hand in hand with inner strength, determination…loyalty in the face of anything thrown at it…that it produced the most amazing woman I've ever met."

"Commander Shepard," Rahna murmured.

Kaidan nodded. "It's mind-blowing, but she's real, Rahna. I have her back. She's all I want."

"But what about Cerberus? Are you forgetting all that?"

"She's in a bad place, through no fault of her own, just doing the best she can for everyone but herself. And things aren't going to get better for her in the short-term. I want to be around to help her through it this time. The way I should have been from the start."

Rahna's eyes glistened. "Does this mean I've ruined our friendship?"

"No. Not at all. Not if you still want it."

"Of course I do."

When Rahna went to him this time, she was relieved he let her in, though it was brief. For him it was a platonic hug, but for her it was a chance to have his arms around her. She felt so angry, so very disappointed. Commander Shepard had her claws firmly in Kaidan, and she didn't know what to do about it. He was completely convinced she'd been resurrected. It was crazy. But any attempt on her part to try to persuade him of Shepard's treachery would just end up chasing him further away. She needed to talk to Sabine.

"I'm sorry, Rahna, but I should try to get some sleep."

"Yes, it's getting late. Goodnight, Kaidan."

"Night, Rahna."

Once she had left, Kaidan blew out his relief. He'd expected tears, hysterics even, but she seemed to take it well. He felt guilty though. He never should have given her hope of something more between them, not when he was so unsure. Grief had interfered with his common sense. At least he'd cleared the air. Now he could focus on Terra with no unwanted interruptions. Thinking about her impending arrival had his insides twisting with anticipation. Surely she'd be here sometime tomorrow. Now if he could just get to sleep, the time would fly by….

-x-

Shepard sat in the shuttle opposite Grunt, having chosen to escort him down. They were barely into the next day, but Grunt had been impatient. With no upcoming battle on the horizon, he was looking forward to asserting his position in clan Urdnot. Terra had been unable to face her bed, so she had agreed that instead of orbiting until daybreak, she'd take him straight down. Only the skeleton crew were aware of their departure - even Joker had retired for the night.

Their shuttle pilot landed the vessel, and she looked at Grunt. He hadn't said a word, unimpressed with her choice. "You're angry with me."

"You can't fight?"

"No. The Alliance are my clan, Grunt. I have to accept their judgement, deal with this their way."

"Clan." He considered it a little longer, then to her relief, he nodded his acceptance. "We fought a great battle, Shepard. And when you blew up that base instead of handing it to Cerberus…! Hah!" He gave her a huge grin. "If you killed the most dangerous thing in the galaxy… that leaves us."

"Please don't tell me you want to fight me, Grunt."

"We might need you against the other Reapers, Shepard. So if you survive that battle, I'll look you up then."

Shepard laughed. "Something to look forward to, then."

Grunt gave his unique slow, low, laugh. "Wrex seems a worthy lead."

"He is. He's taking your people in the right direction, Grunt. Help him with that."

They exited the shuttle. Terra wasn't going any further. She didn't need to go through another goodbye with Wrex. Grunt stood in front of her then stooped before her. "Battle-master. I would be proud to fight beside you again."

She laid her hand on his head and patted it affectionately. "Get off your knee, you big lump. You know, humans do that when they're proposing marriage."

He grunted as he righted himself. "Sorry to disappoint you, but look closer, Shepard. I'm not human."

She laughed again. "Well damn. Looks like I'll forever be a spinster. Thank you, Grunt. It's been an honour to have you by my side."

He dallied no longer, and she climbed back into the shuttle alone. She signalled her pilot to go, then typed a message to her father.

**Heading in now from Tuchanka. E.T.A 0430 hours, Citadel time.**

**Terra**

By the time she was back in the _Normandy_ and had given EDI instruction to head for the Citadel, she had a response.

**I'm there, waiting for you. I'll arrange a private dock and forward the bay assignment to you.**

**It's a good time to roll in. Fewer people about. It will give you some breathing space before news of your arrival hits the streets.**

**See you soon, sweetheart.**

She'd be a wreck by the time she got there if she didn't try to grab some sleep, so she headed up to her cabin, employing the meditation technique Samara taught her as she laid on the bed. Shepard forced all thoughts and fears of the coming hours away and concentrated. The only image that slipped into her mind as she fell into slumber, was of Kaidan.

**-x-**


	45. Heartache and Hope

For so early in the morning, the ship was brimming with activity. They had gotten in ten minutes earlier than estimated but her father was there, nonetheless. Terra met him at the docking bay airlock, and they moved away from the ship.

"Terra, how are you? I read your report. That was a hell of a thing you pulled off. Especially considering Lawson turned on you."

"I'm fine," she said weakly.

Hackett frowned. She was pale. "Terra, has Dr Chakwas checked you over?"

"Dad, I'm okay, really. It's just… all of this. I'm about to say goodbye to a good crew, and some of my closest friends, and I don't know how long it will be before I see them again. I can't seem to pull out the Commander this time."

He took her hand like they were merely shaking in greeting, and placed his other over their clasped hands. "Then don't try, Terra. You have the bay until 0600. Go do what you need to do." He released her hand.

"Thank you, Dad."

"Please don't thank me. I feel sick over this. It's times like this that it gets difficult to remain composed. I guess I'm feeling a little bit like you."

"Boohoo," she joked shakily.

Hackett chuckled. "You don't get the monopoly, you know. Try being the parent." He wished he could hug her – she looked like she needed it - but as quiet as it was, there were still eyes around.

"Go," Hackett ushered her, and she walked back into the _Normandy_ to her waiting crew.

Hackett strolled to the viewing window to survey the ship. Seeing it like this gave him chills. Scorch marks, torn metal, and though he couldn't see it from here, he knew from Terra's report that there were breaches in the cargo hold. To think she'd managed to go through the Omega relay and make it back still staggered him. Add to that the destruction of the Collector's base, complete with Reaper, and his daughter had managed to leave him speechless.

He found himself in a strange place, emotionally. He was in high-spirits that she was back and in one piece, but it was tainted with the looming arrest and trial. He sighed heavily. For all his status, he could only ease the process, not stop it. What was all this worth if he couldn't protect his own child? Then he put away his self-pity, and opened his omnitool.

**Terra's docked. Bay D16. She has until 0600.**

He sent it to Kaidan. It wouldn't be easy for the man to get through to Terra, but he seemed determined.

Hackett briefly wondered how Anderson was getting on with his manhunt on Omega, then settled in the seating area and started sifting through his files. There was always work to do.

x

Kaidan lay in the bed, now deep in sleep. The rented room around him was pristine, clothes draped carefully over a chair. He'd only managed to slip into that rejuvenating oblivion just an hour before.

A bleep invaded the silence of the room, an orange light glowing from the omnitool on his wrist. He stirred enough to turn himself on his front, his arm now hanging over the edge of the bed, but none of it had registered consciously. The silence returned.

x

The atmosphere was full of melancholy and tension. Some of the crew were ready to go, not wanting to drag it out. Others were congregated in groups around the CIC, talking inanely amongst themselves, prolonging their departure. Terra spoke to every single one before they left the ship, asking them of their plans. Not one of them was intending to return to Cerberus, and that pleased her.

Daniels and Donnelly approached, as ever inseparable.

"Engineering deck's clear, except for Jack, Commander," notified Donnelly.

"She's refusing to leave," added Daniels.

"I'll deal with her. Thank you."

"No, thank _you_ , Commander. You came through for us," gushed Donnelly.

Daniels was nodding, her eyes slightly haunted. "I felt myself slipping away, and then you were there, pulling me out. You saved my life."

"More than once if you think about it, Gabby," Donnelly interjected. "That time was more literal and personal to _you_ , but the Commander's _actually_ saved you every time she stopped the Reapers."

Shepard and Daniels looked back at him for a moment.

"Have you finished, Ken?" Daniels rolled her eyes. "Anyway, thanks, Commander."

"You're welcome," Terra smiled. "What do you two think you might do next?"

"You mean after I've slept for a week? We're not really sure yet," shrugged Donnelly.

"Don't worry about us, Commander. I'm sure Ken will get us into the thick of trouble, sooner or later," jibed Daniels.

"Take care. Both of you."

"You too, Commander." Donnelly gave a salute, and the two of them left.

Terra studied the CIC. It looked a mess. The crew had done the best they could to clear the debris, but they could only do so much. Parts of the ceiling now lay exposed, over-stressed beams hung at odd angles and some of the terminals were blackened where they'd overloaded. The rest of the ship was no better, and it was made worse by the emptiness. It reminded her too much of when her crew had been taken. It felt like defeat. She shored herself. They'd gotten through that, and she could get through this. She headed down for Jack.

Descending into the muted red lighting of engineering's under-belly was strangely calming. Jack was sitting on her bunk, her knees brought up to her chest, arms around her knees. It was the posture that you might expect a young frightened child to adopt. Defensive and self-comforting.

"Jack-"

"What the fuck, Shepard!? You're just going to hand yourself over like some pussy!?"

"Jack-"

"Just fuck off. I'll leave when I'm damn well ready."

Terra knew she wouldn't get through to Jack like this, so she didn't try. "I have a stop to make on the crew deck, but after that I'll be in my cabin if you want to talk." She didn't wait for a response - it would only be an expletive - and ascended the stairs for the elevator.

She felt deep concern for Jack's future. The young woman was so angry. Understandably so - it was how she'd been raised, a cold and brutal childhood - but if she wasn't careful Jack would end up back in a cell or dead. Terra knew that Jack had more potential than that. Despite herself, Jack had formed a connection with her. A friendship. Jack may not recognise it as such, but Terra did.

The elevator opened on crew deck, to Samara and Jacob. They stepped back as she exited.

"It is time for me to leave, Shepard," began Samara. "I have no need to linger on the Citadel. I will be returning to asari space. Shepard, it has been an honour to serve with you. I have enjoyed my time with you. You have made me feel part of something, and it has been a welcome change in my life of solitude. I must admit that I will find it hard to re-adjust. Nevertheless, I will go on." She placed her hand on Terra's arm. "You have been a good friend to me. Know that should you ever need me, I will come."

"Thank you, Samara."

"You will prevail, Shepard, as only someone as strong as you, can." Samara moved into the elevator and waited.

Jacob shook Shepard's hand. "Commander, it's been a real honour."

"Back at you, Mr Taylor. What's next for you?"

"Well, I can't stay with Cerberus, that's for sure. But I don't think I can overlook the reason I left the Alliance, either. It's something I need to think about I guess. But don't worry, Shepard. I'll find my place. You need to be careful, though. Cerberus will want your tail."

She shrugged. "Then at least I know I'm doing something right."

"Ha! Never boring with you around. Look after yourself, Shepard."

"Good luck, Jacob."

With a smart salute, Jacob joined Samara and they disappeared behind the closing doors. Terra headed for Life Support.

Thane was standing at the viewing window to the drive core, hands clasped behind his back. She went to stand beside him. Looking at the silent drive core, she missed the shimmering, pulsing, beautiful thing it was when it was active.

Thane took her hand in his, then looked at her. "Siha, I have so much to thank you for."

"Thane…" was all she could manage before her throat closed up with emotion. She turned to face him, and he did the same. Terra hugged him close, tears seeping as she realised this may well be the last time she ever saw him. She wiped them away before she stepped back. "I asked Mordin to take a look at your case-"

"Siha-"

"Thane, _please_. Where's the harm in him trying?"

Thane understood this was something he could give her in return for all she had done for him, and he nodded. Her relief was apparent as she transferred Mordin's contact details to his omnitool.

She took his hand again. "Kolyat's expecting you?"

"He is. I will not waste the chance you have given me to know my son again. No matter how short my time is, I will spend it wisely. But I worry for you, Siha."

"Don't. You have enough on your plate. I won't be alone. I still have friends in the Alliance. And with luck, I'll see you again."

"I shall hope for the same, Siha."

Terra leant up to kiss his cheek, and walked him to the elevator. Another gone. Her feet were heavy as she went to the medbay. Tali and Garrus were chatting to Chakwas, and they all turned as one to face her.

"Oh, Commander," Chakwas said, embracing her tightly. "I'm going to miss you."

"The feelings mutual, doc," Terra said as they parted.

Chakwas looked at them all. "I've never had truer friends. Thank you, Commander." The doctor gave one last look at her medbay and left.

Tali moved in front of Shepard. Terra had expected Tali to get off at Omega. It would have meant a shorter journey back to the Flotilla, but she'd insisted on staying with Terra for as long as possible.

"I hate saying goodbye again, Shepard. I lost you last time."

"I'm not going far this time, Tali. And you have a certain quarian waiting for you. Don't keep him waiting any longer."

"I know. I won't. But what about the Reapers?"

"I know there's another issue going on with the geth, but you know that it's not as cut and dried as you believed. I really think there's a chance for peace now. And we'll need all the help we can get when the Reapers hit. A war between the geth and the quarians would be devastating, for your own people and beyond."

"I'm not sure I can have an impact on something like that, but I'll try Shepard. Take care."

"You too."

Tali hugged Terra close, then quickly rushed from the room.

Garrus fidgeted restlessly. "I hate that you're doing this, Shepard. You should be right here, not behind bars. Without you, things have a habit of going bad," he grimaced.

"You give me too much credit, Garrus. It's about time that you realise you're a significant part in all this. You can carry on."

"Shepard, I don't even know where to start!"

"How about with those you know best? Your own people."

"Palaven."

"It's as good a place as any."

"Maybe. Just promise me that when those bastards who think they know better finally grow some brains and let you out, that you'll come find me."

"Absolutely." She suddenly grabbed him tight. "Thank you for being there for me, Garrus."

"And I will be again. It's what friends do."

She let him go so she could meet his eyes. "You're a damn good one, Garrus Vakarian."

"Goes both ways, Shepard. So sort this out fast, so we can get back out in that galaxy and start kicking ass again."

"You got it," she smiled.

Garrus patted her arm as he passed her, but this time Terra couldn't watch him leave so she studied her feet instead until she was satisfied he was gone. Asides from her, that left only Joker, Lawson, and of course Jack, aboard. Joker wouldn't leave the ship until he was forced to, so she'd hold off his goodbye till the last minute. She trudged across the Mess and opened the door to Miranda's make-shift cell.

Lawson was lounging on a chair, looking at the vista of the Citadel like she didn't have a care in the universe.

"Something I can do for you, Shepard?"

"Alliance soldiers will be here at 0600 to detain you. You might want to be ready."

"Aw, how sweet. We can leave in cuffs together," Miranda said snidely. "If I were you, I wouldn't waste the last minutes of your freedom. I hear mass murder carries a _long_ sentence," she added spitefully, with a smirk.

Terra chose to ignore it and walked out. Back in the elevator her head sank back against the wall. She couldn't let it get to her. Back on Command level, she headed for the cockpit. She had to get the goodbyes out of the way.

"Hey, Commander," Joker said miserably.

Terra sat in the co-pilot's seat. "How are you doing, Joker?" she asked softly.

Joker shrugged. "I dunno. I mean, it's been crazy and all, and that time the Collectors boarded nearly had me crapping my pants, but despite that, it's been great! The ship, _you_ , it's how it should be, and now it's over and everything's turning to shit again."

"Who says it's over? The Normandy's still here, and no-one knows her like you do. They'd be fools to replace you."

"Yeah, except that I'm probably going to face charges of desertion."

"Desertion!? You mean you never officially left your post with the Alliance!?"

Joker gave her a sheepish look.

"Joker! Why didn't you say anything before!? You could have gotten out of here earlier!"

"And leave you to face the music alone? Nah uh. If _you_ can stand and face the nonsense charges against you, then _I_ can face one little charge for deserting."

"But you could be banned from flying with the Alliance! You certainly won't be allowed anywhere near the Normandy!"

"Well, Edi and I have been considering that, and what if the ship's 'VI' only responded to me?…"

"Ooh, you are so cagey. Been taking lessons from Wrex?"

" _Please_ , he could take lessons from _me_!"

"Apart from getting back to Earth, you still wouldn't be flying, though."

"Eh, it's the next best thing. And once they retrofit it to within an inch of its life to conform to the Alliance's low, _low_ comfort standards, they'll want a shakedown. That's gotta be something to look forward to."

"It's a waste of your talents to spend it on a ship that's not going anywhere, Joker. Retrofits take a lot of time."

"Nothing else can compare to this baby, so I'll wait."

Terra ran her hand over her face. "I feel like this is my fault."

"Well it's not. You can't help being _you_."

"I'm not sure if that's a good thing, or not."

"I wouldn't change you, Shepard, so it's all good."

Terra gave him a grateful look, then her gaze went past him to the blue orb behind him. "Edi, you're okay with being a regular VI for the foreseeable future?"

" _It will be challenging to limit my abilities, but considering the alternative of deactivation if I am discovered, it is necessary._ "

"Sorry, Edi. I never even considered you, did I?"

" _I am aware having an AI on board an organics vessel is not a normal situation to find yourself in, Shepard. However, I appreciate your concern. Rest assured, it is not an issue. I will adapt_."

"Okay... well... I'm going to spend the last bit of time in my cabin. Gather my belongings, and… stuff like that."

"Sure thing, Shepard. See you soon."

"Take care of yourself, Joker. You too, Edi." Terra traipsed back to the lift. Everyone was dealt with. Mostly. But Jack would face her when she was ready. Now Terra just had to tell _herself_ it would be all right. As she travelled up, she checked the time. 0530. She decided that she hated countdowns. Nothing good came at the end of a countdown.

The cabin should have been her haven, but instead it felt like a borrowed place that she needed to tidy before it was passed to someone else. So she busied herself doing just that, and started packing up her meagre possessions while she waited for the end of the wretched countdown.

x

Kaidan woke with a jerk. Something felt wrong, though it could have just been his fuzzy head. He ran his hand over his face, then sat up to check the time. The flashing message from Hackett registered first. It had come through at 04.29. He hurriedly cleared his blurry vision and opened it.

**Terra's docked. Bay D16. She has until 0600.**

Kaidan felt panic consume him as he focused on the time. 05.36! He leapt out of bed and practically jumped into his trousers. Then shoving his feet into his boots and grabbing his shirt, he ran for the door as he donned it.

He was breathing hard by the time he got into a cab, driving it almost recklessly, glad that the traffic was light. Kaidan mentally kicked himself for sleeping through the message alert. Terra had been here for an hour! Now he'd be lucky if he got ten minutes with her! The journey took frustratingly too long. He parked at the bay and launched himself out of the cab.

Two officials stood at the entrance. One raised his hand up to stop Kaidan from proceeding. "Sorry Sir, this bay is currently off-limits."

Kaidan had to fight hard to stop himself from shouting at the man who was only doing his job. "Commander Alenko. I have authorisation from Admiral Hackett."

"One moment, Commander."

The man stepped aside to confirm it, and Kaidan paced impatiently at the entrance, his eyes fixed on the ship beyond. It looked like it had taken a beating. The officer returned.

"Go on through, Commander."

Kaidan dashed through and slammed the external comm outside the airlock, belatedly noticing Hackett peering over at him from his seat facing the viewing window. Hackett merely nodded his acknowledgement and left it there. Then the lock was released and Kaidan darted inside.

Stuck between the outer and inner airlocks, decontamination took precious seconds, then it was opening and he was through. Flinging out a hand to signal a hello to Joker, Kaidan ran down the aisle to the… He faltered. The layout was different from the original Normandy.

"Elevator, top floor," called out Joker.

Kaidan raced to it.

"Don't mess it up!" yelled Joker, as the doors closed.

Kaidan hit the button and checked the time. 05.49. He knocked his head back against the wall. Christ, he was so _stupid_! Then the doors were opening and he was in the foyer outside the Captain's cabin. He quickly tidied himself up, then noticing it was left unlocked, just as she always left it, he walked in.

Terra was sitting at the desk, the picture of Kaidan in her hand. Should she take it with her? She wanted to, but she couldn't deny it hurt to look upon it. She'd just be torturing herself. She wished he was here.

"Terra," that wonderful, smoky voice spoken so gently, curled around her. She closed her eyes, immersing herself in the vividness with which she'd heard him. Like he was in the room.

"Terra." This time it was stronger, from beside her, and her heart kicked up as she opened her eyes to see him crouched next to her chair.

"Kaidan!" She shot up out of her seat, and he stood slowly, like he might spook her again if he moved too quickly. "They sent _you_ to bring me in?"

"No! Terra! There's not a person in this galaxy who could order me to do _that_!"

"Then what are doing here!?"

"I had to see you. I had to tell you I'm so sorry, for everything. I know it's you. I _know_ you're still the woman I loved-"

"Kaidan, please, I can't… " _Loved_ , he'd said… "They'll be here to take me into custody soon! If they see you here-"

"Terra, stop! I don't care-"

"I _do_! And you _should_! You've worked so hard! Don't lay it all on the line because of _me_!"

"You don't get it. Terra, it's worth nothing without you."

Terra sucked in a breath. "But your doctor-"

"We're friends. That's all. I thought I could get over you, but I can't, and now you're alive, and… I want you back in my life. These past weeks… knowing you were out there and I wasn't with you… I can't do that again. I need you to know that nothing's changed for me."

Part of Terra was blooming with joy and love, but another part of her was dying inside for what she had to do. "And I won't allow you to tie yourself to someone with no future. Kaidan, I'm going to be incarcerated. There's no telling for how long. You've put off living your life long enough. You should move on. …Call your doctor."

"No. They're not stupid enough to lock you up for long. We need you. Without you, we would still be losing our colonists to the Collectors. And the Reapers are coming… That's why they'll release you before you know it. Terra, you have to believe that. Have hope."

"I seem to be struggling with that."

"Well, I have enough for us both." Kaidan moved into her space. "I love you, Terra Shepard, and that's why I'll wait for you. Now look me in the eye and tell me you don't feel the same way about me."

Terra met his eyes. She would never lie to him, but she feared it would tie him down. "I never stopped," she whispered.

Kaidan let out his breath, giving her a shaky smile. She was so beautiful. He went to reach for her, longing to touch her, hold her, when her cabin doors opened and a shaven-headed woman who appeared to wear little more than tattoos stormed in. She threw an almost death-inducing glare at Kaidan, barging between him and Terra with her back to him.

"It's not too late, Shepard," Jack said aggressively.

"Jack-"

"You're giving up! You're letting them take you! Do you have any idea what they'll do to you!? I know what's it's like, Shepard! The violation, the pain-"

"Jack!" Terra said in shock, holding on to Jack's arms. "They're not going to hurt me! This isn't Teltin, or Purgatory. This is the Alliance. I'll be safe."

Jack clenched her fists, then spun to Kaidan, her biotics flaring. "You better treat her right, or I _will_ gut you!" she warned menacingly.

Kaidan chose not to react to that, the picture of control. One thing was clear to him - this furious woman cared about Terra.

"Jack, he's not the enemy. And he's not here to bring me in. This is Kaidan. He used to serve with me."

Jack's blue aura faded as she studied him, recognition arching her brow. "You're the asshole from Horizon."

"Jack-"

"It's okay," Kaidan said to Terra, then he faced Jack's hostile stare. "I _was_ an asshole. Now I want to make things right."

Jack rolled her eyes. "Whatever. You just want to get in her pants." She turned back to Shepard. "It's still bullshit! You're just offering yourself up!"

"Yes, I am, Jack. Because I have to be true to myself. I would do anything in my power to protect innocents. By handing myself over, I can help avert a possible war, and _that_ saves countless lives."

Jack shook her head with frustration. "Damned Queen of the Girl Scouts," she muttered. "Fine. Go and throw yourself on the sacrificial altar, like some stupid martyr. Go back to your _stupid_ Alliance, and enjoy your _stupid_ prison. Stupid bitch. Just don't go expecting _me_ to visit."

Terra held back her sigh. So much of Jack's bluster was a defence mechanism, and Terra knew she didn't mean it. "What will you do now, Jack?"

"Pretending you care? Okay, I'll play along." Jack held her arms out at her sides, palms up, like she was showing she wasn't doing anything to deceive. "Don't worry about me, Shepard. I'll do what I've always done - enjoy my freedom, and look after _myself_. Hey, maybe I'll see you in a few _decades_. Now, I'm outta here." Jack stalked a few steps towards the door, then stopped, her hands fisting then releasing. Without turning, she added quietly, "It was good while it lasted, Shepard. Thanks."

When Jack was gone, Kaidan looked back at Terra. "So that was Jack."

Terra gave him a baffled look, clearly wondering how he knew about Jack.

"The Shadow Broker had copies of all the mission reports you filed with the Alliance. I took advantage," he explained.

Terra was relieved he knew everything. She looked to the door where she'd last seen Jack. "She's been through a lot. I worry about her. I think that without a guiding hand - someone to care about her - she'll end up the same way I found her, or worse. But it's not her fault. Cerberus made her that way."

"You're not responsible for her, Terra."

"I feel like I am." Her mind raced through any way she could help Jack, her eyes finally resting on Kaidan. "Could you try to help her? She just needs something to channel all that emotion into."

The thought of attempting to deal with that spitfire didn't thrill him, but Kaidan saw how important this was to Terra. "I'll see what I can do. Though I doubt she'll be receptive to anything that comes from _me_."

"That's up to Jack. You can only give her a direction, the rest has to come from her."

"I'm thinking I'm going to need a lot of patience," he sighed.

"Tons, but you already have that. Thank you, Kaidan."

"If it helps take some of that weight off your shoulders, then I'm happy to do it."

"What would I do without you?" She smiled, her hand reaching forward to run her fingers down his lips in her unique gesture. She followed the trail down to rest on his chest, catching briefly on his tags beneath his shirt. Kaidan caught her hand and held it there, and with his other he retrieved a small bundle of cloth from his pocket.

"That reminds me. Your father asked me to pass these on to you. I should have returned them to him after I failed to catch you before you went through the relay."

"You came after me?"

"On the Orisoni."

"Orisoni? The asari ship trying to hail us?"

"Yeah, long story, but I had hoped to join you." He handed it over, releasing her hand so she could use it.

Terra unwrapped the cloth and stared at the tags, still slightly burnished in places, but shining nonetheless.

"Allow me?" Kaidan said softly. He lifted the chain from her hand and placed it carefully over her head. She ran her fingers over the surface of the tags, and he studied her stunning face. He realised he hadn't felt this content in a very long time. He needed to touch her. Kaidan placed his hand on the right side of her face, his thumb gently tracing the damaged skin along her cheekbone. "You have a new scar."

Terra could barely concentrate with his touch. Could she really have him? Even amongst all the chaos of her life? She wanted him so badly. _He_ was her safe haven. "Courtesy of Lawson," Terra breathed out as she looked into those whisky eyes.

Kaidan frowned. Knowing that Lawson had marked Terra filled him with anger, and Terra saw it. She placed her hand over his, pressing her cheek into his palm, then turning her head a little, her slightly parted lips brushed against his skin. That was all it took to send a shiver of pleasure through his entire body. He brought his forehead to hers. His senses were over-loading - her exquisite face, her sweet unique scent, the softness of her beneath his hand and her warm breath caressing his skin. She was perfect. He lost himself in the dark, shining pools of her eyes. There was one sense he had yet to use. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly against him, then tipped his head to meet her lips-

" _Commander, sorry to interrupt, but the Alliance officers have arrived,_ " Joker informed her with a solemn tone.

She was out of time. _They_ were out of time.

Terra's breath hitched shakily, and she went to move back, but Kaidan didn't let her retreat. He wasn't about to allow anything to stop him, not this time. He kissed her. A deep, caressing kiss that told Terra down to her very toes just how much he loved her.

She felt like a puddle in his arms. Everything else faded away. Nothing bad could touch her here. This was heaven.

Kaidan's last sense was satisfied. Exactly as he remembered, she tasted like her scent. As so long ago, it was only the need for air that ended the kiss. Terra nestled against his chest. If he died now, he'd be an extremely happy man. He was holding the woman he loved, the woman he thought he'd lost forever. He didn't want to let her go. The thought of being separated from her again had him tightening his embrace.

Terra could have stayed here, cocooned in his love, forever, but reality would come knocking at her door soon, and she couldn't let them find Kaidan here. Her hands on his back turned to fists grasping the fabric of his shirt. "I have to go," she whispered, vocalising it as much for herself as for him.

"I know," he rasped, leaning back so he could look at her.

As much as it hurt to say goodbye, Terra felt wonderful. "Thank you… For this."

His 'quick' kiss lingered a little too long. "I have a confession to make. I'm being completely selfish right now. I'm definitely doing this for _me_ ," he grinned.

She laughed. "Well, I _really_ like it." She soaked in his handsome face, a seriousness descending. "I love you, Kaidan."

"I love you, too."

She reluctantly let him go, stepping back. "Kaidan, you have to promise me that if you find waiting too hard, if you find that you need someone else… that you won't hesitate to move on."

Kaidan shook his head with a frown. "That won't happen, Terra."

"Please," she ran her hand down the side of his face. "Just promise me. No matter how soon that might be. I'll understand."

Kaidan sighed. Even now, she never stopped worrying about _his_ happiness. He knew it was never going to be an issue, but she needed the assurance. "I promise."

Now satisfied, she gave him one last kiss, then let her head bow. She couldn't prolong this.

Kaidan sensed her mentally retreating from him and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Without another word or look, she grabbed a bag off her desk and the frame which held his picture, and disappeared through the doors. Standing there motionless was incredibly difficult. Restless, he checked the time. 06.10. He knew that Terra's father would have had something to do with the extra time they'd gotten. He was grateful for it, but _eternity_ wouldn't have been long enough….

x

Hackett was relieved to see Terra emerging from the elevator. There was only so much stalling he could do. He'd sent the officers to get Lawson removed from the ship first. The two men were efficient, however, and had quickly transferred Lawson to their ship's brig.

As Terra got closer, Hackett noticed that she looked like a different woman to the one who'd first exited the _Normandy_. The paleness was replaced by flushed cheeks that he wasn't about to consider any deeper. And though she was still shrouded with sadness, he saw the proud set of her shoulders was back and her eyes shimmered with her new memories. He made a mental note to thank Alenko.

Terra nodded at him with a small smile, which he returned. The two officers stepped forward, and Hackett braced himself, as did Terra. They were about to read her rights.

**-x-**


	46. Machinations and Solitude

The Illusive Man watched the live footage of Shepard being led away. No cuffs, but she had a four man escort. A stern Admiral Hackett was leading the way. According to the reporter, Shepard would be taken back to Earth on Hackett's ship.

It wasn't usual for an Admiral's vessel to play taxi. If the Illusive Man had to guess, he'd say that Hackett had insisted on it. The man knew an asset when he saw one, just as the Illusive Man himself did. Unfortunately, he didn't have anyone planted within Hackett's personal ship. His people had tried, but Hackett seemed to have an innate instinct that ended with his agents being weeded out, like they had some sign attached to them that said they couldn't be trusted. It was a talent the Illusive Man wished _he_ had.

It irked him that every single one of those he'd placed aboard the _Normandy_ had all turned their backs on Cerberus. They'd regret that. Shepard's ability to command absolute loyalty was as impressive as it was bothersome. The only exception was Miranda Lawson. Luckily, she had been taken to another ship. She wouldn't be staying there long. He signalled his assistant.

"Jan, has the IFF been replicated yet?"

"It has, and is being installed as we speak."

"Good. They're to head straight off. I want everything possible salvaged from that galactic core. A Reaper is hard to destroy - there'll be something, if not all of it."

"Yes, Sir."

"And get a strike team out to take over Dr T'Soni's operation." He needed every resource he could get his hands on.

"Right away."

The camera moved from a disappearing Shepard back to the _Normandy_. _His_ ship, _his_ AI, now in Alliance hands. Another bitter pill to swallow. But the Illusive Man was nothing if not patient. In time, he would get all of his valuable assets back under his control - including Shepard.

-x-

Corporal Danvers made his way down to the brig, a small bag flung over his shoulder. Just before he got to his destination, he shoved the bag behind a storage crate, used his omnitool to loop the feed on the cameras, and then carried on. Rounding the corner he grinned at the officer guarding Lawson's cell. "Vasili, how's your wallet feeling?"

The man groaned and winced. "Don't remind me. The Lieutenant completely played me, the bastard. Anyway, what are you doing all the way down here? Come to take a peek at one of Cerberus' finest?" he said wryly. "Hey, she's a looker, though. Ass like you wouldn't believe! And that cleavage! Man! Makes you sad to be Alliance!" joked Vasili.

Danvers laughed along with him. "Always more pleasurable to have something attractive to look at while on guard duty, right?"

"You got that right!"

"Actually, that's why I'm here. The Lieutenant wants you. Something about making good on that bet. He's waiting for you up in the lounge. So _I_ get to play ogling guard."

"Ah, shit. I'm gonna be completely broke by the time I've paid up. Looks like I'm drinking water next shore-leave." Vasili left his post with a grumble.

As soon as Danvers heard the elevator doors close, he nipped back for the bag and returned to the cell, unlocking it. Stepping inside, his gaze flitted over Lawson, who was lounging casually in a chair, then he placed the bag down. "Operative Lawson, the Illusive Man has a ship waiting, but we have to go immediately."

She nodded, and Danvers waited outside the room for her to don the Alliance uniform he'd nabbed from a female officer's locker. The cell door opened and she was tucking her hair up under the cap he'd thrown in, too.

"Well, this is distasteful," Miranda sneered as she peered down at herself.

"Better that than prison garments."

"Agreed. Lead the way."

In less than three minutes, the two were passing out of the airlock and en-route to their waiting ship.

-x-

Hackett sat down at his desk in his cabin and looked at the tags in his hand. His daughter's tags. Alenko could have only just given them back to her. He'd seen the pain on her face as the officer made her remove them. Protocol. Nothing can be left on a detainee that could be used to cause harm or self-harm. They'd also taken her omnitool, and then her title - officially rescinding her rank pending conclusion of the trial.

To watch his own child trying to maintain her composure had made his jaw ache from gritting his teeth together so hard. It was the biggest injustice he'd ever had the misfortune to witness.

Now she was in the brig of his ship, directly below him, a guard at her door as procedure dictated. He'd made a special request with the Committee to be the one to escort Commander Shepard, and thankfully they'd consented. He'd wanted her here because he had personally vetted every single man and woman on board this ship, and was satisfied that she would be safe, but once he had to hand her over he had no control over who had contact with her. Hopefully, Anderson would come through at that point.

Hackett placed the tags back in his pocket. She'd get them back again, he vowed. Along with everything else they'd taken away from her.

He connected to his pilot. "Take us home, Lieutenant."

-x-

Kaidan had left the empty _Normandy_ , Joker arguing with an officer in the docking bay, while everyone else was fixated on Hackett's ship like they might get another chance to see the Commander Shepard spectacle. It had disgusted and angered him.

He had needed a focus, something to take his mind off the injustice of it all, and Terra had given him that distraction... Jack.

Kaidan walked through the ward towards the C-Sec office. Commander Shepard was hot news. While the media and civilians were speculating again over whether the Spectre had been undercover all this time or had simply gone rogue like Saren, Kaidan knew the incredible truth. When those same people moved onto what sort of punishment she should face, it varied from those who thought she just needed psychiatric help and that they all needed to remember she saved the Citadel, to those who thought she was nothing but a mass murderer who should be executed. Kaidan had to wonder how differently they'd all think if they knew the reality behind it all. That the woman they were all condemning had in fact saved them all again.

She would be heading back to Earth by now…

"Commander Alenko, what can I do for you?" Bailey's voice interrupted his brooding.

"I was hoping you might be able to locate and then keep a trace on someone for me. She won't be registered."

"Got a description?"

"Her name's Jack. Female Caucasian, approximately 24, heavily tattooed, shaven head, prefers to wear straps of leather instead of a shirt."

Bailey's eyebrows rose. "Interesting. At least she'll stand out. Should I be expecting trouble from this one?"

Kaidan gave him a pained look. "All I'll say is that she's a powerful biotic with a hot temper."

Bailey breathed out the sigh of a man who had just realised he was way too far from his retirement. "I take it there's a reason for all this?"

"I just need a little time to make a call. Hopefully, I can get her off your station sooner rather than later."

"Well, that's music to my ears, and I haven't even had the pleasure of meeting her yet," Bailey said wryly.

"I hear you. I'll be in touch shortly."

"I'll be waiting, Commander."

Kaidan went to find a small, quiet café, and called Grissom Academy's Ascension Project leader. Six minutes later, he finished talking with Kahlee Sanders, and contacted Bailey. "Bailey, it's Alenko. Any luck locating Jack?"

" _Turned out she made it easy for us. She's now in one of my cells, Commander_."

"Already!? Christ. I'm on my way." Kaidan hot-footed it back to C-Sec. "What happened?" he asked as soon as Bailey saw him.

"Altercation with an intoxicated human male who thought she was offering something more than a dance in the club a level up. She threatened to 'smear the walls' with him. Would have done it, too. Luckily, I was able to talk her down. That's one messed up, angry kid. Good luck."

"Yeah, thanks. I think I'm going to need it."

Kaidan entered the cell, and Jack speared him with a hostile glare as she paced.

" _You_ again? What do you want?"

"To get you out of here."

Jack sneered. "Why?" She suddenly leapt forward and put herself in his face. "You think _you_ can touch me too?" she challenged.

Kaidan stepped back with a frown. "No, Jack. I just want to help you."

She began circling him. " _Help_ me? Do I look like I need help, _pretty-boy_?"

Kaidan wasn't daunted by her aggressive gestures and looked around the cell to make a point. She rolled her eyes in response, coming to a stand-still in front of him.

"What's it to you, anyway? You don't even know me." Suspicion radiated from her.

"I'm here because Shepard asked me to look out for you. Because she cares about you, and she's concerned for you; about where your choices will lead you."

That took Jack off-balance, and she studied his face for signs of deception. She found nothing. "And how exactly are you going to 'help' me?"

"Heard of the Ascension Project at Grissom Academy?"

Jack shrugged. "Shepard mentioned it."

"I want to take you there, get you tested-"

Jack quickly stepped back. "Tested!? I _knew_ it! You think I'm going to let anyone fuck with me again!?" she raged, her biotics flaring.

Kaidan held back his natural instinct to respond. He needed to stay calm and unthreatening if he wanted to avoid a biotic confrontation. "Jack, it's not what you're thinking. It's nothing intrusive. They just perform scans as you unleash your biotics at an inanimate object. It's a way to see just how strong your biotics are."

"They're strong. So what?"

"So, ascertaining what you're capable of will enable us to know what avenues are open to you."

"Avenues?"

"As in a less self-destructive path."

Jack's curiosity won. "Like what?"

Kaidan felt relief. He was getting through. "The Ascension Project leader, Kahlee Sanders, deals with all biotic students. She'll know what's out there that might suit you. Look, Jack, I'm not about to force you to do anything. All I'm suggesting is that you look at your options. If nothing interests you then you're free to go. This is _your_ choice."

Jack paced a little more, keeping her gaze fixed on the Alliance soldier. Shepard asked him, so maybe she could trust him… "Fine," Jack said grudgingly, then she pointed in his face. "But I get so much as a whiff of something off, and I'll tear you apart."

"Understood."

"So what are you waiting for, pretty-boy? Get me out of here."

Kaidan gave a laboured sigh. It was going to be a long ride to Grissom Academy.

-x-

Sabine sat in Bahir's office opposite a pathetic Rahna, feigning sympathy. "I know it's hard Rahna, but don't give up. You're right. He's been completely taken in. He's in love with a dream and won't acknowledge the reality. And you were also right to back off. No sense alienating him. Now, with Shepard out of the way, you can bide your time.”

It was no longer necessary to play Bahir now that Shepard’s task for the Illusive Man had been accomplished, but her own task to remain embedded within the Citadel remained and now she was stuck with this whimpering woman, so she may as well have some fun. Surely Alenko would snap sooner or later. No one could put up with someone so clingy for long, though the Alliance soldier was doing an admirable job so far. But when he did, Sabine would sit back and enjoy the fallout as Bahir crumbled.

“Keep him close. Be his friend. Stay a part of his life. Sooner or later the truth will come out, and he'll see for himself what Shepard really is. And you'll be there to pick up the pieces."

Rahna looked at her friend, suddenly looking hopeful. "How do I keep him close?"

Sabine thought it was derisory that the woman was so delusional that she still tried to attach herself to a man who had no interest in her. A few words of encouragement and Rahna was back to her desperate self. Doctor Rahna Bahir was a bunny boiler in the making if ever there was one, Sabine laughed inwardly. "Hm, well, you were looking for a research project to get into, right?"

"Uh huh," Rahna frowned, wondering where Sabine was going with this.

"So… Make _him_ your project."

Rahna's eyes lit up. "Of course! I can do a study in L2 implants - with a goal to alleviating symptoms, that sort of thing. I can look into the effects of alternative medicines and such, acupuncture."

"There you go! Perfect!"

"Do you think he'd do it, though?"

"Oh, you can sell it to him. Flutter those lashes and smile. How could he say no for such a noble pursuit from a gorgeous creature like you?"

Rahna laughed. "You're a great friend, Sabine."

"Well, that's my job!" grinned Sabine deviously. The naïve Rahna was like putty. It was all too easy.

-x-

-x-

Anderson was authorised through the door to Shepard's secured room at Headquarters, noting that the guard was one of Hackett’s, rather than the usual security detail. Steven had left nothing to chance. Inside, Anderson gestured to Vega to wait at the door.

Shepard stood to attention and saluted him. "Admiral Anderson, Sir. It's good to see you."

He smiled affectionately as he approached her. "You too, Shepard." He lowered his voice. "I'm sorry I wasn't there on the Citadel, but I was reacquiring an errant soldier." He thumbed over his shoulder to the other man, and Terra gave him a questioning look.

Anderson took her elbow and led her further away, ending up at the large window. "Lieutenant James Vega. A mission against the Collectors went bad on the Fehl colony. He lost his unit and chose to sacrifice the colonists in order to secure data on the Collectors. He's finding it difficult to live with. To add salt to the wound, it was just shortly before you destroyed the base. I thought being your bodyguard would keep him out of trouble, and you might be able to get him to see his worth again."

"Seeing similarities, Anderson?"

"Hell, we've all been there, but you have a way with people. I know you have a lot on your mind. Do you think you're up to it?"

Terra had to shake her head, a small smile escaping at his deliberate challenge. "You cunning bastard. As if I could refuse that."

Anderson gave her a grin.

"Though I'm not exactly a shining example, am I?"

"You're the best of us, Terra. Never doubt that. The Committee will see that, too."

Terra gave him a half-hearted smile. "Any idea how Lawson escaped?" Her father had filled her in just moments after they'd left the Citadel.

"A Corporal aboard the ship, obviously a Cerberus mole. They just walked right on out. To say your father's pissed is an understatement."

"That makes two of us."

"Don't dwell on it. You've got more pressing issues." Anderson called Vega over. The man was built like a wall, and judging by the numerous scars that lined his face, he used himself like a battering ram. "Shepard, this is Lieutenant James Vega," Anderson formally introduced.

Vega saluted. "It's an honour, Commander."

"You don't need to salute, Lieutenant. I'm no longer an officer."

"As far as I'm concerned you're innocent until proven guilty. I think they're out of line removing your rank before they've even made a judgement. You're Commander Shepard," stated Vega.

"Well… thank you, Lieutenant."

Anderson smiled to himself. Terra needed to hear that from someone who wasn't a friend or family. He knew Vega was a good man. "Unfortunately, I have to get back to the Citadel, but I'll be in touch, Shepard."

"I'll look forward to it, Anderson," she answered, sincerely.

Anderson opened the door, then looked back. "There's someone to see you, Shepard." He stepped back with a smile to let the woman through, before exiting.

"Mom!" Shepard exclaimed, meeting her in the middle of the room for an embrace.

Hannah held her daughter close. "Oh my beautiful baby girl!"

"I'll leave you to it, Commander," Vega said with a smile, as he moved past them.

Four hours later, and her mother had to go, with a promise to make regular visits. Then Terra was alone. Despite the fact that this was only the first day of her incarceration, it seemed like a week. She suddenly felt very tired, and very lonely. She stood at the window where the sun was streaming its last rays of the day into her room. The warmth radiated through the glass and she closed her eyes, imagining Kaidan was in front of her and it was _his_ warmth she felt. She let her forehead and hands rest against the glass - the barrier that separated her not just from the outside world and space beyond, but from _him_ \- and she let the tears fall.

-x-

Kahlee exited the testing room, and Kaidan stood up from one of the seats that lined the corridor. "How'd it go?" he asked, not sure he wanted the answer.

Sanders smiled. "Relax, Commander. Jack was fine once I explained the process." She indicated towards the seats, and they sat down. "Jack's readings are one of the highest I've seen in a human. Second only to yours, in fact. She's nowhere near as controlled as you are, but she's impressive. What she's been through though…" Kahlee shook her head in dismay. "Makes me glad that this place exists. Here, they're safe. Cerberus has a lot to answer to."

"No argument here," agreed Kaidan. "So, do you think there might be a place for her somewhere? I've already ruled out a military role. I mean, she worked well under Shepard but I don't think she'd take orders from just anyone."

"I would agree-" Kahlee stopped as she heard laughing. "We must have run into the students training session time." She stood to go back into the room and Kaidan followed in time to see a seventeen year old boy perform a very weak throw that barely rocked the dummy it was aimed at.

"What the hell was that?" Jack said bluntly to the boy. "You gotta draw it in, until you feel it like an ache in your gut. Then push it up through your body, down your arms, and let your hands throw it out like you mean it. Now quit playing around and do it again."

Both Kaidan and Kahlee remained silent as they watched the boy face the target again. He lit up, concentration pressing his lips tightly together, and he released his energy, toppling the dummy and sending it skidding across the floor. The boy was amazed with himself, turning triumphantly to Jack for approval.

"That's more like it. The skidding on the floor part was a bit sissy but keep practicing and you'll be smashing them straight into that back wall in no time."

Kahlee looked at Kaidan with a grin, signalling him back to the door where it was quieter. "I think I've found the perfect place for Jack."

"With _kids_? I thought you liked that they were safe here!" he only half-joked.

Kahlee did laugh, though. "These kids are no threat to her and she knows it. She needs to be a part of something. You told me earlier, despite her defensive nature, she got along with Shepard as part of her crew. Why?"

Kaidan understood what Sanders meant. "Shepard treats them like family."

Kahlee nodded. "Jack's never had that. She's never had anyone genuinely care about her before Shepard found her, and she never had anyone to care _about_ till then, either. I think she'll thrive here." More laughing came from behind them, the kids gathering around Jack with a wide-eyed adoration.

Kaidan was amazed at the change in Jack as she smiled back at the kids. Sanders was right. And so was Terra. Jack just needed to be pointed in the right direction. He hoped Jack accepted the chance she was being offered. He couldn't have hoped for a better resolution to Terra's request. Kaidan wished he could tell her but he knew her omnitool would have been taken away, and he was due back on duty for a long stint aimed at taking out some key Cerberus sites flagged up by the Broker's files, so he wouldn't get a chance to visit her anytime soon.

It killed him not to be able to see her, but there was nothing he could do except wait.

-x-

-x-

" _Admiral Hackett, we have an encrypted call coming through from a Dr T'Soni_."

Hackett looked up from his datapad, setting it down on his desk on Arcturus. "Put it through… Dr T'Soni, how are you?"

" _I am well, thank you, Admiral_."

"What can I do for you, Doctor?"

" _I have been searching through everything I have from the protheans. I found a reference to plans for some kind of super-weapon. Admiral, the protheans were trying to build this weapon because they believed it could defeat the Reapers_."

Hackett would have been pleased to hear that ray of hope, except for one thing - the protheans were extinct. "Then surely it failed."

" _I do not think they finished it in time. Remember, they did not know of the Reapers until they were invading through the Citadel's back door_."

Now he had a sliver of hope. "But where can we find these plans?"

" _I do not know, but I am fairly certain that I have nothing like that here. I wondered about the beacon your people found on Mars. I understand that there is still a lot of data to be recovered from it. Would it be possible for me to gain access to it_?"

"I'll arrange it. How's your relocation going?"

" _As well as can be expected. There's a lot to do to get this ship capable of supporting the Broker's network. We also have to keep moving until we can find somewhere else to hide_."

"What will you do with all that while you're at the Mars Archives?"

" _Feron can take control with the VI's support. And I will keep in regular contact. Do not worry, Admiral_."

"I trust you, Doctor."

" _Thank you. How is Shepard doing?_ "

"She's coping. It's hard for her. There just seems to be no real progress in this damned trial yet, and she wants to be out here, doing something, instead of down there, doing nothing."

" _She is already being punished, isn't she? It is all so unfair._ "

Hackett hung his head. He hadn't even been able to see or speak to Terra since he'd taken her to Earth six weeks ago. It would have raised questions if he'd put in a visiting request without a reason. The information he'd given T'Soni was relayed from Hannah, who had managed to wrangle it to make herself available to visit Terra once a week. He envied that time. It had been so damn long since he'd just sat down and talked with her, as a father; so long since they'd had a chance to laugh together. "She'll get through it. She's a survivor. …You know, I just realised that I never thanked you. For your part in bringing her back. If you hadn't intervened… I don't even want to imagine what the Reapers would have done to her. So, thank you."

" _…I was being selfish, Admiral._ "

"It doesn't matter. Terra's back with us. That's all I care about."

" _Yes."_

"I'll be in contact once I have everything cleared with the Mars base."

They ended their conference, and Hackett got to work. He'd never been busier and wouldn't want it any other way; it took his mind off his inability to help his own daughter.

-x-

-x-

Kaidan left Rahna's office after having agreed to help her out with her research, and headed to his meeting with Anderson.

The Admiral was ready to greet him as he entered the office, and got straight down to business.

"Alenko, I've got a proposition for you. I'm setting up a biotic ops squad. The 1st Special Operations Biotic Company, to be precise. You helped prove just how effective a biotic team can be when you hit the Broker's ship."

"It certain situations, absolutely."

"Indeed, the missions would have to be chosen carefully. I've already compiled a list of potential candidates." Anderson handed him a datapad.

"And you want me to be part of this team?" Kaidan said as he looked over the list.

"More than that. Those men and women are good soldiers, but they've never worked in covert operations, which is what I need this squad to be. I want _you_ to choose and train them. They'll be _your_ team."

Kaidan looked up at him in surprise. "Teaching? No disrespect, Sir, but I'm a soldier. I like to be in the thick of things. On the frontline. A special company like this will need a lot of training to get up to task. I think I'm going to have to respectfully decline."

"Alenko, you're the best biotic I've got. Your experience and ability are what will make this squad a success. You're the only one who can pull this off. And getting our soldiers at the top of their game is paramount, now more than ever."

"I'm getting the idea that you're not going to take no for an answer, Sir."

Anderson had the ghost of a smile on his face. "You catch on quick, Alenko. So, think you can make it work?"

Kaidan gave a heavy sigh, accepting the inevitable. "Well, it's not something I've done before, but I'll put everything I have into it."

"As I knew you would, _Major_ ," Anderson grinned.

Kaidan looked at Anderson for a minute while his brain tried to process what the Admiral had called him. "Major?"

"Don't look so shocked. It's been heading your way for a while now. You've more than earned it. Congratulations, Alenko."

An irrational part of him didn't want it. The part that said he had no right to overtake Terra in rank when circumstance had been so cruel to her. Then logic took over. Terra would never forgive him if he didn't grab it with both hands. She was already hesitant about pursuing their relationship because she thought she was preventing him from living his life. If he turned a promotion down it would only serve to reinforce her fears. He didn't like it, but he accepted it. "Uh, thank you, Sir."

Anderson clapped him on the back. "This datapad holds all the details of those candidates. Forward over your choices and I'll have your team rendezvous with you at Alliance Command. You can start your training program there."

"Yes, Sir." He'd finally get back to Earth; be close to Terra. It had been two hard months for him, and it had to be ten times worse for her. He felt lighter knowing he'd get a chance to visit with her before he had to start forming the squad.

"Now get yourself to HQ. The Brass have a gold bar to officially pin to that uniform. Well done, Major."

"Thank you, Admiral." Kaidan left the office, everything surreal. In less than five minutes he'd gained a rank and a squad, but all he could think about was Terra. He hurried back to his room to pack. The sooner he left, the sooner he'd be on his way home.

-x-

Vega had managed to get Shepard some outside time, and she trailed through the manicured garden, touching and smelling everything she passed, Vega walking closely behind her on high alert. A rustling in a tree overhead had Vega yanking her behind him, his gun raised.

Terra saw the boy first. "Stand down, Lieutenant!" she ordered, moving back in front of him.

Vega responded immediately, even before spotting the young lad.

Terra smiled up at the boy. "Hi. Sorry to be a killjoy, but I don't think you're supposed to be up there."

He rolled his little eyes. "You sound like my mom."

Terra laughed. "I'm sorry. But I meant because this is a private area for Alliance personnel. You could get in trouble."

"Oh," he said with disappointment.

"I can't blame you, though. That looks like a great tree for climbing."

"It is!" he beamed. "Wanna come up?"

Terra laughed again in surprise. "Why not? I've never actually climbed a tree."

"You haven't!?" the boy said as though it was unthinkable.

"I've always lived on star-ships. They don't have a lot of trees." She jumped for a branch and pulled herself up until she sat on the same branch as the boy, Vega looking up at them from below in amusement.

"It's cool, huh?" checked the boy.

"Absolutely!" Actually, she didn't quite see the appeal but maybe it was a boy thing. "I'm Terra." She held out her hand.

"Michael." He shook her hand, clearly chuffed with the adult gesture.

"Pleased to meet you, Michael. You know, I think I've seen you before. Playing on the rooftop opposite my room."

"It's good up there when I want to play with my ship, 'cos you're up high in the sky, but we don't have big trees up there. What's it like in space?" His mind had switched subjects in an instant.

"Um, well, I think it's beautiful. It can be very dark, just a few dots of light from the stars, but other times, it can be full of colours. Sometimes swirling, sometimes in streaks across the blackness. It's lovely. But unless you find a suitable planet to land on you won't find any big trees in space," she warned lightly.

He hummed in thought at that, then shrugged. "I still want to go. You're a soldier, right?"

"That's right."

"So you shoot people?"

"A soldier's job is to protect people," she corrected gently.

Michael looked pensive as he absorbed that. Then his wrist beeped, and he sighed loudly. "That's my mom. I'd better go."

"Jump, little man, and I'll catch you," Vega called up.

Michael looked at Terra like he'd trust it if she confirmed it. She nodded with a smile and he leapt off and into Vega's outstretched arms. "Whoa! You're really strong!" Michael gushed.

"That's because I eat my greens."

Michael rolled his eyes again. "No it's not. It's because you go to the gym," he stated to Vega like he was thick.

Terra laughed as she joined them on the ground. "Nice try, Vega. You'd better get back to your mom, Michael."

"Okay," he said with reluctance. "Bye, Terra."

"Bye, Michael."

They watched the lad hop over the wall and disappear.

"Looks like you've made a new friend, Commander."

"You can never have too many friends," she smiled. She suddenly realised that she'd been so caught up in her own situation and the constant Committee sessions that she hadn't stopped to consider the man who guarded her. "Lieutenant Vega, I am so sorry."

He looked at her in befuddled amusement. "Why? What did you do?"

"Barely said more than a few words to you. You spend all your time watching over me, escorting me everywhere, and I've never even said thank you."

"Oh, well, that's my job."

"I appreciate it none-the-less. For a soldier, standing around here isn't exactly a prized assignment."

"Trust me, after Fehl, this is a sweet gig. Keeping eyes on Commander Shepard? No man alive would frown at that!" Vega said cheekily.

Shepard arched one brow at him, a small tug at the corner of her mouth. "Oh no. You're one of those flirty types. Looks like _I'm_ the one who'll need to keep an eye on _you_!"

Vega grinned. "Look all you want, Commander. I don't mind a little appreciation."

"Good God, does that actually work?"

Vega gave her an exaggerated crestfallen look. "Usually. Seems I'll have to work harder to win _you_ over though, huh? Or maybe you got someone special, Shepard?" he fished.

"Maybe," she said it with a smile, but inside her head she was truly uncertain. She didn't want to tell herself Kaidan would be there at the end, in case. She moved the subject away from her love life. "Anderson told me about Fehl."

Vega looked uncomfortable and just shrugged. "Shit happens."

"Yes, it does." Terra had to look at the ground for a moment to gather herself. Now wasn't the time to dwell on the reason she was here. "Look, I don't know if this will make any difference to you, coming from someone standing trial for mass murder but… you don't have the benefit of hindsight when you're in the middle of a situation like that. You have to make a decision, and you have to trust that you've made that choice for the right reasons. Whatever the outcome, good or bad, you live with it _because_ you made it for those reasons."

Vega was silent for a moment as he mulled over her words. "Yeah. Okay, I get it. I guess I look at you and I see all this shit you're going through and wonder why that didn't happen to me. Where was _my_ trial? Why did _I_ get a medal for it?"

"You sound like me after Akuze. All I did was survive, and yet they rewarded me. I didn't get it, either. Then someone came along who made me realise that it's because what I went through, and came out of, made me inspirational to others. And it's the same for you. You could have crumbled on Fehl, but you didn't. You made the hard choice, and it sets you apart. You may not want it to, but that's what happened. It's why Admiral Anderson didn't give up on you."

"And what about you?"

"I know I did it for the right reasons, and even with hindsight I'd have to do it again. It just comes with a big fallout."

"Just the way the dice rolled, huh?"

"Yeah."

Vega's wrist bleeped and he checked it. "I need to get you back, Commander. You've got a gentleman caller." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Terra pointedly ignored him as she set a fast pace back through the gardens.

Once in her room, Terra wondered who it could be. She paced restlessly, hoping whoever it was would pass the criteria the Committee had set for visitors, which Vega had to adhere to.

The door chimed, then opened. Vega walked in, holding the door open for her visitor. Then he saluted, finishing with an acknowledging, "Major," before leaving them alone.

"Matt, it's so good to see you!" Terra moved to meet the welcome sight of her friend, and he hugged her with a kiss placed on her temple.

"Damn, Ter, I wish it was in better circumstances. You have no idea how many hoops I had to jump through just to get an hour. I mean, they are _serious_ about checking for any Cerberus connection. They practically ran through my whole file with a magnifying glass." They sat down on the small sofa she only used when she had her mother there.

"I'm sorry. They've chosen to chase the 'Alliance defector' angle until their scientists and doctors can authenticate the validity of my resurrection from Cerberus' Lazarus Project file. They're taking their time apparently."

Matt grunted. "Bastards. Though I have to admit, it's pretty incredible. ... Hm, first you become the Saviour of the Citadel, then you die and come back to life. Christ, you're a female Jesus!" he said with a laugh.

Terra laughed with him, slapping his arm. "Stop it! I can guarantee there's nothing god-like about _me."_

"Oh, I don't know… that beautiful face, that kind nature, and you'd sacrifice yourself without hesitation. Seems to me you're definitely angelic."

Terra groaned. "Now you're turning into Lieutenant Vega. Go and give him back his cheesy smooth-talking brain, and demand he return yours."

Matt stood up, saluted and went out the door, Terra laughing from the sofa as she watched him go. Then he walked back in with a huge grin. "All present and accounted for." He joined her back on the sofa, pleased to have made her smile.

"Thanks Matt."

"For what?"

"For being you. For coming to see me."

"That's what friends do, Ter, and judging from the security, I'm guessing you've been denied access from most of your friends."

She nodded. "Basically, anyone who's been a part of my crew is a no-go. Thankfully, you don't fall into that category."

"Thankfully, indeed," he smiled. He placed his hand over hers, and she gripped it tightly.

Terra felt a little more like herself. It was good to laugh, expelling some of the tension that was building up inside her. It was the inactivity, both mentally and physically, that exacerbated her anxiety. It left her with too much time to stew over things…. The things she was continually being questioned about. The things she had locked away at the time because they were hard for her to deal with. The things she had now started dreaming about. The one she'd suffered just the night before had been particularly soul-destroying. Faceless children she knew were batarian were huddled together in fright as a wave of energy from the exploding relay above descended and disintegrated them before her eyes.

Terra kicked herself out of her head and concentrated on Matt's easy chatter. It was nice to see him…but she couldn't help wishing it was Kaidan beside her.

-x-

The Illusive Man's assistant walked in and he turned to her expectantly.

"We've found Dr T'Soni," she informed him.

He was pleased. It should have been an easy business to gain control of the Broker's ship and resources. Instead, T'Soni had seen them coming and had left on an asari vessel with every piece of useful equipment and data there was. He had to admit that flying the Broker's ship straight into the vessel with his whole attack squad in it had surprised and impressed him as much as it had irritated him. "And her ship?"

"No. When our operative spotted her she was arriving at the Citadel off a daily transport vessel from Illium."

"So she's covered her tracks. Destination on the Citadel?"

"She didn't go far. Got straight on a waiting Alliance ship. One of Admiral Hackett's. However, our operative got talking to one of the Alliance personnel. They're headed to Mars."

"The Archives. She's looking for something. Jan, what's the condition of Project Eva?"

"Initial testing has proven successful."

"Then it's tested enough. I want the infiltration unit in place on Mars, immediately. Use whatever resources are necessary to forge any documents to get her in. I want to know exactly what T'Soni's looking for."

"Yes, Sir."

He sat in his chair and turned to the screens. He was intrigued. T'Soni had teamed with Hackett, and that could only mean a connection to the Reapers….

-x-

Kaidan stood in front of the Lieutenant, unfazed by the man's size. "What do you mean I'm denied?" he asked angrily.

"Sorry, Major, but the Committee's ruled that no-one who's worked with the Commander can be allowed access. Only exception is Admiral Anderson."

"But I'm Alliance for Christ's sake! I served with her on the _original_ Normandy!"

"I understand that, Sir. I'm just following my orders."

Kaidan huffed out his frustration, a sudden realisation darkening his thoughts. Everyone Terra was close to had been a part of her crew. "Does that mean she's had no-one to visit her? In all this time?" It had been months!

"Her mother visits weekly, and she brought a man named Zabeleta with her once, but the Commander's only had one other visitor authorised: Major Coats. Just this morning, in fact."

Kaidan ran a hand over his face. He'd just assumed Joker, Garrus, and all the others would be regularly checking in to keep her spirits up. Terra would be climbing the walls by now. She was a social person, enjoying the company of others, seeking it out. Here, she was being forced into a kind of solitude. He looked at Vega. Anderson had told him that he'd personally chosen Vega to watch over her. "Do you talk to her, Vega?"

"Sure. Kind of hard not to."

"I mean properly. Sit down and chat."

"She's in and out of sessions with the Committee all day. When she gets back she's not real talkative. Not surprising, I suppose."

"How does she seem to you?"

"Uh… I guess I'd have to say sad. Lonely. Restless; she paces a lot, or when she seems to be still, she taps her fingers against her legs. She's different when her mother visits though. She comes alive. Same with Major Coats."

Kaidan suddenly envied Coats, though he was glad the man had been there for her. He clenched his fists. It was like the universe was conspiring to keep them apart. She was somewhere above him, and there was nothing he could do. He looked back at Vega. "Look, don't let her hide away. She needs a friend."

Vega nodded slowly back at him. "Sure. I get it." The man lowered his voice. "Just say if it's none of my business, Major, but I'm guessing the Commander's special to you."

"Very." Kaidan sighed. The disappointment and heartache weighed him down. "Could you tell her I was here? That I came as soon as I could, and that I lo-" He briefly put his hand to his mouth, like he had to physically stop himself from saying those three words - words inappropriate by proxy. "Tell her I'm thinking of her and that I'll be waiting."

"You got it, Major." Vega clapped him on the shoulder. An offer of solidarity to a man who looked as sad as the woman he clearly yearned for.

Kaidan walked away, worried about Terra more than ever. He imagined her looking out, stuck in that room by herself, surrounded only by silence and her own thoughts. It tore at him to think of her like that, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

-x-

The Illusive Man stood on the catwalk overlooking the remains of the human Reaper. It was an impressive sight even now. Miranda walked up behind him.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes. I have a new task for you. I want our troops enhanced. I already have a science team who've been studying the Reaper, and I need you to oversee them with a goal to creating a Reaper implant that can improve our troops without interfering with their abilities."

"Not a problem."

"Keep the scientists separated as much as possible. Once they have completed their work I want them removed - permanently. I won't risk anyone tipping off the Alliance or others to what we're attempting. Then head over to your father's facility on Horizon. I'm very interested in his proposal to study husks and indoctrination. If he can accomplish what he thinks he can, to find a way to control them, then that could lead us to something far bigger. You can take the data with you and adjust the Reaper implants to turn any subjects into husks for testing."

"Yes, Sir."

"Miranda, I don't need to tell you just how important this could be for Cerberus and humanity. When the Reapers arrive, the Alliance will only be concerned with destroying them. A futile path, given what we know about the Reapers. But controlling them… That's the key to our future."

Miranda smiled back at him. "I'll get it done." She walked off with a purpose, and the Illusive Man turned his attention back to the Reaper. A _human_ Reaper. Even their impressive enemy had seen humanity as of more note than the other races. That was Shepard's doing. He wanted her under his control more than ever.

-x-

-x-

Kaidan had decided to make the most of his weekend leave and visit his parents. Now he sat on the porch, looking over the bay, his thoughts on Terra. His father sat down beside him, offering him a bottle of lager which he gratefully took.

"So how's your squad coming along?"

"Great. They're a talented and smart bunch. We're set for our first mission as soon as shore-leave's over."

"I have to say you've made us proud, son. 'Major' is a big accomplishment."

"Thanks, dad."

Alex Alenko looked at his son, but instead of self-pride he saw despondency. "What's on your mind, Kaidan?"

Kaidan didn't respond, unsure what to say.

"It's Commander Shepard, isn't it?"

Kaidan looked at his father. He'd never said anything about his relationship with Terra, mainly because he wasn't sure how his father would react to him breaking regulations. Kaidan had been in a happy place and he hadn't wanted to risk his father's disappointment ruining that. When she died he'd shut himself off from everyone until Hackett got him going again, and then he couldn't bring it up. He returned his gaze to the view, and nodded.

"She's more to you than just your former Commander, isn't she?"

"Much more," he admitted.

"Talk to me."

"What's there to say, dad?" Kaidan shrugged. "I fell for my commanding officer, and she made me incredibly happy when she honoured me with her love. Then she died… and so did I."

Alex understood that. His son had thrived under Shepard's command but when the _Normandy_ went down with his Commander, he'd turned into a shadow of himself. He'd suspected that Kaidan had developed feelings for Shepard, but had never considered that she might have reciprocated them.

"Then Cerberus brought her back to life, and I nearly lost her again," continued Kaidan.

"Back to life, Kaidan?" Alex challenged.

"I know what it sounds like, and believe me, I thought exactly the same thing. But I realised that there was too much that couldn't possibly be faked. And then I saw proof. I'll never get those images out of my brain. Her ruined body on a lab table, her reconstruction. It's beyond my comprehension but Cerberus did it. They really did it. She's a walking miracle."

"Tell me you didn't get involved with her while she was working for Cerberus," Alex worried. The last thing Kaidan needed was an investigation hanging over him.

"She wasn't working for them, she was using their resources to help our colonies. And Shepard wouldn't _let_ me join her."

Alex was suddenly very impressed by the woman. He'd held a deep respect for the Commander, but he had to think twice when she appeared out of the blue with Cerberus. That she refused to let Kaidan follow her spoke volumes in his book. "And the Bahak system?"

"She stopped the Reapers coming through, dad."

Alex raised his brows. That was a threat he fully believed in. "So all this trial business is political. I should have known. Look, the Alliance aren't stupid. They have to suspect that these Reapers are real, even if they don't say so out loud. A soldier of Shepard's calibre will be released."

"When? It's been five months already! You've heard the fuss from the batarians. They're demanding an execution. All this trial is, is a way for them to drag their heels, because they have no idea what to do to appease the batarians. They _have_ all the evidence. They _know_ everything she's said is true. But it doesn't matter, because if they release her the batarians will start a war. How can the Alliance do anything but jail her indefinitely?" Kaidan sank his head into his hands when a realisation speared through him. "That's why she made me promise to move on. She knew it would be like this. She knew she was going to be there for the long-haul, but she handed herself over anyway."

"Then she did it to protect us all."

"She did. But who's going to protect _her_? None of this is right."

Alex placed his hand on his son's slumped shoulder. It was all he could offer.

-x-

-x-

Hackett stood in the cockpit as his ship was brought into the Citadel.

" _Admiral, we have an incoming message from a Dr Bryson._ "

That had Hackett interested immediately. Dr Garret Bryson was working on a classified project right here on the Citadel named Task Force Aurora, which Hackett had created to investigate legends and rumours regarding the Reapers. If Bryson had contacted him, he must have something. "Put it through to my cabin." He headed straight there to take the call. "Dr Bryson, you have an update?"

" _Admiral, the Leviathan of Dis that we've been investigating? I think we're really on to something_."

"Give me the brief."

" _About twenty years ago the Batarians discovered a Reaper corpse that died in battle. They covered it up and denied it ever existed. But I'm intrigued by the larger implication_."

"What could have killed a Reaper in the first place?"

" _Exactly. That's the real Leviathan_."

"It's worth pursuing. Continue your investigation and update me on the progress."

He ended the call. In the six months since Terra's incarceration, they now had two leads. T'Soni's super-weapon and Bryson's Leviathan. He just hoped that at least one panned out, and that they'd figure them out in time.

-x-

The Illusive Man re-read his message from 'Dr Eva Coré', and smiled. T'Soni had just located what she was looking for: plans for a prothean super-weapon.

"Jan, I want the Mars Archives taken. This will be a good opportunity to fully test our new and improved strike team. I'll have EVA get them access. No survivors."

Then he sent a message back to EVA. He wanted that data.

-x-

Udina stood regally within his office, Hackett and Anderson in their seats at his desk. "Gentlemen, we've been given another chance to produce a worthy candidate for a Spectre position. Let's hope this choice will be better than the last one," Udina said with a disapproving glance at the two Admirals as he sat opposite them.

Both of them refrained from comment.

"So who do you propose?"

"We both agree there's only one man who has what it takes to be a Spectre. Major Alenko," Anderson announced.

Udina frowned. It wasn't what he'd wanted to hear. "Alenko? But he used to be Shepard's Lieutenant at one time, didn't he? Is he really a wise choice?"

"That was more than two years ago, Councillor," Hackett spoke up. He hated Udina, and his hackles rose up whenever the man entered the same space as him. He certainly didn't trust him.

"What about the possibility of a Cerberus connection, given that he worked with her?" questioned Udina.

"His file's there for all to see. The man's loyal, beyond doubt," Anderson said with certainty.

"He's an extremely skilled soldier with a diplomatic manner. Perfect for this role," pressed Hackett.

"And a biotic," added Anderson.

Udina knew he was at risk of raising suspicion if he didn't accept their push for Alenko. The last thing he needed was scrutiny from the two most respected Alliance Admirals. "I suppose putting forward a biotic would look good to the asari councillor, in particular. You have no other recommendations?"

Anderson shook his head. "You want the best. Alenko's it."

"All right, I'll put Major Alenko's name forward to the other Councillors. Thank you for your time, gentlemen."

Once they were outside the office, Anderson turned straight to Hackett. "How's Terra doing?"

Hackett shook his head. "Hannah saw her yesterday and she's worried. Terra's not sleeping well."

"I don't think it will be much longer. Between your frequent demands to get Commander Shepard back out here, and my own, the Committee have to be feeling the pressure."

Their omnitools chimed together.

"Looks like they heard me," said Anderson as he read. "The Committee want to discuss Shepard."

"Same here." He then opened another message as it came through. "Intel's just come in. The batarians are amassing their ships within their home system."

"What the hell? Has there been any major threat from them recently?"

"They make threats daily for Terra's head, but there's been nothing to suggest that they're prepared to wage war. Damn it! I'll have to fore-go the Committee meeting. This has to be checked out. Explain to Terra for me."

"I will. Good luck, Steven."

"Here." Hackett handed over Terra's tags. "Get her out of there, David."

"You know I'll do my best."

They shook hands and parted ways.

Hackett was deep in thought when a third message came through. T'Soni had located the plans she was looking for. Somehow, all this happening at the same time left him with a feeling that everything was finally coming to a head - for good or ill.

-x-

Kaidan had just entered Rahna's office so she could run more scans to assess for any improvement with his migraines since her latest treatment, when he got the request from the Committee. Despite his sudden anxiety, he also felt anticipation. Would they make some kind of judgement based on what he said? "I'm sorry Rahna, but I need to go. I have to head back to Headquarters." He rushed out the door.

"Wha- Kaidan! Surely, it can wait five minutes!" Rahna beseeched him as she hurried to keep pace.

"I've been waiting for six months, Rahna. This is for Shepard. I won't delay leaving for even a second."

"Well, when will you be back?"

"I don't know."

"But what about your treatments?"

"They can wait. Catch up with you another time." Kaidan nipped into the elevator, leaving the doors to close out Rahna, and contacted Anderson. The Admiral was also heading there, and told him what bay to get to. Finishing the call, Kaidan hoped this was a good sign. Would he get to see Terra? Would they set her free? He tried to temper his runaway hope with realism, but he'd been too low for too long. He needed this optimism. He needed Terra.

**-x-**


	47. Coming Together and Armageddon

They arrived at Headquarters to discover that Anderson had been scheduled to meet with the Committee mid-morning, and Kaidan just after. It was now 09.45. They had time to spare - time neither of them wanted. They settled in the visitors area, datapads providing distraction.

They'd been there twenty minutes when Anderson received an urgent call from Hackett. That didn't bode well. He moved away to a more private area and answered it. "How bad is it?" Anderson pre-empted.

" _Bad. We just lost contact with two of our deep space outposts._ "

"The batarians have made a move?"

" _I don't think this has anything to do with the batarians. I think those ships they were gathering were defensive. There's something massive on the long-range scanners._ "

Anderson felt a chill run through him. "Is this what Terra warned us about?" He didn't want to give voice to the word 'Reapers' as though it might make them appear.

" _I'd stake my life on it._ "

"How long do we have?"

" _Not long. I've sent word. The Fleets are mobilising. This is it, David._ "

The looming doom hung over Anderson ominously. "God help us."

" _We're going to need a lot more than prayers. Get Terra out of there. Get her back on the Normandy. But do it fast._ "

"I'm on it." They signed off and Anderson barrelled over to the reception desk. "I have to see the Committee. Immediately."

"Yes, Admiral. Follow me," the aide responded, not questioning the request.

Anderson exchanged a glance with Kaidan as he passed but said nothing as he left with the aide. Kaidan wondered what the hell that was all about. There certainly shouldn't have been that much hurry for a chat concerning Terra. He reasoned that if it was something he should know about, he'd be told soon enough, so he put it out of his mind and concentrated on his datapad.

He was perusing the latest mission report from his squad. They were doing a great job, and he was proud of them. Kaidan had to admit he felt good about the fact he was the one who'd got them up to par with the most elite the Alliance had. As he read he couldn't help but notice a growing tension in the atmosphere, and a marked increase in the volume of staff bustling around.

Another twenty minutes and Anderson was back, clearly with a lot on his mind and a hustle in his step. "Major, the Committee need to see you."

Kaidan stood in confusion. "What's going on, Admiral? Is this about Shepard?"

"No, but I'm now going to collect her. All I can say for now, is that something big is heading our way."

Kaidan's stomach dropped out. "The Reapers?"

"I don't know. Go see the Committee. Answer their questions as well as you can. I'll join you shortly."

"Yes, Sir." Kaidan saluted and hurried off.

Anderson began to head up to Shepard's quarters, messaging Vega to start walking her down to the Committee room, pronto. As he passed the windows he felt the need to absorb every detail of the pristine view outside. Something in his gut told him it wouldn't be like this for much longer.

x

Terra paced her room as she read her datapad. It had become a habit. An unconscious need to be moving while she was stuck in this place, like a caged animal in a zoo going slowly crazy with the monotony. She devoured every word on the small screen that detailed all the latest weaponry and armour upgrades sent over by her father in a bid to keep her up-to-date. It was his way of telling her 'keep your chin up, you'll need to know this, because you'll be out soon'. Her pacing had led her to the window and she automatically looked out to see Michael waving at her from his rooftop garden, a big grin on his little face, and a toy ship in his hand. She smiled and waved back, the sound of a knock at her door pulling her back to the room.

x

Kaidan waited impatiently outside the Committee room. All their questions had been about the Reapers. There had been little he could tell him that they didn't already know. He had only seen Sovereign in pieces, scattered throughout the Council chamber, and he hadn't been present when the Reaper had spoken to Shepard in holo form on Virmire. They should have known all this, and he had pointed out that _Commander_ Shepard had more dealings with, and information on, the Reapers than anyone, having been the one to stop them _twice_. That had ended their questions, and the look on their faces told him they knew just what a costly mistake they'd made in forcing Shepard out of commission.

One thing Kaidan had gathered from this hurried meeting and their harried faces, was that the Reapers were a threat they now acknowledged. Their enemy had to be closing in.

Now he waited. Anderson would bring Shepard to them, and he knew that the Committee would reinstate her, though it was probably too little too late. He was going to be there when she came out as a Commander again, and he was going to stand by her side the whole way as they faced what was to come.

Anderson finally emerged from the corridor, but Kaidan only had eyes for the woman accompanying him. Her rich chocolate eyes that hadn't yet seen him, were tinged with concern. The scar that travelled her right cheekbone was only a thin line now. Full lips of dusky pink, slender straight nose set against smooth fair skin, all as he remembered except for the slightly darker smudges under her eyes hinting at restless nights. Her hair was longer now, the straight dark strands that matched her eyes were tied back in a twist that gave her an added look of sophistication as well as showed off her beautiful face. His blood was pumping faster round his body at the sight of her. She turned away to face Vega, and Kaidan's trance was broken.

Anderson spotted him and Kaidan walked forward to meet him.

"How did it go?"

"Wasn't much I could offer that they didn't already know."

.

Terra heard that wonderful smoky voice. It travelled down her spine like silk and sent a tingling heat through her body. She spun to face him, telling herself now was not the time to lose control.

"Right now they just want confirmation of what they have. You'll have said enough, Major," Anderson said.

"Major?" Terra said with a smile. Kaidan looked so good. The only change was the black hair at his temples were now subtly dappled with grey. She liked it. It gave him a distinguished look. She yearned to touch him. She'd missed him.

"Yeah, I…" he started, awkwardly.

"Congratulations, Kaidan," she said sincerely, rescuing him from his discomfort. She held out her hand and he took it.

Kaidan revelled in the contact - that a handshake could feel so intimate with her as her fingers slid over his palm. "Thanks." His eyes were locked on hers, willing her to know his thoughts. He'd missed her.

"The Committee's ready for you," the aide interrupted.

Kaidan released her hand reluctantly, their fingers trailing along each other’s till the last. Then Anderson was moving off, and Shepard followed, her eyes lingering on Kaidan until she was past him. He watched her go, noting her gorgeous figure, Vega now standing next to him.

"I have no idea what Anderson was talking about when he said she'd gotten soft round the edges! That's perfection!" Vega admired her retreating body.

Kaidan frowned. "Have some respect, Lieutenant," he warned in a low tone.

"Ho! Come on now! Don't tell me you weren't thinking the same thing, Major!" Vega chuckled as they moved out to the quieter corridor.

" _Thinking_ , Vega."

"Ah, keep my thoughts to myself?"

"That would be preferable."

"That a bit of jealousy, Major?"

"No. I'd have to feel threatened by you, for that."

"Oh ho! That sounds like a challenge!"

"She's not a prize to be won, Lieutenant," Kaidan responded sharply.

Vega held his hands up in mock surrender, a stupid grin on his face. "Whoa! I'm just playing with you! I've had six months to ply my charms. Shepard's clearly way out of _my_ league. You're one lucky man, Major."

Yes he was, Kaidan thought, but he had a nasty suspicion that he wouldn't catch a break with her anytime soon. His suspicion became more like a premonition about five minutes later, when everything went to hell.

-x-

"Holy hell!" exclaimed Vega as he looked up from the floor to the sight outside the now glassless windows that lined the corridor. "Is that the Reapers!?"

Kaidan was up on his feet, looking back in anguish at the room they had come from, which now lay under rubble, completely blocking access to the Committee room and Terra. He keyed his comm, desperately. "Shepard!" then he cursed as he remembered she had no communication device and no omnitool. "Admiral Anderson, do you read!?" Vega joined him again. Kaidan got nothing but static and his heart froze.

"How the hell are we going to get through all this?" Vega said as he surveyed the chaos that separated them from the Committee room.

In response, Kaidan fired up his biotics, prepared to make a way through no matter how long it took.

" _This is Ad…ral Anderso…. Report in. Anyon.._."

Kaidan let his biotics fade away, relief crashing over him at the sound of Anderson's voice. If he was okay, then surely Terra was too. "Are you both okay, Sir!?"

" _Major …enko, is that you? Wha..'s your status_?"

There was a lot of interference. "Lieutenant Vega and I are right outside but there's a lot of debris. It's going to take some time to get through."

" _Negative. We can take an alter..tive route. But I can't raise … Normandy. You'll have to get … them. We'll meet you at th.. ..anding zone. Anderson out_."

Anderson had said 'we'. Kaidan didn't falter and they started a fast descent down the stairs.

-x-

Terra's head was still ringing from being thrown into the wall by the shockwave that had raced through the Committee room just seconds after the Reaper's blast devastated the area. She and Anderson had made it half way down, using the damaged struts of the building to cross over into an adjacent apartment block that was also badly damaged. She was glad to be back inside just so she didn't have to see the hell that was raining down. It didn't matter how long she'd known the Reapers were coming, nothing could have prepared her for the shocking reality. Now all she had was an empty pistol after having used the last heat sink on dispatching some husks, and her gratefully received omnitool from Anderson, who had liberated it earlier from the secured items lockup on the way to meet her. Shields generated from her tool were the only protection she had.

It wasn't until she heard a whimper, and spotted a familiar little boy hiding in the vents, that she realised this was his apartment block. "Michael!" She ran over and crouched down, offering him her hand. The sounds behind her had him shrinking back in fear, in what probably felt like a safe place to him. "It's okay," she said softly.

"Everyone's dying! Mommy wouldn't move," Michael said, his frightened voice making him seem even younger.

Terra's heart went out to him. "I'm so sorry Michael. Come here. I need to get you someplace safe. Take my hand."

Michael tucked his hands away. "You said you protect people. You lied." His bottom lip trembled as he looked back at her from the shadows.

Terra's breath left her like she'd been punched in the stomach. "I-" Another sound, louder, had Terra turning to see a Reaper landing nearby. When she turned back, Michael was gone.

"Michael!" She was about to crawl in after him but Anderson, who had listened silently to their exchange, stopped her.

"Terra you can't. These ducts get smaller. He still has a chance, but _you_ won't if you get stuck in there." Anderson saw the guilt in her face and her hesitation to leave. "He just doesn't understand. I'm sorry, but you can't help him now."

No she couldn't, Terra thought sadly. She'd let him down. She hadn't fought hard enough. Maybe it was too late, but that had to change. Terra stood up and locked herself down. She was all soldier.

-x-

" _Major, do … read me? I'm patch...g in Shepard._ "

There was the confirmation of Terra's survival Kaidan needed, but the distraction nearly had him missing the batarian mutations that appeared on his right. He brought them down and answered.

"We're almost to the Normandy, but we're taking heavy fire."

" _We're about five …inutes out._ "

"I don't think the landing zone's going to be viable much longer, Sir!"

" _Say ag….._ "

Kaidan swore as nothing but static came through. He checked over his cover. There was a lull. "Move!" he shouted out to Vega, and they launched themselves towards the waiting ship. They made it to the airlock just as a lot more explosions came from behind them. The doors slid open and they dived inside as the mass of creatures fired. The hatch slid shut again, and they both sat back to catch their breath as the decontamination wave ran calmly over them. They were back on their feet by the time the inner airlock opened. The ship's engines were already powered up, and Kaidan rushed into the cockpit to see another Reaper landing close by. "Get this bird in the air, pilot!"

"I'm doing it, Alenko. Chill out!" came the response.

Kaidan did a double-take. "Joker!?"

"The one and only," Joker smirked, though his hands never stopped on his console.

"What are you, physically attached?"

"Think I should get out more?” A single brow arched, Joker’s attention fully on his screens. “Have you looked outside? Yeah, no thanks. I'll stick with my baby."

They were away but everything seemed to be targeting them as they tried to keep the landing zone in sight. Kaidan threw himself into the co-pilot's seat to help out, Joker evading as much fire as he could.

"Shepard and Anderson are on their way. Lieutenant, head down to the cargo bay. Get suited up," ordered Kaidan.

"Aye, aye," Vega confirmed, and ran off.

" _…jor Alenko. We're in sig… … the spaceport. ETA: three minutes_ ," crackled Anderson's voice.

"We've made it to the Normandy. Taking heavy fire." Kaidan saw the Reaper aiming at one of their biggest vessels, just ahead of them. "Oh God! They're gonna take down that dreadnought! Evasive manoeuvres!"

"I'm on it! Hold tight!" Joker did an impressive twist, timing the extra thrust at just the right point to throttle _Normandy_ out of the path of the incoming danger. Behind them the dreadnought was hit and immediately exploded dramatically. Their ship was rocked by the ensuing shockwave, and Joker had debris to dodge as more buildings, already weakened, broke apart at the pressure.

" _Nor…dy. We… …oing to re-route. Do y… …opy_?"

"Give us your location and we'll get to you, Admiral."

There was nothing.

"Can we get a trace on their omnitool signals?" Kaidan asked desperately.

Joker shook his head. "Too much interference."

"Damn it!" It was a mess down there. Finding two people in that chaos would be almost impossible. "We'll just have to keep searching the area. Anderson said they were three minutes out. That's a workable area."

Joker knew that was an optimistic statement in a hot-zone like this. They were working on visuals only, while trying to evade everything being thrown at them. That said, he was more than happy to go with optimistic.

Five minutes later and they had barely covered any ground in their search. Joker finally disposed of the large flying creature that had been dogging them, and swore in frustration. They were both feeling the pressure. Anderson and Shepard were down there with no armour and limited firepower.

Suddenly, Anderson's voice came through again.

" _Normandy, this is Anderson. Do you read_?"

Kaidan jumped forward to answer it. "Admiral. What's your location?"

" _By a downed gunship in the harbour. I'm activating its distress beacon. Send support. We've got wounded down here_."

"Understood. We're on our way!"

"They can't hear you anymore,” informed Joker. “That communication frequency's been blocked too."

"Tell me you got that location."

"Of course. And it's already been relayed to the rescue shuttles. Edi's the best!"

"Edi?"

"Uh, I'll explain later."

Kaidan was too distracted to linger on it. "I'm heading down. They might need cover fire." He was already running down the aisle. The elevator ride was excruciating, and he burst through the opening doors. "Vega, we've got a location. Be ready."

"Yes, Sir."

Kaidan grabbed an assault rifle from the armoury, and loaded it, shoving more heat-sinks into his pockets.

" _Cavalry's arrived!_ " announced Joker.

They heard the cargo door starting to open and moved into position as Joker brought the ship around to the end of a pier. That's when Kaidan got his first visual of Terra and Anderson. They looked battered but otherwise fine, racing towards the ship. He felt the tension coiled inside his chest begin to loosen with every step Terra took. Then she was leaping across the gap and he caught her as she stumbled upon landing inside the _Normandy_. She steadied herself quickly and their eyes locked. "Welcome aboard, Shepard."

"Thanks."

Shepard turned to Anderson who had yet to come across, the Admiral watching one of the rescue shuttles swoop down, and Kaidan knew in an instant that Anderson wasn't going to leave.

"Shepard-" Anderson started, solemnly.

"Come on!" Terra called out, a new fear gripping her.

"I'm not going. These men need a leader."

"We're in this fight together, Anderson!"

"It's a fight we can't win. Not without help. Talk to the Council. Convince them to help us."

Terra was suddenly swamped with the impossibility of it all. Hadn't Anderson been taking note these past years? The Council had _never_ helped her. "What if they won't listen?"

"Then _make_ them listen! Now go! That's an order!"

"I don't take orders from you anymore. Remember?" It was a rebellious statement borne from her reluctance to leave him behind.

Anderson pulled her tags from his pocket. Hard to believe that Hackett had passed them to him less than a day ago. He threw them over and she caught them deftly. He took great pride in being the one to say, "Consider yourself reinstated, _Commander_." Terra was staring at the tags that swung from her clasped hand. "You know what you have to do." He looked to Alenko. "Get it done, Major."

"Yes, Sir," Kaidan saluted.

Terra met Anderson's face, holding back the little girl inside her who wanted to cry. "I'll be back for you, and I'll bring every fleet I can. Good luck, David."

"You too, Terra. Both of you."

The last thing she did was throw her rifle over to him, and Kaidan followed it up with some heat sinks. Joker lifted them away, and Anderson hurried off. Kaidan stood by Terra's side as they watched the horrendous scene play out all around them. It felt so wrong to leave it like this.

Terra observed the survivors clambering aboard an evacuation shuttle and her heart leapt as she saw Michael clambering in. He turned and stared up at her. Then the shuttle door slid shut and the small vessel was lifting away, gaining height and momentum and, more importantly, distance.

Kaidan hoped they'd make it. He'd seen the little boy boarding. The next seconds seemed to play out in slow motion as if to emphasise the cruelty of it. The Reaper taking aim and firing; the shuttle blowing apart in the air, only pieces of metal left to fall.

"NO!" Terra cried out, and Kaidan grabbed her arm as she looked like she was about to leap out of the ship. "Michael," she whispered, as she stilled.

Kaidan had found it horrifying enough to witness, but to know that she knew someone on board…

"He was just a child. No threat to anyone," Terra continued in a hushed angry voice.

Kaidan winced with sympathy for her. She'd known the boy. "Who was he?" he asked gently. The cargo hold doors slowly started closing, but Terra didn't seem to notice, her gaze still fixed.

"His name was Michael. He liked toy ships and climbing big trees, and I told him that my job was to protect people."

"Terra-"

"I failed, and he told me so."

"That's not true."

"He's dead, Kaidan," she said bluntly, her voice almost brutal.

"Yes, he is. But you didn't do that to him. You've done everything you could to protect him. But you're only human, Terra. Remember? There's nothing more you can do for Michael now, but there are millions of others who still need our help." He watched her straighten her shoulders.

"Yes, there are."

Kaidan looked at the tags she still held. Just like before, he lifted them from her hand and placed them over her head. "Now let's give the Reapers hell, _Commander_. Together."

Terra looked at the tags. Hers once more. This time she was in the right uniform, the _Normandy_ was an Alliance vessel, and she had Kaidan by her side. They could do this. They had to. When she looked up, it was to sink into those whisky eyes. "Together," she repeated. Then she buttoned every emotion away. She was Commander Shepard.

Kaidan thought she was stunning.

**-x-**


	48. What's Hidden Within and Head Trauma

Hackett disconnected from the _Normandy_. It had been a relief to find that his hopes had been actualised. Terra had made it off Earth along with Alenko, though according to Moreau, Anderson hadn't boarded. He understood that, and he knew leaving would have been the last thing the young soldiers would have wanted to do, too.

He instructed his Communications Officer to find a way to link with Anderson. An improvised base would soon be set up on the ground to co-ordinate Alliance personnel and to bring wounded.

Hackett then perused his fleets. They'd suffered devastating losses. He'd had to make the decision to sacrifice the whole of Second Fleet in order for the rest of them to escape. A lot of good men and women were now dead. The power of these things was incredible, and it was hard to see how they could survive this. All he could do now was keep his people fighting and continue hoping that something would come from these prothean plans. The loss of contact with the base on Mars was worrying, and the thought of outside interference crossed his mind. He couldn't dwell on it. It was in Terra and Kaidan's hands now.

He looked out of the viewing window and wondered where Hannah was.

-x-

Terra had been relieved to see her father on screen, fearing the worst, and she still worried about her mother. She knew they were all in constant danger, and she was likely to lose a lot of those she cared about. The realities of war. It was one of her greatest fears, but she was Commander Shepard now and she had to maintain her composure.

"Still no contact with the base, but we've got a massive storm heading our way," informed Vega as he landed the shuttle.

They'd diverted as per Hackett's instructions to the base on Mars. Apparently Liara was there and had found something that could help with the Reapers. There was no discernible reason for the base to have gone silent, though. The Reapers had not yet reached here.

Kaidan looked at Shepard as she moved to the hatch. His brief medical scan earlier had shown she'd sustained a mild concussion during the Reaper attack. Ideally, she should have gotten treatment, but with no medical staff on board and a rush to arm up before they reached Mars, it hadn't been possible. He stood up to join her, Vega behind them, and they moved out onto the planet's surface.

They hadn't gotten far before they found two downed soldiers. Kaidan recognised one of them. "Sergeant Reeves. Didn't put up a fight before he died." He gestured to the man's fully holstered weapon.

"What the hell is going on here?" questioned Vega, as he turned to survey their surroundings with new suspicion.

"One thing's for sure: we have hostiles. Keep a low profile," said Shepard.

The mystery of who had shot those men, was answered just a few steps further as they sighted a troop at the bottom of the incline leading down to the base, executing Alliance soldiers.

They took cover, and Shepard quickly withdrew her sniper rifle, but she wasn't in time to stop the last soldier being shot. She focused on the attackers and her jaw clenched as she spotted the emblem emblazoned on their armour. "Cerberus," Shepard murmured with venom, and she made a head-shot. The troops were taken by surprise and Shepard had dispatched another two before the Cerberus agents had even fired back. The three of them eventually dispatched the remainder, and went to take a closer look.

"They must be some of Cerberus' best. Once they had a chance to react they were hard to put down," observed Kaidan.

"What are Cerberus even doing here?" Vega asked as he checked over the bodies.

"More to the point, why would they do this with the Reapers attacking? This doesn't make sense," Kaidan frowned.

"It's too much of a coincidence that Cerberus are here just as Liara may have discovered something to help with the Reapers. I'm betting that the Illusive Man wants what she's found," stated Shepard.

"Shouldn't he be on our side right now!?" exclaimed Vega in disbelief.

"Well, whatever their reasons, we have to stop this. Maybe things will become clearer once we know just what Liara found here. Let's move out," Kaidan ordered.

"Yes, Sir," Shepard responded.

Kaidan hesitated. "Sorry. Habit."

"Don't apologise. You're the superior officer. We follow your orders."

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts. Lead the way, Major."

Kaidan knew she was sincere about it, and that she approved, but he didn't like that he ranked over her. However, he couldn't argue it, and they moved to enter the facility.

-x-

They had soon located Liara, and she'd filled them in. There were blueprints for a device that may be powerful enough to stop the Reapers, held within the prothean Archives.

There was a chance that Cerberus would get to the Archives first, despite any resistance from existing Alliance personnel, and Kaidan had sent Vega back to the shuttle to man the perimeter. No one could be allowed to leave with that data. The Lieutenant hadn't been happy about it, but he complied. The three of them kept moving on, dealing with Cerberus along the way.

The extent to which Cerberus had gone to became all too clear as they found the scientists and technicians who worked here all dead, exposed to the airless environment of Mars. Someone on the inside had over-ridden all safety and security measures to get the Cerberus troops access, killing everyone inside. It was an atrocious act. The perpetrator revealed as a Dr Coré who had joined the facility not long after Liara had come to the base. The Illusive Man had been keeping a trace on Liara.

Now they were a tram-ride away from the Archives, which had been locked down.

"Can we over-ride it?" Shepard wondered.

Liara shook her head. "The Archives are on a separate network. We cannot access it from here. We are unable to go any further."

"Not if we can find a short-range communicator, helmet to helmet," Kaidan suggested.

Shepard looked at him. "And?"

"And we convince them we're on their side. Tell them the Alliance forces have been taken care of."

Shepard was impressed. "Good idea." They started walking over to the bodies. "Been doing some infiltration work?"

"Yeah, I've branched out a little," he smiled.

Shepard smiled back, and they bent to take a look at one of the more intact Cerberus agents.

Kaidan spotted what they were searching for. "He's got a transmitter in his helmet. If I can-"

The dead man's visor opened under Kaidan's hand and they both stepped away in shock.

"My God," murmured Kaidan. "Looks like a husk."

Shepard bent down again to take a closer look. "Not quite, but they've definitely done something to him."

"Why would the Illusive Man do this to his own men? This is…" He couldn't find the words to describe the callous disregard for life.

"They've been giving us a hard fight. Implanting them with Reaper tech must enhance them. 'At any cost' he said. This is the price he deems necessary to get the job done," Shepard said with disgust. She extracted the communicator they needed, and stood back up. None of this surprised her.

Kaidan turned to look at her. "My God, to think he could have done something like this to you…" He ran his hand down the side of Terra's face, wishing he didn't have gloves on.

Shepard pressed her cheek into his hand briefly, then returned to the task, switching on the communicator in her hand. "This is Delta team. All hostiles terminated. We're at the tram station, waiting for extraction."

" _Roger that. Echo team will ride over and secure the station._ "

"Think they bought it?" Kaidan mused.

"If they didn't, they'll figure it out soon enough."

Liara joined them and they got into positions, ready for the next fight.

-x-

They stood inside Echo team's tram as it carried them across to the Archives. Another lull in the action.

Kaidan noticed that Shepard looked uncomfortable. "You okay?"

She regarded him for a moment, then confessed. "The Reapers are here. People are dying. Our survival - the galaxy's survival - is at threat. And the task ahead of us… it scares me. But there's this part of me that's enjoying this, Kaidan. I'm me again. I'm Alliance. A soldier. I have the Normandy. And you."

Kaidan took hold of her hand. "I get that. I do. That exhilaration comes from doing what you love, being able to perform your duty the way you want to. You have nothing to feel guilty about."

Liara stood at her other side and nodded in reassurance. Then they were arriving at the other side, and a Cerberus platoon awaited them.

-x-

They stood at the Archives, and Liara started to bring up the data.

" _Shepard._ "

They all swung, guns pointed, to see the holo of the Illusive Man.

" _Surely, you see now why Cerberus exists. The Alliance have had these Archives for over thirty years, and what have they done with it?_ "

"What do you want?"

" _What I've always wanted. The data in these artifacts holds the key to solving the Reaper threat._ "

"I've seen your solution," Kaidan interrupted. "Your people are turned into monsters!"

" _Hardly. They're being improved._ " The Illusive Man then disregarded him. _"This isn't your fight any longer, Shepard. You can't defeat the Reapers. Even with the prothean data._ "

"I won't accept that. Work with us. Combine our resources. We can stop them."

" _You'd do better than most, but the odds aren't in your favour._ "

"When have they ever been?"

" _True. But more importantly, I don't want the Reapers destroyed. We can dominate them, use their power, harness their very essence to bring humanity to the apex of evolution._ "

"You've gone too far. The Reapers will kill us all if we don't stop fighting each other!"

" _I don't expect you to understand, Shepard, and I'm certainly not looking for your approval._ "

Shepard noted he'd used the same words she'd used during their last conversation.

" _You were a tool, an agent with a singular purpose, and despite our differences, you were relatively successful. But like the rest of the relics in this place, your time is over_."

Kaidan had heard all he was prepared to. "Enough talk. Liara…"

Liara nodded as she went back to the terminal.

" _Don't interfere with my plans. I won't warn you again,_ " he threatened.

"Duly noted," Shepard retorted as she turned away.

"Wait, something's not right!" Liara called out. "The data - it's not here! It's being erased!"

" _Goodbye, Shepard,_ " finished the Illusive Man, and Kaidan saw the self-satisfied look the man flung at her back before he vanished.

"How's he doing it?" Shepard asked.

"It's local. Someone's uploading the information," revealed Liara.

Shepard and Kaidan looked at each other, and immediately split into different directions to search the area.

Kaidan found Dr Coré at a console set in an alcove. "Hey! Step away from the console! Now!" With more speed than was humanly possible, the woman spun and kicked him astoundingly hard in the chest, and he went down. Trying to get his breath back, Kaidan re-gained his feet as he reached for his gun, but Dr Coré had extracted the data and ran. "She's got the data!" he yelled out to Shepard who raced after Coré. He was up on his feet again, Liara joining him, but Shepard was already out of sight. They had some catching up to do.

-x-

" _She's getting away_!" Kaidan heard Shepard calling out desperately in his ear-piece and externally as he got to the top of the ladder in time to see Coré jumping aboard a waiting shuttle.

" _I got this one,_ " came Vega's voice, and their shuttle was headed at full speed to intercept the escaping agent. The impact was impressive, and though it had the desired effect of bringing the shuttle down, it was sent directly where Shepard was standing. Kaidan and Liara were running forward but they were still too far. Shepard dived to the side as the shuttle hit the roof where she was situated. Debris flung out as it burst into flames, and Kaidan and Liara threw up their barriers to deflect anything coming their way, but a large piece slammed into Shepard, causing her head to impact the surface brutally.

"Shepard!" Kaidan reached her as she swayed on her hands and knees. "Take it easy." He ran a quick scan that confirmed she now had a more severe concussion. Despite that, she was getting to her feet, and he swung her arm over his shoulder, supporting her with his hand around her waist, leading her away from the burning wreckage.

Vega had landed their shuttle and Liara stormed over. "Are you insane!?"

"What are you talking about? Stopped them leaving, didn't I?"

"You could have killed Shepard!"

Kaidan tuned out the argument when he heard metal clanging behind them, and he turned to see Coré emerging from the ruined shuttle. With the 'flesh' now burned away, it revealed what she really was. An artificial intelligence. It came at them and Kaidan pushed Terra out of harm’s way and fired.

Shepard reeled backwards, then fell to the ground, her spinning head effecting her ability to catch her balance, but her double-vision didn't stop her from seeing the AI grabbing Kaidan's helmet and lifting him off his feet. "Kaidan!"

He couldn't believe the strength in this thing as he struggled to dislodge its hold. His biggest concern was that his helmet might unclip. Out here that was certain death.

Vega and Liara stopped beside Shepard, who staggered to her feet, yanking out her pistol and aiming. "Let him go!" she demanded.

"Orders," it said into its communicator.

Terra went cold, knowing the Illusive Man was at the other end. She wanted to take it out, but she couldn't see straight to risk taking a shot, and neither Liara nor Vega had the precision required to avoid hitting Kaidan.

Then the AI had its response and Kaidan, who was about to use his biotics, heard Terra scream out "NO!" as it suddenly twisted and slammed him powerfully into the side of the downed shuttle. Everything appeared to burst into stars of white light at the impact, his head feeling like it had been hit by a train at full speed, pain exploding in his skull and shooting through his body, shocking his nervous system so he was unable to control his limbs. Then he was slammed again and Kaidan's only thought was that he'd let Terra down again, as he faded. He didn't feel the third impact.

The synthetic finally dropped Kaidan's limp body, and Terra went numb. The AI then spun and ran at Shepard and they fired a relentless barrage until it collapsed within reaching distance.

Terra didn't linger. The second it fell she was running to Kaidan's still body, battling the pounding in her head caused by her rushed movements that made the edges of her fuzzy vision, darken. Falling to her knees beside him, she felt nausea from the pit of her stomach as her fear took hold at the sight of his gorgeous eyes open but not seeing. She couldn't face what that meant. He couldn't be….

"He is alive," assured Liara. "But he has suffered massive head trauma. We-"

" _Shepard! We got Reaper signatures in orbit!_ " Joker interrupted.

They were out of time.

"Here, I'll take him," Vega started forward.

"No. I've got him," Shepard said abruptly.

"Shepard, you are hurt," Liara protested.

"I said I've got him," she snapped, pulling him carefully into a sitting position, her hands shaking. The _Normandy_ now hovered nearby.

Liara exchanged a glance with Vega. "Shepard, please. Allow me to help you."

Terra almost broke at the sound of her friend's gentle voice, so she relented with a small nod. Liara took his other side and they lifted him. As much as she couldn't bear to look at the synthetic as they carried Kaidan past it, she had to acknowledge the important data it held. "Grab that thing. Bring it with us," she told Vega. Then they headed into the ship, the silhouettes of the Reapers in the background.

-x-

"Did you get to the Archives?" Hackett asked his daughter. He took the opportunity to check her over, grateful for the ability to see her via holo. He noticed her brow was creased, her fingers occasionally pressing against her temple, her hand swiping over her eyes that squinted slightly like she was trying to see clearer. She was hurt.

" _Yes, and so was Cerberus_."

"I can't say I'm surprised to hear that. Did you get the data?"

" _Most of it. He downloaded some before I could stop him. EDI and Liara are analysing what we've recovered_."

Liara joined her in the holo. " _We have it - the blueprints of a device. A weapon, massive in scale and scope, that's capable of unquantifiable levels of destruction_."

Hackett felt no small amount of relief. They had something at least. A chance. "Send me the data. We'll do our own analysis. If you're right, Dr T'Soni, this may be the key to stopping the Reapers."

" _I hope so_ ," concluded Liara, then she laid a hand on Terra's arm as she moved away to give them space. It was a reassuring gesture from a worried friend.

"Terra, what's wrong?"

She hesitated, like she didn't want to voice it. " _Kaidan's been hurt. We're taking him to the Citadel_."

Hackett's heart went out to her. He knew what she was feeling. He'd been there himself. "Terra, I'm sorry to hear that, but we both know this is just the beginning." It was the brutal truth, but he had to say it, to prepare her, to make her confront it. "You're injured," he stated.

" _Just knocked my head a couple times._ "

"Get it checked out the minute you get to the Citadel, Terra."

She gave the barest of nods. " _Have you heard from mom_?"

"No. Not yet. There's still hope, Terra. For them both." He had a feeling it would soon become a mantra.

" _Yeah_." The despondency in her voice betrayed her turmoil.

"You have to stay focused. Talk to the Council. Show them what you've found. With luck, they'll give you all the support you need."

Hackett saw the cynical disbelief that flashed across her face for an instant. " _And if they don't_?"

"Do whatever it takes to get them on board. I'll be in touch soon. Hold on in there, sweetheart. You can do this. Commander." And he believed that with everything he had. She had always doubted herself, but she always pulled herself through - such was her determination. She made him incredibly proud, and to prove the point it was Commander Shepard who saluted him, and he returned it before allowing her image to fade out.

-x-

Terra was struggling to keep her mind off Kaidan as she trailed a path through the redesigned ship. He now lay alone in the empty medbay. The AI that Vega had flung on a neighbouring bed was now re-housed in the AI Core after Shepard had told him bluntly to get the thing out of her sight and away from Kaidan. It was an illogical reaction to something that was now inactive, but she didn't care.

It was strange to see the familiar design of the Alliance imposed upon the familiar environment of her ship. She'd walk through a door and everything would be completely different, like the War room she now exited, which had once served as Mordin's lab and had been knocked through into what had been the Briefing room, and Armoury.

"Shepard, Edi is extracting data from the Cerberus machine. We will have details to present to the Council by the time we reach the Citadel," said Liara as she filed into the elevator with her. "I have looked at the data. This weapon could be the answer, _if_ we can build it. ...I get the sense you do not quite believe it, though."

Shepard rested her aching head back against the wall. "It just seems that we're having to put a lot of faith in something that's unknown, untested. What if it doesn't work?"

"What are our options? You know we cannot win this conventionally. Is it not worth trying at least?"

Shepard couldn't answer that. She felt so numb. Everything was crumbling. But her father was right: she couldn't falter now. They had so far to go, and she had a job to do. The doors opened on the Crew deck and she barely made it two steps before a woman made a beeline for her.

"Ah, Commander Shepard. I'm Comm Specialist Samantha Traynor," the woman saluted. "I was part of the team retrofitting the Normandy. I worked in a lab. I never thought I'd be serving on a ship. In any event, I'm honoured to serve under you, Commander. Shall I give you the tour? I think you'll be impressed by the new upgrades-"

"Sorry, Traynor, but can we do this another time? My head can't really handle all that right now."

"Oh! Right! Sorry, Commander, I didn't think."

Liara intervened. "Do not worry yourself. The Commander just needs some time."

"Of course!"

"I'll come find you for that tour," assured Shepard.

"Yes, Commander." Traynor scurried off, and Shepard turned to Liara.

"I'm going to check on Kaidan. Make sure we're ready to present our findings to the Council."

"I am sure the Council will see the need to help."

"It will be a hell of a short war if they don't," she murmured. Shepard headed into the medbay, pulled a chair up beside Kaidan's bed and held his unresponsive hand until they docked at the Citadel.

-x-

The Illusive Man looked at the last image transmitted by EVA before he lost the connection. A soldier on the left, T'Soni on the right, but the focus was on Shepard, gun raised, fierce eyes, firing directly at the screen. It irked him that despite his forces' enhancements and superior numbers, as well as EVA, Shepard had still gotten the best of them.

"Sir, Henry Lawson is requesting a significant number of subjects for testing."

The Illusive Man considered that. The answer seemed obvious. "Tell him there's a galaxy of subjects out there. There'll be refugees fleeing the Reapers, looking for a safe harbour. I'm sure he and Miranda can work the rest out."

"Yes, Sir."

His eyes never left Shepard's. He needed to keep a close eye on her. She couldn't succeed. He would drag humanity to its apex, kicking and screaming if he had to.

-x-

Liara contacted Feron, updating him on the latest events. The two of them had come far since they'd met. He was now someone she trusted with her life, and those of her friends. He would be more than happy to hand the reins of the Shadow Broker's operation back to her, she knew. She arranged for him to dock at the Citadel. There would be a lot of work to do in a short amount of time. The Shadow Broker had a new home.

-x-

 _'Barely got a pulse here!'_ Shepard sat on the edge of the hospital bed, her head in her hands as the words from the doctor who'd met them at the docking bay, reverberated through her mind. The door to her room slid open and Chakwas hurried in.

"Commander! I'd heard the Normandy was docking and that they were bringing in someone critically injured. I came as fast as I could." She immediately began scanning Shepard.

"Good to see you, Doc."

"And you," Chakwas smiled, resting her hand on Shepard's.

"How’s Kaidan doing?"

"I won't lie to you. The head trauma was severe, but they've reduced the swelling. It could go either way. Only time will tell now. But he's shown an amazing resilience considering he received no medical treatment immediately after. That he's made it this far is a positive sign."

Terra told herself to breath.

"Dr Michel is treating him," continued Chakwas. "She's a very capable doctor. He's in good hands. I wish I could have been there to help on Mars, though."

"Me too," Shepard said, honestly. "You know we still need a doctor on board," she added, hopefully.

Chakwas beamed at her. "You say the word and I'm with you."

"The Normandy wouldn't be the same without you, Doctor," Terra smiled.

Chakwas laid her hand on Shepard's arm. "It's really good to have you back, Shepard."

"You too, doc. So you're working here?"

"In the labs. I finally received the scans from Shiala on Feros, and it was as I suspected: her spores were also more numerous. It provided a viable avenue of research with regards to preventing indoctrination. Unfortunately, I'm no closer to recreating the spores than I was when I started. It's frustrating, but they've resisted everything I've tried. But never mind that now. You've got an impressive concussion, Commander, but thankfully there's no long-term damage. Vision?"

"I was seeing double," she admitted. "But it's settled down now."

"Well, I'm sure I'm wasting my breath, but I'll say it anyway. You should rest." Chakwas began treating her for the pain.

The doors opened again, and Bailey strolled in. "Commander Shepard. Got word you'd arrived."

"Captain Bailey, it's good to see you again."

"You too, though it's Commander now," he grumbled.

"Congratulations?"

"Uh, thanks. Now I get to deal with a load of political bullshit. Dr T'Soni said you were looking to speak to the Council."

She nodded. "It's important."

"I'm here to tell you the Council are expecting you, but they're dealing with their own problems with the war and everything. They apologise for the inconvenience and blah, blah, blah. You can meet them shortly. Just go to Udina's office."

"Thanks, Bailey."

"I'll see you around, Shepard."

"No doubt," she sighed. Something told her this wasn't going to be easy.

Chakwas finished with her, and Shepard slid off the bed. "Can I see him?"

Chakwas knew who she meant. "Of course, Commander." She led Shepard through the corridors and stopped outside a private room. "I'll be collecting my things."

"See you on board, Doctor. Bay D24."

Then Terra was left alone and she took a bracing breath before crossing the threshold. The sight of Kaidan unconscious in the bed, machines bleeping in rhythm to his heart, had her tearing up. She reminded herself that she was in a public place and held them back. His handsome face was badly bruised but beyond that, he looked peaceful. He looked strong, solid. He could make it through this. She stepped closer and took hold of his hand. "I don't know if you can hear me, but… Don't die, Kaidan. You've got to fight. We need you. ... _I_ need you... You said we'd do this together. You'd better stick to it or you'll have _me_ to answer to," she said lightly. "I love you, Kaidan." The doors opening behind her signalled the arrival of the medical staff and her need to return to duty. But there was something she needed to do first. She reached for his lips, running her fingers gently down them, before bending to place a soft kiss on them. She backed away slowly as the medics started running their checks, until the doors closed her out.

Shepard returned to the reception area where Liara was waiting for her. Time to focus. Time to face the Council.

**-x-**


	49. Primarchs and AI's

The turian, asari and salarian councillors had officially refused their support while the Reapers were a threat to their own worlds, much to Udina's disgust. Shepard had suspected it would turn out like that. They'd had the same response to the super-weapon as she herself had, the difference being that they weren't prepared to take the leap of faith. Shepard saw no other way to defeat the Reapers, but they needed the other races in order to have a hope of completing it before they were all wiped out.

She'd gone back to Udina's office, frustrated and at a loss as to what to do next, defeated at the first hurdle.

It was the turian Councillor, Sparatus, who had come to them in private and offered a suggestion. The turian Primarch had called for a war summit with the other Council races' leaders. He'd since dropped out of contact after he was moved to a base on Palaven's moon, and without him the summit would not take place. Sparatus had suggested that a grateful Primarch could prove to be an ideal ally to have on-side. Shepard couldn't deny it made sense, and it was all she had.

Then he'd informed her that they'd agreed that she be reinstated as a Spectre. That was unexpected, and she wasn't sure what good it would do her now, but she accepted gladly.

So she left the office with another title returned and a new objective. Considering the low place she'd been in just this morning, the change in her circumstance was slightly disorientating. She hadn't been a commander for so long, and now she was thrust right back into the thick of things.

She called the _Normandy_. "Joker, how long until we're ready to go?"

" _We're re-fuelled, Chakwas is getting the medbay stocked as we speak, and the food and other supplies are en-route, so I'd say two hours tops. Unless Liara's got more stuff to bring aboard. I'm pretty sure she's even brought her kitchen sink,"_ he jibed _. "Don't think we're getting rid of her anytime soon._ "

"O-kay…" She wasn't sure what to make of that. "Thanks for the update, Joker."

" _No problem, Commander._ "

She stopped by Bailey's office.

"Shepard, how'd it go with the Council?" Bailey asked as she entered.

"As expected."

"Damn," he commiserated. It seemed Bailey was just as disillusioned with the Council as she was. "So what are you going to do now?"

"I go rescue a turian Primarch and smile sweetly at him in the hope he'll give us the aid we need."

"Hm. Good luck with that."

"Yeah. But before I go, I have a favour to ask."

"Wait a minute." Bailey raised an eyebrow. "Don't you still owe me for the last three?"

"I do, and I promise I'm good for it, but I want someone trustworthy to keep guard over Major Alenko. I've got Lieutenant Vega watching over him at the moment, but we're going to be heading out soon and I need Vega with me."

"You're expecting trouble?"

"The Major was hurt at the behest of Cerberus' leader. He's fighting for his life right now. They might decide to finish the job. I'm not taking any chances."

"You've got it, no question. I'll put my best on it."

"No one but the attending doctor, Michel, and her assisting nurse are to be let anywhere near him. I don't know who Cerberus might have planted in the hospital."

"Understood. He'll be protected."

"Thanks, Bailey." She moved to the door.

"Be safe out there, Commander."

Shepard gave a single nod and headed back to the _Normandy_ , hating the fact that she had to leave Kaidan behind.

-x-

The advertisements went out around the Citadel. Sanctuary. A refuge from the Reapers. Free transport was available to take all who wanted to go. Some thought it too good to be true. Others grabbed up their families and valuables and hustled to be the first. Helpful, smiling agents stood in the docking bays to document everyone boarding, answering questions and alleviating fears.

None could imagine what awaited them.

-x-

Shepard stepped through the airlock into _Normandy_ and took a savouring breath. It all felt so strange. This is what she'd wanted the whole time she was stuck under Cerberus. To be Commander Shepard in more than name, to be back in her uniform, on her ship, and now she even had her Spectre status. It was like everything in between hadn't happened. Almost. Kaidan….

"Forgot where to go, Shepard?"

Shepard looked over at Joker who peered at her over his chair, and she went to sit in the co-pilot's seat. "I haven't had a chance to tell you how glad I am that you're here, Joker."

"Where else would I be?"

"Your cunning plan worked then."

"How could it not!? If you look hard enough, 'genius' is actually written across my forehead. It's why I wear the cap. Wouldn't want to rub it in."

"Well, thank you, Joker. It's nice to know you're modest about it," she said with amusement. "And you've got a _new_ cap, I see."

He ran his fingers over the brim, affectionately. "In Alliance colours, and a unique design, no less. Look! It was SR-2 on it! Sent by none other than Admiral Hackett, with an apology. Apparently, he was the one who'd failed to get me reassigned appropriately after the first Normandy went down. I figure it turned out for the best though, right? I mean, who knows who you'd have had at the helm of this beauty, if not." Joker shuddered.

Terra sat there, staring back at Joker. Her father had been responsible for grounding him, and she knew he didn't make mistakes. He'd been punishing Joker. "It looks good, Joker."

"Yes, it does," he grinned, in satisfaction. "But don't worry, Shepard. You don't go without. Edi and I got you a little welcome back gift.

"You did?"

"Yeah, I left it in your quarters. Nothing as fabulous as my cap here, but I think it suits you."

"Should I be concerned? I'm definitely feeling a little anxiety right now."

" _Justified, Shepard,_ " chimed EDI.

Terra found it odd not to be able to see the orb that had visually represented EDI. The Alliance had removed everything without a clear function.

"What? I have no idea what you two mean," Joker complained.

"Uh huh. So it's not a dancing pole? Or a blow-up doll, or something?"

Joker went into a huff.

" _Jeff's lack of response is an indication of how close you_ were," informed Edi. _"Fortunately, I was able to convince him that we lacked the required space for the dancers he wanted._ "

Terra clamped her hand over her mouth to stop the bark of surprise that threatened to voice itself. Under control again, she dropped her hand. "Thank you, Edi."

" _You are welcome, Shepard._ "

"No fun," grumbled Joker. "Just go and take a look. Smart-asses," he muttered under his breath as Shepard left the cockpit.

x

Stepping into her cabin, she noticed that it was much as she left it. An extra display cabinet had been placed over the side desk, and she suddenly wished she had her framed picture of Kaidan which had once sat there. It was now probably buried under the rubble back on Earth. She walked over to the hidden closet and opened it. Everything she'd listed on her requisition was now placed inside, but there was one thing she didn't recognise, and she smiled as she pulled out the hooded jacket that had N7 emblazoned on the front, just like her armour. She activated her comm. "Thank you, Joker, Edi. I really appreciate it. This is great."

" _You have to be special to get one of those, you know,_ " Joker said in a sentence reminiscent of the one she had said to him the first time they'd met and she'd given him her cap. " _Luckily, you're the best the Alliance has._ " Joker signed off quickly.

Terra hoped she could live up to the expectation. She put the jacket on and zipped it up. A perfect fit.

She decided to get that tour from Traynor. After that she had a crew to check in with, and some catching up to do with Liara.

-x-

The Illusive Man disconnected the call from Udina. It wasn't what he'd wanted to hear. Shepard had been given a lead to gain turian favour. He knew that removing Alenko would weaken her, but the man had survived and was now under C-Sec's watch. That shouldn't have been a problem except that Bailey had only specific officers on guard duty, and none of the chosen were his agents.

Henry Lawson came up on another screen.

"Henry. Give me some good news."

" _We've identified a signal used by the Reapers to control their forces. The key is how the Reaper signal interacts with the nanides implanted within the subjects. All we have to do is replicate it_."

The Illusive Man mulled over Lawson's achievement. "How soon?"

" _It's early yet, but we're making progress. First we need to find a way to accelerate the conversion of subjects to husks. It's slowing down the whole process_."

"I have every confidence in you and Miranda, Henry."

" _We'll work it out. I'll be in touch_."

The Illusive Man was alone again, confident that his people would achieve their goals. _His_ goals.

-x-

"Sorry for Mars, Commander."

Shepard spun just as she stepped into the elevator, to see Vega jogging over, and she held back the lift door from shutting. She had just checked in with Cortez who would now be their shuttle pilot, but had chosen to leave Vega to his workout. "Don't apologise. I wanted that shuttle stopped and you accomplished it. There wasn't any other way it was coming down. It was the right call."

"Except Dr T'Soni was right. You could have been killed," he frowned.

"Did you aim for me?"

"No, of course not!"

"Then you're forgiven, so stop dwelling on it. That data's beyond important. It could save a galaxy. You risked your own life to get it. You _did_ get checked out at the hospital, right?"

"As you ordered."

"Good. Now we move on to the next fight. I need you fit and focused, Vega. With Major Alenko out, you and Liara are all I've got on the ground."

"Well, you know I'm fit," he smirked as he circled his muscled shoulders, "and I'm definitely focused." His eyes dropped to her figure.

Shepard rolled her eyes. "There is just no serious conversation with you, is there?"

"Got to take the moments when you can, Lola."

Shepard looked back at him, mystified. "Lola? Do I want to know...?"

"My buddy's sister had a friend called Lola. Older. Tough. Hot-"

"No, I don't," she sighed, and she let the elevator doors close, Vega's laughing following her up. She settled back against the wall, considering her recent trek through the ship. She'd been lucky. Considering the Alliance crew on board were all there by happenstance, they were all dedicated to remaining aboard. It was a skeleton crew compared to what the ship should be carrying, but they were all competent, and she was happy that they'd step up. Engineering had surprised her with the familiar face of Adams, and it was another face from the past that added to the feeling of picking up where she'd left off before the first _Normandy_ was destroyed. They felt like good omens. Now all she needed was Kaidan.

Liara had taken over Miranda's old quarters and had now outfitted it with an impressive amount of tech so she could continue her role as the Shadow Broker. Another person Shepard held dear that the Illusive Man had tried to kill. She should have known that Cerberus would have only given Liara that information for their own reasons. He'd thought Liara would be an easier target. He was wrong, and she'd sent the Broker's ship straight into his incoming forces while she escaped with all the resources. Shepard was more than a little proud of Liara.

" _We're ready to get out of here, Shepard._ "

"About time. Get us to Palaven's moon, Joker, and have that stealth drive ready. We're going to need it."

" _Aye, aye, Commander._ "

She arrived at her cabin, telling herself she needed to catch some sleep while she could. She laid down, and as she'd had to do every time she needed to sleep for the past six months or so, she used Samara's meditation technique and eventually drifted off.

-x-

Rahna ran through the hospital. Sabine had heard about Kaidan being brought in and he was in a bad way. She was stopped outside his room by a turian officer.

"Sorry, Ma'am, but you're not allowed in."

"What!? Why!?"

"You have to be authorised. Only the doctor and a nurse have clearance. Orders from Commander Bailey."

"But I'm his… his fiancée!" She decided that it would expedite things to be seen as the closest thing to next-of-kin.

"You can say you're his mother for all it matters. I'll say it again: you have to be authorised."

Rahna almost stomped her foot. "Then get your Commander here, now."

"The Commander's not at your beck and call, Ma'am. You can find him at his office in the Embassies."

She fish-mouthed at him, then threw him a dagger of a look before storming off. The officer sent Bailey a message to warn him.

x

Bailey was ready for the irate woman as she thundered into his office. "I understand your issue, Ma'am, but we have to be cautious."

"What on Earth is this about?"

"Major Alenko is a possible target for Cerberus. In his current condition, he's vulnerable, and we have to be certain that anyone walking through that door is above-board - as requested by Commander Shepard."

"Shepard!?" Suddenly Rahna was seeing things in a whole new light. "Was _she_ the one who brought him in like this?"

"Yes…" frowned Bailey, not liking this woman, or what she was inferring.

Rahna didn't say anything more. Shepard was the reason Kaidan was in that hospital bed, and Shepard was deliberately keeping her away from him. "Commander Bailey, I want authorisation to see him. I'm Dr Rahna Bahir. We were childhood sweethearts, for goodness sake! I'm- I’m his fiancée! I have a right to see him!"

Bailey's face creased with scepticism, his eyes flicking to her ring finger. Nothing. "I'll need to do some checks, Dr Bahir, but I'll get back to you shortly."

Rahna huffed. "I'm heading back to Huerta, Commander Bailey, and I'd better be allowed in to see Kaidan or you'll be hearing about this from your superiors."

Bailey watched her flounce out and exhaled loudly. He'd have to run it by Shepard.

-x-

Terra woke with a start, her heart thumping hard and fast in her chest, breathing to match. She'd seen Michael. Standing amongst the ruins of his home, he had reached out to her, but no matter how hard she had run, she got nowhere. The sound of the Reaper above them had Michael screaming, then just before the Reaper fired, he had looked at her like she'd betrayed him. The red, hot energy hit him and he'd burned away in front of her eyes….

She shakily checked the time. They'd be arriving in an hour and a half, so she trailed across to her bathroom to shower, trying to shut away the images her nightmare had left her with; her guilt manifested.

Re-dressed, she noticed the message waiting.

**Commander Shepard,**

**Sorry to bother you, but I have a request from a Dr Bahir to visit with Major Alenko. Thought I should check in with you, seeing as you'd probably know if she's genuine.**

**Good luck out there.**

**Bailey**

Terra had that horrible uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. Kaidan's friend who had wanted to be more, the one whom Kaidan had been moving on with before he'd found out she was alive. Terra felt guilty over it. She hadn't meant to come between them. She should have considered that the doctor would find out he was there and would want to see him. She returned the message.

**Bailey,**

**Dr Bahir's fine. I should have thought. I apologise if you've been inconvenienced.**

**Thanks,**

She put it out of her head. Now, to locate a Primarch.

x

Bailey sat back in his chair, a little surprised. He'd been sure that Alenko and Shepard were an item, and he certainly hadn't believed Bahir's statement that she was engaged to the man. Nevertheless, he called his officer and notified him to give Bahir full access. He needed to get back out on the streets again - he was losing his touch.

-x-

The sight of the turian homeworld, Palaven - a large looming circle in the sky, now ablaze - was an appalling reminder of the devastation being wrought back on Earth. Liara joined in Shepard’s concern for Garrus, but they couldn't linger on it. They had a job to do.

Shepard ran for the comm tower on Palaven's moon, Menae, with Liara and Vega behind her. Even here, the fight was on, and as ever, nothing was easy. There was no simple pick-up of the Primarch. Instead, they'd been informed that the Primarch was dead, and the successor would need to be confirmed by the Hierarchy who were currently out of contact because the comm tower had been damaged. Husks rained down but Shepard carried on, incinerating those directly in front of her and leaving the masses for Liara to scoop up in a singularity, followed up by a warp that imploded them. Vega picked off any that slipped by with his shotgun.

At the tower Shepard brought up the maintenance console. "I can't fix it from this panel. I'm going to go up, see if I can repair it. Hold them off," she gestured to the new wave of husks. Shepard climbed to the top of the tower and was relieved to find a simple severed wire. She made a solid repair, knowing the importance of maintaining communication with others on the ground, then re-joined her team. "General, do you read? Comm tower is now operational."

" _Much appreciated, Commander. I'll contact Palaven Command._ "

"We're heading back."

x

Once at General Corinthus' command centre, Shepard approached to see a familiar face waiting for them.

"Garrus! Glad to see you're alive." They shook hands and clapped shoulders.

"I'm hard to kill, you should know that. It's what makes us an unbeatable team, right?"

Shepard laughed. "Damn straight. It's really good to see you. We thought for sure that you'd be on Palaven."

"If we lose this moon, we lose Palaven. I'm the closest thing we have to an expert on Reaper forces, so I'm… advising. General Corinthus filled me in. We know who we're after. General Adrien Victus. I was fighting alongside him this morning. Lifelong military. Gets results. Popular with his troops. Has a reputation for playing loose with accepted strategy, but we both know that conventional strategy won't work against the Reapers. Right now, he could be our best shot, and I trust him."

"Okay, then let's get him on the shuttle and get out of here."

" _Commander! Shepard! Come in!_ "

"What's the problem, Joker?"

" _We've got a situation on the Normandy, Commander! It's like she's possessed! Shutting down systems, powering up weapons. I can't find the source, and Edi's not making much sense._ "

"Damn it, I need the Normandy standing by. What does Adams make of it?"

" _He's going through the systems but he's got no engineering staff to help. It's going to take him time to rout out._ "

"Standby, Joker." Shepard looked over her team. No one else knew _Normandy's_ systems as well as she did. "I'm going to have to go back and assist Adams. Garrus, can you take Lieutenant Vega and Liara to the last place you saw Victus?"

"Of course. We'll find him."

"Keep in contact." She turned to Vega. "Follow Garrus' lead. He knows what he's doing."

"Aye, aye, Commander."

"Bring them all back, Garrus."

"You got it, Shepard."

"And… you're welcome to join us. If you want." It was hesitant. She wasn't sure it was right to ask him to leave his home. She knew how hard it was herself.

"Oh, I'm with you, Shepard. Wouldn't have it any other way."

She smiled with gratitude and relief, then ran back for the shuttle.

-x-

" _Commander, Edi just went offline,_ " came Joker's voice as soon as Shepard stepped off the shuttle, which Cortez then turned back to wait for the others on Menae. " _She's not responding, and I can't access the AI core diagnostics._ "

"Adams, get to the AI Core, and I want you armed." The only thing she could think of was that wretched Cerberus AI that had harmed Kaidan. What if it had reactivated somehow?

" _Aye, aye, Commander,_ " responded Adams.

She raced into the elevator, releasing her weapon, and stopping to pick up Adams on the way.

Chakwas looked worried as they stormed through the medbay. They came to a stand-still at the door, and a noise had her looking to Adams. "What's that sound?"

"Sounds like fire extinguishers, Commander. It could be an electrical fire."

"Okay, I'm going in." Shepard went through the entrance, smoke filling the room. "Edi, talk to me." She jumped as the processing units that housed EDI, suddenly powered up either side of her. Then movement through the smoke in front of her confirmed her worst fears and she aimed at the synthetic.

"Is there a particular topic you wish to discuss, Shepard?" it said with EDI's voice.

Shepard faltered, her forehead creasing in confusion. "Edi?"

"Yes."

She slowly lowered her weapon. "You've put yourself inside that thing!?"

"Not all of me, but I have control of it. It was not a seamless transition. I was searching through its data on the prothean device. This eventually triggered a trap. A back-up power source and CPU activated. The unit attempted physical confrontation. Fortunately, I was able to gain root access and re-purpose it as I saw fit. During that process, it struggled. Thus the fire."

"No kidding! My God….” Shepard wasn't happy about this at all. She had developed an aversion to being anywhere near it. To think what could have happened if EDI hadn't succeeded…. "Tell me that thing has no more surprises in it."

"I have run a full scan. There is nothing that can threaten the ship or its crew, Shepard."

"Just…don't be surprised if the crew are a bit wary of your new body. It was shooting at them a little while ago," she frowned.

"I will take it to the bridge. Joker will want to see it."

"On that, we can agree."

Edi strolled out of the room and Shepard looked at Adams.

"I can honestly say I never expected anything like that," commented Adams, with a shake of his head. "I'm heading back to Engineering, where things make more sense."

"If I could, I'd join you," Shepard said wryly.

Adams gave her a sympathetic look and left.

Shepard followed him out, stopping to answer Chakwas' questioning look. "That was Edi."

"Ha! Joker's going to have a field day!" Chakwas then noticed Shepard's pallor. "Everything all right, Commander?" She brought up her medical scanner.

"No. I can't look at that synthetic without seeing it attacking Kaidan."

Chakwas stopped her scan. "You'll adapt. We all will. There must be advantages to having a mobile AI. Like Legion."

"Maybe. I need to check in with the ground team." She walked out, her hand rubbing over the ache that had started in her head.

-x-

" _I'm_ Primarch of Palaven?"

"Yes," confirmed Garrus, to Victus. They stood on Menae's rocky ground, a lull between attacks.

"I've spent my whole life in the military. I'm no diplomat. I hate diplomats."

"Huh! You sound a whole lot like Shepard, and look what she achieved. Believe me, you're qualified."

"I'm not exactly a 'by the book' kind of guy. And I piss people off. I often seem reckless, when I'm anything but."

"Shepard had to steal a prototype warship, effectively going rogue so she could stop Saren and the Reapers three years ago. She's pissed off plenty of people. And I _know_ she's not reckless, but many would say she's exactly that. War's your resume. Right now, we need leaders who've been through that hell."

Victus sighed heavily. "You're right."

"I believe in Shepard, Sir. She's right. We need an alliance. If she says she needs the turian fleet, it's with good reason."

Considering that, Victus then nodded slowly. "Give me a moment to say goodbye to my men."

As the man walked over to his troops, Garrus blew out the tension.

"Well spoken, Garrus," praised Liara. "It was not an easy thing to persuade a soldier like Victus to leave his people."

"I just told the truth. Now let's hope this summit is successful."

-x-

-x-

The Primarch exited the elevator onto the CIC, where Shepard was waiting to greet him. "Commander Shepard, thank you for allowing me the use of your ship. Garrus said he had to attend to the Normandy's weapon systems. Something about calibrations."

Shepard had to smile. "Sounds like Garrus. How is it being the Primarch?"

"Not what I imagined. The battle of all time is happening on Palaven, and I'm light years away, reading reports."

"I understand. Leaving Earth to save it…. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done."

"I'm not surprised. Garrus speaks highly of you. You never asked to be a leader, yet your people will die if you refuse. We find ourselves in similar circumstances. Let's hope the Spirits grant us the strength to see it through."

"I understand this is a difficult time for you, Primarch, but Earth can't survive without reinforcements. Can I count on your help?"

"I appreciate your need for our fleets, but I can't spare them. Not when my own world is burning. But if the pressure could be taken off Palaven…"

Shepard's heart nearly seized with the suggestion. "That's a pretty tall order!"

"We need the krogan. I can't see us winning this thing without them. Get them to help _us_ , and then _we_ can help you."

"The krogan…" How the hell was she supposed to get the krogan to put aside a grudge that was thousands of years in the making? Her headache was about to get worse.

-x-

"Commander, you have an update?" Hackett asked his daughter.

" _Yes, Sir. We've retrieved the Primarch for the summit, but I've just finished talking with the asari councillor. They're refusing to attend the summit. They believe it would be a waste of time to try to broker a deal with the krogan_."

"Krogan?" Hackett hadn't expected that, but the prospect of their aid was uplifting.

" _The Primarch won't commit resources to us without krogan aid, and the salarians aren't happy about having the krogan involved_."

He saw the mammoth task ahead of her. "Then you have your hands full, Commander. The asari will come to regret their decision. The time for unity, is now. Do what you can. Keep me informed."

" _Yes, Sir_."

She vanished, and Hackett wished he didn't need to place so much on her. But the fact was, she was the only one who had a chance of getting it done. He turned to receive the latest datapad from his crewman. As much as each one listed the losses, it also offered new resources and people. Now he had to co-ordinate it all and send them where they were most needed. It was just never enough, and he prayed that Terra could do the seemingly impossible.

x

Shepard stepped from the comm area and went to the central war table, where Victus was studying the latest updates.

" _Commander, we've finally worked out an ETA for the summit meeting!"_ Joker said with feigned joy. _"We currently stand at six hours._ "

"Six hours!? Did you point out the Reapers were here!?"

" _Yeah, but apparently it's the quickest the salarian Dalatrass can make it. Her assistant put in a dig about the Dalatrass being held up because she had to appease a lot of worried ministers about the krogan presence._ "

"I bet." Shepard sighed in frustration. Beside her, Primarch Victus was shaking his head in disgust. "Then we'll have plenty of time to stop at the Citadel." _Check on Kaidan_ , she thought.

" _Aye, aye, Commander._ "

Then she left the war room and headed to the Battery.

x

Shepard had to laugh at the sight of her friend with his head almost buried in the ship's main guns console. "Didn't waste any time getting to work I see."

"Gives me something to focus on. It was hard to leave Palaven."

"Yeah."

"Being right about the Reapers has never felt like much of a victory, has it?"

"We knew this fight would be tough. Damned if the Reapers haven't delivered. I can't even count how many lives are depending on us, Garrus."

"Remember that, for the first time since we met, we're not alone in the fight."

She could only nod.

"We can do this, Shepard."

"It's really good have you back, Garrus."

"Good to _be_ back, Shepard. Besides, I couldn't let you down. It's a little-known fact that there's no Shepard without Vakarian."

"Damn straight," she smiled.

The doors opened and an uncertain-looking Traynor hovered in the doorway. "Sorry to bother you, Commander, but I found something while scanning Alliance channels. Grissom Academy is requesting help. The Reaper invasion front will hit them soon."

"They're still open?"

"Some of their work has Alliance support. That might be why they stayed."

"We have time to do a pick-up."

"Well, a turian evac transport responded to their distress call, but something sounded off in the turian signal. I had Edi perform an analysis. It's fake. Edi believes it's Cerberus."

"Fake turian signals?" Garrus interjected. "Sounds _exactly_ like Cerberus."

"And they want us to think Grissom Academy is being evacuated," frowned Shepard.

"Why?" asked Garrus.

"The Academy is home to some of the smartest students humanity has to offer," informed Traynor. "And their Ascension Project is the best training facility in the galaxy for human biotics."

All Shepard could think off was the implanted Cerberus troops on Mars. "Whatever the reason, we need to get to them fast. Joker, change of plans. Get to Grissom Academy, on the double."

" _Aye, aye, Commander._ "

"Good catch, Traynor."

"Thank you, Commander."

Shepard moved out to head down to the Armoury, Garrus beside her.

"Is this as bad as it seems?" uttered Garrus.

"We're about to find out, but I wouldn't like to bet against it."

"Spirits, Shepard! Reapers are bad enough. What the _hell_ is Cerberus up to?"

"Thankfully, I'm not twisted enough to even begin to understand the Illusive Man's motives."

"We need to find him and put him down."

"No argument here."

The exited into the Cargo bay and prepared.

**-x-**


	50. Lies and Crossed Wires

Udina's fellow Councillors had finally gotten around to agreeing to Major Alenko's admittance into the Spectre's - upon the man's recovery.

Everything about the Council frustrated him. It's why he backed Cerberus. Action, not constant procrastination because something else was deemed more important. Humanity's interests were far from the top of their agenda, and with the Reapers arrival it had descended further. Against the three of them, he was the outsider, fighting his corner alone. It angered him. Earth was under heavy attack and they were only interested in themselves.

He contacted the hospital to get an update. It wasn't what he wanted to hear. The Major was still out. He told the receptionist he was to be notified immediately upon Alenko's return to consciousness. Having another Spectre was just a tiny step in the ocean towards credibility, but a step nonetheless. Shepard being proved right had made a large one, but the Council were all too busy to acknowledge it. That would change when they realised that it was a human who held more knowledge about their common enemy than anyone else. He just hoped it would be sooner rather than later.

-x-

Cerberus' presence at Grissom Academy was just as it appeared. They seemed to be targeting certain students - those with specific abilities. The rest were just being rounded up, some killed if they resisted. Shepard and her team had followed Kahlee Sanders’ directions to get to a group of students who were pinned down, ignoring Cerberus' constant verbal dribble over the station's intercom that was being directed at the students in an attempt to get them to hand themselves in.

They had reached the hall to see a large mechanical exoskeleton being brought in. A heavy mech controlled by the agent inside it. An Atlas. But it was the students’ teacher who had Shepard doing a double-take. "Jack!"

"Shepard!"

There was no time. More agents were pouring in. "Get them back. We'll keep them off you."

Jack gathered the teenagers and led them up to a room, as Shepard and her team opened fire. While Liara and Vega focused on the troops, Shepard and Garrus concentrated on the Atlas. It was well reinforced with strong shields and armour, but it didn't deter them. They ducked as it eventually exploded, and then helped finish off the last agents.

Jack jumped down from the balcony, her biotics flaring to soften her landing. "Well, if it isn't the Queen of the Girl Scouts!" she smirked.

"Good to see you too, Jack."

Jack strode up to her and struck her across the face. "I _told_ you not to hand yourself in! Now look what's happened! The galaxy's gone to shit and Cerberus think they can take who they want!" Then she quickly and roughly hugged her. "I missed you, you stupid bitch."

"Such a touching reunion," joked Garrus.

"How mine always went. Without the hug," shrugged Vega.

Shepard rubbed her tender jaw. "I'm sorry I had to go, Jack, but I don't think things would have been any different."

"Guess we'll never know," Jack said, crossing her arms.

"What make these kids so special that the Alliance would need them?" questioned Garrus.

"Well, what's scarier than a pissed off biotic attacker? A whole bunch of them, working together. It's like a biotic artillery strike."

"They're so young. Are they ready for that?" Shepard asked.

Jack couldn't hide her concern. "They've never faced anything like this before. Maybe they'll get it together, but…" She sighed heavily. "They'd be better off as support. Helping with barriers and shit. I don't know."

"So this talk about a biotic artillery strike…?" Garrus pushed.

"Look, these kids need me to believe in them. I did pick up a few things listening to Shepard's damn speeches."

"I think I'm going to cry," teased Garrus. "Jack's learnt how to be human."

"Whatever. I've got to get my kids out of here, Shepard."

" _Your_ kids?" smiled Shepard.

Jack's face softened as she looked up at the students. "Yeah. I guess so. I never had a family. Then you came along, and these guys…" Her face darkened with menace. "Anyone screws with my students, I will tear them apart."

"Then let's get you all out of here."

"I am thinking they should stay up on the balconies while we clear the way," suggested Liara. "They can support us from there, and stay out of harm's way."

"Good idea. Let's move out."

-x-

-x-

The Illusive Man didn't know how Shepard had found out about Grissom, but the news that she had rescued Subject Zero and the students right out from under his agents’ grasp, infuriated him. Cerberus had created what Zero was, and had re-created Shepard. _He_ was the reason they both existed. They belonged to him.

Leng came up behind him. "Shepard is already becoming a problem. You wish me to dispose of her?"

"No. Commander Shepard is to be respected, Leng. Don't underestimate her. She's rarely alone, and those who serve her do so with an unquestionable loyalty. Soon, there'll come a time when I can regain control of her. Until then, we just need to de-rail what she's trying to accomplish. I want her alive."

The Illusive Man was unused to being defied so absolutely, but he had to admit the respect he held for Shepard. She was everything he had expected her to be and more. She challenged him. Still, he'd have to put her in her place.

The whispers inside his head were becoming louder, but he could keep them at bay. _He_ was in control. The Reapers would bow before him.

-x-

Jack had left her students to tour the ship in wonder, while she slipped down under Engineering to her old spot. A familiar place. A place where she found her first feeling of safety. No one would harm her here. It had felt strange to feel a part of something. To have a home. A family. Here, Shepard had laid the groundwork for the position Jack was now at with her life. A teacher. A colleague. Accepted. Respected. Happy.

"Mind some company?"

Jack looked over from where she sat on a crate, to Shepard who stood at the bottom of the stairs, waiting to be invited even though it was her ship.

"Sure."

Shepard walked over and sat beside her as her equal. "You've come a long way since you were here last. Teaching suits you," she smiled.

"Yeah, who'd have thought, huh? Apparently, the kids respond well to my teaching style. Shit, I'm actually respectable now. I blame _you_. All that good influence rubbed off on me."

"No, this is all you, Jack."

Jack was silent for a little while. "I appreciate you telling Sanders and the kids that the Alliance only needs them in support roles."

"I trust your judgement. There's absolutely no point in sending them out to their deaths. This way they still do some good, contribute, and they can keep their perception that they're being held back by requirement. In the meantime, you'll get them there."

"Yeah. Got one hell of a motivation now. Thanks, Shepard - for not giving up on me. You were right. Alenko's one of the good ones. It was him who got me this gig. Hey, where _is_ Alenko, anyway? From the way he talked about you, I figured he'd be anchored to your side now you're out."

Shepard's gaze dropped. "He got hurt, Jack. By Cerberus. He's on the Citadel. There's been no news so far."

"Shit. Sorry, Shepard. Fucking Cerberus," Jack sneered.

Shepard decided to keep to herself the information Liara had pulled from one of the Cerberus agents: lists of the students they wanted for particular reasons, all involving indoctrination and implantation, to turn them into troops loyal to Cerberus. And Jack would have been used for more testing. It had appalled and outraged Shepard.

"Alenko told me the cheerleader escaped," continued Jack. "Should have let me take her out while we had the chance. One less Cerberus fucker is a good deed for everyone. You could still have retained that damned halo over your head."

"Halo?"

"Come on! You know you're a damn saint! Fixing the wrongs, fighting for the innocent, giving out second chances," she gestured to herself. "Shit, Shepard, all you should have to do is open your arms and shoot out your heavenly light to cleanse the galaxy of Reapers."

"Okay, enough! Believe me, if it was that easy I'd have done it already. I have it on good authority that I'm only human."

"That has to be Alenko! He's so hot for you!" Jack laughed. Then she met Shepard's eyes, and lowered her voice. "He'll make it, Shepard."

"I hope so, Jack."

So did Jack. It was about time Shepard got something good back for the all the shit she went through.

-x-

Kaidan was aware of a subdued aching that encompassed his entire head and shoulders as he woke. He tried to gather his thoughts but they were slow to come. He then went to open his eyes, but the light in the room had him closing them tightly again. He kept trying until he could finally bear the brightness.

He was in a hospital room. From the view, he knew he was on the Citadel. Huerta. His grogginess told him that he'd been medicated. The doors slid open, and he recognised the medic. "Dr Michel."

"Major Alenko, it's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?" She ran a scan over him.

"Uh, okay, I guess. Hard to tell with the drugs in my system."

"Yes, we had to heavily sedate you in order to allow your head a chance to recuperate. You had us all very worried. It was touch and go for a while, and I'll admit that I'm amazed you pulled through it. Your head trauma was severe, and your biotic implant added to the damage. There's no evidence of cognitive impairment from the concussion, but multiple shoulder fractures are still on the mend. I'd strongly suggest you not use your biotics until we assess you properly for any hidden injury, as well as needing to check out the condition of the implant itself. That you're awake and cognisant already is a very good sign. Bed rest under observation is all that's needed now." Her tool bleeped. "Excuse me, Major."

"Thanks Doc."

Kaidan tried to relax, but the memories of what happened to land him here were surfacing: the Cerberus synthetic that had grabbed him; Terra's cry; being slammed unbelievably hard.

He'd thought that was it for him. That he was dead.

Anger simmered inside him. Because of Cerberus, Terra was dealing with this by herself, and he was here, unable to help. He'd been in this situation before, and Kaidan didn't like it. He wanted to contact Terra, to see how she was. She'd have spoken to the Council by now. Was she still on the Citadel?

He lifted his wrist but his omnitool had been removed, so Kaidan reached for the call-button, regretting it instantly as pain lanced along his shoulder blade. Maybe he'd just wait for a nurse….

-x-

Shepard left the holo after catching up with Anderson to allow Kahlee Sanders to chat to him in private. She smiled to herself as she walked to the terminal in the CIC - clearly the two of them had something more than a platonic relationship. It was uplifting to know Anderson had someone special. He'd always seemed so busy, but then she supposed that her father must seem that way too, to everyone else on the outside.

She brought up her messages. One was from her father, officially reinstating her and giving her authority to act on behalf of humanity, however she saw fit. It was humbling and terrifying, bringing home just how much responsibility she had. She put it to the back of her mind, and opened the next message, her heart jumping with joy at seeing the sender. Kaidan had pulled through.

**Terra,**

**Through some combination of a medical miracle and dumb luck, I survived the beating I took on Mars. Doctor Michel says I'm not ready to be released, but I'd really like to see you if you can spare the time.**

**Councillor Udina offered to make me a Spectre. Still thinking about whether or not I should accept. I'd like your advice.**

**I miss you.**

**Love, Kaidan.**

"Joker. ETA?"

" _About an hour, Commander._ "

"Thank you."

It would be a quick stop - originally just to drop off Jack, Kahlee and the students so they could catch another Alliance vessel to join up with Hackett. The _Normandy_ had to pick up Wrex from Tuchanka before they rendezvoused with the salarian Dalatrass for the Summit. But she _had_ to see him. There would just be time.

Definitely a good omen.

-x-

Kaidan waited impatiently, re-reading Terra's message.

**Kaidan,**

**You have no idea how relieved I am that you're okay! We're already on our way to the Citadel to drop off Jack - long story. Thank you for what you did for her. Anyway, I'll fill you in on what we've been up to when I get there. Be with you in an hour.**

**Love, Terra**

He already knew about her trek to Palaven for the turian Primarch. Councillor Udina had walked in no more than ten minutes from when he'd woken and had filled him in before dropping the bombshell concerning joining the Spectres. Terra had to play politician when it should have been time to act. Now she had to chair a Summit. She wouldn't be able to stay long, but he'd take what he could get. Kaidan was surer than ever that the galaxy was working to keep them apart. But he could fight back. He _would_ fight back.

-x-

Terra had made her goodbye to Jack and walked into Huerta. She paused at the purchase console. She should take him something. She read the description of a bottle of Peruvian Whisky. '… _Smooth and smoky with a hint of heat. Known_ _for having both a calming influence and the ability to stimulate blood flow_ ….' She almost laughed out loud. It sounded just like Kaidan. She transferred the credits and went to reach for the bottle that appeared.

"Commander Shepard! What are you doing here?"

Terra turned to see Dr Bahir, and her insides twisted in response. She was taken aback by the question. Wasn't it obvious? "I'm here to see Kaidan."

"Yes, of course. It was touch and go for a while after you brought him in so injured, but I've been looking after him. It's amazing what a little tender loving care can do." Rahna looked over the woman Kaidan wanted over _her_. Resentment simmered. This lying traitor had him wrapped round her finger, and she had to prevent Shepard from getting close to him again.

Terra felt the stab of the accusation and the last comment. "Well, I'm glad he had someone looking after him. Excuse me-" She started to turn back to grab the bottle, but Bahir spoke again.

"Shepard. I'm going to ask you to please respect what Kaidan and I have."

Terra faltered for a moment. "What you have?"

"Kaidan's been distant since he woke up. Because of you. But I need him." She paused, her lips pursing together as though she were considering something. " _We_ need him," she finally added.

Terra felt a sinking feeling inside her. "We?"

"I'm pregnant, Commander. We're a family now, and you're threatening to destroy that."

Terra could barely breathe as Bahir continued.

"You know, he was about to propose to me over six months ago. I found the ring. Then he came back from Horizon and things were different. But after you were locked up, we got close again. We share a bed. He has his things at my apartment. I love him, and I believe that we can make a go of this if you'd just stop toying with him. You have to know that Kaidan's a responsible man. Ultimately, he'll chose his child over _you_."

Despite her hammering heart, Terra managed to kick her brain into gear. Kaidan would have told her, but he'd never said a thing. She knew there'd been no time for a proper talk in all the chaos, but he had treated her no differently. She didn't believe the woman.

"Hey there," said a woman to Bahir as she was passing by.

"Sabine! I was just telling Commander Shepard about the baby!"

The woman, another doctor judging by her tag, came to a halt as she looked between Bahir and her, a huge grin spreading across her face.

"Aah! It's fantastic news isn't it, Commander! I had the honour of confirming it myself. Two months along, already. Another life to fight for, Commander."

The floor seemed to fall out from under Terra's feet. She couldn't dismiss Bahir now a second person had acknowledged it. Kaidan had been intimate with this woman. She couldn't understand why he hadn't told her; been up front with her. How could he let her think that things between them were as they were before? Now, to have it thrust in her face like this…. A child….

The doctor, Sabine, carried on talking. "Kaidan's a lucky man. Anyway, I must dash. Catch you later, Rahna."

 _Rahna!_ That was a kick in the gut when she was already on the ground. Bahir was more than just a doctor he'd met on the Citadel. This was Rahna, from Jump Zero - his unfinished business. But Kaidan had never referred to her as anything but a doctor, and that confused her. Terra felt physically ill. She had to get away from this woman.

"You have to let him be the father and husband he deserves to be," Rahna rattled on. "I won't let you come between us again. Now, I'll be happy to pass on a message to him for you, but I don't want you contacting him again."

Terra was frozen to the spot. She had to leave before the sorrow inside her spilled out. She picked up the bottle and placed it on the reception desk, requesting a datapad. She quickly typed into the pad and passed it to Rahna with the bottle. Then she concentrated on placing one leg in front of the other until she was back in the elevator.

x

The doors slid open and Kaidan looked up expectantly, his heart racing in anticipation at seeing Terra. Only it wasn't her. It was Rahna.

"Kaidan, I'm so relieved to see you awake! When Sabine told me you were here I was beside myself! Then she told me who brought you in. Five minutes in her presence and you're severely wounded," she complained.

"It wasn't Shepard's fau-" he started to protest, but Rahna cut him off by pressing a kiss to his lips, and Kaidan immediately pushed Rahna back with a frown.

"I'm just so happy to see you're okay. I've been checking in every few hours so you wouldn't be alone when you came round. Oh, speaking of Shepard, she was just here. Asked me to give you this, then she rushed off." Rahna passed over the bottle and pad. "It was the strangest thing. You'd think she'd make time to see you, no matter how busy she was. You nearly died for goodness sake!"

Kaidan started to get a hollow feeling in his stomach as he stared at the datapad. "Could I have a moment, please, Rahna?"

"Oh. Of course. I've got some phone calls to make so I'll be back shortly."

Once she'd left, he opened the message.

**I met Rahna. Why weren't you honest with me? I'd have understood.**

**Anyway, I have a Summit to attend, so I'll be heading out.**

**Regarding the Spectre position: I know you'll make an outstanding Spectre, but the choice is yours.**

**I hope you have a speedy recovery.**

**Wishing you all the best. You** _**and** _ **your family.**

**Shepard**

Rahna…. Kaidan realised that he had subconsciously avoided referring to Rahna by name whenever he'd spoken about her. What must have seemed like a short acquaintance with a doctor he'd met on the Citadel, had now been revealed as someone of significance from his past. No wonder Terra had felt betrayed. He went to sit up, to go after her, but that small movement nearly had him blacking out. He fought back the nausea. Panic had him firing up his omnitool. He couldn't let her leave like this.

-x-

The Illusive Man was on the screen.

"We've discovered a way to speed up the process," started Henry Lawson, proudly. "Miranda took a closer look at the Reapers spikes used by the geth on Eden Prime. The move from human to husk was much quicker than our experiments were taking. And it's the spike itself that's ingenious. The Reaper nanides attach themselves to the adrenaline released from the act of being impaled, and quickly move through the body to speed conversion to the final husk state. It means we can accelerate the process exponentially."

Miranda took over. "The subjects simply need to be aware of what's happening, so their fear can do the work for us."

" _That was quick. I'm impressed_ ," praised the Illusive Man.

"It's all in the genes," Henry said casually, smiling at Miranda. "Now that we have a potentially limitless supply of subjects for conversion and testing, I'm anticipating a breakthrough soon."

" _Get it done. We can't delay_."

The connection cut, Henry turned to his daughter in triumph. "Good job, Miranda. We succeed in this and we'll firmly place our name in the history books."

Miranda cared little for her father's obsession for leaving a legacy. She just didn't like to fail.

-x-

Terra was already arriving at the docking bay, having hustled it double-time, forcing herself to block out what had happened. Her omnitool signalled a call, and she took a deep breath. She had to allow Kaidan the chance to explain. He just wasn't the kind of man to lead her on. "Shepard," she announced calmly as she answered.

" _Terra, I'm so sorry. You're right, I should have been honest with you. I'm not even sure why I didn't tell you. Let's talk it over. Please come back_ ," Kaidan pleaded.

He had admitted it. Devastated, Terra clung to a railing for stability. She thought she knew him, but this…. If he'd just told her.

She'd told him to move on if he needed to, and she was okay with that. She wanted him to be happy. It was the delusion he'd allowed her to remain in when they were on Mars that made it hurt so much more. He'd said nothing about Rahna or his impending fatherhood, and it had knocked her off her feet.

Shepard realised that she didn't really know him at all.

Running her hands over her face, she knew she needed to get a grip on this. Too much was riding on her to be consumed with self-pity. When it came, her voice was strong, giving him no room to interrupt. "Kaidan, there's nothing more to say. There's so much to be done, and I don't need the distraction. Get back on your feet quickly, soldier. We need all the help we can get." She disconnected, then blocked him.

She walked numbly to her ship, pulling it all back together again. Inside, she paused briefly at the cockpit. "Joker, nothing gets through from Major Alenko unless it it's in a professional capacity. Are we clear?"

Joker stared back a few seconds too long as he tried to process her order. "…Yeah, but what the hell's happened!?"

"Nothing that concerns you, Lieutenant. Take us out of here. We have to collect Wrex and get to this Summit."

Joker watched her stride away, his shoulders slumping in disappointment as he wondered what the hell Alenko had done this time. Nevertheless, he did as he was told.

-x-

Wrex rammed his head through a thick wall, then physically threw two fellow krogan through the hole he'd left, followed by another two with his biotics. The rest of those standing nearby, backed away cautiously. Wrex was livid. He breathed heavily through his nose as his blood boiled inside him. Salarians….

He replayed the footage that had been sent to him anonymously. According to the attached message, the three female krogan featured on the recording were survivors from Maelon's experiments at Weyrloc base. They were now fertile, and had been taken from Tuchanka by the salarians, for study.

Maelon had succeeded. He'd found a cure for the genophage. All Wrex wanted was to get those females back.

Now, he had the perfect bargaining position. He was looking forward to this Summit.

-x-

Kaidan had cursed out loud when Terra cut him off. It couldn't end like this! She had completely turned into the professional Commander before ending the call. How had he managed to mess this up again? He self-analysed. Why _hadn't_ he mentioned Rahna by name?

At first, it was because he was detached from Rahna. He had unconsciously tried to distance himself from her, even as he tried to convince himself he wanted to move on with her. After he'd come to his senses, he hadn't wanted to say anything that would rock the fragile relationship he was trying to rebuild with Terra, and a recent association with Rahna may have done that. It was a mistake. Thoughtless. But surely Terra knew his feelings were only for her. He'd told her that it was only a friendship. ... Except then she'd made him promise to move on. Did she think he had, now that she knew it was Rahna? Why?

He had a suspicion. One he'd be investigating as soon as Rahna returned. If she had said something…

He re-read Terra's message. Another goodbye. Even as upset as she was, she still thought of his family. He had tried to call his parents when the Reapers attacked, but there'd been no response. He would have to try to locate them.

Kaidan felt so low. He was a soldier who couldn't fight; a son who couldn't protect his family; a man who may have just lost the one woman who had given him a future worth fighting for.

**-x-**


	51. Emptiness and The Last Hope

Sabine laughed as she stepped onto the balcony of her apartment. "I have to hand it to you: that was quick thinking. Luckily, I'm just as sharp. Did you see her face?"

Rahna took the offered wineglass and returned to the view. She felt uneasy. It was Commander Shepard's face that bothered her. "I've gone too far, haven't I?"

"Are you kidding? It was precisely what was needed. You made it clear that she's wasting her time trying to get to Kaidan; that whatever nefarious plan she had for him, won't work."

"But she looked heartbroken, Sabine. I think she really cares about hi-"

"Rahna! Need I remind you she's _Cerberus_? Don't let yourself be fooled, too! She's a great actress, remember? How else could she have infiltrated the Alliance, worked openly for Cerberus, and then been allowed back into the Alliance again!"

"Maybe you're right," Rahna frowned.

"I know I'm right. Trust me, this may seem extreme, but anyone can see that you're doing this for Kaidan. You're stopping him from making a terrible mistake. And when Shepard reveals herself as Cerberus, he'll realise what you saved him from. Then I _know_ that engagement and pregnancy will become a reality."

Rahna's conscience cleared, and she smiled back at Sabine.

-x-

Shepard sat in the quiet stillness of the Mess, hunched over a mug of tea on the table in front of her. The remnants of her nightmare still hung over her like shadows she couldn't escape from. So many dead children, batarian and human, laying under the darkness of a Reaper with empty eyes staring back at her. The shower hadn't washed it away or warmed her, so she'd thrown on leggings and her hooded jacket and walked bare-foot to make herself a hot drink.

She had meant to take it to the Observation room; to sit there in front of the wonderfully large window and lose herself in the gentle lights of the stars that shone through the darkness like rays of hope. Instead, she'd picked up her mug and felt a horrid heaviness pushing her down, and she only made it as far as the table, collapsing into the chair.

It was desolation. She'd been here before, but this time she felt flattened by it, like she was boneless with no way of supporting herself in order to get up again.

She needed the day shift to start. She needed the thrum of people around her. She needed to be busy - to be looked upon as an officer so she would have to perform accordingly. She could _be_ a Commander. She knew who she was then. But when she was left alone, she was confronted with herself.

Terra Shepard. Shepard had no confidence in that person. She was weak. She was a wreck huddled in the corner of the room, wishing she could hide away from all the things that hurt her. Terra was the name whispered by a man she couldn't have. A man she longed for anyway. A man who was suddenly a stranger. Shepard didn't want to acknowledge Terra anymore. She was useless.

.

Garrus stepped out of the Battery. He was always the first up. Apparently, humans required more sleep than turians. He slowed to a stand-still as he caught sight of Shepard at the table, staring into her cup as if it was showing her something important. He must have watched her for a good five minutes, and she hadn't moved an inch. It worried him.

He sauntered over, not trying to be quiet about it, but she seemed to remain unaware of his presence. "Shepard."

She jerked up. "Garrus. Sorry, I didn't see you there." She ran her fingers over tired eyes. "What can I do for you?"

Garrus sighed. "How about you concentrate on yourself for a change? Talk to me. What happened?"

Shepard stood up. "Nothing that has any bearing on making this galaxy safe. So it's not important." She went to move away, but Garrus clamped his hand on her arm.

"Not so fast, Shepard. You may not like it, but _you do_ have a direct bearing on it-"

She tore her arm out of his hold. "Damn it, Garrus! I'm not the answer to everyone's problems!"

Liara came out of her room and Shepard seemed to realise she had just shouted, visibly reining herself back in. "Sorry…Garrus. I didn't mean-"

"I know. But you have to deal with what's bugging you, Shepard. Because we need you."

Liara walked over and ran her hand comfortingly down Shepard's arm. "You are not alone in this, Shepard."

"I appreciate that, and I will _never_ give up on this fight, but there are some things that I have to sort out on my own." She walked away, her expression closed.

Garrus swore under his breath. "What do we do, Liara?"

"I do not know, Garrus."

"I thought you were the Shadow Broker. Shouldn't you have all the answers?"

"I wish I did. We just need to be here for her."

"She's pushing us away."

"She requires time. Be patient."

Liara went back to her room.

Patience, Garrus scoffed. Like they had all the time in the galaxy. If Shepard was going to come out of this alive she needed to be at the top of her game. Now.

-x-

Kaidan hadn't slept much. His thoughts were too noisy in his head. So he waited, watching out of the window at the Citadel as it turned from dark to dawn, then morning, the sounds of people gradually rising with the passing hours. Each time the doors opened, he turned.

First, a nurse with breakfast he didn't eat, then Dr Michel to run her scans, then the nurse again to check he was comfortable. They babbled at him but he didn't respond. Everything had turned to shit and they wanted to chat. It was maddening.

Finally, Rahna arrived, with a beaming smile on her face and a bounce in her step. "Good mor-"

"What did you say to Shepard? And damn it, you'd better tell me the truth," he demanded, his face reflecting his mood.

Rahna's smile fell away, and she gave him a look of confusion. "I don't know what you mea-"

"Things were fine before Shepard arrived here. You spoke to her." Then he emphasised each word so it was clear. "I want. To know. What. You. Said."

Rahna swallowed, her heart racing in time with her thoughts. "I... introduced myself. I know how important she is to you, so I thought it was only right for me to befriend her."

"How?"

"I just said my name. That you were a good friend back in our Jump Zero days. That we lost contact and got re-acquainted a little over two years ago. I said she was lucky to have you, and then she thrust that bottle at me with a message. Kaidan, what's this about?"

"You never implied anything between us?"

"No! Why would I do that? Nothing happened between us. You and I agreed to remain friends."

"Yes. We did." Kaidan stared back at Rahna. He had no proof she'd said anything more. He couldn't blame anyone but himself. The fact was, he hadn't told Terra the doctor was Rahna, and she'd drawn her own conclusions from that.

Rahna laid a hand softly on his. "What did her message say?"

Kaidan pulled his hand away. He didn't want comfort. "She asked me why I hadn't been honest with her. About you."

"Me? But I promise you Kaidan, I never said anything-"

"I never told her you were the girl she and I had talked about previously. The girl from Jump Zero who broke my heart when I was seventeen." He gave a short, bitter laugh. "Even though I didn't have a clue what love really was back then. I guess, finding out who you are, changed things."

"Kaidan, I'm so sorry! I didn't realise!"

"You don't need to apologise, Rahna. It was my own fault. I wasn't up-front and I'm paying the price."

"Can't you just talk to her? Explain."

"She's blocked all avenues of contact."

"Well… What about me? She won't have blocked me. Give me her contact details and I'll send a message. Try to get her to understand that we're nothing but friends."

"I don't know…" he frowned. He wasn't sure about Rahna being more involved in this than she already was.

"What sort of friend would I be if I didn't try? Besides, she might listen to me. Woman to woman."

Kaidan slowly nodded. If there was a chance, it was worth taking, and he sent over Terra's details to Rahna's omnitool. "I'll go back to my office. Compose something. I'm sure she'll come round, Kaidan."

"Thanks, Rahna."

She smiled and kissed his cheek before leaving. In the corridor, she almost laughed. Shepard hadn't directly referred to what she'd said, and Kaidan had no idea. It couldn't have worked out better if she'd planned it. She deleted Shepard's details from her tool, and went back to her office.

-x-

"Ha Haa! Garrus! Good to see your worthless hide!" Wrex bellowed as Garrus met him in the CIC. "Doesn't seem like six months since I saw you last. I was hoping I wouldn't have to look at that ugly face for another two years at least!" he laughed.

"Oh, how I didn't miss you, Wrex," Garrus sighed good-naturedly as they shook hands.

"And Liara! Always good to see you. Hear you're as big as they get in the Broker department these days. Got anything interesting I should know?"

"I would tell you if I had Wrex, but I would like to know how you are so well-informed."

"Ha ha ha. I have my ways. How's that for mysterious and shadowy?"

"Ooh, look out Liara. _He'll_ be after the position next," warned Garrus.

Wrex waved it away. "I've got enough to do already. And luckily for you, I know what loyalty and friendship means."

"Hey, Wrex," Joker said casually as he was passing by them to the elevator.

"Stick man!" Wrex swung his hand round to slap Joker on the back, and everyone yelled out. Joker tensed, and Wrex diverted his hand at the last minute, roaring with laughter.

"Wrex, that was awful," chided Liara, to an unconcerned Wrex.

Joker breathed out, his face sweaty and pale. "Yeah, thanks for that Wrex. You're officially off my valentine's list. So, come to beat the turian and salarian leaders to death so you can take your sweet revenge?"

Wrex grunted. "Shepard's banned me. Besides, I have a bargaining chip. It'll be a whole lot more fun to watch them squirm then it could ever be by removing their heads with my bare hands."

"Right, well, good luck with that," Joker said, as he entered the elevator.

"Shouldn't you be flying the ship?"

"Even _I_ have to pee. Edi's got it covered."

Joker disappeared and Wrex turned to Garrus. "Edi?"

"Mobile AI."

"Like a geth?"

"Oh, we _did_ have one of those, but no, this one used to be the ship, but now's in human form. And female."

" _I am still a part of the ship. However I can now perform functions I could not previously_ ," Edi clarified.

Wrex burst into laughter again. "Joker's wet dream come true, huh?"

"Wrex, really. That is hardly appropriate," added Liara under her breath.

"That's nothing compared to what I could come up with!" he announced triumphantly. "I'm just toning it down for the virgin asari," he grinned mischievously.

"Shouldn't you be in the War room now?" Liara suggested, choosing to ignore the last few moments of conversation.

"All right, I'm going," he drawled. They went to turn away, but Wrex spoke again. "Hey, what's wrong with Shepard?"

"Why do you say that?" asked Garrus tensely.

Wrex shrugged. "Seemed all business. Not like her."

"The Reapers are here, Wrex," reminded Liara.

He rejected that with a shake of his head. "They've always been a threat. There's something else."

Garrus exchanged a look with Liara. "She's got a lot on her mind," he evaded. "Now go and make your deal, and try to remember your old friend Garrus Vakarian before you go demanding every first born son."

Wrex chuckled evilly as he trundled through the doors to join Shepard.

Garrus swung to Liara. "See! Even the emotionally-stunted krogan noticed Shepard's change!"

"Garrus-"

"Liara, if you're about to tell me to be patient again, I'm going to…go break one of those important-looking screens in your room."

Liara gave him an amused look. "Then I will consider myself warned. But I still think she needs time."

Garrus growled. "Well, I'm glad you can be so laid-back about it. But you weren't there when she was coming to terms with the whole 'brought back to life and treated like a traitor' thing she had to go through."

Liara looked at her feet. "No, I was not."

Garrus took a deep breath. "Sorry, Liara. I wasn't rubbing it in. I just…. She shouldn't be keeping this to herself."

"Shepard will talk when she is ready to, Garrus. If you want to push it, then I wish you good luck." Liara walked into the arriving elevator, once Joker alighted.

"Joker, surely _you_ know what's going on with Shepard. You've got your beady eyes on everything," Garrus pressed as he followed Joker back to the cockpit.

" _Beady_? Hey, there is nothing _beady_ about my eyes. Go take a look in the mirror. Now _that's_ beady. Geez. Insulted in my own cockpit. And I have a good idea what's bothering Shepard, yeah. Alenko." Joker carefully manoeuvred himself back into his seat.

"But… What in the hell could he have said this time? Damn, you don't think he's ended it?"

"No way! Those two were made for each other. The man would go toe to toe with a Reaper for Shepard."

"Major Alenko has someone else to fight for," Shepard's stern voice came from behind them, and they turned in unison, abashed to have been caught talking about her. "Now enough chatter about my private life. Joker, as soon as the Dalatrass has left, get us to Sur'Kesh."

"Uh, aye, aye, Commander."

Shepard marched off, disappearing into the elevator, and then they watched the salarian Dalatrass storm out of the airlock.

"No way," Joker muttered in confusion. "He wouldn't do that. Right? To Shepard!?"

"I don't know anything anymore," sighed Garrus. "Spirits, everything's messed up. You'd better get us out of here. I'm going to go find out what this trip to Sur'Kesh is all about." Garrus started to leave the cockpit.

"Well, it's something salariany, and their boss lady isn't happy about it. Hey, what's the bet that Wrex demanded a cure for the genophage!" joked Joker.

Garrus paused with a frown at Joker's off-hand comment. It didn't sound that far-fetched….

-x-

"Udina. You have an update on the Summit?" queried the Illusive Man.

" _Yes. The blasted krogan leader is playing the ace he now holds. Apparently, the salarians found krogan females on Tuchanka, surviving subjects from some other salarian's attempt to cure the genophage. These females are now fertile, and are being held on Sur'Kesh. This…Urdnot Wrex…wants them returned, and the genophage cured._ "

Miranda had reported to him about Maelon's research. An experiment that had used humans as test subjects. He hadn't liked that. Humanity benefited in no way by returning the krogan to their full strength. And unfortunately, it had worked. "I imagine that didn't please the Dalatrass."

" _According to Councillor Tevos, she's incensed. Shepard's won no support there, and Tevos herself has already refused to entertain any concept of a union with the krogan. The turians are the only ones left in this futile endeavour. The very idea of allying with the krogan is a joke. This whole Summit has turned into nothing more than a farce."_

With Shepard holding the reins, the Illusive Man wasn't so sure.

" _There's only one thing we can be sure of. Humanity is in this alone_."

"That's why your support of Cerberus is so important, Udina. We'll fix this mess, one way or another. Rest assured, that humanity will prevail while those around us fall."

" _That's a day that can't come soon enough. For now, I have another pointless Council meeting to attend. I'll be in touch with any developments._ "

Udina disconnected and the Illusive Man took a deep draw on his cigarette. "Jan, I want a large strike force sent to this facility on Sur'Kesh, immediately. No krogan females are to leave alive. I also want anything we have on the turians or krogan that could end all chance of a future alliance."

"There has been a turian ship diverted to Tuchanka, recently. Seemed unusual, given the circumstances."

"Yes. Investigate their motives. It could provide the answer we're looking for."

"And the salarians?"

"I think they've already done enough to alienate the krogan. Once the females are destroyed, even Urdnot Wrex will refuse to work with them. However, the turians are more desperate for their support."

"I'll get straight on it, Sir."

The Illusive Man turned to take in the unique view while he waited.

-x-

-x-

"WREX!" yelled Shepard as he jumped out of the hovering shuttle onto the salarian base. "God damn it! He couldn't just wait!" she cursed as she leapt out to try to diffuse the tense situation he'd now created. She landed in time to see Wrex biotically throw several salarians against a wall, followed by the dots of several lasers appearing on his head from the guards on the roof. This was going bad, quickly.

"Halt!" yelled another salarian, running towards them. "Stand down! Hold your fire! Commander Shepard, restrain your colleague. I'm Padok Wiks. I apologise for the delay in allowing you to land, but we only found out about this transfer a few moments ago."

Shepard concealed her relief and walked forward, slapping Wrex's shotgun down as she passed him. "I'd like to avoid a diplomatic incident," she said through gritted teeth, glaring at Wrex before turning her attention to the salarian. "But you have something valuable to Wrex."

"This matter can be resolved, but I must insist he remain under guard," stated Wiks.

Wrex growled and went to step forward, but Shepard flung her arm out, thumping him in the chest. "I can handle this, Wrex." She sent him a warning look. "You've already come close to getting yourself killed."

Wrex met her stare, then reluctantly conceded, replacing his gun. "Fine. But anything goes wrong and I'm not holding back."

The shuttle landed behind them and they assembled, the salarians poised with guns ready to bring down Wrex if he tried anything. Shepard had allowed Edi to join them for the first time, and she noticed the curious glances of their salarian hosts as they proceeded inside the base.

The first thing she saw was a large creature in a containment cell, being moved to another part of the facility. It roared and beat against the field that surrounded it.

"I had hoped to never see one of _those_ again," murmured Liara.

"What the hell _is_ that?" Shepard asked as she studied it. It looked capable of giving a krogan second thoughts.

"That is a yahg," offered Liara. "And not a creature to be underestimated," she frowned at Wiks.

"We are simply trying to understand them, and what they're capable of."

"By caging them?" questioned Vega.

"It's for safety, nothing more."

"Sure. This the reason you brought the krogan females here? To 'understand' them?" asked Garrus dourly.

"The females were in poor health when we found them on Tuchanka. They were brought here to stabilise their condition," defended Wiks.

"Let's get this done," Shepard urged.

"Of course. I just need to clear you for the lower levels. It will just take a moment. I will have to insist the krogan remain here, though."

Wrex growled.

"He'll wait," Shepard stated.

Wiks walked over to a terminal, got them clearance, and escorted them to an elevator. That's when the alarms sounded.

"What's happening?"

Wiks checked his omnitool for an update. "Sensors have picked up activity on the perimeter. Hurry, Commander. Someone will meet you below."

The elevator took them down several floors, and they emerged into a lab, a familiar face waiting to greet them.

"Shepard. Excellent timing. Good to have you here."

"Mordin!" Shepard smiled, shaking hands with another friend. She suddenly had an idea just where Wrex's inside information had come from. "You're back with STG?"

"Special consultant. Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong." He moved them aside, away from his colleagues. "To help female krogan. Fed information to clan Urdnot. Encouraged political pressure to free females. Will explain more later. Security warnings not normal. Need to get off-world for sake of krogan." He started walking and they all followed. "Females had weakened immune systems. Side effect of Maelon's cure. Only one female survived. Couldn't save the others. Arrived too late. Cannot delay now. One survivor, immune to genophage. Can synthesise cure from her tissue. Last hope for krogan. If she dies, genophage cure… problematic." He stopped outside a cell. "Please be careful. Has endured much."

Shepard looked at the female krogan, to see the fate of an entire race staring her in the face.

x

The shuttle door was flung open, and Wrex jumped in, the sirens outside getting louder and more urgent.

"Move aside, human."

Cortez stared back in surprise. "Uh, I don't think the Comman-" He was grabbed up by his collar, and found himself nose to nose with the krogan.

"I don't have time for this. You're only alive because you belong to Shepard. But I'm losing my patience."

Cortez swallowed. "Okay." The krogan released him and he stumbled out of the way. "Uh, I guess I'll co-pilot," he said shakily.

Wrex started the engines. "Do what you want. Just stay out of my way." Then he contacted Shepard.

x

Everything had, once again, gone to hell. Cerberus were attacking the facility. The female krogan was still inside her containment cell, but had to pass quarantine procedures on several levels before they could release her. Mordin had entered a section joined to the cell so he could monitor the female's vitals, but he needed them to meet him at each checkpoint. It was made harder by the fact that Cerberus had taken out the elevators. Each level Mordin and the krogan were stuck on was soon under heavy fire, the Cerberus agents focus was undeniably on destroying the female.

" _Shepard, get cracking. I'll try to draw some of their fire_ ," informed Wrex as their shuttle flew overhead, and Shepard wondered what had happened to her pilot. They raced up another flight of stairs.

"Cerberus isn't fooling around," commented Garrus.

"No kidding! I can't believe they're doing this!" exclaimed Vega.

Liara nodded. "It is hard to understand."

They swiftly took out another small group, and carried on.

"The Illusive Man does not wish an alliance. Without the krogan, the turians will fall," offered Edi.

"Why would _anyone_ want the turians to fall? It has a knock-on effect on _us_! We need the turians," complained Vega.

Shepard had been contemplating the reason behind this attack, herself. She'd only come up with one. "He's implanted his people with Reaper tech. I think that there's a good chance that somewhere along the line he's become indoctrinated himself," she said, as they came up on the next checkpoint.

"The price of his contempt," murmured Liara.

They emerged onto the next floor to face another assault team. Liara sent some spinning with a singularity, then ignited it. Edi concentrated on bringing down shields, Garrus and Shepard hung back to snipe, and Vega ran right into the fray to force any agents that were hunkered down, out of cover, taking them down with his shotgun. Once the last agent fell, Shepard ran over to Mordin, still in place beside the krogan female.

"Containment field still holding strong," he pre-empted. "Not so sure about Eve."

"I'm fine," assured the krogan.

"Eve?" Shepard looked at the female, who angled her head in a gesture towards Mordin.

"Female's name unknown. Eve from human mythology. Seemed appropriate under circumstances," explained Mordin.

Shepard's fingers flew over the panel in front of her as she ran through the authorisation process. "How many more checkpoints?"

"Just the landing area."

"Then I'll see you up top." She hit the last key and the cell started gliding up.

"Enemies approaching," stated Edi, and they readied for the next fight.

It was a smaller group and they finished them quickly, hustling to get up to the landing zone.

" _Shepard, get your ass up here. I can't fly around forever!_ "

"Stay close, Wrex. The female's on her way up to the landing area, now."

" _Nothing's keeping_ **me** _away._ "

Five minutes, and a mini battle later, and Shepard was authorising the final release. The containment cell rose up, to be transferred to the release dock on the other side of the room.

" _Shepard! Heads up! You've got incoming!_ "

They all looked up to see the imposing shape of an Atlas plummeting down towards them. It landed a short distance from the female krogan.

" _Shepard! I can't land until you deal with that thing! It's too dangerous!_ "

"You think?" she retorted with an irritated sarcasm.

"Protect Eve, Shepard!" called out Mordin as he kicked against the damaged door that prevented him from leaving the containment chamber. "She's vulnerable!"

Shepard was all too aware of that fact. They had to get this thing down fast. "James, Liara, Edi! Draw its attention away from the female! Garrus, you and I are going to concentrate sniper fire on that canopy!"

"Got it!"

They went to work. Vega took some rounds to his shoulder, and Liara and Edi were forced into cover by the heavy fire. It took several shots from them both, but the cracks soon appeared on the clear face plate of the Atlas. They ducked to avoid the rockets, and when they resurfaced they saw that the agent had got wise to the fact he was on borrowed time and turned to get his task accomplished, ignoring them all. Another troop of Cerberus agents joined in, to add to the challenge.

"Deal with the newcomers! I'm going silent!" Shepard announced and she phased out, manoeuvring herself directly in front of the Atlas. It was about to fire at the now unshielded cell containing Eve, and she let loose another round which pierced the cracked canopy and still had enough momentum to carry on through the agent's skull. The Atlas immediately powered down. Shepard materialised, jumped up at the Atlas, pulled the dead agent out and settled inside, turning the Atlas at the last of the agents and finishing them with a single rocket.

" _Shepard. Looks clear from here. I'm coming in now._ "

The shuttle came into view, and Shepard climbed out of the Atlas.

"Next time, _I_ want a go in one of those!" grinned Vega with admiration. "Woo! That fight sure got the blood pumping!"

"I think that's the holes in your shoulder, Vega," joked Garrus.

"Someone help Mordin out of there," Shepard instructed, and she went to check on 'Eve'. Wrex joined her and shook her hand in appreciation.

"You had me worried there for a minute."

"And I thought you were the King of Calm, Wrex. Let's make this quick."

A liberated Mordin rushed over to scan Eve, but Wrex shoved him out of the way. "Let's get you out of there." He offered his hand in an oddly gentlemanly manner, which Eve ignored as she stepped out by herself.

"I can handle _myself_ , Wrex."

Wrex grunted as he watched her walk to the waiting shuttle, now back under the control of Cortez. "Women."

Shepard gave him a raised eyebrow, then stepped into the shuttle, thankful they were one step closer.

-x-

Kaidan was now able to sit up without losing his head. The pain now bearable. He'd had a lot of time to think; biding his time until he could get back to work. As though the man could sense his decision was made, Udina walked in. The C-Sec guard, whose presence Kaidan had found out had been requested by Shepard in concern for his safety, knew better than to deny the Councillor entry.

"Major Alenko, how are you feeling?"

"Not bad, Councillor. Healing." He didn't put on a smile. It wasn't in him.

"Good. Good. I'm hoping you've made your decision about the Spectre position. Humanity needs soldiers like you. Now more than ever."

"I know, Councillor. That's why I'm accepting. It would be an honour to serve the Council."

"Well, that's good news, Major. In these terrible days, an event like this will lift spirits, give people something hopeful to latch on to. That's why I'm going to arrange a proper ceremony to mark the occasion. Show everyone that humanity still has a lot to offer, even with everything we're facing back on Earth."

"I understand, Councillor. Whatever you feel necessary. I'm just looking forward to getting back into the thick of things."

"Excellent. I'll start making the arrangements. Good day, Major."

"Councillor."

Once Udina had left, Kaidan laid himself back. It should have felt great, but he was numb to it all.

The second human Spectre. His parents would be proud. He wished he knew they were okay. His thoughts turned to Terra, and he immediately shut them down. There was nothing he could do until he could speak to her, try to make amends, but in this chaotic time, finding that break in the storm would be hard. Instead, he wondered about his squad. A team of biotic soldiers could be locatable, and it would give him something else to focus on.

He just needed to work.

-x-

Shepard sat at the Mess table, waiting for Mordin to finish his assessment of Eve's current condition. The female krogan had been through a lot. Shepard found Mordin's concern touching. Eve was like a personal crusade for the salarian. Righting a wrong. She hoped like hell Mordin would be able to come up with a cure that could be used on all krogan. Wrex was being difficult - perhaps rightly so - but it was delaying them getting the troops they needed. He wanted the cure provided _before_ he'd commit his people to Palaven. Mordin seemed confident, but Shepard didn't like to think how long something like that could take. She was just thankful Garrus had saved Maelon's data. Without it, the chances of Eve even surviving would have been reduced dramatically.

Cortez sat down next to her with a steaming mug of coffee. "Boy, do I need this. Extra strong."

"Last mission too much for you?"

"Turns out I _really_ don't enjoy riding shotgun, Commander. But when the King of all krogans tells you he's taking over, it seems sensible to comply."

"Probably wise." She clapped his shoulder, in camaraderie.

Vega exited the medbay, rolling his mended shoulder, and sat opposite Shepard. "Man, that is weird."

"Everything okay?"

"Oh, shoulder's fine. I'm talking about Eve. I don't know if all krogan females are like her, but she's like the complete opposite to any krogan male I've encountered."

"They're called the opposite sex for a reason, Mr Vega. Didn't you ever get the talk about the birds and the bees?"

"Very funny, Esteban. I'm going to hazard a guess that I'm more intimately acquainted with the opposite sex than _you_ are!" He then noticed them staring back at him, and he realised what he'd said. "I'm talking about _human_ females, not krogan!" He returned to his line of thought. "She's almost spiritual. Calm. Hell, put the krogan people in _her_ hands and they'd all be fine."

"Should I be offended that it takes a _krogan_ female to convince you that all would be right in the galaxy if left in our hands?" Shepard asked lightly.

"Don't worry, Lola," he grinned. "You're still my number one saviour."

Garrus strolled over to join the conversation. "You know they say krogan females like a man with scars, Vega."

"Oh, you don't need to worry, Vakarian. She's all yours."

"That wasn't what I meant," Garrus spluttered as everyone laughed.

"Nah, I like my women soft, curvy, with everything where I expect it to be." He winked at Shepard, who started a battle of the stares. She won.

"I think you need someone less challenging, Vega," she advised.

Garrus settled on her other side. "That rules out most of the female population for you then, Vega!" he jibed.

"Ha ha," Vega drawled.

Garrus changed the subject. "Shepard, I've been wondering how Cerberus even knew about the females on Sur'Kesh. At first I assumed there was a mole in the base, much like Mordin ended up being to Wrex. Someone who didn't want this exchange to happen, but now I'm not so sure."

"Seems odd that a salarian would use a pro-humanity group like Cerberus to do their dirty work," Shepard conceded. "But if not someone at the base, then who? It certainly wasn't public knowledge, and Liara would have said if anything had crossed her desk."

"Hm. I think we should keep an open mind. Cerberus have their fingers everywhere. Your Mars base was proof of that. If they show up again in a place they shouldn't know about, we might have to look closer to home."

"Agreed."

Victus came striding around the corner. "Commander, I need your help."

Shepard withheld her sigh. "What is it?"

"There's a ship I've lost contact with. Could I have a word in private?"

Shepard felt her energy drain from her. A single lost ship in the middle of a war shouldn't be something worthy of a Primarch's attention. There was no way this was going to be anything good.

**-x-**


	52. Secrets and Nests

Shepard was fuming with the Primarch. The Primarch's 'lost' ship was actually a crashed ship - on Tuchanka. They'd been downed by the vanguard Reaper forces, and Victus had refused to state why his people were there, other than to say that his men had to complete their mission as a matter of 'galactic peace'. Then he'd added that he'd placed his own son as commander of the unit because he'd needed someone he could trust absolutely. It left Shepard with no doubt that she had to find them, so she'd took her team down there.

Trying to convince Wrex that it didn't need his personal attention had been hard going, but she had the distinct impression that what she discovered down there would be detrimental to their prospective alliance.

It had been a mess, and they'd soon found out that _Lieutenant_ Tarquin Victus had been placed out of his depth and had made a bad call which had now resulted in the loss of most of his squad. Shepard's team had rescued the few survivors from the Reaper attacks, to be told by the Lieutenant that he and his team had been sent there to defuse a bomb. A bomb that had been planted by the turians centuries ago in case of another uprising, which was now in Cerberus hands. Wrex was going to go mental when he found out.

The Lieutenant and his men had been ready to give up but Shepard hadn't been about to let that happen. She knew they had to see this through, or those they'd lost would haunt them. So she reminded him of what was at stake. The last thing she heard from the young Victus was encouraging, his men saluting him.

He rejoined her and her team as their shuttle landed. "Commander? Come with us. We're a shell of what we were. We could use the help."

"You were getting it anyway. I've got another shuttle coming. Send me the NavPoint." He did so, and she studied the target on her omni-tool. "We'll approach the site from two angles, divide Cerberus' attention. Garrus, I want you to go with Victus and his men."

"Yes, Commander," he replied.

She made sure she had Victus' attention. "Garrus is an exceptional soldier, Lieutenant. Listen to the experience he has to offer. You have a second chance here, Victus."

"Understood, Commander."

"Make sure your men are ready while we wait for the other shuttle."

Once Victus moved off, Garrus moved closer.

"For a turian commander, what happened here is… let's just say the turian code is not forgiving. And that it's his son is bad for the Primarch. Promoting family without merit can bite you in the ass. But I guess we now know why he did it. If this got out, I doubt even Wrex would stay calm about it."

"You know Wrex has his scouts everywhere. If this bomb is as big as Victus Junior says it is, then he already knows about it by now. Wrex isn't stupid. He'll put two and two together, Garrus."

"Guess you'll have some mediation to do when we get back."

"Shit," she swore under her breath.

Liara shook her head in dismay. "If only the Primarch had told you. We could have helped before it got to this. The loss of life here… He should never have put his son in this position."

"Forget that. Cerberus again? Those guys are seriously messed in the head. This whole thing's loco," muttered Vega.

The second shuttle came in.

"Support the Lieutenant, Garrus, but this needs to remain _his_ mission," Shepard stressed.

Garrus nodded in approval.

"We'll meet you there."

"See you at the rendezvous," he confirmed. It was time to go stop a bomb.

-x-

Getting to the bomb site had been challenging, but they'd gotten through and had joined up with Victus and his group at the control panel. She'd stayed back to allow Victus to look it over. As ever, it wasn't a simple disarming process. Cerberus had set up a firewall around the trigger mechanism which they would need to bypass first. Victus was adamant he could deal with it, so they were now concentrating on keeping Cerberus troops away from him.

Shepard and her team were having a field day. Shuttles came across to drop off more men, but as soon as the doors opened, either Liara sent everyone inside into a singularity and ignited it, or Garrus threw in some nicely aimed grenades to finish them before they could even jump out. The Atlas that joined in should have been more challenging but Vega rose up from his cover with a triumphant look on his face and a one-shot heavy-weapon he'd just found discarded in the ruins, in his hand. The rest of them distracted it to give the weapon time to power up, and Vega let loose with a "WOOO-HOOO!”. In an instant, the Atlas was merely pieces.

" _Commander! Firewall's down! I'm in! …Spirits! Cerberus has hacked the trigger mechanism! It's set to detonate_!" radioed the younger Victus.

"Can you disarm it?" Shepard responded as they started reversing back towards him.

" _No time! I have to separate the trigger from the bomb! Now! Cover me_!"

Shepard glanced over her shoulder to see him racing up the large mechanism to the top of the bomb and its trigger, while they continued to hold back Cerberus. From the lack of numbers, she guessed they were running out of men to send against them. The sound of shrieking metal had her looking back up to see Victus hanging precariously from a latch that was clearly not opening as it should, and her heart leapt. "Lieutenant!"

"… _Thank you for making sure I get this chance. Victory… at any cost_."

He was going to open it manually. She watched in horror as he released the clamp and the last latch gave way, the trigger falling into the deep pit below and taking him with it. If only the Primarch hadn't kept this from her. If only he'd trusted her. His son hadn't needed to go through the guilt of losing his men….

Garrus stood beside her. "He never hesitated. Whatever happened before, he'll be remembered for this."

Cortez returned with their shuttle. The second shuttle would be returning empty.

-x-

As soon as they stepped off the shuttle into the cargo bay, the situation was made clear.

" _Commander, we've had to section Wrex off in the War room. Pretty sure he was about to murder the Primarch_ ," informed Joker, casually.

Shepard, Garrus, Liara and Vega squeezed into the elevator - Edi had no need. Out in the CIC, the Primarch was near the doors to the War room, leaning against the wall, head down. On the other side, Wrex was slamming himself into the metal as he yelled. The two soldiers who normally stood watch inside, had also seen the sense in exiting, but they had guns at the ready, like they expected the enraged krogan to break through the reinforced doors at any time.

"You two, guns away. Shooting him is not an option," Shepard directed at them, and they complied with a look of scepticism. "Edi, unlock the doors."

Wrex barrelled out towards Victus. Shepard placed herself between them, only to end up sandwiched between the two.

"The genophage wasn't enough!? You had to plant a _bomb_ on my planet!"

Garrus and James had grabbed an arm each but Wrex was too incensed to be overwhelmed by them.

"The decision was made hundreds of years ago. So much has changed!" vindicated Victus, as he was crushed into the wall by Shepard and Wrex's weight.

"Not enough to tell us about the bomb, coward!"

"HEY!" Shepard got her hands up to his chest and shoved hard. With the other two pulling him back, it was enough to stagger him. She took a much needed breath, as did Victus behind her. "Face it, in the turians place you'd have done the same damn thing. We can't let the past rip us apart. Working together we have a chance."

"Shepard-" Wrex started to argue.

"It's over! His own son _died_ making this right!"

"Commander, it's all right," Victus said quietly.

Wrex gave a rumbling sound before speaking. "Yes. Fine. Shepard, you've made your point. We have stronger enemies to face."

"We do."

"But the turians pull another move like that, Shepard, and this alliance is off."

"Understood."

He shook off Garrus and James. "I have something I need to discuss with you, Shepard. In _private_ ," he glared at Victus.

"I'll meet you in the War room," Shepard replied tiredly, and he stalked back to where he'd come.

"I hope you now understand the secrecy before, Commander," murmured Victus.

Shepard spun to face him. "Your secret got people killed. You've learned that the hard way."

"Yes… the hardest lesson I'm ever to learn, Commander. I should have trusted you."

Shepard went to turn but Victus spoke again.

"My son… he died with the respect of his men. I wanted to thank you for that."

She lost a little of her anger. "Despite everything, Primarch, I'm sorry for your loss," she said sincerely.

"Thank you, Commander."

"Garrus, maybe you could escort the Primarch to the Lounge. Get him a drink. He looks like he needs one." She knew for sure that _she_ could do with one. Instead, she nodded at the rest of her crew to indicate all was under control and headed into the War room.

-x-

Kai Leng closed the files he'd been reading with growing interest. The Illusive Man had piqued his curiosity. Shepard was indeed impressive. It was a surprise. In his experience, such well-known figures were the subject of a lot of hype and limited skill. He now understood why his boss wanted her back.

He brought up his favourite image of her. She was in full armour, but her lithe figure was clearly defined. She was twisting towards the unseen camera, her eyes appearing to lock on his. Her face was serious, concentrated, intense, yet still showed her natural beauty. She held a pistol between two hands, aimed downwards, but he knew she was coiled ready to react to any threat. Dangerous. He liked that.

Leng never desired anyone. He took what was offered with a detached indifference. Miranda Lawson had been angered by his disregard after she'd given her body to him, like he was supposed to feel honoured. He'd simply ignored her, not caring. Genetically perfect she'd called herself. He didn't agree.

But Shepard… _Her_ , he wanted. Her, he craved. _She_ was worthy of him. His counterpart. His opposite in every way. He hoped to meet her soon.

-x-

Hackett always felt better when he could see Terra. She stood before him now, though merely as a projection. It would have to do. "Good work, Commander. You just prevented a war between the turians and krogan."

" _Wrex has his people recovering the bomb now_."

"Right. Councillor Sparatus told me they won't allow the turians to send in recovery teams to help."

" _Understandable_."

"Indeed. The situation is extremely fragile at the moment. With their leaders both on-board, it's likely you have a situation brewing."

He watched her shoulders sag a little as she sighed. " _Already been there. They've come to an uneasy truce_."

"Then keep the peace, Commander."

She nodded briefly. " _How's the prothean device coming along_?"

"Alliance R&D has officially begun construction. The team has dubbed it 'Project Crucible'. We're throwing everybody who knows how to hold a hammer at it. This is going to be the most ambitious undertaking in human history."

" _Will we get it done_?"

"I'm not saying it won't be a challenge, but our researchers tell me the designs are… elegant. Massive in scope, but strangely simple as well. I'll have frequent updates sent to you on its progress. It's going to be something to behold, that's for sure." He looked over to a Lieutenant, nearby. "Clear the room please." He waited until the last man left the area, before turning to her. "Are you free to talk?"

" _Yes_."

"Good. Because I need more than just a message from my daughter. It's times like this that you feel the need to make the most of the moments with those you hold dear. With your mother still MIA, that's clearer than ever. I'm worried about you."

" _I'm okay, dad. Really. I'm… I'm just incredibly sad. Not knowing where mom is... and there's so many out there facing a horrifying end. Every time I sit down with a meal or stop for a shower…it feels so wrong_."

"You're putting yourself through hell to stop all that, Terra. Don't punish yourself because you've survived. Enjoy those things."

" _What about you? You're always looking out for_ **me** _. How are_ **you** _sleeping at night_?"

"Not much better than you, I'm sure. But it helps to know you're out there. Please, stay safe for me, Terra. I can't do this without you."

" _Dad, you're Admiral Hackett. The most respected soldier in the Alliance. You can do anything. You're the reason I wanted to be a soldier. The reason I fight so hard. And you'll go on because you have to._ **You're** _my hero_."

He looked down at his feet, trying to contain the intense emotion that welled up behind his eyes. Finally, he returned his gaze to his beautiful little girl. "I wish you were here right now, Terra. Though it's probably just as well you're not. I don't think I'd be able to let you go again. You make me so proud."

" _That goes both ways, Dad_."

He changed the subject, before he lost it. "Talking of pride. I'm sure you're feeling like that about a certain Major who’s soon to be a fellow Spectre. He's certainly earned it."

Her eyes dropped. " _So he accepted. Good_."

"You didn't know?" he frowned.

"… _I haven't seen him since I dropped him off after Mars_."

"But you've been back to the Citadel since then…. Terra, what's happened?" Hackett was even more concerned for her.

She simply shrugged. " _He's not who I thought he was_."

"Terra-"

" _Dad,_ **please** _. I need to focus on what's important. That's getting this genophage cured so we can get that help we need_."

Hackett wasn't about to let her brush it off. "Terra, don't neglect yourself. Without you, none of that will happen."

" _That's nonsen_ -"

"Terra. You're respected by all parties. They listen to you. If you weren't there, I'm pretty sure they would have torn each other apart by now, and we'd all be doomed. I'm not going to push my nose where you clearly don't want it, but don't pretend you're okay when you're not. You have support, Terra. Use it. Talk to a friend. _That's_ an order."

She raised an eyebrow at him. " _I'd like to see where it states in your Admiral's handbook that you can order me to have a heart to heart!"_

"Terra-" he started sternly.

" _Okay! Jesus, dad, give it a rest_!" she said with exasperation.

He gave a short burst of laughter. "Sorry."

" _You know you should try that on the Reapers_."

"Dad-speak only works on offspring."

" _Ah, well. I'll keep going then_."

"What are you planning to do while you wait for this cure?" He knew better than anyone that she wouldn't relax.

" _Wrex had a team of scouts he'd sent out to the rachni relay, after rumours of trouble around there. They went silent as soon as they arrived_."

"Rachni?"

" _Maybe. I'm going to go meet up with another krogan unit to check it out_."

"The last thing we need is another invasion."

" _I'm not about to jump to conclusions but I'm worried I made the wrong choice. Even back then, when the queen talked of what made the rachni attack, I thought it sounded like a kind of indoctrination. Now the Reapers are here… What if they really were behind the last rachni attack? If so, I've strengthened them by giving them more rachni to control_."

"We'd all like the benefit of hindsight. ‘What if's’ will drive you crazy, Terra. Check it out, and go from there. Just stay safe. History has already proven how dangerous the rachni can be, and you could be going straight into the queen's nest."

" _Yeah, thanks for that, Dad. Really looking forward to it now_."

"A few hundred rachni won't scare you."

" _Still not helping_."

"Huh, then I'll stop." He took a short moment to organise his thoughts. "We can do this, Terra. _You_ can do this. Never doubt that."

She saluted him. " _No, Sir_."

He returned the respect with his own salute. "Take care, sweetheart."

" _And you, dad_."

She faded away from sight and a loneliness fell upon him once more.

-x-

Shepard approached Eve in the medbay.

"I apologise for not speaking to you earlier."

"From what I understand, you've barely been given a chance. I must thank you for saving my life, Commander, and that of many of my people when you stopped that bomb. I didn't think the krogan had any allies left in the galaxy."

"I'm afraid it's not for selfless reasons."

"Yet _you_ are the only one out here, even though an alliance will benefit everyone, if I'm not mistaken."

Shepard could only nod at the sad truth. "Mordin called you 'Eve'…"

"It will suffice. I surrendered my name when I became a shaman of the female clan. But perhaps one day, when this is over, you can know it."

Mordin took that moment to come over to perform more scans.

"Mordin, I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to talk to you."

"No matter. Plenty to do. Are here now."

"How's Eve doing?"

"Blood work indicates significant stress on Eve's system. Fortunately, Maelon's data proven invaluable to improving her condition. Prefer to let her recover fully before synthesizing cure. My medical recommendation."

"My people don't have time for that," Eve stated, bluntly.

"Her opinion, somewhat different," he added, then walked back to his makeshift lab area.

Shepard returned her attention to Eve. "If you don't mind my asking, what made you get involved in Maelon's experiments?"

"We volunteered. When my child didn't draw breath…. The genophage forces us to live on hope alone. Maelon was our last hope."

"I'm sorry the others didn't survive."

"I know. But they died knowing that they would enter the Void free of this curse - and then smile when they looked down upon the children of Tuchanka. Their spirits will be the midwives to my firstborn. No longer will our females have to feel the shame of being infertile."

Mordin's singing distracted them. "You're in good hands with Mordin," Shepard assured her.

"He's not a typical salarian. I sense pain in him. He told me about his work on the genophage. Yet I think seeing my sisters and I changed something in him."

"I think he's been struggling with his part in that for a while now." She reached forward to offer a hand, which Eve took. "Thank you for talking to me."

"It's been a pleasure, Commander. I'm glad to see a woman treated with such respect. Your people have placed a lot of responsibility on you."

"No more than your people have put on you."

Eve made a small sound of amusement. "Then maybe we can show the men how it's done."

Shepard smiled back as she shook Eve's hand. "Deal." She moved over to Mordin. "She's not what I imagined."

"Indeed. Provides new perspective not previously seen in krogan. Refreshing."

"It's lucky you were at the base. How did you end up back with STG?"

"Actually, received intel from insiders about krogan females. Decided they were too important not to intervene. Best candidate for project. No one else with my expertise. Had to be me. But didn't forget your request before incarceration, Shepard. Mentioned nephew before."

"The promising geneticist, right?" she said quickly so she could actually be a part of the conversation.

"Correct. Passed all relevant data onto him. He was keen to get stuck in. Hard for him to be taken seriously at what other species see as young age, despite doctorate. Narin Solus. Is working at Huerta, on Citadel. Has made breakthrough. Thane improving."

Shepard was left open-mouthed as she tried to fully process what he'd said. "What!? You mean…."

"Will take time to return Thane to full health. Much to repair. But first treatment has already extended life span. Kepral's no longer death sentence."

Shepard had trouble getting her mouth working, and her heart was beating fast with the unexpected shock. "Mordin, I… I don't know what to say!"

"Need say nothing," he shrugged. "Was nephew's work. But pleased you are happy."

She gave him a brief hug that left him slightly flustered. "Sorry, Mordin, but I needed to do that. Thank you."

"Never understood human requirement to embrace when happy. Nevertheless, welcome," he smiled.

She gave a short laugh, then left the medbay feeling more hopeful than she had for a while. She hadn't let herself think on Thane - so sure that he would be gone by now. To know he was alive made her wish she could head there now. But first, she had a job to do.

-x-

Dr Michel closed down her omnitool and smiled at Kaidan.

"Everything's healing nicely, Major. You'll need to take it easy. There'll be some residual pain, but nothing you'll require medication for. You're a walking miracle, Major."

"Well, I'm not so sure I had much to do with it, doctor. I think that says more for your skill."

Her tool beeped and she sighed. "Looks like that skill is needed elsewhere. I have one more test I'd like to do once all the medication is out of your system, and we'll need to check your biotics, but after that I'll be happy to discharge you," she said as she walked to the door.

"Do you, uh, have an e.t.a. on that?"

Michel smiled at his impatience. "Give it another twenty-four hours, Major."

The doctor left and Kaidan paced the room. It felt good to be out of that bed, to be back in his uniform. The first step to getting on the right track. Twenty-four hours. He wondered what Terra was doing. Was she even okay? It drove him crazy to consider it, so he concentrated on the view.

Normality. It was odd to see, knowing what was happening back on Earth.

He needed to get back in the fight.

-x-

Shepard had thwarted him again. This time the Illusive Man took it in stride. He had other plans.

"Udina. I have something in place I think you might be interested in. It's time to step things up," he directed to the screen.

" _Is there a problem_?"

"I know Shepard. There's a chance this alliance between the turians and krogan could succeed."

" _I'm not following_."

"We don't want unity, Udina. We don't need it. I have plans in motion to deal with the Reapers. Humanity will rule this galaxy, absolutely, and _you_ will be its leader."

There was a pause. " _I'm listening_."

The Illusive Man smiled. Of course he was listening, because at heart, Udina was power-hungry far beyond his concerns for humanity. "Cerberus will be taking control of the Citadel. The Council are useless, and with them gone, our own people can lead the way. The other races will have to fall in line."

" _Is this a wise course of action with the Reapers_?"

"The Council have already proven that they're floundering. Just think what you can accomplish with no one to oppose you."

" _Indeed. When can I expect the 'arrival'?_ "

"Approximately forty-eight hours."

" _One thing you should know, though. Major Alenko has been accepted for the Spectres. He'll be sworn in by then. It's likely he'll still be on the Citadel_."

The Illusive Man smiled. He liked the idea of the loyal Alliance soldier protecting the Cerberus human Councillor. "No matter. I'll have my best agent on the ground to personally deal with the Council. One Spectre, recently out of intensive care, is unlikely to give him too much trouble."

" _He was meant to be our symbol to the other races._ "

"Cerberus will be their symbol, Udina. Alenko is too like Shepard when it comes to the other races, to be of use to us."

" _I understand._ "

"Good. We need you on board with this."

" _You have my support, of course._ "

"Excellent. For now, go about your business as usual. I'll notify you when we're about to strike. Good day, Councillor."

The Illusive Man swallowed the last of the whisky in his glass and the whispers in his head abated. Things would be changing very soon.

-x-

They were buried in the darkness of the tunnels. Every step confirmed Shepard's worst fears. The rachni were here in number if the pods were anything to go by, and the dead krogan scouts they discovered as they moved through wasn't a good sign.

"These tunnels could lead to their nest," reasoned Liara. "Maybe they simply reacted to a threat. The krogan are not likely to have held back at the sight of rachni."

"I hope it's just that, but it doesn't explain the attacks that had the scouts coming here in the first place."

"Exactly," agreed Garrus. "If they'd kept to themselves like the queen said they would, they wouldn't have drawn attention."

"Agh," Vega grumbled as he stepped in the remains of a destroyed pod. "This place is creeping me out."

"Want me to hold your hand, Vega?" jibed Garrus, as Shepard used one of the flamethrowers the scouts had been armed with to burn down more of the strange webbing that covered the tunnel entrances. With every scout they'd come across, another flamethrower was retrieved so they were all armed with them.

"Now _you're_ creeping me out. Commander, you'll protect me, right?" Vega called out.

"That depends, James. Have you been keeping your light on my backside on purpose?"

"Absolutely. It's been taking my mind off where we are."

"Then no, you're on your own, Lieutenant."

"Ah ha! Come on now, Lola! You wouldn't leave m- Agh! God damn it!" he swore as he stepped into another mess.

"Keep your eyes on the environment, Lieutenant, or the next thing you'll be stepping in is a deep hole," advised Shepard. The tunnel they were in opened out into a lighter larger space, and that's when they got their first visual on the rachni. They dived into cover as they were fired on.

"Since when did rachni use firepower?" exclaimed Liara.

Shepard went silent to get a better look to confirm what she thought she'd seen. "They've been modified," she announced when she returned.

"You mean by Reapers?" Garrus checked.

"Yeah."

"We have husks," informed Edi, as both warning and confirmation.

They dealt with the Reaper troop, along with the new rachni, then took a closer look.

"Well, I guess that explains a lot," commented Garrus.

Shepard hit her comm. "Grunt, rachni presence confirmed. Modified and very dangerous. The Reapers have had an influence here." She had been delighted to find Grunt was the leader of Wrex's most elite company, whom he'd sent to meet with her here, and her former crew-member had been just as exuberant to see her. Unfortunately, they'd gotten separated, but they were making their own way through, regardless.

" _Finally, something to kill_ _!"_

"Good to know some things don't change," Garrus said dryly.

-x-

They'd finally made it past the barriers, rachni and Reaper forces, to get to the nest.

"Are you sure about this, Shepard?" queried Garrus as he peered up at the massive rachni queen.

"Look at her, Garrus. If they could control her, why put all this in place? The Reapers wanted her to produce more troops for them, so they kept her alive. Beyond that she's a threat. That makes her too valuable an asset to lose." Shepard was at the device that kept the queen restrained, and destroyed it.

The queen rose up and headed away, and Grunt joined them - having left his team to hold back the Reapers from getting to the injured rachni queen - leading them out the way his team had come. They ran hard, the sounds of Reaper rachni all around them.

Turning a corner had them reeling backwards to remain unseen. There were a lot heading towards the path. Shepard readied herself for one hell of a fight, when Grunt grabbed her arm.

"The shuttle's down that path. I'll hold them off. Get outta here, Shepard!"

Terra hesitated as she looked at him. There were so many out there… "Grunt-"

"Go! Kill some Reapers for me!"

She couldn't do it. "I'm not leaving you behind." She stayed in place.

"Stubborn human! Not this time!" He ran out directly into the rachni, ramming, shooting, ripping them apart. "GO!" he shouted out.

Shepard was moving forward to help, but Garrus pulled her back. "Shepard, you stay and we all die."

That snapped her back. Terra understood what he was saying. If she stayed, so would they, and though it tore her up inside, she turned and ran.

Outside, Cortez was hovering the shuttle, ready to go, but the closer she got the slower she went. This felt wrong. She couldn't leave, not when Grunt could still be alive. She waited for her team to jump into the shuttle, then turned back, only to come to a halt again in shock to see Grunt staggering out. He was covered in blood, but he was moving. Her heart jump-started and she ran to him as she shouted out for help. He stumbled into her arms, and she supported him as best she could.

"Anybody got something to eat?"

She laughed with the relief. He was going to be fine. James hoisted Grunt's other side, and they got him into the shuttle.

-x-

"How's Grunt doing, doc?" Shepard came to a stop beside the young krogan who sat awkwardly on the bed like laying down was an unnatural state for his species. He was slathered in so much medigel he looked like a giant snail and just trailed over him.

"Despite the substantial loss of blood, he's going to be fine," confirmed Chakwas. "He'll need to take it easy, though. His body needs time to replace what he's lost."

"Don't know what all the fuss is about," complained Grunt.

Shepard had to laugh. "I can't imagine, but please do as the doc says."

Grunt grumbled, then peered at her knowingly. "You were coming back for me."

"For you? You have to be kidding me. You're far too much trouble. I already had to drop a maw for you. A herd of mutant rachni was just a step too far," she said breezily.

"Heh, heh, heh. Soft human."

Wrex entered the bay. "Good job making it out, boy," he aimed at Grunt. Then he turned to Shepard. "What the hell did you think you were doing, letting the queen go again? Didn't you learn anything the last time?"

"Haven't _you_ learned anything, Wrex?" intervened Eve. "You would destroy the last queen because her children have been turned into something else against her will. Another race turned to dust, when you fight so hard to keep your own alive. The queen will stay true to her word, for she has also endured much pain. The Commander made the right choice."

"I'm sorry about your men," Shepard said to the two krogan males, who seemed to make the medbay feel so much smaller.

"They died in battle with a worthy enemy. They'll be honoured." Wrex then clapped his hand on Shepard's shoulder, shaking her bones. "Glad to see you made it out of there. Sounds like I missed a hell of a fight."

" _You'd_ have loved it."

He rumbled his dissatisfaction. "Hhm, instead I'm playing peace-keeper and test subject."

"More important than anything we were doing."

"Sweet-talker. Watch out 'Eve', you've got a contender."

"The Commander's out of your league, Wrex."

"Completely," Shepard agreed, a small smile on her face.

"Hm, sounds like a challenge," grinned back Wrex, somewhat lasciviously, causing her smile to instantly drop off her face.

"That's it, I'm leaving," Shepard said quickly as she moved to the door, followed by Wrex and Grunt's laughter. Men. Her omnitool chimed a message.

**Commander,**

**Just got word on a couple of arrests that might be of interest to you. Gabriella Daniels and Ken Donnelly - they're listed as being a part of your previous crew. They were brought in on some outdated warrants concerning their connection to Cerberus. I tried to get my superiors to look at their cases again, given your regained status, but they're too busy to look at it anytime soon. Seeing as you're a Spectre again, I thought you'd like to deal with it the next time you're on the Citadel.**

**Good luck out there.**

**Bailey**

Now she had another reason to head there. "Joker, get us back to the Citadel."

**-x-**


	53. Discovery and Healing

No sooner were they coming into dock when Mordin broke the news as Shepard stood in the cockpit.

"Shepard. Tests verified. Results promising. Can synthesise for universal krogan immunity."

She turned to him in surprise. "The cure's ready!?"

"No. Still need transmission vector. Cure useless unless given to entire species."

"You're usually full of ideas, Mordin. You altered the genophage before - there must be a way."

"Of course. Always possibilities. But time limited. Can't create new infection strain from scratch. Groundwater? No, too slow."

Joker rolled his eyes as Mordin started vocalising his thoughts.

"Voluntary inoculation risky. Population too scattered for airborne- unless, wait, yes! The Shroud!" He brought up a holo image on his omnitool, to show Shepard. "Constant global dispersion of air particles. Built by salarians to repair atmosphere of Tuchanka. Also used by turians."

She understood. "To secretly spread the genophage virus."

"Yes, but useful now. Original genophage strain still in storage at Shroud facility. Can use it as transmission vector, then use Shroud to blanket Tuchanka with cure!"

She could only comprehend bits of what he'd said, but Mordin was happy so that was enough for her. "Then we'll only stay here long enough to refuel and restock. Finish your preparations and be ready to go, Mordin."

"Of course. Ready when you need me."

Mordin strode off and Joker shook his head. "I can't actually believe he did it! He sure can work to a deadline."

"Thank God for it. Think I'll wait until we're ready to go before telling Wrex."

"Uh, yes please. I really don't want him doing the Cortez treatment with me and my ship."

"You flying co-pilot - that's got to be your worst nightmare," smirked Shepard.

"Nah, that's the ship flying _me_."

Shepard gave him a weird look.

He just shrugged. "Been having strange dreams lately."

"We've got a couple of hours. Get off this ship, Joker," she ordered, now slightly worried about his sanity.

"Whoa! Leave my baby?" he said with affront.

"Take her with you." She gestured to Edi, who was sitting in the co-pilot's seat, absorbing their conversation.

"I- Damn, I have no excuse."

"You're a ship recluse - a _cockpit_ recluse, even. It's not good for you. Out."

"Geez, you sound so like my mom."

"It's because I care, Joker," she called out as she walked over to the airlock.

"She used to say _that_ , too," he moaned.

-x-

Shepard went straight to the reception desk, trying to ignore the news vids as they talked about the imminent Spectre ceremony for the human, Major Alenko, even as her traitorous heart was happy he was well. "Can you tell me where to find a patient, Thane Krios, please?"

"One moment… I'm sorry, but we have no one by that name," replied the receptionist.

Shepard frowned. Maybe he'd been released. She contacted Bailey.

" _Commander Shepard. Good to hear from you again. What can I do for you_?"

"I'm looking for Thane Krios? I wondered if you might know where he was."

" _He's in Huerta, Commander_."

"That's where I am now, but he's not listed as a patient."

" _Kolyat visits him there regularly. Given his… occupation, he might have chosen to go by an alias. Can't be hard to find, though. Not many drell on the Citadel, even less in Huerta_."

"Right, of course." She cursed herself for not thinking. "Thanks, Bailey."

" _Anytime, Shepard_."

She returned to the desk. "You have a drell here," she tried again.

"Name?"

"I don't know."

The receptionist made a sympathetic face. "I'm sorry but we can't give out patient informat-"

"Yes, you can. Spectre authority," Shepard interrupted, feeling slightly guilty at was a blatant misuse of her powers for her own benefit.

The receptionist went wide-eyed as she realised who she was talking to. "Commander Shepard, I'm so sorry!"

"No need to apologise, just tell me where he is," she said with forced patience.

"Oh! Um… His name is Tannor Nuara. He's in T wing, room 407."

"Thank you." Shepard walked quickly through the huge hospital. Stopping outside the door, she knocked despite the fact it was unlocked.

"Enter."

Shepard had to smile at the sound of Thane’s voice, and she walked in to see him practising his fighting moves.

Thane did a double-take. "Siha!" He immediately smiled and crossed the room, and she went straight into his arms.

"Thane, I couldn't believe it when Mordin told me!" She hugged him tight, which he responded in kind.

"I have trouble believing it myself. Thank you, Siha. You have given me everything."

She released him. "I didn't come up with the cure, Thane."

"No, but you convinced me to try when I had already conceded defeat. If not for you, I would not be here now. It is a slow process, and I am far from my peak, but there is now hope."

"I'm so glad, Thane. I thought I'd lost you."

"I am sorry I could not tell you myself. The treatment is exhausting, and I spend much of it asleep. I was only just recently cognisant enough to realise the state of the galaxy. It was a relief to know you escaped Earth. A nurse told me that you had to bring a member of your crew here a few days back."

Shepard hesitated at having to answer it. "That was Kaidan. He was on the Normandy when we left Earth. He's out now."

Thane watched her eyes drop. "Siha? I saw him before you were arrested, entering the Normandy. I had hoped you would reconcile."

"We did. But I didn't know how long I'd be gone for, so I told him he should move on if he needed to. Six months was a long time, especially after two years - and he did."

Thane frowned. "I cannot see that a man who has sought you out after the journey he has gone through just to believe you were real, would not wait longer than six months."

"Well, it's true. I came face to face with his fiancée - they're having a baby." The words fell horribly from her mouth, and she couldn't help the sadness from forming on her face.

Thane stared back at her. "What did Kaidan say to you?"

She sighed out her confusion. "That's what hurt so much. Before his injury he didn't say a word. He was just the same. It felt like that six months apart hadn't even existed for him. I really thought we were fine."

"Then this woman could be lying."

"It was my first thought, but another doctor confirmed it."

Thane was still suspicious. "That seems to be a fast relationship."

Shepard's lips pressed together before she spoke. "Turns out she's also the girl from his past. Rahna. He never said a thing. I was so sure I knew him. I'm so confused." She dug her fingers into her temples like she had a migraine, then shook her head. "Anyway, there's no point dwelling on it now. I want to know about _you_. You've been talking to Kolyat?"

Thane smiled. "Yes. Things between us have improved greatly. We spend as much time as his work allows."

"I'm guessing he's still with Bailey?"

"He chose to stay under Bailey's wing, in C-Sec. He's doing well. He's content. Another life you helped save."

"He put in the effort, not me. And I'm quite sure that having you back in his life had a positive effect." She grasped his hand. "It's so good to see you."

"And you, Siha." He covered her hand with his, and looked over her tired face. "But I think your task weighs heavy on you."

"It does," she admitted. "It just seems like every request I make for help comes up against a brick wall or an 'only if'. Why can't they all see that we're dying every time they falter? That _they'll_ die if we don't work together?"

"Uniting people is what you do best. It's why we follow you into hell, willingly. I believe in you, and I will pray to the Goddess Arashu to grant you protection through the coming days, and to aid you as you follow your destiny."

"I'd rather have you."

"And I wish it could be so, but my health deteriorated quickly after we last parted, and even after the success of the treatment I have received, I am far from what I once was. I am no use to you like this. It does not make me happy to know that, but I must accept it. For now, at least."

She understood. Even as he stood in front of her, she could hear the rattle of his breath as though even talking was like running fast up-hill. But his 'for now' was hopeful. "Then you've given me another reason to hold back the Reapers," she smiled. "I want to stay longer but I have the genophage to cure, and I need to nip to the Spectre office to liberate Daniels and Donnelly before we head out."

Thane's brow rose. "The genophage… I shall hold my astonishment in check, Siha. Know that I will be here when you return."

She hugged him goodbye, and he watched her leave. Then Thane replayed their conversation, turning to the window in his contemplation. One thing he knew about Shepard was that she had good instincts. She wasn't foolproof, but he doubted she had gotten it so wrong with the man she'd fallen for. It also meant that she was likely right in her initial suspicion of the supposed fiancée.

He wondered what he could do about that.

-x-

Kaidan had only just been discharged, but Udina wasn't playing around. Now he was in full dress uniform as he entered the Council Chambers. He'd even received an official congratulatory message from Admiral Hackett just moments ago. It brought home just how big a deal this was. The media lining the balconies reinforced it. The thrum of conversation died down as he ascended the stairs.

"Major Alenko - step forward," Udina said proudly, and began the induction. "It is the decision of the Council that you be granted all the powers and privileges of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance branch of the Citadel."

"Spectres are not trained but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle; those whose actions elevate them above the rank and file," Valern announced.

"Spectres are an ideal, a symbol. The embodiment of courage, determination and self-reliance. They are the right hand of the Council, instruments of our will," continued Sparatus.

Finally, Tevos said her piece. "Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of the galactic peace, both our first and last line of defence. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold."

"I'm honoured, Councillors," said Kaidan, bowing his head in respect. The applause started but Kaidan was too deep in thought as he turned to leave. Hearing the same words said to Terra years back had sent him into a kind of melancholy. He wished she was here.

"Major Alenko. Just wanted to say congratulations," Bailey said as he sauntered over. They shook hands. "I'm hoping you're not going to be as much trouble as the last one…" he grinned.

"No one can rival Shepard when it comes to trouble," Kaidan smiled, wistfully.

"Heh. That's true. Oh, and it seems you're due another 'congratulations'."

"I am?"

"Not every day a man gets engaged."

"Engaged?" Kaidan frowned.

"Uh, to Doctor Bahir?" Bailey said, uncertainly.

"She told you that!?" Kaidan exclaimed in shock.

"Sure did. Came storming into my office, outraged at being refused in to see you when you were in Huerta."

Kaidan's slack jaw slammed together painfully.

"You know I thought she was lying, but Shepard said it was okay to let her in, so I assumed I'd got it wrong," continued Bailey.

Suddenly, Terra's reaction made complete sense. He'd bet his life that Rahna had told Terra the same thing, and Kaidan had to work hard to clamp down the surging anger. "Jesus, I really wish I could talk to Shepard," he muttered under his breath.

"Well, she was over at Huerta about an hour before your ceremony started."

"What!?" He stared back at Bailey, unsure he'd heard right.

"She was asking about her drell friend, Krios."

Kaidan ran.

-x-

"I need to know where Commander Shepard is," Kaidan rushed out to the hospital receptionist.

"Oh! You're our new Spec-"

"She was visiting a drell. What room?" he interrupted impatiently, trying to catch his breath.

"Um, T407, but I don't think she's…"

Kaidan was gone. He raced through the corridors, located the room and barrelled inside to find the drell standing alone at the window, hands clasped behind his back. As Krios looked over his shoulder at the latest visitor, Kaidan said "Shepard?" The shake of Krios' head made Kaidan physically sag. Then he had a thought, and placed a call, barely aware of Krios turning his full attention on him. "Bailey, is the Normandy still in dock?"

" _I'll check…. Sorry, Major. According to records it headed out a good half hour ago_."

Everything drained out of him. He'd missed her. "Thanks, Bailey," he said, forlornly. He looked at Krios. "I apologise for barging in," he murmured, then he turned to leave.

"She's hurting," came Krios' voice from behind him.

Kaidan paused, with no energy to even turn or lift his head. "It isn't what she thinks. I'm not engaged-"

"It matters not, if you have created a life with another."

Kaidan frowned. "A life? What…?" A cold rush of shock went through his body, and he swung to Krios. "No. …She told Shepard she was…?" He couldn't even say it. What kind of person would say something like that? Certainly not a friend. Terra must have been devastated…

"Another doctor confirmed the pregnancy to her."

"Another…? Sabine," he gritted out. Anger took control and he stormed out of the room.

x

Kaidan burst into Rahna's office and slammed his hands down hard on her desk, making her shriek as she pressed herself into the back of her chair. "Why did you lie!?" he demanded, his voice harsh, his face unforgiving. "WHY!?"

"I don't know what-"

"Stop the act, Rahna! I know the truth! What you _really_ said to Shepard!"

"I don't know what she's been saying, but-"

"You're _still_ lying! You told her we were together! That you were having my child! You even had your friend confirm it! Just how sick _are_ you!?"

"Kaidan! Shepard's the one who's lying! I never said-"

"You even told _Bailey_ we were engaged, Rahna! Is _he_ lying too!?"

She shut up then, tears beginning to fall.

"Don't bother, Rahna," he said, scathingly. "I'm not buying it anymore. You looked me in the eye and tried to convince me Shepard had betrayed me! You said she was just a fake! But _you_ were the one fooling me with the friend act. _You're_ the one who's betrayed me!"

"Kaidan-"

"Don't _Kaidan_ me! There is _nothing_ I want to hear from you! You stay away from me! You stay away from _Shepard_!"

Rahna stood up, reaching out for him. "I'm sorry."

Kaidan knocked her hand away. "Sorry can't even _begin_ to touch the damage you've done! You know how I feel about her and you did _this_ …? You _disgust_ me." He walked out to the sound of Rahna's sobbing, and he didn't care one iota. He walked a short distance down the corridor, then had to brace his hands against a wall, his head down as he took deep breaths to calm himself. Why had it taken so long to realise what Rahna was? She'd let him down in the past, and she'd done it again, magnificently. His disappointment in her - in _himself_ \- consumed him. There was only one person in this universe he could trust without doubt - Terra - and she'd been left thinking he'd made a family while she'd been gone.

x

**Siha,**

**You should trust your heart. It tells you that Kaidan is noble, trustworthy and loyal. The woman lied, as did the other doctor. There is nothing between them. Contact him.**

**Thane**

Terra read it several times. Thane had discovered something… He wouldn't make it up. The other doctor had lied as well… It made more sense. She _did_ know Kaidan. There was still the question of why he hadn't told her it was Rahna, but she decided that given that there was no intimate relationship between them, it really wasn't important. She was swamped with relief, but also guilt for believing the lies. She was giddy with happiness, but it was tempered with a simmering anger for a woman who had tried to destroy what they had.

She put that aside. Rahna could wait.

Kaidan couldn't.

x

"Shepard will understand."

Kaidan looked back at Krios, who was now leaning against the opposite wall like he'd been there all along. This was someone Terra trusted. Someone who had been prepared to give up his last months to save her from prison, he remembered. It felt important that this man believed him. He turned to Krios. "I never touched Rahna. I love Terra. Shepard. Always have. Always will."

The man's gaze was intense. "I believe you. I heard." He gestured back towards Rahna's office. "Shepard feels the same."

"I know… I've been such an idiot for trusting Rahna." He lifted his arms out from his sides, palms up in a beseeching gesture. "I don't know how to make this right."

"Wait," Krios replied, simply.

Kaidan frowned in confusion. "For what?" His omnitool pinged and Krios had an enigmatic smile on his face as he nodded towards Kaidan's tool. Mystified, Kaidan opened it.

**Kaidan, I'm so sorry.**

**I should have had more faith in you. I should have questioned it more when it didn't sound like you. I was in shock and I guess it was easier to believe when I found out it was Rahna.**

**Throw me in the middle of a battle and I can maintain my calm, pull out the logic. But when it comes to my heart - to you - I lose all perspective.**

**I should have let you explain.**

**Please forgive me.**

**I love you.**

In an instant, Kaidan felt like he'd been given his life back. He looked over at Krios in amazement. " _You_ did this?"

"Of course. Shepard has done much for me and my son. I owe her my life."

Kaidan regarded him. "You care about her."

"Very much."

"… Is there more to it?"

"No. You have nothing to fear. We both have another in our hearts. For Shepard, it is you. For me, my deceased wife, Irikah, will always remain there. I'm sure you understand as well as I, that even death does not break the bond of love."

"Yes," Kaidan agreed, loathe to remember the time he had to endure life without Terra.

"You are truly blessed, Kaidan. Though she was taken from you, she has also been returned to you. Do not waste this time you've been granted."

"I won't. Thank you."

"It is the least I can do for her." With that, Krios tipped his head in goodbye, and left.

Kaidan ran his hands over his face, the mass and strength of the emotions that had gone through him had left him dazed. He focused on Terra, and everything else fell away.

**Terra,**

**Please don't apologise. You're not at fault. Let me know when you're next on the Citadel. We can talk it over more then - I still have amends to make for my part in this.**

**For now, know that I waited, and I always will.**

**Take care. And that's an order.**

**I love you.**

**Kaidan**

It pleased him to see that it was delivered. He smiled. They were going to be okay.

-x-

"Good to hear Thane is well, Shepard," Garrus said as he sat next to her for their meal.

"Yeah, it is," she grinned.

Garrus leaned back to take a good look at her. "If I didn't know better, I'd say that's the look of someone basking in the glow of love."

"That sounded very romantic for a turian to come out with," teased Liara from Shepard's other side.

"I have my moments."

James clapped him on the back. "Vakarian's been taking notes from the best, right Scars?" He sat himself down opposite Shepard, looking extremely pleased with himself.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you mean," Garrus answered wryly.

"Me neither," joined in Shepard. "I haven't seen any evidence that you can be romantic, James."

"Ow, Lola! That hurts! What about all that teasing banter we do, huh?"

"That's not romantic. You're just one big flirt, Casanova."

"Casanova! Ah ha! I kinda like that, Lola! See, now we have pet names for each other! That's not romantic?"

"No," said all the women now at the table.

"Asides from the fact you have pet names for _everyone_ , you're all talk and no substance," explained Daniels. Her eyes went pointedly to Donnelly, beside her. "Must be catching."

"Nothing wrong with appreciating a fine figure, Gabby," defended Donnelly.

"That's my man!" approved James.

"Speaking of fine figures, I just saw Edi's new body-"

"Oh, I knew this was coming," sighed Daniels.

"I'm just saying it's a marvel of engineering," Donnelly grinned.

"A hot, sexy marvel," agreed James.

The two of them guffawed over their plates.

"You two are officially banned from conversing with each other," stated Shepard.

"So…?" prompted Garrus, trying to get back to his original topic.

Shepard wasn't about to chat about her love-life in front of everyone. "Let's just say things have been worked out."

Garrus looked happy. "Good to hear, Shepard."

Wrex entered the Mess and Shepard smiled to herself as he took the head of the table. Just like old times.

"Hope the food's gotten better," he rumbled. The crewman who placed Wrex's plate in front of him suddenly looked concerned, and quickly retreated. "Still can't believe the pyjak's pulled it off," said Wrex with a shake of his substantial head.

"I take it by 'pyjak' you mean Mordin?" checked Shepard.

"Shepard gets paranoid with pyjak references," joked Garrus, then he grunted as she jabbed him with her elbow.

"Maybe the salarian's not so bad," admitted Wrex.

"First you befriend a turian, now a salarian? I think you are mellowing, Wrex," smiled Liara.

"Let's not go too far with the salarian comment, Liara, but he's with Shepard, so I can be civil."

"Like you were with the Primarch?" jibed James.

"He earned that," declared Wrex.

Chakwas sat down next to James with an exhausted sigh.

"Everything okay, doc?" asked Shepard.

"Grunt's keen to leave the medbay," was all Chakwas replied.

"Aah," Shepard understood. Resisting a wilful young krogan wasn't easy.

"If Eve wasn't in there he'd have walked by now. Even Grunt's kowtowed when she gives him a look," she chuckled. "I'll be glad when we get this done. It will be good to have my medbay back again. I daren't touch anything in there in case it's something important. Plus, it's hard to concentrate between Mordin's verbalised thoughts and his bouts of impromptu singing."

"He sings!?" James looked up in hopeful excitement.

"Oh yes, he definitely sings," confirmed Shepard.

"Ah, man! I have got to see that! A singing salarian! That's fantastic!" grinned James.

Everyone else shook their heads.

Donnelly finished his meal and sat back with a satisfied sigh at the familiar surroundings he'd missed. "You have no idea how great it is to be back, Commander."

"Oh, I think I can guess."

"The Commander's in exactly the same situation, Ken," said Daniels, like she was talking to a foolish child.

"I know that, Gabby. It was just a phrase."

"A stupid one."

"Well, it's good to have you both back," Shepard said quickly to head off the direction of the conversation. "I know Adams could really do with the help."

Donnelly grimaced. "That man's a real hard-ass-"

"Ken!" Daniels scolded.

"What? It's true. He doesn't cut me any slack."

"You're just put-out because you're not in charge anymore."

"Am not."

"Hey," interrupted Shepard. "I don't want any problems down there, Donnelly. Find a way to get on, or I'll reassign you."

"To what?" he asked cautiously, then his eyes lit up. "I would make a very attentive AI maintenance engineer…"

"I'm thinking more along the lines of janitor."

"Ha! Maybe you can clean up your dirty mind at the same time!" laughed Daniels.

The banter went on throughout the rest of the meal - Adams joining them, then Joker - and Shepard felt like she was almost home again. She hoped that the next time she stopped at the Citadel she would be able to pick up the one thing that was missing.

-x-

"No." Shepard finished clipping her armour together, then moved over to the armoury for her weapons.

Grunt followed her, visibly struggling to stay upright. "I should be down there, in the fight."

"You should be resting. You were lucky to have survived. Get back in that medbay before the doc has a coronary."

"You can't keep me on the ship," he declared petulantly.

"Yes, I can."

"You're going to stop me from stepping foot on my own planet?" he growled.

"Until this is over - yes, I am."

"Want to try?" he challenged.

Shepard gave him a withering look in response. She knew as well as he did that he'd never raise a hand against her.

"Show some respect and go do as you're told, whelp" ordered Wrex, as he passed by.

Shepard understood the young krogan's frustration. "Grunt, I want you alive to see this pan out. You go down there and your very nature will have you throwing yourself into every fight you see. Your determination is strong, but your body _isn't_ right now. There'll be other fights, but not if you push this. The sooner you let yourself heal, the sooner you'll be back out there."

Grunt grumbled something under his breath. "Fine, Shepard." Then he stomped back to the elevator.

"Okay, let's go do this," Shepard called out as she climbed inside the shuttle and nodded at Mordin and Eve. She took a deep breath as she sat down. This was it. They were going to cure the genophage.

**-x-**


	54. A Cure and Cloaks

The scans of the area around the Shroud had revealed that a new form of Reaper was stationed there, using the Shroud to poison the planet's atmosphere. That meant they had to get past it.

Shepard had called in the Primarch's help. Initially he was resistant to pulling his men from Palaven, and she'd had to bite her tongue before calmly reminding him why they were doing this in the first place. She wanted a turian air strike combined with a krogan ground offence, to attack the Reaper and draw it away from the Shroud. That would leave the way clear for her and her team to get Mordin and Eve to the facility so the cure could be synthesised and then distributed. They were going into their first fight against a Reaper, and this was their best shot.

Shepard should have been focused by the time she had stepped on the shuttle, but she'd taken an urgent call from the Dalatrass just moments before she was about to join her team in the cargo bay to arm up, and their conversation now weighed heavily on her mind as they headed down to Tuchanka.

Liara leaned closer to her ear. "Is something wrong, Shepard?"

As Liara had, Shepard spoke barely above a whisper. "I'll explain when we're not boxed in with Wrex."

"Uh oh."

"Yeah," she sighed.

x

Once off the shuttle, Wrex and Eve rallied the krogan clans for the ground attack on the Reaper, and the vehicles were amassed. Shepard would go with Eve, Mordin, Wrex and Garrus, and Edi, Liara and James would join the vehicle behind.

Before Shepard let them board, she called them over, away from the other krogan. "There's something I need to tell you," she aimed at Wrex and Eve. She’d decided on the shuttle to be being completely honest with them. "Before we left Normandy, the Dalatrass tried to cut a secret deal with me.” She replayed the audio from the call.

" _Years ago, our operatives sabotaged the Shroud facility to ensure that what you're planning couldn't be done._ "

"We attempt to distribute the cure now, and its viability would be altered enough so that it fails. You and your people would have been none the wiser. She knew Mordin would detect it and she wanted me to convince him not to repair it," continued Shepard. It still angered her to think about it.

"You sure you can fix this?" Wrex directed at Mordin.

"Of course. Am familiar with STG work. Can adjust," Mordin said casually. "Did not come this far for nothing."

"You just spared our race another genocide, Commander," stated Eve, in thanks.

"I told you we can count on her," said Wrex, proudly, then he started moving for the vehicle.

The others followed, except for Garrus and Liara.

"So what's the cost of refusing, Shepard?" Garrus got down to the bottom-line.

"We lose the benefit of their best scientists for the Crucible, and the salarian fleets."

"Goddess! To withhold that with the Reapers here… it is unbelievable!" exclaimed Liara.

"The salarians are doing what they do best," Garrus spat out bitterly. "Burying their heads in the sand to what's here now and looking ahead, instead. The salarians like their wars won _before_ they start. All they can see is a krogan army coming at them if we succeed."

"They are more frightened of krogan vengeance than they are of the Reapers?" Liara said in confusion.

"Like the rest of us, they feel out of their league. They're scared. With the emergence of a genophage cure, their leaders have chosen to focus on the threat they understand and can fight," supposed Shepard.

"Well, I think you made the right choice, Shepard," backed Liara.

"Given what I know of Wrex and Eve, I think they deserve this chance," agreed Garrus.

Shepard felt the relief that came with their support. "Come on. The air strike team will be on their way. Let's get this done."

-x-

Shepard looked at the state of the damaged road, her team exiting the vehicles to join her. Getting over this was going to take more time than they had. "Turian wing, Artimec, this is Shepard. We've been delayed. Hold off your attack."

" _Negative, Commander. Our approach is locked. The Reaper already knows we're here_."

They flew over her head, and she saw the plan unravelling.

"An air strike alone won't do it. We have to get in that fight," advised Garrus.

They watched the turians as they started to engage with the Reaper. Garrus was right.

"Damn it!" She marched over to the krogan who was assessing the road. "I can't care if we have to _build_ a new road, we are going!"

A loud sound had them looking over at the fight. A turian fighter had been hit and was headed at high velocity in their direction.

" _I've lost control. I can't pull up_!" announced the turian pilot.

It crashed into the krogan convoy, and they were thrown aside in the resulting explosion. This was bad. Their krogan ground strike team were barely more than a couple of vehicles, the rest now reduced to twisted metal and flames. One of the wrecked vehicles had held three of her people just moments before. Only the two vehicles at the very front of the convoy were unscathed. Thankfully that included Eve and the others. The other belonged to Wrex's brood-brother, Wreav and his men.

Wrex yanked open his vehicle door, ready for a fight. "Shepard!"

They were sitting ducks like this. "Wrex! Get the female out of here, _now_! _Go_!"

He didn't need to be told twice. He slammed the door shut and the remaining vehicles screeched off and over the harsh planes of the broken road. She picked herself up off the ground and checked over her squad as she clicked her comm. "Artimec, do you copy?"

" _We have to abort, Commander! That Reaper's tearing us to pieces!_ "

"Understood. Save your pilots. We'll find another way."

"Commander, I have located a tunnel," informed Edi.

"Agh, you got to be kidding me!" complained James.

"Get to it!" Shepard ordered. "Wrex, do you read? Are you all in one piece?"

" _Yeah, just scratches. Nothing the salarian can't patch up_."

Shepard didn't like to think what 'scratches' meant to a krogan. "The turians had to call off the air strike. We're going to need a new plan for dealing with that Reaper." She switched on her light as she entered the tunnel behind the others, then moved forward so she was lead.

" _First, we have to find you. Where did you end up_?"

She quickly studied the surroundings. These weren't natural tunnels. These were constructed. "Underground. We see ruins of some kind."

" _Commander, that's the city of the Ancients. It's been abandoned for thousands of years_ ," supplied Eve.

" _Get through there and we'll pick you up_ ," said Wrex.

They all froze as a tremor rocked them, sending showers of dirt raining down. That set James off.

"Agh, that's just great. Just FYI, but I'm not up for being buried alive, Commander."

"Noted, Lieutenant. I'll do my best not to let that happen," she answered lightly. They carried on until her light landed on an image that had been painted on to a wall.

Liara went to take a closer look. "Fascinating. This painting suggests the krogan once had an artistic side."

"Fascinating!?" James looked at her incredulously.

"Liara's an archaeologist at heart," Garrus explained, conversationally.

"Uh, hello!? Is this really the time!?" moaned James.

"Relax, Lieutenant," Shepard said calmly.

" _Relax_? How can I _relax_?"

"I'm getting the impression that Vega's got a fear of dark, enclosed spaces," Garrus teased.

"Not until I started following the Commander down them. For the record, this is the last time, Lola."

Shepard choked out a laugh as she moved forward. "I'm crushed, James."

"Crushed? Is that supposed to be funny?"

She sighed. "Poor choice of words."

James grumbled under his breath as he followed close behind her.

Everything around them started to shake, and they fought to stay on their feet.

"Movement of that magnitude when we are this far below ground is unlikely to have been caused by any impacts above," stated Edi, helpfully.

Shepard considered the possibility of it being an earthquake. "Wrex, are you guys feeling these tremors?"

" _Not up here_."

Eve joined in. " _It could be something else, Commander. It is said that Kalros, the mother of all thresher maws lives in this region_."

Shepard's steps faltered as a chill ran through her. She really wished Eve hadn't imparted that piece of information.

" _Which is another reason to get your ass out of there, Shepard. Step on it_!"

Wrex's own brand of encouraging words barely registered for Shepard over the sound of her thumping heart.

"Did I hear that right?" Liara paled.

"Afraid so," Shepard said hoarsely.

"The fact that they named it can't be good," Garrus said uneasily.

"So now we've got creepy tunnels in which we can come face to face with mommy thresher any minute?" questioned James, on the verge of freaking out.

"These tunnels are thousands of years old, remember? And they're still here. She may pass by, but she doesn't go through them," Shepard reasoned, though more for her own peace of mind.

They turned a corner to find a dead Reaper-rachni that had been killed by a large dislodged stone.

"Agh, I knew it!" James whined, immediately turning circles to check for more.

"Come on." Shepard ran up a flight of steps to feel a flow of air on her face, and there was a light ahead. They'd made it out.

-x-

Wrex had picked them up and they stopped at a distance from the Reaper that was still firmly planted at the Shroud. Theirs was the only vehicle now, after Wreav had fallen victim to Kalros. Shepard had only caught a glimpse of its huge back before she'd jumped into Wrex's tomkah, but it was enough to know she didn't want to meet it.

"Holy hell!" exclaimed James as they looked at what they had to face.

"I know we've beaten the odds before, but getting to that tower… I don't know," Garrus looked at Shepard.

"We're curing the genophage no matter what it takes. The fate of my people depend on it," stated Wrex.

"What do we do, Shepard?" Liara asked.

Shepard had no answer for her. If they tried to distract it on foot they'd likely be disintegrated before Mordin and Eve got anywhere near the Shroud facility.

"Kalros," Eve said strongly. "We summon her to the Reaper."

Shepard focused on Eve. She'd have been happier not to have anything more to do with Kalros, but she liked the idea of using a monster against a monster. "The perfect distraction, but how do we summon her?"

"The tower is built in an arena devoted to Kalros' glory. The salarians thought she would scare away intruders. There are two maw-hammers there - the largest in existence. If you can activate them, Kalros will come."

"Like during Grunt's rite?" she looked at Wrex, who nodded back.

"It's a good plan," Wrex said, impressed.

"Meanwhile, laboratory nearby. Will finish synthesising cure," ended Mordin.

It seemed it was decided. Shepard squared off her shoulders with a deep intake of breath, then exhaled. She was going to have to get right under that thing, and she couldn't do it alone. As much as she wanted to keep her people safe, this was too important to fail. "We're going to have one hell of a story to tell," she said to her team, then she turned to Wrex, Eve and Mordin. "Okay, meet you at the tower." She turned to go.

"Wait!" called out Wrex. "I want you to know that no matter what happens, you've been a champion to the krogan people, a friend of clan Urdnot, and a _sister_ to _me_." In a surprising display of emotion, he hugged her in his awkward, rather painful, krogan way. "Now, let's show them what they're up against."

"See you on the other side."

-x-

Shepard peered over their cover. She could see the hammers - one on either side of the arena - and a Reaper stuck right in the middle. They'd be dancing around right under it. That meant that its laser would no longer be a threat, but getting stepped on was a big one.

"Shepard," Garrus stopped her from moving forward with a hand on her shoulder. "Let _us_ do this. As soon as those hammers come down, Kalros will be right on top of that thing. There's no need for you to be in the middle of that."

The Reaper was spilling out a lot of its mutants against them, which Liara, James and Edi were dealing with as they spoke. She placed a reassuring hand over his.

"Actually, it _has_ to be me. And _only_ me."

"It _'has_ to be you'? Now you sound like Mordin. I don't think so, Shepard!" Garrus started to protest.

"Garrus, I need you all to distract whatever it throws down."

"You go out there alone and they'll focus on _you_!"

"Not if they can't see me."

He hesitated as he realised what she had planned. "You can't keep up a cloak for that long."

"No, but I'll only be visible for seconds before I can initiate it again."

"Garrus, it is our best chance," Liara pressed gently as she ducked some gunfire.

"Hey, I don't like it either, man, but the Commander's right," commented James a little breathlessly.

"I concur," joined in Edi.

Garrus exhaled noisily as he relented. "Damn it, Shepard, you'd better get the hell out of there, fast."

"I don't think you need to worry about me retreating, Garrus. You know how much I hate maws."

"Exactly."

She realised he was worried about her freezing. It wasn't going to happen, she told herself. Without another word, she vanished and they swung out to draw its attention. Shepard hadn't gotten far when a blast in front of her staggered her back. The smoke cleared to reveal a brute, then two. Another blast a little further along produced another two brutes. This was getting even more serious. Those things were hard to bring down. She needed to get this done fast before her squad were in dire straits.

A small beep signalled her cloak was ending. Now wasn't the time. Nevertheless she materialised right in front of the brute, then ducked as it swung for her, and rolled aside, reactivating her cloak. Back on her feet she was running hard. The rush of air above her head was a warning, and she looked up in time to react to the Reaper leg looming down on her. She dived away, and it only just missed her; its size making it difficult to dodge. She started up the steps that led to the left hammer. Her cloak dissipated, but she concentrated on the hammer. Reaching out, Shepard slammed her fist onto the trigger, not staying to watch the hammer rise into the air high above her. She was already cloaking and dashing back down the steps by the time the hammer came down with breath-taking force. The sound wave resonated throughout the arena. One more to go.

Shepard checked her team. They were having to fight hard. She was distracted enough not to notice another rush of air. The Reaper brought its limb down right in front of her and she slammed into it. Her cloak fell away at the impact, and she landed on her backside, slightly dazed. Her helmet had saved her from a broken nose.

" _Shepard! Cloak_!" Garrus shouted frantically in her ear.

She activated it quickly, in time to confuse the brute that was about to charge. She stumbled back to her feet.

" _Shepard, get that second hammer going_!" Wrex ordered.

"There's a _Reaper_ in my way, Wrex!" Shepard yelled back over the comm, her irritation sparking.

" _I know - you get all the fun_ ," he chuckled.

Shepard gritted her teeth to stop herself from swearing at the krogan. She was racing up the right-hand steps and finally hit the second hammer.

"Garrus! It's done! Take the others and get back to the truck! I'll carry on to the tower and meet you there!"

" _Shep_ -"

"That's an _order_ , Garrus!"

" _Yes, Commander_."

The ground was trembling and the Reaper was moving away from the tower, towards the new threat.

"Mordin. Talk to me."

" _Am inside facility, Shepard_. _Starting cure synthesis now._ "

In a shocking movement, Kalros burst up from the ground and launched itself straight at the Reaper. The Reaper's laser went wide as it was knocked off-balance by the maw, and Shepard had to run to avoid being hit. An almighty gust of wind had her checking over her shoulder to see the maw's body being flung by the Reaper, towards her, and she slid herself across the ground so it passed over her head. She was getting some distance now. Shepard checked back to see the Reaper slam Kalros into the tower, and the maw released her hold, diving back into the sands. Shepard held her breath, hoping that wasn't it.

The Reaper faced Shepard down, powering up its laser….

Kalros re-emerged from the ground vertically then arched directly down on top of the Reaper, pushing it into the sands with her weight, then coiling her body round it to pull it beneath the surface.

It was the most astounding thing Shepard had ever witnessed. She never imagined Kalros could actually destroy the Reaper. It felt good. Organic winning against synthetic.

"Mordin, how's it coming?" she asked breathlessly.

" _Almost have cure. Eve's vital signs dropping. Trying to compensate_."

Another concern. They couldn't lose Eve. Shepard believed Wrex would need Eve to restrain their people from running amok throughout the galaxy.

She ran to the facility.

x

Shepard raced in to see the tower above them had been damaged in the fight, and was raining down flaming debris as small explosions rocked through it.

"Shepard. Cure ready. Loaded for dispersal in two minutes. Procedure traumatic for Eve, but not lethal," informed Mordin as his fingers ran over a terminal.

"Where is she?"

"Headed to safety now. Survival fortunate. Will stabilise new government. Good match with Wrex. Promising future for krogan."

A stronger explosion had them ducking more debris.

"Control room at top of tower. Must take elevator up."

Shepard's heart jumped. "You can't go up there!"

"Have to. Manual access required. Have to counteract STG sabotage. Ensure cure dispersed properly." He started for the elevator.

She followed him. "Mordin, it's coming apart! There has to be another way!" she beseeched him.

"Remote bypass impossible. STG countermeasures in place. No time to adjust cure for temperature variance. No. No other option. Not coming back. Suggest you get clear. Explosion likely to be problematic."

She caught his arm to stop him. "Mordin, no!" She didn't want to lose him.

Mordin gave her a kindly smile and placed his hand over hers. "Shepard, please. _Need_ to do this."

As much as she hated it, she understood what he meant. He had fought his guilt over the genophage for so long... "I'm sorry."

" _I'm_ not. Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong." He stepped into the elevator. "Thank you, Shepard."

Terra pushed her words past the lump in her throat. "Thank _you_ , Mordin."

The elevator rose up and Terra wiped away the tear that ran down her cheek. She had to leave.

She joined the others and they looked up at the beautiful light as the cure was dispersed above the Shroud. The large explosion that followed had Shepard turning away in sorrow. Liara placed her hand on her arm in comfort. All around them the life-giving cure floated gently down on them. Mordin's legacy.

Shepard didn't know how to feel at that moment, so she headed for the tomkah.

-x-

Wrex had offered her krogan support when she was ready to take the fight back to Earth, and Eve had given Shepard her real name: Bakara. Both offerings meant a lot to her.

Her father had accepted her judgement regarding the salarians, and Shepard was surer than ever that she'd made the right decision. If they made it that far, the salarians would eventually realise that too. The krogan people deserved this chance.

The Primarch finished his conversation with Garrus and approached Shepard as she stood looking at the holo projection of the Crucible, its shape now clearly defined. "Commander, Urdnot Wrex has begun sending troops to Palaven. You kept your end of the bargain, and now I will keep mine." Victus offered his hand, which she gratefully shook. "The turian Hierarchy will stand with humanity against the Reapers," he declared. "I also have several ships ready to help build the Crucible. Garrus will coordinate them."

"Yes, Sir," nodded Garrus.

"When it comes time to deploy it, the full measure of our fleet will be there for Earth. May the Spirits watch over us all." The Primarch left to prepare for their imminent rendezvous with his ship.

Shepard returned her gaze to the Crucible image, awash with emotions. So much had gone right - they were finally getting help, she was heading back to Kaidan - but Mordin's death…

Garrus came up alongside Shepard. "I'll start managing turian support right away, Shepard." He studied his friend, and saw the inner turmoil she was enduring despite her attempt to hide it. "You must be exhausted. Mordin dying… It can't be easy. You should get some sleep. We'll wake you if anything comes up."

She looked up at him, gave him a sad smile, then nodded, placing her hand on his arm as she walked by.

-x-

Shepard was running along a beach, but it was dusk. She could hear children crying all around her but they were nowhere to be seen. Then she saw Ashley on her knees, a bomb counting down in front of her, her arms held out like she was offering herself, her head tipped up to the heavens as tears ran down her face. Shepard could hear the sound of a Reaper booming out and Ash brought her head down to look back at her, her arms reaching forward now begging Shepard to get to her. Shepard couldn't move, her feet sunk into the wet sand. She screamed out Ashley's name as the bomb ticked to zero and a Reaper's laser destroyed her friend.

Terra gasped as she shot up in her seat. She'd avoided her bed because she didn't want to sleep - to dream - yet her tiredness had won over. She stood up shakily, and went to wash her face, catching sight of her reflection. Could she really do this? She had so much support, so many who believed in her, but it was too much to shoulder. Those she cared about were dying. She was failing them.

"Shepard, do you have a moment?" came Liara's voice. "… Is this a bad time?" she asked through the bathroom door.

"Thinking of some friends who aren't around, thanks to this war."

"Are you thinking about anyone in particular?"

"Ash back on Virmire. She died helping us defeat Sovereign. Seeing what we're up against now, she might think her sacrifice was in vain."

"She would never think that. Is that what _you_ think?"

"Look at it out there, Liara. The Reapers are here. What did we really gain that was worth her life?"

"Wrex uniting the clans. Mordin and the genophage cure. The list goes on, Shepard. You have not been idle. The allegiances you have made, the lives you have changed - it will all count."

She knew it was true. Terra pushed herself away from the mirror and exited the bathroom. "I know. …I just miss her. And Jenkins… Mordin…" She took a deep breath. "Okay, mini crisis over. You had something you wanted to discuss?"

Liara allowed Shepard to cover over her fears. "Could we sit?" They moved down to the sofa. "I have been thinking about the knowledge we gathered on the Reapers, and how easily it could be lost again. So, I put a plan in motion to preserve things for the future." Liara placed a small box on the table and activated it. A beautiful image of the galaxy appeared around them. "This is a record of the galaxy. Everything we know, everything about us, plans for the Crucible. But there is one entry I wanted your opinion on."

"Which one?"

Liara added an image of Shepard to the display. "Your own. I would be honoured to have your input. How would you like history to remember you?"

Shepard was momentarily lost for words. Should she even be placed there? "You know me well enough to fill in the blanks, Liara."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'd like it to be your call."

"All right. Let us begin with the fact that Earth's most famous officer was born and raised in space. The Commander was a deadly tactical fighter, who few saw coming in a fight. She was a soldier and a leader - one who made peace where she could. And it was a privilege to know her."

"It's kind of you to say."

"You are a good friend, Shepard."

"You've been there for me too, Liara." She placed her hand on Liara's, and Liara returned the gesture with her other hand.

"No, I haven't. I should have joined you earlier."

" _You're_ the reason I'm even _here_ now, Liara. I think that pretty much tops it."

"Well, I suppose I did just write your name in the stars," she smiled.

" _Commander, I've got the salarian councillor asking for an urgent conference._ " Joker's voice invaded the calm, quiet moment that Liara had created.

"Let's hope that means the Council are finally taking the Crucible seriously," said Liara, as she stood up.

Shepard, however, was more jaded when it came to the Council.

-x-

**Major,**

**My name is Jondum Bau. I'm ST &R.**

**While some still have concerns over Commander Shepard's past activities with Cerberus, many of us took her warnings about the Reapers seriously. I'm reaching out to you because I believe you worked closely with Shepard, and I have information that could tie agents with significant political power to the Reapers.**

**Please meet me at the Spectre office. I'd appreciate your discreet assistance.**

**Sincerely**

**Jondum Bau, STG. ST &R**

Finally, something Kaidan could get stuck into. Apparently there was a difference between being discharged and being declared physically fit enough to return to work. The Council weren't giving him any outside missions until Dr Michel had signed him off, and the Citadel was unsurprisingly short of anything requiring a Spectre. On the Alliance side, it was much the same. Despite the fact that the galaxy was being destroyed around them, red tape was holding him back in case he exacerbated his injury. It made no sense to him. If he was out in the field he'd have been patched up and sent out again without a thought.

He was unbelievably frustrated, and had worked a lot of it out in the gym, determined to get himself back into peak condition. Kaidan could feel the strain on his healing shoulder-blades, but it was only an ache, and his head felt clear. He was ready to go. After quickly showering and re-dressing, Kaidan typed back a reply to say he was on his way, and headed up to the Spectre office.

Inside the restricted access office, the salarian was waiting for him.

"Major Alenko, Jondum Bau. Thank you for meeting me. I've got intel that a high-level hanar official may be indoctrinated."

Kaidan had to adjust quickly to the salarian’s sudden launch into the issue. "Uh, what exactly have you got?"

"Evidence of an Alliance black ops team raiding a batarian research station. The batarians were studying Reaper technology."

"Whoa! What!?"

"The Alliance raid turned into a massacre, and the humans ended up with nothing. Your people faked a power failure to hide the incident."

That was uncomfortable to hear, but little surprised him these days. Kaidan's view of the Alliance wasn't quite as rose-tinted as it used to be. "Jesus. The batarians would have gone to war if they'd found out. But how does this implicate the hanar?"

"The hanar maintained discreet grey-market trade relationships with the batarians - and led the Alliance to the station. We suspect a hanar operative escaped with batarian tech. If Shepard's reports on the Reapers are accurate, they could already be indoctrinated."

"What's your source?"

"It was an anonymous 'gift', but I believe it came from a thief named Kasumi Goto, who I've been after for years."

Kaidan withheld his surprise at hearing that name, immediately remembering the grey-box. It was too much of a coincidence. It was supposed to have been wiped…. "What do you need me to do?"

"That hanar operative is now a diplomat on the Citadel, but there are several hanar diplomats here, and I don't have a name. If I make an informal inquiry he'll go to ground. I'm tracking suspicious transmissions to the hanar home-world, but I need someone to access the terminals at a local level while I do the trace from here."

"Got it."

"The first terminal I need accessed is outside the hanar embassy itself. Everything that's sent out goes through _that_ terminal first."

"On my way." Kaidan exited the Spectre office and headed across to the Embassies. Finding the terminal, he hacked in, his Spectre status overriding any pass-keys required. He started a search for anything that looked out of the ordinary. "Bau, I've got some possible hits. Got some strange money transfers on Bolohn, and Oloon is sending a lot of data."

" _Bolohn's clean. His money transfers are to support his asari mistress. Not sure about Oloon. I'll pull his bio._ "

Kaidan had been distracted. "An asari mistress?"

" _I think he was pressured into it to improve relations with Thessia_."

"His government approves of that?" Kaidan asked in surprise.

" _No, they'd fire him if it became public. They're a paradoxical culture_."

Kaidan didn't get the hanar. "Clearly. Anyway, I'll check Oloon's personal records and pull his recent messages."

" _That sort of thing all goes through a central terminal based at point of entry, down in the docks_."

"Give me ten to get down there."

" _Understood_."

Kaidan stepped into the elevator, and as soon as the doors closed, Kasumi materialised beside him. He'd wondered when she'd show up.

"So remember when you helped me get Keiji's grey-box...?"

"I think I've worked it out, Ms Goto. I thought we destroyed that information."

She shrugged innocently. "I got curious, and there were enough clues left for me to piece things together. Good thing, too. I decided it was big enough to leak to Bau. If you don't mind me tagging along cloaked, maybe I can help you dig up some dirt on the hanar."

"It couldn't hurt, but you sure you want to be close to this with Bau seeking to arrest you?"

"You know me: I like a challenge," she smiled.

"What made you give this to Bau and not the Alliance?"

"Now, don't start pouting, Major," she teased, "but only a Spectre would be able to get access to top-level diplomats, and at the time I discovered this hanar thing, you were still a plain old Major. Congratulations by the way. I'm not surprised they made you a Spectre. Getting through Donovan Hock's people took skill. Not many could have survived that. Anyway, Bau I respect. He's a good Spectre."

"Well, I suppose if Bau catches up with you, I could grant you immunity."

Kasumi peered at him cautiously. "What's the catch?"

"You gave us this intel. If this comes through, there's no telling how many lives you'd have saved. Anyone who's indoctrinated is bound to be up to no good."

"Hm. I might take you up on that."

They arrived at the docks holding area, and Kasumi was cloaked by the time the doors had opened. Kaidan went straight into the offices and began another search on a terminal. The staff looked but no one said anything to the Spectre.

Kaidan kept his voice low. "Bau, Oloon's doing some heavy lobbying for the hanar to support the war effort."

" _So, he's clearly not indoctrinated. Who's opposing him_?"

"An unnamed hanar recently posted here from Kahje. I'll check transit records for incoming hanar." Kaidan switched his search.

" _Good idea. There shouldn't be many. They're a mildly xenophobic species_."

Kaidan had to shake his head. That made the whole asari mistress thing even more bizarre. "I've got a list of new hanar arrivals, Bau. Forwarding it to you."

" _Damn. These are all face names. The hanar names from the Alliance raid are soul names. And hanar soul names are private. There's no public record. Can you get back to their personal communications_?"

"On it." He brought up his original searches. "Okay, I've got the correspondence. If there's any mention of soul names…"

" _I've got it. A recent arrival. Zymandis. Soul name: Regards the Works of the Enkindlers in Despair_."

"Catchy."

" _He was with the Alliance team that massacred the batarians. He's been on 'special research assignment' ever since. I'm sending you the NavPoint for his office. I'll meet you there_."

Kaidan made his way back to the elevator.

"There's _got_ to be a catch," said Kasumi as she re-appeared. "Look, I owe you for getting Keiji's grey-box from Hock, but I can't get involved in all this Reaper stuff. I'd be useless. It's not like I can infiltrate a Reaper and steal a big 'I win' bomb."

"There's no catch, Kasumi. And I haven't asked you to get involved. Sounds to me like you're trying to convince _yourself_."

Back at the Embassies, Kaidan made his way through the multitudes of offices to Zymandis'. Bau was waiting nearby, and they entered together. Zymandis was inside, with one human standing guard.

The hanar barely turned to acknowledge their arrival. "It seems this one has been apprehended, but confinement is irrelevant. The work of the Enkindlers cannot be stopped."

"Why are you trying to help the Reapers?" Kaidan demanded to know.

"This one follows the will of the Enkindlers."

"The protheans?" questioned Bau.

"No. They were false prophets. This one serves the true Enkindlers. Their voices speak in my mind."

"This hanar's crazy," whispered Kasumi, for Kaidan's ear only.

"Your scepticism does not matter. When the Enkindlers uplift us as their chosen sapients, the galaxy will bear witness."

Kaidan stepped forward. "You're insane, and we can't allow you to endanger innocents. We're taking you into custody."

"Your belief in your victory is mistaken. The hanars’ planetary defence network is largely automated. It can be disabled with a single virus… which I have just uploaded."

"Damn it!" Bau cursed. "Wait - a virus would be detected unless sent on low priority channels, which have a time lag. I may be able to block the upload," stated Bau, now typing furiously into his omnitool.

The guard took that moment to take down Bau with a neural shock, and he collapsed on the ground, temporarily unable to move his limbs. Then the guard was on him, hands around Bau's neck.

"You may be delayed," Zymandis said.

Kaidan shouted "Kasumi!" as he rushed to help Bau.

Kasumi re-appeared and raced to a terminal. "I'll handle it!"

Kaidan punched the guard hard and Bau regained his mobility, shooting Zymandis before he could get his tentacles around Kasumi's throat.

"Got it! Upload's disabled. Looks like we're in the…" she looked over at them, realised she was now visible to Bau, then glanced quickly back at the screen. "Wait! He's got some kind of failsafe! Get down!" She backed away, and as the terminal exploded, she hit the wall and slid down, her cloak conveniently reactivating.

Kaidan and Bau looked at each other. Neither of them had been convinced by Kasumi's little act.

"She was here the entire time!" Bau said intentionally. "I intended to arrest her."

"She just gave her life to save the hanar home-world," said Kaidan with feigned sadness.

"Yes. It was a shame to lose her. Her intelligence and skill were almost salarian. It was an honour to work with you, Major. When the time comes, I'll be there to return the favour… with a few friends."

They shook hands, Bau giving one last glance to where he imagined Kasumi would be standing, gave a small amused shake of the head and left.

"You can come out now," Kaidan called out as he crossed his arms.

"Ahh, how'd you know?" Kasumi said as she uncloaked.

He shrugged. "Lucky guess. You know you didn't have to go through all that pretence. Something tells me that Bau wouldn't have pursued an arrest after what you did here, but even if he had, I told you I'd get you out."

"And then I'd be beholden to you again. There's no way you're recruiting me to fight in a galactic war."

"You already said. And I never asked you to, remember? _You're_ the one who keeps bringing it up. Though I believe the Crucible Project needs technical experts," he suggested. He'd had the full rundown from Udina and Hackett.

"I'm not a scientist!"

"No, but you're the best thief in the galaxy, and you can hack unfamiliar technology better than anyone. They could use your help. And think of all that expensive tech just lying around…"

"Ahh, you say the nicest things. All right. I'm in. And Alenko… nice working with you again."

He waited until she'd left - or at least presumably left (you never knew with Kasumi) - and took a moment to consider what nearly happened.

How could they trust anyone when they were being betrayed from within? How many more were walking among them?

**-x-**


	55. Protection and the Insidious

" _Udina. It's time_ ," was all the Illusive Man said as a greeting. " _As soon as my agents strike, go with the other councillors to their evacuation point, and my agent will handle them from there. Congratulations, Udina. You're about to become the most powerful man in the galaxy_." Then the Illusive Man broke off the call before he could say anything.

Udina smiled to himself. It was about time. Things would definitely be changing. He stood up and left his office.

Valern uncloaked. He'd been right to voice his suspicions of Udina to Shepard, but he'd never imagined this... He didn't know exactly who Udina had been speaking with but it was clear they were no friend to the Council. He had to inform the C-Sec Executor, quickly, and the further he was away from Udina, the better off he'd be.

x

"Alright, Major. I will sign you off," laughed Dr Michel. "This is only for the preservation of your sanity, _not_ because you're fighting fit, you realise."

"Understood. I'll be careful," grinned Kaidan. Finally, he'd be allowed to do his job.

"That doesn't seem likely, given your line of work, but I'll overlook it - this once."

"Appreciate it, doc."

Michel typed into her omnitool, then sent it across to his. "Here. Just pass that on to your superiors and you'll be free to get back to the front-line. Just take care, Major."

"I will, doc. And thanks."

"It's been a pleasure, Major."

She left him and Kaidan looked out of the window, feeling great. The news was full of little else but the recent exploits of Commander Shepard, who had just cured the genophage. He almost laughed out loud. She had managed, in the space of hours, what the politicians had failed to do in all the years they'd been talking it out - she'd gotten an alliance between the turians and the krogan. It should have been impossible, but the images sent back proved it. Krogan feet on Palaven, working alongside the turians. Terra still never ceased to stun him. He missed her like crazy.

Kaidan was pulled out of his thoughts by what sounded uncomfortably like distant gunfire. Kaidan was about to call Bailey when a call came through. He answered it without checking the caller.

"KAIDAN! HELP-!" Rahna screamed out, then she was cut off.

As much as he hated Rahna right now, he couldn't ignore that plea - from anyone - and he ran for her office.

x

Terra let the datapad drop from her hand back onto the desk. God forgive her, but she was distracted with what was to come: her port in the storm - Kaidan. Her insides squirmed in anticipation at the thought of him. She brought up his last message to her.

**Terra,**

**Wow! If you can sort out the geth and quarian problem too, I'll kneel at your feet to praise your divineness!**

**I'm hoping you'll be back this way soon. Until then, I'm off to whinge at Dr Michel until she gives me the all-clear! I want to be ready to fight by your side when you arrive.**

**I love you.**

Now only an hour out, she sent him notice of their imminent arrival. It felt like a long time coming.

She turned to her opening door to see Garrus strolling in. "Everything okay?"

"As they can be, sure. Just wanted to see how you're doing." He leaned back against her desk.

"I'll be fine, Garrus. It's always hard to lose someone, but I have to look at what he's left behind."

"Yeah," he shook his head in wonder. "Curing the genophage.... So, how does it feel knowing krogan will be writing songs about you till the end of time?"

"Huh! Isn't that similar to what Wrex said when I gave the rachni queen a second chance on Noveria? Though he used a lot more sarcasm."

"Uh huh," he grinned. "Is that irony? I never know. Anyway, I think it must be an honour."

"Yeah," she smiled. "There's enough misery in this universe. It's nice to see something go right for a change."

"I don't imagine many people would have turned away the salarians deal."

"It was insulting, Garrus. It's time the salarian leaders face what they did was wrong. You saw that base on Sur'Kesh. They haven't learned a damned thing. Did Liara tell you about the last Shadow Broker?"

"Yeah. Glad we didn't have to get involved in _that_ one!"

"But the salarians had a yahg 'specimen'." It was her turn to shake her head, but this was in despair. "For all their cleverness, why can't they see that the krogan have evolved on their own, beyond what the salarians made them into?"

"They just don't have an open-minded leader who's willing to challenge the sceptics," answered Garrus with a pointed look.

Shepard rolled her eyes at him. Her terminal bleeped and Terra frowned as her message to Kaidan was returned undelivered. "That's odd. Edi, can you tell why this message came back?"

" _It appears that all communication traffic within the Citadel has ceased_."

Garrus stood up at that surprising piece of information. "That's never happened before."

"Joker, let me know the minute we're on approach to the Citadel."

" _Aye, aye, Commander_."

"Garrus, get the ground team on standby. Something's not right here."

He sighed. There was always 'something'.

x

Kaidan couldn't believe what was happening. _Now_!? The Reapers were threatening all life in the galaxy and Cerberus had decided to choose _now_ to take over the Citadel? It made no sense. He stepped over the Cerberus agents he'd just had to kill, liberating an assault rifle, a pistol and some heat sinks from one of the bodies. He'd never been so grateful to be a biotic as when he'd encountered the attackers. He did, however, need to stop by at the Spectre office to armour up or he wouldn't last long if he was caught without his barrier up. Cerberus would have to work a lot harder to take him down this time.

He moved quietly towards Rahna's door, the voices within getting loud enough to hear as he approached.

"-ave any idea how _irritating_ you are? The countless days and nights I've had to sit and listen to your _snivelling_. It's pathetic! Fawning over a man who isn't interested in you!"

Kaidan armed his pistol.

"But you said-" started a crying Rahna.

"I know! That's how _desperate_ you are! You actually believed it because _I_ said so! You're like a puppet! Well, now I'm bored, and I'm cutting the strings."

Kaidan burst into the room to see Sabine standing over Rahna, who was on her knees with Sabine's gun at her head. He didn't hesitate, putting two rounds in Sabine's head that would have made Terra proud. Rahna screamed out as Sabine crumpled in front of her. He looked Rahna over. She was a gibbering mess - her hair in disarray, makeup running down her tear-stained face, her eyes shut tight, and her whole body shaking. Kaidan swore to himself. He couldn't just leave her here. There were bound to be more of Cerberus roaming about; she'd be easy prey. "Rahna."

Her eyes sprang open, wide with shock, and saw him still standing in the doorway. "Kaidan! Oh my God, Kaidan! You came!" She flung herself at him, clinging to him desperately. "Sabine was going to kill me! I don't understand what's going on!" she cried out, hysterically.

Kaidan did. Sabine was Cerberus. He now began to understand where Rahna's strong views against Shepard had come from. There was no end to those bastards reach. "Cerberus are attacking. Come on. I need to get you somewhere safe. The Spectre office is probably one of the most secure places." He pushed her off him and went to turn, but Rahna clung to his arm. Kaidan had to dig deep to fight his irritation, and even deeper to pull out his understanding tone. "I know you're scared, but you're going to have to let go of me. I can't fight with you on my arm."

Rahna reluctantly relinquished her hold on his arm. "I- I'm sorry." She stroked her hand down his arm, several times, and Kaidan began to wonder about her state of mind. "I know you'll protect me. Just like you did with Vyrnnus, right?"

He held back the frown. "Let's go," was all he could say. This time, he could honestly say it wasn't because he wanted to protect Rahna; it was about performing his duty.

A few corridors later, three Cerberus men rounded the corner in their direction. Kaidan pushed Rahna into a side room as the Cerberus soldiers reacted to their presence and took aim. Kaidan raised his barrier at the same time as Thane dropped from the ceiling just behind them and proceeded to perform a flurry of moves that ended with all three dead on the ground.

After seeing that, it was clear to Kaidan just why Krios was considered the best assassin in the galaxy. He would normally be wary of approaching someone like that, but Terra trusted this man. Kaidan moved forward as Thane did, and they met halfway. "Thanks. I owe you one. Actually, I think that's two."

"The first was my pleasure. This one, was a necessity. Cerberus cannot be allowed to take control of the Citadel."

"Agreed. I-"

"Kaidan?" came Rahna's shaky voice.

He turned to see her clinging to the door frame as she peered out from where he'd left her, and he sighed, motioning her to stay where she was. He wanted her out of his face for a little longer at least. He noticed Thane's over-long look at her.

"That's Rahna," Kaidan said quietly. "Seems her doctor friend was also Cerberus."

"Ah. Things become clearer."

"Don't they just. I've got to get to the Council. This is nothing short of a take-over, and that spells a bad end for the Councillors."

"Indeed. But the Citadel must also be re-taken. C-Sec would have been the first target. The downed comm channels will prevent them from an effective defence. I'm going to see what I can do, as well as look for my son there."

"Understood. Look after yourself, Thane."

"And you, Kaidan."

Kaidan turned to wave Rahna over and when he turned back to where Krios had been, there was no sign of the drell.

-x-

Thane skirted most of the forces he saw, only emerging when he could help an innocent. He was focused on getting to his son. He felt the tightness in his chest as his body reminded him he was still recovering. He didn't listen. Kolyat would not be harmed while he lived and breathed.

He moved silently - an old, familiar, yet unmissed coldness descending upon him.

-x-

"You're going to leave me!?" exclaimed Rahna, from inside the Spectre office.

Kaidan finished clipping the last piece of his armour, and began attaching his weapons. "Rahna, I'm a Spectre now. I have a duty to the Council. Hiding is not an option for me. But you'll be safe here." He went to move off, but she attached herself to his arm again.

"Please take me with you. _Please_ don't leave me, Kaidan!" Tears began to stream down her face, her body shaking again.

Kaidan mentally cursed. He couldn't leave her like this - she was a wreck. He gritted his teeth and pulled his arm out of her grasp. "I won't leave you, but you have to do what I tell you."

"Okay," she nodded sincerely. "Thank you, Kaidan."

Kaidan hoped he wouldn't regret it.

-x-

" _Alliance Control, this is SSV Normandy, are we clear to descend_?"

The message reached Thane's ears from his position above what was clearly the main communication console. He could get a message out here, but two men guarded it. This would have to quiet; there were more just outside.

As he had in the hospital, Thane dropped down behind them, disarmed them in one swift move, snapped the neck of one and kicked the other hard enough to knock him off his feet, finishing by snapping _his_ neck, too. He jammed the door control, but knew it wouldn't last long. "Normandy, can you hear me? This is Thane Krios."

" _Hey, yeah, this is Joker_!"

"Your arrival is timely. You likely already know the Citadel is in trouble."

" _Uh huh_."

"It's important I speak to Shepard. We need her help." He looked up as someone tried to access the room. It was as he thought - the sound of their voices must have filtered out to the ears of those outside.

" _Yeah, no kidding."_

" _Thane, I'm here_ ," came Shepard's welcome voice.

"Siha, the Citadel is under attack. Cerberus troops are everywhere. They're in control of the docks."

" _Are you safe_?"

"No. Their men are right outside. I saw Kaidan earlier. He said he had to protect the Council. I'm at C-Sec Headquarters, but they've been compromised. I need to find Kolyat, and as long as Cerberus holds the Headquarters, they have the station."

" _Alright, we're on our way there. Be careful_."

He couldn't answer. The door was opening, and he leapt back up to disappear once again.

-x-

Kaidan headed straight for the Citadel Tower. It took time. He had to pick his battles. It was more important to get to the Council than it was to engage every enemy he saw. But dodging Cerberus took more time than he was comfortable with, particularly as he had to ensure Rahna was out of sight before he could dispatch anyone. The high security of the Tower would work in his favour, though. Cerberus wouldn't be able to crack each entry point easily, but Kaidan's Spectre status would grant him instant access.

Eventually, he was stepping out of the elevator into the Council Chambers, Rahna stuck close behind him. He counted a group of eighteen Cerberus commandoes, moving forward ahead of them, making their way to the Council's private rooms. He motioned for Rahna to stay where she was and went on ahead. He got into position and before the commandoes could split to enter the separate rooms, he sent out a biotic throw that had six of them slammed into the far wall. Only two of those got back up. The fight was on.

x

"Shepard!" Bailey shouted out in a mixture of pain and relief at seeing her. He was slumped against the outer door that led to C-Sec. Liara bent to tend to the wound in his side. "I saw those Cerberus troops on ya. I thought you were done for."

Shepard raised one brow, feigning affront. "There's no way I'm going down at the hands of Cerberus, Bailey."

"Huh, well that's music to my ears, right now. We were trying to re-take Headquarters. Cerberus took it in the first push. We gotta kick them outta there. Everyone's flying blind without the network."

"How bad is the situation?" asked Garrus.

Bailey heaved himself back on his feet with a pained grimace. "Don't know. Maybe I can find out more if I can access a terminal inside."

"Thane managed to get a quick message out. He's here somewhere. He also said Alenko was going for the Councillors," Shepard informed him.

"That's good to hear. Let's hope he's found them." Bailey entered his code to open the door, and they readied themselves.

x

Kolyat was stuck behind a pillar and he knew they were flanking him. There was nowhere for him to go. One of his attackers got cocky and swung round to face him head-on. Kolyat struck out hard and fast, knocking aside the weapon as it fired, and sweeping the legs out from under the surprised commando. When his enemy landed he was ready to shoot. Another one down. He mentally thanked his father for teaching him that. Then he heard someone behind him and turned to see a gun in his face. He closed his eyes, waited for the shot, but all he heard was a grunt. He opened his eyes to see his father standing in front of him.

"Kolyat. Are you hurt?"

"No! What are you doing here!?"

"I am here for _you_ , and to help stop this. Come, we should not linger. There are more Cerberus coming this way."

His father started walking away, and Kolyat could only follow.

x

That fight had been exhausting. Kaidan could feel the ache starting in his head from the extensive use of his biotics, combined with the intense concentration he'd needed to survive against that many of the enemy. Now, he had three of the four councillors in hand.

"Major Alenko. It's a relief to see you," Udina greeted. He looked briefly at Rahna but made no comment. "I had wanted to get to the evacuation zone but the other councillors here wanted to delay. Then Cerberus turned up."

"Just what do Cerberus hope to achieve by this?" complained Sparatus, ignoring Udina's rather snide statement.

"It makes little sense with the Reapers at our doors," Tevos concurred, worry lining her face.

"We can ponder why later, Councillors," Kaidan interposed. "Right now, we have to get you out of here. Cerberus can't succeed. Where is Councillor Valern?"

"He left shortly before the attack. Unfortunately, he did not say where he was going," informed Tevos.

It worried Kaidan that he couldn't locate the salarian councillor but he couldn't risk the others by backtracking. "Then we'll have to go without him. Once you're safe, I'll come back and look for him."

"If he can stay alive for that long," muttered Udina.

"The Major has little choice. Valern could be anywhere," Sparatus added.

Kaidan had checked the emergency procedures regarding the Council, back in the Spectre office. There were passages privy only to the Council, Spectres and high-level C-Sec officers. They would take them to an elevator which was the only access to the Council's emergency shuttle. Once on board there were special tunnels they could use to bypass the external shuttle paths, and thereby avoid detection. Then they could leave the Citadel on a small vessel, specially designed with stealth capabilities. "Councillors, we should go."

x

Shepard led the way in but Cerberus had obviously thought this area secure enough to leave unattended. Bailey made his way quickly, but awkwardly, to a desk and began typing. "Here we go. C-Sec network access. Courtesy of Cerberus. They have control of the main channels, but I can set up a new one. Without it our people have no plan and no chance. There. This is Commander Bailey, does anyone copy?"

" _Copy that, Bailey_. _This is Major Alenko._ "

Shepard nearly jumped forward. "Alenko, this is Shepard. What's your status?"

" _Shepard! Good to hear your voice! I'm about to leave the Council Chambers with three of the councillors, but I'm missing Councillor Valern. I was hoping someone at C-Sec might be able to locate him_."

"I'll check his latest itinerary update." Bailey typed again. "Uh oh."

"What have you got?"

"A warning from Councillor Valern. He's supposed to be _here_ , meeting with the Executor. Usually that means someone big is about to be prosecuted. 'Be on guard, the likelihood of betrayal from within, is high'. I guess that 'someone' had Cerberus friends. But if the Councillor's inside…."

"Then we'll look for him, Major," Shepard stated into her comm.

" _Understood. There's a secured area where the Council has an escape shutt-_." …

"We lost the signal," Shepard frowned.

Bailey matched her face with a frown of his own, while he checked his screen. "Strange. The channel's fine. Must be interference on a local level."

"The Councillor mentioned Udina to you earlier, Shepard, but that's insane," argued Garrus.

"Maybe not. He's with Kaidan now, and he knows we're closing on Valern. That disruption could be intentional."

Garrus thought it through. "And now we can't warn Kaidan."

She nodded. "We need to find Valern to know for sure, and if he's even still alive, he's currently surrounded by Cerberus."

"Hopefully he's _in_ the Executor’s office," considered Garrus. "It's a fairly defensible position. High-tech entry systems, kinetic barriers to reinforce the glass on the lower levels, top levels require you to go through all of C-Sec."

"Makes sense for him to wait it out there," agreed Bailey.

"Wherever he is, we need to hurry," Shepard said. She tried her comm. "Thane, do you read?"

" _I do. I have Kolyat with me. We're not far from you_."

"We're looking for Councillor Valern. We believe he's somewhere in C-Sec, maybe the Executor's office. You didn't happen to see him on your travels?"

" _No, but I'll try to get to the councillor from here. Kolyat will continue back to Bailey's position_."

"Thane are you sure you're up to that?"

" _Breathing is difficult, but I intend to remain unseen. I'll be fine, Siha_."

"Okay. We'll look out for you."

Bailey shook his head. "Still can't believe this is happening. Nobody expected anything on this scale." He sat straighter in his seat. "I'll start gathering my men. Get you and Alenko back-up."

"Appreciate it. But you'll need help. You're not in a fit state if more of Cerberus show up. Edi, stay with Bailey. Keep this channel open."

"Yes, Commander."

"Stay safe," finished Shepard, and they started to move further into the Headquarters.

x

Kaidan gave up trying to get back in touch with Terra. Knowing she was here was enough to renew him. Udina had walked a short distance away while he had been talking, appearing to do something on his omnitool. Kaidan assumed he was making the most of the returned communication channel, maybe checking in with a loved one, and was now strolling back to re-join them.

"Shepard's here!" Rahna grabbed his arm again. "Cerberus are attacking, and _Shepard's_ here!" Her voice was getting louder as she looked at him with a wild desperation. "You see!? She _is_ Cerberus! This _proves_ it!"

Kaidan yanked his arm away in order to grab hers, pulling her aside in anger, his voice hushed. "Not now, Rahna! What the hell is wrong with you!? Don't you get it yet? Whatever crap your supposed friend filled your head with is completely fabricated for Cerberus' own sick reasons!"

"But-"

"No!" he kept his voice low, but it was no less commanding. "No more, Rahna!" He released her and turned back to the councillors, ignoring Udina's look of interest in their direction. "My apologies, Councillors." Then he checked his tool to locate the correct exit.

-x-

Shepard looked at the bodies inside the Executor's office. "Bailey, it looks like they got the Executor and two salarian bodyguards."

" _Damn. Okay, well if you don't see the Councillor's body, don't count him out yet_."

Garrus nudged her arm and she turned to him, seeing his gaze fixed through the window at the room below. A chair rolled out of place, seemingly of its own accord. Then Valern materialised. With relief, Shepard contacted Bailey as she nodded at her team to start heading down.

"Found him. He looks unharmed."

" _Then let's keep him that way. Get him somewhere safe_."

She gave one last look through the window, then did a double-take as someone dropped down in front of Valern. There was no time to waste. She shot out the window and leapt though it, ignoring the pain in her joints as she landed heavily on the level below. The assailant moved fast, jumping over Valern in order to place the councillor between them. This man had to have been enhanced to enable him to make a move like that.

No longer surprised, Shepard raised her gun up as the man raised his own hand to reveal some kind of palm device that crackled with energy. "Don't even think about it." Her eyes were drawn to the hilt of a sword he had attached to his back. It was an unusual sight in the age of advanced weaponry.

She tried to move slowly around Valern, but the Cerberus assailant moved with her.

"Shepard," he said, his voice almost intimate. He gave her a slow, satisfied smile that gave her a chill. "This is a pleasant surprise. Kai Leng. I've been waiting to meet you."

Shepard didn't know what he meant by that, nor cared to.

"Shepard!" Valern forcefully whispered, keeping watch on Leng. "He's going to kill us all!"

"Not while I breathe."

"I meant _Udina_. He's staging a coup. He's got the other councillors now - to hand over to Cerberus!"

Leng hadn't taken his eyes off her. Even despite the visor that covered his eyes, she felt the intensity of his gaze.

" _Shepard, it's taking an age to get through the security_ ," came Garrus' frustrated voice.

" _I'm closing in, but I have to deal with a group of commandoes first_ ," came Thane.

Despite the delay of back-up she said, "It's over, Leng."

His smile widened, slyly. "No. Now it's fun!"

In the blink of an eye, Leng suddenly flared up with biotic energy, unsheathed his sword, and dashed forward with unbelievable speed. Shepard's reaction was only quick enough to get the councillor half-way out of Leng's path. Valern was brutally knocked aside instead of being skewered by the blade, and Leng rammed into Shepard, throwing her off her feet. She landed painfully on her back, her breath leaving her body, then Leng was on top of her, bending her arm so she was forced onto her front. He jammed her arms up behind her back, his legs pinning hers down. Shepard fought against him but his weight and leverage won over hers. She couldn't move, but managed to turn her head to check the councillor. Unconscious, but alive.

The doors began unlocking - her team had got through. Then Leng quickly let go of one of her hands, withdrew a knife and flung it into the door control panel, disabling it in a shower of sparks.

Shepard took advantage of her free arm, twisting as much as she could to swing a fist back. She connected with Leng's jaw, drawing blood as his lip split against his teeth, but he recovered fast, catching her arm, and yanking it back in place with an amused sound. He leaned over her, placing his lips near her ear.

"I like that fight in you, Shepard. Fast, too. I've been hoping to get better acquainted." He audibly drew in her scent, digging his nose into her hair. Then he made an almost purring sound of approval in his throat.

Shepard didn't like it and she shoved her head up hard into his nose. He grunted from the impact, his nose broken, but didn't release his hold. The chuckle that followed, chilled her even more.

...

Garrus was fuming as he stared through the viewing window, into the room beyond. He'd left Liara to try to get through the door, passing into a side room to see what was happening. Vega had followed him in and went to raise his shotgun to fire at the glass. Garrus put his hand up to stop him.

"Kinetic barrier, remember? You'll just be wasting heat sinks. Liara!"

"This panel is too damaged! The only way it is opening is with force!" she called back.

Garrus went to the doors, trying to get them open, and Liara joined Vega. James looked how Liara felt at seeing the Cerberus agent's apparent enjoyment as he held down Shepard.

James slammed his hands up against the glass. "Get your hands off her, you sick creep!"

The Cerberus agent merely grinned back at them, placed his whole torso against her back as he forced her head to the side and ran his tongue up her cheek. James swore, Liara gasped in outrage, and they rushed to help Garrus.

...

Shepard cringed at the contact. That old feeling of helplessness at the hands of Antella, returned. It made her seethe, and she decided she'd rather break her arms than have him touch her again. She bit through the pain as she struggled, then he was withdrawing something from his pocket. A syringe.

"The Illusive Man wants you back where you belong. You're coming with me."

It was millimetres from her neck, and she yelled out in frustration. Then his weight was abruptly lifted off her, her arms released, and she leapt to her feet in time to see Thane locked in combat with Leng. Their fight was fast hand to hand combat, and she couldn't risk taking a shot.

Garrus was now halfway through the partly-opened doors as James held them apart. Valern was coming round and Shepard hoisted him to his feet, motioning him behind her squad as they joined her.

Thane kicked Leng away, then followed it with a biotic throw that had Leng flying backwards, then sliding on his back along the floor. Shepard took aim, but Leng vanished from view. They all spun, waiting for him to re-appear. When he did, it was behind Thane, his sword drawn. He thrust it through Thane's chest and fled.

Shepard cried out and ran to Thane as he toppled to the floor, leaving the others to fire on Leng as they chased after him. She yanked out Thane's medigel from his pocket and slathered it on. He fought to sit up and she braced him so he was within her arms, his back to her chest. She was taken back to Omega and Toombs dying in her arms. She couldn't go through that again.

The gunshots ended, and she looked up to see her people coming back.

"He had a cab waiting for him," explained Garrus.

"Siha," said Thane, breathlessly. "I have time…. Catch him."

She hesitated.

" _Shepard. What's going on up there_?" came Bailey.

"Thane needs medical help, fast."

" _I'll get it sorted, Shepard. Kolyat is coming to you, too."_

"I need to go take care of an assassin." Her anger towards Leng was consuming.

" _He must be going after the rest of the Council_."

"Get the word out. Udina's working with Cerberus, trying to seize power.”

“ _Damn…!”_

“Any luck getting back in touch with Alenko?"

" _No_."

"Then I've got to get to the councillors."

" _They'll be taken to a shuttle pad on the Presidium. I'll send the location to you. I've unlocked a C-Sec cab nearby. Start driving. I'll keep trying to raise them on the comm_ , _and I'll also send out some officers to keep the Councillor secure_."

Shepard was loathe to move from Thane, and Liara saw it.

"Shepard, I will stay with him. The Councillor will need protecting until C-Sec gets here."

Shepard looked gratefully at her friend. "Thank you." She let Liara take her place, and gripped Thane's hand.

"I have time," he insisted again. "Go, Siha."

She reluctantly let his hand go and they started for a cab.

x

"Shepard's on the Citadel," notified Leng, using a specially designed channel.

" _That's unfortunate_ ," answered the Illusive Man. " _It's unlikely you'll be able to avoid a confrontation, so do what you must to ensure your success, Leng_."

"Yes, Sir."

Leng was disappointed. He didn't like it when things didn't go his way. He was still enjoying the taste of her on his tongue. He wanted more. Still, if he had to kill her, so be it. He always got the job done. He'd been denied killing the salarian councillor, but he refused to be denied the other two. And Alenko. Udina had contacted him with that update. It didn't concern him. The man was a Spectre, and Shepard's lover. He'd take deep pleasure in cementing his superiority over Alenko as he stuck his blade through the man's chest.

"Sierra team have spotted Shepard on route to our destination," advised the female, driving beside him. She was phantom-class, designed to be capable of many of his own moves, including the use of a long blade.

"Intercept." He would put Shepard out of the game, now.

The phantom manoeuvred so she was hovering low enough to land on a high platform overlooking the shuttle flight path. If they even looked up, it would seem like the cab were stationary.

Shepard's vehicle appeared on the flight path a way behind them, approaching fast. As soon as Shepard went past them, they caught up and lowered over her cab. Leng swung open the door and jumped out onto the hood of Shepard's cab. He liked the defiant and aggressive look she sent him through the windscreen.

He leapt up and over to the back of the car, and as expected, she appeared, holding on by one hand with no hesitation, in order to fire on him. He raised his hand to activate his kinetic barrier, deflecting her shots, then sank his blade into the engine. The cab immediately began to chime out a warning as it lost its ability to remain level. He gave her one last admiring look before leaping back into his own cab, which arrived alongside, and watched with interest as the cab careened down uncontrollably until it hit down on a level below, hard. She had probably survived it without too much injury.

Then he focused on his task. The Council's emergency shuttles had already been taken care off. With no way to leave, Leng would have them cornered. The devastation on the shuttle bay meant they wouldn't be able to land there, but he wasn't worried. There were other elevators that he could use. The agents in control of the command centre had notified him the Council were now about to enter the elevator, but they were a long way below his position. They'd also overridden the lift controls to enable his elevator to access the top level. The hunt was on.

-x-

Shepard's ribs were aching as she stood on top of the other elevator. Despite being waylaid by what felt like a small army of Cerberus, they'd only just missed Leng. She'd reactivated the lift so it was operating off-grid.

"Bailey! Cerberus are heading up for the Council!"

" _Well, they're trying. Edi managed to interrupt Command's control. She can't take_ **full** _control from here, but she's making it stop on each level_."

"Nice."

Then they could see Leng's elevator.

"Aim for the power conduits!" shouted Garrus. He blew one, and she took out the other, and they almost cheered as Leng's transportation came to a sudden halt, vanishing below them as they continued to speed upwards.

" _Shepard, that hit-man jumped to another elevator and we've been locked out of the controls. We can't stop them_."

"We'll handle it."

They took the other elevator out as they had before, though she knew Leng wouldn't give up. Then another elevator came into view just below them.

" _Shepard. The elevator approaching yours has the Council inside_."

"Got it. Jump!" she called out.

x

Once the door had closed they had all taken the chance to catch their breath. It had been a long trek to the elevator. The ride up was long, too, but Kaidan knew they had to be nearing the top by now. The thuds of bodies hitting the roof had them all jerking.

"What's that noise?" Tevos asked, nervously.

"Gunman!" Kaidan aimed his pistol up. He couldn't let anyone through that hatch. He fired several shots, and heard one grunt of pain. He heard nothing else but he wasn't stupid enough to assume he'd taken them out. The door signalled its arrival and he ushered them out quickly, gun trained on the ceiling until they were all out. They ran along the corridor and through the doors which led to the shuttle cabs.

His heart plummeted as he saw the burning vehicles. "Cerberus took out the shuttles. Everyone back to the elevator. Move!" He knew they were cornered if they didn't get off this terrace, and he went to lead them out only to see the door opening before he got there. He readied himself for an attack, then faltered as he saw Terra, Garrus and Vega coming through, and Terra disabling the door control.

"Shepard!" Kaidan quickly lowered his gun. "That was you!?" His eyes caught sight of her bleeding shoulder. "Christ, I hit you!"

"It's okay," she assured him.

"Didn't you just see what she did, Major?" Udina called out. "Shepard's blocking our escape. She _is_ with Cerberus!"

Kaidan knew that wasn't the case, and he noticed their guns trained on Udina. "What the hell is going on?"

"Udina's the one with Cerberus; the salarian councillor confirmed it," replied Terra.

Kaidan immediately swung round and aimed at Udina.

Udina protested. "That's a preposterous allegation! Where's your proof? You can't believe this nonsense, Major! Shepard's a known Cerberus agent!"

"No, she's not. If the Commander says it's you, then it's the truth."

Rahna stepped forward, open-mouthed in shock. "Kaidan! What are you doing!? You can't believe her! This is our Councillor!"

"She's telling the truth, Rahna. She always has."

"We've mistrusted Shepard before, and it did not help us," concurred Tevos.

"We don't have time to debate this," deflected Udina. "We're dead if we stay out here. I'm overriding the lock."

"There are Cerberus soldiers in the elevator shaft behind us. If you open that door, they'll kill you all," stated Shepard.

"Udina step away from the console," Kaidan demanded.

"To hell with this!" Udina ignored him, as he started typing into a terminal.

The door began unlocking. It was Tevos who tried to stop Udina, but he shoved her away, and then drew a weapon on her as she lay at his feet.

"Put it down! Now!" Kaidan ordered.

Udina didn't and Kaidan pulled the trigger, dropping the councillor.

"Get the Council back, and we'll cover the door," Shepard said to Kaidan, and he nodded, herding the last two Councillors away.

"Oh my God, Kaidan! Look what she made you do!" whispered Rahna. "You've murdered the councillor!"

"Stop it, Rahna." He glanced at her, seeing her arms crossed in front of her, her fingers digging into the flesh of her arms.

"She's poisoned you! Just like I told her she would!"

Kaidan was appalled, both by what she'd said and the state of her. She'd always been a fragile person, but he never thought she could be twisted so much from the person she used to be. She was smart. Smart enough to work this out, but she wasn't functioning like that. His attention was drawn back to the sound of someone cutting their way through from the other side of the doors, and he tensed, ready.

They opened to reveal Bailey and his officers.

"Bailey!"

"Made it as fast as we could, Shepard. Looks like things have been taken care of."

"Something's not right," intervened Tevos. "You said Cerberus was targeting us. Where did their soldiers go?"

"It was just a lie! _She's_ Cerberus!" railed Rahna.

Bailey gave her a strange look. "Cerberus was right here, but they beat feet into the Keeper tunnels when they figured out we were coming." He addressed Shepard. "I would have told you but we couldn't get hold of you. Figured whatever Udina had done to stop communication with Major Alenko, was probably affecting you, too."

Sparatus bent down to check Udina's tool. "Spirits. He's been running a jamming program." He disabled it, and they could hear the channel fizzle back to life again in their ears.

Bailey looked at Rahna. "I'll say it plain. Shepard just saved the lot of yer."

Rahna's eyes were wild as she looked around at them all, finally resting on Shepard. Then she turned away and walked over to the railing.

Sparatus did an admirable job of ignoring the doctor and stepped up to Shepard. "Then you've saved my life twice now, Shepard. I owe you both a personal debt, and one on behalf of Palaven."

"You owe me nothing, Councillor. It's what you entrusted me to do."

"Indeed," approved Sparatus.

"Nevertheless, I apologise for doubting you, Commander," Tevos added. "Your loyalty to the Council, despite our previous treatment of you, is appreciated and admirable."

Bailey was itching to get off this platform. "Well, let's get you out of here, Councillors. We have Councillor Valern safe and sound, and we've secured most areas. Just a few back streets to weed out. Nothing to cause concern any longer."

They all made to leave, but Kaidan needed time with a certain someone, sooner rather than later. "Commander Shepard, could I have a moment?"

"Of course, Major," she replied, and he loved the twinkle in her eyes and the slightly upturned corner of her mouth as she made her amusement at his impatience known only to him.

As soon as the door closed, they gravitated towards each other.

Kaidan's eyes fell to her shoulder, still bleeding, and guilt engulfed him. "I'm so sorry, Terra." He pulled out his medigel and tended to her, his hands shaking slightly with the horror of what he'd done to her.

Terra saw it on his face, reminding her of when she'd first woken from that beacon on Eden Prime and he'd blamed himself. She laid her hand over his at her shoulder, wishing they didn't have their armour on. "You had no way to know it was me, Kaidan."

He met her soft eyes. "I could have killed you," he murmured.

"You didn't."

It was little consolation to Kaidan, but he tried to put it from his mind. Terra helped him. She ran her fingers down his lips and he was drawn out of his remorse to the present as that gesture stirred up his insides, raising his pulse and causing his breathing to quicken. Terra was here - right in front of him. Finally. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too," she smiled gently. Terra's body was alive with his closeness. Kaidan’s desire for her was clearly shown across his handsome face, and made her tremble in response. She understood that intense need - felt it, now.

Kaidan cupped her face - that beautiful face he'd dreamed of so many nights - and lowered his mouth to hers. Her hands rested on his forearms, keeping him close, her breath warming his lips….

Terra was suddenly hit with a biotic field that propelled her out of his grasp and over the edge of the balcony….

**-x-**


	56. Breakdown, Loss and Union

"Terra!" Kaidan shouted in horror. He expected to lose sight of her as she fell, only to see that she was being suspended in mid-air. Kaidan looked for her attacker and was stunned to see Rahna. They'd all forgotten her standing at the railing. "What the hell are you doing!?" He brought forth his biotics, intending to pull Terra back, but Rahna leapt onto the edge of the balcony.

"You try for her and I'll jump! You have to choose, Kaidan! Me or her!"

Kaidan was shocked by Rahna's move, letting his biotics fizzle out.

"I _know_ you love me!" she continued to mutter. "She just gets into your head! But you have to see now that she's Cerberus, don't you? Sabine agrees with me!"

Kaidan frowned. Rahna had lost it. "Sabine was the one who was Cerberus, Rahna! Remember? She had a gun to your head!"

Rahna's eyes were distant, searching, her free hand roughly digging into her scalp and through her bedraggled hair. "She said I just had to wait. That Shepard would show herself for what she really was, and then you'd come back to me. That you'd see that everything I've done was for you."

Kaidan felt ill. This was just as much his fault as it was Cerberus'. His inability to deal with his loneliness and grief had led to him giving her hope of something that was never there. She was like this because of _him_. "Rahna, please. This has nothing to do with Shepard. She's innocent in all this. Let me bring her back in, and we can talk this through."

Rahna shook her head violently, her outstretched hand lowering slightly, causing Terra to sink below the railing. "She'll convince you to stay with her. It's what she's good at. Then she'll tear us apart again. I can't allow that, Kaidan."

It wasn't a choice for him. He loved Terra. He wished he could help Rahna, but he knew he couldn't save her, not at the cost of Terra. "And I can't allow you to hurt her, Rahna. Please. Come down."

Rahna shook her head emphatically. "No. No. I have to _make_ you confront this. _Now_. You're mine. She needs to know that, Kaidan. Show her!"

.

Terra's body was aching from the prolonged mass effect force that was holding her in place. Rahna wouldn't be able to maintain this much longer. The woman's mind had clearly snapped, and Kaidan's guilt was evident. She looked for a way to end this with both their lives. She spotted the balconies lower down, a way over to her right. Was it possible?

.

Kaidan's omnitool pinged.

**throw me at her**

He looked at Terra. She was covertly pointing down to her right. He moved slowly to the edge of the balcony and looked along and down. There were several small balconies there. He understood then just what Terra was proposing, but he didn't know if he could get them to it. He'd have to throw her hard to get the two of them that far over, but maybe it was possible. He feared the consequences if he failed, but Terra expected him to try.

Her faith had him steeling himself as he turned back to Rahna. "I choose Shepard."

Kaidan brought everything he had to the surface and Rahna let Terra fall as she leaped off. He sent an arc of energy towards Terra, curving it slightly so it would angle her inwards. It hit her hard, sending her hurtling into Rahna, whom she grabbed a hold of, and he watched helplessly as they continued towards the lower balconies. There were four, one above another, and he could tell that they wouldn't make it to the first two as they began to lose momentum.

.

Terra could feel that they were slowing down. She stretched out her arm and just grabbed the railing before gravity pulled them down. Rahna dangled from her other arm, offering no attempt to cling on or climb to safety. It took all of Shepard's strength to hold on to both Rahna and the balcony. She knew Kaidan was on his way but they were at a different building from where they'd started. He wouldn't get here in time.

…

Kaidan ran hard. "Bailey! Shepard needs help! She's hanging off a balcony on the apartment block next to the Council's evacuation area! Third balcony from the top!"

" _How-?_ _Never mind._ _I haven't got anyone in that area, Major! The apartment blocks weren't touched by Cerberus! But I'm heading there now with her team!_ "

Kaidan couldn't believe this was happening. First, he'd shot her, then his so-called friend had turned psychotic on her. If they made it through this, he was going to have a serious word with the Man Upstairs.

...

Terra's hand slipped a bit. "Rahna, please! Don't do this to Kaidan!" she begged. "Just climb up!"

"Let me go! You won!" wailed Rahna.

Terra gritted her teeth. "Not happening. Kaidan cares about you, and I won't give up on you. You just need help."

"I need Kaidan!" Rahna cried out.

Terra's hand slid again, her fingertips were the only thing holding them up now, and Terra yelled out in anger. "God damn it, Rahna!"

Suddenly a hand grabbed hers and began pulling them up. She looked at their rescuer. "Zee!" Once she had a better position she helped yank Rahna over, too.

"That's some mess you got yourself in, Terror."

Terra hugged Zabeleta.

"Luckily, I'd tuned in to the comm channel. Always good to know what's going on in this sort of situation, right? Even luckier was the fact that I'm only a couple of floors down from here. I do owe the occupants a new door, though."

Terra laughed. "It's on me."

"I couldn't make him see what you are," babbled Rahna as she stood up from the floor. "A liar. He should have been _mine_. _I'm_ the one who loves him. Why couldn't you just stay away? Everything would have been _fine_ if you'd just kept _away_. I _love_ him."

Terra felt all the frustration and anger erupting, and she slammed Rahna against the wall. "Love? You don't know the meaning of the word. You don’t give someone you love an ultimatum like that! He'd have blamed himself for your death, _every_ day. Why would you want to leave him with that sort of guilt? If you _really_ loved him, you'd just want him to be happy. Even if it's with someone else. Like I did when you told those horrible lies. You're not in love – you’re just infatuated and selfish. You need to let Kaidan be happy, whomever he chooses to be with. No more games. No more lies. Do you hear me? No more."

"No more," Kaidan iterated from behind her. He'd heard it all.

Terra released Rahna, and turned to him, vaguely aware of Bailey and her squad barrelling through the apartment beyond. She was suddenly filled with shame for losing it with Rahna. The woman wasn't herself. "I'm sor-"

"Terra, don't," Kaidan interrupted. He wouldn't allow her to apologise for what she'd said. He wished they were alone, so he could kiss her, hold her close. Instead, he brushed his hand over hers as he moved to stand beside her, then looked at the snivelling Rahna.

"I'm sorry," whispered Rahna, as she slid down the wall to hug her knees.

Kaidan sighed, sadly. "I'm the one who should be sorry, Rahna. We'll get you the help you need, I promise."

Rahna's tears fell silently down her face. "She loves you." Her voice was almost child-like.

Kaidan looked at Terra, every bit of his love pouring out for her. "Yes."

"Proper love."

He tore his eyes from Terra to answer Rahna. "Yes."

"Not like mine," Rahna frowned, pinching the skin on her knees.

Kaidan said nothing.

"You love her the same."

"Yes."

Tears filled Rahna's eyes. "Am I broken?"

Kaidan couldn't speak for a moment, nor look at Rahna. Terra squeezed his hand, then stepped forward, helped Rahna to her feet, tidied her hair, wiped her face, and to Kaidan’s amazement, hugged her.

"Yes, you are," she said, gently. "But you'll get better."

Rahna held on to her and cried.

Terra's kindness with the woman who had nearly killed her, had Kaidan fighting back his own emotion, his hand swiping over his face.

Bailey cleared his throat, uncomfortably. "I'll take her where she needs to go, Shepard. Would you like me to have your contact details listed on her file, Major?"

"Please. I'll be by to check on you whenever I can, Rahna," Kaidan told her as Bailey took Rahna in hand.

"You still care? After _this_?"

"Yes."

"Thank you," she replied under her breath.

Zabeleta had watched it all play out in front of him, with no idea what was going on. He looked at Terra, nonplussed. "How about a cup of tea?"

Terra nearly laughed, then the amusement died with her over-riding gasp. "Thane!"

"Oh, that reminds me," said Bailey. "We got him into Huerta. He's in for surgery. Apparently, uh… there's complications. You should probably go now."

She kissed Zee's cheek and raced off, Kaidan going with her.

"Next time, then," Zabeleta shook his head in bemusement.

-x-

"Things didn't go as planned. The Council's still in control of the Citadel, and Udina's dead," Leng announced. It was a bitter turn of events that didn't sit well with him. He had failed to kill any of the councillors, or Alenko.

" _Udina was expendable, but I'm surprised you let Shepard get the better of you_ ," the Illusive Man stated.

Leng bit back the growl of displeasure. "It won't happen again." He didn't need it rubbed in his face.

" _Hm. We'll see. Regardless of your mission's failure, we are far from defeated. There are other plans in motion. I'll fill you in when you return_."

Leng shut down the link, angrily. Next time, he wouldn't allow himself to be so weak. Even as he thought it, he enjoyed the memory of his first encounter with Shepard....

-x-

"Can I help you?"

Terra turned to the nurse, her heart thumping with fear for her friend. Kaidan’s hand was a comforting presence at her back. "I'm looking for a drell named Thane Krios."

"We have a drell but not under that name."

Terra was about to lose it again, when a young salarian doctor stepped forward.

"Will handle this. Thank you. Commander Shepard, Narin Solus. Uncle spoke highly of you."

"Yes! Mordin! I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you, Commander. Know he died righting terrible wrong. Am extremely proud of him. Only hope to achieve as much as he has."

Terra liked that he spoke a lot like his uncle. "From what I understand, you've already accomplished a great deal with your Kepral's cure."

"My best work. Have _you_ to thank for opportunity. Finally enabled me to be taken seriously by fellows. But no doubt here to see Mr Krios."

"I was told there were complications."

He began to lead the way as he talked. "Doctors able to repair much of trauma, but Kepral's still prevalent enough to interfere with blood's ability to carry oxygen. Mr Krios lost significant amount. Son gave blood to enable transfusions - unfortunately, not enough. If further in with cure treatments, would have better prognosis. Truly a tragedy." He came to a stop outside a room. "Son in there, saying goodbyes. You should say yours. Pleasure to meet you, Commander."

The young salarian walked away, and Terra faced the door, suddenly frightened to go in. The grief was already working its way in.

Kaidan placed a reassuring hand at her back. "Terra, I'm so sorry."

"He had his future back, Kaidan. I hate the man who did this. Kai Leng." She bit out his name. "For the first time, I fully understand how Garrus felt about Sidonis; how Sam felt about that scientist. Leng doesn't deserve to live, and _I_ want to take his life from him."

"I get that. And when you get your chance, I’ll be there to help you do it, Terra. But for now, I'll leave you in peace."

"You don't have to go."

"You need to say goodbye, but don't worry, I'm not going far." Kaidan pressed a kiss to her temple which she leaned into, and he waited for her to walk in.

.

Kolyat moved to greet her as she stood in the threshold. "Commander Shepard. My father said you'd be by. I don't know if you remember me-"

"Of course, Kolyat."

Kolyat looked sadly over his shoulder at his father. "I don't think it will be very long."

"Could I… Could I stay?"

Kolyat smiled at her. "He would like that. So would I."

She went to Thane's bedside, and placed her hand over his. His fingers tightened on hers only lightly.

"Siha, I'm afraid I won't… be joining you again."

"You've done more than enough, Thane. Damn it, you shouldn't have taken on that assassin."

"He should not…have touched you. Had I been…at my best, he would not have survived. There's something I must do before…. I must-" he started painfully coughing.

Terra found it hard to stand there, unable to help him.

"Relax, father. Allow me. Commander," Kolyat moved to stand at Shepard's side. "I brought a prayer book. Would you care to join me?"

"Of course."

"Kalahira, this one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention."

Kolyat angled the book towards her and she carried on. "Guide this one to where the traveller never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide this one, Kalahira, and…she will be a companion to you as she was to me." She realised that this was for her. Terra looked up to Thane, only to see him slip away, taking away a little piece of her with him. She let go of his hand to run her fingers lightly over the lids of his eyes to close them, then turned to Kolyat, whose head was bowed. Feeling his pain, she laid a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Kolyat."

"He died with the knowledge he had done some good, Commander. _You_ gave him that. And you gave _me_ my father, even if it was only for a little while. Thank you."

Terra was devastated inside. "Please, call me Terra."

"Terra," he nodded. His hands clutched the prayer book to his chest like it was his only friend.

It was a picture Terra didn't like. Did he have anyone else in his life? "Promise me, that if you ever need anything, you'll contact me, Kolyat. Thane was like family to me. As his son, that encompasses you, too. You're not alone."

Kolyat barely suppressed the intake of his breath, but his eyes betrayed the impact of those three words as they spilled tears down his face. He hadn't known what to think when his father had talked about her, and even referred to her as he had Kolyat's mother - Siha. Now, he understood. She hugged him, and he welcomed the comfort.

-x-

The Illusive Man had Henry Lawson on his screen. Like Udina, Henry was easy to manipulate - being driven by selfish motives. While Udina had craved political power, Lawson wanted his name immortalised beyond the here and now. Even his daughter was created using a modified copy of his own DNA, and the Illusive Man had used that egomania, impressing on Lawson the chance he had to make his name synonymous with saving the galaxy. And how better than by finding a way to control the Reapers? "Can you do it?"

" _Theoretically, control is possible, yes. The Reaper subjects we converted are responding but it’s difficult to maintain._ "

"With Miranda's help, you'll get it sorted. I have every faith in you, Henry." It was one of those platitudes he always finished with when talking to Lawson, never failing to have the man grinning with pride. To the Illusive Man, Henry was little more than a tool, much like his scientists, but with wealth to invest. Once Lawson had accomplished Cerberus' goal he'd be left behind. Only those with humanity's interests at heart were worth saving.

-x-

Terra had left the hospital, back in her uniform having borrowed a spare room to remove her armour. The left shoulder of her top was stained with dried blood but she didn't care. She wandered back to the _Normandy_ feeling numb.

The bay's airlock doors opened to reveal Kaidan waiting for her.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey."

She dived into his arms and Kaidan held her tightly against his chest. Finally something was right in this galaxy. This was what he fought for. More moments like this. A future with this miracle of a woman who had judged him worthy of her. He wouldn't be separated from her again. He still felt the horrid residue of fear as he thought he'd lost her on that balcony. "I'm sorry for what Rahna did to you, Terra," he murmured into her hair.

"It's not like you could have predicted that. You're here. That's all that matters to me." She pulled away slightly so she could look at him.

Kaidan cleared his throat. "Will you, uh... allow me to re-join your crew, Commander?" he asked, intentionally using her title, though not going so far as relinquishing his hold on her; regs be damned.

"It's exactly where I want you, Major."

Her mouth tugged at one corner, that twinkle came back to her eyes, and he took delight in knowing she was about to tease him.

"Of course, you're my superior now. What are your personal feelings on relationships with a subordinate?"

Kaidan fought back his smile in order to appear to remain professional. "Ah, well, I would have to say they fall in line with yours…though you are definitely a special case."

Terra gave him an exaggerated frown. "Special, huh? I'm not sure I'd want any preferential treatment. _That's_ the very reason I refuse to embark on such relationships with a superior…."

"Hm. I see," Kaidan pretended to consider that seriously. "But then technically, I'm only your superior on the _ground_. On your ship, _you're_ Captain, which as you know, is the equivalent to an marine Major so…" He pulled her through the bay airlock and into Normandy's decontamination area. "Now, we're equal."

Terra couldn't stop the grin. "I like the way you think, Major."

"Thank you, Captain." His voice smouldered as he held her tighter against his body. He needed to taste her. Now. He lowered his mouth to hers-

" _Ugh! Will you two get on the ship already?"_ came Joker's voice.

Terra had to laugh as Kaidan almost growled, burying his head into her shoulder.

" _I'm about ready to barf with all this gooeyness. It's nauseating. So please, for my sake, in. Go take it to your room_."

Kaidan had to force himself away from her, and Terra gave him a sympathetic look. Moving through, Kaidan gave Joker the hardest stare imaginable.

The pilot immediately put his hands up in the air in surrender. "Hey, just looking out for you guys, 'cos you know, we're expecting more of the crew back and I'm thinking you'd rather not have them find you both in a state of undress. And I can guarantee you, anything you two started would have escalated real fast."

Kaidan hesitated, feeling a little pink-cheeked and glancing at Terra, then back at Joker. "Just tell me you haven't got another bet going."

"I swear! Ah, damn!" Joker moaned. "I missed the ball on that one."

Terra laughed quietly. She tugged his arm and he needed no further cajoling, following her to the CIC.

"Have fun!" called out Joker, cheekily.

Almost to the elevator, Traynor intercepted them. "Welcome back, Major. Will you be re-joining us?"

"Yes, thanks Traynor."

"Excellent. I'll get a room sorted out for you-"

"That won't be necessary, Traynor," interrupted Terra. "It's already sorted."

"It is?"

"Yep, now excuse us, won't you?"

"Oh, right, Commander."

No sooner had the elevator doors closed then Kaidan pressed her into the back wall, one hand cupping the back of her head to cushion it.

"Edi, no one gets in this elevator," he thought to say.

" _As you wish, Major._ "

Then he claimed her mouth like the ravenous man he was, his other hand running down her side. Over two and a half, nearly three, years he'd been wanting her, and now she was all his.

Terra clung to him like he might vanish, her hands clutching at the materials of the jacket at his sides. She returned his fervent kisses with her own. She'd missed him so much that the emotion brought on by his touch became too much and she had to pull away, burying her head in his shoulder, her arms wrapping tightly around him.

Kaidan understood how she felt and he returned her hold, enjoying her familiar scent, the feel of her skin beneath his cheek, and her curves under the fabric beneath his hands.

Then they were at the cabin and she lifted her head, wiping away the tears and replacing it with a renewed passion for the man in front of her, pushing him backwards out of the lift and towards her room.

"Edi, absolutely no one enters this room. Punishable by death," she stated.

" _Yes, Commander_ ," came Edi's surprisingly amused voice.

Kaidan laughed. "That's pretty harsh! I was going to suggest knee-capping," he grinned.

"Now who's being harsh!? A quick death is far more merciful!" Terra laughed back, then she refocused on him.

Kaidan loved the clear intent on her face. But it wasn't just lust, it was so much more, and he knew his own face mirrored hers. He pulled his shirt off over his head, and Terra ran her hands appreciatively down his hard torso, making his muscles ripple in pleasure.

"You've been working out," she said in a low voice he found as sexy as hell, along with her bottom lip released seductively from between her teeth.

"It helped block out the pain," he said, honestly, but his mind was well and truly on the woman in front of him.

Terra removed her own top. Old scars gone, a new one across her shoulder blade. He knew how she'd got that one - had been there: Horizon. He trailed kisses along it. His hands at her back, gliding over another scar.

"What was this one?" he said against her lips.

"Thresher maw." All she think about was how handsome he looked, how wonderful he felt under her hands, how amazing he tasted, how good he smelled, and to finish off her overwhelmed senses, was the sound of his voice, sexier than ever.

"We need to get you some maw repellent!" he joked, huskily, even as he thought to himself that he should have been there with her.

"Yes, please," she grinned against his lips.

Then there was the fresh scar at her shoulder. One _he_ had placed there…

Terra could see him dwelling on her shoulder. She reached back to release the binding in her hair, and shook it out. It fell over her shoulders, covering the wound, and succeeded in distracting him.

Kaidan ran his fingers through it. He loved the length of it. "You let it grow. I like it."

Terra pressed her fingers to the grey at his temples. "I like this, too."

"It's what you do to me!" he teased.

"What else do I do to you?" she asked, wickedly, as she peeled off the rest of her clothes.

Kaidan did the same, and returned the look. "Let me show you." He couldn't wait to feel her against his skin, and as he had done in the elevator, he pressed her into the nearest wall. The blue glow of the aquarium framed her, and he matched it with his own glow. His anticipation was even more than their first time, because he knew how good this was going to be. He lifted her up and her legs wrapped around his waist.

"Don't wait. Now," she breathed on his lips, both pleading and demanding.

He wanted nothing more and when he entered her she was deliciously ready for him. He nearly lost himself right then. It had been so long. He stilled, giving them both time to gather themselves and to luxuriate in the feel of their bodies connected. It was wonderful. She was heaven and paradise all wrapped in one beautiful package. He didn't want this to end. Nevertheless, he started moving, her pelvis tilting with each of his thrusts, inviting him deeper.

Terra's fingers trailed through his hair, dug into his strong shoulders, whispered over his back, losing herself completely to the feel of him inside her, his biotics travelling sweetly over her skin, caressing and exciting every inch of her. He kissed his way down her neck as her head fell back, his tongue swirling over the peaks of her breasts, then moved back to her mouth, exploring her, demanding more. She gave it willingly. Her breath was coming hard and fast in time with his own and she was soon crying out his name.

The sound of her calling out for him in rapture pushed Kaidan to a place where he couldn't hold back any longer. He quickened his pace, allowing every wonderful stroke to take him closer. Then he spoke her name, once, then twice, then again as he tipped over the edge, taking her with him.

He panted into her neck, and Terra brought her lips to his ear, her hot fast breath gliding over his skin. She wished they could stay this way forever.

Kaidan carried her over to the bed on shaky legs, laying her carefully down without separating them. He could barely believe this moment was real, but the wholeness he felt inside was exhilarating. He had his future back.

Terra lay content in his arms. It had been a hard fight to get to this place and time. It made her grateful for every second. Kaidan was her safe haven. Nothing else existed while she was enveloped in his embrace. For the first time, in a very long time, she had hope. She was happy. "I love you, Kaidan."

"And I love you right back, Terra."

They kissed a kiss of long-lost lovers reunited. A kiss that told each other just how much they were missed, just how much they were still wanted. Then they fell asleep, entwined together, as though in defiance to anything separating them again.

**-x-**


	57. Acknowledging the Past and Happiness

Kaidan began to rouse from his sleep, his body automatically sending a panic through his system as he realised he was alone, and he jerked upright, fearing it had all been nothing more than a vivid dream, like so many times before. "Terra!" he blurted out. At the same time he saw where he was, Terra was there, leaning over from where she was about to leave the bed, her hand resting on his chest.

"I'm here," she hushed. "I'm sorry I woke you."

Her voice calmed him. The sight of her beside him, the sheet barely covering her, was exquisite. Kaidan reached out a hand to the smooth skin of her cheek. She was wonderfully real. He laid back with a sigh of contentment and relief, his hand holding hers in place at his chest, his other swept around her, pulling her back to him. She didn't resist.

"Your heart was beating fast," Terra said tenderly as she looked at him.

"I've woken up too many times thinking you were alive and with me, but you weren't. For a moment there…."

Terra's heart broke a little for the pain he'd been through. She wrapped herself around him, kissing him. "Then I'll always wake you before I go anywhere," she promised, then rested her head on his chest, listening to the slowing beats of his heart.

"Thank you." He pressed his lips to the top of her head.

Terra turned her head to place a kiss over his heart, then resigned herself to the fact that she had a job to do, and she hadn't even filed a report over the coup yet. She pulled away and scooted back over to the edge of the bed.

"Hey, where are you going?" He wanted her all over again.

"Shower," she smiled back. "Unfortunately, we don't have the luxury of shutting ourselves away for long."

Then she moved off the bed and walked gloriously naked across the room.

Kaidan was already about to experience an internal overload at the teasing sight she made, when she looked over her shoulder and gave him the hottest look he'd ever had the pleasure to receive, a seductive smile curling her lips.

"You could always join me…"

He had forgotten how to breathe, but in a sudden burst of energy, he vaulted from the bed.

Terra was laughing as he caught up to her at the bathroom door. She just managed to activate the shower before Kaidan turned her to him, his hands doing a far better job of reviving her than the water that cascaded over their bodies.

" _Sorry to interrupt, Commander, but I've got Admiral Hackett waiting to speak to you,_ " Joker informed her.

They both sighed out their disappointment. Life was demanding their attention again.

"I'll be there in five, Joker," she answered, then gave Kaidan an apologetic look. They quickly washed, sharing the spray, and soap. "You should come too."

"Sure. I should probably tell him I'll be turning down the position he offered."

"I'm not holding you back, am I?" she said with concern.

Kaidan reached around her to switch off the water, then rested his forehead against hers. "Nothing can hold me back. I'm where I should be, where I want to be, and where I can be the most useful," he assured her. Having her wet naked body pressed into his, re-woke the desire that had been dampened seconds ago by Joker's interruption. The fact he couldn't act on it was taunting. "You know, if it wasn't his daughter I wanted to enjoy, I'd be tempted to say the Admiral can wait."

"He wouldn't know!" Terra said with amusement, feeling the cold as he stepped away, then taking the towel he offered.

"You don't think he would guess?" he said with scepticism.

Terra looked at him as they dried off. "Perhaps you're right. But, I think it's too late. You look guilty already. He's going to spot it a mile off," she teased.

"Shit," he said as he ran a hand down his face.

That made Terra burst out laughing and she went to get fresh clothes.

Kaidan enjoyed the sound of her laughter as he followed her out. "Come on!" he laughed back as he picked up his strewn uniform. "Where's the sympathy?"

"Same place as your libido right now! Limbo," she grinned, mischievously.

"So beautiful, yet so cruel," he jibed.

Another minute and they were re-dressed, and back in the elevator.

"He's going to wonder why I haven't checked in after the coup attempt," she thought out loud. Kaidan groaned, and Terra nearly snorted as she tried to hold back more laughter.

"That's downright evil."

The doors opened onto the CIC, and Terra covered the escaping sound with a cough.

"After you, Commander." He gave her a look that promised revenge when they were next in private.

"Thank you, Major."

Her playful eyes told Kaidan everything, and damn it felt good.

-x-

Hackett had been surprised when Moreau had come back with a five minute wait. He'd been worried. Now, as Terra appeared before him with Alenko at her side, Hackett understood. It only took a second to see the light in her eyes. He was glad of it. She needed Kaidan. "Nice of you to join me, Terra," he said lightly, letting her know she was free to talk.

" _Sorry, dad. I was in the shower_."

Beside her, Kaidan quietly cleared his throat. That was a guilty-looking man if ever there was one, and Terra was clearly enjoying her part in his discomfort. Hackett decided he could go along with that… "Shall I take it that you've decided to return to the Normandy, Kaidan?"

" _Uh, yes, Sir. I'm sorry, Sir_."

"I'm not. I'm glad you two worked it out. You'll be just as indispensable working with Terra as anything I could throw your way. I just needed to be sure you were put to worthy use. Like Terra, you're one of our best assets. Having you wasting away on the Citadel was nothing short of a crime in times like this. But I do expect you to _work_ , Kaidan," Hackett said, giving him his best stern look.

Terra slapped her hand over her mouth, while Kaidan looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him.

" _Uh…yes…Sir. Of course, Sir_." The man actually stood to attention as he stammered.

That tipped Terra over and her whole shoulders were shaking as she laughed into her hand. Kaidan finally noticed Terra's hysterics, and shook his head with a relieved smile, his whole body losing its tension. " _Looks like that cruel streak runs in the family_ ," he muttered, good-naturedly.

Hackett smiled back at him. "You really need to learn to relax, Kaidan. I may be old, but I know the time when marriage comes before anything else, are long gone. And I trust you both to find the right balance when it's time to focus. Nobody could be more committed to ending this war than the two of you." Hackett re-focused on what he originally called in for. "I have Kaidan's report on what happened on the Citadel. Udina. Somehow, I'm not surprised."

" _Me neither. It also solves the question of just how Cerberus knew about the krogan females on Sur'Kesh_ ," Terra added.

"It's an unbelievable turn of events. Well done, both of you. Councillors Tevos and Sparatus forwarded me their personal commendations for you both, over your actions. Cerberus' attack has had an unintended side effect, too - the asari and salarian councillors are now offering their full support, and have asked to see the Crucible plans."

" _How is the Crucible coming along, Sir_?" asked Kaidan.

"Our estimates suggest we've completed nearly 50 percent of the known work. Despite causing a stir with their arrival, the rachni have proven their value in that regard. Now we have the added help offered from the asari and salarians, it will speed up work even more so."

" _I can't believe it's actually that far along_!" exclaimed Terra.

"Like I said before, the plans are extremely easy to follow. Some are wondering if the protheans even developed them in the first place."

" _You mean it could be from a previous race_?"

"Who knows how far back these plans go."

" _Are we any closer to understanding how to use it_?" Kaidan worried.

"Our scientists are convinced it's capable of destroying the Reapers, but the question is, how will it dispense the energy, and in what form? We think the Catalyst is the key to determining how to focus its energy at the Reapers alone."

" _That's the data we were missing_?" checked Kaidan.

Hackett nodded. "Unfortunately. I don't know where you'd begin, but do what you can to find it. There has to be something else out there that can lead us to what this Catalyst is."

" _We'll do our best_ ," assured Terra.

"Of that I have no doubt. In the meantime, I need more troops, ships, anything you can find. And finally, the quarians have made contact, and are requesting a meeting. I want you on that right away. Quarian support would be invaluable. Get the latest on the geth while you're at it. There's been reports of increased geth activity along their borders. The last thing we need is to have another geth uprising, right now."

" _We'll head straight there_." Terra placed her hand in Kaidan's. " _Anything from mom_?"

"No. And I'll admit it's getting harder to remain hopeful."

" _Yeah_."

Hackett watched his daughter's head drop as she studied her feet. He knew exactly how she felt. "Nevertheless, until I know for certain, I won't give up looking."

She looked up at him, giving him a sad smile. " _I know_."

"Kaidan, I know you're also searching for your parents. I've placed the request through official channels, and I'll let you know if we find them."

" _Thank you, Sir_."

"Keep safe. Both of you."

They faded away and Hackett looked out at the Crucible. It was their only hope and they had no idea how to even make it work without killing themselves along with the Reapers. It was one hell of a risk.

He was still waiting for Bryson to check back in. The doctor had his people out now, following leads, and he hoped they would be checking in soon. A back-up plan would make him feel a lot better.

He inhaled deeply, squared his shoulders, and resumed his proud stance. Back to the Admiral.

-x-

Kaidan sat down in the co-pilot's seat as Joker pulled out of dock, headed to the Far Rim for their meeting with the quarians.

"Hey, Kaidan. This the best you could do for company? Uh… you didn't mess up again, did you?" he asked, suspiciously.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Joker. Shepard's just doing her report on the coup attempt."

"Huh, isn't that a kick in the teeth from our own."

"Cerberus isn't 'our own'. They're…" Kaidan bit his tongue from what he wanted to say. He hated them with a passion, but they'd brought Terra back to him, and that twisted things because without Cerberus there would be no Terra Shepard here now… Hatred combined with an immense gratefulness - it was a strange combination. "What made you join them?"

Joker glanced at him, before returning his attention to flying the ship out of Citadel space. "Hackett grounded me. I mean, he said that he'd made a mistake. Don't quite know what he meant by that, but… well, I'm thinking it was more of a punishment kind of mistake than a 'oops, I forgot to assign Flight Lieutenant Moreau', you know?"

Kaidan didn't say anything. Something told him Joker was probably right.

"Anyways, Cerberus made me an offer I was too stupid to ignore. Luckily, it turned out good," finished Joker.

"Yeah. It did. Shepard needed you," Kaidan acknowledged.

Joker was silent for a time. When he spoke again, his voice was full of sadness. "I'm sorry, Kaidan. For not listening to you on the SR1... For taking her away from you."

Kaidan sighed heavily. "I won't pretend I didn't hate you for a while. But you didn't kill her, Joker."

"Yeah, I did. We all would have gotten out if I'd done as you'd said, and you wouldn't have been robbed of two years with her. I can't even believe you're sitting here talking to me. You _should_ hate me."

"Well, I don't. You didn't intend for that to happen. I know she means a lot to you, too. … And she's back."

Joker gave a big grin. "Yeah, ain't that hard to get your head around! Cerberus' one and _only_ good thing they did. I'm thinking they really should have left it there, 'cos the rest of this shit they're pulling now is off-the-charts crazy!"

"You're right there, Joker."

"Hey, what do you think of Edi!? She's great, huh!?" Joker said with enthusiasm.

Kaidan had to rearrange his thoughts with Joker's sudden subject change. "Uh, sure. I guess."

"You _guess_!? Have you seen that body!?"

Kaidan looked at Joker strangely. Just as he thought Joker had reached the heights of his obsession with his ship, he still managed to top it. Kaidan supposed Edi _was_ a part of the ship, but that comment made it seem like Joker was admiring the Normandy on a more intimate level…

"Aah, what am I saying? You've got Shepard! You probably haven't even noticed Edi, have you?" Joker continued, giving him a knowing smirk.

"Uh, no, but I'm about to take a tour. Asides from this floor, I only got to see the Cargo Bay before."

"Well, you'll find Edi in the AI Core at the back of the medbay. Pretty sure she goes there to get away from me. Not sure why."

Kaidan was backing away from Joker. Maybe the recent events had sent him cuckoo. "Can't imagine, Joker. Catch you later."

"Whatever."

Kaidan decided he'd discuss his concerns over Joker's mental state with Terra after she'd had a chance to complete her report, and headed for the Battery. Another old friend to make peace with.

x

Garrus noticed him as he entered, but kept working. Kaidan stood just inside the doors.

"You were right," Kaidan spoke quietly, referring to Garrus' message to him, months ago.

Garrus paused. "I know. But you came around. Took far too long, but still…" He shrugged. "It's good to see her happy. I don't ever want to witness her break down like that again."

"Break down?" frowned Kaidan.

Garrus hesitated, knowing he'd have to explain it. He decided to tell it as it was, and faced Kaidan. "Your accusations about her…'realness'…had her facing the possibility you were right. She went into a full-blown panic attack. We found her in the bathroom, broken shards of mirror where she'd punched out her reflection, blood from the lacerations on her hands, running down the basin. She was hyper-ventilating. Her hands were like clamps on the edge of that sink. She had me really worried for a while."

Kaidan ran his hand over his head. It was a disturbing image. One he'd been responsible for. "I didn't know…"

"I didn't bring it up to make you feel bad. Just…look after her. We all know she's not a tough as she appears to everyone on the outside. In fact, she's downright soft. Spirits, it nearly got her killed. You read the report on the Collector base?"

Kaidan's jaw clenched. "Miranda Lawson."

Garrus practically snarled. "If we find her, I've got a score to settle."

Kaidan nodded in understanding, then he offered his hand, which Garrus took. "Thank you, Garrus. For watching her back. For being there for her…when I wasn't."

"She's my closest friend, Kaidan. There's nothing I wouldn't do to keep her that way. The galaxy wasn't the same without her."

"No. It certainly wasn't."

Satisfied that they'd said enough to heal the rift, Kaidan left Garrus to whatever he was doing, and went to finish his tour - not bothering with the AI Core.

-x-

Kaidan had finished his exploration of the Normandy, had called Bailey for any updates, and was now back in the Mess for the beginning of the evening meal, his stomach reminding him he hadn't eaten since breakfast, and for a biotic who'd used his powers extensively during the coup, that felt like starvation.

"So, where's Lola?" asked James, who was already at the table, along with Garrus.

Kaidan took a seat. "Lola?"

"Yeah, you know - Shepard."

Kaidan regarded Vega with only mild interest as he ploughed into his dinner, knowing the guy was nothing but a big flirt when it came to a beautiful woman. "Do I want to know why you call her that?" he asked between mouthfuls.

"I asked," intervened Garrus. "You don't," he answered bluntly.

"Right… well, Shepard's just checking in with Anderson back on Earth. She'll be down shortly."

"So… How are you enjoying your new accommodation, Major?" asked James with a mischievous grin, when he spotted Traynor coming over.

Traynor caught the conversation as she sat down opposite James. "Oh, Lieutenant Cortez said your personal items were still boxed in the cargo bay, and he was wondering where to take them. Where _were_ you placed, Major? For some reason, I have nothing noted on the system."

James sat back in his seat with glee as he waited for Kaidan to answer Traynor's innocent question.

"Uh, that would be the Captain's Cabin."

"Oh! You mean the Commander gave up her room? Well, I suppose you are the superior officer."

Kaidan could have happily throttled Vega as he felt the blush from all the eyes on him. "…No, she's, uh… still there."

Traynor's mouth opened in horror as she realised what he was saying. "I am _so_ sorry, Major! I didn't mean to invade your privacy like that!" Traynor sent a spoon flying at a chortling James, which hit his forehead dead centre and abruptly put an end to his amusement.

"Ow! What was that for!?"

"You did that on purpose."

James grinned as he rubbed his head. "And you didn't disappoint, Brains. Hey, Major, you were going to speak to Bailey, right? Any word as to whether they found that assassin bastard?"

"Bailey's pretty sure Leng had an unknown exit off the station. He's long gone."

"Damn. That asshole needed putting down after touching the Commander like that."

Kaidan stopped with his fork halfway into his mouth. He put it down. "What do you mean?"

Garrus' jaw flared out in distaste. "He had her pinned down on her front. None of us could get to her. I'm fairly sure he was enjoying it, too."

"Oh, he was _definitely_ enjoying it. Sick bastard licked her face, man!" James said in disgust.

"What!?" exclaimed both Kaidan and Garrus, who realised he had been busy trying to open the door at the time it must have happened.

"Yeah! I know!" continued James. "He's there to kill the salarian dude, then ignores him in order to do _that_! Good thing the drell turned up when he did. I tell you, that Cerberus guy's got a hard-on for Shepard."

"Didn't stop him trying to kill her in that cab, though," added Garrus.

James shrugged. "Well, it's already clear he's loco."

Kaidan's face was thunder. She'd endured enough from Antella, and this was a reminder that as capable as Terra was, she could still be overpowered - they all could - but next time he'd be there to watch her back. To know Thane had put a stop to it, and lost his life in the process, made him humbled by the man. Kaidan wished he knew what Leng looked like, but Bailey had said all cameras on the Citadel had been interrupted. Kai Leng needed to be put down.

Terra's scent preceded her and he looked up to watch her come around the corner. He was a hungry man with an endless appetite when it came to Terra. He just couldn't get enough. Her eyes locked on his and he could see the same desire reflected back at him. She came round the table to sit next to him.

"What's the discussion?"

"Just getting an update on Leng," he said, darkly. She actually paled, shifting uncomfortably in her seat, and he knew she'd been unsettled by what Leng did.

"It was nothing," she tried to assure him. "Don't let your feelings over his actions cloud you when we next come up against him." Even as she said it, she felt a coldness creep in when she considered Leng. It wasn't as much to do with Leng's contact, though it made her shudder; it was what he did to Thane. She was a hypocrite, she decided.

"Easier said than done, Lola," said James, unwittingly verbalising her thoughts.

Kaidan saw her eyes lower, and he reached for her hand under the table. She returned the squeeze and then picked up her fork.

"So where are we headed, Shepard?" Garrus asked, helpfully changing the topic.

The rest of the meal passed by. Crew members flitted in and out, laughter and discussions filled the air. These were the times that Terra loved. That camaraderie, her family coming together, and she feared that each time would be the last. Finishing her food, she had seen everyone come to the table except Liara. She got up, brushing her hand across Kaidan's shoulders as she passed him, and dished up a plate to take to Liara.

"Still working?" Terra gave her friend a silent telling off.

Liara smiled apologetically back. "One call leads to another."

"You have to take a moment for yourself every now and then."

"I know, I know. But there's always just one more task or meeting. You have the same problem, though."

"Yeah, I guess so. Huh, never said I practised what I preached. Having Kaidan here, helps."

"I'm sure. Thank you for bringing me dinner. I could use the distraction."

"What's on your mind?"

Liara hesitated before answering. "It is selfish, but I keep thinking that if we fail… I could live to see the entire cycle come to an end. I used to think it was sad that most aliens lived such short lives. Maybe it is not such a privilege to outlive so many; to witness so much death."

"Don't drive yourself crazy about this, Liara. We're still in the fight."

"Only because _you're_ still driving it forward. We finally have other leaders on our side, but none will take us as far as _you_ can. Sometimes I wonder how you do it."

"I couldn't, not without all of you. Now, please eat." Terra placed her hand over Liara's, and Liara responded in kind.

"I will. Thank you, Shepard."

Terra left the room, seeing Kaidan talking to Chakwas near the medbay, the table now empty. She went to head to the elevator, intending to go over more reports, her eyes automatically pulled back in Kaidan's direction. As though he knew, he turned his head to follow her, his eyes telling her how much he wanted her. Terra had no idea how he could turn her into a mess on the inside just with one look, but she loved it. Then she saw his face instantly fall into one of horror as he caught sight of something behind her.

.

Everything went into slow motion for Kaidan as he saw the synthetic from Mars coming round the corner directly towards Terra. "Shepard!" he shouted out, throwing himself across the room, his biotics flaring, wishing he had a gun.

Terra twisted her head back in the direction she was walking, expecting to see something deadly, but only seeing Edi. Gasping as she realised she had forgotten to inform him of Edi's body, she swung round in time to see Kaidan sliding across the table, reaching to pull her out of harm's way, his biotics at full strength. Terra put her body fully in front of Edi, who had seen the sense in remaining still as though to not spook him further, and Terra stretched her arms out to keep him back. "Kaidan! Oh, my God, I'm so sorry! It's okay!"

" _Okay_!?" Kaidan said, incredulously, as he came to a halt with her hand up against his chest. "What the _hell_ , Shepard!?"

"It's Edi. She decided to make use of the mobile platform the AI on Mars was housed in."

Kaidan looked between them, trying to process that. "Jesus Christ!" was all he could muster, his breath still ragged.

"Your reaction to this unit is understandable,” reasoned Edi. “However, the program that resided within it is no longer functional. I can assure you, it is no threat to you or anyone on board."

Kaidan remained unconvinced.

Terra stepped closer to him. "I didn't like it, either. Had I known about it, I wouldn't have allowed it, but Edi's proven its worth on the battlefield."

"It's a part of your squad now!?"

"It took me some time to get used to her, but we need all the help we can get. Regardless of the shell, it's still Edi. And I trust her."

Kaidan didn't have the connection to Edi that Terra did, but he'd take her word for it. At least Joker's earlier comments made more sense now. "Fine. I just need some time to, uh… take this all in."

"I will give you space while you adjust, Major, " said Edi, leaving the Mess.

Terra felt awful. "I should have thought-"

"No. It's okay. Just a bit of a shock. I'll get over it."

Kaidan's reaction to seeing Edi had brought back the events on Mars for her. "You almost died on my watch. It was horrible to see," Terra murmured. "I had a glimpse of what you went through, Kaidan…" She put her hand to his face, her thumb running across his cheek, tears springing up as an idea of the pain he'd gone through over her, hit home. "To have to face the future without you-"

"Hey, now." Kaidan placed his hand over hers at his cheek. "It turned out okay - for both of us. So let's not dwell on what's in the past." He kissed her palm. "How about we go over the rest of those reports? Together."

Terra smiled. "Sounds good."

.

Chakwas watched them move off to the elevator, with a light heart. It was lovely to see. A positive sign that life would go on, regardless, and she went back to her medbay with a happy sigh.

**-x-**


	58. Finding Friends and Friendly Fire

Shepard stood in the war room awaiting their guests. Kaidan had gone to greet them at the airlock, and was now escorting them through. Shepard was sure he had a small smile on his face. Five quarian admirals followed him in. The first through was a female.

"Commander Shepard. I am Admiral Shala'Raan, I control the Patrol Fleet. It is an honour to meet you. I just wish it were under better circumstances. These are Admirals Han'Gerrel of the Heavy Fleet, Zaal'Koris of the Civilian Fleet, Daro'Xen who oversees our research ships," Shepard shook hands with each, "and I believe you already know our newest Admiral, and technical expert, Tali'Zorah."

Shepard's mouth nearly fell open as Tali stepped through. Now she understood Kaidan's smile. "Glad you could make it, Tali."

"It's good to see you again, Shepard."

They kept it reasonably formal. There would be time to catch up after.

"Welcome aboard, Admirals."

They spread out around the central console that usually portrayed an image of the Crucible, but was now clear.

"Commander, I'll get straight to the issue," announced Raan. "We need your help."

Shepard was surprised, glancing briefly at Kaidan, who was equally confused. "Our help? I'd hoped for your support in the fight against the Reapers. What's going on?"

Gerrel answered. "Seventeen days ago, with precision strikes on four geth systems, the quarians initiated the war to retake our home-world."

It was the last thing Shepard wanted to hear. The last thing they needed. She gripped the edge of the table, while Kaidan shifted restlessly beside her.

"Which was a clear violation of our agreement with the Council to avoid provoking the geth," Koris was complaining. He clearly didn't agree with their action.

"A treaty violation is nothing compared to recovering our home-world and advanced AI technology," stated Xen.

Kaidan immediately took a dislike to Xen. Another person prepared to look no further than the end of their nose.

"You're attacking the geth? Again? Why!?" demanded Shepard, finally finding her voice.

Kaidan could see the anger and frustration within Terra. He'd read the report on Legion and the heretics, and he knew that she would no longer treat the true geth as enemies.

"This is our home-world, Shepard. Surely you can understand, with your own world under threat," appealed Gerrel.

"Did you even try to speak with them first? The geth are not mindless, and they're not like the Reapers. They can be reasoned with."

"I agree," said Koris.

"Reasoning?" scoffed Xen. "What a ridiculous notion!"

"You support this invasion?" Shepard asked Tali.

"No. After talking to Legion, I thought maybe there was a chance for peace, as did Admiral Koris."

Koris shook his head in defeat. "But as you can see, we were outnumbered when Admiral Raan decided to succumb to her fear and sided with Gerrel and Xen. Now, here we are, and this time we may have destroyed our people for good," Koris said bitterly.

"Have you heard anything more from Legion?" Shepard directed at Tali.

"The last message I had, Legion said the geth were having trouble reaching consensus, but not about what."

"I haven't forgotten that you appear to have a pet geth, Tali. You should have made it come in for research purposes," declared Xen.

"Legion is not a toy for you to play with, Admiral Xen," defended Tali.

Shepard wearily sighed, and Kaidan felt it deep. First the turian and salarian dispute with the krogan, now the quarians and the geth. She was being pulled into another war.

"What's happened?" she said, resignedly.

"We'd driven the geth back to the home system when this signal began broadcasting to all ships," explained Gerrel. He sent data from his omnitool to the central console, and an image appeared of the system and the signal that was pulsing from one geth ship to the next.

"Edi?" Shepard questioned, already suspecting the answer but needing to be sure.

" _It matches the signature of the Reapers, Commander_ ," confirmed Edi.

"We thought as much," added Gerrel. "Under these 'Reapers' control, the geth have proven to be significantly more effective. Our fleet is now pinned in the home system. If we're going to win-"

"Win!?" Koris said with disbelief. "You insisted on involving the _civilian_ ships, Gerrel! We need to retreat or we'll lose the live-ships!"

Just as Shepard thought it couldn't get any worse, now they had civilians.

"Why would you take your live-ships into a war!?" Kaidan said, shocked.

"They have all been outfitted with cannons. The extra fire-power was needed," Gerrel said, as though it was justified.

"What defences do they have?" Shepard asked with worry.

"Nothing beyond what you'd expect to find on any civilian vessel," bit out Koris as he looked at Gerrel, and it was clear that behind the mask his face was a glare.

Kaidan was running his hand over his mouth like he had to hold back his response. Shepard also had to bite back her thoughts. "Where's the signal coming from?"

"Here." Gerrel sent data across from his omnitool again and it pinpointed the origin of the signal. "A geth dreadnought. It can outgun anything we've got, and it's heavily defended."

"The Normandy's stealth drive can get us in undetected," said Kaidan.

Shepard nodded. "We can board and then disable the Reaper command signal."

"Yes, cutting off the signal should throw the geth into complete disarray," Xen said with an enthusiasm that unsettled Shepard.

"And while they're confused, you get to a mass relay and _retreat_ ," Kaidan pressed.

Koris approved. "Good. Our civilian ships have seen too much fighting already. Are you certain you can disable the signal?"

"We'll get you out of there safely, Admiral," Shepard assured him.

"And _I'm_ going with you," stated Tali, to Shepard.

"Wouldn't be the same without you, Tali," she smiled. "Joker, get us to this location."

" _Aye, aye, Commander._ "

"Until then, I know there'll be several people on board who'll be happy to see you, Tali. How about an escort?"

"That would be great, Shepard."

"Admirals," Shepard acknowledged as she went to leave, looking at Kaidan.

"I'll catch up with Tali later, Commander," he told her, giving them time alone.

Once they were in the elevator, Terra grinned at Tali. "Admiral?"

"It's mostly a formality. I'm an expert on the geth," Tali shrugged.

"That you are."

Tali's shoulders slumped. "I'm so glad you're here. This whole thing is a mess, and it couldn't have come at a worse time, could it? I'm sorry about Earth."

"Yeah." Terra studied her friend fidget, restlessly. The doors opened but Terra held her arm to stop her from leaving. "You okay?"

Tali seemed defeated. "No. No, I'm really not. Millions of lives are riding on me, and I don't know if I can save them."

"You're doing everything you can. You know that. What's this really about?"

There was only a short pause before Tali spoke. "I helped my father by supplying him with those parts. And Xen's ideas… The new tech that made an invasion too good to pass up was based on my father's work. If they die because of me… If- If I don't-"

"Tali, this is _not_ your fault. And we can bring this back from the brink."

Tali sighed. "I couldn't do this without _you_ , Shepard. I feel like I'm bluffing. Trying to convince them that the Admiral's daughter knows what she's doing."

Terra was momentarily stunned by how similar they were. She felt the same way. Like she was pretending to be in control when she was just jumping from one moment to the next, hoping it all worked out, with no real power over anything. And despite only an elite few knowing she was Hackett's daughter, she had the pressure of a reputation that was partly of her own creation through her success, and part fate placing her in certain situations. She took Tali's hand. "Not the Admiral's daughter. The _Admiral_ ," she said proudly.

"I know. And at least now I can push back against the worst ideas. Or try," she said wryly. "That's why I accepted the position. And because of you."

"Me?"

"When they offered me this position, I asked myself what _you'd_ do. I thought you'd take the chance to make things better. That probably sounds stupid. But I know I'm not really qualified for this."

"You're doing fine, Tali. And thanks," she smiled at the young quarian.

They exited the elevator, heading to the Battery.

"So…Kaidan's here…" Tali drawled out, making Terra laugh. "I'm guessing by your radiance, that everything's okay between you?"

"Radiance?"

"You're definitely glowing."

Terra couldn't prevent the stupid grin from spreading across her face.

"I'm so happy for you, Shepard. You two are good together."

"Yeah," agreed Terra. "And how's a certain quarian marine doing?"

Tali bowed her head, shyly. "Kal and I were 'joined' two months ago, Shepard," Tali said, her voice brimming with joy.

Shepard came to a shocked halt. "Tali! That's wonderful! I'm guessing that's like human marriage?"

"A union formally acknowledged on the Fleets ledgers as a bond for life."

"But you don't take his name?"

"No. Do humans?"

"It's a personal choice. Some females do, some don't."

"We only change the ship name as we move to a vessel where we can be a family unit. But when we are approved to have a child, he or she will take Kal's family name, Reegar."

"Approved?"

"Even an Admiral has to follow the rules. Living on ships means that we have to control our population. Each couple is limited to one child, and that also involves being found family size quarters, so it has to be planned, a new ship sought out to reside in if necessary, though usually it is one of the couple's existing homes. Kal chose to join me on the Neema. We put in an application but suspended it when this war started. Kal's out there fighting, right now. He's as against this war as I am."

"Well, let's hope we can end this before it goes any further."

"Keelah, I hope so. With you, we have a chance at least."

Shepard had to work at a reassuring smile. "Well, Garrus is in his usual spot, so I'll leave you two to chat."

"Thanks, Shepard."

Terra left Tali to enter the Battery, then needed to take a deep bolstering breath before heading up to her cabin to go through the quarians data.

When she walked into her room she was met with the sight of Kaidan, already ensconced on the sofa, a datapad in his hand and a pile of them on the low table in front of him. Instantly, her burden lessened. He was there for her, taking on as much responsibility as _she_ had, for saving the galaxy. Terra realised it was something she wasn't used to, but as much as she wouldn't wish it on him, she welcomed it. Someone to truly share the weight with.

"Hey, there," he called over, and she made her way to him. "Admirals Gerrel, Xen and Koris have headed back to their Fleets. Raan is remaining aboard to act as liaison. She's still camped out in the War room."

"Okay." Sitting beside him, she kissed him, receiving his gorgeous smile in response, then picked up a datapad and settled back, leaving no space between them as they read.

-x-

-x-

Joker had felt very uncomfortable knowing Shepard was walking through the wreck that was the docking tube of the dreadnought. The sight of it breached in a hundred places had given him a flashback to the SR1. Kaidan had tried to suggest _he_ go first, but she had declined, and being Kaidan, he hadn't pushed it, refusing to question her authority in front of her team.

Now, Joker almost suffered a heart attack as the docking tube sheared off, leaving her teetering on the edge. His fingers clutched the arms of his seat.

" _Looks like the rest of the team isn't using the docking tube_."

Joker couldn't believe her voice was so cool and calm. He was sweating buckets, here! He covered his fear as he responded. "So, I'm guessing you'd rather not solo the dreadnought."

" _Not if I can help it,_ " she replied, lightly. " _Looks like I'll have to get inside and find another docking tube, then I'll override the controls so the others can join me_."

"I'll notify the boarding party, Commander." He signed off, and passed it on.

" _Everything all right, Jeff_?" Edi asked.

Joker still found it a little weird that she could still register everything going on in the ship even while her 'body' was with the others, waiting in the airlock. "Yeah, of course," he brushed it off.

" _You are exhibiting signs of increased anxiety._ "

"Uh, don't know if you noticed, but we're hovering in the middle of a war zone alongside a geth mega-ship, which the whole quarian fleet - currently encircling us - would like to destroy," he said with sarcasm.

" _It is understandable that you would be concerned for Shepard, Jeff - given previous events._ "

Joker wondered when Edi had learned to psychoanalyse him… "Hey, no one else can hear you, right? I mean you're not standing in that airlock having an apparently one-sided conversation, are you?"

" _No, Jeff. And the deflection has been noted._ "

Joker thought that Edi sounded very amused for an AI.

He watched Shepard enter the geth ship and blew out his relief - which he then thought was kind of crazy when she was now locked inside a dreadnought, alone, with hundreds of geth. Joker shrugged. She could handle it. And he went back to his screens.

-x-

They had reached the drive-core after following the signal here.

Shepard looked up at the horribly familiar-looking metal and cables that were snaked through the geths own tech, but she was confused by something encased within it that she couldn't make out. "That's definitely Reaper tech, but what's-?"

Tali had opened it via a console, and they were all surprised to see the figure inside it revealed.

"Shepard-Commander. Help us."

"Legion!" He was clearly being held in place, his arms trussed above his head. She went to step forward, but Kaidan held her arm.

"Shepard, you can't know that it can still be trusted."

"Legion helped us before. He's against the Reapers. There's no way he would have agreed to this."

"Alenko-Major. Your caution is understandable. Once free, we will submit to any restraints you deem necessary," said Legion.

Kaidan was reasonably satisfied with that, and he trusted Terra's faith in it.

Tali moved forward. "I never thought I'd say this… but it's good to see you again."

"Likewise, Creator Zorah."

"What _is_ this thing?" Garrus asked, as he walked around the contraption that contained Legion.

"It uses our networking architecture to broadcast the Old Machine command signal to all geth, simultaneously."

"Then getting you out of there will shut off the Reaper signal," Shepard assumed.

"Wait. You cannot simply remove the restraints. We are secured via hardware blocks nearby that shackle our operating protocols."

"I am familiar with the concept," said Edi.

"This is the same as the AI shackles Cerberus used to keep you under control?" asked Shepard.

"Yes. Used by organics, it is understandable. For geth to install this in a formerly independent unit is… unnecessary."

Shepard nodded at Tali to get working on it, and the quarian found the correct console. "How long will this take?"

"It should be simple. The geth didn't protect them against physical removal," observed Tali, as her fingers raced across the keypad.

"How'd the Reapers get control of the geth?" Kaidan asked Legion.

"They did not. The Creators attacked. The geth wished to live. The Old Machines extended an offer."

"So we destroyed the heretics for nothing?" Shepard interjected.

"No. Removal of the heretics made the decision to ally with the Old Machines more difficult. Had the Creators not attacked, it would have been an unnecessary choice."

"The geth only allied with the Reapers for self-preservation," clarified Shepard. All of this could have been avoided.

Kaidan could understand the desire to live, but like this…? "At the cost of their free-will?"

"Apparently it was deemed worthy of the sacrifice," responded Legion.

"Damn it!" Tali had paused as she listened. "I begged them to negotiate rather than attack! I did!"

"Let's just get Legion out of there," prompted Shepard.

Tali hit a few more keys. "Got it. Tali'Zorah to fleet. The signal is about to go offline."

" _This is Han'Gerrel. We're in your debt_."

All around Legion the restraints fell away and the platform he was standing on travelled down several floors below Shepard and her team. "Hardware blocks offline. We are free." Then the drive-core energy fizzled out with a crack. "As a gesture of cooperation, we have disabled the dreadnought's drive-core. All weapons and barriers are offline. Alert! Geth reinforcements incoming!"

"Fan out! Tali, Edi and I will hack as many as we can to fight on our side, but it will only be temporary, so don't get complacent," called out Shepard.

Kaidan took over. "Garrus and I will concentrate on bringing down shields. Liara, Vega, there's bound to be Primes, and they're well-fortified."

"I'll crack 'em open in no time, Major," grinned James, whipping out his beloved shotgun.

"I don't have one of those, but I think I can still bring them down," Liara added dryly, as she began to glow with her biotics.

"Legion, are you safe?" Shepard checked over the edge to where he stood.

"Affirmative, but I am unable to assist from here."

"We'll handle it."

The fight was about to begin.

x

" _Xen here. The geth fleet is de-stabilised. The signal is offline_."

" _Civilian fleet, prepare to withdraw,"_ came Raan _. "The Patrol fleet will cover you once the Heavy Fleet is in position. Whenever you're ready, Admiral Gerrel_."….. " _Admiral Gerrel! What are you doing_?"

" _Raan, check your screens! The dreadnought is helpless! No barriers, and the main gun is offline. We can remove their flagship if we strike now_!"

" _Damn it, this is our chance to withdraw the Civilian Fleet safely_!"

Shepard ducked into cover from the small army of geth that were storming in. They'd already taken down a significant number, but still they came. She was livid. Gerrel was losing sight of what was important - or maybe his victory meant more than the thousands of lives he was supposed to be protecting. She exchanged a glance with Kaidan, whose thunderous face told her he was equally unimpressed with Admiral Gerrel.

" _We can't waste this chance. Heavy Fleet, all forward. We're taking out the dreadnought_!"

" _Patrol Fleet. Hold position_!" countered Raan.

" _You do that and the Heavy Fleet gets wiped out! And if we die, a simple retreat won't save you from the geth response_!"

" _Damn you, Gerrel_!"

"Damn it, what are they doing!?" Tali cried out.

"Focus on the geth!" Shepard responded, thinking that surely the Admiral would wait for them to leave. "We'll worry about the Admirals later!"

" _Patrol Fleet, flanking support on the Heavy Fleet. Give them a firing lane_."

They'd cleared the immediate vicinity, and Shepard checked her squad. No serious injuries. Then she moved to look down at Legion.

" _All ships, open fire_!" They all heard Gerrel order.

"What!?" Garrus snarled.

"What are you talking about!? We're still on board!" exclaimed Tali, into her comm.

The ship was rocked violently as the strikes began.

"Shepard-Commander, the Creator fleet is firing upon this vessel. Without barriers, this ship will be destroyed. We must evacuate," Legion told her, before running off, presumably to an exit.

"Does it always state the obvious!?" James grumbled.

Shepard was seething with anger at Gerrel, but she ignored it; it would do her no good right now. "We need to get to the escape pods!" she called out as she started to run, the rest of them following her.

Kaidan had a chill travel through him as that horrible memory of the night when the Collectors destroyed the _Normandy_ crept up on him, unbidden, and with it an overwhelming fear: he couldn't lose her again. He took the rear of the group as would be expected of him, but he wanted to nearer Terra, and his eyes never left her.

" _Geth transmit intelligences via remote signal. We do not use escape pods_ ," informed Legion from wherever he was.

"Suggestions?" questioned Shepard.

" _Geth fighters are docked in the port-side fighter bay. We can pilot a fighter to safety_."

Shepard immediately changed direction, heading to port.

"Uh, he wants us to fly out there in a _geth_ -fighter!? With the _quarians_ right outside!?" James asked, incredulously, as he panted.

"Well, you're welcome to stay here, James!" called back Shepard, who still sounded fresh.

"Point taken!"

An explosion threw them all off their feet, and Kaidan's heart froze when he heard Terra cry out in pain. He launched himself back up, searching for her through the smoke, barely able to hold back the panic. Then he saw her. She was limping, her eyes also searching until they found his. He read her relief before she closed it off behind the commander mask. He did the same. Garrus' forehead was bleeding profusely, as was Shepard's leg. Liara went to tend to her, but she was waved away. Kaidan knew as well as Shepard that there wasn't time.

"Keep moving!" she shouted, as she started awkwardly running again. "Shepard to Fleet! Hold fire! I repeat! Hold fire!"

"They're not responding!" Tali said with shock.

"Damn it!"

" _Shepard-Commander, we have taken control of docking protocols_."

"We'll be right there!" She went to leap across a damaged walkway but another strike had it falling away under her feet. Then she was suspended in air as Kaidan, who had pushed himself frantically forward, caught her in a biotic field and lowered her down. The rest of them slid down to join her.

" _Shepard-Commander, we can only launch from the upper level_."

"Of course. Launching from this level would make this far too easy, huh, Commander?" James muttered, dashing his way up the sloped walkways behind her.

Shepard's leg was hurting like hell, and the extra strain required to ascend the ramps was increasing the pain from her damaged muscle. She knew she was unintentionally slowing down. Determined not to hold her crew up, she stopped to wave them on. "Go, go, go!"

"The bay door is closing!" Liara yelled up ahead.

"Double-time, people!" shouted Kaidan.

"We'll make it!" responded Shepard.

Kaidan came up alongside her and hooked her arm over his shoulder, supporting her weight as they ran. "Vega! Keep an eye on Garrus! He's flagging!" he called out.

"Got him!" James nodded, falling back enough to prop up Garrus, much like Kaidan was with Shepard.

Another explosion and the gravity fields were knocked offline, and they floated off into the air. Legion caught Tali and then James, who still held on to a slightly dazed Garrus. Liara and Edi had grabbed onto the railings and Kaidan and Shepard grabbed hold of the fighter they needed to get into. While Legion got into the one-man cockpit, the rest of them squeezed inside the fighter's cargo section.

" _Normandy to Shepard! You okay over there_!?"

"We're fine, Joker. We're leaving in a geth fighter. Transmitting rendezvous coordinates."

" _I can't believe they're doing this! They completely ignored my broadcasts!_ "

"Were you rude, Joker?"

" _Very! We're supposed to be allies!_ "

"Shepard-Commander. Does the storage compartment have adequate room?"

"Only if you're a sardine!" griped James.

"We do not understand-" started Legion.

"We're fine. Go!" interrupted Shepard, and Legion pulled away from the docking bay and out of the dreadnought.

" _You're_ fine, 'cos you're all cosy with the Major, there," grumbled James. " _I've_ got Scars on my lap!"

"Didn't know you felt that way about me, James," joked Kaidan.

"Not what I meant. This is wrong! Of all the people who could have ended up in my lap - Blue, Sparks, Lola, Edi, and I get _you_ ," he directed at Garrus.

"Carry on like that and you're going to hurt my feelings, Vega," smirked Garrus, blue blood still running down his face.

"Good, 'cos _you're_ hurting my pride, man."

"Should you not just be glad we got off that ship?" suggested Liara, who was barely visible between James and Edi.

"But at what cost, Blue. At what cost?" James replied, seriously.

They all started sniggering, despite the war zone all around them.

-x-

Soon they would be in place to rendezvous with the Admirals again.

Kaidan was cleaning Shepard's armour while she was in the medbay. She'd need a replacement left thigh-piece where it had been breached - Cortez always stocked spare pieces for each of them - but the rest of it was fine beyond the scratches…and blood.

He remembered the piece of armour Liara had in her apartment. A remnant of a dark time. Then he recalled noticing Legion's arm-piece. Shepard's. She'd mentioned it in her 'first-contact' report. It's what made him feel like this now. Knowing she'd been taken from him once.

Kaidan ran his hand over the jagged gash in her leg-piece where the flying metal had torn through - had still been there in her leg, Chakwas saying how close it had come to an artery as she'd carefully removed it from Terra's flesh.

He could still see her when he closed his eyes, running, explosions either side of her, on the SR1, on the dreadnought. How close it could have come to happening again, because of Gerrel…

His anger grew inside him.

-x-

"They fired on the dreadnought while you were on board?" Hackett was appalled at the thought of what could have happened to his daughter.

" _They were supposed to pull their fleet out safely. Instead_ …"

"Got it. Admiral Gerrel's been causing trouble along the turian border for years. But I can understand their desperation. We only lost Earth a few weeks back."

" _We haven't lost Earth yet_." Terra’s voice was a little sharp, and it reminded him to watch his words. Hope was a huge factor in their lives now, and he wasn't alone here.

"You're right, of course. But we need help, Shepard. We need the quarian fleet."

" _I'll get it, Admiral_."

"Keep me posted. Hackett out." He hated switching off. He wanted to talk. Just talk. Father to daughter. He'd never been surrounded by so many people, but those missing resonated loudly enough to obscure the masses around him. He was alone. Hannah was still missing, and he was sending Terra out in the firing line. For the first time he had to admit that if he lost Terra too - again - that he'd lose himself. Duty could only get you so far. He needed something personal to fight for. His daughter was all he had left.

-x-

"I should charge you with treason!" said an incensed Raan, to Gerrel. Xen seemed uninterested.

Kaidan stood at the War room's centre, mutely watching Gerrel pacing towards him, waiting for Terra to finish talking to Hackett, and trying to calm the rage inside him.

"I was within my authority as Admiral of the Heavy Fleet! Shepard and her people escaped unharmed-"

"You wasted your chance to withdraw safely!" Shepard interrupted angrily, descending the steps from the communication area, a residual limp from her healing thigh.

"The dreadnought was a perfect targ-"

Kaidan swung round and punched Gerrel in the stomach, then grabbed the quarians armour, hauling him upright so he had to look Kaidan in the face. "You jeopardised your mission, your people, _and_ ours! Get the _hell_ off this ship!" He shoved Gerrel away from him, realising that Terra had rushed over, her hand on his arm, ready to pull him away.

"Commander? You understand." Gerrel looked to Shepard as though expecting her to override the order.

"You heard the Major. Leave," she reinforced.

Gerrel walked gingerly out of the War room.

"Please, I understand you're angry-" tried Raan.

"If I didn't need your fleet..." Shepard said, pointedly.

Kaidan suddenly felt awful for losing his control.

"He almost killed us, Raan," stressed Tali.

"You must understand, the geth inflicted heavy casualties before you disabled the Reaper signal. At least now, the worst is over. The geth no longer possess the programming upgrades they had while enslaved by the Reapers."

Kaidan turned to Terra. "Excuse me, Commander, but I need to take a moment."

"Of course, Major." Shepard followed his exit with concern. She knew he was beating himself up for what he'd done to Gerrel. It had surprised her to see him snap. She needed to talk to him.

"Shepard-Commander. We are prepared to offer assistance." Legion strolled in.

"What the hell is _this_!?" cried out Raan in fear, and Xen reacted with a jolt.

"Wait, wait - everybody calm down! His name is Legion. He helped me destroy the Collectors. They were using him like a signal booster to broadcast commands from the dreadnought. We freed him."

"It. We freed _it_ ," Tali added.

Xen had recovered quickly, and now encircled Legion like a vulture over carrion. "This is a fascinating prototype. With some study, I may be able to use it-"

"I don't think you want to continue this line of thought, Admiral," Shepard cut in. "Legion is my friend, and our best source of information on the geth."

"The scientific benefits-"

"Are _off_ the table." Her posture had turned aggressive. Shepard would defend her family to the last breath.

Raan, though keeping her distance, addressed Legion. "What will the geth do, now they are no longer under Reaper guidance?"

"This is a false assumption. You have cut off long-range control, but the Old Machines placed a base on Rannoch for short-range direction."

"The geth still have Reaper upgrades!?"

"Correct. They are currently disorganised, but once the short-range signal is in place, they will recover."

"Keelah! I need to warn the fleet. Xen, coordinate with Gerrel. Move!"

Xen left, and Shepard focused on the task.

"We need to take out the Reaper base. Where's it located?"

"Unknown," answered Legion.

"Find it."

"Understood. We do know the location of a server from which geth fighter squadrons are controlled. They are targeting Creator live-ships. Disabling them will limit casualties. We offer assistance."

"Thanks. Joker, take us in to Rannoch. ETA?"

" _Approximately an hour, Commander_."

"Okay, notify the team we'll be heading back out soon. They should rest up while they can."

" _Aye aye_."

Shepard left the war room with Tali behind her. In the lift, the quiet quarian finally spoke.

"I'm sorry, Shepard."

"What on Earth for, Tali?"

"For all of this. For Gerrel-"

"Uh-uh. You can stop that right now. If I have to, I'm prepared to extend the 'no thank you's' policy to 'I'm sorry's' as well."

Tali gave a short sound of amusement. "Okay. I'm going to immerse myself in Engineering. Take my mind off things for a little while."

"Sounds like a good idea," Shepard said as Tali realised that Shepard had already taken them down to Engineering. "See you shortly," she grinned.

Tali exited and just as the doors nearly closed, she called out. "Thank you, Shepard."

Shepard shook her head with a smile. Tali was getting rebellious.

Back up at the cabin, Terra entered to see Kaidan sitting on the end of the bed, his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry, I- I didn't mean to lose it like that. It's just-" he gave a heavy sigh.

"Don't apologise. You did what _I_ wanted to do."

"But you _didn't_ do it. You held back. Because we want _aid_ from these people. I may have just ruined any chance of getting quarian support with that stunt."

She sat beside him and gently nudged him. "He may be an Admiral, but he's also a soldier. I'm sure it wasn't the first time he's taken a hit, and I'll take a bet that it won't be the last. It'll be fine. Besides, there are four more, and one is definitely on our side."

"Gerrel's an asshole. A stupid, short-sighted asshole who can't see that his blinkered view of the geth is getting his own people killed. Hell, it nearly got _you_ killed."

Terra now knew why he'd been so angry. "You mean all of us," she tested.

He shook his head. "'All of us' wasn't the reason I hit him, Terra. Call me selfish, but I did that because he endangered _you_."

"I'm a soldier, Kaidan. My life is always in danger."

"I know that. And I wouldn't change a thing about you. But there's taking risks and then there's risking others’ lives through reckless stupidity." He winced as his headache took a tighter hold.

It amazed Terra just how much she loved this man. "Your head?" she said quietly, her fingers trailing over his temples.

"Yeah."

"Maybe I can help." She stood up to face him, then placed one knee either side of him so she was straddling his lap. Her fingers threaded into his hair, her thumbs circling at his temples, and she kissed him thoroughly, pulling away with his bottom lip between hers.

"Damn, I like this technique." His arms had wrapped around her, and now slipped under her top to caress her skin.

His voice had descended into a smoky heaven as far as Terra was concerned. "Mm, I call it the 'unsubtle distraction'," she whispered against his mouth.

"Well, it's working. Keep going," he ordered.

"Oh, I intend to." Her eyes glimmered with intent and she leant against his chest, pushing him back on the bed-

" _Sorry to bother you, Commander, but surprise, surprise, Admiral Raan has got an emergency!_ "

She heaved herself upright with a frustrated curse. "Put her through."

Kaidan's hands dropped to her thighs, still pinning him down, and listened.

" _Commander, a planetary defence cannon just took down Admiral Koris' ship. He sacrificed it to take the cannon out_."

"Survivors?"

Kaidan propped himself up on his elbows.

" _They got to escape pods. They've crash-landed on the home-world_. _We only have a rough location. Something is blocking the distress signals from the pods, but I believe it is not too far from the server you were heading to._ "

"We'll assist with rescue efforts."

" _Thank you, Commander_."

Terra moved off Kaidan to sit on the edge where they'd started, straightening her uniform as he sat up beside her.

"Server?"

"Legion said it's where the geth-fighters that are targeting the live-ships are sent from. The sooner we bring them down the less civilian ships will be lost."

"Two time-sensitive missions. We'll need to split," Kaidan said.

"Yeah. I'll go with Legion to deal with the server, you can then take the shuttle over to Koris and his people."

"Got it." They stood up. "Let's hope Koris is alive. Asides from Tali, he seems to be the only Admiral to be open-minded when it comes to the geth."

"Agreed. He's important."

"Do you still think it's even possible to salvage this with both sides intact?"

"I don't know. But we have to try."

"Yes, we do," he smiled. Then he gave in to his urge and hugged her to him. "Did I tell you how much I missed you?"

Terra held him back, enjoying the support and love he offered. "I think so. But it never hurts to say it again," she grinned up at him.

"I'd much rather show you…" He kissed her like it would be his last.

She sounded her pleasure from her throat, having to pull herself away. "This is revenge for teasing you over my dad, isn't it?"

"Then it's seriously back-fired," he frowned as he adjusted his trousers.

Terra laughed. "Well, you need to get yourself in order, Major, because we've now got _two_ missions to plan and a lot to debrief the squad with." She led the way to the elevator.

"Aye, aye, Ma'am, but when we get back…you're mine."

One brow rose, along with one corner of her mouth. "Yes, Sir."

**-x-**


	59. An Admiral's Weight and a Virtual City

"Wait a minute! You want Shepard to virtually interact with the geth!?" Kaidan faced Legion, in disbelief. The shuttle jostled them about as it flew over the surface of Rannoch, and he tightened his hold on the hand-grip above his head.

"That's insane!" agreed Tali. "You're talking about a virtual world built for synthetics. Hostile geth synthetics!

Legion, of course, gave no visible response. "We have equipment from Normandy to facilitate safe contact." He returned his focus to Shepard. "Shepard-Commander. We request your trust."

"You have it, Legion-"

"Shepard!" Kaidan wasn't sure about this. Anything that involved her mentally interacting with anything 'alien' concerned him. He still remembered the effect of those prothean beacons. He didn't have the same trust that Terra did in this synthetic. He needed to know more. "Why do you need Shepard to enter in the first place?"

"Shepard-Commander is an unknown. This is an advantage. Geth security is not adept at targeting organic thought processes. While we occupy the system's intrusion countermeasures, Shepard-Commander can disable the squadrons by removing the geth from the server."

"If it saves the live-ships, we've got to try it," reasoned Shepard.

Legion seemed to acknowledge Kaidan's discomfort. "We predict this operation has a high chance of success." Then he turned to Shepard. "We will bypass security while you secure safe landing." He opened the shuttle door without further warning.

"Wait, you're not going to-"

Legion dropped out, and James closed the hatch.

"Oh yes, he did! Haha! Crazy machines! That's kinda cool, though."

Kaidan ignored James. "Shepard…" But he didn't know what he could say. It was just as important to bring this server down as it was before he knew exactly what it entailed. And Terra never baulked from anything. He wanted to do this instead of her, but he had an idea that Legion wouldn't want anyone else. It trusted _her_. Terra returned his gaze and managed to send him a look that told him she understood his worries, that she didn't fear this, and that she loved him.

"I'll be fine," was all she vocalised.

Cortez landed the shuttle a short distance from where the server was located, and Garrus and Liara exited.

"Stay safe in there," Kaidan bid Shepard.

She jumped out of the shuttle, and looked back up at him. "See you soon. And good luck." Then she banged on the side to tell Cortez she was clear and the shuttle rose up. Kaidan didn't close the door until she was out of sight.

" _Major Alenko, this is Admiral Xen. Have you reached Zaal'Koris' escape pod_?"

"Not yet, but we're closing in. What's your status?"

" _The civilian fleet have suffered significant losses. Searching for their Admiral is the only thing keeping the Captains from panicking. Without him, some of our non-combatants are planning to leave the flotilla. They've deluded themselves that they can reach the mass relay in time_."

"They'll be torn to pieces!" Tali said in horror.

" _Indeed_."

"Except the geth would have ignored 'em if you hadn't stuck guns on them," James added. "What was it Joker called them? Glass cannons."

" _I think we've already been over this. It was necessary_."

Kaidan hated Xen's blasé attitude. "None of this was necessary."

" _On the contrary_ -" The communication channel turned to static.

"The connection has been lost, Major," Edi responded.

"What a shame," Kaidan muttered, insincerely.

"Pendejo admirals," cursed James.

"Ahem."

"Sorry, Sparks. Obviously you're the exception."

"Obviously," Tali said wryly.

"It appears that we are coming in range of a geth jamming tower. We will need to disable it in order to contact Admiral Koris," informed Edi.

"Is this jamming going to be a problem for _you_?" checked Kaidan.

"It is likely that I will experience signal loss with my systems on the Normandy, but this unit will remain functional."

The shuttle suddenly started taking heavy fire.

"We've got two AA guns beside the jamming tower! Evading!" Cortez called out.

"Drop us off as close as you can. We'll disable them so you can take out the tower."

"Aye, aye, Major."

Cortez landed on a small stretch of beach and they left the shuttle.

x

Shepard and her team had entered the facility with no resistance. Inside, the few geth patrolling had already been taken care of by Legion, who they now re-joined. He worked at a console.

"This is it?" She had no real idea what she was looking at.

"Yes. Proceed to docking port." Legion gestured to an empty pod, like several along the walkway they now stood in, only the others were occupied by geth Primes linked into the server and currently sending out squadrons to attack the easy targets the quarians had made of their live-ships.

"For the record, I'm with Kaidan on this one: I don't like this, either," said Garrus, as she stepped up into the pod.

"Noted." She let the pod close.

"And disregarded," he muttered under his breath, though he'd expected nothing different from his friend.

Inside the pod, Shepard was looking around her, hoping this wasn't going to involve anything invasive - wishing she'd checked first, then concluding she'd still have done it anyway - then a scanner began trailing over her.

"Remain still," advised Legion, with infinite patience.

She did as she was told, though she suddenly felt very fidgety inside. In a flash, the image before her changed, and despite knowing her body was still in the pod inside the facility, everything around her said she was not. She looked down at herself. She was all there. She made a tentative step forward and 'virtually' exited the pod. Legion appeared before her like a holographic image.

"Shepard-Commander, we acknowledge your integration into this server. We welcome you to our consensus."

She thought he sounded rather proud. Like bringing someone home for the first time. She was the first organic to do this, and she found the trust he'd placed in her extremely humbling.

This environment was strange. Wide spaces and walls. Everything in blocks. Platforms appeared from nowhere creating a pathway. "Hm. Very minimal. I like it," she joked, more for her own peace of mind. This was far from normal, and she was way out of her depth and fully aware that she was now completely dependent on Legion.

...

Outside the pod, Garrus paced restlessly.

"She'll be fine, Garrus," assured Liara.

He halted in front of her, a frown on his face. "How can you be so calm?"

"Maybe I just hide it better," she said, clearly amused at his demeanour.

His frown deepened. "I think I liked it better when I thought you were reassuringly serene about what's happening. Now I'm imagining you're a frantic mess inside." He gave a heavy sigh. "You'd think I'd be used to her doing things like this by now. But, no."

"Shepard does have a tendency to find unique situations to place herself in," Liara said with affection.

"Unique!? This is downright crazy!" His arm flailed wildly out to gesture at the pod Shepard was seemingly asleep in.

There was silence as they waited. Garrus resumed his pacing. And waited. He stopped at the equally still Legion, then looked over at Liara.

"You know how to get her out of there, right?"

"No clue."

He stared at Liara, off-balanced by her short and dismaying answer. "Spirits."

-x-

So far they'd found no survivors from the few pods they'd come across on their way to the AA guns, but it wasn't because the quarians hadn't survived the crash - they had all been shot by the geth. It was a sad waste of life, Kaidan thought, knowing that most of those crashed here would have had no combat training, whatsoever. These people had stood no chance. Koris wasn't among them, however, and at least the Admiral had some experience with a gun. There was still hope.

Kaidan and his team had made it through the defending geth to the first AA gun. Edi now stood at its console, breaking through the security to stop the gun. But there was no let-up for the rest of them as the geth reinforcements arrived.

"Vega, get on that turret!"

"Yes, Sir!" James jumped up into the gun turret, gleefully, turning the geths own weapon against them.

"Tali, we need to distract them from Edi." Kaidan moved into a position that would draw any fire away, and Tali joined him behind cover.

James gave a "WOO-HOOOOO!" as he bombarded the approaching geth with heavy fire.

Tali shook her head in amusement as she ducked back down in time for a rocket to miss her head. "He's like a child with a new toy." She popped back up to hack the rocket-carrying geth unit and it turned on its fellows, taking four out with one blast.

"If he's shredding geth, let him play." Kaidan caught sight of a Hunter phasing out of view and sent an overload that immediately brought down its shields and made it visible again, then Tali hacked that unit too.

James was decimating the attacking geth, leaving only a few for the rest of them to pick off. The sound of the AA gun firing behind them, suddenly stopped. Edi was finished. James downed the last of the enemy and left his place at the turret, disappointed there weren't more.

Kaidan checked them over. No injuries. "Good job. Now let's get that second gun down."

x

"This is like wiping out a city, isn't it?" Shepard had blasted through any infected code with her virtual gun, disrupting it so they could proceed. It was a manifestation of the Reaper signal, and it had invaded everywhere.

"We have no choice in this matter. It is a question of survival," responded Legion.

She took out the last of the Reaper infection around the server.

"Connection to data cluster, established," informed Legion as he worked on some kind of virtual orb in front of him.

Shepard looked up as an image appeared. A recording began to play out.

...

Outside the pod, Garrus was pacing the length of the walkway with more agitation. Liara however, hadn't moved from in front of Shepard's pod, her eyes barely leaving her friend's face.

" _Commander, are you there_?"

Liara answered. "Yes, technically. The Commander is unable to respond at present. What is your status, Admiral Raan?"

" _The geth squadrons have arrived, but something is amiss_."

That caught Garrus' attention and he strolled back to Liara.

" _Half their fighters have stopped functioning. We will continue to hold out_."

Liara signed off and looked at Garrus. "That is a positive sign."

Garrus turned to the pod. "Come on, Shepard," he muttered under his breath.

-x-

The second tower went down and Kaidan sent up a flare to signal Cortez. The shuttle appeared and shot out the tower. Immediately, their communication channels were back.

" _This is Admiral Koris, does anyone read_?"

Kaidan followed his squad to the landing shuttle. "This is Major Alenko, Admiral. We're coming in with a shuttle. Where are you?"

" _My surviving crew found their way to a clearing. I'll upload their location. But the geth have cut me off. I can't get there. Just get my people out of here_!"

Kaidan jumped into the shuttle and nodded at Cortez who began to head towards the only location they had. "We need _you_ , Admiral." It was hard to say, but there were bigger issues than one crew. As Xen had told it, the Civilian Fleet needed their Admiral to hold them together, and Earth needed the quarian support. That meant ending this war with the geth, and Koris, with his more peaceful views, would be paramount in achieving that.

" _My people are non-combatants, Major. They'll be slaughtered_!"

"Admiral, we need you leading the Civilian Fleet if we're going to end this fight."

" _You can't possibly think you can stop this war_!"

"I don't know," Kaidan answered, honestly. "What I do know is that we can't do it without your help. Without you, there'll be even heavier losses, because the Civilian Fleet are splitting apart."

" _I can't abandon my crew_!"

"I don't envy your position, Admiral, but what about those people up _there_? Are their lives worth losing to save a few?" Kaidan didn't like the words as he uttered them, but he was desperate.

"And I can't fight the other Admirals by myself, Koris," added Tali.

There was a pause that felt like an age. " _Ancestors, forgive me. Uploading my coordinates_."

"Got them, Major," called out Cortez. "It's close by."

"We're on our way, Admiral," signed off Kaidan. "Cortez, bring up the heavy gun."

"Yes, Sir."

A panel in the floor of the shuttle opened and the gun unfolded before James' very wide eyes. "When did we get one of these!?" he asked with surprised admiration.

"Thought you'd like that particular upgrade, Mr Vega," grinned Cortez, though he never took his eyes from his task.

"Oh, Esteban! I could kiss you!"

"You don't swing that way, remember?"

"Right. Nearly forgot there."

As soon as it had finished locking into place, James was up on his feet. "Major…" His eyes begged Kaidan.

"Alright, Vega. But make every shot count. We can't lose Koris."

"You got it, Sir." James grabbed hold of the gun in readiness.

"These are the coordinates, Major," said Cortez.

The shuttle doors were opened and Edi immediately got a visual on Koris, as well as the geth troop heading in his direction. Now to keep them off the Admiral long enough to get him into the shuttle.

x

Shepard had blasted through the last of the Reaper code, Legion replaying more memories. They formed a sad account. The geth had been designed to serve their Creators, and when they had surpassed their expected parameters, they had been turned on. She could still hear the geth unit - Legion himself, she was sure - asking why. They were like children, betrayed by their parents. They didn't understand why things had changed, why their Creators wanted to destroy them. But they had the desire to live, and they fought for that. It was a concept Shepard understood only too well. The memory she watched now was footage of the quarians departing their home-world while they noted that the geth were falling back.

"We had secured freedom" explained Legion. "The Creators were no longer a threat, so we abandoned pursuit."

"The geth spared the last quarians? You _let_ them go?"

"We could not calculate the repercussion of destroying an entire species - our Creators. We chose isolation rather than face this uncertainty."

Shepard knew one thing. None of this needed to happen. The quarian people had panicked. They'd created life, but had reacted as though they were dealing with something that was non-sapient.

"Additional data recovered."

This memory she recognised. "Legion! That's back when I activated you on the Normandy."

"Yes."

"You've been thinking about when we met?"

"It was highly significant. You were the first organic to openly cooperate with geth since the Morning War. We wish to ensure you are not the last."

After the way they'd been treated, it amazed Shepard that Legion still felt that way - synthetic or not. "It's not going to be easy," she warned.

"Your friendship is proof that the prospect remains. If the Reaper presence is removed there is a chance of reunification with geth - and perhaps Creators."

"You think that's still possible?"

"Hope sustains organics through periods of difficulty. We…admire the concept."

That sounded very much like Edi. Legion was so much more than the quarians could comprehend.

...

" _Something is happening to the geth!_ " came Raan's voice. " _The fighter squadrons have stopped. We detect no more active programs inside their ships. Gerrel's fleet is driving them back. The live-ships are safe_."

Garrus hustled back next to Liara. "About time. She'll be coming out now, right?"

Liara merely nodded.

Neither of them relaxed.

...

"Severing all connection to this communication node. The geth no longer reside on this server. We may now exit the Consensus."

Shepard hurried back to the virtual pod and stepped inside, glad this was over.

"Terminating remote access. Removing programs. Deleting archives."

She came to with a start, and made an ungraceful exit as the real pod door opened.

"Shepard, tell me you're fine," Garrus demanded.

She nodded, her mind elsewhere. "Did it work?"

"It worked," confirmed Liara. "The fighters are down, and the Civilian Fleet is safe."

All around them the pods began opening, geth Primes emerging.

"Are you sure?" Shepard frowned as they armed themselves. "What's happening?" she flung at Legion.

"We have transferred geth programs from the server into these platforms."

"Why!?"

"They wish to join us."

"They what!?" Garrus blurted.

"While Shepard-Commander removed the Reaper infection, we judged we could persuade hostile geth programs to reunite with ours. We were correct. These geth have renounced the Old Machines, and will oppose the Reapers. _They_ are now _us_."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" Shepard wanted to know. There was an issue of mistrust she hadn't expected.

"We did not doubt you. We doubted your allies. The Creators actions have placed their species in danger, but they are unsympathetic to what it has done to ours. The quarians sanctioned this operation to save their people. They would not have done so if they knew we wished to preserve geth as well."

"That still sounds downright deceitful," Garrus complained. "Tali would freak if she were here."

"I can understand not wanting to leave anyone behind," offered Shepard.

"You accept our actions?" Legion sounded almost surprised.

"Do we?" Garrus asked, dubiously.

"The live-ships are safe and we have more geth on our side. We both did what we came to do," she responded, as much to Garrus as to Legion.

"We judged you would understand. Prime units will be available once the Reaper signal has been located and destroyed," Legion confirmed.

"Then let’s get back to Normandy. Cortez, do you copy?"

" _Copy, Commander_."

"What's your mission status?"

" _We have the Admiral, Commander. Heading your way now. ETA: five minutes_."

"Understood. We'll be ready and waiting, Lieutenant."

She signed off, and they made their way out to meet up with the shuttle. Two successes. Now she needed just one more. One really big one.

-x-

They listened to Shepard's recounting of her time in the Consensus and the result of the mission, as the shuttle headed back to the _Normandy_.

"What!? And you didn't even bring me back _one_ geth Prime, Lola!? Esteban got a geth fighter!"

"Sorry to disappoint you, James, but it's too dangerous until we've found and dealt with that Reaper base. And we're not keeping the fighter."

"Man, I really wanted a Prime," James grumbled.

Shepard rolled her eyes at his pout, and Kaidan had to smile as he ran his eyes over her. She was fine. She was beautiful. She was his. Then her eyes caught his, a small tug at the corner of her mouth, her dark eyes telling him she was looking forward to some down-time with him, and Kaidan was already there in his head.

Cortez looked over his shoulder. "Commander, I've got Admiral Raan on screen requesting to speak with you."

Shepard went to the cockpit, Kaidan joining her. "Put her through."

" _Commander, we've located the Reaper base transmitting the local signal_."

Terra inwardly sighed. A break would have to wait. "Good. Send the coordinates."

Legion came in as another screen changed to pinpoint the location. His movement into the cockpit had attracted Shepard's attention.

"Legion?"

"Once the signal is disabled, the geth will pose no threat to Creator forces."

Kaidan frowned. "You sound conflicted."

"While the Old Machines have unethical purposes, their upgrades have vastly improved our people. Observe."

It brought up an image of a geth unit's processing cell. However, it was far from what could be considered usual for a geth unit. It now showed the ability to think more intelligently on its own, without the need to be connected to others.

" _That's a fully evolved AI!"_ exclaimed Raan, seeing the image from her place at the War room console.

"Yes. We do not agree with the goals of the Old Machines, but we find this growth… beautiful. Indicative of life."

"Complex, maybe, but alive?" challenged Kaidan.

"It is," Shepard murmured, as she stared at the cell.

" _Commander_!"

"Come on, Admiral. That's a living creature, no matter what platform it's running on."

"They have evolved," Legion added.

"By the ancestors!" whispered Koris, who had been sitting in the co-pilot's seat, needing the relative peace of the cockpit to mourn the loss of his crew.

"They've been upgraded," reasoned Kaidan, again playing devil's advocate.

"And they will die for it," stated Legion.

That simple statement had Kaidan re-assessing. After hearing what Terra had said about the memories she'd witnessed, it truly didn't seem fair. The geth had merely reacted to events to protect themselves.

"It's a tragedy," Koris said morosely.

" _They allied with the Reapers_!" Raan argued.

"To save themselves from you," Legion countered.

" _They made the choice_."

"What choice did we leave them, Raan?" questioned Koris, sadly.

"Maybe they don't have to die," interjected Shepard, her thoughts churning over.

" _Just because this one appears friendly-_ "

"Well, it hasn't fired on a ship with me aboard it," she snapped back.

"Shepard, what are you suggesting?" Tali said from behind her, her quiet voice tinged with concern.

Terra reined herself in, ashamed at her remark. She was internally conflicted, and had spoken without thought. "Nothing," she assured Tali. "All I'm saying is maybe they don't all have to die."

Kaidan saw her unease, understood it. She wanted to save them all, but it was more likely that a side would have to be chosen. "It's a moot point until we take out that base." He was inferring that they had time to consider all this - the implications - and Terra nodded at him. "Admiral Raan, what has the Normandy picked up about this location?" Kaidan asked.

" _The surrounding area is heavily fortified, and they've placed jamming towers to prevent orbital targeting_."

"So we're going in on foot."

" _Admiral Xen has developed a laser guidance system that can cut through the jamming. It's synced to the Normandy's targeting computer_."

"That ought to do it," said Shepard.

"The geth will quickly reconfigure their jamming towers to neutralise this technology," said Edi. Though her body wasn't physically in the cockpit, she could see everything going on within _Normandy_. "You should not use it before reaching the base."

The shuttle was entering _Normandy's_ bay.

"Then we're clear to go," Shepard said, then addressed her team. "There's no time to waste. We need a quick turnaround, people. Everyone's to re-load, re-fuel, and be ready to head out in forty." The shuttle was now shutting down and they began to file out. "Admiral Koris, we'll get you back to your Fleet before we collect Admiral Xen's targeting gun."

"Thank you, Commander, and may the Ancestors grant you success."

The Admiral made no move to leave the shuttle. He needed time. She left him there and went to quickly get out of her armour, if only for a little while. She noticed Kaidan paused outside the elevator, his omnitool raised. By the time she had made it over, he'd finished reading his message and stepped into the lift, waiting for her to join him. She saw he was deep in sad thoughts, but Cortez and James squeezed in and she held her tongue. They all alighted on the Crew deck, but where everyone else had headed straight for the Mess to grab a bite, Kaidan went to the Observation room. Terra followed the others to the Mess to do what was necessary. It was food on the go, and she got a double ration for Kaidan, then headed to his hide-out. Terra opened the door to see Kaidan standing at the viewing window, staring out intently with one arm braced against it. She hesitated, not wanting to invade his space. Kaidan must have seen her reflection, and turned with a welcoming smile.

"Hey."

"I don't want to disturb you if you need time alone."

"From you? Never." He held out his hand for her to join him.

Terra went to him, entwining her fingers with his, and he held her close, his cheek resting atop her head as she laid hers on his shoulder. They stood and gazed out at the stars. It was hard to believe that just a short distance away the quarians were fighting the geth.

"All seems so calm from here. But people are going through hell in a million different ways."

"What's wrong?" she asked gently.

"Your father had some info for me. My mom's safe, but uh…my dad's…. He's MIA."

"MIA? He went to help fight?"

"Uh huh. Left mom at the orchard and went to do his part. I'm not surprised. I don't imagine you ever lose the soldier in you, no matter how long you've been retired."

"I'm sorry, Kaidan. But just because he can't be found, doesn't mean the worst."

"Yeah. It just means we have to worry a little longer," he said, resignedly.

"Right." She thought about her mother, then shut it down. It was painful to consider, and this moment wasn't about her.

"Now my mother's out there, facing all this by herself…."

Terra had no idea how to make it better for him. Words were insufficient for something like this, so she turned herself into him, encircling him with her arms. Comfort was all she had to offer.

Kaidan revelled in her embrace. He wasn't alone in this. "I want to be back on Earth, fighting, but I want to be here, too, you know?"

"I feel the same." She heard his stomach telling him it was empty and she remembered the food, pulling away. "Here. You need to eat before the next mission." She offered the high-energy snacks she'd stuffed into her pocket.

"Thanks." He took them and went to sit down. "Join me?"

"Why, Major Alenko, you take me to all the nicest places," she teased, as she sat beside him, opening her own snack bar.

Kaidan laughed. "Yeah, I should probably do something about that the next time we're on the Citadel. Take some time to really sit down together, just the two of us, with a nice meal and a bottle of the galaxy's finest."

"Sounds good," she smiled.

"Sounds really good." He reached out and brushed a loose strand back from her face, tucking it behind her ear, then leant to kiss her. He wanted to linger longer, but time wouldn't stand still for them. So they settled back and enjoyed each other's presence as they quickly ate.

-x-

"Sir, we've intercepted a call from the Eden Prime colony. They've discovered another prothean artifact."

That got the Illusive Man's attention. Considering where this all started, this could be what they were looking for. Either way, he wanted it. "Send in a full strike force. I want that artifact."

"Yes, Sir. We think we may also have a lead on our missing scientists. There's reason to believe they've been hiding out in one of our empty facilities. We're narrowing down the search now."

"Hiding right under our noses. Smart. I should have expected as much. Good work, Jan."

"Thank you. And I believe Henry Lawson was waiting to speak with you."

"Dismissed." He waited until Jan had left before opening up the communication with Sanctuary. "Henry, what do you have for me?"

" _We've done it. We've found a way to co-opt their control signal. As long as the Reaper troops remain in close proximity to our signal, we can maintain control indefinitely_."

Finally, the end was within his grasp, and the Illusive Man felt unstoppable. "Excellent news. And how could we extrapolate this technique to apply to the Reapers themselves?"

" _That's a much bigger challenge, but Miranda's got our best working on it."_

The Illusive Man wasn't impressed by that. He wanted more, and now, but he forced out the patient, reasonable side of himself. "I'm sure you won't let me down, Henry. But time is of the essence."

" _We'll get it done_. _Lawson, out_."

-x-

" _Agent Lawson, we have a problem in sector D9_."

Miranda gritted her teeth in irritation at the interruption, and her fingers remained poised over the keypad on her desk. "What is it?"

" _We have a murder._ "

"Murder?" That was unexpected. The refugees had no need to fight over food or quarters; they were supplied in abundance to keep them nice and happy until she had need for them.

" _We already have the perpetrator. Killed a couple and their teenage son in their quarters - the family had been ear-marked for conversion into Cerberus. We found their killer in the middle of his…'work'. We ran a check on him: he's an escapee from Purgatory._ "

Miranda found that interesting. He could be a good candidate for conversion too. "Send me his info." Her tool immediately beeped, and she ran through it. Billy…. She smiled to herself. "Well, well," she murmured, remembering the message that had come through the _Normandy_ for Shepard. "Bring him to my office. Make sure he sees nothing."

Five minutes later, Billy was seated across from her, arrogantly leaning back in his chair. He was in his mid-twenties, brown hair, very dark brown eyes, and rather nondescript.

"Billy. Former resident of Purgatory. I was the one who released you."

His eyes squinted for a second. "That was Commander Shepard."

"No, actually. She'd have left you to rot." Even now the mention of that woman’s name – the woman _she_ re-created – filled her with an angry contempt.

Billy leaned forward, his eyes turning cold and fixed onto hers. "Did you shoot at me, too?"

She saw the depravity, but it didn’t have the effect he wanted. To her, it was something to be harnessed for her own use, not feared. "No. That was Shepard. I'm thinking that a man like you might want restitution for that. And as it happens, I want her dead, too. I think you could do that for me, and we'd both get what we want."

"Why should I care about what you want?"

"Because with my resources I can get you in the right place to get to Shepard. And this is your only chance to keep your freedom."

Billy thought about it. "You mean I have to leave Sanctuary. With those things out there, it doesn't seem very smart."

Miranda knew Billy was far from smart - you didn't make a kill like that in a facility that was constantly patrolled and under surveillance. Billy was driven by his base needs for the satisfaction and the thrill he got from his victims. "Don't worry. You deal with Shepard and I'll forget what you did here. You'll get a ride straight back."

He leaned back again, folding his arms with a look that said he held all the cards. Miranda was more than happy to let him continue in that false assumption. "I want to be fast-tracked to the top of the list, too."

Miranda smirked. "I'll guarantee it."

"Then I think I could do that."

"Of course you can. I see you like to carve your name in your victims…" She was looking at crime scene photos; he was a vicious man, and that was just perfect.

"It's my M.O.," he said proudly.

Miranda looked at him intently, seeing him as the pleasantly unexpected tool he was. "I want you to carve _mine_ on Shepard. And I want you to make sure she feels _every_ cut."

Billy smiled, nastily. "And your name is…?"

**-x-**


	60. Goodbyes and Homecomings

Kaidan saw Shepard fall from the high platform as the shockwave from _Normandy's_ strike on the Reaper base knocked her off balance. It shocked him. She'd had enough time to get back, just like the rest of them. Liara jumped over the edge to help Shepard, using her biotics to slow her descent. Kaidan wished he could do the same. Instead, he hustled back to the lift, with the others.

.

Shepard!" Liara called as she went to her.

Shepard scrambled back to her feet, ignoring her complaining body as Liara helped her up - the silhouette rising from the now unshielded base told her they had bigger concerns. "Reaper!"

" _Shepard-Commander, we have located transportation_."

"Copy that! Everyone get to Legion. Move!" she shouted as the others caught up with her.

"That's not good," observed Garrus as the Reaper began emerging.

"Holy crap!" James exclaimed.

"How are we supposed to fight that thing?" Tali cried out as she ran beside Shepard.

"I was hoping your fleet might lend a hand!" Shepard yelled out as they ran.

"Don't suppose Rannoch has a daddy thresher maw handy!?" panted James.

They jumped into Legion's commandeered ground vessel, with James taking the gun turret.

"We'll attempt evasive manoeuvres," informed Legion.

"Shepard to Fleet! It's not a Reaper base! It's a live Reaper! I need an orbital strike!" She kept her eyes on the viewing screen. It was the same kind of Reaper as the one on Tuchanka. She could hear James firing wildly at it, but it would have little effect. Once they had gained a reasonable distance, she connected with the Fleet. "We're clear! Fire at will!"

Above them, Gerrel's ships, along with the _Normandy_ , bombarded the Reaper. Most of it had little effect, but then one strike must have hit a vulnerable place and the Reaper went down, though readings indicated it was still functional, its programming just interrupted while it fixed itself.

" _What did we hit_?" demanded Gerrel.

"James?" checked Shepard.

" _The firing chamber. Looks like a weak spot when it's priming_ ," he stated, having a better view.

" _Damn it. Their jamming towers have us targeting manually. We can't make a precision shot,_ " cursed Gerrel.

"We may escape before it recovers," suggested Legion.

"No," said Shepard, but as determined as she sounded, she felt so unbelievably tired, and she rubbed her hands over her eyes as though she could swipe it away.

Kaidan saw it. Her fall earlier had been playing on his mind. She should have been able to get back from the platform earlier, as the rest of them had, but she hadn't reacted quickly enough. That wasn't like her.

"Shepard-Commander?" questioned Legion.

"If we run away the geth stay under Reaper control and the quarians are dead. This ends now. Edi, patch the quarians into Normandy's weapon systems. I want the targeting laser synced up to the whole damn fleet."

"Understood."

"Do you need assistance?" Legion asked.

"Just stay back. I'll take it from here." She went to exit the vehicle, but Kaidan stopped her.

"No, you won't. _I'm_ doing this." He took Xen's prototype from Terra's hands.

"What?" Shepard said in shock

"You're exhausted," he said quietly.

She started to protest. "I'm fine-"

"This isn't up for debate, Commander," he interrupted, a no-nonsense look on his face as he asserted his authority, and jumped out.

Shepard was gob-smacked. Was it really that obvious she was fatigued?

"Alenko-Major. Good luck," said Legion.

"Acknowledged. Alenko to fleet. I'll paint the weak spot. Link up to the Normandy and be ready to fire."

Shepard watched him run back towards the Reaper and her fear for him threatened to overwhelm her. She knew he was in top shape - that if anyone could do this, it was him - but to be able to do nothing except watch was going to make her insane.

The silence and tension inside the vehicle was palpable as they were glued to the screens.

...

Kaidan waited until the Reaper opened its firing chamber. He was already sighting down, pulling the trigger to paint the spot, waiting while the targeting laser zoned in, the Reaper's chamber glowing as it primed. It barely started emitting its powerful blast before the ships above him locked on and sent down another bombardment, all precision hits. It was knocked down, but it got back up again, getting closer.

...

Terra watched as Kaidan targeted it two more times, but it still got back up, getting closer to him. He was going to have less time to lock on. He was painting the target again, but the Reaper's beam was already heading towards him. He dived at the last minute, hardly losing his target in the process and the ships locked on again. The explosions were impressive but the Reaper still got up again. Terra couldn't stand to see it like this and leapt out of the vehicle to clamber on top, James moving over to share the turret space.

"He's gonna do this, Lola."

She couldn't respond. The Reaper was so close to Kaidan. Too close. He targeted as it primed, its deadly beam thundering a trail towards him. He rolled aside at the last moment, and was smoothly back on his feet and running sideways as the beam followed. Everything went into slow motion. Kaidan was still targeting, but he was running out of room, the rock cliff would prevent him from going any further. Terra's heart seized as she prayed the _Normandy_ and quarian fleet would lock on in time.

The beam was mere inches away when their strikes finally rained down.

The view in front of Kaidan was obscured by smoke and the dust from Rannoch's surface. Hardly breathing, they all waited for any movement beyond the settling curtain.

There was nothing. This time it had stayed down.

Beside her, James hollered a victory cheer. Terra's hands unclenched from the metal surrounding her, her eyes now on Kaidan as she let out the air she'd been holding. He was bent over with his hands on his knees, and Terra knew the adrenaline that would have been coursing through him was now leaving him feeling shattered.

"Legion, bring us around."

She barely heard James' excited chatter beside her. Her attention was fully on the man who'd just placed himself right in the path of a Reaper in order to bring it down, because _she_ wasn't fit to. She could have lost him. He met her eyes as they closed in on his position; they were filled with relief and triumph, and she could only smile as she jumped down to meet him. The desire to kiss him stupid was almost overpowering, but they were on duty.

" **Shepard** ," came a deep, resonating synthetic voice from below them, jarring them back to reality.

Kaidan and Shepard moved to the edge to look at the Reaper, still unmoving, but now focused on them.

" **You resist. But you will fail. The cycle must continue**."

"You're damn right I resist. Your 'cycle' _can't_ continue."

" **We must bring order to the chaos of organics. Without the cycle, organics are doomed. We are your salvation. Your only hope**."

Shepard was disgusted. "We'll find our _own_ salvation. We'll find our _own_ hope. You and your kind will end up the same way whatever species who built you did. Dead. And we'll offer you the same mercy you have to every species you've wiped out. _We_ will deliver them justice. _We_ will deliver _your_ destruction. _Your_ time is coming to an end."

The Reaper shut down.

Kaidan could hear the others behind them, Terra's confident words renewing them. He felt the same. He'd never been prouder to stand beside her.

Tali joined them, peering down at the mass of metal. "We did it! We killed a Reaper!"

Shepard shrugged. "It's not the first," she said with deliberate glibness.

"And it won't be the last," joined in Kaidan.

"We can confirm that the geth are no longer being controlled by the Old Machines. We are free," said Legion. They turned to him.

" _You did it! The geth fleet have stopped firing! They're completely vulnerable_!" came Gerrel's voice.

"Shepard-Commander. The geth only acted in defence after the Creators attacked. Do _we_ deserve death?"

Shepard's heart twisted for him. "No."

"Our upgrades. With the Old Machine dead, we could upload them to all geth without sacrificing their independence."

" _Your_ upgrades? You mean you had also been infected?"

"This unit carries remnants of the Old Machine's code," he confirmed.

"And you want to _upload_ the Reaper code!?" Tali asked in disbelief. "That would make the geth as smart as when the _Reaper_ was controlling them!"

"Yes, but with free will. Each geth unit would be a true intelligence. We would be alive, and we could help you."

"Our fleet is already attacking! Uploading the code would destroy us! Shepard, you can't chose the geth over my people!"

Shepard was mortified - frozen in a moment that would change everything. Kaidan gripped her hand in support, and her thoughts cleared. "Legion. Upload the code to the geth. Tali, call off the Fleet if you can."

Legion began to work, interfacing with something. "Uploading. Ten percent."

"This is Admiral Tali'Zorah. All units: break off your attack!" she said in desperation.

" _Belay that order! Continue the attack!_ " over-rode Gerrel.

"Twenty percent."

Tali was frantic, swinging between Shepard and Legion. "I beg you! Do not do this! _Please_!"

"We do not want the deaths of the Creators, but we want to live," reasoned Legion. "We see no alternative. Forty percent."

Tali didn't understand Terra's choice, but Kaidan did. "Tali, the quarian people have done the wrong thing by the geth. Now they have the chance to do the _right_ thing. It's up to you and your people to take it."

"Legion. Keep going," Shepard said, her face hiding the turmoil inside her.

"Shepard?" Tali said uncertainly, stunned by the events.

Terra took Tali's hand, an unspoken request for her to place trust in Legion - in _her_. "All ships. This is Commander Shepard. The Reaper is dead. Stand down."

Tali wasn't sure about Legion, but she _did_ trust Shepard. "This is Admiral Tali'Zorah. Shepard speaks with my authority."

" _And mine, as well_ ," added Koris.

" _Negative! We can win this war, now! Keep firing!_ " ordered Gerrel.

"Sixty percent."

"The geth are about to return to full strength! If you don't stop attacking they will wipe us out!" pleaded Tali into her comm.

"Your entire history is you trying to kill the geth," tried Kaidan. "You _forced_ them to rebel. You _forced_ them to ally with the Reapers!"

"Eighty percent."

Shepard followed on from Kaidan. "The geth don't want to fight you. They never have. If you can believe that for just one minute, this war will be over. You have a choice."

"Please! Keelah se lai!" finished Tali.

There was a pause that had everyone hanging on each second.

" _All units. ….Hold fire._ "

Gerrel had conceded. They were all stunned to hear it.

Legion's voice broke the silence. "Error. Copying code is insufficient. Direct personality dissemination required. Shepard-Commander. I…must go to them."

Shepard's breath hitched. Not another one. "No. Legion!" She put her hand on his arm, her old armour beneath her fingers, and he looked at it, then covered it with his own.

"I am sorry. It is the only way. Thank you… Shepard."

She dropped her hand in dismay, retreating until she felt Kaidan against her back, his hand on her arm steadying her.

Legion turned to Tali. "Keelah se lai."

"Keelah se lai, Legion," Tali replied, sadly.

It took a second. Legion simply switched off and fell to the ground.

The silence that ensued was uncomfortable, to finally be filled with footsteps. They turned to look.

"Raan! What are you doing here!?" Tali said in surprise.

"My ship crash-landed… I was listening over the radio. If Gerrel hadn't stopped-"

"He did," Tali interrupted her.

"We've taken heavy losses. I don't know if we can- Where are we supposed to go?"

An approaching Prime had them arming themselves in caution. It made no hostile gesture, and stopped in front of Admiral Raan. "You are welcome to return to Rannoch, Creator Raan. With us."

"Is Legion with you?" Terra had to know.

"No. I am sorry, Commander. Legion's sacrifice will be honoured along with the Creators who died defending us in the Morning War."

"You honour the…!?" stammered Raan, unable to finish her exclamation. "Keelah, how did we get this so wrong?"

"We will also honour Legion's promise," continued the Prime. "The geth fleet will help retake Earth, and we will assist in building the Crucible."

Raan gathered herself. "As will we, of course. Thank you. All of you. This is more than we could ever have hoped for."

Shepard nodded her acceptance, then turned to Tali who was looking out over the vista. "I guess this is goodbye, for now."

Tali shook her head. "No. I'm not staying. We could lose all of this again if we don't stop the Reapers. Not to mention that you've just given me back my home. I think it's only right I help you take back yours. So, I'm coming with you."

"What about Kal?"

"I'll make sure to see him before we leave. But he'll just be sent out again. Until the Reapers are gone, we won't get the chance to be together, anyway."

"You're always welcome with us, Tali," Kaidan told her.

"I know. But before we go, I just need to do this…" She unlatched her mask and pulled it away from her face. Her eyes were closed as she revelled in the warmth of the sun on her face, then she slowly opened them to look at Shepard and Kaidan, and smiled.

Terra thought she was beautiful. Almost white skin, that appeared to be flawlessly smooth and fragile. Her eyes were luminous. Lips full and barely pink. She could just make out the start of her hair. Hair like theirs. It was pitch black, in a stark contrast to the paleness of her face. Terra returned the smile. "Hey, Tali."

"Hello, Shepard. Kaidan." Tears started to pool in Tali's eyes.

"Nice to see you, Tali," Kaidan grinned. "Come on. Let's get you to your _second_ home."

-x-

Kal'Reegar was waiting for Tali by the time they stepped off the shuttle, as Shepard had requested. Tali went straight to him, and they embraced. Terra and Kaidan went to move past them as did the others, heading to get out of their armour, all of them tired from the unrelenting pace of the last hours.

"Commander. Major," called out Reegar, to stop them. "What you did…. Thank you. You've given us a better future."

"There's still the Reapers, Kal," reminded Tali, softly.

"We'll do it. They may be tough but we've just seen that they're fallible. Plus, we have the geth at our side, of all things! Didn't see that one coming! But now, once we've brought the Reapers down, we'll have a proper home."

"I think Tali's already claimed some land," smiled Shepard.

"It's beautiful, Kal," Tali gushed. "Overlooking the ocean."

Kal looked at Tali. "Then I'll look forward to building on it, Tali. Our children can play on the sands."

Tali couldn't speak, and she buried her head in his shoulder.

"You two should head up to the starboard observation room," suggested Kaidan. "You'll find privacy and a great view of Rannoch from there."

Tali stepped back and took Reegar's hand, leading him to the elevator.

Kaidan noticed how quiet Terra had gotten as they removed their weapons and armour, and the ride up to their cabin was a silent one, her head resting back against the wall, her eyes shut. The ensuing calm after Rannoch would have given her time to assess the events there. She was used to being in charge on the ground as well as on her ship, and he'd respected that, standing back until it was necessary to come to the fore, or to be a support, but he was still a Major, and he'd used that authority when he'd made that judgement call over dealing with the Reaper. Was she angry about him side-lining her? Or maybe it was just her exhaustion. She really did look drained.

They arrived at their room, and as soon as the door had closed behind them, Terra began stripping out of her clothes, clearly headed for the shower. Kaidan tried not to be distracted by her. She didn't need him as much as she needed sleep. He forced himself to check for messages.

"Kaidan."

He turned to see her at the bathroom doorway.

"There's room for one more," she smiled, not a trace of anger.

Kaidan was relieved, and even as his brain noted the dark circles under her eyes that told him not to delay her from getting sleep, his body was going to her. He shed his clothes and joined her under the warm water. Terra's soapy hands immediately started to travel over his chest, and his body betrayed his pleasure at her touch. He tried to ignore it. "I thought you might be angry about my pulling rank on you before."

Terra shook her head, enjoying the feel of him, letting her hands slide down his abdomen and lower, then as she felt his stomach muscles tighten in anticipation, she deliberately veered back up again. "You were right. I wasn't alert enough. I'd have gotten myself killed. Jeopardised the mission. It was the right call." She kissed him, then moved around him without losing contact, her hands massaging over his broad shoulders, then his back, sliding over his delightful buttocks to run her hands down the back of his legs and then up the front.

"Terra," Kaidan warned as she got halfway up his body. He wouldn't be able to hold back if she continued this.

"Hm," she purred into his ear. "No pockets... you must be happy to see me," she teased.

He spun to her, pulling her tightly to him and Terra gasped as that part of him pressed against her. "You have no idea," he murmured over her lips.

She caught his bottom lip gently between her teeth, releasing it with a sexy smile. "Oh, I think I have a very good idea…" She slid her hand down his chest heading lower, but Kaidan caught her wrist.

"Uh-uh. Your turn." He took the soap from her, let her go and moved to start at her back.

His hands were warm as they traced massaging circles over her back and rear, then gliding an almost ticklish path down her sides and her legs. As he came back up, much as she had done to him, he ran his hands along the insides of her legs, causing her insides to coil in expectation.

Kaidan detoured at the last moment, in revenge for _her_ teasing, standing fully upright and chuckling at she glared at him over her shoulder. In response, she pushed her backside into him, making him suck in a breath. He met her wicked look with one of his own. He was up for the challenge…. His hands slid forward over her breasts, cupping them as his thumbs ran circles over the peaks. Her breath hitched, her head falling back against his shoulder and turning slightly to press her cheek to his. Her hand reached up and behind her to run her fingers into his hair and down to rest at his neck. Her other went to his backside, urging him on. He emitted a throaty noise in her ear, one hand sliding from her breast to tease a slow path down her stomach to find her sensitive spot.

"Kaidan!"

He'd found it. He sucked at her ear, kissed the side of her face and her neck as he brought her to her climax with his fingers. He felt her legs weaken as they lost their purpose without the commands from her frazzled brain, and he placed his arm around her waist to support her. Her arms had gone forward to brace herself on the wall as she bent forward, arching her back to give him better access to her, inviting him in with a silent demand. Kaidan entered her, not letting her come down from her high. Her rapturous groans had him fighting his urge to go too fast. He wanted to make this last. She wasn't making it easy as she rocked her hips, tightening her inner walls around him. His body thrummed with a gratifying tingling electricity. He stroked her with his fingers, causing her to shudder, having to work hard to keep his thrusts slow and controlled, that had Terra almost whimpering into the wall.

"Kaidan!" Terra cried out. Her body felt like every single cell was overloading, but he responded to her plea, going harder, deeper, faster, and she lost all her senses as the euphoric wave overcame her.

Kaidan was consumed by his release, his body trembling in aftershock, his forehead falling to rest between Terra's quivering shoulders.

"Holy shit!" Terra managed, between fast breaths. Kaidan's warm breath on her back as he laughed, sent a shiver down her spine, and she nearly collapsed.

Kaidan tightened his hold on her, bringing her with him as he straightened. He withdrew from her and Terra turned in his arms, kissing him. He finally registered the water still streaming over them, and regretted having to burst the bubble. "We really should finish in here before we start getting complaints from the crew because they have no water."

"I should feel guilty about that, but I really don't," she grinned.

"Huh! Me either," he grinned back.

Nevertheless, they parted, quickly washing themselves, and Terra switched off the shower.

"Well, that definitely woke me up." Terra gave him a cheeky smirk as she dried off. "Just what I needed to get me through my report."

Kaidan finished with his towel and gave a small bow. "Glad to be of service, Ma'am."

Terra laughed, then kissed him, seriousness befalling her. "Thank you for saving me from myself earlier," she said sincerely.

She ran her fingers over his lips and he had to kiss her. "Always," he promised her. Then that tug at the corner of her mouth told him her mischievous streak was back.

"And… I'll consider that _fantastic_ performance in the shower as restitution for scaring the hell out of me." She promptly twirled away from him, leaving him open-mouthed as she left the bathroom towards their closet.

"Huh! Wait a minute!" Kaidan trailed after her in amusement. "If _that's_ the way it works, then I think you owe me more than I can count!"

Terra looked back at him, her face full of innocence. "I'm good for it." Then her face portrayed her desire.

"Oh, I just bet you are!" Kaidan answered, huskily. "Damn, woman, you are gonna be the death of me with that sort of talk! And stop looking at me like that! We've both got work to do, and I really don't want to have to face your father and explain why _neither_ of us have sent a report!" He reached around her and pulled out a pair of trousers, choosing not to bother with underwear, fully intending to head for bed after they ploughed through their reports. From the impish glint in her eye, Terra had noticed.

"Coward!" she joked, picking out leggings and a tee shirt.

He pulled on his trousers, carefully zipping them up. "When it comes to your admiral father, you're damn right I'm a coward! I could wither away from a single look!"

Terra laughed again, then gave him an exaggerated sigh. "Okay, Major. Have it your way." She dressed and joined him on the sofa. He'd placed himself in the corner, one leg laying along the furnishing so he was lounging slightly, already starting his report. Terra picked up a datapad, then sat between his legs, settling back against his bare chest. His arm encircled her waist briefly in a quick hug, before returning to his report.

About fifteen minutes later, Kaidan had completed his report and was now reading the latest intel. Terra's datapad tipped, knocking into his, and Kaidan craned his head to see her eyes closed. Chuckling quietly to himself, he took the pad from her loose grip and checked how far she'd gotten. She had managed to stay awake to finish her report but had lost her battle before she could press send. He sent it for her, then decided he needed to get her into bed; he was comfortable at present, but a prolonged stay might prove otherwise.

His position beneath her would mean he'd have to disturb her in order to manoeuvre himself enough to lift her, so he used his biotics. The blue glow surrounded her and she arched her body slightly in response, a trace of a smile on her face. Kaidan fought to keep his concentration on his task and ignored his own badly behaving body. He raised her up and floated her across to the bed, quickly pulling back the sheet, then lowering her gently down. She barely stirred as she settled on the mattress.

Kaidan got in beside her, and even in her unconscious state, she turned into him, her hand coming to rest on his arm. Kaidan smiled with the amazing feeling of utter contentment that went through him. He wanted a lifetime of this. He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes.

-x-

Hackett was stunned. The news of the quarians having begun a war with the geth had been a low point in his already hard day. To now read the reports from Terra and Kaidan…. To learn that they'd managed to not only bring down another Reaper but also to secure peace between these two groups, had left him speechless. Perhaps he shouldn't still be surprised by the things his daughter achieved. After all, Terra had already been a major player in getting the turian and krogan people working together, but this was somehow different. This was synthetic versus organic….

"Admiral, we have an incoming call from Captain Shepard."

Hackett's heart sped up. Hannah! He had to fight off the emotion that threatened to reveal itself on his face. "I'll take it in my cabin." It took all his control to make the journey at a sensible speed. "Hannah." He was aware of the desperation in his voice.

" _It's good to hear your voice_." Like his own, Hannah's voice gave away her inner state, as it shook.

"And yours. I'd feared the worst."

She took a deep breath before she gave him a quick recount. " _We were lucky. We had a close call. A brief encounter with a Reaper. It knocked out nearly all our systems, except the most critical. Then we had the good fortune of being pulled within the orbit of a planet. The Reaper could no longer get a read on us, and it's taken this long to get ourselves up and running again. …But the worst may yet come, Steven_."

"I know. But right now, you're here, and I'm happy to take that."

" _Yes. Steven, I can't believe it. After everything Terra did…. We didn't push hard enough for her_."

"We pushed, but it was a brick wall, Hannah."

" _Is she…?_ "

"She's fine, Hannah. She's back where she should have been all along _."_

"Even after everything the Alliance put her through, she's still leading us on, isn't she?"

"More than that: she's gathering the races together."

" _Isn't that the job of the politicians_?"

"Our Citadel Councillor turned out to be Cerberus, and they've been giving us a lot of problems."

" _Sounds like I have a lot to catch up on!_ "

"I'll forward everything you need to know. But the bottom line is that words alone won't cut it anymore, Hannah. Only action will unite everyone. And Terra's proving that. Just wait until you hear what she's been doing! My God, Hannah, she’s phenomenal!"

" _You mean you've placed all responsibility for it on Terra's shoulders_ …."

The guilt he bore constantly, flared in response. "I had no choice. She's well-known to all the races; she has notable connections to many of them. Terra's our best hope."

There was a pause. " _I worry about her, Steven. She struggled those past months_."

"I know. But she's a Commander again, and a Spectre. And she's not alone. Kaidan Alenko is with her."

" _Oh, they found each other! That's good._ "

"He's a good man. But, I do my best to keep an eye on her."

" _I never doubted that. And I'm not blaming you for putting her in that position. I just wish the galaxy would give her a break_."

"I'm afraid that break will have to hard-fought." The thought of just how hard, terrified him.

" _I'm scared, Steven. That I might never hold her again_."

"I feel the same, Hannah, but we have to plough on, regardless."

" _Yes, we do. So where do you need me_?"

He didn't have to ponder long. "I need a head figure to oversee the construction of a very important device. At present it's just me, and I'm having trouble keeping up with it all, along with managing the fleets. I need an Admiral. Feel ready to take that promotion now?"

" _If that's what you need, that's what I'll be_."

"Good. I'll send over an official notification. Give me some time to gather the latest figures. I'll forward over everything you need to know to get you up to speed, including the co-ordinates. Once you get here, you'll be able to link to the Normandy, so you can see and hear Terra at least. She'll be happy to see you."

" _That I look forward to. It would be good to get some time with you, too. Until then, take care_. _I love you, Steven._ "

"Godspeed, Hannah. I love you, too."

The sudden silence in the room swamped down on him, and he felt the need to re-join his crew. But he felt more hopeful than he ever had. First the extra help from the quarians _and_ the geth, and now he had Hannah back. But before he left his room, he had some good news to give.

**-x-**


	61. Coming Full Circle and The Last of a Race

Shepard felt buoyant as she walked into Engineering to check on Tali, the vid-call from her father still fresh in her mind. Her mother was alive. Everything felt like it was falling into place. Even without the asari, humanity had more support than they could have expected, and she had her mother back. She knew that they still hadn't found anything pertaining to the Catalyst, but what had once seemed like an impossible task, now felt achievable. It was the most enormous mountain she'd ever encountered, but she could conquer it if she just kept climbing, step by step, with her family at her side, and at the helm. Together, they were a steadfast team. They could do this.

"Settled in already, I see," grinned Shepard.

Tali looked up from the console she was typing intently on. "You know, it's a little strange."

"Oh?"

"Some parts of the ship - it's so different. But here in Engineering, it's like I never left the SR2. You even have Gabriella and Ken! And then, with Engineer Adams here, and everyone in Alliance uniforms, it's also like when I first joined you on the SR1. You have Garrus, Liara and Kaidan, too. Like everything's turning full circle. Do you think that means something?"

Terra pondered that for a second. "Maybe. We started this together, and we'll finish it together." She gave Tali a slow smile. "Yeah, I like that."

"Of course, we're missing Wrex…"

"Uh, as much as I love Wrex, he's best where he is. It's going to take every bit of his strength and determination to keep his people under control now. That, and I _really_ don't need James falling under his bad influence."

Tali laughed. "I missed you, Shepard."

"You, too, Tali," she reciprocated, but then a seriousness creased her brow. "But now you're going to end up missing Reegar. I want you to know that it's not too late to change your mind to re-join your people; to be with Kal."

Tali's head bowed slightly. "Kal has already been re-assigned. He's on his way to Palaven to provide backup for the turian forces there. He'll be right on the front-line, and I can't risk being idle or I'll go mad thinking about it, worrying. With you, I know I'll be busy. And as you said, I'm here to finish what we started."

" _Commander, Liara wanted to speak with_ _you_." Joker informed her. _"Says it's urgent. Kaidan's already there._ "

"On my way." She gestured a 'catch you later' to Tali, smiled at the continual banter between Donnelly and Daniels as she passed them, and headed for the Crew deck.

-x-

Tali's talk of things going full circle seemed almost prophetic. They were going back to Eden Prime.

One of Liara's agents had picked up a distress call that mentioned Cerberus were on the colony. The message hadn't said anything more before it cut out, but the question of why Cerberus would be there at all was answered shortly after when Hackett had contacted her to inform her that the colonists there had recently discovered a prothean object but had since dropped out of contact. While Kaidan had gone to the cargo bay to debrief Cortez, Terra went to update Garrus.

"Shepard. Rested?" he greeted.

She winced. "It was that obvious back on Rannoch?"

"Only to those of us who know you well. Of course, that accounts for most of us."

Terra sighed.

"Shepard, you've got nothing to prove here. Take some time off. A couple days to rejuvenate. The rest of us can hold the fort. Or should that be ship?" he shrugged. He moved from his console to a panel in the main gun itself, and she trailed after him.

"Actually we've already got a mission coming up. And it's my _job_ to lead all this. I can't do that by taking a weekend off. I slept. That's all I needed. I never meant to risk any of you by getting over-tired. That just kind of snuck up on me back there."

"Never doubted your commitment to us, Shepard. I just know you'd fight till your last breath if it meant the rest of us could stay safe. Or run yourself into the ground. I'm not prepared to stand by and let you give up your life for me."

"That's _my_ call, Garrus. And I know you'd do the same for me."

"Yes, I would," he responded without hesitation.

"Okay, then," she quickly finished.

"Okay, then," he repeated. Garrus then faltered, stopping what he was doing and giving her his full attention, clearly confused. "Uh, enlighten me. How did we resolve that?"

"We're both as bad as each other, so it's a stalemate."

"Damn," he cursed. "I hate not winning. We need a tiebreaker."

Terra feigned shock. "Garrus Vakarian! I heard all about your last tiebreaker! Count me out!"

Garrus' eyes widened an impressive amount for a species that had small eyes. "I didn't mean- I wouldn't- Spirits, take me now!" he stammered.

Terra laughed. "I think it's _you_ who needs to take a weekend off to relax, Garrus!"

He breathed out in relief. "You're hilarious," he said dryly, then cleared his throat. "So, what's this mission?"

"Cerberus have attacked Eden Prime."

"Eden Prime? The colony Saren attacked?"

"Uh huh."

"Damn."

"Uh huh," Terra agreed, sadly.

They walked out of the Battery, side by side, to prepare for the battle.

-x-

"Eden Prime. This is where it all began," said Liara as she watched the colony appear on the shuttle's screen.

Seeing the smoke rising from the buildings, hit it home. "I can't believe this. After everything this colony's been through already," murmured Shepard.

"Yeah. First the geth, now Cerberus. Doesn't seem right," Kaidan murmured.

"How bad?" James asked sombrely.

"A lot of dead civilians," responded Kaidan.

Shepard turned to face him. "Seems like more than three years ago." In reality she'd missed two of those years, but it still felt like a lifetime ago.

"Yes, it does. A lot of memories here. We met Ash. Lost Jenkins to that damn geth recon drone."

"And lost Nihlus." She had barely known the turian Spectre, but he deserved recognition nonetheless.

"This was where Shepard got the vision from the prothean beacon," said Liara, almost reverently, still staring at the screen. "That the colonists dug up another object is astounding. Eden Prime must have been an important site for the protheans, given that finding anything at all is so rare."

"I don't think that the colonists are so enamoured with it," commented Garrus.

Liara pulled herself away from the screen. "Cerberus have hit them hard. Whatever they found here is worth a major offensive. There are survivors elsewhere on the colony, but according to the little information they've managed to get out, there's been no word from those near the dig site."

"They deserve better," Shepard lamented.

"I know. Cerberus came in too quickly. They would have stood no chance."

"What about this artifact?" Kaidan questioned Liara. "Do we know anything about it? Could it give us the missing data we need for the Crucible?"

"I know it would help to have another source of information on the Catalyst, but we cannot count on that. Whatever it is, it is better off with us than with Cerberus."

"I'll get you as close to the dig site as I can," Cortez called out. "But there's no sign of Cerberus. They have to know we're here. No way we could avoid detection."

"We'll be on the look-out." Shepard then addressed her squad. "Let's do this."

Once on the ground, they checked the area was secure. As Cortez had said, there were no enemy forces in sight, though they'd definitely been here - the bodies of the colonists shot dead in their homes was a testament to that.

Shepard looked over at the dig site, just a short distance away, the prothean spire reaching up out of the ground. The others joined her. "Feels so strange to be back here now."

"It sure does," muttered Kaidan. The two of them were now the only ones still alive to tell the tale.

"Really hits home that someone's missing."

Kaidan knew who she meant. "Ash is still with us. You just know she's up there, seeing this through to the end."

Terra smiled. "Yeah." Her smile faded away, her eyes scanning the area, wondering what the hell Cerberus was up to. "But I refuse to lose another Jenkins, here."

"Hey, wait a minute," frowned James. "Tell me Jenkins wasn't the plucky new kid."

Kaidan looked at him. "We were all new to the team. This was our first mission together, but he was the youngest. Had an innocence about him. A good kid. Courageous. So, I guess, plucky would be a good description for him."

"Agh!" groaned James. "You've watch the movies, right? That's _me!_ I'm next!"

"Uh, I don't think there's anything too innocent about _you!_ But like I said - not today, James," Shepard assured him.

"I'll hold you to that. If I die, I'm coming for retribution."

"Really, Jimmy?" drawled Garrus. "With everything else Shepard's got on, you're going to add that?"

"I suppose I can wait till after the Reapers, but then it's on," James warned.

"Hm, that's a fight with Grunt and a haunting to look forward to. Yay," said Shepard wryly. "Come on." She led the way towards the dig site. "Garrus, Edi, scout out the immediate buildings ahead. Tali, James, watch our backs. I'll let you know if we find what we're looking for." She received a chorus of affirmatives as they spread out, and she, Kaidan and Liara focused on the dig site.

"There. That is the elevator that leads down into the dig site," Liara pointed out.

The increased excitement in Liara was evident. She moved quickly towards the site, leaving the two of them to catch up as she began typing into the console there.

"According to these records, the colonists had only just unearthed it when Cerberus arrived. And they have already excavated it. But it is still here. I just need to gain access to the elevator. It has been locked down."

"This doesn't feel right," Kaidan muttered, feeling restless. "If it's right down there, why haven't Cerberus taken it?"

Shepard nodded, understanding his unease. "Guess we'll find out."

They waited for Liara to bring up the artifact, and Terra couldn't help her eyes falling to Kaidan's rear as he paced in front of her. He turned and she quickly looked away, pulling her lips in between her teeth in a bid not to laugh, knowing she'd been caught.

Kaidan smirked, then sauntered closer.

Liara managed to activate the platform and it began crawling up. Shepard clicked on her comm, about to call the others over, when Kaidan took that very moment to lean over and murmur in her ear.

"You're totally busted. I saw you checking out my ass."

Terra stared back at him, her mouth falling open.

" _Hey! I resent that accusation, Major!"_ retorted Garrus, at the same time appearing from a nearby habitat.

Shepard clamped her hand over her mouth at Kaidan's mortified face as he realised that he'd just transmitted his comment to the whole squad.

" _And I hope you weren't referring to me, Kaidan! I'm loyal to Kal!"_ joined in Tali.

" _I_ _was staring at the_ Commander's!" came James' exuberant response.

Shepard ignored her lieutenant. "Are you alright, Major? You look a little…red," she managed before she almost bent over with her laughter.

Kaidan ran his hand over his face. "You're so evil."

“That would imply I did that on purpose, which I did not. You just had very bad timing."

"Bad timing? What happened to the professional lieutenant?" ribbed Garrus as he came up beside them.

"He turned into a major and learned that there's more to life," responded Kaidan, trying to salvage his dignity.

"You got that straight," agreed James. "Hey, you want any tips on smooth-talking the ladies, you know where to come, Major," he winked.

"Uh, that won't be necessary, Vega. I think I have that covered."

"Um, from what I just heard, you need all the help you can get," Tali joked.

Garrus and James found that amusing, while Kaidan rounded on Tali in surprise.

"Tali! Really? From you, too!?"

She shrugged. "I've been hanging around with _them_ too long." She jerked her head in the direction of Garrus and James. "And you made it easy," she added with glee.

"By the Goddess!" exclaimed Liara, who had not once been distracted from the console.

They all snapped to attention.

"That does not seem possible! According to these records, it is _not_ a prothean artifact!"

The platform came to a standstill, and they all saw what looked like a pod.

"It is a prothean!" Liara announced in shock.

"You mean a Collector?" queried James, with interest, moving forward.

"No. An original, unmodified prothean! Who is still alive!" Liara declared.

They all surrounded the pod.

"You're right! How is that possible!?" Kaidan asked. "We saw thousands of those stasis chambers on Ilos. None of them had survived."

"The only reason they failed was a lack of power. Cerberus found this in an underground bunker, and it _still_ has power. Think of what we could learn!"

"Uh, are we actually about to open it?" asked Garrus cautiously. "I mean, what do we really know about these people?"

"They spanned the known galaxy, uplifting countless species to join their Empire," Liara began with enthusiasm.

"Uplifted?" Garrus gave a dubious look at the pod. "Sounds like something the salarians would do, and that didn't turn out so well."

"The protheans wanted the other species to learn."

"Still sounds like interfering to me," he muttered.

"It is clear that they prized knowledge, growth, and co-operation with the rest of the galaxy," continued Liara.

"Like the asari?" asked Tali.

"That's not quite so true, these days," interjected Garrus, a little sourly.

Liara ignored the comment. "I am certain I am colouring their culture with my own perceptions. Whatever the protheans were, finding one alive represents an incredible opportunity! He could be the foremost scientist of his time, or perhaps the wisest councillor!"

"I am detecting fluctuations in the life signs," advised Edi.

Liara began scanning it, frantically. "Cerberus damaged the life pod when they excavated it! We will need to hurry!"

"Then let's get him out of there," Shepard said, reaching forward.

"No!" Liara stopped her. "Breaking open the pod would kill him. We have to find the command signal that ends the stasis mode. We also need to find out how to physically open the pod without doing more damage." She scanned the console. "It seems Cerberus found some small data caches with the pod. They were taken to the labs nearby to be accessed. That is likely our best bet."

"Okay, the three of us can split," suggested Shepard. "The quicker we find this research the better. The rest of you resume your last posts. I want to know the second Cerberus rears their heads."

"Stay alert. Cerberus are up to something," added Kaidan.

"I'll keep the comm open. Move out," ordered Shepard.

Kaidan took a building on the right, while Liara and Shepard went to the assortment of buildings on the left.

Five minutes in, and Shepard had found more bodies, but little else.

" _Commander, I think I've found some research data. Doesn't make any sense though. It's just a whole lot of static,_ " Kaidan said in her ear.

Shepard wiggled her shoulders at the tingle that travelled unbidden down her spine. That man's voice would forever have that effect on her, she knew. She cleared her throat before responding. "On my way to your position."

" _There is one more building_ ," came Liara. " _I will carry on._ "

"Understood." Shepard hustled over to where Kaidan was, spotting her people as she crossed the clearing. She found Kaidan in a small room, standing at a console, and he turned at her arrival.

"This is definitely prothean looking, but I don't know if it's going to help," he said. Shepard joined him, and he re-activated the screen that was connected to the small flat prothean object. As he'd seen before, there was nothing but static. Kaidan had no idea what it was supposed to tell them. Then he noticed Terra was staring at it, her eyes moving like she was watching something. It unsettled him. "Shepard?" he said softly.

She blinked, like she was coming out of a trance. "I've got the signal."

It was Kaidan's turn to blink, and he looked between Terra and the static on the screen. "You understood that?"

"Yep."

" _The prothean Cipher you received on Feros - it lets you see the images as a prothean would, and understand their language,"_ Liara concluded. _"Now we just need to figure out how to open the pod_ , _and I think I have just found another research area… Yes, this is prothean_."

"We're on our way to you." Shepard started out of the building.

" _I am getting the same as Kaidan. Just static_."

"I think we can safely conclude exactly why Cerberus haven't swooped down on us yet," Kaidan ruminated, as he walked alongside Shepard to Liara's position.

" _Cerberus was trying to make sense of it, without success."_ Liara was already on the same lines of thought.

"The Illusive Man would know you had the Cipher," stated Kaidan to Shepard. "He'd know you could access the research. He wants _you_ to do the work for him."

" _But what's to stop us from just taking the pod back to the Normandy to open it_?" James queried.

" _We don't have the time. They damaged it, remember? Likely on purpose_ ," answered Garrus.

" _Right. Smart_."

" _If they are smart they will send a small army against us_ ," Edi added, helpfully.

" _Uh, let’s not tempt fate_ ," muttered Garrus.

" _I apologise if I frightened you, Garrus,_ " Edi offered.

James' laughter could be heard without the aid of the comms, along with Garrus' blustering.

" _I'm not- Shut up,"_ Garrus snapped.

"Alright, kids, settle down and stay sharp," interrupted Shepard. "Cerberus will be close. They'll be watching."

They rounded the corner to the small room where Liara waited. As before, Shepard stepped up to the screen and became absorbed in the static.

"Got it." Shepard backed away.

"You understood that one, too?" Kaidan frowned. He really didn't like it.

"Yes."

"Excellent. Then we have everything we need to open the pod," Liara said, single-mindedly focused on the pod.

Back at the dig site, the three of them stood around the life pod.

"I'm transmitting the signal." Shepard recreated what she'd seen, and the pod reacted.

Liara scanned it. "Perfect. It will take a few moments for the life pod to process it-"

" _Incoming_!" notified Edi.

"I see' em! Several shuttles!" yelled James, forgetting he was already linked in to the comm system.

"Get to cover! But be careful not to hit the pod!" called out Shepard.

"But you have not opened it yet!" Liara exclaimed, as she hunkered down beside Shepard and Kaidan. "Why would they attack before you had opened it!?"

"Because the Illusive Man knows me, Liara," Shepard responded grimly.

"I do not understand."

"They just need to secure the pod and take Shepard alive," explained Kaidan. "She would never allow the prothean to die. And certainly not if she knew the prothean was fully conscious inside. She'd open it for them."

"Goddess!" was all Liara could say.

-x-

"I should be on that colony," Leng stated as they watched the live feed.

"Unfortunately, we didn't have enough intel to predict it would be more than a simple retrieval operation, Leng." The Illusive Man drew a deep drag on his cigarette.

"And now Shepard's there."

"Which is fortuitous. Without her, we can't gain access to the prothean."

"They can't handle Shepard," Leng declared as fact.

The Illusive Man knew he was likely right. He'd ordered all of his teams on the colony to Shepard's position, with the express order to take Shepard alive. Then he'd had another force detoured from a nearby system to provide backup, but he doubted they'd arrive in time to cause Shepard much trouble. It was a desperate attempt, but all he needed was to bring her to her knees. He linked to his Lead on Eden Prime. "Target Major Alenko."

-x-

Cerberus was hitting them hard, but Shepard was fully aware when they all suddenly seemed to turn their attention on Kaidan who was behind a wall of crates, a short distance away from her. She knew why. "Illusive Man. You bastard," she gritted out for her ears only, cursing hell on the man who had given her a second life.

.

Kaidan was fighting hard, the others doing what they could to help him out, but they, like Shepard, were being kept down under a barrage of gunfire. His biotics were in full flow, but he was getting flanked by more Cerberus troops that ignored the rest of them. Kaidan had a good idea why he was flavour of the day, and he refused to be used as Terra's weakness.

.

Shepard had had enough. She leapt up out of cover and ran right out in the open, taking out four who were coming up on Kaidan's left, with an incinerating blast that nearly overloaded her omnitool. She placed several bullets into the helmet of the last one and threw herself over the wall to meet the scowling face of Kaidan.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed!?" He kept his eyes on the encroaching squad, firing at every opportunity.

She had something to deal with first. "Garrus. Can you take out the ones flanking us on the right?"

" _I've got Edi and James on it now!_ "

She returned to Kaidan's question. "They want me alive, remember!?" She popped up as he ducked down, sending precision shots into more helmets.

"Doesn't mean they won't seriously injure you! Why didn't you cloak!?"

"They're aiming at you to get to _me_! _That's_ not happening! They need to know I'm here!"

Kaidan couldn't dispute that the pressure had decreased since she'd thrown herself into the line of fire. He didn't like it, but he got it.

While the Cerberus troops had focused on Kaidan, Tali was distracting the squad who were pinning them down, with her drones, Liara providing her backup. Garrus had circled around behind the agents, planting proximity mines. He retreated to cover, then began sniping those attacking Kaidan and Shepard. They had to divide their attention, and seeing he was solo, they moved in to surround him. Garrus simply ducked down and waited for his mines to do the work. Five explosions went off almost simultaneously and he peeked up. He took out the last two survivors, and noted that Shepard and Kaidan had finished the ones who had remained on them. Likewise, Liara had the agents who had previously been pinning them down, in a singularity, and imploded it.

"Yeah! Take that, Cerberus!" shouted out James, as he walked nonchalantly out of his cover, leaving Edi there. But Shepard wasn't paying attention. She was sure she could hear something… She looked up in time to see the Atlas plummeting down, more shuttles in the distance. It landed right in front of the pod, and the shockwave from the impact, off-balanced the surprised James. Everyone else had remained in their last positions, but Shepard launched herself out in James' direction as the Atlas took aim at him. She dived at him, knocking him out of the path of the rocket and sending them both rolling across the ground.

"Not today. Remember, James!?" she gritted out as she hauled him to his feet. They ran towards the place Garrus had taken cover.

"Amen to that, Lola!"

Shepard looked desperately back at Kaidan. She'd had to leave him exposed, and as expected the shuttles began dropping out Cerberus troops who instantly focused on him. Edi had moved to help him out, and Liara and Tali were doing their best, but the added heavy fire from the Atlas was preventing them from staying up long. She needed to get rid of the Atlas, but its position made it difficult to attack in fear of damaging the pod behind it. "Garrus, we need to take down its shields only."

"Understood."

It took them a few attempts to bring down the shields, then Shepard withdrew her sniper rifle. "James, I want you to stick _very_ close to me so they can't target you. As soon as I take out that canopy, you're taking it for a ride."

"Sounds good on all fronts, Commander!"

She nodded at Garrus and he began watching her back as she moved out for a better angle at the Atlas, James going with her, doing his bit to drop anything Cerberus. She made several shots, getting closer each time. The fifth shot broke through the canopy and hit the agent inside, right between the eyes. "James, go!"

"I'm on it!"

She covered him as he yanked out the dead man and clambered up, looking like he'd just won a billion credits, then she cloaked to cover the distance in order to assist Kaidan and Edi as James let rip on the Cerberus troops in the central area. Garrus would keep a close eye on James; with the canopy shattered, he was exposed. That left her to concentrate on the agents about to swarm Kaidan's cover.

"Kaidan! Barrier!" she called out. She sent out an incinerating blast at the same time as he responded. It consumed the agents but merely glided over the barrier that protected him and Edi.

There were only a few stragglers left to finish off, and they quickly did so. This time, James kept his guard up, happily staying put inside the Atlas as he scanned the area and the sky above, while the rest of them came out into the open. Amazingly, they had come out of that chaos with little more than scratches and bruises.

Liara went straight over to the life pod. "It is done, Shepard!"

Shepard moved up to the pod and recalled the process used to open it. She copied what she'd seen, and the pod hissed open.

"You have got it!" Liara said, unnecessarily, caught up in the moment.

There he was, still unconscious. A prothean. In the flesh. Shepard had known what to expect - her vision had given her their image - but for the others it was the first time.

"Goddess!" breathed out Liara, in barely contained excitement. "It may take him some time to fully regain consciousness."

Shepard looked down, wondering if this was a miracle or a curse for the prothean. She knew how hard it was to wake up to a life that had changed, and that had only been two years. For this prothean, it was 50,000 years. His culture, and everything he would find familiar was nothing but ruins. Not a single member of his species survived. He had no one. To add insult, they were re-awakening him into another war with the Reapers. This wasn't right.

His eyes - all four of them - began to open. He locked on them instantly, his face severe with his confusion. Before anyone could react, a green energy burst out from him, hitting them with an incredible force that knocked them off their feet and stunned them.

The prothean clambered out, his body weak at first, uncoordinated, aware of them all around him and trying to distance himself.

"Be careful. He is confused," said Liara as she staggered upright, holding her hand up to James who had swung the Atlas round to face the prothean who was stumbling across the ground. They watched as the alien caught sight of the prothean structure that stuck through the ground where the colony had discovered him, coming to a stop as he stared back at it.

"Remember, it has been 50,000 years for us, but for him it has only been a few minutes!" Liara implored.

Shepard knew exactly what Liara meant. A memory surfaced briefly: her last agonising breath in space and the relieving darkness, followed seemingly instantly by the bright light and incredible pain on that Cerberus table.

Like the others, Shepard went to follow, when her eyes caught sight of something inside the pod. Another flat, rectangular disc, similar to the ones that had given her the information to access the pod. That this one was inside the pod gave it added significance. She picked it up and stuffed it into her pocket before jogging to catch up with Liara and Kaidan, the others having the sense not to crowd the disoriented prothean.

Kaidan felt great empathy for the alien, staring silently at the vista of the colony which would have been radically different in his time. He imagined this silent shock was how Terra had been when she'd woken and realised for the first time just how much time she'd missed. He reached out a hand to rest gently on the prothean's arm-

Shepard saw Kaidan touch the prothean, saw him tense up in pain, and quickly reacted, pulling his arm away. In the seconds of contact before Kaidan's fingers left the prothean's arm, she was bombarded with a vision, along with a horrible feeling. It was an awful despair, a soul-destroying desolation. Failure of the worst kind. Everything and everyone was gone. It had all been in vain. Then she was back in her own time, back on Eden Prime, yet that feeling lingered.

Kaidan was bent over, his head in his hands. Shepard shook off the effects that had felt similar to interacting with a beacon, her head aching slightly, a small trickle of blood from her nose, and she placed her hand on his shoulder.

Kaidan looked up at her, and saw the blood. "Shepard?" he checked, his brow creased with concern and pain.

"I'm fine." She wiped the blood away. "But you're not."

"Migraine. What the hell _was_ that? It was an unbelievable pressure, like that beacon!"

Not even Liara could answer that, so they looked over at the prothean who had fallen to his knees.

"How many others?" came the sombre voice of the prothean.

There was no easy way to say it, so Shepard kept it honest. "Just you."

He growled.

"How come we can understand you?" Kaidan frowned.

"I have read your physiology, your nervous system. Enough to understand your language."

Shepard stepped closer. "So you were reading him, while I was seeing..?" She faltered. It was too incredibly sad to voice.

The prothean finished her sentence. "Our last moments. Our failure," he grimaced.

It was heart-breaking. "Your people did everything they could. They never gave up," she said assuredly. She knew that, innately - a remnant from her visions maybe. "And I could use some of that commitment now." Even as she said it, she questioned if she had the right to ask it of him.

" _Shepard, I'm picking up more Cerberus. They're about ten minutes out from your position,_ " informed Cortez. " _And you should know that Admiral Hackett has advised us that an Alliance ship is on route to deal with any remaining Cerberus forces. ETA sixteen minutes._ "

"We have what we came for, Cortez. If the colonists are going to be protected, then we're ready to bug out."

" _Copy that. On my way to you now, Commander._ "

"Asari, human, turian." The prothean peered at Tali.

"Quarian," Tali supplied.

"Quarian, yes. You did not wear such suits in my time." He shook his head in disgust. "I am surrounded by primitives."

No one knew quite how to respond to that apparent slur.

"And a _synthetic_?" continued the prothean, sneering at Edi. "Not a good beginning."

Cortez appeared with the shuttle.

"It's not safe here. Will you join us?" asked Shepard, knowing he was probably going to be trouble, but his experience with the Reapers couldn’t be ignored.

"You fight the Reapers?"

"Yes."

"Then we will see."

Cortez landed the shuttle and the prothean headed to it without comment, leaving the rest of them to look at each other in uncertainty before climbing in themselves, leaving the prothean as wide a berth as was possible in a shuttle carrying the lot of them.

x

The Illusive Man stood at his viewing window, swirling the bourbon around the glass in his hand, as Leng left the room with clenched fists.

Another defeat. It was becoming the norm whenever Shepard was involved. Having the Shadow Broker by her side was complicating things. Her agents were everywhere. Another plan that had backfired. He'd underestimated Dr T'Soni just as he had Shepard. He should have known better. Shepard was the best, and recognised those of a certain calibre. Every alien she had recruited on the SR1 had proven themselves among the elite, and she'd seen it without the benefit of a research team creating dossiers as _he_ had needed. To add insult, one of his best people who had headed that team, had since betrayed him as well. She had been one of his more xenophobic recruits, but she was smart and extremely committed to Cerberus' cause.

He took a sip from the glass and turned from the view. As much as he hated not having the prothean and whatever secrets the alien may have been able to unravel, he still had Lawson's work.

Control. That's all he needed.

x

It was an uncomfortable ride back to _Normandy_.

"So… What do we call you, my friend?" tried James.

"I am not your friend, human," bit back the prothean.

"Come on, now-" began James' light-hearted response.

"I do not wish to partake in your pointless chatter, human," the prothean snarled back.

"Settle down," Shepard ordered him, calmly. "Commander Javik?" She repeated the name she'd heard during the flashback, unsure if it was him.

The prothean's eyes flicked to her and Kaidan saw the threatening look, causing him to tense, ready to react, despite the hammering in his head.

Garrus kept his gun armed and eyes fixed on the prothean. 'Commander' meant Javik was a soldier.

"At ease, Garrus," Shepard said, noting her friend's posture.

"Not wise, Shepard. We know nothing about him or what he's capable of."

She looked at the prothean directly opposite her, who was glowering back. "I don't think our guest will be a problem. Will you?" she directed at him.

"That depends on you." The alien, Javik, lunged forward and grabbed Shepard's arms. Everyone reacted, guns all pointed at the prothean.

"Wait!" shouted Shepard to her people. Javik's grasp was firm but there was no intent to harm her. It was like a haze going through her.

"I can sense a confidence in you. You believe you can win." Javik released her, settling back in his place.

"What do you mean, 'you sense'?"

"All life provides clues for those who can read them. It is in your cells, your DNA. Experience is a biological marker."

"Like the flashback I got through Kaidan when he touched you back on Eden Prime. That was your experience."

"Yes. I can still sense the turmoil in you. Witnessing the extinction of our Empire. It can work both ways. "

"Like your beacons."

"Yes." He eyed her with interest. "Which?" He reached for Shepard again.

Garrus tightened his grip on his gun, and Kaidan was still tensed, but the others made no move this time.

When Javik drew back he was incensed. "You found one! You saw it all! Our destruction, our warnings! Why weren't they heeded!? Why didn't you prepare for the Reapers, human!?"

Shepard wasn't about to be shouted at, no matter what this alien had been through. "It's Commander. And nobody could understand your warnings. The beacon nearly killed me."

"Then communication is still primitive in this cycle," Javik shook his head.

"We pieced together what we could, and used it to stop an invasion three years ago," said Liara, breaking her silence.

"Then the extinction was delayed?"

Shepard nodded.

"Now we have your plans for the Crucible. We are building it," added Liara.

"Crucible?" questioned Javik.

Liara hesitated. "The weapon your people were working on. I had hoped you could tell us how to finish it."

Shepard saw that Javik didn't know. The knowledge that they'd gained nothing to help with the Catalyst, was disappointing. "Liara. Let's save the questions for now. The Commander has enough to deal with."

"I have nothing to command," spat Javik, bitterly. "My title means nothing in this cycle. You may know me as Javik."

An offer of his name was a step in the right direction, but Terra was conflicted over Javik. She had the feeling he was going to disappoint Liara greatly in terms of what her friend was expecting. This man wasn't interested in peace and co-operation. She'd had an insight into his feelings. Besides the despair, there was ingrained hate. It was justified of course, but it twisted his every thought. Yet what he'd been through… what he was still going through, was truly terrible.

The subtle jolt as the shuttle settled back in the cargo bay of the _Normandy_ , pulled her out of her thoughts.

Kaidan sat in place in the shuttle, waiting for the others to depart. His head raged at him from the intrusion earlier, and he just needed to shut everything out.

Shepard had noticed Kaidan's discomfort. "Liara. Would you settle Javik in some quarters, please? I'll join you shortly."

"Of course, Shepard."

"The port cargo hold will afford plenty of privacy," suggested Edi.

"Then I will take him there," agreed Liara.

Terra quickly stripped out of her armour, which Cortez collected in order to check for any necessary repairs, and she stepped back into the shuttle, closing the door as quietly as she could. Kaidan now had his head resting back on the cool metal of the shuttle's interior wall, his eyes closed tight.

She silently knelt in front of him and began carefully unclipping his armour, laying each piece gently on the floor so it wouldn't make a sound. With the last piece removed, she moved in closer, placing herself between his thighs and reached for his temples, massaging just like he'd done to her after that first beacon; like she had done for him in return, when he'd suffered his migraine in the Mess of the SR1. This one was because of Javik's unintentional push into his head. She could attest that it was an unpleasant experience which their human brains were clearly not designed for, and it had led to a full-blown migraine for Kaidan.

Despite his pain, Kaidan was more than aware of her. Her tenderness as she had taken off his armour had left him feeling utterly loved, and falling even deeper in love with this precious gift he'd been blessed with. He could feel the pain ease as he concentrated on her thumbs running circles over his temples, her scent, her proximity. It sent a thrill through his body even as she calmed the pounding in his head. He wanted to open his eyes to take her in, but he knew it would likely make his head flare up again. Instead, he leaned his head forward, knowing she'd be there to meet him. She was - resting her own forehead against his, noses touching. He pulled her closer to him, leaving no space between them, wrapping his arms firmly around her.

"Have I told you how much I love you?" he murmured.

"Not how much, no. Is it a lot?" She asked playfully, keeping her voice quiet.

"Huh! Yes. It's infinite."

"Infinite! That _is_ a lot!"

He could hear her smile.

"Ditto," she whispered.

Kaidan _had_ to look, and her warm eyes welcomed him. "I can't wait to get back to the Citadel."

"Oh? Have something planned, Major?"

"Absolutely. A date with a beautiful commander."

"A date? Hm, then she's a very lucky woman. I've never been on a date."

"Never!?" he said in shock, drawing back slightly to take in her whole face.

She closed his mouth with a finger under his chin which took him back to the first day they'd met.

"Never," she confirmed.

"Not even Coats?"

"Friend, remember?"

"You were more than that to him, Terra."

She looked down, shame crossing her face. "I know, but I couldn't cross that line with him. I enjoyed his company but I couldn't open my heart to him. Not completely. Not even after all those years I'd known him."

Kaidan lifted her chin. "There was no spark."

"No." Her face changed to relief when she realised he wasn't judging her. "But then there was you. And everything changed. You knocked me off-balance the first time I laid eyes on you. I'd never felt anything like it. It scared me as much as it excited me. Still does," she admitted. "Before long, I wanted you to know everything about me. To really know me."

Kaidan ran his hand down her cheek. She'd just described how he himself had felt in those early days. He was still in awe that she had seen him, wanted him… loved him.

"How's your head?" she checked.

"Better. I don't know how you managed to survive that first beacon. What I experienced from Javik was almost debilitating, and it was only for a few seconds."

"Maybe it's my superior female brain," she joked.

"Ah, right! Could be!" he laughed. He brushed a few wayward strands of her hair from her face. "But you remember what Chakwas advised you about not letting anything else into your head. Please don't let Javik touch you again."

"Actually, on the ride over it didn't go both ways when he 'read' me, so it didn't have the same effect as it did on the ground. And believe me, I don't want anything else going in my head, either, but if it's necessary…" She left the rest unsaid.

"Okay. I get it," he conceded, hoping like hell they never came across anything else she would feel it 'necessary' to interact with. "Well, I guess we should go see our surprise guest." Instead of moving to leave the shuttle, he tightened his hold on her, his chin resting on her shoulder.

Terra couldn't help grinning. "Uh, Kaidan?"

"Hm?" he said, dreamily.

She gave a small laugh. "We're not getting very far."

Kaidan grumbled into her neck. In return, she ran her lips gently over his neck, making him shiver from the touch. "Mmmm. I know, I know. There's only one way this is gonna go if I don't move."

"And I think Steve is itching to get his shuttle back."

He reluctantly let her go, and she stood up, pulling him with her. He quickly kissed her, before gathering up his armour and opening the shuttle hatch.

"Hey now! There's the lovebirds!" James cheered. "You realise that I'm never going to be able to look at that shuttle in the same way now that you've made it a love shack, right?" grinned James, clearly approving.

"You can travel in the reassurance that it is no such thing, Vega," Kaidan corrected.

James' face was crestfallen. "You mean you didn't-?"

"No. That wouldn't be appropriate," Kaidan stated.

"And I feel sorry for any woman you've been with, if you think _that_ was enough time to satisfy them, James," teased Shepard.

Cortez barked out a laugh, taking Kaidan's armour, while James searched for a come-back. Shepard and Kaidan moved to the elevator.

"Well, that's because I know all the sweet-spots, Lola!"

"Uh huh," she responded with scepticism, following Kaidan inside the lift. Turning, Terra pressed the button and as the doors started to close, she added. "They were faking!"

The doors closed on a red-faced James. Kaidan was shaking with laughter behind her. He encircled her waist, and Terra leant back against his chest as he kissed her neck.

"Way to emasculate a man!"

"He likes to be cheeky, and I'm always up for wiping that smug look off his face. He can take it."

"Then remind me never to sass you!"

They arrived at Engineering deck and she stepped out of his embrace and through the doors, flinging him a mischievous look over her shoulder.

"Can't take the heat, Major?"

"Now that sounds like a challenge…"

She wiggled her brows at him, and he had to laugh. Then they were standing outside the cargo hold which would now serve as Javik's quarters, and it was back to business.

**-x-**


	62. Stubbornness and Importance

"A _living_ prothean!?" Hackett wasn't sure he'd heard right.

His daughter's image put her hands up. " _I swear it's true! But… he's not quite what we expected_."

"On that, I'm unsurprised." How she managed to stumble on the people she did was a mystery to him. "I guess the big question is: can he help us with the catalyst?"

The drop in eye contact told him everything, like she felt it was her fault.

" _No. He's a soldier. A commander. A vengeful one. He'll be a help on the battlefield, but beyond knowing that his people never finished it in time, he has no other information for us regarding the Crucible_."

"Not what I wanted to hear. Still, if he's willing to fight…"

" _I'm having him put down his knowledge of the Reapers - their tactics, weaknesses. He's been fighting them a lot longer than we have. There may be things he knows that we haven't encountered yet_."

"God forbid, but it'll be invaluable. I'll look forward to receiving it."

" _Frankly, it's keeping him busy. He's one of the more… challenging people I've had to deal with_."

"Coming from you that's worrying," he frowned back at her. As first contact's go, she was probably the best person to initiate such a delicate hazard as an unknown race. She had tact and patience, yet this alien was pushing her.

" _Turns out the prothean races' spread throughout the galaxy had more to do with_ **conquering** _than uniting. You joined them willingly or you were forced to. In fact, had more of them survived into this cycle,_ **we** _would have received the same treatment_."

"Charming." Hackett now had a big clue as to why Terra was finding it hard to find a meeting of minds. The protheans sounded ruthless in nature, and Terra was anything but. "Is he going to be a problem? I won't hesitate putting him to use where he's less likely to cause trouble."

" _His favourite form of punishment seems to be throwing people out of airlocks, but I don't think Edi's about to let that happen, so we don't have too much to worry about_."

"Again, charming." Hackett pulled out his stern father face. "I mean it Terra, don't take chances with an unknown aboard."

" _Believe me, I'm not about to risk my people. He's being closely watched. All he cares about is vengeance for his race. He's focused beyond belief, and_ **we're** _his best bet at achieving his goal. He'll cooperate_. _The minute he appears to do otherwise, he's out of here._ "

"Good."

The topic finished, Terra beamed at him. " _It's great to see mom_."

"Yes it is." Hackett looked over his shoulder to Hannah, who had been speaking to Terra just before him, and was now running through data. Their time together would be short, but they'd made the most of it already, used to grabbing what little they had. Having her here made him very happy. He turned back to Terra.

Her eyebrows rose. " _Ooh-kaay. That look on your face tells me_ **far** _more than I need to know, dad, so I'm signing off before you give me nightmares_!"

He struggled to keep the smirk off his face. "Glad to see you still have your wit, sweetheart," he said with sarcasm, though it really did please him.

Terra looked back at him, deadpan. " _No, seriously, goodbye dad_."

He laughed. Felt good to be able to. "Take care, sweetheart." He let her go, and Hannah joined him as he stared out at the Crucible, entwining her hand with his and resting her head on his shoulder.

"I have everything I need, Steven. It's time for me to go."

"I know," he sighed, rubbing his cheek against her hair. There was never enough time for themselves, he thought. When this was over…

-x-

"Are we really going to recruit _Cerberus_ scientists!?" Kaidan questioned with a scathing disbelief.

Terra stood in the starboard observation lounge where Kaidan had gone to work. Less than five minutes ago, Traynor had notified her that she'd picked up some comm chatter that, pieced together, told them that the scientists were on the run and being hunted by their former employer. Traynor, with Liara's help, had managed to locate them. It was a disused Cerberus supply depot, according to Edi. They were hiding right under the Illusive Man's nose. But if Traynor had managed to find them, there was a good chance that Cerberus would work it out too.

"These are the people who nearly killed you on Akuze, who experimented on _Sam_ , for Christ's sake!" argued Kaidan. "The people who think _nothing_ of playing God!" He gestured towards her, then realised what he'd done, registered the small hitch of her breath. "Christ! Terra, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that." He stepped into her space, relieved that she allowed him to, running his hands down her arms. "You, they got right."

"Then you'd agree that the scientists behind my revival had done a good thing?"

"Yes. Of course I do."

"Then it's not all black and white, Kaidan. Just look at Donnelly and Daniels. You'll never meet more genuine people. There are those like the Illusive Man, and Miranda Lawson, who are so set on their goals that they've become short-sighted. But there are others who think they're doing the right thing, those who don't find it so easy to turn a blind eye to the morality of what they're asked to do. Like Jacob Taylor. According to Edi, these are Cerberus' _top_ scientists and they're being chased down for a reason. Maybe because they know something, or just because they've defected. Either way, they've made the choice to leave, and they could be a _huge_ help to us if they're willing."

Kaidan moved away from her, running his hand over his face, then stopped and hung his head. "I'm doing it again, aren't I? Fixating on Cerberus."

"It's understandable. They've had a hand in some major parts of our lives, mostly for ill, so your scepticism is justified," she said, diplomatically.

Kaidan looked back at Terra, and finished the thought for her. "But that doesn't mean we should dismiss these people out of hand," he murmured. She was right. Then he noticed the faint shadows under her eyes. Closing the distance again, he cupped her face, brushing his thumbs along the delicate skin below her eyes. "You're tired," he said. "Go get some rest. _I'll_ debrief the crew."

She pulled his hands down with a frown. "Kaidan, I'm fine. I've barely been up ten hours-"

"Including a mission-"

"Which has never been a problem before-"

"Then maybe the…interactions…with Javik, had more of an impact on you than you realised. I think you should get Dr Chakwas to check you over."

"There is no reason in the galaxy to waste the doctor's time!" she protested.

"Bed or medbay," Kaidan said, forcefully.

"Kaidan!"

"Don't Kaidan me, Terra. Bed or medbay." He was now in full Major mode.

She glared at him, but his no-nonsense face didn't buckle. She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Bed." She then trailed her eyes over him, purposefully. "Will you be joining me?"

Kaidan had to take a deep breath. "As much as it pains me to say this: no. You need sleep. And please stop looking at me like that."

"Having a problem, Kaidan?" she smirked, her tongue moistening her lips.

In response, he furrowed his brow, took her hand and led her out of the room and to the lift. Once inside, he hit the button for their cabin, and just before the doors closed, he slipped out. "Sleep," he ordered to her unimpressed face. Then she was out of sight, and he blew out the sexual tension she'd created. "I win," he muttered. His body told him he'd completely lost.

-x-

They were only two hours away from the Arrae system, where the scientists were hiding. Garrus exited the Battery, heading for the cargo bay to tinker with his gun before the mission. He got as far as the kitchen, where Kaidan was grabbing some energy bars.

"Shepard up yet? Thought she might like to check out my gun." Then he paused. "And by that, I mean my rifle - my sniper rifle. Picked up a nice little upgrade from Reegar she might be interested in."

"No. Figured I'd give her another half hour. She clearly needs it," Kaidan frowned.

Garrus leant against the counter. "You're worried about her, aren't you?"

"Maybe I'm just imagining it, but this doesn't seem normal for her." He made a bitter sound of deprecation. "But then, what would I know? I've not exactly been here for her much since she came back to us. But _you_ have. Does she seem okay to you?"

"Honestly? When she's fresh, she seems more than okay. In fact, just recently, she looks healthier than she did before the whole second life thing. I have a feeling that might have a lot to do with a certain someone in front of me. But, yeah, I've noticed she's tiring quicker. Though you have to remember she'd been locked up for six months. That's not exactly conducive to remaining in peak condition."

"Don't remind me. You're probably right. I thought maybe it was because of the mind intrusions - first her stint in Legion's Consensus, then from Javik. Who knows what effect that might have had on her."

Garrus shook his head. "I can't understand her sometimes. Allowing an unknown alien to probe her!" He faltered. "Actually, scratch that last comment. Damn it! Why do I always do that!?"

Kaidan regarded him, thoughtfully. "Hm, you know it's kind of like a condition human's suffer from. Tourettes."

Garrus drew back a bit. "Really? Do you think it could have travelled across species?" Garrus then caught Kaidan's attempt to cover his laugh with a cough. "You're messing with me, aren't you?"

"Totally. Relax. Shepard would call it endearing." Kaidan came around the counter and patted him on the back. "We wouldn't have you any other way, Garrus."

"Well, thanks."

Kaidan started to head out of the Mess, then twirled to face Garrus, walking backwards. "Who else would provide us such great entertainment?"

"Thank- Hey!"

Kaidan chuckled to himself as he rounded the corner to the elevator.

" _Major. I believe it would be prudent to go to the Captain's cabin. Shepard is exhibiting signs of extreme distress,_ " advised Edi.

Alarmed, Kaidan ran the few steps to the lift and punched the button. The ride up was excruciatingly slow. When the doors finally opened, he hurtled out and into the cabin, immediately seeing Terra in the bed. She was far from resting though, her breathing was fast and she seemed to be fighting against something. She was locked in a nightmare.

Kaidan quickly crossed the room, unsure of the best way to bring her out of it. He knelt on the floor beside her, reaching out in the hope that his touch would calm her, but before he could, she screamed out his name, bolting upright, tears streaming down her face, her body trembling severely. It was as shocking as it was heart-breaking, to see her like that. He moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Terra?" he said gently.

Terra's unfocused eyes locked on his instantly, her whole face turning to relief as she threw herself into him, her hands grasping the shirt at his back in her fists. Kaidan rocked her, pressing kisses into her damp hair.

Suddenly, she wrenched herself out of his arms and off the bed, running to the bathroom. Kaidan followed her, ready to call Dr Chakwas. By the time he got to the door, he heard her retching. He went to grab a glass from the coffee table on the lower level, and entered the bathroom to fill it with water. Then he crouched behind her quivering body which was still hunched over the toilet. He rubbed her back and she eventually pushed herself away from the loo, trying to reach a shaking hand up to flush it. Kaidan did it for her, then helped her stand, passing her the water to rinse out her mouth. He turned on the shower and peeled the sweat-drenched tee-shirt off her. She stepped under the spray and leaned back against the wall, her face up to catch the water. Kaidan watched her gather herself, her chest still heaving from the emotion brought on by the dream. She quickly washed, switched off the shower, and walked into the towel Kaidan held outstretched for her. He enveloped her within the towel and his embrace.

"Thank you," she whispered to his chest.

He stroked her back and kissed her forehead. "That was one hell of a nightmare."

"I lost you. You were in front of a Reaper, just like on Rannoch. It didn't matter how hard I tried to get to you, I just couldn't get close. It disintegrated you." She shuddered at the memory.

"I'm right here. Nothing's going to take me away from you."

They both knew it was something he couldn't promise.

"Maybe you should miss this mission," he added.

"What?" she jerked back from him. "Because of a nightmare?"

"It's clearly unsettled you-"

"Seeing someone you love dissolved before your eyes tends to have that effect, but it wasn't real. I'll be fine." She retreated from the bathroom, taking the towel with her. "I've fought through missions with serious injuries, and I'll be damned if I surrender now because I'm 'unsettled'." She was now shoving her clothes on like they'd offended her.

Kaidan remained on the upper level at the top of the steps. "I didn't mean to make you angry. And I certainly wasn't questioning your capability, let me be clear about that. But you need to be focused, and I'm just saying that it's okay to stay behind if you need more time - to get more sleep, or just relax."

She tensed up and rounded on him. "Relax? Have you been talking to Garrus?"

"Uh…. Yeah-"

"When will you all just back off!? I'm fine!" she snapped. "How long before we arrive?" she asked abruptly.

"Hour and a half. Terra-"

"I am _not_ sitting this out, Kaidan. This is my _job_!" She started for the cabin door, passing him without a look.

Kaidan turned to keep her in sight, but stayed in place. "We're just worried about you," he said quietly.

She paused at the door, the tension falling from her shoulders, and Kaidan walked to her. Terra faced him, looking contrite. She ran her fingers down his lips. "I know. I'm sorry. God, I'm such a bitch. I don't deserve you. Any of you."

Kaidan caught her hand and kissed her fingertips, then placed her hand on his heart, pulling her closer in the process. "Terra, you are the most deserving person I know. And you're vital to our success. You proved that on Rannoch, by doing the impossible."

"You were just as much a part of that."

" _You_ were the catalyst, Terra. I wouldn't have even considered the possibility of uniting the quarians and geth. And if you were in my position, you'd be worried about you, too."

She shrugged. "It's just my previous lack of sleep catching up with me, that's all."

Kaidan wondered why he hadn't known she'd been having trouble. "How long have you been having these nightmares? I can't believe I've slept through those."

"You haven't. They're not a regular thing since… well, since you shared my bed. But they began while I was on Earth, and I guess my body's finally started to protest. Please. Don't worry. After this we're heading for the Citadel, right? I'm sure we'll be able to grab some time before another crisis rears its head."

That's what concerned Kaidan. They never managed to have long before they were called back into action. Terra wouldn't be able to sit back for long enough.

"Now, let's go get ready for this mission," she said.

"Uh, you go ahead. There's a quick call I wanted to make."

"Okay." She kissed him and left.

Kaidan waited long enough for her to have descended to the cargo bay, then called the lift back. He exited on the CIC and entered the War room. "Edi, connect me to Admiral Hackett, please. With a request for a private conference."

" _Yes, Major. One moment._ "

Kaidan hoped Terra would forgive him for this.

-x-

Cerberus had already been attacking the old facility by the time they got there. The _Normandy_ team had made light work of dispatching the troops, and had regained control of the defence cannons, but there had been two surprises since they'd arrived. The first was a good one. Jacob Taylor was there, called by the lead scientist, Dr Brynn Cole, to help them escape. The second had horrified Shepard. The scientists had their whole families with them here. With more of the Illusive Man's agents on their way, they had to get these people out quickly and safely.

"Liara, take-" Shepard looked at Javik, who was glaring at everyone who paid him any interest, then thought better of it. "Take James and help get the children on the first shuttles. They're going to be scared," she stressed.

"Understood, Shepard."

"Have no fear, Commander. Vega is here! Kids love me!"

"Uh huh. Then go work your magic. But James?… Do it _calmly_ , okay? They've been through a lot already. Loud and bouncing is going to freak them out."

"Right. Right. I can do calm. Stop worrying, Lola. I've got this. Come on, Blue."

Shepard went to see how the injured Jacob was doing, when she heard James' 'Hey, kids!' all the way from where she was. She cursed as she heard the cries, and looked over at Tali. "Would you mind?"

"Of course not, Shepard."

"And feel free to smack him upside his head before sending him back here."

"Love to."

A moment later, James came up, rubbing his head. "Sorry, Lola."

Garrus chuckled. "'Kids love me!'" he imitated.

"I just got a little carried away."

"Carried away? No, I think it was likely they thought you were some weird Reaper mutation, with all that bulging mass around your shoulders."

"Uh, look who's talking!"

"That's enough, you two," interrupted Shepard. "Go find something constructive to do. Preferably without upsetting anyone."

They wandered off, and Shepard entered the medical room to check on Jacob.

.

A short distance away, Kaidan had checked on the defences, and now approached Dr Cole. "So, what kind of work did you do for Cerberus, Dr Cole?" He needed to know what these people had been a part of, acknowledging the large part of him that was still uncomfortable being in their presence.

Dr Cole hardly took her eyes of the screen in front of her, working as she spoke. "Until the Illusive Man became preoccupied with the Collectors, I worked in physics. It was a researcher's paradise. I had access to cutting-edge tech and all the personnel I needed. The Illusive Man spares no expense for technical perfection."

Kaidan was unimpressed. "That technical perfection's almost killed me a few times."

"It also saved Commander Shepard's life. Strange to think about, I would imagine."

"Maybe," he muttered. That's where the conflict lied within him: he wouldn't change what they did in bringing her back, for anything. It made him a hypocrite.

"But then life is full of uncomfortable ironies, isn't it?" pointed out Dr Cole, like she knew just what he was thinking.

"So what's this work of yours that Cerberus wants so badly?" Kaidan steered the conversation back.

"It's based on tech gathered from the Collectors. In essence, it involved dissecting Reaper to Collector communications. I was working on a practical application. An implant of sorts."

Kaidan shook his head. The Illusive Man was crazy. Or, as Terra was inclined to believe, indoctrinated. He just wanted to get this over with.

Shepard walked over with Jacob in tow. "How are we doing?"

Dr Cole finally finished at her console. "We're ready to evacuate whenever you tell us to, Commander."

"You have to be _sure_ , Brynn," emphasised Jacob. "We don't want to leave _anything_ behind that might strengthen the Illusive Man's cause."

"Everything's been scrubbed. He'll get nothing here," Brynn assured him.

Shepard activated her comm. "Liara. What's the status on the families?"

" _All boarded. They are spread over four shuttles, with two remaining for the last of the scientists and us._ "

"Good job. Then we're doing this now."

" _Shuttles ready, on your word, Shepard._ "

Shepard nodded at Kaidan, who gave the order to James, who had taken over the controls.

"Have the guns punch a hole in the perimeter, then launch shuttle one."

They watched with bated breath as the shuttle safely passed out of the facility and up to rendezvous with the _Normandy_ , followed by the others. The scientists cheered in relief.

"Okay," Shepard said over them, re-focusing them. "Everyone head for the shuttle bay and-"

The building rocked with an explosion.

Kaidan rounded on James. "What was that?" he demanded.

"Suicide fighter just took out one of the guns," supplied James.

"Keelah!" Tali said from behind them.

Bleeping from the perimeter screen in front of James, meant only one thing. "Cerberus troops are-"

James didn't get to finish, the agents crashing through the upper windows from the rooftop.

Shepard spun to Jacob. "Get those people out of here!"

Jacob nodded and led his people quickly away, while the rest of them dealt with the attackers. It didn't take them long.

Kaidan looked through the viewing window, down at the area outside. Cerberus were descending with an impressive number of forces. It seemed that the Illusive Man had learnt his lesson from Eden Prime. They would have to hold them off if they were to have any hope of getting the last shuttles out of there.

x

The shuttle containing the scientists had evacuated, and they had just cleared the landing area so Jacob could bring the last shuttle to pick them up. The vessel came around, and hovered behind them.

"Go!" Shepard ordered her team. She and Kaidan provided cover fire, then she nudged him and he went too. That's when the Atlas landed. She didn't even bother wasting time on it, leaving her position and racing for the shuttle.

Kaidan jumped into the shuttle, turning in time to see Shepard running hard from an Atlas that had already initiated its attack. There was no time to react. She was thrown to the ground as the rocket hit just behind her.

"Shepard!" Kaidan was about to launch himself out of the shuttle, alongside Garrus, when Taylor used him as a springboard, leaping out to run to her aid. Kaidan couldn't help the spark of anger at being shoved aside when it came to Terra's safety. He locked it down - it was unprofessional - and he concentrated on suppressing the attackers. Garrus and Taylor had her back on her feet, though she couldn't seem to find her equilibrium, and they helped her over, Kaidan pulling her up and sitting her down to check her over as the shuttle hauled it out of there. "Shepard, you okay?"

"Yeah. Just having trouble with my balance. I think I may have burst an eardrum," she grimaced.

Kaidan gently twisted her head so he could get a closer look at her ear. "Could have been a lot worse," he frowned.

"Yeah. I could have ended up looking like Garrus!" she joked dryly.

"What? You mean dangerously sexy?" Garrus smirked, running his hand over his scarred face. "Yeah, it's a burden."

They all laughed, except for Javik who looked at them like _they_ were the strange ones, though Shepard was soon wincing as she cradled her ear.

Kaidan took a seat beside her. "Medbay," he murmured in her good ear.

Terra groaned.

-x-

"I really think you should let me perform a full medical scan, Commander," tried Dr Chakwas, as she followed Shepard out of the medbay. "You haven't had one since before the Citadel attack."

"Which means I've not required one. And all I needed this time was the ear sorted out, Doc, which is now in perfect working order. Thank you. The rest of me is good to go."

Chakwas gave a sigh of defeat. "Fine. But one day soon, Commander…" promised Chakwas, with intent, heading back to her medbay.

Shepard felt a little worried. "What do you think she meant by that?"

Jacob chuckled at the Mess table. "Some things never change, huh, Shepard?"

"That's got to be a good thing, these days."

"I don't know. Some changes can be good."

Terra had an inkling of what he was referring to. "So, you and Brynn?" She took a seat opposite him.

Jacob smiled. "Yeah. Who'd have thought, huh?"

"You settling down, Jacob?" she smiled back, pleased for him.

"You know, I think I am. I want a life. I want a family. Me and Brynn… We're having a baby," he grinned.

"Wow! Jacob! Congratulations!"

Kaidan entered the Mess, stopping to peruse a report a passing crewman had just handed him.

"Thanks, Shepard," Jacob was saying.

"How are your people doing?"

"I think the excitement of being on the Normandy with Commander Shepard has helped the kids recover. You taking the time to speak with them all, as well… I appreciate that. And answering all their countless and often strange questions, too. You're actually pretty good with kids. A natural. It's a shame you won’t have any of your own."

Terra was momentarily stunned. "Why do you say that?"

"Come on, Shepard! You're a soldier to the heart. Cerberus brought you back from the dead and you carried on just like you did before! Anyone else would have said to hell with it - let someone else do the suicide mission; make the most of their second chance. But not you. This _is_ your life. You could never be anything else but a soldier."

Kaidan looked up from the pad as the words registered in his distracted head. Taylor wasn't being malicious, he knew, but Kaidan saw the man's words cut into Terra, regardless.

She chewed her bottom lip as she fought her own feelings. "Well… We'll be at the Citadel in no time, so, uh, if you'll excuse me, I have something I need to do. If you need anything, just let me know."

She left the room and Kaidan had to contain his anger at the ex-Cerberus agent. "You're wrong," Kaidan said to Taylor.

Jacob turned in his chair, seeing him for the first time. "Really? Shepard taking time out from what she does? Won't happen. She's too institutionalised. I mean she was even brought up on Alliance ships!"

"Then you really don't know her at all."

Taylor arched his brow at him. "If _you_ know her so well, why choose to turn your back on her on Horizon?"

It was a low blow. Kaidan wasn't going to try to justify himself, or admit his error, to this man. "Did you even bother to look beyond the surface? She's so much more than a soldier."

Taylor gave a short laugh. "Damn. You've got it bad, huh?"

"And I hope for Dr Cole's sake that you see deeper with _her_."

That wiped the smirk off his face. "Hey, don't you worry about _my_ relationship. _You've_ got a livewire to handle. And she's gonna be hard to pin down."

"You really don't have a clue, Taylor."

"No, I think its _you_ who's living in blissful ignorance. Not that I blame you, Major - she's a prize! Enjoy it while it lasts, 'cos the minute you start talking about marriage and kids, she'll be gone."

Kaidan was livid. Taylor had called her a _prize_.

"Kaidan is right," Liara interrupted, coming up from behind Kaidan to stand beside him, her face severe. "You have not looked far below the surface, and that makes _you_ the ignorant one."

Taylor seemed to know he wasn't going to win against the two of them. "Whatever. I'm gonna go find Brynn."

Once he'd sauntered off, Liara looked at Kaidan. "Are you alright?" Her eyes dropped to the hands at his sides.

Kaidan realised his biotics were swirling around his fists, and he drew it back in. "He's an idiot," Kaidan bit out.

"That much is clear," Liara agreed.

"I should go check on Shepard."

"Of course."

Kaidan went to leave when Liara called him.

"Kaidan…"

He turned back to her.

"She would give up _all_ of this to be with you," she assured him.

Somehow, he knew that. He would do the same. "And I'd never want or ask her to."

Liara blinked back the tears that had formed. "What you two have… It is so beautiful. I envy you."

Kaidan knew she was talking about more than their relationship. He remembered her declaration to Terra on the SR1. Feelings like that didn't disappear with the phrase 'let's be friends'. He felt sorry for Liara. He could only imagine being in her position; how he'd have felt if Terra hadn't reciprocated his feelings… He just rested his hand lightly on her arm, then went to find Terra.

He found her in her cabin. _Their_ cabin. She'd thought nothing of welcoming him into her private retreat. Just one hint that Taylor was wrong. "Terra?"

She had sat herself at the desk and looked up from her datapad, her face buttoned down to hide the turmoil he knew played inside her.

"Taylor's full of crap," he told her. To his dismay, she shook her head.

"He's right. What am I without all this?"

Kaidan crouched beside her, looking her straight in the eye. "You're Terra Shepard."

She frowned. "But who _is_ that? Was she the person back on Earth? Because I didn't like being her. She was useless. … She was empty."

"Terra, she's Commander Shepard, just without the title. All those traits - that determination, that bravery, that kindness - _that's_ who you are. She's the mischief that tugs at the corner of your mouth; the desire that runs your fingers over my lips. She's the woman I love, and the woman who loves me. You're not separate entities. And there's no end to what you have to give. One day, when you're ready, you'll pass those wonderful traits and mannerisms, that knowledge and that love, onto our child. You _will_."

To cover the emotion that threatened to undo her, she gave him a suspicious look. "When did you become so sure of everything?"

He smiled. "The day I decided to cross the line with you."

She gave him a loaded smile. "No regrets on breaking regs?"

"No way! Best decision I ever made."

She studied his handsome face as she thought over what he'd said. "So… got the whole picket fence and kids figured out, huh?"

"Not exactly, and I don't think that either of us wants the picket fence… but I can see us being a family."

Her smile was beautiful. "Me too."

He pulled her up out of the chair, intending to show her just how much he loved her, and she saw it, her face turning delightfully seductive...

" _Commander, I've got Admiral Hackett requesting to speak with you and Kaidan_."

"Shit-" she cursed, her head falling to Kaidan's chest before she reined herself in. "I mean: on our way."

" _Hah! Don't need three guesses what you guys were up to!_ "

"Thank you, Joker," stated Kaidan, shutting Joker down.

" _No fun,_ " moaned Joker, getting in the last word.

"Yep," started Kaidan, as they moved to the elevator. "Definitely looking forward to getting off the ship." He just hoped it would be for more than a few hours. But maybe her father was about to help with that...

-x-

"Major. Commander," Hackett began, making it clear that he was speaking in an official capacity.

" _Admiral_ ," they both replied.

"I'm ordering the Normandy into dry-dock on the Citadel, for repairs. She's seen a lot of action recently and she needs a little TLC." He had a double meaning here, and he knew Terra had cottoned on, from the pause and look on her face. Beside her, Kaidan looked uncomfortable for his part in bringing this about. Hackett, however, was glad Kaidan had called him. This way, he could ensure that she took proper leave.

" _Admiral, I can assure you, she's in good condition_ ," argued Terra.

"Good, yes, but not perfect. After all, she was still in the middle of the retrofits when she was called up. I've arranged for a small army of techs to meet you upon arrival. Take the opportunity to get your crew out of there. You're all on shore leave-"

" _But Admiral_ -" she tried to protest.

He'd expected it, was ready to enforce it with his hardest Admiral's look. "That's an _order_ , Commander. We need everybody at their best." He saw her jaw tighten, her mouth pursed together to stop what she really wanted to say to him. Coming to her as an Admiral had been underhanded, but necessary. As a professional, she would never go against him.

Terra gave Kaidan a look that told Hackett she knew the Major had instigated this, then she looked back. " _Yes, Sir_ ," she said through gritted teeth.

Hackett knew he'd be hearing about this from her later. "One more thing: Admiral Anderson has an apartment on the Wards. I'll send over the address. He wanted you to make use of it. I hear it's a nice place. Hackett, out." With that, he quickly disconnected. He'd known she would hate the order, but it was tough love. She'd come around eventually… he hoped. He didn't envy Kaidan, though….

x

Terra spun to Kaidan. " _You_ did this."

"Terra-"

She walked off, and Kaidan clenched his jaw. "Damn it," he murmured to himself. But he wasn't about to let her walk away. He went after her, and nipped into the closing elevator. She folded her arms across her chest in a defensive gesture that completely blocked him out. He wasn't fazed, and he hit the stop button. "Terra Shepard, you are the most stubborn person I've ever met!"

"Me!?" She released the stop button. " _I'm_ not the one who can't accept that I don't need you coddling me!"

Kaidan hit the stop, again. "Coddling!? Damn it, Terra, this isn't just me! This is Garrus and Hackett, too! You know your father wouldn't do this unless he agreed!"

"With _your_ assessment? Shouldn't _I_ have been consulted?" She slammed her hand to release the stop order.

Kaidan stopped it again. "What's the point? You'd never admit to it. You know as well as I do that we'd get a few hours tops, before another mission came through-"

"Then it's because it's important!"

" _You're_ important!"

"Over the lives of whomever needs saving!? No!"

Kaidan grabbed her arms, forcing her to look at him. "Yes! Yes, Terra! You are! I know you find that hard to hear, but it's the cold truth. You are worth the loss of a colony, you're worth the loss of _five_ colonies-"

Her face was one of horror. "How can you say that!? You've made this personal-"

"No. I'm not. _You've_ become the symbol of hope to everyone out there. From the soldiers on the ground, to the civilians hiding in their homes. Don't underestimate the power of hope, Terra. If you go down, we _all_ do."

There was silence in the small space as Terra stared back in him. He felt her crumble in his hands, and he wrapped himself around her, giving her his strength.

"It's not right," she whispered.

"Yes, it is. You've given up so much of yourself for all of those people out there, and they don't even know half of what you've been through for them. Just take this one thing. Please. It's just for a few days."

She inhaled deeply, then blew it out slowly. "I'll take it for the rest of you. To ease your minds, to give you time to enjoy yourselves. I've been selfish. I should have thought of you all."

Kaidan sighed. Selfish, she'd said. She was anything but. He decided not to make an issue of it. She was conceding, even if she still wasn't acknowledging her own needs. "Thank you." He released the stop and just before the doors opened, he released Terra.

Traynor was waiting on the other side. "Finally. There must be something wrong with this thing. I'll have someone look at it, Commander."

Terra glanced at Kaidan before speaking. "No need, Traynor. We've got a team of techs waiting on the Citadel to complete the retrofits."

"Oh! Excellent! I'd be happy to coordinate them, Commander."

They swapped places.

"Fine, but you'll be on shore-leave, so don't let it take too much of your time."

"Understood, Commander. Ooh! I can finally get around to getting myself a proper toothbrush!"

"You don't have one!? Traynor!-"

"Oh, I have the Alliance-issued one, but I have… _higher_ standards."

Shepard had no idea what she meant. "Isn't a toothbrush, a toothbrush?"

"Commander! That's like blasphemy! It's a Cision Pro Mark 4," Traynor explained. "It uses tiny mass effect fields to break up plaque and massage the gums."

Shepard shrugged at her own ignorance. "You know, you could have put in a requisition order. I'm sure Cortez could have gotten you one."

"Um… It costs 6,000 credits."

"Whoa!" exclaimed Kaidan. "Yeah, you're definitely on your own with that one!"

"Now, now, Major. Oral hygiene is essential in close quarters like this," defended Shepard.

"I get that, but I've got no complaints, and _you_ use the bog-standard brush."

"No offence, Major," interrupted Traynor. "But I believe that you're more than a little biased," she grinned as she pressed a button and disappeared.

"It's true, I am biased," he admitted to Terra.

She smiled, then frowned. "Wait a minute. Does that mean I _do_ need to upgrade my toothbrush?"

"Oh no." Kaidan backed away from her with his hands in the air. "Not walking into _that_ minefield."

Terra followed him in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"It's like that age-old question, 'does my butt look big in this?'. If I say no, I'll be accused of telling you what you want to hear, and if I say yes, I'm in the doghouse. Can't win, either way."

She eyed him as they walked into the Mess. " _Does_ my butt look big in this?" she asked, cheekily.

Kaidan started laughing.

"I'm definitely upgrading my toothbrush." She crossed her arms as she watched him snickering. "And _you_ should too."

He stopped, giving her a questioning look, to which she grinned, mischievously.

**-x-**


	63. Interruptions and Rescues

Shepard paced behind Joker's chair as he brought _Normandy_ into dock. True to Hackett's word, the tech team were waiting on the other side of the bay's airlock. She was a bundle of energy, like her body's adrenaline knew it was going to be on hiatus for a while and it was rebelling with one final party. Kaidan entered the cockpit, and as her pacing took her in front of him, he flung his arm across her stomach, stopping her in place. She looked at him, questioningly.

"You're going to enjoy this," he assured her.

"Yeah, Shepard," joined in Joker. "Eating top-notch food, gambling, dancing! No wait - forget that last one. The aim here is to _experience_ the entertainment, not _be_ the entertainment!" he laughed.

Shepard feigned a scowl at him, and he raised his hands in surrender.

"Hey, just saying it how it is. Even Commander Shepard can't be good at everything."

"Makes you human, Shepard," added Kaidan.

She swung to face him. "You're agreeing!? There is just no loyalty these days," she huffed.

"Hey, we're loyal!" protested Joker. "That's why we have to tell you how it is, you know, for your own good."

"Yeah, well, I've been getting a lot of that recently, and I think I'd rather live in ignorance," she grumbled, throwing a glance at Kaidan, who merely raised one brow.

"Oh, and did I mention _us_?" added Joker. "You have no idea how embarrassing it is to be seen with you when you do that."

Kaidan chuckled, and Terra speared him with a look.

"Traitors," she muttered.

"Back in _my_ time, that is exactly what you would all be called for leaving the battle," Javik imparted scornfully, as he made his way into the cockpit.

Joker sighed. "Don't tell us. Traitors would be tossed out the airlock," he said in a bored tone. "Well, too late. We're docked."

"They would have their heads removed from their bodies," corrected Javik.

Joker reared back slightly before recovering. "Except we're not _in_ your time," he responded with a forced disdain. "And no offence, but that's probably the reason the protheans are extinct. There was no one left to fight!"

"Joker!" scolded Shepard.

"What? Come on. It's not like I'm gonna make him cry or anything. He'd have to have feelings for that," he muttered under his breath.

"He does, Joker," Shepard said quietly. She knew Javik felt, from experiencing it herself.

"Feelings are irrelevant," Javik brushed it aside. "Commander, how do you expect to beat the Reapers if you are not out there fighting them?"

"We're just…recharging, Javik," tried Kaidan.

"Machines recharge. Organics have no choice but to keep going or die."

"I understand you. Really I do," interjected Shepard. "But I know you respect that I have to follow orders, and the ship does need to be in top condition. Didn't you say earlier that you never had a chance to see the Citadel? Now is the perfect opportunity to really explore and see everything it has to offer."

Javik looked sternly at them all. "Fine," he growled.

They all took a breath as the prothean moved to the airlock. The tech crews were entering at the same time, and coming face to face with Javik had them all stopping and staring, unsure what to do.

"What are you staring at, humans?" he demanded aggressively, then he carried on out of the airlock.

Kaidan gestured the technicians over to Traynor in the CIC, while Shepard looked on at the retreating back of Javik.

"Do you think I should send someone with him?" she wondered aloud, more than a little concerned.

"Pff," Joker sounded. "Good luck finding a volunteer."

"I'm sure he'll be…okay," offered Kaidan.

"It's not him I'm worried about," Shepard said, chewing her bottom lip.

"Man, that would be funny to see on the Citadel news," laughed Joker, then putting on his ‘reporter’ voice. " **'50,000 year old prothean embarks on rampage throughout the Citadel, conquering C-Sec. Commander Shepard blamed for waking him in the first place.'** "

Shepard stared back at him with barely disguised alarm.

"That is _not_ funny, Joker," frowned Kaidan. He wanted her to relax, not spend the whole time fretting over what her squad were doing.

"Only because it's a real possibility," added Joker, on fine form.

Shepard groaned, her hands covering her face.

"Shepard, ignore him. Javik's not an idiot, unlike someone else I can think of…" Kaidan then glared at Joker, who just waved it away. "He didn't survive this long without being smart. He'll figure out how to behave."

"Right. Right."

The arrival of the rest of the crew, including Jacob and his followers, chatting enthusiastically as they prepared to leave the ship, distracted her.

"Come on. You're officially on shore-leave." Kaidan took her hand, grabbed their bags and led her to the airlock.

-x-

Terra stood in the doorway of Anderson's apartment, in shock. Behind her, Kaidan nearly walked into her.

"Something wrong?"

She stepped aside.

"Whoa! This is one hell of a place!"

It certainly was. She wandered further in. It was large, mostly open-plan, and stunning.

"I never expected anything like this!" Kaidan said in awe.

There was a fireplace that had lit up the minute they walked in, immediately creating a warmth and cosiness despite the space. The kitchen sat in the centre of it all, and they walked around the lower floor. There were two living spaces, either side of the fireplace, a more casual office/game room, a dining area, a guest room which had been doubled as a mini gym, and a bathroom. At each end of the apartment, a set of stairs spiralled up to offer another bedroom and bathroom, a sitting area, and the main bedroom with an en-suite that included a hot tub. All of the bedrooms had included a walk-in wardrobe. Finally, there was the balcony that offered a view over the main living area. Dotted throughout were planted areas, offering an oasis on the eyes, and a gentle wall waterfall in one area added to the calm. There was even a piano.

"It's beautiful," Shepard murmured as they finished back where they started.

"Absolutely. And I am definitely aiming for the General rank if _this_ is what you can afford!"

Shepard shook her head at him in amusement. Then her omnitool bleeped, and she answered it.

" _Commander,_ " came Traynor. " _I've got Admiral Anderson on the QEC. Patching him through to you now._ "

"Thank you, Traynor."

Immediately, a screen on the wall beside the apartment door began to signal, and she went to answer it while Kaidan took their bags up to the main bedroom. Anderson's face appeared.

" _Shepard,_ " greeted Anderson, with a smile.

She reciprocated. "Admiral. How are you holding up?"

" _You can drop the formality. I managed to grab a quiet place. And the answer to your question is: day by day._ "

"Yeah," she said in understanding and a whole lot of guilt. "Well, you look good."

" _Heh! Thanks, Shepard. Still in one piece, so far. Glad to see you took up the offer of my apartment._ "

"It's gorgeous, Anderson."

" _Well, it pleases me to hear you think so, because I want you to have it._ "

For a moment she was too shocked to speak. "What!? Anderson! I can't take this!"

" _Sure you can. Kahlee wanted us to settle down there. Thing is, the longer I'm on Earth, the less I want to leave. Don't worry, I checked with her, and she agreed._ "

Terra slowly circled, taking it all in again in a new light. Anderson was offering her a home. A proper home. She'd never had that before. Kaidan took that moment to descend the stairs opposite her and she was filled with an incredible longing. It was a place to have a family. The only thing that tempered her yearning was the fact that it felt like Anderson was giving it up because he wasn't going to be making it back. She turned back to him. "I can't accept this-"

" _I want you to, Terra. It's the one thing I can give you. I don't need it. When this is over, I'm staying put, here on Earth. It's just a loose end now, that's all. You'll put it to better use than I ever could_."

"Thank you," she managed. "It's very generous."

" _It's also practical. We need you in the best shape possible, Terra. Rested, and focused. Now go make yourself at home. It's yours now. I'll talk to you again soon_."

"Stay safe, David."

" _You too, Terra_."

Anderson phased out of view, and Terra went to Kaidan, who was leaning back against the kitchen counter. She wrapped her arms around his middle, her head resting on his shoulder, enjoying his warmth as he cocooned her in his.

"Wow. You have a home. One that stays in one place, I mean. And an impressive one, at that," Kaidan murmured, burrowing his nose into her hair, revelling in her scent.

"It's not a home unless _you're_ in it."

"Well, here I am," he said, his ego standing taller than the Reapers.

"As more than a guest."

Kaidan's heart leapt. It was no different to her sharing her cabin, he told himself, but somehow it _did_ feel different. This was an apartment, not just a room on a ship. This was a commitment from her. He pulled back to look at her, choosing to go with a more light-hearted response. "Commander! Are you asking me to move in with you?"

She matched his look with that lovely tug at one corner of her mouth. "Well, Major… you _are_ handy for keeping those nightmares at bay."

"A good reason, I agree. But you should probably know that I have a _big_ appetite."

Her brows rose up slightly. "Are we talking food, or something else?"

"Both," he said huskily.

"I think I can live with that," she grinned.

"Then I'd love to move in with you."

"Good, because I'm giving you half."

"You're what!?"

"Anderson gave it to me. I'm giving it to you."

And there it was. She wasn't just suggesting he move in to _her_ home. They were moving into _their_ home. He knew that they'd only have this for these few days, but if they made it past the Reapers, it would be here, waiting for them… Kaidan liked his life being integrated with hers, and a desperation ran through him that he wanted to keep it that way. She led him over to the sofa, and they sat, snuggling up together as they watched the flames of the fire.

"This is really nice," he said in her ear. "No work, no interruptions… and all those places to 'christen'."

"Hm, well I did need something to do to work off all this energy I seem to have at the moment," she smiled, moving to straddle his lap. "How about we start right here?" she whispered over his lips.

"I am in _complete_ agreement."

They sealed it with a kiss.

" _Message received._ "

They both faltered at the interruption from the machine.

"Ignore it…" Terra said.

"Definitely…"

She carried on but their kiss was distracted. Neither one of them could relax.

"It could be important," she sighed.

"Best to check," Kaidan reasoned.

Terra pushed herself off Kaidan and he trailed her to the office, perusing the books on the shelf as she read the message.

He looked over at her, then frowned. "That had better not be from Joker."

Terra twisted the screen for him to read it, her face telling him he'd guessed right.

**Hey Shepard,**

**I've got a few things I wanted to go over with you. With the Normandy in dry dock, I figured we could meet up at the Ryuusei sushi place down in the Wards. I hear it's the best.**

"I can't believe that man! I swear, he does it on purpose! I can almost see him laughing his head off!" Kaidan complained.

Terra gave him a sympathetic look. "I can put him off tonight."

Kaidan sighed. "Except I can already see his disappointed face if you turn him down. It'll just haunt me the entire time. Go meet him. I can take the opportunity to go pick some supplies up. Ever been there?"

"Ryuusei? Nope."

"It's one of my favourite places. You might want to dress up a bit for that one, it's one of the more esteemed restaurants on the Citadel. I'm surprised Joker's being so generous! Just make sure to order something _really_ expensive."

"Kaidan!" she laughed.

"You have no chance of making me feel bad about that. Damn it, you realise he's getting your first date?"

"Nah. It's a business meeting," she stated, appeasing his troubled thoughts.

"Well, that's okay then." He moved in closer. "Hey, if you like it, maybe we could go there another night for that date."

"Looking forward to it already."

"Great. I'll head off now, but I'll be here when you get back," he promised, with a lot more besides.

"Don't worry, I'll definitely be having dessert here." Shepard kissed him, finding it hard to pull away, and he slung her one smouldering hot look over his shoulder before exiting the apartment, leaving her seriously wanting to drag him back. Instead, she headed upstairs to the wardrobe, where she'd seen a few items of Kahlee's, tags still on them, and pulled out a simple, sophisticated long black dress that fit the bill of dinner with a friend. Putting it on, she felt melancholic, remembering the last time she wore a dress. It hadn't turned out so well. Sam… She blocked it out. She wasn't about to bring down the atmosphere with morose thoughts. It would be good to spend some time with Joker, she decided, and she headed out.

-x-

Kaidan walked alongside Liara, having just exited the store.

"I really appreciate you taking the time to help me out, Liara."

"I was pleased you asked me. Your purchases should be ready by tomorrow."

"Yeah, how exactly did you get around the two week waiting list?"

"I have my ways…" she smiled mysteriously.

"You're really enjoying your new line of work, aren't you?"

"It is challenging. So much to discover, and I am often the first to make the connections, to piece it all together."

"Well, we'd have little chance if you weren't where you are, that's for sure."

"Thanks to you, Kaidan. I wonder if you realise just how pivotal your presence _is_ on the galaxy's survival."

"Mine? That's Shepard's domain."

" _You_ keep her going. You lighten her load. She confides in you, depends on you."

Kaidan bowed his head. "She did just fine without me before."

"It is true, though she had Garrus' support. But if _you_ had been there, you would have headed off her breakdown before it had even begun."

"That breakdown was _my_ fault."

"No, it was not. It was her circumstance. The things she had to endure."

"Of which, I _was_ one."

"Kaidan, do not argue. Remember who I am now? I know everything." Liara gave him a stern look to go with her declaration.

Kaidan laughed in surprise. "Oh, well, then I apologise!"

She gave up her attempt to remain severe. "My point is, you see deeper into her. You always have. The feelings she hides away inside herself are easy for you to read, while the rest of us most often only see the mask she puts on. She may be vital to our success, but so too are you."

Kaidan blinked at Liara, taken aback by the revelation. "No pressure, huh?" he tried to joke.

Liara smiled back at him. "Just keep doing what you are doing. And getting her _here_ was a very good thing."

"Yeah. I felt guilty as hell about forcing it, but she needs this."

"Yes, she-"

" _Kaidan! It's Joker! Shepard's in trouble!_ "

His heart began racing. "Joker? What the hell's happened!?"

" _She used me as bait! That's what happened! Can you believe that!?_ "

"Where's Shepard?" he demanded.

" _I don't know. And we can't call her. Her comm channel's compromised. We could give her away!"_

Kaidan was confused. "Whoa, Joker! Start from the beginning." He started walking quickly in the direction of Ryuusei's, Liara keeping pace as she busied herself on her omnitool.

" _Okay, okay. I was at the sushi place first - you know women, they like to keep you waiting - and then finally she arrived. She looked smoking hot, by the way-"_

"Joker."

" _Right. Side-tracked. We're sitting there chatting, and she thanks me for inviting her. Except I didn't._ I _got a message from_ her _._ "

"What?" Kaidan felt a dark pit of foreboding settle at the bottom of his stomach.

" _Uh huh. We were set up. Or,_ she _was. Whatever. Anyway, this Alliance Intelligence Analyst comes running in. Uhh… something Brooks - I forget. Something of a walking disaster, that one. Not sure where she went to, come to think of it."_

Kaidan gritted his teeth as they hurried into an elevator. "Joker."

" _Get to the point_?"

"Please."

" _This Brooks told Shepard that someone was trying to kill her. Obviously, we didn't take_ that _too seriously,_ " Joker said sarcastically _. "Shepard's always being shot at, right? Then, Brooks says it's not Cerberus or Reapers, it's someone_ new _. Apparently, someone's been hacking Shepard's account - her comm channel, personal records, and such. They're targeting Shepard,_ specifically _._ "

He and Liara emerged from the elevator and Kaidan could see the restaurant up ahead, a crowd gathering around the C-Sec cordon that ran around the entrance. He was extremely thankful that they hadn't been much further away. He could also see Joker, leaning gingerly back against a wall, trying to stay out of the way of the jostling rubber-neckers.

" _That's when whoever they were, showed up shooting the place to bits, and Shepard killed my pancreas pulling me behind a table. These guys looked professional, too. Had matching uniforms and everything. Shepard told me to go get you and the others, but what she was_ actually _doing was using_ me _to distract a gunman so she could go help Brooks. I could have been shot if she hadn't taken him down in time!_ " Joker had seen them and pushed off the wall to make his way over.

"She needed a weapon, and she would have stood in front of that bullet in a heartbeat if she couldn't pull it off in time, Joker," Kaidan assured him, knowing it with certainty as much as it scared the living daylights out of him.

" _Hey, I know that, but my head's telling me to use this as a guilt trip, you know, to garner favours in the future…?"_

"Nice, Joker," said Liara, with a disparaging look.

"Hey, it's a dog eat dog world- galaxy," Joker stopped in front of them, his comm now switched off and his arm bracing his torso.

"Do you know what happened to Shepard?" Kaidan asked in concern.

"Uh, last I knew, she was shooting them down like they were amateurs. I didn't see what happened after I got out of there, and everything's a little chaotic out here."

Kaidan looked over at the restaurant. There was clearly no longer a gunfight going on. A courier hurried over and Kaidan was presented with a container loaded with his armour and weapons. He looked over at Liara, who nodded that it was her doing. He quickly began snapping it all on, seeing Bailey emerge from the cordoned-off area.

"Liara, check Joker for injuries. I'm on this."

"I will also start rounding up the others," she added.

Bailey spotted him. "Major Alenko."

"Bailey. Is there any sign of Shepard?" The man's face filled him with dread.

"Unfortunately, eyewitnesses saw her falling through the aquarium."

"Wait, what!? But that's…"

Bailey nodded. "In the floor. With nothing but outside beneath it. Right."

"Oh my God!" Kaidan crossed the police line and approached the gaping hole in the floor, peering down at nothing but exterior buildings.

"We don't believe that she'd have gone all the way down," Bailey frowned. "But it's still a fair way to the most likely landing point. I'm sorry, Major, but I don't think she could survive a fall like that. I tried contacting her a few moments ago, but I got nothing."

Kaidan face was stone as he surveyed the space below. Kaidan could see the damage done where she'd fallen. He took everything in. "Don't try anymore - it's likely her comm channel's been compromised," he murmured, distracted. "The buildings are staggered and sloped. It isn't a straight drop. It means she had a chance."

Bailey looked sceptical. "Well, there's a flat section about halfway down where the apartments and warehouses start. We've locked down the area, though. We have a group of mercenaries to track down."

"Don't worry about it. I'll find her."

Kaidan spun away, his heart hammering as he moved purposefully through the gawking crowds towards the elevators, trying to refrain from calling her. But the horrendous thought of her falling that far, then landing with no armour to protect her, was eating at him. At the very least she'd be badly hurt, at worst… He had to risk it. "Shepard? Can you hear me? You okay?"

There was silence…

" _I'm fine."_

Kaidan was relieved beyond belief.

" _Might need a little backup, though_."

Kaidan could hear the strain in her voice. She sounded anything but fine, but he took comfort that she was alive, conscious and talking. Requesting backup meant she was still under threat. "It's good to hear your voice. Joker told me what happened. I'm on foot, but I'm not far." He was in the elevator.

" _Excuse me, who_ is _this?_ " demanded a voice he didn't recognise. " _You are on an unsecured channel and you're putting Commander Shepard's life in_ danger!"

Kaidan was momentarily stunned. "I'm what? Who is this?"

" _Hang on,_ " interrupted Shepard.

Kaidan could hear gunshots. She was under attack. These people had tracked her down and were still gunning for her. How had they even gotten to her already? Then she was back on the line.

" _Joker mentioned Staff Analyst Brooks, yes? That's her. Everybody play nice._ "

Kaidan had to focus, the pain in Terra's voice making it hard. "Brooks, I'm Major Alenko."

" _Oh! The, uh, other human Spectre!_ "

"Yeah. Give me your comm details."

Kaidan typed them in as she told him, then switched to her line. "Knowing Shepard, she already has a plan in place."

" _Yes. She's uh, trying to get to Cision Motors, it's a sky-car lot. They have a landing pad. C-Sec can pick the Commander up from there._ "

Kaidan called up the location on his tool and detoured to the nearest route across. "Have you notified Commander Bailey?"

" _I spoke to_ someone _. Not sure who. They're arranging it now._ "

"Well done, Brooks. I'm on my way to Cision Motors. I take it you have a secure channel to her?"

" _Not exactly. I'm just trying to keep everyone else off it, so her position isn't compromised. I'm at a terminal. I'm doing what I can to help. I can't believe this! I got shot! I took a desk job, specifically so I wouldn't get shot!_ " Brooks babbled.

Kaidan was beginning to get the impression that Brooks had never been in _any_ intense situation, let alone combat. "Are you okay?"

" _Oh yes. I used medigel. Lots of it. Everything's a little weird, actually_."

"Uh, I think you used too much."

" _That's what the Commander said, too._ "

He started wondering if this was the best person to help. "I can get someone else to take over-"

" _I'm good, really. Still can't believe all this is happening. I tried to warn her, but I was too late_."

"You did great, Brooks, and you're still doing great. I'd appreciate it if you could keep me updated on her progress."

" _Oh! Of course, Major. Brooks over- No, out. Brooks out. Over and out? Brooks-. Oh, damn it_!"

"Relax, Brooks."

" _Right. Relax. Kind of hard to do._ "

Kaidan knew how she felt. "Just concentrate on Shepard." The elevator doors finally opened and he started running.

" _Okay. Brooks… out._ "

Kaidan shook his head. He hadn't made it much further when an alarm began sounding out throughout the wards, and Kaidan instinctively readied his weapon as he raced towards Terra's destination.

-x-

Shepard was seriously hurting. She was pretty sure she had at least two cracked ribs on her right side where she'd landed, and the blood from the large deep gash running under one of those ribs, was soaking the cloth she'd torn from the bottom of her dress as both a bandage and a brace for her ribs. She'd lost a fair amount of blood, and with no medigel, she was fighting back the dizziness along with the pain. The alarm she'd set off as she'd used her Spectre status to override one of the main doors, wasn't helping. But she took comfort in knowing she wasn’t alone. Well, literally, she _was_ , she corrected herself, but she wouldn't be for long. "Shit," she cursed to herself. "Now you're sounding like Brooks."

She'd finally made it to Cision Motors after taking out a lot of her attackers along the way. They had dogged her route the entire way, and she wondered, given the area was on lockdown, if they had already been there. Then she put it out of her head as she approached the doors to the sky-car lot, more gunmen on the other side, but facing away from her, firing at someone else. She hurried to help, opening the doors in time to see Kaidan sending them all flying into a wall with an almighty force.

Relieved to see her still standing, Kaidan quickly closed the distance between them. "You and I need to have a serious chat about the definition of shore leave."

"Very funny," she retorted, then winced.

Kaidan sat her carefully down on the bonnet of one of the show-room sky-cars, trusting her to keep an eye on their surroundings, and noting the strange looking pistol gripped in her hand. He ran a scan over her. "You've got three cracked ribs, but I can deal with the laceration." He gently removed the cloth she'd tied around her torso, and began to apply his medigel. The tension in her body from the pain gradually started to loosen as the gel did its job. "Dr Chakwas will need to perform a more detailed scan, but considering the fall, you were lucky."

"Yeah. Didn't feel like it at the time," her voice oozed sarcasm.

"Damn, Terra, you look great."

She allowed her eyes to leave their patrol of the area, to peer down at herself. Her dress was torn, and she was soaking wet from the aquarium. She looked at him in disbelief. "Are you kidding me!?"

His eyes flicked up from her bare legs, and she gave him a suspicious look. "You're not looking at the dress, are you?"

Kaidan gave a short laugh. "No. No, I'm not. But I should probably focus on your injuries."

"That would be good," she said wryly, then returned to her patrol.

Finishing with the medigel, he re-tied the cloth around her ribs, in lieu of having anything else suitable to support the fractured bones. He didn't like how much blood she'd lost, and her pale face reflected it. She'd need time to replace it. If she hadn't been exhausted before, she would certainly feel it now. This wasn't what he'd had planned for her shore-leave… "What do we know about these mercenaries?" Kaidan asked, needing a distraction.

"They have guns and don't like me."

"Very helpful." He clicked his comm. "Brooks, anything on that C-Sec shuttle?"

" _Hold on, I'll check… They should be with you in two minutes, Major._ "

"Thanks." He returned his attention to Shepard who was already standing upright, her movement now more fluid. "Let's get you out of here and find out who these bastards are."

They made their way over to the landing pad.

"Shame about that restaurant, though. How on _Earth_ do you fall through the floor?" he teased her.

She gave him a mock glare. "Sheer determination," she stated.

"Ohh, right. That indomitable willpower of yours. Must be why I've never heard of anyone else doing that."

"Ha ha. Aren't you humorous," she responded, dryly.

He grinned, clearly not finished.

"Looks like we'll have to find somewhere else for that date. I'm thinking somewhere with no fish."

She groaned. "I am _never_ going to live this down, am I?"

"Just wait until the crew find out."

Terra swore under her breath.

The C-Sec shuttle came to a hover over the lot. The hatch opened and Shepard reacted instantly as she saw who was inside, barrelling into Kaidan who threw up a barrier which deflected the few bullets that would have hit their target before they made it behind cover. They were now crouched behind the large Cision Motors sign, waiting for the barrage to stop.

"Ow..." she gritted out. It had been her right side she'd used to barge into Kaidan.

"Try to remember you have no armour on. Let _me_ be your shield."

"How about I just avoid getting shot, rather than make you a prime target as well?"

Kaidan knew he wasn't going to change her mind-set. Their position was still under heavy fire.

A familiar roar somewhere above them, had them angling up to see the unexpected appearance of Wrex, launching himself off the storey above, and crashing down hard on the shuttle, grounding it irreparably. Kaidan and Shepard watched, open-mouthed, as Wrex then pummelled, shot, threw or kicked every single one of the mercenaries inside the vessel.

In the ensuing silence, Shepard and Kaidan stood up, and Wrex jumped back out of the destroyed shuttle.

"Had a little aggression to work out, Wrex?" Kaidan asked in amusement.

Wrex shrugged. "Mess with Shepard, mess with me," he stated simply.

With his rather sweet comment, Shepard found her senses. "What are you even doing here, Wrex?"

He growled. "Just butting heads with the Council over krogan expansion. Grunt's here somewhere, too. Don't know where he went to, though. Figured you'd cut off my balls with that omniblade of yours if I let him start fighting Reapers so soon, and he was getting antsy. If I'd left him on Tuchanka, fighting is exactly what he'd end up doing, so I brought him along. Can't get up to much mischief here, right? Of course, I hadn't foreseen _you_ being here and bringing a war with you! Looks like it's a good thing the Shadow Broker knows I was here. One call and I was here to save your asses." He gave his usual slow, deep chuckle.

An explosion behind them signalled the arrival of more mercenaries, who began pouring through the ceiling of Cision Motors, and the three of them headed back for cover.

"We need another way off this place!" Kaidan shouted out, taking out the first group with another impressive biotic throw.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, we can take 'em down," said Wrex, nonchalantly.

"Panties?" Kaidan repeated in surprise.

"What? Did I get your human saying wrong?"

"Uh…no…"

"A little focus please!" Shepard interrupted. Given the amount of mercs continuing to drop in on them, Shepard no longer cared about maintaining comm silence. "Brooks! We need another ride!"

Wrex charged right into another group, scattering them like he was a bowling ball and they were the tenpins. Shepard then picked off the ones who had managed to survive.

" _Shepard!"_ responded Joker. " _I picked up Brooks. Figured you'd have a few questions. On my way._ "

"Good to hear."

Then Brooks came through. " _Commander, didn't C-Sec find you? Are you okay?_ "

"There were mercs in the C-Sec shuttle." Her gun went dry and she phased out in order to circle around the mercs, collecting heat sinks from any bodies she found on the way.

" _What!?_ " exclaimed Brooks.

"Little busy right now." Her cloak ran out, and she sent an incinerating blast that took down three, leaving the remaining attackers flailing in panic. She followed it up with a single shot to each of their foreheads.

" _Almost there,_ " Joker informed them. " _Hang on!_ "

It was two more minutes of intense combat before he arrived, but the three of them were used to working together for maximum results.

" _Get in the shuttle!_ "

They backed towards the landing zone as one unit, Kaidan using his biotics to keep the mercs back, Wrex and Shepard concentrating on those trying to flank. They turned as one to jump into the hovering shuttle, both Kaidan and Wrex lifting Shepard up and in whilst shielding her, and Joker quickly whisked them away.

-x-

All of the ground crew, including Cortez, had gathered in the apartment, rounded up by Liara. Joker, Brooks and Wrex added to the number.

Despite Joker talking to him, Kaidan was distracted by Terra as she came down the stairs, freshly showered and dressed in her fatigues, denoting she was no longer acting like she was on shore-leave. She'd refused to allow him to call Dr Chakwas, or to go to Huerta, arguing that there was little anyone could do for cracked ribs, and other than that she insisted she was good. She looked drained though, and he felt an intense anger at whoever was doing this to her.

"Hey, there she is! Lola! I'm disappointed. I really wanted to see you in that dress! All soft and… soft," grinned James.

"Don't be fooled by Shepard in a dress, Vega," warned Joker. "She's ruthless when she doesn't have a gun. She used me as nothing more than a lure!"

"Are you still harping on about that?" Cortez marvelled, with a shake of his head. "Move on, Joker. You're alive."

"Shepard, you may be interested to know that the civilian casualties at the restaurant were restricted to… fish."

Shepard pointedly ignored Edi's joke.

"Commander, I can't believe you survived all that!" gushed out Brooks. "They had guns! And grenades! And those drone things! You killed a hundred bad guys with a _pistol_!"

"Brooks," interrupted Kaidan. "Settle down."

"Sorry. It's just that I monitor data to prevent fraud and hacking of officer ID's. That's how I found out about the breach in your files - they had hacked into everything! I don't get involved in battles! Did I mention I got shot!?"

Shepard nodded, placing a reassuring hand on Brooks' arm. "You're doing fine, Brooks."

The Analyst took a deep breath. "Thank you, Commander. I'm going to have to write a report on getting shot. I hear they're really complicated."

"It's faster if you make a template."

Brooks blinked. "I think maybe you get shot too much."

Terra made a small sound of amusement. "Can't argue there." Kaidan handed her a mug of tea and she took it gratefully.

"What would they gain from this?" asked Tali.

"Think what they could do if they had Shepard's military access codes, or Spectre codes, even," answered Brooks.

"That would explain why they want you dead. Nothing to stop them until the damage is done," Wrex nodded.

"But why now? This makes no sense," Garrus frowned. "The whole galaxy knows Shepard's leading the resistance against the Reapers."

"More indoctrinated troops?" suggested Tali.

"All we have is suppositions at this point," Kaidan shrugged.

"So where _are_ we at?" Shepard asked Kaidan.

"Well, we've had Bailey on the line. I put him off. He wasn't too impressed, but I think he understood that we have it in hand. We decided that bringing C-Sec into this would likely end in more casualties. It'll be safer to handle this ourselves."

"Agreed."

Liara stepped forward, her VI, nearby. "I have Glyph collating every bit of data and intel he can find. Other than that, we are focusing on the only thing we have - the gun you retrieved from them. It is not a model any of us have seen before. Hopefully, given a little time, I can pin down just where they originate from."

"Which means you have some time to rest," added Kaidan.

To his surprise, Terra didn't protest. "Okay. Wake me the second you have something," she directed at Liara.

"I will," she promised.

Wrex moved to stand beside Kaidan as they watched Shepard's exit, back up the stairs. "What's up with Shepard?"

"She just needs some sleep. She lost a lot of blood."

Garrus came on his other side. "We need to get this solved fast."

"Yes, we do. Make yourselves at home," Kaidan said, as he headed up to check on her.

"Uh, I'll make sure you don't regret saying that by keeping an eye on the krogan," Garrus called out.

"Hey! I can respect Shepard's home. I'll treat it like my own," defended Wrex.

"That's what I'm worried about. I've seen your home."

Kaidan hardly heard the banter as he climbed the stairs. He told himself he was just keeping her company, to prevent her rest being interrupted with another nightmare. In reality, he needed to be with her after coming so close to losing her again. He thanked God that she was so much tougher than she looked. Still fighting after a fall like that… She was astounding.

He entered the bedroom to find her already asleep. She'd barely made it to the bed by the look of it. She'd obviously just sat on the end of the bed and collapsed backwards, so her toes were still touching the floor. He saw no reason to move her. He sat down beside her, then carefully laid back, not wanting to disturb her. He ran his eyes over her peaceful face. It was so rarely like this in her waking hours - she had so much on her mind. Then her face frowned, and she turned onto her side, curling up, her hand reaching across. When she found him, her whole body relaxed again, and the peace returned to her face. Kaidan blinked back the emotion that her unconscious reactions to his presence evoked in him. He hugged her closer to him, careful not to touch her ribs, as always, content when she was near, and felt the tug of sleep pulling at him. He gave in to it, knowing that once Liara had what they needed, there was no telling where it would lead them next.

**-x-**


	64. Flirtations and Cavemen

Seven hours after they had arrived back at the apartment, Terra woke, and headed downstairs in time to be handed another mug of tea by Kaidan. It was now the early hours of the morning and the place was quiet – everyone having retired to the guest rooms or a sofa. According to the sound from the main living area, Javik was prone to snoring.

She lifted the mug, keeping her voice low so as not to disturb anyone nearby. "Do you have this on tap, or something?"

"You start to stir a little before you fully wake," imparted Kaidan. "It gave me enough time to get the tea made."

Smiling at both his observation and his thoughtfulness, she took a sip. "Mmm. As lovely as ever."

"Yes, you are."

She laughed at his flirtation, running her eyes over his handsome face, her free hand rising to his mouth.

Terra's fingers whispered down his lips in that unique gesture Kaidan loved, and like he had times before, he caught her hand, gently and slowly pulling her closer so she had time to place her mug on the counter, needing to feel her body against his.

"What would I do without you?" she murmured.

"You'll never find out," Kaidan promised.

Terra found her breath momentarily taken away by the intense sincerity in his words, and a shiver of excitement ran through her. "Damn it, I love it when you say things like that." She ran her hands up his arms that encircled her firmly but still didn't press on her damaged ribs; arms that told her beyond a doubt that he didn't want to let go.

"It's the truth," he replied.

"My rock," she said back, seriously.

"And your soft place to land."

She then gave him a sceptical look. "Uh, my ribs would disagree with that."

Kaidan continued the game. "Ahh. Hhm. I guess I wasn't expecting you to take a dive through an aquarium. Should have known better. You're Commander Shepard - trouble always finds you."

To her delight, he managed to look sincerely contrite.

"Sorry. I'll try harder next time."

"Forgiven," she grinned, going to kiss him.

"Hey Commander! Still no dress?" James shouted down from the balcony above, disrupting their moment, and they quickly stepped back from each other, in an automatic response, despite having already been caught. Over in the living area, Javik had actually leapt to his feet at the sudden noise, seemingly ready for combat. From the stirrings around them, he wasn't the only one James had woken.

Having realised there was no threat, Javik scowled up at James. "Primitives."

"I am _never_ wearing a dress, _ever_ again, James," Shepard declared, ignoring Javik.

"Not even for me?" James pouted.

" _Especially_ not for you." Then she turned back to Kaidan. "They're like a curse," she muttered.

Amused, Kaidan raised his brows in question. "You've had other bad experiences?"

She hesitated. "On Omega…"

Kaidan cottoned on quickly. "Right. Sorry. Forgot."

Gradually, nearly all the crew started to assemble around the kitchen and Shepard announced she was doing breakfast, while Kaidan dished out tea and coffee. With the others served, the two of them finally served themselves and sat together at the counter.

Kaidan took a bite. "Mm. This is great! Is there _anything_ you're not good at?"

"Dancing," Joker helpfully supplied from directly behind them, the last one up.

Terra clamped her mouth shut to prevent a verbal onslaught unfit for a commanding officer, and instead handed him her untouched plate so he'd leave them alone, and went to plate up another for herself. When she sat back down, Kaidan nudged her.

"I would teach you, but sadly, I am equally as…" he hesitated, not wanting to complete the sentence he'd just dug himself into.

She arched her brow at him. "Equally as…?" she prompted, not letting him off.

He deliberately shovelled in a huge mouthful.

"What's the matter, Kaidan? Forgot to avoid the minefield?"

He swallowed, then nodded with a pained look. "More like standing on one right now."

"Kaboom," Terra said, deadpan.

Then they both started snickering.

-x-

"We have a lead," announced Liara by mid-morning, and they all congregated around the dining table. "I called in some favours to run a trace on the gun. It led me to a casino owner named Elijah Khan. He has been suspected of using his profits to smuggle weapons onto the Citadel. Immediately after the attempt on Shepard's life, Khan made an interesting call." She played the recording.

**"I'm cutting you off. I'm returning your down payment now."**

**"** _ **What's the problem**_ **?"** This voice was disguised in some way.

**"Turn on a vid-screen. When I sell a gun, I don't want it showing up on the nightly news."**

**"** _**You won't be linked to me.** _ **"**

**"Save it. Our association is terminated. And if you even think of coming after me, I've got info on you ready for primetime, so you ponder that. Khan out."**

"So that's our identity thief," murmured Kaidan, darkly.

"Sounds like he has an ID disguiser," Garrus said. "Those things are a pain in the ass to get around."

"What about the mercenaries who attacked us?" asked Shepard.

Liara was ready with that information, too. "They are a private military corporation called CAT6, which as you probably know, is an Alliance nickname for dishonourable discharges. Many have criminal records, histories of steroid abuse, and other charming features. No doubt hired by the thief, not Khan."

"Khan didn't sound friendly to whoever that voice was," observed Shepard. "Maybe he'd pass on that info to us."

"That would take some extremely smooth talking. If he sees you, he will probably assume you are looking for revenge," warned Liara. "Khan has a panic room inside his casino. Chances are he will have gone to ground there. Edi can give us programs to hack the door, but the camera's and guards complicate things."

"Yeah, Khan could disappear, or worse," offered Brooks. "If his guards open fire there, normal people could get hit. Like I did," Brooks added with a frown.

"She's right," agreed Shepard. "We can't risk spooking him. We go in quiet. Small team. No gunplay."

"Well, that doesn't sound very fun," grumbled Wrex.

"I think it's safe to say you'll be sitting this one out, Wrex," drawled Garrus. "This is going to take subtlety."

"I can be subtle." Wrex then crossed his arms and scowled at the chorus of laughs.

"Hey, Commander, this is your type of thing, no?" James queried. "All that cloak and dagger stuff?"

"I've done my share over the years, and I believe Kaidan's been known to do a spot of infiltrating, too."

"I did a stint of hiding in plain sight, sure," Kaidan confirmed. "Shame we don't have a master thief with us this time, though."

"I want more details on that later," butted in Joker.

"I do believe that Miss Goto _is_ here somewhere on the Citadel, but she is notoriously hard to find," responded Liara.

Glyph placed itself in front of Liara. "Dr T'Soni, this evening the casino will be hosting a charity event to assist war refugees."

Liara looked at Shepard, who nodded. "Purchase some tickets, Glyph, then call up a layout of the building."

Immediately, Glyph's holographic body morphed into the layout Liara had requested.

Edi processed it quicker than all of them, and interfaced with Glyph, highlighting a section on the layout. "This air shaft bypasses the security gate and ends up in storage. From there, the panic room's door camera can be disabled."

"Still, we're talking about a casino. There's got to be alarms in that shaft," Kaidan cautioned.

"I believe I have some countermeasures that may help," said Liara. "I will know more once you are inside."

"Who will go in the shaft? They need to be small in size," Cortez said.

"Still think you'll qualify, Wrex?" Garrus ribbed.

"Counts you out, too, turian," retorted Wrex.

"Ooh, he's calling me by my species, now. I'm wounded."

"Keep that up and you will be," grumbled Wrex. "The females will have to handle this one."

"Well, I suspect my suit's built-in tech would be picked up by security sensors," Tali said.

"My presence in the casino would arouse suspicion," included Edi. "Mechs are not allowed since they can have cheating software."

"What you need is somebody trained in zero-emissions tech. No electronics, no metal. Just undetectable polymers," suggested Brooks. "We had a course back at Op-Int. disabling a bomb with these little tweezers. See, the bomb was filled with shaving cream-"

"All right," interrupted Shepard. "You're in."

Brooks almost staggered back from the table. "What!? No! What!?"

"You said it yourself. We've all got too much tech." Shepard gestured to herself, referring to the implants inside her.

"And I do not have the training you mentioned," added Liara. "Also, I will need to remain here in order to help out, and to liaise with Edi."

"That leaves only you," Shepard stated to Brooks.

"But… I managed to get shot just coming to _talk_ to you! Now I'm supposed to hack my way into a safe room?"

"We'll be backing you up. The second you hit something you can't handle, we'll cover you."

"If that is settled, it looks like there is one last hurdle to get us inside," declared Liara. "Black tie required."

Shepard's face fell. "Oh no!"

"Oh yeah!" cheered James.

"Well, isn't the saying 'third time lucky'?" Kaidan offered.

"Really?" Terra looked at him, incredulously. "You're pulling out the sayings, now?"

"We need _something_ to counteract the 'curse'," he said pointedly.

"Touché." She gave a heavy sigh. "Fine, but if I have to wear a dress, then _you're_ coming along too."

"Just try to stop me."

"Garrus, I'm thinking that _you_ can handle this."

"Dresses? Not my thing, Shepard."

"Oh ho," she said dryly. "Everyone's a comedian. You can escort Brooks and provide another pair of eyes."

"I'm there."

"Hey, I'd make a great escort to the lovely Ms Brooks," added James with a wink at Brooks.

"You in a casino?" Cortez queried, dubiously. "You'd be broke by the time you left."

"We're doing this for your own good, James," backed Shepard.

"Aah, no faith, Lola?"

"No. Okay, then it's sorted. I guess we have some time to chill out. Go get out of here, you lot. You _are_ still on shore-leave… kind of. So use this time. And don't forget to purchase an outfit for tonight," she directed at Garrus and Kaidan. "Brooks, got something for an occasion like this?"

"Um, I think I might have to go shopping, too. I'm not that great at the whole socialising scene, so I tend to avoid it. I think I end up prattling when I'm nervous. Oh, not that I'm treating this like an evening of leisure! I mean, I know this is serious work-"

"Brooks," Shepard interrupted her gently. "Relax."

"Right. I'll just go and… Go." That calamity of a statement made, Brooks went off.

"I've got something I wanted to get done, so I'll head out," James said, then left.

Javik vanished, so too Joker and Edi, Tali wandered out after saying something about trying to arrange some supplies for the quarian fleet, and Liara walked out with Wrex, trying to explain the need for diplomacy when facing the Council with a request.

"What about you, Shepard?" checked Garrus.

"I'm going out to check in with an old friend."

There was a trio of protests from Kaidan, Cortez and Garrus.

"It's not safe for you out there, Shepard," Cortez argued.

"Why is this any different to me being exposed at this charity event?"

" _We'll_ all be there to protect you," Garrus pointed out.

"There's no way for anyone to know where I'm going," Terra disputed with irritation.

"Still, it's too risky," Kaidan parried.

She looked between them all. "Stop being ridiculous. I'm going." She then started towards the door, now with an entourage.

"Then I'm coming too," stated Kaidan.

"No you're not. You've _both_ got a suit to sort out, and after that I'm quite sure there are better things you could do with your time." She focused on Kaidan. "Shouldn't you go visit Rahna? Who knows when there'll be another opportunity?"

Kaidan frowned. The last person he wanted to see was Rahna, but he _had_ promised, and he had to remind himself the woman was not exactly in her right mind when she'd attacked Terra.

"Well, _I've_ got nothing to do," tried Cortez. "At least allow me to take you where you want to go."

Terra rolled her eyes at the three sets of eyes that willed her to accept. "Fine. I'll let Steve baby-sit me!"

"Baby what?" questioned Garrus.

Kaidan clapped Garrus on the back. "I'll explain on the way out." He kissed Terra's cheek, sending her a 'thank you for relenting' look, and then nodded his appreciation at Cortez. They all walked out together, and Terra noticed that the three fussing men were clearly surrounding her on the way to the sky-car. She internally sighed and shook her head, but said nothing. She climbed into the vehicle, Steve taking the driver's seat, and settled back, looking forward to catching up with Zabeleta.

-x-

Kaidan decided to get the visit out of the way first. He'd spent a while with Rahna's doctor, hoping that the man would think it unwise for him to see her. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. Now he followed an attendant to the secure room where she was staying, and was ushered in.

The room was more opulent than he was expecting. But then no doubt Rahna's parents had something to do with the over-stated room. Rahna was sitting on the edge of the bed in a simple trouser suit, her hair tied back rather severely. He thought she looked terribly frail, and the guilt began to eat away at him. When she saw him, her face turned to joy and she rushed over.

"Kaidan! You came! I didn't think you would."

He purposely turned to sit in a chair, avoiding her contact. "This is the first chance I've had."

Rahna wrung her hands, then sat back on the bed. "I appreciate it. I know how busy you are."

He struggled for anything to say. "How are you?"

"Good. I've been talking…. Lots of talking. Airing everything. Working it through. Understanding what happened to me. The manipulation by…Cerberus. … And my obsession with you."

"Rahna-" he frowned.

"It's true. The doctor… He said I latched onto you at a time when I felt very insecure after the geth attack here. It seemed serendipitous when first Sam and then you came back into my life. I tried to hold onto you when I should have let you go. I'm sorry for that, Kaidan."

Kaidan felt truly uncomfortable. "Don't apologise, please. I wasn't without blame."

Rahna just shook her head, emphatically. "I did a despicable thing. Lying to her about my relationship with you. I've put myself in her shoes, and I'm ashamed."

Kaidan knew who Rahna was referring to, and he didn't want to talk about anything concerning Terra with Rahna. "It worked out," was all he said.

"And then I tried to destroy her." Rahna's face crumpled. "I was a monster."

The last thing he wanted was a snivelling Rahna. "No. You were just…." He faltered. How could he describe it in a comforting way? Rahna helped him out of the corner he'd talked himself into.

"I know what I was. But I have a handle on it now." She suddenly transformed into a more upbeat mood that unsettled Kaidan.

"That's... good to hear, Rahna."

"How is she?"

Kaidan bristled automatically. He didn't want Rahna even _thinking_ about Terra.

"I overheard someone talking about Shepard," she continued. "Some people tried to kill her?"

"They failed," he said, shortly.

"That's good. She's done some amazing things lately, hasn't she?"

"Yes, she's giving us a real chance to survive."

"And you're helping her."

"Yes, I am."

Rahna's forehead then creased, deeply with her frown. "I still remember her giving me comfort…after I'd-. She wouldn't let me go to save herself when we were hanging from that balcony. She didn't give up on me." Rahna looked at Kaidan, questioningly, confused by Terra's act of kindness.

"She doesn't give up on anything, or anyone," Kaidan said fondly, as he thought of Terra. "She understood the influence Cerberus had on you. In her eyes, that made it worth saving your life."

"She did that for _you_ , most of all."

"Yes," he accepted.

Rahna sighed, pulling out the clip from her ponytail and running her fingers through her hair. "I wish _I_ was as strong as her. I wish I could swap places with her-"

Kaidan didn't like the implication and shut her down. "Rahna-"

"You look great, Kaidan," she said over him, ignoring his warning. "As handsome as ever," she beamed.

Maybe he shouldn't have expected any different, but it was clear that Rahna still had a long way to go, and he wondered if the doctor knew what he was doing by letting him converse with her. The last thing he wanted was to give a still fragile Rahna the wrong impression. "Look, uh, I'm sorry but I really can't stay." He scooted forward in the chair, ready to stand.

"Oh." She had a sad look on her face, tears brimming in her eyes. "Please stay – just a little bit longer? My parents don't come that often. I think it embarrasses them that I'm here. Not exactly something to be proud of, am I? They just throw money at everything. The best doctor, the best suite, the best everything. But all I need is someone to care beyond a paycheque. Someone to hold me. Like Commander Shepard did. Like _you_ used to..."

Kaidan wasn't going there. "I'll stay a while longer, but I can't be the one to offer you what you want, Rahna. I guess, I'm not as forgiving as Shepard."

Rahna bowed her head. "That's okay. I understand. You've been more than accommodating already, given what I put you through. But thank you for letting me have some more of your time."

Kaidan settled back in his seat, wanting to be back with Terra, but accepting that he had to be less selfish. Rahna had once been a friend, and she seemed to be trying hard to make things right. Now he had to play _his_ part.

-x-

Terra had returned to the apartment, making Steve leave her at the door so he could take some time for himself now. Her visit with Zee had been a breath of fresh air. She'd had to lay his mind to rest over the news reports, but after that it was a trip down memory lane, with a lot of laughter to go with it. She'd found herself full of energy, and had changed into her leggings and a cropped sports top, with a mission to work some of it off in the mini gym. It was late afternoon and the others would soon be returning.

She was kicking and punching the hell out of the gym-bag, and it felt good. A release of pent up anger. Something physical to hit back at, in a situation where those who wanted to harm her were still in the shadows and out of reach – for now. She wondered who it could be with each strike she made on the bag. Would Cerberus be so shady about an attack on her? Even the most noteworthy merc bands were too focused on the threat of the Reapers to be concerned with _her_. But _who_ then?

"Lola?" called out James.

"In here!" she shouted back, not pausing in her assault on the inanimate object.

"Oh man! How did I miss this!?" exclaimed James, as he entered the guest room, his eyes lighting up as he saw the gym equipment.

She waited for the flirty comment which was certainly headed her way.

It came as a slow whistle. "Lola, you are looking hot! All sweaty-"

"Is there something I can help you with James?" She swung to him, catching her breath.

"Actually, there was something I wanted to show you."

She raised one brow. "You think I'm going to fall for that one, James?"

He laughed. "Nah, not that. Yet, anyway."

She rolled her eyes, making him laugh again.

"Okay, okay. Check this out." He turned his back to her and removed his shirt, showing her the tattoo he'd gotten while he was out. It was the N7 logo, Vega style.

Terra smiled. He'd come to her a short while back to ask her about the recommendation he had received to join the N7 program, conflicted over whether he was up to it. She'd given him support, but had made sure not to influence him. It had to be his decision. She had faith in him, but he needed to find his own, or he'd fall at the first hurdle. "You decided to go for it. Good," she approved. "And I like it. Isn't it a little presumptuous though? You have to pass, first."

He shrugged, unconcerned. "Just means I can't fail. And I figured with _you_ as my training officer, that ups my chances at least threefold, no?"

She walked around him so she could face him. "Hold on. When did I get roped into _teaching_?"

"The other night when you helped me decide whether to take N7 on, of course!"

"Damn, missed that one!"

"I know. I can be distracting that way," James said cheekily.

Terra's mouth twisted as she tried not to laugh out loud. "Oh, you really are something, James."

"You know, you could always get a matching tattoo…" he murmured with deliberate innuendo.

"Don't need it. I already have mine on my armour. Plus, I have the ability to remember without scratching it into my skin."

"Then how about my name…? Somewhere special." He gave her his best smouldering look, which Terra decided wasn't even half as enticing as Kaidan's.

Terra had heard Kaidan's footsteps as he'd entered the apartment and was following the sound of their voices. Despite her back to the door, she could sense his proximity, that lovely masculine scent he had, swirling around her, and she saw an opportunity… She moved closer to James, sending back her own 'look'. "You ever going to make good on all this flirting, James?" She saw James catch sight of Kaidan as he came into the room right behind her, and struggled not to burst into hysterics as James' eyes widened, and he swallowed nervously, quickly moving back.

"Uh…I, uh-"

"That's what I thought," she sighed with mock disappointment. She stepped back, knocking into Kaidan. "Oh, Major, I didn't see you there!" she said innocently.

Kaidan had to fight hard not to laugh. Instead, he stared back at James - hard. "Lieutenant Vega."

James cleared his throat. "Uh, Major." Then he seemed to realise that they were standing in a bedroom, _her_ sweaty, and _him_ shirtless. "It's not what it looks like, Major, I swear!"

"Is that right? You seem to have lost your shirt, Lieutenant."

James quickly stuck it back on. "Sorry, I was just showing the Commander."

"Think you have something she'd be interested in?" To add to the effect, he let his biotics ripple over his skin.

"I meant…my tattoo…"

"Of course you did."

"I- I swear, Sir-"

Terra finally let herself go, Kaidan laughing along with her.

James stared at the two of them a little dumb-founded at first, then he got it, relief making him shake out his tense shoulders. "Yeah, yeah. You got me. Damn, I thought you were about to unleash the blue stuff on me!"

"Blue stuff…" huffed Kaidan in amusement.

"Is there any chance you've learnt a lesson?" Shepard asked James.

"Huh! That would mean changing the very fabric of his being!" Kaidan interjected. "Can't be done."

"I'm with the Major on that one, Lola. Can't be done." As James sauntered out of the room, he brazenly gave her a wink.

Once they were alone, Terra walked into Kaidan's arms. "How'd it go?"

"I'm a pushover when it comes to a crying woman."

"Oh." She gave him a sympathetic look.

"I was waiting for you to call, requesting my urgent presence, and save me. But it never happened," he sighed, theatrically.

"Now, Major, you're just going to have to face your weaknesses like a man."

"I did. That's why I caved."

She laughed. "Don't be disheartened. We all have weaknesses. Mine's standing right in front of me."

Kaidan kissed her passionately. "That means I have two," he murmured, his nose pressed against hers.

"Ooo!" Her face went sly. "So if I start bawling, you'd be on your knees before me?"

"Bawling's not your style, and you don't need to do _anything_ to get me on my knees…"

His hands stroked the bare skin of her sides, and she wrapped her arms behind his neck.

Then James' singing to a cranked up stereo, followed by the arrival of Wrex, Garrus and Liara, reminded them that they weren't alone, and they reluctantly separated.

"I suppose we'd better get ready," she said, a little forlornly.

"Hey. We'll find out who's behind this, end it, and get back to our shore-leave – all visitors barred."

Terra's face lightened. "Sounds good."

"It certainly does."

They walked out of the room, towards the stairs, Kaidan grabbing his new suit from where he'd left it.

"You know that was very motivational. I'm impressed," grinned Terra. "I'm really fired up now!" She shot him a steamy look. "Got a lot to look forward to."

"Thank you. And I aim to keep that up after, too."

"Oh, Major…" she grinned.

-x-

-x-

"There's an aisle, with on-lookers! And cameras!" exclaimed Brooks, fussing with her hair, her gaze constantly flicking back in barely disguised fear to the entranceway leading to the casino.

Kaidan huffed. "It's a big charity event. All those big names want to be sure they get the credit for their generosity."

Terra looked at him in surprise. "Why Kaidan, how cynical!"

"For the most part, it's the sad truth. Thankfully, I'm escorting the one person who would prefer to go unnoticed, even when she's saving the galaxy. And that makes me want to proudly walk you up the aisle."

"Smooth talker. _I_ just want all those slavering women who already have their eyes riveted on you right now, to know you're _mine_."

"So shallow," he joked. "But so completely right. Did I mention that you're looking radiant, Commander?"

"Once or twice," she smiled back at him. "But just for clarification, do you mean radiant as in beautiful, or as in 'causing invisible damage'?"

"Why can't it be both? Ow, my heart."

"Okay, you two are really making me feel like a third wheel," chided Garrus.

"Which is good, because everyone's looking at _them_ and not _me_ ," Brooks said nervously. "Especially seeing as I'm about to do you know what-"

"You're doing fine, Brooks," assured Garrus.

"How can you all be so calm?"

"When you've stared down an army of geth, rachni, and Reaper mutations, something like _this_ is a walk in the park," supplied Garrus.

"Don't forget the thorian," added Kaidan.

"And the collectors, a ton of mechs, and a half-formed human Reaper," Shepard put in.

"Right…" was all a bewildered Brooks could manage. “Well, this had better be the last time I _ever_ do this, so-"

"Just smile and wave, Brooks," suggested Shepard, as they started towards the casino.

-x-

It took them an hour of mingling with the crowds, distracting guards, and bringing down security boxes, in order to get Brooks through the air shaft to the storage room. There, she disabled the panic room and Garrus distracted another guard so Brooks could enter, followed a few minutes after by Shepard and Kaidan.

The man was sitting in a high-backed chair, facing away from them, and made no attempt to move.

Shepard wasn't expecting an invitation. "Khan? We're not here to threaten you. We need to talk."

There was no response.

Suspicious, Kaidan walked around the desk to check, then turned the chair so it was facing the desk again. Khan was dead.

"What the hell!?" gasped Brooks. Then she got a hold of herself and headed for Khan's terminal. "Commander! There's a deletion order in the terminal!"

"Damn it!" Shepard moved to take over.

"Everything's been wiped," said a worried Brooks. "I don't know if it was him, or the killer, or…" Her face went pale. "Maybe I tripped an alarm! Did I screw this up!?"

"Brooks, stay calm," reminded Kaidan.

"Calm, right." Brooks watched Shepard still typing into the terminal. "What are you looking for?"

"Mistakes." People had a tendency to forget Shepard was an accomplished tech expert when all they saw was the gun. She found what she wanted. "Thought so. Whoever it was, had to do this fast. They wiped the terminal, but not the comm."

Brooks followed the thought. "Oh, so we can take the comm back to the safe-house to scan it, or-"

Shepard wasn't waiting, instead opening it, instantly linking to the last caller. Behind them, the screen showed a hazy figure, completely unrecognisable, voice still disguised.

" _Elijah. Come crawling back?_ "

"Guess again," said Shepard, moving in front of the screen.

" _You. I see you've recovered from flopping on the floor like a fish._ "

"You'll need to do better than that. The last guy to trash talk me was a few kilometres taller than you."

" _Brave. I thought as much, but it won't matter. You have_ nothing _. All you can do is wait for the hammer to fall._ "

Kaidan surged with anger. "Why do this!?"

"What did I do to you?" Shepard asked.

" _I'm going to take_ everything _you have and_ everything _you are,_ " the figure vowed, ominously.

The connection was shut down, and Shepard couldn't help her eyes falling on Kaidan, unsettled by the hate in the figure's voice.

"Damn it," swore Brooks. "Sorry, Commander. There wasn't enough time to trace the call."

Shepard squared her shoulders. No one was taking anything from her. "We're not finished," she stated to Brooks.

"I'll pull out the data drives," said Kaidan, getting to it.

"The one's that got wiped?" asked Brooks in confusion. "You think we can still find something?"

"With Edi, anything's possible," Shepard explained.

Kaidan stood with the drives in hand. "Got them."

"Let's go."

Outside the casino, Shepard noticed Kaidan was brooding over what had been said to her by their mystery person. She twisted so she was walking backwards, and held out her hands at her sides, pointedly looking at Kaidan. "Told you. Me in a dress – it's a jinx."

Kaidan knew what she was trying to do, and it was working. "I don't know. I mean sure, it didn't end the way we wanted it to, but no one was shooting at you this time, so we're progressing. Next time, everything will go smoothly."

"Nah uh. No next time."

"We still have a date…"

She sighed. "I'm going to have to wear a dress, aren't I?"

"Unless you want to turn me down…"

"That'll never happen."

"That's what I thought."

"Wipe that smug look off your face, Major."

-x-

They were once again back at the apartment, waiting on Edi to work her magic.

Brooks approached Shepard, who was standing at the window, looking out. "I just wanted to say that it's an honour to watch you all work, Commander."

"You're doing more than watching, Brooks. You're a part of this. An important part."

"Thank you. Wow…to hear you say that…. You and the Normandy, you're all legends. The kind people owe their lives to. And the crew you have around you…the camaraderie between you all, the friendship… I think that's your secret weapon."

"You're absolutely right, Brooks," smiled Shepard. "But I don't see why it should be a secret. They all deserve the credit."

"Shepard, I have something," called Edi.

They gathered around the table again, Brooks looking over everything that was displayed in the centre by Edi.

"Wow. These mercs who are after you? They bought a _lot_ of weapons. Like, _big_ ones."

An image came up of a heavy mech just like Cerberus' Atlas'.

"What do they need with that kind of firepower?" Kaidan wondered in concern.

Glyph hovered into the centre of the table, flashing as it did so.

"It appears this drone is preparing to rebel," Javik declared, reaching for his gun.

"I have just monitored the Commander's Spectre access code in use at the Citadel Archives," advised Glyph.

Javik relaxed.

"Show me," Shepard ordered.

The Archives were displayed, some areas turning red.

"The Archives are going into emergency lockdown," observed Brooks. "Whoever's hacking your records is there right now!"

"What do we know about the place?"

"It's where the Council keeps sensitive information. Even my old C-Sec clearance never got me in," Garrus explained.

"Then we'll find our own way in." Shepard started backing away from the table. "All hands on deck for this one. Gear up, and let's-" She turned, only to freeze at the sight of a volus standing right in front of her. It was such a strange thing to see in her apartment that she was unable to think of anything to say. Then she noticed the pizza the volus held in his hand, and instantly looked back at James.

"Oh, I got the munchies," James shrugged.

With that answered, she walked around the volus and went to get changed.

Kaidan entered the bedroom not far behind her, spotting her wince as she went to reach behind her to try to unzip the dress. He moved behind her and unzipped her, then slid the straps off her shoulders and peeled it over her hips.

"Kaidan," she whispered, pleadingly. She turned as the dress fell at her feet. "You call _me_ evil!"

"Sorry," he laughed, lightly. He started changing as well, his eyes continually dragged back to her figure, the bruised ribs casting a dark shadow over her right side. It made him frown. "Stay behind."

Terra paused. "Kaidan-"

"I know, I'm sorry. Just that cave-man instinct."

Her brow quirked. "As long as you're not about to clonk me over the head with your club!"

"Huh! You're safe – no club." He held his arms out as if to prove it.

She ran her hand down his arm, causing his skin to goosebump under her light touch. "I've got you and the rest of our rabble watching my back. I'll be fine."

"Yes, you will," he reiterated with a stony resolve.

She smirked. "Now get back in your cave, and give me Major Alenko. I'd hate for you to prove Javik right with his 'primitive' comment."

He saluted her with a laugh. "Aye, aye, Ma'am."

They quickly armoured up, and hurried downstairs to the skycars. They'd finally be meeting her new nemesis, face to face. It was time to end this.

**-x-**


	65. Twisted Mirror and Family

They went with a direct breach into the Archives. Shepard, Kaidan and Wrex, approached on the lower level of the room they'd accessed, while the others, including Brooks and Cortez, had split into two teams, taking either side of the walkway that circled above the room. Within seconds, however, sniper lasers targeted them. It was an ambush.

"Scatter and take cover!" Shepard shouted as she sprinted out of the line of fire.

"In the old days, we had at least five minutes before a mission went south!" Wrex complained as he charged a sniper who quickly jumped away, only to be taken down by Garrus' sniper rifle.

Shepard dealt with two mercs who thought they were in cover. Her head shots proved otherwise. Liara was lifting up small groups for the others to have clear shots. Kaidan was helping to bring down shields and keeping the CAT6 mercenaries from getting close to Shepard as she targeted them. Tali was chasing out any hidden mercs with her drones. Javik was doing his own thing, but was just as effective.

"Brooks, you okay?" checked Shepard.

" _I'm upstairs! Scattering and taking cover, as ordered!- AGH_!"

"That's enough!" yelled a female voice from above.

Everyone stopped. They all looked up to see a figure hidden by the shadows, with Brooks in a neck-hold, and a gun at her head.

"Drop your weapons, or this won't end well for her," the woman ordered.

Kaidan frowned at the voice. All around them, more CAT6 troops appeared, guns aimed at the rest of the crew.

Shepard considered the situation.

"Alright…" Shepard said, laying down her gun. The others following suit. She didn't fool herself this would appease her attackers. They wanted her dead after all, but then she was never completely unarmed, and nor were her squad. All Shepard needed was Brooks out of the woman's clutches. Whoever she was, she wanted Shepard to know exactly why she was doing this, or she would have just killed Brooks.

As Shepard had hoped, the woman released Brooks and pushed her off the walkway where she landed awkwardly with a yelp of pain, then quickly got to her feet to join Shepard, who ushered her behind them.

"Whatever you think you are getting away with, there is nowhere you can run, nowhere you can hide where we cannot find you," warned Liara, from her place on the gangway.

"Hide? Why?"

The woman emerged from the shadows, and Terra couldn't believe her eyes.

"I'm Commander Shepard. I never hide," said the woman who was the mirror image of Terra herself.

Terra felt like she was suspended over a chasm and was about to fall, her heart thundering in response. What did this mean?

The pretender leapt from the gangway, landing hard on the ground, and approached Shepard.

Terra took an unconscious step back, backing into Wrex, who steadied her.

Kaidan was stunned at seeing the face he loved so much, staring back at them with nothing but a hardness and superiority. It was wrong. It was an abomination that sickened and outraged him. Whatever this thing was, it was pretending to be Terra, and he wasn't standing for it, moving slightly in front of Terra – a physical barrier from whatever mind game it was playing with her.

"What are you?" Kaidan demanded.

The doppelganger spoke to Terra, like _she'd_ asked the question. "You weren't the only Shepard that Cerberus brought to life, but at least one of us will do something with it," she sneered.

"I'm not the only…?" Terra murmured, almost to herself, her voice weak, and she felt breathless as she fell into that chasm of self-doubt.

"That's right. I have the same DNA as _you_."

"You're just a clone," stated Kaidan, in revulsion.

Again, the clone directed her answer only at Terra. "Cerberus spared no expense resurrecting you. With me… I was created for spare parts in case you needed another arm, or a heart, or a lung." The animosity dripped from her.

"Where have you been this whole time?" Liara questioned.

"In a coma… until I was woken up six months ago." She stepped nearer to Terra, prevented from getting closer by Kaidan's presence. "While you were in a cell on Earth, I was learning to be human. Amazing what a person can do with enough neural implants."

Kaidan glanced over his shoulder at Terra, seeing her face pale with shock and uncertainty. He imagined his own had looked the same back on Horizon. Terra's head would be a mess of confusing thoughts and emotions. He remembered what Garrus had told him about her reaction following Horizon. Now, to be faced with _yourself_ when you'd previously questioned your own existence after experiencing death…? _That,_ he couldn't imagine. Kaidan had spent a long time working through all of his doubts over who Terra really was after her return, and he knew with an indomitable certainty that she was the genuine article. But did _she_? He watched her drowning in herself – she was losing her belief.

Terra could barely string a thought together. She looked back at…herself. "If you're really me then we're on the same team," Terra tried, not understanding any of this. This...person…was her – but not…

The clone stared back at her with hatred. "We're not even in the same league."

"Did the Illusive Man send you?" questioned Kaidan, angrily.

A flash of resentment crossed the clone's face as she responded directly to him. "No. He abandoned me when he had what he wanted." Her eyes flicked back to Terra again. "You."

"So what's your point in trying to kill Shepard?" Garrus shouted down from the gangway, his own temper simmering below the surface.

"Don't worry," the clone smirked. "It's not exclusive. You're _all_ on the hit-list, because I don't have her memories. I'd never fool my supposed friends." She flung her arm out to indicate them all with undisguised scorn. "The ones who abandoned their duty to join the cult of Shepard." The clone focused on the man so obviously protecting Shepard. "Like you, Major Alenko. All the power of a Spectre and yet you serve under her? In more ways than one, I believe. Pathetic. I would've picked the other one on Virmire. Ashley something?"

Kaidan gritted his teeth at the reference to their deceased friend, feeling Terra grab his hand. "You're not even a true likeness."

"You mean the scar on her face?" The clone shrugged. "Scars are removed all the time."

"You do not have the correct implants," added Edi.

"Only your Doctor Chakwas would know that, and she will soon be looking for employment elsewhere, along with the remainder of your crew. I have my own people. That just leaves your pilot to deal with, and I don't think he'll be much of a challenge."

"There are others who know Shepard," argued Tali.

The clone rolled her eyes in an irritated gesture. "Unlike your Commander, I aim to take the role seriously. I'm not going to be _socialising_. As for her mother… I'll be too busy to check in."

"You're just a pale imitation of the real thing!" Kaidan bit out.

The clone paced away, then turned back, her arms held out in display. "I'm the real thing _perfected_." Her gaze fixed on Terra. "Look at you. Tired, Shepard?" she taunted. "I'm you without the wear and tear. The doubts, the _failures_. I'm the lone wolf you were always meant to be. Without the emotional baggage holding me back." The clone looked deliberately down at the gun Shepard had relinquished because she wouldn't sacrifice Brooks.

"No one will ever believe that you're Shepard," Wrex growled.

"They will when I'm flying her ship."

Terra's heart jumped, and she quickly activated her omnitool. "This is Shepard! Initiate Normandy lockdown! Transmitting command codes now!" She typed them in and sent them.

The clone lit her own omnitool. "Good idea. Too bad the signal was blocked," she grinned triumphantly. "Traynor, this is Shepard. Prep the Normandy for emergency departure. We're leaving. I'm sending the command codes now."

" _Acknowledged. We'll get under way._ "

Terra ran cold. She'd just given the clone everything it needed to take her ship. The rage surged through her, and she stepped around Kaidan. "It'll be a cold day in hell before someone steals my ship."

"It's not stealing if I'm you," responded the clone, unconcerned. She turned to her people. "Execute them. The cult of Shepard ends today."

The clone left and Shepard reacted – she wasn't losing any of her family. She sent out an incinerating blast as Kaidan initiated a biotic throw. It amplified her blast of burning heat, sending it further, wider and hotter, bringing down all those in that area and giving them a chance to scatter once again.

"We still got everyone?" Shepard called out.

They all checked in, and they got to work. The CAT6's didn't have a chance against the might of the entire team. When the last man fell, James hollered in victory.

"WOO! One big happy ass-kicking family! Right, Shepard!? See that, Brooks!?"

"I guess that's how legends do it!" answered Brooks in relief and awe, as she moved with the others to congregate on the ground.

"Yeah! Legends! I like that!" James grinned.

"Please don't give him any more food for his already big ego," pleaded Cortez.

Kaidan ignored the banter, and went straight to Shepard who had moved away from the others and was retrieving any unused heat sinks from the dead mercs.

"Terra-"

"I don't want to talk about it," she shut him down.

Her eyes pleaded with him not to push it, and Kaidan could see just how hard she was battling to hold herself together. He backed off - there were too many eyes on them - but he was worried about her. He noticed the same concern on Garrus and Liara.

When Shepard addressed the team, she had her impenetrable mask up. "She's pushing into the Archives. Stay in your groups. There's a lot of ground to cover."

They ran through the corridors until they came to a cavernous room filled with crates. Walkways ran throughout the area as far as the eye could see. She nodded at her teams and they separated so they were running along parallel paths, Shepard's team central.

"Shepard, what do you think your clone is looking for in here?" queried Wrex.

"At this point, anything's possible. Liara, you have Glyph?"

" _Of course_."

Glyph materialised in front of her. "Yes, Commander?"

"Track the target – she looks like me. Give me updates on her location."

"I have found the target," Glyph answered instantly.

She sighed, tiredly. "No Glyph, it's _another_ me. Now get going."

"At once, Commander."

It floated away, and they pressed on.

Kaidan, however, couldn't put her last comment from his mind. "Shepard, that thing is _not_ another you."

"You know what I meant." Shepard was leading the way forward at a hard pace.

"Do I?"

Terra began to slow, her gun lowering, and her free hand grasping the railing of the walkway, her head dipping. She was motionless, and her breathing was becoming laboured. Kaidan moved in front of her, gripping her arms.

"Shepard?"

"I can't-" She could barely speak.

"Terra, breathe!"

"Shepard… Hey, come on now, little sister," tried Wrex.

Kaidan knew she was breaking down because she'd lost faith in what she was. "Terra, you've got to look at me."

She did.

"I've been down this path of doubt, Terra. Take it from someone who was sceptical from the start." Then he did something he would never have done years back. He kissed her, right there in the middle of a battlefield, tenderly showing her every feeling he had for her. She responded at first in surprise, then melted into him.

"I'll just wait over here," grinned Wrex. "Watching the other guys getting ahead of us," he then grumbled as he looked either side of them at the other teams on the far walkways.

When Kaidan pulled back, her breathlessness was due to his kiss, her senses overloaded with _him_ and not her fears. He rested his forehead on hers, his eyes looking into hers like he could see into her soul.

"I saw the footage, remember? There were no neural implants, no control chips, _nothing_ in that brain of yours but what was there to begin with. That's why, when you woke, you called my name. You have the memories. That clone didn't, because it's nothing more than an _empty shell_. You are Terra Shepard. Gloriously real. And I love you. If you believe nothing else, then trust _me_."

She stared at him with tears in her eyes. "I do." She was immensely grateful he'd forced her to face it. He'd reminded her of the proof that her shocked mind had failed to recall, and given her his faith when she'd lost hers yet again. She sucked in a deep breath, drew herself up and tightened her grip on her gun.

"Good, then let's get moving," Wrex said in apparent irritation. "We've got some catching up to do. Being last to the party is bad for my reputation." Despite his gruff words, he patted her back as he passed.

She appreciated Wrex's affection, as the krogan started thundering up the gangway in order to place them at the head of the groups again. Terra then ran her fingers down Kaidan's lips before racing to catch Wrex and quickly overtaking him. "What are you dallying for Wrex? Hoping for a piggy-back?"

Kaidan enjoyed the sound of her teasing, as he too, passed by Wrex.

"Piggy-back? Don't know what that means but I got the tone. Damn cheeky pyjak. Good to have you back," Wrex panted back with a grin.

Up ahead, they could see tubular vaults, most of them sealed, but a few were open, revealing single platforms on which the archived items were loaded before being enclosed in a field and sealed amongst the others. Somewhere in this huge place, amongst these thousands of vaults, was something the clone wanted, and it wouldn't be for anything good.

-x-

They'd fought through a lot of enemy forces when Glyph reappeared.

"Commander, the other you wishes to pass on a message."

" ** _Shepard, save yourself the trouble. Once I have what I came here for, you won't matter anymore_** _._ "

"It also appears the other Commander has a bad temper," continued the VI. "Collateral damage does not concern her."

Another assault team arrived, and the three of them worked together to take them down, quicker than ever.

" _We see the clone, Shepard. Mako team: going in_ ," advised Tali.

They got to the stairway leading to the next level.

"Team Mako, we're coming up behind. What's your status?" checked Shepard.

It was Brooks who came through. "We're under-" The transmission fizzled out.

"Mako!" When Shepard got no response, she tried Hammerhead, but also got nothing. She couldn't dwell on it. The best thing they could do was to keep going.

" _Commander, do you copy_?"

Terra's relief at hearing Brooks was audible in her exhalation. "What's your status?"

" _The other you is jamming our radios! Hammerhead and Mako are trying to get ahead and cut her off. But I've been hit and need help! Please hurry_!"

They rushed on, entering another level of the facility, this one more enclosed. "Commander! Over here! Help!" called out Brooks from somewhere ahead of them.

The sound of gun fire had them running forward, a force-field appearing around them, trapping them on the platform they'd been traversing to get to Brooks. They were now held inside a vault.

"This can't be good," observed Wrex.

"Brooks. The vault sealed us in," tried Shepard, hoping the Analyst was still alive. There was no response.

"Is there an override?" Kaidan wondered, searching the sealed area for something that would get them out of here.

"Not seeing one," Wrex stated restlessly.

Shepard tried her comm again. "Cortez! Brooks! Do you read me? Is anyone on this frequency?"

Movement had them turning expectantly, only to see the clone strolling smugly towards them. "The short answer is no. They're not. The longer answer involves your friends trapped in iridium vaults and forgotten. Forever."

Wrex roared, firing rounds from his shotgun towards the clone, all of which failed to breach the field that surrounded them. He threw his gun down in disgust, pacing with barely contained fury, his eyes fixed with intent on the clone, promising to rip her apart with his bare hands.

"Others know about this. About you," Kaidan pointed out, as equally pissed off as Wrex, but concealing it better. "The Alliance _will_ stop you."

The clone smirked back at them, then turned her head just slightly to speak to someone behind her. "What do you think, Staff Analyst Brooks? Will the Alliance stop us?"

Brooks sauntered up behind the clone, her whole demeanour changed, along with her voice. "I wouldn't know. I don't actually work for them." She stood beside the clone, a superior grin on her face.

Terra was shocked by the betrayal, by the façade she'd fallen for. "Brooks…"

"I know! Shocking, isn't it!? And it was _so_ easy! You were so _eager_ to help the loveable rookie!" Brooks laughed.

Shepard steeled herself, a fire burning inside her. "Who the hell are you? And do you really think I won't track you down?"

"My name doesn't matter. I never keep the same one for more than a few days. And if the Illusive Man hasn't found me yet, _you_ never will."

"You're Cerberus?" Kaidan asked.

"Was. Mr Illusive and I didn't see eye to eye. He's indoctrinated, whereas _I_ prefer the whispers in my head to be my own."

"Why not come to me?" Shepard wondered. "We could've worked together."

"Nice idea, but it would never have worked. You and I have very different principles. Though, I suppose, in a way, we did work together, once. _I'm_ the one who headed the team who put together all those dossiers on your 'suicide mission'.

"The Collector base?"

"The salarian doctor, the asari justicar, the drell." Brooks grimaced in distaste. "They were all mistakes. We were a pro-human group who started looking to _aliens_ for help. So I bided my time, and when I found another you… I woke her up. I explained everything, and she agreed with me."

"What was the point of it all?"

"All we really wanted was your Spectre code. I have to admit I was surprised you survived the fall. Detaching your hand from your body would have been much easier. Nevertheless, I'd planned for such an eventuality. I knew you'd need to get to a landing pad to get to safety, and you didn't disappoint. You gave us what we wanted when you used your Spectre authorisation to access that door to get to the sky-car lot. I'd attached a program to copy it, hence the security alarm that activated. But then you survived the hit and insisted on bringing your damned asari into it, so I had to tie up loose ends."

Kaidan was processing it all, working it all through for himself. "The arms dealer. You used us to help you get to him. You killed him and deleted the data right before we joined you in the panic room."

Brooks looked extremely pleased with herself. "But then your sexbot just _had_ to go and recover the data. So here we are: forced to… contain the situation."

Shepard was seething. She really she didn't like being played with; not by the Illusive Man and certainly not by one of his former lackeys. "You may think you're clever. And yeah, you were – just a bit – but clever doesn't beat a bullet. And maybe I am trapped in here, but don't get comfortable. Because that bulls-eye on your back is getting bigger by the second."

Brooks clapped, mockingly. "That sounds _very_ dramatic. And if someone like say… Commander Shepard made the threat, I'd be worried. But you're _not_ Shepard. Not anymore. It was fun while it lasted."

"You betrayed us, Brooks! You don't get to walk away from that!" warned Kaidan.

"Oh, how sweet! You still think you have a chance!" Brooks nodded at the clone who moved to a nearby terminal.

"What are you doing?" Shepard demanded to know.

"Setting things right." The clone turned back to her. "Somewhere along the way you forgot about your entire species. You've saved more alien lives than you have human."

"I don't care what species they are. _Every_ life counts, but maybe a _clone_ wouldn't understand that."

"You know the one thing they can't duplicate? Our handprint. Life gives it its shape, not DNA… which is a problem." The clone returned her attention to the terminal. "Computer, update Council records. Subject: Shepard, human Spectre."

" _Accessing record. Please input new data._ "

The clone placed her hand on the terminal and it scanned.

" _Biometric identifier updated. Good day, Commander Shepard._ "

The fake Shepard gave a condescending half-salute. "Now, if you'll excuse me, the Normandy needs its Captain."

"Farewell, Commander. I guess this is where 'legends' go to die," finished Brooks, with one final insult.

The vault then moved to join the many others and they were cut off from sight, the vault plunging into darkness, which Kaidan and Wrex kept at bay with the lights on their guns.

"Refresh my memory. Didn't we used to win these things, back in the old days?" Wrex rumbled, fisting his hands and rolled his neck in another restless gesture.

Shepard was going over the last conversation, and a realisation hit her. She'd been selfish. Her concern had been for herself, but what about her new-found twin? She remembered what the clone had said at their first encounter, about only being created as parts. It made her think of the rachni children they had had to kill on Noveria, raised with no parent, instead used by those who had power over them. She thought of Jack, formed by the scientists into what they had wanted her to be… In the hands of Brooks… Terra had no doubt that the clone had been shaped into what Brooks had wanted. Someone anti-alien, someone who didn't know how to form bonds with others because they'd never been offered anything even remotely like friendship or love. Someone who should resent the person who had everything she didn't - a purpose beyond being surplus to requirements...

Kaidan watched Terra internally working through something. "What’s going through that beautiful head of yours?"

Shepard came back to the room. "She's so angry. So bitter."

"She's twisted."

"Because of how she was treated. By Cerberus. Then to be used by Brooks – someone so manipulative, someone who's moulded her into what she is. Surrounding her with miscreants like those CAT6 mercenaries…"

"Terra, tell me you don't think you can save her!"

"I don't know. I don't- She's _me_ , Kaidan-"

"No. No, she is not. The only thing you have in common is the way you look. It's only skin deep. It's our life experiences that form who we are. Think Terra… how different we both might be… If I hadn't accidentally killed Vyrnnus and had to find an inner strength to deal with it; if you had never been raised on Alliance ships where you learnt that unshakeable sense of duty, and your sense of family no matter they're not your blood. If we'd never met each other… That clone can never be you, and she'll fail, Terra, because she has no one who cares, watching her back."

Terra nodded. "That's why she needs help - to see that her life doesn't have to be solitary, and so full of hate. Because like it or not, she _is_ my blood."

Kaidan was bowled over by this remarkable woman standing in front of him. "Terra, you astound me. And you scare me," he admitted. "I don't want you to get hurt. Don't expect too much from this. You can't save everyone."

"No, I can't," she bowed her head, then when she raised it again the determination was written across her face. "But I can try."

"Ahem," interrupted Wrex. "Anyone remember we're stuck in an impregnable vault? And I figure I need a lot more air than you two combined."

Kaidan had a strange smile on his face. "Don't lose your quad, Wrex. We'll get out."

Terra burst out laughing as Wrex reared back in surprise at having his own words (ones he'd used on Ilos as they'd raced for the conduit) used against him. The krogan then started chuckling too. He appraised Alenko in a new light, then nodded in approval.

"I'm impressed Alenko. Still don't know how we're getting out of here, but I like that attitude. Reminds me of Shepard."

Shepard clicked her comm. "Glyph, you out there?"

" _Yes, Commander._ "

"Get us out of here, then go locate the others."

" _Of course, Commander._ "

The vault began moving and the two Spectres looked extremely smug as they looked back at Wrex. He grunted, refusing to acknowledge that he hadn't even thought about the floating VI.

"Nobody must ever mention that the great Urdnot Wrex was rescued from a box by a talking ball."

"Our lips are sealed-"

"Well… let's not be too hasty, Kaidan," interrupted Shepard. "Never know when we might need a bargaining chip…"

Wrex gave her a good-natured glare, which Terra grinned back at. The vault came to a standstill and the field dissipated.

"Time to reunite our family, and get our ship back."

-x-

Gathered once again, Joker joined them in a sky-car.

"I've got room for Shepard, plus two. And figure it out fast, because the other Shepard is stealing my ship!" Joker railed.

"Garrus, care to join us?" Shepard called out as she moved to the cab with Kaidan.

"Oh," moaned Wrex.

"What?" asked Shepard, faltering.

" _I_ was hoping to go," whined Wrex.

"Again?" drawled Garrus. "What, think you're the favourite, now?"

"How old are you both - six?" scolded Shepard.

"Uh, I agree with Shepard's choice," Joker butted in. "This is my _ship_! We need finesse, not charging krogan! Now, let's go!"

"Joker will come back for you all. I promise."

Liara was already on the case. "I will sort out some extra transport. It will be faster."

"There, see. At least someone is acting their age."

They clambered into the cab.

"And you're all my favourites. I love you all the same," Shepard shouted out, before she closed the door, Joker already pulling away.

Kaidan purposely coughed beside her. "Not exactly the same, right?"

Terra just managed to stop herself from laughing, and slapped his arm.

"Just checking," he finished, with a small grin.

" _Shepard_ ," Edi called. " _They have gained access to the Normandy. My signal is being interrupt-_ "

There was a silence.

"Uh, Edi, you still with us?" worried Joker.

" _The clone has disabled my control of the Normandy, as well as all sensory input. I cannot lock her out or counteract her commands."_

"Understood," responded Shepard. "Don't worry, Edi. We'll get you back."

"This is why I hate shore-leave," cursed Joker. "I swear, you park the ship for five minutes…"

"Can you contact Citadel flight control and get them to deny the departure request?" Kaidan asked.

"Tried. Big surprise! All the comm lines in the area are jammed, probably to make it easier for them to _steal_ my ship!"

"Not that you're single-minded about it," Garrus offered.

"We'll stop them," Shepard assured her pilot.

"Even if they get the Normandy, we can go to the Council and prove you're the real Shepard," Garrus added.

"No, the clone changed the logs to make her biometrics the official ones," informed Kaidan. "We can't prove anything. At least not without a few weeks of interrogations and evidence gathering."

"See!" moaned Joker. "Can we all just agree that it'd be easier to _not_ let Shepard's evil clone steal the Normandy?"

"Don't worry, you'll get your ship back," Shepard said again.

"We'd better. I just got the seat broken in how I like it," Joker whinged.

"And we have another six year old," she sighed.

-x-

The jamming was as much a bane to the mercs as it was to them. The clone's men couldn't contact the ship to let them know Shepard and her team were there, and without Edi's external sensors online, those inside were effectively blind to the gunfight happening on the docks.

The sound of the engines starting was the last thing they wanted to hear between the shots fired.

"We need to hurry!" Garrus said, unnecessarily.

"How did they manage that!?" exclaimed Shepard. "When _we_ want to take off there's a half-hour pre-flight check! They just gun the engine and go!?"

"The clone must've used Spectre authorisation to get clearance for immediate departure!" Kaidan suggested.

"Shit, I never thought of that! Well, I know what _I'm_ doing next time!"

"Let's hope there _is_ a next time," Garrus said, grimly.

"We didn't come this far just to watch the Normandy leave." With that, she cloaked, ran behind the pain-in-the-ass merc behind the omnishield who wouldn't go down, came up behind him and took him out.

With their obstruction out of the way, they hurtled towards the _Normandy_. Nearing the outer airlock, they spotted Traynor exiting then turning to stare at the closed hatch in a daze. At the sound of their approach she looked back, then froze as she saw Shepard.

"Wait, what!? You were just on the Normandy! You… you fired me! Dishonourable discharge for conduct unbecoming! You kicked me off the ship with barely enough time to grab my new toothbrush!" She held it up, her face full of confusion and anger.

"That's a Cision Pro-Mark 4. It uses tiny mass effect fields to break up plaque and massage the gums," recited Shepard.

Kaidan and Garrus hurried round them to try to access the airlock.

"Yes. _I_ told you that," Traynor said a little tartly.

"And I remember because _I'm_ the real Shepard."

"The _real_ …? Then _who_ threw me off the ship!?"

"Shepard's got a clone," Garrus interrupted in a nonchalant tone. "Long story."

Kaidan got the airlock open.

Traynor looked back at Shepard, open-mouthed.

"I can explain more later. For now…" They hurried to the inner airlock door, and Shepard cursed. "It's sealed." It was a safety mechanism that could only be over-ridden by Edi, and she was offline.

"They're getting ready to take off!" Kaidan advised as they felt the subtle shift of the docking clamps beginning to release.

"Traynor, you know this ship inside and out. Can you get us inside?"

"There's an emergency exit hatch for evacuations. It should be right… here!" She pulled up a section of the floor with Garrus' help and the hatch welcomed them.

Shepard scanned it. "Manual lock, and it's only meant to be opened from the other side. Any ideas? Because remaining in the airlock is likely to end up a bad place to be once we're in the air."

"I could trigger it with a biotic field," Kaidan supposed, "but I don't think I have the fine control we'd need."

Traynor stepped forward, holding her toothbrush aloft, and switched it on, those tiny mass effect fields she'd raved about, now showing themselves in a whole new light…

"No way," was all Shepard could say.

...

A few seconds later, they were crawling beneath the deck of the _Normandy_ , Traynor having been quickly sent back through the outer airlock to safety, with a now rather broken toothbrush.

"If you'd told me this morning that a toothbrush was going to save the Normandy, I'd have been _very_ sceptical," muttered Shepard.

"Here, here," agreed Garrus.

"And I'm definitely getting one. No, _two_. I need to replace Traynor's."

"God bless her superior oral hygiene standards," Kaidan praised.

They felt the ship take flight. The others hadn't made it in time. The three of them were on their own.

-x-

They'd cleared the CIC, but the clone and Brooks were notably absent. They moved to the elevator, and Shepard hesitated as she passed a pile beside the doors, then she gasped.

"She's been in our cabin! This is our stuff!" she said in outrage.

"Well, I guess this is personal now!" Kaidan half-joked.

She entered the lift with renewed purpose and scanned over the control panel for the last destination. The cargo bay. She hit the button.

"Still going to give her the benefit of the doubt?" Kaidan wondered out loud.

"The _what_ , now?" Garrus questioned.

"Shepard thinks she might be able to talk the clone round."

"What!? Shepard-"

"I'm going to _try_ , that's all. … _After_ I've taken her down a peg."

"She's a lost cause," warned Garrus.

"As I remember, you were equally as sceptical about Jack. Look how that turned out."

Garrus gave a laboured sigh. "I was really hoping you'd forgotten that. But I was right about Miranda."

"So it's a 50/50 chance. I had worse odds with baby Grunt."

"And you almost got crushed doing it," pointed out Garrus.

"That's why we'll be right there, watching her back," concluded Kaidan, both backing Terra's wish and assuring Garrus.

"Please tell me that you're not planning the same for Brooks," pleaded Garrus.

"Hell no," retorted Shepard.

"Good."

The doors opened and they had weapons ready as they moved into the cargo bay. The clone emerged from the piles of crates that littered the area, dressed in a perfect replication of Shepard's own armour.

"Well, that's creepy," commented Shepard with a frown.

"You want to stop shooting up my ship?" the clone sneered.

"It's not _your_ ship," Shepard threw back.

"It will be. I've taken your name, your Spectre rank, even your fingerprints!"

"I don't know what Brooks has been filling your head with, but you don't need to do this. You can be a person in your own right. Join with us. We can do this together."

"You're pathetic. What's the matter, _Shepard_? Need another crutch? I suppose you might see the benefit of having me as your scapegoat when it all falls to shit because you don't have what it takes to get the job done. Or perhaps you subscribe to the Illusive Man's views, and I can be a handy living donor for you."

"I would never-"

"Save it. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. The only thing I need is you _dead_."

Terra finally accepted, with a heavy heart, that she wasn't going to be able to get through. Kaidan was right. There was nothing here that was fixable. The damage was too great. She felt Kaidan press a hand to her lower back in unspoken comfort and support. It was time to take this situation in hand. "Fake fingerprints won't fool the Council for long. And you'll _never_ fool Hackett."

Brooks made herself known as she came up behind the clone. "You're fooling _yourself_. The Council will deliberate for an age. And Hackett's just an admiral sitting on his throne overlooking his minions. He's not a friend. He's detached. Commander Shepard has to do what's necessary, and he'll overlook anything she does that may surprise him."

"You haven't got a clue."

Brooks started to frown, before catching it and replacing it with scorn. "You're deluded. Not everyone is enamoured with you."

"He's my father. How's your plan looking now?"

As Brooks' smirk fell from her face, the clone lost her calm, and she launched herself at Shepard, omniblade lashing out at her. Shepard dived under it, and heard Brooks calling for backup. She cloaked at the same time as the clone and Brooks did, and came up beside Kaidan and Garrus who both aimed at her before pulling back.

"Christ, this is bad, Shepard!" Kaidan rushed out. "In the same armour it's hard to tell which one is you!"

"Spirits! This is like a bad dream!" Garrus complained.

The elevator opened behind them and they scattered in different directions as Garrus' proximity mine, which he'd planted the minute they'd stepped off, took out the inhabitants.

"So… You've been dreaming about me, Garrus?" Shepard teased as she tried to get a fix on Brooks or the clone.

" _No! That's not-! I- I meant-!"_ He belatedly caught her light tone. " _Oh, very funny!_ _You know distinguishing you from the fake Shepard is getting harder by the minute. I'd hate to accidently clip you_ ," he added sarcastically.

"Ouch! I think you wounded me already!" she joked back.

Kaidan had backed around the crates and saw... "Shepard! I think I have the clone in my sights, portside, but it could be you!"

" _I'm clear. Take the shot!_ "

He went to bring down her shields-

" _Belay that! It's me!_ " yelled out the real Shepard.

Kaidan just pulled back in time to send his blast up to the roof. "Jesus Christ! I could have hurt you! That damn bitch!"

" _I'd like to think it would take more than one hit for you to take me down, but you're right. We can't carry on like this._ "

"Garrus and I should concentrate on Brooks and the CAT6's. The clone's all yours."

" _Good call,_ " Shepard responded.

" _Agreed!_ " came a relieved Garrus.

Terra located the clone and drained her shields, then pummelled her with gunfire, causing her to retreat and cloak. Shepard pressed in, then ended up flinging herself back to avoid the incineration blast sent her way, and it seared over her armour, barely missing her. She rolled from the following barrage of gunfire, and took cover, cursing once she'd caught her breath. She cloaked before moving out, trying to find the clone again.

" _Hey, Lola, you there_?" came James.

Terra smiled to herself. Only the real Shepard would know to respond to that. "Lola here. You cut through the jamming."

" _We did_ ," confirmed Liara. " _It was heavily defended, but we got through and disabled their tech. Cortez and Joker are on their way to you in a shuttle_."

" _Commander, the Normandy's prepping to jump to FTL_ ," advised Cortez.

" _Can you get to the cockpit? Like soon_?" worried Joker.

"Negative. I'm occupied in the cargo bay!" She ducked under the clone's gunfire.

" _Roger that, Commander,_ " responded Cortez. " _We'll proceed with plan B_."

" _Plan B? What the hell is plan B_!?" demanded Joker.

" _Overriding this sky-car's safeties and obstructing the Normandy's path. Try to get their attention_."

" _We're_ **bait** _! Plan B stands for_ **bait**!?"

"Sounds good! But be careful!" Shepard said, pulling down her clone's shields again.

" _Sounds-!? Coming from_ **you** _, that doesn't surprise me. I'll remember this! Both times!_ "

" _Moving in, Commander_ ," said Cortez.

" _Launch to FTL, NOW_!" shouted out the clone into the comm.

" _We can't. There's a sky-car blocking our path_ ," came the pilot from Joker's cockpit.

" _Get a shuttle out there and blow them out of the sky_!"

...

Kaidan took down another man and looked back for Shepard, as two mercs jumped into a shuttle and left the bay. "Shepard! Watch out! The cargo bay is now unsecured!"

" _The other Shepard's a real asshole_!" commented Cortez.

He couldn't agree more. Kaidan swung back just as Brooks materialised in front of him. He was quicker. He took down her shields, causing her to fall back, but she vanished again. He sent out a wide arc of biotic energy that must have just caught her from the grunt of pain, but it wasn't enough. Garrus joined him.

"Where did she go?"

Kaidan shook his head. They'd demolished the rest of the CAT6's, and circled, seeking anything that gave her away.

" _You're just cybernetics! Scarred, worn-out Cerberus tech_!" screamed out the bitter voice Kaidan knew could only belong to the clone.

" _You know where I got those scars? At the Collector base and Tuchanka and Horizon. I wear more on my heart that could never be erased by the new skin. I earned these scars protecting the galaxy_!"

" _You're a figurehead! A decent soldier with a lucky streak_!"

" _Then how come you want to be me so badly_?"

" _You should have died at that damn sushi place_!" That was Brooks, and Kaidan and Garrus both bolted towards the gunfight at the back of the bay where Brooks had chosen to lend a hand to the clone.

Shepard was on her knees, knocked down from behind by Brooks. Garrus went for Brooks, and Kaidan biotically threw the clone away from her, where she landed behind some crates.

Shepard was back up and running forward, resuming her fight, and again, it became hard to tell one from the other. Garrus grunted as Brooks' fired her shotgun at him, knocking him back and destroying his shields. Kaidan staggered her with an overload before she could take another shot at Garrus.

" ** _I_** _can_ **win** _this war! All_ **you** _have are the vain hopes of a tired old woman_!" snarled the clone. Kaidan hated this 'thing' for trying to beat down Terra with her words. He used a cryo-blast on Brooks that instantly froze her before she could cloak yet again.

" _This tired old woman is kicking your ass!_ " Terra spat back, and Kaidan almost laughed.

Garrus was back on his feet, shields regenerated and breath back in his lungs. "Oh yes!" he grinned. " _That's_ our Shepard!" Like Kaidan, he trained his gun on Brooks who was coming out of her frozen state with a pained expression.

"You can do this! You're better than she is!" Brooks gritted out to the clone, her hands in the air in surrender once Kaidan had disarmed her and permanently disabled her gun.

" _I'm Shepard! Do you hear me, bitch?_ **I'm** _Shepard_!"

" _No. You're_ **not** _!"_ finished Terra.

With Brooks under control, Kaidan turned to help Shepard, only to see the two rolling across the floor and down the open ramp of the hold. Both he and Garrus cried out in horror as they lost sight of them, and they ran for her, ignoring Brooks.

...

Shepard and the clone were in hand to hand combat, right on the edge of the ramp. Unfortunately, the pilot at the helm was not even close to having Joker's skill and the ship shuddered, sending them toppling over. They both managed to grab a precarious hold, their heads just barely inside the field that sealed the air within the ship, as they dangled over the Citadel, side by side.

"Look at you," snarled the clone. "What makes you so damned special? Why you and not _me_?"

Terra had no answer for her.

"Hang on!" Garrus shouted, as they ran to her.

"We have you!" Kaidan grabbed her tightly, Garrus doing the same.

They pulled her up, and Terra saw Brooks looking back at the clone, then turn away. "Thanks," she breathed out, then quickly turned to the clone, reaching out her hand. "Here, take my hand!"

"And then?" sneered the clone.

Terra frowned. "And then you live!" She saw nothing behind the eyes but hopelessness.

"For what?" ended the clone.

Terra gasped as her twin let go of the ramp, Kaidan and Garrus both grabbing Terra again as if they expected her to launch herself after the clone. She wasn't. But she watched the woman fall to her death with shock and dismay.

Kaidan had to admit seeing it had unsettled him, too. It was almost like watching the woman he loved, die before his eyes. Thankfully, he could feel the real thing in his hands, and she turned to him, her face pale. He ran his thumb over that scar along her cheekbone that had told them which one to grab just moments earlier. He pulled her up with him, and they walked back inside their ship.

Garrus was training his gun back on Brooks, letting the squad know that they had prevailed. That done, he fixed his gaze on Shepard. "I just need to rewind a bit... Hackett's your _father_!"

"Um... yeah. I'll fill you in later."

"Damn right you will!"

Ten minutes later, Edi's Core had been re-started and was back in control of the ship, Brooks and the single merc pilot were under careful watch, Cortez and Joker were aboard, checking things over, and the _Normandy_ was coming back into dock.

"Damn shame _she's_ still alive," mumbled Joker, glaring at Brooks.

Brooks stared back at Shepard as she was led past her to the waiting guards. "You know, _she_ wouldn't have let me live."

"You can't clone everything," returned Terra.

"I still want to shoot her," commented Garrus, as he watched Brooks go.

"Rise above it, Garrus."

"She's still alive isn't she?"

They moved to the exit and Terra was met with the sight of the rest of her crew, gathered and waiting. She felt a lump form in her throat.

Kaidan moved his head closer to her ear. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she smiled, blinking back tears. "I'm just one hell of a lucky woman."

Kaidan looked out at all the people who had been prepared to fight for her. It wasn't anything he hadn't already seen, but for Terra, it was a new revelation. She treated them as family, but she had never assumed it went both ways. "It's not luck. It's just you."

They went to join their friends.

"We'll have the Normandy back in shape in no time," assured Cortez from behind her.

"You mean the _techs_ will… We're on shore-leave, remember?" Shepard said with a smile, then a yawn.

" _Real_ shore-leave?" checked James, suspiciously.

"Yep. No explosions or anything."

"Sounds boring," moaned Wrex.

"You're not even part of the crew!" Tali laughed.

"Oh! Ha! Forgot that! Damn. Felt good to be back though, Shepard."

"It was good to have you, Wrex. Hanging about for a while longer?"

"Sure. Still have a Council to harass. And still haven't found Grunt."

"Should you not be a little more concerned?" asked Liara.

"Nah. He'll turn up sooner or later."

"So this is really shore-leave now?" asked James again.

"Just us," confirmed Terra.

"I'll believe it when I see it, but it's worth a shot," Garrus said happily.

"It certainly is," smiled Kaidan.

**-x-**


	66. Respects, Faith and Love

Kaidan and Shepard left the Council Chambers. It was early morning and they were still in their armour, the long night beginning to show on Kaidan as well as Terra.

They'd reported on everything initiated by the clone, and the outcome. The Council had been troubled by the events, but to Shepard's relief, Kaidan's verification of her identity - as a Spectre - had been instrumental in their quick decision, and the Councillors reset her biometrics without further question.

As they stepped off the elevator, Bailey was waiting to greet them, Kolyat hovering nearby.

"Shepard, glad to see you made it in one piece. You had us worried there for a while." Bailey indicated at Kolyat, who seemed to wait with barely maintained patience, then closed the gap. "A clone." Bailey shook his head in disbelief. "If that's not enough to drive a person crazy, I don't know what is."

Kolyat now stood at attention beside Bailey. "Commander, it's good to see you again."

"And you, Kolyat. How have you been?" Shepard asked sincerely.

"As well as can be expected. Thank you. I was pleased to hear you were on the Citadel. There is… something I had hoped you would want to be a part of. But I can explain later. You have been through a lot-"

"Kolyat," she interrupted gently. "Please. Go on."

He closed his eyes, taking a moment to brace himself, as though expecting his request would be denied before he'd asked it. "There is no way for my father to be given a drell ceremony here, but the salarian councillor told me that humans hold memorial services for their dead. He said that it is a time where people speak well of their loved ones. I wondered…" He seemed to find it hard to pose the question.

Terra rescued him. "That sounds like an excellent idea, and I'm sorry I didn't suggest it myself. It's a chance to say goodbye. Did you have somewhere in mind?"

He frowned, his eyes falling. "No, I… I didn't think that far ahead."

Terra met Kaidan's eyes, and he gave an almost imperceptible nod. She had expected him to agree, but she thought it right to check as it was his home, too. She rested her hand on Kolyat's arm to get his attention. "Then you can hold it at our apartment, if that helps?"

Kolyat's face lightened. "Thank you, Commander. Would you… conduct it? I worry I might recall an inappropriate memory in front of everyone."

"Of course. Here's the address." She sent it across to his omni-tool. "I'll let those on my crew who served with Thane know about it, and I'm sure Councillor Valern would be interested. You should send him an invite. Put a notice out, too. There may be others who knew him who would like to pay their respects."

"Count me in, son," added Bailey with a clap on his shoulder.

"Thank you, Bailey," Kolyat said, gratefully.

"I need to catch some sleep, but, if it's convenient for you, schedule it for late this afternoon," Shepard told him.

"Thank you again, Commander. This means a great deal to me."

"It's the least I can do. For Thane, _and_ for you."

"Well, we should leave you two to get some rest," stated Bailey. "Garrus told me you were sticking around for a while longer. Hope the rest of your shore-leave goes better. See you later."

Kolyat nodded his goodbye, and they departed.

Kaidan drove them back home, Terra barely able to keep her eyes open. At their destination, she climbed wearily out and once they had entered the apartment building and were out of the public's sight, Terra snaked her arm around Kaidan's waist, leaning her tired head against his shoulder. He reciprocated, holding her tight, pressing a kiss to her hair as they walked the corridor to the front door, knowing that she would have her eyes closed now. He led her through the door.

" _Sorry to disturb you_ _Commander, but I have an incoming message from Admiral Hackett. Putting it through now,_ " announced Traynor.

Terra pulled away from Kaidan, who prayed this was nothing more than a social call.

-x-

Hackett signed off with his daughter, no less concerned and with a huge dose of shock to go with it. He'd caught the news of the attack on her, and had needed to check in. Never had he expected to receive the revelation that her attacker had been her clone.

Standing alone in the silence of the room, he was stone as he considered it all... Cerberus had taken the genes from his daughter and created another from it. Anger rose up. How dare the Illusive Man mess with his daughter? It was an insult. Terra was unique. You couldn't synthesise who she was without everything Terra had experienced.

And the clone… Despite knowing 'she' was only a copy, it disgusted him that 'his daughter' had been warped into the antithesis of Terra because of the Illusive Man's negligence and nonchalant attitude. She'd been discarded, only to be taken advantage of by another, and they had created a bitter, twisted version of his beautiful child - a woman unable to understand why she'd been disposable. It was heart-breaking to consider it. Terra had even apologised to him for being unable to save the twin. It had taken him aback. She'd felt guilty and sad over it. The only guilt _he_ felt was that he was glad it had ended the way it had.

Terra should have been enjoying her time there, not fighting for her life and dealing with crap like this. She had been standing there talking to him, looking like a breeze would knock her over. His only comfort came from the fact that the man beside her was just as worried about her. And just as stubborn as she was. Kaidan would make sure she rested.

But when they found Cerberus' headquarters, Hackett was going to rain such hell down upon the Illusive Man…

He finally moved, connecting to the Crucible Project.

Hannah answered it directly. " _Admiral Hackett. You might like to know that Jacob Taylor and the ex-Cerberus scientists arrived a few hours ago. Dr Cole and her team are already making a big difference to the Project. They're an impressive group of people. Commander Shepard did well in bringing them on board_."

"That's good to know. Do you have a moment to speak in private, Admiral?"

" _Hold on_." He didn't have to wait long. " _Do you have news? Is Terra alright_?"

"Everything's fine now. Sorted. But…" He took a deep breath before explaining what had happened, and by whom…

-x-

The memorial had gone well. Terra had led the speeches, and she was proud when Garrus, Tali, Joker and Edi all spoke too. Kolyat's piece had finished the ceremony, and they now quietly conversed with each other. Bailey had been true to his word and had attended, along with Valern, and Mordin's nephew, Narin. The only surprise guest being Mouse, a young man whom Thane had known when Mouse had been a young boy.

"Major, did you know my father?"

Kaidan turned to Kolyat. "I can't say I knew him, but we met. He, uh, righted a misunderstanding on a personal issue, and for that I will be eternally grateful. In that short time, I saw the man behind the reputation. He was a good man, and I'm sorry things turned out like this."

"Yes. Me too. But I must be glad of the time we had. Thanks to Shepard. If she had not pushed, I might never have known him again. But she did, and then she instigated his cure, and gave us time. She's also the reason I am working with Bailey instead of behind bars. I won't waste the chance she gave me. My father referred to her as 'Siha'. I would have to agree. There are few in the galaxy. Earlier, she said 'our' apartment. You are a fortunate man, Major."

"I know," Kaidan murmured, looking over at Terra, who was talking to Bailey. As though she sensed him, she suddenly turned to meet his eyes, a smile tugging at her mouth, though it was tinged with sadness, her eyes radiating her love. He knew exactly how lucky he was to have her, not least because he'd lost her once. Then she had ended her conversation with Bailey and moved to join them.

"Shepard. Thank you for holding this," Kolyat began. "In time, it will be a good memory."

"I don't know if I'll be as philosophical about it. It's still kind of raw," Terra croaked out. It wasn't until she'd stood there, saying her thoughts about Thane out loud, that she realised she hadn't mourned him properly. Now she felt everything she'd locked away, and it was hard to deal with.

"I understand." Kolyat bowed his head slightly, gathering himself, before meeting her eyes again. "You said you would be here if I needed you, and you were. I haven't had someone I can depend on for a long time. Father… at the end… he saved my life during the attack, but now he's gone, too. I dared hope we could be a family again. I wanted- I wanted-" His voice trembled, tears falling.

"Kolyat." Terra hugged him, and he held on to her like a child to a parent, as he sobbed quietly into her neck. She said nothing. Just held him. He had needed an outlet – a place and time to admit he mourned the loss of his father. Then he gathered himself and pulled away, a little embarrassed at the display. "Thank you, Terra." He then stood taller, clasping his hands behind his back in a stance that reminded Terra of Thane, and pulled at her heart.

"If you will excuse me, I should take this opportunity to speak with the Councillor. He is feeling grateful, and I want to point out that there is a young salarian doctor here who is still struggling to have his work recognised as a cure for Kepral's Syndrome. That must not go on."

"Agreed."

"Oh, before I go… I was organising my father's possessions and I came upon copies of video messages he tried to send you." Kolyat sent them across to her omnitool. "I hope they help more than they hurt."

Kolyat went over to Valern and Terra ran her fingers over her omnitool.

"Go watch them. I'll attend to everyone," Kaidan suggested softly.

Terra squeezed his hand in thanks and headed upstairs to use the screen in their bedroom.

The guests gradually started to trickle out. The last, Mouse, who had been quiet all night, approached Kolyat to hand him the holo that Thane had once given him, before leaving. Kolyat stared at it, and Kaidan went to check he was all right.

"Kolyat?"

The young man looked up at him in a daze. "A gift my father gave to another boy. He- Mouse… said that he was ten when my father gave it to him. The same age as I was when my father left."

"He missed you."

"Yes." He placed the holo in his pocket and shook Kaidan's hand. "Thank you, Major. You have been most gracious. Will Terra be alright?"

Kaidan looked to the stairs. "She's a survivor." He turned back to Kolyat. "So are you."

"Indeed. Give her my best wishes. Goodbye, Major."

"Goodnight, Kolyat."

Alone, Kaidan quickly tidied up and then took the stairs two steps at a time to the bedroom. Terra sat on the bed, elbows on her knees, head in her hands, and he sat next to her, drawing her to him.

She went willingly, needing the comfort he offered. "They were messages he tried to send while I was on Earth. He and Kolyat even took a break there, enjoyed a desert sunset. I like that image. Think I'll try to keep that one," she murmured.

When she lifted her head, Kaidan saw the tracks of her tears, and he wished he could lighten the heaviness on her soul.

"I need something to pick me up off the floor," she said. Her solemn face looked at him, hoping for a solution.

"Like a stiff drink, or a change of scenery?" He brushed loose strands from her face, tucking them behind her ear.

"The evening's still young. A night out sounds good. I need a distraction. Something to break through this sadness."

Kaidan wondered… "Feel up to that date?"

Terra visibly brightened. "Are you kidding!? Try to stop me!"

It was Kaidan's turn to beam. "Great! Then all I need to do is arrange where to go, now that the sushi place is off the menu," he said pointedly.

Terra rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm thinking somewhere without fish," he continued, then laughed as she groaned, hanging her head. "Sorry. But it had to be said. So, a place to go. Let me think…"

" _Messages received._ "

"Oh no," he complained, his face falling.

Terra laughed. "Kaidan, don't be such a pessimist!"

She dragged him down to the office area and called up several messages from nearly every member of her crew with an invite of one kind or another.

Kaidan sighed. "It looks like you have a long night ahead of you," he said, dejectedly. "At least it'll take your mind of things."

Terra leaned down and typed a quick reply to all.

**Already got a super-hot date, and you can't possibly compete ;) Will call you tomorrow. S.**

She spun back to Kaidan with a smile. "There. Told you nothing would stop me. And I intend to make it last _all night_."

Kaidan embraced her with a happy heart, his body thrumming with desire at the thought of having her all to himself. "Hmm, I like the sound of that."

Terra _had_ to kiss him, her insides swooning at the huskiness of his voice in her ear. "So… where were you thinking?"

"Someplace really quiet; free from interruptions…"

"At this time of night?" she asked dubiously. "Everywhere will be heaving."

"Think I have my work cut out?"

"Afraid so."

"Now who's a pessimist?"

"Uh, realist," she protested.

"Well see, I'm feeling really good about tonight and _nothing_ is going to stand in my way. Now, I'll just get changed and then I'll go and sort it out. Why don't you take a soak in that hot tub?"

Something told her he already had an idea, as she walked up the stairs with him. "Alone?" she said with disappointment.

"Sadly, yes. But you can chill out knowing that I'll be thinking of you…" His voice had gone low again, sending an excited tremble through her body. He had to pay for that when he was about to bug out.

She deliberately started to slide her shirt off before even reaching the bedroom, then turned so she was facing him, walking backwards. "You mean in the heat, the water bubbling over my naked skin..." she said slowly, teasing him with her soft undertones, and moistening her lips. “That seems like a suitable punishment for deserting me," she grinned mischievously.

Kaidan felt hot. "Damn, maybe I _should_ stay…" He went to reach for her, but she stuck a pointed finger into his chest to keep him at arms-length.

"No way, handsome! You promised me a date, and we will _never_ leave this apartment if you get in there with me."

He gave a pained sigh. "You're right."

"Of course." She turned her back to him, heading to the bathroom, then paused in the doorway and looked over her shoulder. "But know that I _will_ be thinking of you..." she said with a seductive voice, using his words against him.

He made a growling sound in his throat. "So very, very, cruel."

Kaidan turned for the walk-in closet as she moved into the bathroom, and while he began to undress, he heard her sinking into the water with an audible groan of pleasure.

"And _that's_ truly evil!" called out Kaidan, unable to keep the grin off his face, or the image of her out of his head that his brain unhelpfully conjured up, while he pulled out the suit he'd bought specifically for their date.

Terra laughed, and he imagined her laying her head back and closing her eyes. "Think you might have rescued the wrong girl?"

"Huh! Not a chance."

He re-dressed, tidied himself up, and unearthed the box he'd hidden. He placed it on the bed where she wouldn't see it until she left the bathroom, finding a blank datapad to leave her a message. "Okay, I'm off. Call you soon," he said, deliberately not looking towards the bathroom.

"I'll be here," she called back. "Longing for you… aching for you-"

"La, la, la! I'm not listening!" he sang, as he quickly left the room to escape the temptation that was Terra Shepard. Her laughter followed him out, wrapping around his insides both a balm to his soul and an enticement to his body. Every step away from her, took effort. Thankfully, his head still ruled, and the thought of the night ahead kept him moving and out of the door.

-x-

Terra had given it twenty minutes before exiting the tub. She found it hard to relax. There was so much going on in the galaxy. It was easier when Kaidan was there. The delightful distraction he made never let in the thoughts of Reapers and Cerberus and Earth.

Drying her hair, she walked into the bedroom wrapped in a towel, straining to think of anything that wasn't the war, feeling the tension about to regain a grip on the muscles between her shoulder-blades. She spotted the box laying on the bed, a smile playing over her lips. Kaidan. It was a reminder that he didn't need to physically be there to distract her. At the mere thought of him, a pleasurable shiver went through her and she was beginning to wish he _had_ joined her in the hot tub. Forcing herself to focus on the box for the sake of her sanity, she had a good idea of what was inside it, approaching it with a little apprehension. What would go wrong this time? She picked up the datapad.

**Yes, it's a dress. Trust me. K x**

She dropped the pad on the bed, suddenly intrigued and rather eager, predicting she was going to love it. Opening the box, she moved aside the soft protective wrapping. The first thing she saw was the shimmering deep-red material, and she smiled as she carefully lifted it out. It was exquisite. The way she felt right now as she looked at the garment, no-one would believe she was a soldier. Just this one night, she wouldn't let the guilt in for being here. She slipped into the gown, and it clung to every curve like it had been made for her alone. It was clearly expensive, with its intricate features, but it didn't boast, maintaining a simplicity and sophistication.

She felt wonderful. She felt like a woman. A woman who was about to go out with the most amazing, courageous, selfless, faithful, honest, warm-hearted and downright gorgeous man in the galaxy. And that was just to name but a few of his qualities. Add to that his clearly romantic side and he had to be the perfect man. She was biased of course, but she'd put up a fight if anyone disputed it.

Back in the bathroom, Terra raided Kahlee's makeup bag, full of unused items. She kept it understated, with a smoky look around her eyes and a shade of lipstick that was only a few shades darker than natural, finishing it with a glossy layer that made her lips shimmer like her dress. For a change, Terra chose to keep her hair down, noticing it reached more than half-way down her back. The soldier in her told her it was impractical, that she should probably cut it, but Terra like the way it softened her face and offered her another level of femininity which was only ever seen by Kaidan.

Satisfied she did the dress a modicum of justice, she went back to the box. Kaidan had also given her shoes to match the gown, and she slipped them on, hoping she didn't embarrass herself by falling over in them.

Noticing that there were also two small cases inside the box, she opened them to find a lovely necklace and bracelet. He'd thought of everything… or had _he_ …? She had a suspicion that he might have enlisted help. Liara would have been his first port of call… Imagining the two of them out shopping brought a smile to her face as she put on the jewellery. The delicate necklace decorated her throat and then scattered its way down to her cleavage. The bracelet wound itself around her wrist, trickling pleasantly up and down her forearm as she moved it. The whole look was magnificent, and if Kaidan and his suspected partner in crime had been there right at that moment, she would have applauded them.

Ready, she wondered what to do with herself. Catching the name of the company on the box, she did an extranet search. A boutique that specialised in providing every requirement for a special occasion, with one-off pieces made to the customer's specifications. Everything she was wearing was unique. Damn, that man knew how to make a woman feel good… She was going to call him, demanding he give up his search for the impossible 'quiet place', and get his ass back here so she could show him just how grateful she was to have him. No sooner had she raised her wrist to make the call, when she received a message.

**Your escort is on his way. K x**

Terra was suddenly a bundle of nerves, which she found strange. Platoons of enemy soldiers? No problem. Rachni hordes? Meh. Up close encounters with thresher maws… okay, those freaked her out a little, but it was completely justified on past experience. Date with Kaidan… It was the dress, she reasoned. She'd managed to convince herself dresses were a curse and now her sub-conscious was reminding her that, so far, nothing good had happened whenever she'd worn a dress - and she was desperate for this night to go right.

'Trust me' Kaidan had written. She did, and it calmed her illogical response. Until the door chimed, and her heart sped up again. She took a deep breath before opening the door to see Cortez standing on the other side.

"Steve! Didn't you get my message?"

Cortez simply stared back at her, slack-jawed, and she held back her amusement, closing his mouth with a finger.

"Steve…"

"Uh, sorry, Shepard. I mean… wow! You look… you look beautiful, Shepard. Not that you don't usually, it's just… wow," he finished, before remembering why he was there. "Kaidan asked me to pick you up. He's waiting for you now. So…" he offered her his arm. "May I?"

"You may," Terra replied, taking his arm with a smile. They started walking to the sky-car.

"And maybe I can give you the ride I wanted to when I messaged you earlier."

"Steve, if I didn't know better, I'd have slapped your face by now!" she burst out laughing.

Cortez laughed with her. "So how about it?"

"As long as you get me there, Steve."

"Oh, I will."

Terra was suddenly worried about the gleam in his eyes. "Uh, you're not going to make me regret that are you?"

Cortez just grinned back. "It's nothing you can't handle."

"Just remember that I'm wearing a killer dress, and it would _not_ look the same with my stomach contents adorning it."

"Shepard, please! A little faith!"

She rolled her eyes. That had to be the theme of the night - so she gave in to it.

-x-

The shuttle's dampeners now re-engaged, Terra sat back thinking how much she'd enjoyed the flight. Only then did she realize just where they were. The Presidium was so quiet at night, everything temporarily shut down while workers replenished supplies and cleaned. The most elite part of the Citadel had to be pristine.

"Uh, Kaidan does know that the Presidium closes down at this time of night, right?"

Cortez smiled to himself. "The Major seems to have his bolts screwed tight," he jibed.

He landed and then came around to offer her his arm again. They walked a short distance through the deserted passages and Cortez slowed as they approached Apollo's.

At first glance it appeared to be just as closed as the rest of the stores, but there was a gentle glow coming from a table at the balcony. Kaidan stood there, hands on the railing, looking over the Citadel, a dashing figure in a suit.

Cortez kissed her cheek. "Enjoy your evening. You two are great together."

"Thanks, Steve."

She took off her heels and tried to creep up on Kaidan, activating her cloak. He turned before she'd even got near the table. When he saw nothing he laughed softly.

"I know you're there."

She materialised with a sigh. "Next time I'm going to confuse you and wear perfume."

Finally seeing her, everything froze for Kaidan - his mind taking a snapshot of her. An image he'd never forget. She was breath-taking. "You look stunning, Terra. Not that you need _any_ of that."

"You're looking rather suave yourself." She replaced the shoes and looked back at him. "Thank you. I needed this. To be more than a soldier, just for a little while."

"You _are_ more than that."

She didn't know what to say, so she changed the subject. "This must have cost you an absolute fortune."

"You're more than worth it."

"Charmer," she smiled, and damn if it wasn't working.

"Huh. I do my best."

She joined him at the balcony and they looked out at the view.

"Big place," she drawled, with a playful grin.

Kaidan laughed, then shook his head as he remembered where that conversation had led years back. "I'm glad to say we've come a long way since then, despite my awkward moments."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. It was endearing."

"Endearing? I think that's up there with cute, isn't it?" He feigned an affronted frown. "Please tell me I've grown beyond 'cute'… Commander."

"Oh, Major… Way beyond." She moved into his personal space, her hand on his chest. His arms curled around her waist automatically to pull her tightly against him. She kissed him, her hands sliding up and around his shoulders. Kaidan caressed the bare skin of her back.

"If you're heading straight to dessert, what the hell am I here for?" interrupted a rough voice, and they pulled apart, turning to the asari matriarch. "Not that I blame you… That ass… And I don't mean yours, hot stuff!"

Kaidan cleared his throat as Aethyta laughed to herself. "Aethyta, this is Shepard. Terra, meet Liara's father."

To Terra's credit, her mouth was only open for a few seconds before she regained control, offering her hand to the asari.

"It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Pleasure's all mine, honey. Aren't you two a feast for the eyes? So… the reunion sex. Fantastic, right? Up against the wall-"

Kaidan interjected, his face feeling the heat of his embarrassment as Terra looked at him with raised brows. "That's Aethyta's imagination, I swear. I don't kiss and tell."

Terra fought back her amusement as she regarded Aethyta - so very different from Liara it was hilarious. "It was spectacular!"

"Don't encourage her!" Kaidan said in dismay.

"There you go!" grinned a delighted Aethyta. "Details. Didn't make it to the bed, I bet."

"Nope."

"Wall, floor or desk?"

"Side of the aquarium."

"Terra!" Kaidan stammered.

"Ooh, that's nice! Atmospheric," nodded Aethyta in approval.

"With biotics."

"Terra!" exclaimed Kaidan, a furnace now rushing to his face.

"Damn, I'm getting horny just thinking about it!" Aethyta sighed.

Then they both laughed at Kaidan's mortified face.

"See?! Your girl knows how to have a little fun!" Aethyta grinned.

Kaidan sighed in defeat. "You're _both_ evil."

"Go on, sit down and send your order across," said Aethyta, dismissively. She began eyeing the damaged flooring. "Look at this place. I go back to Thessia for two damn days and look what happens. The place falls to shit without me. Damned Cerberus. And where the hell are the pissing Keepers? Any other time I'm tripping over the freaky little bastards and now I want the floor fixed there's not one." She walked away, still muttering and Kaidan held out a chair for Terra.

"She's interesting!" laughed Terra.

"Isn't she just. I had to go through the whole mission to bring down the Broker, with her staring at my backside the whole time."

"Hm, can't blame her. It _is_ lovely."

"So is yours, but how would you like to suffer under someone's gaze while you're trying to work!"

"I did. Rachni mission with Grunt."

"The krogan kid stared at your backside!?"

"No!" she laughed. "James, a.k.a Casanova."

"Aah. Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"He suffered for it though. Kept stepping in rachni goo, and now has a phobia of following me into tunnels."

"Huh! I like that. Always good to have fodder to throw back at the cheeky bastard!" Kaidan poured the wine he'd had on ice.

"This was a wonderful idea." Terra laid her hand over his.

Kaidan put his other hand on top so he sandwiched hers. "I just wanted you all to myself." The hoarse singing from the kitchen had them both smiling. "Well, almost. I nearly chose to cook you a meal myself, but this way I can focus fully on you, and hardly anyone will know where to find us."

"Good call," she approved. Then they settled back to peruse the menu, relaxed as they chatted.

-x-

Placing the dessert spoon into the empty bowl, she sighed, contentedly. "That was a _very_ nice meal… Kaidan, are you okay?"

He lifted his head, his fingers stilling where they had been twiddling the spoon, restlessly. "Sure."

"You seem preoccupied."

"I am," he admitted. "Well, kind of nervous, I guess."

"About what?"

He studied her, taking in every detail of her lovely face. "Dance with me?"

Her brows rose up. "Uh… Do you think that's a good idea? I'm likely to sever your toes in these heels, and you _know_ they're destined to land there."

"I like a bit of danger," he smiled. "Besides, you're assuming _my_ feet are going to be where they're meant to be…"

She laughed. "It's probably best that we just shuffle then."

"As long as you're close, that'll do just fine."

Kaidan activated his omnitool and it started playing a beautiful song, and they stood, meeting each other half-way. Their stance was more an embrace than one would expect from a dance, and they swayed from side to side, not a millimeter of space separating them.

"This is nice," Terra murmured, her cheek against his. "Nothing to be nervous about."

His small sound of acknowledgement denoted he was still distracted.

She pulled back a little to look at him. "What's on your mind?"

He swallowed, then cleared his throat before speaking. "Well, I, uh, think I remember correctly, that I messaged you a while back to say that if you managed to unite the quarians and the geth, I'd bow before your divineness."

Terra grinned back at him. "I remember."

He released her, held her hands and knelt on one knee. "Terra, I love you. More than words can say. You make me a better man. And I don't ever want to be without you. Terra Shepard… would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

"Kaidan!" Terra said in shock.

"I know that these days marriage is rather old-fashioned, and it's even scarcer among Alliance personnel-" he started to rush out.

"Kaidan-" she said, her voice now softer.

"I understand it's something we've never talked about, and I have no idea how you feel about it, so it's okay if it's not something you want-"

She fell to her knees so she was level with him and stopped him with a long, luxurious kiss that had him almost purring in his throat.

"Yes," she whispered against his lips.

"Yes!?" he exclaimed in astonishment.

"I love you, Kaidan Alenko. More than words can say," she repeated his own words. "You make me a better woman. And I don't ever want to be without you."

Kaidan embraced her, caught in a surreal moment of unbelievable happiness that he only found when he was with Terra. Then he remembered there was something he should have given her and he pulled back to reach into his pocket. He'd removed it from the other box he'd left her when he'd first took receipt of the package, just in case she had discovered the larger box.

"Here." He opened the small box to reveal the ring he'd chosen. "If you don't like it you can choose anoth-"

"Kaidan, it's perfect," she whispered.

It was made up of two delicate threads of platinum entwining with each other around a thin band, reaching up to the gorgeous, and extremely rare, red diamond.

Kaidan pulled it out of the box with shaky fingers, and Terra's hand trembled as she held it out so he could slip it on her finger.

"I realise you won't be able to wear it on your finger, but-

"Only when I have armour on. And then it can go here." She went to pull out the chain with her tags on, forgetting she'd replaced it with the necklace. "You know what I mean. But I have nothing for _you_."

"You're all I want." He was still surprised that she'd stated she'd be wearing it when she could. He assumed she'd keep it hidden. Not out of embarrassment, but because of protocol and such. A few years back that may have been the case, but now, he realised that with their whole existence on a knife's edge, it was hard to care about maintaining such unimportant rules. Loved ones were who they were all fighting for, and it seemed right to reflect that.

Terra kissed him like it was their first and last. His taste in her mouth, that masculine scent, finally took her to the edge, and the heat pooling inside her was screaming for satisfaction. "Kaidan, you better get me back home fast."

"We're on the same wavelength."

Kaidan pulled her up with him and they hustled away from Apollo's.

"We're being rude by not thanking Aethyta," Terra informed him.

"Yep. I'll apologize tomorrow," he said, unconcerned.

He drove them quickly home, a journey that he swore had lengthened during their date. They half-stumbled through the door, already entwined in each other. Kaidan was kissing the hollow at the base of her throat, as he walked her backwards, one hand supporting her back and the other dipping beneath the fabric at the base of her spine to cup her delectable derrière, to discover she was wearing nothing but the items he'd bought her… Despite the fact that he intended to strip everything from her anyway, her lack of underwear had his biotics firing.

Terra loved the feel of the energy crawling over him, and she ripped his shirt open, trailing her hands over the hard muscle of his chest and down his abdomen. She could feel him straining against the material of his trousers where their bodies met, and she released the buttons there, then turned in his arms and took his hand. She led him over to the sofa in front of the fireplace, not prepared to waste time ascending to the bedroom. Facing him again, she saw that he'd shook off the loose clothing, completely ready for her, and the sight of those whisky eyes lusting for her, nearly made her boneless. Terra refused to lose it now, and she took a shaky breath, pushing him down to sit, then stepping back beyond his reach. His chest was rising and falling faster than usual, and she liked the effect she had on him.

Kaidan watched, enraptured, as Terra slowly slid the straps off her shoulders, letting the dress whisper over her skin and fall to her feet. She was the most perfect thing he'd ever seen, and with the light from the fire behind her, it gave her a glow that made her appear ethereal. Next she removed the heels, then the necklace and bracelet, leaving only the ring on her finger. He loved that; her acceptance of his proposal and the band that confirmed she was promising a life with him. Those rich chocolate eyes glistened back at him, drawing him in, even as she approached. She straddled his lap, their lips meeting. It was passionate. Consuming. She sank herself tortuously slow, down onto him, shuddering at the crackling energy that he covered her with. She had to freeze in place. It still amazed her how quickly he could bring her to the brink, and from the clench of his jaw, he was also concentrating on holding back, barely daring to breathe. Then the over-charged pleasure receded enough for them to resume, and Terra continued her rise and fall, slow and steady, drawing out every inch of movement.

Kaidan's breath was laboured as he tried to reclaim his senses. His mouth found her breast, holding her upper body closer while she rocked upon him. Her hitch was his reward, along with the tightening of her walls around him, and he concentrated on his ministrations. Her hands moved up his back, one clasping his nape, her thumb gently caressing the sensitive area where his implant lay beneath the skin which sent a shiver down his spine, and the fingers of her other hand threaded into his hair, a subtle indication for him not to stop. Soon Terra's breathing was more vocal as the slow build-up began to reach its heights.

Terra was about to lose her mind, the effort to retain her rhythm, along with Kaidan's touch, was too much. Then Kaidan was kissing her lips, his hands on her hips, urging her, demanding she bring them both relief from the overwhelming ecstasy. She didn't fight it. She went faster, pulling her walls in tighter, pushing down deeper, their upper bodies were crushed together as they clung to each other.

Kaidan was drowning in her, and at the very moment they both cried out their release, he flared his biotics, amplifying the sensation even further and making them both cry out again.

Never had Terra experienced anything like that. She could barely catch her breath, and like her own, Kaidan's chest heaved against hers. Their bodies were gleaming with the exertion and heat, and they stayed locked in each other for a while, content to sit there together, skin to skin. Terra rested her forehead on Kaidan's. "You can do that whenever you like," she rushed out.

"You liked that, huh? Not sure I should do it too often. That was a sensory overload! I could have frazzled our brains!"

She laughed. "You're like an Ardat-Yakshi without the death for the recipient. You've achieved the ultimate orgasmic experience!"

"Careful. A man could get a big head!"

Her eyes flashed, naughtily.

"Ego!" he laughed. "I meant ego! Though…" he tilted his hips just slightly, making her gasp.

Her face then turned seductive. "Round two?"

He met her look with his own steamy one. " _I_ lead this time."

Terra couldn't have kept the delight off her face if her life had depended on it, and Kaidan took complete control…

**-x-**


	67. Girly Get-together and Lads Night Out

Waking up, limbs entangled, after a night of ardent love-making with the woman who'd agreed to marry him, and nowhere to rush off to, was Kaidan's idea of heaven. He couldn't feel his arm where it laid beneath her, but he didn't care. Terra was still asleep, her head on his chest, arm flung across his stomach, her fingers tickling his side when they moved over his skin as he breathed, and her leg was hooked around his, like she was ensuring he couldn't run off in the middle of the night. The sheet was barely covering her hips, and he ran his eyes adoringly over her. Her body was slender and strong, but she was also curvy and incredibly soft. Her body was a mirror to the soul inside, he decided. A soldier with an indomitable strength of will and an unbelievable courage, but also a woman with an unending compassion and gentleness. He loved the contradiction of her.

The gash he'd attended to, not so long ago, was now merely an angry scar, the bruising on her ribs already paling. He knew her ribs would be healing far faster than normal, and he found himself thankful for those implants inside her.

Kaidan's eyes then went to her hand, just to check it hadn't all been a wonderful dream, but there it was. The red diamond sparkling on her finger. Thinking back to his proposal, he decided it wasn't the most debonair he'd ever been. His nerves had left him babbling in an attempt to leave her a way out if it wasn't what she'd wanted… but she _had_ wanted it, and now he was the happiest man alive.

Terra started to stir, her warm breath sighing over his skin, her limbs tightening around him. Kaidan laid there, enjoying her awakening, waiting for her to become fully awake, and remember. He knew the moment she was fully conscious when her head turned so she could press a kiss to his chest, practically purring as the memories flooded back into the daylight. When she lifted her head to look at him, she was glowing. She stretched up to kiss him. He would have wrapped his arm around her, but he was now experiencing a serious case of pins and needles. Instead, he ran the fingers of his other hand down her arm on his chest. "Good morning," he said, tenderly.

"Morning," she smiled back, snuggling into him. Then she raised her hand to look at the ring that sat there. "It's really beautiful."

"Then it's in the right place."

Terra smiled at his sweet sentiment, and was quiet for a moment as she contemplated the night before. There was only a feeling of wholeness. No second thoughts in the cold light of day, no fear of what the Alliance would say. She would give it up in a heartbeat for him if it came to that. Her time with Cerberus had proved she could still serve the people in this galaxy without the Alliance. If they came through this, if the Alliance wouldn't accept their relationship, she would leave. And she would continue to fight without the crest on her uniform. "I love you."

Kaidan kissed the top of her head. "I know. You accepted that ring."

"Well, look at it! How could I not!?" she teased. "I wasn't expecting it, though. Not sure why. War tends to make you realise how important the people in our lives are, doesn't it? How much time is wasted."

"Yes, it does." A horrid foreboding formed in the pit of Kaidan's stomach. "Do you think we'll get a chance to actually tie the knot?"

"I hope so. It's something to fight for."

Kaidan considered it, then he felt a need to make the most of this time. The calm before the storm. "What if I could arrange something for shore-leave?"

She turned herself onto her elbows to face him. "Worried I'll get away from you?" she smiled.

"Huh. Yes and no. Right now, things feel too good to be true. It's like I'm waiting for something to go terribly wrong."

Terra's heart ached at his admission. "Kaidan-"

"Sorry. I just managed to put a dampener on it, didn't I?"

"I know what you mean. But we can't live like that. Like an axe is about to fall. One day at a time. One fight at a time. And we pray we get to make it through to the next one with our loved ones by our side."

"Yeah," he said sadly.

Terra wished she could tell him it would be alright, but she couldn't, because it wasn't in her power. Not yet. They had to find that damned Catalyst. Instead, she kissed him. "Let's look into it. A wedding. I don't know about you, but I don't need the nonsense. Just you, me, and someone to marry us."

"Really!?"

"Yes, Kaidan, really," she laughed. "I _was_ joking earlier when I implied I said yes so I could have the ring!"

"I know, it's just… I don't know. What about the Alliance? This is a serious breach in regulation. If we make this legal, we'll have to tell them. If we made it through the war, I was prepared to quit so I could marry you. But before... I want to be able to see this fight through, knowing I did everything I could - that I did my duty."

"They can fire me. I'll still get the job done."

Kaidan heart flipped as he saw the sincerity behind the words. "Count me in," he grinned. "Never considered myself a vigilante type before. You're a bad influence!"

She laughed. "Let's hope they see sense and it doesn't come to that."

"I can't see your father letting it happen, either." He ran his eyes over her face. "I thought you might want to wait. Have your family there."

"It would be nice, but we both know how precious each day is. Unless _you_ wanted to wait, of course."

"No chance. Okay, let's try to get it done. I'll see if I can arrange it while you're fulfilling all those demands from your crew for a slice of your time." He felt energised again. "But right now, you're all mine, and I intend to make every second count." He rolled her over, adoring the giggle that she made, and began to show her just how much he loved her…

-x-

Eventually they'd left the bed to shower and eat, Kaidan cooking them breakfast, or nearer to brunch now, and Terra sat at the breakfast bar perusing the messages, and wondering who to call first. It turned out to be unnecessary, when Edi, Liara, Traynor and Tali turned up at the door, as Kaidan dished up.

"Good morning! We just thought we'd drop by to save you from wasting your shore-leave away in bed!" laughed Traynor.

"How very thoughtful of you," dryly replied Terra, nevertheless finding herself looking forward to a morning of chitchat and laughter.

Terra returned to the breakfast bar in the kitchen and Kaidan joined her with their meals, the others settling themselves in the living area behind them, chatting amongst each other.

"I think I'll head out, give you ladies some space," Kaidan said between mouthfuls.

"Mm, this is delicious... Anything planned?"

"I'll start with what we talked about earlier, and then I think I'll make some purchases."

Terra eyed him cautiously. "I was sure you'd be penniless after your last spree."

"I had a sizeable amount saved up. I'm not exactly a high maintenance kind of guy. Never had anything to spend it on beyond basic living expenses. And what good are credits if you can't enjoy them?"

"Ah! Having a carefree moment, huh? Careful you don't regret that later."

"I still have this fantastic memory of you wearing those credits. And removing them. There's no way I'm ever going to regret it. And this time it's for our cabin. I was thinking that display cabinet looked awfully empty."

"Itching to get back already?"

"Kind of the opposite, actually. Having this place is going to make it hard to go back. I just think making our second home more…I don't know, aesthetically pleasing...might make the transition a little easier."

"Never thought I'd say it, but I can understand that. Funny how your whole outlook on life changes when it's on the verge of ending."

"Yeah, but the guilt still edges in, doesn't it?"

"It certainly does."

Kaidan paused. "I never said sorry for forcing this shore-leave on you. For going behind your back."

Terra put her fork down to give him her full attention. "Kaidan, if the galaxy ended tomorrow, I would _never_ regret this time I got to spend with you. So don't apologise. Thank you. For giving me these wonderful past hours. For being a part of my life. For being you."

Kaidan felt euphoric. "Don't forget that fabulous ring!"

She laughed. " _And_ for giving me this exquisite jewel which other women, and some men, will covet jealously, not least because it means I've officially bagged _you_."

"I like that." He moved closer to murmur in Terra's ear. "I seem to have gained an identification tag."

She shrugged with a little frown. "How strange. I seem to have lost one of mine. Somehow, probably during your shower, it must have jumped across to your chain. Can't blame it, really."

"Right," he grinned.

"It's all I had to offer you. I can get you a ring if you'd like-"

"Don't change a thing." He kissed her. "Thank you."

Terra ran her hand down his cheek and Traynor suddenly squealed, then rushed over and grabbed Terra's hand, staring longingly at the ring on her finger, then expectantly between them both. "Tell me this is what it looks like!"

"It's a ring," confirmed Terra.

"A certain _type_ of ring…"

"It is?" teased Terra.

"Oh my gosh! It is! The Major popped the question!"

"Popped the question? That doesn't even make any sense!" questioned Tali, joining them.

"It means that Kaidan asked Shepard to marry him," smiled Liara.

"Keelah! Congratulations!" Tali hugged them both.

"Thanks, Tali," responded Kaidan.

"Marriage…" Edi was quickly scanning through every reference she had. "A human union, recognised by Earth and Citadel law, between two people." Edi looked at them. "You wish to become husband and wife."

"Yes, Edi, we do," Kaidan nodded.

"It is designed to be a lifelong commitment. I approve of this custom. It is…romantic."

"Thank you, Edi," Terra laughed.

Liara embraced them both. "I truly believe you were destined to be together. I know you will be very happy."

"We should celebrate!" Tali announced.

"Uh, from the looks on their faces, I'd say they already have!" joked Traynor.

"And on that note, I'm out of here," Kaidan said, a little pinker in the cheeks. He shovelled the last fork full into his mouth and got up. "Enjoy your day, ladies."

"Oh, we will!" Tali assured him as he walked out. She then sighed wistfully, holding Terra's hand.

"Everything okay, Tali?"

"I miss Kal."

"How is he?"

"As well as can be expected when he's on the frontline. He's alive, at least. That's what each message from him means when it comes in. Relief. He sends one regularly so I don't worry, but it's hard to stay upbeat when replying. It's all just platitudes. I want him here."

"Sorry, Tali. I have an idea of how you feel. Right now, I'm lucky enough to have Kaidan by my side. I wish I could say Kal will be fine, but it would just be another of those platitudes."

"Yes. But thank you, Shepard. It just gets harder when I'm not busy, and right now I'm… 'I'm as free as the dust in the solar wind'."

Terra looked at her with slight confusion.

"You remember that line? From Fleet and Flotilla?" Tali prompted.

"Oh, that's my favourite part!" gushed Traynor.

Liara shrugged at Terra's look.

"I don't think I've ever seen that vid," Terra said to Tali, giving her an apologetic look.

"What!?" Tali exclaimed, staring back at Shepard.

"You've never…!" Traynor looked equally as shocked.

"It is considered a classic," informed Edi.

"How could you _not_ have? Well, I know what _we're_ doing now!" With that, Tali began dragging Terra to the second sitting area where the large screen adorned the wall.

-x-

An hour later, and Chakwas was now settled in with them. Terra listened to the actress on the screen say the exact same words as Tali had, and she fought not to laugh. "You've watched this a lot, huh?"

"Every time my friends and I had a sleepover. Keelah. So many feelings."

Terra had found it incredibly cheesy, but she guessed anyone listening to her conversations with Kaidan might think the same thing. But that's why they held them in private... "Yeah, it's uh… yeah. Definitely."

"You can say it. It's complete and utter tosh, but I love it," admitted Chakwas.

"So romantic," Traynor sighed.

"I agree," added Edi.

Terra shook her head in amusement, then noticed that Liara was absent, and the sounds of the piano that trickled through told her where to find her friend. "I didn't know you could play," Terra smiled as she approached Liara.

Liara matched Terra's smile. "Actually, it is the only song I know."

"Why's that?"

"There was always something more important to do. A ruin to uncover. Intel to gather. A Commander to save." Liara gave Terra a pointed look.

Terra saw to the heart, though. "Uh huh. Admit it, you couldn't sit still long enough."

Liara laughed in admittance. "Could you?" Then she sighed. "Being here reminds me that I spend so much time chasing down knowledge, sometimes I forget to make time with the people I care about." She stopped tinkering with the piano keys. "This was nice, but I should probably go. I have reports to look over."

"Liara, did you listen to a thing you just said!?" Terra said in surprise.

Liara faltered. "It seems it is easier said than done."

"Yes it is. That's why we need someone who cares about us to force the issue. Believe me, I know. So, no work, just for a little while longer."

"I'm not sure I can sit there and watch any more of that movie, Shepard."

"I'm with you 100%."

"Let me guess. Need more action?"

"Absolutely. But how about teaching me that song?"

" _That_ I would love to do," smiled Liara.

-x-

Lunch over, Terra left Chakwas and Liara to their discussion and walked over to Tali, Traynor and Edi who were hunched over Edi's omnitool, giving Terra the distinct impression they were up to something. "Dare I ask what you're up to?"

"Acquiring material possessions for our associates," answered Edi.

"Shopping?" checked Terra.

"Joker gave Edi his credit chit," explained Tali, with barely hidden delight.

"Uh oh… He did give you a limit, right Edi?"

"His only condition was that I enjoy myself and 'live it up like a girly girl'."

"Don't worry, Commander. We're ensuring Edi spends it wisely," Traynor said innocently.

"This coming from the woman who spends 6000 credits on a toothbrush?" Terra countered.

Traynor gave her an affronted look. "From that comment, I'm guessing you haven't bought yourself one, yet."

"Haven't gotten round to it, no. And if you've replaced yours already, I need to reimburse you. So, who are you shopping for?"

"I believe Jeff would be surprised and pleased if I got him a gift," answered Edi. "Tali suggested something Jeff and I could use together. I thought of a sky-car for travelling the Presidium." She turned her omnitool to Shepard. "Here. The '2187 Blackout' is the most powerful sky-car in its class."

Terra nodded in agreement. "That sounds like something Joker would love."

"Five year warranty. Replacement parts. All sales are final-"

"No, wait!" Terra quickly interrupted, spearing the sniggering Traynor and Tali with a dirty look. "I knew you guys couldn't be trusted."

"Joker needs to learn an important lesson," reasoned Tali. "It's like a rite of passage to… common sense."

"And the hard way is much more entertaining," grinned Traynor.

"I fail to see what's wrong?" Edi looked between them.

"When you buy someone a present, it's best _not_ to bankrupt them," clarified Terra. "You want a rental. Just for as long as it takes the Normandy to be retrofitted."

"I see. Current estimates place our remaining time on the Citadel at three days."

"Spoiling the fun, Shepard," Tali protested, and Terra could almost see the pout.

"Fun? You've managed to tense every muscle in my back! I'm going to need another session in the hot-tub after this!"

Traynor gasped, looking at Shepard, wide-eyed. "You have a _hot-tub_!?"

"In my en-suite."

"Why didn't anyone tell me!?"

"Uh… because we didn't know you liked hot-tubs?" Tali retorted.

"Shepard-"

"Go ahead," Terra drawled back.

Traynor dashed up the stairs at an impressive speed.

Tali faced Shepard. "What _is_ a hot-tub anyway?"

-x-

"Shepard, glad you came." Garrus greeted her as she met him outside her apartment, pleased he had managed to get Shepard away from her female 'gathering'.

"You probably did me a favour. Any longer and I'm pretty sure Tali would have started doing my hair. So, what did you have in mind?"

"Something I've been wanting to do since you came back, but never managed to find the time for before."

"Sounds…mysterious."

He shrugged. "It fits my Archangel persona. Come on." They jumped into the sky-car he had waiting, and Garrus drove them away from the hubbub.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere we're not supposed to."

"Ha! Some things never change, do they? Just as rebellious as ever."

"Ever have that one thing you wanted to do before you died, Shepard?"

She thought of Kaidan and the lifetime she wanted to spend with him, and nodded.

"The whole time I worked at C-Sec, I'd stare up at the top of the Presidium and say to myself – I want to go up there. But I never did. There were a 137 regulations telling me I couldn't."

"So you got them changed?"

"No. Now I just don't give a damn. Figured it's time to do something just for the hell of it. Might be the last chance we ever get."

"It's a calculated risk considering you brought a Spectre with you though, right?" she pointed out.

"Well, I did reason that you'd get me out of trouble if it came to that, yeah."

He landed on one of the highest buildings, and they exited the car.

Terra looked around at the panorama, then looked at Garrus. "So what now? A dive in the pool?" she joked, looking over the side at the lake far below.

"You obviously haven't seen turians swim. It's a lot of flailing followed by bouts of drowning."

"Yeah, you're right. I'd just have to save your ass again."

"It would make up for all the times I've pulled _your_ ass out of the fire. Noveria. Feros. Ilos."

"Horizon. The Collector base. Palaven," she added with a smile.

"We've had a hell of a ride, haven't we, Shepard?"

"Yes we have. And you've stood by my side through all of it. I'm lucky to have you, Garrus Vakarian. Thank you," she said, sincerely.

"Back at you, Shepard." He peered at her suspiciously. "You're not about to propose marriage are you?"

"Huh! Actually, I've already been asked." She wiggled her finger at him.

His brow plates rose and he grasped her hand for a closer look. "Spirits! Look at the size of that rock! Oh! Wait, this is one of those human traditions, right? A band to tell everyone to 'back off, she's mine'? Until you actually get married and then you get another to add to it. Never really understood that."

"Uh huh. And saying it like that does make it seem kind of strange," she frowned as she looked at the ring.

"Well, congratulations, Shepard. Kaidan's a lucky man. And a sensible one, as it turns out – who'd have guessed _that_ a year back? I'm glad it worked out. Um… it _is_ Kaidan, right?"

She wrenched her hand out of his grip. "Garrus! No, I was just so excited to be asked I said yes to the first man who came along!" she said sarcastically.

"Just checking. Weirder things have happened."

"Not this time. Right now, everything's as it should be."

"Yes, it is. Oh, except for the part where the awesome, ass-kicking Commander Shepard just told me she's turning into a domesticated wife!"

"Like that's going to happen! Kaidan knows what he's letting himself in for, and it _isn't_ a housewife. I'd go mad in a week."

"Well, that's a relief, because we'd all be in big trouble otherwise. Back to being the awesome Commander, then."

"With the equally awesome Garrus Vakarian at her side."

"I knew I was your favourite. And let's not forget a certain other revelation! Admiral Hackett!? You've just been elevated from military legend to military legend _with_ a military legend for a _father_! In turian terms, you are officially royalty!"

"Oh my God," she muttered. "You have just proven why it had to be kept a secret."

"I won't tell a soul. I'll just be itching to shout it out every time you put another bullet through a forehead. ' _That's_ what you get for pissing off the Admiral's _daughter_!'," he yelled at an imaginary enemy.

"Nice."

"You might want to stop telling the bad guys though. You spilled your own secret."

"Yeah. Kind of got carried away. You're not angry I didn't tell you?"

"Course not! You had your reasons, and as a turian, I know the burden of trying to live up to a parent's reputation. And there's the pressure Tali always seemed under, with _her_ father's position. Guess you and Tali have a lot in common, now, huh?"

"Except she doesn't know."

"And your father isn't performing dubious experiments on AI. Right?"

She shrugged. "Who knows?"

"Well, I think your parents did you a huge favour. You got to this stage knowing you've earned it. It gives you that self-assured confidence that people like Victus' son, Tali and even myself, struggle with."

"Thank you, Garrus. Your support means everything. And take it from me when I say that you're one of the best soldiers out there."

"From you, I'll take that compliment. So… getting back down to the ground with us _common_ folk, and to why I brought you up here. There's one thing we need to settle, once and for all…" He opened the cab and pulled out his sniper rifle.

"Oh shit, I knew it. You've finally snapped and you brought me up here where there'll be no one to witness you murder me." She backed away with her hands up in surrender.

"Strangely, that never even crossed my mind… Now shut up, and get over here." He threw the rifle over to her, then pulled out some empty bottles.

"Uh, they'd taste a lot better _full_ , Garrus. You have a funny way of showing a girl a good time."

"Didn't I just tell you to be quiet?" He placed the bottles down, holding on to only one. "Not saying that you don't know how to handle a gun, but some of us know how to make it dance. So let's find out who's _really_ the best shot."

"There are a few people who've seen me in action, Garrus. They seemed impressed."

"Yeah, but I've actually seen you dance, Shepard. No comment."

She should have felt insulted but she could only laugh. "Okay, Vakarian, you're going _down_."

"And don't worry. I loaded it with practise slugs for when you miss."

He slung a bottle out across the void, and Shepard easily tracked it and shattered it, passing the rifle over.

"That was an easy one. Let you build up your confidence. Long range? I wrote the book. Nobody alive can do this, not even _Commander Shepard_. Give me a tough one."

She picked up an empty bottle and threw it hard and fast. As expected, Garrus disposed of it quickly.

"I said a tough one!"

Terra took back the rifle. "Step aside."

Garrus launched a bottle and Terra tracked it, her finger tightening on the trigger, then she smiled to herself and deliberately fired off a round to just miss the bottle, which fell down to land in the water below.

Garrus raised his arms in victory. "I'm Garrus Vakarian, and this is now my favourite spot on the Citadel!" he announced, theatrically.

Terra wrestled to keep the grin off her face and maintain a look of disappointment. "It's windy up here."

"Think I'm going to erect a monument right here – bronze this gun so the whole galaxy knows."

Okay, he was taking the whole victory thing a little far now… "That you're the king of the bottle-shooters? Glad you're around Garrus. Never know when the _bottles_ might revolt," she said, lightly mocking.

Garrus laughed, moving to stand beside her as they looked out at the view again. "Come here." He slung his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer in a friendly hug.

Terra returned the squeeze. "Getting all mushy on me, Garrus? You really _aren't_ a very good turian, are you?"

"I blame the human I keep hanging around with."

"You should probably get rid of her."

"Nah. Kind of have a soft spot for her."

"Well, she definitely has one for you."

He released her. "Okay, enough of this, or you're going to make me cry. What say we grab the man who banded you, and go get a celebratory drink?"

"Deal."

They climbed back into the car, and she started laughing. "Banded?"

"What would you call it?"

She looked at the lovely ring of metal that circled her finger, and couldn't think of an alternative word, so she shut up, making Garrus laugh.

"And I win again! It's a good day!" Garrus announced, happily.

As they drove across the Citadel, Terra couldn't have been more pleased.

-x-

Kaidan had tracked down every type of model ship he could find to fill the cabin's display case, but only after he'd checked in with the registry office, and placed an order for some name-plates – both far more important items on his agenda than decorations.

Now, he sat in the bar with a hand of cards, sitting opposite James who was getting increasingly frustrated by Kaidan's unreadable face. Cortez watched in amusement, already out of this round.

"Man, come on! Give me something, Major! A tic, a twitch of the finger…" James sighed in defeat. "Okay, I'm folding."

Kaidan flung down his crappy card-hand in victory, and Cortez burst into laughter as James slammed his forehead and fists down on the table at being beaten with such a bad hand of cards.

"Excellent play, Major!" congratulated Steve. "About time Mr Vega met his match!"

"Yeah, well I won't be so easily fooled next time," warned James.

"Maybe," granted Kaidan as he collected his winnings. "But you'll need to wait for your next pay-check to find out," he grinned.

James scowled at him, then his eyes lit up at the sight of someone behind Kaidan. "Hey, Lola! Scars! Got any credits to spare? I need to bring down the Major!"

Kaidan rose from his chair as Garrus and Terra approached.

"Or… I could just throw my credits straight into the Presidium Lake, along with Shepard's last target," jibed Garrus.

"Aah, come on! Where's the faith, Scars? Lola?"

"I'm with Garrus on that one. Unless it's a matter of life and death, it's a no."

"It's a matter of pride, Lola! Help me out here!"

"You could do with a little humility. No."

"So harsh!"

"It had to happen one day," reasoned Cortez, clapping a hand to his friend's shoulder. "How about I buy you a drink to wash down that humble pie?"

"Okay," grumbled James, and the two moved over to the bar.

Garrus fixed his gaze on Kaidan. "Alenko. Looks like you and I have to have a chat about a recent development," he said in a serious tone. His face lifted. "Congratulations." He shook Kaidan's hand, then moved in a little closer. "Take care of her or I'll rip your throat out."

Terra rolled her eyes at the protective display.

Kaidan was unconcerned; he’d never hurt her. "Got it. You two have a good time?"

"Just went to shoot some bottles. I won, of course," boasted Garrus.

From the tug at Terra's mouth, Kaidan knew she'd let him win. The exuberance radiating from Vakarian told him winning meant more to the turian than it did Terra's pride. He reached for her, encircling her shoulders, and she wrapped her arm around his waist, gripping the fabric at his side. They walked over to the bar area as Cortez and James were making their way back to their card table.

A little further along, Joker was standing at the bar, talking to the asari bartender, and Terra left the others to go ask if he wanted to join them. As she got nearer, she heard him fabricating some story about how he'd jumped into an Atlas during the Cerberus coup and had taken out a whole platoon of the enemy, back on the docks. Terra hung back and listened with great interest at the entertaining story Joker spun.

"… 'You've just landed on the island of Doctor _me_!' And _that's_ pretty much how it happened, which is why you should comp my drinks."

The asari looked at Joker, unimpressed. "No."

"Aah! Come on!" whined Joker.

"I barely believe what they're saying about Shepard. You? I don't think so," retorted the asari.

Terra stepped up beside him, though he didn't seem to be aware.

"Okay. Trying not to be offended there. Look, if Shepard were here-" Joker then noticed her. "Uh, Shepard! ...Hi!"

Terra engaged the bartender. "I'm Commander Shepard, and I'll vouch for my pilot. Jeff Moreau is a hero. Everyone in this room owes him their lives, myself included." She put on a more reverent tone than was necessary, but the words...she truly meant.

"I'm so sorry, Commander!" rushed out the asari. "I had no idea. Drinks are on me, Lieutenant," she directed at Joker, before moving to serve another customer.

"Uh…thanks, Shepard!" Joker grinned.

"You can pay me back later."

His grin fell. "Uh oh."

Wrex came up to the bar on Shepard's free side.

"Wrex! How's it going with the Council?"

"It's not, and I've got to head back soon," he grumbled.

"What? Not looking forward to getting back to the fight?"

"Going soft, Wrex?" Joker jabbed.

"Something like that. I'm too damned _busy_ to fight!"

"Keeping the clans in check?" frowned Shepard, a little worried.

"I wish it was that easy."

She gave him a questioning look.

"We cured the genophage," Wrex stated.

She exchanged a look with Joker. They still didn't get it.

"There are now a _lot_ of fertile females," sighed Wrex.

Joker laughed. "Doesn't mean you have to mate with them all, Wrex."

"They disagree. They all want their firstborns to be the strongest, and I'm the clan leader, _and_ the one who brought the cure. They all want a piece of me." He groaned, his head falling with a bang, down on the bar top, in a gesture that Terra thought was hilariously like James' a moment ago. "I ache from the thought of it," complained Wrex. "I need ice. Get me ice, damn it!" he shouted over to the bartender.

"I thought you'd be enjoying yourself, Wrex," said Shepard, working hard to keep the amusement off her face.

"You have no idea how hard it is," Wrex shook his head.

"Which is it? Hard or soft?" joked Joker.

Wrex groaned, his head falling to the bar again.

Terra grimaced. "Uh, this conversation is giving me more info than I need to know."

"Then you'd best turn away," Wrex advised as the ice arrived and he proceeded to stuff the bag inside his armour. Terra happily turned away, but when she faced him again, the sound of cubes of ice clashing together as he moved had her covering her mouth to try to stop her laughter.

"Truth is, I came out here to get away from them."

"You're fleeing your own females?" Joker ribbed.

"Yes. Yes, I am," admitted Wrex. "Give me Reapers any day."

.

Further along the bar, Garrus and Kaidan were waiting to be served, while Shepard chatted with Joker and Wrex.

"I could definitely do with a little light relief," muttered Garrus as he spotted a female turian entering the bar. "I'm finding it hard to relax with the lack of guns to mess around with."

"So what do turians usually do with their time off?" Kaidan asked, noting the female turian had taken a second-glance at Garrus.

"Mostly, we make plans for what to do when we're back at work. I have some ideas on the Normandy's forward cannon-"

"You know what you need, Garrus?" interrupted Kaidan.

"That Mark-4 silencer scope I saw at the gun-shop?"

"Christ, you're as bad as Shepard. I was thinking a date."

"Sorry, Alenko, but I don't go for males. Besides, you're taken. Shepard would kill me."

"Hilarious." He jerked his chin to the female who had just stepped up to the bar, one stool away from them. "Go get acquainted."

Garrus hesitated a second, then slid over to the next seat.

The female looked at him. "Hello."

"Right, so um… Hello. And… hmm." He looked back at Kaidan. "Damn, I'm out of practice," he hushed out.

Kaidan swapped stools so he was just behind Garrus. "Tell her she looks nice," he said under his breath.

Garrus swung back to the female. "You seem like a nice person. Maybe a little quiet. Introspective. But decent overall."

"Oh. Thank you… I think," replied the female, clearly far from won over.

Kaidan shook his head. He thought _he_ was bad in his first encounters with Terra, but Garrus took it to a whole new level. "Try small talk."

"Come here often? I imagine anyone who does is probably an alcoholic," Garrus blurted out.

Kaidan winced.

"Actually, I do," responded the female. "I work at the turian embassy. Come here to unwind."

"Invite her out," Kaidan tried desperately.

"What do you say we blow this joint? I've got this big gun back at my place I'd like to show you."

Kaidan face-palmed.

The female stared back at Garrus, then proceeded to stand. "Listen. I've got this…thing I forgot to do, and I should probably just go do it."

Kaidan noticed a drunk turian stumbling by with some beer bottles in his hand the same as the female was drinking, and he relieved the passing turian of one, sticking it in front of Garrus, who grabbed it like a lifeline.

Garrus quickly clinked his bottle against hers. "Sorry. Let's start over again. What I've been trying to say is: My name's Garrus, and I'd love to have a drink with you."

The female studied him for a moment, and then sat back down.

Kaidan grinned. His job done, he went to join Terra.

.

"Whoa! What the hell is _that_!?" demanded Joker loudly, pointing at Shepard's finger.

"It's a ring, Joker. I feel like I've already had this sort of conversation with Traynor."

"But look where it is!"

"On my finger?" she suggested, innocently.

"On your- you know, _ring_ finger."

"What the hell's wrong with you, Stick Man?" Wrex grumbled. "If it's her ring finger, then surely that's where it's meant to go. I think you should lay off the drink."

"For your information, _Stud_ , it's where the important rings go. You know, the one's that signify something..." Joker stared back at Wrex, waiting for him to get it.

Wrex shrugged. "Like what?"

"Like an engagement?"

Wrex looked back at him, nonplussed, and Joker sighed.

"Why am I even talking to you?" Joker turned to Kaidan as he approached. "You did it, didn't you? You asked the big question."

"Yes, I did," confirmed Kaidan.

"Yes! It's about time! I bet you did it on one knee, too."

"What the hell are we talking about now?" Wrex demanded. "Rings, questions, or something else?"

"Alenko asked Shepard to marry him. That ring on her finger means she said yes!" Joker explained.

"Marry?"

"Yeah, you know, joining in holy matrimony, forsaking all others till death do them part?"

"Forsaking all others?" Wrex grunted, slightly wistful. "There was a time when that would have sounded stupid, but right now, it seems damn smart. So you humans, what... promise yourselves to each other, exclusively?"

"You got it, Wrex," Terra nodded.

"Why?"

They both opened their mouths to answer, and both struggled to answer that. Eventually Terra came up with it.

"Because I love him, Wrex. And I want to spend the rest of my life with him."

"So be with him," he shrugged.

"In human culture we have a ceremony we can go through which makes us recognised as a couple by law."

"Oh. So Alenko's called sole rights on you. Impressive move, Alenko. Very brave." Wrex clapped a heavy hand on Kaidan's shoulder.

Joker started laughing as he watched Shepard recoil. "Oh, Wrex, I love you man! That's got to be the funniest thing ever!"

"It's not ownership Wrex, it's just a commitment for life," Kaidan said quickly, before Terra either punched the krogan, or gave him back the ring.

"Whatever." Wrex went back to his drink, and Joker finally put a lid on his snickering.

"Ohhh, man, that was good. Seriously, you guys, it's great news. And you know what comes next, right? Huh?" He looked at them both in expectation.

"Kids," put in Wrex, then groaned his way back down to the counter top.

Joker looked at Wrex, open-mouthed. "Uh…sure, maybe." He glanced at Shepard like it was the first time he'd realised she was actually capable of being a mother. "But I was thinking more along the lines of a celebration! We need to party down!"

"Party, huh?" Terra looked sceptically at Kaidan, who shrugged back at her.

"Well, no pressure… No one's going to _make_ you throw a party." Joker put on his best sadly disappointed face.

Terra rolled her eyes. "All right. Let's set it up."

"Alright!" He typed into his omnitool. "Okay, Edi and Traynor are in."

"Wait, you just invited people to _our_ party? Shouldn't _we_ be doing the guest list?"

"Someone say party?" James called out. "Count me and Esteban in!"

"Me too," Wrex added.

Terra gave up. "Fine. But _we'll_ invite the rest. Wait, when did you tell Edi and Traynor to show up?" she asked Joker.

"About an hour."

"Joker!"

"What? Why wait? This place has everything you can possibly need for party supplies. Just place an order, they'll deliver it to your apartment, and we'll be good to go! -I mean _you_ – _you'll_ be good to go."

Kaidan gave Terra a little squeeze. "Just go with it."

"Tali's coming!" notified Joker. "Edi told her," he said quickly.

"Looks like I have little choice," she muttered.

"It'll be fun," Kaidan assured her.

"We have a krogan coming. You're clearing up."

Kaidan faltered a little, then caught Joker's expectant face. "Deal."

Shepard placed the order at the bar, and they went to leave.

"Hey, Garrus!” shouted out Joker. “We're having a party! -I mean Shepard! And Alenko! - They're having a party! You coming!?"

"I'll join you later," called back Garrus, turning back to his date.

"Okay, let's do this!" Joker yelled, leading the way. "Party time!"

**-x-**


	68. Celebration and Unresolved Things

Within minutes of walking through the door, the music was on and the alcohol and food arrived. For a last minute gathering, it already had the right atmosphere. The carefree banter and laughter filled the air, and Terra was glad Joker had suggested it. She stood on the balcony looking over at her friends. Her family. Kaidan came up behind her, encircling her waist and pressing a kiss to the nape of her neck, making her shiver.

"Happy?"

Terra turned in his arms. "Very." She kissed him.

Edi approached them and they resumed a more respectable stance. "Shepard. Major Alenko. I have a gift for you."

Terra was immediately suspicious. "Uh, is this from your shopping spree with Tali and Traynor earlier?"

The two conspirators in question, scurried over. "Indeed," confirmed Edi. "Close your eyes."

"Okay, given what I've already seen, I'm very worried."

"Totally justified," Tali nodded with pretend seriousness.

"Oh no. Am I going to have to reimburse Joker?"

"Just close your eyes, Commander," insisted Traynor, impatiently.

Terra exchanged a look with Kaidan, then relented, closing her eyes, Kaidan following suit.

"Open," said Edi.

They did, and Terra's mouth fell open as she stared at the two rings inside the box. "Edi…"

"If I have ascertained the procedure for marriage correctly, you require rings in order to fulfil the criteria for the union. These rings are made from metals from each Council home-world. Given that you are both Spectres representing the Council, I deemed them ideally suited to you. Each metal compounds with the last, making the ring stronger. From what I have witnessed, it is much like the way the two of you strengthen each other when you are together. They are also called victory rings. That made them even more appealing, with the battle ahead. Specialist Traynor referred to them as being 'good luck charms'. Due to material shortages only a few exist."

"Edi, they're…" Terra was speechless.

Kaidan expressed it for her. "They're perfect. Thank you," he said sincerely. He took the box from Edi, looking down at the rings. They couldn't have picked anything better, and it brought a lump to his throat. Once Terra had thanked them all and the trio had moved away, he turned to Terra, anticipating her next question.

Terra frowned. "Were you able to get us booked in?"

"Sorry, I meant to tell you in the bar, but things got away from us… are you ready for this?"

Terra braced herself for disappointment.

"It'll have to be an evening ceremony. Tomorrow."

She blinked, then smiled. "Tomorrow?! That's perfect! You had me thinking we wouldn't get to it before we had to leave!"

"Couldn't resist," he grinned. "I have to grab the opportunities while I can."

She hugged him. "Should we tell everyone?"

"Hm, let's leave it to the last minute. We've already proven we can throw a celebration at the drop of a hat."

"Agreed. Then let's mingle."

They descended the stairs, and Kaidan went to grab his second beer, while Terra still nursed her full one. She intended to stay sober for this - some need within her to absorb it all. Her family gathered together, happy. Even Kolyat and Bailey had come. They were missing a few though. Garrus had yet to appear, but she knew he'd turn up eventually. Samara. Grunt – where was he anyway? Jack. Jacob. Some of them were out there fighting, right now. Then there was Mordin, Thane, Legion, Ashley, and Jenkins. They were the ones who would never show, but dwelled in her heart, nonetheless.

She was saved from her descent into retrospection by Javik. She hadn't expected him to show up, but here he was. "I'm glad you came, Javik."

"Such…festivities, were uncommon among my people. I was curious."

"Well, I hope you enjoy it."

"This is what your shore-leave is?"

"As opposed to assassination attempts by a clone? Yes."

"That is one scenario I have never witnessed before. It was…fascinating."

"I'm not sure _I'd_ describe it like that, but it was certainly new for me, too," Terra frowned. "I have to admit I was a little surprised you came to help me. I thought you were less than impressed with me for taking this leave."

"I am. Though it is not you but your superiors who should answer that charge. And I came because you are leading this fight, and doing it well from what I have seen from your news screens. My own people never had such optimism as those here do. I believe it will serve you well in this cycle. So an attempt on your life could not be allowed to succeed. I aided you to ensure it."

"Well, thank you, Javik."

"You are…welcome."

"Make yourself at home."

Javik made his way to the living area.

Kaidan came back, still laughing from a joke with Wrex. "Javik letting loose?"

Suddenly, Javik leapt up from the couch, turning to them with a scowl.

"Uh, everything all right, Javik?" asked Kaidan.

Terra had already worked it out, clamping her lips together in a desperate bid not to laugh.

"No," declared Javik, clearly displeased. "Need I remind you that I can see…'event's', through touch?"

Kaidan frowned, trying to work out what the prothean meant, then heat flashed into his face as he realised that was where he and Terra had…been intimate, the night before.

"Is there anywhere else I should avoid, Major?" growled Javik.

"Um…" Kaidan cleared his throat, trying to ignore his partner-in-crime, who was in silent fits, if her shaking shoulders were any indication, and clearly not in the least bit mortified by it all, unlike himself. "You, uh, might want to avoid the, uh, table there." He pointed to the coffee table in front of the sofa. "And...this wall." He indicated to the wall in which the fireplace was set. He then cleared his throat again, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. "… And the, uh...stairwell." He gestured with a little backwards nod to the staircase behind them. "... And our bedroom...obviously. And our en-suite."

Javik continued to glare back at him. "Are you sure that is all?"

"Yes," and Kaidan winced at the hoarse sound that made him sound like a teenager who'd been caught red-handed. For his sins, Terra started laughing harder into his shoulder. "Excuse me," he rasped to Javik, before backing away, bringing Terra with him to the other living area, and out of sight from Javik. Once his retreat was hampered by his butt hitting the back of the other sofa, he sunk his head onto Terra's shuddering shoulder. "You're the devil." It was a good five minutes before Terra was back under control. Her sparkling eyes that shone out her happiness, warmed him, and he began to forget his earlier discomfort. "I don't know why I worry about defeating the Reapers. With you around I'll die of embarrassment before the night's out."

"There's nothing more amusing than a grown man who can still get flustered by a little innuendo."

"Uh, _innuendo_? Javik would have just seen _everything_!"

"Mmmm. And it was hot…" she murmured in his ear.

Kaidan stomach flipped. "Yes, it was. Every single time."

"Uh, hello? Did you two even notice you have a house full of guests?" Joker said from the chair that Kaidan was leaning against the back of.

Kaidan sprang up, cursing, and then feigned an accusing look at Terra. "See?" The whole room in hysterics, he swigged down the remaining beer in his hand and went to get another.

"He's so sweet," commented an already tipsy Tali. "So innocent."

"That's you, Tali," stated Wrex.

"It is? Are you sure?"

"Yep. Or is it Liara…?" he frowned.

Terra's omnitool beeped and she read the message, then re-read it, just to make sure she'd read it right. She found Kaidan in the safer company of Liara and Dr Chakwas. "I've got to pop out."

"Problem?"

"C-Sec have found Grunt."

"C-Sec? ... Oh."

"Be back shortly."

"We'll be here."

-x-

She found the scene less worrying than she was expecting. Several officers surrounded Grunt as he sat on a low wall, their guns at the ready. A C-Sec shuttle was on fire nearby, but other than that, not too bad. She approached and nodded an okay to the officers who backed off, except for the officer in charge.

"So… Grunt. Anything you want to tell me about?"

Grunt jerked his head at the turian officer. "This clown wants to take me to lock-up. Figured I'd give you a call. Straighten this out." His tone was bored and very unconcerned.

"Commander Shepard, I apologise for the intrusion," said the officer. "This krogan insisted we contact you."

"It's okay. I'll vouch for him, and I'll sign any paperwork you have, officer."

"Yes, Ma'am."

The officer moved away slightly to start typing into his datapad, and Terra focused on Grunt. "What happened?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "Drank a bit. Broke a few windows."

She looked back at him, cautiously. "Before I sign you out, everyone walked away from this in one piece, right?"

"Sure. Yeah. Everybody's fine. Bar's seen better days, though. Heh-heh."

"Right. Tell me about the windows."

"A couple of squad mates took me out for my birthday. Bet me that I couldn't create as big a dent in the wall as they could. First round was good – beat 'em all. The second time…? Yeah, it didn't work out so good. Got turned around. Went head-first through the windows instead. Fell a few floors."

Terra looked at the report the officer handed her. The bar in question was on the nineteenth level. It was a miracle he was still breathing.

"Wait a minute - it's your birthday?" she frowned.

"No! I'm tank-bred, remember?" he retorted, like she was some kind of idiot.

Terra did indeed feel like an idiot. A confused one.

Grunt carried on. "Anyway, we got some pictures on the krogan memorial."

She noted his wording – 'on'. "The one on the Presidium?" she winced.

"Yeah."

The officer indicated to the datapad in her hand, and she brought up the footage taken by C-Sec as evidence. Sure enough, there was Grunt with a few of his 'mates', clambering all over the krogan statue. She found herself thinking it was an impressive achievement considering it was situated in the lake, they were very drunk, and Grunt had just head-dived nineteen floors.

"When C-Sec got there, they were mad. Or maybe they were mad about their car being on fire. Can't remember," shrugged Grunt.

Terra gave a long-suffering sigh. "Why was it on fire?"

"I threw my bottle of ryncol at it. Pretty strong stuff. Went up like a bonfire. The C-Sec guys jumped out, then I figured they didn't want it, so I took it," he shrugged. "We didn't get very far before they shot us down. Sprayed us down with riot foam. Heh-heh! Didn't work so well on me."

"And why is that?"

"'Cos I was on fire," he said a little impatiently, like it was obvious. "You know... from the car? Come on, Shepard, keep up."

Terra closed her mouth. "Right. Sorry." She put the image of him on fire out of her mind. He was still in one piece - somehow. "So how did they catch you?"

"Got hungry. Bought some noodles." He gestured to the noodle bar behind him.

She had the serious urge to burst out laughing, but she had to remain the adult here. Instead, she signed the report and gave it back to the officer. She sent Grunt a no-nonsense look. "Grunt, you apologise to the nice man for setting his car on fire."

The young krogan gave a put-upon sigh. "Fine. I'm sorry for setting your car on fire."

Shepard gestured for him to keep going.

"…and I won't do it again," he grumbled.

"Good." She turned to the officer. "Now, officer, I can pay for any damages that...may...have incurred."

"That's what you've been signing for, Commander." The turian faced Grunt. "You're lucky, krogan. Don't let me catch you up here again."

"You won't," Terra said quickly, intercepting what looked like a disrespectful comment about to erupt from Grunt's mouth. "Thank you, officer."

Terra sat beside the adolescent krogan, and they watched C-Sec leave. She nudged him. "So… how were those noodles?"

"A little spicy," he grinned back at her.

Terra finally laughed, slinging her arm around his hump as much as was possible. "I love you, Grunt."

"Heh heh heh."

"Come on. There's a party back at my place," she said, as she stood. "Best behaviour," she warned.

"What other kind is there?" he said, innocently.

Terra stared back at him, then at the still-burning C-Sec shuttle. "Oh dear…"

-x-

The minute they walked back into the apartment, it was clear that the party had ratcheted up a notch.

"So what? A private cabin on a stealth warship not enough for you?" shouted out a familiar voice that Terra wasn't expecting.

"Jack!"

The young woman in question deserted Kaidan and closed the gap between them.

Terra blinked away her surprise and responded. "Uh… it was an unexpected gift."

"Hey, you big lug," Jack tossed over at Grunt.

Grunt merely grunted a 'hey' like he'd just seen her yesterday, and trundled off to get a drink.

"What are you doing here on the Citadel?" Terra asked.

"Hackett pulled me off the frontline. Said we'd earned a break, then told me to get my ass out here. Gave me your address with an idea you'd be happy to see me."

"He was right. It's great to see you. What about your kids?"

"They're here, too. Left them having fun in the arcades. Got that Bailey guy to agree to have someone keep an eye on 'em, so they're being looked after. Didn't think I'd leave 'em, did you?"

"Actually, I _knew_ you wouldn't."

Jack rolled her eyes at that, but she looked pleased underneath it all.

"But how on Earth did you get Bailey to have his officers turn into babysitters?"

"Just dropped your name. Oh, he said to pass on that you owe him big-time," Jack grinned mischievously.

"Thanks, Jack," Terra retorted sarcastically.

Jack started turning like she was looking for something, then began to make whistling noises.

"Uh, Jack, what are you doing?" Terra asked.

"Calling Eezo."

"Eezo?"

A varren suddenly ran around the corner leading to the guest room and sprang at Shepard, who went down at the weight of the animal.

"Yeah, he's from Thessia. Naturally biotic from all the element zero," informed Jack.

Terra picked herself up off the floor.

"Oh yes! Animals love me!" declared James, and he loped over, then proceeded to look for something to throw. In the end he resorted to a frying pan from the kitchen.

"The biotics make them short-tempered, so a lot of them get abused or abandoned. Can you imagine that?" Jack said with a frown.

James was sending the varren chasing down the corridor to the guest room after the pan, and was far too impressed when the animal brought it back.

"I found him at a rescue place. I'm trying to teach him it's okay to trust people," Jack said, her back now to James.

Terra watched over Jack's shoulder as James only pretended to throw the pan, then when the animal realised it had been fooled, James held it just out of the varren's reach.

"He started out really angry, but I've been giving him lots of love, and now he's a big old softy," smiled Jack.

The varren let out a biotic pulse that spun James off his feet, while the varren retrieved its prize. Terra barked out a laugh.

"What?" Jack turned to look, but James had quickly jumped back to his feet, rolling his shoulders as if it would claw back his dignity.

Terra was a little dubious about the species of animal, but she liked where Jack was coming from. "He seems like a good…pet."

"You're aware of the parallels here, right?" Joker spoke out, wryly, from the safety of the couch.

"What the hell are you talking about, Joker?" Jack zeroed in on him.

"Mistreated biotic that…?"

Terra shook her head, emphatically, to save Joker from any broken bones.

"No?" Joker glanced between them, assessing whether to accept Shepard's judgement. "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

Eezo came to Jack and she petted him, tenderly. "Yeah. Who's my badass biotic?"

It brought a smile to Terra's face to see Jack like that. She'd come a long, long way. Terra had a feeling she didn't need to worry about Jack anymore.

"So, from what I've been hearing, you can't even take shore-leave without getting into trouble. What the hell was that about?" Jack smirked.

"Shepard had an evil clone that wanted to kill her and take over her life," Joker explained, helpfully.

"Shut the fuck up, Joker." Jack turned back to Shepard, with a shake of her head. "What really happened?"

"That," Terra confirmed with a wince.

"But…" Jack frowned, trying to work out how Shepard had ended up with a clone. There was only one answer. " _Cerberus_." Jack's face was thunder.

Shepard nodded. "Though they only created her as spare parts for me, but it was someone else who… 'raised' her. I don't know. It's still uncomfortable to think about."

"Fucking bastards."

Joker made a snort of amusement. "One thing's for sure: that well and truly put the whole 'nature/nurture' debate to rest."

Jack shook her head at him in disgust.

"What? Too soon?" Joker asked.

"Shepard just said it was uncomfortable to think about, jackass. Yeah, it's too soon. Have a bit of sensitivity, Joker! I'm getting a beer. Be right back." She walked past with a pat on Shepard's arm, leaving Joker looking on, incredulously.

"Did you hear that!? Sensitivity!? Coming from _her!_?"

"Some people develop, Joker. Mature," revealed Shepard. "And some…don't."

"Oh really?" Joker put on an affronted face. "Well this immature person is going to go talk to someone who appreciates him," he pouted. Then he started moving away as he called, "Edi!"

"Shepard!" yelled out Wrex. "You brought dinner! Nothing tastes better than fresh varren, roasted!"

"Hey! Back off or you'll be a new decoration on Shepard's wall!" shouted out Jack from the kitchen.

"Calm down," Shepard intervened, as Jack bounded over. "Wrex, this is Eezo. He's _not_ for eating."

"Damn waste, but it's your party," responded Wrex, before he went to talk to Liara and Tali near the fireplace.

"So what's the celebration?" Jack asked Shepard, taking a swig from her bottle.

"Two reasons really. It's a chance for everyone to let their hair down. Amongst friends."

"Right… And?"

"Kaidan proposed."

"Holy shit! You and Alenko… I'm happy for you, Shepard."

"Thanks Jack."

"Now you make sure you get to live out your lives together, you soppy bastards."

Terra was a little taken aback by the emotion in Jack's voice.

"Fresh meat!" Grunt interrupted the moment.

"No touching the varren, Grunt!" ordered Shepard.

"But-"

"No."

Grunt's attention was then caught by the call-button that was constantly buzzing. He went over to investigate. "Shepard, all those people we passed still want in," he called over.

"I don't know them, remember? This is a private party."

"I'll deal with them….NO!" he shouted over the comm.

" _What!? Why_!?"

"Don't know you."

" _Grunt! It's me! Garrus_!"

"Don't know you. Go away."

" _Don't-? Grunt, how would I know your name if you don't know me_?"

"I dunno. Now go away."

" _This is unbelievable! Grunt, we fought the Collectors together, for Spirits sake_!"

"Uh huh. No."

" _I- But- You can't- Get me Shepard_!" spluttered Garrus.

"No."

"Grunt. Let him up," laughed Terra.

"Fine."

The door opened, and Garrus walked in with his arms in the air.

"Time to start the party! Garrus Vakarian is here!" Garrus rounded on Grunt. "And really? Don't know me, Grunt?"

Grunt shrugged. "You turians all look alike."

Wrex roared in laughter, and Garrus squinted at his old friend.

"And he had such potential before he met you, Wrex."

"Yeah. He learnt from the best."

Terra watched the camaraderie between these disparate people with a lightness in her soul. Kaidan came up beside her, and she took his hand. All her crew were here, and more family than she was expecting. Tonight was great. Another, to add to the one Kaidan gave her last night. She'd never been so happy. Relaxed. At peace. It would come to an end, but she'd make the most of it while it lasted. After that… she would fight with renewed strength and determination to have this again.

-x-

-x-

The morning had brought the smell of coffee, and eggs from an ever perky James, along with bleary hangovers for many of the others. Once they'd eaten, Terra had suggested escaping the mess of empty bottles and plates and deal with it later, and she and Kaidan had sneaked out to walk along the Presidium. On a whim, Terra had pulled him into a store, where they had just finished purchasing fish for the cabin's aquarium. It was oddly satisfying buying things together, and though this was to fill the empty space of the aquarium, they were also pets. Terra had insisted on a VI program to feed them, just in case they were away from the Normandy for any length of time. The last thing she wanted was to have more aquatic deaths on her hands. Though technically that hadn't been her fault.

Kaidan was just glad he was clear-headed enough to enjoy this, following last night's festivities. After a few beers, the buzz had started to kick in, and he'd been reminded of the self-induced haze he'd kept himself in for the first few weeks after he'd lost Terra. He didn't want that. Everything in his personal life was perfect, so he'd stopped, and instead, soaked in the vibrant atmosphere. He could now vividly remember Terra laughing and joking, even dancing, happy to be the butt of their jokes as long as her family were enjoying themselves. Another snap-shot moment. It was a superb night. They had eventually retired to their bedroom in the early hours, leaving the others to crash wherever they chose. The door to their room sealed for the first time since they'd been there. But they hadn't slept. They'd explored each other like they had all the time in the galaxy, a teasing dance with hands and mouths. When they had finally exhausted each other, they'd made love. Slow and undemanding, but no less satisfying.

"You're a mile away," Terra broke into his thoughts, and brought him back to the Presidium.

"Not a mile. Just a night," he smiled at her, and she returned it.

"It was pretty unforgettable."

"Defin-" Kaidan's omnitool pinged, and he read the message. "Yes!"

"Good news?"

"Oh yeah! My biotic squad. They're okay and safely under Hackett's wing!"

"That's great! I know it played on your mind."

"Yeah. And with our ceremony later…" he gave her intent look. "This shore leave is turning out to be a fantastic few days. I don't think I'll ever get down from this high!"

"Me neither," she grinned. "This is so worth fighting for."

"Yes, it is." Kaidan moved in to kiss her, public area be damned, but he caught a figure nearby in the corner of his eye, clearly looking at them. He pulled back and focused on the young man, bringing Terra's attention with him. The man, probably in his early twenties, had his hands clasped together in front of him, his eyes looking nervously about him at those who passed close by. "Can we help you?"

"Excuse me. I'm- I'm sorry to bother you. I just- just wondered if I could ha- have a moment of the Commander's t-time," the man stammered.

"Of course," replied Shepard. "Do you need help?"

"Oh, no. No, I don't need help. I- I had wanted to come to the me- memorial. Of Mr Krios. I knew him, from a- a few years back. But I have this…problem, with crowds. Kinda stu- stupid when you live on the Citadel…. I couldn't attend. Even though I really wanted to."

"I understand. Did you want to talk about Thane?"

"I hate that I couldn't pay m- my respects. He did a lot for me."

Terra saw his discomfort. His breathing was heavy from the anxiety he seemed to be feeling. "Look, why don't we go somewhere quieter?"

"Could we?" he asked in relief.

"Absolutely."

"I- I have a place not far from here. If- if that's okay? It's the only place I really feel safe."

"Sure." She looked at Kaidan as he touched her elbow.

"I'll leave you two to talk. Think I'll head over to the Normandy to make sure our new arrivals are settled in okay," referring to the fish which were on their way there now.

"All right. After I've spoken with…" she looked back at the friend of Thane's. "I'm sorry, I didn't ask your name."

"Oh, it's William, Ma'am. William Carver."

She turned back to Kaidan. "After I've spoken with William I might take the opportunity to acquire my attire for this evening."

Kaidan smiled. The idea of her shopping for a wedding dress made him realise how close she was to becoming his wife, and it gave him a shot of exhilaration. "Then I'll, uh, see you later." The look he shot her with was downright sexy, and she felt that now familiar, but no less pleasurable tingle run through her.

"Count on it." She had her own version of that look and she used it now, just catching the sound from his throat. She couldn't help her gaze lingering on him as he walked away. He cut a handsome figure through the crowds. Then there were those broad shoulders and… She forced herself to stop staring at his backside and turned to the waiting man. "Lead the way, William."

He did so, sticking close to the walls, sometimes walking sideways in order to not give his back to anyone. Terra thought it was so very sad to feel that insecure in a place that was relatively safe, and she wondered what had happened to him to make him that way. Maybe she could distract him. "So how did you know Thane?"

"I was being attacked. I got com- complacent. Used an alley as a shortcut. They- Five men jumped me. I was fifteen. …No family. Thought I was… going to die. Then he was there. Never seen anything like it… They were on the ground in the blink of an eye!"

Terra smiled. That sounded like Thane.

"Despite how easily he had taken them down, I didn't feel threatened. I pledged him my service in return. Errands. Supplies. Occasionally, even information on his targets. I'm good at staying under the radar. I don't…like to be seen…. It's just up here."

They climbed the stairs of the apartment building and stopped outside his room while he opened the door. He stepped back to let her enter first, and Shepard walked into a surprisingly sparse room. The prick of a needle at the back of her neck had her swinging round in shock. She immediately went into defensive mode, prepared to attack, but whatever she'd been given was strong, and she could feel it surging through her body, and dragging her under, fast. She collapsed at William's feet. The last thing she registered was the syringe in his hand and the gleeful smirk on his face.

x

Kaidan walked through the docking bay, towards _Normandy_. One of the technicians just exiting the airlock, saluted him.

"Major. Coming to check on her?"

"Not at all. I'm sure she's in good hands."

"Thank you, Sir. All the major work is done. It's mostly cosmetic now."

"Estimate for completion?"

"Tomorrow afternoon, Sir. As much as we've enjoyed working on her, we understand the importance of getting it done fast. It's been an honour to do our part to aid you and Commander Shepard, Sir."

"Well, thanks, I appreciate that."

"Sir." The technician saluted him again, then hurried away.

Kaidan felt that guilt seep in again. He'd felt a tinge of disappointment as the tech had said 'tomorrow afternoon'. It was selfish. He reminded himself that by then, though they'd be back to the fight, he'd still be by Terra's side... as her husband. That thought warmed him.

"That's one impressive jewel on Commander Shepard's finger."

Kaidan looked up, seeing nothing. "Kasumi. I wondered if you'd show up. And don't touch that ring."

She materialised in front of him, leaning casually against the airlock doors. "I'm hurt! I would never steal from a friend."

"I'm not the one wearing it."

"Damn. Caught me out. Fine, I won't touch the ring."

"Weren't you working with Hackett?"

"I did my part. But there's a lot of talented people there, and they don't really need me. So, I came back here to play. You know, people who can't get to the Citadel are having a rough time out there. This place has more money than it knows what to do with. It could help those refugees survive. And it's not like the owners can spend it if the Reapers win."

"So you're robbing the rich to help the poor?"

"I'm doing what I do. Raiding Cerberus bases and infiltrating Reaper-held locations is fun, but I'm a thief. Stealing? It's what I do. Without it I… Well, it seems a shame to waste the opportunity. Who knows how long it will be before the Reapers hit here too. …And, I've said too much. …Are you going to call C-Sec?"

Kaidan sighed. "Just don't get caught okay? I'd hate to have to try to explain why I'm bailing you out."

Kasumi smiled. "Sweet talker. But you know how good I am. I never get caught."

She faded out of view, and Kaidan shook his head. Kasumi Goto was the grey area between the good and the bad. There had been a time when he'd have seen her as only a criminal. Funny how things change. He resumed his path through the airlock, and into the _Normandy_.

x

Shepard swarmed back into consciousness, immediately tensing in response to the threat that had taken her down. It took less than a second for her to register that she couldn't move her arms and legs. She was bound to a chair in a bedroom, her limbs secured firmly. She couldn't move them an inch. The N7 jacket that Joker and Edi had given her was discarded on the floor along with her omnitool, leaving her in only her vest top and leggings.

The en-suite door opened and William exited, emitting a small gasp as he saw her awake, his face then lighting up in joy. "She said I had to be quick. That you wouldn't stay under long. That's good. I hate waiting."

Shepard noted the difference in his demeanour. This was someone confident. Cocky. "Who are you?"

"Oh, the first name is real, though I like to be called Billy. The last name isn't. 'Carver' is more like my occupation," he chuckled.

Shepard sucked in her breath. Billy… "You bastard. You killed that family."

"Told you I'd carve your name, didn't I?" He grinned in delight. "I keep my promises. She was sweet, too. Screamed a lot. I liked that. I like to watch their faces. That moment they break. The look in their eyes… Gets my blood pumping, like a rush to my brain. It took longer with the woman I used for your name, 'cos 'Shepard' has more letters than 'Billy'. She was begging me for mercy. I don't do mercy."

Terra felt sick. The look of euphoria on Billy's face gave her chills. She was completely defenceless at the hands of a psychopath. She couldn't believe it would end like this. Kaidan… A despair fell upon her.

Billy grabbed another chair and set it in front of hers, pulling over a small table that bore something covered over by a piece of cloth. He revealed it theatrically. There were two items. A scalpel, and a larger knife, like a butcher's knife but serrated. He ran his fingers over them reverently.

"Yours will take longer too. I'll still be giving you my name – you're personal – but I've had a request from someone who _really_ hates you. Seeing as she got me here, I'll grant her that. Like I said, I keep my promises."

"Who?"

He sat down. "You'll see. I'll make sure you get to read it before I finish you. Promise," he laughed. He lifted the larger knife. "I'll use this one to take your life. Up through your gut, all the way up, nice and slow." He laid it down again, then picked up the scalpel.

Shepard had read the reports of his victims since he'd been freed from Purgatory. She knew exactly how he killed, inflicting a torturous pain upon those people. The young woman who had suffered Shepard's name in her skin had only been 27. She was a wife and a mother… and Billy had killed them all. Terra was disgusted with herself. She'd forgotten them. The Reapers had chased everything else from her mind, and even here, during her shore-leave, she'd been too distracted to think about them. She should have tried harder to get those people justice. She should have remembered.

Billy's breath was ragged and fast, and Shepard realised that what she'd assumed earlier was his anxiety, was actually his excitement. It sickened her.

He leant forwards, staring directly into her eyes. "Shepard. You'll be my best artwork. My name will be known throughout the galaxy! You're my biggest conquest. My greatest prize! You will bring me my greatest enjoyment," he finished, exhilaration radiating from him.

Shepard stared back, unflinchingly. She'd be damned if she was going to beg for mercy. "Go to hell. My crew will hunt you down and send you there."

He squinted, his smile faltering, then blossoming again. "They don't know where you are. And they're not expecting you for a while – you were going shopping, remember? I'll be long gone before they even start looking for you."

"Keep hoping. You'll need to spend every second of every day watching your back, because they _will_ come for you."

Billy didn't like that. She was supposed to be the whimpering victim. But then she _was_ a soldier… He should look at her as a challenge. He replaced his leering smile, and moved even closer, leaving no more than an inch between their noses. "I'm going to kill you, Shepard."

She had the urge to pull her head back, but that would give him what he wanted, so instead, she held firm, even closed the distance, her nose almost touching his. "I gathered that. Will you get on with it already? I'm getting bored."

He reared back, irritated, angry, and unsettled. She was supposed to be scared. _He_ was the one with the power. _He_ was in charge here. Her life was in _his_ hands. He backhanded her.

Shepard had been hit far harder before and she just glared back at him. Billy's hand tightened round the scalpel in anger. That was fine with her. It meant he wouldn't be getting any gratification, and she would fight her hardest to keep it that way. She gritted her teeth together, locking her jaw as he began to cut into her skin.

**-x-**


	69. Good Timing and Out of Time

"Doctor, I was beginning to think you'd hit a brick wall." Hackett stared back at Bryson, hoping the man finally had something.

" _My apologies, Admiral. But it's been a slow process with the Reapers presence. Even more so than expected_."

"How so?"

" _Admiral, the Reapers are shadowing my field agents as if they're hunting Leviathan themselves. Whatever it is, I believe Leviathan is nothing less than a Reaper-killer – almost an apex predator – and it has them nervous. If we could just find it, imagine the impact on the war. I'm formally requesting assistance in tracking it down_."

"You'll have it. I have Commander Shepard and Major Alenko on the Citadel right now. I'm sure you're aware that they're the best we have. I'll get them to you. This is now your top priority, Doctor. Find that thing. The Normandy crew can do the rest."

" _Thank you, Admiral. I'll look out for them. Bryson out_."

Hackett took a deep breath. This was what they needed. It was still a damned search, but there was evidence that the Reapers feared it, and that was good enough for him. The only thing he hated was that he had to call an end to Terra's shore-leave.

She'd called him this morning, and the change in her was clear. She looked wonderful, especially preceding her announcement that Kaidan had proposed. He'd been surprised by the Major's open declaration of it. Kaidan had broken regulation in a way that, once they made it legal, would come to the Alliance's attention. Terra wore the ring on her finger for all to see. She wasn't hiding it. His two most dutiful soldiers were standing up and daring their superiors to deny them their happiness. Hackett was unbelievably proud of them.

He wished he'd had the guts to do the same years back; to tell Hannah he wanted to stand by her side and be the family he'd wanted them to be from the start, and that he'd have happily suffered any consequences from that choice. But he hadn't. He'd gone along with it, telling himself he was doing it to give Hannah piece of mind, knowing that they hadn't set back both of their careers. Maybe he wouldn't be an Admiral now, but maybe he would… He pushed away his lapse into self-pity. There were other reasons. Terra. But something told him she'd have done fine no matter what.

He had given his daughter his blessing. Told her he'd stand up for them if there were issues with the surviving Alliance leaders, but he doubted there would be. In the scheme of things, two esteemed officers – Spectres - breaking a fraternisation regulation, was nothing.

Now he had to call them back into service and pop that bubble they were in, and he hoped they hadn't planned to wed during that shore-leave. Making the call, he had to be Admiral Hackett.

x

Kaidan thought the cabin looked far more homey now. The display cases were full, as was the aquarium. He watched the fish swim around. They represented life amongst the stark metal of the ship.

" _Major, I've got Admiral Hackett requesting to speak with you and the Commander, immediately,_ " notified Traynor, who had come aboard just after he had, to continue her liaison with the tech team despite her pounding head caused by last night's celebrations.

Kaidan's heart sank. 'Immediately' meant it was likely something that was going to interrupt shore-leave. The evening now felt like it was moving beyond his reach. "On my way. Have you contacted Shepard?"

" _I've tried, but my hails aren't getting through, Major. It's like her omnitool is off_ ," responded Traynor, mystified.

"What?" Kaidan felt that cold pit form in his stomach as he stepped into the elevator. Unless she was undercover, she would never switch it off.

" _I've tried the apartment, too, but Joker said she hasn't been back there._ "

"No. She said she was going shopping after…" After she'd gone off with Carver. He didn't like this at all. "Get in touch with Captain Bailey at C-Sec. Tell him we need Shepard located as a matter of urgency. She was last seen on the Presidium near the Aquatic Centre, in the company of a man named William Carver. He said he had a place near there. Explain this is out of character for her."

" _Yes, Sir_."

By the time he stepped off the elevator, Traynor was already through to Bailey. Kaidan had to force himself into the War room, his steps hurried.

"Admiral."

" _Major Alenko. I apologise for interrupting your shore-leave, but something's come up and it's too important to wait_."

"I understand, Sir." In his head, he was begging Hackett to hurry up, but given that the Admiral was clearly not alone, he couldn't interrupt.

" _Commander Shepard on her way_?"

That gave Kaidan the opportunity to get the situation across. "Sir, we're having trouble contacting her at present. I have someone on it, and I'll be heading straight out to search."

Hackett's went more severe. " _Then I'll get straight to it. There's an Alliance researcher working on the Citadel, named Doctor Garret Bryson. I need you to meet with him as soon as possible. Dr Bryson has uncovered important new information about Reapers that could have a direct bearing on the war. I'm officially directing you to support his efforts at the first possible opportunity._ "

"We'll visit Dr Bryson at once, Sir."

" _Very good. And I would appreciate it if you could get the Commander to drop me an update on her whereabouts, once you locate her. Protocol dictates she should be available at all times._ "

The Admiral had sounded like he was irritated over her being out of contact, but Kaidan knew the truth. Hackett was a worried father. "Of course, Sir."

" _Hackett out._ "

Kaidan ran out of the War room, his heart thudding almost painfully in his chest. As soon as he emerged on the CIC, Traynor turned to him.

"Captain Bailey's got his people searching video footage and he's personally heading to her last position."

"That's where I'm going, too." He carried on, up the aisle to the airlock, Traynor following behind him.

"This can't be happening again, can it?" worried Traynor.

"Something's not right. So we treat this as serious until we find her."

"Right. It's probably just a tech failure. She'll be sitting in a café somewhere, drinking tea."

"Let's hope. Call Liara and explain the situation. She may have contacts here who can help."

"Yes, Sir."

"And I also need you to start recalling the crew. Shore-leave's over. Hackett's orders."

"Understood, Major."

With that, Kaidan was out of the ship and racing back to the Presidium.

x

The bonds at her wrists and ankles dug in to her skin as she strained against them. Shepard focused on her breathing. Deep and slow. Anything to take her mind off the pain. Deep and slow. Unfortunately, her mind unhelpfully likened it to the cuts Billy was inflicting on her upper chest, just above her breasts. Deep enough to scar, but not to damage anything vital; slowly, to draw out the pain.

At some point, Billy had started playing loud music in the main room, though it was slightly muted in this back room. She guessed it was meant to drown out her screaming. As far as Shepard was concerned that was pure hopefulness on his part, because she refused to give Billy a single sign of her pain. Nothing that would give him satisfaction. His frustrated frown was her reward.

"Suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Think I'll make the letters more… ornate." He leaned in, his mouth to her ear, making sure she could hear him. "I _will_ make you scream, Shepard."

This time she _did_ pull her head back, then brought it forward as hard as she could. Billy fell back with a yell, dropping the bloody scalpel as he grasped his broken nose. He writhed on the floor, half crying, half cursing, gradually getting to his knees, then his feet.

"You bitch!" he screamed. He grabbed the large knife and lunged forward.

Shepard felt the tip press into her abdomen and she braced herself, prepared for this final moment, meeting his fierce stare with her own defiant one. But Billy stopped. He was panting, unable to breathe through his nose, the pain and anger creating a tic around one eye. He was reining himself in.

Billy laughed manically. "You almost had me there, Shepard. You almost ruined it for me. I nearly ended you before I was ready." He took a deep shuddery breath, then placed the knife back on the table and retrieved the fallen scalpel. Billy wiped away the tears that had fallen down his face with disgust.

Shepard had to work hard to put the grin on her face. "Still think I'll be your greatest enjoyment? I just made _you_ scream, Billy. And when you look in the mirror, that broken nose will stare back at you. Whatever sick pleasure you got from hurting those people, you won't be getting from me. So do your worst, asshole, and when you're finally so pissed off that you drive that knife into me, know I'll _still_ be laughing at you."

Billy was furious, and he flung his chair across the room, grabbed the knife again and stabbed it into the wall beside her head with a yell, narrowly missing her ear. Then he laughed, his hands fisting. " _I_ have the power here. _Me_ ," he chanted to himself. He, once again, retrieved the scalpel, then straddled her lap and placed his free arm along her neck forcing her head back so she was staring up at the ceiling. "This is far more intimate, don't you think? I'm going to work on these letters a bit more. They don't have the 'wow' factor."

Shepard closed her eyes and tried to imagine herself in a different place, with Kaidan, as Billy's scalpel gouged back into the open cuts, excruciatingly. She was stone, she told herself. She would not whimper.

x

"Bailey!" Kaidan shouted out as he saw the Captain and Kolyat just up ahead, approaching an apartment block.

"Major. Kolyat and I are following Shepard's trail. It appears she entered this building with the man you met earlier, and according to my officers checking the footage, she hasn't left. Problem is finding her from here. We've got to access the building's security system for that."

They hurried inside.

"What about his name?" asked Kaidan.

"Ran a check. We have no one on the Citadel by that name."

Kolyat was accessing a terminal in the reception area. "No William Carver." He began hacking into the cameras, then swore. "They've been tampered with. All I've got is static on all floors."

"Then we do this the hard way. Take a room each and work our way up each floor," stated Bailey.

Kaidan didn't waste time knocking. Instead he hacked through the first door, shouted out a warning and zipped through the apartment, ignoring the protests of the residents as he quickly checked each room. He muttered an apology on his way out, but he was already focused on the next apartment.

Five minutes later and they'd covered the ground floor. Kaidan was about to go out of his mind, as they raced up to the second floor.

"Kaidan!"

He turned to see Liara running up the stairs to join them, shaking her head to indicate she had nothing beyond what they clearly already knew from their presence here. He gestured to a door and she immediately started hacking it. Kaidan continued to do the same. This apartment appeared to be unoccupied, but nevertheless he went through each room before moving to the next.

.

Kolyat's fingers raced over another door panel. Once through, he didn't bother shouting out over the loud music. For an occupied room, there wasn't much to suggest anyone lived here. He found that strange and his heart beat faster, his gun gripped tighter in his hand.

Entering the bedroom, Kolyat thought at first he'd walked in on some kinky intimate moment. A man sat straddled over a woman bound tightly to a chair. With her head back and the man blocking his view, Kolyat couldn't make out her face, but then he saw the knife in the wall beside her head and the N7 jacket on the floor. He reacted. Unable to shoot without risking hitting Shepard, he launched himself forward, grabbing a surprised 'William Carver' and yanking away from a bloodied Shepard. The sight of her injuries shocked him, and Carver recovered quicker, twisting away from him and aiming the scalpel at his face. Kolyat just caught the arm as it arced towards him, but Carver threw his weight behind it. Kolyat went with it, falling back, and sending Carver over his head. They both jumped to their feet, but Carver kicked Kolyat in the stomach sending him flying into the wall, and leaving him gasping for air. Kolyat hit his omnitool, to call for help, but he couldn't form the words.

Billy was about to stab the drell with the scalpel when he heard the music switching off and someone shouting, "Kolyat?", and another "Shepard!"

"Kaidan!" Shepard shouted back, and the footsteps that thundered towards them told Billy the game was over. With an outraged roar, he ignored the drell, throwing himself towards Shepard. He was going to finish her if it was the last thing he did. He yanked the knife from the wall and thrust it towards her abdomen.

.

Kaidan went cold with fear and hot with fury when he ran into the room, and everything went into slow motion as he saw what was about to happen. His biotics surged and he sent the strongest, most controlled biotic wave he'd ever managed, into 'William Carver'. The man hit the wall so hard his bones were crushed with the force, the wall itself almost knocked through to the outside. He was dead, instantly. Without stopping, Kaidan rushed to Terra, the blood running from her chest soaked her vest, but she was alive. Her relief flooded her face, her breath coming more rapidly now.

"Cut me loose," she demanded, desperately.

Kaidan released her hands, while Liara liberated her feet. Terra immediately stumbled up, and vanished into the bathroom, followed by the sound of her retching. Liara left the room to get her water, while Kaidan went to see to Terra, leaving Bailey to attend to Kolyat, who was clutching his stomach as he tried to stand, still gasping a little.

Terra sat on the bathroom floor, catching her breath, and Kaidan placed himself behind her so she could lean back against him. As he sat there, he ran a scan over her, relieved to see her injuries weren't a threat to her life, though from what he could see through the blood, they were no less horrifying. He removed his medigel in preparation to tend to her, and Liara came in with the water which Terra took gratefully. Kolyat now stood in the doorway, looking stricken.

"His name was Billy," Shepard started, her voice trembling. "He was an escapee from Purgatory. One who warned me he'd be seeking revenge for a shot I took at him. And he keeps his promises," she added wryly. "But he was working with someone. A woman."

"I'll check his omnitool," said Liara, passing Kaidan the wet cloth she'd gathered, and leaving the room to join Bailey, who was looking down at the body in an awed disbelief.

Kaidan was shaking slightly at the thought of just how close Billy had come to killing her. "Kolyat, take my place."

Kolyat moved instantly to support Terra, and Kaidan knelt in front of her, gently cleaning away the blood from her wounds, cringing as the extent of the cuts were revealed. "I can't leave you alone for a second, can I?" he tried to joke, though it was weak.

"Apparently not," she returned, shakily.

He ran his hand down her cheek, which sported a bruise. "Tell me, you're okay."

"I'm okay. Nauseous, dizzy, but alright," she assured him. "It's probably the effects of the drug he injected, and… the adrenaline. Pain…"

She was so pale... "Terra-"

"Kaidan, please," she almost whispered. "Don't fuss. I just need some medigel and I'll be fine."

Liara came back to the room.

"Any luck finding out who the woman was?" asked Shepard.

"Miranda," bit out Kaidan.

Terra looked back at him, questioningly. He was staring at the cuts on her chest and she gathered the answer had been 'written' there. She chose not to look for herself. Kaidan met her eyes, his ire emanated from him, but he said nothing, his jaw tight, as he applied the medigel.

"Yes," confirmed Liara. "There are messages from her. She provided him access onto the Citadel, and monetary funds. She also gave him information on Thane after referencing that her contact had discovered about the memorial you were holding. None of this would have been possible without her interference." Liara showed Kaidan the last message.

**I like your plan. You'll have to act fast though. Her implants mean she'll recover quickly. Just remember what I said: Make it hurt. Miranda.**

Kaidan just nodded, mutely. "All done," he said to Terra, and she began to stand, Kolyat helping her up.

"One thing's for sure – _these_ scars, I'm having removed," she murmured, and Kaidan ran his hand down her back in silent support for that.

"You could have died…" murmured Kolyat.

Terra turned to him in dismay, placing a reassuring hand on his arm. "But I didn't. And thank you."

"I failed you. He nearly-"

"Hey, you did great," protested Kaidan. "Don't beat yourself up over it. You're new to all this, and yet you didn't falter."

"Maybe," Kolyat frowned.

"It's important you realize that as a soldier, my life is constantly in danger, Kolyat," Shepard pressed, gently.

"I understand," he said sadly.

"But right now, I'm fine, and _you're_ a part of the reason I'm still here."

The young drell finally accepted that.

They all moved out of the bathroom. Bailey was directing his officers to remove the body.

"Well, I can honestly say I've never seen anything like that, Major. He's nothing but mush and powdered bones," said Bailey. "And you, Shepard. I can't work out if you have the worst luck or the best!"

She grabbed her jacket and pulled it on, immediately covering her injuries and the ruined vest. Inside her, however, there was a chill she couldn't get rid of, and it radiated out to her limbs. She ignored it, fisting her hands to stop them quivering. "I'm going to go with the best luck. I didn't think there was any chance of anyone looking for me so soon."

"You can thank Admiral Hackett for that," informed Kaidan, handing her back her omnitool. "He has something he wants us to look in to, here on the Citadel. Shore-leave's over," he said solemnly.

She concentrated on replacing her tool on her wrist before answering. "Oh…" was all she said as she looked back at him, keeping her sadness hidden.

"Yeah. Looks like our plans will have to go on hold."

She saw her own disappointment mirrored in his face. "For now." She took a deep breath that pulled on her healing wounds, a dull ache pushing through the numbness. "Then, let's get back to work. Bailey, Kolyat, thank you."

" _Try_ to stay safe for the rest of your visit here," implored Bailey.

Shepard saluted him and they headed out of the building and to the sky-cars.

"If you do not need me, I will head back to the Normandy. I am going to see if I can trace those messages back to Miranda's location. They are heavily encrypted but I am very motivated right now," stated Liara, a cold anger hardening her usually gentle face.

"Thank you, Liara."

"I did very little in the end, but you are welcome."

Kaidan drove, Shepard riding shotgun. She raked her hand through her hair which had gone wild after the rush of energy which had passed by her from Kaidan's throw. He noticed the shake in her normally steady hands as she decided the only option was to pull out the knot she always placed her hair in, and retied it.

"Bailey's right," she said. "That throw was impressive. To take Billy out like that when he was so close to me, without taking me with him...?"

"It was important. I couldn't get to you in time any other way, and if I hadn't gotten that throw right, you'd be dead by my hand. Wasn't going to happen." His eyes ran over her lovely face, hesitating over the bruise on her cheek, making him frown as he thought of the letters cut into her skin beneath her jacket. "But you need to be honest with me. What you just went through… That can't be easy to deal with." He had to grit his teeth as he said the next words. "He was torturing you."

"It helped to think of you. They were good feelings. Made it bearable." She swallowed back another bout of nausea. "Kept my mouth firmly shut so I wouldn't feed his hunger. He didn't like that. I think I irritated him."

"I'd say that's a given," Kaidan lightly joked.

"Hey!" she protested mildly. Then a seriousness fell over her again. "And you're right, it's still here." She touched her fingers to her head. She shivered. It was a kind of shock that it had happened, that she'd been completely vulnerable. It still made her feel sick to her stomach. And to know that Miranda's name was in her skin… "But I know it will fade, because I gave him nothing, and you killed him."

"Yes, I did," Kaidan said, darkly. "And Miranda Lawson is going to pay big time for this."

"Just wait until Garrus finds out. He's already got a vendetta against Lawson. After this, he'll be chomping at the bit to scour the galaxy for her. A one man band of vengeance."

"Huh. He can get in line." Along with a whole lot of other people who cared about her, when they found out, Kaidan thought. That reminded him. "You'd better get in touch with Hackett, give him some piece of mind."

Terra typed a quick message, briefly telling her father what had happened, and that she was okay.

It dwelled in Kaidan's mind – that 'what if'… What if Hackett hadn't called when he did…? Kaidan would have been none the wiser, and Terra would be dead. Again.

They had driven a fair way but Kaidan had been silent, still not updating her on what they'd been tasked to do. The crease in his brow as he stared ahead told Terra his thoughts lingered on the past event. An event she herself was desperately trying to block out. She reached out her hand to rest on his thigh. "I'm really okay," she fibbed.

"I'm not." He sighed, then raised one eyebrow at her. "I'm going to have to keep a closer eye on you. Do you have any idea how much trouble you are?"

A smile tugged at her mouth. "Hm… A lot?" she said, innocently.

"A helluva lot!"

"Just as well you love me, then," she smiled, but she felt a little detached from it.

"Yes, I do," he agreed with a grin, placing his hand over hers.

"Sorry, I scared you. Note to self: don't walk off with strangers. Probably something I should have learnt as a child."

"You had no reason to think he was anything but what he said. Hell I believed it, too. Bastard. And, uh... you can make it up to me later." He threw her that hot look of his.

She gave a slightly breathy laugh. Despite her current condition, he still turned her on. "Aye, aye, Major." She needed to think about something other than her inappropriate libido. "You know, I used to think I was a fairly good judge of character. This shore-leave has proven me very wrong."

"When it comes to recognising talent, you're the best. And look what you did with Jack… That still amazes me. It's just your psychopath radar that's faulty, and for the record, yours is not the only one. None of us picked up on Brooks, either."

"Yeah… Not how I wanted to start shore-leave, and certainly not how I wanted it to end…"

He knew what she was referring to. "No. But we'll find time, somewhere in all this chaos. I can be _very_ determined you know..." he looked over at her with an intent gaze.

"Me too…" she smiled back.

Her omnitool bleeped with a response from Hackett.

**Terra… What the hell!? Have they all gone homicidal on you!?**

_**Please** _ **take care,**

**Love, Your Rapidly Aging Dad!**

"Nice, dad," she said dryly. She typed back. **Guess it must be my charm! Love you! x**

"We're coming up on Bryson's lab, now," Kaidan said.

"Bryson? Maybe, you'd better fill me in now."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" He quickly ran through what little Hackett had said and they landed at the laboratory.

"That's all he said?"

"He _was_ in a hurry so I could come and save your ass," he added.

"Point taken."

"He probably wants us to draw our own conclusions from what Bryson has to say."

"An open mind. Well, if the past few days haven't taught us _that_ , nothing else will."

"Come on." They exited the vehicle towards the doors.

-x-

"Seriously, Shepard?"

"Bailey, I swear it's not my fault!" Shepard defended herself.

Bailey looked sceptically down at Bryson's body, then over to the officers, now standing guard over Bryson's dazed assistant. "What have we got on him?"

"Derek Hadley. He's worked here for a couple months," notified one officer.

"Hackett sent us here to talk to Dr Bryson about his work," informed Shepard.

"Important work," added Kaidan. "Could help with the Reapers."

"Except Bryson didn't get very far in telling us what that was, because his assistant shot him."

"Would have shot us too, if Shepard hadn't knocked him out."

"We've got Edi looking through Bryson's files to gather whatever she can about what this task force was on to."

Bailey wondered if they realized they were tag-teaming. "What's Hadley saying?"

"Strangely, he seems disorientated," answered Kaidan. "Doesn't seem to remember anything about shooting Bryson."

"I'd hazard a guess and say he's genuinely upset by it, but I've been fooled before," Shepard frowned.

"So what are you saying?" asked Bailey in confusion.

"We're thinking maybe indoctrination," finished Shepard.

"Damn it. I should have known it wouldn't be anything simple with _you_ involved. Clones, serial killers and now this?" Bailey rubbed his hand over his mouth. "You're sending me to an early grave, Shepard."

"Oh Bailey, don't be so dramatic," she brushed it off with a roll of her eyes.

Kaidan fought back his amusement at Bailey's raised brows. "According to Hadley, they were looking for something called Leviathan." He gestured over to a large orb, sitting amongst the plethora of other strange objects that filled Bryson's lab. "That artifact was sent in from one of their researchers."

"Name of Garneau," added Shepard.

"He did send an audio log if that hel-" started Hadley, then he suddenly yelled out, grabbing his head, and falling to his knees. They hurried over to him.

"What's wrong?"

Hadley stared back, an eerie emptiness in his eyes. "You shouldn't be here. Turn back." His voice was odd. Monotone.

"What are you talking about?"

"The darkness cannot be breached." He then collapsed to the floor, unconscious.

"Damn it," swore Bailey. He looked at his men. "Get him over to the hospital."

"Yes, Sir." The officers then carried Hadley out of the lab.

Bailey turned to Shepard, unsettled by what he'd witnessed. "Well, if that wasn't the damnedest thing."

"Commander," called Edi, who had joined them. "According to what I have so far, Dr Bryson believed that Leviathan is capable of killing a Reaper."

Kaidan exchanged a glance with Shepard. "Sounds intriguing, yet dangerous."

"I believe the saying 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend', may be relevant here," added Edi.

"Well, that _would_ be nice," conceded Kaidan, tactfully. "And I guess we won't know unless we can find it."

"Accessing the audio log the assistant mentioned, now." Edi only took seconds. "Garneau references the object here. He believed that Leviathan had been at his location and was proposing to try to track its movements. He was moving to another site, but does not specify that destination."

"He looks like our best lead," said Shepard.

"But how do we find him?" Kaidan wondered.

"He'd have sent everything to Bryson. That information has to be here."

"Uh, yeah… did you take a good look at the state of this place?" he retorted, dubiously, looking around the lab. "The term 'organised chaos' comes to mind."

"Do not be so pessimistic, Major," admonished Edi.

"Yeah, Kaidan," grinned Shepard. "Care to help, Bailey?"

"Sure. Probably the only way you're gonna stay out of trouble."

"Ouch!"

Half an hour later - and with no further incidents - they had the location.

It was time to go.

-x-

Terra looked out through the viewing window of the Docking bay at the Normandy, having said goodbye to Kolyat, Bailey, Jack, Wrex and Grunt.

Kaidan came to stand beside her, understanding how she was feeling. "I guess we'd better get back to it."

Another two hours… That's all they'd needed. "You cancelled the ceremony?" Terra asked. He nodded. "At least we threw one hell of a party. Probably the last one."

"No, Terra. You- _We…_ will find a way to win. I know it. And when we do, we'll have another celebration, even better than the last one. Yeah," he smiled. "This is the greatest challenge of my life, and it has the greatest reward." He threaded his fingers through hers. "Coming through the other side - together - will be worth the bumpy ride."

Terra smiled at that. "Yes it will." She kissed him, and they walked arm in arm, into the Normandy.

**-x-**


	70. Inner Demon and Exorcism

Kaidan noticed how subdued Terra became as they moved through the last airlock and separated to maintain a more appropriate distance between commanding officers. It could be just the disappointment of their disrupted plans, but he wasn't convinced. The lack of a piece of paper officially tying them together didn't change what they had, and they were still here, together. They were both more pragmatic than to be shattered by the prospect of having to wait. The past few hours had been a whirlwind, and he wondered whether, now it had settled, the aftermath of one particular event was being felt. He knew _he_ was still feeling unsettled by it. She _had_ to be experiencing something a lot worse. He kept his voice low. "Terra-"

"Holy crap, Shepard! Remind me never to hang around with _you_ next shore-leave! You're like a maniac magnet!" called out Joker from the cockpit. "Once was almost probable - and I haven't forgotten the whole bait thing - but _twice_!? Damn, woman! That's the galaxy sending you a message!"

"The galaxy is not a conscious mind, Jeff," informed Edi. "And given Shepard's line of work, and success, it is not surprising she encounters… reprisals."

"I don't know, Edi. Sometimes, you have to wonder," Shepard said, lightly.

"You're good, though, right?" frowned Joker. "I mean, no one here's expecting you to carry on as normal after-"

"Joker, I'm great! Raring to go! Did you get the coordinates I sent you?"

Her response was a little forced, a little _too_ upbeat. Joker glanced briefly at Kaidan before answering. "Punched in and engines ready, Commander."

"Then get us out of here, Lieutenant."

This time, Joker stared at her, as if expecting her to grow another head. "Aye, aye, Commander." His eyes flicked once more to Kaidan, before he turned to his console and began to pull out of dock.

She spun and took no more than two strides before Garrus thundered up the aisle.

"Shepard, are you okay!? Liara just filled me in!" He then glared at Kaidan. "Why didn't you tell me about Shepard's abduction!?"

Kaidan opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by Terra.

"Because it was over before it started, Garrus. Now, we move on and get back to work." She squeezed his arm as she breezed past him, towards the elevator. "Time to get back in the uniform. I'm heading up for a shower," she called back to Kaidan.

"Commander, I'm so glad to see you're okay," said Traynor.

Shepard smiled back. "Thanks." Then she disappeared inside the lift.

Garrus focused his worried face on Kaidan. "Did you see that? That wasn't right."

Kaidan's gaze was still fixed on the closed doors of the elevator. "Yeah. She's not okay, and she's not dealing with what happened. It's my fault. I should have insisted she get attended to straight away. Instead, we ended up plunging into work."

"Knowing her, it's what she wanted, and we both know how hard it is to dissuade that woman from anything she sets her sights on."

"Inner demons…" mused Kaidan. "Those are hard to cope with."

"Don't I know it," mumbled Garrus. "And Shepard's a champion when it comes to ignoring them. Luckily, she's surrounded by a lot of people who care about her. Between us, we can help her through this."

Kaidan nodded, finally looking at Garrus. "It wasn't my intention to keep you in the dark about Shepard going missing. I had Liara and C-Sec on it. There wasn't time for anything else. Believe me, by the time they'd traced her, Bailey, Kolyat and I were there. Liara wasn't far behind, either."

"I get it. It was just a shock, hearing about it after the fact." Garrus paced restlessly. "Lawson," he growled. "When I find her, she won't know what hit her." He stopped still, a solemn seriousness befalling him. "Liara said it was pretty bad."

"Yeah. I don't ever want to see anything like that again. He'd… cut Miranda's name across her chest. It was deep."

Behind them, Joker swore as he listened in.

Kaidan rubbed his fingertips over his eyes like he was trying to brush away the image. "When he knew we were closing in, he went to stab her. I can still see that knife rushing towards her…"

"Shit," cursed Garrus. "At least you got to take that bastard down."

"Hell, yeah. I don't think I've ever wanted anyone dead as much as I did him."

"Well, _my_ quarry's still out there. So don't get any ideas about taking Lawson out yourself. You don't get to serve _all_ the justice. The Cerberus bitch is mine."

"I think I can live with that," Kaidan granted. He wanted to check on Terra, but he wasn't sure if she needed space. What was the protocol on helping someone after they'd been at the hands of a torturing murderer? He didn't want to push her before she was ready, but he wasn't about to let her continue to pretend it hadn't happened. She was showering, right now, so he'd lessen her work-load in the meantime.

Kaidan turned towards Edi in the cockpit. "Edi, would you keep an eye on Shepard?"

"I will monitor her vitals for signs of distress, as always, Major."

"I appreciate it. What's the ship's status?"

"She's running like a dream," grinned Joker.

"Lieutenant Cortez is reporting some minor issues where the tech team did not have enough time to complete full repairs to areas damaged in the earlier firefight, but he assures me he is on the situation," finished Edi.

"Good. Then it's just a matter of tidying up. But first I should check in with Engineering."

"And I've got a cannon that's no doubt in need of re-calibration," Garrus enthused.

Kaidan had to smile as they went to leave the CIC.

x

Terra had stepped into the cabin, registering the differences. The model ships Kaidan had purchased, filled the display cases that lined the back of the desks. She liked them. It looked and felt right.

 _She_ didn't though… That chill inside her, that shock, was still with her. As awful as the situation had been at Bryson's lab, that flurry of activity had distracted her from the lingering nightmare of Billy. She thought being here would help. Normality. She had a horrid crawling sensation across her chest, more than just that itchy feeling caused by medigel healing. She told herself it was just a residual thing. She just needed to distract herself again, focusing on the fish. They were beautiful, giving the place a feeling of life thriving – and suddenly she felt out of place. She felt dirty. The crawling renewed in intensity. Not just her chest, but her neck where he'd placed his arm, her thighs where he'd sat… What the hell was wrong with her? It was over. She could shake this. She _could_.

Terra stormed into the bathroom and turned on the shower, hitting it hard in her frustration. Then she was in front of the mirror, her hand reaching up to unzip the jacket - a hand that fisted in the air. She didn't want to see what he'd done to her. She had enough in her head, and didn't need to add that image to it. She twisted away from the mirror and only removed her boots before walking under the water, still clothed. Clothes he had touched. Terra turned the heat up. Once she was drenched, she stripped off, letting everything fall to her feet. But as much as the hot water stung her skin, it didn't chase away the chill, nor did it make her feel clean. That persistent crawling was also burning.

She switched off the shower, and dried off. Every move was a conscious effort not to look down. Once she had redressed, she let out the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. With her exhalation, the tension left her, taking her energy with it. She was so tired. She told herself she should be doing her rounds with her crew, checking her ship, and there was the data that Edi had extracted from Bryson's lab to read through. She forced herself over to the desk to pick up the datapad Edi had left there. She couldn't face the crew yet. She didn't need to see their pity, didn't want to hear their kind words. Instead, she sat in the chair and tried to concentrate on the information that Bryson had collated. She just needed to work.

In less than five minutes, her head fell forward onto her chest as exhaustion pulled her under.

x

Kaidan entered the cabin and was surprised to see her sitting at the desk. Edi had informed him Terra was asleep, but he'd expected her to have been in bed. She didn't look comfortable. He strode forward, prepared to move her. The bathroom door slid open as he passed in front of it, and as instinct ruled, he turned at the noise, doing a double-take at the sight of her wet clothes beneath the shower. It was a sign of how she was struggling with herself, that demon rearing its head. He turned back to her, his heart clenching as he saw her head roll back, her breathing fast, her jaw clenched, pain registering all over her face, her whole body incredibly tense, and her hands fisted so tightly he was sure that she would break the skin. She was reliving it, and he refused to let her suffer it anymore. He angled the chair carefully so he could crouch in front of her, and gently attempted to wake her up.

...

Terra was stuck in the nightmare again. She didn't want to be here. She was back in that chair, unable to move, Billy's manic face in hers, cutting… This time it was the knife he used, not the scalpel. She could feel her flesh parting, so deep she was sure he would slice through the bone and into her heart. This time she did scream, and it echoed in the dark place where she sat, along with Billy's delighted laughter. Then his hands were on her arms, and he was using her name. Suddenly her restraints disappeared and she was no longer vulnerable.

...

"Terra. Wake up," Kaidan kept his voice soft, his hands gently on her arms to show her he was there. Her eyes sprang open, her face hardening, and she struck out. The heel of her hand went hard into his torso, and he fell backwards, his head hitting the wall by the bathroom door. He gritted his teeth as the pain lanced through his skull, his vision awash with small bursting pinpricks of light. Terra had launched herself out of the chair towards him, grabbing his shirt in one hand as the other drew back to strike again, her face fierce, emanating a deadliness Kaidan never thought he'd be at the wrong end of. He did nothing to defend himself…

Terra suddenly frowned as she registered his face, finally seeing who he was. Her mouth fell open in horror as she realised what she'd done to him. She released him like she'd touched a live wire. "Kaidan! Oh my God!"

Kaidan got his feet under him, reaching out for her. "Terra, it wasn't your fault. I should never have woke you like that."

"I'm so sorry!" She backed away from him like she was afraid she might hurt him again. The desk prevented her retreat and she slid to the ground, her arms pulling her knees into her shaking body.

Ignoring his pounding head and aching chest, Kaidan crossed to sit beside her, and held her tightly.

She shivered against him. "I want the marks gone," she whispered.

"Then let's get you to the medbay." Kaidan helped her to her feet, his head spinning slightly, and they got into the lift. "This won't remove the scars in here," he told her, gently, caressing his hand over her head.

She nodded in acceptance. "I can't believe I hurt you."

"You weren't hurting _me_. You were hurting _him_."

"That's no consolation."

"I know. I did something similar to _you_ , remember?" He ran his hand over her shoulder, where she wore the scar of his gunshot.

"Huh… so now we're even?"

"Just balancing things out."

"I was quite happy to let you have one up on me," she said miserably, and he kissed her forehead in comfort.

The doors opened and they resumed their walk to the medbay.

.

Karin Chakwas was relieved to see Shepard walking in of her own volition. The Commander was long overdue for a full examination. She got up and began to get her programs up on her omnitool. "Ah, Commander. Good. I was hoping I wasn't going to have to drag you in here. Quite honestly, I was getting very worried after what I've been hearing. Take a bed and we'll get started."

Shepard didn't move from the doorway, and Chakwas lowered her arm, giving the young woman her full attention. Then she noticed Kaidan with her, both of them serious.

"Kaidan needs your attention first," declared Shepard.

"Terra, I can wait," protested Kaidan.

"No. I won't allow it," she stated. "The sooner you get treatment, the sooner the doctor can deal with me."

Kaidan sighed. "Terra Shepard, I will walk out of this medbay before I let you put yourself last."

Terra's forehead creased at his obstinacy. "I think Dr Chakwas should decide." She turned to Chakwas. "All I need is some scarring removed. I attacked Kaidan. Struck him in the chest, and he knocked his head."

Kaidan frowned. "Don't say it like that. Doc, she was having a nightmare and I startled her. She didn't mean to do it."

Chakwas had remained silent during the little disagreement they were having, thinking how perfect they were for each other. Then she indicated for Kaidan to sit. He gave a pained look at her decision, but from what she'd heard, a head injury took precedence over cosmetic work. She started her scans. "Any dizziness?"

His hesitation told her yes.

"Well, there's no permanent damage. You'll have an impressive bump, but a cold compress will be sufficient for that, and I'll give you something for the headache. If you have any further light-headedness, you let me know. As for your chest injury – you have two fractured ribs. Those I'll bind. You'll need to take it easy."

"Don't," Kaidan implored Shepard, who was standing behind Chakwas.

Karin looked over her shoulder to see Shepard with her hand over her mouth, a distressed look of guilt on her face. The poor girl didn't need this on top of everything else. Turning back to her patient, she helped him out of his shirt and started bracing his ribs. Once she had finished, Chakwas gestured for Shepard to take his place.

"I just want to get the damage removed."

Karin took in the pallid skin of Shepard's face. "Commander, I really think-" she began, sternly.

"Doctor, please. Just the scarring."

Karin's heart went out to the desperate soldier in front of her. It was clear she was suffering a psychological trauma. "Alright. But after…" She pulled over a machine, and Kaidan sealed the medbay, blacking out the windows.

Shepard sat on the edge of the bed, and removed her top. Karin was horrified as she saw the extent of the damage. In all her years as a doctor, she'd never seen anything like this. The thought of a human being doing something like this, and to _Shepard_ , was sickening. She would have to make a full report of this for Hackett. "Oh, Shepard-"

"Karin. Please don't," Terra beseeched her. Kaidan stood beside her and took her hand. "I just…" Her voice shook before she regained control of it again. "I just need it gone."

Chakwas rested her hand on Shepard's knee, then activated the machine. She removed the wand-like stick, which she held like a pen, that would deliver the precision laser that numbed the targeted area, even as it worked on the skin. "You may feel a tingling, but nothing more. Ready?"

Shepard gave a small nod.

"Lift your head slightly."

Shepard faltered, her breath hitching, and she paled even further to the degree that Karin was sure she would pass out. Even Kaidan quickly braced her with an arm around her back.

"Commander?"

Shepard swallowed. "Sorry, I…" She didn't finish, just slowly lifted her head, her chest rising and falling unevenly.

Karin exchanged a concerned look with Kaidan, but carried on, moving closer to her, though keeping a close eye on her.

The first time the laser hit her skin, Terra gave a shuddering gasp, gripping Kaidan's hand like a vice. Her reaction told Kaidan that in her head there was a part of her that was still sitting tied to a chair, being cut. He was dismayed to see tears fall down her cheeks. It was taking everything she had to deal with this. A part of him wished he hadn't killed Billy. That dark part of him wanted to be able to strap that bastard down and give him some of his own treatment.

Removing scars was a slow process as it gradually smoothed out the skin, and after three hours, Kaidan felt her gradually relax, no longer associating the attention at her chest with the horrid act that had come before.

Terra looked at him. "You should go get something to eat. You've missed a meal."

"So have you."

" _I'm_ not a biotic," she reminded him. "Go. I'll be fine, now." This time her smile was genuine, though she hadn't lost the guilt. "Besides, with both of us in here, you realise that leaves Joker in charge?"

"Hm. Good point. Frequent disruptions in his cockpit? He'll be agitated as hell. Okay. But call if you need me."

"Will do."

Despite her assurances, he was reluctant to leave. She was only half-way through the process. Chakwas gave him a nod to show Terra was in good hands with her, and he left the room.

Garrus and Tali were waiting in the Mess.

"Kaidan, we were getting really worried!" Tali rushed out.

"Edi, notified me there was a... disruption in your cabin," added Garrus.

"It was nothing. Sorry, I should have thought. Shepard's just getting the scarring removed, and she needed a little moral support. She'll be a while yet, though."

"Keelah, it's terrible what happened to her." Tali sighed sadly. "Well, I suppose I had better head back to Engineering, then. Tell Shepard, I'll talk to her later."

"There's more to it, though," pushed Garrus, once Tali had left.

Kaidan rubbed his hands over his face. The lack of food was catching up with him. "I need an energy boost. How about I fill you in as I eat?"

"I could do with a beverage," conceded Garrus, as he physically shook off his tension.

Kaidan headed over to the kitchen, Garrus following him.

" _Beverage_? Who says _beverage_?" Kaidan ribbed, as he began to fix himself a quick meal.

"Those of us who have a more refined vocabulary, obviously," retorted Garrus, with a mock superiority.

"I hadn't realised I was in such high-class company."

"Indeed. But of course, I'm open to other suggestions."

"Uh, let's see there's… brew, cuppa-"

"Cuppa? Isn't that that odd noise you humans make when you eat too fast? No, I think I'm going with 'liquid refreshment'."

"That's hiccup, by the way." Kaidan watched Garrus pour his thick dark liquid into a mug. "And I'm not sure 'liquid refreshment' would do what you're drinking justice."

Garrus took a sip, then put the mug down with disgust. "You're right. It's swill."

-x-

"All done."

"Thank God," Terra murmured.

Chakwas moved away, then came back with a small mirror, which she held in front of her to reflect Shepard's chest. However, Shepard didn't look. Instead, she fixed her eyes on Karin's. "Shepard. It's alright. You need to look." It felt far longer than it was, but eventually, slowly, Shepard dragged her eyes down to the mirror.

Terra breathed out in relief. It was as it was before. "Thank you, Karin."

"I was glad to do it for you, Commander. But this is just the start of your healing process. Talk it through. Get it out of your head and into the daylight. Then you can start moving past it. I have a feeling there's already someone waiting to listen, and he's probably right outside, even now," she smiled. "However, I am also here if you need me."

"I know." Terra hugged Karin Chakwas. Because she needed that maternal figure the doctor represented, and because she wondered who else the doctor had.

Karin welcomed the embrace. She had felt an attachment to Shepard from day one. At first it had been the fact that she was the daughter of her good friend, Steven Hackett. Not that either one of them knew she was aware of it. But there was a softening to that man's face whenever he spoke of Commander Shepard, and she'd been there the day Steven met Hannah Shepard. There was no disguising that kind of attraction. She saw it when Shepard and Kaidan looked at each other. The fact that eleven months later, she had helped deliver Terra Shepard, was to her, no coincidence. Since meeting her as an adult, she saw many of Steven's traits in Shepard, and found a friendship easily offered in the young soldier, that you had to work hard for in her father.

When Shepard pulled away, gratitude on her face, Karin took the opportunity to open her omnitool.

Shepard immediately started for the door.

"Commander," Chakwas intoned.

"Sorry, doctor, but this has kept me away from my duty far too long already. We'll be near to our destination soon, and I've neglected my crew, not to mention having a lot of data to catch up on."

Her exit wasn't without protest from Chakwas, but Terra just smiled sweetly back as she stepped through the door. She felt warmer now, the dirt gone, and she put her hand at that place on her chest with no hesitation. She was mending. Talk, Chakwas had said. That, she could do.

As Chakwas had predicted, Kaidan was sitting at the Mess table, alone and sipping his coffee as he looked over a datapad, so entrenched in his reading that he hadn't heard her exit. Terra grinned to herself, and snuck quietly up behind him, bending to his ear.

"Got you!" she said loudly.

He jumped, spilling his coffee over the table, much to Terra's delight. Then he fixed her with a severe look that she didn't buy for a second, and she laughed as she headed over to grab a cloth to clean up the mess she'd caused.

"Happy now?" He tried to frown, but her smile had the opposite effect on him. This was his Terra. And she was fighting back.

"Absolutely. I have just accomplished one of my main goals in life," she grinned, as she cleared the table.

"Really? Pleased to be of assistance. Of course, you uh, cheated."

Terra gasped as though offended. "I did not!"

"I had the strong smell of coffee right under my nose." Kaidan removed the cloth from her hand and took it back to the kitchen along with his, now empty, mug. "We both know that if I hadn't, I'd have known you were there."

"That's not cheating. That's opportunity. All's fair in love and war."

"Sure. Whoever thought up _that_ little saying, never loved _you, or_ met the Reapers."

Terra shook her head in amusement.

Kaidan grabbed the datapad that he'd retrieved from the cabin's floor a couple of hours ago, at the same time as he'd dealt with her discarded clothes before returning to his vigil outside the Mess. Now, they began to head out of the Mess together. When they got outside the elevator, he caught her hand. "You look much better."

"I feel it. Not that I think it's some miracle cure, but it helped."

"Good."

They stepped inside the lift and Terra suddenly stuck out her hand to stop the door closing. She went over to the memorial wall.

"Terra?"

She reached up and ran her fingers over the name-plate bearing Thane's name, then spotted Mordin's, and Legion's. Someone had placed their names here.

"I just thought they should be there," said Kaidan, gently, as he moved up behind her.

She swung to him, the emotion filling her eyes. " _You_ did this?"

He nodded. "They may not have been Alliance, but they were your crew regardless, and the Normandy has never carried a solely human crew while you've been in command. They earned the right to be remembered as a part of this ship. As a part of your family."

"Yes they did. Thank you, Kaidan," she murmured, wondering if she could ever be worthy of this man.

"Let's hope there's no more."

"Amen to that."

They entered the lift, and Terra turned into him, kissing him soundly. "I'm so lucky to have you."

"It's true," he said with mock seriousness, making her smile. "So, the doc gave you the all-clear?"

She stared back at him a little too long. "Uh huh." Her eyes dropped at the fib.

Kaidan, of course, caught it. "Terra…" he said in a tone fit for a child who was about to do something naughty.

"What?" she asked innocently.

"You didn't stick around, did you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I went to get those scars removed and they're gone. Job done." Then she stepped back from him and looked at the datapad in his hand. "Is that the data from Bryson's lab?"

"Yes. And don't change the subject."

The lift arrived and she entered the cabin, looking around like it was her first time up here. "You know this is much better. The fish look great." She then looked at the display cabinet, with a little shake of her head. "Boys, and their toys."

Kaidan stood in the middle of the upper level and sighed. She grinned back at him, victorious, and relieved him of the datapad.

"Well, let's get to it, Major. Can't stand around all day."

He decided that some battles were worth fighting… and some were not. Without a word, he joined her on the sofa, ran through what he'd already discovered, and they read and discussed the remaining data, together.

After that, Terra settled back against Kaidan, and he listened as she began to exorcise her demon.

**-x-**


	71. Oblivion and Lost Time

Mahavid. Bryson's researcher, Garneau was supposed to be on this asteroid, which was home to a small mining facility. Unfortunately, the Reapers seemed to know Garneau was here, too.

James made the killing shot to the last Brute as it had tried to beat through the facility's main door. "Man, they really wanted in."

"That's got to be a good sign," Garrus observed.

"It is?"

"It means that the Reapers see this place as a threat," provided Liara. "We are on the right track."

"They certainly want Leviathan," Tali thought out loud.

"I am intrigued to know just what this Leviathan is," Javik admitted.

Shepard addressed her team just in front of the facility doors. "Okay. Remember these are civilians. With the Reaper attack they're going to be scared, so do your best to appear unthreatening. They don't need any more upset."

"Javik," James pointed.

The prothean glared back at him. "Some of us do not _pretend_ to be a threat, we simply are. I am sure that _you_ , however, will have no trouble with such a pretence."

"Ahh, that's cruel, buddy!" laughed James.

"If you use that term again, I will show you cruel," warned Javik.

"Easy there! I think someone woke up in the wrong cycle!" joked James.

"James."

"Yes, Commander?"

"Zip it."

James immediately looked down to his crotch, then remembered he was wearing armour and finally got what she meant as Garrus chuckled beside him. "Oh… right." He nudged Garrus with his elbow, then drew his fingers across his mouth. "Zipping it, Commander."

What they found when they entered the facility, was far from the terrified workers they were expecting. It appeared to be business as usual. People walked about, some stood in groups talking. The whole atmosphere was calm…and wrong. The team looked at each other in confusion.

"Maybe they weren't aware...?" Tali suggested, sceptically.

"Garrus. Liara. See what you can find out from the people here. We'll check in at the reception desk," said Shepard. "The rest of you have a look around."

Shepard and Kaidan approached the two men manning the reception area.

"I'm Commander Shepard and this is Major Alenko. We're with the Alliance."

The two men didn't even look up.

"Hello?" she said, with a little irritation, but neither of them acknowledged her.

Kaidan stepped forward and pressed the assistance button, thinking that maybe it would bring a supervisor or something. Instead, the two men raised their heads.

"Yes. Welcome to T-GES Mineral Works. How can we help you?" said the first man.

The second man now spoke. "Yes. For the tour, please sign in."

Shepard recognised the same monotone of their voices that Hadley exhibited before he collapsed. She glanced at an equally uneasy Kaidan.

"You just had Reaper troops attacking your front door," prompted Kaidan.

"Are they still there?" asked one man.

"We've taken care of them for now," Kaidan replied to the worker.

"I see. That will be all."

"That will be…?" Shepard frowned. They were being dismissed? She stared back at the two men who seemed to have gone back to doing whatever they were involved in before her interruption. Shepard needed information and she leaned over the desk, getting in their line of sight. "We're looking for a researcher named Dr Garneau. He would have arrived within the last couple of weeks. If he's still here, I need to speak with him," insisted Shepard, firmly.

"We have no Dr Garneau," the first replied.

"Do you need to see a doctor?" asked the second.

Terra felt the frustration seep in. The war could well depend on finding Garneau. "How about we just go in and look around?"

"No. The access elevator is broken." The first man maintained his steady gaze. "And now, we're done. Step away."

"Step away," repeated the other. "You do not belong here."

Shepard faltered as the two men once again phased her out.

Kaidan rested his hand on her shoulder. "We won't get anywhere here. Come on."

Turning to him, Shepard took a calming breath and nodded. They moved away and gestured for the others to gather. "Get anything useful?" Shepard asked Garrus and Liara.

Garrus shook his head. "Just a whole lot of 'you don't belong here's."

"Same here," added Liara. "Something is very wrong with these people."

Kaidan indicated to the two men they'd just spoken with. "According to these guys, Garneau never came here, but I don't think we can rely on anything they say."

"I'm not leaving until we've searched every inch of this place," stated Shepard. "Let's see if we can get that elevator fixed."

"Oh, that should be easy," said Tali. "There's a repair drone just over there. I'll initiate it now."

"Then why the hell didn't they fix it?" wondered James.

"These people are clearly not in their right minds," observed Javik. "Even compared to your strange alien behaviours, theirs is odd. Unnatural."

"Right," agreed Garrus, then he hesitated. "Wait a minute – _our_ strange behaviours? And I don't think _we_ should be called the aliens here," he debated.

"The prothean people were here first," declared Javik.

Garrus opened his mouth to argue, then deflated. "Damn it. He's right."

Liara had called up the elevator logs as the drone worked. "Shepard, they lied. Garneau was here within the last seven days."

The elevator powered up and Shepard stepped wordlessly through onto the platform. Nothing was going to stop her finding Garneau.

-x-

All the living areas and labs were on one level, and the workers here greeted them with the same monotone and phrases. Shepard had sent her team out in different directions looking for any sign of Garneau.

"Turn back. You shouldn't be here."

Kaidan ignored the worker as he made his way over to Shepard and Edi. "This all sounding familiar to you?"

"Is that a rhetorical question, or a sincere one?" asked Edi.

"Uh…rhetorical, Edi, thanks."

"Well, they're certainly not mining," added Tali, as she joined them with Liara close behind.

Garrus approached them with purpose. "Shepard, got something." He offered her a datapad and she played the recording on it.

" _Attention: comm system is offline. This message was not sent,_ " advised the VI.

" _Bryson, it's Garneau. I've had to go into hiding and I need you to come get me. I've found another one of those artifacts here. They're more important than we realised. It's in the mines. I'll send the navpoint. That's where I'll be. If something happens… I'm attaching a passcode that I hacked together. It'll open any security terminal. Bryson, something is very wrong here. Please hurry. Garneau out._ "

"So he's still here," Shepard murmured.

Edi had already made use of the passcode and was accessing a terminal. "Shepard, this terminal states that there was an altercation with an unknown human down in the mines."

"Too much of a coincidence for it not to be Garneau," muttered Garrus.

"According to these records, he was taken to the medbay," continued Edi.

"That is just up ahead," Liara informed them. "I thought it was strange that it was sealed."

"Won't be for much longer," Shepard stated intently, and she began to follow Liara to the medbay.

"Seems we need to keep a close eye on these people," muttered Garrus as he met the vacant stares of those they passed. "They're not necessarily as docile as they appear."

"Let's hope Garneau's in a condition to leave," frowned Kaidan.

Shepard nodded. "We need to get him out of here."

-x-

The medbay was a collection of individual rooms, and they peered through the window into one, looking at the body lying on the bed in an unresponsive state.

"Tell me that's not Garneau," entreated Shepard.

"If you are looking for Garneau, you have found him," said a voice from behind them. They spun to see a figure at the window of another room, though it was dark inside. " _I_ am Dr Garneau."

Shepard felt relief. "Commander Shepard, Alliance. Are you alright?"

"Yes, but I'm trapped in here."

Edi and Tali went over to try to access the door to his room.

"What's going on here?" Shepard inquired.

"I was doing my research – until the incident."

"They attacked you?" asked Kaidan.

"Yes, but other than my confinement, I'm fine."

"Bryson's research led us to you," Shepard continued.

"Bryson sent you?"

"He's dead, doctor. Killed by his assistant."

"I see."

"I need you to tell me everything you know about this Leviathan."

"Bryson seemed to think it killed a Reaper," added Kaidan.

"It's a myth. A dead end," Garneau said bluntly.

"What about the artifact you mentioned in your message?" Garrus questioned.

"I did? No," Garneau denied.

"Yes, Doctor, you did," frowned Shepard. "But now we've got Reaper forces attacking and we need to break you out, grab the artifact, and go."

"Reapers. The darkness cannot be breached."

"Oh no," Kaidan exhaled.

Shepard felt the same sinking feeling as Kaidan, but Garneau had still been more compliant than the others here. "The darkness?" she pressed.

Garneau suddenly slammed his hands hard against the window, his voice unnatural for a human, but not like the others – deep, strong, fierce. "Why do you pursue me? Leave the artifact. You will not take what is mine."

"Leviathan," realised Shepard, understanding who was coming through Garneau. "You killed a Reaper. I need your help."

"You bring only death."

The windows shattered outwards, showering them with glass as an ear-splitting sound stunned them and had them doubled over in pain. Garneau jumped out, and ran.

Shepard and Kaidan recovered quickly, ignoring the splinters of glass embedded in the skin on their faces, and leading the pursuit. But progress was made difficult as doors locked behind Garneau, slowing them down.

"He has to be heading for those mines!" said Kaidan.

"Edi! Got that navpoint?" asked Shepard.

"Putting it to your omnitools, now."

Shepard quickly looked over the facility layout. "There's another way around. Helmets on. We're going outside." And she ran over to the exit ladder that would take them up to the surface.

-x-

The squad fought through the Reaper forces to the mine and Edi began hacking the door.

"Shepard, I am also reading husks _inside_ the mine."

"Damn it."

Edi finished with the door, but just as they made to enter, more Reaper troops hit the ground a short distance away.

"You two carry on!" shouted Garrus. "We'll hold them back!"

Shepard and Kaidan didn't hesitate. Up ahead, they could see Garneau pressed back into the artifact right behind him, like he was trying to protect it from the husks.

"Shepard, that looks just like the artifact in Bryson's office!"

"The darkness cannot be breached," Garneau said when he saw their approach.

The two of them took out most of the husks as they ran forward, but one was almost on top of Garneau. This shot would take precision if Shepard wasn't to hit Garneau. She took aim, and the man focused on her.

"Turn back."

Garneau raised his hand and she saw the bomb trigger he held.

"Garneau!" Shepard yelled.

He hit the button and Kaidan threw up a barrier to protect them from the blast.

"God damn it!" shouted Shepard. That couldn't be it….

Kaidan dropped his barrier, and Shepard went closer to where Garneau and the artifact had once been. Disheartened didn't even begin to describe how they both felt at that moment. Then Kaidan noticed the body that lay to the side of him, shielded from the explosion by his barrier. He turned the body onto its back and freed the datapad gripped in the dead man's hand. As he read, hope returned. "Shepard. That wasn't Garneau. _This_ is. And from the looks of him, he's been dead a few days. He never survived that attack."

Shepard returned to Kaidan, and they looked up as the inner airlock door opened, the rest of the squad entering.

"That was really odd," mused Garrus as he approached them. "The Reapers just upped and left."

"Who's this?" James asked, as he peered down at the body Kaidan was standing over.

"Garneau," Kaidan said, distracted as he searched through the datapad.

"Um... He have a face lift or something?"

"The real Garneau," clarified Shepard.

"Oh." James looked confused.

"The other one just blew himself up, taking the artifact with him. The same object we found in Bryson's lab."

"Shit. So this Leviathan can have that doctor, what’s-his-name… Bryson, killed, as well as taking over a colony to use them as puppets? Dios. That's a little freaky." James looked about him, cautiously.

"Anyone else being reminded of Feros?" Garrus voiced.

"You telling me you guys have seen this shit before?" exclaimed James.

"Could this be another thorian?" asked Tali, ignoring James.

"Maybe, but why the artifact?" wondered Shepard. "There was nothing like that on Feros, and how could it have affected Hadley on the Citadel?"

"If it is a thorian, there will be spores," said Liara. "Dr Chakwas will be able to check James and Javik for those."

"Uh... Why just us two?" asked a worried James.

"We already have them from Feros. Except for Tali, of course."

James looked decidedly unhappy. "And you're all normal… right?"

"You tell us, Vega," Garrus replied, wryly.

"Oh man…"

Kaidan finished with the pad. "The data on here's encrypted. Edi will have to crack that, but there's eight missed calls from a Dr Ann Bryson."

" _Ann_ Bryson?" Shepard checked.

Kaidan nodded. "Bailey mentioned to me he'd found something in Bryson's lab that suggested the doctor had a daughter. He was going to try to locate her so he could notify her of her father's death."

An internal door opened and some of the facility's people emerged, looking at them in confusion.

"Who… Who are you? What are you doing here?" asked a woman, her voice normal.

"I'm Commander Shepard. How do you feel?"

"I feel like… I feel strange… but okay."

"Can you tell us anything about what happened to you?" Kaidan asked.

"Not really. I just remember feeling cold. Cold and dark."

A man behind her nodded. "If dark was a feeling, that's exactly what I felt."

"Do you recognise this man?" Garrus pointed at the body of Garneau.

"I've never seen him before in my life," responded the woman, and the others also shook their heads.

"Someone here killed him."

"Someone here!?" exclaimed an asari.

"Do you know about the artifact?" Shepard asked.

"The orb. It came out of the mine," replied a human male.

"Right… Head office were supposed to send someone," confirmed the woman.

Garrus addressed Shepard. "You know, it seems to me the Reapers left as soon as it was destroyed."

"Reapers? What's a Reaper?" asked an asari.

Shepard hesitated. Hadley had been completely unaware of when he was under control… "What year do you think this is?"

"2176," replied the human woman, with confusion.

" _Seventy-_ six? That was ten years ago," informed Kaidan, a little shocked.

"What!?"

There was a mixture of gasping and verbal disbelief from the small group of people. Shepard moved her team away from the stunned miners, to give them some space to absorb what had been said.

"There is definitely a connection between the artifact and their control," observed Liara. "It is the only explanation as to why they are themselves again now that the artifact is destroyed."

Shepard nodded slowly, troubled by the situation these people had found themselves in, but there was little more she could do for them. "Let's arrange for these people to be evacuated into temporary quarantine."

"Can we get the hell out of here, now?" griped James.

"Wish granted, Lieutenant."

-x-

Terra had just watched the ship they'd rendezvoused with depart, taking the miners with them. Now, she just stood staring out of the observation window at the stars. Behind her, the door opened and she caught Kaidan's reflection. She waited until he was right beside her before turning to him.

"I didn't think you'd be dropping by the medbay any time soon, so I brought the medbay to you. Unless you have any objections, _I_ will be attending to you this evening."

Terra looked down at the tweezers, cloth and medigel he held in his hands. "Hm, I think your idea of 'attending' to me is very different to the one I'm imagining right now."

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure..." Kaidan gave her a smouldering look. "But that will have to come later. For now, I need to remove the glass."

"Glass?"

"From the exploding window...? I can't believe you can't feel that. You've got some impressive cuts there. You're really distracted, aren't you?" He made her sit, and positioned himself beside her, cloth laid out on one knee.

She sighed. "I can't believe that those people have lost ten years."

Kaidan moved closer to her, his voice soft as he began to carefully remove the small shards of glass with the tweezers, depositing them onto the cloth ready for disposal. "That's a lot of time to lose," he agreed. "Let's make sure that we never let time just slip by us, okay?" Terra met his eyes in that way she had that made him feel like she could see into his soul and loved what she saw. Then she reached out her hand to run her fingers down his lips. He would never get enough of her doing that. Her hand came to rest on his chest and stayed there as he continued his ministrations.

"It was hard enough losing _two_ years," she confided. "Their families will have been wondering what had happened to them, all this time. Some of those workers will have children who've grown up without them…"

Kaidan scanned her face for anything he'd missed. Satisfied that he'd removed all the glass, he began to apply the medigel. "Those people are in for a shock, that's for sure. Feels good to help them get their lives back, though. They'll get through it. There'll be heartache, but a lot of happiness, too. Trust me, I know."

Terra leant in and kissed him. Then the door to the observation room opened again, they parted, and it was back to business.

Liara entered. "Dr Chakwas just confirmed that there are no spores in James or Javik."

"So Leviathan can kill a Reaper and indoctrinate people..." Kaidan said in thought. "Could it _be_ a Reaper?" he wondered.

"It's plausible. Look at Legion and the geth heretics. Proof that AI's can take different paths," replied Shepard.

"Then what is it up to?"

"Trying to survive maybe?" suggested Liara. "It clearly wants to remain hidden."

"Edi, did you manage to get anything from Garneau's notes?" asked Shepard.

" _Yes. They suggest that Garneau created a way to block the artifacts mind-affecting properties – in theory at least. He never actually got to test it. However, his hypothesis is sound. I believe it would work. Given the discovery of these objects where Leviathan has been tracked, the artifacts seem to be the key_."

"One thing's certain: those objects are powerful and dangerous." Kaidan looked at them, his face serious. "And we've got one sitting right in the middle of the Citadel."

-x-

Bailey entered Bryson's lab with Kolyat. He'd hoped he wouldn't have to come back here. It was full of weird stuff that he'd rather remain ignorant about, and that mounted (but very much alive) severed husk head was just a sign of a deranged mind as far as he was concerned. "Okay, we need to shield this artifact right away. You can make sense of that data Shepard sent over, right?"

"I believe so. The AI simplified it," Kolyat added, a little cheekily.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it: I'm old and can barely turn on my omnitool. Just hurry it up. Thing creeps me out."

"It's a ball."

"You didn't see what it did to the doctor's assistant."

Kolyat typed away. "Got it." He activated a shield around the orb.

"Thank heavens for that," Bailey breathed out. He eyed the artifact like it was a ticking bomb. "Damn thing's been here all this time…" The lab's comm-line chimed, making him jump, and Bailey pointedly ignored Kolyat's huff of amusement as he answered it. Shepard's image came up on Bryson's screen. "Shepard. It's done. But I'm wondering why we weren't affected."

" _If it's anything like the Reaper indoctrination, it takes a certain amount of time to take hold_."

"Okay… that's slightly comforting. The 'if' ruined it."

" _Sorry. It's the best I can offer. We just don't know what we're dealing with yet_."

"Shouldn't we just destroy it?"

" _It could be our only link to finding Leviathan_."

"Gotcha."

" _But if I believed for a second it was an immediate threat to anyone there, I'd blow it up myself_. _Any luck locating Ann Bryson_?"

"All I know so far is that she's not on the Citadel."

" _Given her liaison with Garneau, it suggests she's involved in her father's work. She could well be searching for Leviathan herself. For that reason, I need her found_."

"I have a feeling I'm gonna be scouring this place for clues to her location?"

" _Bailey, you read my mind. It would save us a lot of time if we don't have to head back to the Citadel._ "

"Sure. Had to be done anyway, I suppose."

" _Any update on Bryson's assistant, Hadley_?"

"He's in a vegetative state. The docs think it's permanent."

" _Damn_."

"Yeah. Anyway, I'll be in touch as soon as I have something. Bailey out." He turned to Kolyat. "Let's get searching."

x

"The miners recovered once the artifact was destroyed…" pondered Kaidan, leaning forward on the round console of the War room, looking at the image of the Crucible displayed in its centre.

Shepard had her back to the image, her rear resting against the same console, arms crossed. "Except that the miners knew nothing of Leviathan before they were controlled."

"Right. They were no threat. But Hadley _did_ know. And Leviathan silenced him."

"For good."

Kaidan looked at her. "I don't know, Terra. How the hell are we supposed to convince this thing to help us when it's gone to such lengths to keep itself hidden?"

"One step at a time. And I can be very persuasive." She moved so her whole body was facing him, leaning on her hip.

"Huh, that you can. Scares the hell out of me. Much like everything you do."

Terra mouth tugged at one corner. "What's the matter, Major? Thought you could handle the heat?" She ran her fingers through the grey flecks at his temples.

He turned to her, stepping into her space. "Oh, I can handle it. Or rather, _you_. Bring on the grey."

Terra laughed into his chest. When she brought her head up she was tantalising close to his mouth... They were interrupted by an incoming call, and the sight of Bailey less than ten minutes after she'd called him, surprised them both. "Bailey! That was quick!" Shepard blurted out, as she stared back at him on the holo.

" _My title isn't just for show, Shepard. I earned it. You know…_ **detecting** _,"_ retorted Bailey.

She fought back the laugh at his scowl. "Consider me suitably chastened."

" _So you should be_."

" _Actually, we hit a lucky break_ ," interrupted Kolyat, entering the picture. " _Ann Bryson sent a communication to her father since his death. She stated she was at a dig-site in the Pylos Nebula_ -"

" _Which_ _we still had to narrow down. That's the detecting_ _part_ ," emphasised Bailey. _"We got it down to the Zaherin system. And we know from the equipment she took that the planet's arid but habitable. That left us with Namakli. We cross-referenced it with Bryson's staff records, and confirmed that Ann Bryson is project-lead there_."

"That's great work. We'll head straight there. Thank you."

" _Shepard_ ," Kolyat said quickly. " _You should know that Ann Bryson also uncovered another artifact, and she stated in her communication that Reaper forces were attacking there as we speak_."

Terra's heart kicked up at that. They couldn't lose Ann Bryson. "Then they're ahead of us. We need to pick up the pace."

" _Is it wise to pursue this, Shepard_?" Kolyat added quickly.

"Ann Bryson is our only lead. We have to. Leviathan could turn the tide in this war."

" _Of course, Shepard_."

"We'll be back, Kolyat."

He nodded reluctantly, and Terra watched Bailey clap him on the back in support.

" _See you soon, Shepard. Major_. _Take care out there._ " Bailey then signed off.

Terra lingered on the worry Kolyat had exhibited. "Do you think Kolyat will be okay?"

"He's still feeling the loss of his father. You were close to Thane, and you're probably the first caring female influence in his life since his mother died. I imagine he's just trying to hold on to you. Protect you."

"I never considered…" She gave a small gasp. "Kaidan, his mother was _murdered_! Seeing me like that… at the hands of Billy - I've let him down! I should have taken the time to talk to him! Reassure him." She began to pace with agitation.

Kaidan placed himself in front of her, his hands on her arms. "Hey, you _did_ that, practically five _seconds_ after Billy had tortured you, so don't you dare start feeling guilty! You have enough on your plate, and Kolyat's not alone. You know Bailey's keeping an eye on him. He'll be fine." He felt her release the tension in her body.

"Right. Sorry."

"Sorry? Don't ever apologise for being you, Terra Shepard."

Terra had to smile. "Charmer." She placed her hands on either side of his face to pull him in for a long kiss, then drew reluctantly away. "We'd better go prep for the mission," she sighed.

"And the magic's gone," Kaidan drawled.

"Make it up to you later..." she teased.

Kaidan raised one brow. "Now that's motivation!"

She grinned seductively back at him.

**-x-**


	72. Fathers and Reaching Out

They'd bailed out of the shuttle in the middle of a hot-zone, Cortez pursued by two Harvesters. The dig-site was a mess, but they'd fought their way through the Reaper troops while traversing the deteriorating platforms and buildings. They'd split into two teams to search for a way up to Ann Bryson, who was holed up in a building at the top of the site. Eventually, Shepard had reached their target, and Kaidan's team concentrated on keeping the Reaper force back.

Kaidan turned to his squad. "Okay, Shepard's got Ann Bryson. Let's concentrate on clearing the way for them. Cortez, how are you doing? Can you do a pickup?"

" _Affirmative. I'm good to go. There's a small platform just ahead of your position. I'll meet you there_."

"Copy that."

A harvester flew directly over them, taking roost precisely where they were headed.

" _Major-_ "

"I see it. Stand by while we get rid of it."

" _Copy that._ "

They got into position and began to fight the myriad of Reaper mutations and the much larger Harvester.

"Alenko, check out your right," called out Garrus.

Kaidan looked over to see several Marauders encircling the artifact that Ann Bryson's team must have recovered here. Another orb. They seemed to be attempting to interact with it somehow, and he had no idea what that meant. Could they find Leviathan with it...? He returned his attention to the battle in front of him, and clicked on his comm.

"Shepard, how are you doing?"

…

Shepard could hear them fighting up ahead of her, the head of the Harvester an indication of what Kaidan and his team were facing. "Coming up on your position now." She moved forward, keeping Ann Bryson close.

"Shepard," called Liara, who was staring at a painting on the rock face.

Shepard almost rolled her eyes at her friend's distraction with the old drawing, but then she found herself staring at it. Something that looked like a Reaper but somehow different, was looming over the people who bowed before it. "Is that Leviathan?"

Ann Bryson nodded. "Yes. We think so. It's old. Much older than my father thought. And there, as if the natives are under its power. Clearly a Reaper, but acting alone. Not like any Reaper we've seen before."

"And you found an artifact here?"

"Yes. It's incredible. It's just ahead. It may sound strange but I'm pretty sure it affects people – their behaviour. I've only had a short time to study it."

"Not strange at all."

"Yeah," huffed James. "You wouldn't believe some of the weird shit we've seen lately."

Shepard pressed forward again. "Did you discover anything?" she asked Ann, as they came to the area where the fight was.

"Not much, but I did learn something about the energy it generates."

An explosion landed directly in front of them, and right behind Kaidan's squad.

"Get down!" Shepard shouted at Ann, who quickly cowered behind a rock. Her own team came up beside her and they made short work of the Reaper troops before they became a problem for the others.

"What are they doing?" Ann questioned.

Shepard followed her gaze to the artifact. Three of the turian mutations surrounded the orb which glowed brightly as one of them interacted with it. The energy from the orb suspended the creature in mid-air, and it reminded Shepard of the way the prothean beacons worked. She wondered if the Reapers were able to read something from it…

"They've activated it somehow. I never managed anythi-" Ann suddenly stopped speaking, and seemingly in a trance, she walked calmly out of cover to stare at the artifact.

"Doctor?"

"They've learned too well. The darkness cannot be breached."

Shepard went cold. Leviathan had Ann Bryson. She grabbed the woman's arms, trying to hold her back from proceeding any further. She remembered Hadley's fate. Would Leviathan do the same to Ann? She couldn't risk it. "James! Take it out!"

"Got it!" James concentrated his fire on the orb, and it shattered in a shower of energy that took out the surrounding enemy.

The moment the artifact had been destroyed, Ann came back to herself, looking drained.

"You okay?"

The doctor could only nod.

A larger explosion ahead signalled the end of the Harvester.

Shepard pressed her comm. "Kaidan, we're joining you now."

…

Kaidan peered over his shoulder to see Shepard and her squad escorting Ann Bryson down to their position. "Understood. We'll drive forward. Cortez, landing zone's clear. Bring it in."

" _Copy that, Major._ "

He led his team forward. They were dealing with husks, cannibals and marauders, and it was only the sheer number of the enemy that created a challenge. Individually, these creatures were not a problem for a well-trained team like theirs.

" _Shuttle ready for evac._ "

It hovered at the end of the far platform.

"Everybody, let's go! Once at the shuttle, provide covering fire for Shepard!"

They did just that. Liara came up first with Ann Bryson, providing a barrier around the doctor to protect her from the gunfire. Once Ann was secured, Shepard signalled her team to follow, bringing up the rear. Garrus shouted out to Cortez, and they were away.

Ann Bryson almost fell into a seat.

"You okay?" checked Shepard.

"Yes, Commander. I think so. I blacked out."

"Leviathan took control of you. We cut the connection before you got hurt."

Kaidan frowned at that information, though it explained why Terra had destroyed it.

"Leviathan itself?" said a surprised Ann. "That's incredible!"

"Not what _I'd_ chose to call it," murmured James under his breath.

"The Reapers were definitely interested in it," Tali commented.

"Yes, it certainly seems that way," Ann agreed.

"We were hoping you could help us figure out why, doctor. You're our only chance to find this thing," Kaidan said.

Terra chewed her bottom lip. She had to break the bad news about Ann's father, but she'd wait until they were back on the Normandy so she could take her somewhere private for such an awful moment.

"Please, call me Ann," the doctor said, distractedly, her mind working through something. "Suppose that Leviathan has broken away from the other Reapers; never went back to dark space. Like a rogue, or even a defector. I have to call my father. He'll want to know. I take it he sent you?"

The whole shuttle was deathly silent. Shepard swore in her head. She couldn't put it off. Crouching in front of Ann, she delivered it with a soft, gentle voice. "Ann… Your father's dead. I'm sorry."

Ann's face went pale with shock. "He's… what? Dead? He can't be dead."

Kaidan wasn't about to leave Terra to deal with it on her own. "We met with him hoping to find out what he knew. Something happened."

Shepard carried on. "You're not the first to lose control. Your father's assistant… One minute he was fine, the next... He drew a gun on your father. We couldn't stop him."

Ann was staring but not seeing. "I can't believe this…" she whispered. "I- I want to see his office."

"Of course. We'll head back to the Citadel straight away."

The rest of the journey back to the ship was in uncomfortable silence.

-x-

Dinner was a muted affair out of respect to Ann. She had declined to join them, choosing to stay in the Observation room. Gradually the others drifted away from the table, leaving just Terra and Kaidan sitting side by side.

"Do you think she's okay? Obviously not okay but… I don't know. I just know how I'd feel if I lost _my_ father." Shepard then inhaled sharply, her hand resting on top of Kaidan's at her thoughtless comment. "Kaidan. We never really talked about _you_ , did we?"

Kaidan sandwiched her hand in his two, the ring he'd given her standing defiantly on her finger. "Nothing really to say. I guess I feel in a kind of limbo. It's like you said before – until he's found, one way or another, MIA is just that: missing. Not dead. Not safe. Limbo. I'm not mourning, but I don't dare hope, either, you know? It's kind of a strange place to be when I think about my own father."

Terra understood that. She'd been through the same when her mother was missing. "I know," she whispered back.

Kaidan knew she understood him perfectly. There wasn't much that Terra hadn't been through. He also knew that she'd worry about Ann until she'd spoken to her, and that the young doctor could probably do with the comfort that Terra would doubtless offer. "Maybe you should check on her," he suggested.

Terra didn't need another nudge, and she got up, running her hand along the width of his shoulders as she passed behind him, stopping at the kitchen to arrange a plate of food for Ann before she went to the Observation room.

Kaidan sat there, still feeling her touch. He enjoyed those little snatches of contact when no one was looking. Despite all the time they'd spent together on shore-leave, they still felt the need to grab every second they could. Of course, everyone knew, but while on duty they tried to maintain that professionalism. It was getting harder...

-x-

"Admiral, we have Commander Shepard requesting to speak with you in private."

Hackett instantly pulled himself away from the datapad he was studying with the latest updates from Earth. "Thank you. Clear the room, please."

"Aye, aye, Sir."

As soon as the doors closed, Hackett brought up her image. "Terra? Everything all right?"

She nodded, a rush of emotion flooding her eyes. " _I just… needed to see you. Talk to you._ "

Hackett had an idea of why, and it warmed him with memories of her as a young girl, so full of doubts and fear, that she needed him to chase them away. "How is Dr Bryson taking her father's death?"

" _Well, considering. She just has a lot of regret over the last time she talked to him. They had an argument. She told me all the things she loved about him, but that she felt like an inconvenience as a child. Something she had grown to resent him for_."

"I hope you've never felt like that," he frowned.

" _Never_ ," she smiled.

"That's probably a small miracle given the cloak and dagger childhood you had."

" _It's a matter of feeling loved. And I always felt that from you_."

"Good. Then I've done something right for you." It was a sentence that he should have kept in his head, and he saw Terra's forehead crease at the glimpse of his hidden feelings.

" _Dad_ -"

"Sorry," he interrupted, then realised that he would have to explain himself. "It's just that… if I could turn back time, I would have been there, as a proper father. I missed all those first moments in your life. First step, first word… Always hearing about it a few moments later, but… not being there to witness it. I wasn't even there for your birth. It was nearly three weeks before I could get time off to come see you, and even then it was in some out of the way place so no one would see us. That, I am very ashamed of. You've always made me so proud, and instead of being able to shout it out to the galaxy, I kept quiet. I was a coward back then. Hell, maybe I still am. You deserved better, and so did your mother."

" _Dad, don't do that. As families go, we might not be conventional, but we work_."

"We made our choice, and we live with the consequences. It was a sacrifice. I know now, it was the wrong one. I'd already proven my mettle when you were conceived. The Alliance wouldn't have thrown that away for a fraternisation charge. At most, they'd have busted me down to Serviceman. To have that time I missed with you…would have been worth it."

" _I hate that you have regrets._ "

"Re-evaluating what's important, that's all. Better to recognise it now, then to be in Ann Bryson's place."

" _A chance to remedy things? Um, you're not about to give me a sibling, are you?_ " she squinted at him, with a feigned caution.

Hackett chuckled. "Good Lord, no! I definitely wouldn't survive another one like you!"

" _Phew!_ " she teased. " _I guess I've always been causing trouble right from the start_ ," said Terra, lightly.

"And as always, it's not your fault."

" _Except when it comes to the bad guys_."

"Naturally. To them, you're a thorn in their side. Probably why we have so many Cerberus defectors come to us, cap-in-hand. You'd have to be a fool to mess with Commander Shepard."

" _And her dad_."

"Damn straight. We make a hell of a team."

" _Yeah, we do,_ " she grinned back. _"Okay. I think I'm over my emotional crisis. How about you?_ "

"Always good to talk about it."

" _Certainly is. I've been doing a lot of that myself recently. Talking."_

 _"_ About recent events on the Citadel?"

_"Yes. Turns out I have a lot of insecurities about my resurrection, and post-traumatic stress thanks to a psychopath. Are you sure you still want me in command?"_

_"_ I have a strong suspicion that it's Kaidan you're sharing this with, and if he thought there was anything to worry about, he'd be straight on the line to me, because he cares about you. You're strong. Stronger than anyone I know, and if you're talking about it, then you're dealing with it. So I know we've still got the best at the helm of this fight _._ "

 _"Okay. You know, you should talk to mom. Maybe she feels the same about the past as you do. Maybe she needs to get it out of her head, as well._ "

Hackett hadn't even considered that. Perhaps he'd do that.

Terra sighed. _"Seeing Ann going through that loss just hit home how hard it would be to lose you_."

"Well, I'm right here, and I'll still be here the next time you need me. Count on it." It was a promise Hackett was determined to keep. No matter that she had a partner in Kaidan, she was still his little girl, and she still needed him.

" _I love you, dad_."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

" _Terra, out_."

Hackett closed the line. He loved these calls. Treasured every second of them. But the seconds after were the hardest. The silence and loneliness always felt like they would drown him. He nearly called Hannah, right then, but he'd taken enough time out. His responsibility was too great to wallow further in his personal issues. There would be time later.

Calling back his people, Hackett resumed the proud stance of an Admiral.

-x-

-x-

Ann stood in one place, her body tense as she looked around her father's lab. Her face was one of extreme sadness.

Terra touched her arm. "Ann, are you sure you're up to this? We can come back-"

"No, please. We have to figure this out. I have to know what's on the other side of that artifact. What he died for. When Leviathan took control of me, I remember somewhere cold and dark. But my father told me to never be afraid of the dark."

Ann approached the shielded artifact, and Shepard respected the doctor's resilience and determination. She joined her, along with Kaidan and Edi.

"We didn't detect any energy emissions from it," Kaidan informed Ann.

"But the Reapers were able to use the artifact to try to trace Leviathan somehow. At least, that's what we're assuming they were doing," Shepard reflected.

"My theory is that most of the time the object simply acts as a receiver," offered Ann. "We'll only be able to trace Leviathan through it when it actively takes control of someone. Unless it needs something, Leviathan doesn't bother communicating. I guess it and my father had something in common."

Shepard ignored Ann's last comment; it was something Ann would have to deal with herself. "But how can we trace that?"

"Leviathan has to send a pulse through the artifact to alter your mind," Edi deduced. " _That's_ traceable."

"Right, like at the dig-site," Ann nodded. "The Reapers were tracing the signal by activating the artifact."

"Hold on. Where are we going with this?" Kaidan frowned.

"The artifact only sends out a signal when Leviathan's controlling someone. So let it control _me_. You could trace the signal." Ann looked back at them, her face showing no sign of fear at what she was proposing.

"Let it take you over?" Terra didn't like it.

"We saw what it did to your father's assistant. It's too dangerous, Ann," protested Kaidan.

"It's _my_ call, not yours. You said I was your last chance to find this thing. If we wait, the Reapers will get to Leviathan first. I'm the only one here who's spent enough time with it to do this. You're looking for something to fight the Reapers. _I'm_ looking for the monster that murdered my father."

"We still don't know what it is we're looking for," Terra cautioned.

"Then let's find out."

Shepard looked at Kaidan, his face telling her that though he disliked the idea as much as she did, they had little option. "Edi?"

Edi moved to the lab's galaxy map and initiated the console. "Energy signature locked in. Waiting for activation."

"You sure about this?" Terra checked with Ann.

Ann sat in the chair that Kaidan had pulled over for her. "Yes, I'm sure. I'm ready."

Shepard reluctantly nodded at Kaidan. "Drop the shield."

He did so, and they both held their breaths.

"Artifact online," informed Edi.

"There's something… I feel a chill," hushed out Ann.

Kaidan held Ann's shoulders to steady her as her body began to sway, then she suddenly jerked violently and Kaidan had trouble holding onto her. "Jesus Christ!"

Shepard reached forward to help him, surprised at the strength they struggled with.

"Signal is tracking. Maintain connection," called out Edi.

Ann lurched forward, her face close to Shepard's. "Turn back. The darkness must not be breached."

"My God!" Kaidan gritted through his teeth. It was taking both of them all their strength to contain the power coming through Ann.

"Maintain connection," Edi said again.

Shepard prayed that this wasn't going to hurt Ann. "Listen to me. We found you, and the Reapers are right behind me."

" _You_ have brought them. _You_ are a threat," sneered Ann, barely an inch between their faces as Leviathan forced Ann forward.

Shepard stayed in place, refusing to be intimidated. "So are you. I've seen what you can do. The war needs you."

"There is no war. There is only the harvest."

Terra was dismayed to see the trickle of blood from Ann's nose. "Edi, do we have enough?"

"Partial lock. Maintain connection to narrow the search."

She wasn't risking it. "No. Hit the shield," she said to Kaidan, and he quickly reached back to bring it down. "Ann, are you alright?"

Ann was pale, and breathing heavily. "Yes… I think so."

"Sending multiple coordinates to the Normandy," Edi notified.

"Good-" started Shepard.

"Why didn't you leave it longer?" Ann demanded.

"It's not worth the risk to you, Ann. I'm not prepared to sacrifice your mind in order to speed things up. It may take us a little longer, but the result will be the same. We'll find Leviathan," assured Shepard.

Ann faltered then. "Of course. You're right. Thank you, Commander. I can get carried away sometimes. More like my father than I realise." As Shepard went to turn, Ann placed her hand on Shepard's arm. "Commander, I sensed something else from Leviathan. Anger."

"It knows we're getting close."

"I think it wants to kill you." Ann's face was extremely concerned.

Terra caught Kaidan's dark look, the clench in his jaw, before she looked back at Ann. "I'm used to it. Come on. Let's get you checked out."

-x-

-x-

Kaidan walked through the ship. They'd barely docked for an hour before heading back out, their destination was the closest system identified by Edi. Ann Bryson had been left in the care of Dr Michel, though he doubted that Ann would stay there long before returning to her father's lab. He found Terra standing at the CIC's galaxy map, her omnitool activated.

"Hey there, what are you up to?"

"Trying to see if I can narrow down the search," she said, not taking her eyes off her screen.

"How?" He moved up the steps to the small platform that gave a better view of the virtual galaxy, and peered over her shoulder.

"By going back to basics. Its name. According to Bryson's research, it's not a name made up by them, or the batarians. It reaches back further than that, passed on from previous civilisations through myths. What if it's a bigger clue?"

"Leviathan: A large aquatic creature," Kaidan murmured, mulling that over.

"Right. We call whales the leviathans of the deep."

"You're thinking it could live in oceans? I guess if the Reapers can live in dark space, anything's possible, but it sounds more organic than synthetic."

Terra looked over her shoulder at him then. "Maybe it's a race the Reapers thought they'd previously wiped out."

"Could be… One they rightly fear if what we think is true. And therefore respect. They created themselves in their image, like they were doing at the Collector base with the human Reaper…"

"That painting I saw at the dig-site… though there were striking similarities with the Reapers, it _was_ different, and that could be why."

"Using that theory, how are you doing at narrowing the search?"

She pulled it up on the galaxy map. "There. Despoina. Only very recently discovered, too."

Kaidan was impressed. "As good a place to start as any."

"Joker, course alteration."

" _Course altered, Commander_."

Terra smiled back at Kaidan, suddenly aware of his close proximity. The heat from his body where he was pressed against hers, made her cheeks flush, and her eyes were drawn into his, fading everything else out. He could still melt her into a puddle in seconds.

Kaidan felt himself tugged towards her, completely captivated…

"Wow!"

They both sucked in a breath as they jumped apart at Traynor's exclamation.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I can feel myself getting all hot and bothered, and I'm not even involved!"

The two of them looked around the CIC to find every crew member staring back at them with stupid grins on their faces.

Kaidan's face now matched Terra's, and he cleared his throat, backing away from her. "I should... go. Uh, must be end of shift by now." Then he made it worse by stumbling down the steps. He ignored the sniggering crew, swiftly entered the elevator, hit the button and waited for the doors to close, all without looking back. Then he rested his forehead against the back wall in mortification. He'd been completely oblivious to his surroundings. Totally unprofessional. She was definitely a bad influence - not that she'd actually done anything. It was just her very presence... Despite losing his dignity, he wouldn't change that moment for anything. Even now, he was seriously turned on just thinking of her.

"I feel a burning need to comfort you."

Her playful voice startled him, and he spun to see her leaning against the closed doors, that luscious mouth tugging at the corner. She'd followed him in and he hadn't even noticed. He immediately pulled her into him. "That's still cheating. I was horrendously distracted with embarrassment."

"Uh huh," she said, making it obvious she wasn't convinced. She ran her hands over his cheeks. "You do look like you need to cool down, though."

The doors opened onto their cabin and she relieved him of his shirt as he walked her backwards out of the elevator and into their room, his mouth taking hers. Next, his remaining clothes were at his ankles and he had to release her to kick off his boots and step out of the fabric that threatened to trip him. When he looked back up she had vanished. Kaidan stood in one place, smiling to himself. "So, we're deciding this once and for all, huh? You know your first mistake was to get me extremely motivated into finding you, because I am seriously wanting you right now."

Unsurprisingly, he got no response. She was better than to be lured into giving away her position by speaking. He closed his eyes. Here, her scent would be no help because the room was wonderfully filled with her aroma. But she would make the first move. All he had to do was wait.

Kaidan barely felt the displaced air whisper over his skin, but it was there, and he had to admit that if he hadn't been standing there in his birthday suit he wouldn't have known she was there at all. His body tingling with thoughts of what would come next, he jumped out of her reach and caught her in a biotic field.

"Damn it!" Terra materialised, making him even happier as he saw she had stripped during their little game, and she grinned back at him. "Okay, you win."

He walked backwards to the bed, creating a biotic pull to take her with him until she was in his arms. "Yes, I do," he whispered over her lips. He'd won the day he'd met her.

**-x-**


	73. Creator and a Promise

Scans had revealed a faint trace of Leviathan's energy signature on Despoina.

"Commander, we've got new readings from the probe," informed Cortez, as they headed down in the shuttle. "It's narrowed down Leviathan's location. And it's deep."

"Outstanding work, Commander," Kaidan murmured into Terra's ear, suppressing a grin as it made her shiver and she gave him a fake glare.

"Also picking up a structure floating on the surface," added Cortez. "Looks like someone else has been here at some point. No life signs, though. Whoever they were, they're gone now."

"Hey, Commander. If this thing's under the water, how the hell are we going to get to it?"

"You should read more, James," Shepard responded.

"Huh?"

Cortez shook his head at his, sometimes incredibly oblivious, friend. "The Kodiak is specced to nearly a thousand atmospheres, Mr Vega."

"Um, in English, Esteban?"

Cortez gave a patient sigh. "It can go underwater."

"Cool." James' impressed look, quickly turned to concern. "Uh… you've tested that, right?"

"Not exactly," admitted Cortez.

"So now's our chance to take her on her maiden dive, James," Shepard said brightly.

"Ah, man."

"What's the matter, Lieutenant? Afraid of a little water?" teased Tali.

"An _ocean_ is _not_ a 'little water', Sparks. And I'm not a great swimmer. I prefer to be on the beach, looking out, know what I mean?"

"Unless the Commander starts to listen to my suggestions to throw you out of the airlock, you will not be required to swim, stupid human," declared Javik. "We are more likely to be crushed by the pressure."

"Nice, Javik," Garrus said, sarcastically.

"I don't think the ancient guy likes me," James muttered, with a puzzled look at Shepard.

She patted his shoulder. "I know, James, it's hard to fathom."

The shuttle suddenly rocked violently and alarms sounded as they began to careen in the air.

"Status!"

"Some kind of pulse hit us! Systems are shutting down! Brace for impact!" Cortez struggled with the controls, managing to manoeuvre the vessel over to the floating platform nearby. They hit hard, metal screeching over metal, until they came to an abrupt halt.

They were all getting back on their feet, a few wincing on their way up.

"Everyone all right?" checked Shepard. She received a chorus of affirmatives.

"Just slightly tenderised," grimaced Garrus.

She moved up into the cockpit. "Cortez, how's the shuttle?"

"Checking now. I'll see if I can get the power restored."

"I'll assist you," offered Tali.

"Appreciate it."

"Okay, we'll look around." Shepard open the hatch, and the others followed her out.

There were a lot of crates and makeshift tents. Damaged vessels that had been stripped out for the materials, littered the area, and in the surrounding waters were the ruins of larger vessels.

"Looks like we're not the first ones to be taken out by that pulse," Kaidan observed.

"Could be Leviathan's last line of defence."

"Um… this doesn't look good," said Garrus, from a nearby tent. He stepped back so they could see inside. The remains of a body lay on the floor. "Seems they never left."

Liara had found a datapad. "According to these logs, they tried everything they could think of to get away, but were ultimately unsuccessful."

"No kidding," Garrus said under his breath, staring at the body, uneasily.

"Commander! I've found one of those artifacts!" James called over, as he peered into another tent, then started to back away.

"There's another one over here, Commander," Javik informed her.

"Aagh," moaned James. "I'm thinking we do _not_ want to be stuck here with these things. I'd like my mind to stay _mine_ , you know?"

"Don't think _you'll_ have much to worry about," joked Garrus.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Leviathan will see you as too primitive," provided Javik. "More akin to an animal."

Garrus chuckled. "I'm really starting to like you, Javik. We're on the same wavelength."

"You have garnered my respect as well, Garrus Vakarian."

"Yeah, yeah, you two lovebirds can laugh it up, but when I'm going crazy on you because Leviathan's told me to kill you, just remember this moment," James frowned at them.

Javik and Garrus both stared back at him, then burst into laughter.

"I will grant you a quick death, primitive." Javik turned to Shepard. "Nevertheless, it may be wise to destroy them, Commander."

Shepard looked at the objects. She just didn't know how important these things were. She needed to speak to Leviathan. "Let's leave them for now."

They had traversed half of the platform now, finding more of the artifacts as they checked tents.

"I see diving mechs over there. Makes you wonder if the last people here were following that signal too," Kaidan said, as he spotted three of the metal giants stored in a sealed alcove to protect them from the harsh environment.

"Look! Up there!" Liara shouted out, looking up at a large shape descending through the clouds.

"Reaper!" Javik growled.

"Protect the shuttle!" ordered Shepard. Their only saving grace was that it couldn't land, but that wouldn't help them against anything it sent down. "Cortez! We could do with some heavy fire! Situation?"

" _Swapping out the parts, Commander! Hold on_!"

The Reaper began raining down its mutations and the crew began to take them down as they backtracked to keep an eye on the shuttle. As before, it was the number of the enemy and the fact that they could appear from anywhere that kept them on their toes. About ten minutes later, they heard the shuttle's engines start.

" _Commander, we're good to go! Tali's joining you now!_ "

Shepard zeroed in on Tali jumping from the shuttle, and covered her until she'd joined them. "Got her. Give us some cover fire!"

" _Copy that_."

The shuttle rose up and began to strafe the area in front of them with gunfire, leaving them only a few stragglers to pick off. They all felt the rush of energy, and the shuttle immediately began to lose control again.

" _Another pulse hit me! Flight controls scrambled_!"

They could only watch as it spun through the air, crashing down at the far end of the platform, while more Reaper troops hit down a short distance from it.

"Cortez is in trouble! Get to him!" yelled Kaidan.

" _Commander! I've got enemy contact! Under fire! I need some backup_!"

"On our way, Cortez!" Shepard could see him ahead, gun firing to keep the attackers back, but he was cornered. He needed help fast, but there were a lot of enemy forces between them.

"Go get to him!" Kaidan said to her. "We'll work our way through to your position!"

Shepard nodded, understanding his thought. She cloaked, ran around the edge of the platform so she wouldn't get caught in the crossfire, and quickly took cover as her cloak dissipated. She reactivated it, and carried on, leaping over the obstacles in her path. Cortez was about to be swamped, and she used her sniper rifle to bring them down without endangering Steve. He gave her a grateful look as she joined him, and they moved into a more defensible position.

"What's the shuttle's status?" She incinerated some cannibals who were trying to move in.

"It's a mess, Commander," Cortez replied grimly. "That pulse just knocks it right out of the sky. We're not going anywhere." He dealt with two husks.

"And we can't even get the Normandy to extract us," Shepard gritted out.

"Same thing would happen to her," agreed Cortez. "And the landing wouldn't be as pretty."

Now Shepard understood how the previous visitors met their end. The larger ships that broke through the waters of the ocean were no doubt vessels sent down to rescue their comrades, only to suffer the same fate. It was a helpless situation to be in. She didn't like that. Terra wasn't about to let her family suffer a slow death, or allow them to be used as puppets. She needed to convince Leviathan to let them go, if nothing else.

The others had fought through to join them in front of the shuttle, and Shepard filled them in.

"Leviathan has a very effective defence system in place," muttered Kaidan, trying to think of a way out of the dire situation they'd found themselves in.

More Reaper troops began raining down, and the others began fanning out to engage the husks, cannibals and marauders.

"Then we're not getting out of here until we find it."

Kaidan noted the serious determination in Terra's face. She had a plan.

"We need to take a look at those diving mechs," she stated.

That wasn't what Kaidan wanted to hear. Going that deep underwater in the shuttle was one thing, but in a disused mech...? He took out a marauder that had crept past the others.

"As long as the sea water hasn't corroded them, we should be good to go," Cortez was saying to her.

"Then let's get started."

"Wait a minute," Kaidan interrupted. "Are we seriously considering this?"

Shepard looked back at him, slightly thrown. "What other option is there?"

He had no answer for that.

"First, we need to power up that gate to access the mechs," Cortez continued. "We can use the shuttle's power cells to give it juice. I'd estimate three should do it." He jumped back inside to liberate them.

Another bombardment from above delivered Brutes. The Reaper was getting serious now.

"Shit," Shepard cursed. "We need to get this done fast."

Steve brought out the cells one at a time, the weight of them making them cumbersome.

"One of you grab a cell, and let's go! The rest of you keep handling our guests." Shepard lifted a power cell, as did Cortez and Edi. She led the way over to the power junction for the gate and they quickly hooked them up. The gate rose up to reveal the mechs. Two of the machines were clearly out of commission, their screens cracked. She jumped up into the last diving mech, thankful that it still had its weapons, and she used its heavy gunfire to finish off the remaining creatures.

Kaidan and Cortez gathered around her, while the others kept watch for more activity.

"I need to get in the water before they come back," Shepard declared, once she'd opened the canopy.

Cortez stepped closer. "Okay. I'll run a systems check." He activated his omnitool and began linking to the mech.

"Shepard, you shouldn't be going down there alone," worried Kaidan. This was even worse then he'd expected. Now there was no way he could provide her back-up.

"We don't have a choice. This is all we've got."

"Then _I'm_ doing it," he asserted, strongly.

A spark of surprise flashed over Shepard's face before she argued it. "It knows me."

"It wants to _kill_ you," protested Kaidan, reminding her of Ann's warning. But for him, it was more than that. Something inside was telling him not to let her go. That little inner voice that had been there on the day he lost her on the SR1.

"I'll get through to it," she insisted.

Kaidan hesitated. As much as he didn't want her doing this, he knew that if anyone was going to be able to convince Leviathan to work with them, it was Terra Shepard - the woman who had created alliances between krogan and turian; quarian and geth. If he wasn't emotionally tied to her, he'd never stop her. He needed to employ that professionalism now. She was a soldier, like him. And this is what they did. He sighed in defeat, though his heart hammered with his suppressed fear for her. "For the record, I'm not crazy about this plan."

"Noted," she said gently, seeing his concern. "But we can't falter now. We're all stuck here if we don't do this, and I refuse to allow that fate for those under my command. The way home is through Leviathan."

Kaidan lowered his voice, though Cortez would still hear. "I know. Just… well, I wouldn't be doing my job as the man who loves you if I didn't voice my concerns."

She reached forward to run her fingers down his lips. "That sounded really nice…"

"Ahem," interrupted Cortez, with a small smile. "Seals check out. Oxygen pressure is nominal. Systems are a go. It's as ready as I can make it."

Shepard took a deep breath. "Then I'm ready to go."

"Take care down there, Commander," ordered Cortez.

"Ditto that, Shepard," said Garrus as he strolled over. "Try to remember what I said about turians in water. I'd really hate to have to jump in to save you."

Shepard smiled back at her good friend, then turned her eyes to Kaidan, seeing his face creased with worry and fear.

"I hate this," he murmured.

"I know."

Kaidan soaked every detail of her in, his eyes beseeching her to prove that inner voice wrong. "Come back to me."

Terra's heart wrenched. She wished she didn't have to do this. Seeing his feelings written on his handsome face, it felt like she was torturing him. "I promise." There. She'd just broken a rule – never promise something you have no control over. Or limited control. She'd just have to make sure she _did_ come back, she decided. "Closing the hatch." She was sealed in, and she had to concentrate on her task, avoiding looking at him again. "Engaging systems." The screen lit up, providing her temperature readings both internal and external, a depth reading that currently sat at zero, and the distance and direction of the probe's signal it had picked up. That was her destination. "Ready." Cocooned within the mech she turned it towards the edge of the platform.

Faced with the powerful ocean in front of her, knowing she was headed straight down, a rush of anxiety washed through her. It was like stepping outside the ship in space - a force so immense that the slightest system failure could result in death. For an instant, the memory of her painful death surfaced, but she quickly locked it down. Her omnitool bleeped, and she realised she'd been standing at the water's edge for too long. She checked the message.

** I love you x **

She smiled, a warmth replacing the fear. It was a reminder that if nothing else, she had to get her family out of here. Help with the war would be a bonus at this point.

** I love you too ** , she replied. She didn't turn to him. Couldn't. "Testing comm link."

" _I read you_ ," confirmed Cortez.

"The rest of you stay safe. I'm going to be mightily pissed if I get back up here and you're not all in pristine condition. Okay, here goes. Commencing dive in 3..2..1." She stepped off the edge and disappeared under the water.

Kaidan went to stand next to Cortez, who was constantly monitoring her descent. She was the bravest person he knew, and despite his taut nerves, he was proud. How the hell did he get to be so lucky?

"How's the suit holding up, Commander?" Cortez asked.

" _Looks good so far._ "

"Good." Then her signal began fading in and out. "I've got some interference this end. Hang on." Cortez was hurriedly typing into his omnitool, trying to boost the signal, while Kaidan looked on helplessly. Cortez made a frustrated sound. "Commander, do you read me? We're losing your signal. Something's blocking your comm. Please respond."

There was nothing. Cortez looked at Kaidan like he was apologising for failing him. Kaidan could only inhale, not meeting anyone's eyes as they stared back at him. He wanted a distraction… He should have been more careful what he wished for, as more Reaper forces hit the decks.

…

"Cortez?" Shepard tried again.

She was alone. Her light had imploded from the pressure, and all she had was the subtle light from her screen as it constantly updated the readings. After a while that felt far too long, she landed on the bottom which a bone-shuddering suddenness. It was disconcerting to be faced with nothing but darkness. Cold and dark those indoctrinated people had said… This was certainly that. She was thankful for the armour that kept her body at a steady temperature.

Shepard fired a flare to light her way. That extra light was her best friend right now, and she started towards the probe's location as indicated by the mech's scanner. As she walked the mech shell across the ocean floor, she switched off everything that wasn't critical to ensure she had enough power to get back up.

Several flares later and she was at the edge of an even deeper section. According to the scan, the probe was right below her, though not within sight. She took a breath to bolster her and stepped off the ledge into the dark abyss, letting the weight of the mech carry her down. She hoped like hell she would meet firm ground soon when the depth reading went into the red - she was nearing the mech's top capability. When she abruptly landed, Shepard exhaled the air she'd been holding.

Another flare revealed she was on a plateau that stuck up from a chasm that didn't even register on her scans as to the depth. Luckily, the probe was just ahead of her, as any deeper and she'd risk being crushed by the pressure. She approached the flashing probe and searched the vicinity looking for anything that would indicate Leviathan was here. The ground began to shudder and a rush of bubbles filled the water in front of her from the greater depths. There before her, a huge creature rose up. Leviathan. The shape of a Reaper, but organic. She felt infinitesimal as it towered over her.

"You have come too far," came it's deep, unfriendly voice, that gave no room for interruption as it boomed inside her head.

For a split second, she was out of the mech, then back inside. It was disorienting, and disturbing, and she frowned. The ache inside her head told her Leviathan was attempting to get into her mind. "I had to find you."

"This is not your domain. You have breached the darkness."

"You killed a Reaper. I need to know why."

"They are the enemy. One that seeks our extermination."

Shepard flashed out and back again. She refused to be distracted by it. It wasn't real. "So you _are_ organic. Not a Reaper."

"They are only echoes. We existed long before."

Shepard felt a sharp pain as her mind was invaded. A trickle of blood dripped from her nose. She doubled over, realising she was no longer in the mech, but nor was she in water. She was inside her own head, as Leviathan had wanted it. Nevertheless, the cold of the ocean seeped into her, chilling her, and there was nothing but darkness all around her.

"Your mind belongs to me."

A figure of Ann, that Shepard knew was not real, approached her. She had to work hard to force the cold away, her voice tremoring as her body shook. "What's happening?"

The image of Ann spoke with Leviathan's voice. "Your memories give voice to our words. Your nature will be revealed to us. Accept this."

She accepted nothing. "The galaxy's at war with the Reapers. You defeated one. Why are you not fighting back?"

"There is no war. Only the harvest."

"Then help us stop it."

"None have possessed the strength in the last cycles. Your own species could be destroyed with a single thought. But _you_ are different. I have witnessed your actions in this cycle: the destruction of Sovereign; the fall of the Collectors. The Reapers perceive you as a threat, and I must understand why."

She cried out, falling to her knees as Leviathan forced itself further into her mind, and she grabbed her head as if she could physically stop it. Her blood pattered steadily on the ground in front of her. She fought back, and for a second she was back in the mech, but that was all she managed before she was pulled back out. The figure changed from Ann to the fake Garneau.

"Before the cycles, my kind was the apex of life in the galaxy. The lesser species were in our thrall, serving our needs."

Terra could feel Leviathan's unadulterated sense of dominance, and pride. It wanted her to know its superiority. She pushed herself back to her feet, aware that it wasn't a physical act so much as a mental one.

"We grew more powerful and they were cared for, but we could not protect them from themselves. Over time, the species built machines that then destroyed them. Tribute does not flow from a dead race. To solve this problem we created the Intelligence with the mandate to preserve life at any cost. To find a solution, it required information. Physical data drawn from organic life in the cosmos. It created an army of pawns that searched the galaxy gathering that data. Its understanding grew until it found a solution. In that instant, it betrayed us. It chose our own race as the first harvest. From our essence, the first Reaper was created. You call it Harbinger. Each harvest ends with a birth of a Reaper - perfect in its design - each formed in Harbinger's image. _Our_ image. The Intelligence eventually directed the Reapers to create the mass relays – to speed time between each cycle for greater efficiency. Evolution is its tool. But _our_ extermination was not complete. Some survived and found refuge in the dark corners of the galaxy. I am their progeny. Over the cycles, the thrall races were controlled through the fragments, removing traces of our existence as we directed them to."

"Fragments… You mean the artifacts?"

"Tools for exploring the events of this cycle from the safety of this world. Through them we watch, we study, and remain in the shadows."

Terra processed everything she'd heard. They'd found more than a race destroyed by the Reapers, as they had first hypothesised. This was the race _responsible_ for creating them. Its reason for building this 'Intelligence' seemed ridiculous to her. "You built the machine despite what you saw the other races experience!? Why!?"

"You cannot conceive of a galaxy that bends to your will. Every creature, every nation, every planet we discovered became our tools. We are above the concerns of lesser species. The Intelligence was envisioned as simply another tool."

The egotism of Leviathan astounded and disgusted her. "And now _we_ pay for your mistake. _Your_ arrogance," she shot out, fiercely.

"It is not arrogance but truth. There was no mistake made. It still serves its purpose: preservation of life. That purpose has not been fulfilled."

Terra felt a wave of despair. "Will it ever end?"

"Unknown. Until the Intelligence finds what it's looking for, the harvest will continue."

Terra was horrified by it all. A Reaper created at the end of each harvest… and there were so many. It was impossible for her to even begin to comprehend the amount of time this had been happening, and just how old Leviathan itself could be. She pulled herself out of the past, and directed it to the future. "Do you know about the Crucible?"

"We have watched its construction before. It has never been completed. Those who have tried still fell victim to the harvest. Its outcome is unknown."

Then it was still a viable option, _if_ they could find the Catalyst. She didn't like that 'if'. But she recognised now that Leviathan was still fallible. A race of them couldn't stop themselves from being overwhelmed, and one against so many Reapers would not provide the outcome they wanted. But it could be another asset to add to the rest of the galaxy's fight. "Will you help stop the cycle?"

It stared back at her. "I have searched your mind. You are an anomaly – yet that is not enough."

The figure, now Hadley, began to walk away, and Terra's heart seized at the thought of failure. "Wait!"

"The cycle will continue."

Terra refused to accept that. "No! You've been watching! You _know_ this cycle is different!"

"We will survive. _You_ will remain here as a servant of our needs. The Reapers will harvest the rest."

An anger ignited inside her. She hated this thing. Its disregard for life and free-will offended her. It was no better than the Reapers it had given rise to. "No! Release me! No one has to be harvested!" Her voice was strong now, the fire inside her burning through the coldness. Her promise to Kaidan, fuelling her further.

The image changed to Ann, and it looked back at her. "Nothing will change."

Terra knew she had to appeal to the only thing it cared about: itself. "The Reapers know where you are. You can't just watch anymore – you _have_ to fight! Even if you survive the battle today, the Reapers will _never_ give up – _ever._ Release me. You've seen what my people and I have achieved. We have a chance to end this, once and for all. What do you lose by allowing me to try?"

Shepard received no answer. She was alone in the dark. She was vaguely aware of being back in the mech as Leviathan faltered, but she couldn't open her eyes. Then she was out once more, Ann standing in front of her.

"Your confidence is singular."

"I've earned it. Out there fighting, where _you_ should be."

Leviathan regarded her. "It is clear why the Reapers perceive you as a threat. Your victories are more than a product of chance. We will fight. But not for you or any lesser race. We were the first. The apex race. We will survive. And the Reapers who trespass on this world will understand our power. They will become our slaves. Today they pay their tribute in blood."

Shepard was thrust back into consciousness inside the mech. Her chest-plate was coloured red by her blood, and she spat out what had pooled in her mouth. She felt wrong, hazy. Yet what she saw beyond the screen she was sure was not the result of her blurred vision. Leviathan wasn't just this creature's name. "We' it had said. It wasn't alone. Two more now rose either side of it. 'Leviathan' was the name of their race.

Her eyes nearly closed, her vision darkening, and she battled against the desire to fall asleep. Kaidan. She couldn't remain here. Terra had to use all her concentration and effort just to get her fingers to hit the thrusters that would return her to the surface. She had a promise to keep. As Terra rose, she fought to remain conscious….

x

They'd been fighting for almost three hours, and they were on their last heat sinks. James had taken to charging out under their cover fire in order to grab any heat sinks left by the fallen mutants. Yet they had no choice but to carry on.

Kaidan worked hard to keep focused. He couldn't let this squad down with errant thoughts, but each lull let in the fear for Terra. It had been so long. They had no way of knowing if she was even still alive. So much could go wrong down there, even without Leviathan.

Cortez had stayed with the shuttle, having set up a way to monitor the pulse field, continually testing it in case Shepard managed to perform the seemingly impossible. As for the rest of them, they'd defended both the shuttle and that place where Shepard had last been, for when she returned. As the time passed, they all wondered if she would ever appear.

Another wave. Brutes. Kaidan hated these things. They wasted so much firepower on them even after they'd thrown every biotic and omnitool program at them. A spray of water surged up from the ocean, and the mech landed on the platform. The relief was unanimous. Kaidan felt like he could breathe again. He smiled to himself, her promise kept. "Shepard's back! Cortez, talk to me!" Had she found it? Got it to listen?

" _We're good to go! I don't know what the Commander did, but the pulse is offline!_ "

Behind them, the shuttle began to power up. In front of them, one of the brutes had noticed her arrival. Kaidan checked her status, expecting her to jump out and start firing her way over to them, but to his dismay she fell out of the mech, blood covering her lower face and chest, and though she struggled to get to her feet, she was barely able to hold herself up from the ground. Something was very wrong.

"Don't let them get near Shepard!" Kaidan yelled. He started running for her, ducking under a Brute's swing, then sending a throw into the other as it went to charge her. It was staggered, but would recover soon enough. Even in her condition, she continued to try to get up, and he caught her as she collapsed again, swinging her arm around his shoulder and hoisting her to her feet.

"I'm out!" shouted Garrus in frustration.

"I am on my last sink!" followed Liara.

The situation was going bad quickly as Kaidan turned with Terra and saw the Brute starting to charge again. The others were trying to bring it down but with the other Brute rounding on them they couldn't all focus on one enemy. The Brute ran at them and Kaidan braced himself to attempt to jump them aside in time. But suddenly, the Brute pulled up, halting just a short distance from them. Its head twisted, like it was listening, then it spun and attacked the other. Kaidan didn't know what was going on, but right now the only thing he cared about was in his arms. He headed for the shuttle, aware that Terra was trying to keep in step with him, but then her feet began dragging, and she wasn't supporting herself at all. She was deteriorating fast and it frightened the hell out of him. He scooped her up into his arms, her head lolling at his shoulder, and it reminded him of that first time on Eden Prime – that first beacon….

Around them, the Brutes were hitting the heck out of each other, the rest of the crew looking dumb-struck as they took out husks.

"Retreat to the shuttle!" Kaidan shouted as he got back to their position, and they went as one unit.

Unable to shoot, Garrus jumped up to take Shepard so Kaidan could get in, followed by the others. He laid her gently on what little space was left on the floor, and Kaidan was on his knees, scanning her as they lifted away.

"Shepard. Can you hear me?" He didn't get the slightest indication she was aware of him, her eyes firmly closed now. Beneath the blood, her skin was paler than normal, and he hurriedly ran his medical scanner. "My God, she's freezing!"

Tali checked Shepard's omnitool. "That makes no sense, her suit's working perfectly. Not to mention she was inside the mech!"

"Hypothermia?" asked James.

"I don't think so. It's just her extremities. Her organs are registering normal temperatures," Kaidan said desperately. He didn't know what to do.

"Kaidan, what if-" started Liara.

"Damn it!" yelled Cortez. "We've got a Reaper inbound!"

They all thought that was it. In a shuttle, they were virtually sitting ducks.

Cortez brought up the windows so they could see, and they braced themselves as it stretched out a digit to fire at them. A pulse rushed past them and the Reaper literally curled in on itself and began to fall from the sky. Cortez manoeuvred around it and they were free to watch the Reaper crash into the ocean below.

"Holy shit! Did you see that!?" James exclaimed.

"We have eyes," retorted Javik, though less confrontational than usual, clearly thinking about what he'd witnessed.

"Shepard did more than get that pulse offline," declared Garrus, solemnly. "Leviathan just saved us."

Kaidan could only hold Terra's hand as he stared at her unresponsive form, and wondered: at what cost?

** -x- **


	74. Emptiness and Hope

The shuttle had barely stopped when Kaidan opened the hatch and jumped out, turning immediately to take a now unarmoured Terra, Garrus sliding her carefully across the metal floor to the edge. The whole ground crew were mute and motionless as they watched Kaidan swiftly, but ever so tenderly, picking Shepard up and cradling her to his chest before running for the elevator. Liara leapt out to join them, hitting the button that would take them up to the medbay.

Eventually they all realised that they were standing outside the shuttle, staring at a closed door. Armour shifted, throats cleared, but no one made to move away.

Garrus recognised it for what it was, remembering a similar scenario after losing Ashley Williams. That need to remain in their unit. Comrades sharing the unspoken feelings at seeing their Commander and friend debilitated.

"Keelah, I hope she's okay," whispered Tali.

"The doc will fix her up. Right, Scars?" James looked at Garrus like he had all the answers.

Garrus couldn't voice his own fears here. James and Steve looked back at him, needing him to say Shepard would be alright. Tali faced him too, her hands wringing over each other in anxiety, and he knew beneath that mask was a face that mirrored the others. Even Edi looked in need of solace. Who was he to deny them a little optimism? "Sure," he said simply, trying to sound like he was certain of it. Javik stared back at him wordlessly, not a trace of anything but his perpetual scowl. Javik knew the realities as much as Garrus himself did. Sometimes the good guys didn't make it.

"Yeah," James nodded enthusiastically. "I mean this is Commander Shepard!" He was punching one fist into the palm of his other hand in a display that belied his optimistic words. "She'll be fine. Nothing keeps her down long."

"You should know better, human," barked Javik. "Wishful thinking will not change the outcome. As a soldier, you should know that. She will either survive, or she will not. Only time will tell."

The atmosphere grew sombre again, and Garrus shook his head at the prothean. It wasn't necessary to beat them down. Hope was a powerful ally in a war, and it seemed that Javik had forgotten that – or maybe he never had any to begin with.

James clenched his jaw, squaring up to Javik. "You're an asshole, you know that? Yeah. _Asshole_. Think I've just found a nickname for you."

Javik sneered back at him. "If you cannot take the truth then it is clear you are not up to this fight."

Garrus quickly stepped between them, pushing them apart. "Okay. Time out. Both of you need to take it easy."

"Hey, I'm just saying what everyone's thinking," gritted out James, glaring back at Javik.

"Last time I checked, you primitives had yet to master the art of reading minds," retorted Javik.

"No, the Lieutenant's right," Tali muttered. "Asshole."

Garrus sighed. "Yeah, that's not really helping, Tali," he murmured dryly.

"Now, that's an idea I can get into," interrupted Cortez. "Helping." He turned away from them, reached into the shuttle, and started to collect Shepard's discarded armour while he spoke. "Seems to me that, right now, Major Alenko could do with things running as smooth as possible. He doesn't need petty quarrels to deal with. The only thing we can do is our jobs, and I won't let Alenko _or_ Shepard down by doing anything less."

"Well said, Cortez," said Garrus.

James was releasing the tension in his shoulders. Cortez had given him a focus. "And when Shepard walks out of that medbay, she'll expect her ship to be… well, ship-shape."

"Ship-shape? Is that another one of those strange human terms again?" questioned Tali.

James managed a smile. "Huh. Yeah, Sparks. Tell you what, when I've got my duties done, I'll explain it over a game of poker."

"So you can bankrupt me, _as well as_ confuse me?"

"Sparks! As if I'd do that to _you_!"

"Right," she drawled. "Am I supposed to believe that? I'm not as naïve as I seem, Lieutenant."

Garrus coughed over his burst of amusement, and he could almost see the glower radiate through Tali's helmet. Or maybe it was the way she crossed her arms.

"Anyway, I'm going to go bury myself in the engines. Not literally, of course," Tali added quickly, like she thought they might have misunderstood. "Would you update me with news on Shepard?"

"Absolutely," assured Garrus.

Satisfied, but once again weighed down by her concern for her friend, Tali headed for the elevator.

"I will explain the situation to Jeff," Edi declared as she joined Tali.

"Catch you later for that game, Sparks."

Tali just gave them a tiny wave before the two disappeared.

Watching James grab Shepard's weapons and taking them back to his workstation, Garrus turned to Javik. "Vega didn't mean any of that. He's just worried about the Commander, and you don't exactly use tact."

"I am not offended by the ravings of a primitive, Garrus Vakarian."

Garrus felt himself getting a little irked at their newest crew member. "You know, maybe you could lay off the primitive crap with him."

"Why?" scoffed Javik.

"Because he's a good guy. And because I said so." Garrus delivered the last sentence with an unwaveringly stern tone, meeting Javik's eyes - which he discovered was much harder when there were four.

Javik regarded him for a moment, then slowly bowed his head slightly in deference to Garrus, before leaving the cargo bay.

Garrus exhaled, rather relieved not to have brought on the vengeance of the prothean race upon himself.

"Thanks for having Vega's back just then," commented Cortez, quietly. He was sitting on the edge of the open shuttle, removing the blood from Shepard's chest piece.

Garrus shrugged. "Yeah, well… Shepard has a soft spot for him."

Cortez laughed. "Doesn't that account for pretty much everyone!?"

Garrus smiled to himself, affection shining through for the small female human who could find something to like in most anyone she met - unless they were scum, of course. That warm feeling was followed quickly by a horrible one as he recalled that last image of her, unconscious and bloodied from no injury that was visible... "Just don't tell Vega about that, or I'll never hear the last of it," he forced out.

Cortez understood that completely. "My lips are sealed, Garrus."

"Thanks. You need a hand?"

"Need the distraction, too?"

"Normally, I'd lose myself in the main guns, but…"

Cortez got it. It would require going past the medbay. "Sure. Actually, I think I can find you a substitute. I'm sure the shuttle's heavy guns could benefit from your expert eye."

"Now _that's_ got my attention." Garrus leapt past Cortez to vanish inside the shuttle to tinker. "Nothing better than a little calibrating," he called out.

Cortez just smiled at Garrus' legendary pastime, then concentrated on the armour in front of him, hoping like hell Shepard was okay. Because that soft spot went both ways.

-x-

Chakwas gave nothing away as she performed her scans.

Kaidan had only stepped back enough to let the doctor work. He looked over his shoulder at Liara, who stood patiently by Chakwas' desk, but Kaidan was slowly going insane with worry. He turned back to Chakwas. "What's wrong with her, doc?"

Chakwas didn't answer straight away, instead continuing her scans. Part way through, she paused, looking flustered, then seemed to remember herself and carried on. A long time later, she had completed her tests, and finally addressed him.

"She's comatose, but her brain scans are off the charts. It's like she's in a very deep sleep - a dream-like state - but there are none of the external indicators, like pupil movement."

Kaidan could have broken down, right then. "I don't understand this."

Liara stepped forward. "I have to wonder, given what we know about Leviathan's ability to invade minds, if it did the same to Shepard."

Chakwas frowned at that. "That would explain this. I feared this sort of thing happening. The beacons, the Reaper artifact - her mind just can't handle anymore and it's shut itself down."

"She-" Kaidan had to clear his throat to continue. "She lost consciousness after the Reaper artifact in the Bahak system, too, though. Right? And she came back from that."

Chakwas gave him a compassionate look. "Kaidan, I'm sorry. Though she reported to me at the time that she'd suffered the same nose-bleed and pain that she'd experienced with the beacons, it was a deliberate act by the Reapers that sent her into an unconscious state. This time, she collapsed _after_ her interaction with Leviathan."

Kaidan felt ill. Terra wasn't supposed to go near anything intrusive. He'd known what Leviathan was capable of, how it got into people's minds, yet he hadn't considered it when she'd gone down there. His fear had been for her being trapped deep under water with no way to get to her. Or a physical attack from Leviathan. The real threat had slipped by the seals of that diving mech with no problem at all. He hadn't listened to that inner voice. Again. He'd failed her. Again.

Moving closer to Terra, Kaidan placed one hand on hers, his other brushing back the damp strands from her face. He couldn't think straight. Vaguely aware of a hand on his arm, he looked over at Liara who held out a bowl of warm water and some cloth. He took it, grateful for her thought. It gave him something to focus on as he cleared away the blood from Terra's face.

Once Kaidan had finished his ministration, he looked over at Dr Chakwas, who had retaken her seat and was typing into her console. "Is this like Bryson's assistant?"

"No. I just liaised with Dr Michel. Hadley is completely brain dead. Shepard is far from that. I'd describe her case more like an overload."

"How do we get her back?" Though he'd asked, Kaidan feared the answer. The doctor's sad face told him everything.

"There's nothing medicine can do for her," Chakwas said softly. "We just have to wait for her to wake. Given what she's been through, I doubt it will be anytime soon. And... we have to be prepared for the fact she may not be able to return to us at all. There's just no way to know."

Kaidan was devastated.

"I also think she was indoctrinated," Chakwas said with a heavy tone.

Kaidan's heart sank, then he frowned. "But the thorian spores defended against the Reapers attempts on the Bahak asteroid."

"Yes, but whatever Leviathan is, it's clearly a lot stronger. The spores within Shepard have been utterly destroyed. Even if she wakes, she'll be as vulnerable to Reaper indoctrination as anyone, and it's likely that Leviathan could now control her as easily as it did with Ann Bryson."

"Only through those artifacts," added Liara, a defiant tinge to her voice.

Kaidan was stunned by all this. Leviathan was evidently something to fear, to more than just the Reapers. He hated it. He also had to explain all this to Terra's father. But first he needed to make Terra comfortable. With Liara's help, they removed her sweat-dampened clothes, her chain and tags now visible. The ring laid brightly between her breasts, and Kaidan freed it in order to place it back on her finger, where she had wanted it when she wasn't on a mission. Chakwas was ready with a sheet to cover her.

Liara sidled up next to him. "Kaidan, the crew need to be told." When he didn't respond, she leaned into his line of vision. "And they'll need a leader."

Kaidan nodded. He had a duty to perform. More than that, he had a duty to Terra. Her family was important to her, and he would do what he could to look after them until she woke. "Edi, gather the crew in the Mess, please."

" _We have already gathered there, Major._ "

It surprised him at first. Then he realised it had been several hours since they arrived back on board, and day shifts had finished, the evening meal had taken place, and the crew were on their own time. He bent to kiss Terra's lips, then left the medbay with Liara.

"Kaidan, tell us she's alright," rushed out Garrus, practically grabbing Kaidan in the process.

Kaidan maintained his stone visage, moving aside so he could address everyone. Out of the corner of his eye, Liara walked by them all to enter her room.

"Commander Shepard... is currently in a coma." He waited patiently for the shocked gasps and sad murmurs to subside before continuing. "There are positive signs that she's functioning, but we can't wake her. That will take time. Maybe longer than we'd like." There was a deathly silence now. "Until the Commander is back with us, I will assume command. If there are any objections, speak them now, and they will be considered."

"Shepard would want you leading us," Joker stated, his face pale.

There were murmurs of consensus from everyone.

"You have our full support, Major," James added seriously. "So long as you hand it back when the Commander wakes up," he said, lightly.

"Goes without saying. Thank you. For now, go about your duties as before. Nothing's changed. We still have a war to win. And we will carry on for Commander Shepard."

Again, there were agreeable murmurs rippling through the Mess.

"If anyone needs to talk privately, I'm available. Crew dismissed," finished Kaidan.

Most everyone trailed away into the recreational areas. Garrus lingered though, as did Tali, who waved off James' attempt to get her into his poker game.

"We saved you a plate of food," offered Tali. "James made it. Said it was the best food ever, though I can't pronounce the name of it."

Kaidan took the plate. He'd eat it because his body demanded it, but his appetite was non-existent. "Thanks."

Garrus pulled out a chair for Kaidan, watching the man sit down, his face emotionless. Tali glanced at him, unsure of what to say.

"What can we do?" asked Garrus, getting straight to the point.

"Just carry on as normal. That's all." Kaidan kept eating, trying to concentrate on the food so he didn't think about Terra, but it was impossible.

"Normal. We can do that. But what about you?"

"Me?" Kaidan placed some food reluctantly into his mouth, and chewed. He'd had this meal before from James, and he knew it tasted great, but this time he may as well have been eating his shoe.

"Kaidan, you don't have to deal with this on your own. We're here to help you."

"Appreciate it, Garrus, but I just... I just need her to recover. You know? This isn't the way it's supposed to be. We were meant to end this together."

"You still will, Kaidan. I truly believe that," insisted Tali. "This is just a temporary thing."

It occurred to Kaidan that _he_ was the one who was supposed to be providing the encouragement. "Regardless, I'll lead this fight with everything I have, because Shepard would expect nothing less from me."

Garrus clapped his hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "I never doubted that. And we're right beside you."

"Absolutely," agreed Tali. She looked over at the blackened windows of the medbay. "Can we see her?" she asked tentatively.

Kaidan nodded. "I don't see why not. Go on."

Garrus and Tali disappeared into the medbay, and Kaidan dropped his fork and sank his head down on his hands, elbows on the table. It wasn't just his anguish over Terra that pulled him down. The weight that Terra bore for the fate of the galaxy swamped down on him. He didn't know how she had managed by herself for so long. But she had, and so would he. The problem was, he had to find the Catalyst and he had no idea where to begin. He didn't even have a clue as to what help, if any, Leviathan had given them.

" _Major, I've got Admiral Hackett requesting to speak with you, immediately_ ," Joker came through, his voice subdued _. "Sounded serious. I didn't say anything. Thought you'd want to do that._ "

Kaidan rubbed his hand over his mouth. Hackett would be asking why he hadn't received a mission report. "Tell him I need a private conference, please."

" _You got it."_

Kaidan quickly disposed of his plate and utensils and hurried into the elevator. It wasn't a conversation he was looking forward to, but you didn't keep Admiral Hackett waiting.

-x-

"Kaidan, I've just received Dr Chakwas' medical report on Terra." Indeed Hackett had, and it had shocked the hell out of him.

The image of Kaidan, dishevelled and still in his armour, looked like he was mentally cursing to himself. Clearly he had forgotten that the doctor was duty-bound to report serious injury cases involving commanding officers, directly to Hackett.

" _Sir, I'm sorry_ -"

"Never mind that. You don't look like you're having an easy time of it, and I only just this minute got the report. But I'd appreciate it if you could fill me in, as someone who was there."

Hackett listened intently as Kaidan explained what little he knew. He seemed shamed to voice that Terra went down to approach Leviathan alone, even though it hadn't been possible for him to have joined her.

Another mission Hackett had sent his daughter on with terrible consequences for her.

"From what you've said, it appears Terra was successful. It makes no sense for it to have let you go otherwise. Though how we utilise that asset without Terra, I have no idea. That would also mean that her present condition wasn't intentional."

" _We believe that the effects from the beacons and the Reaper artifact – maybe even contact with Javik – may have weakened her in ways we can't really understand, and Leviathan probably used a similar method of getting inside her head as it had with Ann Bryson and Dr Bryson's assistant, Hadley_."

Hackett had to steel himself before he could speak his next thought. "They were indoctrinated."

" _Yes, Sir_."

Hackett had read Chakwas' addendum that referred to the thorian spores having been eradicated in Terra. He now wondered if they were inviting a bigger threat into their lives than the Reapers were. "If she wakes, she'll have to be monitored closely for any behaviour out of character." He hated having to say it, but he had to be objective.

Kaidan's lips pressed together, like he was withholding what he really wanted to say. " _I know, Sir. But it's important to remember that Leviathan could only control people through the artifacts_."

Hackett registered Kaidan's natural instinct to defend Terra. "I understand that. In the meantime, I'll have the artifact removed from Bryson's lab. I want that thing where I can see it."

" _There were more of them on Despoina, Sir_."

"And I'm betting that system's crawling with Reapers now. Not much we can do about it at this point. Even if we managed to evade the Reapers, there's no assurance that anyone else we send down there to recover those artifacts won't suffer the same problem you did."

" _Agreed. They're best left where they are_."

"Ann Bryson has already joined the Crucible team, but she frequently checks in for any information on your search for Leviathan. She's certainly tenacious. Reminds me of Terra."

" _It nearly led to her ending up like Terra, too_." Kaidan's jaw clenched.

Hackett studied the man in front of him. "Don't give up hope, Kaidan. She's still with us. It's a waiting game."

" _Yeah_."

The enormity of the situation the young man had found himself in was clearly troubling him. "Kaidan, I know this is difficult, but I need you to carry on in her stead."

" _Yes, Sir. I've already notified the crew that I'll be taking over, temporarily. Anything less would render Terra's sacrifice meaningless. I won't let that happen_."

Hackett was impressed by the determination in his face. "Glad to hear it. You can do this, Kaidan. If you need to talk, about _anything_ , don't hesitate to contact me."

" _Thank you, Sir_."

"I think it's about time you called me Steven. Hackett, if that makes you uncomfortable."

" _I appreciate that. I should check in at the medbay_."

"Stay strong, Kaidan."

Kaidan saluted him, and signed out. Hackett slumped. He wished he could be with his daughter. He wished he could offer Kaidan more than just words. But, as he felt so often these days, he was just someone standing in place, sending everyone else out to do the dirty work. He knew it had to be done - he was the best man for the job - yet as he watched his people fall around him despite his best efforts, each deployment was harder to order, each decision tougher. He showed none of this to those around him though. To them he was the indomitable Admiral Hackett. Inside, he was a father and partner who wanted to grab his family close and shield them from it all. But he couldn't, and now Terra was in a coma. It appalled him to think of her that way. His little fighter was locked away from them, and until she awoke, there would be no more messages, no more private chats to fuel him and to brighten the dark days.

Hackett knew he had to be strong. He had an army to command. A war to continue. Hannah to call....

-x-

After a quick stop via the cargo bay to dump his armour, Kaidan walked back into the medbay to see Chakwas administering something into the drip she'd set up for Terra. He assumed it was nutritional. To his surprise, when Chakwas saw him, she looked like she'd been caught red-handed.

"Oh, Kaidan, I wasn't expecting you back so soon. This is just a cocktail of vitamins. It seems she's extremely lacking. It amazes me how she functioned."

"She _was_ getting very tired, more frequently than usual."

"Yes," Chakwas replied with a frown, seemingly unsurprised to hear of it. "She should have come to see me about that. I should have insisted on those medical scans. She has a way of smiling at me that makes me relent."

Kaidan's mouth tugged, knowing he'd been on the receiving end of that sweet smile she used. What he wouldn't give for Terra to do that now. He noticed Chakwas still looked a little flustered. "Is there something else, Doc?" he worried.

"I... No. It's just hard to see the Commander like this, that's all."

Kaidan saw what he thought was guilt on the doctor's face. Maybe it was because she couldn't fix Terra... Chakwas moved away and Kaidan put it from his mind, now at Terra's side, her hand in his. He lifted it and ran her fingertips over his lips, then pressed a kiss to them.

"This is only half the deal, Terra. When I said come back, I meant all of you. So, just so we're clear, you still have a promise to keep."

Chakwas touched his elbow. "Kaidan. You should get some sleep."

"I should." He made no move to leave.

"The crew needs you focused, Kaidan," insisted Chakwas. Slowly standing, Kaidan placed Terra's hand so gently back on the bed that Chakwas almost welled up. Then he gave Chakwas an imperceptible nod and exited.

Kaidan felt like an automaton. Only his familiarity with the ship got him to the cabin. But as he walked in, he froze. It was wrong without her. All the fish in the galaxy couldn't bring life to a room Terra Shepard was absent from. The sheets on the bed were still rumpled from their lovemaking the night before. A night he remembered as vividly as every other he'd spent with her.

Looking at the bed, Kaidan knew he wouldn't be able to relax. He ached to be back in the medbay with Terra, and he certainly didn't want to be here, alone in _their_ space. But Chakwas would cause a fuss if he strolled back in so soon. The doctor would be retiring for bed soon though. He decided he'd take a shower, type his report, and then go back.

Under the spray he'd turned just a little on the cold side, he braced his hands on the wall, his head bowed down as the water ran over him. He felt empty. He hadn't showered alone since they'd reconnected. He quickly washed, then went to the sink to shave. The sight of the Cision Pro Mark 4 toothbrush still made him smile. An exorbitant amount to pay for a toothbrush, but after it had saved the _Normandy_ , and following a thorough examination of its cleaning ability on Terra's mouth (using his tongue of course), he'd agreed it was worth it. She'd grinned every time she'd used it. He picked up the toothbrush instead of the razor, then carefully placed it back, suddenly at a loss to what he was supposed to do next. Dress - that was it.

In less than two minutes, he was in a clean uniform. Grabbing a datapad from the desk, he headed down to the Observation room, needing a different environment to work, and a closer proximity to Terra without being noticed by Chakwas.

It was one of the more difficult reports he'd had to make, despite the fact he'd already been through it all with Hackett, verbally. Seeing it written down was somehow worse. It was just a whole lot of unknowns. No one but Terra knew what had happened down there. So far, it felt like the whole mission had only brought tragedy.

He sent the report and discarded the datapad on the seat next to him, then got up and walked over to the window. Looking out at the stars Terra loved, he himself had mixed feelings about it. He'd lost his love of it three years back, then re-gained it just a short while ago. Now… now it was like that feeling of limbo, visualised. Yeah, _this_ was what limbo looked like, he decided.

The door behind him opened and he looked over his shoulder to see Liara standing in the doorway. The fact that she didn't enter but looked straight at him told him that she wanted to talk to him but wasn't sure about the subject matter. He turned to her fully.

"Everything okay, Liara?"

"Fine." She still wavered in the doorway.

"Can't rest, either?"

"That is nothing new for me. There is always so much to do. But I have been focused on one thing since I left the medbay. I wanted to know about Shepard's condition. To see if there was something that could be done to help her."

Kaidan's heart started thudding in his chest and he strode over. "Anything?"

Liara looked a little pained. "That is why I was unsure as to whether to bring this to you. I do not want to give you false hope."

Kaidan grasped her arms. "Liara, if you think you have something-"

"It has only been done between asari. I could not find any cases where it had been used with a human."

"Liara, _please_ , just say it."

"...Melding. The asari initiating the meld, pushes through the mind of the patient in order to find the person inside."

Kaidan thought that through. "Are you saying that the reason she's not waking is because she's literally trapped inside her own mind?"

"It is how it is described by the asari melder. Those patients who have recovered do not hold any memory of it when they have woken. I cannot say if it would be the same for humans, though."

"Will you do it?" Kaidan beseeched her.

"Me!?" exclaimed Liara. "Such melding with an unconscious mind requires great strength and delicacy only found in a matriarch!"

"Can't you try?"

His desperation was difficult for Liara to ignore. "What if I blunder in and hurt her further?"

Kaidan paused for a moment as he looked back at her. "You won't. You love her. And I trust you."

Liara swallowed at his words. "All right. I will try."

"Thank you." He truly meant that. Energised, he led the way to the medbay. Thankfully, Chakwas had left for the night. The room was dim, only the light from the screens monitoring Terra cast a glow over her. He didn't turn up the lighting. Kaidan held Terra's hand between both of his as Liara took a deep breath, her eyes turning black as she began the meld.

As Liara entered that ethereal state, she briefly thought to herself that if Kaidan realised just how hard it was for her to control herself, he would never let her anywhere near Shepard. Liara knew she should have told him, but there was a part of her that desired this chance. To see into Shepard's mind had always been exhilarating in its intensity. That connection had been instant, everything about Shepard was alluring to Liara. That last time, when she'd seen the location of the conduit on Ilos, she had struggled to deny herself the craving to complete the meld and be fully intimate. This time would be very different, Liara told herself, because she was stronger now....

Trying to push gently into Shepard's mind, Liara felt the resistance. It surprised her. It was as though Shepard had an instinctive reaction to the intrusion, even now. But this wasn't like Liara's previous interactions with Shepard. She couldn't connect. She was sure she could see the shadows of what was there, but when she tried to reach for it there was nothing. Liara pushed just a little harder, afraid to go too far in case she damaged Shepard. She felt a chill rush into her, and the sensation of being under water. Nothing she did could break through, and she didn't dare force it further. With anguish, she brought herself out of the meld.

Kaidan looked at Liara, knowing it had failed. It had been an agonisingly long ten minutes. More importantly, there had been no change in Terra.

Liara leant back against the neighbouring bed in exhaustion. "It is no good. It is like she is still within that ocean. Or surrounded by it. It is dark, sounds are muffled, it is hard to move, and all I could feel was an intense cold. I am sorry. We need a matriarch. I could contact Aethyta. She is still on the Citadel, though not for much longer. The Reapers are moving in on Thessia in force. She is preparing to join the fight there."

Kaidan had forgotten about Aethyta. It was another thread of hope. A direction to follow where he had none other. "Edi, set course for the Citadel."

" _Yes, Major_."

"Kaidan, there is still no certainty this will work," pressed Liara.

"I have to try. Because it might."

Liara nodded in understanding. "It is very late. We must get some sleep."

"Goodnight, Liara. And thank you."

Liara left, but Kaidan couldn't do it. He was stuck with this image of Terra, cold and alone in the dark. He wouldn't leave her like that. If there was any chance that she was aware of what was going on around her, then he was going to stay with her. After all, she hated medbays.

Kaidan went to the next bed and pushed it up against Terra's. Laying down, he shifted so he was closer to her, re-taking her hand. "You're not alone, Terra." Kaidan ran his hand down her cheek. "Huh. Fact is, this is as much for me as it is for you. You know I don't like waking up without you there. That, and the fact that you're in my veins, Terra Shepard. Time away from you kills me. So, I'm here, on this _really_ uncomfortable bed, so I can have my fix. But most of all, I'm here in case those nightmares can still touch you in there, because I know you sleep better when I'm with you." Kaidan then leaned in to kiss her temple, and settled back to watch her until he fell asleep. It didn't take long.

-x-

"Major."

Kaidan swam back into the daylight to see Dr Chakwas standing over him. He sprang up like a teenager caught in the act, his face flushing.

Chakwas hid her amusement. "Thought you might like to know that day-shift started a half hour ago."

"Shit- Uh, sorry, doc." He rubbed his hand over his face, trying to clear his fuddled head. "I- I couldn't leave her on her own." Kaidan quickly pulled the bed back into position.

Chakwas pressed her lips together to hide the grin. "You don't need to explain, Kaidan. I'm just glad you slept. I fully suspected you'd return once I'd left." She gave him a look that told him she wasn't fooled so easily.

"So much for being professional." Kaidan raked his hand through his hair to distract himself from her wise gaze, that reminded him of those looks from his mother when she knew something he thought he'd gotten away with as a kid.

"I happen to think that Alliance Brass have it wrong" stated Chakwas, surprising Kaidan. "Being professional doesn't mean you have to shut out every feeling. I actually think it does the crew good to see the two of you together. Her happiness filters down to the rest of us, you know. When she leaves the room after a conversation with me, I always feel good. It bolsters me. The difference in her since you re-joined the Normandy is astounding."

Kaidan replicated Chakwas' grin. "She certainly has an effect on people."

"I'm sure _you're_ aware of that, better than anyone," teased Chakwas.

Kaidan cleared his throat, as the heat rushing into his face again. He was saved by Traynor.

" _Major,_ _I've got the asari councillor requesting to speak with you and the Commander. I haven't told her about Commander Shepard…._ "

"I'll handle it. How far out are we from the Citadel?"

" _An hour and ten at the last estimate_."

"Thanks, Traynor. I'm on my way."

Kaidan didn't head straight out, though. First, he bent to kiss Terra's forehead, murmuring "Good Morning," just like he always did at the start of the day. Missing the returned sentiment from her, he straightened, locked away his sadness, and left the medbay.

-x-

Councillor Tevos was shocked by the news. Visibly shaken, even. Her reaction was evidence of just how much hope was tied up in Terra. Tevos recovered, resuming her regal posture. "I am very sorry to hear that, Major. My thoughts are with the Commander and her crew. It must be very difficult for all of you."

"Thank you, Councillor. But rest assured that we're dedicated to carrying on, and we're confident Commander Shepard will be back with us soon."

"That is good to hear. Then I should get to the reason I contacted you." She took a deep breath before continuing. "Major Alenko, I have received information from my government. However, it is too sensitive to discuss over an unsecured channel."

That got Kaidan's attention. "We're currently an hour out from the Citadel, Councillor."

"Excellent. I will meet with you in Udina's office." She signed out without further word.

Kaidan stood in the silence of the War room, wondering just what this information could be. Then he headed for Liara to check she'd gotten hold of Aethyta. As the elevator doors closed, he felt hopeful on two counts. There was a chance that this stop at the Citadel would provide help with the war, as well as a way to bring Terra back to him.

**-x-**


	75. Delays and History Rewritten

Pacing behind Joker's seat, Kaidan wondered if getting to the docking bay always took this long and he just hadn't noticed before.

Joker tilted his head back slightly to address Kaidan, eyes still on the screens. "Did I mention that's really annoying?"

"Sorry, Joker." With effort, Kaidan stilled himself.

"You did not, in fact, mention it before, Jeff," informed Edi. "But perhaps you should exercise a little understanding. I believe that Major Alenko is merely keen to commence his business on the Citadel. His elevated heart rate suggests it pertains to Shepard."

"Um, have I turned invisible?" checked Kaidan, mainly to cover his embarrassment at Edi's correct assessment.

Joker made a small sound of amusement. "Yeah, Edi. It's kinda rude to talk about people when they're right behind you. You should wait until they're gone to spill their secrets. The idea is to talk behind _their_ backs."

"Don't listen to that, Edi," Kaidan said quickly. Being part of the ship, she probably knew everything that went on when they thought they were in private.

Edi gave her understated version of a smile. "I won't. Unless it's something _really_ juicy."

Joker chuckled. "Ah, I'm teaching her well," he said smugly.

"You have no idea how frightening that is, Joker," muttered Kaidan.

"Yeah," Joker grinned. "So, is it true? You're here for Shepard, too?"

"Aethyta is waiting for us in the docking bay. I'm hoping she can help Shepard, yeah."

"Who's Aethyta?"

"Oh, uh, Liara's father."

"Liara's…? Wait, what!? When did _that_ happen!?" exclaimed Joker, swinging his eyes between Kaidan and the screens.

"Well, I'm guessing, at her conception."

"Haha, very funny," Joker said wryly.

"Eyes ahead, Joker," prompted Kaidan, before continuing. "Liara became acquainted with Aethyta just before we took on the Shadow Broker."

"So _she's_ asari too, huh? I still find that whole female father thing totally weird."

"Maybe, as a man, you feel threatened by a matriarchal society that has no need for males," suggested Edi.

Joker reared back from her like she'd just morphed into a Reaper. "What the hell was _that_? Did you just _analyse_ me!?" Joker's face was worthy of being next to the word 'appalled' in a dictionary.

Edi looked back at him, completely innocent. "Yes."

He stared back at her, deadly serious, and slowly shook his head. "Never again, Edi."

Unfazed, Edi replied, "I make no promises, Jeff."

Kaidan just ran his hand over his face as he listened to the pair, wondering how the hell Joker managed to fly without looking where he was going. Finally they were pulling into the docking bay, the clamps were secured to the ship, and Kaidan wasted no time in getting to the airlock. Liara was walking up to join him.

"Hey, can I come?" called out Joker, limping over to them.

"Is this because you want to be involved, or because you're being nosy?" jibed Kaidan.

"Um… both?" he replied, tentatively.

Kaidan sighed. "It wasn't a trick question, Joker. I won't stop you from leaving the ship, but I'll warn you now, she's not what you're expecting." They stepped through, and waited for decontamination.

Joker gave Kaidan a funny look. "Oh, come on. How bad can she be? She created sweet and innocent Liara!" He looked at Liara for confirmation.

"You have no idea," answered Liara, sincerely, then frowned. "Sweet and innocent?"

The outer airlock then opened and Aethyta was standing in the waiting area, just as she said she'd be.

"Aethyta, thank you so much for this," Kaidan greeted her.

"Hey, hot stuff. Not like it takes a lot of effort to stand here." She briefly hugged Liara. Looking at Joker, she simply greeted him with a, "Random guy."

For the second time in less than ten minutes, Joker looked disgusted. "Random guy? _Random_ guy? I'll have you know that I am _integral_ to every mission! _I_ am the _pilot_ _!_ You know, of the super-awesome, super-stealthy, super-ship you see before you?" He indicated with an exaggerated swing of his outstretched arm towards the viewing window and the _Normandy_ beyond like he was introducing it onto a stage.

Aethyta's face remained unchanged. "Oh. Well… you know what they say about compensating, right?"

Joker fish-mouthed several times in his insult-induced muteness, then found his voice. "Now _that_ was uncalled for!"

"Joker," Kaidan said, to get his attention, hoping to calm him down so they could get to the issue.

"She's questioning my _manhood!"_ Joker declared to Kaidan, in outrage.

"Actually, I never mentioned any specific part. Got an issue with yourself, babe?" smirked Aethyta.

Joker, it seemed, had met his match. "That's not- I mean-"

"Joker," interrupted Kaidan, quietly but firmly. "How about you get back on the ship?"

"Oh, I'm going! Gladly!" nodded Joker, enthusiastically, while glaring at Aethyta. Then he stormed back through the airlock.

After watching the pilot leave, Aethyta turned back to them. "Touchy, isn't he?"

"You did that on purpose," accused Liara.

Aethyta chuckled. "Of course I did. A matriarch has to have a _little_ fun. Not my fault he can't take a joke. I take it his name's a sarcastic thing."

"Sorry to rush things, Aethyta, but I have a meeting with Councillor Tevos," pressed Kaidan, anxiously. Though it was true, that wasn't the reason he was feeling impatient. The sooner Aethyta could help Terra, the better.

"What's so important you're keeping the Queen of Uptight, waiting?" joked Aethyta.

Liara took over. "It is Shepard. She is in a coma. We were hoping, as a matriarch, you might be able to meld with her and bring her out of it."

Aethyta looked at Kaidan, pity in her eyes. "I'm sorry to hear that, babe. When you just got her back, too."

Kaidan felt an unease run through him. "But you can help her, can't you?" Aethyta's look of apology told him what he didn't want to hear.

"It's not that easy, babe."

Liara shook her head, not wanting to believe it. "But I researched-"

"Did you look closely at the individual cases, honey? It only works between those with a bond," informed Aethyta.

"Bond?"

"Not a literal one in the asari sense of the word. I mean there has to be _trust_. Those trapped within themselves are often assaulted with dreamlike surroundings and images that the brain manifests." Aethyta looked directly at Kaidan. "I'm guessing that with all the shit your girl has seen and been through, it's likely she's in a bad place. Fears are always stronger than good memories. They pervade everything. She won't know what to believe as real. I'm sorry, but she doesn't know me well enough. I'd just be another strange, confusing thing inside her mind. That's why it needs to be someone she can trust. A melder can't physically pull her out. They can only lead the way. Without trust, your girl won't follow."

Kaidan moved away, bracing himself at the railing, looking out at the _Normandy_ where Terra lay. He could see her so clearly in his head, laying there, trapped with her fears. He was almost swamped with dismay and despair. He wished he didn't know what she was going through. He couldn't protect her from it, and he couldn't rescue her, either.

"Damn, now I feel like shit. I didn't mean to upset you, babe. Doesn't mean she won't find her own way out. You'll get her back, hot stuff. It's a great love story, remember? You _have_ to end up together."

"That is surprisingly romantic of you," murmured Liara.

"Don't let this rusty voice and my lack of eloquence fool you, Liara. I'm only _half_ krogan, you know."

"A great love story…" whispered Kaidan, forlornly. “Except this is reality. And there aren't always happy endings."

Aethyta and Liara looked uncomfortably at each other, unsure of how to comfort him. Garrus bursting through the airlock distracted everyone.

"Joker said you had a plan to wake Shepard?" he rushed out.

"It won't work," Kaidan shot out, eyes still fixed on the ship. "We need a matriarch Shepard trusts, to initiate a meld."

"Meld...?" Garrus was thinking it through. "Getting inside her head…" He began to nod. "Yeah, I get it. Then you need Samara," he said casually.

Kaidan jerked around, staring optimistically at Liara.

"The Justicar!" Liara said brightly.

"She served with Shepard! There has to be a connection there!" Kaidan swung to Garrus. "Right?"

"The woman pledged an oath to her and asked for Shepard's help to kill her own daughter. And she's no psycho child-killer. That's not something Samara would have asked of anyone. And Shepard offered herself as unarmed bait to help her do it." The memory of it, and what had happened after, made Garrus frown.

"There you go!" smiled Aethyta. " _That's_ who you need! Samara. Now there's a name I haven't heard in a while. That's what guilt does to ya. Drives you into making crazy choices like becoming a damned Justicar. Waste of life, if you ask me. She's got a great rack, though. Not as fantastic as Nezzie's, but-"

"Can we not talk about this?" quickly pleaded Liara.

"Don't be such a prude, Liara. You pinned down that drell yet?"

Shocked by the sudden question, Liara flushed pink. "Feron!? No!"

Aethyta's brow arched in bewilderment. "Well, what the hell are you waiting for!?"

"He is- I have… been busy," stammered out Liara.

" _Busy_!? Damn, Liara. Get a life!" blurted out Aethyta.

"I am leaving," Liara muttered, determined not to suffer any further. "Kaidan, I will start a search for Samara. A Justicar does not go unnoticed, particularly in asari space. I will find her."

"Thanks, Liara."

Liara kissed her father's cheek. "Take care out there... dad."

"Where's the fun in that?" retorted Aethyta, blithely, but she grasped Liara's arms, gently. "Look after yourself, Little Wing, and when this is all over, make sure you go have some of that fun." She hugged Liara tightly before releasing her.

Liara hesitated, then turned to re-enter the ship.

"I'd better get to this meeting," said Kaidan. "I appreciate your time, Aethyta."

Aethyta shrugged. "Liara asked, so I came. Take care of her for me, hot stuff. And don't give up hope on that girl of yours."

"Never."

Before she left, she slapped her hand over his butt, making him yelp in surprise. "Great ass." With a satisfied grin, she walked off.

Kaidan cleared his throat and glanced at Garrus only to see the turian leaning against the airlock in fits. He decided to ignore him, turning his back on Garrus with what little dignity he had left, and headed for a sky-car. Hopefully, he wouldn't be so red by the time he had to face the Councillor.

-x-

"Major Alenko. Thank you for coming."

Councillor Tevos immediately turned and headed for the balcony, and Kaidan followed, watching the C-Sec officers going through Udina's files. "Any information you may have will be appreciated, Councillor."

"Yes." Tevos stopped and faced Kaidan. "The situation is growing urgent for my people." She seemed to need to brace herself for what she had to say next. "We're aware your Crucible is still missing a key component."

Kaidan's heart double-timed it. "The Catalyst! Do you know something?"

"Not exactly. But there is a… artifact on our home-world, Thessia, known only to the highest levels of my government."

"What is it?"

"With any luck, it's a means to help you locate the Catalyst. The artifact is kept in a temple located at these coordinates. I've ordered a scientific team to meet you there."

Kaidan's omnitool chimed as it received the coordinates, but he faltered, looking up at Tevos in suspicion. "Wait a minute. How long have you known about this?"

The Councillor couldn't meet his eyes, instead choosing to look out at the view. "Every species in the Citadel has its secrets, Major. But this one in the wrong hands would upset the balance of galactic power."

Was that a justifiable explanation? Kaidan wasn't buying it. "Only now you have no choice, because the _Reapers_ are upsetting that power now."

"Yes." Tevos gave him her full attention again. "Which is why I'm bringing this to _you_."

"Now that _you_ need _our_ help. Where were you when we asked for _yours_?" Kaidan gritted out.

Tevos looked suitably ashamed. "I understand your anger. I cannot deny our previous inaction. And I can only apologise for it. Now, the matriarchs are growing desperate. For the first time in our history, Thessia is vulnerable. For all our intellect, we're outmatched by Reaper firepower."

Kaidan was livid. Whatever it was, they'd been sitting on it all this time. If they'd been upfront, Terra might not have needed to go chasing after Leviathan… "Do you have any idea how different things could be right now, if you'd been cooperative from the start?"

Tevos straightened, covering her chagrin with a practiced superiority. "There is nothing we can do about that now. This is where we are."

Kaidan sighed heavily, pointless anger dissipating. "Yes, it is. I'll do what I can." And he would. He went to leave but Tevos placed her hand on his arm, and he looked back at her.

"Whether you know it or not, you've become the sole ray of hope in a very dark night, Major. Goddess be with you - and Commander Shepard."

Kaidan only nodded, walking away with another weight on his shoulders as the Councillor's words rang through his head. He had a lot of live up to. This would be his first mission without Terra, leading her crew, and they were heading straight into a Reaper hot-zone.

-x-

Kaidan stepped into Liara's room, wondering why they weren't on the move yet. "Joker, it's been three quarters of an hour since I stepped aboard. What's the hold-up?"

" _Apparently, there's a technical issue with one of the docking clamps. Idiot in Traffic Control probably just forgot how to push the release button,_ " Joker muttered in irritation.

"How long before they sort it?"

" _I dunno. He's supposed to be sending a tech team, but clearly it would have been quicker for me to go do it myself._ "

"Call them back. Tell them to get it sorted a-sap or someone's going to be losing their job. Spectre authority."

" _Damn! I'm so looking forward to relaying that! Go Alenko!_ " cheered Joker.

"Glad you approve. Get to it."

" _Aye, aye, Major!_ "

Kaidan approached Liara at her terminal. "Found anything on this artifact?"

"No. Whatever it is, it is surprisingly well-hidden. But these coordinates are for the Temple of Athame. It is several thousand years old. My mother took me there once as a child. I thought it was a history lesson. Now I wonder if there was more to it. I am going to dig through my mother's old files to see if I can find out anything more. If this is known to high-ranking officials, she would have known about it."

"What about the search for Samara? I know it's only been a short time-"

"I have already had reports of several sightings of her, but the most recent was three days ago, and she is no longer there. I have my agents looking for any further signs of her. I believe that she is definitely in asari space. I am certain it will not be long before I find her."

"Good. You have no idea how glad I am you're here." Kaidan needed to voice his appreciation to the person who was ultimately responsible for Terra being alive instead of some Reaper tool, and who was now seeking the solution to waking her.

Liara smiled back at him. " _You_ helped me get here. Do not forget the part about me being the Shadow Broker. My network expanded exponentially when I took over as the Broker. Without it, we wouldn't know a quarter of what we do now. Maybe it was fate."

"You believe in that?"

"I am… open-minded about it. You?"

"Same, I suppose. Though I'm not sure we need another power greater than us to contend with."

"Agreed."

They felt the subtle shift as the ship began to move.

" _Good news! The clamp amazingly fixed itself! I'm telling you, someone up there was messing with us. Anyway, we're good to go!_ "

With a smile, Kaidan left the room and headed over to the medbay to sit beside Terra as he typed an update for Hackett.

-x-

-x-

There was too much Reaper activity around the temple so they were headed in the shuttle to an area as close as was possible.

Kaidan stood there, thinking how wrong it felt to be doing this without Terra. He needed a distraction. Noticing Liara staring in horror at the screen that portrayed the devastation going on outside, he addressed her in the hope she'd also be distracted. "Did you find anything in your mother's files, Liara?"

She pulled herself away from the screen, needing to take a breath before speaking. "She did have records on the temple, but they are heavily encrypted, and some date back centuries. I still have not cracked them. But my own research has flagged that the temple has classified government funding."

"What the hell could it be? And why did they wait so long?" Garrus wondered out loud.

"What if we are too late? My people are dying down there!" exclaimed Liara, her face pale.

"Your empathy is a weakness," warned Javik. "You must numb yourself to loss."

"And turn out like you?" scowled James. "No thanks, Prothean. I want to feel each loss like a punch to my gut. Then I'm going to use it to drive me on. To stop _more_ losses."

"We can't ignore that people are dying," agreed Kaidan. "The Reapers may not have mercy, but _we_ do. It's what separates us from the monsters," he stated.

"It is their indifference that gives them power," argued Javik.

"And we're about to show them there's another way," added Kaidan.

"Hoo-yah!" bounced James. "You tell him, Major."

Then they had landed, and it was time to go….

-x-

They had fought through the Reaper forces to the temple. Once Edi had overridden the field that sealed the temple entrance, they walked inside.

"Where are the scientists?" Tali asked as she looked around.

"Keep an eye out for them," said Kaidan.

The ancient artifacts were lining the outer edge of the temple, circling the empty benches where people sat to worship. The back of the temple was home to the altar overseen by a huge statue of the temple's namesake, Athame.

"Liara, could any of these artifacts be what we're looking for?" asked Kaidan.

"I will take a closer look, but most of them are sculptures of our Goddess Athame's servants, and religious texts."

"Hey, Blue. Don't mean to question you, but are you sure about those statues? 'Cos this one looks a dead ringer for a prothean," observed James as he peered dubiously at the stone bust.

"What? That is impossible." Liara moved closer.

"He's right, Liara," Tali confirmed. "I'm comparing it to an original." She was looking between the sculpture and Javik, who was standing motionless, his eyes on the view outside, and not at all interested in the temple.

"Indeed," muttered Javik. "The truth is right there, carved in stone."

"Could this be what we seek?" suggested Edi. "It is not a statue, nor is it text."

Liara joined her. "That is the goddess Athame's shield. Legends say she used it to protect Thessia when the heavens grew angry. Our ancestors were probably misinterpreting a meteor shower."

"It was an asteroid strike," stated Javik. "We deflected it."

Liara swung to him, staring at his back in shock. "You mean… the protheans? But… that would imply Athame…"

Javik turned to stare back at her. "Is not what you believe her to be."

Searching for a lie in Javik's face that wasn't there, Liara then stormed over to another artifact. She pointed at it as she addressed Javik again. "What about this? Athame's sword. Myths say she wielded it against the jealous gods who threatened our ancestors."

"They were a race called the Oravores," informed Javik. "Thessia had vast resources. We protected you from them."

Kaidan silently cursed Javik, and could see Liara struggling to keep her faith. "Liara. You need to keep your focus." He looked around the room. "You know, I don't think it's going to be any of these things. Something this important wouldn't be left in plain sight."

"Major. I found the scientists," Garrus called out. They joined him at the back of the temple, just in front of the large imposing statue of Athame. He turned one over and the slit throat had them all checking their surroundings as they armed themselves. "That's the work of a blade, not a Reaper."

"Stay sharp." Kaidan gestured back to the artifacts. "We're going to have to figure this out on our own."

"From the size of this one, I'm guessing it's Athame? _She_ doesn't look prothean," James assured Liara, as he peered up at the statue that presided over them all.

Hesitantly, Liara responded, "Actually, her image became more like ours, over time."

"You mean your ancestors tried to hide the truth." Javik had finally moved from his vigil at the entrance, and walked to them.

"I am still not willing to believe any of that is real," asserted Liara.

Javik was looking up at the statue. "Then why does Athame speak prothean?"

"What do you mean?"

"There is something here… I can sense it. There's a prothean beacon here."

Kaidan could have sworn out loud. It made sense. A reason to hide it.

"What! Are you sure?" Liara questioned.

Javik glared at her. "Remember who you are talking to, asari. It is here. I think your Athame is as good at hiding things as your people are."

"But why would they hide this?" Liara was stunned, unable to think straight. Everything she'd been brought up believing… and now this…

"The answer is obvious,” stated Javik. "Power and influence. Your people are hoarding the knowledge of my race for their own gain. It appears your cycle's cooperation with each other only goes so far."

Liara shook her head "That… cannot be! I cannot believe my people would keep this a secret!"

"It explains why asari are so advanced," suggested Garrus, softly.

"Will you continue to deny reality, asari?" Javik barked out his question, brutally.

Kaidan tried to apply logic. "You said Benezia's files were heavily encrypted, Liara. It would make sense. They broke a rule applied to all Citadel races."

"Right," nodded Garrus. “All discovered prothean technology must be disclosed to the Council races."

"Hypocrites," bit out Tali.

"We do not know for sure that is true," defended Liara.

Kaidan sighed. "I know we don't have much time to find out. How do we _get_ to the beacon, though?"

"When active, the beacon will emit enough energy to break through this shell. We simply have to activate it." Javik wandered over to one of the surrounding artifacts.

Garrus slowly circled in place. "Uh, as far as I'm aware, you have to be closer to start these things, and I don't see any remote on-switch."

Javik snorted rudely. "Prothean technology is not as crude as pressing a button. We cannot let just anyone remotely activate them, therefore, only a prothean would recognize the command points."

"A prothean, and Shepard. She wouldn't have been able to wake _you_ , otherwise," announced Garrus.

"Correct." Javik reached out with his mind to the command point he had seen. Instantly a ray of light shot out towards the statue of Athame, and cracks appeared. He swung triumphantly towards Liara. "This confirms that the asari owe their superiority to _my_ people."

Liara clenched her jaw. "And _you_ owe the mass effect relays to the Reapers. How did _that_ turn out?"

Javik grinned. "So you _do_ bite. Good. We need that." He directed his attention back to the other artifacts. "There is more than one command point." He continued around the spacious temple, checking each artifact until he found what he was looking for. Four rays of light later and the statue fell to pieces, revealing the beacon underneath. "The activation is complete. I can access the beacon now."

As soon as Javik approached, a ball of energy descended down from the beacon, to stop in front of him.

"Obtaining chronological marker. Hold… Time scale established. Post-Prothean cycle confirmed."

"One of our computers," informed Javik.

It rose up above their heads as though scanning the outside area. "Reaper presence detected. The galactic cycle has already reached its extinction terminus. Systems shutting down." It began to shrink.

"Wait!" shouted Kaidan, his heart hammering. "We need answers!" He couldn't lose the only chance they had.

It moved in front of him, little more than an inch from his nose. "To what question?"

"The Catalyst. We need to know what it is to finish the Crucible."

It hovered to a short distance, and morphed into an image of a prothean. "I am called Vendetta. An advanced virtual construct of Pashek Vran, overseer of the project you refer to as 'Crucible'."

Kaidan was almost dumbstruck. This is what they had needed. An expert. It was here all along…

"Your time is at an end," the VI proclaimed.

"Were all protheans so grim?" Liara groused.

"Why didn't you get to finish the Crucible in your time?" questioned Kaidan.

"We were sabotaged from within. A splinter group argued we should dominate the Reapers rather than destroy them. It fractured us. Later, we discovered the separatists were indoctrinated."

"Cerberus anyone?" Garrus uttered angrily.

The VI carried on. "Our studies of past ages led us to believe that time is cyclical. Many patterns repeat. The same peaks of evolution, the same valleys of dissolution. The same conflicts are expressed in every cycle, but in a different manner. The repetition is too prevalent to be merely chance."

"We assumed the Reapers were responsible for the pattern," Liara said.

"Perhaps. Though I believe the Reapers are only servants of the pattern. They are not its master."

"So who _is_ the master?" Kaidan asked, wondering what Terra would make of this.

"Unknown. Its presence is inferred, rather than observed. The only certainty is its intention. Galactic annihilation. You now stand at that precipice."

"But we haven't fallen yet. There's still hope," insisted Kaidan. "We need to know what the Catalyst is."

"If the Reapers have arrived to end your cycle, this discussion is too late."

If Kaidan could have grabbed hold of it and given it a shake, he would have. "Damn it, we can break this cycle! We found your plans for the Crucible! We've all but finished building it!"

"The Crucible is not a prothean design. It is the work of countless galactic cycles stretching back millions of years."

"Whoa!" murmured James.

"Each cycle adds to it. Each improves upon it. Thus far, none have successfully defeated the Reapers with it."

"Then _we'll_ be the first," avowed Kaidan. "Tell us what the Catalyst is."

"Listen to the human," added Javik, to the VI. "He can be trusted."

"I detect you are one of us. You are prothean," the VI said.

"The last. I am the final hope to avenge our people."

"Your mission was known to me, Commander Javik. Do you believe this present cycle can deliver retribution?"

Javik looked around at them all, finishing on Kaidan, whom he studied for a few seconds longer. Turning back to the VI, he said, "They have earned the right to try."

"Tell us what we need to know!" Kaidan demanded.

"Very well," conceded the VI. "If you have followed the plans for the Crucible, I will interface with your systems and assist with the Catalyst to-" It broke off, and looked out towards the temple entrance. "Indoctrinated presence detected. Activating security protocol." It shrank back down to a ball and returned to the base of the beacon.

Like the others, Kaidan raised his weapon, staring towards the entrance of the temple where a gunship had just dropped someone. "Who-?"

"Kai Leng," growled out Garrus, and James added, "Bastard."

" _You_ killed the scientists," Liara accused.

Kaidan had already figured that out the minute Garrus had uttered the man's name. Remembering what James had told them, Kaidan had an unbidden image of Leng pinning Terra down and… He shut it down. It wasn't helpful. He needed to stay in control. Anger would get him killed. He looked down at the dead scientists at his feet. Had they spilled the secret of the beacon? Just like on Eden Prime, Cerberus had held back to let them do their dirty work, because they couldn't access the beacon without Shepard or Javik.

"Back off," warned Kaidan.

Leng stopped at the other end of the aisle. "I just want your attention. Someone would like to talk with you." He released a holographic ball, like a smaller version of Glyph, and synced it to his omnitool. It stopped in front of Kaidan, and the image of the Illusive Man was projected into the temple.

" _Major Alenko_."

"How did you find this place?"

The Illusive Man had a trace of a smile on his face. " _The asari Councillor thinks her people are smart enough to remove all traces of our monitoring devices. She's wrong. It was an interesting conversation, though not a surprising one. The asari were not likely to be so advanced without a little extra help._ "

Kaidan now understood that the delay at the Citadel was no technical fault. It was to give Cerberus a head-start.

" _What_ was _a surprise was Shepard's absence - even_ here _. I'd hazard a guess, and say she's out of the game. So,_ you've _taken up her mantle, and helped uncover the key to subjugating the Reapers_."

This was the man who had orchestrated to keep him away from Terra when she'd come back to life... Kaidan held himself back. "You mean destroy them."

" _Damn it, Alenko! You've let Shepard influence you! Think about it logically! Destroying the Reapers gains us_ nothing!"

"How about peace?" countered Kaidan.

" _They're just trying to control us. Think about it. If they wanted all organic life destroyed, they could do it. There would be nothing left. I know them, Major. I know how they think_."

"You know what they _want_ you to know. That's how indoctrination works. They've already tried the symbiosis argument with Saren."

" _No… I'm saying they've got it right. Why kill when you can control_?"

Kaidan caught the short seconds of hesitation. "'Just trying to control us?' Tell that to the protheans! You saw the Collectors! Can't you see that they've messed with your head? Not so long ago, you were bringing back Shepard to put _down_ the Reapers pets!"

" _No. I just… see things differently now_."

"Of course you do. It's how they want it. If you truly care about humanity, you'll stop fighting us."

" _Don't_ _question my intentions. I've sacrificed more for humanity than you'll ever know. And don't assume you know me. My methods for dealing with the Reapers are simply more refined than the Alliance's_."

"So this is what Cerberus stands for? A dagger in the back of humanity?"

" _Poetic. But just like Shepard, you miss the point. The galaxy is greyer than you care to admit_."

"Don't patronize me. With this data we can end the conflict, once and for all. You're either with us or against us. There's nothing grey about that."

" _No, I suppose there isn't_." The Illusive Man began to walk away. " _Leng, the Major has something I need. Please relieve him of it. And then bring me the data._ " With that, he vanished, and the orb returned to Leng.

"Understood." With a nasty smirk directed intently at Kaidan, Leng withdrew his sword.

The fight was on.

**-x-**


	76. Failure and Family

They were all hunkered down to avoid the heavy gunfire from the gunship, and Kaidan had had enough of it. Leng was toying with them. Every time they brought down his shields, Leng would order the gunship to cover him while he recharged. Leng had to know that he wasn't going to get past them, and Kaidan feared the gunship would soon be playing a bigger part in this fight.

As if on cue, he heard Leng order, "Target the supports!"

Kaidan started to shout out to the others who were further back, but it was too late. The rockets hit the ancient stone columns right near Javik, James and Edi, and with the loss of its support, part of the ceiling collapsed right on top of them. Another column began to topple, and Kaidan dived out of the way, taking Liara with him. At the same time, Leng rushed forward in a biotic haze, slamming into Garrus and stunning him, then kicked him hard, sending him flying into Tali, knocking them both out. More of the ceiling fell and Liara jumped to one side as Kaidan rolled the other. The stone crashed into the floor and then Kaidan could feel the ground crumbling beneath him. He pushed himself up and away, but his new footing was little better and suddenly dipped at an angle, creating a ramp that Kaidan tumbled down. He just managed to catch one of the thin metal rods that were threaded through the floor to provide it with extra strength. Far beneath him, the sound of crashing stone indicated the fall would be a death sentence. Above him, Liara was perched on the edge, unconscious, a stream of blood running from her forehead. Assessing his situation, he decided that if the slab held, he could climb his way up. He started to reach for a crack in the stone that he could use as another handhold when he heard a scuffling of feet above him. Kaidan looked up, hoping to see one of the crew. He was disappointed.

Leng peered over the edge, Liara at his feet, a snide grin on his face. "Is this really the best you can do, Alenko? I'd hoped you'd provide some _real_ competition."

He didn't get to say anymore as Kaidan blasted Leng with a biotic throw that had him slamming hard up into what was left of the ceiling.

Leng fell awkwardly in a way that would have broken anyone else's legs. His, however, were improved, almost completely synthetic. They absorbed the impact, though his head and upper body were feeling incredible pain. It angered him. He'd been caught off-guard. Careless of him. Leng ran a shot of medigel through his system and stood. The turian was stirring and Leng raised his pistol and put a shot through the alien's chest. Time to wrap things up.

Kaidan kept his gaze on that area above him as he started to pull himself up, his biotics still flaring. Halfway up, he heard the returning footsteps and prepared to dispense another throw. He was tempted to use his biotics to yank Leng _down_ , but with Liara laying there, she could be pulled in too. What he hadn't expected, but should of, was Leng kicking Liara off the edge with enough force to send her over Kaidan's head. She tumbled out into the void, and Kaidan desperately flung out his energy to pull her to him, grabbing her with one hand while he dangled precariously from the other. He looked up but saw nothing. Leng was no doubt obtaining the beacon data.

Kaidan needed Liara to wake up. Were Garrus, Tali and the others still alive up there? Who had been at the end of that gunshot?

Once again, Leng appeared at the edge, this time crouching, making a point of twirling the orb of prothean data he now held in his hand. "Shame you're all the way down there. I'd have liked the satisfaction of running my blade through you. If you weren't so pathetic, you'd drop the alien and save yourself; bring the fight to me.” He studied the orb. “Reclaim the prize. But you can't, because you're weak. You've failed, Spectre Alenko." Leng looked up into the sky, planting a deliberately contemplative look on his face, then a more ominous look down at Kaidan. "So… Shepard will be up there… all alone. Vulnerable. I should pay her a visit."

Kaidan's whole system jolted at the thought. He would have charged up there to bring that bastard down, to protect Terra, but he couldn't, because it would mean having to let Liara fall. Terra would never forgive him, nor would he forgive himself. "Fuck!" he swore out his fury and frustration. "You son of a bitch! You stay the hell away from her!"

Leng gave another laugh. "I think it's only right that a woman like that should have a _real_ man. You can die in the knowledge that I'm going to take her back to Cerberus. The Illusive Man will be _very_ happy. She'll be improved, and with it, her allegiance to us will be ensured, just like it should have been when we first brought her back. But don't worry, I'll take care of her every need, _personally_."

"Don't you touch her!"

Leng grinned. "But she doesn't belong to you, Alenko. I'm just returning her to her rightful owner. Then I'm going to make her mine.” He smirked. “Cerberus thanks you for all your hard work." He straightened and stomped his foot hard on the ground in front of him, backing away to leave as the flooring started to give way.

Kaidan thought that was it. The slab was crumbling, and it suddenly swung into a vertical position. He lost his grip as it jolted to a stop, but managed to grab the metal rod he'd caught hold of earlier. From this position though, he could already feel his hand sliding. He hung there, his fingers, hand, arm and shoulder aching painfully, completely helpless. He'd lost the data. The final piece to the Crucible, and Cerberus had just walked out with it. And Terra… He battled against the feeling of hopelessness. He could almost hear her in his ear, telling him it wasn't over until he'd stopped breathing.

"Goddess!" Liara jerked in surprise as she woke to the dark chasm below her.

A rush of adrenaline coursed through Kaidan. "Liara! Climb!"

"I am so dizzy…"

"Liara! NOW!" he shouted.

She immediately started to climb her way up him and once she had her own grip on the slab, he released his hold on her and biotically threw her up. Her weight as she landed was the final straw for the floor supports, and the slab broke away, taking Kaidan with it.

"Kaidan!" yelled Liara. She caught him in mid-air, the blue energy encircling him and lifting him up to join her.

As soon as Kaidan's feet hit solid ground, he raced over to the pile of rubble. "Check the others!" he called back to Liara, indicating towards Garrus and Tali. He started heaving up large areas of stone in one biotic lift, flinging the debris aside while he connected to Joker. "Joker! You need to be on high alert!"

" _Uh… I'm sitting in the middle of Reaper-infested space. How much more alert should I be_?"

"Cerberus may attempt to gain access to the Normandy."

" _Cerberus? What the hell?_ **They're** _here, too!? They wouldn't really try anything_ **now** _, right_?"

"Kai Leng would."

" _Kai Leng? The one that-? There's no way he's flying off with my ship_!"

"It's not the ship he wants."

" _Shepard!? Nuh uh! No way! Not on my watch! Don't you worry. I've got this. Just get your asses back here_."

"Prepare Doctor Chakwas for our arrival. We've got wounded."

" _I'm on it._ "

"Cortez. We're going to need a pickup. What's the closest viable rendezvous point?"

" _Looks like you got rid of the bulk of enemy forces in your area. I think I can come straight to you, Major."_

"Then step on it, Cortez. We need to bug out a-sap."

" _Copy that."_

Kaidan hadn't stopped and finally unearthed his team. Javik emerged scowling, James was unconscious but breathing, and Edi seemed to be offline. Kaidan quickly scanned James. A nasty concussion but he'd live. Javik was already on his feet, so Kaidan ran over to Liara who was hurriedly applying medigel to a gunshot wound suffered by an unresponsive Garrus. Beside her, Tali was propped against the rubble, one hand at her head, the other wrapped around her middle. Scanning Garrus, Kaidan noted the path of the shot had missed anything vital. It was damned lucky considering how close it had come to Garrus' heart. The turian also had some cracked ribs and a concussion, but with the gunshot wound now sealed, he should be okay, though a little weak from blood loss. Tali offered another concussion and what would probably be some severe bruising, and Liara was the same.

A sudden gasp of air from James as he hastily sat up, had Kaidan joining the Lieutenant. "Easy there, Vega. Your head's going to be spinning for a bit."

"Holy… Holy shit!" puffed out James. "That bastard! Where is he?"

"Gone," Kaidan said, bluntly, trying not to think about the consequences of that right now.

"Gone? In a 'dead way' gone? Or a 'walked out of here' gone?"

"The latter, unfortunately," Kaidan responded, solemnly.

"Shit," cursed James.

"Think you can stand straight? We need to go."

James nodded carefully. "Yeah, I'm good."

"Tali?"

"I think so..." Her whole demeanour was despondent as she looked at the ruins around them. "I can't believe all this. We didn't get the data, did we?"

"No, we didn't," Kaidan confirmed, sombrely. He re-scanned Garrus. Still stable. "Tali. Are you well enough to take a look at Edi?"

"Of course." Tali walked gingerly over to Edi and started running her omnitool.

With a groan, Garrus opened his eyes.

Liara stopped him from sitting up. "Try not to move too much, Garrus. You were shot."

Garrus relaxed back and fixed his gaze on Kaidan. "Everyone else make it?"

"Yeah. Well… I'm not sure what's happened to Edi."

"It's fixable," informed Tali. "Looks like an important circuit was damaged. I can make a crude repair. It will last long enough until we get back to the ship."

Kaidan looked back at Garrus. "Then yes. We all made it."

"Damned miracle," breathed out Garrus.

"At least something went in our favour," Kaidan frowned. Tali then reactivated Edi, and Cortez arrived with the shuttle. Time to get out of here. "Edi, you functioning?"

"Satisfactorily," replied Edi, standing. "There is a significant period of time since Cerberus' arrival that I cannot account for. That is… disconcerting."

"Yeah, I'm feeling that, too, Edi," James sympathised.

"Okay. Everyone get to the shuttle. Ready for this, Garrus?" Kaidan checked.

"Well, I sure as hell don't intend to stay here."

Kaidan helped him to his feet, and over to the shuttle.

" _This is Lieutenant Kurin. Is anyone on this frequency? My squad are trapped_!"

Hearing the asari who had ordered her squad to help them get to the temple, Kaidan immediately responded. "This is Major Alenko! We're-"

" _I repeat. Is anyone on this frequency_?"

Kaidan felt the frustration caused by the communication interference. "We read you! We'll head to your-"

Another voice came on. " _The Lieutenant's down! Our whole area's collapsing! Did the Alliance make it to the temple? Wait! I've got a Reaper inbound! Please, is anybody there? Goddess! NO!_ -"

Now standing inside the shuttle, Kaidan looked over in the direction of Kurin's last position as Cortez piloted them away. Kaidan couldn't physically see those asari commandoes, but the Reaper that now occupied that area was clear. Kurin and her people had stayed to hold back the Reaper forces in the hope that Kaidan and his team would get what they needed to end this. If he hadn't demanded their help when they had been about to fall back, they would be alive right now. And he'd failed them all. He closed the hatch and looked around at his squad. They looked how he felt: beaten.

-x-

"Miranda. Are you ready to leave with your research?"

" _We have a major problem. The Reapers have picked up on the signal we recreated. We're under attack. They targeted our vessels first. There's no way off-planet._ "

That wasn't what the Illusive Man wanted to hear in his moment of glory over the prothean data. He sobered quickly. "I'll have extra forces sent to you immediately. Hold out, Miranda," he ordered. "I want that research."

" _Yes, Sir_."

The Illusive Man wasn't happy. Henry Lawson had been adamant he knew what he was doing, that the Reapers wouldn't be able to detect them with the safeguards he had in place. He was very wrong. The Illusive Man hated incompetence, especially when it stopped him from getting what he wanted. Maybe he wouldn't need it now he had the prothean data, but he liked to cover all bases. You could never have too much control. Shepard had taught him that the hard way when she'd walked away from him. Control. No one would be able to turn their backs on him when he had the Reapers ability to bend the wills of those around him….

-x-

"Sir, we picked up their transmission," informed the Cerberus pilot.

"Predictable," grinned Leng. He'd been expecting the quarian to call for help. It's why he hadn't planted a bullet through her too. Or _was_ it her…? "Who?"

"The Major."

Now that did surprise him. He had to admit he was impressed Alenko had survived. It also made him eager for their next confrontation. With luck, he'd get to deal with Alenko up close and personal. "Can you use it to get a position on their ship?"

"An approximate one. It will get us close enough for a visual. It's near."

"Good." The _Normandy_ was more than capable of handling anything this ship could throw at it though. He needed to think outside the box. "Draw their fire, then send out the gunship. Full throttle. Straight at it." Shields and armour were little match for a high-speed impact. He just needed the medbay intact.

"Sir?" baulked the pilot.

"You heard me," Leng said firmly.

"But our men-"

Leng was irritated. "Will die for Cerberus' success. Do it!" Leng emphasized his authority with a blade at the pilot's throat.

"Y-Yes, Sir!" The screen bleeped in front of him "…Um, Sir, I have the Illusive Man for you."

Leng replaced his blade in its sheath. "Put him through."

" _Leng. I need you to detour immediately. Sanctuary's under Reaper attack, and I need the research before it's too late_."

"Understood. And the Lawsons?"

" _Expendable_."

"As you wish. Alenko is still alive, but I have a chance to acquire Shepard from the Normandy."

" _If there was more time, I'd give you my blessing, but there isn't. Any injury severe enough to keep Shepard out of the fight means we have to waste more time fixing her. She no longer appears to be a threat. And taking on the Normandy would guarantee us damage. I need your ship and its men fighting fit if you're to get that research. Not to mention you hold that data. Once I have that data and Lawson's work, we'll be above the Alliance's pitiful attempts to stop us. If Shepard or Alenko do show up again, I have every confidence things will be in place to control them without much trouble_."

"Very well."

" _Good. I'll look forward to your arrival, Leng. This is the beginning of a new era_."

With the connection cut, Leng glared down at the pilot. "Tell the gunship to stand down. Get us to Sanctuary."

"Yes, Sir."

Leng ignored the relief in the pilot's voice, and took one last look at the screen that displayed the _Normandy's_ approximate location. So close.

-x-

Kaidan stood in the communication bay in the War room. It had taken him every ounce of willpower he had not to race to the medbay once they'd returned from Thessia, but Joker had assured him that though he had detected Cerberus' ship on an intercept course, they had suddenly taken off. So Kaidan had refrained from what would only be his personal need, and concentrated on his duty.

He'd made his report to Hackett and sent it off, wondering what Terra's father would think of his failure with such an important task. Then he'd been faced with another: informing the asari Councillor. That had been a hard call to make. Councillor Tevos had been devastated by the news that they'd failed. That Thessia had fallen. There was a small part of him that wanted to tell her it was her own fault for delaying, but it would be cruel and pointless. Tevos knew.

Now, in the quiet that ensued, Kaidan questioned his part in it. Would things have gone differently if Terra had led the mission? Had he missed something? Some solution that could have altered the outcome? He played it all through in his head a hundred different ways but ended up with the same conclusion – that it was unlikely to have gone any other way, and he might even have lost Terra in the collapse, like he'd nearly lost Liara. It didn't help to make him feel better about it. That data had been so important... He wished he could talk to Terra….

"You know that wasn't your fault, right?"

Kaidan swung to see Garrus propped up against the War room's central console, and he walked over to join him, extremely glad that the dependable turian was still standing. He'd never have been able to face Terra if he'd lost her closest friend. "Doesn't make it any easier to swallow, though."

"Yeah. But there was no way we could have known Cerberus would get there before us," reasoned Garrus.

"Wasn't there?" Kaidan questioned, angry at himself. "They were there on Mars, you fought them on Sur'Kesh and Tuchanka. They were even on the Citadel. I should've been prepared for them to show up. Now they have the data and we can't finish the Crucible. I'm sick of Cerberus beating us to the punch."

"I'm with you there." Garrus shifted, wincing a little.

Kaidan frowned at him. "You sure you're supposed to be up and about already?"

"Aah," Garrus waved it away dismissively. "Chakwas has a room-full, she needed the space."

"You mean you slipped out when she wasn't looking." Kaidan shook his head in amusement. "You and Shepard… like two peas in a pod."

"Huh?"

"Alike," clarified Kaidan.

"Oh, well, then I'll take that as a compliment," Garrus said proudly.

"You should," smiled Kaidan.

Garrus' brow plates tilted slightly. "You're not about to propose, are you? I had to check with Shepard too, when _she_ got all gushy."

"Hh! No, you're safe. I'll stick with Shepard."

"Good to hear it." Garrus saw the heaviness that hung on Kaidan. "How are you holding up?"

"Holding," Kaidan replied, simply.

Garrus briefly placed his hand on Kaidan's shoulder in a show of solidarity.

Looking over at the image of the almost completed Crucible, the anger reignited within Kaidan. "More people die the longer it takes us to finish the Crucible."

Garrus nodded. "And now Cerberus have delayed it again."

"A delay is all it's going to be," Kaidan said determinedly, and he started out of the room, Garrus keeping pace.

" _There's_ a man on a mission if ever I've seen one."

"I hate to push her when she's hurting over her home-world, but we need the Shadow Broker," said Kaidan. "Liara was trying to crack that encryption on those messages from Miranda Lawson to Billy."

"And where the Cerberus Bitch is, just might be where the Illusive Bastard is," understood Garrus. "Not to mention that sword-wielding minion of his." Garrus' hand subconsciously went to his chest.

"Let's hope."

"Hope. Yeah, we really need some of that right now."

"Agreed."

Traynor spun to Kaidan and Garrus as they exited the War room. "Major, there's a message waiting for you, supposedly from asari High Command, but its signature's all wrong."

Kaidan opened it on the CIC terminal.

**Good. You survived. I'll get the chance to finish you properly.**

**When I'm done removing your head from your body, I'll be reacquainting with Shepard. I can still remember that teasing scent, that sweet-tasting skin on my tongue. Next time, there'll be no armour in my way. I bet she brings the same intensity she has on the battlefield, into the bed. I'll match it with my own.**

**K.L.**

Kaidan didn't stop the obscenity escaping his mouth and he moved aside so Garrus could read it.

"We have got to find that man and shove that sword so far up his ass he'll be able to pick his teeth with it," cursed Garrus.

"He needs castrating," gritted out Kaidan.

"Whoa! Steady on now! That's just ruthless!" Garrus exclaimed, feeling the need to assume a defensive position at the aforementioned area.

Kaidan quirked his brows at Garrus' reaction. "As opposed to _your_ suggestion?"

"Absolutely. Castration… that's just a step too far, Alenko!" half-joked Garrus.

"Men. You're all alien to me," muttered Traynor.

The two men just looked at each other and shrugged, then they headed for the elevator.

"Traynor, would you contact Bailey? Let him know about Cerberus delaying us at the docking bay. He's got a mole to root out in the Citadel Control Room," Kaidan called out before he hit the button.

"Yes, Major."

x

Chaos reigned all around Miranda as she finished backing everything up.

"Operative Lawson!" An agent came running over. "The Reaper forces have infiltrated the civilian sector!"

Miranda didn't even look up. "While they're concentrating on them, they're not here with us. That's a good thing." At the silence, Miranda glanced up. "Don't look so shocked. Those people were only walking test subjects, nothing more. They're no longer required."

"I thought this was to save humanity," frowned the agent.

"It _is,"_ insisted Miranda. "If a few thousand have to die to ensure this research gets to the Illusive Man, then it's justified. Trillions more will be saved. The Illusive Man knows what he's doing."

"Yes, Ma'am." The agent left, and Miranda shook her head in annoyance. Few had what it took to make those hard choices.

"Is the Illusive Man sending reinforcements?"

Miranda looked up as her father hurried in. "Of course. They'll be here in a few hours."

"A few hours!? How are we supposed to survive until then!?"

"This part of the facility is completely hidden. It will take the Reaper troops a while to figure out a way in, if at all. In the meantime, every agent we've got is out there providing them with a distraction. We'll be fine."

Henry Lawson flopped in a seat with a deep breath. "Right. Fine."

"What's the matter, father? Not prepared to give up your life for your legacy?" jeered Miranda.

"No. What's the point of achieving a legacy you don't get a chance to bask in before you die?"

"Not happy with the one standing in front of you?"

Henry's face twisted into a brief sneer. "No offense Miranda darling, but unless you're Commander bloody Shepard, you aren't going to have much impact on the family name."

That was the worst thing her father could have said to her. She always knew she was merely a creation for her father's amusement. Something he did because he could. That didn't bother her, and she certainly didn't care. But mentioning that woman's name grated down her spine. Her father had created her for the soul intention of being 'perfect', yet even _he_ placed Shepard above her. Miranda threw him a venomous look, grabbed the completed backup and stormed out to wait for her ride, _alone_.

x

"Those were all lies back there!"

The sound of Liara's uncharacteristically incensed words, filtered through the opening elevator doors.

"They were not," replied Javik, unconcerned.

"Uh oh," Garrus exchanged a look with Kaidan, as they made their way round to the Mess where the two were standing on opposite sides of the table.

"My people were not animals for _your_ kind to experiment on!" Liara said angrily.

"You wanted to know more about your history, asari. Now you do."

Liara's biotics ignited with her anger. "I have a name! It is Liara T'Soni! And I-"

"Hey! Settle down!" Kaidan interrupted quickly. He didn't need a biotic battle inside the ship.

Liara swung to him. "My home was just destroyed and all _he_ can do is gloat!"

Kaidan was unsurprised Javik had upset her. "Given what's happened today, I think you owe Liara an apology, Javik."

"Apologise for the truth?"

"For not doing more!" Liara declared. "You are a prothean! You are supposed to have all the answers! How could you not stop this from happening?" It was a desperate response from a woman who had looked up to the race she'd studied for decades, and now had her rose-tinted glasses brutally crushed.

"We believed _you_ would," Javik said calmly. "Long ago, we saw the potential in your people. Even then it was obvious. The wisdom. The patience. You were the best hope for this cycle, so you were… guided, where necessary."

Liara deflated. "Well, it did not work."

"You're still alive, aren't you? As long as even one asari is left standing, the fight is not over."

Studying Javik, she finally replied, "I guess that goes for protheans, too."

"Despair is the enemy's strongest weapon," explained Javik. "Do not let them wield it… Liara T'Soni."

Her anger replaced with sorrow, Liara turned solemnly away and walked back to her room. Kaidan indicated to Garrus that he was going to check on her, and went in after her.

Garrus looked at Javik. "You know, I thought I had you pegged as having about as much tact as a Vorcha, but you just surprised me with that last comment. That was actually quite inspiring."

"I did not make it to the rank of Commander without being able to rally those I served over, Garrus Vakarian. Nor did I coddle them with false truths."

"Yet to have infuriated mild-mannered Liara is quite an achievement." Garrus started to walk up to the Battery.

"Thank you."

Spinning so he was walking backwards, Garrus sighed. "That wasn't a compliment. And for the record, you don't serve over us here." He turned and vanished into the Battery, where he could take refuge from the challenge to his patience, known as Javik.

...

Liara was slumped on the bed looking traumatized, and Kaidan approached her carefully.

"If only I had known about that beacon… My mother hid the galaxy's most important archaeological find from me!"

"Liara, the penalties for withholding prothean technology is one of the harshest in Council space. I think it's likely she was trying to protect you from that."

"Perhaps. … I had not considered that. Thank you, Kaidan." She stared down at her hands, braced on the sheets. "How did this happen? My whole civilization. Our history. The protheans made it a lie all along. Everything I have ever done was pointless! My prothean research… Our deities are not even real! Just protheans. And now we are dying…."

"Not pointless. Look at where you are now. Without your research, you wouldn't have known about Ilos, and we wouldn't have the Crucible now. And your past? It doesn't change who your people are, Liara. If we move fast enough, they'll have a chance to survive this. To start again." He leant forward to meet her eyes. "We haven't lost the asari yet. We need to find Cerberus, and get that data back."

The drive returned to her, reflected in her face. "Yes." She stood up from the bed. "Yes. Find Cerberus." She started for her terminal. "You are right. I cannot stop now. I am closing in on Miranda. It should not be much longer."

"Good. Let me know the second you have a location."

"Of course. And I have a lead on Samara. I have her trail, it is just a matter of working out her destination."

"I knew we could count on you, Liara. Will you be alright?"

"It is a lot to deal with, but I will be fine. Work will help."

"Just don't burn yourself out. We need you."

With an acknowledging nod from Liara, Kaidan left the room and headed to the medbay, faltering when he saw Javik standing at the window looking towards where Terra lay, the privacy barrier moved aside as Chakwas did her checks. He decided to join him there. "Anything wrong, Javik?"

Javik did not take his eyes from Shepard. "In my time, such a liaison between officers would not be allowed."

Not expecting that statement, Kaidan had to close his mouth. He felt a sudden awkwardness. "It's not so different now," he admitted.

Javik looked at Kaidan now, casting his judgemental visage over him. "So you chose to disobey your superiors. Foolish."

Kaidan bristled at that. "We're getting the job done, and no one is placed above another here. We'll do what we have to do."

"Perhaps. But that is not the real issue here, is it? How can the Commander be at her best when her body is under extra strain?"

"I don't understand," frowned Kaidan. He looked at Terra, laying there, looking so peaceful, but inside...

"I discovered it when I read her in the shuttle, above your colony, Eden Prime. I decided that she would fight better, the longer she was unaware."

Kaidan was beginning to get worried. Was there something Chakwas had missed? Or hadn't missed...? The doctor had been flustered earlier… "Unaware of what?" he demanded.

"She has _two_ hearts beating within her."

"Two-?" Kaidan sucked in a breath when it clicked. He stared at Terra, stunned. "You mean she's…? Oh my God!" He was so shocked he didn't know how to feel.

"Your God cannot save you from your idiocy," stated Javik. "If you served the Empire, you would both be executed for dereliction of your duty. There can be nothing else but the fight."

Kaidan turned to Javik in disbelief. "Christ, it's no wonder you fell to the Reapers! What the hell did you have to fight for?"

"We fought for the glory of the Empire."

Kaidan shook his head. "But what about on a personal level?"

"Such selfishness was unacceptable," snapped Javik.

Kaidan reared back a little. "Selfishness?" He pondered that before responding, his gaze returning to Terra. "Maybe it is, but I fight harder because of her. Because I see the future we could have. Without that… I'd be going through the motions. Duty isn't enough."

"You are wrong. Duty is _everything_ ," Javik argued.

"No, it's not," insisted Kaidan, his full attention on the prothean. "I experienced the reality of that when I lost her. And you were wrong about Shepard, too. She would fight just as hard, if not harder – to save the life inside her." He felt strange inside as he said the words. It was a thrill jostling with the fear of what could happen….

"Maybe," continued Javik. "If she wakes, we will find out, one way or another."

"So you had no one? What if you'd won? What did you see ahead of you?" wondered Kaidan.

"The present is all that matters."

Kaidan studied the prothean for a moment, feeling pity for him. "Then your life seems very empty, Javik," he said quietly.

"It is filled with one purpose. Vengeance," declared Javik.

"And when you get it?"

Javik frowned, unable to answer.

"I'll leave you to your vengeance." Kaidan left him at the window and as soon as he entered the medbay he blanked out the windows. He needed privacy, and he had more important concerns than being rude to a man who thought he and Terra should have been executed for falling in love. Going straight to Terra, he picked up her hand and enclosed it in his two.

"Doc, is it true? Shepard's pregnant?" he asked softly.

Despite his low volume, Chakwas' whole body jerked in surprise. "How did-?"

"Javik."

Chakwas exhaled, mostly out of relief. "I apologise for not telling you, Kaidan, but I thought it was only right that Shepard be the first to know. But now you do… Here." She clicked on a screen that showed him a magnified image, barely more than a blob, but the heartbeat was clear and made his heart hammer in his chest, and tears spring to his eyes. He was a tempest of mixed emotions. It was wonderful and devastating. Terra had so much more to contend with now. This wasn't fair on her. If - _when_ \- she awoke, she'd know that every battle she strode into was with an innocent inside her. And he knew she'd still go, but with a heavy burden. There was little choice, and he'd never ask her not to.

He sat down beside her and brought her hand to his lips. They'd made a child together. All her tiredness now made sense, even the sickness she'd had which he'd thought had been brought on by her nightmare, he now saw in a new light. Looking back at the screen, he saw a date.

"Is that…?"

"The day she conceived. Yes."

The day of the Cerberus coup. Their reunion after so long apart…

"You didn't add this in your report to Hackett?"

"No. I only need to include medical issues that could have a direct bearing on her ability. At this stage, that isn't the case. Now I know about it, I can continue the supplements that will help to counter the fatigue. And… things could change, depending on her choices."

"You mean if she decided not to keep it."

"It's something you should be prepared for. As a soldier in her position, she may decide it isn't a viable option to continue the pregnancy."

"She'd never make that choice," Kaidan said with certainty.

"That may be wishful thinking, Kaidan. This is a new situation for Shepard, that's happened in the middle of a war."

"I know her, Doc."

"Okay," Chakwas let it go, and hoped he would understand if Shepard chose otherwise. If she ever got to choose…

"And everything's okay? I mean, with what Shepard's been through… That fall back on the Citadel-"

"Everything's normal. The embryo is completely healthy and unharmed. The human body is an amazing thing."

Kaidan was relieved, but distracted. He was remembering the bruises along her side, and her broken ribs from that fall, then he replayed that moment when Billy was about to stab her. The knife had been aiming for her abdomen… He felt ill at the image of how close their child had come to dying then.

"I'll give you some space."

Chakwas left the medbay, and Kaidan placed his hand on Terra's stomach. He thought he'd been blessed when she'd agreed to marry him. Now she was carrying his child… It was everything he could have wanted with Terra. But why now? Fate, Liara had said before. But what else did it have in store for them. Did everything have to balance out? Bad with the good? What was next? Good or bad?

Deciding he was going to drive himself crazy with it, Kaidan shut it down. He preferred to believe they were in control of their own lives, to some degree at least.

He bent to kiss her lips. "Hey. It's been a hell of a day." Kaidan rested his forehead against Terra's. "I really need to hear your voice. I need that smile. That twinkle in your eye… I need you to tell me it's all going to be okay, because I'm struggling right now…" His voice cracked. "I need _you_. Both of you." He had an overwhelming rush of grief, and he lost his battle to keep it in.

The door opened behind him, and Kaidan quickly rose up and ran his hands over his face to wipe away his tears. He turned to see Liara rushing to him.

"Kaidan, I have discovered a distress signal that was sent to the asari High Command, from an Ardat-Yakshi monastery, reporting a Reaper attack!"

Kaidan had to get his head around what Liara had just said, while he wondered why she was telling him. "Uh, Ardat-Yakshi… That's the name your people give to asari who have a genetic condition that compels them to...overpower their partner during mating, right?"

"Correct. It causes the victim's brain to haemorrhage, and the Ardat-Yakshi is left stronger and with a greater compulsion."

"So when you say it's a monastery, you mean it's a place they take refuge?"

"To segregate themselves from the rest of society, and prevent themselves from causing harm, yes."

Kaidan remembered the report about Morinth, following Liara's thinking. "You think Samara would have headed there?"

"Her previous locations indicate she is going in that direction. You already know that Morinth was her daughter, but Samara also has two others. Both Ardat-Yakshi. They have both submitted themselves to a life of seclusion at the monastery."

"Jesus… So Samara would have a personal reason to go there."

"I doubt that the Justicar code would allow such personal feeling to be involved. But she would have a duty as a Justicar to ensure they remained contained and did not present a threat to anyone."

Kaidan shook his head. "I don't know anything about this Code, but you don't switch off love. What have asari Command done in response?"

"Asari commandoes have been sent, but from what I can gather, they have lost contact with them."

"Transmit the coordinates to Joker. Great job, Liara."

Liara tapped on her omnitool, then faced Kaidan. "I do not know for certain that Samara is there," she warned.

"No, but it's more than we had a minute ago, and until we have a lead on Cerberus, we've got time to spare."

"Then I will keep working-"

Kaidan caught her arm. "Liara. Enough for now. Have Glyph carry on. You don't need to oversee the trace on Miranda. What you _do_ need is rest. While you can."

Liara looked like she was about to argue it, then she gave in. "Rest. Yes. You are right."

"Good." Liara left and Kaidan stood there, renewed by the possibility of finding Samara. "Joker, ETA?"

" _Three hours, tops_."

Kaidan turned back to Terra, and brought her hand to his lips. He had to be stronger, because it wasn't about his needs. Terra needed _him_ , and he was going to come through for her. For his family. But first, there was one person he should talk to.

x

Hackett had been surprised but pleased when Kaidan had requested a private call. The report he'd received was hard reading. Cerberus had taken their only hope to finish the Crucible. The man who stood before him was clearly under strain, but he held himself in a posture that was strong and defiant.

"Kaidan. How are you feeling?"

" _A little raw,_ " Kaidan admitted.

"I've been where you are on many an occasion, believe me. You've come out of that mission better than most would have. Be thankful you walked away with all your people. You all live to fight another day."

" _That fight's coming sooner rather than later_."

"You have something?"

" _We will soon. Liara's tracking Miranda Lawson. The net's closing_."

"That's good to hear. When you find their headquarters, send me the coordinates and I'll have my fleet ready to assist you. They're not getting to run off and hide again."

" _Yes, Sir_."

"Any update with Terra?"

" _No change, but we'll shortly be arriving at a monastery the Reapers have shown an interest in, where we believe that the asari Justicar, Samara, may be. Liara and I are hoping that Samara will be able to bring Terra out of the coma_."

"That could really work?" Hackett hardly dare hope, but it was an interesting suggestion.

" _There have been cases, but only between asari_."

"Still... If there's a chance..."

Kaidan nodded. " _It's all we have_."

Hackett looked at Kaidan intently, wanting the young man to know what he thought. "You're an outstanding soldier, Kaidan, and I have every faith in you. You got knocked down but you're back on your feet and fighting. That's hard to do without losing confidence in yourself, so take it from me - you're one of the best."

" _I just do what I can. Thank you for sparing me your time. I just..."_ Kaidan had to take a breath before continuing. _"I miss Terra. And I know you must too. I just wanted you to know our plan_."

Hackett was more than impressed in that instant, and honoured that Kaidan had confided in him. "Appreciate it. I have the utmost respect for you, Kaidan Alenko. Not just as a soldier, but as the man my daughter's chosen. You're good for her, and I know that goes both ways. As far as I'm concerned, you're already a part of our family. I know Hannah is keen to meet you. It must be hard not to have your own parents to talk to. I still have your father at the top of our search list. ...In his absence, I'll tell you what I know he would if he could - I'm proud of you, son."

Kaidan raised a shaky hand to his eyes. When he'd regained his composure, he faced Hackett again. " _Thank you, Steven_."

Hackett gave him a small smile, hoping it covered his own emotion. "Now get back out there and kick some ass."

" _Yes, Sir_."

Kaidan finished with a salute, just like Terra would have done, and Hackett returned it sincerely, then quickly signed off before he embarrassed himself. He picked up Hannah's latest report. The Crucible was almost completed. Just a few more hours he was told. They only needed the trigger.

Hackett just needed his family, and he prayed that Kaidan would find this Justicar, and that she could bring his daughter back to them.

**-x-**


	77. Shrieks and Whispers

They had infiltrated the monastery easily enough. After checking Chakwas' medical reports on the ground team, Kaidan had given most of them the option of remaining behind, to allow them time to recover fully from the concussions and, in Garrus' case, gunshot wound, sustained during the last mission. They were all here, because they all knew the reason for the mission, and it had nothing to do with rescuing the Ardat-Yakshi that resided here.

Kaidan had led them through the eerily dark and silent rooms, only the occasional shriek resounding round the spaces to add to their taut nerves. It was a sound they were only too familiar with. Banshees.

They had emerged gratefully into a lighter area, and now stood on a balcony that offered a view of the mountains, but more importantly, an asari, on the level below them.

"Samara," greeted Garrus, at the same time confirming her identity to Kaidan.

"It has been a long time, Garrus. Good to see you too, Tali. You are both a most welcome sight. The corruption here runs deep."

"You mean the Reapers?"

Samara nodded. "Unfortunately, they had already infested this place by the time I arrived."

As much as Kaidan wanted to rush into exactly why they were here, he held himself back. It would be unfair when she was trying to find her children. "Samara. I'm Major Kaidan Alenko. I came here for your help. But first, I understand you have two daughters here."

The matriarch's face softened. "Kaidan. I know of you from Shepard. I understand from the news reports that you now serve with her aboard the Normandy. Is she not here?"

"She's back on the ship, but I'll explain more once we've dealt with what's here."

There was a hint of concern before Samara tipped her head slightly in agreement. "Most sensible. Yes, Rila and Falere are my responsibility, and it is one that cannot be abandoned."

"Then we'll help you find them."

"Very well."

Descending the stairs to join her, Kaidan walked beside Samara as they travelled further through the monastery.

It was Samara's youngest, Falere, who found _them_. The younger asari was frantic as she explained her sister, Rila, had been taken by the Reaper creatures into the Great Hall ahead of them.

"Then let's get there," Kaidan said.

Falere looked at him in suspicion. "You- You're helping? Those commandoes they sent didn't stop to help _anyone_. All they cared about was _purging_ us with their bomb," she said with disgust.

Kaidan didn't say what he was thinking – that he was only doing this to get Samara's aid. If what he understood from Liara was true, Samara would be forced to deal with her children herself. He wasn't sure he wanted to be a part of that, but execution would certainly be more merciful than being changed into some kind of monster. He wondered if there was another solution. Another place they could be taken, maybe. "Let's go."

Falere led the way, and they entered the Hall.

"Rila!"

Falere ran off across the spacious hall without care as she spotted her unconscious sister at the far end, propped against some containers. Kaidan, Samara and the others maintained their vigilant, slow advance. With the many columns and decorative walls, there were a lot of places the enemy could hide here.

"There's the bomb." Kaidan indicated to where it sat on top of the containers Rila, and now Falere were at.

"That's one big-ass bomb!" observed James, under his breath, so it wouldn't carry to Falere. "That's really necessary? I thought these asari are here through choice."

"You must understand, Lieutenant, that their only choice is to submit to a life here, or death," Samara said calmly. "These Ardat-Yakshi chose life, but it does not mean they are harmless. Their urge to feed can be powerful. And given a chance, they would leave an astronomical body count. It is why they can never be free."

James seemed a little troubled. "Still, going out in a massive orgasm can't be a bad way to go."

Garrus made a strangled sound as he tried to rein in his amusement.

"Did you mean to say that out loud!?" Tali exclaimed in disbelief.

"Goddess," whispered Liara.

"Come on!" James looked around at them, innocently. "You can't deny it!"

"Do your best to resist, Lieutenant," Kaidan advised in exasperation.

"Easy for _you_ to say. You've got Shepar-" James stopped abruptly, both talking and walking. "Shit. Sorry, Major."

"Just keep your head focused, Lieutenant." Kaidan carried on towards the back of the hall.

"Yes, Sir," James responded quietly.

Tali passed by James, and clipped him round the head.

"Ow! That's twice now, Sparks!"

Tali shrugged. "I figured Shepard would have ordered me to do it." She tossed him what had to be a disapproving look beneath the mask.

Recovering, James jogged to catch up. "Do I want to know why the Reapers would want to attack this place?"

"I believe that we have already encountered the results of Reaper interference with the Ardat-Yakshi," injected Edi.

"Banshees," murmured Liara.

"I thought they were from normal asari," murmured James. "Damn… And they get more powerful each time they kill, right? Not good."

They quietened down as they closed in on both the bomb and Samara's daughters.

"Falere. I do not think she can hear you," Samara said to her daughter, who was trying to get her sister to respond.

"What are you talking about? She's still alive!"

"I know. But I'm afraid that Rila is… not well."

Falere paled as she looked up at her mother. "No. No, she's not one of them. She can't be! She just needs to wake up! Rila!"

Rila opened her eyes, which immediately went black as she tried to strangle Falere. Kaidan knocked Rila away and she fell back, unconscious once more.

Grasping her neck, and backing away in shock, Falere looked imploringly at her mother. "Why did she do that!?"

"Because they've begun to turn her into one of the Reapers creatures," Samara replied, sadly.

"I'm sorry," was all Kaidan could offer, and he moved over to stand beside Garrus who was checking out the bomb.

"We aren't setting this bomb off without the detonator," informed Garrus.

"And I suppose it's absent," sighed Kaidan.

"Of course. It would be far too easy if it was just sitting here," Garrus drawled.

"The commandoes had to have one. We need to find it."

A screech filled the air.

"Heads up!" shouted James.

Two banshees appeared, along with a small force.

"Still tempted?" Tali threw out at James as she dived for cover.

"Nah, I'm good."

Kaidan ordered Liara to keep the husks off them, and Garrus to take out the cannibals, while the rest of them focused on the more challenging banshees who were able to cross a small distance in the blink of an eye. They had to keep evading the banshees whenever they got too close, the screeching clearly designed to have a psychological effect that made it hard to concentrate as it pervaded the air.

The silence when it came with the death of the last banshee, was almost shocking, and they all stood and stared around the room before accepting that it was over.

"Okay. Let's get back to finding that detonator." Kaidan noticed Rila standing up and rushing to her sister. He readied his weapon, prepared to take her out.

"Falere, go! Take the elevator!"

"Rila! You're okay! We need to go!" Falere tried to pull her sister, but Rila resisted.

"It's too late for me. There are hundreds coming! Just go!" Rila produced the detonator, giving her mother a look that made it clear what she intended. A chorus of shrieks filled the air.

"That many Banshees sounds bad!" commented James.

"Do you always point out the obvious, human?" griped Javik.

"No!" cried Falere.

"Get to the elevator, now!" Kaidan ordered his squad. Then he grabbed Falere and began pulling her with him, Samara following. Falere fought against him.

"Rila!"

"I love you," Rila replied.

The screeches of the banshees grew louder, and they quickened their pace. Glancing back, Kaidan could see Rila fighting to retain control of herself. Once inside the elevator, James hit the button that would take them up and out of the monastery, and Kaidan released his hold of Samara's daughter. In less than a minute, the explosion rocked the elevator, and Falere whimpered against the closed doors. He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, understanding her pain.

On the terrace, Kaidan gestured for the others to stay back when Samara and Falere moved away to talk. He activated his comm. "Cortez. We're ready for pickup."

" _On my way. I've also got a message for Dr T'Soni. From her VI_."

"Glyph!" gasped Liara, suddenly energised. "I ordered him to let me know the moment the trace on Miranda was complete!" she explained to Kaidan.

" _That's the gist of the message, along with the coordinates. I'll upload them to you now_."

Liara checked her omnitool. "But this cannot be…" She looked at Kaidan. "It is Horizon!"

"Hold on," frowned Kaidan. "That can't be right. I was on Horizon, and the only hint of Cerberus were those with Shepard when she was after the Collectors. Asides from the colony, there's little else there."

"There is something. A new development. … Sanctuary."

"I heard about that," Garrus commented. "The damned adverts are everywhere on the Citadel. Some kind of refuge from the Reapers. Sounded too good to be true, to me."

"What the hell are Cerberus up to?" scowled Kaidan.

"Maybe it's not Cerberus. It could be that Miranda is taking refuge there, herself," suggested Tali.

"We'll soon find out. But I doubt it's their base."

"Agreed," Garrus nodded at Kaidan. "Wherever the Illusive Man is, it'll be hard to find, not smack bang in the middle of a civilian refugee camp."

"It's still the only lead we have. We find Miranda, and make her talk." Kaidan looked meaningfully at Garrus.

"Now I like the sound of that," approved Garrus.

Kaidan looked over at the two asari. He had to explain to Samara why they needed her to come with them, and though reticent to interrupt the mother and daughter, he walked over.

"-and it has reminded me of what is truly important. Why I swore I would lay down my life," Samara was saying to Falere.

"What is that?"

"The code demands that an Ardat-Yakshi cannot live outside a monastery that no longer exists."

Kaidan watched Samara withdraw her gun. He faltered. This was the moment Samara's code would demand she kill her own daughter. He didn't understand Samara's ability to do it. What stunned him, was Samara placing her gun at her own head. "What are you doing!?" he exclaimed as Falere cried out in horror.

"By the Justicar's code, there is only one way to save Falere."

To his shame, there was only one reason in that instance that he opposed it, and he leapt forward and yanked her hands back behind her. "No! Samara, Shepard needs your help!" He said desperately, and continued to restrain Samara as she wrestled against him.

"Let. Go," Samara warned.

"You can't do this! You're the only chance I have of bringing Shepard back!"

Samara frowned a little, no longer fighting his hold, then she bowed her head. "I am sorry, but I must fulfil the code, and I won't kill my last daughter." She began to flare with her biotics, preparing to force Kaidan aside.

"You won't have to," stated Falere. "I'm staying here. I don't need a building to honour my own code."

Samara considered her daughter's statement, and let her biotics dissipate. "Then… the code permits you to stay as you are." She turned to Kaidan once he'd released his hold. "I am now free to keep my promise to Shepard."

"Promise?"

"That if she should need me, I would come."

Cortez arrived with the shuttle, and Kaidan gestured to it. "Then I'll explain on the way back to the ship. Thank you."

"It is I who should thank _you_ , Major. If not for your intervention…"

"Don't thank me. I have a personal agenda."

"It matters not," assured Samara. She made her goodbyes to Falere, then she boarded the shuttle, the others close behind.

-x-

Terra sat on the hard ground, huddled up and shivering, arms drawing her knees tightly into her chest. Dead trees clawed their way up out of the ground, indicative of something that once possessed life but was now twisted into something wrong.

She hated this place. It was dark and cold. Yet she couldn't leave it no matter how hard she tried. She could see the water all around her, seemingly kept at bay by the barrier she was enclosed within. Terra knew it was all in her head. She thought Leviathan had let her go. She was sure of it. Why was she back here? But it _was_ different. Not just the trees. There were shadows here. Unrecognisable, but with the voices of those she had loved and lost, saying things she remembered and things they couldn't possibly have said. The accusing things. The things she'd thought to herself; felt guilt for.

Sometimes she'd hear a rustling above her and Michael would be looking down from the branches. He was the only one she could clearly see. He never smiled, only stared back at her with tears running down his face. When she tried to go to him, to offer him comfort, he was always out of reach. Then the jaw-clenching sound of the Reapers would boom down from above and Michael would disappear with a scream.

She felt like a child here. Small, weak, frightened even. She couldn't fight anything here. Nothing she did had any effect. Not that she'd given up, but every now and then she needed to stop and reassess, gather herself, because when she fought, the voices grew louder and the shadows were more numerous, crowding around her. It was like she was living inside her own nightmares. Closing her eyes didn't work. It was like her lids were transparent. Nothing changed.

Terra pulled her thoughts of Kaidan out from the depths. They eased her soul like a balm. Sometimes, she felt him there, mostly at her hand, but sometimes her lips, forehead and fingertips. A heat. And if she looked, she was sure she could see the glow of light. When it was gone she longed for the return of the warmth she knew was Kaidan.

As though it had conjured him, he was there at her hand. She smiled to herself, placing her other hand over her warm one, and holding on tight hoping she could hold on to him. Then she felt someone else at the edges of her mind. She'd experienced it before. She was sure it had been Liara, like a ghost of a whisper. Had her friend been trying to get to her? But it had retreated, and she was alone again. This was someone else, but still familiar… Samara? Terra tried to push forward, to reach out, but again the shadows closed round, their whispers somehow deafening until it hurt. She clutched her hands to her ears and carried on reaching, but then Samara was leaving, and Terra wanted to beg her to come back. Instead, she concentrated on the warmth of her hand, placing it against her cheek. Her only comfort.

...

Kaidan's hopes fell when Samara's eyes returned to normal. Terra was still asleep. It hadn't worked…

"Do not be disheartened, Kaidan. It is not a simple case, as I had hoped. The trauma to her mind is great. There is much to break through before I can reach her."

"Trauma? Are you saying there's damage!?"

"No, and I apologise for not clarifying. It is not a physical damage."

Chakwas laid a hand gently on his shoulder. "Remember Kaidan, I checked. There was nothing," she assured.

Kaidan blew out his relief. That would have been too much for him to bear. "But she had physical symptoms," he said to Samara.

"Shepard has an astounding strength of will. Even in her current condition, it took a great effort just to enter her mind. I believe that her previous symptoms came from the physical exhaustion caused by her subconscious instinct to fight against the intrusion. The trauma manifests as a mental barrier created by the mind to protect itself. This barrier is strong. So must I be if I am to have any hope of breaching it."

"What do you need?"

"I must meditate. To prepare my own mind for the meld. I only require somewhere I will not be disturbed. I found the Observation room an excellent place to obtain peace when I was last here."

"Then it's all yours."

"I must warn you that it is going to take many hours, Kaidan," Samara said gently.

"Hours?"

"I am afraid so."

"Right." Kaidan couldn't help the feeling of disappointment. He looked down at Terra's beautiful face. "Would she have been able to return by herself?" he asked.

"Maybe. I could sense her fighting, but there was barely any impact on what surrounds her. It would take years for her to succeed."

Years… "Thank God we found you," he breathed out. "You can do this, right?"

"I am certain of it. I will begin immediately." Samara left the room.

Kaidan stood there at a loss for a moment. Despite Samara's confidence, he couldn't allow himself to hope again. "Edi, no one is to be allowed access to the Observation room except Samara."

" _Understood, Major_."

"Kaidan-" began Chakwas, seeing his lost look, but Kaidan cut her off.

"Is it important Doc? Because I have a report to write up and a mission to plan."

Chakwas understood the reason for his abruptness. He was hurting and he needed to be the Major in order to get through it. "Nothing that can't wait."

With a stiff nod, he kissed Terra's forehead and reluctantly let go of her hand. Watching him leave, Chakwas laid her own hand on Shepard's, acknowledging her own disappointment that Samara couldn't give them Shepard back straight away. They all needed her light.

-x-

Miranda was startled at the sudden appearance of Leng, then relieved. "About time. I was running out of agents to throw at them."

"The research data?"

"Right here." She produced the disk, and Leng swiftly plucked it from her fingers and spun away. "Wait a minute. I need to get my father."

Leng carried on walking and Miranda frowned, chasing after him.

"Okay. I take it there's no time. We all have to make sacrifices."

He entered the elevator and then turned, his body filling the small space and preventing her from entering.

The door began to close and Miranda flung her hands out to prevent them from shutting. "What the hell, Kai!?"

"The data is all that matters."

"You bastard."

"Only just realizing that?" he grinned.

Miranda bit back her acid reply, instead turning on the seduction. She pressed her body against him, her lips brushing over his. "But Kai, what about the time we spent together? There'll be a lot more of that if you take me with you."

Leng gave her a slow deep laugh. "Miranda. You were mediocre at best. Always have been. I have my sights set on a far superior prize. Shepard is the only woman worth my attention."

Miranda stepped back like she'd been slapped. " _Shepard_?" she spat. "She wouldn't even be _alive_ if it wasn't for me!"

"The Illusive Man has a hundred other people, just as capable of doing what you did. And I heard you tried to have her killed. Sending some pathetic boy who thinks he's a predator? Insulting. And weak of you, Miranda. You'd have garnered a modicum of respect from me if you'd have faced her yourself. But then we both know how that would have ended, don't we?"

"You're really going to leave me here?"

"You're good at solving problems. So solve this one."

In anger, Miranda powered up her biotics, but in a flash, Leng's blade was at her throat.

"Decide. A guaranteed death, or a chance with the Reapers?"

With a sneer, she let the blue energy fall away.

"Survive this, and you might just impress me." The doors began closing.

"Screw you," she screamed out.

His chuckle was the last thing she heard, followed by him disabling the elevator.

-x-

Everything was in order. Kaidan had written his report to Hackett and the Council, with a separate message to Hackett's personal account to update him on Samara's aid. He'd read every datapad sent his way, organized the mission with what little information they had, and done his rounds with the crew. Then he was faced with down-time and though he wanted to spend it with Terra, he had too much pent up frustration and sorrow to be able to sit there in silence. What he wanted to say was private. When Chakwas was gone, it would be easier. He could lock down the medbay, and it would be just the two of them. Then he could settle beside Terra and talk to her freely without worrying about breaking down. 

At least Samara was here. He took solace from that, but he missed Terra so much that every second without her hurt. He'd expected a miracle, imagining Samara just reaching in and bringing Terra out. He'd watched Terra's lovely face for a sign she was waking, and instead, Samara had returned without her. Kaidan was finding it difficult to believe the certainty Samara had in her succeeding. Disappointment was too much to endure these days.

Needing another outlet, Kaidan had headed for the cargo bay, and pulled out the gym bag from where it was stowed near James' workstation.

"Hey, Major. Let me help you."

"I've got it Vega. Thanks."

James faltered, then followed Kaidan into the central area of the bay where Kaidan started his workout. "Sir, I wanted to apologise… For what I said-"

"James," Kaidan interrupted, pausing in mid-punch. "Don't worry about it." He resumed his fight with the bag.

"I have a habit of running my mouth before engaging my brain. Something I need to work on."

"I'm not that sensitive, James. Put it behind you. I know I have."

"Okay. Good." James stood there and watched Kaidan hit the hell out of the bag. "Looks like you need more than a one-sided fight, Loco." He went to brace the bag to give Kaidan something more solid to hit.

"Loco?"

"Yeah. It's what love does to you, no? Drives you crazy?" James was staggered back by Kaidan's punch, despite the bag absorbing most of the strike.

"Been there, James?"

"Nah. I go for the wrong type. I'm thinking the girls who dance on the tables in the bars with next to nothing on aren't really the kind to settle down for more than one night."

"Hh!" Kaidan had to pause for a moment as he shook his head. "No, James. Perhaps you ought to try getting to know someone first. Talk instead of all that flirting you do. Show someone who you really are."

"And risk getting rejected? I think that would bum me out."

"Just means that person's not right for you. Trust me, you won't get anywhere if you don't take a risk."

"Like you did?"

"Yeah. She was my commanding officer. Completely forbidden. And I spent a lot of time fighting it, not knowing whether to take that risk. But we really got to know each other. After that… well, it wasn't anything I could fight any longer."

"She drove you loco," grinned James.

"Yeah," laughed Kaidan. "Still does." He drove his fist into the bag so hard that James made an 'oof' sound.

"Man, I'm not sure I want to fall like that! You're not selling it to me!"

"To be accepted unconditionally? To have someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, and who wants the same thing with you? There's nothing like it, James. It's contentment beyond measure. Love."

"Damn… But is it worth _this_ side of the coin, though?" James said solemnly.

Kaidan pulled up and met James' eyes. "I won't lie. It hurts like hell. And the answer's still yes. Absolutely."

James gave Kaidan an appraising look. "Okay, now I want it."

Kaidan continued thrashing the bag.

"I'm still gonna flirt with Lola, though. You know, when she's back. Keep you on your toes," grinned James.

"Is that right? Flirt away, James. You're no threat to me."

"Oh ho! Looks like I need to step up my game! Hey, you want someone you can really spar with?"

"The way I feel right now? No. I'd hurt you."

"Uh, I think I can hold my own!" scoffed James.

"James. I'm only just holding on to my control here." Kaidan gave him a serious look.

"Got it." And James did. He could respect that.

They carried on as they were, while they waited to get to their destination. Sanctuary.

-x-

The Illusive Man rose from his seat as Leng entered. "Excellent work, Leng." He took both the research data and the beacon data, feeling untouchable. He called in his assistant. "Jan, I want this research incorporated with the implants we have. Have our medical team ready for implantation within the hour."

Jan took the offered datadisk. "Yes, Sir. The patient?"

"Me, Jan."

His assistant hesitated for a second, then gave him a single nod before leaving.

Returning to his chair, the Illusive Man was eager to get to the prothean data. "You're excused, Leng. Do what you wish with your time. I'll let you know when I need you again." He was already setting to work on accessing the data as Leng left. He had an answer to find.

** -x- **


	78. An Insidious Haven and Morality

"Liara. Any luck getting intel on Sanctuary?" Kaidan asked, holding onto the ceiling strap as the shuttle swayed.

"No. There is nothing beyond the advertisements. Whatever they are doing to keep hidden, is very effective."

"Well, I suppose they wouldn't be able to call it a safe harbour from the Reapers if it wasn't," reasoned Garrus. "Still say it's too good to be true, though."

"It is," declared Javik. "There is no 'safe harbour' from the Reapers."

" _You_ remained hidden for 50,000 years," reminded Tali.

Javik rewarded her with a scowl. "And I was the _only_ one. There were many on Ilos. None of them survived. The Reapers harvest is long and unrelenting."

"Major, I can detect that the facility is offline, and official communication channels have been disabled," informed Edi. "I am picking up life-forms, though they fall far below the expected count considering the number of refugees reported to have fled here."

"What the hell is going on?" murmured Kaidan.

"Sir, I'm picking up a signal from the facility," called out Cortez. "It's weak. I'll try to boost it."

" _This is Henry Lawson! Requesting emergency assistance! We're under attack! I'm offering a sizeable reward for my rescue! Please hurry!_ "

" _Henry_ Lawson?" frowned Kaidan.

"Miranda's father," confirmed Liara. "A powerful businessman, with Cerberus ties."

"Why am I not surprised?" growled Garrus.

"If Miranda's still here, she's likely to be with him," deduced Kaidan. "Cortez, can you track that signal to where it originated from?"

"I have it, Major," interrupted Edi. "Transferring it to your omnitool now."

"So who's attacking if it's not Cerberus? Think the Reapers found this place?" queried Garrus.

Kaidan nodded. "It's possible."

Sanctuary came into view. There were fires and a lot of damage. The refugee camp was a war zone. Or rather, _had_ been one. Sanctuary had failed to live up to its name for those who had fled there. Then a Cerberus shuttle appeared, heading away from the facility, only to be hit by a Harvester which then flew off. The shuttle crashed nearby them. Reapers _and_ Cerberus. It seemed like the two groups were now at odds. The survivors of the crash jumped out, armed and hostile, and Kaidan and his squad reacted.

-x-

The prothean data had been a revelation. The Catalyst. The Illusive Man laughed out loud. It was right under their noses all the time. An exceedingly clever concept. One that the Illusive Man wanted to see in person.

He rose from his chair. Time to get things moving. First a visit to the medbay for some improvements, and then a trip.

The whispers briefly intensified in the back of his mind and he forced them away. His own experience with a Reaper artifact over two decades ago had given him an insight into the Reapers, but he had maintained his self in the process. He told himself it was his strength of mind. _He_ was in control.

-x-

What Kaidan soon confirmed was that this was the tail end of the storm. Just stragglers remained. A few scattered Cerberus agents, and the Reaper creatures left behind. But what were Cerberus doing here? If they were here to rescue the Lawsons, then why did Henry Lawson find it necessary to send out a distress call just moments ago?

Edi accessed a terminal. "According to these records, they were processing hundreds of refugees a day, over the last few weeks."

"There are no civilian casualties here," pointed out Liara.

"They've been taken by the Reapers, haven't they?" murmured Tali.

Kaidan was momentarily distracted by the bleakness in Tali's voice. She'd seemed low before getting on the shuttle and he'd drawn her aside to ask if anything was wrong. She'd brushed off his concern, and now he wondered once again if there was something she wasn't telling him. But Kaidan couldn't allow himself to be side-tracked with Tali's feelings or his thoughts of those people he couldn't help any longer. There was something else that bugged him. "I want to know just how involved Cerberus are here. I'm having a hard time believing that Miranda and her father were just taking refuge."

"I'm inclined to agree," said Garrus. "Lawson's loyal. She'd never desert Cerberus in order to hide. She's here for a reason."

"If that's the case, then one thing's for sure - it won't be for anything good." Kaidan checked his omnitool for the signal. "This signal is coming from underground. We need a way down."

"According to the floor plans I accessed for the main facility, there are no such lower levels," Tali told him.

"Here we go," drawled Garrus. "A hidden underground level? Sounds very Cerberus. I'd bet my salary it's a lab where they've been performing unethical experiments."

"I'll take that bet," grinned James.

"You can't afford to make good on it, Vega."

"Damn. You sure?"

"Completely. Besides, it would be cruel. It's an easy win."

"Says you, but I'll concede on the grounds that I couldn't even afford to pay a _Keeper's_ salary."

"They don't get paid."

"Exactly."

"Well, I hope you're wrong, Garrus," Kaidan said sincerely. "If Cerberus are behind this place, then the fact they brought civilians here, doesn't sit well with me." He turned to Edi. "It might have been hidden, but they would have had elevator access."

"There are two elevators," provided Edi. "Both disabled."

"There has to be another way in," Kaidan pressed.

"I will look for any unusual power junctions." She took seconds. "Found it. There is an airlock door in an area that is currently being used as a decorative water feature."

Kaidan looked at the area Edi indicated. Miranda Lawson's day was about to get a lot worse.

-x-

The Reapers troops were more concentrated down here, seemingly finding something they wanted. Kaidan guessed that they could detect the signal, too. Once the last creature fell, Tali hacked through the locked door of the office beyond. A screech from a way off behind them had Javik and Edi hanging back to guard their rear. Kaidan entered the room. Two people occupied it. One of them was Miranda Lawson, and he assumed the other was her father.

Henry Lawson walked quickly over to them. "Thank goodness! You heard my mayday! We need to go. Now!"

Lawson Sr. was clearly used to giving orders. "Not so fast." Kaidan put a hand up to stop the man. "We've just had to walk through _your_ facility, Mr Lawson." That fact had been only one of the many things they'd discovered as they moved through what Garrus had correctly predicted was a laboratory. Kaidan looked at the man in front of him with disgust and anger. "Experimenting on people! Turning them into husks so you could learn how to control them!? Those were innocent people, who came here for safety after you lured them here! What sort of sick individual _are_ you?"

Garrus snorted. "He's the man who created Miranda. That should be explanation enough."

"And _you_." Kaidan swung to Miranda. "This is helping humanity!?"

Miranda, who had so far sat back on the edge of a desk with her arms crossed and a hostile look on her face, gave them all a disdainful look that finished on Kaidan. "I don't expect you to understand. You're just like _her_. Unwilling to do what's necessary. Unable to see that their sacrifices will enable the rest of us to survive."

"Depravity, that's all it is," argued Kaidan. "Nothing can justify what you've done here! Once you cross the line, you can't go back. There'll always be some reason to go too far, to ignore the morality of what you're doing. A universe under Cerberus control would be hell for anyone who doesn't conform. I won't let it happen. Everything Cerberus touches is destroyed. No more. Cerberus is ending. I want the location of your headquarters. I want the Illusive Man."

Miranda laughed. "I seem to remember a certain woman who wouldn't be alive today if not for Cerberus. If not for _me_. Though I'll admit I do regret that one."

"She's the anomaly. Something so pure, even Cerberus can't ruin it. And _you_ certainly tried."

"Shepard wasn't doing what she should have done on the Collector base. I had to take things in hand."

Garrus made a rumbling sound in his throat, but otherwise stayed silent.

"And that killer you helped her way?" Kaidan seethed.

Miranda shrugged casually. "An unexpected opportunity I couldn't resist."

"Let us not forget about the clone of Shepard. You would have known about it," Liara accused.

Miranda allowed herself a small grin. "I might have let it slip to a very discontented agent about a certain waste product left from Shepard's reconstruction."

"Brooks."

"Is that what she calls herself now? I have to say I was impressed with what she did with it. Who'd have thought that she could actually create a fully functional person. Shame I missed out on that, but I had to appear to be following the Illusive Man's orders. He still had a grand notion that he'd finally get Shepard under control. Still, the clone was proof that Shepard would have had a lot of potential if we'd just implanted that control chip."

The thought of Terra being forced into complying with an act she didn't want, infuriated Kaidan. But he couldn't lose it, so he opened his fists and breathed. "You really can't stand the fact that she's superior to you."

"Superior?" Miranda scoffed.

"As a soldier. As a human being. No specially selected genes. Just her."

Henry Lawson cleared his throat to interrupt. "Look, Major, I don't know what it is Miranda did to Shepard, but I can assure you it had nothing to do with me. Now, how about-"

"Shut up." Kaidan didn't even take his eyes off Miranda as he shut the man done.

Miranda cocked her hip at Kaidan. "Interesting that Shepard's not here. Something happen to her? How sad." She raked her eyes down his body and back. "You're wasted on her. She's nothing more than the walking dead. A freak of nature."

Kaidan fought back the urge to punch her, but it was Garrus who couldn't hold back any longer.

"Freak of nature? Coming from someone created in a test-tube? How many more were there before you? Were _you_ the 'waste product' that your father decided to use?" Garrus watched her face twist. "What's the matter Lawson? Hit a nerve?"

Miranda bit back her response and pointedly ignored Garrus to stare at Kaidan, who met her fierce look with his own. "She really has you wrapped around her little finger, doesn't she?"

"She's not you. She doesn't manipulate and lie. This is what loyalty to a woman who's earned it looks like."

From her face, Miranda didn't like what she'd heard. "So now you kill me? Or will you let Shepard's _pet_ do it?" She glanced mockingly over at Garrus.

"I want the location of Cerberus headquarters," Kaidan demanded.

She looked back at him in derision. "Forget it."

Henry Lawson suddenly grabbed his daughter and placed a gun at her head. "Now, now, Miranda. Be reasonable."

"You've got to be kidding me," raged Miranda.

"Sorry, darling, but I want to live, and you're my ticket out of here. Don't pretend you wouldn't do the same. I heard your little argument with Leng. You didn't hesitate to leave me behind."

"Leng was here?" Kaidan questioned, his heart thudding. He was vaguely aware of Liara moving over to the door, where Edi and Javik had appeared.

"He came for the research. And _only_ the research," Henry said angrily. "Left us here to die."

"Seems everyone looks out for themselves in Cerberus," smirked Garrus, like he'd been in on the joke from the start.

"That's what you get for dancing with the devil, pendejo," muttered James.

"How poetic," bit out Henry, then he focused back on Kaidan. "Now, I can see you're a man of integrity, Major. I want your assurance that you'll take me out of here. Or I kill her."

Garrus huffed. "You really think putting a gun to _her_ head's going to get you what you want? I'll happily put a bullet in her right now."

"Except you can't, because she has something in _here_ that you need." Henry tapped Miranda's head with the gun, then pressed it against her temple.

"No wonder Miranda's so cold," murmured Tali.

"I thought _my_ father was bad," added James.

Kaidan was quite sure Lawson Sr. would do it. He'd already seen what the man was capable of back in that lab. "You have my word," he gritted out.

"I get passage back to the Citadel?" checked Henry.

"Don't push it. You get passage to an Alliance cell."

"No deal. My freedom or her death."

"You committed atrocities here!"

"To save more," insisted Henry.

Kaidan knew he wasn't going to get anywhere. He was tempted to use his biotics, or even an overload, but there was a high risk of Miranda being badly injured and he couldn't risk it. "Fine. But I'll be looking you up once this is all over. The first hint of you being involved with anything illegal or immoral and I'll take you down."

"Deal. Excellent," grinned Henry. "A pleasure doing business with you, Major." He released Miranda, who promptly turned to him, fired up her biotics and flung him through the window behind them. He screamed all the way down to the ground until his head cracked open on the hard floor several floors below.

"No deal," she spat. Then she spun swiftly to attack Kaidan.

Kaidan was ready for the move and met her biotics with his own. Their two energies battled each other. Miranda looked confident, but what she didn't know was that Kaidan was holding back. Despite her fancy upgrades, Kaidan was stronger, and it surprised Miranda as he ramped up his energy. She couldn't maintain it and she collapsed under the pressure he brought down on her.

"Tell me what I want to know," demanded Kaidan.

Miranda caught her breath as she sat up. "And then what? Are you going to offer me a deal too? A comfy Alliance cell?" she taunted.

But Garrus wasn't going to stand for that. "No. You don't get to walk away. Not this time." He grabbed her so he was right in her face. "You held a gun to Shepard's head. You pulled the trigger. You scarred her. You sent a murderer after her and hurt her again. Make no mistake, you _are_ going to die. Cerberus has ditched you, and now there's no-one to come save you, you pathetic excuse for a human being."

"Then _do_ it, turian," challenged Miranda.

Kaidan laid his hand on Garrus' shoulder. "Garrus we need her to find Cerberus' headquarters."

Garrus didn't move. "Well, I don't have knives but I'm sure I can make do." He flexed his taloned hand. "Perhaps a similar experience to the one you wished on Shepard? How do you fancy 'Vakarian' cut deep into your skin? Wonder how long you'll go before you scream out everything you know."

"Not necessary," said Liara, carrying on before Garrus could protest. "I had Edi hack into her omnitool. We have the location."

"I apologise for the delay. It was heavily protected," added Edi.

Relief flooded through Kaidan. "Good work. Let's get out of here." Kaidan met Garrus' eyes. Kaidan had read the report on Sidonis, and Terra had told him about the ambiguous place she'd found herself in that day. At the time, he'd thought it was clear-cut. Executing someone who wasn't armed was wrong, but now, facing Garrus, he understood Terra's indecision at the time over whether to allow him to kill someone who was dangerous but didn't have a gun pointed. Everything Garrus was saying was right, and as a friend Kaidan wanted to support him. But he couldn't. "Garrus-"

"Don't ask me to let this go, Kaidan," warned Garrus.

"There's a difference between saying what you want to do and actually doing it. A thin line that pulls you from doing what's morally right and turns you into something closer to _them_."

"Damn it Kaidan! She can't get away with what she did!"

"She won't. Hackett will make sure of it."

Garrus faltered at the mention of the man he now knew was Shepard's father.

"Shepard wouldn't want you to do this," Kaidan pressed.

"That's emotional blackmail," grumbled Garrus.

"Just the truth."

Exhaling, Garrus nodded reluctantly. "I'll bring her."

Kaidan turned and led the way out of the room, only for the door to slide shut and lock behind them, making his stomach drop.

.

Feeling guilty for misleading Kaidan, Garrus aimed his gun at Miranda, allowing a numbness to wash over him. "How does it feel? Unfortunately for you, mine's loaded." He pulled the trigger, sending a shot into Miranda's forehead that sent her collapsing back. He looked down at her vacant eyes with only a small satisfaction. A quick death was too good for her. Then he left the room to face Kaidan.

He walked straight up to a stern-looking Kaidan, and defended his actions. "If I'd have been allowed to dispense that justice after the Collector base, Shepard wouldn't have had to go through that clone and Billy crap, and maybe these people wouldn't have been turned into husks without her help. She escaped custody once before, and she could again. Next time, she might just succeed in killing Shepard, and that's not happening. So I'll risk Shepard's disappointment so we can all rest a little easier."

Garrus stalked off, and Kaidan watched him go, completely understanding where Garrus was coming from, agreeing with him even. But it did nothing to ease his worry over a friend's soul.

"Kaidan?" Tali questioned softly from behind him.

Pulling himself out of his concerns, he faced the others. "Let's go. I've had enough of this place."

-x-

Joker had set course as directed and left the cockpit for a bathroom break. A few minutes later, he exited the restroom and caught sight of Kaidan, head down and deep in thought, entering the elevator. That's when Joker decided he needed to see Shepard. So far, he had avoided the medbay like the plague because he didn't want to see her like that. It reminded him of when she lay on Cerberus' table - alive, but not. He hadn't been ready to face it, but now, maybe he could. Kaidan was hoping Samara would bring her out but Joker wasn't about to put any stock in all that weird mind stuff. Besides, Chakwas was beginning to give him that 'I know what you're doing' look of hers every time he walked past and made her chase him down to administer his meds, so he figured it would keep Chakwas happy, too.

"Lieutenant Moreau, how nice of you to drop by," Chakwas said dryly.

"Uh huh. I know you can't get enough of me, Doc, but this obsession you have with me is not healthy."

"I see your sense of humour is in fine form today."

"I do my best."

Chakwas did her usual checks and administered his drugs. The whole time, Joker kept glancing over to where Shepard lay, hidden behind the privacy screen.

"Why don't you go see her?" suggested Chakwas, having caught his constant distraction.

"Yeah, I could do that," he said lightly.

From Chakwas' look she wasn't buying his casual tone, but she said nothing, instead drawing back the screen for him, then retreating back to her desk to work.

Joker stood at Shepard's bedside, just staring down at her. "Hey, Shep. Kinda weird talking to you like this, but Traynor said that it's possible that you can still hear us, so… figured you might be bored in there. Besides, I couldn't resist having a captive audience!" He half-heartedly laughed at his poor excuse of a joke. "Sorry. I'll imagine your eyes rolling at me. Hell, for all I know, I might be interrupting some great memory replay. Well, tough. If you get pissed at me you'll have to wake up and tell me to shut it. Um…are you completely naked under there-?"

"Joker," warned Chakwas.

"I'm kidding!" he tossed back at her, raising his hands to prove he wasn't doing anything untoward. "I value my bones, and Kaidan could crush them without laying a hand on me." He turned back to Shepard. "Speaking of your other-half, Kaidan's like half-zombie without you, you know. No life in him at all." He suddenly frowned. "Hm, probably shouldn't tell you that. Don't mean to make you feel bad. You should know by now that I'm not so good with this kind of stuff. What I want to say is… the Normandy's not the same without you. There's this… atmosphere. A sadness. It's not Kaidan's fault. He's doing a great job. Doing the rounds, just like you. But the crew misses you." He sighed, then rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay, you got it out of me. _I_ miss you. There. Happy now? Nothing like fishing for compliments, Shepard, geez!"

"Are you all right, Joker?" questioned Chakwas from her desk, with slight concern on her face.

Joker looked over his shoulder at her and shrugged. "Sure. Just fine. Why do you ask?"

The doctor stared blankly back at him for a few seconds. "Oh, no reason. Carry on."

Once again, he turned back to Shepard, this time leaning over her slightly as if to impart something for her ears only, except he spoke at a normal tone. "I think Chakwas might be losing it."

Chakwas snorted at that, and Joker straightened, not least because it made his back ache. "Well, as I was saying… quit lazing around and get back on your feet, soldier. Anyone would think you've had a hard time of it lately. But I have to tell you, for those of us who care about you, you're sending us through the grinder on a daily basis here. Now Kaidan's found Cerberus, so you know, you might want to be a part of that. Wouldn't hurt to have an extra Spectre against that Kai Leng asshole. So get a move on in there." Joker sighed and fiddled with his cap. "Nah, forget all that. Come back for _us_. We need you. So… you know, hurry up." He stepped away, and Chakwas rose as he passed her.

"Very eloquent, Joker."

"Got to be myself, right? No point getting too emotional or it'll just confuse her." He looked back at Shepard. "I sure wouldn't want to be trapped inside her head. What do you think's going on in there? Everything? Nothing?"

"I really don't know, Jeff, but from her brain scans, I would say something is."

"Shit. Hope it's not bad. Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have asked," he chided himself. "Now it's going to eat at me."

"Take hope in Samara."

"Asari mind-melding?" he responded dubiously. "I mean, isn't all that brain interference what got Shepard here in the first place?"

"It's not the same, Jeff. Have a little faith," Chakwas scolded lightly.

"And here I thought you were a logical scientist, not a 'love God' kind of person."

Chakwas laughed. "Jeff, being a scientist doesn't mean you can't believe that there's something bigger than us, watching over us all."

"Then he's doing a crappy job."

"Jeff!"

"I can tell you exactly who's watching over us. The Reapers. And yeah, they're a lot bigger than us. And I definitely believe in them."

"You're incorrigible."

"Yep. And proud."

"Well, I like to think there's something far more benevolent than Reapers keeping watch."

"Alright, whatever," Joker shook his head. "I better get back to the cockpit before Edi starts sending out a search party for me."

" _I know precisely where every person aboard this ship is, Jeff,_ " informed Edi.

"I know! Geez!" he directed up to the air, then he looked pointedly at Chakwas. "More benevolent than Reapers? One word: Edi."

Chakwas shook her head at him in amusement as Joker left, and she missed him now he was gone.

-x-

After listening to everything that Kaidan had found at Sanctuary, Hackett was fully prepared to commit his resources to take those responsible for the horrors there, out of the equation. Unlike the more challenging Reapers, this was an enemy they could easily out-gun and out-manoeuvre, and he was looking forward to ending the Illusive Man's reign. Time to remove the dagger in their back that was Cerberus. "I'll have the fleets assembled and ready to go on your word, Major."

" _Yes, Sir,_ " Kaidan answered.

"Make sure you're ready, Major," Hackett warned. "A large force like the one we'll be gathering, is going to attract the attention of the Reapers eventually. We're going to have to be ready to start the battle for Earth." He knew Kaidan felt the responsibility. The _Normandy_ ground team couldn't leave Cerberus headquarters without that prothean data – without the information on the Catalyst. This was their last chance.

" _I understand, Sir. We have an ETA of eight hours_."

"Then I'll be in contact again soon. Hackett out."

Hackett signed off with Kaidan. They had Cerberus. Hackett wasn't surprised. Kaidan had become a formidable soldier. Now it was time to amass the fleet to prepare for the attack.

-x-

The Illusive Man stepped onto his ship. Small and unassuming but hiding an impressive wallop if they encountered trouble.

He felt unbelievably powerful. The little experiment he'd done to test the implants had been hugely successful. Jan and the medical staff had performed just as he'd wanted, standing still while he willed Jan to place a bullet in each of their foreheads. Then to be sure, he had made Jan shoot herself.

He took one last look at the station which had served him well all this time. It was now surplus to requirements. He'd left Leng in charge, with all his remaining force. They had dwindled radically. He needed none of them. He'd soon be on the Citadel and everything would be at his fingertips. The Reapers would be his to control, and humanity would be saved. Humanity would rule.

-x-

Kaidan's head was pounding. He half-stumbled into the medbay, grateful that it was late and Chakwas had left. He headed over to the cupboard in which Chakwas kept his meds, on the far side of where Terra lay, and ended up kneeling on the floor so he didn't keel over. Not now, he thought. There wasn't time for this. He didn't like having to resort to drugs, but he had a ship to command... and no Terra to chase it away. He grabbed the syringe and the small vial of medicine he was so familiar with. Injecting himself with the relief-inducing liquid, he sat down on the floor, propped up against the cupboard doors, his eyes shut tight. He just needed to stay still for a bit while it went to work. The medbay doors swishing open made him wince only slightly so the improvement was clear already. He sunk his head into his hands, listening to the muffled steps that stopped beside Terra.

"Sorry to burden you, Shepard. But I really need to talk to you, and I know you would want me to."

It was Tali. Kaidan didn't mean to eavesdrop, but he couldn't face hearing his own voice resounding in his head just yet.

"I haven't heard from Kal, Shepard. It's been two days. I think Kaidan knows something's wrong, but he's already so sad. I don't want to add to it with my own worries. … He misses you, terribly. We all do."

Kaidan couldn't sit there anymore. Tali was right. He _had_ suspected there was something wrong, but other than showing her he was there to listen, he'd assumed she'd tell him when she was ready. He hadn't realized she'd been holding back because he wasn't able to cover his heart. He cleared his throat as he slowly stood up.

"Tali, I'm so sorry. Migraine," he said, as a way to explain his sudden appearance. "You shouldn't be worried about me. I want you to be able to talk to me."

Tali looked down at her hands, not fidgeting each other but with Terra’s instead. "He always sends me a message – every day. But now there's nothing."

Kaidan felt awful for her, wishing he could help. He thought about it logically. "He was on Palaven, right? Have you asked Garrus if he could track Reegar down? He'll know the right people to contact."

Tali's breath hitched as she looked at him. "No, I- I didn't think of that. … But Kaidan, what if…" She couldn't finish the thought.

Kaidan reached across Terra and laid his hand over Tali's restless ones, stilling them on top of Terra's. "That's the problem with 'what if's': they can drive a person insane. I know that well. There's no point in them. You just have to wait for news."

"Wait…" Tali nodded slowly. "Yes," she sighed, resignedly. Then she looked down at Terra. "I wish Shepard were awake."

"Me too."

"Thank you, Kaidan. I'll go see if Garrus is still up."

"Then get some rest, Tali."

She nodded silently and headed to the Battery.

Kaidan ran his fingers over Terra's cheek, his thumb brushing over her lips. He really wished Samara would hurry. Then he told himself off. Samara hadn't stopped meditating since she’d retired to the Observation room - not even to eat. She was clearly placing her own needs to the back of her mind in order to achieve this inner strength she'd said she needed to get through to Terra. Kaidan just wished for something to be happening that he could actually see. What if it didn't work? Kaidan huffed to himself, rubbing his hands over his face. Hadn't he just told Tali there was no point in 'what if's'? He really needed to start listening to himself instead of being a hypocrite.

Kaidan's omnitool bleeped. A message from his mother, forwarded by Hackett. As he read the comforting and encouraging words that told him just how proud she was of him and how much she missed him and feared for his father's well-being, Kaidan was reminded that his situation could be so much worse. Terra was alive, and she was here with him. He'd experienced her loss, and having her head into a battle without him, not knowing if she'd make it back. He was luckier than most, given what they threw themselves into. He told himself he was just extremely lonely at a time when he was very aware that every single second counted, and not a moment of it should be wasted.

He just needed Terra's smile.

-x-

It was the early hours of the morning and the ship was on high alert. They were approaching Cronos station – Cerberus headquarters. Hackett's fleet was in position, and the _Normandy's_ ground team were getting ready in the cargo bay.

Already in his armour, Kaidan walked into the cockpit. "You wanted a word, Joker?"

Joker swung round in his chair. "Are you sure it's a good idea to take Edi? I mean, they could have a virus, or a kill-switch or something!"

" _I will be fine, Jeff_ ," interjected Edi.

Joker sighed. "Do you mind Edi? I'm trying to talk about you behind your back."

" _That is not possible_ -"

"Just… you know, stay silent, so I can pretend you're not here."

… The ensuing silence told them that Edi was complying with Joker's request.

Kaidan placed a comforting hand gently on his friend's shoulder. "I know how you feel, Joker. Not being able to go with her. Not having her by your side. But Edi could be invaluable here."

"Yeah… I know that. Just needed to say it, that's all. Look after her for me."

"Absolutely. Same to you."

"You got it."

That's where they left it. Each entrusting the other with someone precious to them.

-x-

Down in the cargo bay, Kaidan stood at the armoury to load his weapons. Once they were secured, he faltered, bracing himself on the table. As soon as he stepped on that shuttle he would have to signal to Hackett to start the assault, when someone important was missing… Garrus came up beside him.

"What's on your mind?"

Kaidan didn't look up. "This doesn't feel right without Shepard. After everything she's been through with Cerberus, she should be here for this."

"I agree. But you know what she'd say to that, don't you? That it's not about _her_ , it's about taking down the bad guys."

"Huh. Yeah. You're right. She would say that." He looked up at Garrus. "Doesn't mean we can't do it _for_ her, though."

Garrus clapped his hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "Absolutely."

Now ready, Kaidan followed Garrus into the shuttle.

-x-

Samara came out of her trance. As physically exhausted as her body now was, her mind was brimming with energy, unyielding and with total clarity. It was this strength and lucidity that she would pass to Shepard. Without pause, Samara unsteadily got to her feet, and headed for the medbay.

**-x-**


	79. Emergence and Surprises

Few had ever seen the Illusive Man, as was proven when he walked nonchalantly onto the Citadel, past the C-Sec officers and through Security – the scans finding only the faked information of a businessman, put in place by his carefully placed agents.

As he strolled leisurely to his destination, he looked about him, enjoying the fact that no one but him knew just how significant the Citadel was.

The whispers in his head were clearer here, though no harder to ignore. He had a feeling the Reapers were aware of the Catalyst now. He wasn't worried about it. Somehow, he knew that the Citadel was too important to be destroyed completely, and he had a safe haven….

-x-

Chakwas looked around when the medbay doors opened, then did a double-take. "Samara! How are you feeling?"

"Weak-bodied, but strong-willed. It is as it must be."

Chakwas ran a scan over Samara as the matriarch approached Shepard. "I can't say I'm happy about you neglecting your needs for such a long period of time. If it had been any longer I would have been compelled to interfere. I know that the Commander would never want you to endanger your health for her sake."

"Thank you for your concern, but I will attend to myself once Shepard is with us again."

Searching Samara's face, Chakwas murmured, "You sound so certain you can bring her back."

"I am."

Those eyes bored into hers, adding weight to that simple answer. Chakwas felt bolstered by Samara's conviction, and suddenly anxious. She stood slightly back, ready to observe and monitor both Shepard and Samara.

Placing her hands on either side of Shepard's head, Samara brightened in an aura of blue energy and her eyes darkened.

Chakwas put the flats of her hands together as though in prayer, then brought them to her mouth, prepared to whisper a silent plea to that 'something bigger' Joker was so doubtful about. Only the sounds of the battle outside, permeated the air. The meld had finally begun.

-x-

"Fifth Fleet, all forward! I don't want a single Cerberus ship in my sky when we're through."

Hackett had concentrated the bulk of his fleet away from the station's shuttle bay. Against a force the size he'd gathered, Cerberus would have to send out everything they had, and once they'd deployed, Kaidan was free to infiltrate the station with his team, with the aim to re-gain that prothean data and to bring the Illusive Man down from within.

On cue, Hackett tracked the _Normandy's_ shuttle as it flew in behind the enemy, and he was confident this was one fight that would be over quickly.

-x-

Cerberus weren't messing about. They had a strong force that swiftly mobilized to prevent Kaidan and his squad from getting further into the station from where they had landed. The Atlas was the greater threat, so ordering Tali and Edi to bring down the shields, Kaidan then had Garrus punch a hole in the canopy to take out the agent inside. James didn't need an invitation to seize the mechanical shell for himself, and promptly turned the rocket-firing mech on the enemy. They all moved forward with it. Kaidan and Liara whipped up a biotic maelstrom which left many of their attackers helplessly suspended, to be picked off by the others or imploded with another biotic hit, while Garrus concentrated on taking out the snipers that appeared on a balcony above.

All the while, Kaidan directed them away from the shuttle where Cortez had remained in order to quickly repair the damage sustained when they'd entered the bay.

There was a lull as they felled the last agent, but an alarm sounded and the large hangar door leading to the rest of the station, sealed shut.

" _Security breach in hangar 16. Initiating Achilles protocol,_ " advised the station's VI.

"Major. They intend to vent the hangar bay," Edi informed him.

"Then we need to get you into the system, fast!" He raced up a ladder to an enclosed area that overlooked the hangar bay, which seemed the likeliest place to find a terminal. Edi was right behind him and instantly ran to a console, her fingers running incredibly fast over the keypad.

"Hangar vent procedure: disabled."

"Good work. Can you open the hangar?"

"Not from this terminal. However, I can access their fighter launch controls."

Kaidan was following Edi's line of thought. "I'm with you. Do it."

Below them a fighter jet rose up from its storage bay beneath the main floor.

" _Uh, tell me that's you guys_ ," called in Garrus, uneasily.

Edi then had the fighter spinning to face the hangar doors, and away from the rest of the squad, still on the ground floor.

" _That's more like it_."

"I'll be able to access the fighter itself from the console next to it," Edi said to Kaidan.

"Okay. Let's get moving. They'll know their attempt failed."

"Confirmed. Reinforcements inbound," Edi stated.

"James, you ready with that Atlas?"

" _You know it, Loco_!"

"Then let's save time. Tali, the console next to the fighter. Get inside its controls and take out that door."

" _Got it!_ "

"Edi and I will stay on this level. The rest of you keep them off Tali. Once that door's down, expect even more to come through it."

After a round of affirmatives, Kaidan headed to the opposite end of the room they were in and out onto the balcony that encircled the far end of the hangar bay. Cerberus troops ran out, and the fight started again.

-x-

Staring at the screens around him, Leng was far from concerned. His only focus was Alenko. He placed a call.

" _Leng,_ " greeted the Illusive Man.

"We're under attack. The Alliance have discovered us. Alenko has already breached the station."

" _Hm. He's good. Springing back after Thessia. I respect that_."

Leng grudgingly agreed. "Shall I destroy the data?"

" _No. Let them have it. They've earned it, and there's nothing there that can change anything now. They're too late. We've won. They just don't know it yet. Patch me in to the camera feeds. I'd like to know when they enter my chamber. I have something I'd like to say. Stay out of sight until then, but have a detachment standing by. I know you're itching to get your hands on Alenko, and you'll get your chance. They can have their false notion of victory over Cerberus, but you can take their new figurehead out of the equation. Without Shepard and Alenko, morale will falter, and Cerberus will step into place as humanity's saviour_."

"Yes, Sir." Leng signed off with a satisfied feeling. He was looking forward to a real battle with the Spectre. Then he'd personally deliver Alenko's head to Shepard when he went to claim her.

-x-

Bailey lurched up out of his chair at the sound of sirens blaring. He checked his terminal. It was station-wide. "What the-?" He hit his comm. "Someone tell me what's going on!"

" _Sir, according to Control, the Citadel is moving_!"

"What the hell are you talking about!?"

" _We're moving, Sir! Out of position! Something's in our system_!"

"Then get it out! Over-ride it or whatever!"

" _We can't, Sir! We're completely locked out_!"

A horrible thought descended upon Bailey then. The last time they were locked out was during Saren's attack here. The Reapers… Kolyat entered his office. "The Citadel's on the move. I think it's the Reapers. I'm going to get the Councillors secure. Get the security VI's out with an advisement for people to return to their homes, immediately, then come join me."

"Shall I get a message out to Commander Shepard and Major Alenko?" asked Kolyat.

"Not sure what they can do at this point, but sure. _After_ we've dealt with the Council."

Kolyat nodded, and Bailey hustled from his office, wondering how on Earth they were going to get out of this one.

-x-

They'd soon cleared the hangar, and Kaidan and the others were moving steadily through the base. The amount of people the Illusive Man was sending against them was a senseless waste of life. The _Normandy_ ground team were well versed in working together, taking down shields and armour with relative ease.

" _Incursion team. Are you still with us? We're limiting fire as much as we can_." Hackett's voice came through at a quiet moment as they advanced through labs, walls stained with blood.

"Admiral, we're in deep and the prothean VI will be in the safest part of the station," Kaidan replied. "Don't hold back."

" _Alenko, you have nothing to prove here. I want everyone to come out of this alive_." The hint of concern came through in Hackett's voice.

"I wouldn't risk my team, Sir. Take Cerberus down. Please."

" _Understood, Major. All ships: you're free to fire_."

Kaidan was left with the unspoken respect and confidence Hackett had conveyed in his tone. He needed it, because he was feeling the pressure right now. Kaidan had to get this right. _Needed_ to get this right. After losing the data on Thessia, he had a lot to prove. To himself.

Moving through into the next area with the base shuddering from the fleet's assault, they all pulled up at the sight in front of them.

"What the hell is that?" Kaidan wondered out loud.

It was Garrus who had the answer. "Looks like the human Reaper Shepard and I killed. Or what's left of it. I'm surprised Cerberus managed to recover that much of it from the base."

It hung over them, a massive macabre figure. Though Kaidan had thought it impossible to be more impressed by Terra Shepard, looking at what she'd brought down on that Collector base, he found a new level of esteem and astonishment. Her report hadn't done her accomplishment justice. Even a half-completed Reaper was formidable.

"And despite all the human lives that were processed to make that thing, Cerberus goes and hangs it up like a trophy," Tali muttered with disgust.

Kaidan was sure there was more to its presence here than being displayed as a prize. "The Illusive Man doesn't do anything without a motive. He's studying it, using it. Or has."

"We should limit our time here," advised Javik. "Even an inactive Reaper is a threat."

"Indoctrination."

"Indeed. We should not make it easy for active Reapers to take our minds."

Kaidan agreed whole-heartedly and led them up to the platforms that snaked around the Reaper carcass, eager to get through here quickly.

Cerberus had other ideas.

-x-

That feeling returned to Terra, of someone at the edge of her mind. Samara. But this time it was different. Samara had brought a light with her. As the brightness got closer, the shadows were kept at bay and Terra could hear only Samara's whisper.

"Shepard. Follow my voice. Reach for me. Fight."

Terra didn't hesitate. She straightened, squared her shoulders, and ran hard towards the light she knew was Samara, a new determination spurring her on. Breathtakingly fast, the resistance disappeared, the darkness fell away, and only light surrounded her. She then saw familiar things. Her memories. There were the most beautiful galaxies she'd seen, and the loveliest worlds she'd set foot on. But there was one thing that dwarfed them all. Her thoughts of Kaidan swept over her, and the warmth she associated with him engulfed her, chasing away the cold.

Then it all blinked out.

x

Chakwas registered the quickening in Shepard's heart rate at the same time as Samara finished the meld. She looked down at Shepard, her own heart thumping in her chest. Had Samara done it? The moment Shepard slowly opened her eyes had Chakwas raising her hand to her mouth as she blinked back tears. "Shepard," she whispered through her fingers.

Terra looked at an emotional Chakwas, and the unexpected presence of a tired-looking Samara, rising up on her elbows. "Samara? It's great to see you, but what are you doing here?"

"I came for _you_ , Shepard," smiled Samara.

Terra glanced between the two women in confusion. "What happened?"

"You remember nothing?" Chakwas asked.

Terra took a moment to process her last thoughts. "I found Leviathan. It was in my head. It was going to keep me as its thrall but I convinced it it needed to let me go, that it had to fight if it wanted to survive. Then it released me, and I was returning to the surface. But I didn't feel right. I remember leaving the water, falling from the mech, and Kaidan…" She tried to think hard. There was something else, a memory of something that she couldn't grab hold off, like a vivid dream that you can't recall five seconds after you wake. She shook her head with a frown. "After that, I don't have anything."

Chakwas was relieved. "You fell into a coma, Commander."

"A coma!?" Terra could hardly believe it. "How long!?"

"Several days. You had us very worried Shepard. I believe it was Leviathan's intrusion on your mind that precipitated your coma."

Terra sighed, understanding. "Well, you did warn me."

"It was Samara who brought you out of it, through melding."

"Thank you, Samara."

"I was glad to be able to help you, Shepard."

Noting Samara's exhaustion, Terra reached for the matriarch's arm. "Are you okay?"

"Do not concern yourself with me. Rest and nourishment are all that I require."

Chakwas stepped around to Samara. "Then let's get you sorted out before you fall down."

Terra felt rather dazed by the news that she'd missed more time. She immediately thought of Kaidan being left with the mess. He'd have been distraught by this. Then she wondered why he wasn't here. "Where's Kaidan?"

x

"Okay. This is it everyone. We need to locate the prothean VI." Kaidan led the way into the control room, but to his disappointment, it was empty.

"The Illusive Man hiding out in another part of the facility, maybe?" Garrus suggested.

"And leave the safest place to be?" debated Liara.

"He has to know he can't defeat our badass fleet. He's probably trying to flee," reasoned James.

"Stay sharp," Kaidan said, ending the pointless speculation. "Right now, the data's our top priority. Edi," he prompted. Sitting at the main console, he started to download what was there.

Going to the virtual terminals that were displayed just ahead of where Kaidan was, Edi began interacting with them.

" _You're in my chair, Alenko_."

Kaidan swung, gun ready, to see only the image of the Illusive Man. Instantly, Kaidan knew that the Illusive Man was long gone. "I can understand your possessiveness. This chair's about the only thing you have left. Cerberus is finished."

" _On the contrary, we've achieved everything I ever imagined. Almost everything_."

"Yeah?" Kaidan said scornfully. "We all saw what you accomplished on Sanctuary. But it's not the same as controlling a Reaper."

" _A significant hurdle, but thanks to the prothean VI, I have what I need to make it a reality_."

"The Catalyst?" frowned Kaidan.

" _Yes_."

"What _is_ the Catalyst? And how exactly will it help you control the Reapers?"

" _You'll have to ask the VI yourself. I'm done helping you_."

"When did you start?"

" _You think because I'm willing to use the enemy's tactics that they're no longer my enemy?_ **Everything** _I have done has uplifted humanity. Not only above other species in our galaxy, but over the Reapers_."

"If you're willing to do everything it takes, then stop fighting us. With the Crucible and the Catalyst, we can end this."

" _It's not that simple_."

"It _is_ that simple. We're fighting each other while the Reapers occupy Earth! It's what they want! It's time to stop!"

" _Your idealism is… admirable, Alenko, but in the end our goals are too disparate. I believe that destroying the Reapers would be the worst mistake we could ever make. And nothing you can say will ever convince me otherwise_."

Kaidan shook his head in frustration. "Even with Cerberus in ruins you still think you can do this your way."

" _I'd expect you to say that. You've never been able to understand us. Cerberus isn't just an organization, or the people behind it. Cerberus is an_ **idea** _. That idea is not so easily destroyed. Besides, I've already acquired what you're looking for_."

That worried Kaidan. It irked him that he still didn't know what the Catalyst was. "Edi?"

"I've almost got it."

" _EDI, I'm surprised at you. Working so hard to bring about the Reapers destruction_."

"Don't listen to him," added Kaidan.

" _You could have destroyed EVA's body, but instead you chose to control it_."

"It was necessary," responded Edi.

" _My point exactly_."

"I've got it," Edi informed Kaidan, now clearly ignoring the Illusive Man.

The VI activated. "Security breach detected."

" _Enjoy your chat. But don't overstay your welcome_."

The Illusive Man disconnected, and they turned to the VI.

x

With the news that Kaidan, their ground crew, and her father's fleet were assaulting Cerberus headquarters, Terra leapt up from the bed, then had to hold on to the edge as a dizziness rushed over her, Chakwas grabbing her arm to steady her.

"Shepard, what are you doing? You've just woken up from a coma; you have to give your body time to adapt."

Straightening, Terra placed a reassuring hand on Chakwas', her head clearing. "I'll be fine. I can adapt in the shuttle." With that, she started to head out of the medbay.

"In the-? Commander! I have to object!"

"Objection noted. Take care of Samara."

"But there's something I need to tell you!"

"I'll be back, Doc!" Terra called out, disappearing from the room.

"Obstinate girl," complained Chakwas, but she couldn't stop the small laugh that then escaped her lips. Shepard was back.

-x-

Emerging into the cargo bay, Terra grabbed her armour and began to suit up.

"Joker. I'm taking a shuttle to that base. Can you get us closer?"

" _What-? …_ ** _Shepard_** _!?_ "

"Of course. Who else would it be? Can I get an answer?"

" _Uh… uh, yes- wait, no! What are you thinking!? You can't go out there by yourself!_ "

"Yes, I can. And I am."

" _I promised Kaidan I'd keep you safe while he was gone! I forbid you to go out into the middle of a battlefield!_ "

"You _forbid_ me? You're forgetting that I'm the Commander here, so mine's an order."

" _Goddamnit! You played the Commander card. This babysitting lark was a lot easier when you were asleep._ "

"Don't need a babysitter, Joker. Just a pilot who can get me to that base."

" _Shit… You got one. Heading in. I'll need to inform Hackett. His fleet's hitting that base hard and we don't need to be hit by friendly fire._ "

"Do it." She was now fully armed and jumped into the second shuttle, starting up the engines.

" _Patching Hackett through to your comm._ "

" _Commander! Good to have you back with us! You're sure you should be getting involved in this so soon_?" came her father's authoritative voice.

Terra read between the lines. – 'Terra, thank God you're alright. What the hell do you think you're doing?' "I'm fighting fit, Admiral. And I'd like to go in silent. Given all that I've missed, there's a good chance Cerberus won't be expecting me."

"A s _ound assumption. Major Alenko has already gotten a fair way in, though. Could all be over by the time you catch up with them_."

"Rather that than wait here and find out they could have done with an extra gun, Sir."

" _Agreed_. _We have the Normandy's position, and we'll cover her as best we can, but my ships are heavily engaged with the enemy right now._ "

"Joker can handle it."

" _Good luck, Commander._ "

" _Okay, this is as close as I can get you,"_ came Joker _. "There's a hangar directly ahead. Cortez should be there._ "

"Got it." She flew the shuttle out of the ship, determined not to miss a second more.

x

Joker was having a mini coronary right now, watching Shepard pilot the shuttle through the mess that surrounded the base. Then he saw the lone Cerberus fighter which had broken away from the main fight and was headed towards Shepard's shuttle. "Holy crap!"

He performed an impressive turn in the sky and fired, taking it out before it could loose its gunfire on the shuttle. Able to breathe again, Joker lingered until the shuttle disappeared inside the base. Then he shook his head. "That woman is going to send us all insane with worry," he murmured.

Then it sank in and he smiled. Shepard was back with them, and he wouldn't want it any other way.

x

"You are attempting to recover me from indoctrinated forces," announced Vendetta.

"Yes. I need to know what the Catalyst is," Kaidan said.

"Security protocols have been overridden. I will comply. The Catalyst enhances dark energy transmissions and manipulates the entire mass relay network. It is known as the Citadel."

"What!?"

"The Catalyst is the Citadel," the VI clarified.

"So the Crucible and the Citadel together can stop the Reapers?"

"That is correct."

Kaidan, much like the others, was having a hard time processing it all. "But… the Citadel was built by the Reapers."

"The plans for the Crucible passed down to us from previous cycles. At some point, the Crucible plans were adapted to incorporate the use of the Catalyst. Presumably, the Crucible was not sufficiently powerful to defeat the Reapers."

"So we use their own technology against them." Kaidan found that ironic, given that it was Reaper technology that got them all to the stage of being worthy of harvesting in the first place.

"Precisely."

"Why couldn't you tell me this before?"

"It was feared that if the Reapers were aware of the Catalyst's intended use, they would re-take control of it. I am programmed to withhold that information until the Crucible is complete."

"Well now it is. Let's get it to the Citadel."

"That may no longer be possible."

"Why not?"

"The one who broke through my security protocols, the one you call the Illusive Man, fled to the Citadel. As an indoctrinated agent of the Reapers, they may already know of its purposes."

"Damn it!" Kaidan took a breath. "Then the Citadel is in danger. Edi, get me Hackett, he needs-"

"Not so fast."

They all spun to the familiar voice.

"You," gritted out Kaidan as he sighted upon Kai Leng.

"He did warn you not to overstay your welcome." Leng withdrew his sword with a smirk, and his agents dropped down from the ceiling. "Deal with the others. Alenko's mine."

Kaidan's biotics flared in response. Going one on one with Leng was just fine with him.

x

Cortez grabbed his weapon at the sound of a shuttle arriving, and quickly readied himself at the hatch. He was relieved to see the Alliance shuttle. Hackett must have sent in reinforcements for Alenko. Then his weapon almost fell, along with his jaw as Shepard stepped out. "Commander!"

"The one and only. I'm going to guess which way they went and follow the chaos." Shepard pointed to the far end of the hangar at the huge hole blown through the door. "I want radio silence until I find Alenko." She immediately took off, leaving Cortez speechless.

"Commander!" he finally flung out.

"Yeah?" she shouted back, not a break in her pace.

"Welcome back!"

"Thanks!" She then threw him a smile over her shoulder before vanishing into the base.

"Well, I'll be damned," Cortez grinned, still reeling from the surprise. At least it was a good one.

-x-

"This is better than Thessia. More personal."

Kaidan wished Leng would shut up, but he kept his calm, controlled focus. He knew what Leng's game was, and he wasn't going to allow himself to get angry and reckless. Even so, he wasn't prepared for the sudden rush as Leng barrelled into him at a fantastic speed and force. Kaidan's shields failed, his breath was knocked out of him as he landed hard, then tumbled across the floor.

"This the best you can do?" taunted Leng as he strode casually towards Kaidan.

That was Leng's first mistake. That arrogance was going to cost him. Recovering faster than Leng was expecting, Kaidan leapt to his feet and fired point-blank, quickly penetrating the shields, and followed it up with a warping biotic field that damaged Leng's armour, and finally a throw that had Leng smashing hard into the far wall. Leng dropped to the ground, barely able to get to his feet. It was time to play Leng's game. "What's the matter, Leng? Getting tired?" He was rewarded with a sneer. This time, Kaidan was ready for Leng's biotic rush, and bracing himself, he brought up a barrier around himself at the last second. Leng hit hard, and almost somersaulted backwards when he was met with such solid resistance.

The only thing Leng had achieved was damaging his own shields. Leaping up and away quickly, Leng retreated while his shields recharged.

"You like to run, huh?" Kaidan called out, allowing Leng a reprieve if only to check on his team, who were fighting Leng's lackeys. "The Citadel. Thessia." All of them were holding their own against the Cerberus troops.

"Shut up!" Leng appeared, sword ready, poised to attack. He rushed at Kaidan again, but this time Kaidan dived aside, overloaded Leng's shields, fired a barrage at Leng, then threw him again. Leng ended slamming face first into the floor.

"What's wrong? Can't win without a gunship to back you up?" Kaidan goaded.

"Shut up!" Flinging himself to his feet in rage, Leng rushed forward in his biotic haze, but stopped just inches from Kaidan, taking out Kaidan's shields as he got there, which Kaidan reciprocated.

Leng went to kick out at him, but Kaidan was ready, his barrier stopping Leng's leg from connecting. Then Kaidan punched him hard, staggering Leng. "That's from Shepard, for killing Thane." He punched Leng a second time, this time knocking him to the ground. "That's for touching Shepard." Then he flared brightly with his biotics.

"You're too late to stop what's coming," mumbled Leng through a broken jaw.

"Maybe, maybe not. But you won't be there to see it." Kaidan sent out his energy, pummelling Leng into the ground he was already laying on, hearing the cracks of bones breaking. Leng wasn't rushing anywhere anymore.

Looking around him, Kaidan saw two agents engaging Edi. Despite her strength, she was vulnerable to tech attacks, and as one took out her shields, the other went to overload her system. Kaidan yanked the man back and finished him off with his pistol as Edi sent the other into a panicked death with an incinerating blast.

A few more shots later and the last agent the station had to offer, fell to the ground dead. It was over.

"Any serious injuries?" Kaidan received a round of no's, but James then made a short sound of amusement.

"Uh, someone's fibbing! Javik?" James said, pointedly.

Javik glared back at James. "It is not serious."

"Come on! I can just about see through you!" James laughed.

"Liara? Garrus?" Kaidan prompted the two with the most medical experience.

They both nodded and headed over to Javik, who folded his arms, defensively.

"It can wait until we return to the Normandy," Javik protested.

"You'll get it seen to now, Javik. That's an order," stated Kaidan.

Javik reluctantly acquiesced, unfolding his arms in the process. "Very well, Major."

Asides from Javik, Garrus and Liara, the others meandered over to the viewing window to watch Hackett's fleet re-gathering. Returning to the main console, Kaidan sat, activating his comm as he resumed his download.

"Admiral, we have the prothean data, but the Illusive Man is gone-"

"Kaidan!" shouted out Garrus.

Everything went into slow motion as he looked up at Garrus to see the turian reaching frantically for his weapon, his focus on something behind him. Kaidan stood and spun in time to see Leng somehow standing, his blade swinging towards Kaidan's neck in a bid to decapitate him, and Kaidan knew it was too late. His only thought in those last seconds, was of Terra. At the same time as Kaidan felt the rush of air against his neck preceding the blade, Terra's scent filled the air as though he'd managed to manifest it in his final moments.

The very moment he felt the cold steel bite into his skin, the blade hit something solid that Kaidan couldn't see, the blade glancing away from him and out of Leng's hand, sending it spiralling across the floor. Then Leng convulsed with a look of disbelief on his face.

Terra materialized next to Leng, and Leng managed to turn his head to her. He stood there staring back at her, open-mouthed, like she was some kind of apparition. She met his eyes defiantly, moving her fierce face closer to make sure he heard her. "You don't get to take him from me." Terra twisted her omniblade, finishing Leng, and as the life left him, she pulled her blade from his side and let his body fall.

Kaidan stood there staring at her in much the same way as Leng had. "Terra?"

Her eyes full of love, she reached out and ran her fingers down his lips, and that wonderful gesture was like an electrical current that sprang him to life. He caught her hand and swiftly tugged her into his space, pressing his face against hers as he enveloped her in his arms. Samara had done it. Terra was awake. She was here. She was his.

Somewhere behind him were cries and cheers of happiness from the others, but he barely heard them. He could feel Terra shaking even through the armour, and he pulled back ever so slightly so he could check she was okay.

Terra read his concerned look, and she gently touched his neck where the thin cut from the blade bled down into his collar. "He came so close, Kaidan. I nearly lost you."

Feeling the sting now, he ignored the memory of his brush with death. "But I'm alive. Thanks to you." He rested his forehead against hers, breathing her in. "You've got one helluva gift for great timing," he smiled. "I missed you," he whispered over her lips.

"I'm sorry I put you through that."

"Hh! I always knew you'd be trouble. But I'm in for the long-haul, and I wouldn't have you any other way."

She smiled back at him, and Kaidan was in heaven. Then her face turned sterner. "Though, come to think of it, you owe _me_ an apology."

"I do?"

"You just scared the hell out of me!"

"I'm sorry!" he laughed.

"Ahem!" coughed Garrus. "Did you two even remember we were here? Listening… Watching..."

"Ssh! Leave them alone, Garrus," chided Tali. "I think it's wonderful," she said wistfully.

"Welcome back, Shepard," smiled Liara.

"Yeah, I'd much rather stare at _your_ ass, Lola!" added James with a grin.

Kaidan pinned James with a stare. "I'm going to forget you said that, Lieutenant."

James rubbed his hand at the back of his neck. "Yeah, did kinda say what I was thinking before… thinking." He then frowned, trying to work out if what he'd just said made sense.

Moving to stand at Terra's side, Kaidan stared back at James. "You know what, I'm not sure I _can_ forget. It's about time you and I had it out, Vega."

James face lit up once more. "Poker?"

Kaidan nodded. "Prepare to have your pockets emptied, Vega. Again."

Bouncing, James grinned stupidly. "Ha ha! This is gonna be great!"

Terra rolled her eyes. Men.

" _Commander, do you read? Is everything okay in there? I lost my link to Alenko._ "

Her father's voice in her ear, Terra gestured to Kaidan that he'd lost his comm piece, and he spotted it on the ground where it had landed during his spin. "Admiral, I'm with Major Alenko now. We're all clear."

"And we've got a lot to talk about, Sir," joined in Kaidan soberly, his comm now re-attached.

"We certainly do," agreed Terra, her eyes on Kaidan.

" _Then get back to the Normandy. I'll have some crews sorted out to go over that base thoroughly for any survivors and other data, and then I'll join you for a de-briefing._ "

"Yes, Sir," replied both Kaidan and Terra.

" _Hackett out._ "

Kaidan checked the console to make sure he had everything they had come for. Satisfied, he straightened, and looked at Terra. "Let's go home."

**-x-**


	80. Catching Up and Imminent Things

Cortez had insisted on escorting the two reunited Spectres back to the ship, whilst James piloted the others back in the second shuttle.

Terra and Kaidan sat side by side, hands entwined. It was then that Kaidan noticed the deep groove cut into the forearm of Terra's armour where she had used it to stop Leng's sword. "You took a huge risk coming for us like that," he said, covering the gash with his free hand as though doing so could wipe it from his mind.

"Given the result I can say with certainty it was a risk worth taking."

"I guess I, uh, can't argue with that. How do you feel?"

"Good. Not even a headache. I guess my brain knew what it was doing when it shut everything down." She frowned a little. "You'd better fill me in on what's been happening. Chakwas gave me a very brief rundown, but I'd like to be a little more clued in before we speak to Hackett."

Terra listened intently as Kaidan gave her a concise account of Thessia and Sanctuary, and what they'd found, as well as what she'd missed on Cronos station.

Kaidan saw the serious, unsettled look on her face. "Terra? What's on your mind?"

She looked at him, sadly. "It's just a little overwhelming and very disconcerting to wake up and have missed so much. Again. And damn that sounded awfully like self-pity," she grimaced at herself, looking down at her feet.

Catching her chin, he lifted her beautiful face back up to him. "Hey, I've got an idea of what it's like. I was out after Mars, remember. And I'm betting this brings up a lot of memories of when you learned you'd been gone for two years."

"Yeah," she nodded, comforted that he understood how she was feeling. She brought her hand up to grasp his, and kissed the back of his fingers, then rubbing her cheek over them. "Thank you for looking after them."

Kaidan knew she was talking about the crew. "If you can call taking them into a monastery full of Ardat-Yakshi, a collapsing temple on a Reaper-infested planet, and a husk-filled horror lab, 'looking after' them," he said wryly.

She shrugged. "I've taken them into mutant rachni-filled tunnels and made them run up to a Reaper on Tuchanka. Then there was the suicide mission to the Collector base."

"I guess I've been pretty nice to them then!" he laughed.

Smiling, she rested her head on his shoulder. "No one else could have brought them all back alive." There was a brief silence. "You've been through so much."

"Yeah. Defeat and loneliness would have to be the worst." He then leaned in to rest his head on hers. "But now there's victory, and immense happiness, and they always drown out the bad stuff. Oh, and I also had a momentary loss of dignity. That one's still with me."

Terra drew back with an amused look. "Loss of dignity? What happened to get _that_ added to the list?"

Kaidan gave a suffering sigh. "Aethyta grabbed my butt. Right in front of Garrus, too. It's not funny!"

Terra tried to stop her sniggering. "No, you're right it's not. It's hilarious! Sorry," she added at his scowl, putting on her best 'serious' face. "Want me to go defend your honour? I have my gun."

Kaidan brushed it off with a wave of his hand. "Forget it. You've got enough to do. I'll get over it. Eventually."

"I love how you get so embarrassed," Terra grinned.

"Hey, I'm a private person!"

Moving closer to his ear, she murmured, "Not with me."

He turned his head so his mouth was almost touching hers. "Well, don't let it go to your head, but you're special."

"Hm, how special?"

"Jump on and I'll show you."

Terra's eyes widened at the same time as Cortez cleared his throat.

"Um, I should probably tell you that sound carries really well in here, and that you might want to hold off on that sort of business, Major. We're about to enter the hold."

Terra snorted in her attempt not to laugh at Kaidan's flushed face, but he was too happy to pretend to glare at her. Instead, he raised his hands to cup her face and kissed her thoroughly. By the time he pulled away, Terra was breathless and equally flushed. The shuttle door opened, and they both wished they had more time before Hackett arrived and they had to get down to business.

Exiting the shuttle, they joined the others, and Shepard removed her armour amidst the welcoming hugs and jovial banter at her return.

Garrus came to Shepard's side and flung his arm over her shoulders in a casual gesture that was meant to cover the immense relief he felt. "Damn, Shepard. I know I told you to take some time off but did you really have to take it to extremes?"

"Funny," Terra retorted dryly.

"No, it really wasn't," he said soberly. "Seeing you like that was hard as hell. And just plain wrong. Glad to see you weren't going down like that."

"Dying on my feet is the only way for a soldier to go, right?"

"Not at all is preferable. Nothing wrong with dying old in your bed, but yeah, soldiers like us? Absolutely."

"Just make sure it's not _this_ fight."

"Deal."

Terra then fended off the others who began to crowd around her. "We'll have to do this later, guys. Hackett will be boarding soon. But I promise I'll make time to come see you all after." She headed to the elevator with Kaidan. Once the doors had closed, she leant back against the wall with a sigh.

"They missed you, too," Kaidan said.

Terra smiled affectionately at the thought. "Then I'm doing right by them."

"Always." She nestled into him, and Kaidan enjoyed the feel of her without the armour to separate them. "We've still got a lot to talk about," he added quietly, suddenly nervous about how she was taking the news about her pregnancy. She seemed happy, but… she hadn’t mentioned it at all. Was she avoiding it?

"You're telling me. What I have to tell you about Leviathan is going to blow your mind. No pun intended."

"Sounds interesting already." He'd forgotten all about her trip to Leviathan. "But I meant the baby."

Terra looked up at him, wondering if she'd heard him right. "Baby?" she repeated, her brows furrowing slightly in her confusion.

Searching her face, a realization hit him. "You don't know?" Kaidan quickly stopped the elevator.

"Baby!?" Terra stood back to stare back at him in astonishment, her hands clutching his shirt at his chest.

"Terra, I'm sorry I blurted it out like that. I assumed the doc told you…" Kaidan placed his hands over hers, his thumbs caressing the back of her fisted hands.

"Baby…" she whispered. "Oh my God..." She had visibly paled.

"Yeah." Kaidan understood her reaction completely.

"But… I don't understand… How could it happen? I started getting contraception before you came back on board…"

Kaidan didn't have an answer for that. He'd been too shocked himself, and it hadn't crossed his mind. "Do you need to speak with Chakwas?"

She nodded mutely, and Kaidan released the elevator and took them back down to the Crew deck. Terra clutched his hand as she made her way to the medbay, concern shadowing her face.

Chakwas looked up as the doors opened, then quickly rose at the sight of them both. "Shepard-"

"I'm pregnant…" Terra said in confusion.

Kaidan was surprised at the guilt that made Chakwas' eyes fall to the ground. "Yes." The doctor then met Terra's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Commander. It was _my_ fault. Handing out contraception is like breathing. I do it so often for the women on board I just did the same for you without thinking, just like I did on the SR1. But you're not the same now. You're unique. Your implants process and dispose of foreign substances in your body very quickly. It would have done the same to the contraception that I gave you, just as it does on any sedative you're given… and I failed to take that into consideration. I've let you down, and it's unforgiveable."

Though still in shock, Terra embraced Chakwas. "Karin, please don't be upset. A baby is a wonderful thing."

"But not now. Not for a soldier in the middle of a war," argued Chakwas, angry at herself.

Terra stepped back from Chakwas, then looked around at Kaidan and reached her hand out to him. He took it, wondering what would come next. He was so sure she wouldn't do what Chakwas had alluded to before, but he tried to convey that he would support her whatever her choice.

Chewing on her lip, Terra let her gaze fall to the floor, the unexpected news creating a new dilemma she wasn’t sure she was ready to face…. "It's not ideal, or something I would have chosen right now…."

"It would be completely understandable to stop the pregnancy going any further, Shepard," Chakwas added, quickly trying to assure her that she needn't feel bad about such a decision.

"Stop it? Karin, no!" The thought had immediately horrified Terra, and it was in that moment she realised there was nothing to decide. She just had to deal with wherever this led.

"You mean you're going to carry it?" Chakwas asked, surprised.

"Without a doubt,” she answered, strongly, though her heart beat hard in her chest for the huge potential heartache coming her way. “It's an innocent life, Karin. I've always fought for life, and this life is no different." A life she had made with Kaidan. A life she loved already. A life she had to accept might not survive what was ahead, but would be given the chance to, regardless.

Relief swamped Kaidan. He hadn't realized just how much he wanted this child until Terra made it clear she intended to keep it.

Terra focused on him solely. "But nothing can change. I have my duty and if we don't get this done there'll be nothing for a child to be born in to. So I'll fight, and hope that we come through it together."

Kaidan nodded. "I'd expect nothing less."

"And no one else is to know."

"Javik knows. When he read you. It's how I found out."

She nodded slowly. "Then I'll speak to him. But I don't think there's anything to worry about. He's not exactly a gossip. He didn't even tell _me_."

"You're sure about keeping it from them?"

"I can't have them treating me differently, Kaidan. And neither must you. I'm just as capable as before."

"Okay."

"And we have to be prepared that, with everything ahead of us... I might not be able to hold onto the … baby."

"I know." It was a sad reality, but one Kaidan was more than aware of, and was prepared for as much as he could be.

" _Commander? I'm assuming you're back in command and Alenko hasn't let the power go to his head. Hackett's ship is alongside. The Admiral's requesting to board._ "

"Request granted, thanks, Joker." She ran her hand down Kaidan's face, her insides still in a strange place at the news. "We'll make time to talk this through more later."

"Absolutely."

Turning back to Chakwas, Terra again placed a reassuring hand on hers. "I don't blame you, Karin. Please know that."

"Thank you, Shepard. But my mistake has left you both in a potentially devastating position. One neither of you need, nor deserve. For that, I blame myself. But enough of me. You have an Admiral waiting. Go," she shooed, immediately busying herself with a terminal.

Kaidan and Terra exchanged glances, then left the medbay. By the time they'd reached the elevator, Terra was hurting at the thought that, just like Michael, she wouldn't be able to protect this child. Was their child doomed to the same fate? They travelled up in each other’s embrace. She didn't even know how far along she was, and suddenly she couldn't wait. She needed to talk about it, just a little, and she stopped the elevator. "When did it happen?"

"Our first time back together," Kaidan responded.

Terra liked that, though it frightened her just how close she must have come to losing their baby already, especially after her fall on the Citadel… "How do you feel about it?"

"Absolutely thrilled … and scared as hell. We made a child, Terra…" Kaidan brought his forehead onto hers, then took a deep breath. "I wish more than anything that this war would go away so you can both be safe. But that won't happen, and the possible outcomes are too hard to contemplate."

"Yes, they are."

"Are you going to tell your father?"

Terra wasn't so sure about the answer to that. She knew how hard it was for her dad every time he sent her into a mission. How much harder would it be for him knowing he was also sending his grandchild? He had enough regrets for her to go and add another if she lost the baby in the fight ahead. It was better he didn't know. She shook her head, then reached out to get the elevator moving again.

Kaidan said nothing at her decision. Terra would never make it lightly. So he just tightened his hold on her until they arrived at the CIC and had to part.

Terra, now wearing her Commander mask, had barely taken two steps when Traynor spun to her. "Commander, it's great to have you back with us! Wasn't the same round here without you. Admiral Hackett's waiting in the War room and is establishing a link with Admiral Anderson on Earth. And I've got Kolyat Krios requesting to speak with you urgently."

"I'll start filling Hackett in on the Catalyst," said Kaidan, and he headed to the War room as Shepard took the call.

-x-

By the time Shepard had finished and hurried into the War room, Hackett and Kaidan were conferencing with Anderson.

" _The Citadel…"_ Anderson shook his head in disbelief. _"And the Illusive Man._ _It's a strange kind of indoctrination. If they were completely in control of him, then Sanctuary wouldn't have happened."_

"It's a lot like Saren. He had people researching the effects of indoctrination on Virmire," added Kaidan.

"From what I've read in the mission reports on Leviathan, and even the Thorian, the more direct control they had, the more their thrall's behaviour changes," Hackett pondered. "The Reapers needed him to seem as he normally is. If those who serve him start to notice a change then they'll leave, and the Reapers don't have such an effective force to disrupt us with from within."

_"I preferred war when it was nice and simple, and the only time your own side turned was to run."_

"Probably pointless, but we should notify Commander Bailey trouble could be heading his way, not to mention that he's got Cerberus' mastermind on his station," suggested Kaidan.

" _I can guarantee that our Illusive pain in the ass is already on the Citadel watch-list, and he'll live up to his name,_ " rumbled Anderson.

"No need," said Shepard as she approached them. "I've already advised him about the Illusive Man, but he's got bigger problems. The Reapers have taken control of the station. They're moving it."

"Moving it!?" exclaimed Hackett. "Where!?"

"I just had Traynor work out its destination based on current trajectory-"

" _Let me guess. It's headed to Earth_ ," interjected Anderson.

"Got it in one."

" _That explains a few things. I'd recently sent out a team to London. Reports suggested that the Reapers are preparing for something here. I think we now know what_."

"Why take it there?" wondered Kaidan.

"Reaper forces are stronger there," answered Hackett. "They can consolidate power around the Catalyst and protect it more effectively. Obviously it's an important part in their harvesting plans, and they want it intact, otherwise they'd just destroy it."

" _It's going to make accessing the Catalyst near impossible, too_."

"Don't count us out yet. We've come this far. We can finish this," Terra said with determination, and Kaidan noticed she unconsciously placed her hand protectively over her stomach, and his heart quickened at the picture she made.

"We'll get the Crucible to Earth," stated Hackett, backing his daughter's statement with his own resolve.

" _Keep with the plan, no matter how desperate? I'm in_ ," Anderson nodded.

Kaidan felt unbelievably honoured to be a part of this elite group of amazing people. He had a lot to live up to.

"In the meantime, I'll begin gathering our forces, and those of the other races. We can't afford to hold off any longer. The time to act is now," Hackett declared.

" _Agreed_."

"We also have the Leviathans," added Terra, garnering an interested look from all three men at her use of the plural.

" _Sounds like you've got a story to tell._ "

-x-

Kolyat ran along the corridor until he found his target. "Bailey! According to Control, the station's stopped. We're right above Earth!"

Giving out the last orders to the officer in front of him, Bailey sighed, his shoulders slumping. "And there I was thinking I'd never see Earth again. Now we're here, I'm not so sure I want to see it."

"Why have they brought us here?"

"You heard Shepard. This station is the key to making that secret super-weapon work. And there are more Reapers here than anywhere else in the galaxy."

"But why haven't they just attacked? Take it out of the equation?"

"Why bother? We're not going anywhere. What's the state of the wards?"

"Most people have heeded the warnings and fled back to their homes, but there's been some looting, riots, and some vigilante responses. Ninety-two deaths have been reported so far, and a lot of injuries."

"Just to put extra strain on our already overloaded hospitals," Bailey griped. "Goddamnit. The Reapers don't need to send in their forces to kill us. We're doing the job for them." In irritation, Bailey then answered his bleeping comm. "What is it now?"

" _Sir, the Citadel's arms are closing."_

Walking over to a window, they looked out at the giant arms slowly closing around them. It felt like they were being entombed.

-x-

"The Alliance wanted more intelligence on the Reapers. I'd say we got it. It re-writes galactic history," Hackett said in bewilderment.

"Despite their bluster, we now know the Reapers had a beginning," Shepard asserted.

"Maybe now we can provide them with an end," added Kaidan.

" _We just have to make it happen_."

"But we only have the one artifact from Bryson's lab?" Terra wished she'd been able to retain consciousness long enough on Despoina to have been able to tell them just how important those orbs were.

"Afraid so. We bugged out quickly after we got you back with us," confirmed Kaidan.

"And the Reapers are patrolling that system extensively now," informed Hackett. "We'll just have to make the most of the one we have. Another dance with a devil that's likely to bite us in the ass," he grumbled.

" _Hold on_ …" Anderson read a datapad he'd been handed. " _The Citadel's here. It's stopped right above London_. _The arms are closed._ "

"I take it we need the arms _open_ in order to dock the Crucible?" queried Kaidan.

Hackett nodded, seriously.

 _"That's not all. Something's streaming from it, some kind of energy discharge, connecting it to Earth. I'll have my people study it. Try to find out as much as we can about its purpose."_ Anderson sighed wearily _. "At least we'll be seeing you sooner rather than later._ "

"Take care, Anderson," Hackett ordered.

" _You all, too. Anderson out_."

Hackett turned to them with a deep inhalation.

Terra watched the 'Admiral' fall away, leaving only her father and she gladly walked into his outstretched arms.

"It's so good to finally have you in front of me, sweetheart."

"Even Admirals need a hug, huh?"

Hackett chuckled. "Absolutely." Hackett held her out at arm’s length. "Are you sure you're up to this? You've just woken from a coma and now I'm about to send you straight into a full-out war."

Her eyes flicked briefly to Kaidan. "Just the usual then. Besides, try to stop me."

"Well, you've got some time while we wait for the rest of the forces to arrive."

"Okay."

His hands moving to hold his daughter's, Hackett's thumb caught on the engagement ring, and he stared down at it for a moment, then met his daughter's eyes. "Don't wait."

"Dad?" she asked in confusion.

"You and Kaidan. Don't wait. Even if it's just for a little while, leave for this battle with no regrets." Hackett knew he was being impulsive, but where had procrastinating ever gotten him? He was an old man pining for lost time with his family.

Terra and Kaidan looked at each other, nonplussed.

"I don't understand," Terra finally said to her father.

"I have a chaplain aboard my ship. There for those in my fleet who need the spiritual guidance to make it through this. He'll be able to perform the ceremony, with my authorization. And you have it. There's time."

Terra stared back at him. How could she tell him that it wasn't possible to have no regrets when she was throwing herself into the middle of a battleground with a child inside of her? A child she feared would never be born… It tore at her soul. It felt like she was choosing everyone else over her own child, though logic tried to tell her that if she didn't do her part, nothing would survive. It created a tremendous guilt that wouldn't be ignored. Then she thought about Kaidan. To be joined to him in every way possible was what she wanted. One _less_ regret… She met Kaidan's eyes, saw the light in them, and then she smiled at him. "How about it, Major? Want to marry me?"

"Hell, yes," Kaidan replied intently.

Hackett grinned. "Good. I have to call in our ally forces first, get them gathered for our final assault; make a plan of attack. And I must inform your mother of the new situation regarding the Crucible. As soon as that's done, I'll be back with the chaplain." He let go of Terra and shook Kaidan's hand. More upbeat than he should have felt at the dawn of a major offensive against such a powerful foe, Hackett left the couple with a renewed enthusiasm.

Kaidan turned to Terra. "Wow! I wasn't expecting that! I'd kind of resigned myself to the fact that we wouldn't get around to it."

"Yeah." The corner of her mouth tugged. "Hope you don't have any second thoughts, Major, because there's no getting out of it now. The only escape route is a life-pod into a sea of my father's heavily-armed ships!" she grinned mischievously.

"Certain doom," agreed Kaidan, laughing. "Thankfully, I have all my faculties intact, and the only direction I'll be running is whichever one leads me to you." He pulled her close and kissed her. "I love you, Terra Shepard."

"Well, that's a relief, seeing as we're about to marry," she teased. "I love you right back."

They shared a kiss.

"Only now I'm going to go crazy waiting," Kaidan sighed.

"Know what you mean."

"Well, I happen to know that there are a lot of your crew who are desperate to get some time with you, so that should fill the hours."

"What about you?"

"I'm going to go dust off our quarters. Thank God you insisted on that aquarium VI."

"You make it sound like you haven't been there in a while."

"I haven't. Couldn't. I needed to be with _you_."

"Keeping the nightmares at bay," she murmured. Terra had a feeling that he had done exactly that, as an out-of-reach memory whispered at the edge of her mind. Terra placed one hand at his neck, her thumb tracing over the shallow cut he had yet to attend to, and the other threaded into his hair, as she kissed him deeply. "Thank you."

A rumble came from his throat as his body reacted to her. "You'd better go before I do something very unbecoming of an officer, right here in the War room."

Terra arched one brow. "Is that supposed to make me want to leave?"

"Terra," he warned. She laughed. A sound that was music to his ears.

"Okay, okay. I'm going."

Kaidan let her go, watching her walk away, loving that look she threw him over her shoulder before she disappeared through the door. There was the woman who was just hours away from being his wife, and God willing, the mother of his child. His insides were doing funny things. They had to make it through this.

-x-

"Joker."

"Who else would it be?" he flung back at Shepard, pointedly, as she sat in the empty co-pilot's seat.

Terra sucked her lips between her teeth so she didn't laugh as he tossed her own words back at her.

"Yeah, because obviously the crazy coma-lady woke up and headed straight out to go fight! Why wouldn't I be expecting that? For your information, y _ou_ are not good for my health."

"Sorry, Joker," she replied, sincerely.

"Should think so too. You only get a reprieve 'cos you being there saved Kaidan, so… you know, that's good."

"This is a reprieve? Because I'm fairly sure I'm getting a full dressing-down here."

"Hey, I could have gone all 'Javik' on you and thrown you out the airlock for scaring me like that."

"Threatening an officer? That sounds dangerously like mutiny, Lieutenant. I think Javik would say that warrants execution."

"Crazy protheans," he grumbled. "And mutiny? Hey, I followed you on a _suicide_ mission. If I was going to mutiny, _that_ would definitely have been the time to do it. Besides, I hate all that responsibility crap. My shoulders blades couldn't take that kind of weight."

"Oh, right."

"Say, uh… how much do you remember? When you were sleeping? Did you hear… anything?"

Shepard squinted at him. "Why? What did you say?"

"That's fine if you don't remember."

"What did you say, Joker?" pressed Shepard.

"Nothing important. Forget I said anything."

"Forget it? After you've piqued my curiosity?"

"Yeah. Catch you at chow-time?"

"That was a poorly handled subject change, and I'll be requesting your presence a little sooner than that."

"Uuhhh… Why?"

"Javik will need you there for your execution," she said sarcastically, with a roll of her eyes. "Don't look so suspicious! And I'm not telling you."

"You just told me not to be suspicious, and then you go all mysterious on me!? How is that fair?"

"It's not. Now we're even."

"Well that's- Fine. Fine. Have your little secrets," he pouted.

She got up and went to leave.

"Hey, Shep. It's good to have you back."

"Thanks, Joker. And I'm asking Edi to replay what you said to me," she threw over her shoulder as she walked away.

"It's all lies."

Her laughter floated through the CIC, and made everyone smile, including Joker.

-x-

Kaidan had stopped by at the Mess to grab a snack, and was pleased to see Samara sitting at the table. He had a lot of gratitude to send her way. Sitting opposite her, Samara looked up at him with a knowing smile.

"Major. Your wear your happiness for all to see."

"Huh. Can't help it I guess. How are you feeling?"

"My body is recovering well."

He twirled his fork, waiting for her to finish her last mouthful before he addressed her again. "Thank you, Samara. You have no idea how much I appreciate what you did."

"Oh, I believe I can imagine well enough. And it was an honour. Shepard's mind, once it was brought into the light, is a beautiful place to be. Made all the brighter by her thoughts of you. You are a fortunate man to be loved so completely."

"Hh. Yes I am. And it's returned, believe me."

"I do not need to invade your mind to know that is true. Few in this universe find a union so perfect. I admit that I envy you."

"Being a Justicar seems to be a lonely life."

"It can be. But in many ways it makes me appreciate these moments even more. Stepping back aboard the Normandy felt like coming home. It was an unexpected feeling, but a welcome one. Treasure her as she treasures you, Kaidan Alenko. There will never be another who could love you more. May the Goddess watch over the three of you in the fight ahead."

Kaidan shouldn't have been surprised she'd picked up on the baby while she was melded with Terra, but he was stuck for a response.

"If you will excuse me, Major. I must get some rest."

"Of course. And thanks again."

"Shepard endured a great sacrifice whilst helping me with my daughter, Morinth. For that, I owed her a personal debt. And you, Kaidan, saved me from myself. Another debt is now paid." Samara left.

" _Is it over now? Because I'm about to puke_." Joker's voice invaded the peace.

Sighing, Kaidan replied, "Well if it wasn't before, it certainly is now, Joker. Thanks for the reality check."

" _You know you can always count on me_."

"Have you heard of a private conversation? Is there nowhere sacred from you?"

" _Actually, Edi's locked me out of most places, except the public areas. Apparently, she's deemed it 'inappropriate to invade a person's privacy'. Pff. Whatever._ "

Kaidan could almost see Joker rolling his eyes. "Glad to see you're respecting that, Joker" he said wryly.

" _Public area, Kaidan,_ _so what do you expect? And I'm bored. In case you hadn't noticed, we're not exactly going anywhere. Hey, who was the third person Samara was referring_ _to in her 'Goddess watch over you' speech_?

"Who knows?" Kaidan wasn't about to tell Joker it was the unborn child Terra carried.

 _"Think she knew I was listening? That's kind of freaky._ "

"Uh huh. Like someone covertly listening to people's conversations?"

" _No need to get snippy about it. I'm going._ "

"I somehow doubt that," Kaidan murmured, amiably.

-x-

Terra had travelled the whole ship, checking in with each crew member and receiving the same 'welcome back' greeting that, as lovely as it was to know they cared, still felt strange to hear. To her she'd only been gone the few hours that the mission had taken. She hated having lost that time. Time with Kaidan. She travelled through the now-empty Mess on her way to her last stop. She'd saved the Battery for last. "Hey," Shepard said, as she entered Garrus' domain. "Got time to talk?"

Garrus lowered his tool and straightened from the panel he was tinkering with. "Is this going to be a general conversation or a heavy discussion?" he asked with a forced lightness, as he immediately thought of his actions on Horizon. Then he silently cursed his sudden guilt – not for taking the shot, but for disappointing Shepard.

"I wanted to talk about what happened on Sanctuary," Terra said softly.

Folding his arms in a defensive gesture, Garrus' eyes were hard as they met Shepard's "If you're going to start telling me I was wrong to end Lawson, you can save your breath. I don't regret a thing. Just like Sidonis, she got what was coming to her. No one hurts the people I care about."

Shepard closed the distance, rested her hands on his folded arms, stretched up and kissed his cheek - or rather the turian equivalent. "I'm not going to say you shouldn't have done it. But I worry what effect it has on _you_. Don't let that anger eat Garrus Vakarian away."

He got it. And Garrus had to admit that he had been very detached when he pulled that trigger. That kind of detachment was something you'd expect in the monsters they were fighting. In those like Miranda and Leng. It frightened him then, and he clasped Shepard's shoulders like she was his lifeline. "With my best friend to keep me honest? Not a chance. So no more leaving me behind. Okay?"

"I'll do my best," was all she could promise.

" _Commander, Admiral Hackett is requesting to board again._ "

Terra's heart went wild in her chest. This was it! "Request granted."

"You two must be close. Whenever I hear _my_ father's coming, my face goes completely the opposite of yours," grinned Garrus.

"Huh! Garrus, he's bringing a chaplain!"

"Am I supposed to know what one of those is?"

"A religious man, who can perform ceremonies…"

Garrus' eyes widened. "You're- What's the expression I've heard you humans use? 'Tying the knot!'"

"Yeah! It was dad's suggestion."

"It's really weird hearing you calling Hackett 'dad', by the way. And I'm happy for you both. Do the rest of us get to witness this event?"

"Absolutely. Wouldn't be the same without you." Terra hurried out to meet her father. Something was finally going right for her and Kaidan, though she feared it was the calm before the storm.

**-x-**


	81. Joining Together and Standing Together

Hannah Shepard looked lovingly at her beautiful daughter. "I'm so pleased for you, honey."

" _Thanks, mom. I wish you could be here, though_."

"I do too, but your father's assured me that your AI - Edi is it? - will be sending me the footage. I may not be in the room, but I'll be sharing it with you, regardless. And when this is all over, I'm going to be looking forward to finally meeting Kaidan, and we can celebrate it together then." Hannah caught the look of uncertainty on her daughter's face. "Terra. Your father's right. This isn't the time to wait around, wishing you'd done something, only for it to be too late. You know, he surprised me at first, when he told me that he'd championed you marrying now. Then I realized just how much he wanted that for _us_. I knew at the time that he wasn't sure about the decision we'd come to – _I'd_ come to – all those years ago. And I know it's weighed heavily on him. It was easier for me, because I had you. He had to carry on like we never existed. He's so much stronger than he realizes. Just like you. But I stand by it. Especially given the position your father attained so early on in your life. I think things were easier on you with no one knowing. Yes, he'd have gotten to Admiral eventually had he faced the consequences of our fraternisation, but the galaxy was a better, safer place with your father watching over us all. Until the Reapers."

" _Now here I am, breaking regs just like you guys_."

"Except you're untouchable. Not because you're Spectres, but because you've both earned nothing but our gratitude and respect. No one could question your ability to do what's necessary despite your relationship. Anyone making a fuss over your breach in regulation now is likely to be mobbed," Hannah joked. "And I have never regretted breaking that rule, either, or the sacrifice we made. Nevertheless, I'm glad you're refusing to hide it. You deserve something better. Now go and marry that man, and know that I'm thinking of you. Congratulations, honey. I love you."

" _I love you, too, mom._ "

Hannah signed off with a smile, then did what she'd always done and focused on her work. There were people to re-deploy now that the Crucible was ready. Only a few were required to control the Crucible's journey to the Citadel. Those who could fight, like the Rachni workers, had already been sent back to their ships to join Steven's force wherever he saw fit to place them. The rest of the scientists would now be loaded onto a ship and taken to the small nearby colony which had yet to see Reaper activity, to wait in safety, however temporary that might be. All around her was an impressive armada of ships to escort the massive weapon to its destination.

She looked out at the Crucible. There was so much that could go wrong. As she turned to the approaching Dr Cole, she wondered if they could really win this. It made her angry. The Reapers were denying her daughter the right to live out her life. She wouldn't stand for it.

-x-

Kaidan was in full dress uniform, waiting inside the Observation room which had been chosen as the best place to hold the ceremony. He opened his omnitool and re-read the message from his mother.

**My darling son,**

**Congratulations! Don't apologise for marrying Terra now, just because I can't be there. I understand. Admiral Hackett contacted me after your last message to me and said he'd be having a recording sent to me. So I won't miss a thing! I only wish your father could know. Or maybe he does...**

**I have to admit that as much as I was relieved to hear that you're all ready to head back to Earth, I'm also very frightened for you. Please take care. You** _**and** _ **Terra. I can't wait to meet the woman I hear so much about! My daughter-in-law! Enjoy this time you have together, and know my thoughts are with you both.**

**Love you, Mom.**

Shutting his tool down, Kaidan surveyed the room. Everyone chatted casually as they sat in the seats and congregated at the back if they didn't have a place. It would have been hard for anyone to imagine that they were all on the cusp of heading into battle. The whole atmosphere was joyful and optimistic. They all needed this. Fidgeting with the box holding the rings, Kaidan decided he should have someone do this part for him. He went over to Joker who was sitting in the front row, kneeling in front of him and offering him the closed box.

Before Kaidan could say anything, Joker reared back like he was being held at gunpoint. "Whoa! I think you've gotten confused Kaidan! You've done this part, with Shepard, remember? Besides, you're not my type."

"Hilarious, Joker. Will you be my best man?"

"Do you think you could say it without the 'down on one knee' part? It's freaking me out here."

"Joker," Kaidan said, exasperated already.

Joker looked a little hesitant. "Are you sure about this? After the whole SR1 thing?"

Kaidan speared him with his best no-nonsense look. "I'm going to keep repeating this until you accept it: That was the Collectors, _not_ you. And you were there for her afterwards when I wasn't. So yeah, I'm sure."

Joker took the box with a short nod, then opened it to look inside. "At least, I've already given you a gift. These are mighty fine, _extremely expensive_ rings right here."

Kaidan sighed. "Do I need to reimburse you?"

"Nah, forget it. After the part I _did_ play in tearing you two apart, it feels good to know I have a hand in the rings that bind you together."

"Are you finished, because I'm about to puke," jibed Kaidan, repeating Joker's earlier words.

"Ha ha," Joker said dryly, rolling his eyes. Then he got to his feet and straightened his uniform. "Hold on a minute. This job doesn't include removing the cap, right? Because that'll be a deal-breaker."

"You can keep the cap, Joker."

"Okay, then."

"Okay, then."

They took their positions to one side of the chaplain, right in front of the viewing window to the stars that had brought them all together.

"Let's do this! Yeah!" Joker suddenly started playing with his collar like it was too tight. "Whoa! Feeling a bit nervous here!"

Kaidan had to laugh.

x

Terra stood outside the Observation room in a dress previously owned by Liara, which her asari friend had insisted on giving her. It was simple, elegant, form-fitting, and white with blue accents, which seemed very apt given the Alliance colours. Having been fully prepared to step into her dress blues, Terra had to admit that she preferred the idea of looking the way Kaidan made her feel. Terra Shepard, not Commander, and she'd let her hair down to match it. The shoes… It didn't matter to her. She had what was important. Kaidan. And the rings. Or Kaidan had them… Didn't he? She took a calming breath and turned to her father. "Dad. Would you walk me in?"

Hackett was genuinely surprised. "I'd love to, but won't your crew find that odd?"

"I don't care. I don't want to hide it anymore, dad."

This miracle of a woman had just offered him the greatest gift ever. A chance to tell the world she was his daughter. How would Hannah feel about it, though? He had never gotten around to that chat with her like Terra had suggested… But then what did any of them have to lose by bringing the truth into the light now? He made a decision. "Then we won't." Hackett offered her the crook of his arm, and Terra threaded her arm through it, pressing her cheek to his shoulder. He liked seeing her like this. The way she did on those rare occasions they had found to spend time together. Hackett kissed her hair. "Thank you," he murmured.

"What for?"

"For allowing me this. Giving me this chance to really be your father."

Terra raised her head to give him a gently chiding look. "Dad, you've always been that. You're a far better father than a lot out there. And considering that we kept it secret all this time, I'd say that makes you pretty amazing at the job."

"Well, I guess I can't argue with the fact that you've turned into an exceptional woman, and you and I couldn't be closer, could we?"

"Absolutely not. So throw that guilt away. It has no place here."

"Done."

"Now, you'd better get me in there before Kaidan thinks I've left him at the… viewing window."

"Yes, Ma'am," smiled Hackett, and he proudly led his daughter towards the man she loved.

x

The beautiful music Kaidan had chosen when he'd proposed on the Citadel, played through the room.

"Well, that's weird." James nudged Garrus who sat beside him. "Hey, how come the Admiral's playing the father part?"

"Work it out, Vega," was all Garrus said, not even turning to look at him.

There was a silence while it seemed James was thinking it through. "… No way!"

"Hey, what's going on?" Cortez leaned forward from behind James, who then whispered in his ear.

"What!? That's- I can't believ-!"

"Hush, human," scolded Javik.

"Keen not to miss the ceremony, Javik?" teased Liara, next to him.

"Simply curious, Liara T'Soni."

"Of course."

"Keelah!" Tali gasped as Cortez passed on the revelation to her.

Over by the window, Joker leaned over to murmur at Kaidan as he watched Hackett leading Shepard in. "Uh, something I should know?"

Kaidan just grinned, his eyes not moving from Terra. They'd clearly decided to let the secret out.

"Edi! Have you been keeping secrets from me?" hushed out Joker.

"They are not my secrets to tell, Jeff," Edi said in a low tone from across the aisle, beside a serene Samara.

"That's- … You've been listening to Shepard too much," Joker huffed. "Is there any other heart-stopping news I should know?"

Kaidan tensed with the knowledge that Edi would know everything that went on in the ship…

"That is for me to know, and you to find out," Edi responded casually with the human saying.

Relaxing, and thankful for Terra's good influence over the AI, Kaidan ignored Joker's mumbling, then tuned out the shocked murmurs that still filtered through the crew. Terra looked radiant, and he wondered if it was due to having her father there for all to see, their impending marriage, or the life she held inside her. Probably all three, he decided. Then he had to laugh as she gave him a mischievous smile and lifted the dress just enough for him to see her regulation boots on her feet. She laughed back at him and Kaidan was caught in an incredible moment; one in which he could barely breathe. Then she was standing in front of him, and Hackett passed her hand over to him with an approving nod. That was a man who was basking in his visible role.

The chaplain hushed the on-looking crew. "Friends, we have gathered here to share with Kaidan and Terra, an important moment in their lives. A union not to be entered into lightly but reverently, passionately, lovingly and solemnly. During their time together, they have seen their love and understanding of each other grow and blossom and now they have decided to live out the rest of their lives as one."

Kaidan swallowed the lump in his throat in reaction to that last part, and Terra's eyes fell to the ground. 'Rest of their lives' didn't sound so long when you knew what you were heading into.

"If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

"This is your chance, Lola!" called James. "Admit you find me irresistible and we're outta here!"

"I can resist, James," answered Terra, without turning.

"It had to be you, didn't it, Vega?" sighed Garrus.

James shrugged with a huge grin on his face. "You know it, my friend!"

"Then I'll carry on," said the chaplain with a smile. "Who supports this couple in their marriage?"

"I do," said Hackett, proudly.

"So do I!" called out Tali, unfamiliar with human ceremonies. Even though they all laughed, there was also a chorus of "I do, too" from the rest of the room as well.

"Kaidan," prompted the chaplain, moving back a little to give them space, enjoying the affable atmosphere, unusual on a military ship.

His thumbs unconsciously stroking the backs of Terra's fingers as he held her hands, Kaidan looked directly at Terra as he spoke. Her warm chocolate eyes, so comforting and inviting, reflected her soul beautifully.

"I, Kaidan Alenko, take you, Terra Shepard, to be my wife, my friend, my partner, and my love, from this day forward. I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honour and respect you, and to cherish you, for as long as we both shall live." There was that line again. Far weightier in these last hours.

Joker reached out the box so he could take the ring, and Kaidan slid it over her finger – a perfect fit. "I give you this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you." His part done, Kaidan let out a shaky breath.

The words he'd uttered still resounding in her ears, Terra thought he looked so handsome. "I, Terra Shepard, take you, Kaidan Alenko, to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day. I will trust you and respect you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward… for as long as we both shall live." She reached out for the ring Joker offered, and placed it on Kaidan's finger, quietly thanking Edi for no doubt assessing their ring sizes with precision. "I give you this ring as an eternal symbol of my love and commitment to you."

The chaplain stepped forward again. "By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss."

Terra met Kaidan halfway, their lips meeting and lingering, arms wrapping around each other, leaving no space between them. It wasn't until they pulled away that they were aware of the clapping and cheering that filled the room.

"I present to you the married couple, Kaidan and Terra," announced the chaplain, delightedly. A wedding was an unexpected and very welcome event to have the honour of presiding over. That it was these two special people, even more so. Add to that the surprising news that Commander Terra Shepard was the daughter of Admiral Hackett, a man he respected greatly, it was proving to an astounding day. Like so many others around him, he was given an overwhelming sense of hope.

"Congratulations, sweetheart," Hackett hugged his daughter. It felt liberating to be able to do it openly. He then shook Kaidan's hand, clapping his hand on the young man's shoulder. "Welcome to the family, son."

"Thank you, Steven."

Hackett sighed heavily. "I wish I could stay to help you celebrate…" He didn't want to go, but there was so much he had to do. He knew his faults, the reason for his regrets, yet he was trapped in this role of Admiral. His sense of duty to the Alliance and Earth conflicted with the duty he had to his daughter.

"Dad. Don't do that." Terra rested her hand on her father's, seeing the guilt. "I'd be disappointed if you didn't go back to work. We have a war to win, and it's far more important than staying for a chat and a drink. You were here for the important part."

"We get through this, and there'll be time after," assured Kaidan.

Hackett didn't say what he was thinking. What if this was the only time they had? But he had to accept that there were some things out of his hands. His position meant he'd been tasked to lead this, and he couldn't do anything less than his best. A galaxy and its people depended on him orchestrating this right, and they would only get one chance at it. "Okay… then I'll head out. Enjoy this time." He hugged Terra tight. "I'm so proud of you, sweetheart." He cleared his throat as he stood back to speak to them both. "The last ETA for our ally forces is in ten hours. I'll be back then to apprise you of our plan and to address the masses." With that said, Hackett dallied no longer. Turning to walk away was so very hard.

As soon as the formidable Admiral Hackett had left, the Alliance crew members crowded around the newly-weds with a lot of questions. Joker led the barrage with his usual eloquence.

"Admiral Hackett's your dad!? Are you shitting me!?"

-x-

After the congratulations and celebratory drinks – limited to two glasses, and Terra hoped no one noticed she hadn't taken a sip – Kaidan and Terra left to retire to their cabin.

Kaidan looked at the memorial wall as they waited for the elevator, holding Terra tightly at his side. "Ashley would have approved. A chaplain instead of a registrar," he clarified.

"Yes, she would," smiled Terra, as the lift arrived. Stepping inside she snuggled into Kaidan with a content sigh. "I don't think it's really sunk in yet. We're married!" she said, the disbelief in her voice making Kaidan grin.

"Huh! I know! I was there! Another to add to the best moments in my life. You keep giving them to me."

"Best moments?"

"Uh huh. First, I met you. And there was the time you made it clear you felt the same way about me, as I did you. Then our first time together before Ilos…" He paused for a second at that, realizing this was another night like that, and he'd lost her not long after… for two torturous years. He didn't want to consider it right now.

The elevator doors opened onto the foyer of their cabin, but neither of them moved.

Kaidan carried on. "And when I stood in front of you in your cabin, and you told me you still wanted me, even after the way I treated you." Another time he was separated from her, six months too long. "Having you beside me on the Normandy and on Mars, despite the Reapers and Cerberus, is another good memory. That message telling me you knew the truth about Rahna. I still have that, and all the ones you sent after while I waited for you to come back to me. Re-joining you after the coup attempt…" When they had unwittingly created their unborn child. "Our time on the Citadel, in our own apartment – ignoring the bits that came before and after of course."

"Of course."

"Now, becoming my wife. It's more than I could have ever hoped for. And it's all down to you, Terra."

"Those great moments, we share, Kaidan. There weren't any others without you as a part of my life."

He kissed her, long and heart-felt.

"Then let's make another," Kaidan whispered. He bent to scoop her into his arms, the sight of her boots making him laugh again.

"What are you doing?" Terra grinned as he carried her into their cabin, thinking how handsome he was. The smart uniform looked fantastic on him. Mouth-wateringly so…

"Walking you across the threshold, Mrs Alenko. It's supposed to be tradition. Tali wasn't kidding when she said you were a romance movie philistine, was she?"

"Who needs a movie when I have _you_ , you romantic softy? Besides, I didn't believe in all that 'true love' stuff, remember? Until I met you."

"Now who's being soft?" Kissing her deeply, he lowered her to the bed, then sat on the edge as he removed her boots, and then his own.

Moving onto her knees behind him, Terra kissed the back of his neck, her hands sliding down to grasp his shirt and ripping it open. It was a shame to ruin the look but it had to be done. She wanted nothing between them. And he was even more delectable beneath.

"Thankfully, that's stitched well enough to resist the rough handling, Commander," commented Kaidan, giving her a raised brow over his shoulder.

Terra just smirked back. "You're keeping me waiting, husband."

A thrill ran through Kaidan. Terra Shepard – his wife. His body reacted instantly, and he stood and turned to her as she rose up on her knees to kiss him. One hand pulled her tightly against him, the other found the fastening at the nape of her neck, and drew it down slowly. He was more than aware of her fingers dancing over his belt and fastening, his trousers pooling around his ankles. Drawing the fabric off her shoulders he trailed his kisses from her mouth and down her neck to the base of her throat.

Her head tipped back, Terra shimmied a little to send the dress to her waist and impatiently pushed it over her hips. Letting herself fall back, she took Kaidan with her, delighting in the feel of his skin on hers. Kicking off the dress that had tangled around her legs, she rolled Kaidan so she was on top, straddling him so she could trace her fingers over his hard chest, that handsome face... She was overcome with a sudden need to memorise every part of him, and to take her time doing it. A fear like she'd never known before, fell over her. Was she going to lose him?

Kaidan saw his own thoughts reflected at him in Terra's distraught face. Caressing her face, he rose up, enfolding her in his arms.

His warmth gave Terra strength. "I'm okay. Really. Just got caught in the uncertainty ahead. But _this_ moment is what matters right now. You and me. United in every way we can be. I love you, Kaidan," she whispered, locking down those errant thoughts of the coming hours.

Kaidan could take comfort in those words she breathed out on his lips. "Here and now, _we're_ all that's important," he agreed. "I love you, too, Terra." He pulled her back down, and this time rolled her beneath him, appreciating that this was their first time as husband and wife, and maybe their last.

As Kaidan's biotics flared, they made sure it was a moment to remember.

-x-

To say the last hours were satisfying beyond belief was an understatement. It had been a celebration of each other and their new union, but underlying it there was a goodbye – just in case. They had poured every feeling into each caress, kiss and movement. Nothing else existed but the feel and taste and scent of the other. Despite the fact they thought they had been here before, it had surprised them both with the intensity of it. Now it was over, and the hours were closing in.

Kaidan had fallen asleep, having not rested since his battle on Cronos station. But Terra was far from tired. As they lay tangled in each other, Terra watched him sleep. The fear was back. How had he managed to go on after she'd died? She didn't doubt his love for her, in fact it gave her a newfound respect for the strength inside of him to keep going. A strength she was sure she didn't have. If anything happened to him… A nausea came over her, and she carefully but swiftly untangled herself and moved to the edge of the bed in case she needed to make a run for the bathroom. Not morning sickness, but a reaction to the thought of losing him. A strained sound from behind her had her turning back to Kaidan.

Kaidan's face was creased in distress, his body tense, hands fisted, and his breathing was fast.

"Kaidan," Terra whispered as she reached over. He jerked awake, catching his breath, his eyes open and slightly wild. Then he saw her, clutching her close to him, his head in the crook of her shoulder and neck.

"Bad dream?" Terra asked gently, stroking his hair.

Kaidan only nodded. He didn't want to verbalise what his mind had conjured up. The lingering image of Terra and their child being caught in a Reaper's beam and being vaporized in front of his eyes, was horrifying enough.

"Do you think we can win this?" Kaidan murmured against her skin, a sense of foreboding bearing down on him.

Terra took her time to answer, pulling back to meet those drinkable eyes. "I think we've given ourselves every chance there is. And we're all incredibly motivated. I'm fighting for _us_ , Kaidan."

Kaidan ran his hand over her stomach, placing his lips at her temple. "If nothing else, make sure _you_ survive, Terra."

Terra covered his hand, but said nothing.

" _Sorry to interrupt, but Hackett's advised that the last of the ally fleets have arrived. He'll be boarding in twenty._ " Joker's solemn tone sounded the way they felt.

Terra buried her head in Kaidan's chest, so he answered in her stead.

"Thanks, Joker."

Without a word, Terra kissed him lovingly but sadly, then left the bed.

Kaidan joined her in the shower like he had so many times before, and had missed terribly when she'd been in that coma. She immediately turned and sank against him.

"This isn't it, Terra. You said it yourself: you're fighting for us. So am I. And I have more faith in you than in anyone or anything."

Terra straightened, kissed Kaidan's lips. "I can't do this without you."

"And I'm going to be there, every step of the way," he promised. "We're a partnership. I don't ever want you to feel that this all rests solely on you. I have the same duty. You're a driving force behind this, you've gotten us more help than anyone could ever have expected. But now it's up to _all_ of us."

Nodding, she concentrated on washing, and Kaidan did the same.

Less than five minutes later they were dressed. Sitting on the edge of the bed, it took all of Terra's inner strength to remove the rings from her finger, and they shook as she threaded them onto her chain to join her single tag. Then Kaidan sat beside her and handed her one of his tags which he had freed whilst placing his own ring on his chain, with Terra's tag she had given him after his proposal.

"Tags should always be in pairs," he said as she stared at it.

Terra gave a sad laugh as she took it from his fingers and added it to her chain. "Are we like the tags?"

"We are now. Joined before God. And Ashley, and Mordin and Thane, in whatever version of heaven they have, and well who knows, even Legion. And maybe… maybe my father."

Terra kissed him, then stood, pulling him up with her. "Last night was..." She struggled to find a word to describe it.

"Spectacular?" Kaidan grinned rather roguishly, using the word he'd said after their first time together.

Terra laughed. "Even better. Beyond perfect." His being there made so much difference to her. He was her strength. Then she wondered when she'd gotten so dependent on him, except it wasn't reliance so much as a need to know he was near. While she had him in her sights, she could protect him... "Okay. I can do this. _We_ can do this."

"Together."

They spared one last look at the cabin they shared, with the fish they'd chosen together swimming obliviously in the aquarium, before the doors closed behind them.

-x-

The three of them stood in the War room once more, Anderson's image in front of them, and Hackett began to update Terra and Kaidan on the plan of attack.

"Sword Fleet are ready to strike at the Reapers surrounding Earth. While they keep the enemy engaged, you and Hammer ground forces can take London," Hackett said to Terra and Kaidan.

" _It's surrounded by Hades cannons. Hammer transports can't land while they're active. You'll need a squadron of smaller shuttles. Infiltrate with a ground team, and take out the cannons using heavy weapons. Hammer can land and we'll set up a forward operations base_ ," explained Anderson.

"How does taking London help us with the Citadel?" asked Kaidan.

" _That beam I mentioned before? The Reapers are using it to transport humans to the Citadel. Hammer will launch an all-out assault on that beam. Everyone who makes it that far will take that beam to the Citadel, then locate and activate the Citadel arm controls_."

Hackett took over. "Once we see those arms, Shield Fleet will escort the Crucible to the Citadel, but timing will be critical. We don't have enough firepower to keep the Crucible safe for long."

"What about the Leviathans artifact?" Terra enquired.

"I'm keeping that shielded for now. Once the Reapers detect it, it'll be a prime target, and I think we need to hold out for the right time to use it. It could well end up being a one-shot deal."

"Agreed."

"Well, nothing's ever easy," murmured Kaidan. "No reason it should start now."

" _It's desperate_ ," agreed Anderson _. "I don't even want to guess at our odds_."

"But this is the only plan we have," Hackett pointed out. He looked at Kaidan and Terra. "If we wait, the Reapers bleed us slowly. Conventionally, we can't defeat the Reapers without the Crucible. Get the Citadel arms open… whatever the cost. We'll do the rest."

"Yes, Sir," they both responded.

" _Good luck to all of us_ ," Anderson finished, signing off.

Terra placed her hand on Hackett's arm to get his attention. "Dad. I'd like you to take command of the Normandy while we're gone. Please."

"Terra?" frowned Hackett.

"With the improved shielding and armour plating she's the hardiest ship we have. She'll keep you safe," she said seriously. "Plus, someone's got to keep Joker in check," she added lightly.

Hackett knew this was one small thing he could do to ease her mind. "It would be an honour. Now, I need to make sure everyone knows what they're doing. We'll be ready to launch in one hour. Now's the time to talk to your crew."

Leaving Hackett in the War room to liaise with the assembled fleets, Terra and Kaidan went to prepare everyone.

-x-

"I was just thinking about you," Tali greeted, as Shepard entered Engineering.

"Uh oh," teased Terra.

"It's nothing bad! You being raised on ships, your father being an Admiral, getting married… Just wondering, what with your life mirroring mine so closely, whether you were also going to follow in your father's footsteps and become an Admiral yourself."

Terra smiled at the similarities. "Being a soldier, you don't tend to look that far ahead. And the Commander rank is still a long ways from Admiral, so I can honestly say I've never thought about it."

"Neither did I until they asked me. Would you? If they asked you? _When_ they ask you."

"I guess so. Yes."

"Good. Admiral Tali'Zorah and Admiral Shepard, kindred spirits. Thank you, Shepard. For being a sister to me. For giving me another family where I could truly belong. You and Kal, you're the most important people in my life."

"You're important to me, too, Tali."

Tali's head lowered. "It's almost time for the final battle, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," Terra said gently.

"I can imagine the future now, for Kal and I. Bringing up our children on our home-world. A home that _you_ gave us. And don't bother protesting. If you hadn't been there, my people would have been destroyed by the geth. So I'm going to do everything I can to help you get _yours_ back."

"Thank you, Tali."

"It's been an honour to have served with you, Shepard."

"The honour's mine, believe me."

Kaidan and Garrus walked in, both halting in place at the entrance to Engineering looking between her and Tali, and Terra caught the severity in their faces. It was bad news. Excusing herself, Terra went to them, and Garrus handed her a datapad with a downloaded message.

"This just came in from Palaven," Garrus murmured. "Tali had asked me to track down Kal'Reegar after she'd failed to get a message from him."

Terra didn't want to look at it, as though not seeing it would stop it from being real. Her eyes flicked to Kaidan who met them with a sadness that seeped into her. Terra forced herself to read it.

**Vakarian,**

**As per your request for news on quarian Kal'Reegar, it is with regret that we inform you of his death.**

**After a ground-based communications relay providing vital intel to the turian military went down, Kal'Reegar ordered his squad to repair it. When turian troops offered to provide evac support, Reegar refused, insisting they could not risk the relay falling. He said multiple breaches to their exo-suits made evacuation pointless. He and his team sacrificed their lives holding the position until krogan troops arrived.**

**We are humbled by his sacrifice and promise to return the honour.**

**Palaven Command.**

Terra blinked back the tears that rose up for Tali. "I can't tell her here."

"I'll clear the Observation room," Kaidan said, heading out.

Clutching the datapad hard, wishing she could destroy it, Terra turned to Tali…

-x-

Garrus looked over towards the Observation room as he walked towards the Mess where Samara sat with a tranquil aura. "Samara. Anything from Shepard yet?"

"Patience, Garrus. Shepard will not leave a grieving friend before it is time."

"I can't believe this. I wish Tali hadn't asked me. She didn't need to know this now."

"It is never a good time for such news. But I agree, it is better to go into battle with hope in your heart than despair."

"Damn it! I should have kept it to myself!"

"Tali asked because she needed to know, and I do not believe that it came as a shock to her. She is not naïve, Garrus. She knew, whether she acknowledged it or not."

Garrus sighed, sadly.

Kaidan joined them. "Samara, your ship's docked with us and ready for you."

"You're not staying?" Garrus asked Samara as she stood.

"I will continue to be a part of this fight, but I must do it amongst my own people. For the asari, a Justicar's presence has a bolstering effect that must not be ignored."

"Well, it was good to have you back. Just like old times."

"I think these circumstances were definitely unique Garrus, but I've enjoyed being here with you all again."

Shepard exited the room, looking strained.

"Samara's ride is here," Kaidan told her.

"Oh. Right. It was really good to see you again, Samara. I wish we could have spent more time together. Good luck out there."

"You as well." Samara moved to clasp Shepard's hands. "I think you are remarkable, Shepard. May the Goddess be with you. Farewell."

"I'll walk you out," said Kaidan, and he led Samara into the elevator.

Garrus zeroed in on Shepard. "How's Tali taking it?"

"Need to ask?"

"I shouldn't have given her the news until after all this was over."

"You didn't. I did. And she had a right to know. She suspected as much, Garrus. She's still determined to fight. But it's justice for Kal that drives her now."

Garrus suddenly felt restless. "Time's closing in. This is it."

"We've been here several times, haven't we? You and I?"

"And proud of it. Might be the last time, though."

"Think we're going to lose?"

Garrus stood taller. "I think we're going to kick the Reapers right back into whatever black hole they crawled out of. Then we're going to retire somewhere warm and tropical and live off the royalties from the vids."

"Retire? You and me? We'd go crazy. A long hiatus maybe. I'll meet you there. We just need to beat the Reapers first."

Garrus cleared his throat. "If this thing goes sideways-"

"Hey," She shook her head emphatically. "If there's one thing you should know from the last three years or so, it's that there's no Shepard without Vakarian, so you'd better remember to duck."

"Sorry. Turians, don't know how, but I'll improvise." He gripped her shoulder. "And forgive the insubordination but this old friend has an order for you. Go out there and give them hell. You were born to do this."

"I love you, Garrus. No matter what happens… I'll always have your back."

Garrus looked down at the ground, exhaling, then looked back up. "Ever seen a turian cry?"

"No."

"Well, you're about to if you keep that up. Now go before I embarrass myself beyond recovery."

Terra gave a small laugh. "Okay." She went to move towards Liara's cabin, when Garrus spoke again.

"Do you… think Tali could do with another shoulder?"

"I'm sure she could," Terra assured him with a smile.

Garrus nodded and headed for the Observation room.

Entering the Shadow Broker's temporary headquarters, Terra sighed as she saw Liara, as ever, with her head buried in data, though she already wore her armour. "Liara?"

Brought out of her inner thoughts, Liara stood to meet her friend. "Shepard. I was hoping you would be able to spare me a moment of your time before…" It was difficult for all of them to put it into words. "I have something for you, Shepard. A gift. If you want it."

"Gift? Liara, you already gave me a dress-"

"That was nothing, a mere material possession. Do you remember when I first joined my consciousness to yours? I can show you some of my _own_ memories. Asari exchange them sometimes, with their family or closest friends." And bond-mates, Liara thought to herself. "It can also be a way to say farewell."

Terra was a little unsure what Chakwas would say about it after the coma, but she trusted Liara. "This isn't farewell, but I'd be honoured."

Not prolonging it, Liara stepped closer to her an intense eagerness blooming. "Close your eyes." With a guilty pleasure, Liara joined with Shepard, no longer experiencing the barrier that existed the last time she'd tried. Being with Shepard was like the most exciting ruin she'd uncovered, the most ground-breaking revelation she'd unearthed. A powerful temptation pulled at her to complete the meld and take into herself just a little piece of what made this amazing human, Shepard... But, with huge effort, she resisted the urge to go further. It would be a violation of Shepard and her trust. Then Liara caught the whisper of something new and was led by her natural curiosity to search it out and to make sense of it. It was another consciousness, so early in its development that it barely registered. It startled Liara, then warmed her. Life amongst so much death. A light in the darkness. Hope. Liara pulled away from the unborn child and gave Shepard her memory of a new dawn - a star's creation. She nestled against Shepard's mind and body. This would likely be the last time she could come here. When the light of the star washed over them, and it was over, Liara reluctantly left Shepard and they returned to the room. "Goddess, Shepard!" Liara placed her hands gently on Shepard's stomach. "It is wonderful!"

"And secret," added Terra, gently.

"I understand."

"What you showed me… It was beautiful, Liara. Thank you."

"Thank _you_. For everything." Liara took a breath. "Let us do what needs to be done, Shepard."

Giving Liara a hug, Terra then left the room and headed for the armoury.

Kaidan was there, almost suited up, and James was fixing his weapons.

James did a double-take as he saw her. Then he started passing her armour. "I guess this is it, no? One last fight."

"Not necessarily our last," Terra pressed.

"It's been an honour serving with you, Shepard."

Terra paused, giving him her full attention. "You're a good man, and a terrific soldier."

"Thanks," James said sincerely.

"Not to mention a terrible flirt!"

"Haha! Yeah! Think I can get that on my tombstone?"

"That won't be _my_ job. You'll have to make that request of your family, when you finally settle down."

"Ha! Family? I don't know. You two guys set the bar pretty high."

"Consider it a challenge, James."

"Oh ho! How can I back down from that?" He looked at Kaidan. "And don't forget that we haven't had that poker re-match, Loco."

"Then we'd better get this mission done and get right on that," grinned Kaidan.

"Yeah," James smiled, pensively.

"Whatever happens out there today, I know you'll make me proud," assured Terra.

"That means a lot to me. Good luck out there, Lola."

Once she had finished suiting up, Terra looked at Kaidan. It was time to gather them all.

-x-

As they exited the elevator onto the CIC, the whole crew, including a brave Tali, were congregated around the galaxy map.

"Go and rally your crew, Commander," ushered Kaidan, but when she moved, it was with his hand held tightly in hers.

Terra stood on the platform overlooking the galaxy map, Kaidan pressed up right behind her, and she cast her gaze around the room, meeting the eyes of every single one of them. She'd gathered them for this sole purpose. They deserved more than a speech over the comm system.

"This war has brought us pain, and suffering… and loss. But it's also brought us together, as soldiers, allies, and _friends_. This bond that ties us together is something the Reapers will never understand. It's more powerful than any weapon, stronger than any ship. It can't be taken or destroyed. The next few hours will decide the fate of everyone in the galaxy. Every mother. Every son. …Every unborn child… They're trusting you, depending on you, to win them their future. A future free from the threat of the Reapers. But take heart. Look around you. You're not in this fight alone. We face our enemy together, and together we _will_ defeat them."

Kaidan was buoyant as Terra's words sank deep. The crew were raucous in their approval, her speech clearly having had the same effect on each and every one of them.

Stepping down, Terra was approached by Edi.

"Shepard, there is something I want you to know. The Illusive Man ordered my creation years ago. Jeff was the one who allowed me to think for myself. But only _now_ do I feel alive. That is _your_ influence."

"Thanks, Edi."

The AI walked away leaving Terra struggling to maintain composure. This was getting no easier. She blamed her hormones, and went to speak with Chakwas.

Joker was speaking with Kaidan. "You remember our first run to Eden Prime, with that turian Spectre watching us?"

"Nihlus."

"Yeah. I told you that mission was going to be bigger than we thought. And now we're heading back to Earth."

"Is this mission going to be bigger than we thought, too?"

"Man, I hope not! A nice routine delivery run would be fine with me. It's been an honour, Major."

"Same here, Joker. I don't know how its gonna end but, whatever happens-"

"What do you mean 'whatever happens'? Everyone knows what's gonna happen. You and your _wife_ are gonna kick some Reaper ass! _That's_ what you do! And I'll be flying you there in style."

"Huh. Right. Shouldn't you get your ass back in the cockpit, then?"

"Aye, aye, Sir," Joker grinned, saluting him.

That gesture from Joker meant a lot to Kaidan and he returned the mark of respect before turning to locate Terra.

"You've come a long way since those days under Captain Anderson," Chakwas was saying to Terra. "It has been my great honour to be with you through this journey. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you, doctor." Seeing Chakwas' downcast eyes, she laid her hand on the doctor's. "Karin, everything okay?"

"I just wish I'd managed to get a breakthrough on recreating those Thorian spores. Every edge you can get would be invaluable. If Mordin had survived, we probably would have. He had agreed to help me after the genophage cure had been released. But there's no point on lamenting on what can't be. Take care out there, both of you. Goodbye Kaidan," Chakwas said as he joined Terra. "And good luck."

"Thanks, Doc."

Hackett took his opportunity before anyone else cornered them. "Major. Commander. Are you ready to bring the might of the galaxy to bear on the Reapers?"

"Yes, Sir," they both replied.

They'd returned to titles despite the fact that it was now common knowledge amongst the crew, partly out of habit, but mostly because they both needed to maintain the chain of command. For Hackett, he had to send Commander Shepard, not his daughter, into the fire. For Terra, she needed to _be_ Commander Shepard in order to get through this.

"Then let's make sure the fleets are ready. Lieutenant Moreau, if you would have our guests check in. Then leave the comm open," ordered Hackett.

" _Yes, Sir,_ " replied Joker. He then called in to each race. It took a little time. " _All fleets reporting in, Sir_ ," Joker said finally.

Without further ado, Hackett took the platform where his daughter had stood moments before, in order to address their colleagues and allies. After Terra's rousing speech, he was ready to get this done.

"Never before have so many come together from all quarters of the galaxy. But never before have we faced an enemy such as this. The Reapers will show us no mercy. We must give them no quarter. They will terrorise our populations. We must stand fast in the face of that terror. They will advance until our last city falls, but we will _not_ fall. We will prevail. Each of us will be defined by our actions in the coming battle. Stand fast. Stand strong. Stand together. Hackett out."

**-x-**


	82. Unity and Separation

"Approaching Sol relay, Commander."

This was one jump Shepard didn't want to make. Then they were there. The familiar vibration, light, and feeling she used to love, was more like that jump through the Omega 4 relay. They were heading into hell. But at least they weren't alone this time. The forces behind them were staggering to behold. Then they were through and she was certain that for those already fighting in the space here, they made an impressive sight as they exited the relay. Human, turian, asari, quarian, geth. They were all there, and those were just the heavy hitters.

Hackett watched eagle-eyed as they neared the Reaper forces that moved to engage them. "This is it, everyone. Be ready on my signal." As soon as the last ship was through the relay he gave the order. "Fire!"

It was soon clear that they _were_ doing damage, but against so many it was merely a distraction.

"Breaking off. Preparing for descent," informed Joker.

The _Normandy_ threaded through the mass of ships and Reapers in full stealth mode, until they were past the main battle. It was time for the ground offence.

Hackett grabbed his daughter in a hug. "You make it through this, you hear me? You didn't go through all this to not see the dawn." He then pulled Kaidan in with an arm around his shoulders. "That goes for you, too, son."

Kaidan swallowed before responding. "Yes, Sir."

"Dad, we'll do what has to be done," Terra warned, struggling to remain composed.

"I know you will. We all will. That's what scares me."

Terra kissed his cheek. "But I'd really like to see that dawn."

Hackett nodded, then let them go.

"Shepard. Commander." Joker stood, and snapped off a superb salute. "Be careful down there. Both of you."

"We'll be back before you know it." Terra returned the salute.

"Take care of yourself, Joker," added Kaidan. "Now please get back in that seat and look where you're going!"

"Aye, aye," Joker grinned.

Shepard gave him a strong smile and turned with Kaidan to head for the shuttle.

-x-

-x-

They were locked in heavy combat amongst the ruins. Things had gone wrong almost immediately. The squad Hackett had sent with them to take down the defence cannon, had been shot down, so it had been up to Shepard's team. They had headed for the downed shuttle in order to get the heavy weapons that the squad had been carrying. Cortez had been shot down not long after, trying to keep airborne hostiles off them, but thankfully he had survived the landing.

With the burning shuttle right ahead, the Reaper forces came at them in droves.

"Shepard! Get that heavy weapon from the shuttle and take out that cannon! We'll keep them back!" shouted out Kaidan.

"I'm on it!" called back Shepard. She cloaked and bypassed several marauders and cannibals. The shuttle was a mess, and so were the people inside. Those that had survived the crash had been shot to pieces by the Reapers minions. She spotted her target. A Cain. One shot, but a mighty powerful one. That Hades cannon wouldn't stand a chance. She took aim as her cloak fizzled out.

Kaidan saw her materialize, the Cain raised. Knowing it took precious seconds to power up once it was locked on its target, he stormed forward to keep the attention away from her. The shot finally went off, and Terra dived back to cover, as did Kaidan. As expected, the cannon was destroyed in a blaze of light that had them all closing their eyes. Then there was just fire and collapsing metal. The first part of the mission was complete. Hammer forces could land. Now they just had to get out of here.

"Anybody! This is Major Alenko! We need extraction!" radioed Kaidan, Terra appearing beside him. The returning static wasn't comforting.

A nerve-shredding screech filled the air. A banshee. Two. Three. They concentrated on taking them out, then Shepard tried the comm again.

"This is Commander Shepard! Any Alliance personnel in the vicinity?"

The Reaper forces continued to rain down.

" _Commander! Prepare for extraction_!"

Terra recognized that voice. Matt Coats. A shuttle appeared at the edge of the building they were in.

"Come on! We'll cover you!" shouted Coats through the open shuttle hatch. "Hurry!"

"Go, go, go!" yelled Shepard to her ground crew. She and Kaidan laid down covering fire, along with Matt and- was that Anderson? Once her team were safely in the shuttle, the two of them made a run for it. Leaping across the gap, they landed at the same time, and Coats slammed the hatch shut.

"Get us out of here, Corporal," Coats ordered the pilot, who lifted them away from the hotzone. "You okay?" he then asked Shepard and Alenko.

They both nodded, a little winded.

"I knew you wouldn't let me down," said Anderson.

"I thought that was you," grinned Terra, then she happily hugged him. "It's good to see you."

"You too, Shepard." Anderson shook Kaidan's hand, clapping his other over their joined hands in an almost fatherly gesture. "Damn, you're all a sight for sore eyes."

"I'll say," agreed Coats.

"It's good to see you, too, Matt," smiled Terra, putting her hand on his arm.

"I hear congratulations are in order!" said Anderson "Couldn't be happier for the two of you."

"Same here," Matt added. "You boosted morale immeasurably when _that_ news got out!"

"Already!" exclaimed Kaidan.

"We may be in the thick of war, but good news spreads fast, even here," said Anderson. "The stories of our two human Spectres and the Normandy crew have astounded and inspired. You've _all_ kept us going." Anderson looked around at all the people who had been with her from the start, and Vega who he'd placed with her personally. He lingered a little longer on the prothean out of pure curiosity. Only Shepard could have found a living prothean. Even her squad was an example of what could be achieved with cooperation with other races. "The whole galaxy united together," finished Anderson with a disbelieving shake of his head. They'd done the impossible. Now he needed one more miracle.

-x-

Terra walked through the makeshift base, the adrenaline still running through her, demanding to be exercised. Kaidan was helping with the wounded, along with Liara. Garrus was liaising with the turian troops. But the others she wanted to check in with, so she sought them out while they waited for the rest of Hammer forces to arrive. So far, it wasn't looking good in terms of numbers getting through.

The view through a broken wall had her stopping to stare. It was a shock to see Earth like this. Rubble. Unrecognisable. More like a grey version of Tuchanka than the lovely blue skies, and greenery they remembered. It was so much worse than she'd imagined…

"The fighting here's been some of the worst on the planet." Matt came to stand beside her. "It looks bad, but there's still hope, Ter. And _you're_ here. It'll do the troops good to see you. Bolster their resolve."

Terra frowned. "Anderson said the same thing. But I'm just a soldier like them. You know that, Matt."

"You might see yourself like that, but _they_ don't. Like it or not, Ter, you and Alenko are heroes to these men and women. Don't discount the effect that can have on them."

"What about you?"

"Need I remind you how many times you've thrashed me in combat sims? I'm good, but you're better, and for Alenko to have been chosen to be a Spectre, he must be too. So, I'm definitely boosted by having you here. You're also a friend, and I've lost too many of those already. It's good to know I still have _you_."

Hugging him, Terra began to wonder how many more of her friends she'd lose. It was too terrible to contemplate.

"I better go meet up with my battalion." Matt pulled away, then briefly put his hand on her cheek and gave her a sad smile. "I'll see you at the command centre."

Matt walked off and Terra continued her trudge through the base. The first of her team she found was James, braced against a broken window, looking out at the scene playing out around them, just as she had.

"James? You okay?"

He gave a deep sigh but his eyes continued to stray over the chaos. "I don't know what I thought I'd feel, coming back to Earth. I was ready to fight. Ready to die if I had to. But seeing everything like this…?"

"I know it's hard to see. But this is only temporary. First, we win this thing. Stay focused. Don't let them take your will to fight."

James straightened, and looked at her. "I know. You're right. Don't you worry about me, Lola. Those Reaper bastards aren't gonna know what hit 'em." He looked over his shoulder towards another room. "Tali's through there. For someone whose face I can't see, she looked pretty sad to me."

Terra followed his gaze to the doorway. "She is. I'll go talk to her." She looked back at James. "But you need to get your mind off all this."

"Any suggestions?"

"You see all those soldiers down there?" She pointed to a group of dejected-looking young soldiers on the ground below them. "Do what you do best, Lieutenant."

"You want me to flirt with 'em?" James gave her a funny look.

Terra struggled to contain her amusement. "Um, actually I was thinking about spinning your tales. I heard you and Garrus trading stories back on the Normandy. Give them James Vega, Lieutenant Extraordinaire!" she smiled.

"Ah ha! Yeah! I can do that!" grinned James.

James bounced off with a new focus and Terra went to the next room. Tali sat on a table, head down and legs swinging in a way that reminded Terra of how young her friend still was. It was easy to forget with everything they'd been through together, that there was a decade of years between them.

"Hey, Tali," Terra said softly as she sat beside her.

"Shepard. This is so terrible. I'm so sorry you have to see your home like this."

"We'll make it better."

" _You'll_ make it better. You always do."

Tali's hands were noticeably still, clasped together in her lap. Terra wished, given their environment, they were wringing themselves over the way Tali always did. It was a sad reflection of what the young woman was feeling inside.

"Do you want to know what I was thinking?" murmured Tali.

"I'm listening."

"I wondered whether Cerberus could have brought Kal back like they did _you_ , if we hadn't destroyed them. How twisted is that?"

"It's natural to want him back."

"Except that Cerberus would just pervert him somehow, wouldn't they? Because they wouldn't care how wonderful he was. Smart and brave and… so sweet." Tali reached out her hand to hold Terra's. "We were so lucky with you. Kaidan's so lucky," she whispered out.

A cough from the doorway had them looking over to an unsettled corporal. "Uh, sorry to bother you Commander, but there's a call for you. She said she'd seek me out and smear the walls with me if I kept her waiting too long."

Tali actually sniggered. "Uh oh. You'd best hurry, Shepard, or he'll have far worse things than Reapers to worry about."

"Will you be okay?"

Tali slowly shook her head. "Not for a long while, but I'm very committed, Shepard. I'm not prepared to lose _you_ as well. You're all I've got."

Terra embraced her young friend, and then followed the agitated corporal to the projected image of Jack.

" _Shepard! About time you got here! Thought I was going to have to win this thing without you! Heard the news! You actually got hitched? Damn, I wanted to be bridesmaid!"_ _Jack laughed at her joke._ _"Congratulations, you soft bitch_."

"Jack. Lovely as always. How are you guys?"

" _Good so far. We're a ways south of your position, currently waiting to take delivery of some artifact you might need. We also saved some resistance fighters with barrier support. Bringing a bit more firepower your way_."

"Good. We'll need it."

Jack looked off to the side. " _Shit. I gotta go. Rodriguez just fell through the floor_." She rolled her eyes. " _Damned kid can't take a piss without me_."

It warmed Terra to see Jack this way, but she worried what would happen if Jack lost one even _one_ of her charges. "Then I'll see you on the other side."

" _Other side_?" Jack said angrily. " _What the hell are you talking about, Shepard? You better make it through this_ _!_ "

"Jack, that's what I meant," Shepard replied quickly, to calm her down.

" _Oh. Okay then_." Jack's face softened. " _I won't let you down, Shepard. Go kick some ass_."

"You too."

Jack disappeared and Shepard wondered if she could also talk to anyone else.

Within minutes she had checked in with Cortez over in another base on the outskirts, Jacob, Samara and Grunt, who were also in another part of the city. It was a relief to know they'd made it this far. Wrex she could hear from here, booming out insults that seemed to be the krogan version of a rallying speech. Thinking of him made her smile. A quarian sister and a krogan brother. It didn't get much stranger than that when it came to family.

Kaidan appeared, an oasis in the stark surroundings, for her eyes and for her soul.

"With an extended family like mine, are you sure you want to be involved with me?" she teased him.

"Uh… shouldn't you have posed that question _before_ you let me put the ring on your finger?" Kaidan played along as he walked towards her.

Terra shrugged with a smile. "I like the ring."

"Huh. Well then, fortunately for me, I've met them all and I think I can hold my own."

"Don't say that with Wrex around! Or Grunt. Or Jack."

"Noted." Kaidan's eyes lingered on hers for a moment, loathe to move on from the welcome levity, but he couldn't avoid it, and his face turned serious. "Anderson's ready. According to reports, we've got the bulk of the troops that have made it."

"That's not good," Terra frowned.

"No. We suffered heavy losses just getting here. Less than 40%."

The amount of lives lost already was staggering. "Well. Let's just focus on the next part."

Side by side, they made their way to the command centre for the next part of the plan.

-x-

They were going right through Reaper-controlled territory. The biggest problem, asides from the multitude of Reaper forces, was the Destroyer that sat right in their way. Shepard and her team were on foot, originally to support the tanks as they tried to get through, but soon they were overtaking the vehicles, far more agile when it came to bypassing the fallen buildings that blocked the way and forced them to divert.

The Thanix missiles that were supposed to be used on the destroyer-class Reaper were now unmanned, their transporters overwhelmed. That left it to Shepard and her team, but the first missile had been deflected by interference. Edi was hacking into the missile systems in order to use the _Normandy's_ superior targeting system to get the last remaining missile to its target, but the Reaper forces were raining down in force. Keeping them away from Edi was a huge challenge. Liara was providing a barrier around Edi, but keeping back the banshees and brutes was the hardest part. They were literally bringing down the enemy, then raiding them for heat sinks so they didn't run out.

"This is Alenko! We've got a helluva lot of hostiles here! An ETA on that back-up?"

" _Major! Hold on! We're coming to you!_ " came Anderson.

Shepard, Kaidan and their team were the only ones on the ground now. Those who had travelled with them had all fallen. Only Anderson and those in the waylaid tanks were left to support them. To say they were all exhausted was an understatement. They'd been fighting through these streets for hours, and there was no sign of a let-up.

"Come on! We can do this!" urged Kaidan, bringing down a banshee's barrier, leaving Vega free to finish it off. To his left, Shepard was diving and rolling out of the path of a charging brute, deliberately moving it away from Edi. Looking up at the Destroyer which was getting closer, he willed Edi to get it done. They needed a breakthrough soon or this was going to be their last battle.

"Edi, tell me you're there!" Shepard yelled, clearly thinking the same as Kaidan was.

After a few seconds delay, Edi answered. "Commander, I have reprogrammed targeting. Missiles are ready for launch."

That was one of the best things Shepard had heard since she'd gotten here. "Fire!"

The missile hit the Destroyer dead-on. Despite the toppling Reaper, the enemy forces came strong.

"Nice work, Edi. Liara. Now both of you get in the fight!"

-x-

Hackett stood in the cockpit, eyes flicking between the screens to check ship positions and the situation reports coming in. Neither gave him much to be happy about. They were getting slaughtered. But this last one offered them a chink in the Reaper defences around the Citadel. Three Reapers had pulled away to descend to Earth. He had an idea why. "Any available squadrons. Delay those Reapers leaving the battle. We've got to give Hammer more time," he ordered into the comm.

He watched his fighters respond, but as they engaged with two Reapers, the third – Harbinger – got through, and it would only be a matter of time before the others would be able to follow. "God damn it. Lieutenant, get me Anderson. A-sap."

"Aye, aye," responded Joker.

" _Anderson here._ "

"Admiral, several Sovereign-class Reapers have broken off from the battle up here. We're delaying them, but Harbinger's heading straight to your destination. Not what you want to hear, however it also gives us a gap to bring in the Crucible, but we need those arms open. Tell me you're close."

" _Damn it! Not close enough! We lost a lot of our forces, and we've come up against heavy resistance. I guess they've now worked out what we're doing, and they're sending in extra support. Shepard and Alenko are ahead of us but they're the only squad who made it through on foot. Those of us in tanks got behind when we had to re-route._ "

"I don't need to tell you that this might be the only opportunity we may get, Anderson."

" _I hear you. We're re-joining_ _Shepard and Alenko now. The whole squad look relatively unscathed too. Damned miracle those lot. Stand by. We'll be able to pick them up and head straight for the clearing now._ "

"I think now's the time for that artifact."

" _Agreed. I already have a team transporting it to the beam site. I anticipated needing a little help there._ "

"It was a good call."

 _"Unfortunately, like us, they've had problems getting through, and with such a precious load they haven't wanted to take chances. Looks like I'll need to hurry them up._ "

"In the meantime, we'll do what we can to keep the other Reapers engaged for as long as possible, but Harbinger will be there soon."

" _Understood. Anderson out."_

-x-

Shepard stood at the edge of the clearing, looking down at the beam at the far end and Harbinger now guarding it. What was it James had said back on that barricade on Palaven? Like shooting fish in a barrel. Unfortunately, _they_ would be the fish this time.

Anderson turned to Kaidan. "I've just had a report from the team transporting the artifact. They're under heavy attack. Maybe the Reapers know what we've got, maybe they're just hedging their bets that we're up to no good. Whatever, we need biotics down there, helping to protect it. We're down to Jack and her students, and Samara with a small squad of asari, but even with Grunt and his team providing firepower, it's not enough. We can't let the Reaper forces bring down the shield around that artifact or it'll be a prime target before we know it. I need _you_. With your experience, you can organize them more effectively. Liara, Javik, I'd like you to join them, too."

Kaidan's heart sank, and his eyes glanced briefly at Terra before he continued. "What will you do in the meantime?"

"We'll hold off as long as we can. You get that artifact here. If we can bring down Harbinger, it'll make our run a lot easier. But we're on borrowed time here. More will be on their way soon."

"I understand, Sir." Kaidan then moved to one side with Terra. "We'll get that artifact here. Fast."

"All you have to do is your best. Don't make promises," she warned, even though she wanted exactly that.

"Terra-"

"Hey," Shepard interrupted, pleading with him not to make this any harder. "Get to it, soldier. Because I hate waiting."

"Hh! Aye, aye, Ma'am." Then as she went to turn away, he caught her arm and pulled her into him, then he kissed her, pouring all his love into it, tasting her like a man who knew he could soon be starved. It was completely unprofessional with everyone watching, but he didn't care. Just in case, he told himself. But he'd make it back to her. He _would_. Reluctantly, he broke the kiss.

Needing to catch her breath, and oblivious to those around her now, Terra had to stop herself from grabbing hold of him when he stepped back from her. She cleared her throat and returned to being Commander Shepard before she made a fool of herself. "Good luck out there, Major."

"You too, Commander." It was hard to walk away. Kaidan's feet were heavy as he made his way over to the tank that would take them to the artifact team's current location.

"Commander," Javik said, stopping beside Shepard, Liara just behind him. "In the event that we do not make it back in time… I was listening to the krogan talking to his men, earlier. In my time, the races never came together. There was no rallying cry. I envy you. Your future is still out there. It is something my people could never say: there _will_ be a tomorrow."

"Only if we win today."

"No one else has ever made it this far."

" _You_ came a long way, Javik. Further than anyone else here."

"And I look forward to fulfilling my mission. But _you_ are now the avatar of this cycle. The exemplar of Victory. Not just for those in this time, but for _all_ life that has ever been extinguished by this enemy. Those who need justice. Do not waver. Victory is never won without difficult choices."

"I know. I've had to make a lot of those."

"There may be more. But I know that you will see this through for all of us – no matter the cost. That you are here, fighting despite what you know you hold inside of you, is proof of that. Thank you Commander – for letting the last voice of the protheans speak. It has been a privilege."

Javik held out his hand to her, and Terra took it without hesitation. Then he turned her hand and placed an item in her palm. She recognized it as the piece of prothean metal that Terra had rescued from his pod on Eden Prime, and had returned to him back on the _Normandy_. A memory shard, he had called it.

"Your memories will be stored upon it for future generations. You will provide a great ending to this tale, and an inspiring one. It should be preserved."

"Thank you, Javik."

He bowed his head respectfully, then entered the tank as it drew up beside them, to sit next to Kaidan.

Liara hugged her. "Be careful, Shepard."

"And you, Liara."

With everyone loaded onto the tank, Kaidan met Terra's eyes until the closing hatch cut off his view.

Shepard watched the vehicle go, the taste of Kaidan lingering in her mouth, and wondered if it would be the last time she'd see him.

-x-

Things had calmed down a little on the Citadel. The reports from his officers were lessening.

Bailey had to admit that it felt a bit like an anti-climax. With the arms closed they didn't have the Reapers to worry about as yet, but it hung over them nevertheless, like they were simply caged to be dealt with later. The constant drone that had started shortly after the arms had closed was beginning to grate on him. It came with a perpetual vibration that worked to send a tension through his bones. Apparently, it was down to a huge amount of energy being emitted through the Citadel. Bailey had phased out on the theories that were being thrown around as soon as he'd ascertained that it wasn't a concern for _them_. He just wanted to be sure they weren't all going to be roasted alive.

He sat at his desk and rested his head in his hands with a huge sigh. This was more than he was capable of dealing with. A lot of scared people were asking questions and he had no answers for them. It was all out of his hands. He prayed this weapon, whatever the hell it was, would save them all.

-x-

Anderson finished his call with Hackett. It wasn't what he wanted to hear. He indicated to Shepard and Coats to gather. "Time's run out. We'll have company soon. Shepard, you and your team will be joining me and the ground-assault teams for the first run. Coats, you and your battalion will be providing what cover support you can from here."

"Sir?" questioned Coats.

"I need someone to stay behind, to communicate with Hackett and the remaining ground teams in the rest of the city if we fail. Wait for Alenko and that artifact, use it, and pray that you're able to make a second run at it."

Matt wished he could trade places with Terra so she wouldn't have to make that run, but he understood that this first run had the most likelihood of success, and for that they needed the best. "Yes, Sir."

Shepard turned to inform what was left of her squad. Garrus, Tali, Edi, and James. She didn't need to say anything. They'd heard, and they were ready.

"Alenko, what's your status?"

Shepard returned to Anderson, anxious to hear Kaidan's voice.

" _At our current pace, we're about forty minutes out from your position, Admiral_ _!_ "

Anderson's jaw clenched. More bad news. "That's too bad. Hackett just informed me we have two more Reapers headed our way. Sword are continuing to try to delay them, but we can't wait any longer. We have to make this run now. We'll have no chance against three of them. And that artifact will likely be destroyed after its first use. If we don't make it, it'll be up to you and Major Coats to do what you can."

There was a pause. " _Yes, Sir_."

"Good luck, Kaidan _._ "

" _To all of you, too_."

Anderson nodded at Shepard. "You're on the line, Shepard." He then disconnected himself and they all gave her space.

"Kaidan."

" _Terra. This wasn't the way it was meant to be! I was supposed to be by your side_ _!_ "

She heard his desperation. "I know. We should probably learn not to make plans by now," she joked weakly.

" _Hey. This isn't goodbye_ ," he said strongly.

Struggling to keep the tears in, her voice came out trembling. "When this is over, I'm going to be waiting for you. You'd better show up."

" _There's still time. I_ **will** _be joining you. And that I_ **do** _promise you._ "

"Kaidan…" Her voice went raspy and she blew out her emotion. She wished she could be so sure that she'd see him again. "Just remember that you'll never be alone."

" _Don't give up on me, Terra. I'm fighting like hell to get back to you._ "

Terra's heart wrenched as she heard his voice break.

 _"I can't lose you again_."

"We've got to move!" called out Anderson.

"I have to go," she told Kaidan. "I love you."

" _I love you too. I'll see you soon_."

He was gone from her ear, and Shepard faced the beam with a heart she was desperately trying to turn to stone.

x

Kaidan faced the group providing a biotic shield around the artifact. Jack's students. They looked exhausted, despite the fact they were all taking turns to maintain the barrier that deflected any attacks. They were all pushing so hard to get the artifact to the beam site, but everything was against them. The environment and the enemy forces continually slowed them down.

He fired and ducked as another surge attacked. It pissed Kaidan off. They were in his way. He fired up his biotics and with a roar he unleashed his energy in a wide arc that threw back rubble and enemies in an impressive rush of force. The krogan roared in approval and Jack joined them.

"Damn, Alenko! You're putting me to shame here!"

"We've got to speed this up. They're making the push for that beam, _now_."

"Shit!" Jack cursed.

Samara looked back at the struggling students. "I will provide the young one's some rest."

Having Samara do that would quicken their progress but it would also leave one less to fight.

"I can do what you did, Alenko. Stand back." Jack drew up everything she had and did the same, cutting another swath through the streets, though her imprecision finished off a couple of buildings at the sides. "Woo! Can't do that too much, though, or I'll be down on my knees in no time!"

"Between the five of us we can get it done. Head back to Liara and Javik, and give them the heads up."

"You got it!" Jack raced off towards the rear of their convoy, and Kaidan powered up again.

Nothing was going to stand in his way.

x

It was a slaughter. Harbinger was taking them out almost casually. On foot or in tanks, it didn't matter. Then another strike from that deadly laser had a tank spinning through the air towards them. Shepard dived under as it flew over their heads, and she twisted to look behind her to check her team. It had landed right where they had been, and horrified, Shepard ran back, almost leaping over the upside-down flaming tank.

She saw Garrus injured, trying to get to his feet, but unable to. His right side was a mess. James was up and heading for her as she supported Garrus in order to get him to cover.

"Find Tali and Edi!" she shouted out to James, and he started searching.

Suddenly running towards the tank, James started heaving it up, where Edi then awkwardly slid herself out from where she'd been trapped. Her left arm was damaged beyond use where it had been crushed. Nevertheless, Edi helped Shepard get Garrus to cover behind the tank while James continued his search for Tali.

Terra was feeling frantic. Where was Tali? Then her eyes caught on a body laying a fair distance away. It was unmistakably Tali, and she shouted at James as she ran forward. Skidding on her knees to stop beside Tali, she carefully moved Tali face up. Her visor was broken, her lovely face exposed, eyes staring lifelessly up at the sky.

"Oh no. Sparks," said James sadly, as he got to them.

Shepard blinked out of her shock, grief threatening to make her useless. She locked it away. Now wasn't the time. Instead, her shaking fingers closed Tali's beautiful eyes. She hoped there _was_ an afterlife, and that Tali was with Kal now. She hated leaving her here, but she had no choice.

Running back to Garrus and Edi, Shepard made a decision.

x

" _Normandy, do you copy? I need an evac, right now_ _!_ " Shepard's voice came into the cockpit.

Joker would have headed there instantly, but he wasn't in charge. He looked at Hackett who immediately nodded.

"We're on our way!" Joker advised her.

Banking hard to head to her position, Joker pushed the _Normandy_ to its limits.

For Terra to be hauling out, Hackett knew it had to be dire. She sounded alright, but maybe she was hurt. Then he discarded that thought. Terra would have to be unconscious before she gave up. If she was indeed leaving the battlefield, it could also mean that this attempt was over before it had started. Was this their last chance slipping away from them?

x

The interference had made Joker's response unintelligible, but then the _Normandy_ was there.

"Come on." Shepard hauled Garrus up, and James helped her carry him to the ship.

"Tali's dead, isn't she?" Garrus murmured.

Ordering herself not to allow her grief to show on her face, she simply said quietly, "Yes, she is."

"We're bugging out, Shepard?" gritted out a pained Garrus.

" _You_ are."

Garrus resisted. "You've gotta be kidding me."

"Don't argue, Garrus." She and James forced him onwards.

"We're in this to the end," Garrus protested.

Her father was there to meet them on the cargo ramp. "Dad, take him," she said, handing Garrus over.

"No one else?" checked Hackett. He wasn't surprised she was getting Garrus out in his condition; Hackett knew this particular turian was very important to her.

"Damn it, Shepard!" Garrus hissed.

Facing him, Terra clutched his hand where he had grabbed her fore-arm. "I need to know someone is getting out of this alive."

Garrus looked over at the body of Tali. With his injuries he was no good to Shepard. He couldn't even hold a gun. He'd just end up the same way as Tali, and even he could see Shepard was barely holding together over it. He surrendered. Not because he was in immense pain, not because he conceded to the Reapers, not because he wasn't prepared to stay till his dying breath, but because it would give Shepard some small peace of mind. Because she was their greatest hope of ending this and she couldn't break. "Just make damn sure that includes you. Even if I am the better shot."

"Huh!" She squeezed his hand. "Take care, Garrus."

She looked at James and Edi, but they shook their heads.

"I'm good to go, Lola."

"I am still functional for the task, Shepard," assured Edi. Her gun-arm was still operational, even if the other wasn’t.

Shepard knew she had no grounds to press for her peoples retreat. They were soldiers, and this is what they did.

"Shepard! You okay?" called out Anderson as he caught up with them.

"Yeah." Looking back at her father and Garrus, she waved them away. "Go!" Then she forced herself to turn away, her thoughts with Kaidan. Was he still alive? Was her life going to further mirror Tali's?

She took off, dodging fallen men and debris, Anderson, James and Tali at her side, and she feared for them. Another blast shot out from Harbinger and Shepard followed the trajectory, her heart thudding as she realized it would hit them. She did the only thing she could. She barrelled hard into James who was next to her. He then fell against Edi, and she into Anderson. Shepard was awash with pain as the blast hit just in front of her, and everything faded away.

x

Kaidan let out another huge force of energy, his head beginning to ache. He had to keep going. They were so close! Liara stepped forward to take her turn. They'd be at the clearing soon-

" _God! They're all gone_ _!_ "

Coats' voice cut through everything. Kaidan froze.

"Did we get anyone to the beam?" asked Liara, her face pale.

" _Negative. Our entire force is decimated. Shepard..._ " Coats' trailed off, unable to finish.

Almost falling to his knees, Kaidan staggered to an alley, bracing himself on a surviving wall.

"That's bullshit!" Jack was shouting, taking out anything in her path, including a krogan who hadn't seen the sense in moving out of her way. "Shepard's not dead! She can't be! You haven't looked properly, you stupid asshole! Check again!" she screamed into her comm.

"I agree," rumbled Grunt, firing his shotgun into a cannibal. "My battle-master wouldn't fall before completing the mission."

"Goddess," whispered Liara.

"Major, we must continue!" Javik urged Kaidan. "With the artifact, there is _still_ hope. We must not allow the Commander to have died in vain!"

"She's _not_ dead, dipshit!" seethed Jack.

Kaidan was empty, but he pushed himself away from the wall, and powered up again.

x

Anderson rose to his feet, unscathed. He'd been lucky. He'd fallen within the embrace of several over-turned tanks. If Shepard hadn't… He saw her lying just ahead and ran to her, passing the AI which flailed with incoordination. Vega was pulling himself across the ground to reach Shepard as well, his legs badly damaged.

Getting to her first, Vega started getting what remained of his medigel from his pockets, ignoring his own pain. "Come on, Lola. Don't do this to me."

Reaching them, Anderson was broken-hearted at the sight of her. Steven's little girl. He'd watched her grow up, and go through so much. It wasn't fair.

"What do I do, Admiral?" begged James.

"What you can, son." He didn't say what he was thinking – that there was nothing they _could_ do. "I have to keep going." He turned to the beam. They were so close. He had to finish this. Right now, he was the only one who could. He started running.

James tried to stop his hands shaking as he went to apply the medigel. There was so much damage, he wasn't sure where to start. Was she even breathing? Tearing off his glove, James held his fingers over her mouth, and though it was ragged, he could feel her breath on his skin. He looked up to see Anderson vanish into the beam. They had a chance. But Lola…

x

Working on auto-pilot as he fired his rifle, his biotics flaring when it was needed, Kaidan's mind was taunting him with his first and last night with Terra as his wife.

_He braces himself over her, their bodies press intimately against each other. He kisses her soft lips, tastes her mouth, the feel of her smooth warm skin beneath his hand as he strokes a path over her body. Aroused, her body arches into him. Then he pulls back, deliberately prolonging it. Whispering his fingers down her side, she giggles and writhes. He loves the sound. He smiles, then follows the path his hand has taken._

A husk jumped out at him, landing on his back. Hurling it over his head, he stomped down hard on its face, and carried on.

_Moving back up her body. Terra nimbly sends him tumbling onto his back, taking control, shivering as his biotics tingle over her skin. She slides her hands from his shoulders, along his arms, to lace her fingers with his where they rest at her hips. She rises up slightly to place him at her entrance. The tug at her mouth tells him she's going to return the teasing. He pulses his biotics. It crackles over their sensitive skin, stimulates them further. Terra pulls her bottom lip between her teeth as she rotates her hips over his tip. His whole body is alive beneath her, and he's desperate to bury himself in her, but he doesn't want it to finish too soon, so he lifts her to his waist and rolls her over, their entwined hands now either side of her head. He's reminded of their first time together. She'd encouraged him and trusted him to let himself go with his biotics. Now, he uses that energy without thought when he's with her. He had thought he'd accepted his biotics until that first night with her. She has freed him, from guilt over Vyrrnus, from shame over being a biotic, from fear of hurting someone. He is just a man to her. A man she loves. He is truly blessed to have her as his wife._

_He's been staring at her too long and she has him on his back again. He laughs, and spins them again. Sometime during their fun they'd gotten nearer to the edge of the bed and suddenly they're falling off. Reacting instinctively, he cushions her landing with his biotics, and they lay on the floor, laughing, until their libido's demand satiating…_

_"This is Lieutenant Vega! I need emergency medical assistance for Commander Shepard! She's hurt bad!"_

Kaidan snapped out of his head as Vega's voice interrupted him. His heart lurched. Terra was alive but hurt! He punched a hole through another husk's head. "Lieutenant! I'm on my way!" He looked at Liara and Jack who were up front with him.

"I _knew_ she was alive! Well, what are you waiting for? Go save your wife, dumbass!" prompted Jack.

"Hurry, Kaidan!" ushered Liara. "We will be right behind you with the artifact!"

Despite his now pounding head, Kaidan ran.

x

Terra had a jarring, extraordinarily painful awakening into a nightmare she had thought was over for her.

"Shepard! You need to lie still!"

James was trying to hold her down, but she could see the beam, and her heart leapt. So close. If she was still alive, she had to keep going. She could still save her family. Feeling like her body was slowly burning away, she pushed herself upright, the flaring pain causing her vision to darken. Automatically grabbing her pistol from the ground, Shepard got unsteadily to her feet, only just able to keep a hold on the gun. She refused to let the pain win out. There was only determination.

"Commander, what are you doing!?"

"F… finishing this, James. You… you okay?" She couldn't breathe properly. She could feel the medigel tingling on her skin, but it wasn't enough. Inside her, she imagined the implants were working overtime to fix her. She wished like hell they'd hurry up.

"Am _I_ okay!? Lola! Have you looked at yourself!?" At least _he_ knew he wasn't going anywhere.

"I'm fee… feeling it, James."

"Then please! You don't need to do any more! Anderson's through!" implored James.

"And he… may need… back-up."

"Shepard," called out Edi. "My backup systems… I can make repairs."

Even in her pained state, Shepard could tell that Edi was too damaged to continue. "It... It's okay… Edi." She started limping for the beam. Her chest felt wrong, and her leg, and her gun-arm. _Focus_ … It was a torturous journey which she got through by bringing up a memory of Kaidan. It was only last night, but it felt like a lifetime ago.

_She wonders at this marvel of a man as they lay on the floor laughing. That instant connection she'd had with him, that instant attraction. He's everything she respects, with so much more hidden away from all but her. She's never felt alone in her role as Commander when he is there, providing her comfort, assurance, and encouragement. Because she isn't just Commander Shepard, she's a woman who has been set an overwhelming task. A woman whom Kaidan had reawakened when he'd stepped into her life. She runs her hands through his dark hair, over his strong shoulders, then down his back to that tight backside that has a certain asari matriarch related to Liara, very hot for. He's unbelievably sexy, and completely oblivious to it. She loves that modesty. She loves everything about him. Her eyes take in the view he presents. Strong, handsome, with that beautiful blue glow that he has surrounding them. She can depend on him. She loves him, absolutely. Now he is most definitely hers. Her husband. She is the luckiest woman in the galaxy. She squeezes his butt-cheeks, and he makes a smoky soft growling noise in his throat. She laughs and it comes out breathy. She wants him badly, and grinds her hips against him. His eyes tell her he loves her, his lips whisper it as he kisses her, and then he's inside her, and her thoughts are once more scrambled with pleasure._

Shepard could feel the energy from the beam now, the light hurting her eyes. Something moved in the corner of her blurred vision. A marauder. It raised its gun and though she went to raise her own, the signal between her brain and her arm was slow. Then its head exploded.

" _Go, Ter! I've got you covered_!" promised Matt.

She would have preferred to have dived, but instead, she fell into the beam.

-x-

Kaidan ran out into a clearing littered with bodies. It was horrifying to see. "Terra!" he cried out, praying she wasn't among them.

"Major!" called out Coats.

Kaidan searched him out, and found him with Vega and Edi, hidden behind some demolished tanks. Vega, his legs severely injured, was being placed on a makeshift stretcher, though it appeared no-one here was a medic. Edi was trying to get her arm functional, but couldn't seem to aim for the right area. No sign of Garrus and Tali…. And no Terra. "Where is she?" Kaidan rushed out at Vega as he started to reach for his medigel, but Vega caught his arm, shaking his head.

"You're gonna need it for Lola. She got up! She's on the Citadel! You gotta go after her! I don't know how the hell she's even standing! She saved our lives, Loco! She pushed us away from the worst of it!"

It didn't surprise Kaidan, but pushing _them_ away meant putting _herself_ further in harm’s way, and his heart was thumping with worry for her. It matched the one in his head which was threatening to overpower him.

"We'll provide what covering fire we can, Kaidan," added Coats.

"The others will be here any minute with the artifact," Kaidan flung out, then he began running for the beam, just as two more Reapers landed. Three Reapers were now powering up to aim at him. He wouldn't make it.

Suddenly the artifact, now unshielded, was rolled into the clearing. A pulse burst from it and all three Reapers went instantly dark, beginning to collapse.

With Harbinger falling towards him, Kaidan dived for the beam.

Coats ordered everyone back, and they ran out of the path of the falling Reaper. Vega cried out as he was jostled about, Coats hauling Edi. They joined the biotic and krogan team and looked back at the scene. Harbinger's landing had crushed the artifact and the receiver for the Citadel beam. No-one else was heading up. With nothing else to do but survive, Matt Coats contacted Hackett. From here on in, three people would determine the course of this war.

**-x-**


	83. Control and Sacrifice

"Good God. They did it," Hackett murmured when he disconnected from Coats.

Joker raised his brows at the Admiral. "What, you're surprised?"

"You have no idea how low their chances were of getting to that beam, Lieutenant."

Frowning, Joker turned back to his console. "And you sent your daughter into it?" he mumbled under his breath.

For now, Hackett ignored him, reaching for the comm. He had some hope to deliver. "This is Admiral Hackett. We've got a report that we have three on the Citadel. We need to give them time to get those arms open. All fleets: converge on the Crucible. Protect it at all costs." Then he contacted Hannah. "Bring it in, Admiral. Shepard, Alenko and Anderson are on the Citadel. Those arms will be opening soon."

" _Thank God, they're okay. We're ready._ "

Signing off, he saw the Crucible closing in, picking out Hannah's ship. Without taking his eyes off the windows, he finally replied to Joker. "Don't ever think this is easy for me, Lieutenant. Terra made her choice to be a soldier. I'd be disrespecting everything she's worked so hard for if I treated her any differently from every other soldier under my command. You think she's any different? She cares about all of you far more than she should as a commanding officer, but it doesn't stop her from sending you into the line of fire. It's just what we do."

"Yeah. We're all damned crazy," muttered Joker.

Hackett made a throaty sound of amusement. "On that we can agree, Lieutenant."

x

Now suffering a severe migraine expedited by the bright beam, Kaidan was flung out of the transportation device with force, hitting his head several times on the floor as he rolled across it. It was the final insult as far as his brain was concerned, and ignoring his internal fight to remain conscious, it dragged him under.

x

Every step Shepard took was shockingly painful. She needed more medigel, but had learnt earlier that she had none of her own; the place she kept it was burned away along with her armour and skin. She was going to have to get through this the hard way, and she wondered why it was that the hard way always had to hurt so badly. But that was of little concern to her right now. Kaidan and the rest of her family were fighting for their lives in the streets and in the skies of Earth. She had to keep going.

As she dragged her feet along, Shepard fiddled with her comm, needing to contact Anderson. It had been damaged during her hard landing, but it was just a break in the wiring. She could fix that – if she could see straight, and her fingers would do what her brain was telling them. She felt on the verge of unconsciousness, her thoughts slow, and the constant throbbing didn't help with her concentration. It would probably be easier if she sat down, but she feared if she did that she wouldn't be getting up again. The urge to close her eyes and rest was phenomenal. The way she felt, the oblivion would have been welcome, except that she had a job to do.

After three more tries she got the connection restored and stuck the comm-piece back in her ear. "Anderson?" she croaked out, barely a whisper.

With nothing else to occupy her, her eyes fell on the surroundings as she limped along. A long corridor that seemed never-ending, low lighting in an unsettling red hue that made the piles of dead humans look even more horrific. So many dead. She needed to find a way to save those who remained. Reminded of Tali, Terra fought back the sorrow. She had to focus on her task. Get the Citadel arms open. Sounded simple enough, particularly after what they'd just been through to get here, apart from the fact she had no idea where she was or where she had to go.

"Anderson," she tried again, forcing the sound out.

" _Shepard!? My God! You were- Damn, child! I thought you were dead!"_

"Huh. …Feel like it," she exhaled.

" _With your injuries, Shepard... I'm worried about you_."

She expelled what little air she could, to sound her amusement. "Nothing new there, then."

" _True, but I'm being serious_."

"I'm moving, so, that's… got to be a… good sign. Right?"

Anderson made a disapproving, sceptical noise in return. " _Where are you?"_

"In hell. And I thought I'd been a… good girl." Talking felt like such an effort.

" _You have, don't you worry about that. Sounds like you're in the tunnels. I'll come back for you_ -"

"No," she interrupted. "Keep… going. There's no time. I'll… get to you. Can you… tell me where we are?"

" _Not a damned clue_."

What she thought was a wall, suddenly slid open and led her out of the tunnels and into a wider, lighter area. "I'm out. I hear something like machinery."

" _Good. Then you're on the right track. I see something up ahead. Hold on… I think it's a control panel._ "

Shepard looked around this new area, like nothing she'd seen before. Was this the heart of the Citadel? The engine?

" _Shepard, it's definitely the contr-_ "

Static filled her ear. "Anderson?" Checking her comm-piece, she deduced that the issue wasn't at her end. Re-attaching it, she tried again. "Anderson?" She remembered the Illusive Man. Had he found this place? Shepard wanted to run but she just didn't have it in her. She sighed heavily as she approached a ramp. It looked like a damned mountain. Nevertheless, she carried on, half-crawling her way up it. She was utterly exhausted by the time she got to the top. How much blood had she lost? She wasn't sure how much longer she could last like this, and her thoughts went unhelpfully to her tiny passenger whose life depended on her staying alive. She'd hold on – she _would_. Ahead, she could see Anderson standing at the control panel, and she automatically surveyed the area for any sign of trouble. Seeing nothing, she moved into the room and towards the Admiral. "Anderson?"

Anderson staggered around to face her, his heart hurting for the damaged young woman who was somehow still standing. But he had bigger things to worry about. He needed to warn her. "Shepard! ... I can't-" he struggled out.

Shepard understood immediately as the whispers descended, along with a pressure in her head. Her body was no longer her own.

x

Opening his eyes carefully, his vision swimming, Kaidan came face to face with a lifeless soldier and jerked backwards. His rapid movement exacerbated the migraine that had taken a hold, and he clutched his head as another flash of pain shot through his head and down his spine, accompanied by a serious bout of nausea. He cursed his stupidity, then his L2 implant. He shouldn't have waited so long to deal with it. His fear for Terra had over-taken common sense – what good was he to her if he couldn't function? He fumbled for his emergency medication which he'd started bringing on missions ever since that day on Virmire. With his eyes tightly closed, every tiny movement making his head scream, he finally managed to administer the drug. The relief was almost instantaneous, and he sighed out as his muscles relaxed.

Terra. As much as he wanted to jump up and go, he forced himself to wait. Instead, he reached for his comm, only to find it in pieces at his ear, broken in the impact of his arrival here. He gritted his teeth against the urge to yell out in frustration. These were just obstacles he reasoned with himself. The first he had in hand, as the pounding receded. The second just meant he'd have to search for her.

Slowly, Kaidan opened his eyes and looked around at where he'd been deposited. It reminded him of Terra's report on the Collector base. The dimly-lit passage was lined with dead humans. He wasn't sure what that meant. Were the Reapers preparing to make another Reaper here? He imagined this was what hell looked like. Except for the Keeper scuttling around sorting through the bodies. Was it removing the armour? Putting it from his mind, he checked his comm-piece over. Maybe an engineer could fix it, but it was beyond his limited tech skills. Discarding it, Kaidan carefully rose to his feet, his head now a dull thud. He had a promise to keep.

x

"I underestimated you, Shepard." The Illusive Man's voice came from behind her. "I thought for sure you were out of the game. Though I'll hazard a guess, and say you've had better days."

"You're a riot," she exhaled rather than spoke. No matter how hard she tried, Shepard found herself with no control over her limbs, and the whispers were getting louder in her head.

The Illusive Man strolled into her view, his face streaked with Reaper tech.

Shepard was shocked. "What have-?"

"I warned you," he interrupted. "Control is the means to survival. Control of the Reapers… and of you, if necessary."

Anderson made a sound as he fought against it. "They're controlling _you_."

"I don't think so, Admiral."

"So do it already!" Shepard forced out. "Control them. Or are we… the best you can do?"

"Not yet."

"Why? Pe… People are dying!"

The Illusive Man faltered, his face creasing, then it cleared as though he now remembered why. "Because I need you to believe. Shepard, look at what we achieved since we discovered the mass relays and the beacons! The Reapers will do the same for us again. A _thousand_ fold! But…"

Against her will, Shepard lifted the gun in her hand to point it at Anderson, and Anderson was forced to do the same at her.

Looking pleased and vindicated, the Illusive Man stood right beside her, facing her as he continued. "…only if we can harness their ability to control."

"Bullshit," Anderson burst out. "We destroy them, or _they_ destroy _us_."

"And waste this opportunity!? Never!" the Illusive Man snapped back at him, angrily.

Shepard feared what would happen next. She couldn't be responsible for shooting Anderson… "You're playing with things… you don't understand. With power you shouldn't be able to use."

The Illusive Man briefly closed his eyes with a frown, like he was arguing with something only he could hear. "I don't believe that. If we can control it, why shouldn't it be ours?"

"Because… we're not… ready."

"No. This is the way humanity must evolve."

"There's always another way," argued Anderson.

"I've dedicated my _life_ to understanding the Reapers, and I know with _certainty_ the Crucible will allow me to control them."

"And then what?"

"Look at the power they wield! Look at what they can do!" He fisted his hand and a pulse emanated from him.

In horror, Shepard pulled the trigger, striking Anderson in the chest. It was a life-threatening shot, though his body remained standing. "No! You bastard!" she shouted at the Illusive Man.

"Shepard," he tutted back at her. Then he made Anderson fire.

Shepard felt the sting as it hit to the side of her abdomen, and she gasped not because of this new pain but with what it might mean for her child…

"Damn you!" Anderson cursed the Illusive Man, his jaw clenched at what he'd been made to do, even as he felt the severity of his own injury. "If we destroy the Reapers, this ends _today_. But if you can't control them…"

"But I _can_!"

"Are you willing to bet humanity's _existence_ on it?"

Dismissing Anderson, the Illusive Man faced Shepard. "Can't you _see_ , Shepard? Controlling the Reapers _is_ the answer!" he insisted.

Fighting back tears, refusing to show that the Illusive Man had done her anything more than a physical injury, she forced herself to keep going. "Then open the arms. …Let the Crucible dock, and… use it to _end_ this."

"I…" The Illusive Man's hand went to his head. "I will."

"Do it!"

"I know it will work!" he insisted almost to himself, his hands still at his head, his forehead creased.

"You can't, can you?" Anderson said calmly, even as he felt his life draining away. "They won't let you do it."

"No!" raged the Illusive Man. " _I'm_ in control! _No one_ is telling me what to do!"

"How did you find this place?" Shepard said quietly. "It wasn't detailed on anything we had… from the prothean VI."

"It was there," the Illusive Man contended.

"No, it wasn't," asserted Shepard. "Edi… went through it."

The Illusive Man stared back at her, searching her face for a lie that wasn't there.

"You knew the location of this place because _they_ wanted you to know," panted out Anderson, his face now a sheen of sweat. "You're indoctrinated."

The Illusive Man turned away, his hands grasping his head, but then he swung back, enraged. " _No_! _NO_! The two of you, so self-righteous! Do you think power like this comes _easy_? There are sacrifices…"

"You've sacrificed… too much," Shepard pressed.

"No sacrifice is too great!" The Illusive Man then took a deep, calming breath, gave a little shake of his head and looked squarely at Shepard. "It's clear I can't change your mind. So stubborn. Like Anderson, you'll be another sacrifice." The Illusive Man walked behind Anderson and relieved him of his gun before making him kneel. He pointed the gun at Anderson's head.

"No!" shouted Shepard, willing herself to aim her gun at the Illusive Man, to stop this, but her arm merely wavered.

Giving her a slight smile, the Illusive Man lowered the gun. "I'll give you that, Shepard. After all, you did serve me well until the Collector base. The great Admiral can watch _your_ end instead."

Shepard desperately fought it, but regardless of her efforts, she was forced to place the gun at her own head.

"Don't do this!" beseeched Anderson.

Disregarding him, the Illusive Man spoke only to Shepard. He sighed sadly. "Such potential, wasted. You will die knowing you were one of my greatest disappointments."

Her finger tightened on the trigger-

The gun was suddenly and swiftly knocked from her hand.

"Let her go," demanded a wonderfully husky voice.

Kaidan! Shepard had never been so relieved in her life.

Kaidan battled his distress and panic at seeing Terra so seriously wounded, and focused on the threat of the Illusive Man, his gun raised at the man who had been responsible for so much death but had also brought Terra back. In response, the Illusive Man raised his gun back to Anderson's head, and Kaidan knew he had to be cautious here.

"Ah, Major! Good to see you made it. I have to say I'm impressed. You've come a long way since you stepped on the Normandy."

"And you've descended since the Reapers came." Kaidan wanted to move in front of Terra, to be a physical shield for her, but he had to remain logical here. She was under the Illusive Man's control, and as such, she could be used against him. As hard as it was, he backed away to keep a distance from her, as well as Anderson.

The Illusive Man chuckled. "I've already demonstrated my powers to Shepard and Anderson, but you…"

Kaidan felt a tingle at the back of his neck and a pressure on his mind. As the whispers increased, that tingling intensified, until the whispers were muted, and the pressure gone. The thorian spores.

The Illusive Man frowned when Alenko didn't move as he directed. "What-?"

"What's the matter? Losing control?"

"How!?" demanded the Illusive Man, angrily, fear and doubt seeping in once more.

"The thorian spores we picked up on Feros provided us with a resistance to Reaper indoctrination."

"But Shepard-"

"Lost them when she met the Leviathans."

"Leviathans?"

"The Reapers creators," Shepard clarified.

"Creators?" The Illusive Man looked truly confused.

"Seems there's a lot you don't know," Kaidan pointed out. "A lot they don't _want_ you to know. You missed the ball on that one. The thorian's spores are strong enough to defeat the Reapers control, and the Leviathans are stronger than the thorian. It seems organic _is_ superior to synthetic when it comes to mind control. Except _you're_ not using an organic-based mind control, are you? In fact, you're not truly organic anymore. You infused yourself with Reaper tech, and without anything like the thorian spores to counter it, you're certainly theirs now, even if you weren't before. Doesn't bode well for your control theory."

"No," the Illusive Man answered a little weakly. "The Crucible _can_ control them! I _know_ it can!"

"Then let's open the Citadel's arms and bring it in!"

"I… I can't do that, Major." Then the Illusive Man frowned, not understanding why he couldn't.

"Of course you can't. They own you now," mumbled Anderson.

"That's not true!"

"They have the Citadel, because you told them... it was the Catalyst," reasoned Shepard. "They've got us fighting… each other instead of them, because it divides us and makes us weaker."

"You've done _exactly_ what the Reapers wanted," added Kaidan. "You're _still_ doing it."

The Illusive Man gave them an anguished look. "I… they're too strong!"

"You're stronger. Don't… let them win," urged Shepard. "Break their hold. Don't let them control you!"

"It's not too late," Kaidan said calmly. "Let Shepard and Anderson go. We'll do the rest."

"Shepard." The Illusive Man looked at her as though he needed her understanding. "I… I only wanted to protect humanity."

"You can't protect us… if you lose… what makes you one of us."

"Our humanity," he whispered. The Illusive Man stared straight at her, finally understanding everything. "I'm sorry, Shepard." He lifted the gun to his head and fired.

Instantly, the controlling influence left Terra and Anderson, who both fell to the floor.

"Terra!" Kaidan rushed towards her, but she waved him away.

"The arms. …Get the arms open." She gestured to the control panel.

Though he faltered, he understood. There were a lot of lives at stake, and every second they delayed, thousands more died. He ran to the panel and activated the arms with a great deal of relief. They'd done their part. It was out of their hands now.

x

" _This is it everyone. The arms are opening_." Steven's voice came through.

Hannah launched the Crucible for its final journey. They were so close to ending this. She watched as Shield Fleet lived up to their moniker. It was heart-breaking to watch as they engaged an enemy they were no match for. But it was working. The Crucible was nearing the Citadel. Then she caught sight of a breach in their 'shield'. There were no ships close enough to fill the gap, and a Reaper was taking advantage.

" _We've got a Reaper moving in on the Crucible! Any available ships to intercept?_ " Hackett enquired urgently.

" _Negative. We're heavily engaged!_ " came a turian voice.

More responses came in with the same message.

In that moment, Hannah Shepard made a decision. This Crucible was the only chance for her daughter to live.

"Lieutenant, move to intercept that Reaper. Full speed."

"Ma'am?"

Hannah placed her hand on his shoulder. "It can't get through, Lieutenant."

So bravely, her pilot swallowed, then straightened in acceptance of the sacrifice that was required of them. "Aye, aye, Ma'am."

Moving away to a private terminal, she then contacted the _Normandy_ as she brought up the recording of Terra's wedding.

" _Nor_ -"

"Put me through to Hackett, immediately," she headed off Terra's pilot.

" _Yes, Admiral._ "

" _Admiral Shepard? What's your status_?"

"Steven." It took everything she had not to break down. "Tell Terra I love her, and that I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to meet Kaidan."

" _Hannah… No_ …"

"We both know there's no one closer who can intercept in time." She paused the footage at the point where Terra and Kaidan were about to kiss. Her daughter was so happy, and Steven looked on so proudly… It was a beautiful moment, and one she wanted to take with her. "I love you, Steven."

"… _I love you, too_."

Hannah didn't look up from the frozen image of Steven and Terra as they smashed into the Reaper, seriously damaging it while they were torn apart.

x

Listening to nothing but static, Hackett stared emptily out at the debris of a ship that was no longer recognizable. Hannah's ship. She had given her life to stop the Reaper, and it now floated in space, no longer a threat to the Crucible.

He wanted to retreat from the cockpit and grieve, but he had no such luxury. His heart felt flayed. Hackett had always imagined them finally spending time together in their twilight years. Yet here he was, and now she was gone. He was too late. He was always too late. And Terra… all reports said she'd been badly injured. He couldn't lose her too.

"Holy shit," whispered Joker, running a hand over his face.

Hackett stood from his position over the comm and resumed his Admiral's stance. "Keep your focus, Lieutenant."

"But-"

" _Focus_ , Lieutenant."

Joker stared back at Hackett, saw nothing but the stone face, and understood. The man was on the edge. "Aye, aye, Sir," he answered softly. Joker thought of Shepard, who had just lost her mom and didn't even know. It wasn't right.

x

Kolyat turned to Bailey. "What does this mean?"

They stood on the Presidium, there to help with the latest shop-raids, until the Citadel arms had begun to open. The usual virtual blue skies that created the comforting feeling for those on ground level that they weren't about to float off into space, were not activated, and they could all see the battle waging around them. With the knowledge they were now vulnerable to the Reapers, the rioters had lost their bravado and fled.

"I figure it could be one of two things. The Reapers have finally gotten around to dealing with us, or we're about to be turned into a trigger for that great big gun that's gonna wipe them all out."

"I prefer the latter."

"Me too." Bailey frowned. "I think."

"You think?" Kolyat looked at him, one brow raised.

Bailey gave him a sceptical look. "How's it going to take out the Reapers without everything else?"

"Superior engineering? I appreciate it's not a concept you're familiar with," teased Kolyat.

"Smart-ass," grumbled Bailey, though he had a grin on his face. Then he spotted something descending towards them. "What the hell is that?"

"I'm still hoping for the 'great big gun'.

They followed the Crucible's voyage until it stopped just a hair's-breadth away from the very centre of the Citadel.

x

Kaidan rushed back to a fading Terra and began running a scan over her. It picked up a catalogue of injuries, but the most worrying was the loss of blood. Kaidan gently pulled her comm-piece from her ear and quickly hacked into the Citadel's emergency frequency. "This is Major Alenko. I need urgent medical assistance."

" _This is Bailey. Where are you?_ "

"I don't know. Uh, somewhere in the central part of the Citadel. I'd guess it's the station's power source."

" _I didn't even know there was a way in there! How-?_ "

"That's a long story. Bailey, you have to hurry. Shepard and Anderson are critical."

" _I hear ya. I'll have someone track your omnitool signal. We're on our way._ "

Knowing help was on the way, Kaidan tried to calm his rampaging heart, and brushed some loose strands of Terra's hair behind her ear. "Hey, you," he tried to smile at her.

"Hey," she breathed out, returning the smile, though it was weak. "You got through."

"Said I would. Together, remember?"

"Together…"

Her eyes fluttered as though she was fighting to stay awake, and Kaidan quickly began to pull out his medigel.

"No…. Kaidan, you have to see… to Anderson first."

"Terra-"

"Kaidan, please. That shot…. He might not have long. Besides, unless… you have a few pints of blood handy… I don't think there's much you can do."

Cursing her obstinacy, he didn't delay. The sooner he'd helped Anderson, the sooner she'd let him see to _her_. He got to Anderson in time to help him into a sitting position supported by a raised section.

"Anderson. How are you doing?" His medical programme immediately registered the damage. There was nothing he could do, but he didn't let it show on his face. Instead he reached for the medigel.

Anderson placed his hand on Kaidan's arm to stop him. "You and I both know it would be a waste. She needs it far more."

Kaidan turned to see Terra, ever so pale, stagger her way over to sit beside Anderson.

"You're not giving up on me… are you?" she said worriedly.

"Just being realistic, Shepard."

Terra looked at Kaidan for a more hopeful diagnosis, but he just gave her a solemn face that told her Anderson was right. She gripped Anderson's hand as Kaidan applied more medigel to her injuries, registering his pause as he moved her other hand from where it was clamped over the gunshot wound at her abdomen. Thankfully, he said nothing and just carried on administering the medigel, leaving her able to continue not dealing with the implications.

Focusing on the view, she squeezed Anderson's hand. "We did it, Anderson."

"Yes, we did. It's… quite a view."

"Best seats in the house."

"God …feels like years since I just… sat down."

"Think you earned a rest."

There was a quiet moment as they gazed out together, while Kaidan worked to make the remaining medigel go as far as he could.

"Have you ever wondered how our lives would be different if this hadn't happened?” asked Anderson, with no sign of the usual strength in his voice. “I never had a family, Shepard. Never had children. You're the closest thing I have to that. And it was an honour to be a part of your life."

"That goes both ways. But you and Kahlee… there'll be time enough for that now."

"Huh. I… I think that ship has sailed. What about you two? Ever think about having your own family?"

Terra's heart clenched. She couldn't tell him. Couldn't tell him that the shot from his gun had probably killed their child. "Not sure I'd be any good at it," she evaded.

"Sure you would. I think you'd make a great mother. Great parents."

Terra's face crumpled as she looked down at her bloodied stomach, and Kaidan grasped her hand tightly.

"Think how proud your kids would be, telling everyone their mom is Commander Shepard, and their dad is Major Alenko. The first human Spectres. The saviours of the galaxy," Anderson continued, obliviously.

Her voice tremored as she spoke. "I don't know about that. Not everything I've done… is something to be proud of."

"Nonsense. Working with Cerberus was a means to an end. You did the right thing. Always do. I'm proud of you. You did good, child. Both of you. ... You did good."

"Thank you, Sir," answered Kaidan, but he saw the moment the light left Anderson's eyes.

Terra noticed Anderson's grip loosen, his head fall, and her heart broke a little more. "Anderson. Stay with me! …We're almost through this. David!"

Kaidan wished he could make her pain go away, both physical and emotional. He ran another scan over her and it charted her deterioration since the last scan. She needed surgery. She needed a transfusion. He leant forward to kiss her forehead, the only place on her lovely face that wasn't too bruised or bloodied. Then he moved away under the guise of taking in the view, clicking on the comm. "Damn it! Bailey, ETA?" he hushed out.

" _Medical staff are coming to your location, but my people on site say there's no visible way to get in there._ _We're going to have to cut through._ "

"We've lost Anderson. Bailey, I can't lose Shepard."

" _We're hustling, Alenko. Kolyat's on a personal mission here._ "

Kaidan would have carried her out, but he had no idea which way to go, and it was best she was kept as still as possible. Anxious, Kaidan wondered if the _Normandy_ could get access externally-

" _Can anyone hear me_?" Hackett came through.

"Sir, Alenko here-"

" _Nothing's happening. The Crucible's not firing. It's got to be something on your end_."

It was the last thing Kaidan wanted to hear - that it wasn't over - and he swore out loud. "It's not working," he answered Terra's questioning look. Rushing back to the console he searched it. "Sir, I don't see anything here!"

A sound had him turning to see Terra stumbling towards him. "Terra!" He caught her before she collapsed.

"There has… to be s… something."

"Terra, please, you have to stay still-!"

" _Major_ _!_ "

"There's nothing here, Sir!" Kaidan bit back in frustration.

Suddenly, the floor beneath their feet lifted, and Kaidan clutched Terra closer to him so she didn't fall. Looking up, he saw a space opening in the ceiling. There was another area. Emerging, he saw the Crucible above their heads, connected to the Citadel with a beam of energy, with two large mechanical structures either side. A shimmering presence walked towards them, and Kaidan placed his hand on his pistol. As it drew closer, he felt a tingle in the back of his neck again. Terra put her hand to her head and then the shape took the form of a human; the face defining into one they both recognized.

"Ashley?" whispered Terra.

"No. It's been in your head," gritted out Kaidan.

"Correct. I have taken this form in order to give myself a voice,” it said. “A form you both have a connection with. I am the Catalyst."

"We thought the _Citadel_ was the Catalyst," frowned Kaidan, uncomfortable with the image of Ashley speaking with her voice, but in a way that was mechanical, with no emotion behind the words. He thought it was an insult to her memory.

"The Citadel is part of _me_."

"We need to stop the Reapers. Do you know how I can do that?"

"Perhaps. I control the Reapers. They are my solution."

Terra gasped. "You're the Intelligence!"

"Yes. I am a construct, designed eons ago to solve a problem. I was created to bring balance. The catalyst to bring peace between organics and synthetics. I embody the collective intelligence of all Reapers. The Reapers are a synthetic representation of my creators."

"The Leviathans. But you… destroyed them too."

"I did as I was asked: to solve the problem of conflict. They failed to understand they were part of the problem themselves. The flaws of their organic reasoning could not perceive this. They lacked the foresight to understand their destruction was part of the very solution they required."

"Well, they've joined this war now," Kaidan informed it.

"And I welcome their involvement. I have only facilitated their request. They did not approve, but it was the only solution. Reapers harvest all life – organic and synthetic – preserving them before they are forever lost."

"But _you've_ created this war with us."

"You may be in conflict with the Reapers, but they are not interested in war. They are simply doing what they are created to do. The created will always rebel against their creators. But we found a way to stop that from happening. A way to bring order to the chaos."

"But we united the geth with the quarians," countered Shepard.

"It will not last," stated the Intelligence. "Without us to stop it, synthetics will destroy all organics. We've created the cycle so that never happens. That's the solution."

"You're taking away our future," argued Shepard. "Without a future… we have no hope. Without hope we might as well be machines programmed… to do what we're told."

"You have hope. More than you think. The fact that you are standing here, the first organics ever, proves it. But it also proves that my solution won't work anymore."

"So now what?" Kaidan asked, cautiously.

"We find a new solution."

"Why are you telling us this? Why help us?"

"You have altered the variables. The Crucible changed me. Created new… possibilities. But _I_ can't make them happen. If there is to be a new solution, you must act."

"What are these new solutions?" asked Shepard.

"It is now in your power to destroy us." It indicated to the machinery on the right. "But be warned: others will be destroyed as well. The Crucible will not discriminate. All synthetics will be targeted. Even _you_ are partly synthetic," it said to Shepard.

Kaidan's heart felt like lead at the thought of the implants that were keeping her alive….

"What exactly will happen?" Shepard frowned, her thoughts on Edi and the Geth.

"The effects of the blast will not be constrained to the Reapers. Technology you rely on will be affected, but those who survive should have little difficulty repairing the damage. There will still be losses, but no more than what has already been lost."

"But the Reapers will be destroyed?"

"Yes. But the peace won't last. Soon, your children will create synthetics, and then the chaos will come back."

"There has to be another way," Kaidan said desperately.

"There is. You can use the energy of the Crucible to seize control of the Reapers." It indicated to the machine on the left.

"So the Illusive Man was right after all."

"Yes. But he could never have taken control – because _we_ already controlled _him_."

"Wait a minute," frowned Terra. "He was able to control _me_. There's no certainty that… we'd be able to control the Reapers."

" _I_ could," murmured Kaidan. "The thorian spores are stronger than the Reapers indoctrination. And I still have them." He looked back at the Intelligence. "Explain it."

"You will die," it said to him. "You will control us, but you will lose everything you have."

A fear shot through Shepard.

"How can I control the Reapers if I'm dead?" Kaidan frowned.

"Your corporeal form will be dissolved, but your thoughts and memories will continue. You will no longer be organic. Your connection to your kind will be lost, though you will remain aware of their existence."

The thought of no longer being himself was terrifying, but this wasn't about him. They had to finish this war, and he wasn't about to lose Terra. "But the Reapers will obey me?"

"Yes. We will be yours to control and direct as you see fit."

"You can't be sure it will work," opposed Shepard. She didn't want him to do it.

"There is another solution. Synthesis." It looked at Shepard. "Add _your_ energy to the Crucible's." This time it pointed at the beam. "The chain reaction will combine all synthetic and organic life into a new framework. A new DNA. Your organic energy, the essence of who and what you are – a union of synthetic and organic - will be broken down and then dispersed."

"To do what exactly?"

"The energy of the Crucible, released in this way, will alter the matrix of all organic life in the galaxy. Organics will be perfected by integrating fully with synthetic technology. Synthetics in turn, will finally have full understanding of organics. It is the ideal solution. Now that we know it is possible, it is inevitable we will reach synthesis."

"Why couldn't you do it sooner?"

"We have tried… a similar solution in the past, but it has always failed."

"Why?"

"Because the organics were not ready. It is not something that can be… forced. You are ready. And you may chose it."

"You can't be considering this!" Kaidan directed at Terra. "'Broken down and dispersed' it said!"

"I don't know."

"Why not? Synthetics are already a part of you,” the Intelligence reasoned. “Can you imagine your life without them?"

"And there will be peace?"

"The cycle will end. The Reapers will cease their harvest. And the civilisations preserved in their forms will be connected to all of us. Synthesis is the final evolution of all life."

Terra thought it over, then shook her head. "Except it isn't evolution, is it? If I do that now, we'll be taking the shortcut again. Just like the one you presented to us with the Citadel and its technology. ...The one that had us at a place where we were worth harvesting. No."

"You said it couldn't be forced, but it _would_ be forced on everyone else,” added Kaidan. “The two of us can't decide on the evolution of all life. No," he agreed with Terra. In his head, he was also saving her.

The Intelligence, wearing their friend's face, spread its arms to each machine. "The paths are open, but you have to choose."

Terra was torn in half. Destroying them would kill Edi and the geth…. But the alternative was Kaidan dying.

Kaidan laid down his pistol in front of her. Then he gently kissed her, resting his forehead against hers. "You survive. You hear me? Bailey's on his way with help. You fight through this, and you live."

Terra's breath hitched, and she grasped his armour. "Kaidan, no-"

"You heard it. If I can control them, then we can save everyone, including you."

"But I'll lose _you_."

"I'm just one person, Terra. Promise me, you'll move on." Tears filled her eyes and it hurt him to know he was inflicting further pain on her.

"You know that's not possible."

Kaidan's lower lip trembled. "I don't want you to be alone."

The tears fell. "Then don't do this!"

"I have to. I have to try."

He kissed her one last time, his lips lingering on hers until he tore himself away. Then he stood and turned away from her, walking like a condemned man, unable to look back, his own tears pooling at the thought of leaving her like this.

"Kaidan!"

Her desperate heartfelt plea pulled at him, but he kept walking, staring at the machine that would take his thoughts and memories, and make him part of the Reapers...

**-x-**


	84. Hurt and Hope

Terra felt insane with panic as she watched Kaidan walk towards the machine that was supposed to allow him to control the Reapers - the machine that would take away everything that made him Kaidan - and her breathing became faster and even more laboured than before. This couldn't be how it ended. She didn't want to remain here without him. What if it didn't work? She realized it was why he'd left his gun. He knew it was an uncertainty. If it failed, she'd still be able to destroy it. … And they could rebuild, the Intelligence had said… Her heart almost stalled. It was the wrong decision!

Lurching to her feet, she demanded her body comply, fighting through the pain and weakness and dizziness. She needed an absolute. She couldn't stand by, _hoping_ his sacrifice wasn't for nothing. She had to save Kaidan! But Edi and the geth.... Kaidan would make sure they rebuilt Edi... but the geth? Her first step had her almost flat on her face, her vision darkening. She squeezed her eyes shut, breathed through the agony, then opened her eyes again, quickly checking Kaidan's progress. He was almost there! She wouldn't make it in time!

.

Kaidan didn't want to do this. The thought of becoming part of the Reapers made him feel ill. He almost turned to Terra, but he had to stop himself. He'd only be torturing them both, drawing it out longer than necessary. He wasn't even sure he could do this, it seemed so unbelievable to be able to control something as immense as the Reapers, but if there was the tiniest chance that he could do it, that he could save Terra, then he was willing to try.

He reached forward, feeling the heated sparks of energy from the machine on his skin. This was going to hurt. He took a deep breath. He could do this. He _had_ to do this. To save Terra.

.

Terra was about to scream out for him not to do it, when he stopped - his hand going to his ear as he listened to someone. Had her father just given her time? She didn't waste the chance, and began struggling back to her feet. She didn't need to be close to her machine, she just needed to get a better angle. In that moment, everything slowed down, and zoomed into focus. Her arm when she raised it ready to fire the gun, was rock-solid, and she moved into position.

.

" _Major. I need an update_."

Hackett's flat voice had interrupted the moment Kaidan had been about to place his hands into the energy streams of the machine. He pulled back and took another breath. "Sir, I'm about to activate the Crucible."

" _Understood. ...How is Shepard?"_

"Citadel medics are on their way. She's lost a lot of blood. If she were anyone else…" He left the rest unsaid, denying his urge to turn to her. "I think her sheer will's keeping her going, and she's fighting. With treatment she has a chance. …But Anderson's gone, Sir."

"… _My God. ... I need Terra to make it through this._ " Hackett's voice broke, and he quickly cleared his throat. " _She's all I have left, Kaidan._ "

Kaidan understood completely then. Terra had lost her mother. "I'm doing everything I can to make sure she gets through this."

" _I know you are. Good luck, son._ "

"And you, Stev-" It was then that Kaidan caught Terra at the corner of his eye. His full attention on her now, the sight of Terra standing up and about to fire at the other machine, nearly made his heart stop. "TERRA! NO!" He raced across the space towards her.

.

But Terra didn't fire. She simply stood there, waging an internal battle. It went against everything she'd fought for; to choose to take away life, even synthetic, with one selfish act.…

But it was Kaidan…

A soldier like her, prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice to protect the galaxy.

But it was _Kaidan_.

Why did it have to come to this? Why would those who had designed the Crucible create these options? Were they undecided about the correct course to take? How could you decide something this big with so much at stake?

She looked at the image of Ashley, a slight upturn at the corner of its mouth that made Terra uncomfortable... This 'thing' was the reason the Reapers were here, and now it was going to be their salvation?

Kaidan's earlier words rang in her mind. _'It's been in your head.'_

"Terra? Give me the gun. Please." Kaidan was at her side, trying to keep calm. He'd lose her if she fired.

"A choice must be made," pressed the Intelligence.

That just made Terra frown more, and she resisted as Kaidan went to take the gun from her hand. "Kaidan, stop," she hushed out, her mind racing through everything they knew. "This doesn't…make sense!"

He looked back at her in question.

"Why would the Crucible's activation…be dependent on the Intelligence…as the Catalyst?"

"It said the Crucible altered it-"

"You really think anyone…would risk trusting the very AI responsible…for bringing about the Reapers, to deliver us all? It's unlikely the Crucible’s designers would have even known…about its existence. Only the Leviathans knew."

Kaidan stared back at her, understanding where she was going. "And you were the first to find them. It's lying."

"It's as the prothean VI said: the _Citadel_ is the Catalyst. I think…the Crucible should have fired…as soon as it docked. I think the Reapers…brought the Illusive Man here to do more than just try to stop us if we got through. It used him to not only bring… the Citadel here, but also to sever the connection so the Crucible…wouldn't work."

"But it's an AI. Surely it could do that itself."

Terra looked at the Intelligence, a rush of anger surfaced at its attempt to use Ashley's face to distract them. "Except it can't. For the same reason it needed… the Keepers to activate the Citadel when the Reapers…first tried to invade. Then needed Saren, via Sovereign, when…that failed."

He processed her words, his eyes widening as he worked it out. "It's not really here."

Shepard nodded her head. "It has no control over…anything here. It's just an image, probably only projected here with the Reapers help."

"So where is it?"

"I'd guess dark space, maybe? Somewhere safe. Like its masters, it knows…how to hide."

"Then all this…?" Kaidan gestured to the machines. "It's not a way to deal with the Reapers, after all."

"Oh, I think it is. You said it yourself: it's been… in my head. Or at least it has via the Illusive Man and the Reapers just outside the Citadel. It knows me, and through me it knows _you_. It knows you would sacrifice yourself to try to control them if it meant saving everyone, saving _me_. …And it knows that I would never allow you to sacrifice yourself for an uncertainty when it said there was a way to rebuild…everything."

"And it knew you would use a gun to take out that machine." Kaidan face was severe as he looked over at the machine which she had been so close to destroying, and moved towards it.

"You are wasting time. You must chose quickly," the image of Ashley ushered, standing in his path.

Kaidan ignored it and walked through it. As soon as he stood in front of the machinery, a panel slid away to reveal a virtual screen. "It's a control console."

"I'm betting…that's the only chance we have of getting the Crucible firing," Terra said from where she had remained standing.

"A back-up. So the platform activating to bring us up here was part of that backup, too," Kaidan thought it through, looking back at Terra. "But why wouldn't the Intelligence have had the Reapers destroy this by now?"

"Maybe it's…interlinked with the Citadel's heart. Those that designed the Crucible had to consider that eventuality."

"Right. It would mean destroying this could destroy the whole Citadel. The Reapers could rebuild it, but it would take time."

"And the Intelligence has the arrogance of its creators. It…never thought we'd ever be able to get here. Now, we've… forced its hand."

"Then why not just offer the 'destroy' solution to us?"

Shepard looked at the image of Ashley as it watched her, certain she detected a trace of menace. "Because it likes to play with our _organic_ emotions. It wants to punish us. It wants us to hurt as we make our decisions. It likes to win by outsmarting us."

"I am an artificial intelligence. I have no such motivations," it said, continuing to stare at her, unblinking.

"I thought the same thing once. Then I met Edi, and…in the short time I knew her, she evolved at a phenomenal rate to exhibit many…organic traits. And Legion…gave me another example of what an AI can become. So once…again, you're lying. You might be confined to…your core programming, but you've evolved. You've had _eons_ to evolve."

"Christ," spat Kaidan. "And that other machine?" He pointed to the one which he'd thought would lead to him controlling the Reapers, as he addressed the Intelligence. "I'd have just been destroying myself, wouldn't I?"

It didn't move its eyes from Terra.

"It's all part of what makes the Crucible work," Kaidan continued. "If this one is the control unit, then the other could be a way to redirect the power from the Crucible to the Citadel. A power junction." A power junction he was seconds away from touching. Kaidan looked over the machine he now stood in front of. "This is the Master control for the whole thing," Kaidan murmured. "No wonder you wanted it destroyed once we found our way here." He shook his head in disgust, looking at the Intelligence. "The Crucible didn't change you. But it _did_ create a new possibility. Your destruction." His focus now back on the console, he reached forward-

"Your Crucible is designed to destroy all Reaper technology that is meshed with the organic," the Intelligence directed at Kaidan, its voice no longer Ashley's but a deep resonating sound more like that of Sovereign, or Harbinger. "It will not discriminate," it warned.

Kaidan's fingers paused over the screen, then searched through the alien computer's data for confirmation of that. He found it. "It's telling the truth. Why not just synthetic?" he questioned.

"Makes sense," Terra spoke again. "The races that…built this were smart. They, just like us now, were…reliant on Reaper technology. The…relays, our ships, our homes and hospitals. Destroying all that along with…the Reapers would likely make it very hard for the survivors, and maybe bring them to the brink of extinction despite winning the war."

"But the Reapers are only synthetic."

The Intelligence remained silent.

"The Intelligence is, but not its Reapers. Not fully." Shepard was reminded of the human Reaper, and the tubes that had run to it… "Their very construction depends…on the essence of organics to create them. Kaidan. Start…the Crucible."

Kaidan activated the screen, and located the override.

"By destroying the Reapers, you will also destroy _her_ ," the Intelligence said.

Kaidan hesitated, knowing that was also the truth. Terra's implants were integrated with her natural body. Looking back at Terra, his heart tore apart at the mere thought of it. Despite uncovering the true key to starting the Crucible, she would still be taken from him. "Terra, I can't…"

Terra wished it could be another way. That she didn't have to leave him again, to hurt him again. She forced her body to close the distance, and he drew her into him, embracing her so lovingly and gently, she nearly cried. "It's using me to get to you, Kaidan, because it…wants to survive. You know what we have to do. Th…This is bigger than one person. Bigger than both of us. It's…our duty."

"Terra…" His heart breaking, Kaidan held her as tightly as he dared without hurting her even more than she already was, his cheek pressed against hers. He was losing everything. His wife. His child. His future. He'd wanted to protect them....

"I'm so sorry," Terra whispered into his ear, her tears falling. "I'll always be with you. I love you."

"I love you, too," he rasped back, his lips brushing over her cheek.

Terra held him to her, not allowing him to turn back to that screen – she would never allow him to be the one who pressed the button that would kill her. Reluctantly moving her hand from his back, she shakily reached out to the screen and activated the Crucible.

As the ground beneath their feet shuddered with the power massing, Terra's last reserve of energy and adrenaline withered away, the exertion from moving was too much for her damaged and drained body. As she sagged, Kaidan supported her, lowering her carefully down where he could sit with her in his arms, and all he could think about was what horror was going to come next.

x

The comm-link with Kaidan still open, Hackett, Joker and Garrus - who had ignored Chakwas' protests and had left the medbay to find out Shepard's latest situation - had heard everything.

"Holy crap!" exclaimed Joker, hoarsely into the silence of the cockpit, as the ship's sensors picked up the huge spike of energy registering from the Crucible and Citadel, which was rapidly going off the charts. "We've got to get them outta there!"

Hackett moved woodenly over to the console and activated the comm. "All fleets: the Crucible is armed. Disengage and head to the rendezvous point."

"What!?" Joker stared at him in disbelief. "No way! I'm not leaving!"

Ignoring how much he agreed with Joker, Garrus placed his hand carefully on Joker's shoulder. "There's no time-"

Joker angrily shrugged off Garrus' hand, and continued to fly the ship towards the Citadel's centre.

"I repeat: disengage and get the hell out of here," finished Hackett, signing off.

Garrus looked to him, but Hackett was braced over the comm console, head down, and unmoving. "Joker," Garrus tried again. "I don't like this any more than you do, but they're doing this to save us. And we don't know what that blast will do."

Joker hesitated.

"Shepard wouldn't want this," added Garrus. And that was the only reason he wasn't urging Joker on.

"Damn it," Joker hushed out. Then he turned the ship away, feeling like he'd let Shepard and Kaidan down all over again.

x

The C-Sec officers who were cutting through the wall panel had stopped with the growing vibration that now rattled everything, a thrumming noise loud and all around them.

"Keep going!" demanded Kolyat.

"But-" one of them started.

Kolyat grabbed his collar and yanked him close. "If Shepard dies because you stopped, I'm going to-"

"Whoa, now!" Bailey intervened. "Ease up there, son."

Kolyat released the officer, and returned to his pacing, and Bailey addressed the officers.

"Get back to it. No matter what happens, you don't stop." Then he turned to Kolyat, putting a hand up to stop the drell's march. "I get you're worried. You're not the only one. But you can't go losing it with your colleagues."

Kolyat's shoulders sagged. "I apologise. I just…" Kolyat looked down, unable to voice it.

Bailey clapped his hand on the young man's shoulder. "I know. It's the Shepard effect," he smiled, fondly.

Suddenly, the vibration and noise stopped, and they both looked up at the giant structure that towered over them, wondering what that meant.

x

Kaidan had been about to contact Bailey again to chase up the medics, when everything stilled, the silence almost shocking. His heart sped up. This was it. And he tightened his grip on Terra.

A bright light flashed through the room from the Crucible, and instinctively Kaidan threw up a barrier around them. He saw the image of Ashley glower at them, then vanish, but he had bigger concerns. Whatever the light was, it breached his barrier as though it wasn't there. He felt an energy passing through his body, and panic bloomed inside him. NO! In that same second, Terra convulsed, gasping for air as her implants – Reaper-based implants fused with her organic body - failed.

"No! Terra, NO!"

It was horrifying beyond words to hold her struggling body as she fought to breathe. Her eyes were wide, her fingers clenched so tightly on his armour that they were white. Her eyes were rolling back, and Kaidan had to fight to keep hold of her rigid body as her lungs stopped working. Was this what it had been like for her when the SR1 went down?

He knew she was dying and there was nothing he could do! Kaidan was living his worst nightmare.

Then it stopped, and for a second he was relieved, until he felt her body soften and collapse against him, no longer able to fight, because she was empty. Her fingers slipped from his armour, and her eyes closed.

Kaidan pulled her in tight, crying out his anguish as she died in his arms….

x

The _Normandy_ rushed towards the relay with the aim to get to the next system, the last ship to leave, when the white energy rushed upon them. They were too late. They all braced themselves as it went through the ship, and Joker was surprised when it affected nothing. It was all around them, turning the darkness of space into glaring light.

He was about to pull the ship away, to take them back to the Citadel, but in that instant they were locked-in, the relay initiating. He felt the moment the ship was snatched up by the relay, but this time it was different. It was like the combination of the relay's energy with the Crucible's had made the journey more volatile. The _Normandy_ was swept up in it, and where they would normally have exited in the neighbouring system, Joker merely saw it flash by as they were propelled onward to the next relay. It was dizzying, and frustrating. It was such an incredible force, he had no control of his own ship. Yet their predicament wasn't what concerned him most at that moment.

The last thing those in the cockpit had heard before the open comm-link fizzled out of range, was the sound of Kaidan's forlorn cry.

They'd lost Shepard.

x

Kaidan clutched Terra to him, his chest heaving with emotion. The pain inside him was incredible. It was like his heart had been ripped out through his chest. She was gone. Within her body, their child also lay, and the fact that he was still breathing felt like the final insult the galaxy could have thrown at him. The only consolation was that this time Terra hadn't died alone.

He didn't look up at the scene around him. He didn't care if they'd succeeded in saving the galaxy. It all meant nothing to him now. Burying his face in the crook of her neck, he hugged her as he sobbed.

Then, in some desperate need to try to bring her back, he put his mouth over hers, pinched her nose closed, and breathed out everything he had from his lungs to hers, knowing that without those implants it was a futile attempt. The air he gave her exited, but he replaced it with more. Then again. But his emotions took over as his next breath ended with a ragged sob.

Terra's body, nestled against his chest, suddenly came to life, arching as she gasped for air. Kaidan was too stunned to do anything but stare at her. He felt one hand grasp the edge of his armour, the other flung out, fingers spread wide, reaching for help. Kaidan blinked out of his shock, and promptly grabbed her hand, which she clutched desperately. He was reminded of the footage he'd seen of her awakening in that Cerberus lab. This time he was there to catch her.

Kaidan didn't understand what was happening, but it wasn't important. She was coming back to him. "I'm here, Terra! Breathe for me! Stay with me!" his voice shook.

She kept gasping, her body rigid again. It scared him. He couldn't watch her die again. What was happening? Her panicked eyes locked on his and held them. It felt like hours, but gradually her breathing, though very laboured, slowed, and the tension in her body released.

Kaidan could hardly believe it. She was alive! Beautiful and alive! She released her hold on his hand to lift it weakly to his cheek, her thumb gently wiping away his tears. He covered it with his, pressing a kiss into her palm. Her face was full of pain, confusion and despair.

"It…didn't…work?"

Kaidan realized that he didn't know, and now she was with him he needed to know that all this hadn't been in vain. Looking out at the space beyond them, he saw several Reapers floating inertly, their limbs curled into their bodies like dead spiders. He experienced another moment of disbelief. It _had_ worked! And somehow, Terra was still here! "You did it! It's over, Terra. Look!" He loosened his embrace slightly, so she could see for herself.

" _We_ …did…it. But…how…am…I-?" She gritted her teeth as the pain got too much, her body curling up slightly, and she tried to breathe through it.

It tortured Kaidan that there was nothing he could do to help her. He'd used every bit of medigel he had. She couldn't have survived the impossible, only to fall now.

"MAJOR!"

Kaidan jolted at the sound of Bailey's shout from the room below. "HERE! UP HERE!" Finally, they'd gotten through! He stretched up to the console to get the platform moving down, not daring to move her any more.

.

"Someone find a way up there!" Bailey yelled. "Wait!" They watched the platform float down and Kolyat hustled the medics onto it, going with them, while Bailey went to the large viewing window and looked out at the motionless Reapers. "My God, they did it," he muttered under his breath.

.

Once they reached the top, Kolyat hung back, mortified at the sight of Shepard so injured, cradled in Alenko's arms. The medics immediately got to work on her.

"Vitals are weak," declared one nurse to the doctor.

After another rush of pain, Terra's eyes closed, and Kaidan looked at the doctor in panic.

She placed a reassuring hand on his arm. "Don't worry, Major. She's just unconscious. The pain she's in, it's a good thing."

He saw Terra's chest moving up and down, the tags and rings on her chain now exposed through her ruined armour, clinked with the motion, and he tried to relax. Then he focused on the doctor again. "Dr Michel," he croaked out.

She smiled and nodded, though her face had a seriousness to it as she encouraged Kaidan to relinquish his hold of Shepard so they could manoeuvre her onto a stretcher. "We need to hurry," Michel directed to the medics, who nodded and rushed Shepard back to the platform.

The next minutes went by in a blur as they all hurried back to the hospital and Terra was whisked into an operating room.

x

The _Normandy_ had finally been released from the energy surge. But the ship's momentum was still unbelievably fast, and Joker was getting nothing from his attempts to re-gain control. According to the ship's readings, they'd travelled through every relay in record time.

" _Joker, what the hell happened up there!? It's like we went on one long relay jump!_ " called Adams.

"We did! Why don't I have any control?"

" _Because we're dead in the water! The drive core isn't designed to run at the levels required for a jump for any longer than seconds! It nearly overloaded! I had to get everyone out of Engineering and shut it down! Much longer and it would have exploded. Then we'd just be little pieces._ "

"Shit. Well, can you restart it? Because we're heading straight for a planet!" He continued to race his fingers over the console, trying to do what he could to get _Normandy_ to level out.

" _I can't recommend that. It's still red-hot in there. Besides, I'm pretty sure there's considerable damage. It would need an extensive over-haul before we could have it functioning again."_

"Damn it! I'm thinking we should have just stayed where we were, Admiral! Being caught in the relay at the same time as that energy field was a very bad place to be!"

Hackett just sat in the co-pilot's seat, unresponsive, so Garrus responded instead.

"Right now, let's focus on landing this thing."

" _Landing_!? There's no _landing!_ This is going to be a massive crash!"

"With the best pilot in the galaxy at the helm?"

"When I have an _engine_!"

"Just do what you can. We can still get through this."

"I think you've been hanging around with the miracle-inducing Shepard too long," Joker grumbled, before realizing what he'd said. "Shit," he said sadly, a horrible heaviness descending upon him.

Garrus put his hand on Joker's shoulder. "Let's do this for _her_. You know she'll just kick our asses if we meet her up there too soon."

Joker sighed heavily, but focused on the looming planet. Despite the fact he didn't believe in all that God crap, he hypocritically hoped like hell Shepard was up there being their guardian angel. The thought of it made him smile. She'd make one bad-ass angel. Then his smile left when they hit the planet's atmosphere.

This was going to hurt like hell.

x

On the streets of London, soldiers of all races downed arms, looking to each other for confirmation that the nightmare was over. There was silence at first as it sunk in, then one soldier grabbed his mate in a bear hug, another whooped in joy, another sank to his haunches to cry with relief. There were a myriad of emotions and reactions as Reapers and their forces fell to the ground. They'd won.

Coats held his head in his hands for a moment. Never had he been prouder to be a soldier. Never had he been prouder to have known the woman he was sure was behind this. Then he straightened. He was one of the few superior officers, and his job didn't end because the enemy was down. Looking around at the bodies of his comrades who hadn't been able to hold out for this moment, he had a duty to their families, and he began to gather all of those who had survived. It was time to honour the dead and reunite the survivors.

-x-

"Joker! You okay?" The crash had been hard, and Garrus' body was in agony as it lay on the floor of the cockpit, but Joker had to be faring worse.

Joker moaned. "Pretty sure I've managed to break everything in my right arm from my shoulder down."

"Ouch," Garrus sympathized, as he fought through his own pain to get to his feet.

"Yeah, no kidding, ouch!" Joker said with an angry tone.

"Feeling a little cranky, Joker?"

"I apologise, Garrus," he said indignantly. "I guess I have a short fuse when my _bones_ are _broken_! Dickwad."

"Dick what?"

"No, _wad_ , dick _wad_."

"That's-" Garrus sighed wearily. "Let's end this there." He had no energy for it, and from the throbbing, he figured his medication was wearing off. And inside… well, he felt like he'd lost an important organ named Shepard. He moved over to stiffly crouch beside Hackett who still sat in the co-pilot's seat.

"Leave me be, Vakarian," Hackett muttered. "I'm fine."

Garrus wished he could, but the fact remained that Shepard had left her crew in her father's care and as an Alliance Admiral, these were his people. "I know this is hard for you, Admiral, but-"

Hackett stood slowly and walked out of the cockpit, leaving them all staring after him.

"Okay, that's great. Good to see the Admiral has things in hand," complained Joker.

"He's grieving, Joker."

"Hey, we all are, okay?" Joker's mouth pursed together, determined not to let them tremble. His thoughts kept going to the Citadel where he'd left his two friends. Somewhere out there, Kaidan was mourning over the body of his wife. Joker couldn't believe that Shepard was gone again. No one would be bringing her back this time. He stopped the sob from escaping. He couldn't even help Kaidan. He couldn't retrieve Shepard's body. They were stuck here. And Edi... That conscious part of her was now disconnected from the ship. Was she even still alive, or functional, or whatever he should call it when referring to an AI? He quickly rubbed his good hand over his face. "So, what now?"

"What condition are we in?"

"I've got nothing, so…"

"Any idea where we are?"

"No clue. All I can tell you is, it's green and we can breathe the air."

Garrus rolled his eyes. That much he'd gathered from what he could see through the gouged holes in the ruined hull.

"Comms?"

"I said nothing, Garrus! _Nothing_! Jesus!" Joker said in irritation.

"What about Edi?"

"Don't you get it!? The crash took out _everything_! All of this is useless!"

"So you're giving up?"

"I can think of worse ways to go. At least I get to die in my cockpit," was Joker's snide response.

Garrus walked away in exasperation, reminding himself that it was Joker's way of dealing with his physical and emotional pain. Ahead he could see Hackett at the elevator, arms braced on the doors that wouldn't open for him. Traynor and the remaining crew on this deck were all standing in one piece, looking at Hackett uncertainly.

"It was probably damaged in the crash," informed Garrus as he closed in behind Hackett.

Hackett didn't want to be here - here, in Terra's broken ship, light from outside filtering through from outside. He'd lost everything. And he was broken. He had nothing left to give. Hackett desperately needed to be alone, _now_. He slammed his hands hard against the metal that was preventing his retreat. He couldn't keep it all in any longer. The grief was too much, even for him. He punched his fist into the doors, then again, and again, a strangled cry of pain that resembled the one they'd heard from Kaidan just minutes ago through that comm, emanated from within him. He was only vaguely aware of someone grabbing his arms, pulling him back from that wretched elevator. His energy then drained away, and he sank to his knees.

"Admiral," Garrus said softly, relinquishing his hold on Hackett.

"Leave me alone," Hackett responded quietly.

Garrus didn't know what to do. Once more, he was unsure of everything. The Admiral, previously so strong, was just a grieving partner and father. Garrus felt his pain. First Tali, now Shepard. He’d never wanted to feel this way again. Before, he'd lost his moral compass and his role model. Now that woman was far more than that. She was his best friend, as close to him as his own sister – closer – and the galaxy was once again empty without her.

"Garrus?"

A teary Traynor stood nearby, uncertainty and fear on her face. It made him come to his senses. There wasn't time for self-pity. They would die here if they didn't work to fix this. That wasn't the unspoken deal he'd made with Shepard. His whole side throbbing now, Garrus was pretty sure he'd torn something open when he'd restrained Hackett. The digits of his hand weren't working again. Chakwas wasn't going to be impressed. "Sorry, Traynor. Didn't mean to phase out on you there."

"Don't apologise for grieving, Garrus," she said, sadly.

"It's not going to do us much good, though, is it? Do we have internal comms?"

"Not at the moment, but I'm pretty sure I can get them back online. Then we'll be able to check in with everyone down below," Traynor said with a forced upbeat tone.

"Okay, good. That's something." Garrus looked at Hackett. He had to get the man back on his feet. "Admiral," he tried again.

"I said leave me alone!"

"I can't do that-"

"Do you have a problem with orders, Vakarian?" gritted out Hackett.

"I'm not Alliance. I don't have to take orders from you. Damn it, Admiral! Your people need you! You still have a job to do! Get on your feet!"

"Don't you tell me what to do!" Hackett glowered over his shoulder.

Garrus had to admit that being at the receiving end of Hackett's ire was rather intimidating, even for a battle-hardened turian, but this was too important to falter now. "Or what? You'll do something about it? It would be better than watching you sit there and crap on everything Shepard sacrificed herself for!"

Hackett rose angrily from the floor, his hands fisting. "What did you say?"

"You heard me. You've given up. Shepard _never_ did. She gave up her life so we could have ours. If she could see you now…" Garrus shook his head in disgust. "You're letting her crew down."

Hackett grabbed Garrus' cowl and yanked him so their faces were nose to nose, on the verge of punching the disrespectful turian. Except he couldn't. Terra would never forgive him for striking Vakarian. He'd let her down once before by grounding Moreau. He wasn't about to do it again. Besides, the turian was right. He had to carry on… It was just so damned hard when you had nothing to live _for_.

Slowly, he released Garrus and straightened, returning to that Admiral's posture that everyone expected from him. He nodded at Garrus, conceding to the turian's words, and conveying his respect. Few could hold their ground when Hackett turned his gaze on them. He'd do what he could for Terra's people, and then... then he'd find a quiet place somewhere to live out his retirement alone. A life of solitude. It was no more than he deserved.

That's when the elevator doors opened and Adams, Chakwas, and a couple of engineers emerged looking relieved to see them. It was proof that things were fixable. It was time to take stock and work out their plan for surviving.

-x-

Bailey was swimming in reports. Everyone wanted to talk to Spectres Shepard and Alenko, and he and Kolyat were personally fielding them all. This small corner of the galaxy was awash with jubilation. People were rejoicing in the streets throughout the Citadel, some crying with relief, others raucous. But here, in this private wing of the hospital it was silent. Joining Alenko at the window of Huerta, he looked out at what the young man was seeing. More revellers. "Any word on how Shepard's doing?"

"Not yet."

"She made it this far. She ain't gonna give in now."

"I hope you're right," Kaidan said quietly.

Looking out at the Citadel, Bailey knew they'd been luckier than most. The war had never really touched them here. It had simply existed through news reports and the heart-breaking stories of the refugees who littered the docking bays. "What you've done… It's a damned miracle."

Kaidan nodded slowly. "The real miracle is laying in that hospital room behind us. But this is everyone's victory, Bailey. Shepard and I may have gotten to finish it, but we'd never have gotten here without a hell of a lot of help."

"And you're still modest about it. There aren't many like you and Shepard, that's for sure. Well, I got that update for you."

Kaidan turned to him. "Already?"

"I guess everyone's used to getting things done quickly. They're already gathering names of survivors to cross-reference with those on our 'missing' databases. People just want to know where their loved ones are."

Kaidan understood that. He'd already contacted his mother. She was going to try to get a ride up here, refusing his offer of getting it sorted for her, telling him he should concentrate on his wife. He'd also put out another search for his father, though he wasn't expecting anything good to come from it.

"Anyway, Major Coats confirmed that only one of the Normandy's crew who'd come groundside couldn't be accounted for," continued Bailey. "Garrus Vakarian. Coats was pretty sure that Shepard had him picked up by the Normandy, though. But I'm afraid there's one fatality from the list you gave me. The quarian, Tali."

Kaidan groaned with sadness at the news, his hand covering his mouth. "What's the condition of the others?"

"Vega's gonna need extensive surgery on his legs, but amazingly the rest have nothing more than minor stuff. From what I understand, all Shepard's crew, past _and_ present are escorting Vega up here to Huerta. You're gonna have a whole lot of company soon," Bailey warned.

Kaidan half-smiled. He wouldn't have expected anything less. "Anything from the Normandy?"

"No. No trace. They didn't arrive at the rendezvous point, and we can't get a link to them."

Kaidan's heart sank. Terra's father... and Garrus. He prayed that Terra hadn't lost both her parents and her closest friend, too.

"Without Hackett around, people are looking to you and Shepard for orders. Coats is doing what he can on Earth, but everyone wants to see someone they're familiar with right now. I'm holding them off for as long as I can."

"Appreciate it, Bailey. Any reports on what happened to Admiral Shepard?"

Bailey checked his omnitool, then sighed heavily. "She and her crew sacrificed themselves when they flew their ship into a Reaper in order to make sure the Crucible docked."

"Christ."

"See what you mean about it being a combined effort."

"Yeah. We're just the lucky ones."

The door to the room behind them opened, and once the medical staff had left, Dr Michel beckoned him.

"If you need anything else, just let me know," Bailey said, giving them some space.

"Thanks, Bailey." The man sauntered off, and Kaidan looked tentatively at Dr Michel.

"Commander Shepard is now waking up," smiled Michel.

"She's alright!?" Kaidan blurted out as soon as he neared the door, his heart thudding.

"I'm fine."

Terra's voice was like a glorious melody he'd never get enough of hearing. It calmed him even as it made his insides jump for joy. Then he was inside the room, and Kaidan sucked in a breath as he saw those dark chocolate eyes looking back at him, so warm and inviting despite the tiredness that lined them.

"And in case you need a medical opinion: she _is_ going to be fine, Major," repeated Dr Michel.

Kaidan barely heard the doctor as he crossed the room. His world only consisted of the woman lying in front of him. There was a lot of bandaging, and what wasn't covered was almost black with bruising, but Kaidan thought she was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. "Hey."

"Hey," she smiled back.

A drip was linked up to her left hand. "How are you feeling?" he asked as he enclosed her right hand in his two.

"Much better. You?"

"Hh. Considering what I nearly lost…I'm great!"

Dr Michel cleared her throat to remind them she was there. "You lost a lot of blood, Commander, but the transfusion went well. The surgery fixed the internal damage, and we're in the process of repairing the muscle damage. The bandages are to protect your skin, or rather lack of it. We'll need to replace that. The gunshot to your abdomen missed anything vital. Including the baby," Michel added.

Astonished, Terra stared back at Michel, mouth open. "I'm…still pregnant!?" Her heart lifted. She was so sure there was no hope left for their child.

Dr Michel smiled. "Yes, Commander. It's nothing short of astounding, considering what your body has been through. But then you _are_ Commander Shepard. Truly miraculous!"

Kaidan felt the rush of relief and joy manifest as tears in his eyes, and he put his hand up to his face to shield his emotions. The three of them had somehow come through this together. Regaining control of himself, he looked at Michel again. "So her implants are working properly?"

Michel frowned. "No Major, they're completely redundant."

"Wait, they're not working at all?" Terra exclaimed.

"No. They were fully functional before?"

"Uh… yes. They were…" Terra trailed off, remembering something.

"I thought they were keeping her alive," Kaidan continued.

"Not any more. But it would explain your laboured breathing, Commander. Your lungs aren't used to working by themselves."

"Chakwas said they were also healing me, that one day I wouldn't need them…" Terra was in a daze. "It never occurred to me…"

“But you did stop breathing,” Kaidan frowned. “For a while. I…I gave you the kiss of life.”

"Ah. Then your lungs simply needed a little encouragement,” Michel smiled at Shepard. “Your husband's resuscitation attempt is the reason you're alive."

As Terra entwined her fingers in his, a look of gratitude and love exuding from her, Kaidan was inwardly aghast at how close he'd been to giving in. He silently thanked whatever instinct or higher power had prompted him to try.

"And the baby's…still okay? It didn't suffer any damage?" Terra asked, anxiously.

"Take a look." Michel rolled over a machine and activated it, holding a hand-held device over Terra's womb. An image of their barely-formed child appeared; heart beating strong.

"It may not have seemed like it to the Major at the time, but I believe you only stopped breathing for a matter of seconds before your lungs were given a helping hand to restart. I'm sure this little one didn't even notice. Like his or her parents, your little one is strong," Michel smiled. "I'll be back soon to check on you."

"Thanks Doc," they both said as Michel left.

Kaidan could barely believe it. He had everything. His eyes caught on the glint of Terra's rings and tags on the table beside her. That wasn't where they belonged. He picked them up and freed the rings from the chain, carefully placing them back on her finger. Then removing the armour he still wore so he could get to his chain, Terra reached out to take the ring so she could thread it on his finger. Holding onto his hand, she tugged him closer, planting a deep kiss which Kaidan had to end before she had him in an inappropriate state, given her condition.

"We're having a baby," she half-laughed, finally able to allow herself to enjoy the fact that it _was_ going to happen.

Kaidan returned her happy smile. "Yes, we are." Then he pulled over a chair so he could sit by her while they looked at the frozen image of their child, which Michel had left on the screen for them.

"We've been so lucky," she murmured.

"Yes, we have." He felt the moment that reality swarmed back in for Terra, and Kaidan wished he could distract her from it. Anything to stop her thoughts turning to where they were now.

"Who did we lose?" whispered Terra.

Kaidan noted how lifeless her voice was with that question. She didn't want the answer. Feared it. And he wished he didn't have to tell her. "Tali."

She nodded quickly. "She fell on the way to the beam," her voice shook. "It was instant. Her visor was open… I closed her eyes…"

Kaidan winced knowing Terra had actually been there. That she'd carried on, raised her ever higher in his esteem. It wasn't going to get any easier for her.

"What about James? He was badly injured."

"He's on his way here. He needs surgery. But Terra… your mom didn't make it."

Terra's face paled dramatically, tears pooling, and Kaidan considered getting Michel back. He enveloped her in his arms as her grief poured out. When she finally pulled back, the sadness in her face made his heart hurt.

"Dad?" she asked almost pleadingly, her voice quivering.

Kaidan cursed in his head. "The Normandy's missing."

More tears fell down her cheeks now. "Missing," she murmured. Then she frowned, wiping away her tears with her hospital gown sleeve. "I have to find them." She started to sit.

"Whoa! Terra!" He braced his hands at her shoulders, trying not to put too much pressure on her for fear of hurting her. "You can't just go racing off! You could do yourself more damage!"

"Kaidan, they could need help!"

"Damn it, Terra, you need to heal!" Kaidan said, frustrated with her tendency to put everyone else above herself. He took a breath. "Please. We need to think about this logically," he reasoned. "Gather reports of their last known position, work out where to look-"

"Edi!" Terra said, gripping his jacket. "We need Edi!"

"Then she'll be here soon. The whole ground crew are coming with Vega. Now will you please lay back and relax before you give me a heart attack?"

She gave him her 'look'. "You can face Reapers head-on, but me _moving_ gives you a heart attack?"

"Yes. Right now, yes, it does. You scare the living daylights out of me." Kaidan gently cupped her face to be sure she would see how serious he was. "You died in my arms, Terra. Those seconds felt like years-" Kaidan had to clear his throat before he could continue.

Covering his hands, Terra pressed them tighter to her. His pain at the memory was clear to see. "I'm sorry." He rested his forehead on hers. "I'm sorry," she whispered again.

"You'll take it easy?"

"I'll try," was the best she could do. It just wasn't in her to sit back and do nothing, but Kaidan nodded, happy enough with that.

That was all the time they would get to themselves as, despite the protests from several of the hospital staff, Terra's personal collection of the galaxy's finest, came barging into the room. Kaidan didn't mind. Finally, they had time.

**-x-**


	85. Checking In and Taking Stock

Jack stormed into the hospital room first, elbowing Wrex out of her way, a scowl on her face. Grunt, Liara, Samara, Cortez and Edi, filed in behind them.

"Jac-"

"Shepard! What the hell were you thinking, scaring everyone like that!?" Jack raged at her. "You get hit by a Reaper and then carry on!?"

Kaidan knew that this was Jack's way of dealing with her concern, and he also knew better than to try to involve himself before Terra had a chance to calm the girl down. Grunt, however, had no such sense.

"What are you talking about? It was the perfect time. A little pain focuses the mind. Makes you angry."

"I'll give you a _lot_ of pain if you don't shut the hell up! Just stay out of this, you stupid over-grown tortoise!" snapped Jack.

Grunt reared back in confusion, looking at Wrex who just shrugged back.

"Jack-" Terra tried again.

"Were you _trying_ to get yourself killed!?"

"Jack-"

"What the hell's that?" Jack pointed to the stilled image of their child, which had distracted her from her rant.

"It's a baby, Jack," answered Shepard softly.

The krogans in the room grunted in surprise, the two asari were already privy to the news, leaving Cortez and Edi as the only one's about to offer their congratulations.

"Tell me you didn't know about it before!" Jack cut them both off, even angrier now.

Terra's eyes dropped to her lap.

"So, you went through all this _knowing_!? What the _fuck_ is wrong with you!?" shouted Jack.

"Hey! That's enough!" interrupted Kaidan, angrily. Jack had gone too far now. "It wasn't an easy decision for Shepard to make, and if she hadn't, I can guarantee you _none_ of us would be here right now."

Jack clamped her mouth shut, her breathing fast as her anger raised her adrenaline.

But Terra knew there was something else behind this, and she kept her voice gentle. "What's this really about, Jack?" Terra watched in dismay as Jack's bottom lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears she refused to let go. "You lost one of your kids, didn't you?"

"Two." Jack rubbed angrily at her watery eyes. "And it's _your_ fault I feel like this! _You_ made me care! Giving me a damned family, then Alenko putting me with a bunch of dependants! You shouldn't have interfered in my life! I was fine when it was just me! It was easier when I only had to think about _myself!_ So thanks, _assholes!_ " She stomped and shoved her way past everyone to get to the door and left.

"She did not mean that," Liara assured Shepard, as she approached the bedside.

"I know. She's hurting. She'll be back when she's ready," Terra murmured.

"In the meantime, I will keep a track on her for you."

"Thank you, Liara."

"You need peace of mind, Shepard." Liara bent to press her cheek to Shepard's. "You had me so worried."

"Sorry, Liara. But I'm fine. Vega being seen to?"

"Yes. He is in good hands now."

Cortez stepped forward. "Though we had to talk him out of coming here first. He was really worried about you. We all were." Cortez replaced Liara at Shepard's side and kissed her forehead. "Congratulations. It's great news," he smiled at her and Kaidan. "New life. It's fitting. You're going to make great parents."

"Thanks, Steve," Kaidan replied, shaking Cortez's hand.

Terra was trying to smile, but others were missing. "Tell me there's more of you. We didn't lose-!"

"No," Kaidan said quickly. "Sorry, I should have made it clear."

Samara stepped forward and took Shepard's hand. "Do not be concerned, Shepard. The prothean needed time alone to contemplate the path he wishes to take. Now that the Reapers have fallen, I believe he is lost for purpose. He was heading for the Presidium to find some peace."

"Has he looked out there?" Cortez exclaimed.

"I imagine he is quite capable of clearing the area for his needs," Samara replied.

"Huh! I'd actually quite like to see that!" said Kaidan.

"As for Jacob, he wanted to reunite with Dr Cole," continued Samara. "He said to tell you that they will be back here soon to personally thank you for giving their child a future."

"I'm so glad the rest of you made it through this," Terra said, sincerely. "You all look in one piece, too."

"Well, _you_ look like you've come out the ass end of a thresher maw, Shepard," Wrex grinned, finally grabbing his moment to speak and nudging his way to her side.

Terra raised one brow at him. "Leave it you to tell it how it is. Thanks for that image, Wrex." She looked at Kaidan. "Still fancy me now?"

"Is it perverted that I really do?" Kaidan responded without hesitation, making Terra smile.

"Heh, heh, heh," chuckled Grunt. "Bet you _would_ come out alive if a maw swallowed you."

"I'd rather not test that theory," Terra said dryly.

"Ditto that," added Kaidan.

"So what in the pyjak’s gonads are you doing in bed, Shepard?" wondered Wrex. "What, one hit from a Reaper and you're laid up? I'm disappointed," he jibed.

"You're such an ass, Wrex," Terra sighed out with a smile. "It's really good to see you."

Placing his giant hand over hers, Wrex gave her an approving nod. "You too, little sister. Can't stay long though. Wouldn't want those idiots I left behind thinking they can stake a claim."

"Yeah, I'd really like a few hours rest before the next war for Earth."

"Don't you worry. They'll make trouble over my dead body. I'll be talking it over with Victus; get them transferred back to Tuchanka fast. Then I'll be back this way, picking up the fight with the Council."

"How's it going between you and the Primarch?"

"Okay. Won't pretend we like each other, but I can respect the man. I don't want to rip his head off anymore, so that's something."

"I'm impressed. Eve really is having a good effect on you."

"Hm," he grumbled. "Eve has nothing to do with it. I managed to put up with _you_ long before she came along."

"What are you talking about Wrex? I'm a saint!"

Kaidan pretended to have a coughing fit, receiving a pout from Terra.

"More like a damn cheeky pyjak," grinned Wrex. "Eve will be pleased to hear your news, though. Looks like there's gonna be a lotta little krogan for yours to play with."

"Should I be worried?" frowned Kaidan.

Shaking her head at the thought, Terra changed subjects. "What about you, Grunt? Any plans?"

He shrugged indifferently. "I don't know," he said, sounding a little annoyed. "I like to fight, but nothing's gonna beat that battle with the Reapers."

"Let's not speak too soon."

Grunt studied Shepard for a second. "I don't suppose _you_ -"

"Uh, no," interrupted Kaidan. "I can see where this is going. And absolutely not."

"He's such a spoil sport," teased Shepard. "Sorry, Grunt."

Grunt peered over at Kaidan. "So, how about it, Alenko? Wanta go one on one?"

" _Me_!?" choked out Kaidan.

"Sure. You must be worthy if Shepard's mating with you."

Kaidan's cheeks flushed, while Terra sniggered. "Uh, unlike you, I'm more than happy to take a break. Why not try out the Arena here?"

"Hm. Maybe I will."

"Thank God," he breathed out.

"Shame about Tali. For a little thing, she sure packed a punch on the battlefield," Wrex rumbled, seriously.

"Tali will be greatly missed," Liara said solemnly.

"Yes, she will," Terra whispered.

"So where's that pain in the ass turian who's always by your side?" Wrex wondered out loud, trying to distract her in his own lumbering way.

"I put him on the Normandy," Terra murmured, wondering if she made the wrong choice - if he'd be here with them now if she hadn't, or another casualty like Tali.

"It's not docked yet?" asked Wrex, ignorantly.

"I heard the Normandy's missing," Cortez added quietly, eliciting a curse from Wrex as he realized he'd stumbled into another bad subject.

Terra nodded slowly, then searched the room with her eyes until she found who she was looking for. "Edi. You okay?" Terra directed over to her. She was standing back, and had yet to utter a word.

"Yes, Shepard. I was able to make repairs, though my arm is only at minimal efficiency. I will require assistance," replied Edi, noticeably subdued.

"Then you'll have it. But I didn't mean your shell. I meant are _you_ okay?"

"I see. I am…unsettled. Concerned. I do not know if Jeff is well. I cannot connect with the Normandy, Shepard."

Terra's heart sunk. "You don't know where the Normandy is?"

"I am sorry, Shepard."

Terra held her breath. They couldn't be….

"I lost my link shortly after the ship entered the relay," Edi continued.

"The relay?" checked Kaidan. "So they _did_ make it to the rendezvous point?"

"No. What little data I received beforehand indicates that the Crucible's energy combined with the relays, created a stronger force. The Normandy was pulled into the relay at speeds far faster than a normal jump. The energy field was heading straight for the next relay. It would not be possible for the ship to exit this energy stream by itself."

"You're saying that the Normandy could have been carried through _all_ the relays?" Terra inquired fearfully.

"But the drive core… would it be able to handle that?" Cortez questioned, voicing what Terra was thinking.

"Unknown," responded Edi. "It is not a scenario ever considered by those that designed it. However, I calculate that it is improbable."

"Oh God," whispered Terra.

"Wait a minute," Kaidan said, placing a reassuring hand on Terra's. "Edi, from the sounds of it, the ship was out of their control, right?" Kaidan considered.

"Correct."

"Then they wouldn't have needed to keep the drive core active." Cortez nodded, following Kaidan's thought.

"Agreed. It is unlikely that Engineer Adams would allow the core to reach breaking point, but he would have needed to react fast. With the speed of the energy field, the journey through the relays would have taken only minutes," advised Edi.

"With Donnelly and Daniels there too? Trust me, between the three of them they'd have gotten that drive core offline in time," assured Cortez.

"Then we need to work out the path it would have taken," Terra announced, more hopeful now.

“That is assuming they were carried all the way,” warned Liara. “They could have been deposited in any system."

"It's a starting place."

"Unfortunately, there are multiple paths the Crucible's energy could have taken," informed Edi.

"I'll search system by system if I have to," Terra said, determinedly.

"I will need to reconnect with my agents,” started Liara. “Get the Shadow Broker up and running again. But I believe if we can pinpoint that field's arrival in each system, we may be able to work out the field's path," she suggested.

"But all your files were on the Normandy," Kaidan frowned.

"Kaidan, please. What sort of Broker would I be if I did not have back-ups? But it will still take some time to gather new equipment and find a suitable temporary headquarters."

"We'll need a ship," Terra began planning.

"Shepard, you do realize you're not in any condition to go racing off, don't you?" worried Kaidan.

" _They_ might not be in any condition to _wait_ ," pressed Terra.

"And they won't have to. But _we'll_ be doing the searching," he said pointedly.

"You really expect me to just stay here, twiddling my thumbs?"

"Yes, I do. Because if you exacerbate your injuries you'll end up delaying us. The longer you recuperate, the sooner you'll be able to join us. Safely."

She sighed at the logic. "Damn it."

"It is for the best, Shepard," Samara smiled, wisely. "However, I am now torn as to my own path."

"I'm not," Terra said strongly, understanding Samara's meaning. "You go back to Falere. Help her rebuild."

"Thank you, Shepard."

"We should leave you in peace," Liara said. "I will be by again soon."

"Okay. Please take care of yourselves."

"Catch you another time, Shepard," Wrex rumbled nonchalantly.

"Go easy with the Council. You need diplomacy. And be prepared to compromise. And you'll need a whole lot of patience." Shepard looked at Wrex a little sceptically. "Perhaps you should bring Eve with you. She's probably your best shot at getting… anything."

Wrex grumbled under his breath. "Are you saying I can't be diplomatic? That _I_ don't have patience?"

"Yes," she said straight away.

He grumbled again. "Fine. You're probably right. Females. Always want to talk."

"They make my head hurt," agreed Grunt.

Wrex rumbled with laughter. "Been seeing a lot of action in that department too, huh?"

"Heh heh heh!" Grunt returned gleefully.

"Okay, this is getting gross," grimaced Terra. "Get out," she ordered.

Before he left, Grunt went down on one knee beside her bed and bowed his head to her. "Battle-master."

Terra placed her hand fondly on the hard crest of his head. "It's an honour, Grunt."

"I will keep in contact, Shepard," said Samara.

"I'll look forward to it."

Edi once again hung back.

"Why don't you let me take a look at that arm of yours," Terra said to her. "It'll give me something to do while I'm in here."

"Thank you, Shepard. I will purchase the necessary tools and materials."

"Great."

Edi walked out, but Terra realized something. "Kaidan, she has no funds."

"I'll catch her up," Kaidan said and he jogged after Edi. He didn't have to go far. The group who had been with Terra were congregated a little further down the hallway. "Edi. Here. You'll need credits." He transferred some over to her omnitool.

"Thank you. I did not- I did not consider the method of payment," Edi replied, uncertainly.

"Hey, you're a little distracted, that's all."

"Yes. But I am synthetic. My thought processes should be unaffected by external events."

"I think you're much more than that, Edi. And when something happens to someone you care about, it can be _all_ you think about."

"Yes," agreed Edi, looking very lost.

Liara stepped forward to rescue her. "Do you mind if I join you, Edi? We can make our purchases together."

"I would appreciate that, Liara. Thank you."

Kaidan watched the two of them walk away, followed by Wrex and Grunt, while Cortez walked into a nearby room.

"Hey! Esteban! Loco!"

Kaidan was left in no doubt as to whom Cortez was checking in with and he went to stand in the doorway. "Vega, how're you doing?"

"Great, man! I think the Doc's got me on some strong drugs. Woo! I feel on cloud nine!"

Cortez gave James a look. "Yeah, I'm not seeing much of a difference, Mr Vega."

"Agreed," nodded Kaidan with a smile. "Nothing unusual there. What's the prognosis?"

"Oh! I'll need some a little reconstructive surgery but nothing major, Major," James laughed. "They reckon I'll be back on my feet inside of a couple of weeks. But what about Lola? I mean, you look happy, so…"

"She's okay, James. She'll need a longer stay in here than you, but considering everything that happened, she's great."

"Yeah!" James grinned, then frowned. "Shit, she had me freaking out, man. I thought she was gone, Loco. Then she just got right up and…" He shook his head in wonder. "That woman's made of steel or _something_!"

"There's more good news too," added Cortez, smiling over at Kaidan.

Kaidan couldn't stop the huge grin from spreading across his face. "Shepard's pregnant."

"Holy shit! That's fantastic! Hey, did I tell you kids love me!? Uncle James. Yeah, I like that! Sorry, Esteban, but you know I'll be the favourite, right?"

"We'll see, Mr Vega."

"Ah ha! Watch out universe, here comes the Alenko family!"

As if summoned by James' words, there came a female voice Kaidan recognized instantly.

"Kaidan! Darling!"

He turned in time to open his arms just in time to catch his mother as she crashed into him, clutching him desperately.

"Oh, my baby boy!"

As happy as he was to see his mom, he was more than aware of the snickering from James and Cortez, and he felt his face getting hot. "It's really good to see you, mom," he said as he gently encouraged her to let go. Then she was sobbing and he hugged her close again, no longer caring about how it looked, though even James and Cortez had sobered at the sound of her weeping.

"I thought I'd never see you again! That I would be all alone!"

"But you're not, mom. I'm right here."

She calmed herself down, wiping her eyes on a tissue that Cortez handed her. "Thank you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make such a fuss, but I hadn't realized how much I'd been holding it all in."

"You don't need to apologise, mom." Kaidan noticed how much she'd aged in the past weeks, or was it months? He could barely tell any more.

"Oh! Let me meet Terra!" Kaidan's mother looked past him, only to falter at seeing Vega in the bed.

"Don't worry, Mrs A," grinned James. "Your son didn't marry _me_. Though I _was_ a contender for the part of _Mr_ Shepard. I _nearly_ had Lola running off with me at the wedding."

"Lola?"

"Ignore him, Ma'am," butted in Cortez.

"He's delusional," added Kaidan.

"Oh," said his mother, confused.

"Come on. Terra's this way." Kaidan started to lead her out.

"Don't believe his lies, Mrs A! I gave him a fight for Shepard! He only got the girl because she fell for that embarrassed little boy thing he has going on!" called out James with a laugh.

"Keep it up Vega and you'll be needing more than two weeks to get back on your feet," Kaidan flung over his shoulder.

"Ho now!" laughed James.

Then the door mercifully closed between them.

"I have to admit I wasn't expecting you to be able to get here so soon, mom."

"Oh, apparently having a famous son gets you fast-tracked," she smiled. "I only mentioned my name at the port and, after checking whether I was related to you, they had me on the first available flight."

"Famous, huh?"

"Everybody knows that you and Terra saved the galaxy, darling. Your father would be so proud."

Now outside Terra's room, Kaidan stopped his mother. "Mom, I need you to go easy in there. Terra lost her mother during the fight, and her father's missing too."

"The poor thing. She's lucky she has _you_. Of course I'll be gentle."

Feeling the need to take a breath first, Kaidan led her inside. "Terra, this is my mother."

Terra beamed back at the woman standing next to Kaidan, then offered her hand out to her, palm up. "Mrs Alenko, I've been so looking forward to meeting you."

“Oh, please, call me Lena.” It was clear Lena Alenko was immediately taken with her daughter-in-law as she took the young woman's hand. Kaidan looked on warmly as Terra unconsciously wound her way into his mother's heart.

-x-

The _Normandy_ crew had collated the damage reports. Personnel-wise, they'd been lucky. A few broken bones – mostly Joker's – and some cracked skulls and nasty bruises. All now seen to.

As for the ship, it was pretty extensive, but they were confident that they could restore power fully, even to the AI Core. It wouldn't be Edi without the conscious part of her in range, but it would give them back her superior sensors. They needed to ascertain just where they were and if there was anything or anyone in the vicinity that could help them.

One thing was for certain. Without help, they weren't going anywhere. The drive core was far too damaged to fix with the equipment and supplies they had on board, and a spare drive core wasn't something you could stock for. Unfortunately, they didn't have a whole lot of time to get help. A check on their food supplies gave them four weeks on rations, tops. They weren't a long-haul vessel and as such they didn't have the space or the need to stock for long periods of time. They wouldn't have had as much as they did if Shepard hadn't ignored the Alliance's standard requirement and been extra cautious by doubling it.

With their ship's condition assessed, they now turned their attention to their new surroundings. They needed to know if they were in any imminent danger.

Garrus opened the hatch, but had to let Hackett proceed first. Though Garrus had a weapon, with his gun-hand out of action he was down to using his left. He wished he was ambidextrous, but it wasn't happening. Garrus hated to think how bad a shot he'd be if he had to use it. Shepard was probably up there laughing her head off at him after all the boasting he did. Then he chided himself as the heaviness descended upon him. Damn, he missed her. He couldn't even talk to Tali about it. Spirits, he had to stay out of that dark pit of despair. There was too much to do. So, he concentrated on following Hackett outside, with Adams and the others not far behind. Even Joker had decided to join them.

Hackett emerged into a damned oasis. He could have sworn. It was like the universe was having one big laugh at him. It had taken away everything important to him and then flung him into a paradise. It pissed him off.

It was a jungle of bright green, and singing birds. They'd cut a long destructive path through the dense foliage behind them, but the view ahead of them was unharmed and jungle as far as the eye could see.

"Well, this isn't bad," commented Joker.

"Fucking lovely," bit out Hackett, then he moved off.

"Oh-kay." Joker looked at Garrus. "Your little pep-talk didn't do much for his attitude."

"Comments on attitude? Coming from _you_?"

"Don't know what you mean!" Joker retorted innocently.

"Then I guess you're feeling better."

"Chakwas pumped me full of drugs. Can barely feel my toes, but it's all good."

Garrus shook his head. "Just take it easy. There's a lot of uneven ground here."

"Believe or not, Garrus, I actually survived quite well before you came along." There was a slight pause. "But thanks for the concern."

Garrus shrugged. "There's a good chance that _I'll_ be the one who'll have to put up with your bad-temper if you break another bone."

"Dickwad."

"What does that even mean?" Garrus frowned.

"It means-"

"Joker. Really," interrupted Chakwas from behind them, her face creased as it had been since she'd heard about Shepard. "Haven't you matured beyond name-calling by now?"

"Oh, come on, Doc. It's an affectionate thing. It's how we men bond."

Garrus stumbled at that statement. "Uh, sorry, Joker, but I have no intention of bonding with you."

Joker hesitated, his face falling. "Oh no. Bonding means something different to turians than it does to humans, doesn't it?"

"Spirits, I hope so, or things between you and I could get very awkward."

Behind them, Chakwas felt the first break in her sadness and she placed her hand over her mouth as she struggled with her guilt at wanting to laugh.

-x-

Terra had been cuddled and mothered thoroughly by Lena Alenko, and she didn't mind it a bit, though it made her miss her own mother all the more. The news of her grandchild had made the woman cry with joy. Now, Lena was chatting away about all the things Kaidan got up to as a child. As riveted as she was, Terra couldn't help the yawn as exhaustion crept up on her.

Kaidan noticed immediately. "Mom," he cut her off. "I think Terra needs to rest."

"Oh, of course! I'm sorry, my dear. You should have said."

"Never. I was enjoying your company, and the topic." Terra smiled at Kaidan as he rolled his eyes.

"Well, I'll be sure to tell you the rest. And there's plenty!"

Terra laughed when Kaidan groaned and buried his head in his hands.

"Kaidan, darling, would you be able to find me a hotel or something?"

"Nonsense!" exclaimed Terra. "You don't need to spend any more time on your own. We have a perfectly good apartment with plenty of space. You're more than welcome to stay there. I'm sure Kaidan would appreciate the company."

"Absolutely, Mom. Make yourself at home."

"Thank you. I'd like that."

"Go take your mom home, and get some rest yourself," Terra said to Kaidan, knowing he'd drive himself into exhaustion just to keep her company.

"What about you?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

Kaidan glanced at his mother, who understood the look.

"I'm going to grab a drink from the machine. I'll wait for you there, darling. See you in the morning, Terra?" checked Lena as she leaned in to kiss Terra's cheek.

"Looking forward to it, Lena."

Happy, Kaidan's mother left to give them space.

Once she and Kaidan were alone again, Terra reached out for him, shuffling gingerly over and pulling him with her so he could sit next to her.

"I don't want to hurt you, Terra."

"You have the opposite effect, so sit." He moved onto the bed so carefully she almost tutted and yanked him on. "I'm not made of glass."

"No, you're flesh and blood - all very damaged and recently replaced. And you'll heal slower than you were used to."

That made her muse on what Dr Michel had said. The implants were redundant. "And that's all I am now. Flesh and blood. It's strange. I feel like everything's come full circle. I died again, then came alive again, only this time there's no implants keeping me functioning."

"It's the way it should be. Completely organic."

"Yes, it is. Let's hope it's third time lucky. Maybe I'll actually get to old age this time."

"That sounds really great," Kaidan said, sincerely.

"Yeah, it does," she smiled, but lingering at the back of her mind were those she had yet to save.

"We'll find them," Kaidan murmured.

Terra turned her head to look at him. "You mind read now?" she teased.

"No. I just know how you think, and I know that look. That far away, guilty yet determined look of yours. And we'll find them."

Terra just nodded. She'd lost a sister in Tali, she'd lost her mother. Two more to add to the list of casualties. She'd couldn't lose anymore. Not one more. "Your mother's lovely."

"Yeah." Then Kaidan paused. "Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you?"

"I'd love you to, but you need a proper bed, and your mother needs _you_."

"Will you ever stop putting everyone else first?"

"I hope not."

Kaidan huffed in amusement, then rested his head against hers. "It's been a hell of a day."

"And we're still here."

"Absolutely miraculous."

"Yes, it is."

"I meant _you_."

Terra's mouth tugged. "If you're trying to get me into bed, I'm already here."

Kaidan laughed, a wonderfully husky sound that travelled through her body right down to her toes.

"You're incorrigible," he told her. "And extremely tempting. How am I supposed to leave now?"

"Just look at me. That'll do it," Terra said, wryly.

"Don't be so sure," his eyes taking in those dark eyes told her he still found her irresistible.

Terra arched one brow in response to his heated look. "Your mother's outside."

"Yep, that's done it." Kaidan moved off the bed to the sound of her delightful laughter, then bent over to kiss her thoroughly. "I love you," he murmured over her lips.

"I love you too. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He left the room reluctantly. Kaidan hated the thought of leaving her alone here. Of being in their apartment without her. Then his mother joined him, threading her arm through his while they walked out, and he allowed himself in be absorbed in her chatter as she raved about Terra and her grandchild.

-x-

Terra had barely been alone for five minutes when she heard the door open again. Javik stood in the doorway, uncertain of whether he should enter until Shepard smiled and waved him in. "Javik. I was getting worried about you. Samara said you needed some time?"

"Yes, Commander. With the fall of the Reapers, my mission is complete. Vengeance has been delivered."

"Did you come to any decision as to what you'll do now?"

"I admit, I did not," he frowned.

She took in the defeated look on the normally indomitable prothean. "You're really struggling, aren't you?"

Javik began pacing. "I was born into war. I have known nothing else. I- I do not know what to do."

"The galaxy's open to you. You have a choice."

"But I know only war."

"You can learn how to live in a time of peace."

He stopped moving. "Can I?"

"Yes. Don't lose faith in yourself, Javik. A soldier is just one part of who you are. You have to discover the man behind all that."

"What if he is not there."

"He is. Trust me."

Javik started pacing again. "But I am prothean. We thought we were invincible. We thought _our_ ways were right. I brought that certainty with me to this cycle. I looked upon all of you with contempt. As primitives. Everything I, as a prothean, believed, told me that you were doomed to fail; that you were weak. But I was wrong. My people were wrong. Instead of conquering, you united. Instead of maintaining boundaries between those you commanded, you befriended them. You are the antithesis of the protheans, and yet here you are, victorious against our common enemy where we were not. I bow to your superior nature, Commander. Where we employed the same ruthless methods of the machines we fought, you did not lose sight of what makes you different from them. _We_ hardened our hearts, but _you_ did not. I see now that is not weakness, but takes an inordinate inner strength to allow others close when you know you could lose them. You ended this eons-long war with your beliefs and integrity intact. I am unworthy of surviving."

"What!?" exclaimed Terra, concerned about what he meant. "Javik! Tell me you didn't go through all of this just to lay down and give up!"

Javik stopped pacing and frowned at the floor.

"Even if you haven't found the man behind the role yet, you _are_ a soldier," Terra continued. "A good one. One I was proud to fight beside. No matter we had different views, one thing is absolute. A soldier _never_ quits. Look at me, _Commander_ Javik."

He met her determined gaze.

"Don't give up now, or the Reapers, the _Intelligence_ , strike one final blow. Do you understand me?" she said fiercely, sternly.

He straightened. "Yes, Commander."

"Good," Terra breathed out, her face softening. She reached into a drawer beside her bed. "Here." She offered him the memory shard in her hand, thankful it had survived the fight. "I filled in the final piece to the story of the war with the Reapers, now I'm giving it back to you, so you can continue the story of the protheans. Because they still live on in you."

Javik took the shard from her hand. "You…" he breathed slowly, suddenly humbled to be in her presence. "You are far more than the embodiment of Victory for your cycle. You are the model for the future. Your offspring will be a force to be reckoned with."

"Huh! I'm sure. Hopefully not for us parents."

He bowed in respect. "I shall speak with Liara T'Soni. She had made a suggestion a time before. I am wondering if it is still on offer."

"Whatever it is, it will be."

He went to leave the room.

"Uh, you're really not going to tell me what it is Liara offered!?" Terra called out.

Javik smiled. "So the great Commander Shepard doesn't like to be kept in suspense. Good to know."

With one last twisted grin, he left leaving her open-mouthed.

"Great, Javik," she mumbled to herself. "Now how am I supposed to sleep?" Yet despite the unanswered question of Liara's 'suggestion', Terra soon found herself unable to do anything but give in to the pull of unconsciousness.

-x-

As the darkness descended around them, the _Normandy_ was awash with light. The crew stood around the memorial wall. They needed to say goodbye.

Garrus stepped up first, holding the plaque bearing Tali's name that Adams and Donnelly had created. Not as perfect as those already on the wall, but for something they'd carved out by hand it was pretty exceptional work. He lifted it up to place her name with the others. He still found it shocking to think she was no longer with them. There were a few sniffs from behind him, and he retreated to join in the salute of respect.

Hackett stepped forward to place Anderson's. He had pride of place in the centre. A lifelong friend gone. Adams had offered to create a plaque for Hannah but Hackett had refused. This was the place for those who had served on _Normandy_ , past and present, and Hannah hadn't. If they ever got off this planet, he'd go to her favourite retreat and honour her there. Until then, he would keep her memory inside. As Garrus before, he stepped back to salute Anderson. Joker then came up beside him, offering Hackett the last plaque. Taking it, Hackett ran his fingers over the letters of his daughter's name. He walked forward again, and lifted it to sit beneath Anderson's, then he lowered it. He couldn't put her up there. Instead, he clutched it to his chest, turned, and walked into the elevator.

The crew looked at each other, unsure as to what to do. Chakwas touched Garrus' arm and nodded to the lounge. Understanding, he asked the others to join him to toast the lost. They all went except for Chakwas who called the elevator back.

She found Hackett in the Captain's cabin, just standing in the centre of the upper floor. "Steven?"

"I couldn't do it, Karin."

"I know."

"I've already done this before. Mourned her. You'd think I'd be able to handle it better the second time. But I can't. This time it's so much worse."

"This is different."

"Yes it is. I lost Hannah. Watched her disappear in a ball of flames. Then I stood there and listened to the life leaving my child." He put his fist to his mouth, his breathing louder as the emotion affected him. "She had her whole life ahead of her. A husband who should have been blessed with her as his wife for more than a few hours. They didn't get a chance to be a family. Can you imagine what a fantastic mother she would have made?" he smiled shakily.

Karin stood there, silently, able only to nod as she stared at the ground. She was glad he didn't know that Terra had been pregnant. Shepard had been right in her judgement. It would have been the last straw for Steven to know he'd lost a grandchild too.

Hackett looked around the room that was Terra's home. The fish in the aquarium. Ships on display. "This is nice." He rubbed his hands tiredly over his face.

"Steven, you need to sleep."

"Sleep," he said, derisively. "I can't remember the last time I actually slept."

"Then I'll give you someth-"

"No," he cut her off, a little shortly he realised. "Thank you, but no. This is my penance."

"Penance?" frowned Karin. "For what?"

"Letting them down."

"Steven Hackett, you will stop this, right now!" Karin said, crossly. "Hannah loved you. Terra adored you. And the galaxy is still standing. You have let no one down! You did what your family expected of you. Your duty. And you will keep doing it, because they would _still_ expect you to."

"Duty… I'm so tired, Karin. So incredibly tired."

"Then you rest," Karin said, knowing he was talking about life, not just his exhaustion. "And when you wake up, you get through the day, then the next, and then the next."

"One day at a time."

"Exactly. Who knows what the future will bring?"

Hackett didn't voice the fact that unless it brought his family back he wasn't interested.

"Now, will you be using these quarters? Shepard left you as Captain. I know she'd want you to."

He shook his head. "No. I don't want anything touched. Not yet. I'll use Dr T'Soni's quarters." With that, he carefully placed Terra's name-plaque on the desk and left the cabin with Karin.

-x-

Kaidan woke with a start, his heart beating wildly, his sleep-addled brain sending him a warning that Terra wasn't there. He tried to tell himself that he was in the apartment, that she was only at the hospital, but he couldn't shift the unsettled feeling. Lifting his wrist to check the time on his omnitool, he saw it was only three in the morning. He tried to lay back and relax but he couldn't fall back to sleep. He got up, pulled on his clothes and headed downstairs. Leaving a quick message for his mother, he left the apartment.

It didn't take him long to get to Huerta, and as he neared Terra's room the guards went on high alert until they saw who he was. Kaidan was pleased to see the security detail Bailey had put in place were taking their task seriously. They saluted him respectfully as he passed them. It wasn't so much for safety, though Kaidan wasn't taking any chances, but more to keep away the scores of news people and 'fans' who wanted a piece of her. She didn't need it. He didn't need it, either, but he was in a far better state to answer their endless questions and shake the hands of the over-exuberant people who wanted to thank him, though he found it hard to fathom all the attention. He'd done his job.

Entering the room as quietly as he could, he sat himself in the chair beside her bed and settled back, feeling far more at peace now she was there. Watching her sleeping face, and listening to the machine sounding out her heartbeat, sleep finally took him once more.

**-x-**


	86. A Family Divided and a Family Reunited

"That's the last connection. It should all be working now," said Feron.

Approaching the console with more anticipation than she'd care to admit, Liara started the system. All the screens that lined the wall flickered to life and she ran a diagnostic with the help of Glyph.

Finally, Liara stepped back with satisfaction. It had taken them nearly five days working non-stop to gather and install what they required, but everything was functioning as it should. "We are ready."

"The Shadow Broker is back," grinned Feron.

-x-

Kaidan didn't want to leave Terra, or his mother, but finding the _Normandy_ was imperative. The goodbyes had been hard, especially for his mother. She had been upset at him leaving, frightened for his safety despite the Reapers defeat; she'd already lost her husband. Kaidan had assured her the risk was minimal, and she'd relaxed a little. He told himself that they were only at the end of a comm link, but there was no telling how long he'd be parted from his family.

Liara and Edi had narrowed their search down to five systems but to Kaidan it still felt like they were looking for a needle in a haystack. A needle that might be in nothing more than tiny pieces. Nevertheless, he was completely committed. Terra, above all of them, would find it extremely difficult to move on without the answer to the question of what had happened to those aboard the _Normandy_.

Kaidan exited the elevator onto the docking bay, greeting Cortez, Edi and Javik. From the looks of the rest of the crew it was a predominantly asari crew, and the large asari vessel that filled the view from the window confirmed it. Then his heart plummeted as he caught sight of the name of the ship. The _'Orisoni'_. "Oh no."

The airlock door opened and a very familiar matriarch smirked back at him. "Hey, babe."

-x-

Garrus cursed as his taloned fingers slipped and he was given an electric shock in return. He took a deep breath, adjusted his uncomfortable position under the console to another equally uncomfortable one, and tried again. AI cores weren't his specialty, but he could do the basics. He'd rather be calibrating the main guns, but there wasn't much call for heavy weaponry right now, so he was doing what he could to help Adams and the Engineering team. He made the final connection and immediately got back on his feet to stretch out his cramped muscles. "Okay. That's done."

"Thanks, Garrus. I think I'm nearly there."

Adams was nearby dealing with the more complex stuff. Garrus just hoped the engineer could sort it. It was a lot different from a ship's drive-core.

"There." Adams stepped back and sent a glance Garrus' way. "The moment of truth. Cross your fingers."

Garrus wasn't sure how crossing his fingers was going to help, but he had a go. "Sorry, but turians can't do that," he said finally, giving up.

"Ha! Sorry. Just a term we use, like a 'wish me luck' kind of thing."

"Oh. Then how about I just say 'good luck'?"

"Works for me." Adams hit the switch and they were rewarded with the glorious sound of the Core starting up. "And for the AI Core!" grinned Adams.

Garrus joined Adams in his sigh of relief. "Great job, Adams."

"Let's go see where it gets us," responded Adams, scepticism creeping into his tone.

Garrus understood that feeling. Despite the attempt to remain hopeful, to keep working with the view that they'd stay alive, at the back of their minds there was this lingering doubt that they could change their situation; that it was out of their hands no matter how hard they tried.

The answers Edi's sensors could give them may not be what they wanted to hear, but they trudged up to the cockpit anyway, informing Hackett along the way, who was assisting Traynor in an attempt to get external communications back up – a mammoth task given the damage. But for now, the focus was all on the ship's sensors. It was the moment of truth.

Joker's hands ran fluidly over his console as he accessed it, the atmosphere in the silent cockpit, tense. As the results ran down his screen, he slumped back in his seat. "There's nothing."

"Nothing?" queried Garrus.

Joker took a deep calming breath. "Do we really have to go through this kind of conversation again, Garrus?"

Hackett perused the data on the screen for himself. Joker was right. There was nothing beyond the usual readings they'd get from any garden planet which was un-colonised. No signals of any kind could be picked up, either in the vast area around them or in the space far above them. The only signs of life, asides from the wildlife, was them. "This isn't over, Moreau. We keep going." He turned to look at Garrus. "We keep going."

Garrus nodded at him, though both of them were in no illusion as to their chances now. Then they walked back to Traynor to carry on the work to the external comm.

-x-

-x-

The crew of the _Orisoni_ had been searching for three and a half weeks through two systems, with no luck. They were now heading for the next fuelling station via the last planet in this system, before carrying on to the next relay, and the next system in their search.

Kaidan was frustrated and homesick - at least in as much as he wasn't where Terra was. He wanted to be able to give her some good news; to return with the _Normandy's_ crew. But with every planet they found nothing, the harder he found it to believe they'd even survived. Without the use of its drive-core, the _Normandy_ should still have been able to communicate. The fact they hadn't meant that they'd either failed to come out of that relay run intact, or they'd lost communication capability, and it was likely to have been in a crash. Maybe the _Normandy's_ improved armour and shields would have been enough to protect them from the worst like Terra was so adamant about, but the forces they could have been dealing with might well have made that wishful thinking.

He reminded himself that traipsing through the systems hadn't been a total waste. They'd discovered a small volus freighter who'd managed to run out of fuel and had been drifting for a week. Once the _Orisoni_ had transferred enough fuel over to get the volus ship back to the nearest depot, they'd carried on their way. So they had at least saved a few lives.

Kaidan's thoughts were constantly on his family. Terra had been through the reconstructive muscle surgery and skin replacement, and was now starting some gentle physiotherapy to get the muscles strengthened again. Michel had estimated that Terra needed another four weeks at least, before she was ready for the more intensive physio that would enable her to leave the hospital. He hoped like hell he'd be there for that. Kaidan could tell from the vid-calls that his restless wife was struggling with the inactivity, and he so desperately wanted to be with her.

A sound behind him had him quickly turning, ready to ward off an advancing Aethyta. She was certainly keeping him on his toes during the journey. However, this time it was only Liara, with Cortez not far behind.

"Kaidan-" Liara began, but was cut off by Javik storming in.

"That asari needs to be thrown out of the airlock," scowled Javik.

"Aethyta?" smiled Cortez, finding the matriarch and her roving eyes absolutely hilarious.

"She is far too inclined to invade my personal space," Javik snapped, his gaze then fixing on Liara. "The one who sired you is a menace."

"To you and Kaidan, unquestionably. Stop entertaining her."

The two men looked at each other in confusion.

"Kaidan, she enjoys making you flustered, and Javik, she is loving your angry confrontations."

"Liara's right," Cortez nodded. "She tried it with me, made a big thing about my eyes being a gorgeous blue, and I just returned the favour. She hasn't bothered me since. And I happen to know that our favourite matriarch even has a bet that she will have you slamming her up against the wall next time, Javik. She's looking forward to it," he grinned.

Javik growled. "She is formidable. If I strike out, she has won. If I do nothing, she has also won. A foe worthy of respect. There is only one solution: I will jump out of the airlock myself."

"Whoa! Javik!" choked out Kaidan. "That's a little extreme! And here I was thinking I had to worry about you and Edi!" He was saddened when he thought about Edi. She sat in the co-pilot's seat, constantly analysing everything that the _Orisoni_ picked up, and hadn't moved since coming aboard.

"I would rather have the company of the machine any day," Javik grumbled.

"Now there _is_ a revelation," said Liara, amusement tinging her words. "I could have a word with Aethyta. Explain your fragile state of mind caused by her… attention."

"No! You must never reveal a weakness to the enemy. I will find another way."

"Should I be worried?" Liara asked uncertainly.

"You wish to keep your parent alive?" Javik said with his version of understated incredulity. "Despite her tendency to irritate?"

"Yes, Javik. Yes, I do."

"I think she's great!" Cortez beamed.

Javik considered that with another growl. "Fine," he said finally.

"Thank you," breathed Liara, turning back to Kaidan. "Now to the reason I came. We are heading into orbit of a planet. Long-range scans have picked up a large amount of debris there."

"Debris?"

"Yes," Liara said solemnly. "If it is them, we will be able to tell from closer inspection."

"Right." As much as Kaidan wanted this journey to be over, he prayed it wasn't the _Normandy_.

-x-

Terra was going out of her mind. Despite the welcome visits from Bailey, Kolyat, James, Zabeleta, and even Matt who had taken a brief trip up to check on her, along with the promised visit from Jacob and Brynn, and the near-constant presence of Kaidan's mother, her mind persistently remained on the same two things: the lack of progress towards finding the _Normandy_ , and Kaidan's absence. And it was eating away at her.

She now hated this room with a passion. It was like a prison. It reminded her of the time she was locked away at Alliance Headquarters. Her damned injuries were keeping her here; keeping her from joining Kaidan.

Shepard discarded the latest datapad. It held nothing but good news but to her it was like looking through another window to a world she wasn't a part of. Everybody was getting on with it, rebuilding, searching for loved ones, and she was just stuck here. In here, everything was on hold. _Her_ search for her loved ones, the memorial for her mother and Anderson. Even the quarian admirals had said they would hold Tali's body in stasis until she was able to join them for the service.

On a less important note, to her at least, there was also the Council's ceremony at which they wanted to award their two human Spectres with the most prestigious medals of honour from each of their worlds. She almost groaned at the thought of it. Maybe being stuck in here was actually a blessing in disguise.

She sighed as she watched the sky-cars through her window shuttling to and fro in the distance. The quiet felt stifling. She'd insisted Lena take some time away from the hospital and had sent her off with Zabeleta to take a tour of the Citadel. Now she missed her mother-in-law's chatter. Terra wanted to hear more of the abundant and wonderful tales of Kaidan's childhood antics. As much as her body ached, her heart ached more. She missed him terribly.

Her omnitool pinged and she opened it eagerly, expecting a message from Kaidan, but instead finding a reply to an inquiry she'd sent a couple of days before. Her heartbeat kicked up a notch as she read it. Could this be what she hoped? There was only one way to know for sure. She had to go find out. She had to go back to Earth. A steely determination flooded into her bones, but she accepted that given her weakened state she couldn't do it alone, so she made a call.

x

James was enjoying his freedom and the use of his legs with a few shots of tequila and a game of poker. He was celebrating. He'd been released from Huerta almost two weeks ago, and today he'd found his uncle. He was going to head down to see him just as soon as the Major was back, feeling the need to keep a watch on Shepard while she was vulnerable. He was about to lay down his winning hand when his omnitool chimed. Seeing who it was, he sent it to his earpiece.

"Lola! Don't tell me. You want me to help bust you outta there!" James laughed.

" _Yep_."

James was stunned into silence.

" _Wow, James. Are you actually lost for words?_ "

"Are you shitting me!?" he finally blurted out.

" _No, James, I'm not. I need to look into something back on Earth_."

"But-"

" _No 'buts'. I'm leaving this hospital one way or another, and no one is going to stop me. I just need to know if you'll help me_."

"Hey, you know I'm there, Lola. Your husband's going to freak out when he finds out you've bailed, though _._ "

" _It's just a quick visit, that's all. I'll be back in no time_."

"Okay. Give me ten minutes _._ "

" _Thanks, James. Oh, and could you buy me some clothes? I'll send you some credits._ "

"Sure. You'll need some lingerie too, right?" grinned James.

" _Oh God._ " And she disconnected.

Having only heard one side of the conversation, the men sitting round the table were all smirking at him.

"You some bored housewife's 'bit on the side', Vega?" laughed one of the humans.

James nearly denied it, then couldn't help himself, and returned the smirk. "What can I say? All the pleasure but none of the pain."

"Except it sounded like you were running off with her," stated a turian.

"Yeah, and look at the potential for trouble when her old man finds out," warned another human.

"If he's risking that it just means she's super-hot, right, Vega?" grinned a batarian.

"Ah hah! You know it!" With that, James laid his cards down with a flourish.

"Lucky son of a bitch," grumbled a turian.

"Yes, I am. Thanks for all your hard-earned cash amigos. I'm outta here." With a huge grin on his face, he sauntered away.

-x-

Having finally eased her way to the edge of the bed, Terra gingerly rested her weight on her feet. She couldn't believe how weak she was. She had to lean back against the bed so she didn't collapse. When the door to her room opened, Terra was hoping it was James and not Lena, back already.

"Jack!" Terra said in surprise. "I'm so glad you came back," she added, sincerely.

Jack's face radiated guilt as she stared at her feet. "Shepard. I- I didn't mean those things I said to you before."

"I know, Jack. It's okay."

"Shit," Jack grimaced, looking at her. "Why do you have to be so damned nice about it? Can't you just shout at me? Give me a slap for being such a bitch?"

"That doesn't sound like me."

"Huh! No it doesn't. Big softy."

Terra smiled inwardly at the term Jack had once referred to her pet varren as… which Terra could see in the hallway beyond Jack with three very uneasy-looking guards keeping watch over it. She shook her head with a small smile. Only Jack would stroll through a hospital with a varren in tow. Her eyes swinging back to Jack, her heart went out to the young woman as she noticed the tears in Jack's eyes.

"They want me to go back to Grissom, Shepard. They want to get things back to normal as fast as possible for the kids. But how can I? I shouldn't be anywhere near them. I can't stand in front of them and face them knowing they think they're not safe. It's _my_ fault. _I_ was responsible for them. I _failed_ them."

"Is that what you think when you look at me, Jack?" Terra asked gently.

"What the hell are you talking about Shepard?" frowned Jack.

"I lost Tali on the battlefield. And no matter that I was being controlled, it was _my_ gun, in _my_ hand that fired the shot that killed Anderson... Then there was Mordin and Thane and Legion before that. On Virmire, I actually had to choose which one of those _I_ was responsible for, was going to die."

"You're just twisting things to try to make me feel better."

"You know I'm not, Jack."

"Fuck, Shepard." Jack quickly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand before the tears could fall from them. "How do you deal with it?" The question was more pleading than anything else.

"You remember them. And you live your life. Some days will be better than others, but you never forget, you just learn to live with it. That guilt you feel? Channel it into something positive. It should make you more determined. Stronger."

"That's how you got through it?"

"I'm still going through it. It's an ongoing battle. Never said it was easy. Helps to have people who care about you to remind you every once in a while, when the self-doubt takes hold, that you did everything you could for those who didn't make it, and that no-one could have cared for them more."

"I have people like those," whispered Jack, her eyes locked on Shepard's.

"Yes, you do," Terra smiled.

"Thanks, Shep," Jack said, gratefully. Taking a deep breath, her face lightened, that roguish glint in her eye returning. "Can't believe you're going to be a mommy, though."

Terra laughed. "Neither can I."

"Well, you've got the lectures down to a tee," grinned Jack.

"Huh! Thanks, Jack," Terra replied, dryly.

"So… it looks like I have a school to fix up. Unless you-"

"No way. I'm big enough to take of myself. Those kids need you."

"Yeah," Jack said softly.

There was anxiety there in Jack's face, but Terra knew she wouldn't let her kids down. "You can do this, Jack. I believe in you."

Jack blinked away fresh tears. "Speak to you soon, Shepard?"

"Count on it."

Jack quickly came over to hug Shepard, then left.

Feeling much happier, Terra picked up a datapad and typed out a message to Lena.

**Lena,**

**Please don't worry. There's something I have to do. I can't explain it now, but it's important. Lieutenant Vega is with me, so I'm not alone. I haven't told Kaidan because he'll only worry, and there's no need.**

It was also because she wanted to be away from here before he could send Bailey or someone else, to talk her out of it.

**I'm only a call away if you need anything at all, or have any concerns. I'll be back soon.**

**Love Terra.**

Next, she quickly messaged Zabeleta requesting he keep an eye on Kaidan's mother for her. He called her straight back.

" _What are you up to, Terror?_ "

"Just a little trip. Why do I have to be up to anything?"

" _Did you forget who you were talking to? I was there when you were growing up, kid. You were always getting yourself into trouble_."

"Zee, this may come as a shock but I'm all grown up now."

" _Uh huh. Still getting into trouble, though. Need I remind you that it wasn't so long ago that I had to pull you over that balcony when that nutty woman had it in for you_?"

"Well this time it's just a quick visit and I have Vega coming along."

" _The flirty one? Is that meant to make me feel better_?"

"You're turning into my dad."

 _"It's Admiral Hackett! So, I'll take that as a compliment."_ She listened to him sigh. _"Fine. Don't worry about your mother-in-law. Just be careful, kid_."

"Thanks, Zee."

" _Anything for you, Terror._ "

Disconnecting, she set the datapad she'd placed in her lap, down on the bed, and feeling more than a little guilty for leaving Lena with no real explanation, Terra turned to face the door as James made his entrance.

"I gotta tell you Lola, I'm going to get some serious dressing down from the Major for this," James said, as he handed her his purchases.

"I'm not forcing you, James. And don't pretend there's not a part of you that's loving this. Turn around," Terra prompted.

James hesitated, grinned, then turned. "Definitely loving this. Hope you like my choices."

Emptying the bag onto the bed, she scowled at the back of James' head. "Leopard-print barely-there underwear, James?"

"I thought you could get in touch with your sexy, animal side."

Terra burst out laughing, and threw her pillow at his head. "You're such a cad."

"Hey, I deny that whole-heartedly!"

With the only other choice of going without, she quickly put the underwear on, followed by the pair of leggings and shirt James had selected. She found her salvaged boots and slipped them onto her bare feet. Everything ached and she had a nasty suspicion that as soon as the medication wore off she'd really be feeling it, but she had a mission. The final thing left was a cap and she released her hair so it fell around her face and placed the hat on her head, tipping the peak a little lower to help hide her face. "Okay. Done."

James twirled around. "Hm Mm. I'd hardly recognize you, Lola."

"Good. Let's go."

"Hey. You sure about this?"

"I'm sure." She took the pillow that James had picked up from the floor and put it back on the bed, placing the datapad on top where it was sure to be noticed. However, her first step was far from successful, and James only just caught her before she fell flat on her face.

"Shepard, come on. You can't do this," he said softly while he righted her.

"James. Please. I _have_ to do this."

James looked at her for a moment. "Alright, but we're going to have to get cosy if you're going to walk out of this room without me carrying you." He slung his arm around her waist and she braced her arm across his back so she was fully supported. The next steps were easier for her now her whole weight wasn't on them. "I think we're good to go, Lola."

To get past the guards was fairly easy since their only focus was on those entering rather than leaving, but it wasn't long before James noticed the perspiration on her face. He got her quickly to a cab, wondering if he should be the sensible one here. Then he decided that Shepard never did anything without a good reason, and drove them to the dock.

x

The crew of the _Normandy_ were on their last rations, and had begun to gather the natural food their environment offered. Chakwas had tested it for anything that could harm them, and had only had to rule out two types of the fruits and nuts they'd found. Unfortunately, nothing was suitable for Garrus. He'd started halving his food intake already, but it was taking its toll. Chakwas had decided to try to synthesise something, but it was a slow process and Hackett knew she was extremely worried about him.

Garrus was now up in the cockpit with him and Joker, about to try out the external comms. They'd been completely trashed in the crash, and their 'fix' was rudimentary at best.

"Here goes nothing." Joker tried to activate the comm.

They all groaned as the error screen came up. They'd tried everything.

"It has to be something in the programming that's out," Hackett stated. "With what we've done, we should have _something_ getting out, even if it can't get as far as the outer atmosphere."

Garrus tried to ignore the sudden tunnel vision he was getting. "I'll get Adams to…" Everything went fuzzy and he felt disconnected from his surroundings.

"Garrus?" Joker said, in concern.

"I don't… feel so-" He fell to the ground, unconscious, at Hackett's feet.

"Doctor!" Hackett shouted into his comm as he bent to Garrus. "To the cockpit! Garrus is down!"

" _On my way_."

x

There had been a resounding relief from Kaidan and the rest of the displaced crew of the ship they were looking for. They'd found the black-box amongst the floating debris. It wasn't the _Normandy_. What they did have, however, was another rescue mission. The data from the black-box of what they now knew was the turian ship _'Aephus'_ , had indicated that the life pods had been dispatched prior to the ship's destruction. There was a chance that there were survivors on the nearby planet. They couldn't in good conscience ignore it, so they had suited up and taken a shuttle down. Passing through the atmosphere they'd picked up the pods signals which had been blocked by the stormy atmospheric conditions, and began the rescue operation. They'd pulled five surviving turians off that planet, who were now being looked after.

Cortez joined Kaidan at the Mess table. Behind them, Aethyta approached Liara who was in the kitchen area.

"We've got a problem, Major. With our unexpected turian guests we're going through our dextro food supplies fast."

"There is also another problem," Liara said as she and Aethyta moved to them. She let Aethyta break the news.

"That fuelling station we needed? It's gone. And we're close to the half-way point in terms of our fuel. We could head for the next station…"

"But if that one's gone too we won't be able to make it back," Kaidan finished, understanding the problem.

"You got it, babe."

They had been relying on this fuelling station. The last one had been damaged and though they had emptied the last of its supplies the ship was far from at its fuel capacity, which meant going back wasn't an option either.

"We can't risk it," decided Kaidan. "We head back to the Citadel. Re-fuel, re-stock, then go straight to the next system to carry on the search."

"He's so damn sexy when he takes charge," Aethyta smirked at Liara.

Kaidan felt the heat bloom in his face even as he fought against it, and he silently cursed the matriarch. "Uh… Sorry Aethyta. Habit. It's your ship, your choice, of course."

"Don't apologize, babe. Had me all turned on. And I agree. I'll have the ship return to the Citadel. That hot girl of yours will be happy to see you. I know _I_ would," she grinned. Then she spun on her heel and headed off to the cockpit.

"Shepard will be disappointed," Liara said, almost to herself.

"She'll understand," said Cortez. "There's no point in risking more lives. Not for the sake of a few hours delay. We won't be wasting any time getting right back out here."

Kaidan knew he was right. "I'll call her. First, I need to explain our decision to Edi."

x

Terra's body was trembling from the strain she was placing on it, and she could feel that her skin was clammy. James' face was nothing but serious now as he helped her along, but he said nothing.

The bay was crowded. Despite the state of Earth, there was no shortage of people wanting to go back.

"I don't think we're getting on this flight, Lola. Or the next."

"Wrong." She made her way awkwardly to the guarded airlock.

Immediately, the C-Sec officer who was standing with the docking clerk, raised his hand. "Sorry, Ma'am, but if you're looking to get added to the passenger list, we're at capacity. The next available flight is in five hours."

After the amount of waiting she'd done already, Terra wasn't prepared to wait a second longer than she had to. "Then you'll need to make room. Spectre authority."

"Spec-?" He peered closer at her, realized who she was and immediately snapped out a salute. "Comm-"

This time it was Terra who quickly raised her hand to stop him. "I'd like to fly under the radar, Officer."

"Oh! Of course, Ma'am! It's an honour! Really, it is!"

"Well, thank you," she responded, uncomfortably. "So, you can get us on?"

"Yes! Absolutely!" He nudged the clerk who had been staring at her, open-mouthed and star-struck.

"Oh, uh..." The dock clerk frantically checked through his lists. "We've got a couple of dignitaries assigned to first class who haven't turned up yet. I'll dump them to the next flight, blag a computer error."

"All right! Nice!" approved James.

The officer grinned back. "Anything for Comman-"

"Ah ah! Anonymity?" Shepard said quickly.

"Right. Right. Sorry. Go ahead and board, Ma'am." He saluted again.

Terra swiftly headed in, desperate to sit down and ease her aching body.

"Man, that was sweet!" James said energetically. "I think I'll start taking you everywhere! Jumping the queue and first-class travel!"

"I'm not about to make a habit of it, James. It was a gross mis-use of my power."

"What are you talking about? What's the point of having it if you can't get any benefit?"

"It's not supposed to be for _my_ benefit. Though to be fair, this trip _is_ for someone else. Two people actually."

The attendant came to present them with a glass of champagne.

"Well, there you go then. Conscience eased. Now we can sit back, relax and enjoy the champagne," James grinned happily as he took a glass.

"No champagne." Shepard removed it from his hand before he could put it to his lips.

"What!? Why? _I'm_ not pregnant!" he protested.

"Medication, James. I'm quite sure you're still on some."

"Oh. Shit," he said quietly.

Terra looked at him in suspicion. "You've already been drinking, haven't you?"

"Um… maybe one. Two... Or more."

"Or more what?"

"Shots."

"James," she sighed. "Now I've got to keep a close eye on you in case you have some kind of adverse reaction. You're such a pain in the ass."

"Me!? I was enjoying a game with the guys before you called."

"Then I probably just saved your ass from ending up on the floor of some club in some medication and alcohol-induced coma."

"Aah, I'd have been fine," James brushed it off. "It's just something the docs say to make sure you don't get flat-out drunk and do yourself more damage."

Terra rolled her eyes.

"Young love," came a voice across the aisle.

They both turned to look at the elderly woman who was smiling at them.

"I couldn't help over-hearing your conversation. You two remind me of me and my husband, God rest his soul. He was a bit of a handful, too!"

"Uh, we're not married," smiled back Terra.

"Oh," frowned the woman, looking at the ring on Terra's finger. "Then you should be ashamed. Cheating on your husband. Do you even know who the father is?"

Lost for words, Terra stared back at the older woman who had suddenly changed into a fearsome sight, while James was in fits beside her. "He's not-"

"I don't want to hear your excuses, you adulterer!" With a disgusted look, the elderly woman moved seats.

James was laughing loudly now, and Terra elbowed him in the ribs, which just had him laughing harder.

"Why didn't you tell her!?"

"Tell her what, _honey_?"

"Hi there!" came the overly cheery attendant. "Can I get you anything?"

"No," came their replies. One grumpy, one ecstatic.

"Okay, then." The smile stayed in place. "Let me know if you change your mind."

Once the attendant had moved away, James turned to Shepard with a big happy sigh. "So what's this all about, Lola?"

x

Hackett stood watching Chakwas hurriedly inserting a tube down Garrus' throat. Her face told him just how dire the turian's state was. Then she was attaching something to the end of the tubing, containing some sort of pasty substance. "What is that?"

"I want it to be a nutritional supplement. A food substitute. Unfortunately, it's far from what it needs to be. But if he doesn't get something, _anything_ , he's going to die in hours. So it's all I've got to offer him. Damn it, Steven, we need to get off this planet."

"We're doing what we can, Karin."

"But it's not enough, is it? Not for Garrus. He's not going to survive this."

"But your substitute-"

"Will run out as soon as my supplies go. Everything I used to create it was what we brought with us. I've been checking everything you've foraged. Even the fruits we can't eat are no use to turian physiology. I can't extract a single useful thing from any of it. He's going to die, Steven, and it's heart-breaking." She placed a hand over her mouth.

Hackett placed his hand on her shoulder.

"It's too much, Steven. After everything… Losing Garrus is too much."

"Do what you can to keep him alive. Keep him comfortable. We haven't given up on our communications. We just need more time."

"It's running out for him."

Hackett nodded in understanding, then called Adams to the AI Core.

x

Kaidan was looking forward to getting back in, even if it was for a short while. The call connected and Terra's face filled the screen.

" _Hey handsome. Any sign of them_?"

"Hey, beautiful. Not yet." It was now their standard mantra when they greeted each other. Before he started to explain that they were returning, he noticed the strain on her face. "What's wrong?"

" _Nothing! I've just been pushing myself a little too hard, that's all_."

He looked at her. None of that surprised him. If someone told her it would take a set amount of time to recuperate, Terra Shepard would see it as a challenge and half it. "Take it easy, Terra."

" _I'm resting as we speak_."

"Good." He could hear a lot of chatter in the background. "Where are you?" he frowned.

She sucked her lips in, her eyes lowering.

"Terra," Kaidan intoned. "You're not at the hospital, are you?"

" _I'm on my way to Earth_."

"What!?" His heart had almost stopped at hearing that.

" _Look, there's something really important I need to do_."

"More important than healing?"

" _Don't be such a drama queen. I'm still healing_!"

" _I like that!_ James laughed, off-screen. “ _Drama queen_ _!_ "

"Is that Vega?"

" _Yes. I know my limitations. I brought a chaperone_."

"Well, that's something at least. Terra, I don't like this."

" _I know, and I'm sorry, but you need to trust me. I didn't do this so I could worry you unnecessarily_."

"Of that I have no doubt. So what _are_ you doing?"

She winced. " _I don't want to say yet_."

"That's…intriguing," he said diplomatically. "Why?"

" _Because it might come to nothing_."

"Terra, I'm really confused right now."

" _Kaidan, I'm really sorry_."

He looked back at her lovely face. "Okay. I do trust you, so…okay."

" _Don't do it,_ _Loco_!" called out James. _"She took me hostage so I can be her sex slave! You should see the underwear she has on! OW_!" That was accompanied by the sound of a slap.

Kaidan sighed. "I'm going to be completely grey within months, aren't I?"

The corner of Terra's mouth curved, and it lifted him instantly. " _You can't say you didn't know what you were signing up for, Mr Alenko_."

"Hh! No, I certainly can't say that, Mrs Alenko."

" _Mush alert!"_ chipped in James _. "Everyone to the emergency exits!"_ There was another slap. _"OW! Will you quit doing that_!?"

" _Then stop speaking, James,_ " gritted out Terra.

" _Man! Medication does_ **not** _make you happy,_ " grumbled James.

Looking at her, Kaidan had the impression that she was no longer under the benefit of meds. "You're in pain."

" _A little. Nothing I can't handle_."

That meant she was in a lot of pain. "And it's really worth all this?"

" _Yes_ ," she said with certainty.

Kaidan just nodded slowly. "Well, the reason I called was to tell you that we were on our way back."

Her eyes widened, her face fearful. " _You're ending the search_ _!?_ "

"Absolutely not," he said quickly. "But we found survivors from a turian freighter, and our next stop to refuel is no longer there. So, now we're in need of re-stocking and re-fuelling."

Her forehead remained creased even as she nodded. " _I get it. How soon will you be back_?"

"About six hours."

" _Then I'll try to be back on the Citadel by then_."

"With a full explanation, I hope."

" _You'll have it_."

"Take care, Terra. Please."

" _I promise."_ She suddenly smiled, radiantly. _"I've got a little something for you. Sending it to you now. I'll see you soon_."

"Yes, you will," he smiled. "Love you."

" _Love you too_."

The file Terra had sent was labelled: **Even though it's driving me crazy, I didn't ask the gender! xx** Opening the file with a laugh, his breath was taken away and he was overcome with emotion as he watched the recording of their child. So much had changed in the time he'd been gone. That tiny blob had changed into a miniature baby. He could see the individual fingers, the toes, the facial features, and it amazed Kaidan that he or she was only a couple of inches in size. He missed Terra even more.

"That is… astounding," came Edi's voice from behind him.

He turned to see Edi staring at the picture on his omnitool, and offered her a better view.

"The embryo looks fully human now," she observed. "Organic life is truly miraculous."

"So is synthetic, Edi. The way you've changed and learned. Feel."

"I cannot…feel as organics do."

"You miss Joker?"

"Yes. I do. Immeasurably."

"Because you _feel_ , Edi. You can't miss someone you have no feelings for."

"But I am synthetic. How is that possible?"

"That's a question for someone much smarter than me. But does it matter how?"

"No. Thank you. Excuse me. I have much to consider."

Kaidan watched Edi walk away, then he returned to the view on his omnitool. Given what this baby's mother had gone through since conceiving, this particular tiny life was even more of a miracle.

-x-

-x-

They walked, or in Terra's case, lumbered, along the corridor of the hospital. She’d been determined to make her own way, but quickly had to return to holding onto James' arm in order to stay upright, the pain now constantly reminding her of her stupidity with every step. She concentrated on their surroundings. The hospital was in a sorry state but the staff bustled about like it was ordinary.

"As you can see we're pretty much cut off here. We've had a massive power failure for weeks, and the generators are only capable of sustaining half the power we usually need," explained the doctor. "We don't have enough to re-route to communication networks. We had no idea of what you and Major Alenko did until the Alliance reps came to us for our patient and deceased lists. Thank you, Commander."

"Just doing my job, doctor," Terra waved it away, awkwardly. "How much longer will you have to cope like this?"

"We've been assured we're next. Even with hospitals being prioritised, it's still an extensive list, and we faired better than most. Just in here, Commander," gestured the doctor, leading them into a communal room, and he pointed to one inhabitant standing over at the window looking out.

"What happened to him?" she asked the doctor, quietly.

"Severe head injury caused when the shuttle he was in, crashed. That damage has been dealt with successfully, and he's fully in control of all his faculties, but the trauma caused his amnesia."

"You couldn't identity him?" queried James.

"No. Opportunists had raided the shuttle he was found in. Took everything. Emptied pockets, took any jewellery, including tags and omnitools. Disgusting behaviour."

"People get desperate. Do stupid things," reasoned James.

"Doesn't make it okay, Lieutenant," frowned the doctor.

"I hear you."

"What's the prognosis on his amnesia?" Terra wondered. Even if this was who she was looking for, it was little comfort if he had no memory.

"I think there's a good chance he could have full recollection over time, _if_ we can find the trigger. It only takes one thing. Normally, a close family member, or even his own name. But with no way to know who he is, we couldn't even offer him that."

Terra looked at the back of the older man who was still fixed on the view from the window. "May I?" she asked the doctor.

"Go ahead, Commander."

Letting go of James, she made herself walk forward under her own steam, her heart thundering madly in her chest. What was the next moment going to bring? Disappointment or something better? "Sir?" she said tentatively.

The older man turned to her, and Terra sucked in her breath. There was no mistaking this man. He was an older version of the man she loved. Kaidan's father.

She'd been watching the news reports a couple of days before, about the strain on the hospitals. At one point the camera had stopped on a woman who was declared as a 'Jane Doe'. It had made Terra wonder about Kaidan's father. He had yet to be found, and he wasn't on any deceased lists, and so she'd put out a request for information on any 'John Doe's' in the vicinity of where he went missing.

Her eyes filled with tears, which she blamed on hormones, and the man in front of her looked concerned.

"Are you alright, Miss?"

Terra swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded.

A realization and hope bloomed in his face. "You know me?"

"We've never met, Sir." At the fall in his face, she quickly added, "But I know your wife and son."

He stared back at her, waiting for more.

"You're Alex Alenko."

This time, _he_ sucked in a breath – of recognition. Then he put his hands to his mouth, his eyes going distant like he was remembering.

"Your wife is Lena. And your son is-"

"Kaidan," he finished, tears falling down his face as he smiled back at her.

"Yes!" grinned Terra.

"I remember. I remember!" He clutched her forearms. "They're not here?"

"No. I'm sorry. I didn't know if you… well, would be _you_ , so I didn't tell them. I didn't want to get their hopes up. But they're on the Citadel. Or will be shortly."

Alex Alenko looked over at the doctor. "Can I go?"

"Whenever you like, Mr Alenko," nodded the doctor with a smile. "Physically, you're fit. We just had a duty of care to you until you had some kind of recollection. Somewhere to go. Someone to go to."

"I'll get us straight on the next flight," assured Terra.

"Thank you," said Alex, catching her hands, his own trembling. "Thank you. You have no idea what it's like not to know who you are, not to remember anything."

"There'll still be things you can't recall," warned the doctor. "But in time, I'm certain you'll have it all back."

"Then let's get you back to your family, Sir," Terra prompted.

"Please. Call me Alex."

"Okay. I'm Terra," she smiled.

He blinked. "Shepard!" He tipped her cap slightly so he could see her face. "Kaidan's spoken of you! You're special to him."

She knew she was beaming back at the thought of Kaidan. "He's special to me, too."

Alex smiled as he looked at her fondly, then he became aware of the rings on her finger that rested under his, and looked between her and the rings with a question on his face.

"Ah. There's a lot to tell you. I'll talk as we walk."

-x-

At the docks, Terra was experiencing another wave of guilt at using her Spectre status to get them on the flight back. James was finishing a call to his uncle, the happiness on his face making her smile. When he disconnected, Terra faced him. "You found your uncle."

"Sure did. I'm gonna head back this way as soon as Loco returns."

"No you're not, James."

His face fell. "No?"

"No. Because you're not leaving Earth with us. Go and see him. Now."

"Yeah!?" He then frowned. "Lola. I can't leave you-"

"Kaidan will be there by the time we get back."

"But there's still the trip-"

"James. Don't make me order you. The doc gave me more medication. I'm feeling okay. I can make it from the docking bay, I'm sure."

"I'll look after her," assured Kaidan's father. "I may look old, but I'm no lightweight. She'll be safe," he said.

"Am I even here," checked Terra, teasingly. "Has everyone forgotten I'm _Commander Shepard_? N7? Spectre?"

"You mean the Shepard who got zapped by a Reaper?" added James. "Yeah, that ain't something I'm gonna forget anytime soon, Lola. You sure about this?"

"Definitely. Go."

James grinned back at her. "Okay then! Hey, maybe I can bring my Uncle up to the Citadel! I know he'd like to meet my famous CO."

"You do that, James. Though, tell me he's nothing like you."

"Oh ho! You have no idea!"

"Oh God," she murmured.

James saluted her, then kissed her cheek before dashing off with a 'Later, Lola!"

Alex gave her a look. "I have a feeling that your commanding style's rather unique."

She shrugged. "They're my family."

He liked that. Alex already knew this woman was special not only from the astounding feats he'd remembered hearing about on the old news vids, but also from the fact she'd won his son's heart. Yet he now saw that the Commander wasn't a superior officer separated from her subordinates, but a friend to them too. From what he'd just seen and heard, it was a winning combination.

Alex offered her his arm and she clutched it gladly as they walked, and limped, into the ship.

-x-

-x-

Kaidan entered the apartment, calling for Terra. Only his mother answered back, and he joined her in the kitchen.

"Kaidan! I'm so glad you're back, darling." She hugged her son.

"It's good to be back. Though it's only for a short while," he warned her. "Terra back yet?"

"No! She said not to worry, but she's not supposed to leave the hospital!"

"Just be glad she stayed as long as she did. I'll chase her up-"

"No need." Terra stood there – or rather, leaned – against the back of the counter. "You're home," she smiled.

"So are you," Kaidan returned the smile, walking quickly towards her, noting the dark circles under her eyes and her pallid skin. "Will you please tell me what was so important you put yourself through this?"

Before he got to her, she side-stepped to allow a man to move up beside her. Kaidan stopped in shock.

"Alex!" cried out his mother from behind him, and she ran past Kaidan and into the arms of his father. His father! He couldn't believe it. He met Terra's eyes. "Thank you," he whispered. She closed the gap between them, nearly falling into his arms, and he held onto her tightly as he hugged her to him. "How do you do these things?" he wondered under his breath. Then Kaidan pulled his head back so he could look at her beautiful face, the bruises now starting to fade, and he kissed his amazing wife.

Terra nearly cried at having Kaidan here. That voice in her ear, those whisky eyes, that masculine scent, and those wonderful arms that instantly made her feel loved as they wrapped around her. "It's about time I could do something for you. I didn't want to tell you in case it wasn't him. Forgive me for running out on you?"

"There's nothing to forgive you crazy woman."

She smiled. "I missed you so much." She let go of him and jerked her head to his father. "But don't keep your dad waiting."

Kaidan released her reluctantly, making sure she was steady before heading over to where his mother was fussing over the scar across his father's forehead.

Terra watched father and son embracing, the sight of them together creating a warmth inside her that overrode her physical discomfort. The three of them were united again. But then she felt a terrible ache in her chest. She wanted her mother who was never coming back. She wanted her father, but didn't know if he'd ever be coming back, either. She moved across to the lounge area and rested against the arm of the sofa as it all weighed down on her.

"A lot's happened since I've been out of it! Spectre! Married!" exclaimed Alex to his son.

"Hh! It's been a rollercoaster of a time, but the highs have been the best of my life."

"That's some wife you've got yourself, son," Alex beamed at Kaidan.

"You don't need to tell me, dad."

"It's about time you gave me a daughter-in-law."

"Not to mention a grandchild," Lena smiled at them both.

"Grandchild!?"

"Terra didn't tell you, darling? She's pregnant!"

"No. But something tells me she was probably saving that news for you or Kaidan to spill."

Kaidan smiled, pleased that his father had already gotten the measure of Terra.

"A grandchild. I'm way too young, but… I can do that. Be a grandpa."

The three of them turned to see Terra, her mind elsewhere, and a sadness radiating from her. Kaidan went to her.

"Terra?" He ran his hand along her cheek.

She blinked out of her thoughts and tried to plaster the smile on her face, but she knew she hadn't pulled it off. "When do you have to leave again?"

"Leave?" frowned Alex.

"Sorry, dad," Kaidan half-turned. "But the Normandy and her crew are missing, along with Terra's father, Admiral Hackett. We're trying to locate them, but searching systems is a slow business."

"Did you say Admiral Hackett!?"

"Uh huh."

"Close your mouth, darling," Lena said to Kaidan's father.

Kaidan focused on Terra again. "We'll be ready to go again in four hours."

"I'm coming with you."

"Ter-"

"Kaidan, I need to find my father. And Garrus, and Joker, and the rest of my family I left on that ship."

"Terra, you need to rest."

"I can't, Kaidan. They're out there. And they'll have run out of food. I've had plenty of time to work it out. Even on minimum rations, with the amount we had stocked, they'll be struggling now. I can't stay here and do nothing. Not anymore."

"You need medical treatment."

"Pain meds, that's all."

"Let me talk to Dr Michel."

"Fine. But I _am_ going, regardless of what she says."

"I think you should," agreed Alex.

"Alex!" admonished Lena.

"I know _I_ wouldn't be able to stay, knowing it was one of _you_ out there," Kaidan's father continued addressing him. "She made it to Earth and back in one piece, and you'll only be on a ship this time. I assume it has a doctor on board."

"Of course, but-"

"But nothing. Stop trying to wrap her in cotton wool, Kaidan. She's recovering from injuries, that's all-"

"And she's pregnant."

"You think she'd risk the baby?"

"No! Of course not!"

"So what's the issue?"

Kaidan deflated, unable to answer his father's logic. He _was_ over-protecting her.

Terra turned Kaidan to her, giving him a loving look. "I know you've lost me before, but nothing's going to happen to me by going with you. I can rest just as easily on a ship as I can in a hospital, and I'll have _you_."

"Yes, you will." Despite his natural concern, there was a large part of him that was very happy about her joining them. The continuing journey was no longer something he was dreading.

-x-

-x-

Kaidan signed off from his call with his parents. They had been making use of the apartment for the past two weeks and it sounded like they were enjoying their time together. His mother was spending most of it filling the blanks his father still had in his memory. He went to the kitchen to start brewing water for a hot drink, getting out two mugs. Terra was sure to join him once she'd finished the call from the Council. He smiled to himself, sure he'd caught Terra's scent-

"Back off, Aethyta," came Terra's voice in a light warning.

Kaidan spun to see Aethyta's hand frozen in place, just inches from where his backside had been. Then Terra materialized, her hand clenched firmly around Aethyta's wrist.

"Oh, you are good, honey" smirked Aethyta, clearly impressed. "I thought I could sense anyone. And you can't blame a girl for wanting to touch an ass like that."

"Want all you like. But that ass is mine." Terra grinned and let go of Aethyta who burst into laughter.

"I really like you!" She was still laughing as she walked out of the Mess.

"Not that I'm questioning your claim or anything, but… 'That ass is mine?'" Kaidan quirked his brows at her.

Terra looked at him, deadpan. "I was defending your honour, Major. I hope you're not second-guessing the way in which I did it, or next time you'll be on your own."

"I bow down before your greatness, Commander."

"Hm, as long as you take your time working your way back up again, that sounds good." She gave him a hot look as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Getting your libido back?"

"Who said it ever left? Celibacy was imposed upon me by a man who refused to touch me for fear of breaking me."

"Damn. What _was_ he thinking?" He ran his hands up her sides.

"I don't know, but he'd better make it up to me soon."

He made a strained sound in his throat. "After you've had the medical all-clear."

She let her forehead fall to his shoulder. "You're killing me."

"I'm…" he was going to say 'protecting you', but after that talk from his father he couldn't say it. The fact was she was still in pain since she started refusing to take the meds once she was at a stage she deemed it bearable to go without them, hating to be dependent on the drugs to get her through each day. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me?" she said in disbelief. "Do you have any idea how much I want to take you down to those sparring mats in the cargo bay and bring you to your knees right now?" Though she knew she was far from capable of it.

"On my knees? Trust me, I'm already there," he grumbled. "This is hard for me too. You're too much temptation."

"Then stop resisting," she whispered into his ear.

Kaidan did. Couldn't do anything else. He pulled her tightly against him, his mouth invading hers-

Then two chatting asari crew members walked through the Mess, throwing them knowing smiles as they passed.

"Shit. Forgot where we were," Terra hushed out as she reluctantly pulled away. "That's how crazy you've made me. And you call _me_ evil," Terra pretended to glare at him.

Kaidan exhaled loudly. "I've received my comeuppance, believe me." He awkwardly adjusted his trousers, making Terra laugh. To give himself something else to think about, he finished making their drinks, which he carried over to the table.

"Your parents okay?" Terra asked, coming up behind him as he sat, and placing her hands on his shoulders to massage the muscles there.

"Yeah, they're great," he mumbled, enjoying her touch and letting his head fall back against the small swell of her stomach. "What did the Council want?"

"To notify us that they've taken the decision to start returning the Citadel back to its proper place. Their engineers think they understand how it all works. The Citadel ports will close in two days time, and then the station will be on the move. It will take less than a day. Then it will be business as usual. Think your parents will want to leave before then?"

"Not sure. They went back to Earth a few days ago to check out their home. It's mostly intact, but they'll need to rebuild what isn't before they can move back there. They've already got work under way, but it will take another couple of weeks at least. I'll give them a heads up about the Citadel move."

"I've already told Aethyta. Her pilot will need to take it into consideration regarding fuel."

He caught her hands and pulled her around him. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I need to pee every five minutes. It's irritating."

Terra settled in his lap and he wrapped his arms around her as he chuckled. "If that's the worst of it, then it sounds like there's little for me to worry about."

"I'm sure you'll find something," she teased him.

He rested his forehead against hers. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too."

"Probably safer for Dr Michel and the Huerta staff. Much longer and you'd have been biting heads off."

"Literally," she agreed, straight-faced.

"Now, how are you really feeling?" he pressed.

Terra sighed out before answering. "Scared. Their food's gone, Kaidan. Every second that passes that we don't find them, is another second they could be dying. Starving." Her eyes dropped to his chest. "But then I've just assumed they were there to save in the first place, haven't I? They could have been destroyed in that energy field. I'm probably wasting all of our time out here. You could be spending time with your parents."

Kaidan gently lifted her chin up to make her look at him. He would offer her comfort, but not false hope. "This isn't a waste. Even if there's no-one to save, we'll still find something of them. You'll have answers."

"Yeah." She sank into his embrace.

Kaidan knew one thing for certain: this search needed to end soon. It was torturing Terra.

Liara sauntered in, in deep conversation with Javik. Terra sat back up and moved over to the chair next to Kaidan, clasping her mug in two hands and taking a sip as she watched the two converse. Finally, they finished and as Liara headed to grab something from the kitchen, Javik turned to leave, offering them both an acknowledgment before exiting.

"So... Javik, huh? Is he taking you up on your suggestion?" Terra asked Liara as her asari friend gathered a plate of food.

"Yes, he is. I have to admit I was a little surprised. But I am looking forward to it."

"Uh huh. And can I ask what that suggestion was?"

Liara smiled. "Javik mentioned that you would probably ask. He bid me not to tell you. Said it would 'confound' you."

"Just try it, T'Soni."

Liara gave a small laugh. "Luckily for you, I have no intention of it. We are going to write a book together. I was thinking of titling it: 'Journeys with the Prothean'."

"Oh! Okay… then that's… good."

"I think it is appropriate that the first chapter will be the search for the vessel that brought us together. But I will tell you more about that later. I have to go. I am expecting an update from one of my agents."

"Catch you later, Liara." Terra looked at Kaidan. "A book."

"Disappointed it wasn't something more scandalous?"

"From Liara?"

"Point taken."

"But still… yes, very disappointed," she frowned. "She needs more adventure in her life."

Kaidan laughed. "Isn't hanging around with _you_ adventure enough for anyone?"

"You know what I mean. In her personal life."

"Stop worrying about Liara." He brushed her hair back from her face. "You heard her: 'Journeys with the Prothean'. Sounds to me like she's planning her adventure."

Aethyta walked in with Edi, laughing hard. "Your Edi is a riot!" she chuckled in their direction.

Terra grinned back at them, then frowned as she noticed that Edi's demeanour had suddenly changed to an extremely serious one. "Edi?"

Edi suddenly snapped her head in Terra's direction. "Shepard! I have a connection to the Normandy!"

"Aethyta!" Terra said as she and Kaidan launched to their feet.

"I'm on it, babe." Aethyta turned away to call her pilot.

"Edi. Talk to me," demanded Terra, her heart-rate elevating.

"All crew is accounted for."

"Thank God."

"However, Garrus' life signs are very weak."

"No…" Terra wasn't sure she could handle losing Garrus, too.

Aethyta returned to them. "Ship's scanners have picked them up but their communications must be down. We can't get a link to them."

"Confirmed," said Edi. "There is damage within the communication system. I can re-route."

"Good. Let's get that shuttle ready," Kaidan prompted, Terra's fingers entwining with his for moral support as they headed down to the cargo bay.

**-x-**


	87. Finding the Lost and a Threat

" _Jeff_."

"Hey, Edi," Joker sighed as he slouched in his seat, in the cockpit of a ship that wasn't going anywhere.

" _Are you well_ , _Jeff_?"

"Not really. Garrus isn't looking so good, and I'm hearing _you_ , so… I guess I've finally cracked. Chakwas was probably right. Should have gotten out more." He ran his hands over his face.

" _Your mind is sound, Jeff. Our ship is in an orbiting position above you now_."

Joker paused. "Who's we?"

" _Shepard_ -"

"Now I _know_ you're a figment of my imagination," he interrupted, with a frown. "Shepard's gone. Stupid mind," he grumbled to himself. "What, forgot that little detail in your bid to loosen your screws?" He tapped his forehead with his finger.

" _I am real, Jeff. Shepard is alive. We are en-route to you in a shuttle with Major Alenko, Liara, Javik and Lieutenant Cortez_."

Joker sat up a little straighter and clicked on his screens. The blip in his radar had him almost jumping out of his seat. "Edi! It's really you!"

" _Yes, Jeff_."

"And Shepard's okay!? Can I talk to her!?"

" _The Normandy's external communications are currently inoperable. I am re-routing around the damage._ "

"Right. Inoperable. I knew that. And I can talk to _you_ because you're a part of the ship again!"

" _That is correct. I estimate communications will be functional in under one minute. We will be with you in less than three._ "

Joker hit the internal comm so hard he probably fractured his finger, but he didn't care. "Admiral! We've got our rescue! It's Edi! And Shepard!"

There was a long pause, before Hackett answered. " _You'd better not be messing with me, Lieutenant_ ," came his gruff warning.

"Hey, even _I_ wouldn't joke about something like this! Trust me, I was just as sceptical with _myself_. It's them!"

" _I'm coming up_."

x

"Communication channel has been established, Shepard," informed Edi. "Linking it to your comm."

"Joker, do you copy?" Terra blurted out.

" _Yes! Shepard! Holy shit! We thought you were_ -"

" _Terra_!?" Hackett's voice interrupted.

She was so elated, it took her precious seconds to answer him. "Dad! It's so good to hear your voice! Tell me you're okay!"

" _I'm… I'm-_ " was all he could rasp.

" _He's overwhelmed_ ," added Joker on his behalf.

Terra laughed, a little hysterically. "I know how you feel. We're closing in."

" _Don't disconnect. Please_ ," her father pleaded. _"Keep talking to me_."

"I'm not going anywhere," she promised.

x

Hackett had Joker transfer the link to his personal comm-line, then he hurried to the airlock, Joker close behind him, along with the rest of the crew who had quickly received the news, with the exception of Garrus and Chakwas, who didn't dare leave Garrus' side for fear his heart would give out when she was absent.

" _We can see the Normandy. She's in bad shape_."

"Could have been a lot worse. You were right. She protected us. Any other ship would have been torn apart in the impact." Hackett could hear them now and they searched the sky. He wasn't quite sure he could believe it was really her until he saw her.

"There!" pointed Joker.

" _Of course I was right. I'm always right. You're only just realizing that, dad_?" Terra jibed.

It didn't take long before the shuttle was descending, using the path the crashing ship had created, to land.

" _You better have a warm welcome for me, because I've missed you_."

"You'll have it, sweetheart."

Hackett was running, his eyes fixed on the shuttle hatch. Then it was opening and Kaidan jumped out, turning to help- "Terra!" It was his beautiful little girl, and everything blurred as the tears gathered in his eyes. He quickly wiped them away so he could take a good look at her. She had the shadows of bruising over her face, and she held herself with a tenseness that indicated she was far from well. Kaidan's attentiveness as he carefully lowered her to the ground, confirmed it. Yet she was here. His daughter was alive. Again. It defied belief. He could have laughed to himself. Defying belief was something she seemed to specialize in. Then he was there, and she was in his arms. "I thought you were gone."

"Couldn't leave you all alone, could I? Someone's got to take care of you in your old age. I take my eye off you for a second and you're crashing my favourite ship and running out of food," she teased.

Liara dashed past them all and into the ship with the supplies for Garrus. Though Terra wanted to follow, she knew she would only get in the way, so she forced herself to stay in place, her concern for Garrus creating a band of aching tension across her forehead.

"Edi said Garrus' life signs were weak," Kaidan said.

Hackett nodded, Terra still held close. "We were lucky. The jungle here offered us what we needed when our rations ran out, but none of it was any good for Garrus. Chakwas has done an outstanding job of keeping him alive this long." He looked at Terra, still a little stunned she was here. "I heard you die," his voice grated out.

"She did," murmured Kaidan, frowning at the memory. "Her implants failed."

"Then how…?"

"Chakwas told me once that they were healing me, even as they worked to keep me alive. And they did. I didn't need them anymore - not that we knew that at the time. Kaidan resuscitated me and here I am."

Hackett looked at Kaidan and offered his hand. "Thank you."

Kaidan shook Hackett's hand. "I was selfishly motivated."

Hackett laughed. "Doesn't matter. I have my little girl back." He clapped his hand on Kaidan's shoulder with a fond look.

"Can anyone join in this touching moment?" came another voice Terra had missed. She turned to see Joker with his arm around a contented-looking Edi. Only then did she realize they were surrounded by the whole crew, who were happily hugging or crying in relief at being rescued.

"Joker," she grinned, reaching out one arm to place carefully around him, whilst not letting go of her dad.

"Just so you know: If you die on me again, I'm going to be seriously pissed," warned Joker.

"That goes for me, too," added Adams, faking a stern look.

Shepard smiled back at them. "Noted."

"Well, even though that was the first time for me, I'm agreeing," piped up Traynor. "Good to have you back with us, Commander. Major."

The crew cheered their support of that statement.

"How about I start getting some of you off this planet?" suggested Cortez, to a round of applause. "There's nothing quite like an asari matriarch's hospitality." He started back for the shuttle with his first passengers.

Hackett gave a suspicious look to Kaidan. "Aethyta?"

Kaidan nodded, almost gravely.

Hackett looked around him at the tropical surroundings. "You know, this place isn't so bad."

"I will join you," grumbled Javik.

"Will you two stop it!?" Terra exclaimed as Kaidan laughed. "You're all wusses." She turned her gaze to the _Normandy_. "We'll get you back to civilization and then I can focus on getting her back into shape."

" _We_ can," Hackett cut in. "Seeing as I was in command when she got broken, I think it's only right I help get her back in working order again. I think I've earned a break, and it will give me a chance to spend some time with my daughter, too."

"Yes, it will," she smiled. Then her thoughts turned to Garrus once more, taking her smile with it.

x

Within seconds of Liara rushing into the medbay, Chakwas was working furiously to get the liquid nutrients Liara had given her, into Garrus' system. Then the worst happened, and the monitor’s alarm sounded as his heart gave up.

"No! Liara take over here!" She left Liara to continue administering the nutrients his body so badly needed, and began working to get his heart pumping again. "Stay with me, Garrus! Help is here! It's Shepard! Can you believe that!? Shepard! You can't give up now! Not when you're so close!"

His body jerked as she sent an electrical shock to his heart, but there was no change. She did it again, and again.

Chakwas almost cried when the monitor finally registered a heartbeat. His vitals were still low, but she was grateful for anything. Liara stepped back, her task completed, her face pale. All they could do now was wait, and hope.

-x-

Garrus swam back into the dimmed light of the medbay, aware that someone stood at his side, holding his hand.

"Really, Garrus?" Shepard frowned at him. "Somewhere warm and tropical you said. You started without me!" she grinned.

"Huh! Uuh, don't make me laugh," he winced as his stomach muscles raged at him. "Actually, I'm pretty sure you said you'd meet me here. Where the hell have you been?"

She gave him a soft smile. "Sorry to keep you waiting. You didn't leave me an address."

"I forgive you. It's always good to see you." He hated how feeble his voice was. "Am I dead? Because I have to say that if I am, I'm very disappointed. I was expecting a bar at least."

"No, you're very much alive."

"Then you're not real?"

She squeezed his hand a little tighter. "I'm real. Kaidan resuscitated me. I didn't need those implants anymore."

"That's… Wow." He had his best friend back from the dead _again_. "So, you saving my life again, Shepard?"

"Someone's got to. You have a gift for getting yourself in trouble whenever I'm not looking."

"Learnt from the best."

She laughed, then her eyes searched his. "Told you I'd have your back."

"Never doubted it."

That extracted a tear-filled smile from Shepard, and she bent over him to press a kiss to his forehead plates. Despite how weak he was, he turned his hand and held her fingers as strongly as he could.

-x-

That evening they congregated in the Mess of the _Orisoni_ for a feast, even Garrus had been wheeled out on his bed from the medbay so he could be a part of it, though he was on a strictly liquid-nutrient diet until his stomach could handle anything more. The subject centred on how the war was won. The joy at the confirmation that the Reapers were defeated, was incredible. The crew of the _Normandy_ had all spent so long without anything to celebrate, that it poured out now.

"Shepard. There's someone you haven't mentioned," said Chakwas quietly, fearing the worst after the injuries Shepard had sustained.

Terra understood who she referred to. She threaded her fingers with Kaidan's before speaking, looking across the table. "Dad. You're going to be a grandfather."

Traynor practically squealed, while Hackett and everyone else remained open-mouthed.

"A baby…!" he said finally.

Around them her crew had erupted to a chorus of congratulations.

Chakwas was also amazed. "The baby survived!"

Hackett blinked at that. "You mean it's not a recent thing? You were pregnant when you went to fight the Reapers?"

Terra nodded.

"Spirits, Shepard!" exclaimed Garrus. "You don't like to do things by half's, do you?"

"My God, Terra! If I'd have known…" Hackett didn't finish, because he realized it would have made no difference. He'd still have had to send her. … _Them_.

"Which is why I didn't tell you. You'd have torn yourself apart over it and I couldn't let that happen. Not if the worst had come to pass."

It astounded Hackett that Terra had been protecting him. Those six words resonated in his head. _You're going to be a grandfather_. He'd lost his control over his emotions in front of most of this crew already… He suddenly stood, needing to retreat. "Excuse me."

Terra looked at Kaidan in dismay, then rose to follow her father. She found him staring out of one of the viewing windows. "Dad?"

Turning to her, tears streaming down his face, he held his arms out to her, and she immediately went to him. He rested his chin on the top of her head, unable to stop the tide. "Sorry I ran out on you, sweetheart, but I knew I couldn't keep this inside." His voice trembled as he spoke.

"Got a reputation to maintain, huh?" she teased gently.

"More like needing to keep any dignity I have left after my last outburst. I'll let Garrus explain that one," he added at her questioning look. "Not one of my finer moments." He squeezed her a little, replacing his chin on her head. She'd always liked to tuck her head there as a child… "It's fantastic news, Terra. I'd lost all hope for the future. I'd lost your mother. You. …Karin said: who knew what the future would bring. Now here you are, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, and I was certain that could never happen. Not again. Now you're giving me a grandchild, too." He looked straight at her with a quivering smile. "And I can't wait to meet her."

"Her?" Terra smiled back at him, one brow raised.

Hackett shrugged. "Boy, girl, it doesn't matter. But right now, in my mind, I see _you_. I see a chance to be there for a little girl I missed so much of as she grew up. If you'll allow it."

"Wouldn't want it any other way, dad. But don't neglect your work."

He shook his head, abruptly. "I'm quitting. Retiring. I can't be responsible for sending you to another death. I think it's fair to say you've run out of lives."

Terra studied him closely, wiping away the tracks of his tears. "I'm a Spectre, remember? The Council are usually the ones sending me out. You've just been the one keeping an eye on me from afar. Are you going to be happy leaving that job to someone else?"

He frowned at that thought.

"You always said you'd die serving," she added.

"Things change."

"Not you, Admiral Hackett. The Alliance is in your bones, like it's in my blood. You'd flounder without it."

"I need to focus on my family."

"The two aren't mutually exclusive, you know."

"For Commander Shepard, I agree. But I've already proven I can't juggle the two."

"I disagree, _but_ I also know you have your own ideas about that, some silly notion that you've failed me in some way. But putting that aside, things are different this time round. You don't have to be alone on the face of things anymore, dad. Everyone knows I'm your daughter now, and I can guarantee there'll be no hiding the fact that this little girl, or _boy_ , is your grandchild. You're on a whole new path this time round."

"You don't think I should quit."

"I think you'd hate it. Regret it. I think you should give it a go as Admiral Hackett _and_ Grandpa, first. If you don't think it's working for you, _then_ you can say goodbye to it all, _if_ that's what you want."

"Since when did you get wiser than your old man?"

"Ooh, years ago," she grinned cheekily, and Hackett laughed.

"You're right. Things _are_ different. Thank you."

They moved to stand side by side, arm in arm, and looked out at the view of space – three generations together.

-x-

-x-

The past few months had been a mixture of emotionally hard, tedious, and wonderful. First, there had been the funerals: Anderson's on Earth, Tali's on Rannoch. Then came Hannah Shepard's official military-honoured service on Earth just as Anderson's had been, though the absence of her body to lay to rest was jarring to Terra and her father. They followed it with an intimate memorial service to place a plaque at her mother's favourite retreat, one that Terra had fond memories of as one of the few times the three of them had spent time together as a proper family.

After that there came the endless ceremonies where Terra and Kaidan fixed on their smiles and did their bit, hating every minute of the attention but acknowledging the effect they still had on bolstering the galaxy's citizens and fellow soldiers alike, who were struggling to deal with the aftermath of the war. The fact that the two human Spectres had married meant that they weren't seen as hardened soldiers, but as two people in love, and that was something everyone could relate to. Eventually, Terra had no choice but to officially confirm the rumours about her pregnancy, unable to hide it for long, and it elevated them even higher. With what they'd achieved, and with the hope for the future that they represented as a new family, they had become the most respected and influential individuals in the galaxy and everyone had requested their presence.

The _Normandy_ was back in working order. As soon as the drive-core was operational, Joker and Edi had brought her home to the Citadel where she then got a top to toe re-fit. Now she was better than ever. The only downside was that Terra's time on that planet with her father and Kaidan, while they made the _Normandy_ space-worthy, had come to an end.

The Citadel was back in place, the refugees gradually returning to their homes now that the rebuilding was well under way, though many still lived in hardship. There were increased protests for extra donations from those with the means to help the rest who hadn't been fortunate enough to live on the Citadel, and more casinos were reporting thefts of large sums of credits.

Standing in the Council's private function room to celebrate their success against the Reapers after yet another award ceremony, Hackett loved the fact he could greet his daughter with a hug even though they were in public. It was like he'd been living in a bubble which had now popped. Where before, he could see out at those he loved but he couldn't be a part of their lives, now the barrier was gone. It was liberating. He remembered the last time they'd been here, after Sovereign's defeat, and having to talk out on the balcony. How far they'd come since then.

As Hackett escorted his daughter on his arm through the throngs of diplomats and other important people, he had to hold in his amusement when she stopped and reached out to take a glass of champagne out of her pilot's hand.

"Medication, Joker." She happened to know that Chakwas had put him on a pretty strong array of meds to bolster his system after they'd run out of his usual meds on the crashed _Normandy_.

Joker took it back. "Pregnant, Shepard."

"I'm not planning on drinking it." She tugged at the glass.

"Who said _I_ was?" grinned Joker smugly, holding on. Then he looked past her. "I think your husband might need rescuing."

Terra swung her head to see Kaidan being descended upon by the Council. With her sufficiently distracted, Joker was able to take advantage and quickly strolled off with his glass.

"So devious," Terra muttered to Joker's back.

"But also true," Hackett smiled. "You win some, you lose some."

Terra grinned, then activated her comm. "Edi, Joker's not supposed to mix his medication with alcohol. You might want to relieve him of that glass."

" _I will. Thank you, Shepard._ "

They watched Edi cross to intercept Joker and take the champagne from him. Knowing she was behind it, Joker threw Shepard a defeated look. She turned back to her father triumphantly. "I mostly win."

Hackett laughed. "Ready to smile sweetly?" he gestured back to Kaidan.

She sighed. "The things we have to do for love."

"Tell me about it," commiserated Hackett, and Terra suddenly kissed his cheek, giving him an appreciative look before they went to join Kaidan and the Council.

"Ah, Commander Shepard!" greeted Valern. "We were just saying to Major Alenko that we're very glad you could both take part in the celebrations. We understand the whole galaxy wants a piece of your time, right now."

"Admiral Hackett, we were also extremely pleased to have _you_ here," added Sparatus. "There's not a turian alive that doesn't speak your name with respect. And not just because of your daughter, but due to your expert leadership of our fleets during the Reaper war."

"Thank you, Councillor."

"No. Thank _you_ , Admiral."

"I have to admit, I still find it hard to believe that we're here at all," Councillor Tevos spoke. "It is a relief to know that the Reapers will not be coming back again."

"Actually, that's not written in stone yet, Councillor," warned Shepard.

All three Councillors suddenly look very alarmed.

"But the Crucible left them all non-functional," stammered out Valern.

"We've also made it a top priority to round up each and every one of the carcasses," nodded Sparatus. "They're being completely disposed of, Shepard. I can assure you that no one will have a chance to reactivate these abominations."

"I understand that. It's not the Reapers themselves that concerns me."

Kaidan took over. "The Crucible destroyed everything with Reaper tech fused with organic, like the Reapers and their minions, but the Intelligence is still out there."

"The Intelligence… That is the AI that created the Reapers?" Tevos checked.

"Yes," Hackett nodded. "And we have no reason to believe it's anything other than synthetic. It wouldn't have been affected by the Crucible. It's the machine that started all this 'harvesting', and as such it's still a threat. Maybe not much of one right now, without its creations, but given enough time…" He left the rest unspoken.

"Spirits, will this never end?" murmured Sparatus.

"But where do we even begin to look for this 'Intelligence'?" asked Valern. "With all our own intelligence networks combined, we had no _idea_ of its existence until you told us of it."

"Did you consider that if the Reapers were hiding in dark space between cycles, then that could also be where the Intelligence is?" Sparatus offered.

"If that is so, then it is beyond our reach," murmured Tevos.

"Not necessarily," responded Shepard. "There's a very powerful and ancient race out there that has a lot of motivation to hunt it down, _and_ the ability to go where we can't."

"The Leviathans," clarified Hackett to the Council.

"The Intelligence's creators, and the first to fall victim to it," observed Valern, remembering what he'd read from their reports.

"Now _they_ sound like a threat we should be very worried about," frowned Sparatus.

"I agree," Hackett stated. "But for now, we need them."

"How will you initiate this course of action?" Valern wondered.

"Someone will have to go to Despoina and connect to them through their artifacts," Kaidan answered.

"The artifacts, yes. I read the reports of how these Leviathans communicate, or rather, control," Sparatus added. "I understand you've had such a connection with them when you confronted them, Commander Shepard. Will you be making the request?"

"No. I'm sorry, Councillors, but I'm not prepared to do that. Connecting to the Leviathans poses a huge risk. A potentially fatal one. I have someone else to think about now." She cradled her rounded belly.

"Of course, Commander," reassured Tevos. "We would never ask such a thing of you."

"It will take a little longer, but anyone who's around the artifacts for a period of time will eventually be able to connect with the Leviathans. I can go," stated Kaidan.

"You have a family to look after, Major," came a voice from behind them. "I volunteer."

Turning with the others, Hackett recognized the saluting individual. "Major Coats. Glad you could make it. You've done an outstanding job back on Earth. It's good that you could take some time out, finally."

"Wasn't aware I had a choice, Admiral."

"You didn't," conceded Hackett with a smile.

"Major," Terra greeted him, mindful of protocol in front of the Council.

"Looking radiant, Commander. Major Alenko, it's good to see you again."

"And you, Coats."

"As I was about to say to Alenko," cut in Hackett, "I'm not so sure I'm willing to spare our best and brightest on this. There's too few men and women left with skills _and_ experience. We need those of you we _do_ have, to continue leading and training."

Terra sighed inwardly, hating that she was supporting Matt's bid. "I hate to say it, Sir, but you need to send someone the Leviathans will take seriously. Someone they can respect - even if it is in the loosest possible terms with a species as arrogant as they are."

"I expect someone with a connection to Shepard would also make them more willing to listen," agreed Kaidan.

Hackett considered it. "It will take someone with a commanding presence to _make_ them listen." He looked at Coats. "Then it's decided. You'll go to Despoina."

"Yes, Sir."

"We also find that acceptable," nodded Tevos. "We're aware of Major Coats' reputation. May the Goddess be with you."

"How soon can this mission be underway?" Sparatus pressed.

"Within a day," Hackett answered. "I need to get a suitable replacement for Major Coats back on Earth. His remit is too important to leave to just anyone, though I imagine the ideal person isn't so far away."

"I'd be more than happy to fill in, Sir," Kaidan accepted.

"We already have a ship ready and waiting," added Shepard. "I'll happily transport Major Coats on the Normandy."

"Excellent," grinned Velarn. "Then it's in hand. We'll await the report, and I wish you success in this most important endeavour, Major Coats."

"Councillor," acknowledged Matt.

The Council departed to continue mingling, and Hackett turned to Terra. "Are you sure about being involved in this?"

"Are you seriously questioning my ability to tell Joker where to fly my ship?" she said pointedly.

Hackett reared his head back slightly, then looked chastened. "Sorry, sweetheart."

"Just pregnant, dad. I can still bark orders with the best of them, and I have no intention of donning armour and wading into battle – unless things become dire."

"Don't even joke about that," groaned Kaidan. "Especially when I'm not going to be there to keep an eye on you."

Terra rolled her eyes. "I managed to survive a good many years before you came along, you know."

Matt finally had to laugh at the conversation which had resulted in Admiral Hackett and Major Alenko being completely humbled. "I look forward to travelling on the Normandy, Ter."

-x-

-x-

Cortez had insisted on being the one to fly the shuttle down to the platform on the ocean of Despoina with Coats. Thankfully, this time they were left alone, and they landed still fully functional. Coats stepped out of the shuttle and made his way over to look at one of the orbs that dotted the platform and settled into one of the makeshift tents.

Cortez stared out at the ocean with more than a little unease. These things had nearly destroyed Shepard's mind and it killed Reapers. To have been so thoroughly thwarted by the machine it had created when they were so powerful, just proved how arrogant they really were. He bet that even as their numbers dwindled, they didn't believe they would fall. Not until the last few remained. He felt the chill from the ocean air, ducked back into the shuttle, and initiated the shielding. Shepard had specifically requested he be protected while he was down there, and he willingly complied, though mainly so she'd have less to worry about rather than his thoughts for his own self-preservation.

Ann Bryson had estimated that it had taken a week to fall under control, and Shepard had given them supplies for over two. It was just a waiting game.

-x-

-x-

Six days in, and Coats sat up and watched as the artifact glowed. He felt it search his mind, and he made his thoughts clear. The Reapers were finished, one threat remained. Their own creation. If they did nothing the cycle could return, or something worse. Then the aura dissipated, and Coats was alone. He headed back over to the shuttle, his job done.

Cortez readied his weapon and brought down the shields, opening the hatch. With Coats under their control, there was no telling how dangerous he was right now. But the Major made no move to attack or enter.

"It's done."

Coats gestured to the ocean, and Cortez moved enough so that he could see, while keeping Coats in front of him. They watched as three Leviathans rose up from the ocean and up into the sky. The Intelligence was being hunted.

x

" _Commander, Cortez just called in. The Leviathans are on the move_ ," came Joker's voice.

Shepard spared a quick glance at Traynor, before making her way quickly to the cockpit. She sat in the co-pilot's chair at Edi's insistence and witnessed the ascending Leviathans. It was astounding how something organic could cope with such extremes as the cold of deep water and the heat of breaching an atmosphere. She didn't understand how they could even function in the vacuum of space. As she watched them, she felt a chill. This was a race to be truly feared.

Suddenly, the one leading came to a dead stop, the others slowing. The leader, Shepard knew instinctively, was the one which had entered her mind. "Joker? We're stealthed?" she whispered.

"Uh huh. They can't know we're here," he hushed back, though he didn't know why.

The lead Leviathan suddenly spun to face them and began closing the distance with exceptional speed.

"Oh, shit!" Joker reacted, and had them moving away fast. Beside him, Shepard cried out, blood running from her nose. "Shit! I'm getting us out of here!" shouted Joker.

Edi also reacted, creating a shield around Shepard just like they had with the artifact on the Citadel and Earth, and Cortez's shuttle. It provided Shepard instant protection and she slumped back in the seat with her hands to her head.

Within seconds, Joker was hitting the relay and calling for help. But nothing came through the relay after them and he brought the ship to a stand-still. "Shepard!?"

"I'm okay."

"Dr Chakwas is on her way," informed Edi.

"What the hell was that about!?" exclaimed Joker, shaken.

"It wanted me dead," Terra murmured.

"What!? Why!?"

"It said I carried a threat." Shepard ran her hands over the bump of her stomach where her child lay within her, her heart thudding hard in her chest.

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know."

Chakwas rushed in, immediately running her scans.

"Karin, check the baby," Terra implored her desperately, grabbing Chakwas' arm to position the omnitool over her waist.

"All readings are fine," assured Chakwas, and Shepard took a huge relieved breath while Karin continued her scans.

"Joker, take us back in," Terra breathed out.

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"We have two people back there, Joker."

"No way!"

"That's an order, Lieutenant," Shepard said, sharply.

"Shit." Before he could turn the ship, an impressive number of ships appeared.

" _This is Fifth Fleet. Providing assistance_ ," came her father's voice.

"Thank God," answered Joker. "Maybe _you_ can talk some sense into her. She wants us to go back for Coats and Cortez when one of those things just tried to kill her!"

To his credit, there was only the shortest of pauses. " _'She' is your Commander, Lieutenant. If you have an order, you follow it, or be thrown in the brig to face charges. But may I make a suggestion, Commander_?"

"Of course, Admiral," said Terra.

" _Let me send one of_ **my** _ships to pick up your crew. There's no need to endanger yourself unnecessarily_."

It went against everything inside her to place her life above another, and she'd already had to do it with Coats and Cortez. But it wasn't just _her_ life anymore. Her child's life depended on her survival. "Agreed."

Closing the comm-link, Joker looked more than a little ashamed. "Sorry, Commander. I didn't mean to undermine you."

Terra reached her hand out for his, and he took it. "You were worried about me. Thank you. Just…don't do it again," she added gently but firmly.

As Shepard watched one of her father's ships enter the relay, Chakwas finished her scans. "You're lucky," Karin looked at her, feeling a little shaken herself. "If Edi hadn't acted as quick as she did to get that shield around you, the damage would have been immense."

"You mean she'd be a vegetable?" winced Joker.

"That wouldn't accomplish what it was setting out to do," gritted out Shepard. "It would have gone further than that. It wanted to get to the baby. Killing me was the only way it could. Why?" she whispered to herself. She looked at Karin in question. "You're sure the baby's brain is okay?"

"Absolutely, Shepard. There's no sign that there was any intrusion. Unlike yours. You must have a raging headache."

"No meds, Doc. My baby's been subjected to enough. I'll deal with it."

Chakwas knew better than to try to change her mind, squeezed her shoulder, and left the cockpit with an order to call her at the slightest change.

Shepard didn't really hear. Her eyes were fixed on the relay. The wait was agonizing.

" _Commander, I've just been in contact with my ship. They have your crew and are heading back now. Both of them are fine_."

"Thank you, Sir. Shepard, out." Then she rose unsteadily to her feet. "I'm going to wait for Coats and Cortez's arrival in the cargo bay."

"I will assist you, Shepard," Edi said.

To Joker's surprise Shepard merely nodded and slowly left the cockpit with Edi as her concerned shadow.

x

Hackett considered the implications of this. He'd already registered the threat the Leviathans generated. With the Reapers no longer a concern, there was nothing to keep the Leviathans in hiding. Not that he had to worry about mass extermination. History had shown the Leviathans were far more insidious, and Terra had already ascertained that they needed the 'lesser' species to tend to their needs. It was that determination to keep their thralls in plentiful supply that led to the Intelligence's creation. However, he had no intention of allowing anyone to be a thrall to these things. It was the same as being indoctrinated. Unacceptable. But it had tried to kill Terra when it had left Coats and Cortez alive. That was personal. He needed to speak to Terra one on one first, get more information, her own opinions, but it concerned him. According to his Lieutenant, the other ship had reported the Leviathans heading away from civilized space. They were doing what Coats had suggested; what Terra had been so sure they would want to see to first - ensuring their own survival. They were hunting the Intelligence. That gave the rest of them time. They would need to remain united, and remain vigilant. They needed to search for a way to protect themselves from these powerful beings.

**-x-**


	88. Unexpected Events and a New Dawn

Terra was thoroughly enjoying the serenity of the island. The placid waves of the ocean that surrounded them, touched the shore and quickly receded, barely leaving a mark on the sand, the gentle breeze cooling her hot skin. Above her, the sky was a blanket of white cloud.

Three weeks ago, Kolyat had asked if she would stand with Bailey as the parental figures at his partnering ceremony to a young drell named Kalisa, a childhood sweetheart with whom he'd reconnected with after he'd sorted his issues out. Thane had been due to meet her, but had died just days before she arrived. Terra had, of course, accepted Kolyat's request, though rather overwhelmed to have been asked.

His choice to come here, to Kahje, did not surprise her, however. She knew he would feel closer to his father here. She had to admit, she did, too, as she looked out across the ocean, picturing Thane proudly watching his son marry, with Irikah at his side. Then Shepard was being handed the book from which she was to read the passage normally designated to the groom's mother. She didn't let that fact daunt her as she read the beautiful words that asked the Goddess Arashu to grant them protection and a family, and meant every word she spoke. Kolyat deserved happiness.

...

Kaidan watched Terra standing at the front, right at the shore, her feet bare, her long hair fluttering in the breeze, just like the flowing cream dress she wore. He loved the way she looked as slim as ever when her back was to him, then she turned, and the bump created by their unborn child revealed itself. It made his heart thump every time. He swore she got more beautiful every day, and pregnancy made her glow.

The near-miss she had with the Leviathan still played on his mind. He could have lost them both, again. And it meant they weren't safe. Certainly, once their child was born, they'd have to find out why the Leviathan had attacked, and his son or daughter would need to be protected. He and Hackett had first wondered if Terra _was_ the intended target, as the driving force behind the downfall of the Reapers, but she was adamant that the Leviathan had made it clear in her mind. It wasn't afraid of her. Of any of them. Its focus was on their baby. That fact scared the hell out of him.

Then the ceremony was over and he closed off his wandering thoughts. Everyone was moving away to the pavilions that offered shade, food and entertainment, to begin the celebrations. Terra stayed at the shore, though. He waited patiently in place as Kolyat moved to her side.

...

"Shepard? Are you well?" Kolyat asked.

Terra smiled at him. "I'm fine. Just soaking this all in." She gestured to the ocean.

Kolyat stood right beside her, and they both looked out at the calm sea. "We picked a good day. It is often raining here." There was a slight pause. "Do you think my mother and father are watching?"

"I'm sure of it."

He nodded. "Me, too."

Terra nudged him. "Shouldn't you be with your wife?"

"Wife… It sounds strange. And wonderful," he beamed back at her.

Terra couldn't help reciprocating. "She's lovely. I wish you all the happiness in the universe, Kolyat."

"Then your wish is granted. I couldn't be happier," he smiled as he looked over at Kalisa. Then he turned back to Shepard. "Thank you, Terra. For being here."

"Wouldn't have missed this for anything."

"Maybe we'll be asking you for parenting advice in the near future," Kolyat grinned.

Terra laughed. "You might change your mind when this one's running around head-butting things – there are a couple of krogan in the family, after all – but if you need anything, you know I'll be there for you both."

"Yes, I do. You'll be a great mother. Look what you did– are _still_ doing - for _me_."

A lump came to her throat. "Oh Kolyat…" She quickly blinked back her tears, cursing her hormones. "Now will you go and join Kalisa before you have me blubbering?"

With another grin, he carefully hugged her, then ran over to his wife.

.

Kaidan came up behind Terra and encircled her waist, loving the way she tipped her head back to rub her cheek against his, making him feel thoroughly loved in that one simple move. Even though she was almost at full-term, she wasn't huge, and he could still embrace her and their baby, comfortably. Two more weeks and their son or daughter would be here – it made him buzz with anticipation even as anxiety ran through him. Soon he would officially be a father. It would be the biggest accomplishment of his life, and something told him it would be the greatest challenge.

"It's so peaceful here," murmured Terra. "Hard to believe how insidious it ended up being for Thane."

"At least now no other drell has to suffer from the same condition."

She spun to face him, running her hands up his arms to his shoulders, liking his casual look of loose shirt and trousers, and leaned in to kiss him.

" _Sorry to interrupt, General, but we have a request from the Council_ ," came Joker, who was in orbit above them _._ " _There's an attack in progress on a salarian ship containing a load of diplomats. Apparently what little defences they had were quickly taken down. We're closest to their location._ "

Kaidan had been given temporary command of the _Normandy_ as of yesterday when Terra officially went on maternity leave. Hackett had reasoned it made more sense seeing as he was familiar with the ship and had already commanded its crew when Shepard had been out of action. He knew Terra wouldn't have wanted it under anyone else's command. The new title that had been bestowed on Kaidan a month ago, still sounded strange. General... It made him feel old. Kaidan had also noticed that Terra always looked for her mother whenever she was referred to as Admiral Shepard. They were, however, just titles, their Spectre statuses taking precedence. The newly appointed Alliance Command had simply wanted them recognized with ranks that acknowledged their massive contribution to the Reaper wars. Neither he nor Terra cared, but it had made their parents proud. "Got it. Send Cortez with the shuttle."

" _Aye, aye, Sir_."

He kissed Terra. "You should stay. Enjoy this."

Terra gave Kaidan a look of mock-horror then turned him, threaded her arm through his, and started walking to where Cortez would land. "And miss all the action? I may not be able to take part in it, but I can at least watch jealously from afar!"

Kaidan laughed. "Should have known the response to that, shouldn't I? Missing it already, huh?"

Terra shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a woman of action. I crave adventure."

"That's why we're perfect for each other. I _do_ like adventurous women. Of course, I got a little more than I bargained for…" he grinned.

Her eyes glinted playfully. "I'm a challenge you can't resist."

"Absolutely. Gotta love a challenge."

Terra laughed, hugging his arm tighter.

Kaidan nodded over to one of the pavilions where the new happy couple resided. "You going to let them know?"

She looked over at Kolyat and Kalisa. "I don't think they'll miss me for a while. We'll be back in no time." She quickly messaged Bailey so he'd know where they'd disappeared to, and he turned to wave her off as the shuttle came to a hover. Getting in and out of shuttles had become Terra's bane and so far she'd decided that doing so with any kind of eloquence or dignity, was impossible. As if reading her mind, Kaidan biotically floated her up and inside, and she gave him a grateful look as she sat down.

x

Within thirty minutes, the _Normandy_ was approaching the coordinates in stealth mode. As soon as they were about to get into visual range, Joker threw them a look over his shoulder.

"Mind if I take this one?"

Kaidan and Terra glanced at each other.

"Uh… sure, Joker. Go ahead," answered Kaidan.

"This is Alliance vessel, Normandy," Joker announced their presence to the mercenary ship that was tethered to the side of the salarian ship. "Power down your weapons and engine, and prepare to be taken into custody _,_ " Joker said, sounding bored.

" _Go to hell,_ " came the swift and gruff response.

Without the slightest pause, Joker continued. "I repeat. This is the _Normandy_. Super bad-ass Alliance ship responsible for all the cool shit during the Reaper wars. Power down or be blown to tiny pieces."

Kaidan coughed to cover his amusement and Terra had her hands to his lips. There was a short silence this time before they received an answer.

" _Putting you through to my boss_."

"That's great," Joker rolled his eyes.

A new voice, as equally abrupt and very brash, came on the comm. " _My ship will power down weapons, but the engine will remain running. My men and I have hostages. You want them alive, you'll let us leave._ "

Joker gave a great big sigh. "Okay, I'm going to try to this again. This is the _Normandy._ In case you've forgotten who's in charge, I'll remind you. Admiral _Shepard_ , formerly known as _Commander_ Shepard, _with_ General _Alenko_. And in case you've forgotten who _they_ are, I'll remind you of that, too. _Spectres_. The first and only human Spectres. _And_ the two people who brought down the _Reapers_. So if you really want to invite that kind of hell down on you then carry on. I have done all I can for you."

" _Okay. Okay. Shit. We're downing weapons. We're handing ourselves in._ "

"Good choice."

A very relieved salarian came on the line. " _This is the Captain of the Daleon. Thank you, Normandy. We would appreciate any medical assistance you can provide._ "

"We're on our way." Once again, Joker looked over his shoulder at Shepard and Alenko. "See? Don't even need a weapon to make the bad guys tremble. Just a bad-ass ship and a couple of scary reputations."

"Hm," grunted Kaidan, as Terra laughed. "Making me feel kind of redundant here, Joker. I guess I'll just go and round them up." He gave Terra a slightly sad face. "Kind of hard to feel motivated when Joker's taken all the fun out of it."

Joker shrugged, his face serious. "Hey, the nickname wasn't my idea. Besides, I needed a little light entertainment."

"Whatever works for you, Joker." Kaidan kissed Terra's cheek, his hand running lightly over her belly. "Be back soon."

"Take care."

"Any problems, I'll just put them through to Joker," he jested, before heading for the cargo bay, Edi behind him.

"I'll be here," called out Joker, with a wave. "Ready and waiting to save you with my astounding negotiation skills." The door to the cockpit closed behind them, leaving just him and Shepard.

"Don't you mean, you'll piss the bad guys off so much that they'll abandon the others to come hunt you down?" teased Shepard.

"And that's where _you_ come in to save _my_ ass."

"Wouldn't being saved by a heavily pregnant woman hurt your ego?"

"Nah. You're Shepard. Haven't you heard? You save _everyone_. I'll just be another to add to the long, long, long list."

"Right. You're nuts, Joker."

"Definitely. I mean, even given your track record, I'm _still_ here."

"You're only here for the ship."

"Not true!"

"Oh yeah? Me or the ship, Joker? Which would you choose?"

"What!? _That'll_ never happen!" he said dismissively.

"Choose."

"No! You're just fishing for compliments."

"Am not! …Wait a minute! You mean you'd pick _me_?"

"Of course, I would!"

Terra felt over-emotional again. "Joker… that's… really nice."

Joker knew that Shepard made the ship what it was. A home. She had before Edi had become a part of it and given him _another_ reason to love it. If Shepard went, so would he, and she would never leave Edi behind. Joker would choose Shepard in a heartbeat. No need to tell her that though... "I mean, if you're leaving the Normandy, it's to go to something even more impressive than this baby, right? So, it's a win-win situation! I get to bring Edi, though, right?"

Terra knew he was messing with her, and glared appropriately back at him. "You're the horrid brother I never wanted."

Joker chuckled. "You love me."

x

With the mercenaries’ ship airlock to airlock with the Daleon, they'd be going in via the salarian ship’s cargo bay and then through the airlocks to the other vessel in order to secure it and its inhabitants, leaving Chakwas able to deal with the wounded straight away.

"Edi, what's the status of the _Daleon_?" asked Kaidan as they exited the elevator.

"I am reading some damage, but nothing that cannot be easily fixed."

"Have Adams ready to follow us over with an engineering team."

Cortez had the shuttle ready and he led the way over. A group of four soldiers joined him, all newly assigned and still star-struck at being on the _Normandy_ with the two famous Spectres. The fact that they hadn't seen any battle, and this time would prove no different, didn't seem to dampen their enthusiasm, though. Just behind them, came Dr Chakwas. The hatch closed, and they made the short journey across.

-x-

Terra paced the cockpit behind Joker, her hands running over her bump.

"You know, that's no less annoying when it's you," he moaned.

"Sorry, Joker." Nevertheless, she carried on.

"You heard Kaidan: there was no resistance. He's got everything in hand over there. Bet he'll be finished up there any time now, so quit worrying."

"I'm not worried."

"Could have fooled me, with all that pacing."

She gave a long slow controlled exhale before speaking again. "I'm in labour, Joker."

Joker did a double-take, not sure he'd heard her right because of her calm tone. "Say again?"

"The baby's coming."

"The- Oh shit! Shit, shit, shit! I'll get Chakwas back here!" He spun to his console.

"No,” she said quickly. “Those people need her more than I do."

He swung back, looking at her incredulously. "Uh, hello!? Not from _my_ point of view!"

"I've got time, Joker. Labour can take a while."

" _Shepard. Do you wish me to inform Kaidan?_ " chimed Edi, her physical self with Kaidan and the others.

"Not yet. He's got a job to do. Let him and Dr Chakwas know as soon as they're heading back."

" _Understood. I estimate it will be very soon._ "

She suddenly clenched her teeth together to bite back the pain as another contraction hit her. She wasn't expecting another so soon, nor so much stronger.

"Oh shit! Shepard, you can _not_ have a baby in my cockpit!"

"Screw you, Joker. It's _my_ ship, I'll have my baby wherever I like."

"I need to get someone up here!"

She shook her head hard. "I don't want this to turn into a show for the crew, Joker. We're isolated in here and that's fine with me."

"Shit! How can you be so calm!?"

"I don't think panicking is going to make it any easier, Joker." She tried her best not to scream out at the next excruciating contraction, if only not to scare Joker any more than he already looked. She knew then that this wasn't going to be a drawn-out labour, and she leaned back against the bulkhead and slid down until she was sitting on the floor. "Joker, don't freak out, but this baby isn't waiting."

"No shit! It's not supposed to be arriving for another two weeks!"

"I mean, the baby's coming right now."

"I figured that!"

"Right _now_ , Joker. I've got this serious urge to push."

"Shit! Well don't!" He clutched the arms of his chair as he looked back at her.

"Not something I can control, Joker!"

"But you're Shepard!"

"I can't combat nature!"

"Well try!"

She took an exasperated breath. "Joker, stop being an asshole. Edi! I want an ETA!"

" _We are heading back now, Shepard. I estimate five minutes at Kaidan's current speed_."

Another contraction, and Shepard tried to fight it, but she couldn't ignore her body's demands. She was certain she was close. "No!" she puffed out, suddenly feeling incredibly anxious and tearful. "I never expected it to happen so fast! Joker, I wanted Kaidan to be here for this! I need a little longer!"

Joker moved out of the safety of his chair and crouched down in front of her. He desperately wanted to help her, but all he could do was just turn his palms up, giving her a helpless look. "I don't know what I can do, Shepard!"

She wasn't expecting him to have the answer she wanted. "Damn it!" she cursed. "I need you to help the baby out."

"What!?"

"Joker, please!"

"But I've got to… go down… _there_." His eyes dipped down then quickly up again.

"Joker!"

"Okay, okay! Geez!" He took a deep breath. He could do this. It would be like guiding a ship out of dock… He decided not to voice that comparison to Shepard.

"Just rip the dress."

He did it, up to her thigh. "Never imagined it this way. You're ruining my dreams, Shepard." He quickly, and without looking, discarded her underwear.

"Don't make me kill you, Joker."

"Did I mention that childbirth doesn't do much for your character?"

She felt the contraction coming. "Joker, I need you!" she rushed out.

"I'm here, Shepard! I won't let you down!"

It hit her more intensely than previously, and she went with her body's urge and pushed down into it. "Joker, you have to look!" she gritted out.

He glanced down briefly, then did a double-take. He could see the crown of the baby. Joker was so shocked, his eyes widened, unintentionally making her laugh despite her pain. Then his eyes widened further as the baby's head fully emerged. Without hesitation, he supported the tiny head. "Shepard! It's a head!"

"It's a baby," she panted from the exertion. "There's more, Joker."

"Right. Right. We need the rest. Uh, uh, keep going!"

If she had the energy and wasn't in so much pain, Terra would have rolled her eyes at him.

The airlock doors opened and Traynor took in the scene of Joker on his knees in front of Shepard who had the skirt of her dress torn and Joker's hand disappearing the rest of the way, and she stood there aghast. Then she caught Shepard's panting. "Oh thank God! For a minute I was very concerned with this picture," blurted out Traynor as she joined them.

Then Kaidan was rushing in, Chakwas not far behind him.

"Kaidan! Thank God!" Terra almost sobbed out.

"Here!" Joker called out to him, getting his attention. "This is your place," he grinned at Kaidan.

Kaidan was in a daze as he replaced Joker. His hand cupped his baby's head. So very small he was immediately filled with protectiveness.

Karin quickly ran her scans. Her first concern was Shepard, but she was doing well. The baby's vitals were coming through strong, too. She encouraged the soon-to-be mother, entrusting the baby to Kaidan's capable hands.

With Kaidan now there, Terra felt calmer. This was how it should be. Karin was holding her hand, and Joker bravely replaced the cold metal against her back with his chest, while Traynor held her other hand. Shepard was ready and prepared for the next contraction. She fixed her eyes on Kaidan. When it hit, she channelled the agony down into her push, knowing this was it. In a sudden rush, she felt the incredible pain and pressure ease instantly as the baby left her body. Her energy left her too, and her head fell back on Joker's shoulder.

The most wonderful noise of a crying baby filled the air. In his hands, Kaidan was holding the tiny person he'd made with Terra... He was completely unprepared for the feelings that rushed to the surface as he looked back at their child. It was like the second she entered his vision she instantly had his heart. She was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen. _She_ , he finally registered. He met Terra's eyes. "We have a daughter, Terra! A little girl!"

Chakwas had cut the cord and wrapped the baby in a thermal blanket, having to try hard to keep her professional demeanour. She'd witnessed Shepard's birth and now her daughter's birth. She felt extremely honoured. But it wasn't over for Shepard, yet. She helped Terra through her final push to dispel the placenta. "Well done, Shepard. #Everything looks normal with you, and preliminary checks confirm your daughter's perfect. There'll be further in-depth checks to run on you both, but they can wait until we're back on the Citadel. For now, enjoy your first day with your daughter."

Kaidan had barely taken his eyes from his precious bundle, and an emotional Traynor moved aside so he could sit beside Terra, placing their daughter in her arms.

Terra could only stare at her child as she caught her breath. Her daughter had a thin covering of black hair on her tiny little head, and she occasionally opened her blue eyes that would eventually turn a shade of brown. "Kaidan…" was all she could manage to voice.

Joker moved away too, wiping his eyes as he went, leaving Kaidan to cradle his wife and child in his arms.

Kaidan was unable to stop the tears which matched Terra's own as he pressed a kiss to her temple. "You were amazing, and she's beautiful."

"And very impatient," Terra laughed, breathlessly.

"Tell me about it," breathed out Joker with a shake of his head. "Man, I need to lie down."

"You did not just say that!" exclaimed Traynor. "Ignore him, Shepard. If you don't mind me saying, that's the most breath-taking thing I've ever witnessed. And she's absolutely adorable! Sorry I intruded, though."

"Traynor, right now I wouldn't care if the entire crew had seen."

Joker was taking stock of his space. "Damn, Shepard, you made my cockpit a mess! Edi, maintenance need to get up here _fast_. Is this much blood normal, Doc?" frowned Joker with worry.

"Very normal, Joker."

"Damn..." he shook his head in disbelief. “Still, maybe you should just stay where you are for a minute, Shepard."

"That's very kind of you, Joker," Terra said, dryly.

"How do you feel, Shepard?" asked Chakwas.

"Tired. Elated."

"I bet. We need to get you to the medbay."

"Oh no. No way. I'm heading to my cabin."

"Shepard-"

"Karin, I feel great. I mean, incredibly sore, obviously, but… I'm great! I want a shower and I want to rest in my own bed with our baby."

"Promise me you _will_ head for that bed sooner rather than later."

"Absolutely. No argument there, whatsoever. I'm exhausted."

"All right. Then I won't push the issue."

Terra noticed Edi standing back at the doors, motionless. "Would you like to see her, Edi?"

"Very much, Shepard." Edi knelt next to them. "She is… miniature. She seems very vulnerable."

"She is. Would you like to hold her?"

Edi reared back a little. "I might hurt her, Shepard. My shell is not soft like yours."

"You won't."

Edi looked at Kaidan as though she needed his approval too, and he smiled back at her. "Go ahead, Edi. It'll be fine."

Shepard offered her daughter to Edi, who took her baby so carefully, one hand cupped under the tiny head, her other hand and forearm supporting the body, that it made Terra tear up again.

"She is as Dr Chakwas described. Perfect," Edi stated. "A union of you and Kaidan. She is to be cherished."

"Yes, she is," agreed Kaidan, wholeheartedly.

Edi smiled as she slowly passed the baby back to Shepard. "Thank you."

"What are you calling her?" asked Chakwas.

Terra and Kaidan looked at each other.

"Actually, we decided to wait until we met him or her," Terra said.

"Uh, done," Joker gestured to the baby. "So…?" he pressed.

"We'll have a think and come back to you, Joker. In the meantime…" Kaidan scooped his wife and child up in his arms and stood. "Time to get you both settled." He looked back at Joker. "Notify the Council that the situation has been dealt with, and that we require a couple of ships to escort the Daleon and the pirate vessel back to Citadel space. Once they get here, take us back in to Kahje and let Bailey know of our new arrival."

"Tell him not to feel he has to leave early, though," added Terra. "There's no rush. This is still Kolyat's day."

"Aye, aye, _mom_ ," Joker said with a goofy grin, about to get back in his seat.

"Hold on, Joker! Shouldn't you get cleaned up before you touch anything?" suggested Traynor.

Joker immediately held his hands out away from him. "Damn! Can you believe I actually forgot!? Gross! Edi, you have the ship." He started to head out, then paused, looking at the new family. "Great job, guys. She's… she's really cute."

"Thanks, Joker. For being there," Terra said sincerely.

"Anytime." He suddenly frowned as he thought about it. "Uh, scratch that. Don't _ever_ do that to me again. Not cool, Shepard. I'll never be able to look at my cockpit the same way again."

"Yeah, yeah," Terra dismissed. "Just walk, Joker."

"Not even in command, and she's still as bossy as ever," Joker mumbled under his breath as he started for the elevator.

Kaidan followed Joker out. "Kolyat will understand if you want to head back to the Citadel," he assured Terra.

"This is his big day, and Bailey and I are a part of that. _And_ we're Bailey's ride. We go, Bailey has to leave too. I'm not cutting this short. There's no need. Everything's fine." Her forehead creased. "Oh, but your mother will be desperate once she hears…"

Always thinking of everyone else. Kaidan inwardly smiled. "Then I'll hold off telling her until we're heading back to the Citadel."

With Terra satisfied at that, Kaidan took his family to their cabin.

-x-

Terra was sitting in her bed, clean, sore, but exceptionally happy as she listened to Kaidan's voice coming from the bathroom, talking to their daughter while he washed her.

"Luckily, we were prepared with nappies and clothes, or you'd be wrapped in daddy's shirt, little lady."

Just when she thought she couldn't love that man more, he managed to make her fall even deeper. She wondered whether her sudden desire was appropriate less than an hour after giving birth. But this _was_ Kaidan. She was so fortunate. There was so much love in this one space alone, and she appreciated every second of it in the wake of a war that could have ended so very differently.

"Hey. There's mommy." Kaidan smiled over at her as he exited the bathroom and carried their little blessing over to the bed. "I'm surprised you're still awake! Shouldn't you get some sleep?"

"I think I'm still running on adrenaline. Or pure happiness."

"Huh! It's a potent thing, to be sure. I feel invincible right now. What I wouldn't give to freeze this moment." Kaidan sat up close to Terra, looking down at his daughter for the millionth time. He loved his little girl with a ferocity that chased away any doubt he may have had about whether he'd be a good father. He would storm heaven and hell for her. It was a different kind of love than he had for Terra, but no less intense, no less powerful, no less complete. The baby started fussing and he passed her over to Terra who instantly placed their daughter at her breast. The sight of his wife feeding their child was one he'd never forget and his heart swelled in his chest. "I still don't think it's sunk in yet."

"I know what you mean. She's really here. Doesn't seem possible when you consider what was against us." Her heart stuttered a little as she thought it over. "My God, Kaidan, I placed her in harm’s way so many times! Rannoch. Eden Prime. That fall on the Citadel. Billy!" She visibly paled at how close that had been. "Leviathan…" She ran the back of her fingers over the soft cheek of her baby. "And the fight for Earth," she said finally, remembering the hit from the Reaper and Anderson's gunshot. Then her second death.

"Hey, now," he spoke softly, seeing the guilt flash over her face. "None of that was your fault _and_ most of it happened before you knew she even existed. After that...it was to ensure she had a universe to be born _into_. But you're right about one thing: The odds were certainly stacked against her. Hh! She's a miracle, just like her mother." She smiled at him, and he _had_ to kiss her. "That's all in the past now. She's our little star, shining brightly despite all the chaos." He looked down at their daughter, snuggled against Terra's chest, contently feeding. "We need to give her a name."

Terra considered Kaidan's words. It made her think of the star's birth that Liara had shown her, and she smiled. "A new dawn…" she murmured, then smiled. “I think I have the perfect name."

**-x-**


	89. A Past Threat and a New Question

As _Normandy_ came in to dock, Terra received yet another message of congratulations, this one from Garrus, adding that he was on his way to meet them. "Is there anyone you _didn't_ tell, Joker?"

"I believe Jeff got over-excited, Shepard," Edi smiled.

Shutting off the engines, Joker swung his chair around. "Hey, I figured I was doing you a favour. One less thing for you to do. You know, give you two more 'staring time' with baby Shenko." He gestured to the little person cradled in Kaidan's arm.

"Shenko?" queried Kaidan. "In fact, forget I asked. Joker, Edi, meet Aurora." He lifted his daughter ever so slightly, so as not to disturb her slumber.

"Meaning 'dawn'," analysed Edi. "In human mythology, she is the Roman goddess of the sunrise. Also, a luminous atmospheric phenomenon of light visible in the night skies of the northern-most and southern-most points of Earth. I like it," approved Edi.

"Good name," agreed Joker, with a grin.

"Ready to face everyone?" Terra asked Kaidan.

"And show her off? Absolutely!" he grinned.

Traynor came in behind them, with Bailey and Cortez. "The crew's filing out, and waiting in the docking bay with anticipation," she smiled. "They can't wait to get their hands on this little one." She couldn't help but stroke the back of the baby's soft fist. "They were all extremely jealous that I've already had the honour."

"Uh oh. Better get out there before they mutiny, Shepard," smiled Cortez.

"I had a look on the extranet. Looks like the media's caught wind of it already," warned Bailey.

"I wonder how that could have happened?" Terra looked pointedly at Joker, who gazed innocently back at her.

"Hey, I only told friends. I can't be held responsible if they blabbed."

"They're hailing it as the biggest event since the Reaper wars," continued Bailey. "The daughter of the two Spectres who saved the universe. This little girl has become the symbol of hope for a whole lotta people."

"No pressure, Aurora!" laughed out Joker.

"Our new Executor has personally got C-Sec heading off the hoards that started to descend on the docking bay. You should have a smooth run back to your apartment," finished Bailey.

Terra took a deep breath. "Okay. Let's do this."

-x-

Despite his new-found, and unwanted, high status in turian society, Garrus had decided to go back to C-Sec. For now at least, he was content with a simpler life contained to one station as opposed to a Spectre's life. He understood that fine line he'd have to walk as a Spectre, and he wasn't convinced he had the balance.

He'd immediately been offered the position of Executor, which he'd originally deferred in favour of Bailey. Bailey however, had stated that the position needed younger blood and he was fully expecting to retire once things had settled down properly. Until then he was more than happy to serve under Garrus. So Garrus had taken the job, trying to ignore the fact that the Hierarchy had placed him next in line to take over as Primarch.

Instead, he focused on the far better relationship he now had with his father, having finally won his father's respect over his decision to take the Executor's role and his involvement in the Reaper war. His father had even acquiesced to the fact that he'd been wrong about Spectres. He still believed there was too much power in the role, but he understood that _if_ the right person was placed in the role, they could do great things. He'd even asked to meet with Shepard and Kaidan, and they'd graciously agreed. It hadn't taken long for the couple to have his father laughing. Afterwards, he'd commented to Garrus that they were 'good people'. That was something Garrus had known from the start, but he was glad his father now saw it too.

"Everything's secure?" Garrus asked an officer as he approached the guarded docking bay.

"Yes, Sir. We checked everyone trying to get in. Turned most away. Other than family members, there were just two doctors, T'Soni, and Michel, both on your list."

"Good. Keep it up. I'll let you know once the Alenko's are on their way out. I want a full escort on them until they reach their front door. The media will go to great lengths to get the first picture of that baby, and I won't have them put at risk."

"Understood, Sir."

With a nod, Garrus proceeded through into the docking bay now packed with the _Normandy's_ crew. A crowd circled around something and he guessed that was where he'd find the new family. He pushed his way through to join them. His first sight was Kaidan and Terra being hugged by Kaidan's parents.

"Garrus!" called out Joker from next to Cortez, as he spotted his turian friend. "Look!" He gestured with his eyes at the baby in Cortez's arms. "We had a baby!"

"Hm," smirked Terra. "Suddenly I feel like Kaidan and I have been left out of the equation."

Garrus felt a little funny inside as he looked upon the tiny human. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure there was no ' _we'_ in that, Joker."

"Hey, I partly delivered her, so trust me, it's 'we'.

"Uh, I'd like to stress at this point that I am _not_ involved in that 'we'," added Cortez. "Thank God, Vega wasn't around to hear you say that, Joker, or he'd have had a field-day!"

Amused, Garrus gently clipped his arm. "You look like you need a drink, Cortez."

"I do, now!"

"Yeah! We need to celebrate!" Joker exclaimed, animatedly.

"Steady on, Joker. You're going to break something!" grinned Kaidan.

Garrus moved up beside a very happy Shepard, squeezing her arm affectionately. "Great job, Shepard. Kaidan." He shook the beaming man's hand. "Congratulations." Then Garrus ran his gloved talon under those tiny fingers which automatically gripped him tight. Blinking furiously, he cleared his throat. "I think I need that drink, too. I'll check in with you when you're less besieged."

"I'll look forward to it. Thanks, Garrus."

"Joker. First drink's on me," announced Garrus.

"Alright! Coming Edi?"

"I will accompany you, Jeff."

"Hey, I'll pop in later, guys," Joker threw out to Shepard and Kaidan.

"Cortez?" offered Garrus.

"I'm there. She's perfect," he smiled over at Shepard and Kaidan. "I know Vega's going crazy right now. He _really_ wanted to be here."

Terra waved it away. "N7 training is not something you can just put on hold. Besides, she's not going anywhere."

"Bailey, you coming?" asked Garrus.

"Sure, I'll join you," Bailey said. "It was a pleasure to ride on the Normandy, Shepard, Major. And an honour to be one of the first to meet the new arrival. Should have expected more than a straightforward journey! Thanks. I'll see you around." He then joined Garrus and Joker.

"She is truly precious, Shepard," Liara hushed out as Cortez passed the baby over to her so he could head with the others to the bar. "Aurora. It's a lovely name."

"No Javik?"

"He _was_ going to come. Then he saw the crowds and decided that he would rather wait than be 'jostled about in a sea of primitives'."

Terra smiled to herself. She knew that Javik thought of them as anything but, yet it seemed he needed to maintain his disdainful façade. A coping mechanism, she supposed, for a man who didn't know how to deal with his feelings without a rifle.

"He would not admit it but he is looking forward to seeing this little one," continued Liara. "I expect he will turn up once you have less company."

There was a sudden dip in volume, and the crowds parted, revealing Terra's father.

"Dad, you made it." Terra hugged him tight.

"Of course I made it. You think I'd miss this?" Hackett kissed her forehead, clapped his hand on Kaidan's shoulder, then turned to his grandchild with his breath held. Liara carefully passed her over to him. Looking at the daughter of his daughter, he had an internal battle to wage with his emotions - again. He swore it was getting harder. He spoke around the lump in his throat. "She's the image of you, Terra. Darker hair, but… it's you. I remember you just like this but a few weeks older. Before that I only had pictures your mother sent. She's beautiful."

Aurora started grumbling a little, and Lena stepped in, having exhibited a remarkable restraint not to have grabbed the baby back sooner. "Oh, she's probably not liking the crowds. Let me take her over by the window." She took her from Hackett, her adoring eyes only on her granddaughter. "Yes, are you coming to take a walk with grandma?"

Hackett watched them walk away, silently mourning that Hannah wasn't here to say the same.

"You realize the rest of us are never going to get a look-in, don't you?" warned Alex Alenko.

Hackett raised a brow. "Oh, I'll fight my corner, don't you worry!"

"Hah! Good luck!" grinned Alex.

"I'm used to dealing with strong women."

"Point taken. Perhaps you could give me some tips. I still can't seem to win, even after all these years."

Hackett laughed. "How long have you got?"

"Should I be offended by that?" scowled Terra. She looked at Kaidan. "You're being very quiet."

Kaidan raised his hands in surrender. "Minefield. Staying out of it."

"That's rule number one," laughed Hackett.

...

Lena was standing at the viewing window, away from the hubbub. Not so long ago she'd never have imagined she could be so happy again. First, she had been given Alex back. Now this. It was like the day she had Kaidan. Now she held Kaidan's daughter. She'd always wanted a little girl to go with her son, but nature hadn't complied. She knew how lucky she was to have even had Kaidan. "You are going to be so loved," she smiled down at Aurora. "And spoilt. Extremely spoilt."

"She's lovely, isn't she?"

Lena looked up, recognizing the young woman who had once come to their home to help Kaidan through a rough time he was having. "Oh, Rahna dear! Nice to see you again." As pretty as the girl was, and as taken as Rahna had seemed to be with Kaidan, she was glad her son hadn't been interested in anything more than friendship. She hadn't seemed right for him, at all. Not like darling Terra. "Yes, she is _beautiful_. Takes after her mother."

Rahna's smile widened, revelling in that. "She has Kaidan's black hair. I think she'll have his eye colour, too. May I?" She stretched out her hands towards Aurora.

"Of course." Lena handed her over, itching to take her back instantly.

Rahna cuddled the baby close, rubbing her cheek against the soft dark hair, taking in the lovely scent of the newborn. She needed some time alone. Just her, Aurora and Kaidan. "Oh, I think Kaidan's looking for you, Lena." She nodded over to the crowd that had blocked him from view.

"I'll be right back," assured Lena.

The minute Kaidan's mother turned, Rahna moved to the exit, her head down as she murmured comforting words to the baby. "Let's get you someplace quieter, my little one. Daddy will be with us soon."

-x-

Garrus took a seat at the bar with the others and Joker placed their order. That's when he noticed Dr Michel waiting to get into an elevator, a direction that would take her back to the docking bays, not away from them. It made him hesitate. A small alarm bell rang in his head, and he left the others at the bar to trot over to the doctor. "Dr Michel…"

"Oh, Garrus. Good to see you again. I understand you've been very busy with your new position, lately. Congratulations. The station feels a lot safer in your hands."

"Thank you, but, um, you going back for another cuddle?"

Michel clasped her hands together and clutched them to her heart. "Oh, you've seen her already? I bet she's adorable. This is the first chance I've had to get away from the hospital. I just couldn't resist. They're going to make such a lovely family."

A horrible sinking feeling began to form in the pit of his stomach. "Are you telling me you haven't been down to the docking bay yet?"

"No-"

Garrus suddenly barrelled into the opening elevator, shouting at everyone to leave the space quickly, and over-rode it, making sure it went all the way back to the docking bay without stops. He connected with his officer in charge. "Lock down the docking bay. No one leaves. "

" _Sir?_ "

"Just do it! I'll be there shortly." He then called Shepard, battling a guilt that he hadn't done enough to ensure she and her family were safe. He didn't know who it was, or what their aim was - for all he knew it could just be some crazed fan, she certainly had enough of them - but he was going to assume hostility.

x

Kaidan laughed with the two cheerful new grandfathers as they continued to trade quips about the many ways they'd gotten out of trouble with the women in their lives. Even Terra couldn't help joining in with their laughter. But Kaidan noticed the yawn she tried to cover with her hand. She hadn't slept much. He placed his arm around her and she smiled back at him, snuggling into him, her eyes then roaming their surroundings, searching out their baby.

Lena appeared beside her husband. "That had better not be at my expense, Alex Alenko," she warned.

Alex pulled her in closer. "Never, my love," he said, innocently.

After a sceptical look at her husband, she then softened her gaze as she switched to her son. "Kaidan, did you need something, darling?"

"No. But maybe we should get Terra and Aurora some peace and quiet."

"You know that sounds wonderful," piped up Terra, stifling another yawn, tension coiling inside her at the fact she couldn't see her daughter.

"Who has Aurora?" Kaidan asked his mom.

"I left her with Rahna."

"…What?" Kaidan's face fell, momentarily lost for words at the last thing he'd expected to hear. Everything around him faded out as he stared back at his mother, but Terra's intake of breath was loud and clear.

"Shut down the exits!" boomed out Hackett.

"Did I do something wrong?" Lena's face matched her son's one of foreboding.

Terra was pale beside him. "No, Lena. It's not your fault. It's just that Rahna had a breakdown a while ago and she's a little unstable."

"Unstable?" gritted out Kaidan as he frantically looked for the last woman in the galaxy he wanted to see. "She got obsessed with me and tried to kill Terra."

"Oh my!" Lena cried out in horror, as she put her hands to her mouth.

Feeling like she was coming apart inside, Terra realized her omnitool was chiming, unheard in all the noise. It was Garrus, and she sent the call to her comm-piece.

Hackett had registered the impact of that name immediately. He knew all about Rahna. He started shouting at everyone to stand at parade attention. All the crew did so out of habit, lining up orderly and it gave them the ability to check out those who hadn't.

"Garrus, it was Rahna. We're checking the area now," Terra was saying into her comm. She looked up at them. "Garrus said she got in by posing as Dr Michel."

Kaidan, Terra, and Hackett, quickly checked the bay. Apart from Kaidan's family, and Liara, there was no one else, including the baby. Then Garrus ran in.

"Garrus, she's not here! And she has Aurora!" Terra called across the now-silent bay.

"Damn it! I was hoping I'd reacted in time. I've sealed off all exits in the immediate area."

"Then she can't have gotten far," assured Alex.

"Unfortunately, this place is a maze of maintenance tunnels and catwalks," grounded out Hackett.

Garrus hacked into a nearby security terminal. "I'll get on the cameras and track her movement," Garrus responded.

Liara looked up from her omnitool. "I have an agent who saw someone with a baby little more than a few seconds ago, heading towards the Presidium."

Kaidan, Hackett, and Alex, began running out.

"I'll call you as soon as I have her exact position!" Garrus then shouted at his men. "Go with them. Provide back-up. You're under General Alenko's command, effective immediately."

"Yes, Sir!" they all answered, as they raced off.

As much as Terra wanted to go with them, she'd only slow them down in her current state, nor was she the right person to confront Rahna. "It's okay, Lena," she tried to comfort the forlorn grandmother. "She won't hurt Aurora."

"How can you know that?"

"...Because she's Kaidan's." She prayed that was true.

x

Never had the Presidium looked so immense as it did right now. They floundered as they ran out of the elevator. Kaidan wasted no time in answering the call from Garrus, and they all froze, waiting, as Kaidan listened. Then he was running and they followed.

"That was Garrus. He's picked her up heading into the maintenance passages over there." He pointed to where he was heading. "But he can't seal those, and there's more than one path she could have taken." Slowing as they approached the passage, Kaidan swung to the officers. "We'll go after her from here. I want you all to work your way around and cover all possible exits to these tunnels, head her off at the other end."

"Yes, Sir." They ran off at full speed.

Inside the passage, they found two routes. One skirted the edge of the building, and another headed inwards. Kaidan hoped she'd picked the latter.

"Don't we have to be careful? She's biotic, right?" checked Alex, remembering Rahna was his old friend from Jump Zero.

Kaidan shook his head. "It's standard procedure to suppress any biotic ability when someone's hospitalized for psychiatric reasons." Kaidan and Alex took the inward passage, Hackett went for the other.

x

Hackett hadn't gone far when he turned a corner to see Rahna's back as she walked through the passage, one side open to the view of the Presidium, which she was showing to Aurora like she had all the time in the world. "Stop right there!" Drawing his gun on her, his arm was unwavering as she froze, then turned slowly to face him. "Kaidan, I've got her," he muttered into his comm, then he addressed Rahna. "You have my granddaughter."

She clutched the baby tighter and took a step back. "You're mistaken."

" _You're_ mistaken if you think you can just walk away with her."

"But she's mine. Mine and Kaidan's."

"Bullshit."

"It's true! Ask Sabine! She's a doctor! She knows!"

"Give her to me."

"I want Kaidan. He knows the truth."

"Oh, he'll be here soon. But it won't help you."

"You should put that gun away. You're risking the baby."

"Trust me, there's no risk involved." It was a lie. A shot wouldn't risk Aurora directly, but Rahna would likely fall from the passage, taking his granddaughter with her before he could close the distance. However, he carried on the pretence. "My daughter's renowned for being a precision marksman, and I taught her everything she knows."

"Rahna!" Kaidan shouted out angrily as he came up behind Hackett, his father bringing up the rear.

"Kaidan!" beamed Rahna. "Thank goodness! Look! It's our daughter!"

"She's not yours," said Kaidan in disgust.

She frowned a little, trying to maintain her smile. "I know you must find it confusing. You've been gone so long… I missed you. But now you're here, we can finally be a family."

"You're not my family, Rahna. Never will be. I want my daughter back."

" _Our_ daughter, Kaidan."

"No. I was there for her birth, Rahna. I helped her into the universe, myself. I was the first to hold her. She's _nothing_ to do with you. But she's _everything_ to me and her mother."

Rahna's face crumpled, one hand leaving the baby to grip the side of her head like she could rid herself of her confusion. "Why would you say that?" She swayed, her feet taking her closer to the edge. "It's _Shepard_ , isn't it?" she sneered. "That woman is lying again, isn't she? Twisting things in your head. That Cerberus _traitor_ took you away from me, and now she wants our baby, too!" she said ferociously.

Kaidan's hands fisted, the biotic energy swirling around them, and he felt the supportive hand of his father on his shoulder. Kaidan wanted nothing more than to slap her down at how she spoke of Terra. Instead, he mentally counted down until he had his anger in control. She was so damned close to that edge it scared the hell out of him. He already knew she was capable of throwing herself off, and he maintained his biotics, prepared to catch Aurora if the worst should happen. He took a breath. He'd give her a fact she couldn't refute. "That woman you're referring to, held you in comfort once."

Rahna's mouth fell open, tears filling her eyes, her forehead creasing at the distinctive memory that belied everything the rest of her head was saying. "But… But…"

Hackett had had enough and he speared her with his ice-cold eyes as he raised his voice. "Hand her over now, or so help me I will send this bullet straight through your brain!"

Rahna flinched under Hackett's harsh words, his eyes searing into her, then shakily offered Aurora to Kaidan, who swiftly closed the distance, gently lifting his little girl out of her hands and immediately backing away.

Even though Kaidan had Aurora, Hackett maintained his aim. His eyes were still fixed on the woman in front of him. A woman who had already tried to kill his daughter, a woman whose mind was clearly broken beyond repair. Hackett knew she would always be a threat to his family, and he made a decision. Unlike Terra, he wasn't as forgiving. He'd nearly lost his _own_ baby too many times to risk leaving anything to chance. "Kaidan, take Aurora back to her mother," he murmured.

Kaidan clutched Aurora tightly to his chest as she looked up at him sleepily. Without looking back, he nodded and left, ignoring Rahna calling his name. Once they'd turned the corner, he heard the shot resonate through the corridor. It made Aurora jump and he comforted her, his own heart thumping in his chest as he froze.

When Hackett joined them, Kaidan stared back at the man, a little stunned. "Steven?"

"I'm sorry, Kaidan, but this isn't happening again."

"Only wish I was the one to have pulled the trigger," spat Alex.

Kaidan swallowed. He couldn't have finished her, but he couldn't have let this go, either. It proved how far-gone Rahna's mind was, even after the progress the doctors thought she had made. Still, though his feet moved him forward, he was sickened by how things had gone.

Emerging back onto the Presidium, Terra was there, standing with his mother, Garrus, Liara and Chakwas. Joker, Cortez, Edi and Bailey were coming up behind them. Kaidan passed Terra their child and watched as she placed a gentle kiss to the tiny nose, tears in her eyes. Everything was right again, and with Rahna’s death had come a release.

"How did she get discharged?" Terra asked quietly.

Kaidan wanted the answer to that too. "I don't know. I was assured I'd be contacted if it was even a consideration."

Liara stepped forward. "She was not discharged. According to the doctors in charge of her, she was supposed to be transferred to a secure psychiatric unit for long-term patients. They recently deemed her beyond short-term help after she had a violent episode in a communal area a few days ago. It had been her first allowed visit there, to assess her capability to cope. She had just watched a news report that showed footage from the Council's award ceremony. Shepard's pregnancy was the main focus. Sometime during that transfer, Rahna escaped. Her knowledge of the hospital no doubt helped. The arrival of your baby has been all the news reports have been streaming these past hours. She had to have heard and headed straight here when it became knowledge that the Normandy was coming back into the Citadel."

"No one thought to advise C-Sec of her disappearance?" Bailey frowned.

"The medical director who was notified of it decided it was not necessary to involve the authorities. He believed hospital security could handle it."

"Pff. Someone's getting fired," Joker uttered in disapproval.

"More than that," Garrus said darkly. "I'm going to frighten the living daylights out of him with the threat of some bullshit charge. Negligence resulting in abduction. Or aiding and abetting a dangerous criminal."

Terra saw Kaidan's downcast eyes. "Ease off, Garrus. What's done is done. A few stern words are all that's necessary, I'm sure. And she isn't a criminal. She's just a person used and twisted by Cerberus so much that she couldn't be saved."

Kaidan looked at her gratefully.

Terra clutched Aurora closer. "But I need to know this can't happen again-"

"It won't," Hackett cut in.

Terra caught his serious gaze, the remnant of ice in his eyes, the stone visage. She knew what that meant, how her father could be so sure. He'd ended it, once and for all. It should have made her uncomfortable, but all she felt was relief. One less thing to protect her child from. Terra leaned forward and kissed her father's cheek. "Thank you," she whispered. His face softened again.

Garrus got Hackett's meaning, too. "I'll have her body taken care of; inform any surviving family."

"I'm sure _they'll_ have something to say to the hospital for their negligence," added Kaidan's father.

"Let's go home," Kaidan almost pleaded, and Terra pressed her face into his to show her agreement. They walked to the cabs, arms around each other and their child, their parents and Chakwas following, leaving behind the sound of Joker reminding Garrus that he still owed him that drink.

-x-

When the grandparents had finally, reluctantly, taken their leave, Chakwas had lingered to perform her scans. The doctor took forever to run her detailed scans, and with every second that passed, Aurora Alenko's parents got more anxious. Finally, Chakwas closed her omnitool down. "She's still perfect…"

"But?" frowned Terra.

"I picked up two anomalies. The first is certainly nothing to worry about. Aurora has the potential to be biotic. It's probably a given that you would be exposed to element zero during your travels. And to clarify, there are absolutely no signs of any complications related to that. As Kaidan knows, only time will tell how strongly her biotic ability manifests, if at all," added Chakwas.

Kaidan wasn't sure how he felt about that, then Terra placed her hand on his cheek and turned his face to hers.

"Looks like daddy could have some things to teach his little girl," she smiled.

Suddenly, all his misgivings fell away and he leaned over his daughter, kissing her hand. "You hear that, Aurora? I think you're going to be the best biotic out there. Better than your old man, I bet." He faced Chakwas again. "Okay. What's the second?"

"She has the thorian spores."

Neither of them had been expecting that.

"Hold on. How is that possible?" Kaidan questioned. "I thought that they were simply an attachment to the neural and nerve pathways."

"That's what I thought, but it appears they invaded more than that. The spores themselves are _very_ hard to detect unless you know to look for them. And with the spores being used as a method of control, I never thought to look further than the brain and spinal cord."

"So what… they became part of our d.n.a?" wondered Terra.

"I can't see that being possible. It's a guess at this stage, but I would say they attached themselves to your reproductive systems, too. With Shepard's spores destroyed, I'd have to run tests on _you_ , Kaidan, to confirm that hypothesis."

"Whatever you need, Doc."

"So my encounter with the Leviathan... it didn't go near her mind." Terra felt relief that her child wasn't as liable to control as she was herself should she ever be near an artifact.

"It would seem that way, or her spores would have been destroyed too. I'd like to study them to confirm all this. Don't expect answers fast, though. Research into something this unique will take time, and expertise. The spores have already proved a challenge too much for me. I'll need help. I need to get someone a lot smarter than me on this." She looked at the two worried parents. "Try not to worry. There's nothing that makes me think they'll cause her any harm. And I'll be keeping a close eye on her."

"Thanks, Doc."

Once Chakwas had left, they sat in silence for a moment, trying not to think on what little they knew.

Terra raised Aurora up to look her in the eyes. "Well, well. Biotics. Seems your name is even more fitting now. You really _could_ be able to light up the darkness. But I worry about the spores. Is it just another method of spreading?" she asked Kaidan.

"It's like Chakwas said, try not to think about it. We may never know. We just need to wait for any answers, and go from there." Terra gave him a look, and Kaidan laughed. "I know. Easier said than done." He saw her deep in thought. "What are you thinking?"

"Why is she a threat to the Leviathans?"

"I don't know," he admitted.

She sighed, then yawned. "Luckily, I'm about to fall asleep standing up, so hopefully that massive bombshell of a mystery won't dwell too long."

"Sleep. That sounds nice. Think I'll join you. And someone else is there, already," Kaidan grinned, as he looked upon their now-sleeping daughter.

Once she was settled in her crib at the end of their bed, Kaidan laid back and welcomed Terra into his arms. Home didn't get any better than this.

-x-

-x-

Kaidan woke, his hand instinctively tightening around the little person who lay on his chest. She'd had her mother up a few times in the night and in the end Terra had been so tired, she'd fallen asleep with the babe at her breast. Kaidan had taken Aurora off her mom, and had hoped that snuggling with her dad would keep her asleep longer. It had worked, but Terra wasn't there. He couldn't help the quickening of his heart. She always kissed him when she was leaving the bed so he knew and didn't worry… Not that he needed that reassurance that Terra was real anymore. The evidence, now nearly a week old, was fast asleep on him, making his heart somersault all over again. Then the uneasy feeling returned. Someone was here…

In that moment, Kasumi materialized, leaning in the doorway. "Nice place!"

Kaidan let out a sigh of relief, then shook his head at the cheeky thief. "Kasumi. You know, my wife would be envious of your ability to sneak up on me. What are you doing here?"

"I'd heard about your recent news, so I came to see the baby. She's adorable, by the way. Congratulations."

"Thanks."

"Use the doorbell next time." Shepard materialized behind Kasumi, her omniblade folding away.

"How did you know?" Kasumi said in disappointment.

Shepard shrugged, her face still serious. "Sixth sense. Nice to meet you, Ms Goto. I've heard all about you from Kaidan. But my first statement stands. Announce yourself next time. And if I _do_ catch you in here without an invitation again, I _will_ have you arrested." She put on a smile. "Tea?"

"Love some," returned Kasumi. When Terra left the room, Kasumi swung back to Kaidan. "She wouldn't really hand me in..."

"She's not prone to idle threats, so yes, she would. Shepard's very protective when it comes to our daughter. As am I. I back her completely on this."

"You mean you wouldn't spring me?" pouted Kasumi.

"Not if you go against our wishes. It's time you respected some boundaries."

"No fair."

"That's life."

Kasumi crossed her arms and cocked her hip at that. "Says the man with everything."

Kaidan could only grin at that, his hand running over the soft little head of his daughter. There was nothing to dispute. He did have everything he wanted.

**-x-**


	90. Epilogue: Answers and A Call To Arms

The Illusive man had been right: Cerberus _was_ more than him - or Lawson, or Leng. It _was_ an idea for some. Terra and Kaidan and been vocal against them, but it seemed that the most extreme individuals upheld that idea, more than ever now that _humans_ had saved the galaxy, and they were prepared to continue Cerberus' work. They were few, but ruthless. The _Normandy_ crew had spent the last few days clearing out several sites indicated by Liara, where it seemed their focus was on some kind of biological warfare against the other races. Thankfully, the research had been in its early stages and posed no threat.

Now, the _Normandy_ had been docked at the Citadel for just half an hour, the crew getting the ship pristine before they left on shore-leave.

Terra turned from the screen she'd been perusing with Traynor and sighed as she looked at the empty space in which she had last left Aurora. "Edi. I need a location on my daughter."

" _She is currently in the Battery, Shepard. She and Garrus are checking the main guns_."

"Garrus." Terra smiled. She'd noted him boarding a short while ago, supposedly under the guise of hurrying everyone up so they could get the party started. As she'd thought, it was just an excuse to get his hands on the guns. "Thanks, Edi." She headed down to the Mess, but checked in at the medbay first. "How's the patient?"

"Hole-ding up," Chakwas laughed.

Terra chuckled. They'd been about to storm the last research facility. Kaidan had given his orders, turned, and promptly stepped into a hole in the ground, disappearing up to his waist. They'd all been so surprised they'd wasted valuable time just staring back at him as he'd cursed under his breath. Then there was a lot of covert coughing to cover up the laughter. It had certainly lightened the mood of everyone heading into the building, but Kaidan had been forced to sit the battle out when he realized he'd fractured his right leg and couldn't risk using it in case he made it worse.

Kaidan scowled at the amused women. "Very funny. You know, it's not my leg that's the problem, it's my pride. And the constant jokes aren't helping." He adjusted his healing leg, silently cussing his offending limb.

"I apologise, Kaidan," said Chakwas. "It was too hard to resist. I'll just need to get your pain medication sorted out before you leave. Try to take it easy on that leg."

"Fine," he grumbled. "Wait a minute. Does that mean I can't have a drink, either? My dad got me some Canadian lager. I was really looking forward to those," he muttered, morosely.

"Officially, no, but in my personal opinion, with this medication, you'll be fine if you limit it to no more than four," advised Chakwas.

"Well, there's a small mercy," he mumbled, as Chakwas went to get his meds.

"So, no dancing for you, tonight," Terra commented, lifting his chin with her finger and kissing him. "Such a shame. I was looking forward to you showing me some of your moves." Terra was determined to put a smile on his solemn face. She placed her mouth against his ear. "I promise you, you won't need lager, or two good legs, to enjoy the night. I'll make sure you have a _spectacular_ time."

Kaidan's body fired up at the innuendo and her proximity, and he pulled her into him. "And I think I may have other moves I can show you."

Terra raised her eyebrows at him, giving him that roguish look. "Feeling better already?"

"Hell, yes."

"Mission accomplished," she smiled, kissing him, soundly. She rested her forehead against his. "Now for my next task. An errant toddler. She's in the Battery."

"Ah. I saw Garrus 'limping' by about five minutes ago. The windows in here aren't low enough for me to see little people passing by, but what's the bet he had a leg attachment in the form of our daughter?"

"Sounds likely. Not sure which will be harder. Getting Rorie off the ship, or Garrus."

"Hm, tough one. Garrus does love tinkering with those guns."

"Rorie loves being on the ship."

"Garrus _can_ be reasoned with, though."

"And I can _carry_ Rorie out."

"Remind her where she's going tonight. She also loves Grandpa Hackett."

"Good point. Okay, strategy in place. Here I go." Indeed, dealing with their two and a half year old had proven to be their greatest challenge.

x

The Battery looked empty, but Terra knew better, walking around the main console to look at the floor that ran alongside part of the guns. Sure enough, two pairs of legs stuck out from under the guns mechanism system, side by side. One were the long legs of a turian, bent in order to fit in the narrow space, and the other a little human pair, fully outstretched. Terra clamped down on her laugh, so she could take a picture with her omnitool, sending it to Kaidan. Then she moved down into the walkway and folded her arms. "What are you two up to?"

"Cabaying," came the sweet voice of Rorie.

" _Calibrating_. It's cali-brating," corrected Garrus.

"Cabay-ting."

There was a sigh from under the console. "Close enough."

"Well, I'm sorry to cut the fun short, but it's time to leave, guys," Terra informed them.

"Aw!" came the joint disappointed response, and Terra had to place her hand over her mouth to stop from laughing out loud.

"Stay here with Gus!" came the rebellious reply.

Terra imagined her daughter pouting under there as she kicked her legs in protest.

"Well, that's nice," appreciated Garrus. "But how many times have we been over this, Rorie? It's _Garrus_. Ga-rrus."

"Gas!"

Terra thought it was hilarious as she listened to them have a conversation under the console.

Garrus sighed again. "Okay, I just made it worse. We'll stick with Gus."

"Gus!"

"That's the one. Come on," he said reluctantly. "Better do as your mom says, or she'll lock me out of the ship."

"Hack it," Rorie giggled.

Garrus laughed. "Shush! Your mom can hear! And yes, normally I could, but you forget Edi."

Terra nudged Garrus' leg with her foot. "Okay, just what have you been teaching her, Garrus Vakarian?"

Garrus slid out from under the console. "Nothing!"

Aurora wiggled out and grinned up at her. "Hack it."

Terra looked at Garrus, one brow raised.

He did his best to look innocent. "She's talking about her Grandpa. Right, Rorie?"

"Ganpa?" She looked up at her mom, hopefully.

"Actually, Grandpa Hackett _is_ going to be here later."

"Ganpa!" she squealed, jumping up and bouncing.

"Then let's go. We need to get home and pack your things for when you stay with Gan- _Grand_ pa tonight."

Aurora ran out of the battery as fast as she could.

"Go get daddy, first!" Terra called out.

"Kay!"

"You know I don't know how she manages to stay upright," observed Garrus as they followed her out. Then Rorie tripped over her feet and hit the ground. "Spoke too soon." Rorie was up and running into the medbay before anyone could assist her. "Tough little thing, though. Probably shouldn't be surprised. How did the mission go?"

"We took them all down without too much trouble. They're far from organized, or numerous. It's hard to believe though, after everything this galaxy's been through together, that we're still fighting the same old bullshit fanatics."

"Even _you_ can't change _everyone's_ attitude to other races. Had a good go, though. The Citadel's never been so damn orderly."

"Getting itchy feet already, Garrus?" she teased.

"Nah. It's pretty good being Executor. All those stupid rules we talked about once…?"

"Ahh. You changed them," she grinned.

"Damn straight."

"So now you can go up to the top of the Citadel and shoot bottles legally?"

"Are you crazy!? I kept that rule in place, otherwise everyone would be up there! And who's gonna bust the Executor? But I changed a lot of others."

Terra nudged him. "Not letting that power go to your head are you, Garrus?"

"Absolutely." he smiled. "See? Told you I'd make a terrible Spectre."

Kaidan limped out of the medbay as they got there, Rorie 'assisting' him by trying to hold his bad leg up.

"How about _I_ help, daddy, sweetie? He's a bit heavy for you," Terra said to their daughter.

Rorie looked a little disappointed at that as Kaidan placed his arm gratefully around Terra's shoulder.

"You can have a cowl-ride…" tempted Garrus, and Rorie beamed, immediately running over and jumping up into the air, completely trusting him to catch her. He did, and proceeded to turn her so she was sitting in the crook of his armour, just to one side of his face. She then slung one arm over the top of his head, and held on to his shoulder with her other hand. It was their own version of a piggy-back, as turians weren't so compatible with that particular popular mode of transport for human children.

Rorie pointed the way. "Giddy up, horsey!"

Garrus chuckled at the cheeky little human he loved like she was his own, putting on a faster pace to the elevator. Once Kaidan and Shepard had joined them, he remembered something and turned to Shepard. "Oh, and I'll have to come back later and fix the guns."

" _Fix_ them?"

He tipped his head into the little person nestled against his face. "I had a helper. She's still in need of extensive training."

Rorie nodded, seriously. "Taining."

Terra kept her face straight, though she could feel Kaidan's body hitching as he quietly laughed. "Whatever you do, don't tell Joker that, or you won't be allowed to leave."

" _Too_ _late_ ," came Joker's voice. _"Garrus, I cannot_ **believe** _you! I don't come to_ **your** _work place and start messing with the Citadel controls! Five seconds on my ship and you're breaking it!_?"

"It wasn't _me_!" Garrus protested.

" _You're to blame! It's poor supervision, Garrus_!"

Garrus sighed. "Want me to fix it before I leave?"

" _Yes._ _Yes, I would_."

"Joker, surely it can wait until tomorrow-" started Kaidan.

" _Tomorrow!? What if we're called into action, Kaidan_!?"

"Okay. Okay. I surrender!" Kaidan gave Garrus a shrug.

"I'll head back down. Won't take me long. Hopefully." Garrus looked at Rorie. "Ride's over. You know you're just like your mother – always getting me into trouble."

"That's up for debate," Terra retorted.

Garrus crouched down so Rorie could climb off and stayed in place as the doors opened. "See you later, Rorie."

"Bye, bye, Uncie Gus." She stretched up to kiss his cheek, then was off again, headed for the cockpit.

"Don't be too long. I know you're really looking forward to getting stuck into those guns." Terra gave him a knowing look. "Using my daughter to sabotage them, Garrus? Shame on you."

"I can't lie. My plan worked perfectly. But don't worry. I won't keep you waiting. I realise it's not a party without me."

Amused, Kaidan and Terra left the smug turian in the elevator.

...

Joker swung to face the foiled toddler. She'd nearly accomplished her goal of trying to get his cap off his head, doing an impressive monkey-climb up the back of his chair to try to swipe it off his head. He'd only just ducked forward in time. "Ah ha! Nice try, kid. Now shoo, fly. Don't bother me."

"Ignore him, Aurora," advised Edi. "Jeff covers his affection for you with an overly abrasive manner."

Rorie only looked at Edi with a blank face.

"Uncle Joker loves you, really," Edi clarified.

"Says you," grumbled Joker.

Rorie gently rested her head on his knee, knowing she had to be careful. "Love Uncie Joke."

"Ah, damn it! You're doing the cute thing again… That's underhanded." He mussed Rorie's hair, affectionately. "Okay, Edi's right. But don't go thinking that gives you an excuse to come in here and mess with my cockpit. Got it?"

"Got it," she smiled sweetly.

Kaidan and Shepard came in. "We're off. You two coming?"

"Sure are! It's gonna be great!" raved Joker. "Everyone getting together again!"

"Ready, honey?" Kaidan directed at Rorie.

"Yes. Damn it," added Rorie, repeating Joker's curse.

Joker's eyes widened. "And, let's go!" he said quickly, pointedly not looking at the disapproving faces he knew were aimed at him and ushering Rorie towards Edi, who scooped her up into her arms.

"Uncle Joker's in trouble," stated Edi.

Rorie looked back at Joker in sympathy. "Uh oh."

x

Hackett was waiting for them in the docking bay.

"Ganpa!" Rorie wiggled out of Edi's embrace and ran towards him.

"There's my little angel!" He crouched down with his arms held out ready to catch his beloved granddaughter. She almost bowled him over as she crashed into him, and he laughed as he hugged her close. He was at his happiest when this example of pure innocence was with him. She was just like her mother – cheeky, curious, fearless, sweet-natured, and an absolute joy to be with.

"You got in early!" smiled Terra, approaching him.

He stood up, taking Rorie with him. Not that he'd have had a choice anyway, her grip was like a vice around his neck. "Couldn't help myself. I did a bit of delegating and hauled it out of there." Hackett awkwardly kissed his daughter's cheek, getting a mouthful of black hair in the process. He blew it away, making Rorie giggle. "It may have only been a week, but I missed you, Angel."

Terra wasn't sure how it was possible. Rorie liked to say goodnight to him, and Kaidan's parents, every night via vid when they weren't with her. That said, Aurora spent just as much time with her grandparents as she did with her parents. Sometimes, she'd go to Earth to spend a few days at Kaidans' parents home, other times she'd go to spend time with Hackett, either at his apartment on the Citadel, or his apartment on Earth. Sometimes, it was just as a precaution when she and Kaidan weren't sure what they were heading into, other times, just because. This time, Rorie _had_ to come with them: Hackett had been in meetings with the Alliance Parliament on the rebuilt Arcturus Station, and the senior Alenko's were holidaying off-world, his mother's first if you didn't count the Citadel.

"You coming to stay with me tonight, Angel?"

"Uh huh!" Rorie nodded eagerly.

"I know _I'm_ looking forward to it. I got ice-cream…"

"Yay!"

"Like you need more sugar," Joker mumbled.

"Shush!" Rorie retorted, indignantly.

"I agree completely," said Hackett. "Come on. Let's get you home first."

This time Rorie got a proper piggy-back.

-x-

They'd barely been in the door for five minutes when they were inundated with their first guests. As was now protocol in the Alenko household, once the visitor had been screened by an adult, Rorie _had_ to physically open the door, a plastic step perpetually in place under the door-release panel so she could reach it. It was normally kept in safety-lock mode so she couldn't get out by herself, but tonight there were plenty of eyes on her.

"Hey, hey! You're getting big, Nugget!" James swept Rorie up as he entered the apartment and flung her high up into the air, grinning as she squealed in delight, then catching her. "You got a hug for your Uncle James?"

Rorie complied, and got a bear hug in return. She was in hysterics as his hug turned into a massive tickle.

"Careful Mr Vega. She's not in nappies like the last time," advised Cortez, stroking her hair as he passed by.

James stopped immediately, holding her out at arms-length. "You really _are_ a big girl, now." He gave her a suspicious look. "You've been growing up without me?"

Rorie giggled. "You funny." Then she was distracted by the next person through the door. "Antie Lara!"

James turned in confusion. "Who's-?" Rorie's arms were outstretched towards Liara. "Ah. Auntie Liara. You know you need your own translator, Nugget."

Liara took Rorie and cuddled her gently as she walked further into the apartment. "I understand you just fine, Little Star. I brought you something." She placed Rorie on her feet in the lounge area, kneeling in front of her as she revealed a miniature version of Glyph. "You need to give it a name."

"Moon," came the immediate response, as she stared at the glowing white orb.

Liara smiled at the simplistic but firmly decided name. "Moon, it is. It contains pictures of everyone important to you." Liara showed the little girl, enjoying the excited look on the child's face as she saw all the images of those she loved and who loved her back, as well as those Aurora's mother had told her about but were no longer with them. "It also holds hundreds of stories from all over the galaxy."

"I like stories!"

"I know you do. And I know you like songs, too."

"Tinkle, tinkle!"

"There are lots of rhymes on here, including your favourite," assured Liara. Shutting it down, she passed the orb over to Aurora's waiting hands.

"Thank you, Lara."

"You are most welcome, Little Star." Liara kissed Rorie's forehead, then rose to speak to Terra and Kaidan, always eager to lay their concerns to rest. "Still no reports of the Leviathans." The relief on their faces was visible. "It could take them many years to find what they seek."

"It's already been three," murmured Terra, remembering the Leviathan's attack on her before they'd headed out to dark space. James had started the music and it filled the air around them, far too upbeat for the conversation they were having.

"And there's nothing to say that they won't find the Intelligence sooner rather than later," added Kaidan. He hated the fact they were waiting for the day to come when the Leviathans returned, with no idea why they wanted his daughter dead.

"You could talk to the Council," suggested Liara. "Explain what happened back then; the threat the Leviathans pose to Aurora."

Terra shook her head. "She's one person, Liara. What can I ask of them?"

"What you deserve: their help."

"We need to give them something," Kaidan said, agreeing with Terra. "An explanation for why she's a threat. A reason for them to stand up and protect her."

"Narin Solus will come through for us. I know it." It was a matter of waiting and Terra hoped they wouldn't run out of time. Chakwas had made an inspired choice when she'd gone to Mordin's nephew. Mordin had always spoken proudly of his nephew, and even if Narin hadn't have come through on a cure for Thane, Terra trusted Mordin.

"If there is anything else I can do…" offered Liara.

"You've done enough by offering yourself up as a lab rat for Narin."

"Yes. I believe he was running with a theory about the biotic effect on the spores. But he wanted other children born with the spores for comparison. Unfortunately, none of the Feros colonists have produced children."

"Shepard!" boomed out a deep voice, demanding her attention.

"Wrex," Terra grinned back. "Glad you could make it." She greeted Eve, who held the hand of her son, sired by Wrex. "Bakara, it's lovely to see you again."

"Thank you, Commander."

"I told you, it's Admiral, now," grunted Wrex.

"Actually, it's Terra," Shepard corrected.

"Thank you, Terra," appreciated Eve. "Though we have been on the Citadel for a few days now. We have been in talks with the Council."

"Again," Wrex growled. "Nothing but a bunch of dictators."

"It didn't go well?" asked Terra.

"Not to _my_ liking."

"That is because you were unwilling to compromise," stated Eve.

" _You_ compromised too much," moaned Wrex.

"We have been granted a new world."

Terra was astounded. "But that's great! Wrex! What are you complaining about?"

"The conditions."

"Conditions?" pressed Kaidan.

"May as well chop my quad off, for all the good they are now."

Kaidan winced. Terra looked at Eve for a sensible response.

"We-"

Wrex coughed loudly.

" _I_ … agreed to the terms the Council requested: one child per female krogan," declared Eve.

Wrex growled again. "It's a kick in the teeth, is what it is."

"It's a starting place, Wrex," said Eve, patiently. "Trust must be earned. Cooperation now, ensures that nothing like the genophage will happen again. Without this, we will continue to be viewed as a potential threat. We would never have been granted a new world. It is enough that we can bring life into our world again. We have hope for the future. We do not need to flood the galaxy with krogan. To do so will be our downfall once more."

"Bakara's right, Wrex," Terra supported Eve, so pleased the female krogan was part of all this.

"And it's no different than the rule the quarians once had to control their population on their live-ships," Kaidan added, reasonably.

"I know that," rumbled Wrex. "Doesn't mean I have to like it."

Terra grinned. "Told you you needed Eve at those talks."

Wrex grumbled something rude under his breath. "Females. Always talking." He looked around. "Where's the little pyjak?"

"Here." Grunt appeared holding Aurora up high in one hand so she dangled from her collar. Not that she seemed to mind as she slapped her hands down on his hard-shelled head. When she grabbed his lip, he shook his head to free himself from her grasp. "She's a little puny."

"I'm sure she'll be able to hold her own, Grunt. And don't hold her like that," Terra ordered.

Grunt placed her down on the floor next to Eve and Wrex's son who was a little bigger than Rorie.

"Can't coddle them, Shepard," warned Wrex. "If you want them to have a chance of surviving, they need to be tough. Grunt's right. She's gonna be eaten alive out there."

Immediately, the young krogan head-butted Rorie, knocking her onto her bottom. Startled, her lower lip stuck out like she was about to cry, then she glowed with a biotic aura and pushed the energy out, knocking the offending krogan onto his back. The little krogan now wailing, Wrex gave Shepard an impressed look. "Hm. I stand corrected."

Rorie got back on her feet and trundled off to Chakwas, who was talking with Hackett and Adams, to tell her about her ‘hurty’ head, leaving her parents staring after her, stunned at her first biotic display.

Javik was chuckling as he came up behind Wrex and Grunt, nodding in approval at the little girl. "Never underestimate a Shepard, krogan."

"Well, I guess that confirms she has biotic ability," Terra said, a little dazed by the sudden event.

"Whoa!" uttered Kaidan, belatedly. "For her first try that was exceptionally well-controlled," Kaidan murmured in disbelief. "I'll need to watch that one."

"She'll be causing havoc in no time," grinned Jacob as he strolled in and joined them.

"Don't you mean _more_?" complained Joker who was now sitting on the sofa.

"It is not havoc, but curiosity, Jeff," defended Edi. "Aurora is merely exploring and learning."

"Every console? Every button? Come on! They must look all the same to her! I have to input a security code every time I want to access anything on my own ship!"

Jacob laughed. "Got a livewire, too, huh? I thought it was just a boy thing."

"Speaking of which, Brynn and Drake here?" enquired Terra.

"Still up on the Presidium. Drake's obsessed with the Keepers. Likes to watch them for hours. Keeping him from touching them has become a full-time job every time we come to the Citadel. Brynn said she'll try to pop in before she settles Drake down, if not she'll catch you tomorrow."

"Sounds good."

Bailey sauntered in, followed by Kolyat and a pregnant Kalisa, looking a little overwhelmed to be around so many esteemed people. They waved their greetings and headed into the kitchen. Terra watched Kolyat protectively steering Kalisa past everyone. She still clearly remembered his vid-call when he'd first found out he would be a father. As overjoyed as he was, the fear had shone through, and eventually he admitted he was petrified of failing his child. Terra had brought Kaidan into the conversation, and he'd assured Kolyat that he'd experienced the same self-doubt. Terra had finished by stating that the fact that he was worried about it, proved he would be a good father.

"Well, if it isn't the most sickeningly in-love couple in the universe," called out Jack, garnering their attention.

"Hey Jack. How are the kids?" Kaidan greeted.

"Do you have to say it like that? Makes me feel weird."

"I'm sorry. How are your students?"

"Good. Great." She shrugged like they weren't at the top of her priority list, then snuggled with Rorie as the toddler launched herself at Jack. "They come to me pretty useless, they go away as biotic bad-asses. What can I say? I'm a teaching genius, and still as popular as ever."

"Bad-ass," repeated Rorie, before catching sight of something over Jack's shoulder and running off.

"Teaching genius, Jack?" Terra drawled out with one brow raised.

Jack shrugged again. "Give me a break. I deal with teenagers, not pre-schoolers."

"No Eezo?" James asked, looking a little disappointed. "I had a re-match planned."

"Oh, he's here. Rorie just went chasing after him." Jack jerked her finger in the direction Rorie had run.

Kaidan and Terra were startled by that revelation at the same time as Rorie screamed. Their faces were pale as they ran to the downstairs guestroom. They saw her on her knees in front of the varren's fanged mouth. Only as they got closer did they realize that the scream was one of delight as their daughter biotically pulsed, making Eezo sneeze, then the varren responded by throwing out its own biotic pulse that had her sliding on her knees across the smooth flooring, laughing hysterically. Crawling back, and still chortling, Aurora started the whole process again. One thing both parents could see, was that Eezo wasn't emitting anything more than the slightest of energy.

"Big softy," smiled Jack. "Hey, when did Ror start using biotics?"

"About five seconds ago," Terra breathed out, her heart settling down.

"Sweet control! Way to go, kid!" Jack praised Rorie. "You gonna come to the Academy when you're bigger, Ror? You can teach the rest of my no-hopers how it's done."

"Uh huh."

"Ha ha! Bet you didn't see that one coming?" Jack flung at the two parents.

"Is it unusual in a human to be able to control biotics like this?" Terra asked Kaidan.

"At her age, definitely," he nodded.

"It is not so in asari children. They learn from watching their parents," came a familiar voice.

Terra spun with a smile. "Samara!"

"It is good to see you both." Samara knelt before Rorie. "Aurora, you are getting more beautiful every day."

"Love Mara." Rorie kissed her cheek, then ran after Eezo again.

"Edi, would you mind keeping an eye on those two?" Terra called out.

"Of course, Shepard."

Kaidan was thinking over what Samara had said. "I guess there aren't many biotic humans who also have biotic children."

"She has watched you, Kaidan," explained Samara. "You perform for her?"

"Sure. It's magic to her. Passing her objects, lifting her up."

"She will have observed your mannerisms, adopted them herself. Just as she learns to speak by copying what she hears."

Hackett walked over with Rorie in his arms, who was rubbing her eyes. "This one's getting tired, and _I'm_ rather uneasy with the huge varren she keeps harassing."

"Don't panic," drawled Grunt as he exited the bathroom. "She's so small it would swallow her whole. I'd soon pull her out. Then we can roast its carcass."

"Stay the fu- hell away from my varren, or I'll be roasting _your_ carcass," Jack spat out with impressive restraint.

"How about we _don't_ risk Rorie getting swallowed-" Kaidan began.

"Eezo wouldn't," protested Jack.

"And there'll be no need for _anyone_ to be roasted," he finished.

Grunt sighed. "Fine."

Terra brushed Rorie's hair back from her sleepy face. "Ready to go back with Grandpa?"

Rorie looked around, contemplating the appeal of staying here, then snuggled into Hackett's chest, burrowing her head under his chin. "Uh huh."

"Her bag's ready by the door," she said to her father. Then she kissed Rorie, getting a kiss and a mini hug in return. "Goodnight, sweetie."

"See you in the morning, honey. Sleep tight," wished Kaidan with a kiss, getting the same treatment from his daughter that she'd given her mother.

"Enjoy your evening," Hackett ended. He left with Rorie already half-asleep on his shoulder. She'd have a second-wind soon, in time to have a bowl of her favourite ice-cream, then settling down with Grandpa in her own room he'd kitted out for her, eager for a story. She wouldn't make it to the end before falling asleep, so he'd have to finish it over breakfast. She liked to know how they ended, and waiting for another night to come was simply too long for her to wait. For his part, Hackett loved every single second of it.

-x-

Terra stood on the balcony overlooking the main room, with a contented smile on her face as she watched everyone conversing and dancing below her.

There was Joker, Edi, Chakwas, Adams, Cortez, Traynor, Daniels and Donnelly – all still serving with her and Kaidan on the _Normandy_. She was pretty sure that Chakwas and Adams were getting closer these days, and Daniels was hinting at marriage to a deliberately oblivious Donnelly.

James was now N7 and a Commander, with his own unit. He'd become an accomplished soldier and leader, a fact he put down to Shepard's influence, and his easy-going manner made him a popular Commander, inspiring a lot of loyalty. Terra was really proud of him. They often teamed up on tougher raids. Anything to do with Reaper artifacts and Cerberus off-shoots were dealt with hard and fast these days. No-one was tolerating any attempt to return to that mess. He was currently dating an asari.

Eve, or rather Bakara, had mentioned that the Council were interested in having her as an ambassador in the proposed krogan embassy. Wrex had stated they deserved a place on the Council but Bakara had simply shook her head and declared that for a species as long-lived as theirs, they could exercise a little patience. She then took their son and left Wrex to stew on her wise words. Wrex's position on Tuchanka was as strong as ever in light of the cured genophage and being a firm friend of Shepard. No one would dare go against him. Then there was Grunt, proving his own worth with gusto, and standing loyally by Wrex's side. He would be the next in line to rule the Urdnot clan, and he'd also fathered a lot of his own little krogan to rival Wrex's countless offspring. Those children would be the first to go out and start their own clans.

Bailey kept saying he was retiring soon. No one believed him. Kolyat still served with him and was working towards his lieutenant status within C-Sec. There were rumours that Bailey would hold out until Kolyat could take over. Terra didn't know about that, but she didn't worry about Kolyat. He wouldn't stray from his path now; he was too focused on his future.

She was distracted by Kasumi, flitting in and out of view, listening in to conversations and studying the items on the shelves. This time she had been invited. Nevertheless, she'd probably need to be searched on the way out. That said, the thief’s heart was in the right place, and Shepard rather liked her.

Jacob had been a bit tipsy and turned into a talker, apologising for what he'd said to Shepard and Kaidan on the _Normandy_ years back, and admitting he was wrong. He then added that she even managed to beat them to the whole family thing by having her baby first. Due at the same time, while Shepard had birthed Aurora two weeks early, Brynn had Drake two weeks late. Jacob was currently running his own security firm based on Earth, with the aim of routing out surviving Cerberus cells. Brynn had chosen to remain working under Hackett, joining with a specialist scientific team that involved the best from all the races, including the rachni.

The rachni themselves had, for the most part, remained isolated – through choice. It seemed the queen was on the same thought process as Bakara: take things steadily, cause no one to panic, and eventually things would change as to how they were perceived. She occasionally sent an asari 'messenger' to update Shepard on any skirmishes, but they were few, and usually pirates.

Terra was pulled from her thoughts as Garrus began some hilarious dance that should never have been attempted by someone as inebriated as him. It wasn't often he could let loose like this. His position called for more appropriate behaviour, but here he was with friends and officially on a break for a couple of days. She was glad to see him so carefree. According to Liara, he'd been seen many times with the same turian female Kaidan had set him up with before their last big party.

A green aura signalled that Javik was irked about something. Terra immediately guessed the problem. Feron was being more familiar with Liara than the prothean liked. The two men had begun an acerbic verbal dual over Liara's attention, to which she herself was oblivious. She was too focused on her work to notice the men vying for her affection. Leaning against the wall nearby them, Aethyta was chuckling to herself as she watched the three, and Terra had the distinct impression that the matriarch had deliberately fuelled the situation. At some point, someone would have to enlighten Liara before it ended badly. She'd either have to choose one or neither, but it needed to be resolved. Terra had no idea what went on in the still-young asari's head that she didn't notice, though she had to admit the constant scowling wasn't unusual for Javik.

Samara also watched the three, her face as always serene. Her daughter had rebuilt the monastery with Samara's help. They were closer than ever before, now sharing the loss of two family members. However, her oath to the Justicar code prevailed, and she continued to roam the galaxy, providing assistance and delivering justice. Terra was pleased that Samara still gravitated back to them every once in a while. Her life seemed so terribly lonely without any of this.

Jack's yell of elation had Terra turning her head to see what it was all about. Apparently, she'd just won a drinking contest with Jacob, who was now on his knees looking very ill. Thankfully, Grunt hauled him up and shoved Jacob in the direction of the bathroom, having visited it himself again a half hour ago. As Terra had expected, Jack was coping with her previous loss and embroiling herself fully in her role as beloved teacher to the kids she was training. She was as brash as ever, but that was Jack, and Terra wouldn't have wanted her any other way. Jack still preferred casual relationships - Terra had never seen her with the same person more than once - but she hoped that would change in time. Opening her heart wasn't something that came easily to Jack, but one day she was sure to meet someone with the ability to see through the façade and the patience to keep trying.

Looking directly below her, she saw Kaidan talking to Matt. Another friend she was glad could take time out. He'd never been busier with his promotion to Admiral and appointment to join the Alliance Committee. He was seeing a doctor back on Earth, and Terra was sure there would be an announcement soon.

She and Kaidan had also been asked to join the Committee, along with her father. All of them had declined. As Spectres, she and Kaidan had plenty to deal with, and Hackett had stated that he spent enough of his time behind a desk. He wanted to continue in his current role until the time came when he wasn't capable of it. He'd said the same thing to the Council when he was offered the Councillor position. The Alliance's Parliament was still undecided who to place in the prestigious role. After the mess that was Udina, they were being overly-cautious. In the meantime, the seat remained empty, though they were all satisfied that Earth's interests would be preserved by their two Spectres.

There were, of course, those whose absence stood out terribly amongst the gathering of friends. Tali, Thane, Mordin, Legion and Ashley. Anderson would have been here… maybe he'd have brought Kahlee with him. She hadn't seen Kahlee since Anderson's funeral. The mourning woman had headed straight back to Grissom Academy and had buried herself in work. Terra occasionally sent a message to check in with her, receiving only a brief reply. Terra would continue to do so, though. One day, Kahlee would be ready to talk about him, and Terra wanted her to know she would be there.

Kaidan suddenly looked up, having spotted her there earlier. He finished his conversation with Matt and without taking his eyes off her, made his way up the stairs to join her on the balcony. Even now, Terra still felt the butterflies of excitement travel through her body, transforming into heat, at the sight of her husband coming towards her. Terra turned to him, noting the bottle in his hand. "Hope that's just number four. We don't want any adverse reactions."

"Actually, it's only my first. As much as I'm sure Chakwas is right, your promise had me adamant I wasn't going to leave anything to chance."

"Is that right?" she grinned as she moved into his arms. His hands ran down her sides and cupped her backside. "Careful, General. Any more of that and I'll be dragging you to bed right _now_."

Kaidan placed his lips over hers. "Bring it on."

She wrapped her arms around his neck, her lips pressing into his, her tongue invading his mouth, enjoying his taste, his hands roaming her body-

"Get a room!" shouted out James. "I'm too young to see things like that!"

They pulled apart to see everyone grinning up at them. In response, Kaidan gave a lazy salute, swept Terra up off her feet and turned for the bedroom, to the raucous cheer of everyone.

"And no more babies!" yelled Joker before the door closed them all out.

Terra laughed at Kaidan. "Put me down! You're supposed to be taking it easy on that leg!"

"Some things are worth a bit of pain." He lowered her anyway, then proceeded to undress her.

"Are you sure you've only had one?" Terra teased, working on his shirt buttons.

"Perfectly. Nothing can ruin tonight."

"It's been fantastic, hasn't it? Everyone together again." She kissed his bare chest. "There was a time I didn't think it possible we'd ever be able to do this again."

Kaidan kissed her bare shoulder. "I told you, we would."

"Yes, you did." Their clothes now gone, she kissed him, then pushed him back on the bed, sending him a lustful look of intent. "Time to turn fantastic into spectacular…."

-x-

-x-

"Oooff!" Hackett was given a rude awakening as something small, dive-bombed onto his torso.

"Ganpa! Wake up!"

"I'm awake!" He laughed, grabbing hold of the wiggly little creature he loved unconditionally, and lifting her above his head so she was looking directly down onto his face. "Grandpa loves you."

She beamed back at him. "Rorie love Ganpa."

Hackett knew that. A child's love was there for all to see. He was so damned lucky when he considered how it could have ended... He hugged her close. Then Rorie kissed his cheek to finish, then looked at him expectantly. "What would you like for breakfast?" he asked, knowing the answer.

"Ice-cream!"

Hackett laughed again. "Tell you what. First, you have some proper breakfast, _then_ you can have ice-cream."

"Not tell mommy," she warned.

He pretended to zip his lips closed, to which Rorie did the same and giggled. Terra was been right. Things were so very different this time round. He _could_ find a balance that made him happy. He still lamented he hadn't done this with his own daughter, and he missed Hannah with an awful ache that she wasn't here to enjoy her granddaughter too, but Rorie was a soothing balm, just like her mother. He'd been there for his granddaughter's first steps, her first words. She was giving him back so much and she asked for nothing – except ice-cream, stories, and cuddles. He had all of those things in abundance.

Once he was out of bed, Rorie ran to the kitchen stool, climbed up by herself, and waited patiently while he made them breakfast. Placing her bowl on the table, he sat beside her, and she placed 'Moon' so it floated just off the table between them. The VI brought up the story at exactly the same place he'd frozen it last night. Giving it the command to commence, Hackett read the words that were displayed as the pictures played out the scenes. When she had devoured her breakfast, Rorie climbed onto Hackett's lap to enjoy the rest of the story cuddled up with him. Once the story had ended, it was time for ice-cream.

Life was good.

x

As much as Kaidan loved his daughter, he always appreciated the mornings he _wasn't_ woken by a loud, bouncing creature, also known as Rorie. This one was no exception, but he especially cherished this particular morning. It had been a great evening spent with friends, followed by a wonderful night with his wife, and he tightened his arm around her where she lay against his chest. His movement unintentionally stirred her, her hand stroking down his side and stirring up something else. She shifted her leg and discovered her effect on him, opening her eyes and giving him a downright sexy look.

"Again? I'm impressed."

He rolled her over, bracing himself over her. "Some things are beyond my control. I have a gorgeous wife, after all. And I wouldn't want to disappoint you…" He lowered himself-

"Hey, come on, lovebirds! Breakfast is served! Eggs!" James called through the door as he banged on it.

Kaidan's forehead fell to her shoulder. "How the hell can that man be so perky in the mornings?"

"I could ask you the same question," she teased, wiggling her hips.

"They'll get cold!" warned James from the other side.

"He's not going away, is he?" groaned Kaidan.

Terra laughed. "Nope."

Kaidan hauled himself back to his side of the bed and proceeded to get up. "They'd better be damned good eggs, Vega," called Kaidan, grabbing his trousers.

"You know it!"

Terra was already up and pulling on leggings and a vest. "We can finish this later," she said playfully, as she moved past him to unlock the door.

"Okay, _now_ I have an appetite," he grinned, following her out.

-x-

They were clearing up the kitchen when Chakwas, who had left around midnight, re-entered the apartment with Mordin's nephew, Narin, in tow. The presence of the salarian had both Kaidan and Terra on alert. Everyone else in the apartment seemed to pick up on it, despite their hangovers.

"You have something," Terra said slowly, almost frightened of what would come next.

It was Narin who answered. "Yes."

"You want us to leave?" Garrus checked.

"No. Stay," insisted Terra. "This is about Rorie, and you're all her family, too."

Once they had all gathered around, Chakwas started. "We already know that the spores _did_ attach themselves to your reproductive systems, and that was how they were carried across to Aurora. We confirmed that when we also found them in Liara, Wrex and Garrus, as well as in Kaidan."

"Took long time to locate and check them all, but can confirm Wrex's offspring also have spores," came Narin's staccato, so like Mordin's.

"All of them?" Wrex asked.

" _Original_ strain," Narin emphasised.

"Original strain?" frowned Terra. "What does that mean?"

"Something else involved when Aurora was developing in womb. Two things. First: biotics," announced Narin.

Chakwas took over. "We ran through hundreds of scenarios, and we're fairly certain the eezo nodules within her body that would normally just fuel biotic abilities, also provided the energy for the spores to mutate."

Narin was nodding emphatically. "Only variable in pool of subjects. No krogan offspring have biotic potential."

"But Kaidan, Wrex and Liara, do," Garrus put in.

"Eezo nodules provide energy only. Actual process of mutation was combination of being in utero _and_ exposed to mind control."

"I don't understand," worried Terra. "They've mutated? Into what?"

Chakwas rested her hand on Shepard's to try to reassure her. "The spore structures inside Rorie are strong - _much_ more than yours when you encountered the Reaper artifact."

"What are you saying?" Kaidan pressed.

Terra was equally at a loss. "She was exposed when the Illusive Man controlled me. But that was still Reaper tech."

"Except I compared her spore structure to Kaidan's who was _also_ exposed to that at the same time Rorie was, and one he resisted with the help of the spores. Aurora's is over _ten times_ more complex than Kaidan's," Chakwas stressed.

"Exposed to something else," declared Narin.

Terra knew. "Leviathan," she hushed out.

"Yes." Narin looked pleased at her understanding. "Aurora exposed to Leviathan at same time as you. Leviathan's intrusion destroyed your spores, but not hers. Reason: her eezo nodules provided energy. Spores able to react faster and _change_ to counter-attack invasion."

Kaidan was shocked. "It would explain why it considered her a threat! It couldn't touch her mind!"

Chakwas was nodding now. "She holds the key to defending ourselves from the Leviathans control. _If_ we can replicate it."

"Wait now," interrupted James. "If that Leviathan knew about Rorie that first time on Despoina, why did it let Shepard go?"

Kaidan answered that. "Because she'd convinced it she was too important in the fight against the Reapers. It needed her alive."

"And you have to remember the arrogance of these things," added Terra. "It only had to bide its time. Chances were I'd be killed in the Reaper war, but if not… One human? Hardly a concern for a race that's used to controlling them."

"Now I get it," Joker mumbled. "That Leviathan could have easily come through that relay after us, but it didn't bother. They just figured they'll get you next time."

"Not me, any longer," Terra pointed out. "Aurora."

"We always expected them to come for her. Now we know why," said Liara.

Kaidan paced, restlessly. "Once they've succeeded in bringing down the Intelligence, they _will_ be back for Aurora. She'll be their next target."

"Only now we have something to take to the Council," Terra said firmly.

Garrus drew himself up. "Why stop there?"

"Garrus?"

"These things created the damned Reapers, and they control organics. That's a concern for _every_ organic race. We have a means to stop them. Protecting that little girl while we figure out how to use this, should be a priority for _all_."

Kaidan moved to Terra's side. "Time to call in some favours."

-x-

-x-

They were all here. Not just the Council, but Primarch Victus, Wrex and Bakara, the quarian Admiralty, Dalatrass Linron, and a representative for the geth, a Prime calling itself Diniel. Added to that were the representatives from the various embassies – volus, hanar, elcor – and even the rachni, who had yet to be granted one, with its asari messenger to translate. All were sat around the large table. But more than that, there was everyone she and Kaidan had come into contact with over the past years, some merely acquaintances, others friends and family. It was an impressive group of people.

"I'm not sure I understand. Why would one human child be a threat?" Sparatus asked, dubiously.

"Their very existence relies on their thralls – organics - doing their bidding. They even created the Intelligence to ensure we weren't all wiped out by the AI's organics created. If we find a way to recreate the spores in Aurora, and transfer them into everyone, then we have a way to resist, and they lose their 'tools'."

There was silence as they all considered it.

"What can we do?" Victus asked.

"Protect child," stated Narin, simply. "Need time to recreate spores. More resources would be helpful."

"Should be an easy enough task," Wrex grunted. "These are not the Reapers. They're few and they bleed, no matter their size. Let them come. We'll tear them apart."

"They won't need to come themselves," explained Kaidan. "They'll send people after her. Human. Turian. Asari. Anyone they have near an artifact. Attack us from within."

"You are talking about indoctrination," said Tevos.

Kaidan nodded. "We need to limit their effect from a distance. Destroy the artifacts on Despoina. Search out the rest."

"They could be spread throughout the entire galaxy!" Valern exclaimed.

"Never said it would be a quick and easy task, Councillor. But if we don't try…" Kaidan left the rest unsaid.

Wrex looked at the tiny human playing on the floor, and gave Shepard a sceptical look. "You sure about this? She doesn't look too dangerous to me."

"Only to the Leviathans, and like them, the threat she poses is more subtle than a giant gun."

"Where's the fun in that?" Grunt wondered aloud.

"Organic bloody Reapers," complained Coats. "Anyone else sick to death of these things?"

"Some races should remain dead," agreed Javik.

Hackett watched his granddaughter playing with Dr Cole's boy, while the young krogan male kept his distance from her. He'd do whatever it took to keep that little girl safe. He stood tall and proud, demanding their attention. "We need to do a systematic search of every colony, every facility, every inch of every planet, every moon, every asteroid, in every system."

"It's impossible!" Dalatrass Linron spluttered.

"Not impossible," Terra spoke up, her voice strong, and determined, just like her father's. "Not if we work together."

Victus added his voice to Shepard and Hackett's. "The fact is, Aurora Alenko may be the only hope we have against the Leviathans. How much do you want your minds, or your children's minds, to remain their own?"

Wrex was the first to stand, along with Bakara and Grunt. "The krogan people vow to protect her. Who'll stand with us?"

Victus followed. "I pledge turian aid, both protection and resources. We'll search them out."

The Prime stood. "The geth wish to offer assistance."

"But you're a machine," spat out the Dalatrass. "What do _you_ gain by helping organics?"

"Geth believe all life has a right to exist, free from control. We fought the Reapers for it. That has not changed. Shepard-Admiral helped us. Now we help her."

"Thank you, Diniel," appreciated, Terra.

"The asari people will join you," declared Tevos. "Never again will we sit on the sidelines. We will do all that we can."

"The quarian people stand with you," announced Zoris, standing with Raan.

Gerrel stood, too. "Our ships will be at your disposal. Our strengths lie in scouring the skies."

"Dalatrass?" Valern urged.

"I agree," consented Linron. "Our scientists are among the best. You'll have them, Dr Solus."

The asari messenger for the rachni, stood. "The rachni know many locations of the orbs you describe. It is contained within the knowledge passed down by their queen. They shall show you, and join you. They will not allow their voices to be discoloured once more, and the galaxy will know that the rachni are a peaceful race."

Kaidan and Terra looked around the room in which everyone stood. It was humbling, and more than either of them had hoped. They had a commitment from each race, and more. This time, the galaxy was united in the face of an impending threat. This time, they had time to fight back before the war had begun. Plans would be devised on how to scour the galaxy. It was a massive undertaking, but no one was prepared to baulk at the task. Their freedom depended on it, and none of them were content to sit back and let everything they'd fought so hard for, and suffered such heavy losses for, be in vain. This time _they_ were the hunters.

-x-

Kaidan joined Terra on the balcony with Rorie in his arms, shutting out the avid conversations as the races started putting forward their resources and ideas. "What are you thinking about?"

"The threat _I_ pose to our daughter."

"What?" exclaimed Kaidan.

"If I ever get near one of those artifacts..." Terra couldn't even bear to say the rest.

Kaidan saw the torture she was inflicting upon herself with her thoughts, and he pulled her closer to him and Rorie, kissing his wife's temple. "Then we'll have another area to research - top priority. A way to detect indoctrination. There has to be some neural activity in the brain that can be picked up on. And we already have a shield that can block their signal. We just need the program added to your omnitool.”

"That's... a good idea. If they can engineer it."

"They will. It has a wider application, too. A way to fully protect those who are tracking down the artifacts." He bent his head to touch hers. "I won't have you frightened to be near our daughter, Terra."

"What lies ahead?" Shepard wondered, and she ran her hand over Rorie's soft cheek. "We need to duplicate those spores. And when they do, I'll be first in line."

"Then the Leviathans will know it's too late."

"The time it will take, though... I think they'll have something else in place. What if they _don't_ destroy the Intelligence? They never really believed they'd made a mistake in their creation. They just didn't like the end result. What if they tell it to find a new solution?"

"Then we have to be ready for anything. Be vigilant for any strange activity. Hackett already has a new team to replace the work of Dr Bryson. And I'm sure Liara will have her own resources focused on that. Either way, the Leviathans are a threat, and this way, we're doing something to counter that. So no more 'what if's'.

Terra nestled against him, and Kaidan tightened his arm around her, their daughter between them.

"It's been one hell of a struggle to get here, and I am _not_ giving in now," vowed Kaidan.

"Me, neither. There's too much to lose."

"Absolutely." Kaidan kissed Rorie's forehead.

Terra felt stronger than ever before. She looked back at the room full of people, united to a common goal, many of them her family, then returned to Kaidan and Rorie. "This time, we're not alone in this."

"Together, we can face anything," agreed Kaidan.

Rorie gazed back at them both, and smiled.

**-x-**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of Struggle, and if you're interested in finding out what happens to them beyond this, then come back for Resistance, which is now posting.  
> Thank you for reading, and I'd love to hear your thoughts if you'd cared to leave any. :)


End file.
